Answers to Common Questions
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you are telling and want to become closer to him/her. If you are financially dependent Additional brochures available from on your parents, you may want to wait to PFLAG National at www.pflag.org: come out to them. It is possible that they § Answers to Your Questions About Sexual may react poorly and try to force you out of Orientation and Homosexuality (American the house. You may want to wait until you Psychological Association) are more independent. If you do come out, § Be Yourself! (for gay youth) it’s a good idea to start by telling someone § Faith in Our Families who you are pretty certain will have a § Is Homosexuality a Sin? positive reaction. Be sure to have literature § Our Daughters and Sons available to help respond to the questions § Our Trans Children (for parents of transgendered you will most likely face. (PFLAG NYC can children) provide you with information to offer your § Read This Before Coming Out To Your family and friends.) If and when you do Parents (for parents and children) decide to come out to your parents and § Opening the Straight Spouse’s Closet Answers to others, remember that PFLAG is here to § Recommended Reading List help. See details about our helpline and monthly meetings on the back panel. Common Questions about What will my future be like? Can I live a normal life? Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual Discrimination against gay people still & Transgender Youth exists, but attitudes towards homosexual, bisexual and transgendered orientation are Our main monthly meeting is on starting to change as society becomes the second Sunday of every month better informed. There are many places from 3 p.m. to 5 p.m. where you will be accepted for who you are at St. Bartholomew’s Community House and where you will be able to live in relative 109 E. 50th St. (between Park & Lex) safety. New York, NY Many churches have begun to welcome For other meeting locations gay people as members of their throughout the city, see our website. congregations, and some religions have All are welcome, including parents, begun to recognize gay unions. In addition, friends, family members and gay, more and more employers offer benefits to lesbian, bisexual and transgender domestic partners. Many gay couples also people, with or without their families. choose to raise children, and several states allow gay couples to adopt. PFLAG NYC Ask for our special brochures for young 130 E. 25th St. | New York, NY 10010 PFLAG NYC Office: 646-240-4288 | Helpline: 212-463-0629 people— Be Yourself: Questions and 212-463-0629 | [email protected] [email protected] | www.pflagnyc.org Answers for Gay, Lesbian, and Bisexual www.pflagnyc.org Youth and Read this Before Coming Out. Heterosexuals—people who are only attracted How can I be gay? I don’t fit the Tough Times for Teens to people of the opposite sex—are on one stereotypes. Being a teenager can be rough. Not only end. Homosexuals—people who are only are you changing, but your relationships are attracted to people of the same sex—are on It is a common misconception that all gay as well. You’re starting to exercise your the other end. Bisexuals—people who could men are effeminate and all lesbians are independence from your parents and are be attracted to people of either sex—are in the masculine. Though there are some men beginning to plan for life after school. Your middle. Transgendered people—whose gender and women who fit these stereotypes, focus is changing and, all of the sudden, identity differs from the physical sex they were there are many who don’t. The important you’re thinking more about something that assigned at birth—may consider themselves thing is that you be yourself. didn’t mean much to you a few years ago— hetero- or homosexual. Everyone falls Should I worry about HIV and AIDS? sex. It’s a natural development, but if you’re somewhere on this spectrum. Everyone should be informed about HIV gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgendered, it The important thing to remember is to figure can be doubly confusing to discover that and AIDS, not just gay people. It’s not out that there is no rush to find out if you are your sexual orientation that puts you at you’re attracted to someone of the same gay or straight. Take your time and don’t put sex. This brochure is designed to answer risk for HIV infection, it’s your behavior. any pressure on yourself. Just know that HIV is transmitted in three main ways: some of your questions about what it whoever you turn out to be is okay. means to be gay, lesbian, bisexual or (1) through unprotected sex with an infected person; (2) through sharing transgendered. How can I be sure I’m gay if I haven’t had needles or syringes with an infected Note: From this point on, we will use the word “gay” to refer sex? persons who are not heterosexual, both male and female. person; and (3) the virus can be passed It is possible to know you’re gay even if you’re from an infected woman to her baby a virgin or haven’t had a same-sex physical during pregnancy. Be sure to educate I think I might be gay, but I’m not sure. relationship. Being gay isn’t just about sex; it is yourself regarding not only HIV/AIDS, but How do I know? about emotion. Just like straight people, gay also other sexually transmitted diseases people fall in love and have long-lasting, Some people say they’ve always known (STDs). PFLAG NYC can provide you with meaningful relationships. Physical attraction is that they were “different” in some way. contact information for organizations that just one indicator of sexual orientation. When they eventually realized they were educate people regarding HIV/AIDS and STDs. gay, many of the things they had felt Isn’t being gay abnormal? growing up seemed to make sense. For Should I “come out”? others, the realization is triggered by the Being gay is completely normal and healthy. No one is sure what causes people to be gay, many changes that accompany Telling other people that you are gay is adolescence. Some don’t recognize their but most scientists agree that it is most likely called “coming out.” Deciding whether to sexual orientation until adulthood. the result of a complex interaction between come out is a very personal decision and biological and environmental factors. one that should not be made too quickly. It is important to remember that, just According to the American Psychological You should only come out if you want to because someone has had a crush on, or Association, “…Homosexuality is not an and if you are ready. Coming out is a big has had a sexual experience with someone illness. It does not require treatment and is not decision because, although you hope that of the same sex, that does not necessarily changeable.” By some estimates, one of every your friends and family will support you, it mean that s/he is gay. Think of sexuality as ten people is gay. is possible that they won’t. There are a spectrum. many issues to consider before making the decision to come out. You should never come out in anger or frustration, but instead because you love the person .