112 THEN WE’LL BEGIN WE’LL THEN UNCOMFORTABLY? SITTING YOU ARE MEN’SHEALTH

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Rough Rough This is howThis good men go (not too) bad etiquette aminefield be can . of fantasise about , bedroom When half of all women ofWhen all half allegedly WORDS: NICHI HODGSON PHOTOGRAPHY: DIMITRISTHEOCHARIS NICHIHODGSON WORDS: The Gentleman’s Guide to Sex ILLUSTRATIONS: NICKHARDCASTLE Rule no. Rule to end . end to right the retains and boundaries the sets one the who is bottom the on handprint a oneThe with is ‘ The always submissive i in control. control. in ’

MEN’S HEALTH 113 > The Gentleman’s Guide to Rough Sex

Hit the right notes

Follow Mistress Beatrice’s blow-by-blow account to delivering a fi rm hand You have Nichi Hodgson her – You’re in the safe Rule no. hands of MH’s sex ii columnist. A former now become dominant, she is Always play sober. director of The Ethical Having a drunken her fantasy A) Assume the position C) Get into a rhythm Porn Partnership. miscommunication Place your partner over your Spanking is like penetrative or clumsy hands are Before you can wield a paddle, knee or ask her to rest her sex – vary the intensity and forearms on a chair or bed. tempo of the strokes to keep unwanted when you must acquire a dominant’s She should be comfortable at it interesting. Every 20 or so you’re brandishing mindset. Allow the start. Playful punishment spanks, take a break. This an implement. works on momentum, so begin gives your spankee a breather Mistress Beatrice Winberg to with a few test strokes and ask and heightens the anticipation guide you with a gloved hand what she’s comfortable with. of being struck again.

