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The Delta Blues His Pandemic Has Been Going Start Actively Rooting for the Coro- on for So Long Now That It Feels Navirus

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The Delta Blues His Pandemic Has Been Going Start Actively Rooting for the Coro- on for So Long Now That It Feels Navirus The New Hampshire Gazette, Friday, August 13, 2021 — Page 1 We Put the Vol. CCLXV, No. 24 The New Hampshire Gazette Friday, August 13, 2021 The Nation’s Oldest Newspaper™ • Editor: Steven Fowle • Founded 1756 by Daniel Fowle Free! PO Box 756, Portsmouth, NH 03802 • [email protected] • www.nhgazette.com in Free Press The Fortnightly Rant The Delta Blues his pandemic has been going start actively rooting for the coro- on for so long now that it feels navirus. likeT we’re living in “Groundhog Why? Because the next step up in Day”—without Bill Murray to en- the U.S. population table is the Dis- tertain us. Worse yet, there’s a sequel trict of Columbia. Are we becoming coming: “Dumb and Dumber.” too paranoid? It’s hard to say. According to a study published Last month General Michael last month in The Lancet journal Flynn visited the Church of the EClinical Medicine, “People who had Good News in Yuba City, Arizona. recovered from COVID-19, includ- As one does when a notable par- ing those no longer reporting symp- doned felon visits, parishioner Ja- toms, exhibited significant cognitive son Parker presented Flynn with a deficits versus controls when con- suitable gift: an AR-15 rifle with a trolling for age, gender, education tasteful woodland camouflage finish. level, income, racial-ethnic group, Clearly delighted, the General said pre-existing medical disorders, “Maybe I’ll find someone in Wash- tiredness, depression and anxiety.” ington, D.C.” The congregation re- The study found that the average sponded with gales of laughter. decline in IQ was seven points. We Eisenhower warned us—alas, to don’t mean to mock the afflicted, but no avail—against the military-in- that is a loss some could ill afford. dustrial complex. He never foresaw Please understand—we’re not the politico-religious complex. It joking around here. This is, literally, may end up killing more of us than Understanding that message, lead in the daily death toll sweep- za. For four days, 380,000 people, deadly serious. We just wish certain some of the enemies against whom though, requires a person to use stakes. In one bold pro-virus move, trending towards the young and the other people would treat it as such. we’ve spent untold billions. reason. That skill has been in steep last October DeSantis ordered all woke, gathered in Chicago to stand According to Johns Hopkins, A few hours down the sun-blast- decline since television sprouted schools to open for in-person learn- unmasked, shoulder-to-shoulder, COVID-19 has killed 618,149 ed road from Yuba City, in Fountain up in nearly every American home. ing. Now, with 141 people dying on listening to music. In theory, all the Americans—so far. That’s equal to Hills, Arizona, a big, sweaty preach- Advertisers quickly learned that an average day, out of 607 nationally, Lollapaloozers were supposed to everybody in Wyoming, plus 96 per- er named Joshua Feuerstein has pandering to the lowest common DeSantis has an impressive market have been vaccinated. cent of Concord, New Hampshire. been exhorting his followers to give denominator is the surest way to share of 23.2 percent. About a week later, Knuckle- Once the Delta variant has killed the virus a chance. move more product. We can’t prove Abbott is doing his damnedest head Nation* swarmed into Sturgis, off 25,000 more of us, this visualiza- “The Bible says that God has it, but we’d bet that most Americans to do away with Texans. In May he South Dakota for the annual Mo- tion method will get a little simpler: not given us the spirit of fear, but have spent an hour in front of the issued an executive order banning torcycle Rally. In practice, among everybody in Vermont. of power, and of love, and a sound tube for every minute they spent in mask mandates in public schools the 700,000 knuckleheads attend- Now, hold onto your hat, because mind. You have a sound mind. You school. They certainly act like it. and government entities. In July he ing, those who have had the shot this is where things really get grim. don’t have to wear the mask, you’ve That’s one reason why, for all our doubled down, upping the penalties probably made it tequila. We know that a lot of Republi- got Jesus. You don’t need the vaccine, sacred hoopla about rugged individ- for complying with public health Few “real Americans” will ac- cans rooted against the U.S.A. at the you’ve got Jesus.” ualism, even in this country there’s a measures. Even so, he can’t keep knowledge following a philosophy