07/03/02 The University of Surrey Students’ Newspaper www.ussu.co.uk Issue no: 1028 FREE Election Special Inside

News In Brief BY RICHARD SAWYER

SWIMMING ON MARS?

The Mars Odyssey Spacecraft has discov- ered evidence of water, in the form of frozen hydrogen, on the planet Mars after ten days UPROAR CAUSED BY OWAIN JAMES, THE CURRENT NUS PRESIDENT of data gathering. The water is believed to A Fix? be located near the planets southern polar region stored in significant, but unknown, BY TRISTAN O’DWYER quantities of ice. William Boynton, of the EDITOR University of Arizona, US, said: “If this is confirmed, it is fantastic. There is the equivalent of at least several percent water south of 60 degrees latitude.” Who says Sabbatical Officers around the country were outraged Total Recall was fiction? this week after the NUS President sent a letter seeking to influence voting in the upcoming NUS elections. The elections, which are due to take place at this years NUS Conference in April, are to select the new NUS DRUGS TEST FAILURE FOR President, Treasurer, Secretary and other positions, BRIT including the “block of twelve”, a part time executive. The letter, sent by NUS President Owain James, him- Britain’s first medal winner for alpine ski- self a former member of the Labour party, and Treasurer ing, Alain Baxter, who won bronze in the Geraint Hopkins to Student Union Presidents, urges vot- slalom event at Salt Lake City, has failed ers to vote against any Labour candidates or Labour sup- a drugs test. The (Scottish) athlete tested ported candidates, in favour of independent candidates. positive for methamphetamine, a prohibited The letter says “it was NUS run by Labour Students, substance that could improve reaction times. Baxter denies knowingly taking ‘speed’, as which let us down when the Government abolished it is more commonly known, and awaits the grants and introduced tuition fees.” The letter goes on to results of a second testing, which should it name several Labour candidates including the President prove positive could result in the athlete of NUS Scotland, Mandy Telford. being stripped of his medal. Ms Telford, the Labour Students’ choice for the job, put up a strong defence, pointing out that she was not involved in NUS politics when Labour first introduced tuition fees, arguing that it was “two generations of stu- FURTHER ISRAELI ATTACKS dent politicians ago.” Indeed, it is under her term in office that the Scottish Palestinian attacks have prompted retalia- parliament has decided to scrap tuition fees. She also tion by Israeli gun ships on targets in the insists that she had “consistently stood up to the Labour west bank. Gun ships attacked security party in Scotland” when it was in the best interests buildings belonging to the Palestinians in of students. She added: “The way we work in NUS the Gaza strip, killing two people when their Scotland is very different from NUS England. We don’t NUS President Owain James and (inset) his signature on the letter that has caused concern car was hit by rockets. The actions incited just complain about things. We say, let’s discuss exactly what alarm over the continued violence in the area we want so that we’re not in a position where the government Speculation has been rife regarding the real reasons behind this letter, and prompted President Bush to say pledge comes up with something.” and many believe that this is the result of a deal between Owain James he will “redouble his efforts” in order to end Geraint Hopkins however dropped out of the race at the weekend to and Geraint Hopkins. The letter names a candidate who is running the cycle of violence in the Middle East. In allow the other independent candidate, Brooks Duke, said to be Mr against one of Mr Hopkins’ preferred candidates, Dervish Mertcan, a separate development, reports from Saudi Owains preferred candidate, more of a chance of winning. He said: in the election for the National Treasurer role. Some believe that Arabia say that Syrian President Bashar al- “When Labour are in power it’s better for the NUS to be run by stu- Mr James agreed to write the letter criticising Andrew Perfect, Mr Assad has backed a Saudi peace plan for the dents. They [Labour students] just roll over and allow Labour to get Mertcan’s opponent, in return for MR Hopkins withrawing from the Middle East. away with whatever it wants.” race, leaving the road clear for Brooks Duke. Another candidate named in the letter said “people at conference A letter condemning the behaviour of Messrs James and Hopkins Regulars should vote ifor the best candidate. Student Unions and NUS are has been sent by several sabbatical officers from around the country News 1-3 political by nature, but the elections should be based on who is best to national newspapers. suited for the job, not whether a candidate supports this or that politi Letters 4 cal party. Barearts 6-20 Services 22 Sport 24 Student Council - Thursday Week 9, 1PM 2 News 07/03/02

Editorial Team Outrage At NUS President’s Letter Editor Tristan O’Dwyer Deputy Editor The following is the Student Union Presidents urging them not to vote Once again we would like to condemn this action Richard Watts text of a letter written for any Labour supported/supporting candidates in and ask all Students who will be voting to think for News and Political Editor by me and signed by the upcoming National Executive elections. Under themselves. It’s THEIR choice. Reuben Thompson Sabbs from across the the guise of encouraging a more independent NUS Music Editor country that was sent it seems that back room deals have been made to Regards Kevin Marston to various national ensure that certain candidates win. The letter goes on Film Editor newspapers. Many to name certain individuals to vote against. Tristan O’Dwyer, VP Communications, Surrey S.U. Navroop Sehmi The two authors are in the highest elected posi- Adam Jakeway, President, Surrey S.U. Sports Editor other officers voiced concern at Mr James’ tions in the NUS, and for them to be behaving this James Buller, VP Societies and Culture, Surrey S.U. Dave Chapman way is extremely undemocratic. Messrs James and Celia Parkyn, Media & Communications Officer, Production Editor actions but did not wish to sign this let- Hopkins will no doubt claim that they did not use UCL Union Vacant Ursula Brown, Education and Welfare Officer, UCL Tristan O’Dwyer ter. At time of going the advantages of their positions to send the letter, Features Editor Union to press we do not and indeed the letter did not appear to be on NUS Vacant Editor paper. However, this is beside the point. As people Kate Holmes, Education and Welfare Officer, know if any of the Arts Editor in high authority they have a lot of influence and a Southampton University S.U. papers will print the Jana Kristensen lot of trust placed in them. To argue that they can Lisa Widdows, VP Education and Welfare, Surrey letter. separate themselves as individuals and officials S.U. Contributors would be absurd. John Geeson, VP Finance & Development, Surrey Dear Sir, Richard Sawyer At a time when officers around the country are S.U. Michael Chambers striving to ensure that their sabbatical elections are Pete Wood, VP (Communications) Southampton As Students’ Union officers from around the country Julia Walker run smoothly and fairly this strikes us as being utter University S.U. we would like to wholeheartedly condemn the action hypocrisy, and the kind of behaviour that brings stu- Jessica Hill, Communications Officer, University of taken by the President and Treasurer of the National dent politics into disrepute. Sussex S.U. [email protected] Union of Students. Suzanne Wilson, VP Communications & Campaigns, A letter was sent by these two individuals to all Bristol S.U. barefacts is an editorially independent newspaper, published by the University of Surrey Students’ Union Communications Office. The views expressed within the paper are those of Armed Siege Shuts individual authors, and do not necessarily repre- MORE SHIT FOR THE sent the views of the Editor, the Editorial Board, the University of Surrey Students’ Union or the University of Surrey. VICE-CHANCELLOR Down Guildford Town This publication may not be reproduced in whole or in part, stored in any form, copied or distributed, without the express permission WHAT NOW FOR THE POOR BLOKE? Centre of the publisher.

All submissions must include the author’s name and Union or Staff Number. Submission is no guarantee BY RICHARD WATTS BY JULIA WALKER his council flat - he’s now in cus- of publication. Deputy Editor tody at Guildford police station. Anonymous and Pseudonymous articles will not be Fuildford town centre was brought to a published. Despite restricting access to the town, standstill in the early hours of Tuesday barefacts reserves the right to edit submissions. Barefacts has learnt of another incident that has been of cause for some people deliberately broke through © USSU Communications Office 2001 5th of March. Police arrested a man concern for the Vice Chancellor, Professor Patrick Dowling, following safety cordons to get to work, whilst the from a flat in Bedford Road who was Deadline for Publication the revelation of his pay increase we reported on two weeks ago. It is police carried out this major operation. believed to have been in possession of Features and Arts: Friday 2pm rumoured that his personal toilet, which is located next to his office on The A31 Gyratory and Woodbridge a firearm. News: Monday 2pm the top floor of Senate House and reserved for the use of the VC and Road were closed since the early hours. The town suffered severe congestion, royalty only, has been used by an unidentified person who, not only A number of soldiers were also SubmissionOn disk / email in having utilised the facility without and several miles of tailbacks built up called in over night to help with the on the A3 North Bound. Word 6.0 Format, Text in Times New permission, left a rather sullied “rem- operation to coax the man out of Roman, size 9.5 font nant” to greet the VC on his next visit. Though not thought to be a deliberate barefacts act of “vandalism”, the incident has Union House, still troubled Professor Dowling. It University Of Surrey is not known at this time whether the Guildford, luxurious bathroom includes Kleenex Surrey, Quilted tissue or not. (we would like GU2 7XH to stress that this is, of course, pure gossip from an un-named source.. Tel: 01483 689275 Make of it what you will! - ed.) Fax: 01483 534749 email: [email protected] A toilet not unlike the one used by the VC Do you have a complaint I CAN’T BELIEVE HE JUST SAID THAT against this newspaper? If you have a complaint about any item BY RICHARD WATTS in this newspaper which contains inac- Deputy Editor curacy, harassment, intrusion or dis- crimination write to our editor about it. Prince Philip, one of the greatest advocates of international diplomacy Britain If you remain dissatisfied please contact has ever known, has once again put his proverbial foot in it whilst chatting to the Press Complaints Commission - an some Aborigine performers on the Queen’s Golden Jubilee Tour of Australia. independant organisation established to Having watched their performance in Cairns last week, the Duke of Edinburgh uphold an editorial Code of Practice for proceeded to ask a father and son, who were dressed in Aboriginal attire, “do the Press. This newspaper will abide by you still throw spears at each other?”. The reply, from a Mr Brim, is said to have their decision. been “No, we don’t do that anymore.” Press Complaints Commission It is not the first time the Prince has been known to say something a little, ahem, 1 Salisbury Square inappropriate: during a state visit to China in 1986, he famously told a group of London EC4Y 8JB British students: “If you stay here much longer, you’ll all be slitty-eyed”, and Telephone: 020 7353 1248 also asked of a driving instructor in Oban, Scotland some years later: “How do Fax: 020 7353 8351 you keep the natives off the booze long enough to get them through the test?” Printed by South West Wales Buckingham Palace, of course, defended the Prince, saying that his comments Publications Ltd, were “light-hearted” and taken out of context. As, I suppose, was the “looked “I’m sorry: what did you say he said?” Adelaide Street, Swansea like it was wired by an Indian” last year; but there we go. Tel: 01792 510000 07/03/02 News 3 VICE-CHANCELLORS No Commonwealth Kosovo Elects SAY “NO” TO A Sanctions on First President GRADUATE TAX Zimbabwe BY MICHAEL CHAMBERS BY MICHAEL CHAMBERS UUK, Tony Bruce, commented “a graduate tax News Correspondant News Correspondant BY RICHARD WATTS would make a market-based fee system more Deputy Editor difficult because the charge would be applied The British Commonwealth has decided not Kosovo’s new assembly has chosen the pacifist after graduation and you could not apply dif- to impose sanctions on Zimbabwe for expel- Albanian leader, Ibrahim Rugova as the prov- Following the government’s recent student- ferential charges at that point.” ling election observers placed there to ensure ince’ first president. The vote comes after Mr support review, in which a proposal for Professor Patrick Dowling, Vice-Chancellor fair presidential election. Leaders decided Rugova’s party finally agreed a power-sharing the implementation of a graduate tax was of the University of Surrey, released a state- not to follow the EU and the United States in deal with the other main ethnic Albanian par- included, Vice-Chancellor’s at universities all ment in which he supported the comments punishing President Mugabe’s government, ties last week, four months after a general elec- over the country are considering a campaign made by the UUK. He said he “would prefer as they believe sanctions would only create tion. This was Mr Rugova’s fourth attempt to to keep tuition fees. The universities that they it if our funding came direct from Central further economic problems in Zimbabwe. The be elected despite being the only presidential represent want the freedom to charge students Government…unfortunately that funding Commonwealth is considering suspending candidate. “This is a good day for Kosovo” top-up fees and have warned the government stream is not high on the Government’s agenda, Zimbabwe, however a decision will not be said UN Chief Administrator, Michael Steiner. that the proposed tax would harm not only the so we have to accept that other means have to made until after next weekend’s presidential “These are men who will work for the interests introduction of differential fees in the future, be addressed,” and consolidated his opposition election. The issue of sanctions and President of Kosovo and I think they are united in bring- but also their well-publicized agenda for an to the graduate tax by commenting on the pres- Mugabe’s actions dominated the summit, held ing Kosovo forward” he added. all-inclusive policy by the year 2010. sures a recent graduate already faces: “gradu- in Australia and chaired by Prime Minister John A submission made by Universities UK, ates have enough demands on their initial pay Howard. the organization that represents the affairs of cheques with repayment of student loans.” higher education establishments throughout A further review, led by the Department for the country, backs the reintroduction of the Education and Skills, is to be handed into maintenance grant, claiming that student hard- Downing Street soon, for consideration by the ship was hampering efforts to widen participa- treasury, with a consultation document ready tion and warned that the graduate tax may very for issue in spring. The final recommendations well delay a more market-driven system for are expected later in the year. at least a generation. A policy director of the Minister Orders Enquiry Into VC Pay Offs

