THE BROADIE Issue 33 Christmas 2014 thebroadie.org.uk

BY PUPILS FOR PUPILS THE BROADIE Issue 33 Christmas 2014 thebroadie.org.uk

BY PUPILS FOR PUPILS THE BROADIE Issue 33 Christmas 2014 thebroadie.org.uk

BY PUPILS FOR PUPILS Hello-ho-ho! The Broadie | Christmas 2014 | [email protected] “We aren’t pigeons, and we don’t need a low price TV in order to survive.” - Mary McCann on Black Friday, page 5 NEWS IN BRIEF Contents: Shrien Dawani has been T w o B r i t i s h c h a r i t y 3 The Great Debate cleared by a South African volunteers have drowned court over the honeymoon while swimming off the 4 Ferguson murder of his wife. coast of South Africa. 5 Black Friday ————————————————— ————————————————— A S e n a t e r e p o r t h a s The prosecutor in the 6 Culture: Band H8 & Knife Party revealed that the CIA lied Oscar Pistorius case wants 7 Naked Truth & Top 10 about the extent of its to appeal against the 8 Mr Camburn Interview post-9/11 interrogations. a t h l e t e ’ s ‘ m e r c i f u l ’ ————————————————— sentence. 9 Christmas in Deutschland Protests have been held in ————————————————— 10 Christmas Miscellaneous New York over the decision Ebola-surviving British of a grand jury not to nurse Will Pooley has 11 More Christmas Miscellaneous charge a police officer criticised Band Aid 30, 12-13 Grecians as Second Form responsible for the death of a c c u s i n g t h e s o n g o f unarmed black man Eric ‘cringeworthy cultural 14 Christmas At CH & Self Protection Garner. ignorance’. 15 Christmas Reflections ————————————————— ————————————————— Protests have been held in The Met Office has warned 16 Reviews: Damien Rice & Rugby 15 Ferguson over the decision of power cuts and transport 17 Reviews: Cabaret Special of a grand jury not to disruption as the UK is set 18 Sport: Phil Hughes & Rugby charge a police officer to face 80mph winds. responsible for the death of ————————————————— 19 Sport: Rugby, Ice Hockey & SNIB u n a r m e d b l a c k m a n Nigel Farage missed a 20 The Broadie Awards 2014 Michael Brown. U K I P e v e n t i n Wa l e s ————————————————— because of ‘immigrants 21 Wordsearch & Staff Anagrams A Conservative peer has causing traffic’ on the M4. 22 Crossword claimed that poor people ————————————————— use food banks because A litre of unleaded has 23 Miscellaneous they ‘don’t know how to dropped below £1.20 for 24 Matron Blue cook’. the first time since 2010.

Merry Christmas! It is returns to reveal more finally upon us – the end of The Editor's Christmas Message truths about lives at the this thirteen week term. ends of the Quarter Mile. On top of all of the speculating on what the Christmas fashion advice is Common Room gets up to cutting-edge and so far Final l y, we ha ve usual business, the school some outstanding content has seen the LARC rise up out of term. I have to ahead-of trend it ends up disabuse you, dear readers – doing full circle and on the Ferguson out of the ground like ‘A controversies in the USA, Beanstalk Like No Other’. we are really not that seeming quite old. All the interesting! Except that while, we ha ve and some consideration of Contrary to the predictions the merits of Black Friday. of one of our writers in this certain people need to contributions from our think about their references favourites. Matron Blue Thanks to all our issue, there are no plans to contributors and our loyal disrupt its austere presence to double Economics (Mr casts her scathing eye over Dinwoodie)! the problems of more love- readers. Have a wonderful with “shenanigans”. In fact, holiday. we ha ve two rather This year, Vogue struck members of our fine ambitious pieces ‘ain’t got nothing on us’; our institution. The Grecian Mr Wearden The Broadie is the Christ’s Hospital student newspaper. It is run by Mr Wearden and all the articles are written by pupils and geared towards pupils. The Broadie survives with the invaluable support of Mr Lawson and Mr Messenger. This issue contains 15,379 words and is edited by Mr Wearden and compiled by managing editor Xavier Voigt-Hill. Yo ur dedicated Broadie team is: Alistair Cruickshank • Rowan Dinwoodie • Miles Edwards • Eleanor Goddard • Louis Hall Andre Harrison-Fisher • Ben Johnson • Rufus Jordana • Philipp Mapara • Mary McCann Will Stephenson • Marc Thomas • Daisy Treloar • Freddie Underwood • Xavier Voigt-Hill Some Broadie journalists use pseudonyms. This is because students clobber some journalists who write certain things in the Broadie. This is ironic, because if those students have got something to say, they should just write it in and get judged themselves. If you’d like to contribute, please get in touch! Send in an email to [email protected]. The BROADIE is on Facebook at www.fb.me/thebroadie and on Twitter @the_broadie. Like and follow us! The Great Debate THE GrEAT DEBATE HAS CHRISTMAS LOST ITS MEANING IN THIS MODERN WORLD? FREDDIE UNDERWOOD SAYS YES ELEANOR GODDARD SAYS NO If we think about what bargains'. Then there is It’s no secret that, over plotting to take a Christma s actual l y Black Friday, which my the years, the Christmas hammer to the Furby means, then we find col lea gue Mar y industr y ha s grown that someone obviously already that the McCann writes about significantl y. With thought was the most supermarkets stocking meaning has been lost. later in this fine brilliant idea in the the shelves with baubles Christmas is the holiday magazine. It’s a world to give to your and tinsel of e ver y youngest cousin. All the to celebrate the birth of shopping day that only colour in August, the while guzzling from a Jesus Christ, yet nearly exists because of argument has arisen that bottle of Bailey’s Irish al l of us wake up Christmas. I wonder, do we have lost the true Cream so much so that thinking about what's the people fighting over meaning of Christmas. you will never EVER be under the tree, not the a 70% off 60 inch TV But what really is able to drink it again, the tr ue meaning of events in Bethlehem actually think about the but you NEED it to help Christmas? Some would thousands of years ago. holiday itself? you get through the say that it’s the ine vitable game of That fact alone I ha ve no celebration of the birth monopoly that causes surely shows us that problem with it, but the of Jesus, but in this day rifts in the family until we're missing the point. Christian holiday of and age, many non- late June. Or something. When you go into your Christmas is celebrated Christian cultures and But Christma s local shopping centre in by atheists, just without religions celebrate comes but once a year, so Christmas, so can we the r un up to the church service or enjoy the (f rankl y only define it by that one Christma s, you see thinking about the amazing) Christma s specific meaning? also, adverts (sorr y John massive advertisements meaning of Christmas christmas is derived Lewis, cute penguins for 'Christma s itself. from the pagan holiday were cute and everything Saturnalia, which is quite but you got owned by literally an entire day of Sainsbury’s) and the getting drunk until you same two Christmas vomit and getting episodes of Gavin and presents off people. Stacey that everyone Ask anyone, knows off by heart, and religious or non- do it with the people you religious, and they’ll love, because it’s a time probably tell you that for famil y and o ver the most impor tant indulgence…..and the factor of Christmas is only day of the year that not gift giving or going you can eat half a tin of to church, but being Quality Street for around famil y and breakfast and not get friends. And yes, being judged. That’s just cause around famil y and for celebration in itself. friends will probably also So Merry Christmas and mean being forced into Happy New Year…and watching the Dad’s Army don’t overdo it on the Christmas special with Beautiful doodle by Eleanor Goddard alcohol front. your nanna while 3 Ferguson The Broadie | Christmas 2014 | [email protected] Ferguson retribution. Perhaps this is unlikely given that Brown 4,396. Whites take up 63% On a far less merry note, it some kind of judicial cover- had no weapon). Wilson of the population, whereas has been a season of up or perhaps it’s a then finished off Brown blacks only comprise 13%, suffering and civil unrest in campaign of the people who with a shot to the head. so it could be argued that Ferguson, Missouri since have a vendetta to settle for The resulting riots black people are shot more rioting began on the previous police incidents. lead to 4 police injuries, 7 often by police officers November 17th after Darren It’s clear, however, injuries to members of the because of rational fear of Wilson, the police officer that Michael Brown, public and 205 arrests. them. who shot and killed Michael accompanied with his friend There was also looting, On the other hand, Brown, was not indicted for Dorian Johnson, robbed a arson, vandalism and there are only 3 black police his actions. It’s very easy convenience store of a $48 widespread use of tear gas officers in comparison to 50 these days to jump on the box of cigars, then, after and police militarisation. white ones in Ferguson, media bandwa gon and being recognised by Wilson What is perhaps worse is which has a 67% black scream RACISM! at the top as the robber, were stopped the increasing racial tension population. So in answer to of your lungs, but this issue in the street. A struggle and social divide between the question: Was Brown seems to be much more ensued through the window the black community and the victim of a racially- complicated than that. of Wilson’s police vehicle the police, which no doubt motivated attack that The events of what and, Brown, unarmed, was will cause other similar Wilson got away with? happened that day are still shot in the arm by Wilson. problems in the future. Probably, but with all the shrouded in an air of doubt, As Brown fled from the This is also not the palaver surrounding the despite what the legal scene, Wilson shot at him first time instances of this situation it is difficult to tell. officials and the protesters and hit him several times. nature have happened. One thing is for certain might claim, as many Remarkabl y, Brown Familiar names include though: The U.S. justice, accounts of the incident remained standing and Treyvon Martin, Amadou judicial and social systems conflict with each other, changed direction back Diallo and Tamir Rice. It is all need to be reformed if we some witnesses ha ve towards the police officer prudent to remember that are to see an end to this changed their accounts and (whether this wa s in in 2013, blacks committed kind of institutionalised others have even refused to surrender or aggression is 5,375 murders in the U.S., racism and social violence. testify for fear of police unclear, the latter being very where as whites committed Alistair Cruickshank Pictured: various US representatives perform the protesters’ "Hands up, don’t shoot” gesture 7

