business. It’s been fun. The customers In addition to their commercial The Society Page have been a delight.” success, the book and mini-series were lauded by critics, and By Gene Mahoney I ran into Felicity recently and she encouraged many black Americans to mentioned that Hank was retiring visit Africa to trace their heritage, Russian Hill Upholstery & Décor is still right about the time this issue comes the way Haley supposedly had. located in Nob Hill, not Russian Hill. out. Something about moving to Wyoming because he likes Dick It was later revealed in court that XXXXXXXXXX Cheney. Go buy some pumps before Alex Haley had plagiarized certain Hank rides off into the sunset. passages in “Roots” from “The It’s been more than six months now African,” a novel by white author since The Joint, a barber shop at 1014 15 years ago in the March/April 2002 Harold Courlander, which had an Larkin was opened by Walter Bishop- issue of the SF Herald there was a almost identical plot. Jones, AKA Barber Walters. And ever blurb about “Jack” dying. He was the since they’ve opened, I’ve been hobo who used to hang around the Alex Haley died in 1992, and a year promising the lovely Emma Buchanan, Sutter/Taylor area. The owner of later Philip Nobile wrote “Uncovering the director of operations there, to Yaketty Yak Café (which sadly met Roots,” an expose in the Village write about the extraordinary number the same fate as Jack) allowed a Voice. In addition to the of barber shops we have in Nob Hill. heartfelt shrine to Jack there which aforementioned cases of plagiarism And I would if I wasn’t so busy with consisted of a table holding cards and false genealogy, Nobile revealed my other business (and if this was a signed by the café regulars, a bottle that much of “Roots,” Haley’s half-way decent publication). of Michelob, two roses, a Tower of supposed heartfelt tribute to his Power album, and a picture of the African ancestry, had been written by A quick search: The aforementioned deceased by an artist named Jaehoon Murray Fisher, Haley’s white Jewish The Joint on the aforementioned 1014 Han. editor at Playboy magazine. Larkin, 1512 Barber Shop on 1512 Pine, Metropolitan Barber Shop on There was another painting on the Despite all this, “Roots” was remade 1018 Bush, Gentlemen’s Barber Shop wall of the café of Jack flipping the as a television mini-series in 2016. on 878 Bush, and Peoples Barber Shop bird by an artist named David Lee. It on 1259 Polk. (I’ll bet this list is won first prize at some place in New Sybil incomplete.) York. The place sent David two tickets to pick up the prize in the Big Back in 1993 I was at Kepler’s Books XXXXXXXXXX Apple – one for David and one for in Menlo Park with some friends and saw Russell Johnson (the Professor on This is the March/April 2017 issue of Jack. “Gilligan’s Island”) signing copies of the SF Herald, and 18 years ago, in Jack had died of his third heart his memoir. the March/April 1999 issue of the SF attack. The café owner mentioned Herald, there was an article called that Jack always had his heart attacks Someone mentioned they heard “Fetish Turf War” which was about during the holiday season. Johnson complain that he had been shops that sold leather and other typecast as the Professor, and that items to the fetish and bondage Near the end of his life Jack got had doomed his show biz career. crowd. Two of the stores mentioned religious and slept on the steps of were in the same location on Sutter Grace Cathedral. “Ha!” I proclaimed. “He could have off of Polk: Felicity’s Fetish (upstairs) shed being typecast if he sunk his and Foot Worship (downstairs). Fiction is Stranger than Truth teeth into some ground-breaking, melodramatic role like Sally Field From that article: For years we believed these stories. did.” And compared to “The Amityville Just over a year ago, Hank Wolny, a Horror” they were believable… My friends all agreed with my self-described bored retiree, opened brilliant, spot-on analysis. Sally Field Foot Worship. It sure is a change from Roots went from being known as Gidget, his previous job of running a housing then the Flying Nun before being company and pre-cut lumber “Roots” was a best-selling book taken seriously as a dramatic actress operation. written by Alex Haley that was for her role in “Sybil,” the tale of a published in 1976. A year later it woman with Multiple Personality Hank remembers his calling. became a smash hit television mini- Disorder. (Actually, she’s probably “After I retired I was bored, and shoes series. “Roots” was supposedly the better known for winning an Emmy have always been a fetish. I enjoy true story of an ancestor of Haley Award for it and shouting, “You like seeing high-heeled shoes on ladies being taken from Africa to America in me! You really like me!” as her and decided to incorporate it into the 1700s and forced into slavery. acceptance