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106 RESPONSE

I shall not die but live and proclaim the works of the Lord. (Ps. 118: 17)

Until the Jewish community can develop ways to show sup­ ,port for victims of family violence, victims will continue to suffer A for the sake of a myth about the serenity of Jewish families or they will find solace outside the community. Victims are much like the guide child who does not even know how to ask a question. In for the the face of such silence, we are instructed to begin to tell the story. Jewish adoptive parent

1. Ellen Goldsmith, "Violence in the Jewish Family," Reform (Winter 1983-84). DAN SHEVITZ 2. Ibid. 3. These assertions are based on confidential conversations between the author and Jewish victims offamily violence in upstate New York in 1983. OUR two children , Joshua ~imon Luis and Noah Hernan, were born in Bogota, Colombia. Joshua. was adopted at age jive weeks, Noah at ten weeks. We found each other through the Florence Crittendon League, a privat~, nonsec,,; tarian adoption agency in Lowell, Massachusetts. The process of making our family whole was not easy. Like many adoptive parents, my wife Susan and J went through inva­ sive, humiliating medical testing and trials; devastating realiza­ tions ("The waiting list is six years long, and it will take at least a year just to on it"); cretinish counselors (" Wouldn't you rather travel, instead?"); dead ends, disappointments, failed attempts, endless bureauacracy, moral uncertainty, self-doubt~ and,· af course, interminable waiting.· We worried whether our children woul4 be accepted'if they were dark skinned (they are so beautiful it's embarrassing),ifthey would feel completely at home in the Jewish community (who does?), whether our families would be supportive (they spoil olir, kids rotten). We had little encouragement from Jewish institutions~ and, surprisingly, found very little literature that spoke to our needs. The best help we received came from friends (actually: , friends offriends offriends), usually over coffee and cake, who had 108 RESPONSE GUIDE FOR JEWISH ADOPTIVE PARENTS

travelled the road before us. I hope this essay will be a useful road­ Most famous of these cases is that of ~ who. was'raisedllY . sign to those who will travel it again. Pharaoh's daughter. Later Rabbinic sources praise this pagan woman for her piety and note that Moses' name was given to him by his foster mother; his , presumably given to hUllat As every adoptive parent knows, the joys of welcoming a new birth, is not remembered. Ruth's son Oved was nursed, and member of the family, of caring and nurturing, of giving and perhaps raised, by her mother-in-law Naomi. The Biblical verse sharing love, rank among the greatest of joys. Whether the impetus says: "And Naomi took the child, and laid him in herbosom,and for adoption be the inability to have biological offspring, or the became a nurse to him. And the neighbors named him, saying 'a. desire to give a home to a needy child, the result is the same: the son has been born to Naomi.' " In this case, though the biological deep realization that the family has been blessed. A Jewish family mother is still alive and presumably invo~ved in child-rearing, the will naturally turn to the tradition in search of an expression of its grandmother has assumed some legal, fiduciary relationship to the feelings of joy and thanksgiving, and to mark the child's rite of child. Esther, orphaned at an early age, is raised .by 'her cousin passage into a new family . Mordecai. Though no formal adoption is indicated, Mordecai· . It might come as a surprise to learn that adoption, as a legal displays more than avuncular concern fOf her well-being and institution, does not exist in Jewish tradition, at least not in the education. We may also note that similar foster-relationships, same way that it is understood in civil law . But the lack of a formal, characterized either by rights of inheritance or bya fiduciary b~nd, traditional adoption ceremony does not indicate an indifference to exist between grandparent and grandchild, master and servant, and the need to express the emotions attendant upon the adoption employer and employee. I experience. * Nor does the Je'Yish tradition lack material; Jewish Rabbinic law also describes no formal adoption procedure., history, law, tradition, and practice are filled with examples of Rather, the Rabbinic court provided for the care of needy children caring for and nurturing of children who do not share a biological by the appointment of a legal guardian, an apotropos, who was relationship with their families. However, as in so many other responsible for the child's economic and educational welfare. An areas, the Jewish approach differs from that of the ambient culture. apotropos was appointed for orphaned children, for an asufi This essay will focus on some of the particularly Jewish concerns (foundling; a child with no known parents), and occasionally when surrounding adoption, especially some of the halachic problems. biological parents were incapable of providing adequate care. It While it is clear that the sources examined here will not necessarily was considered meritorious to take into one's house child reI) iil address all the concerns of the adoptive family, it is hoped that need of care and to raise them along with one's own fa~y.2 , they can be useful in creating a Jewish context for the adoption There are crucial differences between the Jewish and civil process. institutions of adoption. While Jewish law recognizes th~ possibil­ ity of creating a facsimile of parental and filial obligations that Adoption in the Jewish Tradition could approximate those in a biological relationship, tiie natural bond between parent and child cannot be legally severed. ThQugh a " Adoption as a logal institution was rare in Biblical and Rab­ child might be physically removed from the biological parents~ binic literature. The Bible contains several incidents of foster care some legal relationship to them was preserved. which, though not the equivalent of adoption, are noteworthy. Nevertheless, adoptive parents may create, with a vow, some-' thing very ~uch like a series of parental obligations, though 3 *1 have appended a ceremony that my wife and I wrote for the adoption of excluding the rights of inheritance. Even if the parents made no our second son. 1 am not aware of any other published adoption ceremonies, and vow, Rabbinic courts viewed the existence of a de-facto parent.; , would be happy to learn of them. child relationship as sufficient evidence that an unexpressed vow '110 RESPONSE GUIDE FOR JEWISH ADOPTIVE'P.uu;NiS.' Ut,""

