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Home , Arlene Francis, Daktari, David Susskind, Dick Foran, Eva Gabor, Eye Guess

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j Oh b vd guideIF VOO DOO may, 1968 =·\ Transformer Wesley Mo ore Attenuator Jim Tagga rt University Insuranc Commercial Gary Blau Generator Ed "The H ick" Salzburg Agency, Inc. Screw-Up John Jurewicz BoYL5ToN ST. W5sToN Antenna Rich Rosen (oYP? PRUDENTYL CENTER) Resistor Raisa Berlin Video Valve Mike Brom berg Autonobile and Motoreycle Triode Scotly Rho( es Insutrance Ionisphere Charles Deber, Ph.D., Hs. C. Sybsystem Art Polansl :y Noise Generator Mark Mariinch Ghosts Alan Chapi nan ALL RISKS ACCEPTED FOR LIABILITY, Flicks Finder and Lavin FIRE/THEFT AND COLLISION COVERAGE Nielsen Trv Simnn-'Steve Gallant Static Harold Federow Phosphor PhosphorusS "FOR PERSONAL SERVICE, CALL ON VooDoo is published 9 times ayear(Oct. thru May, and US AT THE UNIVERSITY" in August) by the VooDoo Managing Board, 84 Massa- TELEPHONE: 536 - 9555 chusetts Avenue, Cambridge, Massachusetts, 02139; en- tered as Second Class Mail at the Post Office, I i , ' ;L ·r 111~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ _ Year subscription Three Dollars. Volume 51, Number 8, --Z - L-C May, 1968. Thank God.

ON V. D. GUIDE'S COVER THIS WEEK ...

rFF Shown on V.D. Guide's cover this week are the rising new stars Connie Linkes and Rod Fellas, hard at work on their new show, "Annie, Gotcha 'Gain" premiering &PIZZAthis week on Channel 69, Tuesdays at 8:30. We talked to producer Clyde Torres, whose arousing documentary, " in Black and Blue" merited a full page spread PIZZA in a widely read Eastern University's humor magazine; Clyde explained to our reporter that, with"Annie, gotcha I \/ A DITICC 'Gain," he is trying "to fill the void in Television r--LL V /-\[IL I ILC enter- tainment between and Midnight Meditation." Clyde is one of a growing host of daring young televis- 6meedt FOOD ion pruducers whose standard has long been "If it's (REASONABLE PRICESi good enough for me, it's good enough for the networks . ." has been fighting a long and hard battle against ALL VARIETIES the restraints of the establishment -censorship, narrow- TAKE-OUT SERVICE mindedness, taste . . . He feels that the new show will FINE LIQUORS be a great step forward in the annals of Television his- AIR CONDITIONED tory. Certainly, his two co-stars, Connie and Rod, seem to agree; we managed to catch them in one of their in- frequent breaks, and both panted words of praise, both 864-6680 for the script, and the producer. Said Connie, "It looks like it's gonna be an 799 MAIN ST. CAMBRIDGE awful lot of. . ." fun. Judging 799 MAIN ST. CAMBRIDGE from this week's cover, we can't help but agree. PROGRAM GUIDE BOSTON CHANNELS

1 - WOP (NBC) Mafioso Broadcasting Corporation 4 -WASP (CBS) Brahmin-Truth Broadcasters 7 - WHOR (NBC) Professional Group 9 - WACK (ABC) Offenbach Broadcasting Corp. 11 -WBAG (CBS) Bight Corporation 28- KLAM (Ind.) Wallace-White Slum Lord Co. 69- WFM (NET) Weasal-Bessel Broadcasting Corpse.

(P) Premature (R) Reject) (C) Condemned

TBA - Too Bad AboutThat

All channels reserved the right to screw their viewers at any time.

