The University of Surrey Students’ Union Newspaper issue 1043 www.ussu.co.uk THURSDAY 7 NOVEMBER 2002 free

FUNDING THE FUTURE Second year Turkish-Kurd student punched during unprovoked attack in fast food restaurant The start of the campaign- ing road as we missing 0-000 publish one of -5 Racial attack on student NUS’ posters fee a tuition Paying year will a our of £10,500 of y regarding the the cost A STUDENT WAS punched by three local By Richard Watts increase to £50,000. . degree .education your . plunge will it. protect his accept . e! T youths as he sat eating his dinner in a fast funding issues brok . Don’t already hardship You’re into deeper | page 24 you food restaurant in Guildford town centre. compensation. The LIS

React The student, who was passing the time department, of which the action. the at a future Take out have shout . students and TION Ensuring DEMONSTRA 4, 2002 don December Lon attacked is a student, has Street, whilst waiting for the bus back to his home Malet tion: orma LOTTIE For inf in Merrow at about 7pm on Monday 14th given him unconditional SPEAKS October, received a punch to the left eye extensions on all of his as he sat down in the lower seating area deadlines for the Law & An interview of Burger King opposite the Friary Centre. European Studies course with the woman The youths immediately fled the scene, but and are considering his who was on that when the police arrived some twenty min- examination arrange- television pro- utes later, they were found loitering outside ments for Christmas. gramme with and were arrested. They were released three The accommodation of- some other girl hours later and are currently on bail. fice have now moved the photo: chris hunter The student, whose left eye was so badly student from his house in and dj | page damaged that he has missed the majority of Merrow to university accommodation over Above: the Burger King fast food restaurant where the 28 incident took place. The CCTV system did not have his lectures since the incident, was origi- in Hazel Farm such that he does not have to any tape recording at the time and so the only possible nally recommended to go to hospital by the wait around the bus stations. evidence was that of any witnesses at the scene of the IN THIS WEEK’S PAPER authorities; upon considering the queues at Speaking to barefacts, the student said that incident. the hospital, however, which that night ap- he is now “worried whenever he goes out” The case is awaiting a trial date for the prosecuted. Compensation for accommodation proached upto seven hours, it was decided and “cannot concentrate on any of his essays that he be taken home. or work because he keeps thinking of what Students from the University of Warwick The case has been brought to the courts happened.” He was adamant that people INSIDE are demanding compensation for privately and, with the help of a three-page statement know about this incident so that they can owned halls News | page 3 from the victim, the three defendents are help to prevent things like this happening It does not need to be said, but racial dis- being charged with a “racial attack.” The again in the future. In the mean time, he just crimination of any sort is simply not accept- I have issues with Barclaycard student is currently seeking moral wants to try and carry on with his studies. able - barefacts believes | p.5 Rich Watts highlights why credit card com- panies are the only thing in this world that annoy him Comment | page 5 barearts survives the apocalypse USSU granted late license Disease wipes out London, but is 28 days Union now selling liquor until 2am on a Monday night out rally a genre-breaker or just a gimmicky The Students’ Union has been granted a 2am the act who was due to play - a Mr Tony load of rubbish? barearts | page 12 liquor licence from the local Magistrate’s Blackburn - had to cancel his arrangement Literature and poetry galore Court for Monday evenings, thus allowing it due to illness. to continue the “Sparkle” evening that was Subsequent applications were turned town More poetry and critical analysis from the launched at the start of semester. by the Magistrate’s court and it is only now literature team as the written word goes USSU Entertainments Manager, Alan Roy, that the night can once again be re-laung- double page spread barearts | page 22 USSU General Manager, Bob Anderson hed. Fetish night and the President, Paul Wright, all went to court last Friday to present the case and The first A review of fetish night and a full page col- were granted t h e evening will lage from barefacts’ very own photographer license uncon- entail a “Wheel funkyberry Lifestyle | page26 ditionally until of Fortune” the end of the style night, in which Stingers win on the road academic year students have the opportu- At the end of the 32 page bonanza lies a 2002-2003. nity to win £400. This will then story of heroicism, shoulder pads and the This license be followed by a reterospective night with American football team Sport | page 32 f o l l o w e d the ganag from “Funhouse.” The autumn the granting of an semester will culminate with the return of Entertainments license, which, “Little Sister” - the Big Brother type game before Friday, had meant that the in which students can compete against each Union was allowed to play music until 2am other for a maximum prize of £700. but had to close the bars at 11pm - the usual closing time. The successful application took place on INSIDE the first available hearing and followed some setbacks that meant the Sparkle evening had barefacts believes that the ents department A still from the impressive firework display at not quite taken off as anticipated. A one-off has a pretty tough job of it and has a thank- Stoke Park on Tuesday. photo: chris hunter license was granted some six weeks ago, but less task trying to please everyone | p.5 2 NEWS 7 November 2002 University “does not prepare Rifts develop over top-up fees

By Sarah Butterworth & Philip Howard the government lifts the lid. Of the 17 graduates for work” universities in the ‘1994 group’ – which TOP UNIVERSITIES ARE becoming contains Surrey, just two establishments increasingly divided on the subject of top- have vice chancellor’s who would not MOST STUDENTS FEEL universities fail to By Richard Watts up fees, and the recent delay until January impose higher fees given the green light prepare them for the world of work, a survey of the publication of the government’s from the government. Fees of £10,000 released on Tuesday revealed. US every year. 1,026 students from 25 higher education strategy paper looks set were branded “unrealistic”, though, with While 67% of students said higher education universities in England, Scotland, Wales and to divide them even further. Last week the the figure of £3,000 being a truer estimate of should train people to embark on a career, the Irish Republic were surveyed. Russell Group of elite universities - Oxford, initial costs to students or parents according less than half felt it was successful, the The chief executive of Teach First, Brett Cambridge, Imperial College London, to those surveyed. Both Sussex’ and Essex’ poll by the internet-based MilkRound.com Wigdortz, said: “These results show that University College London, Warwick and chiefs said that they would raise their fees, showed. students would like to be better prepared Nottingham - met to discuss the proposals but both labelled the £10,000+ figures as far Oxbridge students were the least likely to for professional life. We believe that the for a joint approach to top-up fees. Although too high, considering them “way out of line” see a degree as a means to a job rather than experience of teaching in a London school, fuelling speculation that the Russell group and “fantasy figures”. an end in itself, with 39% of Cambridge and combined with business training and were preparing to privatise, the meeting The group that was surveyed – known as 47% of Oxford students saying university mentoring offered to successful Teach First only succeded in highlighting the divisions the ‘1994 Group’ – consists of Redbrick should prepare people for earning a living. applicants, will provide the preparation that within the group. They failed to set the and Sixties universities like Reading, In sharp contrast to these figures, 70% of many students lack and are looking for.” proposed fee levels and some members still York, Durham and Surrey. This group final-year undergraduates at the London NUS National President, Mandy Telford, strongly oppose the introduction of any top represents the views of those smaller School of Economics, King’s College, said: “For the thousands of students who up fees. institutions outside the 19-strong ‘Russell London and University College London said graduate with five figure sums of debt clearly As mentioned previously in barefacts, Group’ – the group of elite universities that degrees should be more work-orientated. getting well paid employment straight after Imperial College are planning to charge historically have bemoaned low funding and The survey also showed that having a family graduation is a necessity. fees of around £10,500, possibly rising to championed higher fees, such as Imperial would not figure in a student’s plans until at “NUS believes that higher education should £15,000 and UCL are looking at £7,000 per College, London. least twenty years after graduation and that prepare students for the world of work. year. Oxford are planning between £7,000 Meanwhile, Dr John Cater, chairman of the their top priority throughout their twenties is We already run programmes, such as the and £8,000, Warwick £6,000 and at the other Standing Conference of Principals (which to make as much money as they can. National Student Learning Programme end of the scale, Cambridge have proposed represents higher education colleges), The survey was commissioned by Teach (NSLP), and are now engaged in a new £3,000, claiming they are particularly insisted that “too much of the current First - the British version of Teach First Hefce-funded project that will provide concerned about access to poorer students. agenda is driven by the needs of a highly America, which places thousands of ivy toolkits and resource packs gearing students The only Scottish members of the vocal minority”, those pushing for super- league alumni into urban schools in the up for the world of work.” Russell Group, Edinburgh and Glasgow universities and top-up fees. He said that Universities, have consistently opposed there was also a need for ‘superb colleges’ as top-up fees. At present students in Scotland well as universities that can compete on an pay no fees up front. The new principal of international level. Whilst not condemning Edinburgh University, Tim O’Shea, said: fees totally, he suggested that the issue of “I am opposed to raising tuition fees as this fees would affect participation greatly and will work against widening participation.” that the government needs to ‘think very The current delay of Charles Clarke’s carefully’. The Independent’s poll suggests, strategy document is the third such setback however, that the highly vocal minority is for the paper, which was due to be finished not such a minority any more with regard later this month after a previous deadline to tuition fees and it may be difficult for the Advertising feature earlier this year. Announcing the delay, Mr government to avoid the policy in the face of Clarke claimed: “It is important for me as such near-universal support from the VCs. the new secretary of state to have sufficient time to engage fully in this key policy issue.” Whether a change of secretary of state is a valid reason for a postponement has been questioned from many quarters. A spokesman for Universities UK claimed they are “concerned about continuing delays”, but that if the extra time is used to explore the proposals in more depth then it would Did you collect your mug at the be time well spent. The chief executive of the Coalition of Modern Universities, Colin Matheson, said: “The uncertainty and Careers Fair? insecurity is damaging higher eductation. CMU institutions are, however, keen that the new secretary of state listens to all If not, claim yours on universities - not just the elite.” In further news regarding top-up fees, according to The Independent’s poll of th Vice Chancellors, there will be no danger of Thursday 12 December 2002 them not charging higher fees the moment Professor Ivor Crewe: Essex VC 2-4pm Lakeside Restaurant Cathy - where are you? FREE COFFEE AND FREE SURREY ALUMNI SOCIETY MUGS! About two weeks ago a student on campus received a call from a girl, it is thought a student, called Cathy (or maybe Kathy) who said she had found a rucksack belonging to him. The rucksack was found at Wisley Service station on the A3. Cathy said she would deliver it to the owner who lived in University Court. Unfortunately she has not done this Guest celebrity yet and the owner would like it back. Vice-Chancellor, Professor Patrick Dowling Cathy, if you still have the rucksack please can you return it to the owner or contact Richard Paxton ([email protected]) in the Accommodation Office who will be pleased to pass it on. 7 Novermber 2002 NEWS 3 University recommended “appalling” accommodation Photo-fit Warwick University students demand compensation from private housing firm image of rapist STUDENTS ATTENDING WARWICK By Sarah Butterworth compensation package. At present there has released University are demanding compensation been no response from the letting company. for the “appalling conditions” encountered environment. Facing similar problems, students from A photo-fit image of the man thought to in privately owned accommodation Warwick University’s welfare officer John Sheffield University this week staged a have committed a series of nine rapes recommended by the University. Complaints Lumley has received hundreds of complaints ‘sleep out’ protesting at plans to sell over across the South East has been released by received from residents of the Liberty Park after a survey was conducted of all residents 50% of University owned accommodation the Chief Constable of Surrey Police. Halls include missing windows, flooded of Liberty Park. He said, “It makes me to private companies. The students are The man is described as a white male, bedrooms, falling debris and faulty internet really angry that the university claims there campaigning for a guarantee from the aged between 30 and 50 years old, with connections. Due to an unexpected increase is no problem. They have tried to wash their University of safe, affordable housing, short dark hair, of medium height with a in the intake of students this year, some who hands of it by saying it is nothing to do with claiming that many students would be muscular build and rough, tanned skin. were originally allocated rooms on the main them, but they are acting as a letting agent, ‘priced out’ by the imposed rent hikes. Free self-defence classes are being campus had to be transferred to Liberty Park. and they have a moral responsibility to look organised at the University. Details will The University claims that building work after the students.” follow in barefacts when we have more undertaken recently is now almost complete, The average rent of housing in Liberty information. and said the halls had been cleared by fire Park is £84 per week compared to £57 on regulation and health and safety inspectors. the main campus, and many are seeking However, the Students’ Union declared that compensation for the distress caused. A building was still in progress and students spokeswoman for the university insisted were being made to live and work in an they were putting pressure on the company unacceptable and unsafe running the housing, Prime Living, to offer a

Guildford “one of worst towns in the UK for credit-card fraud

By Charlotte Dawson etc. So, in the run up to Christmas and the shops get busy, take the following GUILDFORD HAS BEEN named as one precautions: of the worst towns in the country for credit [1] Keep your receipts and check them card fraud. Named along side Nottingham against your statement carefully. It may be and Leeds, Guildford has seen one of the that an extraordinarily generous tip has been largest increases in this type of crime and added at a restaurant or transactions have these findings have come as people gear up taken place in a completely different are to for the Christmas rush. Countrywide, credit when you have been. If you find anything and debit card fraud has increased by 53% different to your records, contact your card during the last two years and costs £430m issuer at once. [2] Try and keep you card in each year, a cost that must be footed by sight at all times. If possible, take the card banks and individuals. Unless the amount personally to the desk for payment. If you is taken is significant, many cardholders do must give your card away, check statements not discover they have become a victim until carefully and remember the date when the their statement comes through. occasion occurred. [3] Once you’ve checked Organised groups are becoming receipts against your statement, don’t just increasingly intelligent, putting through chuck them away. If you don’t need them many smaller amounts that in some anymore, shred them, rip them or even instances go undetected and the cardholder burn them! That counts for any financial will continue to pay. The most common document that may contain your account type of counterfeiting is called skimming, details. [4] Never write down your Pin and where the data on a card’s magnetic stripe never disclose it to anyone, even if they claim is electronically copied and used to make an to be from your bank or the police. [5] Only illegal copy of a genuine card. This can only use secure sites when purchasing online. [6] take a few minutes while the card is out of Think twice before giving information out your sight, typically when paying for meals over the phone, especially from a mobile in restaurants. phone, which is even less secure with the Steps are being taken to reduce fraud and advent of scanners. [7] If you often lose in 2003, chip cards and pin payment systems your card (could be forgetfulness, could be will be introduced in the UK, a measure drunkenness) get insurance. It’s only a small some holidaymakers may have seen on the amount per month and one policy should continent. cover all your cards together. If you do lose If this happens to you it can affect your your card, report it immediately. It may turn credit rating, which is an unwanted problem up once you’ve hunted for a few days, but for a student requiring overdraft facilities just cut it up! 4 COMMENT 7 Novermber 2002

THE UNIVERSITY OF SURREY STUDENTS’ UNION WWW.USSU.CO.UK It goes without saying: racial abuse must not be tolerated

The headline of this week’s paper highlights to those around us who would be considered the reality of the message that has been to not be your “average” student. repeated consistently over the first couple of The University of Surrey is a tremendously months of the year to all students - a second diverse institute in both its inhabitants and, year was attacked whilst innocently going to a lesser extent, the opportunities it offers. about his business having done nothing to There are large populations of foreign provoke his assailants. students and it is often easy to dismiss The worrying aspects of this case, however, them, or not give them the opportunity to are the factors that motivated the attack on express themselves. This is a shame for the student: because his skin was dark and he many reasons, but one of the most obvious was therefore obviously not of a Caucasian is the loss you could suffer by not engaging background, he was set-upon by three youths with someone from a different culture - to who felt it their right and duty to inflict harm talk to someone about where they live and on him. That student is now fearful as he their different customs can often enrich A long-eared bat is held affectionately after it was found outside the security office of walks anywhere and will forever carry the that which you already do yourself and, in Senate House. It is so young that it is thought a family of bats might be roosting in the mental scars of such a brutish and pathetic many cases, form the basis for a lengthy ventilation of the Senate House building. attack. barefacts does not need to state any relationship. arguments regarding the stupidity of such It is silly to miss out on this opportunity; base-prejudice; but we do need to remind but more than this, it is unforgivable to each and every student that racism can take discriminate against someone because of on many forms and we must be sympathetic such superficial differences. The night was humid and An apology from barefacts my clothes were wet The night was humid. I came but after 10 hours the wet ALVIN HEUNG Since the start of semester, barefacts has desirable situation; thus we are doing all we back to my room and opened C C clothes are still wet. I sat been less than punctual in arriving at the can, alongside the printers, to try and ensure the door: I felt something hot down and looked at the mess: Union for Thursday lunchtime. Many peo- the paper arrives as close to Thursday noon and smelly. Suddenly some Does a new launderette it was hopeless; yes, it was ple have made apparent their disgruntlement as we can. This often involves many late wet clothes fell down, hit facility cost more than hopeless - the campus laundry with the situation and, writing as the editor- nights, plenty of phonecalls and, most im- my cup of tea and the whole service is hopeless. in-chief- I would have to agree with many of portantly, an obscene number of meals from the new buildings built on table was in a mess. I started campus over the last four How much does it cost to build the concerns they raise. Chancellor’s. to clean up my table and a new launderette facility? or so years? The situation currently stands thus: unfortu- So if ever you see a member of the team suddenly I cast my mind back Does it cost more than the nately, the printers barefacts uses have been waling around campus, please do not vent to the afternoon. new buildings the university experiencing grave difficulties with one of your frustration on them - it is highly unlike- It was a Sunday afternoon, a has built in last 4 years? I their “press” machines - since barefacts is ly they did anything to delay the arrival of day with very little sunshine, but as least it mean, who is responsible for these sorts of the last job to be printed on a Wednesday this, one of four weekly student newspapers was not raining. I decided to do my washing. things? They charge more and more every evening then it is often the first to suffer throughout the universities of the United With my experience in this university I year, but the basic service in the university because other jobs might have already pre- Kingdom. KNOW that the launderette will be busy has not improve at all: look at the KUB’s - sented problems. This results in the afore- We’re trying our best, folks - honest! We because it is always busy, every minute 14 people share a small refrigerator and the mentioned delays and is obviously not a hope you like what we do. of the day. But I could not wait for any freezer is a nightmare because you are never longer: I don’t have any clean underwear to able to close it unless you sit on it. wear tomorrow, and I have a busy day on And the launderette is a real nightmare. How Monday nights can make you Sparkle Monday. So I decided to do my washing. many students are there living in campus? When I arrived the launderette, I put my They keep building new accommodation so The entertainments department of the Union, and its manager Mr Alan Roy, are forever get- clothes into two machines, (because there maybe it is an idea to locate a small laundry ting it in the neck about the ents programmes: never enough of this, not enough information was a lot of washing - I have save it for room in each accommodation? Just two or on that and why did we have them when we could have had these instead being the most two weeks already) I leave it for 30 minutes three machines in a building could solve the common cries heard around the old sabbatical corridors. and after arriving back, I realise I have a problem and you won’t see people carry a So let us take a moment here and actually congratulate Mr Roy and the Union for coming up nightmare: none of the dryers are available. massive bag of laundry walk around the trumps with “Sparkle”, the Monday evening ents programmes that, in barefacts’ opinion, is I wait for half an hour and still seem to be campus. What a big deal - no matter how pretty damn hot. Pat Sharp and “the twins” with another retrospective little ditty (following forever queuing for one of those dryers. beautiful you design a building, so that it in the footsteps of Timmy Mallett and, more recently, Whigfield); a Nirvana tribute band Funny enough, it seems like the machines looks like a big ship or a massive train, if who, if we recall correctly, were bloody fantastic, and the return of Little Sister, the Union’s are not doing any drying because people the building is for accommodation, then equivalent of some reality television show or other. put in more and more 20p into them and the for god’s sake you should provide the basic The range of ents now available at USSU caters as well as it can for the vastly diverse spread clothes are still wet. Since more and more services such that people can live in it. of tastes and will hopefully continue to move from strength to strength for the rest of the year. people finished their washing, so the queue I look at the mess in my room: the clothes barefacts does have one request, though: bring us the Hamiltons... for drying is longer and longer. are still wet. Hopeless. It is my last semester Finally I gave up: I thought “hey it is a at university, so no matter if the nice people sunny day and I may able to dry it, with a in the university decide to build a new bit of work and it could save me £1.20 as launderette or not - it will not benefit me at well as meaning I don’t have to wait for this all. My only suggestion is that they allow THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK forever queue.” 24 hours use in the launderette; at least then So I went back to my room, put up some I will able to my washing. Anyway, it is “Women over fifty should never wave goodbye.” long string on which to hang all my wet almost midnight now so I think I might give HEATHER ANDREWS , FINAL YEAR TONMEISTER clothes and turn on the fan in my bathroom; the launderette a try... 7 Novermber 2002 COMMENT 5 The laws of physics might not cope with Labour policies If things keep on going like this, says Philip Howard, we might only have two parties to decide between

