Nabal and Abigail: the Woman Who Married the Wrong Man
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NABAL AND ABIGAIL: THE WOMAN WHO MARRIED THE WRONG MAN I Samuel 25:1-13 Return to Famous Couples Index Page Before Reading the Passage (This Carmel is not the Carmel of Elijah.) In most weddings vows, we repeat words like, “I take you to be my wedded wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or for worse...” • When we repeat those words at our wedding, we do not really expect the worst to happen. We anticipate good times together and look forward to the best. • We know the statistics which convey widespread marital unhappiness, but we are convinced that what's happening to so many around us will not happen to us. • But we are going to see that the man that Abigail took for better or worse, turned out to be much worse than she thought. Dr. James Peterson, professor of Sociology at USC, did an extensive study of couples married at least 20 years. • Out of 100 couples married at least 20 years, only six said that their marriage could be described as happily married...94 out of 100 were unhappily married. • John Milton, who wrote “Paradise Lost” and “Paradise Regained” heard someone describe his wife as a rose. When asked if he thought that were true, the unhappily married poet said, “I am no judge of flowers, but it may be so, for I have felt the thorns daily.” Many factors enter into a marriage being unhappy, but one basic and fundamental contributing factor is that some marry the wrong person. • In a study of more than 2,000 couples...70% of women and 60% of men said that they wouldn't marry the same person if they were free to go back and do it all over again. Let me introduce you to our couple for today—Nabal and Abigail. On their wedding day, someone was heard to say: • “How blessed Abigail is to be marrying Nabal. I hear he has a pile of money—3,000 sheep and 1,000 goats.” • “And he is a descendent of Caleb of the tribe of Judah, Joshua's companion in spying out the land when our forefathers came out of Egypt.” • “And did you ever see such a beautiful bride?” • “She is fortunate to get such a rich man with such a large estate.” • Then another lady speaks...“I don't think she's fortunate—I know both of them.” • “Nabal is rich, but he is also ill-natured, never had a kind word for anyone, rude, impossible to deal with, arrogant, profane, selfish and foolish.” • “Abigail is beautiful in countenance and character...an intelligent woman of faith”...a peacemaker. • “Why would her father arrange for her to marry a man like Nabal? Doesn't he know that it takes more than wealth to make one happy?” • And, sure enough, shortly after the wedding, Abigail asks, “What have I done? I've married a beast!” Read the Passage. Let me give you the background: • David had been anointed king, but Saul didn't want to give up his throne. He wants to kill David, so David flees. He is a fugitive from Saul. • David is living in desert caves with 600 men—gorilla band which was one of the great fighting units of history. • It requires large amounts of food for 600 men. As fugitives they could not stay in one place long enough to plant and raise crops. They must depend on support from family and friends. • David and his men would provide protection to herdsmen that were constantly espoused to bands of robbers in the desert. But the robbers couldn't operate in the area when David and his men were hiding. • Servants of Nabal paid tribute to David and his men—25:15-16. • It is sheep-shearing time. A time of celebration when there was plenty of food, partying, good- will. David had protected Nabal's flocks and it was the common, even expected thing for the owner to provide for his protectors. • Others were supporting David in like manner. Though Nabel was rich in flocks, David only sent 10 men to get supplies from him. I. The Request from David 25:4-9 • David and his men had protected both Nabal's sheep and shepherds. Nabal would have lost many sheep if thieves had raided the flocks. There should have been compensation for David, but Nabal did not volunteer any compensation. • It should have been forthcoming from Nabal without a request from David. He owed it to David. But since Nabal had done nothing to compensate David, he sent ten men to Nabal to request some needed and justified compensation. • Though Nabal was delinquent in paying David for his great service, David did not make his request in a rebuking or offensive way. David told his men to greet Nabal in a most respectful way. • Notice 25:6--“Peace to your person, your people and your possessions”. • David even left the selection and size of the gift up to Nabal. It was to be a free-will offering, so there was no pressure or arm-twisting from David (25:8). • I Samuel 25:8—“We come in a good day”--during sheep-shearing time and the time when the crops were harvested—when the farmer had more ability to give them at any other time. • David made it as easy as possible for Nabal to give. But watch Nabal's response—25:10-12, 14. (Nabal was probably drunk when David's men approached him.) • Not only did Nabal deny David's request, he disrespected those who made the request for David. • The word “railed on them” (v.14) means he blew up at them, scolded or cursed at them. • “I don't know who David is and I don't know who Jesse is. He'll get nothing from me!” II. The Reaction from David 25:12-13, 21-22 • It was like Nabal spat in David's face. • David was ready to kill every sheep, every goat and every male in the house of Nabal. • It's amazing what we will say or do when our anger is out of control—kill even the guiltless....innocent people. • You can almost hear David as he rides toward Nabal with his hand on his sword... “You don't know David? You don't know Jesse? You'll know who I am in a couple of hours!” III. The Report to Abigail 25:14-20 • It took courage for Abigail to do what she did. • She didn't tell Nabal (v.19), for he would have stopped her. A. Her works were Good • I don't know that the amount of food she brought would have feed all of David's men, but she did the best she could. • The two bottles of wine were probably a gift for David. B. Her words were Better 25:23-28a • Two caravans...Two processions approach each other. One procession is of Anger and Revenge and the other is a procession of Peace and Reconciliation. • She comes before David in humility—at his feet. 1. She takes the blame for Nabal's insult upon herself (v.24) and asked for his forgiveness (v.28a). 2. Then she told David that her husband was a fool and things would have been different if David's ten men had come to her (v.25). - “David, you're a great man, you've got too much character to listen to a fool and do something that is so beneath you and that you will regret. David, you're a bigger man that.” - She was saying that her husband was a fool and not even worthy of David's attention. 3. She speaks of David's future 25:28b-30 - David, you fight the Lord's battles...You are the rightful ruler over all Israel...and God will fling out your enemies like a stone shot out of a sling. - And God will protect you for you are in His hands of providence (v.29) - “Bound in the bundle of the living with the Lord your God” is a metaphor that reflects binding valuables in a bundle to protect them from harm of injury. “David, you enjoy the protection of God and are destined for great things.” C. Her wisdom was Best of all 25:30-31 • By not shedding blood, you will not regret that you did not yield to your angry passion. You will never be sorry that you refused to yield to the temptation of carrying out your evil purpose in a moment of anger. • David, you're too big a man to let something like revenge put a stain on your reputation as God's man and God's king for Israel. • With all of David's faults, he was always willing to listen to a higher voice, and that was part of what made him a man after God's own heart. • Verse 31 ends with Abigail saying, “Remember me when the Lord blesses you.” How could he forget her! IV. The Response of David 25:32-35 • David gives praise to the Lord for sending Abigail to stop him from doing something he would regret later. • Ofter God has come to a man in the quiet voice of a woman to urge restraint upon him and leave the vengeance to God. • Janice has been the restraining instrument God has used in my life that has saved me from many regrets. • You don't regret what you do not yield to.