4 Black Friday

Pictured: Asda customers fight over a discounted Polaroid TV on Black Friday (Image credit: Reuters) 7 Black Friday United Kingdom averaged (such a s prolonged come to widely following Black Friday is another £145,515.82 million from 1955 television watching, which the idea of acquiring more aspect of American culture until 2014, reaching an all- can result in social products is the ultimate form that has somehow seeped time high of £273,915 million isolation). of success there’s surely into our own society. It in the third quarter of 2014 So what relation is something wrong. famously comes the day and a record low of £59,320 this to Black Friday? Black Personally I think that life after Thanksgiving; shops million in the fourth quarter Friday is the culmination of would be great if we could sell items (predominantly of 1956.” Although, as I’m what people have been told live in a self-sustaining electronics) for extremely sure you’ve all been told by businesses that want to environment and just live low prices. These low prices meticulously in science, take advantage of the out our lives without seduce large crowds of correlation doesn’t equal decline in happiness, when worrying about anything hysteric consumers that can causation, but I have good there’s a market for much at all but I’m sure the only be likened to a flock of reason to believe that something it’s got to be idea of that would make pigeons fighting over the general unhappiness causes filled. This is why people most people call me an last breadcrumb thrown by you to want to be happy. become so manic, we’ve all insane communist of some someone with more bread The fact that spending has seen the news stories, sort or other. than sense. increased so much since the people being ran over in During this holiday The real question is 50’s and happiness has stampedes of people all season I challenge you to why do these people feel so decreased could suggest that fighting over the same radio focus on the spiritual side of motivated to clamber after people are searching for alarm clock, and the reality what happens (and I don’t these products? We aren’t happiness through behind it is rather mean religiously, of course if pigeons, and we don’t need a consumerism. If someone depressing. People want to you are religious then you low price TV in order to on television with power save money on products can take it that way too). survive. and influence tells you that that will only provide them Take pleasure in the After carrying out buying the latest 3D HD with temporary happiness company of other people, some research, I discovered Smart TV will make you and they’ll happily harm the generosity of receiving that information “… happier enough times then others for that pleasure. gifts (even if it is a pair of published in The American you’re going to believe it. I And what will they do with old socks from mad aunty Journal of Psychiatry found will admit, I do gain the rest of that money? Jude) and above all, the that major depression rates pleasure from buying They’ll probably spend it on humanity of it all. for American adults something new but it’s all more products. Of course, I hope everyone has increased from 3.33 percent temporary. You’re going to there’s nothing wrong with a great holiday and that to 7.06 percent from 1991 get bored of that product, owning nice things. But none of you had to face through 2002,” while or it may even cause you to we’ve got to question the Black (and blue) Friday! “Consumer Spending in the become even more unhappy point that when society has Mary McCann 5 Culture The Broadie | Christmas 2014 | [email protected]

Firstly, the lyrics are Af rican woman being Band H8 patronising, generalising and clinically removed from her previous versions of the Thoughts on ignorant. For example, it is bed. This was beamed into song. Where the song falls hugely disrespectful to a the eyes of millions when it down is that it isn’t actually Band Aid 30 large numbers of west debuted during the X any good, and never has The latest volume in a Africans. As Fuse ODG, one Factor. How, then, is there been. When it was first monotonous series of false of the numerous musicians going to be any investment released in 1984 it was new philanthropy is here. to reject Bob Geldof's offer or tourism in Africa by the and exciting, driving Bastille, Bono (from U2), to participate in the project, people with the money? listeners to buy it. Now, Clean Bandit, Paloma Faith, put it, “For the past four Merely throwing money at a after 4 iterations and Guy Garvey (from Elbow), years I have gone to Ghana problem every now and then endless times hearing the Ellie Goulding, Angélique at Christmas for the sole obviously doesn't work as relatively uninspiring tune, I Kidjo (the only African purpose of peace and joy.” effectively as laying down am definitely bored. musician involved in the There are obviously many the foundations for a While you may call project), Chris Martin (from people suffering, don't get sustainable future. Instead, my view cynical, Band Aid is Coldplay), Ol l y Murs, me wrong, but the fact that it is stricken by poverty and still an easy way for Sinéad O’Connor, One these musicians can be sickness and in order to musicians to get some easy Direction, Rita Ora, Emeli complicit in forcing this keep our Wester n publicity and look angelic Sandé, Seal, Ed Sheeran, idea into the public conscience clear when we and humanitarian at the Sam Smith and Jessie Ware consciousness and paint a see a starving child on our same time, while all they all help to form the colossal picture of Africa as one TV we just throw £2 have to do is sing one line. supergroup for the fourth huge hell-hole is towards whatever charity There’s nothing too wrong incarnation, labelled Band unacceptable. shocks us the most. This with that. What is wrong is Aid 30 (being 30 years since Furthermore, the may have devolved into a that while they are trying to the first). It seems brilliant, shock factor used by Band criticism of the way we treat make us more engaged with doesn’t it? A huge army of Aid since its creation Africa as a whole, but Band supporting charity for wealthy musicians sing us a is absurd. Aid is a huge contributor Africa, all it really does (as song so that we give our The video to the problem. with much of charity) is put money to help much of for Band On a more a wall between us and them, Africa suffering under the Aid 30 musical note, we which we can sit horror that is the Ebola opens see a ne w, comfortably behind and virus. Well it should be w i t h m o r e flick a few coins over when brilliant, but once examined w h a t e a r n e s t we feel a bit guilty. closely, it is clear how much s e e m s creation Ben Johnson is wrong. like the corpse of an t h a n

Knife Party My point is that tolerable, find it rather Playing Audiosurf Abandon Ship Knife Party’s new album magical. Allow yourselves whilst listening to Knife Abandon Ship has divided the sacrifice of one more Party’s new album makes me A Response opinion not only within the listen, particularly to such wonder if this is how the Dear Broadie, walls of CH, but across tracks as D.I.M.H., and I music was meant to be Many thanks for every national borderline on guarantee you will be experienced. The your intriguing commentary the planet, by means of that pleasantly surprised – IF… crescendos, along with the upon the recent offering to internet which brings us so you take this medication of heavy electronic beats, make the world of electronic much closer together whilst electronica with an it a motivating (and music by an act that has at the same time corrupting important supplement. challenging) background to made a real impact since its us and enraging us within Audiosurf. what is, in my opinion, one formation a mere three the closed, claustrophobic Google it. Find a of the strongest years ago: Knife Party. As walls of Facebook, YouTube YouTube video. Watch it. independently developed aggressive a name as its and Google. The hard-core Audiosurf is a video game in video games of my sound. heavy electronic fans that which you control a flying generation. Perhaps not Gareth McGrillen initially flocked to listen to jet and collect coloured yours, though. and Rob Swire are perhaps Knife Par ty are blocks to score points along Dear me, I AM names that elude the disappointed with some a custom generated track. saying too much. majority of your readers. tracks, which divert from The novelty of the game is As always, I am Pendulum, too, Knife this original, angry sound. that you do this whilst charmed by the humour and Party’s predecessors, are a Others, including some of listening to ANY music. quality of your publication, drum and bass outfit that your very own diligent Your choice, as long as it’s and eagerly await your next may seem, to you young writers, find it unlistenable on your PC. The game edition. ones, ‘old school’. because it is too loud, too creates a custom track based Amused Electronica Perhaps I am saying angry. I however, much on the song you choose. Ambassador 6too much already. more than finding it How clever and original! Features !e Naked Truth God it was evening chapel have decided to partake real people don't really (except for those in in ‘Secret Santa’, a want it to be Christmas Did you miss me? Cabaret, who weren’t even tradition that I have every day. Except for No, of course you didn’t. needed for the 9am never really seen the Wizzard, but they don't You don’t know me. rehearsal). Grecians point in. However, this count in my book. As we draw needed that recovery year it will provide the The most hilarious towards the end of term time. perfect opportunity for thing that has in these the Grecians have been In other ne ws, some revenge plans (so I last weeks stemmed from busier than ever and, as Grecians ha ve been have heard) SO if you a majorly sinister cake per usual, I have been getting offers from their ha ve hur t anyone’s made for a cer tain watching the whole time. uni choices left, right and feelings this year, be birthday boy. Said cake In these 3 weeks we were centre. However, not all expecting some worms in was shared around many introduced to the “Glow have been as lucky as a tin… That’s my plan Grecian boys and this in the Dark” theme night, others. Heard by my very anyway. seemed like almost too as expected it was all glow own ears, the falling out There has been friendly a gesture. This sticks and bike lights, of two friends over a catastrophe at marching did indeed seem to be the however the free pizza place at Uni, the in East almost every day. case as the following lessened the blow of the conversation went along Certain members of East morning the consumers of mediocrity that occurred the lines of: seem to have a bit of a the cake woke up with a in the Grecians club as a 1: “I’m upset for her competition going on mysterious buttercream- result of the new barriers because she won’t be over who is going in back fla voured stomach that now remove the coming to [insert uni] rank… I know everyone sickness. What was the “excitement” of “The with me” loves a good march but stem of this stomach Wall”. This new addition 2: “But Person 1 you this isn’t primary school upset? Alcohol? I think to Grecians Club has haven’t even got an offer anymore and you’re just not. Either someone definitely spoiled the fun from [insert same uni] being stupid, everyone needs to take some more of some of the more yet” thinks you are al l lessons f rom Mrs adventurous amongst us. 1: “I know but I will and ridiculous. FYI, don’t be Robinson or Miss Baker- Some Grecians took she won’t be coming with expecting many sales of girl is trying to take out theme night a bit more me. I’ll be sure to tell her your “Grecians Calendar”. her fel low MUN seriously than others and everything” You seem to think the members. Is this a small were found ‘asleep’ on the Come on guys, whole of Grecians is made act of psychotic stairs up to their pods. let’s be nice about this up of like 8 people, all of behaviour? Or perhaps it’s Clearly the paint in the now. We’re all friends. whom seem to be in the a case of V for Vendetta?... glow sticks was a bit Peas in pods, even. same pod, but nobody Or in this case V for intoxicating and definitely As we approach wants the same people for Viennetta. took its toll on their Christmas, most pods 12 months a year. Just like The Grecian heads. Let’s just thank