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Derby: Brooklyn Bitches vs. at 3:30 Roller 6:30 Industry on Parade -Dow Chemical Transylvanian Transvesites work Sylvester Snatch Cartoon show Travelogue - scenic Watts 4:00 College bowl: Replay of last week's 7:00 Bazoomtown Simmons-Chandler 0-0 tie. Farquat cartoons oftheweek Farmer 12:00 R &R review Review: Napalming sports Living wart Film: The Law is the Law: Conscien- 4:30 Horace Czrnofzonpski show: 7:30 Roger Ramjet tious objector shot by patriotic Few Troop Third Reich: Stuporman Americans. (49) , Film: Rise and Fall of The Crudstophers Tom Neal & Bob McCrory 8:00 Elmer Fudd Presents Film: Glory Brigade: story 4:55 Baseball Screwbroad Situation Prince of Peace - New about killing gooks and saving 5:00 Gunsmoke: Indians run peyoteto settlers of Rum Runner Cartoons the grail from the heathen. Victor Nfl Highlights: fourteenth reshowing Planned Parenthood Hour Manure superbowl Service 8:15 Zen Buddhist Bowery Boys Screw up N.E.T. Playhouse - turn of the century Yogi Bare 12:30 Legend of Jessee James, All-American whorehouse humor Medi- Yogi Maharishi: Transcendential Murderer 5:30 Amateur Hour: Dead horse plays har- tation Bridge with Vince Lombardi monica 8:30 Keep the Faith 1:00 Graft the Community: Police Chief Ken Patty Puke Show Nile -Sci of Caliph Davy and Gilgamesh Wadleigh is guest Film: of the become ruler The Loan Arranger Meet the Press: Lakers try moving down- of Cleveland tries to 8:45 Catalytic Service court on Celts of Egypt. It Sphinx-ha, ha 8:00 The Answer Baseball Closeups: Bart Starr The American Sportsmen Mississippi with The Question Film: Charlie Chan meets the queen of shooting in Cartoon cutdowns Burlesque. (1934 T. Chen, Raisa Dizzy Dean, audio consists of complete Dawn Bobble Institute Berlin) play by play ofDodgers-Cardinalgame, occasional 9:30 Tomb and Juri 1:30 Baseball: Milwaukee at 'Kansas City May 2, 1963 interrupted by Faithpouri 2:00 Yastremski theater: Boston at New York gun discharges and commercials. Lamp unto my toe Italian Hour - Perfauwre non mi rom- 6:00 The Twenty-first Century Maria the Monster pere i cojonioni Walter Cronkite discusses the latest Springfield, contraceptives. Prudential 10:00Issues and Oval: Wipey Experiment with Television: new show advances in 2:30 insur- toilet paper magnate enjoying no video. announces new antiperspiration Poopear ance. Louis Uncle Phyllis's Funny hour Hockey: Montreal at St. Wrestling: Ed the Hick takes on Killer Dull till third period when ice melts and Chapel 4-6234 Borowitz Memorial Day Parade wanders into 10:30 The Big Puncture My Favorite Martian: Alan Chapman arena. as itinerant Venusian Look up and Lie 2:45 Dirty newsreel Kal- Bat Onanist - greasy kid stuff Film: All About Eve: Roderick and The Flower People or How to Make 3:00 Honey's Mooners -Jockie Glasscan lodtin. Garden Grow with a certain 6:30 Your - tour of McCormick 11:00 Holy Mass. England charm Wild Kingdom amount of New Hall Holy Calif. Film: Rains of Raunchipur -Excitement The Little Vandals & Intrigue surround cloud seed- Big Brother is Watching You: hypnotic Championship Bowling ing experiments in modern India face stares at you for thirty minutes. 6:30 Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea The Electric Flag guest stars as mon- ster. that eats submarine; rocks crew back and forth in sub until Admiral Nelson induces monster to let an atomic fart that destroys it. ""· 7:00 Lassie ·,-· Forest Ranger Cory Smith burns to death in forest fire while Lassle is in heat. 2 Aardvark News 1 ~~~--~ "------I - ; , lk" v Quest for Sanity ";1 Death Valley Daze . io Rudy Valley Daze ~L·I, 7:30 Walt Disney: reworked automoton from '64 world's fair hosts show. Marvin the Seasick whale : pet bear eats cut little kid. N.E.T. Journal: The SDS demands MIT end fascist toiletpaper policy: Black oval for Black students. 8:00 Ed Sullivan Tape of this weeks show destroyed, that of February 26, 1948 shown instead. No one notices the difference. The C.I.A: Efram Zimballs infiltrates DAR 8:30 The Mothers-in-law: two old broads foul-up Walter Cronkite explores the marvels of the future Public Broadcast Laboratory: obscure on "The Twenty-First Century", panelists discuss relevant issues facing 6 P.M. Sunday on Channel One. Perth Amboy, New Jersey

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Your Breakfast Serial: Ha, ha! 9:00 Smother's Brother's show 11:00 News The Baby Game: Watch the hiliarity as Sing trio with Milton Berle straight: Spews new fathers change diapers funny as hell. Do skitsmentioninggrass Phews The Three Stooges: Lyndon, Hubert 113 times; end show with arty shots of Harry Rationale with the news and Dean The Electric Bazooka taken from bottom Baby Game: Drunk fathers change dia- of a flooded toilet bowl to music of pers "I give you a skinny white balloon". Bananas: Hoss beats shit out of little DAYTIME TV 8:30 Girl Talk Joe; paints horse red. Gypsy Rose Lee talks about everything Sunday night movie: sheet but the things she knows about. The latest in ovimetry. 10:00 High Chapparrel: Handsome moron 6:00 Surmise Semester: anatomy of female shoots Indians, makes killing in second walrus. Phone forum: Hungover housewives hand scalp market. 6:15 Infinite horizontals make raunchy comments Suspense Theater: 2150 - a tale of hor- 6:30 Boston Undersea Farmer General Hospital: Adventures of WWI ror starring Kenny the screw as Captain 7:00 Today show: Guest host this week Texas marine Heathcliff Hospital Marvelous, also Alfie Sloan as the John Head Mickey Moose & Darnold Duke show zombie. Newsbite Morning News: It's funtime etc. Mission Impossible Mr. Goober and his fiends 9:00 Rumpus Room: Miss Honeyhips with Phelps blows job when immolated by 7:30 Random test patterns on 69 this week's toddlers Al Singer, Steve exploding tape recorder. Willie gets Today show: Jane Mansfield Memorial Chamberlin, John Schaffer, Bob Roder- hernia, dies when doesn't know Beso- tape highlights of the late Miss Mans- ick and the gang: creative bottle slinging. gravian word for hospital. Cinammon field reading Elizabeth Barret Brown- Girl Talk: sheet doesn't appeal to secret police chief is ing. Film (7) liquidated. Negro electricalgenius final- Morning News Flume (9) ly fails to pass as native of central Bozo Jack Lalane European country of Besogravia. Rol- Today on the Farm Overdeveloped guy does twenty easy lin Hand posing as Besogravian presi- Cisco Kid: True tales from todays L.A. exercises to get women worried, then dent is caught in act begs office secre- 8:00 : Bunny Rabbit and sells them forty odd aids to weight- tary to cover for him, but secretary Mr. Groinbeans trace how a joint is reducing ranging from glorified rubber disavows all knowledge. made from field to fuzz. bands to steam tanks.