BY TRISTAN O’DWYER are being properly followed.” Editor The investigation will centre on sever- ance apyments, for which HEFCE produced The Higher Education minister, has recently guidelines in 1997. This follows a report in ordered and investigation into Vice Chancel- the Times Higher Education Supplement that lors’ salaries. showed that many Vice Chancellors receive Margerate Godges said “Vice Chancellors extremely large pay rises in thier final year are doing an excellent job making sure our of work. universities remain competitive centres of Sally Hunt, of the Association fo Univer- education, research and innovation. sity Teachers, said that HEFCE needed to act “However, I share the concerns about some quickly as public cynicism about the pay rises of the apparently large pay rises and have is rife. asked HEFCE to assure me that guidelines NUS DJ Competition Judging A Farce BY TRISTAN O’DWYER was one of the only trance DJs performing and Editor put in what was thought by many to be an ex- UniS Residential Accommodation Survey cellent performance. He came 7th out of 8. The University is undertaking a student survey to gather your opinions and views about cur- DJ’s and Supporters alike were shocked last When asked to comment about the competi- rent and future residential accommodation. The information you give will be utilised in the wednesday at the quality of judging for the tion, Tim said that he was dissappointed and development of new accommodation and will help to ensure that existing accommodation final of this year’s Red Decks’n’FX- com complained about the set up provided. “We services meet your needs as far as possible. The survey is open to all students even if you are petition, at which USSU DJ, Tim Dingley, were told there’d be a choice of mixers, one not currently living in University Accommodation. Those who complete the survey will also competed. for hip-hop DJs and one for dance DJs, but be eligible to enter a free prize draw for a £50 voucher. The 8 winners from the semi finals competed because most of the DJs were hip-hop they Your views are very important! at Ministry of Sound and were judged by peo- decided they couldn’t be bothered to set both ple such as DJ Touche and DJ Angel. There up.” Other also commented on the set up, The survey will address a range of questions including: were many good performances and some which was vastly inferior to that used in the • What do you consider to be the most important aspects of university accommodation? poor, including that of DJ Moz, a hip-hop DJ regional heats. The sound was also very poor. • Do you feel that university accommodation offers value for money? from Keele University. DJ Moz made many A member of NUS Ents staff, who organised • Are there additional facilities / service that you feel should be offered? major mistakes which he seemed to have the event, admitted that some of the judges • Would you prefer accommodation to be cleaned for you? • Do you prefer to provide your own bedding or would you like it provided for you? problems overcoming. Many people believed decisions were “surprising”, and thought that • Would post-graduates prefer to have separate accommodation from undergraduates? that he would not do well in the rankings and Tim should have been ranked higher. were shocked to hear the announcement that With bottles of Red being free at the VIP You can find the questionnaire on the UniSLife web page: www.surrey.ac.uk/unislife/ alterna- he had won the competition. Tim Dingley, DJ bar one can only speculate as to whether the tively you should be sent an e-mail with the survey hyper-link. at USSU’s “Cigars and Good Living” nights, judges really knew what they were doing! 4 Letters and Life after the womb 07/03/02

Life After The Womb...the now bi-weekly offering from your friend in the know, Rich W

Hello one and all. This week takes on a little bit of a seri- hence would like to remove any possibility of a recurrence no means brilliant in a literary sense, I feel this statement ous tone, I’m afraid, after I was involved in an incident of this event by informing you of what happened and hop- makes the point simply and effectively; for maximum that could very well have caused me to lose an eyebrow ing you act on its insistence. awareness to the consumer, I feel it should be sited under- had it not been for some quick-thinking and ingenuity on The event to which I make reference is the microwav- neath the nutritional information, perhaps, though its final my behalf. Below is the letter I sent to KP after the inci- ing of a solitary prawn cocktail flavour Hula Hoop® just location is obviously a matter for you to decide. dent, whose details I hope are made clear in the content last night in my kitchen. I feel it is not necessary at this I stress to mention that before you place this precaution- you are about to read. Rest assured, Life After the Womb juncture to give a reason as to why I was microwaving this ary warning on all Hula Hoop® packaging, you examine has your safety as its priority, and should I receive a reply particular snack, but I am compelled to notify you of the the flammability of all the other flavours, since the prawn I’ll be sure to let you know another week. Anyway, read result of my cooking endeavours: having spent approxi- cocktail variety may simply be an anomaly. I haven’t had on, and, more importantly, take care if microwaving any- mately 115 seconds on the maximum setting of a 650Watt time, I’m afraid, to conduct research into the behaviour thing of any sort… microwave, the aforementioned Hula Hoop® seemed to of the other flavours in a microwave, but rest assured spontaneously combust in front of my very eyes and, quite that when I do, I will get back to you on it. (Perhaps you KP Foods UK frankly, scared the living shit out of me. A large flame should extend the research to your nut products, as well, PO Box 4 engulfed the microwave in seconds and due only to the though that is simply a thought.) Ashby-de-la-Zouch lightning-speed reactions of the parties involved (i.e. me) I trust you share my concerns over this matter and will Leicestershire was extinguished before further damage could occur or the deal with it in an appropriate and proper manner. I am LE65 2UQ emergency services notified. also well aware that this does not affect my statutory rights 7th March 2002 You can therefore see the cause for my concern. Should (although I don’t know what they are). Dear Mr Person at KP Foods UK (makers of the humble this event be repeated by a not-quite-so-alert person as Your reply is eagerly awaited. nut), myself, the consequences of such an incident may very well be severe, to the point of tragedy. Thus, I would Yours faithfully, I are writing with reference to an incident that occurred strongly recommend that henceforth your Hula Hoop® Rich W recently involving one of your flavoured fried potato packaging exhibits some sort of a notification warning, snacks and my microwave. I feel that I should draw relaying the possible hazards of microwaving the con- nb - no crisps were harmed in the making of this article. this incident to your attention because it could result in a tained product. For example, “Danger: Under no circum- potentially fatal accident at some point in the future and stances should you microwave this product”. Though by

Letters must be received by 5pm on the Friday before publication to guarentee their Letters to the Editor presence in the next newspaper. So there.

Dear BF case. I appreciate the position Dear Editor universities in all categories of accommodation. that the Accommodation At the end of February every office is in, but I find myself Accommodation Price Accelerator Exposed The article also draws attention to rents for en-suite rooms year the Accommodation in the same position as many but fails to acknowledge that many rooms at Surrey are much Office gets a lot of angry others on placement, living John Geeson’s article last week about increases in campus cheaper. This year our rents begin at £34.65 a week for a letters. Before now I have never more than an hour away rents flags up an important issue for students but to suggest a shared room and single rooms start at under £40. A wide doubted the Accommodation from Guildford and looking sinister plot is way off the mark. range of rents to suit all pockets is an important part of our Offices policy of giving for somewhere to live in rent and access strategy. Yes, rents will have to go up next priority to those who find it September, when people who With the agreement of Sabbatical Officers over several years year and yes, refurbishment work (£1.3 million worth this harder to find somewhere to have not yet been off campus the annual rent increase has been higher than inflation because summer) will help ensure that fewer students have to tolerate live, due to living further away one year have been given we have a huge and important task to do in bringing our older leaking roofs and windows in 2003. from Guildford. To me this places in halls of residence. 1960’s built accommodation up to modern standards. This would suggest that students, I think this demonstrates a has to be financed out of rent income because the Funding Yours sincerely working a Full-Time job away failure of the system that the Council’s (HEFCE) rules do not allow us to pay for it from from Guildford as a Placement Accommodation Office has general University income. We always set our rents with great Brian Barnard would have priority over a in place, and I’m sure that I care, however, so that we retain our position as one of the Director of Business Support Services second year going on third will not be the only person cheapest universities for campus rents in the south. This is year living in Guildford with a who thinks that it needs to be supported in the recent NUS national rent survey where we Richard Paxton much more flexibility in terms reviewed. are shown to be significantly cheaper than other south east Accommodation Manager of when they work. But it seems that this is no longer the Ben Davenport, Dear BF - A tribute to Di-Bird Scarborough 3) Don’t go on University challenge unless you actu- Di-Bird (a.k.a.Diane Carter)- as captain of the Women’s ally know something Dear Barefacts fact been brought up on meat Rugby Team, we felt that the rest of the university needed to 4) For the ultimate Valentine’s night all you need is a producing smallholdings I was know more about you. This was triggered by your imagina- pair of handcuffs and a mack I am in favour of freedom of made to feel as if I was some tive mind following the setting of ‘The Egg Challenge’ which 5) Always piss on the opposition’s try line if they stuff speech and every individuals kind of evil person and acting you proposed to your faithful committee. For those of you you right to express their beliefs, against nature as “humans are who don’t watch Jack Ass this was a science experiment however I was shocked at the not naturally meat eaters,” to determine how many hard-boiled eggs a human can eat However, we also have some top tips for you….. behaviour of one of the stall- apparently. If I had been able before chucking them back up! Bird felt that the TV competi- holders in the students Union to walk away I would but as tors were too lame and wanted to witness for herself just how 1) Leave LEROY alone on Thursday 28/2/02 as part I was queuing to pay for veg well the WRFC committee could do. So last Wednesday night 2) Flashing your tits on stage in the union more than of green week. The lady in from the stall it was very during Bar Pride in the H.R.B. the challenge was set… twice a night is cheap – and everyone has seen them question had a stuffed toy pig difficult and the lady clearly Various ideas for revenge were planned, plotted and dis- by now and was giving out vouchers enjoyed a captive audience in carded - we didn’t want to stoop to your level, so instead we 3) Lying about the date of your birthday only makes for free vegan food, I would the rest of the queue. I wish to thought we’d focus on your better qualities and let the world you older (and doesn’t get you any extra pressies) have been interested in try- thank those next to me in the know about what a great person you are (your inability to 4) Seducing 1st years at your age doesn’t look good on ing this and took the voucher queue for their support but drink any alcohol without vomming up white manky stuff is the C.V. as I was unaware it would am saddened to think that the obviously excluded from this!) But most importantly of all… cost me much more than the students union is being used As team captain you have taught us many useful things from 1) Never send members of the club Valentine’s cards – effort involved in walking as a platform for this kind of your varied experiences life, and we’d like to share our Top 5 you know intra club relationships are NOT allowed to the stall. As the voucher fanaticism and support this of these… (kids don’t try them at home!) ….. was handed over the lady in kind of action. Cheers mate, question started to tell horror 1) Never put a Cream Egg where Cream Eggs With love and revenge stories of meat production and Anna Perry shouldn’t go – it’s messy and time consuming when I told her that I had in 2) Never be caught half-naked on a train to Apu, Eveready, Cecil, Garfield & Perry XXX 07/03/02 Feature 5 Womens History Month

women and the end to child BY JULIA WALKER labour and sweatshops. To coincide with International Women’s IN 1909 Day on March 8th, Guildford is holding it’s own festival to celebrate between st th The day had been formally 1 and the 10 March. These festi- recognised as ‘Women’s vals are taking place all over the coun- Day’ in the USA. Rallies try in order to celebrate women all over and demonstrations were held the following year the world. in Germany, Denmark, International Women’s day was actu- Switzerland, Austria and ally set up in 1910 at a women’s inter- the United States. It is esti- national conference in Copenhagen, mated that more than one Clara Zetkin of Socialist International million women went on the called for 8 March to be marked as move demanding the right International Women’s Day. The date to vote and an end to sex was chosen because it commemo- discrimination. rated the following historic events: IN 1971 ON 8 MARCH 1857 A demonstration of 5,000 New York women workers of the textile women marched in London and clothing industry demonstrated in demanding childcare, equal protest against their low wages and opportunities and easier poor working conditions. access to safe abortion.

ON 8 MARCH 1907 IN 1975

Women in New York demonstrated on The United Nations for- the anniversary to call for the vote for mally recognised 8 March as International Women’s Day. from her latest book called Grendon Tales a chilling and realistic insight into There is all sorts of stuff happening one of Britain’s High Security Prisons. this year from concerts by acclaimed It starts at 7.30 at Burchatts Farm female singers like Judy Tzuke and barn, Stoke Park. June Tabor to lectures happening in the university campus. Saturday 9th March

Thursday 7th March. There are lots events taking place today, the first is a children’s show There are lots things going on dur- called Very Yellow – Dance Show ing the day. The first is an art exhi- For Children at The Electric Theatre, bition at Guildford House gallery presented by Yolande Snaith Theatre called The Artist at the Wedding: Dance. Suitable for children from 3-7. Marriage Celebrations Seen Through It starts at 11am. A Painter’s Eyes where Hilary Underwood will explore the idea as The second is Electric Voices On to whether or not these images are Stage: June Tabor. This is June’s social documents or just pictorial fan- second visit to the theatre and starts tasies. The talk lasts 40 minutes and at 8pm. starts at 1pm in Brew House. Sunday 10th March Then at 8pm there is a concert taking place at The Electric Theatre. Tina To coincide with Mother’s Day there May and the Nikki Iles Trio will be will be a traditional Mothering Sunday performing. It starts at 8pm at the Service with posies given out to all Electric Theatre. mother, grandmothers and aunts in celebration and thanksgiving for the Friday 8th March. love of women who for care for us. It starts at 10am at Holy Trinity Church, The events taking place are an exhi- High Street Guilford. bition about weddings presented at Guildford House Gallery but this I went to see Judie Tzuke at Guildford one presents a changing look at civic Hall on Saturday 2nd March. See customs surrounding weddings in my review in the music section. Surrey between 1940 and 1960. It’s called Wedding Belles and starts in Brew House at 1pm with a 40 minute lecture.