Top 10 video world. We were just young muh Mega Mun?” Fans were game was first played, the Game Moments children, picking up a left screaming as Mega “holy cow this is fast!” reaction from players 1.The Moon’s Crash – seemingly disposable game, Man’s shiny blue helmet and secured Sonic’s popularity Legend of Zelda: Majora’s expecting a few hours of Mega Buster were for years to come. Thanks Mask: Throughout the time wasting. But we were dramatically illuminated by Green Hill Zone! entire passage of the game, wrong. We were faced with a the light of a full moon at E3 8.Aeris Dies – Final Fantasy the ominous impending choice. Squir tle, ‘13, glowing with resplendent VII – THEY KILLED doom of the slowly falling Charmander or Bulbasaur. nostalgic majesty. HER. WHAT?! SHE WAS moon is upon the player’s And as soon as that question 4.A man chooses, a slave ONE OF THE MAIN shoulders for every second. was asked, we knew. This obeys – BioShock: CHARACTERS! Just by angling the camera was no ordinary game... Ooooooooh... Deep... 9.Still Alive – Portal: Quite upwards lets the player gaze 3.Mega Man’s Reveal Trailer 5.Killing the Joker – Batman: possibl y the most upon its horrific face. As the – Super Smash Bros 4: Ever Arkham City: They killed deceptively sweet sounding game’s three day cycle since the first Smash Bros the Joker. They actually songs in gaming history. continues, the moon game, fans had a dream. A killed the Joker. Bold move Man I love GLaDOS. gradually gets closer to its dream to have the biggest guys... 10.Samus is a Girl – intended target... you. And if three gaming characters of 6.World 1-1 – Super Mario: Metroid: You know that red you let it hit you? Well... all time combined into one Everyone knows the layout and gold power armoured You’ve met with a terrible game. A game to bring the for the very first level of bounty hunter from the fate, haven’t you? 90’s and early 00’s nostalgia Mario, and everyone knows Metroid series? Yeah, she’s a 2.I Choose You! – Pokemon to a crescendo. After Brawl, the tune that accompanies girl. No one saw that Red/Blue/Green: It was the in which Sonic wa s it. coming. first game in the series that introduced, players were left 7.Green Hill Zone – Sonic would revolutionise the thinking “But whut about the Hedgehog: When this Will Stephenson 7 Mr Camburn Interview The Broadie | Christmas 2014 | [email protected] were as friendly as possible. I’m quite lucky to have that. and…I’ll get back to you on Mr Camburn Now I’m old, I’m quite I’ve seen other people with the third. happy to buy overpriced old-school projectors so I’m What’s it like teaching in Interview drinks in a weird bar and happy with that. a department run by a Liam Shipsides: What are hang out with my mates, so Talking about your shark? your best memories of the nightlife in Brighton is classroom, please can you When most people meet Mr Christ’s Hospital? slightly tamer, although every explain the logic behind Sharkey, their first thought is Mr Camburn: There’s quite a now and again it’s good to using a fork as a doorstop you’re getting a lot of Head few to pick from. The ones sample all of Brighton’s… and where you got the of Department for your that always come to mind are yeah…scenery. fork from? money. After you get over probably fun in the boarding What’s interesting about Yes, the school has had to the magnitude of his size, house or potentially some of Economics to you? make a lot of cutbacks and he’s actually really lovely and the fixtures in the football Not many people know this one of them has been some I think most people who teams but for my first set of and it’s a very guarded secret doorstop thief walks around know him say he’s one of the exam results I was in but I actually trained to be a at random times stealing lads and he gets on with California. With the time Maths teacher. Believe it or people’s doorstops and everybody. He’s up for a bit difference when I finally got not, they allowed me to train selling them on eBay. I have of a laugh and, as a boss, he the results through from Mr for this and I got a job here now bought three doorstops hasn’t really told me what to Russell, that was probably as an Economics and Maths that have all gone so after the do so much. He’s pretty my favourite moment of teacher. Luckily I think both third I used a fork and that good. Christ’s Hospital, even parties realised that didn’t seem to be quite as If you had to liken the though technically I was on a Economics was better for me valuable, until that was also Economics department beach celebrating somewhere so that’s mainly where I stolen. Now I’ve given up to The Inbetweeners, out else. focus, but Economics I find a and nobody’s allowed in. of Mr Lawson, Mr What are your worst lot more interesting. Most Can you attempt to Sharkey, Mr Wearden and memories? importantly, the syllabus justify spending £60 on a yourself, who would each Unfortunately there are a lot does not change but the phone case which isn’t person be and why? of bad memories as well. content does, so it’s nice to actually even a full phone Good question, Liam. As I’m This is a tough place to work be able to adapt what you’re case? leaving I suppose I can say in. You don’t have any life teaching to what’s going on The phone case I get a lot of this. Instantly of that crew, I and there’s not a lot of time in the world. I think stick for. The rest of the think Lawson is screaming for fun so there are a lot of Economics was the obvious Broadie readers probably out to be Will. Sorry Mr bad times as well. I’ll leave choice, whereas I fell into have no idea what we’re Lawson, I’m going for you as that one blank. teaching by accident. It talking about. My phone is the guy with the briefcase. Cheating. worked out in the end. rather large and delicate and Mr Wearden is most like Yeah, I know. I just don’t How will an all-girls bends a lot, apparently, so Simon which then leaves Jay want to offend Mr… school be diferent, do buying an X-Men style metal and Neil. As I don’t want to Somebody. you think? reinforcement case seemed a be Jay, Mr Sharkey can be Jay Tell us about some of I’m panicking a bit! I’m bargain at the time. After and I suppose that makes me your main hobbies. I hoping the classes are as fun getting stung by import Neil. I’ll take that with a know you’ve often talked and lively. I’ve got to say that taxes, I now look a wally robot dance. about surfing in class. the girls I teach currently are with an expensive phone case Can you confirm exactly The manly yoga is good for very intelligent and very that isn't really a case. how many staff meetings me. When you get to my age good fun, but the boys are Thanks for bringing that up. and chapel ser vices and you can barely touch the loud side of the I appreciate that. you’ve been to this term? your toes, you know it’s time classroom usually in Now that you’re leaving, I think the tape is running for a change. At the moment discussions, and the banter who will be taking on the low… I would suggest yoga, climbing is still coming with the gents sometimes pizza investigation? I meetings and assemblies along and anything to do can set quite a nice can’t see Mr Sharkey have been staffed at adequate with the sea. Surfing, environment to be around, doing it. numbers throughout the swimming or just generally so I am very concerned that I don’t know. The pizza term, Liam, but thank you paddling around is usually some of the teaching at investigation, for the Broadie for raising such a question. quite relaxing. The football Roedean may not be as fun readers, is to measure Lastly, have you ever days have gone thanks to Mr in some areas if it’s a quiet consumer surplus and how killed a man? Mulae. class. We shall see. eating more pizza potentially Have I ever killed a man? I You talked about Are you looking forward means you enjoy each slice have never. I don’t think I watersports. I assume to no longer teaching in a less. Due to health and safety have, but I’ve definitely that’s a reason for your cardboard box? and Laurence Dunham saved a few. move to Brighton. What The Grange Hill suite will shaking and getting meat Sounds like a story to tell. about the nightlife? not be missed. I will say the sweats and hiding pizza in his Just working on the beach, I The nightlife in Brighton… I size of my classroom is socks, we’ve had to abandon don’t want to go on about it, turned 30 this year so when good…and I’m now such investigations and now but I’ve saved a few. Not you get to my age you struggling for any other we just reminisce instead. killed anybody that I know remember the days when you compliments. Can you summarise of…I hope. Have you? wanted to buy as much What about the TV? yourself in three words? No comment. alcohol for as little as The old-school TV and the No, no, not easily. Let’s think Good answer. possible and go to original DVD/VCR player is and see what comes to mind. Thank you, Sir. wherever the music was pretty state of the art for I reckon relaxed, enthusiastic Thank you, Liam. 8 loudest and the women Christ’s Hospital, actually, so Liam Shipsides Christmas CHRISTMAS TIME! MISTLETOE AND WINE! BAD CLIFF RICHARD SONGS WASTING OUR TIME! Join the Broadie team through a magical journey of Christmas spirit over the next pages…