had been taken. These assumed obligations were legally enforce­ Jewish courts even reserved the right to remove children from' able, not retractable, and even incumbent upon the adoptive their homes if it was deemed to be in their best interests. ' parents' heirs. The child so adopted assumed filial duties to the Furthermore, in a curious wrinkle of Rabbinic legislation, the ,,;oew parents by virtue of the generally accepted principle that it is commandment to have children is not incumbent upon women. appropriate to acknowledge and reciprocate the gifts we receive. Though a man must search for a wife wiiling to bear children (if h~ According to the , even the rights of inheritance can be wishes to obey the commandment), no woman is likewise obliged , created artificially. Though by Biblical law an adopted child does to accept. These limitations of parenthood must be stressed,' not inherit from adoptive parents, the father may indicate in his particularly because of the widespread opinion that eve'ry couple is will that his adoptive children shall receive full and equal shares of entitled to children, regardless of whether or not there are children his estate. Some authorities go further and state that if the father in need of care. Even adoption agencies may see the pr()spective has publiciy assumed parental obligations, he is deemed to have adoptive parents as their clients, and are in turn expected to find a agreed to entitling his adoptive children, even should he die child, often to meet rigid specifications as to age, se~,. color, size, without a will. 4 and health.

Infertility and Adoption Adoption Markets and Other Options

While historically the function of adoption was to provide a There exist, in many countries, both "black" and "gray" home or insure the status of needy children, today many additional markets for procuring healthy white infants. The term "black motives exist. The desires of infertile couples to raise and nurture a market" in adoption refers to practices that include high-pressure child are often intense. Since searching for "adoptable" children is tactics designed to induce biological mothers to' sUITe"nder their often the first recourse of infertile couples, we should consider, children, kidnapping and trafficking in human lives, deception, however briefly, some Jewish issues associated with infertility. fraud, and child abuse. In this market, the buyer will pay several The charge to "be fruitful and mUltiply" (Genesis 1:28) was thousand dollars for delivery of a baby, no questions asked. the first commandment given to the first man and woman in the The "gray market" generally involves a third-party intermedi­ Garden of Eden. was a sure sign of Divine blessing. ary, usually a lawyer or doctor, who locates biological mothers Infertility was a bitter curse for and , and wishing to surrender their children and matches them with pre­ Hannah. Pseudo-remedies for this affliction were at a high pre­ spective adoptive parents. In some states this kind of referral is mium. Infertility had legal ramifications also: it was grounds for legal and is usually accompanied by the requirement that a licen~ed , and sometimes an impediment to marriage. Though ac­ social service agency certify the adoption. Once the parents have cording to the accepted view one son and one daughter were located the baby, the state asks the agency to evaluate the health of sufficient to satisfy the requirements of the commandment, the child and the fitness of the potential parents to adopt. This is were nonetheless enjoined not to desist from reproduction as long called a "tagged" or "identified" adoption. The fees involved may as they were physically able. 5 be negligible, but can include the not inconsequential expense of Notwithstanding all of this, it would be a mistake to speak in doctors' fees, health care fees and insurance for the biological terms of a "right" to children. Though throughout the ancient mother, fees for counselling, travel expenses, and other costs. world parents ,exercised enormous authority over children, Jewish How does Jewish tradition relate to these two options? There law denied parents absolute power over their progeny. Rabbinic can be no doubt that use of the black market for adoption should law spells out in detail the obligations incumbent upon parents definitely be avoided. Though the desires of the adoptive parents toward, their children, and the limitations of their authority; the may be noble, there can be no justification for the blatant immoral GUIDE FOR 112 RESPONSE JE~1S1i AOOPTIVE;PARENTs