speech.) “The two fabulists joined forces with Germany to help fund the resistance journalist Flora Schreiber, a self- movement. aggrandizing spinster whose trade was in trashy, made-up ‘true’ stories for Though it may have been a good magazines like Cosmopolitan.” story, eventually people began to realize that’s probably all it was. “Sybil” was born. Even the movie’s director, Fred Zinnemann, realized he’d been had, At the end of the television movie, stating, “Lillian Hellman in her own Connie (played by Joanne Woodward) mind owned half the Spanish Civil tells the audience that Sybil now lives War, while Hemingway owned the happy and free as an art teacher. other half. She would portray herself in situations that were not true. An Shirley Mason became a victim of her extremely talented, brilliant writer, own success. Thanks to the book and but she was a phony character, I’m movie, people began to realize that sorry to say. My relations with her Sybil was really Shirley. Ms. Mason were very guarded and ended in pure was forced to quit her job and move hatred.” in with her therapist. In 1979 author Mary McCarthy Connie fared better than her patient. appeared on the Dick Cavett Show “Sybil” was a best-selling book from She became a top expert in the and claimed of Hellman that “every 1973 that told the supposedly true booming Multiple Personality Disorder word she writes is a lie, including tale of a woman with 16 different industry, as unscrupulous doctors ‘and’ and ‘the’.” personalities caused by childhood planted suggestions of past abuse in abuse from her crazed, sadistic the heads of impressionable patients. Hellman, ever the proud communist, mother. Three years later it became a filed a $2,500,000 defamation suit smash hit television movie with Sally Psyches were misdiagnosed, innocent against McCarthy, Dick Cavett, and Field in the title role. people went to prison, lives were the Public Broadcasting Service (from destroyed. each according to his ability, to each The book and movie raised awareness according to his needs). of Multiple Personality Disorder (less If you read the Wikipedia page for than 100 cases suddenly morphed into “Sybil” or “Shirley Mason” you’ll find Hellman died in 1984 so her executors 40,000 cases, almost all of them some defense that the Sybil story is dropped the lawsuit. female). true. Possible, but not probable. The panic over Orson Welles’ In 2011 Debbie Nathan’s book “Sybil (Hey, I know this is off the subject, “War of the Worlds” Exposed: The Extraordinary Story but I’ll hate myself if I don’t mention Behind the Famous Multiple it. Apparently Russell Johnson – the You’ve probably heard the one about Personality Case” was published, Professor on “Gilligan’s Island” – was how people in the 1930s heard the alleging the tale was tall. a war hero whose plane got shot down radio play (presented in the form of a in World War II. I didn’t mean to newscast) and actually believed that In the 1950s, “Sybil” (real name disparage him earlier. He was more of Martians were taking over New Shirley Mason) got addicted to a man than I’ll ever be. Or any of my Jersey. numerous psychiatric drugs prescribed multiple personalities will ever be.) by her therapist Connie Wilbur. As it turns out, the broadcast had Julia Shirley later told Connie that she was very low ratings and hardly anyone thought an alien attack was occurring. other people with different names. “Julia” is a 1977 movie starring Jane Some newspapers wildly exaggerated Connie spoke of her patient to others Fonda and Vanessa Redgrave, based and fabricated the story to discredit in the psychiatry field. When Shirley on a short story from Lillian Hellman’s radio – the emerging industry they sent Connie a letter in 1958 claiming 1973 book “Pentimento.” that her multiple personalities were were competing against. (They should an act to get her attention, Connie The critically-acclaimed film tells the have tried discrediting the internet, dismissed it. supposedly true story of Lillian too.) Hellman and her childhood friend On Halloween in 1975, when I was 10 As the New York Post’s Kyle Smith Julia. Julia grows up to become a years old, my family watched a wrote in his article “Sybil” is One Big successful psychiatrist. As the Nazis television movie called “The Night Psych-out: begin to take over, Julia recruits that Panicked America” – a dramatic Lillian to smuggle money into recreation of how the whole country believed the radio play and freaked Kitty in her arms until the end. Farrar pre-Stonewall 1964 as it is today. out. was unarmed and didn’t know the Months before the Genovese murder, attacker had fled until she arrived. the Times ran a front page story with We visited my grandmother and great Kitty Genovese died a violent death, the headline, “Growth of Overt aunt a few days later and asked them and the vast majority of her neighbors