i The Issue University of No. 897 Surrey Students' Paper 24th January 1997 250,000 More Students Now Back On Eleetoral Roll US announced yesterday encouraged students, to register to that over 250,000 more vote in several ways: Nstudents bave been - Rock The Vote Campaign individ- registered to vote through several uai registration. With assistance from schemes as part of its mass voter campus and high Street branches of registration campaign. At the last Endsleigh Insurance, NUS has dis- General Election over 2.5 million tributed tens of thousands of voter yoimg people between the ages of registration cards at rave nights and 18 and 25 failed to register to vote, party nights at students' unions. mainly through fear of poli tax - Block Registration of student vot- demands. This year NUS has ers.^ Several universities and colleges Rock play ed a maj or role in encouraging bave arranged for the block registra- students and young people to bave tion of ali eligible students. the their say and has ensured a iurtber - Hall Registration. NUS and stu- 250,000 students will now bave a dents' unions have arranged for the vote on polling day. block registration of virtually ali stu- Vtot« dents in halls of residence. ng to the views of the UK's three mil- Here at the University of Surrey we lion students. We are extremely The campaign will continue to en- held a very successfiil Rock The Vote pleased at the success of our cam- courage students to use their vote, un- Week with over 250 students regis- paign. Contraryto media speculation, der the slogan 'Students Make A tering to vote in addition to the 2,814 students and young people do care Difference', reflecting the influence students who live on campus were about politics and about tiie future of of the student vote in many marginai automatically registered to vote. the country and I am pleased that this constituencies. time round so many more of them will Douglas Trainer, NUS National have an opportunity to vote. The stu- NUS is eager that students register to President, said: "As the date of the dent vote can make a difference." vote and that student views are taken General Election draws nearer, it is into account by ali politicai parties. important that ali the politicai parties Melanie Dean The NUS vote registration campaign understand the importance of listen- Communications Offìcer This Week: Fab and Groovv Bare Facts Editors Bit Ode To Christoph CONTENTS Lambìe Pie ove him or hate friend Lisa, I was late to work 1 250.000 more people on the electoral resister him you have to every day! 3 Union news in brief Ladmit the guy is At the same time his does 5 Ar£uments for sabine 'yes' to NUS have a few morals; he won't talented. As I'm sure you play Alanis Morrisette or 6 New Private Members Bill are aware last Thursday Ocean Colour Scene anymore 8 Safety at University Christopher Evans because he thinks they have resigned from Radio 1 released too many singles off of one album. Quite ri^t to - after a disagreement with the record companies are tak- Matthew Bannister to ing us the music listening, 7 MlzC allow him to work a four 'we pay your wages' public 10 70's Television day week and have as mugs. We need someone to 11 Earthchlld and Moonbeam's Fashion Surgery Fridays off. back us up. Chris Evans was made for REGULARS Chris is in demand, he pushes television; first there was his shows both radio and tele- 'The Big Breakfast', then vision to the edge and then 'Don't Forget Your Tooth- 15 Cinema takes it just one step further. brush' and now 'TFI Friday'. 16 Personals This is what he did with Ra- Any man that can get Samuel 17 Notices dio 1. He never sticks with L Jackson on the show and 17 Crossword any hne of work for too long, then not interview him be- "less is more" as Christoph cause his show 'simply hasn't always says! got time for him' get my re- spect. Stars are queuing up to Rumour has it that he wanted I8Gin£a's Bit to leave anyway so he gave be interviewed by him and he the bosses of Radio I a pro- gets the pick of the best. 19 Sports Club Committee Postions posal that he knew they Last year he had an exclusive 20 Sailing Club would refuse and yet again interview with the artist for- Chris has come out on top. If mally known as Prince which it wasn't for Brian Harvey he pulled out of at the last and his comments on ecstasy, minute because he thought his sacking from East 17 and Prince's 'Rock Star' behav- then his seduction of a 16 year iour was precocious - but old schoolgirl he would have wouldn't that be the way you been the talking point of the would describe him? University of Surrey Students' Paper week. Sorry Chris, not even you can beat that lot! He didn't get what he wanted Union House, University of Surrey, from Radio 1 so he leaves. Guildford, Surrey. GU2 5XH As talking points go Chris Not content with that, on TFI seems to be quite a regular the next day he constantly re- topic of conversation among fers to himself as the 'former Telephone: 01483 259275 friends (I spent an hour on the Radio 1 DJ'.Not content with Fax: 01483 34749 subject on Tuesday night). that at 5am Monday morning Advertising: 01483 259275 His show is contagious he be- he gets Johnny Boy to phone E-mail: [email protected] haves how DJ's should be- Radio 1 and say that neither have, if he doesn't like the Chris nor the Breakfast Team http://www. su rrey.ac. u k/U n ion/barefacts/ tune or the artist he won't will be coming in to do the Editor • Melanie Dean play it, he plays his choice of show - he is refiising to fulfil Features Editor - Tania Rocia music not the record compa- his nine week notice. Bad Music Editor - Rob Winder nies and he can make or break move Chris, the fans are not Sports Editor - Marie 'Ginga* Cusocic them. Look what he has done happy. Technicat Editor - Jeff Blacicham for Texas? Photographer - Matt Pannell So he didn't get his own way, Cartoonist - Stuart Parker Chris took Radio 1 to the lim- just like 'the best thing on Editorial Contributions: AtTdy Gale, Bruce Chapman, its and changed radio for the TV' toy that didn't on TFI, he Matt Pannell. Liz M and ottiers... better. Holly Hotlips reading smashes it without thinking seductively from the diction- twice. Why? Because he can. Music Reviews: Numnuts, Vickl Snelgrove. James Hemingway, ary, the 'regular listener' quiz Paul Amanl, Al Mooney, Mario Dias and Gabrlet-Olh/er Chamero and top 5 lists of the day are Now read on and enjoy... Btfe Facts is an independent newspaper, published by the University of Surrey Stiidents' Union Communications Office. all hilarious. The week lead- Mel XXX The views expressed within the paper are those of the Editor, the ing up to Dan's (the sound Editorial board and the author, and do not necessarily represent the views of the University oS Surrey Students' Union or The man) proposal to his girl- University of Surrey. USSU Communications Office 1997 News Union News In Brief plenary and Workshops on na- 3 (January 27th) at 6 p.m. - tive Retuming Officer, Mal- Do you have a vìew on tional conference. Anyone in- venue will be advertised on the colm Hamling, has been taken trading? terested should contact the noticeboard in the Union Re- ill and will not be able to take There are already a number of President. ception. Sorry - due to national in any completed nomination students wanting to be elected VcitNUSAnti-Racism Confer- consitutional requirements, packs. Thankfully Caroline to threefree place s on the Club ence will be taking place on this meeting is strictly women Royle, Union Secretary has Committee when it next meets 5th February in Manchester only. agreed to help us out and on Wednesday week 3. Club and will host the first event of nomination packs are now to Committee is the group which a national speaker tour organ- Win £1000 be given in to her by 3pm Fri- discusses and decides trading ise'd in conjunction with The Menerva Educational day 24th January. policy within the Union build- Searchlight, the Union of Jew- Trust, in association with the If candidates have any Prob- ing. If you would like to add ish Students and the National Times Higher Education Sup- lems they are advised to get in your name to the list of candi- Black Alliance. Anyone inter- plement is running an essay touch with Tania Rocks, Re- dates, please see the President ested in representing Surrey at competition. The title tuming Officer before that for fùrther details, or simply the conference should contact is"Women's Contribution to time. tum Up at 1 p.m. on the 29th in the President. Intellectual Life" and the the Grant Mitchell Room. deadline is 25 Aprii. First prize is £1000, second prize is £700 Sabbs In Halls jpelegates Sought Femìnìsm strikes and third prize is £500. Further Starting from week 3 the sab- back?! details available from The baticals will be holding The South-East Regional Due to the terriflc response to Menerva Educational Trust, 4 weekly surgeries in the court Conference of NUS members the notice about Women's Slayleigh Avenue, Sheffield, receptions. Next week you can is t^ing place on Thursday Conference in the last issue of S10 3RB Tel: 0114 230 4098. find your President and Com- 6th February and USSU is en- BF, there will now be a meet- munications Officer in Bat- titled to send six delegates. ing to discuss the conference tersea Court reception on The conference will include a and issues surrounding it. This Sabbatica! Elections Tuesday between 6 and 7pm. report from the National Ex- will be held on Monday Week Some people may not have ecutive, a Genera! Election known this but the administra- Oil Buy 3 Hirns fiet 5 FREE