The second event is a book reading by Professor Ursula Smartt, a prison researcher. She will be reading exerts This Week: Films: Mothman Prophecies, One Giant Leap Music: Album of the Week Simian - Mobile Disco Single of the Week Hundred Reasons - If I Could A Interview & a selection of Lives Games: State Of Emergency

Interview with A, Portsmouth Pyramid Centre, 27th February 2002

Opposite me, Brit-rock band A’s bassist Dan P Carter studiously eats chocolate buttons and proceeds to glue back together a torn finger sustained at the previous night’s gig. Some early exchanges indicate that the distinctly silly questions barefacts had prepared may not be appropriate. So it’s on with plan B; shame; I was going to offer him a banana. What do A think of Radio1’s recent turnaround in their decision to A-list ‘Nothing’? “They’ve suddenly realised rock music’s a viable thing for them to be playing. Someone’s noticed they (kids) are not all wearing Hearsay T-shirts and slipknot hoodies. The mainstream media has woken up.” Which is good for A; so long the underachievers of British Pop-metal “WE COULD HAVE CALLED OURSELVES ‘GOAT- despite some fine early material, perhaps the UK is finally ready for them. LICKING F*#KSLUTS’” “We seem to have good timing and good luck for once, the record’s Andrew WK and the surrounding Overall, times are exciting for ous efforts. what they do. out at the right time, people have hype “very much a British thing, A; seemingly ubiquitous single One burning issue remains though. “We’re usually pretty friendly. listened and realised it’s fucking all part of the schtick”, the end of ‘Nothing’ scored a Top 10 hit. Why the name A? So people can Occasionally we do punch each great.” the nu-metal scene and its “seventh Even the press like them. find them in record stores? Didn’t other in the face. Over who’s gonna wave of immitators” imminent. “Critics who listen to Death Metal they know the alphabet past A? Dan make the tea… There’s usually Next single ‘Starbucks’ tells of Thank fucking Christ. Things are gave us really good reviews. People agrees, but is reluctant to divulge plenty of beer around though.” momentarily wanting to swap it all looking up then? who appreciate good quality, at dif- some ‘other reason’. Oh well. just to work in a fast-food restau- “There’s some really good British ferent levels, like our record and get “As band names go, if we’d called At this point, things get a bit hectic rant. “At Domino’s Pizza I used to bands out there, Lostprophets and something out of it.” ourselves ‘Goat-Licking Fucksluts’ so sensing our time is up, barefacts shit on the bases. Drunken cunts Hundred reasons particularly. Colin that would portray a certain type of heads off to loiter backstage and come in going “you’ve got long has an awesome voice.” ‘Hi-Fi Serious’ certainly seems to image and music.” wait for the young folk to arrive. hair, what are you, a puff?” and you Good hair too. be that; a more complete, consistent That would ruin your commercial Wouldn’t mind one of those beers… say ‘…deep-pan, is it?’” “Yeah. More Noddy Holder than stab at tapping the massive punk- potential though? ATD-I though. That’s what happens pop market. Apparently writing “Not necessarily. Anal Cunt are still Michael Field & James Simpson How about some cultural talking- when the British white man grows a duties have shifty primarily to Dan selling records.” points? Pop Idol is “soul-destroy- thrown.” and Mark and the result is a record The feeling around the dressing ingly miserable but grate TV”, of more depth and range than previ- room is of a band who are enjoying Alicia Keys: A True Talent Every five years or so, there Having grown up in New “Troubles” – was written and comes a time when a new art- York’s inner city amidst the produced by Alicia Keys, she ist shakes the foundations of the dominance of Biggie and Jay Z, collaborates with Jermaine Dupri music industry: In 2001 Alicia Alicia’s natural talents blossomed on “Girlfriend” and with Isaac Keys’ was that artist. into a rare mix of hip-hop flavor Hayes on “Rock Wit U” (from Win a copy of This week barefacts is giving and insightful, wise-beyond-her- the “Shaft” soundtrack). you the chance to win a copy years songwriting. Coupling this of her Debut album ‘Songs In with the singer’s spine-tingling What American City did Alicia A Minor’ as well as some other vocal power, positively stirring Keys grow up in? goodies. All you have to do is live performances and expertise read the following information on as a classically trained pianist, Answers to Alicia and answer the Question. Alicia Keys could be this genera- [email protected] by Simple, Hey tion’s Roberta Flack. Monday 11th March, 6pm. Alicia’s truly stunning album Alicia Keys’ artistic light is so “Songs in A Minor” has emerged Album bright it could illuminate a pitch- as both a critical and commer- Songs In A Minor out now in all black room. A true musical prod- cial monster – a deep, melodic, good record shops igy whose multi-dimensional gifts soulful gem of an album that New Single emerged at age five, the beautiful showcases Alicia in all her uni- A Woman’s Worth is released on Alicia has taken modern R&B versal glory. Though most of the 18th March 2002 soul to a whole new level at the the album – including the lumi- tender age of 20. nous “Fallin’” and the moving 07/03/02 Single Reviews 7 have to be living under a rock not to hear this one everywhere you go for SINGLES the next month! Undoubtedly will go SINGLE OF THE WEEK straight in at number one. Zero for EASYWORLD HUNDRED REASONS musical ability, but for comedy value If I Could (Columbia) Try Not To Think (Zomba) alone 7/10 D.H. These boys have come a long way since they As the drum machine and short, MCCLUSKY simple guitar lick kicks in, memories first appeared on the Rock horizon eighteen To Hell With Good Intentions (Too months ago. ‘If I Could’ might be more som- of Elastica’s feisty 1995 vibe (par- Pure) ticularly ‘Connection’) come flood- bre than the fantastic last single ‘I’ll Find ing back. However, with a catchy You’, but it still finds room for a good bit McClusky play short, sharp, punk- of riffing between the gargantuan choruses. chorus, ‘Try Not To Think’ justifies pop. The tunes are furiously itself as a pleasing, non-copycat, Direct, heartfelt, and miles better than any fast-paced. ‘To Hell With Good U.S. rock group’s recent efforts, you can’t Indie romp. A good start then, but Intentions’ is a great single - two and their next step will be watched with help thinking that we haven’t seen them at a half minutes of pure rock energy, their best yet. 9/10 A.S. interest. 7/10 A.S. complete with singalong words. “My love is bigger than your love/ GOLDRUSH We take more drugs than a touring The Pioneers EP (Truck) funk band.” Sounds pretty accurate, laid over a catchy but repetitive these guys have a heart of gold even SEAFOOD as implied from the slightly surreal accompaniment makes up ‘Break if their material seems a little out Western Battle (Infectious) The title track, “Pioneers”, seems lyrics throughout all tracks. “We’re Ya Neck’. Busta has raised a dated. 5/10 M.B. to be trying a little too hard to all going straight to hell”, they say. level being harder than previous, This is an example of a totally aver- target the angry youth market. The Maybe, but they’ll go rocking. 7/10 while still remaining accessible to S.I. FUTURES age record. It’s not an inspired piece overuse of electric guitars grates, A.W. the masses. After the split from EUROSTAR (Novemute) of artistic genius, but it’s not utter making a potentially chilled indie Warner’s Elektra it seems to have garbage either. The main problem number sound overly aggressive. LUPINE HOWL opened up more avenues, which he’s ‘Eurostar’ is S.I. Futures’, AKA with this track is that it doesn’t really Thankfully, with “Landscape” and Vaporizer (Vinyl Hiss) grabbing at every opportunity. The Si Begg, new single, taken from go anywhere, just repeating itself “Help Yourself”, things are taken style is not original but with such the current album ‘The Mission over and over again. If American down a notch, replacing aggression Hmmm, on the basis of this Jason expressive vocals it can but please. Statement’. It is released on both High School guitar rock does it for with a more thoughtful sound. These Pierce won’t have much have to 6/10 M.B. CD and 12” vinyl, and includes you, this may be one for you to go last two tracks illustrate Goldrush’s worry about. ‘Vaporizer’, the lat- new remixes by both Tipper and out and buy. If not, leave it on the potential - catchy melodies tied to est single by the ex-members of IRON MAIDEN Sven Vaeth. ‘Eurostar’ in itself is shelf! 5/10 M.I. nicely introspective lyrics. Good Spiritualized is pretty much a mix Run To The Hills (EMI) really cool. Yet, it strikes me that stuff. 7/10. M.D.S. between a poor man’s Black Grape/ DJs must love singles, because it WILL YOUNG Happy Mondays and The Charlatans. ‘Run to the hills’ returns twenty means that they can fill them with Anything Is Possible/Evergreen SHAGGY & ALI G Ok, so perhaps it’s not all that bad. years after being released on the hit whatever sounds they can come by. (RCA) Julie (Island) It’s pretty catchy in some places, but album ‘The Number Of The Beast’. The ‘Tipper Remix’ is just like that. you get the feeling that you’ve heard In typical Maiden style the song 5 and a half minutes with weird The press release for this says ‘Will It was inevitable really, wasn’t it? it all before. 7/10 P.G.S. rip roars through with guitar solos, sounds, not really good for anything. Young, Winner of Pop Idol 2002, Ali G’s “musical” debut arrives in ruptuous drumming and captivating 5/10 J.K. Released 25.2.02’. ‘Nuff said really. time for his big screen movie debut BUSTA RHYMES vocals. In their legendary rock style If anyone hasn’t heard this, I’d like in March. Completely ridiculous but Break Ya Neck (J Records / BMG) it’s hard to see why this was released EIGHTIES MATCHBOX B-LINE to know how. Pop Idol seemed to admittedly very funny, sure to be a but with an up and coming stint at DISASTER take over the world - and come on, big hit with the teeny-boppers. You’d Busta Rhymes tongue – flickering Brixton in aid of an MS trust fund Morning Has Broken / Alex we were all secretly addicted. How (Virgin) many people arranged their Saturday GOMEZ night around the final? (We were Shot Shot (Hut) Hailing from Brighton and sound- a Will house...) So the single is ing like Iggy Pop on his worst acid almost unimportant. With all the Gomez have returned after their long break trip in the world (… ever), this media exposure and hype, the single with this great single. It is the first single garage punk outfit have the honour will sell a million copies in a week, from their new album ‘In Our Gun’ due to be of being Kerrang’s latest single of no problem. Marketing genius. released in mid March. The song is typically the week. A thunderous, rolling Doesn’t mean it’s any good though. Gomez with great percussion noises includ- bassline and unrivalled energy levels Both songs are dull, uninspiring ing interesting saxophone lines and other are reminiscent of a psychotic rock ballads, particularly Westlife cover ‘noises’ backing up the great acoustic tune. band from the decade their name ‘Evergreen’, which wasn’t very good Look out for the bands first UK dates in two suggests. However, their imaginative the first time around. Let the boy years this April as they are definitely worth name should not be mistaken for any sing something original, after all seeing going by this single. Classic Gomez. imagination in their music. Plain and with those dimples and his stylish 8/10 J.S. simple chaotic rock. 5/10 M.R. jumpers, how could he fail? 3/10 RECOMMENDED A.W. DVD reviews

Red Hot Chili Peppers ONE LEGGED PROSTITUTES “Knitting Weekly” demonstrating this point well. Not Prostitution Pays Well – DVD Release only these “gimics”, however, whose inclusion in the Off The Map DVD set must surely be regarded as a sociological com- ment on the obsessions of the modern world, reside here, With all the world rushing around us, Embracing the current trend to release DVD’s as part of but also further great examples of the music we have trying to find the answer to that fun- the marketing policy promoting new albums, the One come to expect from these fine purveyors of the unusual: damental question: why Pop Idol – ( Legged Prostitutes release their first DVD, “Prostitution “Sit Down, Shut Up and Cross Your Legs” kicking off in the UK at least), the relentless capi- Pays Well” relatively early on in an already tumultuous the 11 track music section, followed by “Stop Peeling talist demon, is again up to no good, career. Lauded by Q and NME for their “intrinsic abil- The Grapes, They’re Meant To Have Skin On Them” plying and manipulating stadium rock ity to recognise a good tune” and “wayward songwriting and “My Grandad Used to Work In Burma For The bands and their reocrd companies with new ways to make a few more that reflects all wrong in a drab and mediocre world”, the Children’s Guerilla Movement” all once again proving bucks, here we have a DVD version of the Red Hot Chili Peppers 2000 ‘Prossies are fast becoming banner-bearers for the once the abilities of this talented septet. US Tour for us to gorge ourselves with. The world of back stage hi jinks unrecognised niche bands, hot on the heels of the Pale Again, it should be stressed that the One Legged and on stage tom foolery reminding us that not all is fake in this mediocre Lines and those likely lads form New York, the Strops. Prostitutes are in no way a fad, and should they man- world. As you might of guessed the Red Hot Chili’s are certainitly not What sets the OLP’s apart from those around them at age to rise above the bitter resentment of those inferior short of these pranks and it just proves how child like adults can be. ‘Off the moment (except, perhaps, for the giants of the rock around them, they will move on to great, great things. The Map’ captures the raw essence and natural aura of the Chili’s to a ‘t’ world Television-neck and V3) is the apparent effort that Who knows – one day they may very well take over the and is a wonder to watch; but you have to wonder about the timely fashion they expend in order to communicate with their fans. mantel of the forefathers of modern pop and rock, The of releasing the DVD, what with the forthcoming release of the next album This DVD is full of some of the most original ideas you Cockroaches. We shall wait and see. Rich Watts imminent…. is it case of a little taster or another one of those fast bucks? may have encountered: a free portion of fish and chips, 8/10 K.M. a lampshade from IKEA and a years subscription to 8 Live reviews 07/03/02 Live

A-PLUS Ian Brown Southampton Guildhall A, RIVAL SCHOOLS, 3rd March 2002 VIOLENT DELIGHT Sixty –days in Strangeways, ‘Dolphins were Portsmouth Pyramid Centre, Monkeys’, fucking mad-for-it; the prodigal indie 27th February 2002 legend Ian Brown returned to Southampton on Sunday the third of March 2002. Within half an A night of high excitement for the hour we’d been informed that he’d sold more kids at the pyramids, the average tickets for this gig than The Stone Roses had audience member not even through when they played Southampton in 1995. Prior to GCSEs, and despite the shortcom- this it took Brown only three songs to single out ings of this venue (it has carpet on a member of the audience for a vicious verbal the floor, what?) the atmosphere is assault – Don’t quote me but I’m not sure politi- expectant. Hordes of stereotypical cal correctness is part of his mantra! Brown and a troubled teenagers (the skateboard highly accomplished backing band played songs and rucksack cloakrooms must have from all three of his solo LP releases; under- been bursting) sit around. Discussing standably most of the set was taken from recent school, probably. album: ‘Music Of The Spheres’. This gig had count was at best fair. I’d estimate only one in everyone fired up. There’s a lot talked of Ian Proceedings open with bottom-of- the most self-indulgent outro to a song I’ve ever four sported the legendary ‘Manc-cut’; I under- Brown’s voice at live gigs – frankly that’s rub- the-bill-and-rightly-so VD, a bunch heard; we got not one but three separate rendi- stand better ratios have been reported north of bish, I only noticed he was out of tune a couple of GAP-model clones so terrible tions of the last verse of ‘My Star’. Unfortunately Birmingham. The highlight of the gig for me was of times. Guitarist Aziz Ibrahim was a human they should offer themselves as a one half of the by-now highly charged venue a superb performance of ‘Love Like A Fountain’ light show, a truly amazing light /guitar set-up; handy pocket dictionary definition erupted around this point when a pitched battle which faded out into the legendary ‘Fools Gold’ he had miniature laser pens on each finger of of the word. Trying insatiably to kicked off in the middle of the crowd; Brown riff. The audience was invited/told to dance. The both hands. When he played there were red- mimic their range of quite-crap- acted responsibly by alerting security to the inci- set lasted an hour and fifteen minutes which was beams of light flying around everywhere! This anyway influences ‘ranging’ from dent. ‘Corpses’ was tight but a little uninspired exactly right. The excellent ‘F.E.A.R’ received is rock ’n’ roll as it’s meant to be – best gig I’ve Offspring, Blink-182 and fellow – I get the feeling he’s moved on a lot since huge applause and rounded off the evening in been to in a year. Alex Read tormentors, they will deservedly go his first album. The mullet/Gallagher haircut anthemic style. By the end of the gig Brown had nowhere. What’s this? Some blokes resem- frequently breaks into crazy Chrissie and Tears’… Something says this is And they’re happy to oblige, as they bling an actual proper, REAL-LIFE Hynde-style power-walker-on-acid going to be special night… stomp through the fantastic ‘Spread punk-rock band? Emo types and fan- BLACK IS dancing, and declares “Giles has had Some critics might say that Black Your Love’, ‘White Palms’ and tastically-named Rival Schools raise a baby and can’t be here. So we’ve Rebel Motorcycle Club are trying to ‘Whatever Happened To My Rock standards somewhat, despite former recorded his parts on tape”. A tape THE NEW resurrect the spirit of the late Jesus ‘N’ Roll’, occasionally slowing the Gorilla Biscuits and Youth of Today which promptly goes wrong for the and Mary Chain with their moody tempo down for the more fragile mainman Walter Schreifels visibly start of what is eventually a rousing, rock anthems, screaming guitars, ‘Awake’ and the beautifully extend- being at least twice the age of the BLACK shouty ‘Old Folks’. and pounding bass licks. But who ed ‘Salvation’ for an encore. crowd. But Rival Schools play a Black Rebel Motorcycle The set also features many of really cares? In a world where excel- As they leave the stage on a wave powerful, visceral emo-rock variant, Club the old favourites (‘Bad Idea’, ‘I lent bands like The Strokes and The of glorious feedback, we’re left an attention-grabbing set of material London Astoria Love Lake Tahoe’ in particular), Hives sound like The Stooges and wondering what exactly happened to from the excellent ‘United By Fate’ 26th February 2002 then there’s the obligatory getting- Stones, it’s irrelevant. In fact, it’s their Rock ‘N’ Roll…. but gratefully album. Closing with the shoegazing fans-up-on-stage silliness for the about time to see more rock bands in their debt for finding ours. Andy slow-burner ‘Undercovers On’ and It was written on the cards: explo- chorus of ‘5 in the Morning’ before appear on the horizon that actually Smith next single ‘Used For Glue’, this is sive debut album, an excellent NME the encore, containing a euphoric give a damn about the music…. And a powerful performance from this tour slot, and plenty of press cover- ‘Nothing’ and finishing with early especially one that achieves this veritable emo super-group. age meant it was no trouble moving single ‘Foghorn’. And that’s it. A are with the same coolness that got us Just time to recite the alphabet BRMC’s rapidly sold-out debut gone, their work here is done and interested in Rock ‘N’ Roll in the and it’s A, who kick off a set laden headlining gig from the tiny con- they can get away to play Top of the first place. with material from new album ‘Hi- fines of the London Mean Fiddler to Pops or whatever their new-found Three songs into the set and the Fi Serious’. Where once there was the larger Astoria next door. superstar status dictates. ‘Love Burns’ and ‘Rifles’ double-bill unconvincing punk-pop schtick No messing about then, from the Leaving the kids to go find their par- sets the Astoria alight. Both Peter there’s now a slick, consistent and moment the lights dim, they rise ent’s cars outside. Hayes (guitar) and Robert Turner sophisticated feeling to the A-brand from the smoke like Ring Wraiths (bass) stand almost motionless in of metal-lite. in their continuing quest for Frodo Michael Field the haze, but effortlessly invigor- Singer Jason Perry throws some Baggins, and launch into a com- ate the crowd, making them thirsty fantastically cliched rock shapes and manding rendition of ‘Red Eyes for just one more ear-numbing fix.