IT WAS THE day the government retention of low interest of argument that says that an international level with the US Ivy exploded. Not thanks to wayward men student loans, housing students should consider League. The problem is, though, that it and vast quantities of explosives in the subsidies and increased HE as an investment, counters the free education for all ideals, infamous terrorist attack, but simply university funding. These and that graduates should and effectively cuts out huge swathes of by violating the laws of logic too many are the things that make pay more towards their the population who simply can’t afford it, times. A spontaneous implosion which school leavers stop for a education if they are going for whatever reasons. occurred at exactly the moment when the moment and think ‘I could to get a higher salary from So these two sides of the student government had a perfect schizoid split actually go to university!’ it all. The policies that fees and grants argument are rapidly between its policies, and the two sides and the kind of thing that PHILIP HOWARD this attitude implies are balancing. Labour’s love of Conservative instantaneously annihilated, leaving a allows mature prospective those of graduate tax, top- privatisation and free market economy somewhat bemused Iain Duncan Smith students enough financial up fees (up to £15,000), are becoming a serious match for the What two sides of an looking at an empty government bench. leeway to take a 6 or 12 commercial rate loans and Leftisms of socialism and government What two sides of any argument could month sabbatical and argument could violate the like. The good thing aid. So one day, it’ll all vanish in a possibly violate physics enough for retrain. Although half the laws of physics and about these policies is that Liberal-AntiLiberal explosion, and the it to vent its anger upon the Labour the population having annihilate each other? the university benefits. Tories can face the Lib Dems as separate government? Well, the student fees a degree degrades the The students are more parties. Then the nation can vote on issue of course. On the one hand, the qualification to an valuable to them, so are which it likes, instead of this unholy government has set itself a target of extent, the all-important international treated more like customers than just the mixture that can’t make up its mind. 50% of 18-30 year-olds having some skills market allows other countries to riff-raff that turn up and recover from The new Education Secretary, Charles qualification from Higher Education. outsource highly skilled operations to the hangovers through lectures. In the States Clarke, is going to have to hedge his bets This means making it easier for students UK because it has such a high education these practises have lead to company – a liberal at heart, he’s now playing with to get to university, making it cheaper for level. sponsorship of students through the big free market boys. I think I’ll save them to do so, and not penalising them On the flipside is the governments courses, one source of governmnet my fireworks night until I know whether when they do so. In line with these fine worrying view that people who don’t expenditure relief we don’t really see to make a Charles Clarke guy or not. ideals of free education for all are policies get degrees shouldn’t have to pay for us under the current system. Also it allows like the reintroduction of grants, the students to get educated. This is the line the top UK universities to compete at [email protected] Barclaycard get right up my nose I AM NORMALLY a very relaxed firstly, why bother being so vocal that kind of person who reacts to most you are giving away a free camera if things with an air of indifference the card is virtually irrelevant? If that borders on accidentally lazy, students do not even need to use but whenever I see Barclaycard or the card to gain a gift, why not just any other credit card company trying give the camera to them out of the to sell credit cards to students, in goodness of your heart? Sorry - what their own Unions, a strange feeling was that? Commission? Oh, I see. consumes my mind and I can’t help RICHARD WATTS Sorry - for a minute there I thought but challenge the supposedly “pretty” all of this was for the benefit of the people who cajole folks into signing student...silly me. “‘But you get a free camera’ up for a guaranteed source of debt. Secondly, if you are just here to they cry - neglecting to men- There is something about ridiculing give away cameras and tell students tion you are also walloped Do you want there to be somebody who these people as they use their little they don’t even have to use the card, with massive debt” will always listen? freebies to persuade students they then, and I’m sorry if I’m missing really need credit cards that appeals something, what is the point? “Here to me; something from deep within as one of their biggest client basis, you go - have a card and then don’t Do you want to help others? that baulks at the sight of an overly- Barclaycard are exploiting the least use it if you don’t want to.” A little made-up, excessively tight-jeaned resilient members of the student like saying to a child: “Here you Do you want to get accreditation for doing individual as they flutter their eye- population in order to benefit grossly go, here is a PlayStation2 for you, something worthwile through the DAVE lashes to make as much commission by bombarding them with details that but don’t feel you have to play it as as they possibly can whilst not do not matter whilst glossing over the opposed to do your homework...” project? particularly understanding the other aspects of their product. I’m afraid what Barclaycard are ramifications of what it is they are Let us concentrate on some of displaying is a total disregard and Could you give up a night every now and doing. the particulars this aforementioned disrespect for the financial difficulties then? I can’t be the only who experiences marketeer was using in order to faced by students in today’s higher alien feelings whenever I see persuade students to take up the education system, since credit cards such stalls because it appears that credit card and see quite where it all are yet another avenue through Nightline offers information and a students, when offered “a free adds up. As I’ve already mentioned which debt can quite extensively be listening service as well as a drop in camera” with which they can (get you can “get a free camera.” Good. explored; they are also exhibiting, center to this uni during the times where this) “take pictures” according to You can also get a free carriage clock through their blonde, brunette and everything else is closed. BUT we can only one particularly enthusiastic (read if you sign up for a pension fund token male mareketeers a shocking function with enough volunteers. forceful), marketeer, jump at the or buy a stairlift. Quite what use attitude when it comes to advocating chance of putting down their details that really is to a student, in a not responsibility for all matters financial: on a form so that they can accrue yet particularly grand scheme of things, being faced by some forceful missy If you are interested in becoming more debt through interest charged I’m not entirely sure. The words who cares little about the product and on their credit card purchases. And ‘cheap gimmick’ lend themselves more about her commission is hardly a “Nightliner” please e-mail us at so it seems to me that either everyone nicely to summise this particular trail the best way to encourage students [email protected] has gone stark raving bonkers or I of thought. to undertake sensible, balanced must be missing a trick somewhere. “Once you’ve signed up, you never decisions regarding finance and In a remarkably similar way to have to use the card - simply throw smacks of shameless money-making RELAUNCH: 11TH NOVENMBER 2002 other businesses that target students it away.” Two things with this one: from people who couldn’t care less. 6 COMMENT 7 November 2002 Let us hope this is the end of an era for the crime of rape The proposed changes governing the definition of ‘rape’ have repercussions for all of us, says John Slater

THIS MONTH THE government be pivotal, however, will be the know enough to trust and when partner’ and an astonishing 8% is set to unveil new proposals level of intoxication required for JOHN SLATER they are too drunk to know if she perpetrated by strangers. Just 8%. for tightening of the law on date consent to be assumed un-given. is past the limit or not. Surely There is also a confusion for rape. Under these proposals, the There is of course a vast difference Should we support it all just points to less drunken women themselves over whether law will not change as regards between sleeping with a woman these new laws that sex – either sex in a less drunken an incident was in fact rape – less consent but they will clarify and who has had a glass of wine and state or less sex in a drunken than 2 in 3 women ‘self-classified’ redefine ‘consent’. Consent will be sleeping with a woman who is supposedly treat women state. Is that such a bad thing? their experience as rape, and less considered to be ‘free agreement’, almost unconscious. like kittens that need The old male joke of not knowing than 3 in 4 who did do so did would and to combat date rape in The thing that worries many protecting? Of course ‘her’ name, and that of being classify it as a crime. Despite this particular, it will be assumed no men here is the suggestion that we should. better looking proportional to the misunderstanding, according to consent was given under a set of in following their normal habitual number of glasses she’s had are the British Crime Survey rape is circumstances. These include the Friday or Saturday night routine of not perhaps as innocent as they are the crime that women fear more woman being asleep, unconscious going out ‘on the pull’ they could consenting after a certain level assumed to be. If you think about than any other. In the face of 31% or too affected by drugs or alcohol. be in danger of being accused of of intoxication (such as would it, it seems obvious that it’s a bad of actual rapes being initially This means that the usual defence rape. My question, however, is prevent her climbing a set of idea to sleep with someone you classified by the victim as ‘Indecent given by the attacker of ‘honest why is this considered allowable? stairs, or similar level) who is don’t know, and who is too drunk assault’ or ‘Behaviour they found belief’ – that he honestly believed If a woman (or man) goes out, that would lose out here? Either to know what she’s doing. And offensive’, I can see why the she was consenting – will be more is offered drinks and eventually sex whilst drunk is enjoyable, and from a woman’s point of view, is laws indeed need tightening, if restricted. Currently ‘if the man agrees to whatever activity, only to women do not regret having slept it a good idea to have the world’s only to raise awareness of what biggest beer goggles on, or to have rape is. The report significantly very little defence in the case that notes that the media’s portrayal in fact you are raped? of rape as something perpetrated To me the only protesting parties by ‘strangers and madmen’ is “If you find that you here are the men who think that completely the reverse of the truth. going out on the pull is a perfectly Remember that just 8% of rapes worthwhile activity and that sex were by strangers? That means is consensual regardless of her 92% of rapists are known to their are in a compromising intoxicated state, and women who victim. That nearly half are by the don’t ever expect to be raped at ‘current partner’ is the other most all. horrific statistic. situation consider The main point that most So should we support these new discussions seem to miss is the laws, that supposedly treat women case of date rape. Here the woman as kittens that need protecting, is suffering from the effects of and promote a harsher treatment how close, in fact, some drug she doesn’t know she of men who go out on the pull? has taken, and may give ‘consent’ Yes, we should. We should face where she wouldn’t otherwise up to the reality that rape is more it is to rape.” have done so. Nobody can deny widespread and encompasses more that this is definitely rape and incidents than we realise, and that that any consent she gives in this an increased awareness of this is situation is not as much a ‘free vital to reversing the trend in which pleads honest belief the woman’s deeply regret it in the cold light of with someone whilst drunk the agreement’ as it would be were fewer and fewer cases brought past sex life is fair game in court’ day, were they really consenting? morning after, or it is something she sober and un-drugged. Much to trial result in conviction. Even says The Guardian. This is due to Why is it socially acceptable to get that needs to be stopped. Similarly, of the argument from women that if this law ‘clarification’ merely change, however, under a law that someone drunk in order to sleep for men, what right do you have to the new proposals are patronising makes law what was previously an came into force in Scotland under with them? The ‘beer goggles’ sleep with someone who is drunk? centre on a misunderstanding of the official view, perhaps a few more which the accused cannot directly effect is exploited each and every Perhaps the greatest fear is of a circumstances of rape. According prospective victims will be aware question the victim, one of the Friday, Saturday (and here on woman who knowingly drinks to a Home Office study into of the truth – 92% known to the reasons that many victims of rape campus, Wednesday) night – at too much and sleeps with a man in current levels of rape, “Women are victim, and 45% by the current are frightened off giving evidence. what point does it become rape? order to turn around the following most likely to be sexually attacked partner. If you find that you are Much as the hype around these As much as there has been a day and claim she was raped. by men they know in some way, in a compromising situation this proposals suggests that men will male outcry about the proposed In this scenario, the most likely most often partners (32%) or weekend, consider how close in suddenly be guilty of rape if tightening of the law, there has outcome is that men cease to have acquaintances (22%)”, with 45% fact it is to rape. they sleep with a drunk woman, been a similar female backlash. sex with women they either don’t of rape perpetrated by the ‘current the requirement will still be on The assumption that a woman is the prosecution to prove that she unable to give consent when drunk barefacts is an editorially independent newspaper and is Do you have a complaint against didn’t consent, not on the man is viewed by many women as a published by the University of Surrey Students’ Union this newspaper? to prove his innocence. In fact, belittling and quite patronising, Communications Office. since the nineteenth century it has particularly as there is no such rule If you have a complaint about any item in this been established that under certain for men. The suggestion is that The views expressed within the paper are those of individual newspaper which contains inaccuracy, harassment, authors and do not necessarily represent the views of the intrusion or discrimination write to our editor about circumstances a woman cannot the law considers women again Editor, the University of Surrey Students’ Union or the it. give consent – including where to be innocent little girls, unable University of Surrey. If you remain dissatisfied please contact the force, fear of force or threat of force to give any consent or withhold This publication may not be reproduced in whole or in part, Press Complaints Commission - an independant were used to procure intercourse, it by their own judgement. But is stored in any form, copied or distributed, without the express organisation established to uphold an editorial Code permission of the publisher beforehand. of Practice for the Press. This newspaper will abide or by fraud or impersonation, or that not just a slightly odd thing to All submissions must include the author’s name and Union by their decision. where the woman was asleep or say of a law that is there to protect or Staff Number. Submission is no guarantee of publication. so overcome with drink she is them? In fact, it can only help Press Complaints Commission insensible. So really anyone who them, as it would only be used for Anonymous and Pseudonymous articles will not be published. 1 Salisbury Square is worried by the idea that sleeping the prosecution of a man, brought London EC4Y 8JB barefacts reserves the right to edit submissions. Telephone: 020 7353 1248 with a drunk woman is an act of by the woman. The old adage Facsimile: 020 7353 8351 rape need only be worried if the involving noses and faces springs [email protected] law is significantly tighter than to attention. WWW.USSU.CO.UK Printed by South West Wales Publications before – in other cases it already So if the ‘worst’ comes, and a Adelaide Street, Swansea is considered rape. What will woman is considered to be non- © USSU COMMUNICATIONS OFFICE 2002 Tel: 01792 510000 7 November 2002 LETTERS TO THE EDITOR 7

LETTERS TO THE EDITOR

Letters must be received by 5pm on the Friday before publication to guarantee their presence in the next newspaper. Letters may be edited for length or clarity | E-mail: [email protected] A final look at how best to arm yourself for the walk home

Dear Editor, the road as soon as possible, don’t wait until they are very put our minds to it! Fear pumps adrenalin through the body, close). giving you more strength and speed, and you may surprise I have read with interest the recent correspondence regarding 5] Don’t scuttle along with your head down, trying not to be yourself with how much damage you can do - provided you safety when walking home alone at night. As a woman who noticed, glancing nervously over your shoulder every few don’t worry about hurting the other person! Sadly, being has spent the last 34 years of her life walking the streets (in seconds. You need to LOOK CONFIDENT (even if you “civilised” can count against you in such a situation - you a manner of speaking!) on her own at all hours, I felt that are shaking in your shoes) - the look you are aiming for as have to remember you may be fighting for your life so YOU I would like to share some of the tips that I believe have you stride down the road, arms swinging and head up is the MUST BE WILLING TO HURT THEM BADLY. helped to keep me safe (even walking around some pretty “Mess with me and you’ll be sorry” look (think serious PMT 8] CARRY A RAPE ALARM - in your hands as you are dodgy areas of North London in the early hours of the here girls and you are getting the right attitude!). In many walking along - you may not have time to rummage in your morning!). cases the creeps who attack women and girls are looking for bag for it. The louder the alarm the better, but test it out 1] Boring I know, but DON’T GET DRUNK if you think easy victims - not a full blown fight where THEY might get so you know what to expect and don’t “freeze” when you there is a chance you may have to walk home alone. Whether hurt! Look as if you could damage them and they will look set it off - and yes, it has happened that a rape alarm has you are male or female, if you are weaving your way down elsewhere for their next victim. frightened the victim more than the attacker! Oh yes, and the road in a drunken haze you are setting yourself up as 6] I know the police advise you to run away, but as an don’t forget to SCREAM. an easy target. You might just as well carry a flashing sign asthmatic I have never thought that would work for me. I’m 9] LEARN SOME SELF-DEFENCE, I have never actually saying “Get your victim here” ! afraid my own instinct is for “fight” rather than “flight” but done this (growing up with a load of boys taught me how to 2] BE ALERT for anyone following you when you leave if you are fit and athletic and you think you are in trouble fight!) but at the least it may help you feel more confident the pub, club or whatever (not all attackers are lying in by all means take to your heels. If you don’t think you can (see point 5 above) and at best it may even save your life. wait around the corner - some have had the same night out get away, however, try and PICK YOUR OWN SPOT TO There are a number of martial arts clubs here at UNIS who, as you! Try and BE DISCREET about the fact that you are CONFRONT THE PERSON FOLLOWING YOU - the I am sure, would welcome you. leaving alone. middle of the road is good, plenty of space and he will 10] I would stress that the above are all my own personal 3] CHOOSE YOUR ROUTE CAREFULLY. I know the have far more trouble dragging you out of sight (another ideas, and everyone must choose the course of action they footpath beside the railway may be the most direct route, and good reason to avoid those footpaths - there’s no room to feel is best for them. I feel very strongly, however, that every be well lit, but I would strongly advise against it. In my view manoeuvre). woman has the right to walk home alone at night without fear. it is better to walk an extra mile and arrive home shattered 7] If you are attacked GET ANGRY and FIGHT DIRTY! I BE CAREFUL, BE SENSIBLE, BUT DON’T EXPECT TO and with blisters from those new shoes, than to end up in the understand that the latest creep is attacking from behind, but BE A VICTIM. Sadly, we live in a dangerous world but with hands of a police doctor as a rape victim. even if someone grabs both your arms you can still smash proper care walking home alone at night can be at least as 4] When walking along the road try and KEEP MORE your head back into their face, stamp hard on their feet and safe as trying to cross a busy road at lunchtime. THAN AN ARM’S LENGTH FROM ANY DOORWAYS, elbow them in the stomach. If you are facing them and want BUSHES ETC. This makes it far more difficult for anyone to hit them where it hurts most use hour hands or your knee Yours, to grab you as you pass by. Be alert, keep your eyes and ears ( don’t try and kick him there, it brings your leg up too high MRS J HALL open and try to anticipate any potential problems (eg if you and puts you vulnerably off balance) .Don’t forget to use your don’t like the look of someone coming towards you cross teeth either - the human bite is far worse than any dog’s if we ntl concerns? Dear barefacts, 2002 - 2003 Has anyone else had problems connecting editor in chief | richard watts [[email protected]] to the internet in their room? In the first few weeks a saw a a4 sheet stuck to the wall by editor | position vacant film editors | stewart fudge [[email protected]] the cashpoint outside the union. I said in big jolyon hunter [[email protected]] friendly letters some thing along the lines of deputy editor | sarah butterworth [[email protected]] “Is anyone having problems connecting to photography editor | chris hunter [[email protected]] NTL? If so write your name here. barefacts news editor | philip howard [[email protected]] will be writing about it soon” literature editor | chris ward [[email protected]] At that point I hadn’t tried the internet yet music editor | alex read [[email protected]] so a few days later I tried it and it wouldn’t simon robinson [[email protected]] sports editor | position vacant connect. I followed the startup instructions but no matter what I do I never get a reply theatre editor | rachael bemrose [[email protected]] lifestyle editor | position under construction... from the other end my modem just keeps on dialing, then redialing etc.. I decided to reinstall the software but it told me my account (under my pin) was already active, not that I can access it. The next time I went past the union entrance the sign was gone (unless I imagined it), and I’ve not heard a whimper from anyone at barefacts. I think the best bit of it all was that the support option ntl gives you is a website. I guess the it all has one good upshot: my girlfriends been nagging me to phone her, & seeing as I’ve got lots of credit I put on for the internet, I guess i’ll have to before the end of term Oh life as student is so so so hard.