Christmas In the Christmas market. An everybody is busy, the last old crib would be nice to presents are packed. The part of the traditional Deutschland have under the Christmas small children are vey nativity play. When they Christmas in Germany has a tree as many families have. excited, looking forward to come back the celebration long tradition and it starts So far so good. But the big surprises and a nice begins. Usually, the family at the end of November in Christmas market is also a e vening. Of course stays in front of the every big city with the place to buy specialties in traditions vary from family Christmas tree and sings a Christmas market. The terms of food. A very to family. Some have a few songs. After, everybody probably most famous one is traditional sweet meal, Christmas tree and a crib, is excited to open presents in Nuremberg and similar to a cake, is Stollen others just a Christmas tree. but even more excited to thousands of people come (pictured). Stollen always Mother and dad decorate have a great evening. Later to the centre of Nuremberg relates to Christmas and it is the tree and put all the in the evening, we celebrate every year to celebrate the definitely part of Christmas presents under the the “Christmette”, the late beginning of Christmas. in Germany. Christma s tree. night service which starts When the official ceremony Around one month Grandparents help in the around 10pm. The family is over, they stay with after the beginning of the kitchen to prepare the meal then enjoys the nice meal, friends to enjoy a glass of Christma s market in for the evening. The day which is often especially Glühwein, a drink offered Nuremberg is December goes very quickly. It is prepared for December 24th, only at Christmas time. The 24th, the most important day already afternoon and the for example a goose from Christmas market offers for Christmas in Germany. small children go to the the grill. Sometimes one last-minute presents for It is the day when every early service in the church. member of the family brings people who need one even family celebrates together They might even be a second specialty from on December 24th, the day their Christmas. In the outside. when all families celebrate morning Christma s in Christmas. It is also the Germany is very nice and time to meet friends, to has many more local relax or just to enjoy traditions, but most the atmosphere of important is that, as a Christmas. If you famil y, you enjoy need something Christmas! special - something Philipp Mapara typically Bavarian, for example - it is worth visiting 9 Christmas The Broadie | Christmas 2014 | [email protected] How To Ruin Christmas Ben Johnson’s Musical Christmas Christmas Card From A Hooker In Minneapolis - Tom Waits Ba humbug! If you’re anything like me then it’s the time of year again when turkey is shoved down your throat and As the title says, of a lady of the night, talking to a long lost love. Tom Waits’ gravelly voice and two pianos, the lyrics, as always people throw balls of frozen water at you. Let’s begin. with Waits, study deeply the writer and bring a shock with the 1. Remind everyone of the true meaning of Christmas by last verse. Disregarded as a Christmas song because it has performing your one-man mime of graphic childbirth relatively little cheer, but Waits has his dry humour here and in front of your extended family. there - ‘he don’t play the trombone’. 2. Join in with the Middleton A tradition of playing bells Fairytale Of New York - The Pogues at CH Christmas dinner. Choose to contribute by Just a classic song about from the underbelly of New York. It setting off the biggest bell of them all – the fire alarm. shall be endlessly brilliant. Honestly though, it would be more interesting. Last Christmas - Frank Turner 3. Buy hair-removal cream for every member of your The Wham! classic was always great, but with a little too much family. Grandpa Jim needs to manscape. cheese. In classic Turner fashion he sings every word like it’s 4. Tell everybody of your secret pre-Christmas rituals. breaking him and it shows the classic in a completely new light. Tell nobody of the special ingredient in their mulled White Christmas - Bing Crosby wine. A stone cold classic (geddit) 5. Add a small fertiliser bomb to the Christmas crackers Santa Baby - Eartha Kitt to give each one that little extra ‘bang’. Removing much of the sleaze of later versions, this version has 6. Prepare to sacrifice a Christmas pet to appease the beautiful balance. Interestingly, Eartha Kitt died on Christmas Day in 2008. great Santa in the Sky. Winter Wonderland - Bob Dylan 7. Point out the many horrifying Xmas facts that David So many different versions of this song, I chose this version Cameron didn’t want you to know. Did you know, for because it is fundamentally ridiculous and brilliant at the same example, that 7/8 reindeer never make it home; or that time. turkeys are actually made out of children’s dreams* Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree - Brenda Lee 8. Spend your own family dinner with the only one who Unforgettable classic. really cares – a cardboard cut-out of WWE Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas - Frank Sinatra SUPERSTAR JOHN CENA!!! Another unforgettable classic. 9. Make sure everyone’s meal comes with a hearty portion Little Saint Nick - The Beach Boys of Spaghetti-Os. It’s a family favourite. A little annoying, a lot great. 10. You’re no conformist. Instead of building a snowman, Driving Home For Christmas - Chris Rea build a snowdoge. Such cold. Very snow. Wow. I hate it, but I love it. Alistair Cruickshank Ben Johnson linger in what experts call Hair. Please, please, Christmas Fashion ‘clothing limbo’ wherein please do not shave your good christening. I have been paying close people are unsure of head. Unless it’s for charity APPROVED. It’s attention to the upcoming whether to dress to impress or health reasons. Baby it’s fashionable to dress for the CH fashion trends for this or dress to keep warm. I’m cold outside. Grow it out a weather so we have to Christmas season. It can going to attempt to clarify bit! include sweaters. That polo often be a traumatic season what’s hot, and what’s really More clothing! Wear neck that was notoriously for many students as they quite cold. The 80s and 90s as many layers as you can! worn by the weird librarian are in this season. You can still look good is actually looking pretty I’m going to try while feeling good and the good today. my best to advise chances are that everyone Clueless (pictured). you on the best will be jealous of that huge With 90’s trends coming ways to nail this jacket you found in Rokit. back in it would be crazy season, or a few Hy pothermia is bad. not to refer back to the years’ sea sons Besides, no one can see your movie that set fashion ago’s, trends. outfit in that winter fog, and standards for an entire A book hat. most just don’t care because decade. “As if!” If you want a they’re too busy worrying Crop tops. Stomachs look that’s both about how cold they are. don’t need to be censored. fashionable and Less clothing!! Whatever the season. practical, this is Because it costs a lot to look Metallic and glittery. one for you. this cold. Is it raining Nothing says Christmas like Forget umbrellas, outside? Well I just got a bit of shimmer. that shiny new some booty shorts in the physics folder end of season sale at Mary McCann 10 will do just fine! Topshop that just need a Christmas Dec 18th - Dr Medley bakes The 12 Days of CHmas and grounds with four his usual gingerbread army, Broadie When the students thousand litres of liquid Tip- and after failing to instil leave school on December ex. Kitchen 13th, what do the staff get up them with the dark powers Dec 23rd - This year’s elected Christmas Dinner to in the countdown to the of life everlasting, breaks ‘Duffield’ knocks on the big day? them up and hands them doors of all the houses, and Starter th round as presents. Dec 14 - Mr Fleming’s formally announces ‘Hello, Dec 19th - Mr Reid’s leaving Sautéed Over-Salted annual production of Swan it’s me, it’s Mr Duffield,’ in a party. We’ll miss you, sir! Lake, with real swans. tradition dating all the way ‘Croutons’ with th Dec 15th - Mr Andersen’s Dec 20 - Mr Camburn’s back to the sixteenth Harvested Hairs Christmas big game hunt. Cookery Cwiz, sponsored by century. rench Onion‘Soup’ Chartwells. The world’s F The rest of the staff advised Christmas Eve – the foremost Jamie Oliver esterday’s Salad to stay indoors. teachers storm the barriers Y th lookalike reveals the tricks of Dec 16 - Mr Hatton and dance the night away in the trade. Main Course attempts to steal Christmas, the partially constructed st but is foiled when he realises Dec 21 - Dr Goddard’s Lego LARC centre. They came in Turkey (or chicken or that it’s not about the diorama of the Nativity like a wrecking ball. lamb or horse) gristle placed on the Chapel altar, presents, the food or the Christmas - Mr Saha is cooked in stringy bacon where the bricks are blessed, singing, but that it’s the visited by three ghosts, who one by one. These will later and not as many waffles people that matter. Also, Star tell him to throw his be sold to Health Centre, Trek is on Channel 5. troubles to one side and as you asked for th and given to sick children to Dec 17 - Wearden’s World embrace the holiday season. Vegetables heal them. of Wonder opens, and shuts He buys a goose, which nd you can’t taste again almost immediately Dec 22 – Mr Deller’s latest apparently equates to the due to financial irregularities. installation, ‘White same thing. Compressed sausage fat Never trust someone in Christmas’, goes terribly Saffron and jasmine wrong, flooding the school Louis Hall Economics. rice stuffing Christmas Poetry Corner The ELF-FAM Appeal 4th day of Christmas ‘Jollof Rice’ Twas the night before Christmas, Every month, seventy elves are when all through school kidnapped, and put to work in Dessert No one was there, not even a ghoul. Santa’s workshop. Tired, weary, Everyone had mucked off overworked, these young elves Brittle cookie for four glorious weeks Yes! Everyone including those teacher freaks. are forced into hard work nine Custard skin hours every day in filthy old rice puudinng The students were sleeping, conditions, building, sowing, C Tired because they are working. mending and, as if their little But now it’s the holidays and they are free, So they won’t get breathalysed hands hadn’t already had enough, when they get drunk off bubbly. they aren’t allowed to sleep until they’ve fully serviced the sleigh, However, with exams fast approaching washed all of Santa’s They still had to wake up to do that revising thing. reindeers….and washed Santa. So in reality, they don’t get much a break They have to survive on And the Christmas holidays are a bit fake. the mould and moisture growing in their filthy living-quarters, a But still, decorate the tree And pretend that you are actua"y free. 12” by 20” wooden box in Santa’s Have some fun, grotty Grotto. Any cries for mercy or for a break from Whilst the punishment is “none” their soul-destroying work, and they have to be tied up and left in ‘the pit’ for days on end. A warm fire in the And when the time does come And you’re driving back to hearth, a loving family, grandma’s cookies; this is what the school with your mum. young elves are forced to leave in return for a life of The holidays will be over servitude under the mittened fist of this hideous tyrant. And you will be sober Right now, nine-and-a-half million elves are trapped Just be grateful and happy in Lapland. Imagine your own elf subjected to this That The Broadie will make you grin with glee. physical and emotional torment, and you might be moved Even more than ever in the coming New Year to donate now, to ELF-FAM, to help save these poor elves So never fear. We are here. and bring justice to Santa. Andre Harrison-Fisher Rufus Jordana 11 Christmas The Broadie | Christmas 2014 | [email protected] for his wife in Screwfix. behind the mirrors over Christmas At CH Mrs Thomson practises the sinks. The Broadie Every year, in the second some of them have half an saying “So there I was…” in journalists team gets more hour off and serving the week of December, front of a mirror. Mr and more desperate each Christ’s Hospital food themselves. Mr Chandler invests in a year trying to think up Thomson gets into transforms. Christmas syringe so he can measure vaguely amusing Christmas decorations appear in all character so much that you out the Grecians’ wine articles. can’t understand a single the houses, the girls’ more accurately. The Head The final Friday of houses complete with fake thing he says. Master looks for new bins term is always the most After a long night snow, six foot tall trees, to creatively spend the exciting. After suffering and angels and stars which for the juniors will school’s money on. Mr through Double involve playing an covering the ceiling; the Fleming organises a Economics, pupils are boys’ with two strings of excessive number of games Christmas dinner for the handed mysterious objects, of spoons and watching the tinsel and some cotton archaeology department. such as ‘brooms’ and wool thrown in one corner. DVD of I, Robot once Mr McArtney is scooter ‘Dettol’ for the annual again, and for the sixth The Sports Centre invests shopping in Halfords. Mr House Tidy, before being in two reindeer with form will comprise them Salisbury polishes his given a brief period in drowning their sorrows in moving heads. Generous breathalyser. In the which to sleep as Mr teachers sit back and whatever lager their Lawson household, Mr Franklin announces that housemaster found on watch their classes fight Lawson is abused for not Lamb A have won the o ver the Malteser special offer in Sainsbury’s, marinating the turkey Coleridge trophy for the it’s time to go home. Celebrations. Reverend th correctly. 