to undergo a physical change or die; this feeling is clear and stuff from her new album, which Epiphany unmistakable. It is as though you suddenly apprehend nature JUDIE she was promoting, called ‘Queen and have said to it ‘Yes: it is true and it is good.’ It is not Secret Keeper’ but the biggest BY RICHARD WATTS rapture, but just gladness; you forgive nothing because there TZUKE Live cheers of the evening went up for Deputy Editor is nothing to forgive. Nor do you really love anything – oh, it two of my all time favourite Judie is much higher than love! What is so terrifying about it is that Guildford Civic Hall Saturday Tzuke songs, these being ‘The He was still pacing the room, so preoccupied with his own nd it is so terribly clear and such gladness can overwhelm. If it 2 March 2002 Choices You’ve Made’ and the thoughts he didn’t even notice the arrival of another, who went on for more than five seconds, the soul could not endure worldwide hit ‘Stay With me Till listened without understanding. He suddenly remembered, it and must perish. In those five seconds, I live through a life- I have to admit that queuing up Dawn’. as though tearing himself away with an effort and only for a time and I am ready to give my life for them, for it is worth outside the gig on Saturday night I The set up for this tour is a lit- minute from some absorbing idea. it. To be able to endure it for ten seconds, you would have to was a little dubious, I’ve only ever tle different to her usual mellow, “Yes – an old woman. A married woman or just any woman? undergo a physical change. I think man ought o stop begetting heard two of Judie’s songs so I keyboard lead sound instead have Wait – an old married woman…I remember her. The old children. What do you want children for, what do you want wasn’t really sure what to expect. 2 guitarists gave it a much rockier woman will arrive but just not now. Take the pillow. What mental development for, if your goal has been attained?” From the moment that she walked sound and I think breathed new life now? Oh, yes – wait a minute; have you ever had moments of His listener stood there motionless, breaking the silence only on stage to do the first of her two into some of the older songs. The eternal harmony?” with a single question: “how often does this happen?” live sets (she didn’t have any sup- best thing about Judie was that she His listener did not reply. Not a moment passed before his response. port) I knew that I was in for a seems like a genuinely nice person He came out of his dream and – strange to say – spoke more “Once in every three days. Certainly once a week. It lasts good evening and she didn’t fail and was still taken aback by the coherently than he ever did. It was evident that he had formu- five seconds and it is impossible to endure it any longer than to disappoint the crowd at her standing ovation she received at lated it all in his head some time ago and had, perhaps, written that. Do you remember Mohammed’s pitcher from which no ‘Home-coming’ gig as she called the end of the gig. Judie’s music it down too. drop of water was spilt whilst he flew around paradise on his it. still remains as fresh and as vibrant “There are seconds (they come five or six at a time) when you horse? The pitcher – that is my five seconds; it is too much It was a rich and diverse range of as ever 25 years down the line and suddenly feel the presence of eternal harmony I all its fullness. like my eternal harmony. I should be careful, but there isn’t music, featuring old crowd pleas- long may it continue as far as I’m It is nothing earthly. I do not mean that it is heavenly, but enough time. Farewell.” ers like ‘Sukarita’, ‘Higher and concerned. that a man in his earthly semblance can not endure it. He has Higher’ and ‘Molly’, as well as Andy Booth Charlotte Dawson Denise Goodwin

Panos Kamoutsis Samantha Stevens Richard Watts

Paul Wright IT’S YOUR CHOICE. Your Voice! Sabbatical elections give you the chance to do just that – whether you’re standing for election, running somebody’s campaign, or one of the thousands being canvassed at, if you’re a full member of the Students’ Union, you’ve the right to vote in these elections.

The people elected will be influencing your life here over the next year, in terms of how well the Union’s run and how you’re represented both at University and at a national level. Your vote is important. Please use it!

Your Union? Right, I’m going to vote.

That’s right; the Students’ Union. Your Students’ Union: that multitagonal What’s the system? building near The One That Looks Like Titanic. Does some good stuff. Cheap We use a Single Transferable Voting system where, rather than just drinks. Busy nightclub. picking one candidate, you get to rank the candidates in your order of preference. For example, you might vote: But that’s not actually what the Union’s all about. The real purpose of the SU is making sure your point of view is Henry’s Cat 2 listened to by the University, providing welfare support, academic advice, co-ordinating sports and social activity; publications, communications, etc. Zippy However, all this can’t happen by itself, which is where the Sabbatical team George step in. They are a group of six elected representatives each responsible for Cookie Monster 1 a different aspect of Union functioning. Re-open Nominations

This would mean you want Cookie Monster to win, and if Cookie Monster doesn’t get the job, then you would like Henry’s Cat to get Vote [1]… it instead. If Henry’s Cat didn’t win either, you are effectively say- ing you don’t mind which of the others gets the job (because you Candidates may well use all kinds of publicity to win your vote, but basically haven’t given any other preferences). your decision needs to be based on who you think will do the best job. You can decide this by reading their manifestos on the following pages, by If, however, you voted like this: talking to candidates, or by coming along to Hustings (candidate question time) in week 9. Henry’s Cat 2 If you don’t feel a certain candidate is suitable, indicate this by voting “RON” Zippy 3 (Re-open Nominations) for that role. George

Voting is taking place in week10, at the following times and locations: Cookie Monster 1 Re-open Nominations 4 Monday 10.00 – 2.00 Lecture Theatres Tuesday 10.00 – 2.00 Lecture Theatres Then you would be saying that your preferences would be Cookie 19.00 - 22.00 Chancellors Reception Monster, Henry’s Cat and Zippy in that order. Then, if none of those Wednesday 10.00 – 2.00 Lecture Theatres won, you would prefer to scrap the whole election than let that stu- 19.00 - 22.00 Chancellors Reception pid hippo George win – this is indicated by RON being your fourth Thursday 10.00 – 2.00 Lecture Theatres choice. Friday 10.00 – 2.00 Lecture Theatres When we count up the votes, we first count the number of 1’s each candidate has. If no candidate reaches the quota required to win, To vote, simply go along to one of the sessions above with your campus then the candidate with the fewest votes is eliminated, and his or card, where your name and URN will be checked, and you’ll be given a her votes are re-distributed according to the voter’s next prefer- stamped ballot paper. Follow the instructions on the paper, and place in the ence. This process is repeated until somebody reaches the quota sealed ballot box.

Sabbs can make a lasting impact on Union and University policy – so your vote is vitally important, whether you’re here next year or not. For more Hustings information, talk to any of the current sabbs or candidates, or visit the Union website at http://www.ussu.co.uk/elections/index.asp See the sabbatical candidates speeches at Hustings. The candiates and thier propos- ers will be speaking and taking questions on Tuesday (VP Sport, VP Soc & Culture) and Thursday (President, VP Comms and Mkting, VP Ed & Welfare) of week 9 from 7pm.

Vote George [1] for Vote Henry’s Cat Vote Cookie M Cheap drinks available VP Comms [2] for VP Comms [3] for VP Comms & Marketing & Marketing & Marketing IT’S YOUR CHOICE. VOTE PANOS [1] FOR PRESIDENT

My name is Panos, I’m a final year Economics When I was deciding whether to run for student and in this year’s elections I will President, the main questions in my mind be running for the position of President of were: do I have what it takes? Why do I the Students’ Union. In my four years at the want to do this? University of Surrey, I’ve been an active member I found the answers to these questions and of the Hellenic Society, have been a member of I intend to present them to you, because Chancellors and Haris bar and catering staff, and was involved with a previous election those should be the questions in your mind campaign. All this time in this university has Panayiotis Kamoutsis when deciding who to vote for. taught me an important lesson. This has been a lifetime opportunity to experience different Firstly, I have what it takes because I cultures, ways of thinking and attitudes towards grew up within the hospitality industry life. I have many multicultural friends from on the beautiful island of Rhodes and all walks of life and owe all of this to being a I’m finishing a degree in economics. This student at Surrey. means that I know what entertainment is all about how to deliver it efficiently; I If I were elected as President of this Union, I have experience in managing a business; would like to create a safe, warm and welcoming I have good interpersonal skills which I environment where the the students can come have used to great effect; I have dealt with together, be entertained and take part in a wide Proposer accommodation issues and have enjoyed variety of activities. I would like to make you, Vic Walker developing the business within a team. the students, aware of what the Union has to Final Yr Economics, House Officer Seconder offer, not only as a club, but as an institution Secondly, I want to do this because the as well. I wish to have further involvement in Konstadinos Stabedakis MSc Water & Environmental Engineering, President Hellenic Society Union requires a leader with the ability the running of the Union to maintain the high Guarantors to interact with a multi-cultural society standards that all the students expect from their Loizos Michaelides and fulfill their needs. I want to bridge the Union: to increase the Union’s involvement Final year Electronics, GU2 Radio Presenter, gap and bring the student body together as in student money issues, to augment students’ Vice President, Cyprus Society one and finally, I want to give back to the employment prospects, to further their social Sam Nourizadeh and personal life through proper use of facilities, PhD Mobile & Satellite Communications, former captain of the football team. Union what I have taken out throughout the Daria Saeidi efficient allocation of resources and enhanced time I have been here. Let’s come together, Final Year Electrical Enginerring student, Xtreme sports club president let’s enjoy being students, let’s bring the communication within the Union. Finally I Mona Sahlabadi want to maintain the good relations between the Final Yr Psycology Union to you. Union and the University. International Chairperson Union Executive

What do I want to do? Over the last couple of the years the focus has rightly been on fi nance and rest of the newly elected sabbatical team, to concentrate on other aspects how to get the Union back into profi t. I think that now the Union is fully of the Union, not just the ever present ‘beer price saga.’ on the recovery plan the focus should adjust back to the non-commercial The Federal link between Roehampton and Surrey has been initiated side (Societies, Sports, Student Welfare and Facilities). To this end I over the last year and this is also something I want to carry forward. know that the current Sabbatical team has been looking into how this Roehampton have an excellent non-commercial arm but lack when it portion of the Union can continue to be improved and I want to develop comes to commercial services. Building on this and sharing best practices USSU into one of the top Unions for non-commercial services. can not only help the us in the short term but also provide the Union with The fi nancial situation within USSU is now stronger than ever, and there opportunities for students to get involved; whether it be setting up a new are full time managers employed to look after the day to day running of all society, competing for one of the sports teams, or standing as a student the commercial services (Bars and Catering, Entertainments, Marketing offi cer. Who am I? and Development). This will allow next year’s President, along with the

Hi, I’m Paul Wright, a fi nal year Backers: Proposer: Elec Eng student; you may have Why me? Chris ‘the Chef’ Connor Culture and Events Offi cer, seen me chairing Student Council 2nd year IHTM Student, this year or propping up the bar/ I have been involved in the Union since my second year when I Mens Hockey Club sofa in Chancellors. I’m also volunteered as a student representative on the Review Committee. involved with Oscar Film Unit and The committee looked into all aspects of the Union and how it could Seconder: Surrey Student Cinema; having be improved as part of the effort to get the Union out of debt through Richard ‘Special’ Wainwright 4th Year Elec Eng Student, held Chair and Treasurer roles in discussions and running focus groups involving other students. Mens Hockey Club, both societies. Club Committee Student Rep This year I was voted in as Union Chair, a position that has involved working Guarantors: Cathy Marshall 1st year Music Student, closely with this year’s Sabbatical team. Society Standing Chairperson It has given me a good insight into how Canoe Club Member the Union works, what is achievable in a year and what is not. The qualities I have David ‘Jonah’ Jones 4th Year Elec Eng, gained from my various roles within 3rd XI Football Captain USSU has given me the drive to provide both the quality, and the enjoyment of James Sheppard 4th Year Elec Eng services I have received over the past 3 Student Rep, years to other students, no matter where GU2 Presenter they are from or what course they study. Rashpal Sehmi 2nd Year CIT student OFU Publicity Offi cer Andrew Booth VP Communications & Marketing Communications Mission Statement