Yours, PHIL KERRISON 8 UNION 7 November 2002 You too could have your 15 minutes oney of fame right here in the Union... atters As you may have a Christmas as possible M noticed, LWT have for families dealing been looking for with a wide range of SOME “THRIFT TIPS” FROM VARIOUS PLACES TO couples to participate in social difficulties plus HELP YOU SAVE A LITTLE BIT OF MONEY: their new series about an emotionally draining sex and how to make illness. I’m sure you’ll [a] get value for money on your shopping by using markets or large supermarkets for your it fabulous. What you join me in thanking Art fresh fruit and vegetables – your local store may be convenient, but you’ll have to pay for probably didn’t know Ramirez from RAFT taht convenience at one point or another. Remember, there is a fruit and veg stall every is that they are going to for providing copious ONI ORNEO Thursday in the Union. be filming here THIS T B amounts of condoms on VICE PRESIDENT EDUCATION [b] get yourself a bike – then you won’t need a car or have to pay any bus/taxi fares Friday 8th November the night too. AND WELFARE [c] work on Friday and Saturday evenings – this will not only earn you money but save it from about 2pm on the One last thing – not as well because you won’t be drinking yourself (until a lot later, anyway) Union Stage. And they all the raffle prizes have [d] make one of your BT friends and family numbers your internet server and save 20% on need you to come along and be on TV! been claimed. Please come and get them. We every call They will have a little task for you to still have a vibrator for men (external use), [e] learn to cook – this way you’ll save a fortune on boil-in-the-bag meals taht are do, and it’s totally undegrading and non- vibrators, penis lighter holders, a cock ring traditionally more expensive (and not nearly as good for you) humiliating so don’t panic. The idea is and ‘Good Head’ oral delight flavoured gel. [f] dye your own hair simply to find out how much you know Here’s a reminder of the winning numbers: [g] buy clothes in charity shops about something sex-related (can’t tell you Green: 9 – Jo | 14 – Jane | 63 – Holly; White: what cos you might swot up on the subject!) 8 – Jane | 10 – Ross | 41 – Sledge | 153 - Ena If you have any “top thrift tips” then make sure you send them into either barefacts or You can bring a friend with you and you’ll What on Earth will I do with them if they SAIS and we’ll update our list for a future edition of Money Matters. be filmed for a few minutes each. They’ll aren’t claimed? Don’t forget if, despite being thrifty, you run into financial difficulties, the Student Advice need guys and gals to participate and you’ll & Information Service is here to help you. end up on a news show broadcast to about 6 million viewers on ITV. Seriously Sexy Week Aw, go on! If you want to have your famous 5 minutes, either turn up at 2pm on Friday Student Advice& Information Service (SAIS): Wey Flat 2 | Surrey Court on the Union dancefloor, or pop in to ask me t: [68]9261 | e: [email protected] about it. Just to wrap up the sexual theme, not only was Fetish night a gorgeous night out, but you guys raised £96 at the naughty raffle, £60 Notices from the accommodation office in the tin and Electronic Engineering’s Ann Summer’s bash raised £118. It’s all going If you have moved to Guildford this autumn Rolling Registration - If you have moved to RAFT SURREY, a charity who supports you should ensure that you are registered to into Guildford (on or off campus) between HIV positive people and their partners and vote in local and national elections. 16th October 2002 and 11th August 2003, families. Add a large sum from Colours Campus - Students resident in University then you will need to complete an ER3 form, Ball funds (we’re not sure how much yet accommodation on Campus, Hazel Farm which is available from the Accommodation but it’s a lot!) and the result is as normal and Bellerby Court on 15th October 2002 Office to enable you to register an as elector will be included in the return made by in Guildford the Accommodation Office to Guildford Borough Council. The new Register of The Accommodation Office and Electors will be available at Millmead Students Union will help, but it is your A safety message from the security office House, Millmead, Guildford for checking responsibility to check that you are after 1st December 2002 - please check that included on the Register of Electors. Over the last couple of weeks a number of all to be branded in an undesirable manner. you are included. Copies of lists sent by incidents have occurred on campus which I have no desire to curb your fun and the Accommodation Office to the Council are not only giving me cause for concern, but happiness and I hope like me when, in the will be available for checking in Court also affect the health and safety of all those future, you look back on your University Receptions (or the Accommodation Office who work, live and study at this University. days you will remember them with fondness, for those at Hazel Farm and Bellerby Court) Most of these incidents start off rather but I will have no compunction in treating from now. mildly, but quickly escalate into something severely those who fail to respect the rights Offsite - If you live offsite, forms for more serious resulting in retaliation, threats of others or who commit criminal offences. electoral registration are sent to every and actual violence. In past weeks egg Enjoy you life here with us but respect the address in September and reminders are Check out page ten for Paul Wright’s throwing has resulted in just this. University and the rights of others, and I sent out in October. You are required by comprehensive look at USSU’s new I am particularly concerned about the will look forward to being present when you law to complete the forms with all necessary constitution and how it will affect the number of serious assaults that have taken receive your hard earned degrees. information. Students’ Union. place on Campus. There have been five in the last week, and all have resulted in BARRY JAKEMAN/TONY WATLING serious injury. UNIVERSITY SECURITY ADVISERS We at the Security Department work NOTICES extremely hard, in your interest, to ensure Mauritian Society AGM 7th Movember 7.30pm LT G your well-being while you are studying Next semester will see th launch of a cam- here – this involves a very close and healthy paign by barefacts to establish students as Juggling Society AGM 11th Movember 6pm AP 3 relationship with both the Students Union residents of Guildford as opposed to young and the local police. Damaging parked cars, people who are thought of as a nuisance to LGBT EGM 12th November 7.30pm TB 20B stealing road signs and cones, kicking in the the local area. Yorkies Bridge lights for example severely If you have any experiences concern- Societies Standing 18th November 6pm LT F strain these relationships. All of the brief ing nights out in Guildford town centre examples I have given above are Criminal or cases in which you feel you were International Soceities Standing 18th November 7pm LT F Offences and in most cases are Arrestable treated unfairly because you are a stu- Offences. Those who commit them show dent, then contact either Richard Watts on Popsoc AGM 20th November 5pm Lower Foyer in PATS very little respect for the University and its [email protected] or [01483] [68]9275, good reputation in the town – and cause us or e-mail [email protected]. GU2 EGM 21st November 6.15pm Grant Mitchell Committee Room

10 CONSTITUTION SPECIAL 7 November 2002 The continuing saga that is “the constitution of USSU” Paul Wright, President of the Students’ Union, takes you by the hand and leads you down the path to democracy...

JUST BEFORE STARTING this to represent societies (x5), sports be a full member of the Union; caught up in the number and weeks article on the constitution (x5), academic schools (1 from whereas the new constitution responsibilities of those officers). I’d like to take this opportunity to each school), court residences states that the returning officer Future changes should only apologise for last weeks headline (1 from each court) and an should be someone external to be to the Rules and Appendices (“Buckle up: the excitement of environmental officer. the organisation, nominally the meaning that these can be dealt the constitution is upon you”) and All these councillors sit on NUS Regional Officer, and that with in-house rather than seeking state that I didn’t pick it, blame Mr Student Council and between this person be appointed at the the University’s approval, thereby Watts. them vote on motions brought first student council of the year increasing the autonomy of the With that done we will continue before them. In the past people after which they will put together Union. This also helps in getting with the overview of the new turned up either because they PAUL WRIGHT an election timetable for the year. the new constitution passed, it constitution. You’ll remember didn’t want their budgets frozen or This allows some flexibility; in is easy to alter the constitution from last week that the major because one of their mates wanted USSU PRESIDENT previous years elections have run after it is passed so hopefully all aim of the re-write was to to get their motion passed through. late or in a shorter period of time students will see the benefit in produce a more representative, With this new system we hope that “Run by students for due to the prescriptive nature of voting for the constitution even if democratic structure. One of the students that get elected will see the existing constitution. With an they have any issues with it. main changes has been to student that they actually have some power students.” This helps external Returning Officer there Whilst on the subject of making council, currently it is more of a and responsibility in affecting the with that ideal. will hopefully be more pressure changes to the constitution it general meeting whereby anyone running of the Union; how often on the Union to ensure that is worth noting that we still can turn up and vote. This may have you heard the phrase “run by elections happen in reasonable must operate under the existing appear on the face of it very students, for students”? Well this Ethics and Equal Opportunities time periods. constitution to change it. Therefore democratic but the history of the is a big move towards that idea. Committee and then on to Student To implement and back up the this coming Student Council Union is littered with sports clubs To tie in with the new Council. The point of all of election timetable there is the (Tuesday 12th November, 1pm, or societies turning up en-mass developments in the non- these committees isn’t to create Constitution and Elections Ad- Lecture Theatre L) we will vote to vote through their particular commercial side of the Union there bureaucracy for bureaucracy sake Hoc Committee, they implement on the new constitution, assuming proposal for funding or policy. is also the creation of the Education but to ensure that there are the the time scales laid out in the that it is passed there will then That was not democratic and was a and Welfare committee, designed proper arenas for all potential timetable. They also advise the be an EGM called for two weeks cause of disillusionment for many to support the VP Education and issues and the reporting structure Union Chairperson in the event of later to ratify the constitution and regular attendees. Welfare in their responsibilities. is there to ensure that important dispute as to the interpretation of appoint a Returning Officer for Another issue that the majority At the moment we are looking into issues get escalated to the the Constitution. the forthcoming elections. It will of attendees to student council splitting the role into VP Welfare appropriate level of the Union. One large, physical change to have to be an EGM to ensure that did so purely because they were and VP Education - having this Another first for this new the constitution is that we have once the constitution is ratified a member of a society or a sports committee in place will help a constitution is the formalising of split it into two parts, the Core that the meeting can continue with club and if a representative didn’t great deal in the transition period the Media Code Of Conduct that Constitution and the Rules & the other business, if we didn’t turn up then accounts would then we would find ourselves in be frozen as punishment. This the situation of not being able to again isn’t really democracy, vote on any other business as there just forced voting somewhat “The old constitution would be few councillors. akin to the Iraqi elections. To We don’t believe that all of combat this we looked round at these new positions, standing other unions to see how they do wasn’t really becoming committees and ad-hoc committees student councils. What we saw will be filled this year (though it were actual councils, made up would be a nice thought) but the of councillors who represented of a democracy - constitution is a ideal for the Union a certain area of university life, to strive towards over the coming be it academic, sports related or years. It’s not a big bang change even accommodation related. We as those styles of transformations took this model, looked at our own instead, by forcing are proven to not work, the idea is makeup of students and came up to phase in the constitution over with our Fantasy Student Council the course of this year with the - if we could make up a body fully people to vote, it was hope that from next year it will representative of the students what fully working. This is one of the would we have? reasons that we may not have fully Obviously sabbatical officers better-compared to the followed the existing constitution (as the elected trustees of the this year to ensure that the changes union) would sit on Council, we are proposing are as seamless as would the part-time officers as possible. That is one of the that make up the Executive Iraqi elections.” reasons that the part-time officer Committee. Part-time officers elections this year will not take are Union Chairperson, Sport, and ensuring that all education and applies to all Union Media. It Appendices. The reason behind place until earlier next year, to Societies, Culture and Events, welfare issues get the attention will hopefully remove some of this is to give future students more make sure that the constitution has Accommodation, Academic they deserve. The Ethics & Equal the conflicts that have occurred control and flexibility. In the past, been fully ratified and accepted by Affairs, Campaigns Officer, Ethics Opportunities Officer chairs the in the past with regards to the any changes to the constitution the university. & Equal Opportunities, Placement Ethics & Equal Opportunities independence of the Media from have involved a trip around the All the items outlined above & Employed Students and two Committee that is made up with the Union whilst ensuring that no large University committees are available in full detail in the Non-Portfolio Officers. all the Special Interest Officers potential legal action could result for approval; as it their legal new constitution, it is organised But what about the minorities? and one representative from each from reports. It also outlines what responsibility to have a students’ in a systematic manner and has For that there are now eight Special Religious Society. the rights & responsibilities are union they need to approve the a good table of contents. The Interest Officers representing; Each of the Special Interest for both the Union and the Media, constitution. With this change constitution is available online at international students, disabled Officers also head up their own thereby outlining what one can the bulk of the detail has been http://www.ussu.co.uk/yourunion/ students, women students, LGB Ad-Hoc Committee that meet expect from the other and vice- moved to the Rules & Appendices If you have any query on the students, mature students, post as and when there are issues to versa. with the Core being deliberately new constitution there is a thread grad students, part-time students discuss relating to their specific In the current constitution the generic in its terms (such as stating set up on the bulletin board, http: and a racial relations officer. On areas. The outcomes of these election process is fully prescribed the sabbatical officers shall be //bb.ussu.co.uk/. top of that there are also officers meeting are reported up through and states that the returning should the trustees rather than getting 7 November 2002 PROFESSIONAL PAGE 11 The interview process This weeks careers & skills talks Like it or not, the interview is Secondly, on the day of still a key part of any selection the interview, aim to be as WHY ASK ME THAT? APPLICATIONS AND INTERVIEWS* process. Gone are the days positive as you can. You know MONDAY 11 NOVEMBER 1 – 1.30 pm | LT F TUESDAY 12 NOVEMBER 6.15 pm | LT M One showing only of the video on interviews. A PricewaterhouseCoopers will be giving tips on what when you could sit back and the employer wouldn’t be careers adviser will be present to discuss any points to do and say at interviews as well as ideas on how to wait for employers to invite interviewing you if they didn’t you would like to raise after viewing this video. fill out application forms both online and in hard copy. you out for a slap-up meal think you could do the job so NB This session replaces the KPMG talk on Online before offering you a job with go in determined to convince BUNAC Applications. Please register with Careers. MONDAY 11 NOVEMBER 6.15pm | LT M hardly any questions asked. them that they’ve already Details of opportunities to participate in work and Now it’s all about making made the right choice! As you travel programmes in USA, Canada, Australia and PRACTICE APTITUDE TEST* an impression. It’s about DR RUSS CLARK answer questions, purposefully New Zealand. WEDNESDAY 13 NOVEMBER 2.15 – 4.15 pm | convincing employers that not include information about your LT B THAMES WATER* The tests we run are parallel to those that many only would you love to do the If the thought of sell- strengths which you know the THURSDAY 14 NOVEMBER 6.15pm | LT M employers use as part of their selection process. There job but that you would also do ing yourself makes you job will demand. And don’t be Details of opportunities for mech, chem, civil and elec are three sections design to test your logical thinking. it better than anyone else they cringe: concentrate on afraid to smile – interviewers eng, finance, HR, and general business graduates. Please register with Careers. interview. two things... will invariably warm to you If the thought of selling more if you do. yourself makes you cringe So remember - plan and be *Please register with Careers by email [email protected], or in person. try concentrating on just two things. First positive - other things should fall into place if Please keep an eye on your University email and www.surrey.ac.uk/careers for the most up to date information of all make sure you plan for the interview you get these right. well in advance. Have another look at the I’ll be back with more interview tips over the copy you kept of the application form, think next couple of weeks. Come along to the about the kind of questions you would ask talk and video on interviews on Monday if you were the interviewer and plan how 11 November at 1 – 1.30 pm in LT F. Also, you would answer these. Think particularly PricewaterhouseCoopers will be giving a of all the questions you’d hate to be asked talk on Tuesday 12 November at 6.15 pm in and work out reasonable answers. It can do LT M on what to do and say at interviews as your confidence a power of good if one of well as ideas on how to fill out application DAVE ABBOT | GRADUATED 2001 them comes up and you’re ready for it! You forms both online and in hard copy. Please should also spend some time researching the register with Careers if you are interested in Whilst Surrey’s Electronic Engineering employer in greater depth. attending at [email protected] department is one of the best in the country, nobody could ever claim that engineers are By Scott Geary amongst the most interesting of personalities. Design skills, technical competence and company wide meeting, which everyone teamworking across a group of engineers, attends. Its quite bizarre, its more like a often from different backgrounds (courtesy lacement group of mates getting together! of the brilliant Multi-Disciplinary Design I’ve been here now for almost 3 months, Project), were all vital contributions to my and thoroughly enjoying it. They also offer future career that my department was able to us a good training scheme too, from guest provide. However, it was up to the university for my CV. I have been at Detica, on Surrey S EAK speakers, spacecraft engineering workshops, at large and the Students’ Union in particular Research Park here in Guildford, since and motivation sessions. Although the free to fill in the blanks and make me into the then and am rewarded beyond my highest sandwiches are usually motivation for most more rounded person that employers would expectations. people! seek to hire. Originally, I found the job through I’m working with the GPS team, and have From a shy Fresher, content to stick with a recruitment consultancy, which was I spent the summer in Guildford, slightly been doing a lot of programming. Currently a few friends and avoid offending people, extremely efficient: when I arrived back worried about my placement year. At this developing software for their new GPS I went on to become Union Chairman and from interview, the phone was already point I still hadn’t been offered a job. The receiver, hopefully to be flown on a satellite an “in-demand” public speaker. Part of this ringing to tell me that I had got the job! contractP on my 2nd year house finished in next year – assuming my program doesn’t change was due to the opportunities that However, in the current depressed economy, June, and so stayed in my friend’s houses, crash! arose within the Students’ Union. Running recruitment consultants are increasingly namely Mr Mental, Mr Fudge, Mr Security, I’ve also had the opportunity to meet some a major Union society for several years desperate to place people. The result of this and Mr & Mrs Jones’ for several months. It representatives from NASA, who SSTL are provided an insight into student democracy is that smaller companies like this one are was great and I am entirely in your debt! supplying to. They were entertaining to talk and, crucially, I realised that the people losing faith in the filtering process that the Apart from not knowing what was going to to, and hope their mission is a success. I making decisions and running USSU were consultancy should supply and would rather happen, I had a great summer in Guildford, believe they also got a taste for curry too! not some kind of secret elite, but merely receive applications directly. being involved in the Commonwealth Working on campus is a major plus, as I enthusiastic students just like me, who My top career tips? Work hard, apply to Games celebrations, World Cup Pool never miss a union night, and can continue would welcome my involvement. companies early in your final year and above in Chancellors, Joss Bay, river surfing, joining in with clubs and societies. Our Getting involved was not merely great fun, all, make sure you really make the most of Guildford Festival and numerous drunken lunch hour has turned into pool games in but also provided excellent material your time at university. nights in the HRB! Harris bar – I would like to say that I’m But the day finally came in August and I winning our championship, but alas! was offered a job, not too far away, at Surrey Tuesday evenings is Circuit Training in the Satellite Technology Ltd - For those who gym, and a large possie of SSTL employees don’t know, it the Space Centre building on go along, including me for the first time… I campus! hope I can keep it up! The first days were a bit strange, meeting Have to mention it, but getting paid is great, new people and finding my way around. and such a difference to scraping along on This has been relatively easy, especially as the skimpy student loan. I’ve just about paid fellow Elec Eng student Gary Martin is here my overdraft back, and seeing the magic too. But the most difficult part for me has “C” credit symbol on my bank statement for been trying to get into a routine of having to the first time in years was quite staggering. wake up hours before Neighbours! Luckily Admittedly, its gone now, but hey! we work on flexi-time here, so as long as To conclude, I would like to suggest to you do 37.5 hours a week, all is fine. The people try that they get your placement atmosphere here is extremely relaxed, and sorted out early, and try not to get left in the everyone is friendly, including the boss, situation I was in – even if it is to complain Martin Sweeting. at your department! Fortunately it has Every Wednesday morning, there is a eventually worked out for me – good luck! LOTTIE POETRY

barearts grabs five barearts moves into minutes with that the realm of stanzas woman off that show and rhyme with a who plays music on brand new poetry sec- things called decks tion. fruity!