Homosexuality in City Provokes Wide if they remembered the actual “night spent the rest of their lives unjustly Concern.” that panicked America” in 1938. They branded as cowards. said they didn’t recall anything like The Times story of the Genovese that happening and seemed puzzled There were two attacks, not three as murder, however, failed to note that by the whole fuss. the Times reported. The first attack Kitty lived with her lesbian lover, punctured Kitty’s lungs, so she whom the police initially suspected of Deep down I always found this one a wouldn’t have been able to scream being the killer. little hard to believe. But people love loudly during the second attack. A a story about how stupid other people neighbor in the building across the After Kitty’s death the 911 phone are because it makes them feel more street, Robert Mozer, heard the number to alert police was started. intelligent. Even if they were stupid screams from the first attack and The psychological term “Bystander enough to believe it. yelled, “Leave that girl alone!” out Effect” was born – which noted that if the window. Winston Moseley, the you’re in trouble you’re more likely to The Kitty Genovese Murder attacker, ran away. be helped by one or two witnesses as opposed to many, who will assume Realizing the police hadn’t shown up, other people have already taken Moseley returned for a second time, action. stabbing Kitty some more, then robbing and raping her. A big reason that Bill Genovese, Kitty’s brother, joined the U.S. At least two people called the police Marines was due to the Times story. “I while Kitty was still alive. It was the did not want to be one of those coldest night of the year, so most people who sat by and did nothing…” windows were shut. So even if she he said while promoting ‘The had been able to scream after the Witness,’ a documentary he stars in initial attack neighbors would have about the murder. had trouble hearing her. Bill went to Vietnam and lost both his Charles Skoller, a prosecutor at legs. Moseley’s murder trial said that “no more than five or six neighbors saw In 1977, in a display of unbridled gall,

and heard enough to know that Kitty Winston Moseley wrote a New York Yes, she was murdered, but… well, was in mortal danger.” Times editorial arguing for his parole, let’s take it from the top. stating, “The crime was tragic, but it Most thought it was a domestic did serve society, urging it as it did to In 1964 Kitty Genovese returned home dispute or a brawl outside. come to the aid of its members in from her job at a New York City bar at distress or danger.” around 3 a. m. Just before entering The infamous “I didn’t want to get her apartment building’s front door, involved” quote from Moseley’s Winston Moseley died in prison on she was attacked by a man who murder trial belonged to a timid soul March 28, 2016.### stabbed her in the back. Screaming in named Karl Ross – a friend of Kitty’s The San Francisco Herald is published agony, she eventually died – but none who was always drunk. As Kitty was bimonthly by Gene Mahoney. All of her 38 neighbors called the police, being murdered in the stairwell, he contents copyright 2017 by Gene as they didn’t want to get involved. opened his door, saw what was happening, and closed it. But even he Mahoney (except work not done by This tragic story from Kew Gardens in wasn’t as cowardly as thought. After Mr. Mahoney as artists retain the Queens was published in the New York phoning a friend who told him not to copyright to their own work). The Times (that “newspaper of record”) get involved, he climbed out his characters, events, and situations in and quickly spread throughout the window, went across the roof, and Good Clean Fun comics are fictitious; country, then across the world. into a neighbor’s apartment. After any similarity to persons living, dead, hesitation, they called the police. or in hiding, is purely coincidental. As it turns out, only a few of her None of these events ever happened. neighbors knew she was being A possible reason Ross “didn’t want to Contact: P.O. Box 843, Redwood City, attacked, and some of her neighbors get involved” is that he was thought CA 94064 did try to help her. One was Sophie to be gay. And to put it mildly, Farrar, who stood 4’11” and cradled homosexuality wasn’t as accepted in

