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Our Trans Loved Ones OUR TRANS LOVED ONES: QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS FOR PARENTS, FAMILIES, AND FRIENDS OF PEOPLE WHO ARE TRANSGENDER AND GENDER EXPANSIVE If you or a loved one needs immediate assistance, please turn to the inside back cover of this publication for a list of crisis helplines. Otherwise, contact us at [email protected] or (202) 467-8180 to find the PFLAG chapter nearest you. ABOUT PFLAG Founded in 1972 with the simple act of a mother publicly supporting her gay son, PFLAG is the original family and ally organization. Made up of parents, families, friends, and allies uniting with people who are lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer (LGBTQ), PFLAG is committed to advancing equality through its mission of support, education, and advocacy. PFLAG has more than 350 chapters and 200,000 members and supporters crossing multiple generations of American families in major urban centers, small cities, and rural areas in all 50 states and Puerto Rico. This vast grassroots network is cultivated, resourced, and supported by the PFLAG National office (located in Washington, DC), the National Board of Directors, the Regional Directors Council, and our many advisory councils and boards. PFLAG is a nonprofit organization not affiliated with any political or religious institution. Our Vision. PFLAG envisions a • Support for families, allies and world where diversity is celebrated people who are LGBTQ and all people are respected, valued, • Education for ourselves and and affirmed inclusive of their others about the unique issues sexual orientation, gender identity, and challenges facing people and gender expression. who are LGBTQ Our Mission. By meeting people • Advocacy in our communities where they are and collaborating to change attitudes and create with others, PFLAG realizes its policies and laws that achieve vision through: full equality for people who are LGBTQ PFLAG.ORG Our Trans Loved Ones i About this publication: This guide focuses on providing support for families and friends of transgender and gender-expansive children, adolescents, and adults. Our experiences, expertise, knowledge, and resources continue to evolve over time, and therefore, we encourage you to check with medical, mental health, social services, and other professional providers, or local support groups—including PFLAG chapters—for the most up-to-date information on transgender and gender-expansive experiences. Please note: The experiences of intersex young people and adults are not included in the scope of this publication. If you are seeking information specific to the intersex community, please visit the Intersex Society of North America at isna.org, and be sure to consult their Tips for Parents, found at isna.org/articles/tips_for_parents. Or visit Advocates for Informed Choice at aiclegal.org. Our Trans Loved Ones: Questions and Answers for Parents, Families, and Friends of People Who Are Transgender and Gender Expansive is copyrighted. For reprint permission, please contact the PFLAG National office, [email protected], (202) 467-8180. To order this publication, receive a complete listing of PFLAG publications, or obtain information about a PFLAG chapter in your area, visit our website at pflag.org. Written By: Content Review Jean-Marie Navetta Erica Barz Team: Diego M. Sanchez, APR Liz Owen Stephanie Battaglino Joni Stacy, J.D. Joel Baum, MS Susan Thronson Edited By: Dana Beyer, M.D. Elizabeth Kohm Lori Duron Research Team: Liz Owen Cesar Hernandez Erica Barz Diego M. Sanchez, APR Jody M. Huckaby J.L. Johnson, M.A. Catherine Hyde Copy Editors: Ellen James, J.D. John R. Cepek Elizabeth Kohm Joellen Shiffman Wayne Maines Thank you to the many people who provided input and shared their personal stories to further inform this publication, especially the members of the PFLAG National Transgender and Gender Nonconforming (TGNC) Advisory Council. All Rights Reserved, © 2008, 2015 PFLAG, Inc. ii Our Trans Loved Ones PFLAG.ORG TABLE OF CONTENTS About PFLAG ...................................................i About this publication ...................................ii A Note from PFLAG National’s Executive Director .................1 We’re Glad You’re Here! ..........................................3 Some (Very) Frequently Asked Questions .........................7 Important Information for All Ages. 13 The American Medical Association (AMA) .................13 The World Professional Association for Transgender Health (WPATH) ...........................13 The American Psychiatric Association (APA) ...............14 Identity Documents ....................................15 Childhood ................................................... 16 Social Support .........................................20 Psychological Support. 23 Medical Support .......................................24 An Expert Opinion .....................................26 Adolescence .................................................. 29 Social Support .........................................30 Psychological Support. 37 Medical Support .......................................40 An Expert Opinion . 42 PFLAG.ORG Our Trans Loved Ones iii Adulthood ................................................... 47 Social Support .........................................47 A Section for Partners and Spouses ........................50 Psychological Support. 52 Medical Support .......................................53 An Expert Opinion .....................................55 First-Person Stories ........................................... 57 One Father’s Story ......................................57 One Mother’s Story .....................................59 One Spouse’s Story .....................................61 PFLAG National Glossary of Terms ............................. 63 Resources .................................................... 70 Organizations .........................................70 Online Communities ...................................73 Online Tools ..........................................74 Literature .............................................75 Films .................................................86 Conferences (as of 2015) ................................90 Camps ...............................................91 Endnotes ..................................................... 93 iv Our Trans Loved Ones PFLAG.ORG A NOTE FROM PFLAG NATIONAL’S EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR This publication is a place to start for those who are parents or guardians, family members, friends, or allies of people who are coming out as transgender or gender expansive. Since PFLAG released its first That’s why, in almost every corner transgender publication in 1995, the of the country, there is PFLAG. visibility of people who are openly PFLAG has a long and strong history transgender has grown significantly. with the transgender community; In 2014, a transgender woman in fact, we were the first national was featured on the cover of Time, LGBTQ organization to include nominated for an Emmy Award for people who are openly transgender one show and received an Emmy for in our mission statement, back another; a television show about a in 1997. We are proud to have transgender parent was repeatedly led the way, back in 2002, in honored by audiences and critics adopting a groundbreaking policy alike; a transgender woman became of only supporting legislation a well-respected host on a national that protects all of our families, cable news channel; and most including those who have members importantly, more and more people who are transgender and gender started to have open discussions expansive, and in 2001 were the about the concept of gender and first to welcome a person who is the terms used to describe it. transgender to our national board. Transgender inclusiveness remains a This new visibility is a huge positive key component of PFLAG’s work. milestone, but it doesn’t change one simple fact: For many parents This new publication—based on and guardians, family members, our original 1995 publication, Our and friends, the news that someone Transgender Children and our 2006 they know is transgender or gender publication Welcoming Our Trans expansive can open the floodgates to Family and Friends—is one such a wide array of emotions, as well as resource (others can be found create a need for resources to turn to on the PFLAG National website for help and support. at pflag.org). PFLAG.ORG Our Trans Loved Ones 1 On the following loved one as pages you’ll read “There are times when they strive to live insights from we struggle, because not openly, honestly, parents, family everyone accepts [my son] and authentically members, and as he is and still insists at school, at friends. You’ll on referring to him as a work, at home, hear from experts girl. But we are getting and beyond. on gender at through it.” I hope you will every point —Jennifer C., 35, in a person’s New Bedford, MA find this revised life—from publication early childhood an invaluable through adulthood—and you’ll resource, refer to it often, and reach learn new terminology that will out to your local PFLAG chapter for help inform your understanding. more information on transgender This includes a term you’ll see issues, as well as help when you need used frequently throughout this it. Our local chapter leaders and publication: “Gender expansive.” members are available to help and, Sometimes referred to as “gender as always, provide much-needed, nonconforming,” more and more confidential peer-to-peer support. people are considering the use of the word “nonconforming” to connote PFLAG
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