28 DAYS LATER Director Danny Boyle paints a Mantle. For 28 Days Later, and a few “infected” dwelling stunning, chilling vision of Britain Doyle brings those cameras and over the remains. He is chased after the devastating impact of a Mantle to work with him again, into the street and rescued by viral plague, pitting a handful of allowing him flexibility to shoot fellow survivors Selena (Naomie survivors against hordes of the quickly while giving the movie Harris) and Mark (Noah Huntley). infected who have developed an a gritty quality that suits a post- Selena later unemotionally kills unquenchable urge to kill. Thus, apocalyptic landscape. Mark after he gets infected, and Boyle proves that he can make The film opens with a group of Jim and Selena hook up by chance a chiller that is both original animal rights activists breaking with a father and daughter, Frank and provoking, the obligatory into a lab where they find a series (Brendan Gleeson) and Hannah blood and gore balanced by fine of caged chimps infected with (Megan Burns), whose water performances from the young a “rage” virus. When they free supplies are dwindling. After “This is still an cast. The film could well prove to them, the activists are attacked. listening to a radio broadcast from be a sneaky hit as well as a cult Twenty-eight days later, cycle the army, the foursome decide to old-fashioned movie classic. courier Jim (Cillian Murphy) head north in a black London taxi After the glossy excesses of awakens from a coma to find in the hope the finding a cure. about survivors against his last film,The Beach, Boyle his hospital deserted. In a series The script is by Alex Garland, went back to his roots to make of stunning scenes, he wanders who wrote the original novel The two films for the BBC,Strumpet over a deserted Westminster Beach, and it is clear he has taken the infected.” and Vacuuming Completely Nude Bridge into a devastated Trafalgar his inspiration from such classics seemingly tough Selena. in Paradise, both quickly shot Square, calling for help. As night as The Day of the Triffids and Her character is elegant and on digital video with director falls, he shelters in a church, only The Omega Man whilst adding resourceful. Equally fine is of photography Anthony Dod to find bodies strewn on the floor his own twist in that the virus the lean Murphy as Jim, who is a psychological one. But no gradually transforms from matter how you dress it, this is a gentle innocent to almost still an old-fashioned movie about primal creature, set on revenge. survivors against the infected with The scenes in which he stalks an oddly unsatisfactory twist that soldiers through their mansion the final villains are a bunch of base is reminiscent of Rutger soldiers with sex on their minds. Hauer stalking Harrison Ford in The early scenes of a devastated the closing moments of “Blade London, brilliantly realized by Runner.” Boyle and Mantle, are offset at Despite the DV technology times by the lack of depth of some and attempts to link the infected shots. When the story moves out to contemporary urban rage, of the city, the lush green and “28 Days Later” is at heart a heavy rain work as a balance genre film. But it is a very well- against the barren emptiness of made genre film with great the London scenes. performances and wonderfully Harris is wonderful as the staged sequences.

hobby, he writes sentimental greeting card anarchy of the other sort of Sandler streak of decency among the uppity-ups MR DEEDS poems that he tries unsuccessfully to sell product, such films asBilly Madison and at Blake Enterprises; and especially John to Hallmark. As the film opens, corporate Happy Gilmore. But it seems for the first Turturro, who is hilarious as Emilio, The legendary Gary Cooper was an actor baron Preston Blake dies while trying to time in his dopey comedy career, Sandler the Spanish butler inherited by Deeds. - it was said - who never looked as if he climb Mount Everest. His will leaves his can’t find the inane center of his character. The film’s best ongoing joke has Emilio was doing anything when he performed on entire $40 billion fortune (including media Instead, he goofs around with a stupid making instantaneous appearances and the set. And yet his work always seemed outlets, the New York Jets, various factories running gag about Deeds’ ugly foot, disappearances. fabulous once it was projected on the big and much more) to Deeds, his never-seen blackened years earlier by frostbite. Mr. Deeds has been directed, without screen. Perhaps since Adam Sandler is nephew. Fortunately, a few supporting actors much imagination, by Steven Brill, who playing Cooper’s old role in his uneven A corporate helicopter comes to Mandrake generate some scene-stealing laughs. also directed Sandler’s disastrous Little remake of Mr. Deeds Goes to Town, the Falls to whisk our befuddled hero to They include Erick Avari as Anderson, a Nicky. At the risk of conveying faint praise, comic decided to try the less-is-more Manhattan, where a whole new lifestyle white-bearded, pipe-smoking corporate I can say Mr. Deeds is an improvement. approach. But unfortunately, Sandler has is spread out before him. But he also executive who seems to have the only none of Cooper’s magic. encounters a slimeball of a corporation Even when Sandler is on the big screen board chairman (Peter Gallagher) who in Mr. Deeds, he still looks as though he’s tries to hoodwink Deeds into selling away doing nothing. I can’t recall a less inspired, control of the Blake empire. Typical of blander performance. As remakes go, Mr. country-boy-big-city stories, Deeds is much Deeds also lacks passion and inspiration smarter than the city slickers imagine. - but at least it’s not an attempt to literally They’re eventually undone by his smart but remake the 1936 Frank Capra film. Instead, good-hearted intentions. Along the way, regular Sandler writer Tim Herlihy has Deeds also falls in love, although he has no taken the basic premise of the original idea his new girlfriend (Winona Ryder) is Deeds, but updated it and dumbed it down actually a tabloid journalist in disguise. for Sandler’s peculiar brand of silliness. Mr. Deeds falls into the silly-sweet side Sandler is Longfellow Deeds, the operator of the Sandler spectrum, along with Big of a pizza parlor in the idealized small town Daddy and the superior The Wedding of Mandrake Falls in New Hampshire. As a Singer. And it lacks any of the edgier 7 Novermber 2002 FILM 13

DIRECTOR’S CUT KEVIN SMITH : “The film is Kevin Smith was born in the Garden State of Feature Film Market and went on to New Jersey, a fact which he is proud of and become a hit at that year’s Sundance this is reflected in all of his movies. Raised Festival – sharing the Filmmaker’s Trophy principally in New Jersey, Smith dropped out of a with “Go Fish” directed by Rose Trouche. creative writing program at The New School The success of the movie earned Smith about noth- for Social Research when his parents were numerous art prizes and a contract at the called; the administration were complaining influential Creative Artists Agency (CAA) ing at all because Kevin was throwing water balloons in Hollywood. This also led to a distribution from his dorm room window. His next move deal with Bob and Harvey Weinstein at was to study at the Vancouver Film School, Miramax, and was the route for the film to - just life but he dropped out of that after four months. be seen in the US. “Clerks” grossed over Silent Bob. Some major cameos can be Uncertain of what to do next, Kevin returned $1 million and received widespread critical behind the found in this film too ranging from Mark to New Jersey and got a job at a convenience acclaim. Hamill and Carrie Fisher through to Smith’s store in Leonardo, NJ. Riding the crest of the wave, Smith directed own wife and baby son. This film is the last In 1991, he saw Richard Linklater’s “Mallrats” (1995) for a significantly larger counter at a to feature Jay and Silent Bob and is very “Slacker” – a comedy about twenty- $5.8 million – the film was a look at youth much made for the fans. something slackers. This turned out to be a culture in a mall over the course of a convenience The next Kevin Smith Movie is called source of inspiration for Smith, as did the weekend. At the box office, the film flopped, “Jersey Girl” and is due for release next possibilities of low-budget film making. but on video it became something of a cult store.” year. The film once again stars Matt Damon After contacting former film school friend hit – most Kevin Smith aficionados list it as and Ben Affleck, with the lead female role Scott Mosier, and writing the script, they set their favourite. being played by Jennifer Lopez. The film about financing the film later to be known Returning to a more “indie” method of is a 90’s era dramatic comedy about a man as “Clerks”. Sources of finance ranged from filmmaking, Smith then madeChasing “ highest grossing movie of 1998 for named Ollie Trinke and the effects a newclerks former college tuition funds to Smith selling Amy” (1997). The film, about the Miramax). wife and six-year-old daughter have on a his personal comic book collection. Smith relationship between a bisexual woman Smith combined his passion for filmmaking seemingly already full life, and is currently mallratsdirected, Mosier produced. and a comic book writer was a critical and with his passion for comics by writing the “In Production”. “Clerks” (1994) was made in 21 nights with commercial success taking more than $12 screenplay for “Superman Lives” which Kevin Smith is a good example of a final budget of $27,575, and was filmed in million for Miramax. This acted as a form of was set to star Nic Cage at one point, and making something from virtually nothing the same Quick Stop in which Smith worked redemption for Smith and Mosier, and they to be directed by Tim Burton. Conflicts with – his movies are enjoyable, but might be an during the day. The film is principally about cemented their place after recommending Burton and with Warner Bros meant that this acquired taste for some. Jay and Silent Bob nothing at all – more a slice-of-life from that the Weinstens purchase Matt Damon project never got fully off the ground, and can be puerile at times but once you realise behind the counter at a convenience store. It and Ben Affleck’s script for “Good Will was never made. Smith turned his talents that’s their main function in life you’ll get was received well at The Independent Hunting” (which turned out to be the to comics once more and produced “Clerks along fine with it all! And for those already chasing amy (the comic)” along with a very brief run of initiated, I have one thing to say, that I just an animated series of Clerks on ABC (the have to get in print…. network showed two episodes). Snootchie BOOTCHIES!

CLASSIC

SHOLAY

The world would be a poorer place without films like Sholay, not only because of the almost arrogant instantaneous and total suspension of disbelief it demands from its audiences, but because of the honesty and sheer power of that demand. You go to a boxing match to see two boxers fight it out, not to see them playing chess in the middle of the ring! A retired police captain recruits two In 1999 Smith turned back to movies career criminals to help him defend his with the release of “Dogma”, a pro-God village from a group of particularly nasty satire about two fallen angels (Damon and bandits. The two crooks are apparently Affleck) trying to get back into heaven. The the bravest men he ever met - and pretty film courted controversy, but was ultimately good natured fellows too, for that matter. well received. The film starred Alanis They agree to take the job, initially just for Morissette, Salma Hayek and George Carlin the cash, but gradually because they come alongside Smith regulars Ben Affleck, Matt to like the villagers and their lifestyle. Damon and Jason Lee. Everything is rosy as they fend off the first Smith’s last release was “Jay and Silent Bob bandit invasions, but everybody knows that Strike Back” (2001), a film about Jay (Jason bandits whose power rests totally on fear Mewes) and Silent Bob (Kevin Smith) and can’t let it go when they suffer a loss. their quest to stop a film being made about their comic book representations, Bluntman all words: stew fudge and Chronic. Jay and Silent Bob are a couple of stoners who hang out in front of a convenience store in NJ most of their lives. They have appeared in all of Smith’s movies released to date. Damon and Affleck return as do Jason Lee, Jason Mewes and of course Smith himself as the eponymous 7 November 2002 THEATRE & COMPETITION[S] 15

THEATRE Preview Hailed as ‘fiendishly entertaining’ by the We’ve all studied Shakespeare. We all had New York Times, Tom Conti sets the stage to at school. So we’ve all seen a production alight playing the legendary and eternally of a Shakespeare play at some point in our tipsy matinee idol John Barrymore, in lives. And did you ever truly understand the British Premiere of the Tony Award everything that was going on? Or did you winning production of One Helluva Life. just like the funny bits? The year is 1942, and the wickedly funny, I have seen quite a few of Shakespeare’s once-great classical actor, John Barrymore plays and very few of them were (grandfather of Drew), is back on stage convincing. From very few of them did attempting to recreate his famed portrayal I leave thinking, ‘That was so brilliant! I of Richard III. However, his drinking and must see it again!’ I left The Tempest with womanising interrupt his comeback, as he that thought. realises that he has enough money to last I finally get it! I may be foolish in him for the rest on his life, as long as he proclaiming my ignorance to those of you dies right now. st who have “got” Shakespeare and enjoyed The play runs from Monday 21 – th it for some time now, but for me this is Saturday 26 November. Tickets available somewhat of an epiphany. The tiled, non- from the Box office on 01483 440000. naturalistic set was the perfect backdrop, not allowed to interfere with the energy words: rachael bemrose of this play. Clear, crisp scenes, are a welcome relief from fluffy Shakespeare condemnation of his brother Antonio and productions. tyrannical as the master of Caliban. OMPETITION S Richard Briers stars as Prospero, in the The portrayal of Caliban by Rory Kinnear C [ ] Theatre Royal, Plymouth’s production of was tremendous. Orlando Wells’ (Alex in We’ve had quite a few entries for this rather brilliant prize but still nowhere near as many Shakespeare’s most magical play. I once As If) Ferdinand was a true portrayal of a as we had for the clothing vouchers, which is surprising, but there we go. The prize is two heard Kenneth Branaugh talking about how young, confident man in love and the noble tickets for the 36th Charity Dinner Dance - the most prestigious ball of the academis year. wonderful it was to work with Richard and faithful Gonzalo was compassionately All you have to do to win is answer the questions below on the poster and send them along Briers on Shakespeare: his diction is so played by William Russell (One of Rita’s to [email protected] (with the subject matter as “competition”) and you and a ‘friend’ suited to such work. Maybe a facile point, husbands in Coronation Street). Stefano will be on your way. East peasy lemon squeezy. but being able to hear and understand what and Trinculo were comically brilliantly Please note that this competition will run forone more week (closing date is the 12th No- is being said, puts you halfway to enjoying played by Stephen Casey and Darren vember) and can only be won by students of UniS with a current and valid URN number. the play. Briers was magnificent as the Tunstall respectfully. All in all a fabulous No side-stepping or mournful looks please, Alan. Judges decision is final and all that. caring father of Miranda, vociferous in his way to spend an evening! Go see it! if you are interested in writing about or reviewing theatre, then get in touch with A Passage To India rachael bemrose at This is a story of a woman, Adela Quested, [email protected] who travels to India with her fiancés’ mother, Mrs Moore. She is there to see her fiancé, the local magistrate of Chandrapore, at ‘work’ as she has seen him at ‘play’, and believes that in observing all aspects of his life she will be able to decide whether to marry him, or not. Upon arrival she is dismayed to find that the British contingent tend to amuse themselves by sticking together in the safety of ‘the club’. Anxious to see the ‘real India’, Adela and Mrs Moore seek to befriend the local Indians. Through the English teacher, Mr Fielding, they become words: rachael bemrose acquainted with the local Moslem doctor, Dr Aziz. It is he who takes them to the Fielding, giving the play its male humanist Marabar Caves: after which nothing will voice: perhaps he represents Forster? ever be the same. Godbole played by Aaron Neil, is perfect British pomp and circumstance, stiff as the narrator, as he philosophises with the collars and coiffed moustaches, stand audience of all that goes on around him starkly next to the rich and colourful I was unsure in the first moments of portrayal of colonial India. The audience whether this would be worth watching, audibly gasped at the racism displayed by whether it would be something to rave the British towards the Indian people. This about: by the end of the performance my is not far from the reaction when the book mind was racing with all it had offered was published, though the ruling classes to think about. The ending encompasses were more shocked into embarrassment at the essence of the play, when Aziz tells Forster’s portrayal of their anti humanist Fielding that for them to be friends, he actions. must leave. The cruel turn of events, where Though I know little of the main Aziz is accused and acquitted of a crime characters in Forster’s novels, it seems they against Miss Quested, have left them no all follow a similar pattern: they travel to platform on which to be friends in the town far flung places and are then challenged of Chadrapore, other than through letters and asked to question the moral fibre of and forever divided by continent. You feel their lives. Susan Engel’s portrayal of Mrs saddened that they may no longer share Moore is so likeable and thoughtful, that conversation and a meal, and angered that she easily steals the show. Ian Gelder gave the ruling elite, have won, at the most basic a powerful performance as the teacher Mr level. 18 MUSIC 7 November 2002 SINGLES I AM MINE MUSIC GETS THE BEST OF ME PEARL JAM | EPIC SOPHIE ELLIS BEXTOR | POLYDOR Dig out your hoodies ‘cos aging The Queen of Cool is back with her sassy grungy dudes* Pearl Jam are officially new single ‘Music Gets the Best Of Me.’ If back with this new single, which you are expecting a change or a* digression precedes their seventh studio album from the style of music Ms Bextor has Riot Act. The signs here are good. Vedder produced to date then you will be sorely sounds like he’s preaching to you from disappointed. There is nothing new here. the top of a mountain, flowing of beard This is simply a superb offering of funky and infinitely wiser than before. So Pearl pop and is the fourth single to be taken Jam have worked out the meaning of from the double platinum album ‘Read My life, well it was about time! This is the Lips.’ It’s an infectious blend of swirling kind of heroically grandiose song that funky grooves and synthesisers marked by some U.S. bands can knock out in their Sophie Bextor’s unmistakably seductive sleep; it comes naturally, whereas over voice. This new single is possibly not as here we tend to favour the weepy catchy or inventive as ‘Murder on the acoustic ballad. 1 - 0 to the yanks Dancefloor’ or ‘Take Me Home’ but it’s on this occasion then. eight | still got bundles of attitude and elegance to a.c. boot. seven | d.k.