Man: Uh, you, uhhh, go take a shit! at my pale, protruding, ever A Letter to my expending gut?” Would it be so Needless to say, he got her with that terrible to put on a shirt? Neighbor, Shamu zinger. But let’s not talk about them, today. I guess what I’m trying to say Shamu, By Allison Parks is please, please go back in the house, Today, I want to write a letter to or I will kidnap your cat. Springtime is Shamu is my neighbor. I don’t know Shamu, the flagship hobgoblin from upon us and I’m afraid you’ll start his real name, but I do know one the housing project. Even if you don’t wearing even less. Springtime is also thing: come rain, snow, or a hellfire send a letter, Oprah says it’s good to mating season, so I worry Shamu…I shower of meteors, Shamu will be express your feelings in letter format. worry that you’ll find a she-Shamu in outside of his apartment, topless, Perhaps when I move out I’ll tie it to a tattered sports bra to sit with you sitting in his little wicker chair. I say a brick and pelt Shamu in his rotund outside your apartment. Then I’ll the chair is little because Shamu is gut with it. have two of you to look at. I just anything but little; he’s a juggernaut, can’t do it, Shamu. I just can’t. a whale of a man with a spine-chilling Dear Shamu, pony tail and matching mustache. He Your vengeful neighbor, looks like Ron Jeremy ate himself Why aren’t you wearing a top? It’s 35 then ate everyone he’s ever slept degrees outside, aren’t you cold? I Allison with, then ate 600 candy apples know I’m cold, and I’m wearing an because he was still hungry. anorak. Is your blubber so dense that you can’t even feel the cold anymore? Honky Tonk Woman Since Shamu doesn’t have a job, his physique is on display for the Shamu, don’t you get bored? By Ace Backwords neighborhood to take pleasure in all Sometimes your degenerate homeboys day, every day. This is because I stop by to chat, and once in a while Robert Crumb tells a hilarious “Honky unsuspectingly moved in next door to your cat will grace you with a visit, Tonk Woman” story. It’s the summer a Christian charity project, which is but for the most part, you’re alone. of ’69. And Crumb — the great hippie basically housing for the homeless No TV, no frosty King Cobra to sip on, countercultural hero — has fled the (thanks for the warning, Hedgerow not even a Barely Legal to flip debacle that the Haight Ashbury has Property Management—I’ll get you!). through. Why don’t you get yourself turned into at that point. And he’s something to do out there? living at some half-assed hippie “Shamu, why do I have to stare at commune in rural California. Trying to your massive white gut every single Shamu, how do you stay so fat? I know “get back to nature.” That bit. day?” you don’t have a job since you never leave that chair. Where do you get And the release of a new Rolling How do these housed homeless give the money to acquire the food to Stones single was considered a major back to their community, which has keep yourself in an insulating igloo of event at that point. 1969. These 60s so graciously given them free fat? rock stars were considered great apartments? Plant a nice vegetable visionaries at that point. They were garden for the neighbors to enjoy? Shamu, why do you leer at me the leaders of the Cultural Keep their building nice and tidy? whenever I get out of my car? Are you Revolution. And every new Beatles or Perhaps even better their own lives? lusting after that chocolate croissant Stones single was a matter of great Oh no, they scream at medics while in my hand? Have you surpassed import. being forcibly strapped to gurneys in traditional food altogether and now the night for mysterious reasons, they desire to eat me? Isn’t it enough that I And these hippies had scored a copy rev their hoopties at high volumes, have to stare at your massive white of the just released “Honky Tonk and they start ear-piercing fights that gut every single day? Must I endure Woman” single. So they brought it to sound like they were transcribed from your creepy stares as well? Shamu, the hippie commune where Crumb a special needs debate class. does it bother you when I grimace was living. And everyone in the back at you? Even when I glare right commune gathered around. And they Here is an actual fight between a back into your beady little eyes, you played it over and over — at least 20 couple that I heard at 4am. Enjoy: won’t break the stare. Why Shamu, times in a row. Much to Crumb’s why? chagrin. Earnestly discussing the Woman: You get the fuck out, profound meanings of the song, trying asshole!! Shamu, when you roll off your bed to decipher the exact meanings of each morning, put on your trousers this cutting-edge communique from Man: Fine, I will, fuck you, I’m never and rainbow suspenders, or shorts if the great cultural visionaries that coming back! it’s a little warm out, do you ever were the Rolling Stones. look in the mirror and think, “Am I Woman: Like a give a shit!! punishing people by making them look So Crumb has to sit there and listen to Meanwhile, I’m standing there in my up and scarf down food and try to these stupid, naive, 20 year old raggedy-ass soggy-ass homeless street meet potential dates while pretending hippies — at this half-assed hippie bum get-up. And I admit I felt more to be interested in the artwork. This commune that he was living at in 1969 than a twinge of envy at her comfort coffee house is on San