'and illegal practices involved. Human lives cannot be bought and adopt~on exist in these procedures, too. Furthermore,the; long"; term Implications of these high-risk sold. reprodu~tive techniquesh~ve Similar problems mayor may not exist in the gray adoption yet t~ be analyzed. Prospective adoptive' parents should carefuUy market; Prospective adoptive parents who turn to this option may consIder the ethical questions attendant upon these choices~ ,want to consider these questions: Adoption of a Jewisb Child

Have all fees been specified in advance, and are they reasonable and A determination of the child's status must be m~de~ Is the· usual? child known to have a Jewish mother?6 If the father is known was· Has confidentiality been maintained, including the anonymity of the his relationship with the mother either incestuous or adultero~s? In . biological and adoptive parents? the absence of any evidence, we may presume that the child of a Has the biological mother been given adequate time after the birth of Jewish mother is legitimate. the child to reconsider? Is the biological mother secure from all forms of pressure or material Since the legal bonds between biological parents and children inducements that might influence her decision? cannot be severed by adoption, the prohibitions of m~rriageby 'Has the consent of the biological father also been obtained? reason of consanguinity would still apply between the adopt~d Have the biological parents received sufficient professional counsel­ child and any biological relatives. That is why it is necessary' that a ling to aid them in their decision? confi.dential record of the particulars of the adoption be kept by a or Jewish service organization to insure that the improbable event of an incestuous union does not occur. Male children of a If the biological mother is Jewish, a confidential record of the Jewish mother should be given a proper brit-milah ( circumci­ child's history should be kept by the adoptive family's rabbi. sion) on or after the eighth day, and, if first born to their Jewish It is clear that unless there is an identified, particular child in biological mothers, should be redeemed in a pidyon ha-bencere- need of a home-such as a relative or friend suddenly orphaned-it mony on or after the thirty-first day.7 . is best to turn to a reputable adoption agency, which will ensure Any name given by the child's biological parents should be that the rights and responsibilities of all parties concerned are retained, though with an additional name added at the brit-milah; reco~nized and respected. Where agencies are not able to help, it is pidyon ha-ben, or other .8 Formally, the child possible to turn to a trustworthy lawyer, doctor, or rabbi for should retain the patronym of the biological father when called to' arranging an identified adoption. Local or state adoption services, the and in Jewish legal documents. However, if adopted at·' and support groups for infertile and/or adoptive couples, may be such a young age that the child is not likely to remember the able to supply the names of experienced professionals. biological parents, Jewish practice allows the child tobe called Other options are available to the prospective adoptive parent, after the adoptive parents. Since the status (, Le~i, Yisrael,' , many being the result of advances in reproductive technology. etc.) of the adoptive parents is not conferred upon the adopted · These include artificial insemination, either from the husband or child, care should be taken not to include the descriptive title' (if .: from an anonymous donor; surrogate mothering, in which a "host" any) of the adoptive father in the child's name. In some coffimuni~ . mother, inseminated with the husband's sperm, brings the child to ties, to better avoid confusion, the word ham'gadlo (who has term, and then surrenders it to the biological father and/or his wife; raised him) is inserted in documents after the adoptive father's in-~itro fertilization, where the ovum is fertilized in a laboratory name. It is skipped over when the name is being read aloud, such' culture and reimplanted in the uterus of the mother. Although an as in a get (bill of divorcement) or (Jewish marriage analysis of these methods is beyond the scope of this essay, it can contract).9 Though the child's filial obligations toward the.biologi~ - be said that many of the problems of black" and gray market RESPONSE " " .' cal parents are not attenuated, no affront to the biological father's the convert may not share a biological kinship with the Patriarch~', hon()r is implied by using the adoptive father's patronym. he or she is a spiritual descendant of them, and is an ~qU:a1 meinber: In many ways, Rabbinic aggadah equates the nurturing of a of the Community of . ' ' child to giving birth. A few examples of this attitude will suffice to '. It must be stressed that even though anti- bigotry.may ": eXIst among some Jews, no Jewish ideals are served in rejectmga . ,~how how seriously the Rabbis took the adoptive relationship: non-Jewish child who needs a loving home. Family and friends And her neighbor named the child, saying, "a son has been born to who fail to understand this ought to be gently educated towarda Naomi." Did Naomi bear him? Surely it was Ruth who bore him! But proper understanding of the nature of covenantal Judaism. C:onse-. Ruth bore and Naomi raised him; therefore he was called after Naomi. quently, there are no objections to adopting a non-Jewishcbild;in . ~act, it is halachically preferable, since the problem of apotentiaUy,

