Kink Negotiation & Scene Planning Tools

ROUGH BS Pre-Scene Planning Tool

ROUGH BS is a proprietary preliminary BDSM negotiation tool. The acronym stands for Restrained, Owned, Used, Given Away, Humiliated, Beaten, Serve. Its purpose is to outline the general categories of play you and your scene partners most enjoy. This can help determine overall compatibility with prospective play partners. It can also help you pinpoint which foundational elements to build your scene around.

This tool is a conversation prompt. To use it, determine how much you enjoy engaging in each category of activities as either a bottom or top (the bottom would be the subject of these actions and the top would be executing them). Use a 1-10 scale with 1 being “not interested” and 10 being “YES!”

Let’s say two partners score high on “Given Away.” Go further to ask clarifying questions like “what does that mean to you?” In this example, being given away could mean to another dominant you both know well for an hour of domestic service. Or it could mean to a group of five people for sexual pleasure every Tuesday. Because these categories are broad, ambiguous, and subjective, further negotiation under each is mandatory.

The Yes/No/Maybe list below can help you drill down to specific activities that fall under each category for more nuanced negotiation.

Kink Yes/No/Maybe List

A Yes/No/Maybe list is a kink/sexual inventory checklist designed to aid in self-analysis and/or partner negotiations. You can use it several ways: ● Mark beside each YES (what you want to do), MAYBE (soft limit), or NO (hard limit) and talk through each with your partner. You can opt to include more detail too. For instance, you can devise your own system where you indicate which are favorite activities, what you’re inexperienced with, an expert in, etc. ● As a pre-scene prompt. For example, all parties can agree on 3 activities they mutually want to engage in and build a scene around one or more of them ● As inspiration to come up with your own personalized activities (this not an exhaustive list) ● Y/N/M lists are intended to be conversation/thought starters. If you’re using it for self-discovery you can go on to ask yourself why you like what you do, in what context, with whom, etc. With a partner use this checklist to spark deeper conversations about your desires, needs, and limits.

1950’s housewife Crushing Humiliation: physical Saline injection 24/7 TPE Cuckold/Cuckquean Humiliation: public Scat ABDL Cum Eating Humiliation: verbal Shaving Abduction play Cupping Ice cubes Shoe/boot worship Accountability Dacryphilia (crying fetish) Impact play Sissification Age play Daily task control Intercourse Slave positions Anal hooks DDLG (caregiver/little) Intimidation (physical/emotional) Slutty clothing

Anal plugs Diapers Intoxication play Spanking Anal rimming Dirty talk JOI/Jerk off instruction Speculums Anal sex Dollification Journaling Speech restriction Anonymous sex Domestic service Kissing Spitting/saliva Ball Busting/Cunt Punting Double penetration Kneeling Sploshing/WAM Balloons Electric Play: TENS Unit Lactation Spreader bars Bastinado Electric Play: Violet Wand Licking Standing in corner Begging Enema play Maid/Butler service Stocks Bimboification Erotic Dancing Mani/Pedi Strap-on play Biting Erotic photos/video Marks Schoolyard style bullying Blackmail Eye contact restrictions Massage Scratching Blindfolds Facesitting Master/slave Sensation play Blood play Face slapping Masturbation (forced/watched) Sensory deprivation Body/cavity inspection Feeding Material/fabric (latex, rubber, Sexual service Body modification Female supremacy leather, etc.) Swapping/swinging Body worship Feminization Medical play Taboo play (race/religion/etc) Bondage: Cuffs/restraints Financial domination Menstruation play Tattooing Bondage: Rope/decorative Fingering Military-style interrogation Teasing Bondage: Suspension/heavy Fire Play Mindfucks Temperature play bondage Exhibitionism Mummification Threesome Boot Blacking Fisting (anal/vaginal) Nipple play/torture Tickling Branding Flogging Nudity/exposure Triple Penetration Brat play Following orders Objectification Urine drinking Breast/nipple torture Foot worship Omorashi/Piss desperation Vac Bed/Cube Breath restriction Forced bi Oral sex Vampire play Breeding Forced orgasm Orgasm denial Vomit/rainbow play Bruises Furry fetish Outdoor sex Voyeurism Bukkake Gagging (fingers, etc) Over-the-knee spanking Water Caning Gags Paddles Wax play Casting Gangbang Pain (mild to severe) Whips CBT (cock & ball torture) Gaslighting Panty Wearing Wrestling CFNM Gas masks Pegging Yelling Chains Gender-bending Penetration Chastity Genital/nipple pumping Pet ______Chemical play (Icy Hot, etc) Genital clamps/weights Pet play Choking (air restriction) Genital whipping/spanking Phone sex ______Choking (blood/arterial) Given away for sex Piercing Clothespins Glory hole Pinching ______Clown play Golden Showers Plastic wrap Cock rings/straps Group sex/gangbang Play ______Cock worship Hair pulling Pornography (watching/making) Collar & leash Handcuffs Predicament/escape/struggle ______Collaring Hand jobs Pregnancy Confinement/cages High heels Primal play ______Consensual Non-Consent/CNC Homewrecking Prolapse/rosebuds Dildos/vibrators Hoods Public play ______Corporal punishment Hook suspension Punishment Corsets Hucow Riding crops ______Costumes/lingerie/fetish wear Human furniture Roleplay Cross-dressing Human toilet Somnophilia (sleep sex)