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_ 9:30 Bonnie Prude show Dream Dorm '68:ThisweekMacgregor 12:03 Special: fully orchestrated rendition of Dialing for Donuts: Telling Sally Bra Television Code of Good Practices. size in bonus bowl, win swell prize 12:30 Eye Guess: makes fool of self Pat Goon Show What's new? Good excuse to run En- Ann Sothern Show: 1952 low budget cyclopedia Britanica films. remake of grand hotel 12:30 Treasure Isle 9:45 Field trip: lame excuse to show travel- Two incredibly dumb young married ogues couples on fake desert island with en- 10:00 Snap Judgement: panelists try to guess thusiastic announcer compete for time recent supreme court decisions for ex- by putting together giant jigsaw puzzle, citing prizes while totally inebriated canned audience shows peo- Candid Camera: Alan Funt cheers. (Pan shot from helicopter shows ple are morons fake island in middle of lagoon with Dating game: cheapo version of Satur- no one within five miles.) Couples then day night garbage race in rubber life rafts, husbands pad- Secret Stormtrooper: Gestapo Opera dling with tennis rackets, to buoys for Topper: lovable drunk dog, slightly clues to riddle. First to guess answer dead then paddles to announcer on shore and 10:30 Constipation rings ship's bell. Then following pro- Flam vided clues on another fake desert is- Covet Show Dick land, husband of winning team searches Beverly Hibblegibbles for buried miniature treasure chests while year old adventures of ignora- Four announcer and wife jump up and down triumphing over complex society. muses and scream hysterically. After alloted An alternative to . time, chests are opened and prizes Jeopardy awarded usually toasters, polish hams The trivia game for the beer drinking and alarm clocks. If this isn't funny; is Juneau man and his wife. What state watch program some day. Christopher in ? How many kids did Make room for Daddy have in The Sound of Music? Plummer Fifteen year old adventures provingpeo- 10:55 Ear Wax and Science ple who make 100 grand a year are 11:00 Personality: panel invents perversions more inept than vou. to fit the face really Undies of Maybury: soft core porno- 12:34 Guiding Light: Tony Lima is voice of graphy in Tennesee outraged virtue Love is a many splendored thing: murd- 1:00 Divorce Court: America's favorite TV er mystery fun game 11:15 (no channel) Foreign Policy Stimulation Yoga for health: unwind with Jock Guru 11:30 : Carl Rhino stars as Million Bazooza Movie TV czar 1:30 Let's make a deal: greedy housewives Love of Life: Melodrama set in Tangent trade children for green stamps office As the World yearns: continuing ad- ventures of Alistaire Crook, boy porno- grapher Attempt of unemployed comedians and Wedding party: old maids brawl to 39D brained starlets to fulfill shows catch bouquet and win condemned axe title. Slightly off-color. murderers for husbands. 1:45 Sing Children Sing: live from P.S. 103 12:00 Lie Like Hell in Kimba: Jungle adventures of Stokley 2:00 Lays of our life Charmichael Knighman daytime show Daytime version of Senate Foreign Re- I Love Lucy: immortal inspiration of lations Hearings: reruns all TV gagmen

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2:30 The Doctors: Handsome m.d.'s face 5:00 Combat capers: newt escapes from Voo- shots of body painted, skinny girls in another day in the leprosy ward Doo office bikinis. Random shots of chicken get- House Party: cajoles kid- Perry Mason: The Case of the delin- ting socked. dies to make compromising statements quent Diaherretic 8:00 Dople Gillis: Grungy tool visits mixer about parents. Rifleman: Good guy shoots bad guys Monday Night Movie Wierd Tales from the 3:00 B'wana Don: another halfwit baits pea- Addaams Family: 8:30 Creative Person: Ace Scabnose, Camb- nut gallery files of 6.47T.A.'s ridge junk dealer, makes small fortune until Another World: Soap Opera comes to 5:30 Sunspot Activity: no reception selling choice tidbits to little known trade Venus 7:00 P.M. school : Will the Real Bud Rat Patrol: Daring commandoes steal Collier Please go away DKE house door. 3:30 You don't say: oh, but they do; they do Lucy Show Edge of Night: only three hours till Caught up in embarassing lie, Lucy prime time falls in vat of Chicken fat. Hilarity for Wilbur Whitstle 7:00 Introductory Georgraphy: The Great one and all. Charles River Basin Swamp Captain Anus Lower 9:00 Dyke of the Year Award Show El Wadlino: Guatemalan 4:00 The Biography: "Mr." Clean hosts with Lady BirdJohn- presents: 18.651 Today we burn . Alfred Hitchcock son, and Kate Smith. Marble Comics: how to turn out athirty 7:30 Cowboy in Africa: Handsome, ex-ball- college kids minute show with one pencil, a mongo- player rides bucking hippo through to- Felony Squad: Warped I ken integrated headhunter tribe. screw phone company; laser fuzz in loid idiot and 20,000 pieces of carbon shoot-out. paper. Koznofski of the Jungle: True tales of Andy faces em- Adventure Theater: censored Shirley Botswanian Bowling Shirt Concession- Andy Griffith Show: when town whore needs Temple Movies aire barrassment Flintstones: satire in a varicose vein abortion 9:30 Peyton Place: Allison rapes Rodney, Shirley Booth plays fullback turn- The Monkees 4:30 Hazel: Fester slugs Mor- ed maid The fun filled adventures of the NBC Samantha robs bank, ris, Martin Peyton slugs Morris, Morris Show: Tiny Tim hosts while technical staff trying to creat a passable hits Benton, Benton hits Rodney. Rod- Merv recuperates from stoning by en- sound for four cute - no talent draft thusiastic audience dodgers. ney hits number two hole- on offtackle 8:00 Rowan and Martin slant. T Science in Your Classroom: Tony French converting plastic is a riot of color Large sampling of routines from "Ani- Mr. Do It-Yourself: carrier into jock strap for sia- 4:45 Friendly Giant: Elanor Lutz is a sum- mal Crackers" substituting Downtown six-pak mer festival Burbank for Sheboygan. Suggestive meese triplets. L 10:00 I Spy: Kelly and Scott steal baby coach 7:00 Branded: wheels to build go carts. traitor gets job with ad agency 9:30 Good Morning World: crazed diskjock- Marine Boy: Show: Tim Conway plays young hero saves village ey plays "I'm a Believer" 147 times chief from evil alien Pt. Boat terrorrists. in succession; gets new job with The Big Valley: Cowboys get lost in Cleavage Boolean Algebra and Computers: Fun Tech. loving 360 decides 11:30 Sunday Tonight show: to flunk whole Voo- 10:00 CBX News Special: Crisis in Doo staff. Educa Worst of last year's shows with eighty tion: Comparison of Sprawling, rebel- 7:30 Dream per cent more ads of Jeanie: Unwittingly Captain lious Berkely campus with quiet, sedate, Tony Martin tells Jeanie whole Joe Pyne: One legged war vet alienates world ivy league Columbia can screw itself, pinkos hillarious results follow Pro Boxing: Dempsey vs. Firpo Who Elliot Norton Reviews: Eminent critic Film: Requiem for a Gunfighter: Gun- will win? eructates Commercial slinger is mistaken for judge & of the Year Award Show lynched. Daktari: Elephant has gonorrhea Winners include TWA Bonnie and Clyde Film: We're Not Married: Jayne Mans- My Father, the Rectal Thermometer Commercial; Pontiac Bonnie and Clyde You know Commercial; field, Marilyn .Monroe. Hard what you can do with your Heinz Ketchup Bonnie and times for two guys. father! Clyde commercial; president's crime 8:00 Garrison's 12:30 Film: Connor four: fun loving college Gorilas commission Bonnie and Clyde com- kids burn dorm. Sinking the German battle fleet with a mercial; preparation H Bonnie and hand grenade and a row boat. Realism. Clyde commercial. Special subtlety Show: Epileptic in audience award to Ultra Brite toothpaste's sex jumps on stage screaming "Hey Dean". appeal campaign. 8:30 Hour: Red does original 10:30 Firing Line: Bill Buckley interviews Gen- material, network cancels show. eral Hershey on the subject of what our Book Beat: Sgt. Fury and His Howling 5:00 Mike Douglas college students need most. Commandoes by David Impacted 11:15 Thunder over Mike sings unobtrusive songs of ten 9:00 Movie Arizona: Barry Gold- water makes simulated straffing runs years ago. Fat women run around. Opinions in Conflict: 15 round main on HopilIndian peublos in his f-106. Traffic in held up fifteen event between Dean Rusk and Wayne minutes for polo game to be staged in Morse Tuesday (cut 5.428) Broad Street. The Invaders 6:30 NBC News Special on MIT coeds with crooked Chest and Dave make wry comments right pinkies to each other while reading the day's casualty reports from Vietnam.