I Propose: My name is Andrew Booth, and I am a final year Sociologist. I am a former USSU staff member, and during my years of employment I filled roles as diverse as commis chef, Chancellors Shift Leader and Frappe bar extraordinair. I am a GU2 member of rugby club, have presented shows on GU2, and have submitted articles to Barefacts. - Continued advancements with the GU2 radio station. Increased Music plays an integral role in my life. I am the treasurer of the funk society, and a wayward guitarist. The marketing awareness of every student that of the undeniable musical talent here at UniS would take a priority if I were to be successful in the election. there is a radio station to be both enjoyed and involved in. I am, however, aware that my resume may appear rather slim, and can appreciate my application being hard to legitimise. - For the station to be used as But it is my belief that a new emphasis is essential to the continued growth of the USSU, and through mediums such as a means of communication investigative journalism, furthering economic connections with local industry, and flair, our publications can be both between all societies and indicative and reflective of the multi-national and eclectic society of which we inhabit. individuals. My mission is the quest for excellence. It is driven by pride. The USSU Website Supporters - Maintain and strive to improve Barefacts the excellent standard of the Proposer: John Fassom (Fi- site, with feedback and student Linked intrinsically with both communication and marketing, I can forsee, with the correct leadership, the paper rising to nal Year H&C, 1st XV Rugby input playing a pivotal role. new heights of excellence, with academic debate, political philosophy, sport and current affairs playing a precedent. What is also crucial is a paper which reflects not only our role within the wider community, but also as a society which functions Captain, Union Security, Cas- in itself. I propose: snova) Marketing - Philosophers Forum: a university full of scientists and artists living amiably? Seconder: Daria Saeidi I Propose: This university is a hive of free thinkers, with every one being a philosopher in their own right. However, time is precious, (Final Year Electrical En- and few people are able to find enough of it to participate in Barefacts. Therefore I propose a forum which is brought to gineering, Union Security, The USSU you, in the street, outside lectures, in Chancellors. Everybody has the right to comment, everybody has a voice. It is time Chairman of Extreme Sports - Through a number of initiatives to here it. Society!) increase the general knowledge of the function of the Students - The University of Surrey sports teams are a credit to every member of this establishment. Not always perhaps in results, Guarantors: Union, not only as a nocturnal but through spirit and determination! Increased awareness of all sporting events would be a priority. Not only for match Charlie Bolam (Final Year hedonistic romping ground, but coverage, but post-match ‘warm downs’ and ‘Bar-Pride’ binges as well. Dance and Culture, MAD- as the epicentre of university Soc) life. A place where all students - A University Newspaper should promote every society, culture, religion and language. In a multi-national establishment Dimitris Antonopoulous are welcome, and integration of such as UniS, nobody should be seen as a minority, not even Scousers! Therefore, with the support of many members of the (Economics and Business, cultures is promoted. international society, I propose that every nationality should be represented on a rotational basis, with items such as events, Hari’s Bar, ‘The Drink Se- - To increase the awareness recipes for traditional foods, clothing and music being discussed. curity’) and utilisation of the sabbatical Paul Stack (Physics, 1st team, who are by their very - We here are Surrey have two of the most highly nationally recognised courses for music and sound engineering. As might XV Rugby Team, USSU nature there to represent and be expected, this has seen some of the countries best musical minds take up residence in Guildford. The student newspaper Security) promote every student. should be indicative of that, and promotion of these local talents would be endorsed fully. Richard Wainwright (Chan- cellors Shift Leader, Hockey) Vote Rich Watts [1] VP Communications & Marketing 2002/3 I’m Richard Watts (or Rich W if you prefer) - current deputy editor of barefacts and the mind behind “Life After The Womb”, as well as many other articles, as part of my commitment to the student newspaper of UniS. The position of VP Comms. & Marketing involves many more aspects than simply the editorship of the newspaper and it is my thoughts on these that I would like to share with you...

COMMUNICATION MARKETING

University is something we get to experience only once and, As far as marketing goes - we need to do exactly that: promote as such, I think it should be done properly. Admittedly this ourselves…be it to town, to the Union or to Tesco’s; basically, to involves academic work, but equally it should involve other anyone that might want to hear there are a few thousand students (possibly fun) pursuits as well, and I feel it the responsibility around with government funded cash in their pockets that they are of VP Comms. & Marketing to make everyone aware of the willing to spend on the products these people provide. We want opportunities available to them. them to know that we are here.

Brought to you by… If I am elected, both of the above philosophies will be fundamental to the way in which I will perform my duties. A few of my ideas for their execution are outlined below. PROPOSER: KEVIN MARSTON (Final year sociology; ex-VP Comms. barefacts… GU2… Union web site… & Marketing; barefacts music editor; GU2 - head of music; NoWave band co- ordinator; Ultimate Frisbee treasurer) …is the primary vehicle for the objectives …is also a fantastic means of …is a fundamental tool for providing outlined above. For me, it is the ultimate communication that can be harnessed information, as well as a forum, for SECONDER: ARRAN WOOD means of communication available and in order to effectively provide students who are on placement. Not 2nd year mech. eng., should be exploited fully to help achieve information and entertainment around only this, but it can be used to promote (Men’s 1st XI hockey team captain) my goals. As current deputy editor, I feel and about campus. In order for this to and encourage communication between I am in an ideal position to build on the be the case, and for GU2 to continue to each and every one of the societies at GUARANTORS: progress made by others and can utilise grow and prosper, I propose to UniS, as well as advertise the Union and REUBEN THOMPSON - 2nd year LIS my experience to make the most of bf (as student population with ease to a larger (Chair - Lib. Dem. society; Committee well as other planned publications). This • create mass awareness of its member GU2; barefacts News & audience via the Internet. Political editor; publicity co-ordinator would involve existence through extensive (joint) NoWave) advertising and bombardment of the • it is my aim to make sure the Union HAYLEY MILLS - postgraduate • publication on campus and in town student public web site provides these services. (Sports Chair and executive) • more arts & culture • campaign and push for a further FM JEENA LINDGREN - final year IHCM license RICHARD SAWYER - final year • better news • work closely with the station manager maths I will make barefacts something you will to provide shows of interest to all of the RICH W: (Chair - Ultimate Frisbee) turn to time and time again. student population *inform, entertain & promote VOTE CHARLOTTE DAWSON [1] VP SOCIETIES AND CULTURE

Who am I? What I Can Do

Hi there! I’m Charlotte Dawson, a final year Music and With your vote I can… Sound Recording student and I’ve thoroughly enjoyed • Organise a Freshers Fayre bigger and better than ever my time at UniS. Whilst here I have been a member of before the Women’s Football Team and served as Club Captain • Research into how to make ReFreshers Fayre more suc- in 1999-2000. Also, I am a member of MadSoc, having cessful recently been in the cast of Cabaret, but am probably bet- • Offer guidance to societies to make themselves visible ter remembered as the Fairy Godmother in last year’s adult • Promote societies more effectively on the Union website pantomime. and make it a useful resource for placement students • Re-establish skills and training courses, but focusing on This year, I am heavily involved with the GU2 radio sta- key skills tion as a presenter and news reporter, which has lead me • Promote societies and culture beyond the Union to contribute to the Millennium Volunteer scheme. As a • Expand the Millennium Volunteer scheme to encompass member of the Music Department, I have been involved in more societies various music ensembles and acted as inter-departmental • Allow students to have more input into cultural events on Supporters Sports Rep, forcing students to get out of bed and play campus netball. • Represent the interests of all international, mature, place- Proposer: ment, post-graduate and part-time students, plus the nd Emma Owen (2 Year Maths, Nightline Why me? varied cultural groups at UniS Training Officer, GU2 Presenter and • Encourage multicultural participation by opening up Administrator, Millennium Volunteer) • I believe I can do the job and further develop the International week to a wider audience Seconder: role • Work within the Federation with Roehampton to share James Bellamy (Final Year Tonmeister, • As a placement student I have gained skills in ideas and bring together societies from both institutions MadSoc - Director of Cabaret) communication and organisation – • Investigate other Universities in order to develop our Guarantors: I can get your voice heard Union st David Gould (1 Year Tonmeister, • I understand that our university is culturally diverse Course Board Rep, GU2 Technical and this needs to be positively promoted I will look after the needs of all students AND promote the Staff) • I have held different roles in societies and can University and its diversity. Students from all backgrounds have Annabel Canaven (Final Year Dance relate to members needs, no matter what level of so much to share with their University community. You do not need and Culture, Trampolining Club involvement they may have to go to Union House to be involved. If you vote for me, I don’t – Chairperson) • University is not just about getting a degree – want to spend my year sitting behind a desk; I want to solve your Vicky Thomas (Postgraduate Radiation I want you to leave with more problems with you. These can be the best years of your life, make Protection, Women’s Rugby) sure you get the most out of them. Piers Karsenbarg (GU2 – Head of Societies and culture are often viewed as separate issues. News, Millennium Volunteer, Ballroom I want culture to be a key element of society at UniS, whilst Live YOUR life at UniS Dancing Society) the societies should add to the culture of the University. Sabbatical officer:Vice President Societies and Culture The candidate Manifesto: -A public declaration issued Who am I? I am Sam by an individual whose proceedings are of (antha) Stevens. I am public importance. a second year B.Eng. • I hope to extend the foundations created electronic engineer. by my predecessors. Why am I qualified for the • I will continue the good work of freshers job? fair, refreshers fair Arts and culture week, In my first year I started up my international week and rag week. own society. The Science fiction • I will work for the benefit of all and fantasy society, I have been societies. chairperson for 2 years running. In my second year I assisted in • I will try to negotiate the best deals for the setting up of Magick and budgets Pagan society. Also this year • I want to improve the marketing of I became media executive to societies to help make them as popular facilitate this role I went on to try as sports clubs. for arts editor and became an art • Improve the communication, correspondent. I am involved in The job (as I see it) a lot of societies but would like Fulfil the generic job description and all 21 duties coordination and organizing of societies to be in more if there was time. I related to societies and culture. Specifically and socializing. helped start the societies profile acting as a trustee of the union. Executing these • Work on improving the integration of duties properly and effectively. To assist societies with Jana. I am also part of St self-promotion. Coordinating, organizing international, part time, and post graduate john links and departmental events and being a link for communications students. society for electronic engineers. as a representative of our students union and Uniting the students union on issues I am a very active member in all international societies. of these societies. important to the students union. Denise Goodwin [1] For VP Sports

Who am I?? Guarantors

Firstly for those people who do not know who I am, my Proposer – David Jones, ‘Jonah’ – Forth year name is Denise Goodwin and I am the current VP sports Electrical Engineering, Men’s Football, Chancellors for USSU. As an elected position I was honored to have Bod. been voted in to take up the opportunity, and challenge, Seconder – Paul David Stack, ‘Stack’ – Second to push Surrey sport forward. This position has given me Year Biochemistry, Men’s Rugby Club Chair the opportunity to see sport from a different angle, to see how much effort and commitment is put into Surrey sport Guarantors by so many different people, to ensure the students have Colin Roope – First year CIS, Golf club superstar, as many opportunities as possible. Within my current USSU security year I have successfully helped to put in place a more Hayley Mills – Postgraduate Psychology Student, streamlined administration system. One of my main aims Sports Chair, Women’s Badminton Captain for a second term would be to strengthen this, changing the Erica Denman ‘Cheeks’ – Final Year Mathematics way things are administered - to ensure future years have Student, Women’s Football Captain more opportunities than what may have been previously Nadeem Samaka – First year French and Economics possible. student, Men’s Football

Why a second term?? – ensuring that handovers from year to year run football club was the doorway to meeting new people more smoothly than ever. I don’t believe that one – as well as a good escape route from the pressures When you are first flung into the workings of the individual should be running a club on their own, and of that heavy workload! union, it takes a long time simply to get to grips with although it does take some commitment – a well run the new job, let alone the whole system that you work club is usually the one with a good structured com- So what’s left?? within. A year is in fact a very short time to achieve mittee. For those clubs who currently lack this struc- everything that you would like to. Now that I know ture I would spend time working with them, so that Well its hard to get in all what needs to be said, but the job, I would be able to spend the summer work- when it comes to future committees they will know to conclude… I will be keeping up my work regarding ing towards projects that take the kind of time and the ‘state of play’, so to speak. Wednesday afternoons, ensuring that when timeta- commitment that is not available during term time. bling is carried out for the next academic year, it is I want to work towards building links within commu- Sport for all… understood within senate house how important free nity projects so that students have the opportunities time for student activities are for self enhancement to par-take in coaching courses, referees courses, One of those lines that generally lacks meaning, but I and stress relief from studies. I already sit on a com- and also helping to attain volunteer awards through want to show that this is not the case here at Surrey. mittee within BUSA, and I plan to go one step further sport. This is also an excellent way for students to It is often assumed that there are cliques within uni- and go for a higher position, which will not only help earn money should awards be attained!! versity sports clubs – but I want to help prove that to raise Surrey’s profile within the organization, but this is not the case by getting new and existing stu- also give us a greater voice within the structure Club Benefits?? dents along to see for themselves!! The main thing I organization. want to do is increase participation in clubs – making VOTE FOR ME BABY ONE I would also work closely with clubs to help them sure EVERYONE is made welcome to their chosen gain a good level of workings within the committees sport. For me getting involved in a club like women’s MORE TIME!!! Welfare – how can I help Education – what will I do you? for you? • Liaise with relevant bodies (council, police and university) to ensure optimum safety conditions for • Campaign against fees! This is an ongoing battle students, particularly concerning lighting and bus and I will be supporting the NUS in their action (and travel in and around university sites. encouraging you all to attend rallies too). • Campaign to relevant bodies for consideration for • Investigate which departments have not implemented disabled students during future planning of university the ‘parenting system’ or course representatives sites. and encourage them to do so, as they would be highly • Investigate the reinstatement of a nursery facility for useful to their students. students and staff of the university. • Represent students during academic appeals and • Involve myself in the potential development of the provide support when students have educational Union building. I am very keen to see the Student problems at the university. Advice and Information Service brought into the • Co-ordinate, train and support course representatives Union. and senior residents. • Ensure the success of the soon-to-be Jobshop at the Union. This will be a valuable resource for preventing student poverty. Toni’s Supporters • Attend University Committees on your behalf so your views may be considered during planning and Proposer: Tina Waller – 2nd Year Psychology, decision making. Social Sec. Breakdance Society.