tl»« Ile
Toy Story Mission: ÄVSW Impossible ®wiiip All these films for just £6. OFU Season Tickets - On Sale In The Union 12pm - 2pm - Daily FUras mit tbown ia LTG Snn Spm A Spm asd Mon 8pm. bdividiud filmt. £2, rtMrve In advince via OFU box in UnioB Post Room News Second Interviews Jon Snow Still Rebels, tion. What sort of person are espite the they looking for? If they To A Degree continued want niunerate applicants it's on Snow, the True to spirit he says he will Dpopularity of the not unreasonable to expect a not accept the degree unless interview as a means of test to measure this. If you Channel 4 fellow activist, Peter selecting appHcants for will be required to display J Cresswell, reçoives and ac- self-confidence in the job, newsreader has cepts a similar honour. Mr jobs, a number of studies they may ask you to give a been nominated for an Cresswell, now an inspec- have shown that, used in présentation in order to assess honorary degree from tions officer for Liverpool isolation, it is not a this. If assertiveness is a re- Coimcil, has also been nomi- terribly successful quirement, you are highly Liverpool University, nated for an honorary degree likely to face some sort of which suspended him for by the students' union. He method. group discussion to see how his rôle in a student sit-in was expelled three weeks be- On the one hand, people don't persuasively you communi- in 1970. fore his finals. always tum out as you expect cate. If the job requires peo- Mr Snow was a leader in a them to; on the other, some ple who can write clear and démonstration that led to Mr Snow said: "Everyone at of the attributes which certain effective English, you may be nearly 300 students occupy- the time was a protester. jobs require such as numeri- asked to draft a letter or précis ing Uie university's senate Revolution was intìie air . But cal ability or assertiveness are a document. building for 12 days. He was I am very honoured to have very difficult to measure in an suspended for a year for 'per- been nominated. I love Liver- interview. As a resuit, some Over the next few weeks l'Il sonally forcibly preventing a pool." employers, particularly those describe these exercises in senior administrative officer recruiting for trainee manage- more détail and provide a few of the university from reach- Today's students are not pro- ' ment positions, have devised tips on how you mi^t pré- ing his office'. The protest testers. Sarah-Louise Puntan- alternative assessment procé- paré for them. You might like was against the university's Galeo, the Président of dures. They usually bundle to think about getting in some links with firms connected to Liverpool Guild of Students, ail these together and run practice before the real thing South Africa in apartheid said: "There are now two them in what are called sélec- by coming to an Assessment days and to chemical re- classes of student - those who tion centres or assessment Centre Workshop on 29 Janu- search. It began with Mr have enough money not to centres. ary. We still have places left Snow grabbing a microphone bother about the issues and if you'd like to pop in to the from the Chancellor and urg- those who are so skint they If you're not told in advance Careers Service to reserve a ing fellow students to take ac- have to work in Teseo every what sort of exercises they are slot. tion. He did not graduate, by aftemoon, so haven't the going to put you through you the time his suspension was time." can try to woric it out. The Russ Clark up, he had joined télévision. due to it ail is the job descrip- Careers Service
BUGREAYT SAL BRINE GFO R& ^EPROSY Sfbe e§irlîe Show ^ursday 80tb «pebruary 1997
The news of the Girlie WccWCGkK 3 etnee Show Gancsaaij promises a mouth ivatering mix of w features, fun, celebs, music aY\d gossip 3 - 4 pm hosted by our trio of feisty females - 5ara Cox, Rachel Williams and new babe on the block 6arah Cavjood
Vlain U mon
Please help me. I'm afirst yea r goddess, just like me. My tip mend is a change of location. Tnfoitunately this sociology student living on a would be to do all this in one Try doing it on your desk or on I week, Liz M is ill floor that seems to be totally night. Walk into the kitchen the floor. I know this doesn't (well she told me populated by Brad Pitt look wearing your skimpy stuff and sound too comfortable, but that she's still a bit sore) alikes. Just going into the with a pout on your face ask you'd be surprised what a and can't handle her kitchen in the morning to put "who's first?" change in position can do for milk on my cornflakes sends you. If your floor mates still usual column, so she me into a hot flush. I have to complain, then you could al- asked me, Miz L, to stand go to bed just to sort myself ways try to play away from in for her. I've been out. The thing is, I'm still as Dear Miz L, home. There's plenty of hot asked by the editor not to pure as the driven snow, but I I have a real problem. When spots in Guildford where you write anything about sex want one of these lads to come my boyfriend and I are in my can test drive your man. I back to bed with me next time campus room, we just can't won't tell you any of my cur- this week, which is a to make me feel like a woman. keep our hands off one an- rent favourites, as you may damned shame, because I My problem is that I don't other. We always end up in well find me there, but one of had a lovely article on know which one. They're all bed together, where things get my old hangouts was outside bondage lined up. so gorgeous. Please help. very heated and passionate. the station. The benches aren't My problem is my bed. It that comfortable, but will do Anyway, I've been asked squeaks, creeks and worst of when you're gagging for it. to write about how all, the headboard smashes Your man will love you even groovy the Seventies Miz L says: against the radiator when my more if you suggest doing it al were. So where shall we Don't worry my dear. I've al- boyfriend hits the spot. The fresco, believe me. start? For me, the ways said tìiat you can never thing is my floormates have Seventies were the get too much of a good thing started to complain about the and that variety istiie spic e of noise coming from my room. decade of peace and free life, so as it's your firet time, I don't want to upset people, Well, that's about all the time love. As a wise man once just pick the guy you least so what can I do? Should we I've got this week - places to said to me, "Hey babe, fancy, make him happy that stop having sex? go, people to sha...Liz should let's make love, not war" he's a man and then move on be back next week, but please and who was I to argue? to the next one. Don't worry feel free to drop down to see about any inexperienced firni- me. blings, because by the time Miz L says: So there you go, the Seventies. you get on to the guy you most Heavens no ray poor child. I Now let's get back to what you fancy, you'll be an mtercourse think what I would recom- all want - SEX! So girls, have you ever had so little sex that your finger feels like its on fu-e? So little sex that your weekly trip to the EASTER VACATION EMPLOYMENT supermarket is pure tempta- tion, what with all those ba- nanas and cucumbers? Is sex The Conference Office is looking for a small team of students to one of those really distant memories that you've really help with conferences over the Easter vacation. The dates are 22nd forgotten about, but wish that March to 20th Aprii inclusive (with the exception of Easter you hadn't? Well, never fear because help is here. I'm Miz weekend). The positions will involve working long hours, including L and I'm your resident cam- weekends and some evenings. pus sexpert. Let's talk about sex and more importantly why I'm getting it and you're not. The pay is £3.30 per hour and we offer free on-site accomtnodadon I've received a couple of let- to the successigli applicants. ters asking for advice, so I shall endeavour to answer them. The closing date for applications is Friday 7th February 1997. Application forms and job descriptions are available from the Dear Miz L, Conference Office in the Philip Marchant Building. News Safety At University Revisited fairly minor incidents. The attention to her plight more throughout the town centre, ast week an article "recent Stag Hill Court inci- quickly. Although the two Guildford itself has become a appeared in Bare dent" mentioned in the article young men who were stabbed s^er place to be. LFacts discussing last week is a prime example in the same area were using the issue of dangerous where the police were in- the same route as many of our Ultimately, once you get off routes to the University. formed because one of the students tìiey were, in fact, campus the onus is on you. students involved requested not students of the University Whilst the University works Although this article that this path should be fol- and therefore are not relevant with tiie Students' Union and essentially raised some lowed. to a discussion regarding the the Council to improve light- valid points I feel that it University's responsibilities. ing and cut back under- The article mentions the rape growth, it is your may have been that was experienced by a fe- The University is fully aware responsibility to ensure that misleading in some male student walking home of ali incidents that are re- you do not put yourself