Goal Emotions/Emotional Lowest Common Denominator

Starting with the emotion you’d like to feel during a scene and working backward to figure out which kinks will get you there is a wonderful alternate negotiation technique. Tops & bottoms select 3-5 emotional states you want to experience during your scene. Use what you select as negotiation prompts & scene planning information. Expand on each delving into why you want to feel this way and discuss what types of actions, tools, kinks, and/or behaviors from the Y/N/M list can help elicit these emotions. Even if you don’t use this list as a scene starter, you should still incorporate goal emotions in your negotiations.

Abandoned Dehumanized Hopeful Optimistic Sinister Absurd Desired Horrified Orgasmic Slutty Abused Despair Hostile Out of Control Small Accepted Desperate Humiliated Overwhelmed Special Adored Dirty Humorous Owned Stresses Aggressive Disgusted Hurt Passionate Submissive Animalistic Disgusting Hypnotic Peaceful Subservient Anxious Despair Inadequate Perplexed Supernatural Apathetic Disrespected Inferior Playful Surprised Appreciated Dominant In Flow Pleased Teased Apprehensive Embarrassed Insignificant Powerful Thankful Aroused Emotionally Intimidated Powerless Trusting Ashamed connected Intimidating Primal Understood Betrayed Empowered Irresistible Proud Valued Blissed out Empty Isolated Provocative Victimized Bratty Excited Jealous Rejected Villainous Brave Exposed Joyful Rejuvenated Vulnerable Broken Fearful Judged Relaxed Weak Cared for Feminine Larger than Life Respected Whimsical Cathartic Filthy Laughing Revengeful Withdrawn Cheerful Flirty Light-hearted Ridiculed Worried Cherished Forced Loving Ridiculous Worshiped Coerced Free Masculine Romantic Worthless Comforted Frightened Masochistic Ruined ______Comical Frustrated Minimized Sadistic Competitive Fulfilled Mysterious Safe ______Confident Furious Naughty Sarcastic Confused Giddy Needed Satisfied ______Content Godlike Nerdy Scared Controlling Grief Nervous Seduced ______Courageous Guilty Nostalgic Sexy Critical Happy Numb Cruel Helpless Objectified Crying Hesitant *Plutchik's Wheel of Emotions may also give you additional language/insight to use in negotiations & scene debriefs.

General Negotiation Questions & Discussion Points

These are additional things you should discuss when negotiating either a scene or longer-term dynamic. While some questions are geared toward new play partners, long-term partners should periodically review these points too. We’re all constantly learning new things about ourselves and these changes may affect our responses to these prompts.