st As a Sabbatical Offi cer – I Seconder: Colin Roope – 1 year computing information and technology, Vice Captain would be delighted to… Who’s Toni? Golf Club, USSU Security. Hi! I’m Toni Borneo. I’m just about to fi nish second year Psychology so • Work with the other Sabbatical next year is the perfect chance to devote my time to representing you in whatever way you might need. Guarantors: Offi cers to act on students’ 1. Jim Sharp – Elec. Eng, USSU bar staff, needs. During my 21 years, I have learned a great deal about keeping calm when my support is needed. I have several years’ experience working in a retail mountaineering club, mountain biking • Get involved in the redevelopment team, advising customers on cooking utensils and organic cosmetics club. of the non-commercial services (different companies!), so I’m more than happy to put heads together with 2. Jess Alldis, 2nd Year Economics. in the Union building. others to put ideas into action. I also spent my Gap year supervising a team 3. Julian Duncan – Final Year Mechanical Be available for a friendly chat of volunteers whose job it was to organise three sittings of two meals daily Engineering, Initiator and President any time you need me for anything. in a communal Kibbutz dining hall for 600 people, so I know about teams Breakdance Society, Christian Union. That’s what being a Sabbatical under pressure! 4. Kevin Marston – Final Year Offi cer is all about. Like I said, you Sociology, BF Music Editor, ex VP don’t have to deal with anything by I would like very much to be your fi rst port of call when you need a helping Comms and Marketing, No Wave yourself. hand, be it a matter of health, wealth or happiness (not forgetting course Bookings Offi cer. problems, student safety, accommodation or anything else…). 07/03/02 Art 17 COMICS : A Lover with PARADISE IN PANELS? examine the Holocaust Long Hair “At the picture-books again I see”. anew (Maus was awarded “They’re not picture-books, they’re comics – graphic novels!” a Pulitzer Prize). I love to let your hair run through my “Picture-books!” Comics also offer a new hands “Graphic Novels!” source for film lovers. and lie like lace upon my fingertips. “Picture-books!” Comics have allowed some of Hollywood’s The tracery of hair about your throat; This is an example of a typical stimulating debate I have with Stewart most famous films to the silken lines that lie across your lips; Fudge (1st Team Cap’n of the Slurry Slingers) when I have just purchased expand far beyond their a new comic. As a result I have decided to write a small article to try and screen life. The Star Wars the curtain of your hair that frames persuade him to use the correct nomenclature. comics have explored the your breasts; Comics have forever been dismissed as cheap, throwaway pulp fiction. SW universe thousands the gentle snake that winds about your When most people think about comics they remember the camp ‘60s bat- of years before the films hips. man series. Comics have progressed a hell of a lot since then. The volume and chronicled the lives of and diversity of comics nowadays is amazing encapsulating all possible Luke Skywalker et al up genres. Essentially, the question becomes not why you should read comics, to 25 years after their film My long haired love, but which ones should you read first. adventures ended. you grew the web that binds Most people think that Comics only really detail superheroes. Superheroes Hollywood has increasingly been looking towards comics for inspiration. me to your touch, form only a small part of the range. Superman and Batman are still going We’ve already had Batman films and Superman films. The Spiderman and links your fate with mine. strong. ‘The Dark Knight Returns’ has redefined Batman making him much film is due for release soon. There are already plans to make a film of the darker, cynical and ambiguous but still having that fantastic 50-foot penny ‘Preacher’ series and an ‘Incredible Hulk’ film is also being made Ang Lee (c) Robin Shirley 1963, 1994 in the batcave. (using a CGI Hulk). Superheroes might not be to everyone’s taste and since the 80’s people If you thirst for fantastic stories, then look no further. Artist/writer Scott have demaneded more darker, literary and essentially cerebral comics. Neil McCloud’s claims that “No other art form gives so much to its audience Gaiman’s ‘Sandman’ series is one of the few comics to receive a major liter- while asking so much from them as well.” All that’s needed is a little faith Robin Shirley is a lecturer in the ary award. Made up of 11 volumes it is an epic exploration of fantasy and and a world of imagination. psychology department who has magic. ‘The Preacher’ series is a modern Road Movie with black humour, If you’re interested in getting hold of some comics, then you are in luck! performed and broadcast poetry for visceral violence and epic religious myth – not for the easily offended. Guildford has a comic book store where you can get several years. The above poem was Comics now go even further and deeper. Art Spiegelman (artist/writer) more info: written at the age of 22. interviewed his father, a holocaust survivor about his experiences. He then translated the story into the graphic novel ‘Maus’. By portray- Guildford Comics and Games ing a true story of the Holocaust in comic form--the Jews are mice, the 64b Chertsey Street Germans cats, the Poles pigs, the French frogs, and the Americans dogs-- Tel: 01483 304781 Spiegelman compels the reader to imagine the action, to fill in the blanks that are so often shied away from. Reading ‘Maus’, you are forced to Navroop Sehmi. 18 Albums 07/03/02 ‘Morning Sun’ album, remixed by some of today’s most respected ALBUMS producers. There are reworkings by ALBUM OF THE WEEK Pépe Braddock, Brennan Green & SIMIAN Daniel Wang and Dubtribe, and they VARIOUS ARTISTS Mobile Disco (Source) Door to the Souk (Wrasse) all give their own twist on the dif- ferent tracks, while maintaining the Note to reviewer: mention eclectic choice original Block 16 sound. Those familiar with the Po Na Na of songs subjected to remix/mix treat- Personally, I would have preferred experience will no doubt enjoy this ment by unconventional mentalists Simian. less of Block 16 and more of the compilation of chilled, funky beats. This one caught my eye and then caught DJs and producers. It’s an all right To call the mix of styles that appear my attention. Little known electronauts chillout album, but it does tend to on this double CD eclectic would Simian have mixed the most wide-rang- get a bit boring. The Kost Effective be an understatement – tracks of ing collection of songs I’ve ever seen on a Mix of ‘The Land Is Yours featur- Algerian rock, Mexican rap and compilation album: The Byrds, Kraftwerk, ing Jhelisa’ is quite cool. The Pépé psychedelic sitar sit alongside contri- Redman anyone? The premise is simple, Braddock mix is quite fun, featuring butions from the likes of Sonique and Simian’s Mobile Disco (live DJ set – they soul legend Jon Lucien. According jazz cover versions of recent dance play other people’s music) will hit the road to friends of mine, the Green & chart hits. Given this variety, one on a tour of small London venues. They Wang’s Evolusive Mix reminded might expect such an album to prove haven’t abandoned their more traditional them of Sonic the Hedgehog. chaotic and muddled but instead, this live shows; they’re just adding another ele- Overall it’s an all right album, but a soundtrack makes for fascinating and ment to their musical cannon. Mobile Disco bit boring at times.5/10 J.K. refreshing listening since each track is brutally mixed to include as much as pos- is quite unique. The first CD is more sible on one CD. Of the nineteen tracks that ALANIS MORISSETTE relaxed and mellow than the second, feature, few last more than two minutes. Under Rug Swept (Maverick) which is in fact quite upbeat, although The remix of ‘Try Again’ by Aliyaah is dark in a soothing rather than an energetic and occasionally experimental exception to Hang on a minute. This isn’t the sense. All in all, a rather scrummy the two-minute rule. ‘Try Again’ is mixed Alanis Morissette we all know and selection – a pleasant surprise for seamlessly into ‘Take Me To Broadway’ by used to vaguely like. This album everyone [well, almost everyone] Gonzales. This is a record for that majority ain’t no repeat of the rousing guaranteed. 7/10 C.L. “Who like all types of music really”. 8/10 ‘Jagged Little Pill’. Forget ‘Ironic’, A.R. BLOCK 16 ‘Not the Doctor’ and all the rest, Morning Sun Remixed (Nuphonic) Morissette’s new album appears not Proceedings start with ‘21 Things album goes in a similarly under- all in French, AAARGH) and a dis- to be about memorable melodies and I Want In A Lover’, which at the whelming manner. There is one tinct lack of variety, the production ‘Morning Sun Remixed’ is just lyrics, but more about clumsy, awk- outset has a promising guitar riff, redeeming moments in the form of lever clearly getting stuck on the what the title says. It’s Block 16’s ward lyrics and musical mediocrity. but there’s no climax, and the whole “Hands Clean”, which isn’t too bad, ‘Boring Bollox Ballad’ and ‘Pervy but it’s never a good idea to buy an Pop’ settings quite a lot. OCEAN’S ELEVEN album on the strength of one good The Britney Spears comparisons Soundtrack (Warner Bros) song. Especially when it’s a bit are just; decent first single complete pants. 5/10 S.P. with saucy video, then a snowdrift Selected and produced by Irish champion of of crap ever after. As someone once dark dance mixery, David Holmes certainly ALIZEE said, give me a double Van Gogh has done well here. Complimenting Steven Gourmandises (Polydor) and make the suffering stop. 4/10 Soderbergh’s slick casino heist flick wasn’t M.F. an easy task but he has accomplished it well Ok ok so “Moi Lolita” was a good here. Two of Holmes’ own tracks (now there’s pop song as pop songs go. Which a surprise) sit alongside some humorous and is a bit like saying Blink-182 are This week’s reviews by dark dialogue snippets, big band/swing cuts, a good skate-punk band, but the the effortless cool of Claude Debussy, Perry fact was that it was a very passable Michael Field, Matthew Shepard, Como and Elvis Presley. Russell of cartoon example of slightly risqué French Alex Read, Simon Pearson, Julia band Gorillaz even pops up, albeit in his usual kitsch. Walker, Catherine Lee, Andy Smith, guise of Del Tha Funkee Homosapien, featur- Slightly disappointing then, is that Peter G Smith, Mark Iyer, Mark ing on Handsome Boy Modelling School’s the rest of this 17 year old’s debut Richards, Jana Kristensen, Kevin wicked funk-fest ‘The Projects’. is poorer than a Glasgow tramp and Marston, Duncan Hills, Jonathan Soundtracks are gratuitous and a pain in the about as sophisticated as a bunch of Swarbrick, Anna Wheeler, & Mat- arse these days, but this is a refreshingly cool fat builders scoffing their bloated thew Badcock and diverse selection in the vein of the fantas- guts at a curry house on a Thursday tic ‘Lock, Stock’ score. Merits investigation in night. its own right. 8/10 M.F. Uncharacteristically cumbersome

RECOMMENDED basslines are squelched out, there’s the usual murmured lyrics (naturally, GamesZone

release, Grand Theft Auto III, Rockstar Games story of the game and to be honest some of for all those who love notion of running riot. State Of Emergency have decided to introduce us to the world of the most pointless and tedious missions ever. Anarchy rules! 7/10 K.M. Publisher: Rockstar Games rioting in State Of Emergency, where anything Overall, SOE is a fun packed violent game Developer: VIS Entertainment Plc goes and that’s saying something. Genre: Action Based on the old Final Fight formula of action PlayStation 2 in a 3D world, (For those of you who remem- ber it), State Of Emergency takes you on a Following on the from the success of their last mindless trip through the behaviour of rioting in various locations around a major city where anything can be used to cause damage. Bricks, guns, rocket launchers, dustbins, dismembered body parts and anything else can be used to implement your goals of complete destruction. SOE main mode of game play is Chaos where you have to earn as many points as possible in a limited time span (note to game players – very similar to the gameplay of Crazy Taxi) before you can move onto the next stage. While the second mode, Revolution, is a mis- sion based game that unravels the limited 07/03/02 Film & Theatre 19 The Mothman Prophecies 1 Giant Leap Dir: Mike Pellington Writers: Richard Hatem On Thursday, 21st Feb, Jamie Catto (Film maker and (based on the book by John A.Keel) founder of Faithless) and Duncun Bridgeman (Artist and Cast: Richard Gere, Laura Linney, Will Patton, Debra Producer) visited the university to present their completed Messing, Lucinda Jenney, Alan Bates project, 1 Giant Leap. Equipped with a digital camera, Cert: 12 a mobile recording studio and a vision they toured the Running Time: 118 minutes world meeting musicians, artists, writers and anyone else recording music for their album and asking questions. John Klien (Richard Gere) and his wife Mary are driving back when Their vision was to “…capture and share with others, Mary sees something strange and ends up swerving and crashing. At the unique fusion of sound, image and spoken word from the hospital it is revealed that Mary is suffering from an inoperable some of the world’s most influential artists and musicians.” brain tumour. She soon dies and when John is packing up her things, he These artists and musicians included the likes of Neneh discovers her notebook which is filled with drawings of a dark winged Cherry, Michael Stipe, Dennis Hopper, Asha Bhosle, Kurt monster – John believes that this is the creature that Mary saw. Two Vonnegut and Baaba Maal. The questions they asked years later and still grieving, John decides to go for ranged from life, death to sex and money. a long drive. After driving for about two hours, the car breaks down and he goes to a nearby house for Five minutes into the film and I thought that it would be an anti-capi- help. He is instead confronted with a shotgun by talist student film but I was pleasantly surprised. There were some a man who claims that he has been stalking him. quite inspiring responses (Baaba Maal) and some very funny ones (a The local law enforcement arrives (Laura Linney) famous porn star discussing her debut in the industry). The music was and manages to calm the situation. John goes to a fantastic – a fusion of hundreds of different sounds of many cultures, local motel and discovers that during that two hour it’s the kind of music which shows you how really bad and awful recent drive, he has somehow travelled 800 or so miles to chart music is. Only excerpts of the film was shown along with the Point Pleasant. John soon hears of strange things music video for their new single ‘My Culture’ (feat. Robbie Williams & happening in Point Pleasant and decides to inves- Maxi Jazz). The full version of the film on DVD will contain 12 chapters, tigate. He learns of predictions which this creature each chapter concerning a single topic. It was disappointing to see has made and discovers that they are coming true. only about 40 students there but if you wanted to go but couldn’t check He receives a phone call from someone prophesis- out their website www.1giantleap.tv for details on the rest of their tour. ing a great disaster in Mount Pleasant – can John prevent it? Navroop Sehmi. The events of the film are so bizarre that really they can only be based on a true story. After watching the film I feel more compelled to read the book than to watch the film again. The film would have benefited more from a documentary style than the flashy MTV style which has been used by the director. The strength of the story is that it is real but apart from What’s on? the ‘based on a true story’ caption at the beginning and a few lines before the credits, the film plays like a standard paranormal investigation film – essentially a long X-files episode. The people behind the film Guildford’s Yvonne Arnaud Theatre – March: probably didn’t go for the documentary style for fear of being put down as a Blair Witch rip-off, which is a shame. It isn’t a bad film, just not a great one either. 5/10 Diatribe Of Love, Thursday 8th – Saturday 9th March, 8pm (£5 student standby) Navroop Sehmi. Linda Marlowe brings her play to Guildford as part of the International Women’s Festival 2002. Written by Gabriel Garcia Marques, this is a play about Graciela who, on her 25th wedding anniversary, reflects on her marriage which has everything except love. Examining her life she decides to take revenge upon her powerful hus- band.