Olympics because they felt certain “You have a sound mind”—is place for leadership. Unfortunately, pace with DeSantis. Every day the popularized in the postwar years athletes’ politics did not meet their there a fact checker in the house? that place is often occupied by the Lone Star State is diminished by by a wall-eyed Frenchman. Many standards—this, from the gang that In 2015, while standing up for the likes of Greg Abbott and Ron De- another 62 Texans, but Abbott’s though, are acting in accordance constantly accuses the left of “politi- rights of homophobes, Feuerstein Santis. market share is still just barely over with a central tenet of existen- cal correctness.” Projection, it’s a hell preached—if that’s the right word As the Governors of Texas and ten percent. tialism—but with a particularly of a drug. for it—that “my First Amendment Florida, respectively, both men seem Ultimately, of course, gubernatori- American spin: eventually we all die By the same token, after it has right is guaranteed by my Second either eager to reduce the demands al nudges in the direction of self-an- alone—so what are we waiting for? killed the equivalent of everyone in Amendment right.” of electioneering by slashing the size nihilation are superfluous in a nation * This is a motorcyclist’s in-joke, not an Vermont, Republicans may go be- There’s a T-shirt that says, “If you of their electorates, or are too dumb of self-starters. This seems to be true aspersion. Harley engines made between yond merely favoring policies that don’t need a mask because God will to pour piss out of a boot. across a broad swath of the populace. 1936 and 1947 are called knuckleheads, for give the coronavirus an edge, and protect you, why do you need a gun?” Florida currently has a runaway For example, take Lollapaloo- the shape of their rocker boxes. The Alleged News® AMOC Amok, or, Species Bites Environment his fortnight began with terri- system,’ said William Ripple, an Discovered in 1728, this 18.6-year In other words, in about a decade, someone says, “It’s too quiet out ble news about the climate. It ecologist at Oregon State University cyclical shift in the moon’s axis alter- vast swaths of expensive Portsmouth there.” wentT downhill from there. who co-authored the new research, nately suppresses and amplifies tides. real estate will look like the parking This new study† says that “the re- The Guardian reported on in a statement.” “The Moon is in the tide-amplify- lot of the Bratskellar now does a cently discovered AMOC decline July 27th—too late for us to deal This all sounds vaguely familiar, ing part of its cycle now,” according couple of times a year. during the last decades is not just a with properly in our paper of July right? These “new study reeks of to NASA. “However, along most After many rather tenuous de- fluctuation related to low-frequen- 30th, too important to leave out global doom” stories appear with U.S. coastlines, sea levels have not cades, Strawbery Banke has been cy climate variability or a linear re- now—“many of the key indicators such frequency of late, purists might risen so much that even with this thriving for quite a few years now. sponse to increasing temperatures. of the global climate crisis are get- argue that under the “dog bites man” lunar assist, high tides regularly Adaptation has been the key to that Rather, the presented findings sug- ting worse and either approaching, doctrine, they are no longer news. top flooding thresholds. It will be transformation. Perhaps SCUBA gest that this decline may be asso- or exceeding, key tipping points as People still watch stuff like “The a different story the next time the lessons can keep it going. ciated with an almost complete loss the earth heats up.” Walking Dead,” though, so we’ll cycle comes around to amplify tides With these recent examples al- of stability of the AMOC over the “Overall, the study* found some continue publishing its non-fiction again, in the mid-2030s. Global sea ready rattling around in the national course of the last century, and that 16 out of 31 tracked planetary vital equivalent. level rise will have been at work for brainpan, along came AMOC— the AMOC could be close to a crit- signs, including greenhouse gas con- Just a few weeks earlier, NASA another decade. The higher seas, am- running amok. ical transition to its weak circulation centrations, ocean heat content and had warned that in the mid-2030s plified by the lunar cycle, will cause Because the natural state of the mode.” ice mass, set worrying new records. there will be a dramatic increase in a leap in flood numbers on almost Atlantic Meridional Overturning Another nasty new revelation: the “‘There is growing evidence we are the number and severity of “high- all U.S.
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