Boulder Bubbled City Orders Residents to Surrender Cars, Maintain Mindfulness After County Civil War Is Waged [4]
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Free WEEKEND 4.1.2016 Boulder bubbled City orders residents to surrender cars, maintain mindfulness after county civil war is waged [4] An edition of the Daily Camera Celebrating more than 100 years in publishing Ralphieispissed Ground control to major Buffs CU nabs No. 1 spot to get hitched to a scientist Wtf ? Your daily allotment of odd ‘TRUMP’ MISSING FROM A SIGN OUTSIDE HIS RESORT “Trump” is missing — at least from the sign outside of one of the Republican presidential candidate’s Florida golf resorts. The Palm Beach Post reported Wednesday that someone removed the script lettering spelling the owner’s surname from a Trump National Jupiter entrance sign. Resort officials did not imme- diately respond to calls and emails Wednesday from The Associat- ed Press. Jupiter police spokesman Officer Adam Brown told the AP on Wednesday that no report has been filed and the club has not requested assistance. Trump National is where Donald Trump’s campaign manager Corey Lewandowski allegedly grabbed a female reporter by the arm earlier this month. He was charged this week with battery. He has denied the allegation. Prairie dog named city mascot, leaving Boulder’s storied buffalo in the dust [26] LOCALPROUDLY SUPPORTINISM.GACTS OF FOR OVER 60 YEARS. BANKANK LOCAL. BECAUSE WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND. It matters where you bank. Stop by a branch and see why. Banking | Auto & Mortgage Loans | Business Loans | Wealth Management | elevationscu.com | 800.429.7626 Federal y insured by the NCUA 2 • APRIL 1, 2016 • COLORADO DAILY pg Ear worms 3 Daily dose Add your events at dailycamera.com/submit MORE Wtf ? FROM PAGE 1 Baby your ears New technology pany’s press release, the GOV. SCOTT TELLS YALE: improves human extreme light weight is due hearing dramatically to proprietary technology. BRING THE IVY LEAGUE However I read recently on a TO FLORIDA By Dunk in Your Trunk Reddit thread that a user dis- assembled a pair and reports Florida Gov. Rick Scott wants Staff Writer there is “not a damn piece of one of America’s most prestigious proprietary anything inside universities to move its campus ars are like a new car. south to the Sunshine State. E Once you take them out — it’s just a baby’s ears!” Scott on Tuesday urged Yale Uni- of the package, they start to Either way, I’m intrigued. versity to ditch Connecticut and depreciate, whether you like Anything that can offer real relocate its campus. The Republi- it or not. improvement in the hearing can explained that Connecticut Dan Ocampo / Associated Press legislators are considering a bill I think the pigeons got a ping-pong ball stuck in a traffic light. Straight from mom’s vagi- department is a must-have that would tax Yale’s massive uni- na, they’re fresh and new, for audiophiles. versity endowment. oly shit, there are taking on the Fox Theare, and you can hear things that I reached out to Sanchez Scott said in a statement that Pigeons Playing Ping 1135 13th St., tonight at 9, mom no longer can at that for comment about the pro- Florida would “welcome a world-re- H Pong on the Hill. Right where they are hosting an point. prietary science in the devic- nowned university” and promised over there. Pigeons. Play- album release show. that the state wouldn’t impose tax- es. He quickly responded ing Ping Pong. But for Watch out for bird shit. It’s pretty well-known sci- es on the endowment. ence. and says that while the stock He also urged other businesses real, the electro-funk band Or just dance in it. Good model is simply a “matched in Connecticut to consider moving from Baltimore will be talk, sports. So it’s not surprising that pair” of ears, the premium to Florida. in this age of upgrade package allows you But the Ivy League institution headphones to choose from many differ- isn’t planning to take up Scott’s and personal ent colors, size, age and even invitation. music play- has three levels of freckle ColoradoDaily.com back explo- content to match the tastes Phone: 303-473-1111 sion, some of the user. On top of that, enterprising the premium models do have On the Cover Main Office: 2500 55th St., Trunk Suite 210, Boulder, CO 80301 company some “special sauce” to the would discover and bring to design implementation, and Morguefile art Editor: Christy Fantz, 303-473-1111 market an accessory that edited by Stephanie Swartz [email protected] all Ernesto would reveal was Buck Harold-Tooth, president of brings back to life the lost that the added material is Advertising: Jill Stravolemos, 