Damsels in Distress, Tuesday 5th – Saturday 9th March This is not one, but three different comedies, written and directed by Alan Ayckbourn to be played by the same cast and on the same set. Gameplan: The future looks bleak for Lynette, but her teenage daughter Sorrel’s last ditch attempts to save them both. Or will it cause greater trouble? Flatspin: Nothing is what it seems in this play, as Joanna plans to seduce her neighbour but suddenly finds herself in considerable danger instead. Roleplay: Justin Laxenby and Julie-Ann Jobson plan an introductory supper for their respective parents. Everything must go perfectly, but then something happens..

The Man With the Golden Pen, Friday 15th – Saturday 16th March, 8pm (£5 st. standby) Written and performed by Mark Burgess, this is a story about Ian Fleming, creator of James Bond. At 42 he is getting married, and he is terrified! A brilliant performance by Burgess.

Bedroom Farce, Tuesday 12th – Saturday 23rd March Another Ayckbourn play, this is one of his most popular and has been delighted audi- ences in the West End, on Broadway and at the National Theatre for years. It’s a play about problems, relationships and bedrooms.

Marry Maria, Thursday 21st March, 8pm (£5 student standby) A chaotic new comedy about marriage, Marry Maria is full of twists and turns. As Tom and Sarah’s planning their perfect wedding day, their life turns into chaos when Maria arrives and the confessions begin.

The Clearing, Monday 25th – Saturday 30th March The year is 1650 and Cromwell threatens to eradicate the Irish. An English man falls in love with a spirited Irish woman, but he cannot keep the outside world at bay. This huge passionate play tells of both history and love. It won the John Whiting Award and a Time Out Theatre Award in 1993 and is well worth seeing.

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Theatre Reviews! Every now and again, we in the art section receive free tickets to plays at the Yvonne Arnaud Theatre in Guildford. Unfortunately, we seldom have the time to go to these ourselves, but if anyone’s interested in going to the theatre and writing reviews for us, please let us know here at [email protected] ����� �� ������ ������ ��� � �������� ���� ����� ����

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���� ���� ��� ��� �� ��� ���� ������ ����������� ����� ������ ���� �� ������ ��� ���� ���� ������ ������� ���� ����� ��� ���� ���� �������� ������ ��� ���� ������ ���� ����� � ���� ������ �� ����� ��� 07/03/02 Personals/Society Profiles 21 The Stars Wot A Proper Astrologer Did Society Profiles: DOSTOYEVSKY: January The library will be a place of luck for you this week. Though the fourth floor east has become ridiculously popular with undergrads and postgrads alike (check out all those blue thesis things, eh?) you will find room for your work and be productive. Cheerleading LAWRENCE: February Next up in our round It’s funny, really, because Thursday had always been your favourite day of the one breaking any thing in week. Not this week, though – the family goldfish will finally stop swimming in of Society Profiles the process!!!! circles due to its shorter fin and die a painful death due to the cat. Be prepared for is the Cheerleading the phone call from the folks. Society. Now, I’m not Ultimate dream for you sure just who they personally in the socie- MILTON: March ties activity: Not to break usually cheer for, Now that the calendar bears your birth month, things are a little perky for anything, Cheer for other Miltonians: a visit to the laundry will work wonders for the self-esteem and you or if they just cheer sports teams will be lucky enough to get the last portion of lasagne at chancellors on Monday to cheer, but I bet lunchtime. they’re a very cheer- Worst injury: Just pains ful gang.. everywhere after a gym- HARDY: April nastics training session, no Talking of lasagne at chancellors, do you prefer the HRB’s lasagne or not? There one should be able to do was a time when I thought that they were the same, but as it turns out, they’re not. Name & Age: Rachel the splits. Something to do with the cheese, appareantly. Kirk 19 Society activity idol: Our DICKENS: May Position in Society: little pom pet. Of course, at Chancellor’s, you don’t get some salad with the Italian treat, President although you do get garlic bread, which would have to count as a positive. The Most embarrassing/amusing society only problem is that the plate is always really hot (as that staff are always so kind to Your Best Feature: Bubbly personality and big moment: Me falling off a top of a pyramid point out) so be careful and “don’t touch.” mouth. during a routine on the football field. I was caught though, never hit the ground yet. It just FLAUBERT: June What do you look for in a man: Ability to lift wasn’t too elegant. Saying that, the chilli & chips option at chancellors was a stroke of genius. me up. Someone’s obviously been sitting there and thought “hang on – chips; chilli. Hmm, Hidden aspects of your society: Lots of chips and chilli.” Brilliant. The cheese as a topping was just inspired, as well. Best thing about the society activity: Being socialising at the varsity and mingling with the stood on top of a six foot man and having a Surrey Stingers. BRONTE: July view. The other thing to consider about chancellors is it’s serving hours. I mean, I have Worst fear: Forgetting to put my gym pants nothing against HRB – fabulous food and brilliant service (in much the same way Best moment for society: Coming second at under my skirt. as you receive at chancellors) it’s just that you have to make sure you’re paying nationals in our division last year. attention to your watch, otherwise you might miss out on a real treat. AT least with Lunchtime lasagne in Chancellors or HRB? C’s you just turn up and you’ll be ok. Worst thing about your society: Lack of good Chancellors, has to be veggie though!!! strong boys for us to climb over. ORWELL: August You in three words: Loud, funny, bizarre! One of Chancellor’s main selling points is the entertainment as well. Not so much Ultimate society dream: To come first at the entertainment, just its reputation, I suppose. I mean, 1.30pm, any day of the nationals having done a fab. co-ed routine with The society in three words: Loud, fun, poms! week, and it’s rammed. For all HRB is good (and so is Root’s) there just isn’t that lots of people flying through the air. Also no “damn-I-can’t-find-a-table” feeling, is there? I remember the days of fights to get a table at C’s. Brilliant.

HUGO: September Now that I’ve mentioned Root’s, don’t you think it’s funny how the sign for it looks like “Roo’s”? I think so, mainly because I know someone who has the occa- PERSONALS sional tendency to call herself Roo (or at least her sister does) and I can’t really hey there drrrr - congratulations are probably my watch on Fetish imagine it as a café/bar place because of that. You know: “are you going to Roo’s?” in order...so well bloody done on your project. night! sounds like you’re pooping round her house and not to get some lunch. Unless Hope i’m not being a bit premature with my come on tampon, brave an outdoor session well-dones. you’re having lunch at Roo’s (the person) and then it’s ok. who can’t cook for Shit? I’d like you to know that Shit happened to like my food very much, JOYCE: October rich - maybe you should start the left-handed thank you very much. …and “Season’s” is quite a funny name for a place, isn’t it? I mean, not as bad as society. perhaps you could call it the “lefties a season just by itself, like “Summer”, for instance, but still a little strange. Saying invite many people with right impish sprogs come on rob - get some guiness down you in that, though, and leaving “Rushes” out of the silly name contest would be a trav- to educate discriminately” society (or LIMP- time for dublin esty. “Rushes”? As in reeds by a pond or as in moving quickly from one place to WRISTED for short). that would be quite apt. another? Either of those isn’t really appropriate, is it? more purple aftershocks for me, for me. b.j. - complete the house-set and go for gold. TWAIN: November hey em. If you want to go a bit upmarket, you always have Lakeside, don’t you? Although, The ‘Miserable Sod’ is stalking the corridors, not meaning to be picky, it’s hardly “Lakeside”, is it? More, “Just Over The Road again !!! Donson, get your bloody 5th team signed up From the Lake” as a matter of fact. You’ll have to excuse me being picky, it’s just for tour! That applies to the 4th I’ve never eaten there and so can’t tell you what the food is like. Presumably its arran - though we sit in the sofas, well aware of XI too! nice, though. what we are saying to each other in our minds, we wouldn’t change it for the world. that’s the Sicknote, do you drink from the empty cup? ELIOT: December bitch of the matter, isn’t it? Good week. (You never get a good horoscope, so you? It’s because you’re at Wanted: random photos of the jimmy jimmy jimmy jimmy jimmy jimmy jimmy Monks+monkey from Fetish nite. Email them the end, I’m afraid, and so by the time we get here, the stars have had enough with jimmy jimmy jimmy jimmy jimmy mr tea mr to divulging information and my brain is a little frazzled from all the hard work. Sorry tea mr tea mr tea mr tea mr tea mr tea mr the USSU photomonkey! – I’ll make more effort next week.) tea...dagnammit, listen to GU2

Thankyou to the kind person who handed in 22 Services 07/03/02 Dr Russ says “...... Money Matters! general. Another way to find out Recruitment Agencies the particularly active agencies is ARE YOU Companies to scan the advertisement pages in Trusts and Charities In case you’re not exactly sure appropriate journals e.g. Personnel THINKING ABOUT Local Authorities what they do, recruitment agen- Today or Computer Weekly. The POST GRADUATE University post graduate cies try to find suitable candidates chances are that the agencies adver- studentship awards for employers. Views about their tising there will tend to specialise STUDY? University departments value vary from “I wouldn’t in that area and you can give them Research touch them with a barge-pole” to a ring to see what else they’ve got Don’t bank on Assistantships “There’s no way I would have got on their books. receiving funding Loans my job without their help”. So why Once you have found an agency, for post graduate from banks are they so controversial? First of all you need to do is get in touch. study. Competition all, graduates often worry that it Year under their belt aren’t in They may ask for your CV or ask for funding for post Don’t forget – if will be expensive to use an agency. this position. They have some- you to fill out one of their own graduates is phenom- you need further Actually, it is illegal for them to thing to offer and agencies are forms. They will also ask you what enal, and it is a good advice about charge you for their services. They likely to show much more interest. job you have in mind so you must idea to start looking financial or other make their money by charging the Remember, though, that they only think this through beforehand. If for funding as early welfare issues the employer who asked them to deal want to make money from placing you do get the cold shoulder, it’s as possible. It is Student Advice with the vacancy in the first place. you. They are therefore quite like- probably because they simply much easier to get and Information Secondly, new graduates some- ly to encourage you to accept a job don’t have vacancies at that par- a place on a course than it is to get Service is here to help you. times find agencies are rather offer even if you’re not entirely ticular time for someone with your the money to pay for it. Many post unhelpful when they first contact happy with it. background. graduates have to fund themselves Student Advice and them. This is because they are We are often asked how to track Finally, you may like to know that with loans. If you are offered fund- Information Service mainly interested in people who down agencies who deal with in some years as many as 10% of ing make sure that it covers both tui- (SAIS) have experience relevant to their particular jobs. Fortunately, there Surrey’s graduates obtain their first tion and maintenance. client’s needs. New graduates is a very comprehensive directory job through an agency. For me this Wey Flat 2, Surrey often don’t have quite what they on the website www.rec.uk.com is convincing evidence that they are Possible sources of funding are:- Court, are looking for, hence the cold which lists them all according to worth using. Tel: 01483 689261 shoulder. their areas of specialism. A leaflet Government Funding Fortunately, University of Surrey in the Careers Service will tell you Russ Clark Socrates-Erasmus E-mail student- graduates who have a Professional more about recruitment agencies in Careers Service Employers [email protected] Notices The Economics Society Debate on the Euro will take Womens Rugby AGM, Monday Week9, 8pm, GMR place on Wednesday 13th March in AP2. 6pm, ALL WELCOME Police Community Partnership Group Public Meeting - LT L, 7pm, 13/3/02 - ALL WELCOME Euchrist - Every Thursday by Rev John Strain, 12: 30pm, Grant Mitchel Room Sub Aqua Club AGM, 21st March, 19:30, TB13 Union cashiers office is open 12:00 - 14:00 every Lesbian, Gay & Bisexual (LGB) Society AGM - 19th working day except wednesdays. March, Time & Venue: tba Tennis Club AGM Music & Drama (MaD)Society AGM @ 7pm Tuesday Thursday Week 8 (7-Mar-02), 1pm 19th March TB22 Any queries contact: Tamil Society AGM @ 6pm Monday 18th March [email protected] TB18 (tbc) Police Community Partnership Group Public Meeting, LT L, 7pm Wednesday 13th March

Your chance to put forward comments, critiscism and ideas to the local police, coun- cillors and UniS security on matters that affect you.

Do you think lighting on and off campus should be improved? Are you worried about Student Safety?

Come Along - ALL WELCOME

Also to be discussed - The proposed new Skate park near Tescos. Work has been car- ried out by the University, Union and local community to propose a new Skate Park to help alleviate the problems on Campus. Come and have your say! To all you boys who train hard and still have small arms!!!