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V Ads U. L 12:00 Bozo the Clown ornr <~~lR Best acting today 7:30 Lost in Space ANY TIME, TO Ten year old boy and robot show up evil professor. Boyishly smiling father E,4EGTIAT-- A builds pocket hydrogen reactor but can't fix space ship. Angela Cartwright plays -F AGPfFUL SET- fourteen year old minx. Lockheart TEl£MENT -TO proves forty year old women shouldn't wear leotards. TH4E T1 NA \\ Virginyam L ze>'k t 90 minutes of incoherent rumblings of I three drunk cowboys lying in six inches of beer under smashed saloon table V _1W after brawl. Baseball pt'lrPEli ' \ Redsox forfeit game as Fenway Park collapses in Typhoon. Truth or Consequences HFE lo. BUM So Six steel workers get to sell Alatar door to door in Cambridge. BIG BAD JON - Jonathan Harris ANY<\HE\Es flUT 8:00 Your Dollar's Worth plays his regular role as Dr. Smith maArMPrgH gFO Successful shoplifting and also appears (above) as a no- NVE4DtlGk E AIN 8:30 The Avengers torious galactic gunfighter who is ASET 2 Killing is still so much fun, but Diana Smith's look-alike, on"LostinSpace" PECE~iL Riggs is gone. Wednesday, (7:30 PM,) Channel 69. NtiFLEME To e Beverly Hibblegibbles )L\/IE- IO Granny assassinate Ronny Reagan 9:00 Kraft Music Hall while possum hunting with recoiless rifle. Perry Commo, Earl Scruggs and Franky FVV Leslie Gore Special Lane sing old favorites while buried to Leslie sings her heavy hits with Arthur the waist in Philadelphia Brand Cream Godfrey as hippy in lynching skit. Cheese. Pat Boone in Hollywood N.E.T. Festival ' Ex-star panhandles in glamorous Bev- Chopin's third piano sonata: The Rock erly Hills. around the Clock Sonata. MIT concert band performs. i EI5 \VUA- 0 L The yokels screw the city folks, but they're so lovable. finds ermine just right for plowing. ?NOM PEW AN9P 9:30 He and She Newlyweds spend half an hour giggling with lights off when cops bust up joint session. Wednesday Night Movie The Gayboy story: courageous humor magazine persecuted by revanchist school administration when it prints magnificent satire. (1965) C. Deber, Kenashia Widelay. The Grammy Awards Ev Dirkson finds a better gimmick than testimonials; critics prove taste deter- mined by sales. Male sex symbols get to sell turtlenecks and Nehru jackets to valve lifters in Gary. 10:00 Run for Your Life PIG GETS DRAFT CALL- Eddie Technique staph thinks up new game, M1~AC- IVAL445 15cAV4NT To Albert (left) takes Arnold Ziffel, the level stud. center. Yoo Y V00 P0O pig, to Tom D'Andrea at the draft Dom Delulse board when the porker receives a Fat man does Italo humor, waddles .Woo *V oqkeTiO PA* humorously. draft notice, on "Green Acres" Wed- 11:00 News 6EH CdV MONEY 0S*R nesday, (9:00), on Channel 4. 11:15 People are nasty lynched Art Linkletter is MIT 511-) rWV C/Gy J W.A~~~OZ/O Enloy the Finest Italion-Americon Food 1870 1968 I -~~~~~~~~~nij1-iu rizzo SI.(:no eliCIou rllzCa .Ssmeone j ITALIAN AMERICAN RESTAURANT JAMES F. Choice Liquors and Imported Beers