in respects. from a night-club in town, on ported and you can rest as- situations that could compro- her own at about 1.30am. Al- sured that the students mise your safety. So don't use Our University Security though this student can in no involved have access to as the Stag Hill/Ridgemount make every effort to ensure way be blamed for the attack much support as they need pathway when you're on your that this campus is safe at ali that was inflicted upon her, from the University and the own; don't walk back from times of day and night and, as she chose to walk home atone Students' Union. It must be town after CRs or Bo's on a result, the number of inci- rather than waiting for one of realised that, although the your own; buy an attack dents on campus are very few. the free minibuses to take her University can work with the alann (they are heavily subsi- Usually these incidents, when back to campus, safe and police (and do), University dised by University Security they do occur, can be ade- sound. These minibuses are Security have no right to ap- at £1 or £2 each) and use the quately dealt with by Univer- paid for jointly by Security, proach possible attackers off minibuses when they are sity Security and Ae police the Univereity and the Stu- campus. This is a job for the available. We are all adults are not calied unless there is a dents' Union and are there to police to do and such inci- here and, imfortunately, we request from one of the stu- prevent the situation from dents should be reported to do not live in an ideal world, dents involved. This should arising where students feel them. It must also be realised so let's try to use our heads a be seen as a positive thing as they need to walk home alone that Surrey has the second bit and hopefully we can keep it avoids wasting police time from town alone. She also lowest crime rate of any up the good record of safety and protects students from had no attack alarm, some- county in the UK and now at Surrey. gaining criminal records for thing that could have drawn that CCTV has been installed U un• n I V V ChristiaMain meeting: nFriday unios 7-9pm n (Long before the Union gets goingl) f Other events go on throughout the week. For more information or a y 0 contact number visit our U/c^ o f http://www.surrey.ac.ttk/Che^lains/ca f s s CMif.UiM u LIbrcry iM. u iiiRiutr r KfTMIUNT Th. r r Uvrimrt« r e e y BtH«ma CmtI y Concert of Orchestrai Music by Ravel, Mozart, Milhaud & Stravinsky
RAVEL: Pavane pour une infante défunte
MOZART: Sinfonia Concertante forViolin, Viola and Orchestra Jennifer Underhill violin Merlyn Sturt viola MILHAUD: La création du monde
STRAVINSKY: Suites 1 & 2 for Chamber Orchestra UNIVERSITY OF SURREY CHAMBER ORCHESTRA Conductors: Luisa-Maria Ovett Lynne Weston Jamle Cordell Alistair Warwick Sunday 26th January 1997 7.45pm studio 1 Performing Arts Technology Studios University of Surrey Tickets: £6 (£3 students) available from Music Department, PATS, University of Surrey Telephone: 01483 259317 or at the door Fab and Groovv A Trip Down Memory Lane... Another captain was to Hollywood, it should be or this groovy Captain Pugwash. Mr. Ben. Seventies édition Now, I enjoyed Cap- Fof Bare Facts, I tain Pugwash on Pugh, Pugh, Barney, thought Vd Write about weekday evenings McGraw, Cuthbert, Dibble just before the news. and Grub was always the end something that affected So, imagine my hor- of Camberwick Green which ail of us in our formative ror when during my was British children's TV par years, What could this teen^e years people excellence. OK, Trumpton be? World oil shocks? began spreading ru- was very similar but 1 Üiink The Cold War? No, mours that Pugwash Camberwick Green always children's programmes. was removed from pipped it at the post. our screens because Well that's nine programmes, Yes, the best form of post the crew were called so what's my favourite? One school entertainment Master Bates and that few people remember ever invented. Your Seaman Stains. and one that a good friend and parents may go on about There was nothing I have been looking for on dodgy about my video for about three years. Muffin The Mule and mate ^gwash thank Does anyone remember Bat- Andy Pandy, but the you very much. tie of the Planets? G-Force! ! I Seventies were the never faüed to be captivated golden years of Ivor The Engine was by this masterfiil piece of ani- children's television. another post tea time mation but ru be damned ¡f I favourite. It's nice to can find it anywhere. If any- Cavey fVav^ remember Ivor chug- one knows where I can obtain Now, we've all had the con- ging around the Welsh Val- copies of the crew of Phoenix versation at least once a year leys with Joe The Steam and let me know. "Oh do you remember the occasionally meeting the Wombles? Weren't they ex- Moving on, we come to dragon. cellent?" which is usually fol- Scooby Doo, who was a real So that's my list. I'm sure lowed by "Well, not as good childhood hero ofmine. Fine, Mr Ben was always a strange there'll be loads of people as Bagpuss". So, I think it's so in the early Eighties when one. In he'd walk to the cos- who disagree. Where's Bod time to settle the issue once Scrappy Doo came on the tume shop put on any old suit and Henry's Cat? What about and for all with my top ten scene, the cartoon's general and then - voila - Mr The Flumps and Pigeon favourite children's pro- appeal diminished ¡.e. Ben...Caveman or Mr Street? Weil, it's my opinion grammes. Scrappy was a pain, but I can Ben...Astronaut. If only I and I'm entitled to it. Enjoy safely say that I will always could be like that. If any char- the discussions that this is In no particular order, TU have a soft spot for Scoòby in acter should make the move boimd to provoke. Start with The Wombles. my heart. Bruce Now were they or were they Hong Kong Phooey is one not brilliant? Those little character who is frequently Wombles in their burrow on forgotten in the fond memo- Wimbledon common were a ries of childhood, but he stood post-school highlight for me. out for me. Superman got Studenti BOGOM And how many of you had the changed in a phone booÄ - Ô - 10 ^Mv 'C^iCóUá^óf^u^ í
Wednesday Night Sports Night Lounge Bar Front 7pm CA Q
The UnW* Lounge Bar open 2.30 till 4.30pm 18th lanuary Scotland vs Wales I St February England vs Scotland 15th February Ireland vs England 1 St March England vs France 15th March Wales vs England THE HELYN ROSE BAR UNIVERSITY OF SURREY STUDENTS UNION, UNION HOUSE, UNIVERSITY OF SURREY, GUILDFORD Doors Open: 8.00pm Show Starts: 8.30pm Tickets: £3.00 Tel: 01483 259223 WED JAN 15 ED BYRNE Hb acplldwt wsdi CMnedgr a masterpiec' rh Wi^wJe of careMli f with CHRIS ADDISON WED JAN 29 JASON FREEMAN 'I unwdT tncgo-itu In Hm nMkiiq' ria Mu>h withJUNIOK SIMPSON BIGPIG WED FEB 12 HELEN AUSTIN -DeHghtfurh "Mlntf-bendfng/x fuimf" (Stotmoni Dan Freedman tromples over pgpulsr culture with Perrier Award Nomlnee and 22nHwriter of Jo BranEd Throug h the Cakehele. Porrot 'wlM tak§ ef arwed nbteij, erìi ihkkeus, Ufetla and abtn« af the fnnds ef brìngs his formidoble one-mon stond-vp to the National Comedy Network. Described os pajan highlontfert" ilhe fndependentj: Don returns triwnphantly lo the Network 'vfntoge (ennelly' (Melody Makeril Porrott hos starred in Sab (. Neihllt (NO, fdlowing a 3 week leU-oiil ron ot The E^burgh festival. Over the last 1] months, he hos Nighthowks ond You Mint Be Mbig (Centroß, Something For The Weekend regulorly storred on tedio 4's loote indi ond Weekendlng. (Torkshire), London Undergriwnd (USTV) ond Pulp Video [BBC». "Sardonie, iold back dry and hllarious, ile is undoubtediy !iie 'An hour of soiid laughing" funniest new {omlc en the (irtuif (Melody Maker) (The Independent) JASON FREEMAN In « mind fiioted with WWf Wrestling, ioson'i worid revohrei orovnd Irybig out Retuming front o trismphort 3 week sell-oot rw ol the Edinbor^ Fes^l where he er^ed critiMi combinolwn tog moves mi his elderly grondmother, getting sway with murder ond ond public opplouie, 'hFs aet was o mosterplece tf tareMI/ plkhed comedy' (The attomptng to deal with a phermaceuticaliy mduced obsession with (oncy cokes. Joion Telejroplil Ed is ont of ccmedys fostestrìsing slois . His ocuto observotions and down te earth recently storred olongside Alan Parker-Urban Warrlor m BBC2s Loncton Shouting approoch combined with hii own twisted lo^ ensur« thol this 'nercurlal, sharp, high entrgy ond in Richerd Herriag'i s«ll out «eoiedy ploy 'Pwnk's Not Dead' which recoived criticil TDlü SUNDAY NIGHT BAND Monday Cccll^taiiills in the Upper Bar Available from 7pm Tuesday Wednesday NEWCASTLE Featuring BROWN ALE Jason Freeman UnPlu£lâed M ATI 0 M AL + support Helyn Rose Bar 8pm NETWORK HRB 8pm -£3 Thursday FridoyßAQK TO THE 60'SWrrH THE The Rugby Club Presen^s Dia Out A Drag Disco Jhe Draìnpipes HRB 8-2am FEAT THE RETURN OF ROY GUDGE Saturday THE SUNDAY NIGHT BAND SUM DIRECT FROM LOS ANGELES mii ii\€H Guest£s 1Allowe d PIJNCH UNIVERSITY OF SURREY UNION SEMESTER 2(part one) AT A GLANCE "The beat goes on " CZLUB MON TUE WED THU FRI SAT SUN WEEK Folk Free iuai mmm Jan 13-19 Club Film FNO SCs Night 70's Night WEEK 2 Free Uta« SUNGBACSS D Jan 20-26 Quiz Film FN& LJ SUPPORT CZt WEEK 3 ÓO-s Night Folk Free ittfli ONE INCH Jan 27-feb 2 Club Film FNO PÜNC1% HusHngs iuai WEEK 4 BEMET Feb3-9 LJ CI ni WEEK 5 iuai mum Union AI THE Feb 10-16 pmm+Bass MAGIC Closed iniielowrbar ORCBESm iuaa WËÊK6 DJ Quiz Feb 17-23 Competion FNO TBA LJ' WEEK 7 iuaa •eb 24-Mar 2 1i)lent DJ TMVIS Compétition Compefion FNO WEEK 8 Talent