Q Rabbi Samuel b. Nahmani quoted Rabbi Jonathon: He who teaches Torah Incestuous marriage does not then arise. Nor should there be any·· to the son of his neighbor, Scripture ascribes it to him as if he had religious impediment to adoption because of· color or race· the begotten him, for it says: "Now, these are the generations of and overriding concern should be the needs of the a90ptive dhild. Moses";. and later it is written, "These are the names of the sons of However, the child must be formally converted to Judaism. Since Aan:m"; this teaches us that Aaron begot them but Moses taught them; the nature of conversion in general-and· of the conversion of a therefore they are called by his name. IO minor in particular-is so crucial, we will discuss the severn. steps and considerations involved in some detail. Though there were some objections among later authorities to If the child's mother is not Jewish, the child is considered not calling the child after the adoptive father because this might be Jewish and must be converted. If there is no evidence about the seen as an entitlement to an inheritance when the father had no status of the mother, we presume that she is a member of the such intention~ this is a minority view that is not followed by majority community in her place of residence. Therefore, in most current Rabbinic authorities. domestic and international adoptions, if we have no information about the mother we may assume that she is not Jewish, and the Adoption of a Non-Jewish Child-Conversion child must be converted. Conversion itself is technically easy. There are two main There ,exists an element of Jewish tradition-strongest in prerequisites: brit-milah for males and immersion in a (a Biblical times, but present also in later periods-that focuses on ritual pool of ) for both males and females. Usually, for the racial, biological aspect of . Nevertheless, adults, these two steps come at the conclusion of a long period of the strongest single aspect of Jewish self-definition has always study and involvement in Jewish life and tradition, and only after been the . This means it is entry into the covenant-the the candidate has exhibited personal devotion to and acceptance of bonds of promise, service, and expectation between God and the norms and principles of Jewish life. The study is usually under Israel-that makes one a true member of the Jewish community. the tutelage of a sponsoring rabbi or else through a rabbinically The convert to Judaism, having voluntarily come into that cove­ sponsored class that meets together over a length of time. At the nant, enjoys a noble station. Although traditionally converts to conclusion of the study, when both the rabbi and the candidate}eel Judaism retain some minor technical disadvantages vis-a-vis born that the preparation is satisfactory, a time is scheduled forbrit,: . Jews, there should be no question as to their Jewish status. milah and mikveh. Both of these are done in the presence of a bei­ , in his poignant and moving letter to Ovadiah the din (rabbinical court), consisting of at least three judges. At the , declares that the convert must pray "God of our Ances­ time of the mikveh, the candidate formally becomes a member of tors, Abraham, , and " in the daily liturgy. Even though the Jewish people and receives a Hebrew name. RESPONSE