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11:30 Art appreciation Ed McMahon laughs on cue and sells 7:00 into three Fine points of Girder twisting Mother-in-law turns Darren fertilizer. Largest selection of commer- toed sloth. cials available on network T.V. Inter- The Munsters Renowned jock house revenges itself on 9:00 Thursday Night movie views with stars plugging movies and Forty Pounds of Trouble. Fourthrecent plays in three minute spurts. Corny equally renowned humor mag. Mister Ed class B movie this week. On for third skit all for one lame pun. Two minute a kindly Ed is disqualified after winning the Ken- time this month. is interview with Arthur Schlesinger with gambler who wins a little as colater- a chimpanzee climbing around to coun- tucky Derby, when he admits that he was on LSD eight weeks ago. al on debt, lavishes money on her. ter charge program isn't socially signifi- Cuteness forever. cant. 7:30 Daniel Poon Dan'l outwits British secret agent dis- Urban Crisis: Integration Film: Operation Camel Noted Professors Thomas and Hilde- Four guys are lost in desert. Camel is guised as bear. The Second Hundred Years brand discuss problems ranging from humped. the triumph simple triple integrals over Klein bottles Film: Fun with Dick and Jane Quaker Oats again shows native 100%o Americanism. 19th cen- to Lebesque integrals of quadruply re- Rock Hudson, : Doris gets of tury miner outwits Russian spy apparat cursive functions. Prerequisite: 18.034, first training bra. Early in series. CIA body 18.06, and 18.654. Film: It Happened one night and Mafia while eluding guards. 9:30 Dragnet 1968 Story of production of marvelous Voo- Film: "The Lost Island." Cops bust typically evil communists Doo parody. Lasts til three next after- A nearsighter theoretical geophysicist posing as student radicals. noon. Various weirdoes and catatonics. from an obscure institute of technology Peyton Place 1:30 Directions '68 in Massachusetts sets sail for Greenland Vigilantes burn whole town, and mar- of college humor mag writers Story to measure the divergence of curl B in- vellous tale. up in Khe who flunk out and wind side a Glacier. 10:00 Show Sanh. 8:00 Governor's Conference on Carnal Abuse Deano gets the D.T.'s and then dies of The Flying None liver failure. World Being a nun is a lot of fun and smiles. Miss Non-Communist Free Award Show Sally Fields shames an evil millionaire into giving a new villato the orphanage, Bert Parks pinches Bess Myerson. Miss Thailand wins with free form dance of 6:30 The French Chef which only has cute smiling kids, all light-skinned for her own creation done to a tape record- Julia Childs shows what happened to of whom are strangely Puerto-Ricans. ing of her reading: "A woman is . . ." sherry as she chops the the cooking 8:30 Hallmark Hall of Fame also written by herself, Miss Bolivia, head off a forty pound salmon, and The Admirable Cretan. first runnerup withdraws due to internal guts it and stuffs it with mule liver. disorders. Film: "Beer for Voo Doo." ster that grows to monstrous propor- Buy the issue again tions when exposed to smog. 8:30 Ringading the Clown 11:00 News \ 9:30 Guns of Will Sonnett Mr. Maglop 11:30 Yesterday show Age and experience are vindicated as Super Buck Rogers 11:45Film: Caught (1949) James Mason, 65 year old Walter Brennan guns down 9:00 Super Postman Bel Geddes. Young doctor saves model smart-alecky whippersnapper as he shel- Super Warthog from her millionaire neurotic husband. ters his poor innocent grandson. Super Cop Deface The Nation 10:00 Hell no, we won't go: musical comedy Super Pole Presidential candidate Harold Stassen Film: Averill Harriman and the seventh Frankenstein Jr. and the ImpooSibles faces the probing questions of Lois of fleet: Monster and rock and roll group fight the Daily Planet,. J. J. Jameson of the Phantasy about peaceful future. off aliens with ray guns. Daily Bungle, and A. K. Lima of the Judd for the Defense 9:30 Five Retch. Judd proves the best lawyers come from Fantastic Man actor's school as incites murderer into Fantastic Hairy Intregal self-incriminating himself saving his per- Super President fectly framed client, who was really a Brent Jackson, mild mannered chief ex- ecutive, fights off aliens with ray guns good boy even if he did slash tires. 10:00 Arachnidman 7:00 Time Tunnel 10:30 Last year's left over award show of 1968 Superworm Doug and Tony help Custer win battle 413 out of work celebrities think up Baccilusm an of Little Big Horn. people to give awards to. Lyndon John- Superwhale McHales Navy son stars as leftover of the year. Spiderman Foulups caught misusing aircraft car- 11:00 News Wierd mutant fights off aliens with ray rier but all is forgivenwhen they blunder Friday Night at the LSD Movies (1.6 guns. mm): "The Roadrunner," three solid across surrending Japanese admiral. 10:30 Space Ghost of 'em. Ye Godz! Wake me when What's your gripe hours Super hero and young side kick fight Half an hour of dead silence. it's over. 50c MIT ID required. off aliens with ray guns. 7:30 Tarzan 11:15 Bedtime for Bonzo 10:30 Super Isiah Ape man yells Ungawa off-key causes Ronald Reagan political film Prophet fights heretic aliens with ray elephant to have infinite loop and short 11:30 Timaine show: Johnny Carson out finally. guns 11:30 Les Crane show Space Tree Film: It Happens every Spring Summer reruns for Joey Bishop King Kong Chem Prof. invents formula that makes 12:00 Weekend Telethon: Bring Back Polio. baseballs avoid bat, thrown out for Film: Uppa Yours Nine hundred foot ape and young pal throwing spitter. Charming Italian story set in gay 90's fight off aliens with ray guns. Soccer Neapolitan slum. Monsterman Boston Bagbites vs. Radcliffe. Livefrom Film: Wazoo Superwaz Roxbury. Weird creatures attack Boston welding 11:30 Super Spy Wild, Wild West MTA cable cars to tracks. Spread layer Gazong President Grant has secret agents. Only of vomit over city. Super Argentina they have steam ope rated spy gimmicks. Space Kidets 12:30 Chiller Shock Theatre Toddlers, while outwitting evil old space Fight fiendish Manchu spies using ka- The monster From Back Bay. Fat Lady rate. Best reception on steam television. pirate, fight off aliens with ray guns. is turned into monster when she runs 12:00 The All New Lone Ranger Cartoon 8:00 Gomery Pyle, USMC for mayor threatening to return Boston Brand new adventures of ignoramus Show to the dark ages until handsome young Kimosave fights off aliens with ray guns. who prevails over competence to win scientist with Busty Brunette in lab coat out. He loves dogs; only four-year man invents super atomic blitz detonator and in marines not to have been in Vietnam. overcomes objections of courageous Byelo Russian Bandstand Yuki Yak and Zelmo Zebra This week Gomer finds oil in quicksand army officers to save entire East Coast. when he gets lost on a twenty-mile hike. 12:30 Morris Monster Murray Monster Off to see the Gizzard Marmaduke Monster reveals all. Gravy lady is Commons The Bad Guys your host as you see delicious Buffalo Chip cookies baked and common's 6:30 Modern Farmer Group makes big profit off of cartoons "chicken" gassed at dawn on Briggs New Advances in Hog gelding that run silently in accompaniment of field. See "Chicken's" stomach slit and 7:00 Today's inspiration group's songs. drained to provide delicious commons Something to last you through it all. 1:00 University of the Air; Calculus and shrimp. 7:05 Colonel Bleep cartoon Analytical Geometry II, with Professor 8:30 Man in a Suitcase The Trials and Tribulations of the Cen- George Thomas 6.711 project talks and secretes uric sor dy/dx fights off aliens with ray guns. acid. 8:00 Fireball xl-5 The Flowery Boys N.F.L. Playhouse: Spumoni Puppets fight off aliens with ray guns. Post Time at the Outhouse Star Trek 7:00 Captain Sodomy Film: Hercules, Prisoner of Evil Crew of Enterprise save alien planet Raunchy Rabbit N.Y. Giants preseason Calesthenics from ten year old boy and robot. Marvin Mule 1:30 9:00 A.M.A. presents "Moby Dick" the anat- 7:30 LSD no. 3 Old folks day; show guests of 1965 omy of a social disease Boobso's Carnal reminisce over the tunes of yesteryear. Film: The Chink in the Sink Feel-up the Cat Pre- Friday night at the Movies 8:00 Toy Telephone Theatre Pre-pube Show Teenagers from Outer Space: Teenagers Stinkray Johnny Mosh Science Fiction Show arrive on in spaceship with Fa- The Three Outrages 2:00 Celebrity Billiards zool, a living peanut butter pizza mon- Lone Danger Film: Bar-x Raunch: Dick Foran vd jokes?