SHADE March 3-9 Compétition Competion FNO CI iuaa Talent WEEK 9 latent DJ Competion Final March 10-16 Compétition FNO FINAL JOYiUDEIt WEEK 10 Quiz 5 March 17-23 tbc Fab and Groovy Earthcbild's and Moonbeam's 70's Fashion Sur^ery Hey, funky people!! This Fri- better. Indian print blouses bil- Blondie and of course the Pis- Dear EarthchUd, day night as you walk through lowed under tasselled leather tols! I love collars, y'know, but the front doors of the Union jackets and motorbikes be- So, there you have it! By no mine are so long they are rub- you'11 be travelling back 20 came an essentiai fashion ac- means a comprehensive guide bing on my nipples and giving years or so, through space and cessory for both sexes (but to the decade in which many of me a rash. How can I cure this? time, into the sensational 70s. don't bring yours to the Un- US were bom but a shove in the Moonbeam Sorechest So, here's a few tips for you to ion!). right direction for Friday EarthchUd says: Hey, I could bear in mind when you're Gldm Night Out! rU see you there! get all medicai, like, and say frantically searching tíu-ough Now, which look shall I go rub some Vaseline or baby oil your wardrobe for that perfect I have one word to say. SPAN- for ? on, but no. l'm gonna say did 70s outfitüü DEX!!!!!!!! This is one you Moonbeam Mother Nature invent shirts? can really go to town with. No, maaan, she didn't - she There are four main styles to Lads, get out that make-up kit Are you scared to go out on was a cooool bird. Respect her choose from, each associated you save for the annual Drag Fridays because your fiares - don't wear nothin' man. with a particular style of 70s Disco and getto woric think are too short? Do you spend Bum your bra - but take it off tunes: Disco, Metal, Glam and Ziggy Stardust! And you'd hours agonising over the fu^t. Punk, ril take 'em one at a best get practising in your high choice of cord or denim? Have time! heels again 'cos platfbrms are you thought about ending it all Dear EarthchUd, Disco a key féature of this look. The eos your shirt just ain't I got problems with me afro, bigger the fiares the better. groooovy enuff? Well chill, maaaan - it's all static. Sor- Lads, rush out and get yourself The more Silver and gold the man, because our transcen- tusout before I zap meself a copy of Saturday Night Fe- better. In fact, the more outra- dental fashion guru, Earth- Curly ofCath Court ver and feast your eyes on the geous the better. You're gonna child, is here to solve your vast array of satin shirts with style probs. EarthchUd says: Sorry man, disproportionately large col- be rockin' away to a variety of but I got to get all technical to lars, white flared suits (Tra- tunes probably provided by Dear Earíhchild, explain this one - it's like volta style!) and Cuban heels. the likes of T-Rex, Slade, My Gran keeps making me Physics, y'know. The problem And you can get that hairy Queen, the Bay City Rollers flares but she ain't got a clue, is die hair and the nylon, right, ehest out of Storage and fiir- and even David. Bowie. Just man. They just ain't, well, they just don't get on - never nish it with a large gold medal- watch your back copies of Top flarey enough. She'll be really have, never will. I think they üon that will probably smack of tiie Pops 2 and I'm sure upset thou^ if I tell her that ought to just chill out together you in the eye all ni¿it when you'll get the gist. her 15-inchers aren't groovy. sometime, personally. Any- you dance. Girls, get your Punk WhatamIgonnado, man? way, right, what you gotta do shiny lycra catsuits out, Square qfStag mu is ground y'self, right? Get a nipped at the waist by a thin In 1976, Malcohn MacLaren roll of bacofoil and wrap it Silver beit that matches your played the "Great Rock 'n' EarthchUd says: Hey, maaan, around you, imder your shirt strappy disco sandals. With Roll S windle", introducingthe cool it. Respect to your Gran - and flares. It, like, mellows the glitter on your cheeks, electric Sex Pistols to an unsuspecting she sounds like a cool chick. mood between the hair and the blue eye shadow and super public and punk was, alleg- 15-inchers am't nothmg to be nylon. But it could be a bit glossy Ups you'll be struttin' edly, bom. With little talent ashamed of - you need to be embarrasing if you pulì a chick your fiinky stuff with the best and even less manners these happy with yoiu^self Leam to though, y'imow what l'm say- of 'em to the music of Chic, pale, mangy looking speci- love yourself, man. Person- ing? Rose Royce, The Trammps, mens with their short, spiky ally, though, I'd kill myself if the Jacksons and don't forget hair and studded dog collars I á^opped under 18, but then, Dear EarthchUd, the Beegeesüül took the World by storm, cre- y'know, I'm just wild, man. Me and Tracy just got back ating the opportunity for thou- That's me - wild. from Corfu, right, and I got Metal sands like them to "cut a this right decent gold médai- record". Vivien Westwood Dear EarthchUd, llon - real classy, like, and only In the 70s pop sensibility gave helped sculpt the image, intro- I'm tom between the Bee a monkey. Anyway, Trace way to rock 'n' roll mayhem. ducing bondage gear and anar- Gee's look and the Sex Pis- says to me why don't I wear it This is where metal comes in. chistic slogan T-shirts.to the tols' look. Which carries the down the disco, right, but l'm With the rise of Led Zeppelin, équation. Soon, the spread of least chance of being beaten a bit concemed what with not Kiss, ACDC and our beloved "professional punks" was un- up? having enough chest hair. Do Status Quo (hmmmm!) came derway as everyone jumped Barry Rotten you know where Ï can get a the metal look that we adore. on the bandwagon and it be- decent chest wig? Think denim! Think tight! came a challenge to fìnd a EarthchUd says: I'm gettin' Tel Think trashed! Denim jackets postcard of London without a two distinct vibes, maaan. But were mercilessly massacred, rainbow mohecan somewhere they ain't incompatible, EarthchUd says: Look, I may their arras chopped off and on the scene. But for the real y'know. Harmony - that's be a sad 70's sort, but I'm not patches and badges liberally thing, get your bovver boots what we need, a blending of that sad, right? Sod off. sewn all over them. Facial hair and drainpipes out and pogo the beard and the skinhead. was worshipped, especially away to the Clash, the Jam, When you're next on TV, that of the sidebum variety, blend the two - say "how deep and the wilder your mop the is yourf****in' love?". Music SINGLES OF TDK WEEK MIDGET - Kylie And REPU3LICA-Ready Jason (Pet Sounds) To Go A very young band from (PeConstruction) Stamford play Green Day This BIG indie-pop tune style pop-punk Üiat is catchy based on a contagious rhythm as hell. The b-side 'Patheti- is destined for the higher cally Devoted To You' is reaches of the charts. The equally ace. There are only powerful guitars mixed with 1000 copies available so get tough but melodic vocals out and but it now its fucking make this a stunning single, fantastic. Rob. fit for both clubs and radios. Oliveira. LAURENT GARNIER the latest chapter in the rise PAVEMENT - Stereo and rise of the boys from Ses- Jazz At The - Crispy 3acor\ (F ame Street (no sorry that's (Domino) Electric Communications) Big Bird). Babybird, de- Produced by Mitch Easter of scribed as the band even your REM's 'Murmur' and 'Reck- The new Electric Theatre is Fast, hard and fiill-on "in yer mum would like, offer up an- oning' fame, this should be hoping to become the . latest face" banging house music. other example of total pop. good, and the song does have home for Jazz and Blues lov- Mr. Gamier, despite the shit The lyrics are strange, but in- some potential. However, al- ers, starting with itsfirst con - title, presents us with the lat- teresting, and the tune is though this has some decent cert on Thursday 30th est from his record bag of great. Possibly not as good as guitars, it is let down by a January. Featuring ac- tricks. Put down your boring tìie hugely successfiil * You're bland vocalist and has far too claimed and accomplished work (or girlfriend), put this Gorgeous' but bound to do much bass up front. Buy that performers from the jazz record on (volume is essen- well in the charts. Numnuts. world, and led by Iain Bal- tial) and dance yourself into a ••••••• superb República single in- lamy, 'Acme' are currently sweaty frenzy. It won'tbe one stead. James. on a British tour and were of the tunes of the year, but greeted at Ronnie Scott's then again who cares. Num- PERFUME - Lover with great enthusiasm. The nuts. Star) MARNIIE-You Come group's credits are extensive and impressive, and Iain Bal- Morissey style vocals with a From Everywhere / Unburdened lamy has been described as VELVET J0NE5 - good orchestration and a cho- one of the great originals of rus based on some fine back- (Progression) his generation. The group is Twisted (Naked) ing vocals ... a pretty good comprised of John Parricelli, single. Oliveira. 