Mateo Avenue — that would collapse shortly after. level. (which is downtown San Bruno) and Going on and on about this incredibly the name of it is Never Too Latte. important new Rolling Stones single. But then, just as she’s rushing across Cute, eh? “Honky Tonk Woman” the street she accidentally steps in one of the biggest puddles I’ve ever This new Mike guy used to work on But Crumb would get the last laugh. seen. This big pot-hole in the road. aircraft in the navy and then worked Mick Jagger would later ask Crumb to She was submerged in water as an airline mechanic for United, draw a cover for the next Rolling practically up to her knees. And what here at SFO, for 14 years. On his off Stones album. with all the splashing and kicking she time he played in Goth bands. I asked got pretty soaked. him if he wore white pancake face Something really hip. Like what he makeup and black eyeliner and he drew for the Janis Joplin album I burst out laughing. HAW HAW!! I said yes, though I bet he never cover. couldn’t help it. It was so funny. I showed up for work looking like that. mean, the one thing that she wanted Is it just me or is there something Crumb turned the Stones down flat. to prevent from happening is exactly disturbing about a guy so into the Crumb HATED the Rolling Stones. what happened. Goth culture (which is fixated on death) working on airplanes? After being forced to listen to “Honky So I turn to cross the street with a Tonk Woman” 20 times in a row in a bemused smile on my face. And at There was this taqueria in downtown half-assed hippie commune in 1969? that exact moment a big AC Transit San Bruno... I don’t know if it’s still Can you blame him??### bus goes blasting down the street. there... but their logo was a picture And it hits this big puddle of water in of Jesus being crucified. It was a How Karma Works the gutter. And the water splashes close-up of his head and upper chest right up in my face. It was like getting nailed to the cross, blood pouring By Ace Backwords directly hit by an ocean wave. Almost down from his thorn of crowns. knocked me over. Intense. I remember eating there Whenever it rains I sometimes think once and I told them I thought they So now I’m standing there sputtering of this funny thing I once saw during made a mistake on the bill, but no and cursing and completely soaked. another rainstorm about 15 years ago. one there could understand English, And, to add insult to injury, all the so they picked up the phone trying to It had been raining pretty steadily for people who had seen me laughing at find someone who could understand about 2 weeks. And I, as homeless the lady are now pointing at me and me, so I finally just told them it was street bum, had been outside for laughing at me (personally, I didn’t okay. most of it. So I was more than a little find it nearly as amusing as the bedraggled and wet behind the gills at previous incident). I remember this cute little Chinese this point. And the storm was just restaurant just off downtown San But in a way it was great. It was a starting to peak and explode at this Bruno called Lucky Pot. This nice guy perfect illustration of how karma exact moment. Big sheets of water (I think his name was Andy Chin) and works. Karmauppance. What goes raining down, pounding against the his wife (Krissy Chin? I think that was around comes around. Only usually pavement. her name, they both wore name tags) there’s a little more of a time lag owned it and they made a mean So I’m standing there on the street between the cause and the effect.### Shrimp with Broccoli. I walked in corner, soaking wet, waiting for the there (1996, I think) and ordered it as light to change. When this lady comes Herald Flashback: a rice plate lunch special. Delicious. I rushing out of Cody’s Books. She looks March/April 2004: didn’t eat there again for 2 years but like an affluent, suburban housewife- as soon as I walked in Andy looked at type. Perfectly coifed. And she’s The Society Page me and said, “Shrimp with Broccoli wearing an expensive rain jacket. And coming up!” Man! I ate there once she has an expensive rain hat. And By Gene Mahoney and go back 2 years later and the guy she has a big expensive high-tech remembers what I had. And he umbrella. I mean, she probably only This guy named Mike has bought the assumed (correctly) that I wanted it has to walk a half-a-block from Cody’s hippest cafe in... well... San Bruno again. I can just imagine a bunch of Books to her parked car. But you can from the previous owner (also named women in Marin County reading this tell that she is determined that not a Mike) and he’s looking for artists to now, saying to themselves, “Oooh, single drop of water is gonna land on display their work on the walls and that’s so spiritual!” I recommend this her pretty little head. have receptions where people show place (whatever it’s called).###