Course 11 must have had some- thing to do with the designing of Woman, who but a City Planner would have run a sewage line through a recreation area?

What do you get if you pour three gallons of fruit juice and a fifth of vodka in your left nostiil? A punch in the nose. i We know a sly diplomat who sends out piece feelers whenever he meets a cool chick.

"When you're out of Schultz, you're out of queer!" Hokums Heroes de- What musical instrument can you al- stroy the Nazi war machine through devious means on this weeks episode. ways fit in an orchestra? Baseball: Harvard at MIT with Tony L. Profiles in Courage: Adam Clayton The cello. There's always room Powell 2:30 Baseball: Boston at New York for cello. Sandy Koufax and Harry Hippy show Pee Wee Reesemake 8:30 Get Lost it agonizingly clear baseball is slower Ineffectual agent swallows oscilloscope than ever. Mother: Come quick, doctor, My Three Suns Film: Pia of Ptolony Buddy is arrested for drunken driving my baby just swallowed a whole Jaques Togues, Bella Daball Arrest and Frame box of contraceptives! 3:00 Law Day, U.S.A. Doctor: I'll be right over! Riot of the week The Newlywed game Young marrieds try to make the most Mother: Oh, wait a minute. 4:00 You asked for it Never mind, I found another one. Visit to Burton House Dining Hall embarrassing answer. Extra points for raising a nervous "weknow what newly- 5:00 Highlights of 1967 Can-o Champion- ships weds do" laugh in adiehce. 9:00 Saturday Night Movie: Never on a What layer of oil on water made it 5:30 Wide World of Sports Sunday Roone Arledge tries to make the fifth My, isn't t.v. broad-minded? I'll bet big in a rock group? annual coverage of Mihalka Beach surf- you can even say damn after 9 p.m. Greasy Slick. ing and the Arlington 500 stock car race seem novel and stimulating Hog's Heroes 6:00 Twelve O'clock High Prisoners released on Russian front. David Susskind "Mummy," the little boy pleaded Comedy about Boozing Bomber pilot "may I go watch the eclipse?" Bud Leaveit Show Tells risque stories to John Lindsay. Thriller Diller "All right, dear," his mother capit- 6:30 Weekend news: Furdley Spit out ulated, "but don't stand too close." Wombat 9:30 Petticoat Low Resistance Shunt 7:00 Random Theater Old maid widow tries to marry daughters 7:30 Surfside sick Hollowyood Ham Hog 1952 Milton Berle reruns Moms Mabley hosts soul brother night, Mother: "Don't use such nasty Supremes, Harry Belafonte, Stepinfet- words, dear." Jackie Gleason Son: "But Chaucer used them." Has been tries to do 1950 vintage bits chit 10:00 Maniac Mother: "Then don't play with him about a bus driver and a sewer worker any more." while still maintaining the air of a man Detective seeks out one armed computer sexy girls bring coffee for. that killed his wife. On the first tee: "You know, last 8:00 The Dating Game Confusion theater Dirty stories by PDP-1 week I was playing golf with Charlie Girl ask questions of unseen guys to at Westchester when he had his determine which is best date. She picks 11:00 The Best Award Show of 1968 Award and they are sent on a dream date to Show fatal coronary." Las Vegas for the evening and surfing and Bob Hope cohost "Really? I bet that was horrible." the next day in Hawaii, because that's News "Damn right. All day long it was exactly what any right thinking girl Film: Big Blackout hit the ball and drag Charlie, hit the or guy has always longed to do. Crazed editor destroys picture tube ball and drae Charlie .. ." _ _. . _. . _ . TO _. . . . . o . . . I -