'You Come...' is a run-of-the- who has worked with a di- With a voice sounding very ••••••• mill indie sound, however verse a range of performers similar to Bono's in 'The 'Unburdened' sounds great as M-people and Loose Fly', and a chunky vibrating THESE ANIMAL and is by far the better track. Tubes, Mike Mondesir who beat, this single definitely de- Rob. has performed with Neneh serves a space in your record MEN - Life Support Cherry and Django Bates, collection...excellent guitars. Machine (Hut) and Mark Mondesir who is Oliveira. world renowned for his per- A step away from their ORB - Toxygene formances and recordings NWONW beginnings into (Island) with among others, Courtney something altogether more Pine. Together, Acme create JHANA - The interesting, kind of Queen "Ditching their untethered a heady mixture incorporat- Sentient EP (Wired) playi^ the Sex Pistols. Rob. ambience of recent releases ing Brazilian, rock, ambient for a more direct approach" and jazz related elements, re- Jhana's debut is a decidedly (whatever that means,) the sulting in an exciting new funky number with Alanis Orb have come up with the music and band chemistry. Morrisette style vocals and fat LIG - Empty singularly uninspiring fusion Described by The Guardian hip-hop beats, and despite of sound effects (distorted as "a vigorous and engaging hideous lyrics, it is beauti- (Abstract Sounds) voices, trafñc and train noises quartet", Acme are at The fully produced and well Good Stonesy guitar pop with etc.) and beat that is 'Toxy- Electric Theatre for one night wortì••••••i a listen•. Al. a melancholic vocal from gene.' Not a patch on their only, starting at 8pra. Tickets New Zealand. OK, but they previous stuff. Disappoint- are 4 pounds for students, will have to have better mate- ing. Vicki. and available from the Thea- &AßYBIRD - Car\dy rial to repeat Úieir homeland tre, Guildford Civic Hall, or Girl (Echo) success in the UK. Rob. by phoning 01483 444789. The next offering from Steven Jones, 'Candy Girl' is Music SLAPE - Feel The MHÌÌK Noize: Greatest ALITUM or THIÌ: Hits (Polydor) VARIOUS ARTI6T5 - Phoenix: The Album (New Millennium) Eighty minutes of Slade hits covering more than 20 years, placed in chronological order, 1996 was the year Phoenix bar 'Merry Xmas Everybody' rosefit)m th e shadow of Read- which is tagged on the end. ing and Glastonbury, and this The seventies songs are just CD attempts to show just why, great rock'n'roll with Noddy by compiling some of the Holder's voice at times remi- highlights of the festival. niscent of John Lennon. Looking at the tracklisting, 'Mama Weer All Crazee and there are some top acts on Now', 'Gudbuy To Jane', display, but what about three 'Cum On Feel The Noize' and of the biggest acts there last 'Skweeze Me, Pleeze Me' are year - Foo Fighters, The Sex all classics and a band at their Pistols and Neil Young (espe- height. The eighties tracks are cially)? I'm not sure about that good songs but the hamfisted one, but making up for them metal bludgeon detracts from are some new bands with them, the one nineties hit 'Ra- some surprisingly good stuff. dio Wall of Sound', steals The highlights of this CD are though it suffers with only one 'Hailo Spaceboy'. Not bad. from Def Leppard as they had Dodgy witii the magnificent guitar), and Linoleum's A couple of duff tunes from originally stolen from Slade. 'So Let Me Go Far', Terrorvi- smashing 'On A Tuesday'. the likes of BIS and Stereo- Will play this many times. sion with 'Alice, \\^at's The Then there's Babybird's un- lab do not spoil a great CD. Rob. Matter', The Manics with characteristically good 'Bug James. 'From Despair To Where' (al- In A Breeze' and Bowie's •••••••• but it turns out to be quite down by some wack ragga tions. Overall, this is a consis- VARI0U5 ACT5T5- good. The songs have contri- chants and an awíul rap, while tent effort that is worth check- 5tructurally Sound butions by all kinds of people, the the Bad Boy remix of 'Re- ing out. Dalitso. including a song written by vivar (featuring C L Smooth) •••••• (Concrete) Miles Davis himself and an- didn't quite reach my expecta- other sang and co-written by This album has a broad spec- Jarvis Cocker. As you can trum of music with a general imagine each track is very dif- dance introspective within ferentfrom th e other, but even each song. All the tracks seem so; as you listen you start Redd Kross to have a beat and no matter thinking "yeah, this is good", which way the song goes the then something like 'It's Busi- The Borderline London 9 Jan 1997 beat remains there. The best ness As Usual' kicks in and The last time I saw Redd this is truly a great band and tracks have to be 'To a Nation you see the nauseous side of Kross, was supporting the now after 17 years in music, Rockin", "Iliere's Gonna Be this album, then you begin to Stone Temple Pilots (a band they started young, they are a Riot' and 'Rocco', \yhich understand what the title is all who were obviously paying at- on the verge of the success you might have heard on the about. Difficult to give marks tention as their current album they so richly deserve. The Evening Session as they are all to. Generally good, and inter- "Tiny Music..." takes a big mixture of new songs, in- big fans of these there. Unfor- esting. Brazilnutter. leaf out of the Beatles/Badfm- cluding the new single 'Get tunately I hapten to have the ••••••• ger school of pop that Redd Out Of Myself - which gets sampler for this and none of Kross inhabit) a couple of better every time I hear it, the various rembies you hear years ago. Their return has and old favourites closing on the released album do the MARTINE GIRAULT been delayed by a serious ill- with 'Huge Wonder'. originals any justice. Al- ness for frontman Jeff though the songs are great the - Revival (Opaz/RCA) McDonald last year, causing The encore was just great fun remixes have changed each of Soulstress Martine Girault is the postponement of their al- including piss-take covere of them into nearly other songs no newcomer to the UK soul bum release to February. Fleetwood Mac and Tif- and although the sampler scene. After six years of pay- However they are back and fany's 'I Think We're Alone would have got a 91 can only ing dues, she's finally released tìiis is their first show m two Now'. give this album a 7, for shear her debut and a good effort it years, they band were brilliant, disappointment Brcailmtter. is too. In terms of vocal style, the songs are shining melodic All in all this was a great gig ••••••• she sounds similar to Amel slices of pop music. Jeff apol- by a great band. Redd Kross Larrieux (Groove Theory), but ogised for their slackness be- are back for a full tour in needs a little more woik to re- tween songs, but it added to February when their 'Show 3AKKY ADAMSON - ally compete with the latter. the relaxed atmosphere of the World' album is released. Oedipus There are 12 tracks altogether show. You can see Redd Kross play Shmoedipus (Mute) and the high points include the London ULU on Fridc^ 21st album title track, 'Bring Back Opening with 'Pretty Please February., Portsmouth on This is strange stuff, by read- Our Love' and 'Been Think- Me' the show is great each Monday 24 th, and Reading ing the marketing info you'd ing Bout You' to mention just song making you realise that on Thursday 27th. think it was pretentious crud, a few. 'Don't Dog Me' is let Reviews Evita Director: Alan Parker Starring: Madonna, Jonathan Price and Antonio Banderas Andrew Lloyd Webber must be doubly tifs, anchoñng the plot and making the chuffed. Not only does his officiai title thematic links easier to relate and to rec- now match his speaking voice, but one of ognise. his best pieccs of woric has been ampli- It is also more obvions than halitosis fìed to an extent that it must be much when being swallowed by a geriatrie lion nearer to how it was originally envis- that Mr and Mrs Ciccone con^ired to aged. create "Evita mk.H" when little Ma- Of course, saying that Evita is Andy's donna was conceived. Thrusting herself best is akin to declaring one cowpat nipples-first into evety scene, her admi- slightly more solid than another, but di- rationforand dedicationtoEvaPeron are rector Alan Parker holds back from mak- self evident, and parallels have to be ing a cinematic spectacle where the drawn: both women allegedly slept their dialogue just happens to be sung way to the top, meeting a mixture of throu^out, allowinginstead the collabo- extreme respect/disrespect along the ration to become the best musical you'll path; each is a strong iemale in male- never see in the West End, dominated territory, smart thinking (Eva's socialist refonns, Madonna's Sure, Parker gives it ali the "movie" shrewd business dealings) and the most touches: nice bit of Dobbly, swooshing powerful wpman in their nation (dis- camera antics, exotic locations swaiming cuss...). of a nation divided - the worship and the with angst-ridden pretend peasants (and criticism. a simple, unlaboured plot with an empha- Madonna is the deserved focal point, When staged. Evita is unchallenging and sis on strong lead characters rather than both engaging and ^chanting, inspiring tediously dull; but new life has been big dance routines makes this far more and tnigic. breathed into tìie musical and occasion- Commitments than West Side Story) but The rest of the cast have a delightful ally this film is overwhelmingly good. Its this only enhances the feel of an inflated gravitas (beware Jimmy Nail as her hi- true success is in re-establishing the Broadway show. larious cheesecore lounge singer lover), "movie musical" as an expressive and Though musically limited (see which bit particularly Antonio Banderas as Che accessible genre of stoiytelling. you can happily sing "Jesus Christ: Su- Guevara, the narrator of the tale. The role The scribbling sound you can hear is Ken perstar^' along to wiüiout the blue-rinsed is taken to a new height, made essential Branagh tiying to fit "To be or not