● My pronouns are: ● The consent model I prefer is: ⬜ ACTIVE (no until yes) ⬜ PASSIVE (yes until no) ● How I feel about sobriety/intoxication during play is: ● I like being called: ● Never call me: ● These parts of my body are off limits: ● I am uncomfortable touching these parts of someone else’s body: ● I prefer play that is: ⬜ SEXUAL ⬜ NON-SEXUAL ● Achieving orgasm during scenes is important to me ⬜ YES ⬜ NO ● These safer sex/kink practices are non-negotiable: ● My last STI test was: ● I prefer these words for genitals/sex: ● These genital/sexual words make me uncomfortable: ● I have these allergies: ● I have these medical conditions/take these medications: ● I have these mental health conditions: ● I need accommodation for these conditions during play: ● I have these learning disabilities/neurodivergent conditions & this is how they affect things like how I interpret non-verbal cues, process emotions, follow directions, or experience sensory input: ● These things trigger my trauma response: ● When I am triggered I look/sound/act like: ● My safe word is: ● When I use my safe word I feel: ● I sometimes have difficulty communicating about/when: ● When I am in subspace/domspace I look/sound/act like: ● I sometimes go non-verbal during a scene ⬜ YES ⬜ NO ● I can tell I’m past my physical limits when: ● I can tell I’m past my psychological limits when: ● Besides safe wording, these are signs others can see indicating I’m past my limits: ● These types of marks are ok: ● My current sexual/kink fantasy is: ● Yelling/loud noises during a scene is: ● My pain tolerance is: ● The reassurance I need most after a scene is to know I am: ● During aftercare it is most important for me to feel: ● This is what I need for long-term aftercare: ● During play I am typically most nervous about: ● During play I am typically most excited about:

Pre-Scene Quick List

● What is your desired intensity level for this scene? ● Is your goal to be pushed to your limits or to stay away from your threshold? ● How long do you want it to last? ● What tone/mood will the dominant have? What about the submissive? ● What goal feeling/s would you like to experience during this scene? ● What kinks, BDSM elements or toys do you want to be incorporated? * ● What sexual elements do you want to be incorporated? Is achieving orgasm necessary for you? ● How do you want to be left feeling at the end? ● What are you most apprehensive about? ● What are you most excited about? ● When was the last time you ate & are you hydrated? ● What is your safe word/s & signal/s? What does each mean? ● What is your trigger/exit plan? ● What glimmers can be incorporated into your trigger plan or aftercare? ● What specific type of aftercare do you need? What about longer-term check-ins? *To negotiate specific kink or sexual elements use the Yes/No/Maybe list & ROUGHBS tool

Post-Scene Debrief

● What part of the scene did you enjoy most? Why? ● What feelings did you experience both during and after the scene? ● What surprised you? Did you like this surprise? Why/why not? ● What didn’t you enjoy? ● Was there anything that seemed hot as a fantasy but didn’t turn out to be as good once executed? ● Is there anything you wish would have happened but didn’t? ● How was the intensity level? Too much, not enough, or just right? ● Do you want to do this again? ● What types of scenes/activities would you like to try in the future?

Important Reminders

● When negotiating ask your partner/s clarifying questions like “What do you mean by …?” often. ● Use every one of the items on this sheet as a jumping-off point for deeper conversation. ● Remember, you can always change your mind after agreeing to something, even mid-scene. If something doesn’t feel good, you are not obligated to explain why or defend your decision. ● Dominants/tops check in with your subs/bottoms often during scenes. If something seems off, don’t wait for them to safe word. ● When negotiating we agree to the scene plan, however, we cannot predict with any certainty that a scene will go as expected. Well negotiated scenes sometimes flop or have negative outcomes even when we’ve taken precautions to prevent that. Always have a trigger/exit plan in place plus take the time to debrief after scenes. ● If you’re exploring deep trauma in scenes that bring up difficult emotions, consider processing those things with a kink- knowledgeable therapist (if you have the resources and ability to do so). This podcast episode talks more about BDSM as a healing tool. ● The emotional manipulation techniques used to empower within the safe container of kink can also be abused. If you or your partner uses this kind of manipulation outside of negotiated consensual play, this is abusive. Familiarize yourself with the signs of abuse in relationships, signs of abuse in BDSM, and abusive tactics/behaviors. ● Links you may find helpful for community building & gear: American Sex/Sunny Megatron Discord Community Gear/Toy Discounts + General BDSM Online Resources