TUESDAY, January 3

MOVIE GUIDE 8:23:64.96 ...... Channel Command Word

EXODUS. Starring Gamal Nassar, Robert Shelton,.Fredrich Niet- MONDAY, January 32 shcze, and George Lincoln Rockwell. Propaganda film produced by the Haifa Junior Chamber of Commerce. 8:00 P.M ...... Not really a bad film, Channel 7 but would you want your sister to see it? Exodus will make you want to get up and-leave. (5727), but, for you 5726.95) Daughter of Hercules vs. Son of Bitch. Starring: Melina Mercouri, Lee Ridziwill (who?), Steve Reeves, and God (Who?). A typical 9:00 ...... Channel your efforts Grade'B' muscle flick. It's a bushel of Pecs. (832 B.C.) ELVIRA CARDIGAN. Starring: Rip Torn, Al Paca, Mo Hair, 9:30 P.M ...... Channel 5 Ann Gora, Day Chron, and Polly Esther. Warm story about a close-knit couple. Sheepish acting, and fleecey directing; neverthe- THE DIRTY DOZEN: Starring: The (Five) Hot Nuts, Lenny less it manages to ram the plot . Comic interludes will keep Bruce, Redd Foxx, Alan Ginsberg, Charles Deber, Billy Graham, you in stitches, but may pull the wool over your eyes. (Betcha Filthy Pierre, and Lee Radziwill (who?). Sterile plot, but biting thought we were going to throw in a joke about virgins, or some- social comment. Great for the kids. (1969) thing .. .) (19-35, XL) 10:00 P.M ...... Channel No. 7 11:30 ...... English Channel PORK CHOP HILL: Starring: Gertrude Swine, Gregory Pig, Bert THE PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGN OF 1968. Starring: Ronald Lard, and Francis Bacon. A lot of salty humor, ham acting and Reagan, Gene McCarthy, Bobby Kennedy, Dick Nixon, and Hu- hoggish direction characterize this pig of a movie. Panned by bert Humphrey (who?). Sterling new contribution to the Theater critics everywhere, you had better gird your loins before viewing of the Absured, this lighthearted farce is full of serious overtones this one. Unkosher. (1962) and dirty underwear. English subtitles are provided to enable the audience to understand what the actors are saying. First run 12 Midnight ...... Channel 3.14159265 showing. (1968)

DOC EDGERTON MEETS THE WOLFMAN. Starring: Flash WEDNESDAY, January 34 Gordon, George Westinghouse, Little Bill, Tony French and Isaac Newton (Hey, what happened to your continuing motif-what's 7:00 ...... Channel K-9 her name?). Illuminating plot, light comedy, and occasional flashes of inspiration make for a movie of greatness which almost defies LASSIE, GO AWAY. Starring: Phyllis Diller (well, she's a dog measurement. Lights up the sky!!!! (100-150-200 W.) anyway), Rex Harrison, The Beagles, Cassius Clay (he's a boxer, right?). "Mad Dog" Vaschaun, and Pet Clark. A carefully bred movie, with a real bite. It's a bitch of a movie! (1953)

9:30:4.6 ...... Channel 3

COOL HAND JESUS. Starring: Luke, Matthew, Peter, Paul,Mary, Almond Joy, etc. The setting for this heavenly film is a southern prison farm near Bethlehem, Israel. A striking masterpiece of symbolism and divine emotion, this story concerns the lives of Jesus, a Paul Newman-like character, and his followers at the prison camp. Comic relief is provided by one hilarious episode in which Jesus claims he can walk on water and his prison friends take bets on the outcome of this proposed feat. But, the plot takes a tragic turn, and the surprising crucifying ending will be sure to nail you to your seat. (0)