74 term running, much to Duvets are shoved into bin Golding spends half the The pupils, the dismay of Mr Mulae. chapel’s budget on candles. liners, trains are delayed meanwhile, revel in the Before long, it’s and international students The weather even joins in one month of the year time for the carol service, by pouring with rain for are already on their way when it is acceptable to where holy songs are back to faraway lands. the whole freezing week. wear Christmas jumpers. slaughtered by tone-deaf For teachers, this is The Sports Centre The seven pupils who have teenagers. After this, pupils mana ger mo ves the their favourite time of the actually gone through with rush off to Dining Hall to year. After their favourite reindeer decorations from a Secret Santa stare sample the one meal a year the lewd position in which term, they settle down to mour nful l y at their which resembles anything enjoy Christmas with their a member of the UF has Poundland gifts while the close to edible. The noble put them. families. Mr McKenna older years hide alcohol of teachers show their Rowan Dinwoodie goes shopping for a varying strengths in the unanimity with the kitchen surprise Christmas present super-secret hiding place staff by selflessly letting How To Protect night. The moment Santa and base of your chimney Yourself At Christmas lands upon your tiled with bear traps. This your children and stuff. Since we were young, we roof, he wil l should take care of the This is where you need to have had this false notion instantaneousl y be b*****d. go commando. Grab your that there is this jolly red explodificated by the bazooka and napalm saint that descends into numerous detonation 3.Now, if you don’t have a missiles, and go a’hunting. our chimneys in the night devices stealthily buried chimney, Santa will use As a forewarning, he may and delivers us presents. beneath the his hellish powers to use his minion elves as Perhaps, however, inconspicuous slate. simply teleport inside distraction techniques to you should be more aware your house. In fact, the either disarm your traps cautious with this 2.Bear traps in your only thing that makes or attack you during criminal stalking your chimneys. If Saint Nick come down your chimney battle. Be wary. His candy house on Christmas Eve. wa s ninja enough to in the first place is his cane sword is another It’s time to figure out how dodge your mines, or you own personal sense of lethal risk, so be prepared to protect your house were too stupid to deploy tradition. In either case, if to dodge and parry a lot. from his grubby jolly them correctly, then the he manages to bypass Despite his numerous mittens. next line of entry into your chimney defence strengths, Noel does have your house is the chimney line, he is now inside your one weakness. Yes, that’s 1.Landmines on your roof. pot. If you don't have one, house. This is the most right, fire. Burn them. This will be your primary proceed to the next step crucial moment, as you Burn them all. line of defence against the immediately. If you do, need to protect the safety Will Stephenson 14 terrors of the winter layer the entire interior of yourself and potentially Christmas Christmas Reflections the dead of night what after watching the crude Originating from a seaside Christmas would be like and slightly torn Christmas ran to my room with the town known nationally for without presents. I card lie on the bitumen card, looking jealously at its high proportion of immediately dismissed black roof for about a mum (who had been that residents on the brink of these thoughts, staying true minute, I considered that close) and tore it open. The expiration, I’ve never to the stubborn selfishness maybe North Pole mail contents were such, “Dear exactly been comfortable in of childhood. It didn’t required something slightly Miles, All is well with me, hubs of Christmas festivity matter if Santa was dead more high- tech than but thank you for your kind such as London (or any city and the reindeers had been throwing letters out the wishes. Happy Christmas, actually). The amount of shot in the head and sold to window. Santa.” This wa s people walking around in a glue factory. It didn’t With childlike emboldening for me, in my such an incessantly jovial matter if the elves had used resilience, I rapidly fer vent belief that fashion, or wishing each the toys as kindling for the reproduced my original on materialism was the true other “Merry Christmas” dwindling fires, their soul another card f rom a hear t of Christma s. feels inherently wrong, comfort in their now empty particularly forgettable However my mother had having grown up in a town world. It didn’t matter if distant relative (the first made a significant where the first trickling of the toy industry crashed, had been a card from a girl oversight. She had at no white powder assures about children went mad with at school that I didn’t like). point directly contradicted half the population prepare rage and drove their The next morning I gave it my brother’s claim that for inevitable broken hips, parents insane, leading to to Mum-Mum who, having Santa Claus had popped his complain about the the total collapse of the seen the card previously in clogs (I really wish Santa unsatisfactory response of Western World. I would get my room, couldn’t help but wore clogs so that that the council to snow, who presents. look at the contents when I made sense). In hindsight, around the Michaelmas I therefore was off doing something this wasn’t a great tragedy. season become synonymous promptly wrote to the stupid and pointless. She’s If fact, it gave me a whole with devil worshipers, and North Pole, hoping to coax kept the card all this time. new optimistic perspective buy enough bread and milk their tormented little elf I could hear the laughter on the realities of life and from Tesco to feed all their souls into overcoming their from the garden. On the death. When my presents relatives in a 50 mile radius. grief, and continuing with inside are the words “Dear did somehow appear on For Eastbourne the winter their sacred duty, to give Myles, Happy X-Ma s, Christmas day, to my doesn’t bring promises of me a Scalextric set. Of Lodes of Love, Merissa” amazement, I was left to familial joy and good will. course at the time I was crossed out viciously, and question what actually It’s generally treated as an slightly confused, as I knew next to them, “Deer Santa, occurs when one dies. I unstoppable threat, here to the card would never be Sorry that your dead, Theo mean, Santa seemed to be carry away the aged on its read by one of Santa’s green said it, hope all is good. performing his usual chilling breezes. Happy inferiors. I’d never heard This yeer I would like: a activities to an impressive Christmas. To any die hard that happen in my four scaleecstrics set, some pant, quality (I got my rabbit). ‘Game of Thrones’ fans out years of wisdom. I anuther rabbit, and stuf For many years following I there, I promise that the therefore addressed the cant remember but you no. thus retained the belief phrase “Winter Is Coming” letter to Santa, and wrote it I wont tell mum. Best that Santa was dead. has never held so much as if only he and I knew wishes Miles Edwards.” Two years later poignancy as to one who that he was dead, and I Now, looking beyond my when my cat got hit by a lives amongst an aging would be willing to forget obviously deranged mind, car, my family were a tad population. the whole thing provided I as my mother had quickly disturbed at the I think my family received what was owing to learnt to, this was rather indifference I conducted Christmas’ have been me. Yes, I did blackmail funny for her. She believed myself with over the whole unconsciously tinged with Santa with the knowledge the best thing to do would incident. I was sad, but not this lingering morbidity. of his own death. I wasn’t be to reassure me of Santa’s distraught, and seemed When I was four, my older sure how to mail the card wellbeing. She posted a mostl y confused at brother informed me quite to the North Pole (Mumsy card for me through the everybody’s despair over calmly that there would be always did that bit) so I letter box two days later Minny’s death. My mum no presents for Little Miles threw the first letter out before she came inside, just eventually asked me if I was that year, on account of the window, scrawled on back from the shops. I’m ha ving difficulty Santa being dead. I believe, the back of one of my sure she said something like understanding what had for an age of such imbecilic Christmas cards (as you can “Oh gosh, Santa must have happened, and in front of innocence, I coped quite tell from re-gifting at the just posted this, I just my whole famil y I admirabl y with the age of four, I was not a missed him!” And my naïve explained, “Why is information. I hit him in classy child). My house is little boy’s idiocy was everybody so sad? She’s just the face with a pack of built so that my bedroom genuinely irritated that invisible, like Santa.” cards and ran outside. at the time had its window mum had been so close to Miles Edwards Beyond the initial shock I just above the roof of the being the first human being remembered pondering at dining room downstairs, so to catch Santa in the act. I 15 BROADIEREVIEWS The Broadie | Christmas 2014 | [email protected] Damien Rice obvious and single-worthy ‘I run consistently, but sadly I similarly to the closer ‘Long Don't Want To Change You’; get the feeling that Rubin Long Way’, which repeats My Favourite and the classic ‘The got in the way of Rice, or the near-meaningless two Faded Fantasy Greatest Bastard’, hopes perhaps Rice tried not to words ‘not enough’ until you were high for a varied and stick to his old style. While are losing the will to live. Damien Rice’s first album in intelligent album. Produced the three pre-released tracks Now while there is a 2002 brought emotive by Rick Rubin, who has were all wonderful, the lot of nonsense on this 52 singer-songwriting to the seemed to produce every album is lacking in the minute self-effacing forefront of popular music, recent high profile release, expected greatness. With rambling there is also a lot and brought with it a large from Kanye West to Jake only eight tracks, it often of classic Rice songs (‘It number of copycats, some Bugg, there is an astonishing feels like Rice is wasting Takes A Lot To Know A of whom have exceeded his balance to the songs heard time to make the album a Man’, ‘Colour Me In’), and success, such as Ed Sheeran early which makes it sound worthy length. The second expansive and intriguing (who shamelessly copied the almost perfect. Rice’s lyrics track ‘It Takes A Lot To soundscapes (‘My Favourite latter half of Rice’s ‘I are as beautiful as ever - Know A Man’ is a 9 minute Faded Fantasy’), as well as Remember’ in ‘Give Me ‘You could be my favourite beauty, yet by the 6 minute one of his best ever tracks in Love’). His second album taste / To touch my tongue / mark it’s entered a string ‘The Greatest Bastard’. was similar yet lacked any I know someone who could and piano waltz that is just Though it is definitely a let diversity, and was panned by ser ve me dull. This is down - no where near the critics. Now, after 8 years love / But it continued in heights of 2002’s O - it is out, he is back with an wouldn’t fill 8 minute long definitely a step up from 9. extremely intriguing album. me up’ - while sea shanty Rice has often been too self- After the release of his lo ve of ‘Trusty And indulgent and followed bad three tracks - the long and simplicity is True’, which ideas too far, so the key with expansive crescendo of My stil l at the repeats and this is to be happy that the Favourite Faded Fantasy, core. meanders (be majority of the album is, just which showcases his lyrical it in a about, enjoyable. skill and his love of We all r e a s o n a b l y climactic strings; the more hoped this Ben Johnson aura would uplifting way)