When a child converts to Judaism, the procedure must be concerned with this ritual requirement, it is entirely possibie thai somewhat different. A young child does not have the ability to when the boy, who would not be technically Jewish,matures;.it . study and assent"'to these principles of Jewish life. Instead, the bet­ will be a concern to him. In such a case-and there ar~tnany like din may act as surrogate for the child and, by substituting the bet­ it-the boy must "re-do" his as an adult. Thoughthis din's consent for the child's, proceed immediately to brit-milah and is not painful, it can be awkward; it is much kinder t() have it done mikveh. In this case, the court invokes the principle that a privilege correctly as early as possible. may be conferred on an individual without requiring assenLII For After the brit-milah ceremony, it is traditional to 'serve food an older person this principle could not be used. Once having and drink to family and friends sharing in the joy. It is· also' experienced a life without the demands and rigors of Jewish appropriate to make a charitable contribution to a worthy cause to responsibilities, an adult may not consider it a privilege to be so celebrate the occasion. . . . obliga~ed; thus, the adult candidate must make a freely determined After the wound of circumcision has healed, an appointmenIis decision. Obviously, in the event that the child is of intermediate made at the mikveh for ritual immersion'. A bet-din must witness age-say from preschool age through adolescence-a case-by-case the entire procedure. Immersion, although brief, must be total: The determination must be made. child is held loosely (by a family member or someone else) and According to most Rabbinic authorities, a child may not be totally lowered into the water, then immediately raised. A blessing converted without the tacit acquiescence of the biological parents is recited (by a member of the court or family): (at least one of them). If they were known to refuse permission, conversion would be impossible. However, it is assumed that if a Barukh ata adonai eloheinu melekh ha-olam asher kiddeshanu bemitsvo­ child has been surrendered to an adoption agency, or even to a tav vetsivanu al hatevila. third-party intermediary, without contrary instructions, then the biological parents tacitly agree to whatever the child's providers [You are blessed, Lord, our God, Ruler of All, who has sanctified us with deem to be in the child's interest. his commandments, and commanded us regarding ritual immersion.] The brit-milah is performed as soon as possible after the boy's eighth day of life. If the eighth day is a Sabbath or holiday, it is The child is then immersed again, and the blessing postponed. Likewise, the brit is postponed if the boy's medical condition so warrants, until the doctors are satisfied that there is no Barukh ata adonai eloheinu melekh ha-olam shehekhiyanu vekiyema~u medical reason for delay. The brit is usually performed at home or vehigiyanu lazeman hazeh. in a , though any place is satisfactory. The actual circumcision is done by a , a specialist who has received [You are blessed. Lord, our God, Ruler of All, Who has kept us alive, and technical training, is well versed in the legal aspects of brit-milah, sustained us, and brought us to this joyful time.] and is spiritually sensitive to the needs and feelings of the family. The mohel may be a doctor, a rabbi, or both. Since the mohel is is recited. The immersions must be total, without any substante also the "maSter of ceremonies," it is important for the family to interposed between the skin and the water. Therefore, all clothing, find a mohel with whom they can feel comfortable and discuss their dressings, and bandages must be removed. . concerns. Though the conversion is not complete without the mikveh, . If the boy has already been circumcised soon after birth in a there is no reason to schedule it hastily. Some pediatricians prefer nonreligious context, then a token ritual circumcision is pertormed to wait until the child is at least six months old, or even a bit later. by the mohel. A drop of blood is drawn from the penis; otherwise Parents should discuss the medical aspects of both brit-milah and the ritual is the same. Even if the adoptive parents are not mikveh with a sympathetic doctor. RESPONSE GUIDE FOR JEWISH ADOPTIVE PARENTS·