omen understand that My partner wants me to ‘dominate’ it’s pretty diffi cult to feel gentlemanly her. Sorry, but what the hell does Wwhen you’re grabbing us by the wrist that actually involve? and throwing us onto the bed; when you Not saying sorry, for one thing. hold us down, tie us up, tease, bite and Fine, but I’m uncomfortable – not spank us. But here’s the thing: women least because the thought of telling don’t always want gentlemen. Being her what to do does turn me on. B) Thrills on tap D) Dig in loving is great – really great – but being are part of Deliver firm, authoritative Lightly digging your nails into strokes rather than painful reddened skin, or licking it taken… that can be wonderful. Performed human nature – power is an aphrodisiac. ones. Never strike cold flesh before a final round, can feel with the appropriate poise, discretion and And rough sex allows you to explore the with anything but your hand electric, depending on the sensitivity, rough sex done right will take How kinky darker facets of desire in a controlled (it’ll hurt) and cup it slightly to spankee’s stamina. It also you to a new level of trust and intimacy way. It isn’t about harm, but aff ection cushion the blow. This also causes blood to rush to the with your partner. It’s playful, thrilling and attention. Chivalry – with studs. creates great acoustics, which entire genital region and is she? many people find erotic. creates lasting arousal. and very, very erotic. But how do we start? If Fifty Shades taught us anything at We asked 2,601 women Begin by sending her a stern, sexy email all, it’s that we women love the idea of ‘summoning’ her to your quarters. to tell us which bedroom rough sex. I say the idea, because what Should she call me Master? 01 the titular character, Christian Grey, experiments they’d be It’s not compulsory, but you should sign Toy Box enacts on his submissive partner is not most willing to try off in character to help set the dynamic. necessarily to be copied at home. But that This might all sound a bit 19th century, The blindfold fantasy – of being taken – is a common Do it = 10 but there’s a reason why women love one and even more thrilling at a time Certainly not = 1 those costume dramas, you know. Donning this patent-leather blindfold heightens anticipation when female equality and political Handcuff s 7.5 Christ, I need to dress up? correctness means that ‘submitting’ Not necessarily. But crops are easy to and puts her in performance mode Role play 7 to a man has itself become taboo. come by. There’s something thrilling (plus, she won’t see any trace of What the gentleman understands, Spanking 6.5 about someone coming to ravish you, uncertainty fl ash across your face). however, is that it’s not about having Biting 6.5 clutching an implement. Blindfold £130 babylikestopony.com your macho way with a woman. It’s Leather restraints 5.5 Implements? Ravishing? theatre. The act of submission occurs on OK, forget the jargon. Rough sex should Whipping 3.5 the understanding (preferably spoken) evoke a sense of threat while never that the person you’re submitting to Gags/strangulation 2.5 actually being dangerous. It is a hand will behave within pre-set rules and Clamps 2 gripping her wrist. Or doggy style with boundaries. That’s what this guide is you lightly pulling her hair. You want Humiliation 1 here to help you with. Trying to establish the fi ght-or-fl ight adrenaline to kick in. CLOTHING (OPENER): LINGERIE, DAMARIS.CO.UK; HARNESS, THIGH STRAP AND GLOVES, LADYLUCIE.COM; SHOES, KURTGEIGER.COM; FLOGGER, FLOGGER, SHOES, KURTGEIGER.COM; LADYLUCIE.COM; AND GLOVES, HARNESS, THIGH STRAP (OPENER): LINGERIE, DAMARIS.CO.UK; CLOTHING LADYLUCIE.COM; LATEX LUCY AND BUNNY EARS, LADY NIPPLE STARS STOCKINGS, (2ND SPREAD): BRIEFS, DAMARIS.CO.UK; COCO DE MER | CLOTHING NICK HARDCASTLE | ILLUSTRATIONS: OWN MODEL’S TIE, SHOES AND GLOVES, BILLIONAIRECOUTURE.COM; BOW SUIT AND SHIRT, SHOES, KURTGEIGER.COM; those boundaries can be a recipe for LHA GINA ANDERSON AT LHA REPRESENTS | GROOMING: AT FRANCIS MARTIN STYLIST: MODELS | NEVS IMM MODELS AND MIKE MORRELL AT AT REPRESENTS | MODELS: ANA TANAKA WEARESTUDIO33.COM AT PAVLIDOU MARTHA ANTHONY SERGIEW, LIFE PHOTOGRAPHY: STILL How will I know if I’ve gone too far? embarrassment and general calamity, but Set a ‘safe word’ before your start – the MH kink academy will instruct you something either of you can call out to in the art and etiquette of the rough stuff . DRAW BORING end the ‘scene’. Don’t choose anything Pay attention, and you’ll never submit to a SEX TO A CLOSE that can be misconstrued as sexual. mundane bedtime routine again. CREDIT GUTTER CREDIT GUTTER If she uses it, stop immediately. > 114 MEN’S HEALTH MENSHEALTH.CO.UK MENSHEALTH.CO.UK MEN’S HEALTH 115 The Gentleman’s Guide to Rough Sex

Toy 02 Box The whip

This fl ogger’s leather thongs will fall blissfully onto your partner’s bottom and the handle Rule no. doubles as a dildo for teasing iv between fl oggings. Conservative True bondage knots wrist action advised. are not tied rope on Incite fl ogger with wooden handle skin, but rope on Play rough, £210 coco-de-mer.com rope. Create a comfortable loop but talk smooth around a wrist or Rough sex is a delicate topic of ankle, then tie another knot on top of that. conversation, says Hodgson. Be polite and never assume “I’m up for most things” is a green light

Do Don’t say… say…

“You drive me “I want to wild. And I have dominate you. an idea that Do you mind if will thrill you” we give it a go?”

“I’d like to tease “I want to tie you, undress you, you up, bend you Rule no. iii restrain you, over, and take a then ravish you” paddle to you” In a sex club, the same rules of etiquette apply as in the gym. “I promise to “What’s there Don’t touch or play start gently. We to be nervous with anyone’s toys can stop when about? Don’t unless you ask and you want to” you trust me? get a clear ‘yes’.

“It turns me on “Just do when I see you whatever I tell bend to my will” you to, OK?”