Rugby 15 difficult to of course, my between Toulon and This is a golden age of adapt to the dear reader. I Clermont Auvergne. Whilst sports games. Electronic p e r p l e x i n g would do pitying my opponent and Arts and 2K, among others, controls, yet I anything for clinging onto what little churn out iterative titles found it far you. Even desire I maintained to every summer, make a quick superior once this. survive, I crossed the try buck and can get away with you adapted. Sadly for my line and intentionally flicked it because these titles are Still far from wal let, it’s the ball wide to winger really rather good. perfect, but a t r o c i o u s . Julien Malzieu, standing off Rugby union doesn’t closer than Playing my the pitch, who then leapt tend to get the same beforehand. first game back across the line, treatment. Since 2007, many When against Chris grounding the ball at my fans have been clinging on news broke that earlier this Steinberg, my longtime command. Correctly, the to EA’s last title, Rugby 08, year that HB would be nemesis and worthy (though game awarded Toulon a 22 which was itself no more bringing a new Bigben- inferior) competitor at metre dropout, but not than a re-skinned Rugby 06. published title, Rugby 15, to rugby games old and new, we before awarding Malzieu’s It wasn’t exceptional by any market, I was tentatively both unleashed fits of Clermont the 5 most invalid means, but ‘fans’ grew to excited. Yes, it would likely laughter when the game points they’ll ever collect, love its glitches, disrespect be Rugby 06 for the fourth kicked off. virtual or not. for the r ules and time, but licensed sides and Animations are If you care for the overpowered Irish centres. blanket release on major deranged and woefully few. sport of rugby or its video HB Studios, EA’s consoles would surely make Controls are deranged, with game realisations one iota, contracted studio, brought up for it. the right trigger responsible please avoid this game when the sport to the next I became highl y for passes in all directions. it launches on these shores generation in 2011, cashing suspicious the month of Even the licenses have been in late January. Just pick up a in on the World Cup hype release came and, with nary mangled, with Irish copy of Rugby Cha"enge 2 with, you guessed it, a a gameplay video, the game lynchpin Jonny Sexton and get to grips with its shinier Rugby 08. Sidhe had a was delayed in the UK. So, carrying a lower overall quirks. For now, I’m stuck crack with a pair of Rugby like any rational person, I rating than unknown trying to figure out how to splashed out €45 to get it Harlequins benchwarmers. Cha"enge titles which proved recoup my Euros. scarce and ne w imported from France. All Rugby 15’s defining Xavier Voigt-Hill 16 players found it in the name of journalism, moment came in a clash BROADIE Cabaret REVIEWS Cabaret it was clear that every of the piece genuinely one song, focusing on the The first thing I noticed movement on stage was compelling. Meanwhile, rise of the extremist Nazi on entering the Theatre tightly choreographed James Trickey was well- party during a time of wa s how much had and managed. There isn’t utilised as Nazi Ernst great economic changed. For various space to list every great Ludwig, putting a ruthless depression. Putting aside reasons, I hadn’t made it performance, I’m afraid, spin on his usual for one moment the fact I to the last few shows, and but a few certainly stuck bumbling, likeable thought the comparison I was astonished at how in my mind. Matt Heslop characters. The knife- perfectly valid – as the different the experience wa s expectedl y edge precision with which programme says, ‘the rise was. The ‘Kit Kat Klub’ extraordinary as the he turned, on discovering of xenophobia’ is a punters infiltrated the Emcee, a delightfully Ali Wilson’s innocent common occurrence in audience, and their grandiose extrovert with a shopkeeper was a Jew, was times of such pressure – comings and goings hell of a dark side. (Oh, perhaps the highlight of surely it is better to watch throughout the show was and his character was the night. Finally, great a show with a message, d i s c o n c e r t i n g l y similar, too.) Mattie Slade credit ha s to go to with something to say, reminiscent of facing carried a great deal of the Charlotte Willcock, for whether you agree with it down the sharks at the songs, and along with an absolutely outstanding or not, than to sit through Sea Life Centre. The Matt provided a strong tur n a s Fraulein a load of dead-eyed lighting and staging was backbone for the rest of Schneider. Her teenagers going through inventive and the crew. To my mind, the performance of ‘So What’ the motions of some professional, and I was hardest role in the play – was nothing short of tame, dead story. There particularly pleased with and the best find of the incredible, and I’d put her was a reason that Cabaret the mouthpieces worn by cast – wa s Clifford down as one to watch wa s put on a s a the cast – we really do Bradshaw, as played by closely in the future. production, and it was all seem to have moved on Will Norris. He injected a Before I end, a the better for it. After f rom the a ge of the load of warmth and brief word on controversy. seven years of watching, I mumbled, near-silent charm into the part of a There ha s been must say that the CH school play. dr y Englishman, and considerable discussion drama department has The ca st were managed the rare feat of about the use of a picture never seemed stronger. uniformly excellent, and making the moral centre of Nigel Farage during Louis Hall Cabaret young American writer, Cliff and Sally are to be The Liar’s Review and Er nst Ludwig, a married. Fraulein Cliff knocks him down. Okay. This is going to be German, strike up a Schneider and her admirer, Next morning Cliff is very embarrassing and as I friendship on a train. Ernst a Jewish greengrocer alone, packing to go home. am ty ping this my gives Cliff an address in named Herr Schultz, also Sally arrives looking ill and computer keeps on Berlin where he will find a decide to become engaged without her fur coat; she switching off. On a room. Cliff takes this and a celebration party is has sold it to a doctor who Wednesday, I lied to my advice and Fraulein held in Herr Schultz’s has performed an abortion English teacher saying that Schneider gives in a room shop. In the middle of the to get rid of her baby. She I could not do my prep for for a cheap price. He goes festivities Ernst arrives tells Cliff she is not going the set day because I had to the Kit Kat Klub, meets wearing a Nazi armband. to England with him. to go to Cabaret rehearsals. an English girl, Sally Cliff realises that his Paris Leaving on the train, Cliff But I don’t take Drama for Bowles, who is working errand was on behalf of the recalls the time he spent in GCSE. So, what do you there as a singer and Nazi party and refuses Berlin. think happened next? hostess. Next day, as Cliff Ernst's payment, but Sally This play was very Later that day my is giving Ernst an English accepts it. worth the money to see, Housemaster scolded me lesson, Sally arrives with all At Cliff's flat Sally including fantastic singing for firstly playing with balls her luggage and moves in. gets ready to go back to and acting. It would be indoors and secondly for Ernst comes to ask Cliff to work at the Kit Kat Klub. worth the time to see the telling a lie. Enough of my collect something for him Cliff determines that they play somewhere else too. stories. Now I’ll get to the from Paris; he will pay well will leave for England but To everybody who, unlike main part. for the service. Cliff knows that evening he calls at the me, actually took part in The scene is a that this will involve Klub and finds Sally there. the play, well done. sleazy nightclub in Berlin smuggling currency, but He is enraged, and when Algernon as the 20s are drawing to a agrees to go. Ernst's fee Ernst approaches him to Aoki-Seymour close. Cliff Bradshaw, a will be useful now that perform another errand 17 BROADIE SPORT The Broadie | Christmas 2014 | [email protected] BROADIE sport World Rugby McCaw, Dan Carter and half Jonathan Sexton. His nothing shor t of Kieran Read. Ne w tireless work around the outstanding. Player of the Zealand also won team of pitch is a key reason why Al l players Year the year and completed New Zealand has been so nominated could have New Zealand second row the clean sweep after dominant in 2014, taken home the award, Brodie Retallick has been Steve Hansen won coach although Julian Savea was and that shows the named player of the year of the year for his role in his biggest rival for the strength in depth that by World Rugby, known the Kiwis’ stellar year. award. The powerful ha s given us some as the IRB until last Retallick beat out winger’s 30 tries in 31 fantastic matches in month. This makes him teammate Julian Savea, starts is unrivalled and his 2014, and we hope for the four th Ne w South African duo Willie recent performances, more heading into the Zealander to win this Le Roux and Duane particularly against year of the World Cup. award, with Richie Vermuelen and Irish fly - England, ha ve been Freddie Underwood