SHAKIN’ ROCK N ROLL TONIGHT BEAUTIFUL OMETHING S S ’ JON SPENCER BLUES EXPLOSION | MUTE ATHLETE | PARLAPHONE GOING ON Shake it baby! Back when the White This is surely the single that will get the A | LONDON RECORDS Stripes were a twinkle in the milkman’s eye most under rated band of the year noticed. Newly announced at the Kerrang this lot were flying the flag for the bluesy After the disgraceful overlooking of Awards as Britain’s Best Band, ‘A’ bring us rock n roll thingy, and they’ve still got the ‘Westside’ and ‘You Got The Style’ by the another release from their ‘Hi-Fi Serious’ vibe. Jon Spencer’s Elvis impression, while majority of the music press comes Athlete’s album. ‘A’ play big, loud, ambitious lacking the my-voice-has-just-broken-but- FINS TO MAKE US MORE FISH third single release ‘Beautiful’, and that’s yet straightforward rock and roll music, I’m-the-devil-in-disguise rawness of Jack LIKE EP exactly what it is. The forty-second intro is and this single is certainly no exception. White’s vocal delivery, is still serviceable LIARS | MUTE an annoyance, but once over, a quality indie ‘Something’s Going On’ isn’t going to enough and if you’re a fan of the retro Oh look we’re from New hum-a-long blossoms, a tune that would break any musical barriers, but then again it garage thing this might float your boat. That York, we play dirty rock n have the likes of Coldplay quaking in their isn’t meant to, and it should be enjoyed for said, JSBE are going to have to work pretty roll aren’t we great? So what boots. They have the capability of being what it is – a top rock single. Catch them hard to keep up with the new breed – this makes the Liars different massive; they just need people to listen. A th live at Brixton Academy on November 29 . is the kind of the thing that the ultra-cool from the rest of the breed? single Athlete should be proud of. seven | seven | a.w. Von Bondies and their ilk would eat for Well not much really, dirty s.b breakfast. six | a.c. riffs, low slung attitude FM DOLL DON’T MUG YOURSELF something that seems to be QUEEN ADREENA | ROUGH TRADE THE STREETS | PURE GROVE MUSIC found on every street corner Described as “unsettling aggressive art- Forth single to be taken from one of this years most innovating albums comes Don’t Mug in Brooklyn at the moment. rock”, this is certainly on the dark side, Yourself. Recorded one drunken night about how Mike Skinner makes a fool of himself When they sing “we’ve got which is unsurprising considering the over a woman he fancies. The mix of raw rapping poetry over drum and base beats is a the pulse on America” it does title has been shortened from ‘F**k Me real grower. Mercury Music prize nominated ‘Original Pirate Material’ should well be make you think twats though. Doll’. The single is compelling and lyrics crowd this years starlets and for good reason. seven | m.b. five | s.r. are uncompromising, and I’m sure Queen Adreena as a band is an interesting concept, both live and on record. Saying that, I still Welcome to the Ebb and Flow of British Sea Power can’t decide if I like it or not. five | a.w. Well it’s the year 2002 and the world around us is fast changing, yet we were just gonna carry on. But then he turned up and said he’d the current music scene has been stagnated by influx of routine riff do it for us and seeing as we’re all lazy we thought yeah.” driven garage rock bands that just want you to ‘die mother fucker’. The sound of BSP is a difficult one to pin down. Comparisons However, slowly seeping out from the south coast of England are a have been made to the likes of Joy Division, The Smiths and weird and wonderful new band that want you to admire not destroy. Talking Heads but they’re not too sure, “the more ideas we This band is British Sea Power, a four piece from Brighton, put out the more ideas people get about us and compare us to who are taking the music worlds hearts and imaginations. Their different people.” With the new album out in January don’t story begins along way from where they are now, “we’re all from expect the obvious, “I think it will surprise people… it starts the Lake District, Kendall. We all went to school together so with 30 seconds of a monk choir then it starts to get weird after we’ve known each other for ages.” The band is now based down that (cause that’s normal?). New single ‘Childhood Memories’ in Brighton after first going to university in Reading. “We just reflects this weirdness and is exactly what it says it is, “a collection moved to Brighton to get it all going. There’s no coincidence that of childhood memories, half are mine (Scott’s, the lead singer) Brighton’s dead cool now you know!” Joking they maybe, but and half fictional.” In particular one of the stories is about “the Brighton has recently seen a plethora of bands that have taken radioactive activity in Cumbria from Chernobyl in Ukraine. A to the big time. Electric Soft Parade, Eighties Matchbox B-Line whole cloud came over our village and it collected on a hill where disaster are all touring round the country and BSP are at the front there is a load of heather that soaks up the radioactive spray. They of this group. However, BSP don’t feel part of this, “There are a lot said people shouldn’t go up there as you don’t know what will CHILDHOOD MEMORIES of good bands in Brighton but we don’t really think there is a scene happen.” This I feel may explain a few things. BRITISH SEA POWER | ROUGH TRADE going on, it’s not the new New York.” It is this individualistic Tonight’s show lives up to its promise as BSP are decked in ‘Childhood memories’ (the a-side) is a attitude that makes them different from the rest. tress, military outfits and various hats as they take to the stage. song exactly about that. But the B-sides The rise of BSP seems pretty straightforward. After moving down The beauty and subtleties that accompanies them on record are well worth mentioning to, ‘Favours to Brighton they set up a club called Sea Power where they used to are transformed by the bands energy and enthusiasm to make in the beetroot fields’ and ‘Strange play regularly. It is there live show that started giving them a name a powerful live show. The Joy Division comparisons become Communication’. All are beautifully for themselves. Decked in military attire and the stage covered in obvious live as Scott jitters and writhes on stage cutting a perfect crafted fragile glimpses into the strange trees (the Lake District is never far away) it certainly stood out to Ian Curtis figure. The rise of BSP so far has been smooth and slow. world of BSP. Collectively the songs are an un-suspecting audience. “The live show is the first thing we Their plan is to “take over the world step by step and with trees!” about an ill wind from Ukraine, venereal did before we started making records, we take it very seriously, but Strange they maybe but it is this nature of BSP that makes them disease and Viscount Montgomery of everything we do as a band is important to us.” It is this mixture of such an interesting and exciting prospect for the future. Simon Alamein…. Now it all becomes perfectly seriousness and quirkiness that drew the attention of Geoff Travis Robinson clear. They might be different but that’s a (head of the infamous Rough Trade records). “We weren’t really New single ‘Childhood Memories’ is out on Nov 4th on Rough good thing. eight | s.r. looking for a record deal. We put out our first single ourselves and Trade. 7 November 2002 MUSIC 19

EDWARD THE GREAT THE ANNUAL 2003 FOREVER DELAYED ALBUMS IRON MAIDEN | EMI MINISTRY OF SOUND This years Leeds headline act release a MANIC STREET PREACHERS | EPIC/SONY The giants of the commercial dance music greatest hits collection spanning some 20 Far from the early Manics attitude of scene have compiled a little box of dance years. From the deepest* corner of ‘Rock’ release one album, sell six million copies anthems and favourites for your listening Iron Maiden’s unmistakable dark side has and quit comes ‘Forever Delayed’, the pleasure. The Annual 2003 is the must proved irresistible by going gold platinum latest greatest hits package to be released have dance release of the year apparently. over 200 times. The album kicks off with by Sony in the run up to Christmas. It includes 60 dance tracks from the party robust Run To The Hills using screeching ‘Forever Delayed’ features 20 tracks, 18 shakers to the party breakers. The funky, guitars and persuasive vocals. The superb of which are top 40 hits from a career laidback ‘Starry Eyed Surprise’ by Paul intro to The Trooper is no less than that has exceeded a decade, it features Oakenfold and the redemptive dancefloor exquisite driven at a phenomenal pace. The the expected Manics classics such as anthem ‘At Night’ by Shakedown are famous Bring Your Daughter……… To ‘Australia’, ‘You Love Us’, ‘Mo Town included. Jakatta’s upbeat ‘My Vision’ with The Slaughter has all the attitude this track Junk’ and the recent single ‘There By it’s ripping drumbeats and smooth melodies deserves causing much commotion when The Grace Of God’. There seems to be is one of the tracks which oozes the most originally released. More for newcomers no logical running order for ‘FD’, the flair and Seal’s vocals seem to add an extra of Iron Maiden than loyal fans who will be tracks are arranged in a random order, quality. The shockingly awful ‘Because treated to ‘Eddies Archive’ aimed at their random works well. Anyone who has the Night’ by Jan Wayne is one of the dud hardcore fan base released on the same day. been unsure about the Manics over the moments of the compilation to say the least. One of rocks legends showcases old hits years should buy this; it sums up their There’s plenty of big name tunes on the that have mapped the way for current rebel career perfectly. For all the Manics fans album including Missy Elliot, Sugababes, rockers. six | m.b out there, don’t buy it, you will already Underworld and Felix Da Housecat. It have all the tracks. eight | s.b comes in a 3 x CD format in a limited THE FINE ART OF SELF DESTRUCTION edition box set. Oh, and there’s JESSE MALIN | ONE LITTLE INDIAN RECORDS also a poster with it, words by: alex read Oh Dear. Produced by Ryan Adams (famous for not writing Summer of 69) this is quoted so if you’re skint simon robinson as sounding like ‘something Kurt Cobain would have made if he’d jammed with George and can’t afford jon swarbrick | duncan hills Harrison’ Um, no. Possibly a pre-pubescent Harrison or a post-existence Cobain might to go out you matty b | anthos chrysanthou have made something as uninspired as this, but otherwise that’s just ridiculous. This is ten- can put it on anna wheeler | mark iyer gallon, country and western tinged MOR hokum of the highest order. When Malin ‘rocks your wall and stuart bryce | timothy dungey out’ on fourth track Wendy it’s such clichéd, wailing ranch-rock you just want to hide in the just imagine freezer until the end of humankind. It’s just embarrassing. On the (rather minimal) positive you’re at a if you are interested in writing for the music side, opener Queen of the Underworld and fifth trackBrooklyn are okay, but otherwise this party. That team, then come along to the cd hand-out in is pretty torturous listening. The Americans’ long-standing fixation with this kind of music truly is the media centre on mondays at 5pm might mean this becomes a commercial success over there, and being mates with Adams marketing won’t hurt one bit, but this album bored me to tears. If you’re 72 years old, or get sexually with the aroused by tumbleweeds, you might still want to give this a miss. four | a.c. caring touch. four | d.k.

THE VERY BEST OF THE STONE ROSES | SILVERTONE There’s not much that can really be said here, we all know who the Stone Roses are and we all know what they have* done. They defined an era of music, they inspired a generation, they created a legacy for themselves and this greatest hits album just reminds you why. Each song glistens with guitar, shimmers with beats, swaggers with Ian Browns vocals, it just exudes bagginess which made the Stone Roses their name. Right from ‘I wanna be adored’, ‘Waterfall’, ‘Fools Gold’ and ‘I am the Resurrection’ they are all here. Their impact may have been forgotten but A NIGHT ON THE ROCKS this just shows how much their music still J-WALK | EAST WEST RECORDS stands for. nine | s.r. Manchester’s Jwalk is made up of Martin Brew and Martin Desai use of cuts and melodies sampling funk to disco records METRO AREA passing through Motown on its inventive METRO AREA | SOURCE journey. Scarlet Menace features vocals Metro Area obviously have a soft spot by Veba whose talented voice has appeared for old R&B, disco and boogie. On this on records by the likes of Rae & Christian. record, which is the brainchild of two The combination of ‘Herbaliser’ style brass American producers, this is coupled with and strong vocals set out the genius behind house and techno sounds. Sounds ok in the attention each track is given. The theory, unfortunately, in reality it sounds quiet wonderful Soul Vibration has been pretty awful. ‘Miura’ with its handclaps an underground success being part of any and strings over a synth bass beat sounds vinyl junkies collection. The expressive like something straight out of the 80s, soulful beats make this a vibrant highlight and not in a good way. ‘Square Pattern using a classic mix of Northern Soul meets Aura’ (yes, that is really a song title) goes chilled dance. Other duo’s come from the on for nearly 6 minutes. Admittedly, atmospheric vocals of Elbow lead vocalist most of that was fast-forwarded, but it’s Guy Garvey in Cariad. Disco led Heavens just dull! Apparently the duo promise Above uses smooth vocals over lush to continue rocking theories of time and seventies beats. All in all A Night On The space, whatever that means, in the future. Rocks is one of the most refreshing records Well, bollocks to that, I’d rather they didn’t I’ve heard all year. eight | m.b. bother. This is rubbish. two | a.w. i’m tired and they won’t let me make a 31 page paper. “not possible” they say. “please” i ask. “no” they say. so what to do - there is no such thing as an “intentionally blank page” - that’s just poor space management. instead i wonder who might actually notice there is a virtually blank page - who out there reads this here paper such that they notice, or even care, that they are missing what could have been a great page of entertainment? i see folks around campus so i presume there must be someone. not unless there’s a funny restriction i haven’t heard of. so i ask “send me an e-mail.” i receive no reply. then i remember i am typing and it’s difficult to reply to a one-way conversation. so i type “send me an e-mail and let me know what you think” and then wait for the little song the computer sings when this technology thing kicks in. then i think of the possible excuses. arthritic fingers. painted nails. no computer. then i come up with a cunning plan: include the e-mail address. a-ha. [email protected] that’ll catch them out. [“what about in bold?” “no - not subtle.” “good point.” “plus this font is futura and there can’t be a boldface as such with it.” “oh yeah.”] what about a postal address? clever. barefacts union house university of surrey students’ union university of surrey guildford gu2 5xh. hang on - isn’t this paper editorially independent? from who? from the union. yes. why didn’t you say so? i did. oh yes - so you did. do you think if i type the appropriate lengh sentances i could make a pretty shape? isn’t that what you are doing? no - i’m just wittering on. well isn’t there anything else you should be doing? not that i can think of. who exactly am i speaking to? good question. so why wouldn’t they let you make a 31 page paper? well - just look how the paper folds - it works in fours. no way you could have an odd number of sheets. crumbs - a bit like only being able to do 3, 5, 7...point turns in a car, then. sort of, though you could just reverse and pull off straight away. i suppose, but that doesn’t really hold with the definition of, well, a decent enough turn. never a truer word spoken. have you ever used a mac before? 7 November 2002 GIGS 21 It doesn’t always have to be so bouncy, but when it is - it’s great supergrass | ed harcourt | rocket science words: anna wheeler cover of Neil Young’s ‘The Loner’, and shepherd’s bush empire | 30th october then the moment I had been waiting for singing and ‘Brecon Beacons’ (apparently finally arrived. The huge blue police The hugely entertaining Rocket Science about witches according to front man Gaz). lights on the stage that were so far unused opened proceedings at the Shepherd’s However the evening got in full swing suggested that we were to be treated to the Bush Empire with impeccable style and with the first of the old classics. ‘Sit Up fantastically frantic ‘Caught By The Fuzz’, their own blend of psychedelia blended Straight’ from ‘I Should Coco’ had the and our patience was finally rewarded with powerful guitar driven rock. The crowd jumping and this intensity continued when the first power chords kicked in and singing keyboardist had enough musical with an excellent run of songs including the blue lights began to turn, ending the tricks and bleepy noises at his disposal to ‘She’s So Loose’, ‘Mary’ and ‘Late In The evening in a perfect way with a blaze of make both Radiohead’s Jonny Greenwood Day’. The real pogo-ing moment of the guitars and drum kits kicked over. and the Super Furry Animals jealous, and night came with ‘Pumpin’ On Your Stereo’, The set-list for this show was fantastic and used them to great aplomb. Along with to which the Shepherd’s Bush Empire included everything I wanted, and I don’t the two guitarists and drummer (no bass), exploded and started jumping in unison. think anyone watching would complain the Australian band played a great set and Now an experienced and accomplished about the obvious omission of cheesy managed to coax many people away from live band, Supergrass know exactly how to Britpop anthem ‘Alright’. The crowd hardly the bar for an excellent start to the evening. work the crowd, and without saying much, stopped jumping all night and we all left Up next was Ed Harcourt. I expected took us through the hits, exactly what we satisfied after an evening of raw intensity a quite dull singer-piano sort of deal, so all wanted. ‘Lenny’ took us to another and live power of a band bringing some was pleasantly surprised when Ed arrived section of new tunes including the punk- welcomed rock ‘n’ roll mayhem to West onstage with full band and started to paced ‘Never Done Nothing Like That London. rock the Empire. The band comprised Before’ and the fabulously catchy single guitar, bass/double bass, drums and a lone ‘Grace’. trumpeter, along with Ed himself, who reuben | 19th october | students’ union four songs long, we all wanted more. swapped between piano and acoustic guitar. “The style His cover of Pink Floyds ‘Wish You The style is also quite variable ranging The past month has seen many a good Were’ sent shivers down the spines of all from straight up rock ‘n’ roll to poncey art- was quite night for live music at the Students seven people in the audience. (Come on rock. Although guilty of trying to sound Union and tonight was no exception. this guy has played Glastonbury!) The like the mighty Jeff Buckley at times, it is varied: from Local band, Reuben took the short second act sounded like Muse, looked obvious he is an accomplished musician journey from their hometown of like Oasis, didn’t advertise their name and this was an intense and on the whole rock ‘n’ roll Aldershot to travel to Guildford. Reuben and weren’t very good. Reuben on the enjoyable set. have just finished touring with Biffy other hand were good. The crowd seemed After the art-fuzz of Rocket Science Clyro and Vex Red and are currently to appear out of nowhere to see the and the intense and somewhat dark Ed to poncey recording their debut album, they Surrey trio. Recent features on the band Harcourt (which were both appreciated managed to find time in their hectic on MTV2 and in Kerrang should explain by the main attraction’s Danny Goffey), art-rock.” schedule to play a one off gig for us all. the sound turnout. Reuben stormed we were all ready for some light-hearted The impossible happened when the pace Jamie Lenman, 19, is a talented through a thirty minute set hardly and straightforward rock music, which upped even further at the point where Gaz man, not only is he the lead singer and stopping to catch their breath. ‘Scared Supergrass duly supplied. After coming announced that it was time for some rock guitarist in one of the most promising Of The Police’ and recent single ‘Stux’ onto the stage with lit pumpkin lanterns, ‘n’ roll music, launching into the blasting British rock bands, but he’s also a top were crowd pleasers, everyone was left which then formed part of the stage set, anthem that is ‘Richard III’. ‘Sun Hits businessman. Lenman was spotted standing in amazement. A band that are the band launched straight into songs The Sky’ was also really well received and behind the merchandise stall trying to a lot heavier live than on record makes from their latest album, ‘Life On Other soon the band were disappearing from the raise funds for his world domination for a different experience (Thought of the Planets’ starting with the storming ‘Za’. stage. When the sound of foot stamping plans, fairplay to him! day s.b). The comparisons to Hundred Sounding more immediate and urgent live, and cheering was loud enough, the band The floor boards were warmed by Reasons are accurate but with a lot more this immediately got the crowd on their reappeared to play a near perfect encore, two acts tonight, the first being Loz, a shouting, something that Lenham has feet. They decided to stick with this new starting with the excellent single ‘Moving’, singer/songwriter studying Music at the perfected down to a fine art. Boss night. material for the first part of the set, also another that got the crowd jumping. A University Of Surrey. The set was only stuart bryce playing ‘Evening Of The Day’ with Mickey This is just a tribute...