Rule no.v Be scrupulously, physically clean before getting dirty. A Tic-Tac is just as Toy 03 Box essential as your handcuff s. The spreader

A spreader bar gently parts her legs. It’s easy to use and pain free. Perfect for your dominant role play. CLOTHING (3RD SPREAD): BRA, DAMARIS.CO.UK; SKIRT, LADYLUCIE.COM; SHOES, CARVELA; SHOES, CARVELA; LADYLUCIE.COM; SKIRT, (3RD SPREAD): BRA, DAMARIS.CO.UK; CLOTHING BRIEFS, LADYLUCIE.COM; (4TH SPREAD): CORSET, | CLOTHING CORLETTE.CO.UK GLOVES, SEVILLE PAUL CRYSTALS, BLINDFOLD WITH SWAROVSKI SHOES, CARVELA; DAMARIS.CO.UK; A GENTLEMAN Buckle spreader bar £279 KNOWS WHEN TO fl eetilya.com SHOW RESTRAINT CREDIT GUTTER CREDIT GUTTER > 116 MEN’S HEALTH MENSHEALTH.CO.UK MENSHEALTH.CO.UK MEN’S HEALTH 117 The Gentleman’s Guide to Toy 04 Box Rough Sex The handcuff s

Metal handcuff s are for criminals. The fi ne leather in these restraints is sturdy yet elegant. Not to be hung from your belt with a toothpick at your lips. Lizardskin-print leather wrist cuff s £88 coco-de-mer.com Pain and gain

Use this sliding scale to judge how far you’re willing to push it

Pinned wrists: 1 An eff ective, painless way of Master the art of restraint establishing the power dynamic – but don’t put your whole weight Rule no. Mistress Beatrice explains how to tie her up and tease her vi on her (and pop a mint fi rst). Use a safe word Ice-cubing: 2 that can’t be Teasing with ice is a simple way

misinterpreted: In with a whimper to cause headspinning discomfort ‘penguin’, ‘apple’ or rather than outright pain. Set the ‘computer’ are all room temperature to toasty. neutral examples. Hair-pulling: 3 A) Exercise B) Lower lights, C) Now deploy D) Release her Particularly chastising during restraint heighten arousal the tease wild side oral sex. The aim here is control, Tie and tease is the Next, blindfold her Warn your submissive Only leave the most not pain, so be gentle. Follicles art of restraint and with either a silk scarf of the things you may hardened masochists should remain unharmed. sexual denial, and (believe me, there is do if she doesn’t tied up. Walk o and you don’t need a nothing sensual about please you, or suggest she’ll get bored or four-poster bed to wool) or a mask. This reward is imminent if refuse to play. After : 4-5 pull it o . Place is about sensory she performs well. For a few tease-and- The slight burn and power your submissive in deprivation. Relying example, command reward games, she dynamic make this extremely handcu s, clip them on her other senses to your lady to fellate will be hyper aroused. erotic. If wax on skin is too intense, together above her gauge what you’re you, then ‘reward’ her Now remove the Rule no. head and lie her back about to do will not with oral sex in return. blindfold. For many, vii wrap the area in cling fi lm fi rst. on a bed. Be firm, only heighten her Or tease her to the seeing one’s ‘torturer’ don’t smile and sense of anticipation, brink of orgasm with is a huge aphrodisiac, Play rough, part Over-the-knee spanking: 6 straddle her to it will also take the her favourite vibrator so prepare to be gently. Afterwards, Spanking builds up blood fl ow heighten the sense of spotlight o you if you decide she lunged at – handcu s a gentleman you being in charge. while you plan what hasn’t performed well or otherwise – by the to the genitals, which increases Draw the line at calling your next move is enough to earn a whole most willing partner expresses gratitude, arousal. At no point should you yourself ‘the bawse’. going to be. one. Rules are rules. you’ve ever had. holds her tight and use the word ‘Daddy’. calls the next day to

tell her how much THRESHOLD THE PAIN Ball-tying: 7 he enjoyed it. This one’s for you; be warned. Known as ‘cock-and-ball torture’, a leather tie or hairband is Toy 05 Box tightened around the testicles. The paddle Wince at will. Paddling: 8 This paddle makes an amazing Warm up your spankee with a sound on contact and stings hand fi rst. Use a wooden object just enough for a new spankee. too soon and we can’t be held Always strike with a fl at responsible for what happens face – you’re not aiming when it’s your turn in the cuff s. for topspin. Paddle strap £180 fl eetilya.com Nipple torture: 9-10 Eyewatering agony for men and women. You don’t need expensive nipple clamps – clothes pegs will LIE BACK AND THINK… do. Slowly twist the clamps, then whip them off . We wouldn’t do it, “ANYTHING GOES” Out with a bang

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