SEPTEMBER 2004 Any Persons Living Or Dead Is Coincidental
THE h o t t i e OF THE LINING BIRDCAGES SINCE 1997 FRENCH ISSUE month EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Todd Nienkerk olores MANAGING EDITOR Kristin Hillery DESIGN DIRECTOR JJ Hermes Gifter of Bibles ASSOCIATE Elizabeth Barksdale EDITORS Ryan B. Martinez D WRITING STAFF Kathryn Edwards Who is this hot Magdalenian mama beckoning me to her Bradley Jackson Fertile Crescent? Your lips, swollen with Passion, coax me into Chanice Jan Todd Mein the sizzling sinlessness of scripture. Did you spill some Holy John Roper Joel Siegel Water on your lap, or are you just anticipating the Rapture? Christie Young Press me against your virginal bosom so I can be DESIGN STAFF David Strauss born again, and again — and again! Christina Vara ADVERTISING Emily Coalson vital stats PUBLICITY Stan Babbitt Hobbies: Accepting missionary positions, being an open book, shopping at the Dress Barn, DISTRIBUTION Stephanie Bates “Bible”-beating, being on her knees WEBMASTER Mike Kantor ADMINISTRATIVE Erica Grundish Turn-ons: submission, “Dogma,” destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah, Abel SUPERVISOR Turn-offs: Getting off the high horse, abridging, “The DaVinci Code”, polytheism, birth ADMINISTRATIVE Leala Ansari control, Cain, lap dances, Darwin, the Pope-mobile ASSISTANTS Doug Cooper Jef Greilich Sara Kanewske meeting at busy intersections to play right-of-way • People running to class look funny and deserve to Lindsay Meeks games with speeding vehicles. be laughed at. Jill Morris Garrett Rowe • Overeager returning students will continue to • The 40 Acres Buses will be renamed “40- Toby Salinger like school enough for the both of you. Thousand Acres.” If they weren’t traveling 40,000 Ari Schulman around • Captain Clueless will attempt to charm you by acres, why else would they take so goddamn long Laura Schulman turning courteous small talk into a biographical and travel caravan-style? Eric Seufert discourse about himself.
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