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Deepening Our Love

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Deepening Our Love MARRIAGE ENCOUNTER OUTLINE 2016 WEEKEND FOLLOW UP PROGRAM Deepening Our Love Deeper Understanding leads to Greater Love Weekend Follow Up Program 2016 Page 2 of 14 Weekend Follow Up Program 2016 Session One The objectives To enrich and support couples and priests after the weekend. To help them to see their own strengths, talents and uniqueness. To encourage them to live the gospel values proclaimed on the weekend. To give them an experience of living in a sharing and caring community. To offer them safety and support in their life journey. To help them see the need for their love & and talents to be shared with others. Warm welcome by Leaders 1. Prayer: for openness and trust; help from Our Father for each of us. 2. Rules of an Encounter meetings: All sharing is confidential, not to be repeated outside of this group. Each person has a turn. If they cannot share they can pass (No Obligation.) Commitment to meet 4 times No right or wrong answers. Only your answers 3. Introduce self; where born, size of family you came from, children (If any). Where you first meet and what most attracted you to your spouse. What quality do you appreciate most now? 4. All of us have shared in a common experience, that of a Marriage Encounter weekend which has already changed our lives. The tool of the dialogue can help us to recapture the closeness of the W/E Dialogue question: What do I want most for us now? What do I have to do to make that possible? Couple /priest /couple private sharing 5. Open Sharing Before the sharing the animating couple explains the difference between “sharing” and “dialogue”. Dialogue is personal to the couple or priest and couple. Sharing is for the group only sharing what we call the fruits of our dialogue. In other words just the main elements we are comfortable sharing with the larger group. After all have shared we invite each person to say very briefly what stood out for them in other people’s sharings, and what they see as the common links in everyone's experiences Dialogue question for tomorrow: “What are my feelings after this meeting?” or “What are my feelings about taking part in this group?” Date for the next meeting End with a prayer (possibly refreshments) Page 3 of 14 Weekend Follow Up Program 2016 Session Two This evening we want the participants: To know: - that the sharing of feelings is an efficient instrument for communication - that my feelings reveal who I am - that feelings are neither right nor wrong - but some are agreeable, others disagreeable to experience. To do - learn to discover their feelings - learn how to describe their feelings - learn how to share feelings with their partner in such a way that they neither hurt nor lay blame. To experience: - that we all have feelings - the quality of the relationship linked to the sharing of feelings Welcome Warm welcome by Leader/Host 1. Prayer: for openness and trust; help from Our Father for each of us. 2. Reminder of Rules of an Encounter meetings: a. All sharing is confidential, not to be repeated outside of this group. b. Each person has a turn. If they cannot share they can pass (No Obligation.) Share experience from last meeting How to dialogue: Remind them of W.E.D.S Write (love letter) Exchange (read twice) (remember - NO comments on spelling or grammar) Dialogue (Talk about feelings) (decide on who’s feeling to focus on – not always same person) Select (next question for next love letter) The main focus should be on sharing and listening to the feelings. Page 4 of 14 Weekend Follow Up Program 2016 FEELINGS Each individual experiences feelings in their own unique way and so it is important to learn how to describe what we are feeling in as much detail as possible. Firstly which of the family of feelings am I experiencing? Anger – Fear – Joy - Sadness How do I feel physically? – Where do I feel the feeling? Head – tension, light headed Stomach – churning, warm Shoulders – tight, relaxed What do my feeling make me want to do? Become aggressive, shout loudly Become silent , withdraw Show my affection. Cry, offer my comfort. Describe by means of comparisons Like when ........ (relate to a shared experience e.g. when we were on that beach or when we got lost) To communicate, intimately we must express our feelings to the other person (and not simply talk to them about events in our lives or other people). Feelings = Spontaneous inner reactions = that which we feel = the very substance of life, it is through them that we are alive. Our feelings are present in all forms of communication Conversation = exchanging information Discussion = exchanging ideas Confrontation = confronting our different points of view Non-verbal = the way we act, sit, facial expressions, tone of voice Our feelings are linked to our history. They reflect our experiences of early childhood right up to today. They affect our attitudes and behaviour, often at a subconscious level. Our feelings are our own. My feelings are my responsibility No one can make me feel anything (they may stimulate something which is already within me) Our feelings are neither right nor wrong they just are. They may be comfortable or uncomfortable – agreeable or disagreeable Comfortable/agreeable feelings invite togetherness - being with others Uncomfortable/disagreeable feelings invite isolation – separation Page 5 of 14 Weekend Follow Up Program 2016 Learning to recognise and own our feelings helps us to take responsibility for our behaviour and attitudes. Sometimes we find other feelings hidden deeper behind the surface feeling we have been talking about. Behind my first feeling of anger, I may discover the deeper feeling of disappointment. At times we are surprised by the strength of our feelings. Something apparently innocuous suddenly affects us strongly touching us at a deep level. Feelings, particularly uncomfortable feelings that we don’t want to face or maybe unaware of, undermine our self-esteem and diminishes the quality of our couple relationship. Dialogue We want the participants to know: - that the love letter is a way of deciding to love to do: - learn to choose topics for dialogue - learn to write a love letter - learn to read the partner’s letter and receive his/her feelings to experience: - the joy to be experienced by practising the dialogue Dialogue is communicating who I am, at this moment, to you. I love you so much that I trust myself to you at the deeper level of my feelings, beyond the normal every day talking about events. We have talked about the importance of sharing our deepest feelings. Now we want to look at the second and equally important part of the equation Listening in Dialogue In order to listen openly we must try to put aside our own thoughts and judgements for the time being. We must focus on our spouse. Try to listen without prejudice nor with our motors running, just waiting to put our point of view across. Try to put yourself in their place. (walk a mile in their shoes) Give feedback on what you think they have said (for our own clarification not to correct the other person) Ask questions to gain a better understanding of their feeling :- (Is it like—? Or on a scale 0 to 10 how strong is it?) Questions we ask should be about the feelings not the subject. Don’t ask “Why” Don’t try to solve problems or fix feelings. Questions like these indicate more interest in the subject than acceptance of the person as they are at that moment. This can cause defensiveness and resentfulness and withdrawal. Page 6 of 14 Weekend Follow Up Program 2016 Dialogue Question: How well do I think I listen? What can I do to improve my listening? Couple /priest /couple private sharing Open Sharing Reminder of the difference between “dialogue” and “sharing” Dialogue is personal to the couple or priest and couple. Sharing is for the group only sharing what we call the fruits of our dialogue. In other words just the main elements we are comfortable sharing with the larger group. After all have shared we invite each person to say very briefly what stood out for them in other people’s sharings, and what they see as the common links in everyone's experiences Dialogue question for tomorrow: “What are my feelings after this meeting?” or “What are my feelings about taking part in this group?” Date for the next meeting End with a prayer (possibly refreshments) Page 7 of 14 Weekend Follow Up Program 2016 Session 3 Welcome Warm welcome by Leader/Host Prayer: for openness and trust; help from Our Father for each of us. Share experience from last meeting There are 3 ways to discovering feelings 1. what I feel; 2. what I spontaneously think (non-rational thoughts); 3. what I am doing. (or what do I feel like doing.) Some people find it difficult to become aware of feelings they are experiencing. To become aware of what is going on in me, in order to share it with you, I can look at either my feelings, the thoughts that are running through my head, or how I am behaving These are the three aspects of our deep personality. When I experience a feeling, almost automatically certain thoughts cross my mind and I act in a particular way. With regard to "what I feel" To be aware of what is going on in me and therefore to express myself to the other, it is good for me to be aware of my feelings: pleasant: joy - peace; these feelings tell me that I am satisfied, in harmony with myself, with you and with the world.
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