Civ Eng disappointed! If you want to add real size to your arms, then it’s vital that you focus on building and develop- ing your triceps. In this weeks intramural 5-a-side mixed soccer quarter-finals the tension has heated up. In the first match The triceps (the muscles at the back of your upper arm) make up over two-thirds of your arm Civ Eng A beat Real Wages in a quiet game resulting in a penalty shootout where they won 4 – 2. size. Yet most people neglect their triceps, choosing instead to train their biceps. The next game provided excitement, entertainment and great refereeing! Civ Eng B (possible tourna- ment favourites) were playing Aqa. Civ Eng had much of the play but leading forward Phil could not Truth is, unless you work your triceps AT LEAST as hard as your biceps, you will never find the net despite excellent build up play from Cath and Sue. As the game went on Civ Eng got the develop large, impressive arms. If you want arms that fill out your t-shirt by the time the sum- breakthrough they deserved with a Brazil-like layoff from Sue to Phil who blasted the ball home (at last). mer comes round, now’s the time to start getting serious. This was not before Adrian decided to show us why he should be up for Best Actor at this years Oscars! Then came the drama. A shot from Aqa went into the netting. With the game stopped the friendly referee Here’s what to do: went to aid the flapping goal keeper (Adrian) who had managed to free the ball by the time the ref had got there. Unfortunately the goalkeeper had pulled much of the netting out and the ref had to put it back. 1. Train the arms using basic exercises no more than twice per week (once is often enough for With the refs back to play Civ Eng decided to carry on and the ref missed an apparent ball going over many people). head height in which Aqa’s leading female forward struck the ball home. With the match poised at 1-1 it was down to penalties again. What about the other member of the Civ Eng team and what vital part did 2. Use basic exercises, such as dips, the close-grip bench press and tricep extensions (lying or he have to play! The Clough machine wouldn’t disappoint us…only his team by missing the vital penalty standing). that sent his team crashing out of the tournament. Sorry Civ Eng! In the final match Lucky Lepricorns continued their good run with a 2-0 win over The Cheddars. 3. Don’t waste your time with fancy isolation exercises, such as tricep kickbacks. Next week is the Semi-finals and final and if it is anything like this week it should be controversial! See you there. 4. Use a moderate repetition range (6-12 reps) for all exercises. High reps (above 15) and low reps (2-6) make little contribution to muscle growth. Surrey Pride - ooh, another page of it! Stumped BUSA League The UK Universities Breakdance By Benjamin J. Candy Champions! Back in November, the cricket team set off for Sussex Ed Scott Mameletzis scored a 3 pointer each, University to play in the BUSA regional indoor cricket Chairman, UniS Basketball Club which gave the home team a great Championships finals. The five teams were put into two pools, one of boost. Combining the two teams, 9 of :The Lazy Dayz crew (UniS’ very own posse of skilled break- three teams and one of two with the top two in each UniS Men’s Basketball team won a the last 13 points were Free-Throw’s, ers) are used to bustin’ a move or two in the cosy confines of qualifying for the semis. Surrey got the tough draw, thrilling final league game by a single and the most important statistic avail- the HRB. But, on Sat 16th February, the crew were thrown (well residing in the three-team group, along with St.Mary’s point – 78-77. The game was very able was this – Surrey won. and truly) into the deep end as they competed at the first ever and Sussex. tight throughout, and in the end the As club chairman and assistant coach, University UK Breakin’ Championships. The event was held in The first game pitted Surrey against the host team game was won at the free throw line, I would like to congratulate every Newcastle at the university. The student’s union was taken over Sussex and having been asked to bat first, we managed with UniS scoring their last 4 points individual who has played in a BUSA for the whole day by a bunch of b-boys and b-girls, spinning, a respectable total, thanks mainly to a solid knock from from the charity stripe. Panayiotou game for the club: Petros Alexandris freezing, and top-rockin’ to some funky hip-hop sounds. Starkers and some excellent late support. Sussex then top scored for UniS with 20 points. (Captain), Fotis Arvanitis, Marc We arrived in time for the heats, feeling a bit stiff and creaky began very positively, but competitive bowling and The game started slightly edgily for Balsys, Michael Chrysochoidis, Tomi from the four-hour minibus journey. Up last, we watched the fielding pulled the game back in Surrey’s favour and in both teams, with North London’s #15 Eloluoto, Carlos Gallego, Stephanos other crews compete. Their routines were all well choreographed the end, a comfortable victory was registered. St.Mary’s, playing strong inside. Some tough Germenis, Alan Hopgood, Alex and packed full of tricks and stunts, pair work and group-work. boasting two county players, were the next opponents refereeing decisions saw UniS go into Iliopoulos, Olli Kemppinen, Alex We were up against some stiff competition from the start. Being and though Surrey battled hard against a strong team, the team foul penalty after only three Mameletzis, Nicholas Panayiotou, inherently lazy, not quite as much effort went into our prepara- they were eventually beaten. The first two results were minutes, but they reacted perfectly Ali Reda, Ono Ugbarugba & Alie tion as into the performance – but we pulled off a good one. The enough to see Surrey through to a semi final against with three 3-pointers being scored in Yunkella. I would also like to thank crowds went wild when Sly Si revealed his boy-band roots with Brighton, but unfortunately Surrey gave away too many the 1st quarter, as UniS had a 19-17 those who trained with the team, but a bit of ole fashioned bumpin’ and grindin’. In the battle, the runs when fielding to give themselves a good enough lead going into the 2nd quarter. The for one reason or another did not play crew pulled off some wicked tricks – Joole’s ‘mills and swipes chance - despite resilient batting by much of the team. 2nd quarter continued in a similar in the league: David Kamchis, Peter rocked, and Mr. T’s invert handstand was widely envied. Lardy A disappointing result, therefore, which left us looking vein to the 1st with a very close con- Kiragu & Weikeat Loh. – despite ‘pavement induced facial injuries’ – performed better forward to playing some proper cricket outdoors. If you test, and neither team able to exert This latest result places the Men’s than ever under pressure, and Bobby Steels threw some decent want to join in, then do so: Cricket Nets are 7.30pm any kind of authority on the score. Basketball team in an exclusive group 1990’s. Unfortunately the crew – being so gentile, sweet and – 10.30pm on Sundays at Unisport. Towards the end of the 2nd quarter alongside American Football and UniS began to slowly pull away, and Women’s Netball 1sts as the only thoroughly lovely – lacked ‘attitude’, were far too friendly to - cont. from page 16 finished the half 40-33 up. unbeaten UniS sides, all top of their the opposition and were ‘relieved from duty’ (a nice way of Frisbee At one point in the 3rd quarter respective leagues. Now that the saying we flunked out). UniS were ahead by as many as 14 BUSA challenge is over, the remain- The crew put forward two of its best for the singles battles points, but it was at this point that ing fixtures in the season are all – Jooles B-boy Begooles and Mr. T. Begooles showed off his North London staged their comeback, friendlies, with games lined up against slick moves and general funky style, and was unlucky not to get Ultimate a Surrey team has ever offered, 11th place was gradually chipping away at the lead, the University of Sussex, as well as a through in his round. Mr. T executed some wicked moves, but our proud finishing position. to finish only 4 behind with the last double header (alongside the UniS lacked the strength and style she needed to link them together But the pride does not end there, for we have not men- quarter to play. The last quarter saw women’s team) against Roehampton, smoothly. The b-boy who beat Mr. T in the singles round went tioned the second team. That’s right – those poor fellows nail bighting action throughout, and at to be played in Guildford on March on to the finals where he came second. whose spirits had been crushed so ruthlessly by nasty one point the score was tied at 65-65. the 20th. In the group competition Leeds triumphed over hosts Newcastle opponents the next day soon regrouped, and with a per- It was then that Iliopoulos and then in an electric battle of wit and skill. As well deserved of the formance that far outshone that of their virginal predeces- title Leeds was, I personally feel that there was a little Northern sors the year before, they registered a victory to end up bias in the judging. Leeds, Edinburgh, Newcastle and Aberdeen in a very respectable 17th position. The glory not ending all made the finals, Reading and Surrey both went out. The there, however, for the little blighters, because they were evening climaxed with a performance from Kella, the UK’s pre- awarded the sporting “spirit” award too, in view of their mier human beat-box. He inspired Duncan (our own beat-box) excellent gamesmanship during the matches, and so it so much that he practiced for 4 hours solidly on the journey was that Slurrey Slingers had their first piece of silver- home!!! Which in itself was pretty eventful. ware: a nice, though somewhat on the small side, trophy. (Lazy Dayz is the University of Surrey’s breakdance society. We drank from it as all proper victors should; admired it We meet up to practise, have fun, and chill out. If you are as it sat in the middle of the table as we celebrated and interested in breakin’ or want to find out more just turn up on then we all took it home and slept with it. My goodness Monday night 8.30 – 9.30/10pm at Uni hall, and speak to one – we have fun. of the crew members (we’re all really friendly), or just watch the action for yourself.) SURREY PRIDE

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SURREY RIDES TO VICTORY SPORTS PROFILE: By Maxi-Babes Lovell-Hoare replaced by Basset. Just to add to the complications Club Secretary of the day Jake-a horse and a brilliant jumper went lame and had to be replaced by Clifford who was a ball In the manner that Maximus came back to triumph in the film Gladiator, against unenviable exhausted after the dressage tests. This last minute odds, the Surrey Equestrian Team came back from a low ranking competitive wilderness, substitution is the reason that Horny Harry came to triumph in the BUSA championships. This was achieved with an all star cast-Blowy individually at fourth position as opposed to Chloe, Foxy Philippa, Horny Harry and Randy Mandy, all of whom you will have seen first as she had been after the dressage tests. proving their amazing abilities in the union as well as on horseback. To set the scene-Surrey However due to the combined brilliance of the University has a very active and well supported riding club which is very successful at Equestrian Team Surrey University came first encouraging people to learn how to ride and holding fantastic piss-ups. But the glory of for the days competition-for the first time in winning a home championship against other universities had eluded us until now. It was history! Joint second with Wye University- not for want of trying but we just didn’t have the right script. With the advent of Philippa again for the first time in Surrey his- Bradly being voted in as BUSA rep. a whole new sense of dynamism came to the advanced tory, and with the individual results being group of riders, which when combined with Horny Harry’s previous experience of com- Blowy Chloe-second, Foxy Philippa-third petitions and that of two of our new members this year Randy Mandy and Blowy Chloe and Horny Harry-forth. This meant that meant that for the first time we were in with a fair to middling chance of getting somewhere on account of the overall scores from the against equestrian teams from Universities such as Kent and Wye. three competitions both Blowy Chloe Name: Billy Ball, 3 months The home competition was the final of three BUSA competitions and was held on a bit- and Horny Harry go on to compete in the terly cold and damp 6th of February and started out with tack and horse preparation. Rob regionals…and yes you have guessed it Nicknames: leather; round-boy; pig’s bladder. Finnis (Club photographer) and I were being given fast on the job lessons on how to plait another first for the University. horses tails and pick out their hooves which may sound easy but when a stubborn 3/4 ton The observant will have noted that Best feature: my decided rotundness. Ability to quadruped decides that it likes the particular foot that you want to pick up-to pick out- these competitions go on all day and so get lost in a bush and puncture easily must also firmly on the floor, the odds are a little stacked against you. However there seemed to be a many thanks to all those who came to be up there. sense of purpose and thrill in the stable yard that morning and obviously it communicated support us, and on behalf of the Club itself to the horses. After a brief review of the horses for the benefit of both the Judge and may I extend congratulations to the Nice valve the competitors the dressage test commenced. For those of you who have not yet joined the team-a brilliant performance executed What do you look for in a girl ball? opening. Smooth exterior and finely sewn hexago- riding club (hint!) dressage is the skill demonstrated by both the rider and horse to perform by four truly brilliant friends. a number of very precise manoeuvres without the aid of markers and in a variety of styles To join or find out more about the nal patches. and paces. Sort of 2-d acrobatics/ball room dancing with a 3/4 ton partner who probably riding club contact: does not want the same thing as you do, hence charm and persuasion and strong thigh mus- Rebecca (Vice-Chair) on Marital status: on the rebound at the moment. cles all help to get a good ride. Phillipa started by showing off her great powers of memory, 07779761264 and asking for the dressage test not to be read out-obviously this was a smart psychological Or myself Max (Club Secretary) on Favourite position: rolling on the floor and getting trick to soften up the opposition teams, as normally people have the moves called out to 07929895239 muddy. them just in advance of executing them (the moves not the opposition team!). Best thing about being a ball: having girls handle Psychological warfare over and the first you caringly and affectionately. rider from Kent came into the arena. As it went on, through-out the dressage com- Worst thing: being kicked and generally abused petition and with the succession of riders physically. I realised, with growing anticipation that it seemed that Kent and Wye appeared to Best single moment in your balling life: deciding be making more mistakes than we were. that “new balls” at Wimbledon was not the way I This privileged information was available wanted to go and setting out to find a better alterna- to me as I was the judges writer which tive. Persoanlly satisfying, that one. as you can anticipate rather helped build up a picture of where Surrey was going- Worst injury: I had a thorn stuck in me once. namely the top. Luckily, with a bit of puncture repair kit action, I After lunch-the great feeding frenzy that was right as rain. involved allowances for vegetarians and an alarming number of Paddington Bears Sporting Idol: the ball of the ’66 World Cup. I the team progressed to show Kent and was chatting to him the other day and he wsn’t Wye universities how jumping should be over the line at all, apparently. done. This was against considerable odds as in the demonstration riding phase one Most embarrasing sporting moment: defla- of the riders was thrown off and the horse tion. Say no more. refused most of the jumps-this trick he continued and had to be withdrawn and Hidden aspects to being a ball: being held affectionately to a woman’s bosom as she carries me back home (see “best thing”).

Last time you were drunk and threw ULTIMATE IMPRESARIOS up/swam a lake: I was in a lake the other day, actually, because of some and so with skill, dexterity and sheer determination a-plenty, onwards we revealed, paid off. nonce who couldn’t throw straight. BY RICHARD WATTS marched towards the end zones. Four matches later and the first team Deputy Editor (and Frisbee Fanatic) The first day consisted of group matches that determined for what registered third in their group: the Favourite food: grass and mud positions each team would be involved in a play-off for the next day: chances of maing the nationals dashed, with a side serving of dog pooh. Almost one year to the day when the Slurrey Slingers made their first the first team, resplendent in quite wonderful t-shirts provided by therefore, meant that efforts were con- Cat’s urine to finish it off. ever appearance at a tournament, the first and second teams of the frisbee Anglia Freight, were first on and delivered a performance worthy of the centrated on taking home the first piece of flinging fun-seeking funksters of Surrey made an early-morning trek to adjectives “bloody” and “brilliant.” Power, poise and a little panache silverware the club had a chance of winning You in three words: the inimitable delights of Brixton and its recreational sports centre – the were evident for all to see and, supported by the second team from the – the plate. On;y problem being, however, that round, surreal, personi- (somewhat unrealistic) purpose of their visit being to walk off with the sidelines, a victory was soon recorded. Unfortunately for the second the crunch match (against a decidedly dodgy team fication. regional title and an entry card to the nationals. Spirits were yet again team, of which many team-members were tournament first-timers, this with memners from several different clubs) was at high, due in part to the naturally happy dispositions of all frisbee partici- form could not be reproduced and though there were many passages of 9am on the Sunday morning and no-one, frnkly, could pants and also something to do with us being fresh on the back of our good play, their opposition in the first match, and indeed for the first day get their arses into gear. Disappointment dealt best ever tournament performance in the couple of weeks prior to the in general, proved a little strong. Words of support were uttered from with, though, culminated in some quite competition. The fact that we had two teams entering was also a bonus, first team members, who recalled the days in which they were as far terrific match play and as well, given that it meant at least one of the teams wouldn’t come last, from a victory as a pygmy from the top shelf and that soon, as will be after some of the best Cont. page 15