tenacious d | brixton academy

Mention the name Tenacious D to anyone that knows who they are, and you instantly get a smile. Well when I found me and my digital camera one person from the front at their sell out Brixton gig - I was smiling! Tenacious D comprises of Jack Black on guitars and vocals, and Kyle G (KG) on guitars and vocals. Tenacious D opened their long set with Wonderboy (in my opinion a song far superior to Tribute). While the crowd shouted out every word, Jack was fighting a giant inflatable dragon that filled the entire back of the stage! Tenacious D had the most interesting live show I have ever seen, and twice during the concert they stopped the music and had a giant video screen wheeled in. The first video was about Jack & KG generating a tumbler of sperm, and then trying to sell it outside their house to women who want to have their babies to continue the Tenacious D legend. The second video was Jack’s rather weird LSD hallucinations, which were actually caused by taking a home pregnancy test, which showed that KG is actually pregnant. Then KG gave birth to a baby out of his bottom – called Butt Boy, which they then walked back on stage with, and gave to a girl in the crowd… Musically speaking, although there were only two of them, every song was totally different and created a really special atmosphere, which easily got the whole of the Brixton Academy singing. Tenacious D is a very funny band, and I haven’t laughed so much in ages - even security were in fits! If your fed up of the same of boring tosh in the charts at the moment and you fancy listening to a band that take nothing seriously, then check out Tenacious D! words and photo: chris hunter 22 LITERATURE 7 November 2002

LITERATURE “Whatev- I have always kept a saying in the back of my mind that “you should be able to walk before er version you run”. After three weeks of keeping the same format for the literature columns, I have of the film chosen to refresh it a little. Your comments/suggestions are much appreciated, please send you have them to [email protected]. Similarly, could all those who seen, give are interested in contributing to the barefacts literature section please contact me. this book Thanks | Chris - Literature Editor a go.”

classic | dracula | bram stoker a streetcar named desire words: chris ward currently showing at the royal national theatre in littleton There have been so many film adaptations The production is based on Tennessee of this book that the events of the novel Williams’ award-winning play, A Streetcar seem alien when juxtaposed with the Named Desire. Glen Close stars as Blanche common tale of “Dracula”. The novel Dubois, the fading Southern Belle. We is presented in a unique epistolary form unusual “puncture marks” on the necks watch her tragic downfall stemming from – a volume of journal entries, letters, of some locals. He claims that this is a guilt from her past, leading to alcoholism and newspaper headlines. Indeed, symptom of “nosferatu” – the walking and depression, with her romanticisms the fragmented structure of this novel undead. This escalates into a vampire-hunt, crushed. Searching for refuge after losing contributes to the mysteriousness, and the where the lives of many innocent people the family home, she has no choice but to deliberate exclusion of information in the are at stake as Count Dracula seeks to gain rely on the hospitality of her sister, Stella, plot heightens the suspense. ultimate immortality. and husband, Stanley (Iain Glen). Their The novel tracks Count Dracula’s arrival It is easy to get lost in this book, and two-room apartment in a seedy French in England and settlement in Carfax Abbey difficult to put it down due to Stoker’s Quarter is a huge culture shock for Blanche, – an estate next to a mental asylum. We are convention of delaying information. This coming from a once-wealthy family. provided with newspaper articles on bodies provokes the reader to continue reading. Despite concerns that Glen Close is too being found and sightings of a mysterious His characters are well-crafted and the old to play Blanche, she demonstrates figure or animal disappearing into the reader can often relate to the fragmented her fragile state and painful demise into darkness. These are concluded on a more and chaotic nature of not only the novel, insanity extremely well. Iain Glen is private note in the diaries of two young but the events and chronology of the tale. also very successful in illustrating both ladies that fall victim to the dark creature of Whatever version of the film you have seen, Stanley’s brutal mentally with his violent, the night. The story continues as Professor give this book a go. It is certainly a very animal-like nature and his intimate sexual Van Helsing is called in to investigate good (if long) read. attraction with Stella. The set itself is constructed very cleverly on a turntable, which enables the audience to see both rooms of the apartment, emphasising the modern | knowledge of angels | jill paton walsh dramatic effect. Themes of sexuality, insanity, lust and A shipwrecked sailor (Severo) is washed words: chris ward violence are explored through the contrasts ashore an island unknown to him. He between these vibrant characters; the claims to be a prince from a far away place, name of God. If the knowledge of angels performance is brilliant and definitely and asks the natives to try and contact is innate, she should know God from birth worth seeing. words: laura butler his people. Being a theocratic society, without any external teachings when she they enquire about his religious beliefs. is older. The fate of Severo rests on this When they discover that he is an atheist ambivalent outcome, and the arrival of the they arrest him under the crime of being Spanish Inquisition on the island darkens contemporary/political | oh what a lovely war! | joan littlewood a “heretic”; and place him in a dark and the light at the end of the tunnel. gloomy prison cell with little nourishment. This is one of the most powerful books “Oh What A Lovely War” attempts to attack the romantic and “glorious” associations of According to theocratic law he is inhuman, in the entire genre of modern literature. war in favour of presenting a more realistic portrayal. In order to achieve this Littlewood because everybody possesses an innate It is set in a pre-Victorian period, yet includes many incongruities, mainly the contrasting juxtaposition of humour and tragedy “knowledge of angels” – the knowledge seems disturbingly modern. Walsh to distance the audience – making them question. This is not a play to get lost in; it is a that God exists and is the creator of all dissects philosophical views on religion play that you, as a person, must participate in mentally and emotionally. How does “British being on Earth. within a “realistic” context, and presents pride” in World War I seem to you when you realise that British armament companies After being questioned by an authoritative many “sides of the coin”. Knowledge of supplied the Germans with their guns, bombs, and ammunition? figure of the church hierarchy, an Angels provides a glimpse into the basis Littlewood does not seek to lose the audience in a storyline. The use of a minimalist set experiment is planned. The outcome of of civilisation and existence – that there and abstract costuming ensures that more attention is paid to the themes of performance this experiment will prove whether or not must be two contrasting elements for and the actors themselves. In particular, the montage of glorious war songs against the the knowledge of angels is innate, and by either element to exist. You cannot know screen projections of dead soldiers highlights the world of difference between “glory” and implication will decide whether Severo will dark without light; you cannot know good the true nature of war. The metaphoric “master of ceremonies” narrates the entire play; be pardoned, or executed for “heresy”. A without evil. For those who choose to read and the portrayal of the disputing countries as clowns in a circus act at the beginning of the young girl reared by wolves is found and this, beware. This book has the power to play is humourous, yet it highlights a much more serious point. I recommend it for all the captured/rescued. She is to be humanly change your beliefs and ideals, so if you Brecht fans out there, who will recognise many of the political conventions that Littlewood conditioned in a nunnery under sheltered wish to remain as you are, leave it on the adopts in this powerfully brutal portrayal of war and its concepts. words: chris ward conditions, and she must never hear the shelf. 7 November 2002 POETRY 23

Poetry – literature that evokes a concentrated imaginative awareness of experience or a specific emotional response through language words: terrence rojis FATE TO BLACK chosen and arranged for its meaning, sound, I I cannot stop and rhythm. – as defined by Encyclopaedia And a surprising third: Britannica I hate this simple fact My love lifts up his voice, Try not to think He says to me, Many of us stare at these words and About ‘Come the, my beloved, This overwhelming assume a defensive posture. Some may my lovely one, come sneer at the weak cultural pretensions of Feeling For see, winter is past, Leaving me screaming others – lesser mortals they be surely. Yet the rains are over and gone. others are all ready to take flight, soaring In tormented pleasure Flowers are appearing on the Wanting more, always wanting more on feeling and emotion and others come earth all too suddenly crashing down. Poetry, The season of glad songs has and those who write or attempt to write, II come….’ Waiting in this ever suspense is often misunderstood yet it can give The Song of Songs, Ch 2 v 10-12 stirring insight to man’s process of being. Feeling the tick of the clock The concept of poetry is present in many Battering the cave of silence These three excerpts may at first glance I create with closed eyes of the world’s cultures, ranging from bear no relation to each other, but the sweetly rhyming couplets to heroic verses There’s no escape, no escape imagery contained within reflects the That running forward leads to and themes – Beowulf and Homer’s epics history within which each piece was readily spring to mind – take as you may More of the same, more of the same created. T.S Elliot (1888-1965) Julian Even less of the desired imagine a number of forms from sonnets Lennon and the author of The Song of to free verse, to unique forms such as the Songs (yes the book from the Bible) did Japanese Haiku – a four line, 17 syllable III not share a common frame of reference My thoughts go into the void construction - all of which can and historically but all sought to capture and has conveyed the full gamut of human I stare at the tiny crack convey sentiments that speaks to life In the wall experience. Even the hardened sceptics experience. among you will admit that this gentle art, As tears start to fall Different styles, yes one is a musician, Oh please no disconnect if you will, packs a powerful punch. but strip away the musical clothing of Take this excerpt from T.S. Eliot’s The Looks like you’ll suffer songs and what do you really have? A Didn’t pay that bill on time Waste Land: poem, just and true. Poems have been Under the firelight, under the forms of witty comment, deadly in the IV brush, her hair hands of a skilled raconteur, they’ve been Spread out in fiery points Pushing words as you may realise by now the basis for Painful Glowed into words, then would popular music as well as stirring national be savagely still In to empty void anthems worldwide. They remain No shape The Waste Land, v. II – A Game of Chess, however insights, music of the soul, lines 108-110 No form which when given consideration plays Just static on an open line such a sweet refrain, or allows the taste of Please try your call again Allow your imagination to aid you for a bitterest gall. Think Virtual Reality here bit. Who is she? A lass truly and fully for a second. well loved by her lad, basking in the V So here’s the challenge, in the coming My tormentor stares fading glow of passion? Or the avenging weeks a poetry corner will be foisted on angel, maybe even your mother with some Vapidly glittering keys you. Take a look see and then look at An ugly mark on the cluttered desk deadly kitchen implement in hand waiting your world, and your words with new for you, the errant son long overdue, to Cannot compare eyes. See if you have the patience to With the pale feeling of sadness return home. listen to life with an even more discerning Here’s another: As feeling softly slips away ear. Perhaps on that walk you’ll see the Fate to black Sitting on a pebble light hitting the path way just so, bringing By a river the russet gold leaves strewn upon the Playing guitar © 2002 Mind Ink path alive with a pale, gold fury. By the tjr | 03 November 2002 Julian Lennon, Valotte way, they crunch when you step on them.

DRESSED IN CANDLELIGHT Dressed in candlelight The warm glow painted © Mind Ink Over your skin Soft flickering gold tjr February 9, 2002 Your lips caress the words being Plays over your face formed Casting light and shadow Before they fall, warmed on my ears In a beautiful game of hide and seek Like notes arranged in a symphony My lips, longing to follow, Seek the hollow of your throat Dressed in candlelight Where dusky gold resides Your eyes glow Like deepest, softest amber You undress till you are complete Staring deep Soaking up the soft, yellow light Down the passage ways of my soul Lit, yet seemingly to be Touching me there The source of its radiation Quietly Secrets and mysteries now speak proudly so Yet for reasons unknown More enigmatic you become Full flames flicker in delight As you wear their light As a blush into the night Most tender warmth

7 November 2002 LIFESTYLE 25 Are you feeling a bit stressed? It’s coming up to the middle of the words: susie jenkins semester, and whichever year you are in, you may be feeling the strain. It seems to headaches, try thumb or finger-walking me that we are all getting seriously stressed all over your big toe, its also supposed to out at the moment, which is generally stimulate the brain. Try this next time you considered to be bad for us. But when I sit have a group work session, working on the down and think about it, I doubt many of toe of the person on your left. Don’t blame us would ever get anything done if were me if you don’t get much work done. Quiz totally chilled out. Sometimes its tempting Chi kung. Sounds really amusing this to get uptight because we are feeling one. The idea is to release the body’s own It’s all becoming a quite simple affair nowadays: none of what you expect but more of what stressed, which seems a bit silly really. energy sources by doing meditation on you like. This week, lyrics from films, courtesy of adam collard and ‘ickle sarah butter- Maybe if we spent less time worrying about the move. If you feel as though the whole worth. getting stressed out, and more time doing world is on your shoulders, try an exercise fun things like eating chocolate, watching called “Lifting the sky.” This involves 1. “Don’t tell me it’s not worth fighting for, I can’t help it - there’s nothing I want more” Friends and reading Barefacts we would standing up straight, bringing your arms out 2. “Then I kiss your eyes and thank God we’re together” all feel a bit better about the coursework/ in front of your body, fingertips touching 3. “In my dreams I’ll always see your soul above the sky” exams looming etc. situation. I’ve been and palms facing the floor. Raise your 4. “He’ll save with a mighty hand every man every woman every child” reading up on relaxation methods and there arms out to the sides in a wide circle, and 5. “Bittersweet memories, that is all I’m taking with me” are some really interesting (and downright then raise your arms above your head and 6. “Hello, hey Jo, you wanna give it a go?” amusing) ones out there. So I have chosen a stretch. Hold for 20 seconds (or until you 7. “The touch of your hand says you’ll catch me whenever I fall” couple for you to try. Maybe a group of you topple over.) Another exercise you can try 8. “I believe in miracles since you came along” could get together in the communal kitchen is called “Embracing a tree” (you may have 9. “Risin’ up, back on the street - took my time, took my chances” one Sunday evening, or in the living room already done this one quite literally after a 10. “I’m gonna break the cycle, I’m gonna shake up the system” of your shared houses and try these out rather-too-good night at the union). Stand (camera at the ready). Then let me know if up straight and bend your knees slightly. You will notice a lack of a pretty face or sexy bloke gracing the lyrics quiz this week. Thre any of them work, the general idea being Raise your arms so they make a wide-open are many reasons for this, most of which are so complicated and steeped in history it would that you all end up in drunken hysterics circle in front of you, palms facing your take a whole paper just to get across the basic arguments. The main reason, though, is lying face down on the floor and incapable chest. Hold for as long as is comfortable. because there has been no feedback on either the Newsround presenters or Mr Depardieu. of speech or sensible thought of any kind. If you want to know more about natural It is disheartening that this has happened for two reasons: [1] it is entirely possible that Reflexology & acupressure. No, this isn’t ways of releasing tension (excluding you do not share the same taste as us here at barefacts and thus we apologise and would a test of your reflexes to see how quickly alcohol, trees etc.) then look out for a really like to take up no more of your time; [2] it is also entirely possible that you simply you can down a bottle of wine. It’s all good book called The Total Wellbeing have no thoughts on the matter and preferred we shut up about it and did what we want. about using the body’s energy centres to Index. It’s full of ideas on how to boost (Incidentally, if you are in the latter category, you probably wish we stop typing rubbish ease general aches and pains (instead of your energy levels, revitalise your mind, just to fill gaps, but that is by-the-by). So the best thing to do is probably to be quiet and resorting to alcohol and paracetamol). If healthy eating and complementary never mention [email protected] ever again. studying for hours on end gives you remedies.

A brief guide to breast cancer

As you may or may not have known, higher risk. October was breast cancer awareness How can the risk be lowered? month. Susie Jenkins looks at some of teh There are a number of thing we can do to causes of breast cancer and what can be lower our risk. These include: done by women in order to help avoid it: Regular exercise: however much some What causes breast cancer? of us hate this, it may lower the risk. It is The causes of breast cancer remain thought that it does this by affecting the unknown. However, there are a number of menstrual cycle, reducing the likelihood risk factors that seem to be involved in the of ovulation. The less a woman ovulates, development of the disease. The risk factors the lower her blood-circulating oestrogen are: levels, and the lower her risk. UniS LGBT Age: most women who develop breast Reduce alcohol consumption: thought I cancer are over the age of 50. However, would mention this one, quite relevant to this doesn’t mean people of our age don’t some of us students I think! It has been develop it. shown that women who have more than 2 Previous history: women who have already drinks a day have high oestrogen levels. By had breast cancer before have an increased consuming more than 3 drinks a day, you risk of developing the disease in the other, are almost doubling your risk of developing EGM - Tuesday 12 November previously unaffected breast. the disease. Frightening huh? Family history: 15% of all breast cancers Check your breasts regularly for lumps etc. are hereditary. This may sound obvious, but it’s too easy Hormones: the exposure to sex hormones, to forget. If you really do find it hard to 7:30pm TB 20B particularly oestrogen, over long periods of remember, I’m sure you can find a willing time increases the risk. Women who use the male to this for you! contraceptive pill or HRT therefore have a For more info visit the health centre. IT‛S YOUR SOCIETY! HAVE YOUR SAY! the surrey scoop only kidding BE HEARD!

Email: [email protected] 26 INTERACTIVE FETISH 7 November 2002 I wouldn’t let your mother see you dressed like that if I were you...