be impossible to despise, make it the wicketkeeper's of the 40th over. Then, Phil Phillip with his cheeky grin and problem. The cluelessly changed gears, ruthlessly Hughes majestic driving just too inept - the author included - plundering another 92 off spiffy to object to. will try and take it on, clip the final 10, making him the 1988-2014 Phillip Hughes was the ball with a pathetic first Australian double I fell in love with cricket just who everyone thought cross-bat waft and receive a centurion in limited overs during the 2006-07 Ashes Australia needed. bump on the helmet as a cricket. Playing strokes series. Remembered for Just a matter of days reward. The most skilful unimaginable for any England’s drubbing at the short of his 26th birthday, strokemakers will elegantly moderately sane coach, he hands of vengeful Hughes is no longer with us. club it round square to the dismantled the bowling Australians, it had a bizarre In the frame for a test recall boundary and chuckle. attack with gorgeous ease. effect on an 11 year old who whilst playing for South Watching any video I was lucky enough should have known wiser. Australia, he was doing what of Hughes at the crease will to meet and watch him in Infatuated with the fiery he did best - plundering tell you that he was firmly in his Baggy Green, playing for Aussie performances, I runs by the bucketload. the latter camp. Yes, his play Australia in a tour game convinced myself that I Then, nicely poised on 63, of the short ball has been against Sussex at Hove last would grow up to play Sean Abbott bowled a iffy at times but, on his year. Hughes avoided the cricket for Australia. Soon, regulation bouncer - a short- form, any flail of the bat was Agar frenzy, making a inevitable passport issues pitched ball that bounces up likely beautiful. This time, majestic 84 whilst pushing notwithstanding, I realised high towards the batsman - though, he misjudged the his case for a test place. At that a far more realistic and Hughes went for the shot. The ball struck him on stumps and brandishing a dream would be to play for hook, but failed to connect. the side of the neck. 63* smile, he signed autographs Sussex as the remnants of Every batsman has forever. and chatted to anyone that great side from down been in that situation, M y interested until his under threw in their towels. where a fearsome bowler f a v o u r i t e teammates had to drag him Soon after, my trying to get your wicket H u g h e s off to the pub before interest was again piqued. A fires one in short to throw moment came another load of runs the 20 year old batsman, Phillip you off course. just this next day.. Hughes from New South The rational summer, when That’s the thing Wales, had just become the will duck he appeared for with Phil. He was always youngest person to score down and Australia A, the knocking on the doors, centuries in both innings of second string elegantly delivering big a test match. I no longer side, a gainst scores to show the selectors questioned my national South Af rican what he could do. Without allegiances, but Hughes counterparts in a a doubt, he would have was destined to be the One Day match in been doing that this great Ashes nemesis that Darwin. He began week in the first test I’d grow up watching - a calmly, reaching 110 against India. Instead, stylish batsman, brimming by the end he lingers. 63 not out. A with potential, who would start with no finish. inevitably irritate with Vale, Phil. You're 63 centuries by the not out forever. 18 bucketload but would Xavier Voigt-Hill BROADIE SPORT England’s Autumn issues persisted, but there kicking problems that dilemma when Joe is hope going forward for hampered him in the past Launchbury returns from Internationals the Gloucester man. improved, and his handling IN REVIEW injury, as his replacement The Samoa-born was very good indeed. Dave Attwood performed This autumn, England Bath winger Semesa Although Farrell is hard to took to the field to face extremely well next to lock Rokuduguni received his omit completely, I believe Courtney Lawes. It will be the ‘Big Three’ and Samoa. first start against New Ford is likely the better 10 Many young players interesting to see who is Zealand, and with his first option going forward. chosen for the Six Nations. received their first cap, and touch of the ball was Among the more there were moments of Overall, it was an dumped by Julian Savea. experienced players to play, up and down mix, as apart both joy and despair. To Rokuduguni failed to make Ben Morgan cemented his review this year’s autumn from the first ten minutes and impact attacking, but role as number 8 after against New Zealand, internationals, let’s start did well defending deep replacing Billy Vunipola at with some of the England never realistically kicks by the Ne w the back of the scrum. looked like beating either debutants. Zealanders. He was then Vunipola’s cardioness was Although he is not New Zealand or South ruled out for the remaining again a problem, and Africa, and the scores technically a debutant, three games. I believe that Morgan both got to and Jonny May, with that flatter our performances in he should still be given a performed at the those two games. However, glorious try against New chance for England, having breakdowns better. Zealand, discovered how to wins in the final two not real l y had the Vunipola, as always, was matches, particularly run straight and therefore opportunity to make an hard to bring down with should be treated as a against Wales, who share impression yet. the ball in hand, but our pool of death with genuine player now. He was Another Bath man, Morgan too is impressive always a threat going Wales and others, gave us George Ford, came in for running and scored a something to build on forward, and scored three Owen Farrell at fly half for double a gainst the tries over the four games, heading into a vital World the final two games of the Wallabies. Cup year. including a double over autumn, and impressed at At the second row, Freddie Underwood Samoa. His defensive the standoff position. The England now face a happy Ice Hockey For Doughnuts sports NEWS IN BRIEF Jason Collins, the first What is it? openly gay player in the A l a s t a i r C o o k , t h e Isn’t ice hockey the one that’s just hockey on ice with lots NBA, has retired after a England captain, served of fighting? Well, yes. But, there is a lot more to it than 13 year career. a one match ban for slow that. Ice hockey is the only full contact sport on the winter ——————————————— o v e r r a t e s . J a m e s Olympics. It is popular in Canada, the USA, Eastern won Taylor, who took his Europe, Scandinavian and Russia. However, it is played all Brodie Retallick place, scored 90 in a over the world and Britain’s league, the Elite League, is the World Rugby player victory over Sri Lanka. gaining increasing popularity. Stick and ball games on ice of the year award. More ——————————————— date back to the late 1700’s, and due to immigrants and opposite. The Russian Olympic British soldiers, it rose in popularity in 19th century ——————————————— Committee has been Canada. Wayne Rooney scored accused of systematic What are the (basic) rules twice as England beat doping in allegations Teams consist of 6 player, with 3 forwards, 2 defenders and S c o t l a n d 3 - 1 i n a rocking athletics. a goaltender. The aim is score as many goals as possible by friendly at Celtic Park. ——————————————— getting the rubber puck into the goal in any way possible ——————————————— Sam Burgess, the highly other than using the stick from above the goalie and using Super Rugby, the elite rated rugby league star, the feet. The goals are nearly the size of the goalie itself, southern hemisphere has made his debut for but the speed and size of the puck make saving shots hard competition, is set to Bath in rugby union. extremely hard, so a smaller goal is needed. expand from 15 to 18 C o a ch e s a r e u n s u r e Why should I watch it? teams, including sides whether to play him as a Ice hockey is fast, exciting and great to watch. For those of from Argentina and centre or flanker. you who are rugby or NFL fans, the big hits and body Japan for the first time. ——————————————— checks should be to your liking. The NHL is the biggest ——————————————— Ronnie O’Sullivan has league in the world, consisting of teams from Canada and S e a n A b b o t t , t h e won the UK Snooker America. This will probably be the one to watch, and bowler involved in the Championship af ter highlights are readily available from the NHL’s website. tragic Phillip Hughes accident, has returned edging Judd Trump in Freddie Underwood to his state side New the final. South Wales. 19 BROADIE AWARDS The Broadie | Christmas 2014 | [email protected] THE BROADIE AWARDS 2014 As selected by the Broadie team Best Song Best Movie Best Game • Taylor Swift - Bad Blood • Boyhood • Far Cry 4 • Taylor Swift - Blank Space • Guardians of the Galaxy • Monument Valley • Taylor Swift - I Know Places • The Grand Budapest Hotel • Octodad: Dadliest Catch • Taylor Swift - Shake It Of • The Imitation Game • Super Smash Bros. • Taylor Swift - Style • The Lego Movie • Threes! Yes, 2014 has been a good year Alan Turing is the ultimate Though perhaps not as well for Taylor Swift. Showing that unsung national hero. The known as its imitators, namely country needs her more than father of Computer Science, 2048, the original number- she needs country, ‘Shake It Off’ mathematician and wartime squashing mobile game remains triumphs over 1989’s other cuts codebreaker extraordinaire is the superior version due to its thanks to its adorable pop portrayed tremendously by the delightful characters (yes, nature and devil-may-care ever-magnificent Benedict seriously), outstanding attention attitude. Cumberbatch in this stunning to detail and incredible time- Best Song That Wasn’t biopic. wasting capabilities. Recorded By Taylor Swift Best Toast Spread As Far As We Are Aware • BAM! Butter & Jam • Alt-J (∆) - Every Other Freckle • Caramelised Biscuit Spread • Eric Prydz - Liberate • Custard Cream Spread • Kiesza - Hideaway • Nutella • The Magician - Sunlight • Tomato Ketchup • Sohn - The Wheel 2014 will forever be The debut album from remembered as the year of Christopher Taylor finally biscuit spreads demolishing our brought ‘The Wheel’ an official teeth as they violently entered release, and his silky voice and our hearts. Tesco’s dreamy slick electronic backing - which creation, which is alarmingly Wikipedia labels a blend of edible straight from the jar, electronic, ambient and Best TV Show PBR&B, whatever that it - earns • The Apprentice him this gong. • BoJack Horseman Best Album Best School Publication • Detectorists • Alt-J (∆) - This Is All Yours • The Blue • House of Cards • Caribou - Our Love • The Broadie • Siblings • Flying Lotus - You’re Dead! • The Girdle Will Arnett stars as the washed- • Royal Blood - Royal Blood • Histopia up horse/star of an 80s sitcom • St. Vincent - St. Vincent • The Old Blue struggling to write his The fourth album from the By pupils and for pupils, The autobiography, despite the best Canadian electronic artist is his Broadie continues to grow from efforts of his ghostwriter in this finest, with mesmerising strength to strength and wonderful Netflix animation. soundscapes layered under his defends its title in style. No, And yes, Jesse from Breaking haunting vocal delivery. we’re not biased at all… Bad is squatting on his sofa. BROADIE PUZZLES BROADIEPUZZLES WITH THE MAGICAL PUZZLE WITCH OF THE EAST