Names the privilege conferred, and renounce Jewish jdentitywh~1i ma-' . ture. There are three important considerations: at what agecari the ~ After the immersion, a Hebrew name is given to the child; this child renounce ; is the renunciation effective retro~ may be done at the mikveh, at home, or in the synagogue. Many actively; and is the right always available? adoptive parents may wish to use this ceremony as an opportunity There is considerable discussion in the halachic literature on to celebrate with friends. Many naming ceremonies for daughters th~se issues. Most authorities agree that the age of majorityis have been created in recent years, some of them quite elaborate. thirteen years for a boy and twelve for a girl, although some rule . Adoptive parents may want to consider involving family and that the age may be younger if the child can make' a reasoned . friends in a home-based celebration welcoming their new daughter. judgment. All agree, though, that once the age of renunciation is There are many traditions about names, not all of them reached and the child has not renounced Jewish identity, the right consistent. A Hebrew name consists of a surname and a patronym, to do so is past and cannot be subsequently invoked. There is also' such as Shlomo ben (, son of David). In some disagreement as to whether a child who has been converted along communities, the child's mother's name is also used. Though there with his or her biological father has the right of' renunciation, was.at one time a tradition to give all converts the surname though such a case is not common today. . Abraham, Sarah, or Ruth, this is no longer practiced in all quar­ More important, there is no consensus as to whether the ters, and many think that any Jewish surname is appropriate. For renunciation is only from that moment on, or if it retroactively adult converts, it is universal tradition to adopt the patronym of the annuls the conversion. The question hinges on whether this renun­ Patriarch Abraham, who is the spiritual father of all converts. Is ciation reflects a sudden change of heart, I;>rought on by some this rule to be followed for small children, or may they be called traumatic event in the child's life, or if it comes at the end of a long after their adoptive parents? . period of vacillation, confusion, or apathy. In the former case, the As with a native-born Jewish adoptee, the convert may use renunciation should affect only the future, whereas in the laUer, it the patronym of the adoptive parents. The appellation "son (or should serve to indicate that the process of conversion was never daughter) of Father Abraham" is 'only necessary when there is fear satisfactorily completed. Therefore, if a child has not assumed any that there will be no other reminder of the child's conversion. As independent Jewish identity by the time of Bar or Bat ,. and long as the bet-din and parents are in agreement that the child's has not been given any , a Rabbinic court may status as a' convert will not be concealed, there is no need to well be obliged to rule that the conversion was incomplete. Jt exclude the adoptive parents' names from the child's. behooves adoptive parents, therefore, to seriously consider the' ~ There is a dissenting tradition among the codifiers of Jewish need to' inculcate a positive Jewish identity in their children, and to law, which, in the interest of clarity and preventing errors, requires make available to them the spiritual treasures of Jewish tradition. ·that for both converted and Jewish-born adoptees, their status be There is a further complication. The right to renounce the preserved in their name. The reasons for this are not only to guard decision of the court to confer Jewish status upon the child is against the possibility of a prohibited (incestuous) marriageY predicated on the child's knowledge of the court's action. If raised There is another important reason for avoiding dissembling, to in the knowledge of the adoption and conversion, the child is able which we now turn. to affirm or renounce his or her Jewishness. However~ if the child~s origins have been concealed, there is no such' ~bility. ·Conse,­ , Renunciation quently, though the right to renounce would normally expire at the age of majority, ,the clock does not start running, so to speak, until The states that when a child is converted with the the child knows of the conversion. Should that knowledge be Rabbinic court's surrQgate assent, the child has the right to reject withheld, the Jewish status of the convert, even through adlllt- r.r~O'~~1 120 RESPONSE, GUIDE FOR JEWISH ADQPTIVE.PARENTS,,' '

hood, is in jeopardy. It is conceivable that an adult, just learning place on or after the thirty-first day. If the child's biological mother only is ~ot that she was adopted and converted, could undo not only her Jewish, there is no pidyon ha-ben. If the child's father i~ Gentile but his mothef is Jewish, there are differing options. See Thr Sh. Ar. YD 305, and Arukh haShUJ.- ' status but that of any children she might have had. chan. 8. Since the adoption creates a new parent-child relationship, but does not Making it Personal destroy the old one, it would be unseemly to attempt to eclipse the biological identity by removing a name. Adding an additional name, even a primary riclme' that would' take precedence over the given name, is-more appropriate. Though Jewish tradition places primary importance on the 9. M. Steinberg, Res'ptmsum on Problems of Adoption in 'Jewish, Law rights and welfare of the adopted child, the spiritual treasures (: Office of the , 1969). -' shared by the whole family should not be overlooked. Any of the to. Sanh. 19b. See also Gen. Rab. 46:5 "The one who raises [the childfis called father, and not the one who begets." ceremonies involved in an adoption-brit-milah, mikveh, naming, 11. B. , lla, and commentaries. pidyon ha-ben-may serve as the occasion for celebration and 12. There is also the problem of halitza. According to Biblical and Ra.bbinic , thanksgiving. law, if a couple is childless at the time of the husband's death, the wife is obliged to marry her husband's brother. This is called yibum, or levirate marriage. There is an atavistic belief in some communities that adoption Alternatively, she may be released by a ceremony called halitza, in which both is a ~ource of embarrassment, and must therefore be concealed. she and her brother-in-law participate. However, if the husband is survived by Adoption celebrations might therefore have another, pedagogic biological children, the levirate obligation is not activated; in fact, a marriage between the widow and her deceased husband's brother is forbidden., Since function: to educate one's friends and family about the source of adoptions cannot create a biological relationship, the presence of adopted chil­ blessing, occasion for pride, and opportunity for holiness that dren would not exempt their mother and her brother-in-law from the need to attends an adoption. As long as there are children in need of perform halitza. The gravity of this situation and the possibility of confusion make homes, and loving homes in need of children, adoption should be it imperative that the child's adopted status not be concealed from any of the parties involved, especially the child. encouraged as an act of piety and love.