FETISH NIGHT | UNION BUILDING | FRIDAY 1ST NOVEMBER

If you were one of the few people that didn’t turn up to Fetish Night at the Union last Friday Male then you missed out. As ever the Union was packed with costumed students for this bi-annual “Maybe it’s Back in the first year I was a little nervous event, from furry animals and games of Twister to leather clad vampires and strategically about Fetish night - I wasn’t quite sure placed bits of tape, every possible fetish was on show. because whether everyone really did dress up, or if it Views on fetish night from the two species collectively known as human: was just my final year housemates stitching me up. Now of course, I know they weren’t. Female a pair of breasts! It’s interesting to observe having your It’s the spirit of the night that makes it such Last Friday, the Union suddenly ceased men after they step into their dress - their a success in my eyes; everyone’s made an to resemble a normal nightclub and was hands barely leave their chest, and any own pair of effort to dress up ranging from the simple transformed into something reminiscent of mention of the word “photo” causes them donning of fireman’s helmet to the more a set from The Rocky Horror Show. Guys to immediately start massaging their newly breasts to elaborate Morris dancer outfit. Having dressed predominantly as ‘sexy’ females, found assets. And as if that wasn’t enough, dressed up, there’s only one thing left to do- and girls in various states of undress filled they get to stare at hundreds of scantily go out and have fun! the building. Drag and Fetish Night was clad women for four hours - heaven! But play with is So why does everyone dress up? I’m going well and truly upon us. So, why the male guys are definitely not the only ones who to take the male viewpoint and attempt to obsession with dressing up as a female? enjoy this dressing up lark - it’s amazing to GREAT.” answer what it is about dressing up as a Personally, I find a bloke in a dress dress up in clothes I’d never even consider woman that appeals to men. Maybe it’s a considerably more comic than attractive, for a normal night out, and the memories liberating experience, free from some of but on Fetish Night, no one could care of everyone’s costumes, ranging from the the pressures of the testosterone world. less. For one night guys get to experience pretty normal to the just plain disturbing Or maybe it’s just because having a pair what they’ve always dreamed of - having will stay with me for years. of breasts of your very own to play with, however bumpy and hard and unrealistic, is just GREAT! No longer do we have to go through the wining and dining stage; risk a slap, getting chucked out of the Union or Who Wants to Be A Millionaire? worse. This time we can play with our very £100: in which Motown group was Diana Ross a singer in the 1960’s? own pair of breasts. And no-one minds, a: the chifoons | b: the supremes | c: the ronettes | d: the doo-daa’s that’s what all the men in drag do, right? female: ‘ickle sarah butterworth £200: which dance is musically associated with Matilda? pseudo-female [=male]: adam collard a: tango | b: waltz | c: fox trot | d: jig

£300: what is the surname of the brothers who make up the Bee Gee’s? WORD a: gibb | b: gates | c: gilbert | d: gallagher An X can indicate where hidden treasure is hidden. It can also indicate that a girlfriend is no longer your romantic acquaintance. Versatile. £500: in which city is the permanent home of the Bolshoi Ballet? X a: moscow | b: new york | c: milan | d: paris

£1k: what name is usually given to the international police crime organisation? a: surete | b: scotland yard | c: interpol | d: the flying squad

£2k: which of these golf tournaments is not classified as a “major”? a: us open | b: us masters | c: british open | d: australian open

£4k: which of these is a painting by Vincent Van Gogh? a: the pumpkin eaters | b: the apple eaters | c: the tomato eaters | d: the potato eaters

£8k: “C” is the chemical symbol for which element? a: copper | b: calcium | c: carbon | d: chlorine

£16k: which painting by Manet caused a scandal in 1863? a: dinner on the terrace | b: luncheon on the grass | c: supper by the river | d: breakfast in bed

£32k: which explorer became an MP in 1895? a: henry morton stanley | b: david livingstone | c: james cooke | d: robert falcon- scott across down 1. simulate [5] 3. eject [5] £64k: in “A Journey of the Plague Year”, who described the events of the1660’s? 4. brownish-grey [5] 3. rubbish [7] a: daniel defoe | b: jonathon swift | c: john dryden | d: samuel pepys 10. endanger [7] 5. type of poplar [5] 11. picture [5] 6. matter-of-fact [7] £125k: which creatures gather in groups called musters? 12. lively dance [5] 7. large aquatic animal [5] a: peacocks | b: tigers | c: soldier ants | d: owls 13. magical work [7] 8. location [5] 15. scottish valley [4] 9. faithful [5] £250k: in March 1965, who became the first person to walk in space? 17. berlin river [5] 14. insects [4] a: ed white | b: vladimir komarov | c: james mcdivett | d: alexei leonov 19. lorry [5] 16. departed [4] 22. angle [4] 18. plaited hair [7] 25. lions, tigers etc. [3,4] 20. geometrical figure [7] £500k: which stage musical features a song “Something to Dance About”? 27. fertile places [5] 21. dark wood [5] a: pal joey | b: call me madam | c: face the music | d: no no nanette 29. approaches [8] 23. children [5] 30. offence [7] 24. willow[5] £1m: which planet has a moon called “Larissa”? 31. change [5] 26. passage [5] a: jupiter | b: saturn | c: uranus | d: neptune 32. english county [5] 28. smooth [5] down 3. eject [5] 3. rubbish [7] fetish nite 2002 5. type of poplar [5] 6. matter-of-fact [7] by chris ‘funkyberry’ hunter 7. large aquatic animal [5] 8. location [5] 9. faithful [5] 14. insects [4] 16. departed [4] 18. plaited hair [7] 20. geometrical figure [7] 21. dark wood [5] 23. children [5] 24. willow[5] 26. passage [5] 28. smooth [5] 28 INTERACTIVE FETISH 7 November 2002 barefacts meets dj “faking it” Lottie “I really love the music - it gets me out of bed in the morning.”

Last Wednesday DJ Lottie (real name Charlotte Horne) record next to a big record track, such as Denise Lopez miles away gigs you know, just for the love of the music.” paid a visit to Surrey Students and before she took to the or Alison Limerick. You’d have DJ’s playing these varied Lottie added, but what was her worst gig? “That was in decks I grabbed five minutes of her time to talk about house records which was fresh and exciting. I got into Torquay for an all girls night, which was more about we’re DJ’ing and the clubbing world. Lottie has fully established house when I heard the American DJ’s during the early 90s, all girls rather than the music. Plus it was miles away and herself among the elite DJ’s, but what first inspired her to such as Sneak, Derrick Carter and Danny Tangilla, and I took me 7 hours to get there.” words: ben davis go down this particular career path. “Back in the day there liked the funky sounds they played.” If a crowd was dead though what would she play to get wasn’t really superstar DJ’s, in-fact I can’t remember the So what advice would she give any wannabe DJ out there? them going? “I’ve got one by Vic Vegas called ‘French name of the first DJ I saw, it was more the fact that records “First of all it took me 7 years to actually play at the clubs I Connection’, other than that Kid Crème with ‘Illegal were being mixed, the nightlife atmosphere and throbbing wanted to play at, not that it should take that long, but don’t Beats’. I don’t think it’s that cheesy, it’s actually filtered bass noises which got me hooked. It wasn’t until the early compromise, just play the records you want to play, don’t disco and although I don’t play those kind of records its 90s that I got into DJ’ing though”. play records that you think need to be heard, stick to your done well and will probably play it tonight. Of the newer Having discovered that clubbing land was to her liking, guns, and if it’s not working then try and start up your own records probably Josh Wink remix of ‘What u mean to me’ what attracted her to play house music? “It’s quite weird night.” by Range in Motion.” photos: chris hunter when I look at my record collection because during the “I really love the music, it gets me out of bed in the Overall it was an excellent night and Lottie did indeed last couple of years of the 80s there weren’t strict genres morning. I’ve done my time, done the bad gigs – some DJ’s play ‘Illegal Beats’ in a top set. If you liked the music then like you have today, for example you’d have bleepy techno don’t realise you’ve got to do them now and again, those check out the next CAGL night for more of the same.

SCATTERGOODS AGENCY the.net Specialisers in all types of Catering jobs: bringing you the randomness from cyberspace helping in the kitchen, serving behind the bar, waiting, washing up. words: chris “funkyberry” hunter

When we used to have summers in England, people used to go outside and have a thing called a barbecue (abbreviated to BBQ). This used to be a very sociable event, the main highlight of which was trying to light the barbecue. A guy in America http://ghg.ecn.purdue.edu/~ghg has solved this problem, by using Liquid Oxygen. For those that don’t know what liquid oxygen (LOX) does when put on a barbecue, here’s a quote from GOOD RATES OF PAY his site “5 gallons of LOX were dumped on, causing the [barbecue] Do you want work that fits in with your university studies? Once you have registered to melt down and then almost completely vaporize”. Apparently with us, we keep a record of when you are available – it could be just the occasional though, his local fire brigade classed using LOX as explosives weekend or evening. You decide when you want to work. - so he stopped! Music quizzes are very popular, but this short quiz attempts to work out which chart popstar you would most like to pick a fight with. Go towww.chachacha.co.uk/top50quiz and answer questions like “Which album would you not pee on if it were on fire?” and according to my results I’d pick a fight with Craig Nicholls… I just have to find out who he is now?! Thanks to Morgan for suggesting this next site. www.yip.org is a site that I immediately love (although not as much as rathergood.com!). The site is full of randomness, with my favourite part on the site being the cartoon The Adventures of a Brick. Call us and ask for an application form or arrange a visit. Let us know if you have any Along the lines of Rustboy, www.inthedeadofnight.co.uk is an animated horror film previous experience in any aspect of catering. in the making. This time it is from a group of Computer Animation graduates from the University of Teesside. To get a brief idea of the plot, go to the Storyboard part of the site. Looks cool so far! With animated movies gaining in popularity, its groups of people like these that may create the next Monsters Inc. have your say

Call Karen or Helen on [01483] 461950 email: [email protected] 7 November 2002 LIFESTYLE 29

Final years Funkyberry (CIT) and Ickle Sarah (Music) give a random slice of campus life from their humble dwellings within Battersea Court Rawson… I think quite a lot of you got last week’s challenge. As I sit here staring at my screen, my mind First off, I think I must offer an explanation It was of course one of the handrails on the way is blank as to what to write. Gently the to all residents of Rawson for the state to the amphitheatre, next to Senate House. All of soothing depressiveness of country music of the stairwell the day after Drag and my challenges seem to be around the middlish of wafts down from someone on the floor Fetish Night. My friend from Rawson 3 campus, so I promise that next week I will head out above me. I don’t have managed to acquire a to the suburbs of campus. -funkyberry- a problem listening to random bloke, whom other people’s music, “If this she christened “Twister and I quite like Jewel, Guy” (after his novel but after hearing it most doesn’t costume) who proceeded of the day, everyday to run around our for the last week – I help and you stairs at 3am, wrapping think we may have a toilet roll around the problem. If your reading banisters! After a surreal this, then I would turn back to conversation with him - really recommend he’s apparently studying the University’s own country ‘Dolphin Appreciation’ Nightline. They are – I walked into my always willing to talk, music, I kitchen almost entirely and can be contacted on mummified in loo roll, 6999 between the hours think I’m much to the bemusements of 8pm-8am… If this of my friends who were doesn’t help, and you calling sitting there munching turn back to Country toast in traditional post music, then I think nightline.” union style. it will be me calling Fetish Night has to take Nightline!! the prize for the best, not ife After The Womb Whilst waiting in the queue to see to mention most surreal night out so far Tenacious D at the Brixton Academy (see this term. Myself and three (male) friends words: rich w review in music section), a beggar came spent the night clad in sexy red feather up and said: “A change from the usual boas, dancing like maniacs, drinking cider L ‘got any spare change’, I don’t suppose I and black by the barrel load, taking almost Life After the Womb’s bemusement with current affairs reached an could borrow 50 quid off you guys till next 200 photos and ‘acquiring’ 39 free condoms unparalleled height this week as that great source of entertainment Tuesday?”. We were all quite impressed by (at last count – they’re still appearing all - the rail services announcement and traveller ‘information’ points - out did even them- this, and he did get a few coins out of them. over my room)! Although the Rawson 2 selves on the silliness front. But the thing is, I had a bad experience with freshers put on a pretty poor display (shame LATW blames pretty much all of it on Bruce - a (well-paid) train driver who lives in a lit- beggars, where I actually gave some guy on you), the one who did actually partake tle satellite own just outside of Portsmouth. The blame is well-founded: imagine you are about £3 after him insisting he would buy in the shenanigans did more than enough standing on platform five at Guildford, awaiting the 9:27am to London Waterloo (stopping food with it. A few minutes later I walked to compensate for everyone else’s absence. at Woking and Clapham Junction only); except the 9:27am train isn’t the 9:27am train at all past as he came out of the off licence with Despite supposedly working in Chancellors - it is, in fact, the 9:41am. So ask yourself the question why this is - is it really because of a a can of beer. I gave him a dirty look, and that night (fully dragged up, of course) he signal failure in between Havant and Fratton? Is it really because there was a points failure he just laughed. I could have just thrown kept appearing back in the kitchen at regular just outside of Southsea? Or is it because Bruce got out of bed late as a result of that one the £3 down the drain! The only time I intervals, with requests such as “do you have pint too many in his local last night and therefore failed to meet his usual Monday morning will give them something is if I buy them a any balloons for my breasts?” and claiming routine deadlines? LATW thinks we all know which reason to go with and therefore calls drink or tea, or a sandwich or something. “I need red circles on my cheeks!” Definitely for a bit of honesty from the rail station announcers: “The 9:27am South West service to Anyway, wasn’t fetish night fun! What a night to remember. London Waterloo was never, in all truth, going to an amazing array of costumes! (*cough* Finally, an update on Rawson’s Egyptian be the 9:27am service, so if we lured you into an apart from mine *cough*). Although in my Pants, or Pharaoh’s Ants to the uninitiated. unnecessary run from ticket booth to platform, we defence, mine was rather too subtle for the They’re showing no signs of dying off, but don’t apologise at all, because it cheers our day up typical drunk FNOer (I wore a nice shiny after two mentions in previous instalments no end. When we said ‘9:27am’, what we really fireman’s helmet). In a time where people of Rawson’s Creek and the amazing poem meant was ‘there is a slim possibility your train are questioning the Union’s popularity, in last weeks’ Barefacts, they’re getting could be heading in roughly the right direction at a Friday night has confirmed that it still is quite a bit of media exposure. Maybe this time approaching 9:27am, but as for actually mak- popular. will prompt our pleas to be taken a little ing it, you’d best rely on your Lord Lucan bets for chris ‘funkyberry’ hunter more seriously (hint, hint….!) It’s become better odds. so bad that the exterminator guy who Still, it is nice to know that they haven’t lost their appeared on Friday even claimed we had sense of humour over things. One announcement recently passed in this information to the more bait in the kitchen than in his van. The waiting passengers: “The 16:47 service to Reading is delayed by fourteen minutes. This question on everyone’s lips now is “so why is due to the late arrival of the incoming train.” Well yes, LATW, along with most others, are the pants still here?!?” supposes it would be. ‘ickle sarah butterworth Then there is this one - a notice at Marylebone station: “The doors of the train will close

thirty seconds before departure to ensure the train departs on schedule.” This might seem a

Survivor – Eye of the Tiger – Rocky | Madonna – Die Another Day – Die Another Day Another Die – Day Another Die – Madonna | Rocky – Tiger the of Eye – Survivor Full Monty | | Monty Full bit off the wall, but LATW would like to suggest that, in order to ensure a train departs on

Hot Chocolate – You Sexy Thing – The The – Thing Sexy You – Chocolate Hot

Rouge | Ronan Keating – When You Say Nothing At All – Notting Hill | | Hill Notting – All At Nothing Say You When – Keating Ronan | Rouge schedule, it is actually standing at a platform such that people can actually get on the thing.

Will Always Love You – The Bodyguard | Christina Aguilera, Lil’ Kim, Mya & Pink – Lady Marmalade – Moulin Moulin – Marmalade Lady – Pink & Mya Kim, Lil’ Aguilera, Christina | Bodyguard The – You Love Always Will Otherwise it is just a plain silly situation - in fact, many times LATW has tried to get on

Faith Hill – There You’ll Be – Pearl Harbour | Queen – Flash – Flash Gordon | Whitney Houston – I I – Houston Whitney | Gordon Flash – Flash – Queen | Harbour Pearl – Be You’ll There – Hill Faith |

Armageddon a train before it has even arrived at the platform and has had very unsavoury experiences Aerosmith – Don’t Want to Miss a Thing – – Thing a Miss to Want Don’t – Aerosmith | Thieves of Prince Hood Robin – you) for it do (I do I Everything –

: Bryan Adams Adams Bryan : Quiz Lyrics left | 18. pigtail | 20. rhombus | 21. ebony | 23. issue | 24. osier | 26. aisle | 28. suave suave 28. | aisle 26. | osier 24. | issue 23. | ebony 21. | rhombus 20. | pigtail 18. | left indeed.

2. expel | 3. garbage | 5. aspen | 6. prosaic | 7. hippo | 8. place | 9. loyal | 14. ants | 16. 16. | ants 14. | loyal 9. | place 8. | hippo 7. | prosaic 6. | aspen 5. | garbage 3. | expel 2. down:

| 31. alter | 32. essex essex 32. | alter 31. | So what to do? LATW has this suggestion for those who are frustrated with train travel:

sh | 25. big cats | 27. oases | 29. nears | 30. umbrage umbrage 30. | nears 29. | oases 27. | cats big 25. | sh

| 12. polka | 13. cantata | 15. glen | 17. spree | 19. truck | 22. fi 22. | truck 19. | spree 17. | glen 15. | cantata 13. | polka 12. | undo your shoe-laces. That way, no matter what the train journey was like, you have the

: 1. feign | 4. taupe | 10. imperil | 11. photo photo 11. | imperil 10. | taupe 4. | feign 1. : across : Xword d]. : £1m [ b]; : £500k [ d]; : £250k [ a]; : £125k [ a]; : £64k

[ thought of causing a mass pile-up of bodies at the bottom of the escalators when your shoe- : a]; a]; : £32k [ b]; : £16k [ c]; : £8k [ d]; : £4k [ d]; : £2k [ c]; : £1k [ a]; : £500 [ a]; : £300 [ b]; : £200 [ b]; : £100 :[

WWTBAM lace gets caught up and jams the mechanism such that the escalator stops to look forward Upside-Down Answers Upside-Down to. It’s not much, but it is better than a ticket punch on a one way journey to bemusement. 30 INTERACTIVE FETISH 7 November 2002

i’m afraid the only thing fetish night was Just cause I’m not blonde doesn’t mean I Boo the placement! good for was displaying just how ugly most These are the can’t get away with it! patrons of the Union are. personals. Alcohol...where do you want to stay tonight? Not all are blessed with common sense! Where the fuck are our 24 sausages !!!!!!!! You gossip- To the footie girls - What can I say? We only Saturday night- you where working Jo? - bloody won again! Love Goalie R x Got a battery for an ericsson? meisters,you. working on what exactly (ménage a trios) Bashful - Fish or pie!!! xx FOUND... one pair of kinky pink knickers, Below is a brief guide outlining how to Let’s sit on her!!! baring a teddy bear on the front - dirty! submit a personal. You may need to read Does anyone fancy a trip to Croydon - Olly? this in order to exact your revenge on those Floozie- requesting your own safety, cheeky Sarah? Anya? xx beep beep, beep beep - oh what perfect too devious to share it with you. and sneaky! We like it!!! timing for that to come!!!!!!!!!!!! It’s not a dress, it’s a sarong! Tug you fire starter TWISTED fire starter! Darius is the man - yes THE MAN! Step 1: make some friends. It is What do you mean ‘what kind of team is that preferable if they display an obvious Don’t panic it wasn’t a REAL fire! to support?’ Dullard!!!! Extra Extra, Blue’s One Love song is eaten ability for temporary stupidity or are up on the dance floor by loving followers!!!! likely to demonstrate a severe lack of remember the ground rules? don’t touch my Can I have some more lipstick please, I don’t good judgment at any point in the future, balls! think I’ve been wearing enough. Candy is getting randy when he comes out of especially when under the influence of the closset and snogs Andy! alcohol that you will probably provide cabbages cabbages cabbages caggages So what do you really think of me? them with. cabbages sorry... leeks! The tour whore took everything given to her! Granddad is now Teena Turner! I don’t think its all americans rather just me Minty is a big slag! Step 2: suggest to aforementioned friends who has to change their pillowcases every The Fonz. Eh! that the Union would be a good place for night.. then again it is your fault that I must Paddy has the smallest pecker in Guildford! an evening’s frivolities and ensure they are Trb! Was it worth the grazed knuckles just to all in agreement concerning the approach throw it into the garden? Is it me or is there always a smell of fish to be taken to that evening’s possible “Wanted: Relief from confusion caused by when steve’s mum is around??? events. strange girl’s mind.” x3 How about that kiss next time I see you??