to be?" hippo sitting behind you with the sweet by Banderas' insistent Hispanic tone, to a samba... wrappers noticing), the massive orches- rather than just a short-cut in imparíing tration and large-scale Staging trawl up the stoiy. Che now reflects the feelings Jazzy Jes wholly more powerM anthems and mo- National Comedy Network Estabhshed in 1992 out of a growing tiying out combination tag moves on his need to break with the traditional L ondon elderty grandmother, getting away with hold of the comedy circuit, theNewcastle murder and attempting to deal with a Brown Ale Comedy Network has be- pharmaceutically induced obsession come Britain's biggest chain of comedy with fancy cakes. clubs, taking over 30 top stand-up acts to After making a major impact on The 50 major comedy venues throu^out the Edinburgh Festival last year as part of the British Isles. In previous years it has sell-out Com^ Zone show, Jason's hi- show-cased Harry Hill, Stewart Lee, lariously original humour and energetic Jenny Eclair, Boothby Graffoe, AlaH n- style has given him a réputation for being Paricer Urban Warrior and Lee & ct one of the most exciting new names in ring's Fist of Fun. Mid-way through the comedy. Jason recently starred alongside 1996/97 tour, Newcastle Brown Ale Na- Alan Paiker - Urban Warrior in BBC2's tional Comedy Network presents a 'London Shouting' and with Richard Spring season of leading comics...this Herring in 'Punk's Not Dead' which re- week Jason Freeman. ceived critical acclaim in this years Ed- Welcome to Jason's world, where surreal inburgh Festival. flights of fancy are peppered with razor sharp observations and cracking one-lin- Jason Freeman will be in the Helyn Rose ers. In a mind fixated with W"*^ Wres- Jason Freeman Bar on Wednesday 29th January (week tling, Jason's world revolves around 3). Doors open at 8pm, tickets £3. O Cinema OFU Season Ticket Bonanza Hello again. After the success show host 'Abby', who gives You can get individuai tickets of last week's free film, Tm out usefiil bits of information by going to the union post sure Âat you'll all have bought on people's animais. When room and putting an advanced season tickets and can't wait to Brian rings up and asks her out ticket in the OFU box and see this week's offering. No? on a date, he asks her to de- we'll relieve you of £2 on the Probably because you don't scribe her appearance. She de- door. Alternatively, why not know what it is yet. This scribes Thurman's character buy a season ticket Here's the week's film is 'The Truth 'Noelle'. Brian goes to meet deal:- you pay for 3 films, we About Cats And Dogs' star- Abby and instantly falls in give you 5 for free! Amazing! ring no other than the delight- love with the more attractive, Yes« 8 films for only £6. fiil Urna Thurman. Now l'm yet mentally challenged Thaf s less than £1 per film. sorry to be slightly crass, but Noelle. Cue a delightful film. Season tickets are on sale phwooooaaaarrr! There, now No, you can't tell that I ha- throughout the week in the un- that has assured the attendance ven't seen this fihn. Anyway, ion from 12pm - 2pm or before of half the menfolk on cam- we'll be showing The Truth and after our films. Remem- pus, how can I appeal to the About Cats And Dogs in LTG ber only £6 for all these rest of you? Well Àis romantic on Sunday at 5pm and 8pm as fiims: The Truth About Cats union post room again. Then comedy is about a radio talk well as on Monday at 8pm. And Dogs, Twister, The Fu- its £2 on the door. gitive, Mission: Impossible, Multiplicity, The Rock, For- That's about it again. We've rest Gump and Toy Story. got the OFU AGM this week, This Week's Films so this might well be my last The Arts cinema will be show- column - sniff sniff If you're ing 'Othello'. Hîis is Kenneth interested in taking this job off The Truth About Cats And Dogs Brannagh's adaptation of one my hands, or are just inter- Sun 5pm & 8pm of William Shakespeare's fin- ested in helping us with your est Works and is by all means campus cinema, then we meet Mon 8pm quite good. Othello will be in LTH on Tuesday at 6pm. showing in LTG on Wednes- Othello day at 8pm. Tickets are avail- So long for now, able by putting an advanced Bruce Wed 8pm coupon in the OFU box in the Odeon Guildford Friday 24th January to Thursday 31st January 1997 Evita (PG) Sleepers (15) Sat only), 1.05, 3.30 Jingle Ail The Way Friday and Saturday at 12.30, Friday and Saturday at 1.45, Sunday to Thureday at 12.35, (PG) 3.40, 5.55,6.45,9.00,9.55 8.15,9.40 3.10,5.45 Friday and Saturday at Sunday to Thursday at 12.45, Sunday to Thursday at 1.15, Star Trek: First Con- L30pm only 4.15, 7.30, 8.15 4.45, 8.00 tact (12) Sunday to Thursday at The Frighteners (15) The Ghost and The Friday and Saturday at 1.25, 12.10pm only Friday and Saturday at 1.10, Darkncss (15) 4.00, 8.40 Saturday Morning 3.55,7.05,10.15 Friday and Saturday at (1.50, Sunday to Thursday at 12.25, Sunday to Thursday at 12.30, 4.25 not Sat or Sun), 6.55,9.30 3.00, 5.40, NO SHOWÏNGS Picture Show 3.20, (6.00 not Wednesday), Sunday to Thursday at (12.55, ON WEDNESDAY Mission Impossible (PG) at 8.40 3.30not Sat or Sun), 6.00,8.35 10.50 The Mirror Has Two Alaska (PG)at 11.00 That Thing You Do (PG) 101 Dalmations (U) Faces (15) Dragonheart (PG) at 10.55 Friday and Saturday at 12.40, plam Friday and Saturday at Friday and ^turday at 8.40pm Wind In the Wîllows (U) at 3.20, 6.05, 8.45 (12.30 Sat andSun only), 1.15, only ll.lOA Goofy Movie Sunday to Thursday at 12.20, (3.00 Sat and Sun only), 3.35, Sunday to Thursday at 8.25 (U)10.40 3.05, 5.45, 8.25 6.10, only All tickets just £1!!! Surviving Picasso (15) Sunday to Thursday at (12.45 Daylight (12) Friday and Saturday at (1.05 Sat and Sun only), (1.05 not Friday and Saturday at 9.25 Films For All Seasons not Sat or Sun), 4.00, 7.00, Tues or Thu), (3.20 Sat and only Wednesday 10.00 Sun only), 3.40,6.05 Sunday to Thursday at 8.20pm Lone Star (15) Sunday to Thursday at (1.45 MatUda (PG) only at 1.40,5.10, 8.20 not Sat or Sun), 4.45, 8.00 Friday and Saturday at (10.40 Personals • Philyouslapper-7V«m«tttó • Wanted good homes for 4 • Hannah - We ali think • To Guy from GPA - wel- • Philadelphia is better tha frozen chickens, with quiet you're great...no really we come back! Hope the cheese! friendly personalities, ap- do xxxx Masaii are well - love Jude • Tom(RtMl) - happy(be- ply to house 31. • Lou, stick this one in and andKirste lated) birthday...luv • Hello Mark! You're 20 double your collection! • The trollies will be re- ISPercy Rd now, big and man like! (Hope you spot it this united, let them mate! • Welcome back to ROSE- • Uncle Bulgaria thanks for time!). P.Xx • 'One slice or two? Les?' MARY and her dietetics dinner, see you soon love • Put those eye lashes away • Hey V.Q. Stop it, you're panel, love the Darling Bootsie! Mr ee3 [email protected] interfereing with my T.V. Dietitain. • Miss T.H.H. - You're the • Cheesy Flip Flop Hair Sa- reception. • Idiot Girl - let's hit the sea best thing to happen to lon Now Open. No ap- X me! ! ! So please stay around pointments necessary. We • Claire, I know we are tail- - love FG and we' 11 cause more havoc do everything - except hair ing each other....but I,m not • CJ...yourturanext!remem- and destruction together! - dying!!! going that far!! Wend. ber it happens to the love sweet and dirJcy xxx • I take back ali I said about best(and worst!) of us! luv • l'm sorry son, but dad drip drip dribble, it's more US! • VQ..BUZZZZZZ2Z! Love wasn't giving me what I like wretch, wretch, puke! • Rawson 1 - seen your The Bitches wanted! Feat not I will fight Mind you if you keep your sign... should we wear any • It's not M+M, it's W+W for custody - love mum xxx eyes open have a look underwear? The London- • S.C, who'lltapmetosleep • Sparkly Fish, had any pizza around the resuits are ers. XXX now? V.Q lately? Stop scaring you promising!!! • I love you always for ever, • Jo - I like my new hairdo. know who cos he's only • FISH from the little man Now it's your tum remem- young! love ? • Here lies Mr Cheeseman - • Simon: Is it because Boots ber?!!! -Moxxx • A little piece of advice Guns 'n' Ammo lives on! I ! give you free gel that you • Crabie please come out of from M+M: "Concentrate - R.I.P. put so much on? P lives a your shell and play with the on making it better not big- • .... if you don't know dangerous lifell!!! bug. ger!" you're not Dodgy enough. • For the attention of the • And your Mum! • M+M - This word is • Shitme, Ican'tgetup 'jockey' in the poisson banned for the term 'clean- posse-ride on!!! • Dad - thanks for removing ing' • Ruthie-baby, 1 ali - decider the proverbiai lump of • Bagpuss -1997 is your year will determine Hawäii on men-fat - love mum sweetie!!! - Jen or off! Choice is yours... • 26-18. 'nuf respect Sting- • JENNY HODGEKIN- ers. Thats the way to play. SON, joke then?. Matt You know we're the best. • ATTENTION!!!-sinks are In our house!!!!!!!!!! stronger than seat! ! ! • DAVID - Have you been • AwfiillyHorrid!!!!!!!! asked for ID recently????? • Hiya Caroline, here's your • Snowflake, Snowman, personal. Hope you en- Snow....Business like joyed the party, love James showbusiness, yellow sub- xxx marine.... • Bitches,be wamed. • Madcows (+ Ben) - Sorry • Welcome back Erica! (She about the seat!!! I guess it doesn't do embarrassed, oh wasn't made for 2? no...) • To He or not to lie? M+M • Catwomen -1 dare you to • CAPBEARER:IT'S A stay out tili lam! - BP '97 MONTH TO VALEN- ps I hope you're feeling TINE'S DAY,BETTER better. START LOOKING • Dodgy Birds are looking SOON!! for male victims, dodgy of • Next Dodgy Bird Club course. Itcouldbeyou!!!! meeting • There is a Big King Cobra • Kiwis still on the telly You won't be able to for boring people in Twyford E Snowflake? • 103 boys -1 held the record • Oi Bitches! CHEAT! for 4 days and 2 became There are more than four 8 Oayj +10 evenh + 5 charitìcs + numcrous beer$ l!!!