12 M idnight ...... Channel 2.7181828

THE POTTY. Starring: Mary Jane Joint, Pusher Sellers, Head E. Lamar, and Reef R. Grass. The theme song, "Smoke Gets in Your Lungs", sets the pace in this fast-moving, high comedy. The Potty, the longest in history, gets held up by a leaky water pipe in the basement, and by a false fire alarm due to heavy smoke. But the climax remains freakiest, as the CIA, FBI, and the National Guard surround the "potty" in response to neighbors' complaints. The Welles Bosworth, class of '89 graduate, says, "Earn producers really put their heads together to pull off this movie, 30, 40, up to 70 dollars extra a week. MIT guaran- which is a real bust. (1968) tees you raise or double your money back." Choose THURSDAY, January 35 from any of our 23 specially designed 'screw' courses. Free advising by special advisors from out distin- 7:30 (up 15 minutes from last night) ...... Channel 46-1/4 guished faculty. Limited number of places available THE STOCKBROKER. in freshman Starring: Merril Lynch, Pierce Fenner, class in Sept. ACT NOW! For 2150 Ann D. Smith, Ticker Tape, and Daddy Warbucks. Touching TFM you can't go wrong! That's MIT 77 Mass Ave. account of the struggles, trials, and tribulations of a sensitive Cambridge, Mass. 02139." young Rothchild as he makes his first hard-earned million dollars in the stock market. God bless free enterprise! (1929) TV Question Whole Yes, in fact he is one three times in the next week. On Saturday he sings Rainy Day Beer Can no. 3 on Law- I I Is Reg Snark, Ii who played the cesspool attendant, on rence Welk. Monday, he is seen in a fifteen second cameo Ti Wednesday's Cowboy in I Africa related to Sylvia Snark, on The Rowan and Martin Show singing "talking sock i the whorehouse madame i on the Virginyam? it to me blues". On Thursday he is a guest villian on I Batman as the evil Dr. Establishment. No, Reg is the son of a former Afrika Korps sargent and an ostrich, while Sylvia is Ronald Coleman's nephew Could you please tell me something aboutJudy the Chimp with a long career in . of the Daktari show. Is he married? And where can I write to him? Is there any truth to the rumor that Ronny Howard of r t the Andy Griffith show is a midget. Judy was born Dino Crocetti in Steubenville, Ohio, and he worked at many jobs before he took his shot at show Yes, in fact Roni became the proud mother of a bouncing business-gas station attendant, boxer, mill hand and twelve pound boy last week. croupier at a gambling casino. It was in 1946, while singing at the 500 Club in Atlantic City that he met Jerry Lewis. They were teamed together for the next eight years and made 16 movies. Judy has been married three times and lives with his y present wife, the former Sabu, the elephant boy, and their little of fourteen in a north hollywood apartment. You can write Judy at Warner Brothers Television Stu- dios, Labatt, Quebec.

What Was the name of the cute PhD. who gets a blind date with an orangatang on Good Morning World? I must know! He's so cute!

Will our family favorite Bob Dial-in be on TV in the near future? Jennie's J Restaurant

1 In the North End, off Salem Street, is a tiny yard-like I spot known as Bartlett Place. Here is located at JENNIE'S - a cozy restau- 'p rant serving the most deli- U·11111 cious Italian foods ever to grace a table, with,a II fine I selection of new and old world wines and beers. ; Moderate prices, too.

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i VD HILTON'S CHATTER Child Star becomes sophisticated Star SPORTING GOODS HEADQUARTERS FOR The winsome heroine of many movies and her own T.V. series NEW ENGLAND'S LARGEST DISPLAY has decided to foresake the ingenue image and become a siren. "I want to be a bitch" growled Lassie. "I'm sick and tired of rescuing little boys from rapids. I want to bite people." - Unbeatable Prices - Lassie's manager, Mr. Make Starr, agreed with thestar's decision. "The public is sick and tired of all those goody' goody heroines." of tents, sleeping bags, he said. "What they want is sex. See our four floor display In her decision, Lassie has followed in the pawsteps of Rin Tin packs, stoves, frames, mattresses, hiking boots, Tin, who has specialized in villains and is currently making "the and light weight mountaineering equipment - dirty canines."

- Tennis, Golf, and Scuba Gear - Sad news to fans oftheSingingNun. Due to lack of converts, her sister is off to Rome to - Camping Equipment solt & rented. mission has been ordered to close, and the become a librarian in the Vatican Archives. - Starcraft & Camel Campers sold & rented. has lost her 38D deferement, but plans to appeal. (The in place for smart buyers) Tues. - Thurs. - Sat. 272 Friend St. till 6:00 P.M. Near North Station Mon- Wed. - Fri. 227-9242 till 9:00 P.M. Sad news to fans of Tracy Pratt: the popular star lost the Lady Bing award for excellence and'sportsmanship due to a technicality. Better luck next year, Trace. -·1-

We were all very sad to hear of the death of one of television's all time greats. Ted Mack had given a forum to many of the up and coming stars of rodeos and PTA entertainments over the past 48 years. His death was attributed to iron poisoning due to an over- dose of Geritol. Funeral in Big Spur on Friday.

There is no accuracy to the rumor that Steve Allen has approached Ronald Regan with a view towards forming a "Hollywood ticket" for the presidency. Said Steve in a press conference Thursday. "My taxes are so high now that I can't afford a Capitol gain."

Tommy Sands is making acareercomeback. Afterhis tremendous success in "Beach Party Surfing Psychedelic Trip", the studio has signed him for a sequence of three more films. The first, as of yet untitled, is a comedy about a group of Hells Angles who go to Fort Lauderdale for the weekend, and form a successful rock bank. In this, Tommy falls in love with Phyllis Diller, sings three award winning songs, which have not yet been written, and finally, in the unhappy ending, gets the girl. The other two films have yet to be written, but will probably be in the same vein. (They have arterial motives. )

Baby Jane Holzer is trying to revive hulahoop twirling. Her rec- ord of 146 hours 39 minutes still stands, but she is expecting a serious challenge from George Plimpton in their contest, to be televised on CBS on Monday, July 16. ----3

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