Tour whore Step 2.5: for added effect, you could offer Enjoy your noodles Paul!!! Fireworks and naked chicks, what a night! Come baby come, baby baby come!!!!! to cook dinner and then accidentally forget 1 communal condom missing, 3 possible An evening of two halves, classic! to buy any food...drinking on an empty couples, answers on a postcard please... belinda is better than chesney! stomach is never a good idea. I’m not the only Monday, Wednesday, Friday I CANNOT BELIEVE I FORGOT NA! NA. & Sat person am I? Oh my God Harbhajan Singh was driving Step 2.75: in fact, a shared bottle of vodka our taxi on saturday night! is never a good idea either, but what the Gravesend is the met-ro capital of the south This is what we wear every Saturday night, heck. east. That is all. honest! Famrer Kell will soon be Dr Farmer Kell - how scarey. Will you still plough the fields Step 3: sit back as you watch your Mental begs to differ Wrighty! That strip Clean our bloody bathroom (literally!) and look after the cows?????? between Catford and Croydon has a met- ‘friends’ make fools of themselves with robility akin to Birmingham! That’s saying Love bite to the face! WANTED. Head rest theif - often various members of the student population something! mascarades with a bold wig and ginger side and/or security during said evening. Note Hyper, Hyper, Hyper! burns! Reward of a night with his mum! down distinguishing occurrences in the Samantha is get up! little notebook you should have taken Good luck to all of you. It’s been a great 3 Barman do you know how to make a red out especially for the task and relish the Well, i’m bound to get abuse whatever i call years. Spencer. eye? printed words that will signal your friends it so i guess i should give up on the reasoning misery in the new edition of barefacts. and just admit that i really want to dress like Finella - hope you had fun with your male Hammer man you know it - yes! a bird! vibrator on Friday!

Zoe you have such maginificent breasts! Step 4: type out your personal and send it what do you mean you don’t know where the I’m jealous, I wanted to win the furry in by placing any one of penis extension is? handcuffs. Close proximity talking hey Minty? So that’s what you call it? | [email protected] | Insanity is my only means of relaxation Red feather boas = the ultimate fetish accessory Jay’s Mum Official Tour Sponsor of MALTA in the appropriate place on one of these Reason to smile: Every 7 minutes of every 2003 new-fangled computer things (with day someone in an aerobics class pulls a Fridge magnet website advertising is “personals” in the subject matter, if you hamstring definitely the way forward! Lost! Tinky Winky. Missing presumed being would be so kind). An e-mail program extra lazy!! Does playing squash with the fit bird from Wright, you looked damn sexy in your Fetish such as elm, pine or the internet should be your office count as a date? Night toga... sorry, skirt..... Fetish Night! I don’t know about you, but able to help you with this. I’m going as Jay’s Mum. Centurion is an inspirational game...as long “Also, I think knives are a good idea - big Step 5: be sure to pick up your copies of as you don’t have a two pint bladder! f*ck off shiny ones!” Any Mint Source updates? barefacts and thus ridicule your friends when they see the fruits of your dastardly I recognise that man...oh yeah he was in the www.icklesarah.co.uk - Fetish Night and Room for rent as housemate never seems and cunning plan. first part of this two part episode Roast Dinner Soc photos now up! to be here. Always seems to be at a certain rugby captain’s house! Step 6: do it all again another week (taking It’s a sarong...it’s not a damn skirt! This is Latex Pete. Boys, stuck for an Xmas pressie for ur girl? Then do what I BIBBLE! BIBBLE! BIBBLE! care not to become a victim yourself). I’m a Mechanical Engineer not a freakin did, mould your knob and make it into a weather prediction bitch vibrator....Pure Genius! my mum and your mum on a rug Obviously I can! On Friday, there was no FAT HANDS! Paddy just because a girl says no, doesnt Clean and dirty dishes together-don’t think chanting of any sort! The wild beasts were mean shes a “blatent lesbian” so!! But stacking our penis plug next to the gone. Can we have a sex relationship with no sponges is nice. strings attached? adam an x box is not a substitute for sex, its Yvette ur a grumpy curlywurly eating bad time you played with something that doesnt Cheer up PD! chef but we love you, happy birthday. R,J,L Wanted: 1x fireman who’s in touch belong to you! with his emotional side...... yes i was We got on the Kerrang website - FAME - pimms o’clock! 6bCC monday 5pm crying...... AGAIN!!! wanted: one mirror so everyone can see why woohoo!! they shouldn’t have worn what they did to Vix: how are train times related to Si? - Sure Mental’s get up lalala, he’s my best mate fetish night. have you seen the photos? for When’s Tony B coming to the union, isn’t he we can go full circle! lalala! goodness sake - some people should not be better yet?! let out. 7 November 2002 SPORT & STARS 31

UniS squash lose close-fought match CLASS PROFILE: UniSPORT Guildford came former World fought hard in a Champion Ross UniS Squash 1 RELAX & RE-ENERGISE match that we could Norman making his Lexden 4 have snatched if debut for UniSPORT Our lives are full of stresses and pressures, some we create ourselves, others we cannot luck had been in our Guildford. He was control. Coping with the stresses of modern life is an essential skill and there are many favour. Lexden were playing Lexden techniques available to us. at full strength with 3 players in the world player manager Tony Hands. Both showed This class incorporates a few of them, including tension release exercise and breathing top 20 in David Evans (15), Paul Price their class and Tony took the advantage techniques with a main focus on meditation. (16) and Rebecca Macree (11). Guildford winning the first two games. Ross then Meditation and relaxation aims to bring calm to the mind, to allow our thoughts to settle, to however were without the injured Paul showed his experience and battled back allow us to focus and simply ‘be’. To practice meditation is break away from worrying about Johnson and Stacey Ross who was playing to 2 games all winning the 4th game 14- time, about schedules, simply to let go and experience ourselves. in a tournament abroad. Fiona Geaves 12. That seemed to take it out of the 43 At its simplest meditation can simply be allowing the mind to become more peaceful, calm lost for only her third time for Guildford year old and Hands eventually won the and focused. Meditation is a process of letting go, of simply allowing your mind and body to Rebecca Macree, 3 - 0. deciding game and therefore the match to be still. Our junior Toby Mortimer will gain for Lexden. The final match was between Come & enjoy this ‘new edition’ to the programme, to escape from daily pressures – to much experience from playing in the Steve Meads and David Evans. Evans relax and re-energise. National League but was unfortunately showed why he in the top 20 in the World outplayed by Lee Drew and also lost and although Steve fought bravely it was Wednesday | 12 – 1pm | Tap Room (UniSport) | Students - £2; Staff - £3; Public - £4; 3 - 0. not good enough to stop Evans winning Cardholders – Free. Neil Frankland kept up his unbeaten run and 3-1.The next home match is on Tuesday upset the form book by beating World no. 16 3rd December against last years beaten For more details please contact: Vicki Hansford, Sports development Officer Paul Price 3-2. That made the score 2-1 to finalists Broxbourne. For more information [email protected] Or call (01483) 689975 Lexden with Guildford needing to win the contact Ian Woodley tel. 68(3915) or email last two matches to snatch the tie. On court [email protected]. UniSPORT Events

29th November | Curry Night | Varsity Centre 2nd December | Quiz Night | Varsity Centre 3rd December | NSL Squash versus Broxbourne | Varsity Centre 14th December | Winter Happenings | PATS

Fore more information, check out the UniSPORT website: www.unisport.co.uk.

Scorpio ALMOST ACCURATE ASTROLOGY the excitement, as week 10 will prove to be Your raffle prize fromSeriously words and predicting: ‘ickle sarah butterworth a bit of a quiet one. Get some sleep before Sexy Week will be keeping you Wednesday night; you need to be totally on occupied this week, though be do as much as you can. With the sun in Scorpio, that person the ball to make the most of that changing careful not to leave it in the shower next time. Don’t worry you’ve been seeing rather a lot of recently will turn out to relationship on the horizon. It’s well worth staying away about missing that lecture on Monday morning – it’s really be more influential that you could ever imagine. And avoid from that guy with the ginger beard in the Union – his not worth getting up and going all the way to the lecture hula-hoops at all costs: they’re addictive. dancing is lethal. theatres only to sleep through it. Aries Leo Sagittarius Your fetish night outfit really worked, didn’t It’s going to be a tough week for you, but the Please stop hanging around Battersea Court all it? People won’t be forgetting your antics from sense of achievement at the end will make it all day; it really isn’t good for you. That special Friday night in a hurry! This Friday will see worth it. Let your hair down on Friday night, person in Speirs really isn’t staring out of the a long awaited change in attitude from your housemate, as the memories of the madness with your housemate will window at you (there’s something far more interesting but don’t get too bogged down with the serious stuff, just keep you going all week. Avoid Roots at all costs – once happening behind you) so stop trying to send semaphore enjoy life for the moment. You’ve been meaning to ‘catch you’ve passed through the doors there’s no telling when messages. Actually, I take that back – it’s providing much up’ with someone for weeks, so with the arrival of the new you’ll leave… although after Thursday this definitely isn’t needed entertainment for everyone else! Friday will reveal moon, take the bull by the horns and go for it. a bad thing. some strange facts about a close friend, but all is not as it seems. Taurus Virgo Things have been a little tense for the past Buckle up for the ride of a lifetime this week Capricorn few weeks, and the atmosphere in your house – it’s going to be a crazy one, and you know it. Planning your Christmas activities this early could have been cut with a knife on Tuesday. A traffic cone would be the ideal finishing touch is not a good thing – ignore the bright lights Never fear, come Saturday you’ll be feeling more on top to that sculpture in the kitchen, but beware; the cleaner has and decorations up in town; you’ve got a long of everything, so it’s time to reassess your priorities. A had her eye on your Give Way sign for some time. Next way to go yet. You’d better get started on that piece of trip to Tesco’s would definitely be beneficial, though stay week’s going to require some effort, but for the time being, coursework due in next week – keep yourself going with away from the alcohol section – you know you can’t resist just have fun and enjoy yourself! the thought of the celebratory night out you can have when temptation. it’s done. Stop taunting the ducks – they’ve had enough. Libra Gemini The ducks flying over your house for the past Aquarius It’s time to figure out exactly what you want week have been trying to tell you something. Maybe it’s time to get out of Guildford for a few from life this semester and stop avoiding those It’s not for me to tell you what, but all will days – the mid-semester ‘low’ is approaching decisions you know you have to take. Once become apparent after an early morning walk on Tuesday. and it’ll do you the world of good to clear your you’ve got everything sorted out you’ll be so much happier. Do not stray far from the bottle bank on Friday night – the head. An early night would be a good plan on Saturday, if That blossoming friendship is worth cultivating further, but person behind the bar is trying to tell you something with your housemates didn’t have other plans. Come 4am you’ll don’t jump to conclusions when you hear the rumour that’s those suggestive eyebrow movements. Not to worry, though wish that you never hear 5ive’s “Everybody get up”again. been going around. Things could actually work out far – it’ll all be fine. better than you thought. Pisces Remember - our astrologers haven’t any qualifications Remember you’re not just here at University Cancer whatsoever that mean your stars could be accurate. to get a degree – all work and no play makes This semester has brought more than its fair Any resemblance to real-life events, therefore, are Jack a dull boy, so get out there, have fun, and share of surprises for you, but make the most of purely coincidental and should be laughed off. 32 7 November 2002 SURREY PRIDE Stingers triumph on the road

The Stinger club record for rushing yards By Paul Stack gained in a game fell to Dave Tobin as the second year back lead the Surrey offense with 217yds and 2TD’s from just 19 carries. Essex Blades 0 The Stingers opened strongly with “The Personal Assurance Surrey Stingers 30 Swarm” defense setting a pattern for the day closing down the Blades offense. return of the second half kick off to set The visiting Offense moved the ball deep the Stingers up in good field position. A into Blades territory but narrowly failed three play 33yd drive was completed by to convert a 4th and short situation. The Andy Grist with a 17yd TD sprint, his first Surrey Defense quickly had the ball back score for the Stingers. Tobin returned to in the visitors hands when Dave Skinner punch home the 2 point conversion and the forced a fumble that was recovered by Stingers led 24-0. With Tobin rested it was Stuart Wade. This time the power running of Danvers and speedster Scott Goddard that Tobin carried the ball to his own 1yd plunge took over rushing duties. Goddard looked for 6 points. The Stingers then ran a 2 point to have scored his first ever TD as he raced conversion play which Tobin carried in for 60yds into the endzone at the very end of the an 8-0 lead. 3rd Quarter, a holding penalty saw that score The second quarter saw the visitors with the wiped out. With Essex pressing hard to stop ball again following another fine Defensive the run the fourth quarter saw the visitors series from the Swarm. A four play 72yd go to the air. Dudley Graham, playing his drive was finished off by Dave Tobin as he first year at QB, found Kenny Lettman with 8-0 season last year has delivered a tough Ashley Heath to graduation - I think Dudley scampered 32yds for a score. He again ran a play action pass that saw the Stinger TE schedule for this team.” sent a message today that, with Ashley’s in the 2 point conversion and the score stood race 66yds to score. The extra point attempt Offensive Co-Ordinator Steve Rains coaching, he can still provide us with a deep at 16-0. failed and the final score stood at 30-0. added, “The defense were superb, achieved pass threat. We have a tradition of producing Frustration set in for the Stingers in the Head Coach Pete Vaughan said, “This was a shut out and gave us good field position all good backs here - Dave Tobin is right up remainder of the half. Tobin broke free for a fine win. We have a high proportion of day I know that David Williams and Stephen there with the best and his performance today a 50yd gain - being chased down in a fine 1st years and you can see the improvement Hollingdale (Co Defensive Co-ordinators) was fantastic. The backfield are a very tight effort by a Blades defender -but penalties each week as we progress as a team. There are delighted and it certainly made our job group and they are showing that they can all saw the 7 play 78yd drive end with a punt. is still a lot we can improve on and we need easier. People are claiming that our Offense compete for playing time - that is great news Rookie Jerome Danvers made a blistering to climb that learning curve quickly as our will struggle this year having lost QB for us - not so for any opponent.”

Surrey rowers power along the Tideway Men’s hockey continue good run of form

The match started fairly brightly with the There was then a period of indifferent By Rachael Bemrose By Rob Parrot opening exchanges mostly consisting of play from both sides with Ed’s receiving The Fours Head of the River Race is most Surrey midfield possession with Ed’s on the two green cards for clumsy challenges. prestigious fours race of the winter season. back foot. Surrey were playing the ball around London Edwardians 2 Mullet received a green card for a Racing against the clock, crews power along patiently, looking for openings, and using University of Surrey 1st XI 4 tired looking stick tackle in midfield. the 41⁄4 miles on tideway swirl, to the finish the back four to switch the play effectively Surrey then got a 4th from another good at Putney. Two USBC crews set out to show and to drive the ball into the attacking 3rd. swept the ball into the opposite corner. move from the midfield/attack putting us they were hard enough, and did pretty A couple of Ed’s breakaways were mostly Ed’s came back just before half time and Tim though one on one with the keeper, well in the process! stopped before they could penetrate our ‘D’. produced a couple of short corners one of he finished calmly and with 10 minutes Eventually Surrey pressure started to which produced a ‘sensational’ block from remaining Surrey had all but won the game. produce promising results with two near this author who was then struck in the face by However this did not stop Ed’s pressurising misses from Marc Roger’s short corners. the Ed’s players follow through, fortunately a more relaxed Surrey side and they scored The first was a straight strike producing the only damage done was to his chiselled a bizarre second goal. An Ed’s break found an excellent stick save from the Ed’s good looks!!! Surrey hung on for the last Spanky and Sledge back pedalling against 2 keeper low to his right and the second a couple of minutes to finish the half 3 - 0. Ed’s players. One Ed’s player got a shot away drag flick shaving the keeper’s right post. After a positive team talk from skipper that was a routine stop for Paul. The ball Soon after this a deliberate Ed’s foot in Miles, Surrey stepped back onto the pitch for rebounded to Sledge who, under pressure The Men’s’ Quadruple sculls of Tim Craxton their ‘D’ produced a penalty flick, which the 2nd half, back four restored with the, now from the 2nd Ed’s player thought it best to (bow), Simen Brennhovd, Steve Critchley was dispatched high to the keepers right by much less dizzy, CB returning to the field. clear the ball over the back line to concede and Simon Granshaw (stroke) racing above Rogers. Surrey stepped up a gear straight Ed’s had obviously been berated by their a short corner, however from his ‘clearance’ their status at Senior 2, came a fantastic 167 after to score a second about a minute later player manager and played with a lot more the ball ended in the back of our net and as (out of 550) and 40th out of the 49 crews in - an Ed’s player was dispossessed inside determination in the 2nd half resulting in the ball had been touched in the ‘D’ by an their category, with a time of 20 mins. 56.02 their half, the ball was played brilliantly in more drives through the, slightly tiring, Ed’s player, the umpire awarded the goal. secs. The Men’s’ Senior 3 coxed four of a Rogers, Mullet, Funhouse triangle before Surrey midfield. The defence held their Duncan Russell (bow), Paul Abbot (Big being slipped through to Tim to tuck under positions well and stopped all but a couple Ed’s had a couple more half chances but Surrey Dave), Jon Churcher, Nick Darker (stroke) a diving keeper first time (great goal). of the Ed’s moves well away from the ‘D’. hung on with some solid defending to win 4 2. and Chrissie Wong (cox), stomped their way Surrey continued to press resulting A couple of shorts were broken down by A good result, with impressive debuts from to finish a brilliant 344 andth 28 out of 41 in another flick being awarded for Miles and Malibu running out effectively Mullet and Funhouse, but Surrey should be crews in their category, with a time of 22 the Ed’s keeper saving with the back and Paul made a couple of smart saves. wary of the drop off in effectiveness in the mins. 25.01 secs. of his stick. Marc stepped up again Ed’s first came about 15 minutes in from 2nd half eSpecially as we entertain league Well done to all the lads, with a special and unfortunately hit the crossbar. a short corner that wasn’t cleared very far leaders HAC (ahead by 4 pts) next Saturday mention to Chrissie the cox, who steered Surreys 3rd came about 5 minutes resulting in the ball being played back and have a cup match vs. Bank of England a very fast line all along the course: and it before half time from a short corner. in creating a 2 on 1 and despite some (league above) on the Sunday. was her first time coxing the tideway! Well Marc feinted a drag flick and pushed desperate last ditch tackling the ball was rowed!! the ball back to the injector, Mike, who stroked past Paul’s stick from about 4 yards.