1. See Ex 2:to; Ruth 4:16-17; Esther 2:7,15; Ten 48:5-6,50:23,15:2-3,16:2, 30:3; 29-31; 1 Chr 2:35-41. For Rabbinic examples, see B. San. 19b, Meg 13a, Est. Rab.2:17. 2. For a thorough treatment of the halachic intricacies of adoption, see G. Felder, Nachalat Zevi, vol. 1 (New York, 1972). See also , EH 114, HM 60,207; B. Z. Uziel, Piske Uziel, #64; M. Feinstein, Iggrot Moshe, YD 161. Characteristic of the authority given the court is this statement found in Tshuvot haRashba hameychasot laRamban, #38: "the court must always adhere scrupulously to what, in each circumstance, is most advantageous to the orphan; for the court is the father to all orphans, and must pursue their benefit." 3. Arthur Jay Silverstein, "Adoption in Jewish Law," Connecticut Bar Journal, vol. 48, 1974, pp. 73-82, and references there. 4, See G. Bildstein, Honor thy Father and Mother: Filial Responsibility in Jewish Law and Ethics (New York: Ktav, 1975). 5. D. Feldman, Marital Relations, Birth Control, and Abortion in Jewish Law (New York: New York University Press, 1968). 6. Traditionally, a child is Jewish if the mother is Jewish. Current Reform practice allows for an indeterminate status for a child with one Jewish parent; the status is determined by the extent of Jewish observance and education in the home. 7. If the son is born to a Jewish father and mother, the redemption must take GUIDE FOR JEWISH ADOPTIvE 122 RESPONSE· . pARENTs. .

, . BERIT IMMUTS [Accept, 0 Lord, the gifts of my mouth; teach me Your ways.] :i1~p "~7 Ti~·"~ cZ;»'? J"JJ"'1' "~'?!l~' " COVENANT OF ADOPTION [Your decrees are my eternal herit~ge; they are my heart's delight.]

NOAH HERNAN SHEVITZ Noah is placed on the knees of his adoptive parents. They take (Noah Chanan ben Yisroel ve Sarah ) an oath to raise the child as their own in accordance with Jewish' tradition and values:

March 3, 1985 Nishba'im anal:mu besheim mi sheshemo raJ)um vel}anun shenekayeim et hayeled hazeh ke'ilu haya mizar'einu yotsei'l}alatseinu. Unegadeleinu 10th of Adar 5745 venal}zikeinu venadrikheinu bedarkhei torateinu kekhol mitsvot habein ill ha'av veha'eim. Yehi adonai elohav immo bekhol ma'asei yadav. Amein, kein yehi ratson. WE WELCOME YOU [We solemnly swear, by He who is called loving and merciful, that we will . raise this child as our own. We will nurture him, sustain him, and guide IN GOD'S NAME him in the paths of Torah, in accordance with the duties incumbent upon Jewish parents. May God ever be with him. We pray for the wisdom and Noah is escorted into the rbom by his grandmother, Edythe strength to help our children, Joshua Simon Luis and Noah Hernan. Shevitz, and given to his other grandmother, Hannah Rosenblum. become men of integrity and kindness.] Dan and Susan explain the nature of this adoption ceremony and the significance of the baby's name. Verses from , 'I~~ bv~ K'j!!~ ~C"'~~ij·ni$ ':J1~~ »i·'~7;' "~N "1.1l~,?~tI spelling out Noah Chanan in Hebrew, are recited in Hebrew and :r,~;:r :J~~ :J'7 ~,':! PD':'':! CP11~ "~~~C~ English by friends and family. [May the One who saved me from all evil, bless these lads, and let them be called by our name and the names of our ancestors and may they multiply throughout the land.] [Your word is a lamp to my feet, a light for my path.] The Blessing of Peace: :)~l~ 'I~~~~.,if 1? n;7;;'17 c'r, ;'17~7·n;~~ [I arise at midnight-to praise You for Your just rules.] [May the Lord bless you and guard you.]