-HubbaBubba, Ha Ha -FGx cards there! S.C. + music + bandi+ fun & gomes = Week 4 • Martins computer overhaul • We may not have got the Service - guaranteed to big yellow house, but Raglile over knacker any PC in 2 hours we've stili got each other - iidrei^s or less F and A nextiueek* • JANUARY SALE - See ya there! SOFA, use now PAY FEB- RUARY. Tel. 4751 4S> Notices Notices "It's cold and wet outside, you can't be bothered to go to Crossword Téseos. What if somebody would go to Téseos for you and then deliver your beer and choccies to the door.Yes, you think the perfect answer....or not? Please send any comments to [email protected] or drop them into the Bare Facts box. A Red Cross Basic First Aid course will be held in TB11 on Tuesdays, weeks 2-5 from 7.30pm to 9.30pm this semester. The course itself is free and open to all but you will need to buy a manual, which will cost about £5. Places are limited so you will need to book. Contact Katherine on ext 4171 or bsólkih as soon as possible. To allfirst year s students - look out for the psychology survey you will be receiving soon. All returned, completed question- naires will be placed in a draw and have the chance to win cash prizes. For Sale, GPI4 Dinghy with lauching trailer. Servicable but in need of some cosmetic attention. £500 ono. Contact Ray Briggs Ext 9217 or 01483 565831 Evenings. Royal Society of Chemistry lectures: "BiocompatiWe Materials - From Concept To Development" by Dr. J.C. Russell of Biocompatibles Ltd - Tuesday 4th February at 5pm in lecture theatre E "The Shape Of Things To Come" by Professor B.F.G Johnson of Cambridge University Dept. Chemistry - Friday 21st February 4pm in lecture theatre F Across 1. A swelling (4) "Hot And Stimulating-A Tale Of Tea And Coffee" by Pro- I.To set free (8) 2. Town with corporation (7) fessor M Spiro of Imperial College of Science and Technol- 5. Fail to catch (4) 3. Regal (5) ogy and Medicine Dept. of Chemistry -Tuesday 11th March 9. Mirthfiil (5) 4. A crowd (6) 5pm in Lecture Theatre E 10. To alleviate (7) 6. Fatuous (5) All of the above are Royal Society of Chemistry lectures in II. Morose (6) 7. In quick time (8) conjunction with die student chemical society. 12. Played a part (5) 8. Laterpart oflife(3,3) No Wave Club Night in the Lower Bar on Thursday of week 14. Educational Estab- 13. Star shaped mark (8) 4 (Feb 6th) - £2 lishment (6) 15. Expenditure (6) ' uim vcnoi i i yjr ounntT 16. Remember (6) 17. Mitigate (7) 19.Touplift(5) 18. Take up abode (6) CAREERS INFORMATION 2L Surplus (6) 20. Fools (5) 24. A moment (7) 22. To cringe (5) FOR WEEK 3, SPRING SEMESTER 25. Marine Mammal (5) 23. A muddle (4) CAREERSTALK 26. Greet afPectionately (4) Crossword compiied by THE FINAL HURDLE 27. Intrepid (8) Jeff Blackham Monday 27 January, 1 -1.30 p.m. in LT G Down Russ Clark will talk you through final selecUon methods and introduce the workshop "How to succeedat Assessment Centres" AGMs/EGMs WORKSHOP FOAS Grant Mitchell Room HOW TO SUCCEED AT ASSESSMENT CENTRES Thursday 30th January 1997 Ring ext 4738 for more info at6pm Battersea Court AGM Wednesday 29 JANUARY, 2 - 4 pm in LT B TBl Tuesday 28th January 1997 at Final selection procédures include group discussions and problem For more Information contact 8.30pm solving aciivities. Here is your chance io find out more and gei Nisha on 503138 Battersea Court TV Lounge some practice. If interested, please regisler with Careers by Paintball Soc Will discuss the summer BBQ Monday 27 Jan. Wednesday 5th February and other social events 1997at5pm Lecture Theatre Concourse LGB Soc PRESENTATIONS Please contact Dave on Tuesdays at 8pm 567271 for more details TBll BT Monday 27 Jan at 6 pm in Wates House OFU to talk about Broadcast Systems Engineering Sailing Club for anyone studying engineering or a relaied 28th January 1997 at 6pm degree. Refreshments will be served. Please Thursday 6th February 1997 LTH register with Careers if you wish to attend. at6pm For more Information ring Grant Mitchell Room Tania on 505208 Graham Consulting Thursday 30 Jan at 6 pm in LT A Contact 578005 for more de- for Ovil Engineers. No need to sign up for this. tails Windband Monday 3rd February 1997 at Windsurfing 7pm •CAREERS SERVICE Monday 3rd February 1997 at 8pm University Hall Sport Campusdance Winning is Crap, A choice of two different dance styles on Tuesdays - why not try INDIAN Honest DANCE (7.00-8.30 p.m. in ard who at 6 foot 5 has been DeWint DeWoo needs a new TB10)an exciting mbrture of ell, where can selected to play for tìie Eng- haircut, so there is a reward of Bharata Natyam and con- I Start? I must land Rugby team at the Cal- fifty pee (self financed) for temporary diice, taught by Wconfess I cutta cup match week his scalp. Oh, isn't Rag Week Alamail or TRADITIONAL missed all sport this Saturday. Fenella, please ask Coming up? Ahem. On a seri- GREEK DANCE (7.00 - weekend, for I was him to be gentle for we Scots ons note, of which he has 8.00 p.m. in TB6)a five are a wee, gentle, rational, asked me to include alot week course with the em- reeling from the Welsh cairn peace loving people more, in the nm up to the phasis on FUN, taught by victory at Murryfield, who believe taking part is all elections he is running arti- Sakis who is a member of and still am. Thank God that counts. Honest. cles on the positions to be the Greek National Team. I bumped into only one filled. Seriously, read them. Come along and sign up at This week we have articles Surrey Needs YOU! the Campusport Reception. Welshman prior to the from a wide variety of clubs, match. I would be in deep I'm pleased to report. Sailing Hopefiilly in the next few This Saturday, 25th January, debt otherwise. But for a club are finally telling the rest weeks I hope to pull my fin- Campusdance can offer you cataclysmic six minutes of the world what they are ger out my bum and actually a FOLK DANCE DAY. doing with their new boats, interview the incoming Two Workshops with live it would've been a much and keeping with the aquatic Sports Oñlcer, whoever it musicians between 10.00 doser game, but theme our waterpolo team may be, and maybe even one a.m. and 4.30 p.m.in the Scotland were, Tm afraid and swimmers are doing well, or two of our Sports Scholars. University Hall. The mom- to say, beaten by a better winning medals and the like! ing session will be led by I dunno, it wouldn't have "Jack Straws", a locai Sur- side. I think we will see a happened in my day. The Deposits really must be in for rey based Cotswold Morris few more Welshman in American footballers are go- the Amsterdam multi-sports group and in the aftemoon British Lions than usuai. ing from strength to strength tour. There are stili just a few Ross Alien, will lead the We certainly won't see and the wimmins footballers places left, and I really do rec- group in Appalachian and many Irishmen, outside continue to outshine their ommend that you go. Speak French Canadian. Appala- male counterparts, in that to your club captains for fur- chian stems from the diverse the front row, at any rate. they have proved they can ther details. On this note, I am influences of the English, write by giving us yet another afraid that I ' m unable to go on Irish and Scottish settlers But that's enough of Rugby, incisive, accurate and factual said tour. You see, I have a combined with African Tve decided it's a crap game match report. Speaking of more subtle, floral side, and slave traditions and the na- anyway and resuits do not vaginal prolapses, I once had am appearing in LITTLE tive Cherokee Indians ritual matter in the slightest. Hon- this girl who...Ahem. Backto SHOP OF HORRORS, at dance forms. French-Cana- est. Winning is for phallicly sport. There is a great compe- the Electric Theatre in town, dian is a form of step dance challenged wimps who are tition being run by the Daily that weekend. But do not fear, characterised by a relaxed unsure about there sexuality Telegraph, which alas I can- because performances start and lilting style and shows (you hear me, DeWint?). Al- not enter. How can I stick to on the previous Wednesday, influences from Irish, Eng- though If Scotland achieve the facts? By the third sen- so you needn't worry about lish and Scottish dancing. Mission Impossible at tence of any article I'm talk- missing it if you are one of For both Workshops please Twickenham, don't quote ing about myself again, and I our glorified tourists. Tickets wear tap or hard-soled shoes me. don't think the Daily Tele- available fn)m the Box office (not trainers) The cost is £6 graph want to hear about my at the aforementioned theàtre. each, but enrol on both for On a lighter note, some good scar tissue etc. But their you only £10.00! Come along or news. Fenella Hill, fmal year Well that's enough pathetic phone the Campusport Cen- Nurse happens to have a go- prattling for one week. treonExtn. 