303-473-1400, Prairie City Council, revels in the glory hearing we’ve all accumulat- sourced “from the world’s [email protected] of his award as Chip licks her nose in ed over time. most active volcanoes” and consternation. Circulation: Preston Latham, 303-994-3677 involves a labor-intensive Ernesto Mondo Sanchez, a process of brushing that young Bolivian entrepreneur results in even better perfor- living in Chile, has recently mance. Weatherman Bob developed a new device that, while not yet available in the Regarding current Today Saturday Sunday U.S., is taking the rest of the reviews, foreign language developed world by storm. audio magazines have been Mostly sunny. Sunny. High Sunny. High gushing over the season’s High 45, low 32. 59, low 36. 62, low 39. Baby Earz™ is a set of hot must-haves. Word is the Wind around 6 Wind 5 to 7 devices that are literally company is trying desperate- mph in the after- mph. made from the ears of ly to market and sell in the noon. babies, and attaches to the U.S., but so far legal battles user’s ears via a pair of luxu- and regulatory issues have riously soft clips. prevented it. Like any new tech product, “We are going to prevail,” Trending on Twitter these devices contain com- says Sachez. “Americans plex machinery. Their intri- would love these, and with #IndvsWI cate design is achieved with OH via @hammbone84 such a big market of music Zaha Hadid such space-age materials as MY ROOMBA IS SOME- listeners and audiophiles, we cartilage, baby-soft skin and #Miitomo HOW LOOSE OUTDOORS hope that [Baby Earz’™ tiny little adorable hairs. #WatchTEAMOnVevo AND I’M TERRIFIED OF THE introduction to the U.S.] hap- #IfIHadAnExtraFiveMinutes CONSEQUENCES FOR THE Weighing in at almost a pens very soon.” #KissItBetterVideo ECOSYSTEM AS IT HAS NO gram each, these little stock- NATURAL PREDATORS. As do I. I’m looking for- Ivy Park ing stuffers are luxuriously ward to the day when I can April Fools light. According to the com- once again hear like a baby. COLORADO DAILY • APRIL 1, 2016 • 3 Busted CU & The People’s Republic BABY SHOWERS, MAN University of Colorado LOCAL WOMEN ARRESTED AFTER BRUNCH BRAWL Top spot to ‘Bag an Astronaut’ Jennifer Bernardini and Saman- Popular Science the spaceflight and space- tha Munke were arrested Tuesday ranks the university craft programs.” evening on minor assault charges as No. 1 spot “Can you print ‘baller’ in following a brunch-time brawl dur- your newspaper? I’m trying ing Munke’s baby shower at Boul- to marry a scientist to sound jiggy and hip.” der eatery Mimosa’s. Sure thing, buddy. Allegedly, Munke had By Seymour Jugs CU senior Ivana Settledon announced her child’s name Staff Writer said the reason she came to would be Hazel, infuriating Ber- Popular Science released Boulder from Russia for col- nardini. Authorities said insults its rankings for top sci- lege was to find “a nice, and scones were thrown. ence schools, and the Uni- smart man with money who “Jenn freaked out and said versity of Colorado made wears cool hats.” she’d planned to name her baby nearly every list. Settledon added that she Hazel ever since she met her third The top spot the university thinks astronaut “hats” are cousin’s child’s dog, who’s named landed was “Where to Bag “super cool.” Hazel,” Amy Hannah, who also an Astronaut Spouse.” Other Aerospace engineering attended the shower said. “She lists CU garnered top-10 grad student Hi G. P.Aye was all, ‘That bitch knew I was rankings were: “Sexy Engi- said it’s flattering to even be saving that name for my kid and she took it anyway.’ Then Saman- neers,” “Smart Ass Mother- considered by a national tha pointed out that Jenn should fuckers,” “Most Likely to magazine. shut her cakehole — she didn’t Die Rich,” “Stoned with Sci- “I may have adult acne even have a boyfriend and wasn’t ence” and “Most Likely to and extreme social awk- exactly in danger of having a kid Live on Another Planet.” wardness, but if this helps anytime soon.” Bill Sci, the self-pro- my chances in the sack, then Hannah said the situation got claimed “Science Guy” and I’m all for it,” Aye said. “ugly.” editor of the publication, told CU spokesperson Buffy “Baby showers suck. You wan- the Colorado Daily in a Luxe said the university na survive one — buy a box of phone interview: “The Uni- appreciates the mention, but diapers, stick a flask of whiskey versity of Colorado is a top- that CU takes these lists in your boot, show up late, leave notch American university with “a grain of salt.” early and shut your mouth when with outstanding science “We don’t place a lot of they wanna play the ‘Bob for Nip- and engineering programs,” stock in these lifestyle sur- ples’ game.” Sci said.