[I am a friend to all who stand in awe of You, to thoseL->who keep Your precepts.] [May the Lord illuminate you with the light of His face and show you :'I~'~? j'l~~~~~;'1N'~ KA-;'1~' 'I~, n;~"p grace.] 124 RESPONSE GUIDE FOR JEWISH ADOPTIVE PARE~ .

:C;7~ )7 C~~1 :J"725 ''''t!P I;'.1;'~ Nt. zachor v'shamor. V'chol pikudav [May the Lord lift up His face to you, and grant you peace.] yachad hgmor, chazeik motnayim The community joins the family in reciting the Shekhianu: v'ametz koach.

Barukh ata adonai eloheinu melekh ha-olam shehekhiyanu vekiyemanu Yona matz'a ... v!;!higiyanu lazeman hazeh. Ha-am asher na katzon ta-a, [You are blessed, Lord, our God, Eternal King, Who has given life, and yizkor l'fokdo b'rit ush-vua. sustained us, and brought us to this moment.] L'val ya-avor bam mikrei ra-a, ka-asher nishba Noah's grandfather, Harold Rosenblum, and our friend, Sherry al mei noach. Israe.l, will give Noah blessings from his family and his community. Yona matz'a ... Precious Friends May the Sabbath day always be remembered; Just when I thought all was lost you changed my mind May the weary, like Noah's dove, find rest on it. You gav:e me hope, not ju~t the old soft soap You taught that we could share in time Yom Shabbaton (You and me and Rockefeller) Yom shabbaton I'll keep plugging on; your face will shine through ein lishkoach, all my tears zichro k'rei-ach hanichoath. When we sing another little victory song Yona matz'a manoach, You know that, precious friend, you will.be there v'sham yanuchu Singing in harmony. y'gi-ei choach.

Uva-u chulam bivrit yachad. Hayom nichbad na-aseh v'nishma livnei emunim, amru k'echad. z'hirim l'shomro Ufat-chu v'anu avot uvanim. Adonai echad, Chakuk bishnei baruch hanotein laya-eif luchot avanim, koach. meirov onim v'amitz koach.

Yona matz'a ... Yona matz'a ...

Diber b'kodsho b'har hamor, Wine Blessing: yom hash'vi-i Barukh ata adonai eloheinu melekh ha-olam borei peri hagafen. 126 RESPONSE

Motzi: Contributors Barukh ata adonai eloheinu melekh ha-olam hamotzi lekhem min ha-aretz. MARTHA ACKELSBERG is Associate ProfessorofOovernment Lechaim! at Smith College and a founding member of Ezrat Nashim. The ·-essay included here grew out of conversations begun at a gathering We invite you to join us in brunch. Before we conclude with Birkat of Jewish feminists at Cornwall-on-Hudson in 1981, and has been Hamazon, Dick Israel will teach us some Torah. nurtured by continuing conversations.

STEVEN M. COHEN, a Professor of Sociology at Queens Col­ lege, CUNY, writes about various issues concerning American Jewish identity. His books include American Modernity and ­ ish Identity and Perspective on the Jewish Family. He is a long­ time editor of Response.

MERLE FELD writes both plays and poetry and also mothers two young children. The poems included here are her first to be published.

TOM FRIEDMANN's fiction has appeared in many magazines and his novel, Damaged Goods, was published by Permanent Press in 1984. He has been featured in Response since 1970 and ~as stories forthcoming in TriQuarterly and Nebraska Review. .

INGE LEDERER GIBEL works for a major American Jewish organization and is the author of several articles, includ,ing a study of Moroccans in Israel, published in Response 23.

ANNETTE BIALIK HARCHIK is cofounder of the Poetry Kib­ butz, an American Jewish poetry collective, and poetry editor of Response. Her poetry has appeared in newspapers and sm~n pIes~ magazines.

RABBI RICHARD HIRSH is Executive Diret;wr of the Recort­ structionist Rabbinical Association and was a member of th~RRA Committee on Intermarriage.