9201 monolith of a brother, Rich- Cinga Running Riot The newly rejuvenated run- victory for Surrey in the third resuits despite there only be- and anyone wanting to ning club are going from race at Wimbledon. This now ing hai fa team. join should contact Jenny strength to strength. Follow- leaves us in second place in Hardie via the Student ing last semesters short note our division with two indi- On February 14th Surrey will Union Sports Office or in Bare Facts the results after viduals, Simon Wraight and be hosting its race in the the pigeon hole again. three races in the London Col- Andy Dawson in thetop ten. league and anyone wishing to leges X-Country league show take part or even help with the SDW. Suurey to be well placed in In the womens division Vicki marshalling and timekeepmg both the mens and womens Frew is ieading the way with should contact Andy Dawson competitions. A fine per- some fine Performances. 8th via the club pigeon hole. formance in the mens race by Overall individually and put- The club go running every Macleod Sports scholar Mark ting Surrey lOth in the team Monday and Friday evenmg Griffin led the way to a team and Wednesday aftemoon sport Pool Glory The Committee Two national waterpolo-finals formances were put in all looming, two individual round from the team, but hon- Room swimming silver medals and ours of the day go to Tony three bronze. Surrey's swim- Bagnali and Nerijus Beiga. Over the next few weeks, as mers have prospered so far Tony claimed a Bronze medal we approch the election A good Chair is... this year. Both the waterpolo in the 200 mefres Freestyle hour, I will be presenting a •well informed of the activi- teams have progressed to the and another in the 400 metres general guide to the roles ties and financial position of final rounds of the Universi- Individual Medley. Nerijus, and responsibilities of stu- their organisation; ties Championships, with a lit- one of the Rank Xerox sports dents that volunteer for po- tle bit of good fortune for both scholars won two silver med- sitions in their club and •able to represent the club at teams perhaps. A great als and one bronze m tìie 50, society. Here we go... all levels of the University; achievement whatever the cir- 100 and 200 metre breastroke •able to chair meetings so cumstances! finals. Chair - that everybody has a chance The Crown Pools, Ipswich To top the efforts of the uni- to present their view, but not versities teams Nerijus has There are two distinct func- dominate the debate v/ith a played host on November tions of chairmanship,the récurrent arguement; 30th to our six man and just returned from Lithuania executive role and the woman swimming team, as national champion at 200 presidential role. In the •able to keep a debate fo- along with a few himdred oth- metres breastroke. majority of student clubs the cused, ensuring all business ers in the British Universities Stephen De-Wint executive role is the more is completed and that all dé- Short Course Swimming Sports Office important. The Chair not cisions are properly under- I Championships. Fine per- only chairs regular commit- stood, recorded and then tee and general meetings, effectively acted upon; but also plays the part of STOP PRESS!!! principle officer of the club -unbiased and impartial and throughout their term of of- willing to pass up the chair Calling all squash players fice, taking decisions when when personally involved; the need arises, in consult- •a good listener who is able Continui^ and Intermediate squash ation with other officers to summarise the main coaching Thursdays 5,40pni to 6.40pm where appropriate. points of a discussion; at the Varsity Centre The Chair will co-ordinate -diplomatie and helpfu- Squash coaching with qualified the activities of the club land above all approach- through the committee and able. Able to get the best instructor is available for those who communication is the key to out of the other members want to improve their game starting effective operation of your of the committee and ulti- immediately. club. mately the club! £15 (£10 with DOSH card) for an 8 week More positions to follow course. next week friarr friarr! Boxing Guildford Borough Picture this: Saturday night, seem easy, but you try it when Woking, pitch black. You you are confmed to an 8 x 8 Bursar Breaks Into walk into a smoky, dimly lit foot ring. room and the shouts become British Team. louder as you are confronted Joking apart, it is a gentle- Craig Perkins, one of the national sportsmen and the muscliest bloke you've man's sport and the object is to Guildford Borough Bursary women attending the Univer- ever seen in your life. No, this score points not to kill some- holders here at the University sity of Surrey. Awards this isn't a dream girls, and no, one. There are rules. Any- of Surrey, has made the Great year have gone to Craig, for you're not playing way, at the end of the day our Britain Speed Skating team. his skating, to Gillian Bell, in SNES...this is a real life 'beat- outcome was successful and He made the team much to his archery and to Elliot Martin em-up'. Matt was declared the winner surprise and joy after a fine for his swimming. Elliot has at the end of the third round by performance at the British already been selected for the This is how it was (well al- winning two rounds and draw- Championships, held at the British team to go to the World most!!) at the Ladymead In- ing one. This is the first win Spectrum over New Year. He Transplant games and is fi^- dustrial Park on the 6th Dec. for the university's boxing came sixth overall and made tically trying to raise the Matt Wilson of the univer- club for a long time, you don't the final of the 1500metres to £2000 pounds required as his sity's Boxing club stood to have to be super fit or super accompany an astounding ar- contribution. fight N. Giles from big or super strong. So if you ray of results from a compara- Bournemouth. After weigh- fancy keeping fit and becom- tive newcomer to the sport. There will be more on all our ing in, there are three two m- ing a bit of a pugilist then new bursary holders in the inute rounds where the object come along to the training ses- The Bursary is the result of next issues of Bare Facts. is to batter your opponent until sions on Wednesdays at 7pm monies secured by the Univer- he can't fight back, while not at Campusport or call Matt on sity and Guildford Borough SDW. getting hit yourself This may 579672. Council to support budding Sport Ahoy There, Sailing Club Who's House? The Stingers' run of indiffer- long pass with the last play of ent form ended on Sunday the fïrst half and somehow with a 26-18 win over the ended up in the Endzone. Kent Falcons. It was by far the Aoalming Halftime talk from team's best performance of the Coches meant that Sur- the season. Surrey had some- rey went out with clear heads thing to prove, as Kent came and picked up where they had to the game expecting to walk left ofif. The Running Backs over a side that ended lastyear made good use of excellent with a poor result against blocking by the Offensive Hertfordshire. The team had Line and ran in two more regrouped since then and scores of 10 and 15 yards come Gametime, Surrey were courtesy of that man Williams supremely confident. once again! Gavin 'Moose' In the flrst half Suirey domi- Evans added a 3 yard conver- Quite a long time ago now the lot of getting wet at some nated with a combination of sion which left Surrey cniis- sailing club received delivery points, but once the initial purposeful running from the ing at 26-6. Kent resorted to of their new boats. It was a speed was discovered, no one three backs, and tight Defense 'aXi or nothing' passes and really warm summers day wanted to tum back and go in. from a team bolstered by Mi- paid the price, Michael Mills when they arrived and fortu- The club did really well at the chael Mills at Free Safety. We OTding the game with 3 inter- nately there was lots and lots nationals, with one boat Com- scored first thanks to a 12 yard ceptions. They did manage to of wind! The nine new boats ing in 7th overall. If you want run from John 'albino' Wil- score with gutsy nms late on were unpacked and slowly to come and have a shot then liams. Kent failed to get any- in the fourth Quarter , but by assembled before thepractise contact Clare on 578005. thing going thanks to tough then the Stingers' lead was fortheB.U.S.A. nationalsbe- The club meets on Sunday s to Defense ,and Sun«y capital- too great. gan. The new boats were go to the reservoir and also try ised by running in a second amazing and so different to get together on Wednesday courtesy of John Williiams. Match M. V.P - John Williams from the old 'Larks' that aftemoons. Look out for the With nothing Coming off for (Pullyourfinger out Kermit!) some had a few problems ad- AGMÜI them at all, Kent resorted to a justing to them. There was a Dura FOG ON THE TYNE (well, not Trampoliníng quite!) Clhampionship Southampton Institute 7 Surrey Women's Football 3 At Surrey Despite eating one too many sed with the opposition dur- and see it safely into the back University mince pies over the Christ- ing the holiday s (all in the line of the net. Her second goal tìie Ifnìvetsify have the mas period and stili being of duty, of course!) we knew was initially identical and honour of hosting a major considerably hung over from their strengths and weak- faultless. Ì^nlii-h < hianp'on.'Jiip c n New Year's Eve, it was back nesses and set out to exploit Siindav 23nl Fcbniars' to 'noraial' last Wednesday, them right from the start Pity 4-3 at half time, could we do liunn:)line cuzupclrlf»- when the women's football it didn't work! Within min- it? The fog was even thicker at Open, asul Firm!isteih