More Staff Anagrams Some Christmassy, some funny, all real staff members.

Jaded Elf If Sum Pledges Nothing Wot Salmon ______Larch Garden Ham Bran Hut Grid Bad Anagrams ______

Wordsearch We’ve put one word in this grid, but how many others can you find? Let us know! BROADIE PUZZLES The Broadie | Christmas 2014 | [email protected] Crossword If you can beat our devious new crossword, email a picture to [email protected]…

Across Down 1. Concert venue that's not actually a legal building. [5,4] 1. The caterers. [10] 3. The 17th century thing at the back of Big School. [4,7] 2. The chamber choir. [6] 6. The world's greatest newspaper/magazine. [3,7] 4. The newest full A Level subject to CH. [9] 10. Double-reeded instrument. [4] 5. The department on the top floor of South Block. [9] 11. Period 2 every Tuesday. [8] 7. One of the school's architects. [4] 15. The saint who gives us an excuse to toddle up to London 8. The Broadie offices. [9,7] every September. [7] 9. Alternative to A Level. [2] 17. The best shape for rehearsals. [7] 12. The best surface for football and tennis. [5] 19. Controversial Christmas dinner companions. [7] 13. The peak of New Science School. [4,4] 21. Everyone's favourite marketing tagline. [4,2,5] 14. Better than chocolate spread. [7] 22. The one true colour of socks. [6] 16. The coat. [6] 24. Some guy who plays rugby or something. [9] 18. Another of the school's architects. [4] 25. This year's senior production. [7] 20. Home of Wardrobe. [4,5] 27. The best meal of the week. [6] 23. That new thing. [4] 28. Boarding house and Lamb A’s resident trophy. [9] 26. The colour of our elusive agony aunt. [4] Miscellaneous Overheard at HOUSEY Pet Peeves “If you ca"ed your chihuahua “I’" ferment you in custard.” “Odette getting the standard.” Huahua, you’d be introducing -Grecians East your Chihuahuahuahua.” “Dara loves the D(T).” “When you realise the answer “Can you help me “What is Christmas going to to a test as soon as you leave.” with Economics?” be like in Syria? Be Syrious.” “People ca"ing me Louise when my “Just wait for the bass to name isn’t actua"y Louise.” drop and then I’" come.” “Facebook’s terrifying.” -Louise Ha" “Your face looks terrifying.” “We hate Xavier and think “When people attack my he’s such a unit we’re ca"ing “Do "amas do anything? mirror with deodorant.” him The Unit Xavier.” Llama milk? Llama e$s?” -Mr Wearden “When people complain “What was it I said the other about my napkins.” “For years I thought day? Something about -James Winsbury mechanical pencils were you being honeyed?” just normal pencils “When school WiFi cuts out with red and green hats.” “Bra$ing about my trophy half way through a great song.” isn’t safe for the juniors.” “I have one regret about “When people move Pope Francis.” being old. I wish I’d “Hey, I like your have %olicked more.” hydraulic dri"!” “Quadruple Spanish.” -Second Former “Frack you very much.” Confessions Horoscopes “When I was playing Mr Duffield at With Your Acquaintance to the Stars Kieran Mainstone pool I potted the black and put it back Sagittarius: Before you buy those presents, on the table when he wasn’t looking. check your bank account. Then I won the game.” Capricorn: Oh my, it is cold. Wrap up warm. Aquarius: Only the strongest will survive this winter. “I found somebody else’s false eyelash in my tights.” Pisces: You only have one day. Make this Christmas count. “This is not the end of Felipe.” Aries: Open your eyes. That might be a good book. Taurus: Use your imagination when present-shopping. “I had an Advent calendar for Gemini: With Christmas approaching, don’t counting down to Advent.” forget about your January assessments. Cancer: How often do you need to be reminded “Zere az been…a murderrrrrrr.” about the weather? Wear a scarf, dude. “There’s a hole in the wa" that Leo: Once you’ve done coursework, then you may relax. I’ve been di$ing at a" term and Virgo: Respect the horoscopes. They are your friend. now it looks like a huge crater.” Libra: Expect the sun. Prepare for the snow. Scorpio: So much importance is placed on the New “I have just eaten Year, but it’ll be just as miserable as this was. Yay. several %ozen prawns.” 23 Matron Blue The Broadie | Christmas 2014 | [email protected] Dear Maton Blue… don’t then I’m scared Dear Maton Blue, Even if he never before we break up for truly liked her, she still the holidays, and I have that all of the chemistry I got with one of (I assume) liked him no idea what to do! wil l go o ver the my closest f riends and you were supposed holidays. I’m pretty boyfriend behind her to be her friend. And Love, sure we both like each back. I feel so bad but I then hopefully she’ll Worried Senior other a lot, and a lot of really feel a connection find a place in her heart chemistry has built up with him and although to forgive you for what Dear Worried Senior, over the term but I’m they have broken up you did wrong (but I If you’re going to not sure what to do, now I still feel guilty as wouldn’t hold out much break up with her, then please help me. it went on throughout hope…because you did do it gently otherwise their whole break her trust in the she’ll be absolutely Love, relationship. He never worst way). distraught and all her Indecisive Dep really truly liked her friends will start hating and only got with her Lots of love, on you. You need to Dear Indecisive Dep, because he could. Do Matron Blue speak to her before its If you really like you think I should tell too late, because the this person then you her or just keep it longer you leave it, the should just make a secret? Dear Maton Blue, longer she is going to move before it’s too I’ve been going think that she’s in a late. People your age Love, out with my girlfriend happy relationship. aren’t exactly subtle so Guilt-ridden LE for a while now, and I It’s going to if you think they like think we are coming to come to her a s a you back then they Dear Guilt-ridden LE, the end of the line. ma ssive shock, probably do. If you’re Firstly, you are However, she keeps especially as she does worried that it’ll be way too young to be suggesting ideas for seem to think that awkward, then just ask getting with people. Christmas present for you’re very serious, so for their number and Stop that. And secondly, her (from me) and for her benefit, do it text them o ver OF COURSE YOU yesterday she gentl y and tr y and Christmas. That way, SHOULD TELL HER. mentioned something minimise as much of when we all come back Sweet Maria, do you about an eternity ring. the hear tbreak a s in January, you’ll already really need to be asking She keeps sending me possible. know each other and me this?! Is it not links to Etsy websites you can properly start a obvious? And I hate to that sell them, and they Lots of love, r e l a t i o n s h i p . make you feel worse are getting more and Matron Blue Alternatively, you could than you already do more expensive as the fully attempt to get to (lies), but you days drag on. I haven’t know them before term SHOULD be feeling yet found a time to tell Dear Maton Blue, ends and ask to meet guilty. And you literally her that we should go I really like this them in the holidays need to get on your our separate ways, and person, and I sort of away from the prying hands and knees and it feels like she senses want to make a move and judgmental eyes of beg for every last inch this and wants me to but it’s almost the CH community. of forgiveness your buy this ring as some Christmas and end of Good luck! f riend ha s to offer kind of insurance, or term. I’m not sure if it’s because what you did something! Now she a good idea to start Lots of love, was wrong. So wrong. wants to exchange gifts something now, but if I Matron Blue Got a problem for Matron Blue to answer next issue? Email it to [email protected]!