The Heartful Autoethnography of a Lost and Lonely-Looking Self Indulgent Sport Tourist
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From the Abbey to the Academy: The Heartful Autoethnography of a lost and Lonely-Looking Self Indulgent Sport Tourist A thesis submitted to the University of Otago in fulfilment of the requirements for the degree of Doctor of Philosophy Richard Keith Wright Department of Tourism University of Otago New Zealand February 2011 Abstract This is anything but an average doctoral thesis. It takes both the author and his audience on a socially-constructed journey of self discovery. It explores the emotional world of evocative ‗heartful‘ sociological introspection. I aim to target your imagination from the outset. I attempt to illustrate the unmistakeable influence that our memories inevitably have on the way we subsequently (re)interpret our sense of personal and public belonging to the present. In doing so, I explore the multiple ways in which we all continually (re)establish and socially categorise our much-needed self esteem. More specifically, I look at our unique attachment and emotional affiliation to the various cultural societies within which are all located. This is my attempt to not only locate, but legitimise my personal involvement in the field of special interest tourism. This is my autoethnography. My thesis explores the potential of embracing, not ignoring, our emotional subjectivity. I look openly at the powerful influence that our cultural identities, both personal and professional, have on our professional behaviour. It is a tale about the socio-psychological importance of finding the right balance between ‗being there‘ and ‗being elsewhere‘. It is all about me accepting my self indulgent personality. It is not, however, a personal tribute. I could not have done this alone. My autobiographical story has been influenced by the inspirational work of many likeminded individuals. This is not just an honest academic reflection on who, or what, I discovered during my three ethnographic excursions to Melbourne, Auckland and Wellington. It is not just a candid analysis of why being there was deemed to mean absolutely everything. It offers an emotional reinterpretation of the impact and implications of allowing a little self indulgence, and a lot of sociological imagination, into our ever-changing academic identities. I will never forget the things what I have discovered during the construction of this thesis. I found an alternative path to follow. I found a place in which I now wish to inhabit. I found that the findings are always waiting for us at the end of the day. The biggest challenge, however, is discovering the time to stop. It is only once we finish what we are doing that we can truly re-interpret, everywhere we have been and everything we have seen. Having done it myself, I call for every ethnographer to stop and fully familiarise themselves with the person they see in the mirror. i To Melanie and my fabulous family; without whom I would forever be lost and lonely-looking. ii Contents Abstract i Dedication ii Contents Page iii Preface v Part One: From the Abbey Act One: The Prologue 1-47 1. Setting the scene 2 2. First impressions (always last) 15 3. There‘s no place like ‗home‘! 23 4. (Re)introducing me, myself and I 28 5. Smarter than the average bear 35 6. Becoming self-disciplined 42 Act Two: The Proposal 48 - 108 7. Pleading innocence (over ignorance) 49 8. So what‘s the big idea? 61 9. Picking a position 79 10. The madness (behind my method) 96 Part Two: To the Academy Act Three: The Excursion 109 - 268 11. Strangers (in the night) 110 12. Straighten up (and fly right) 116 13. Capturing a captive audience 121 14. Looking lost (and lonely looking) 128 15. Come fly with me 134 16. Tears over the Tasman 144 17. Living life in the past 157 18. I‘ll see you on the other side! 165 19. I wonder what happened to Steven 174 iii 20. Entering AFL country 181 21. Hardly a Hilton 189 22. Elevator agony 197 23. Ain‘t nothing but a ‗G‘ thing! 201 24. Scarfie(s) for life! 207 25. What goes on tour (stays on tour!) 214 26. Small world/large planet 225 27. Watching people (people watch) 233 28. One more for the road 240 29. The Good Samaritan 252 30. Don‘t look back in anger 260 Act Four: The Epilogue 269-330 31. What a difference a day makes 270 32. Look who‘s talking now! 283 33. The rest is history 288 34. Leaving lasting impressions 295 35. The Sparkes that finally (re)lit my fuse 314 36. Gazing (far) beyond the narcissist‘s navel 323 iv Preface The date was May 16th. The year was 2003. It was a Friday. The author of this thesis stepped off the 7.15am bus and into the cold morning air. He crossed the road and slowly made his way along the same piece of pavement that he had walked so many times before. The early summer sun was already shining. It was going to be a fine day in the historic city of Cambridge, England. But, then again, the sun always shone on his Birthday. ‗Only one more day to go‘, he thought as he entered Parkside Leisure Centre. He couldn‘t wait for the weekend. He had worked the last twelve consecutive days. He wanted to celebrate by spending the weekend lying on the sofa, watching whatever sport he could find on the five channels available at his parents house. He wanted to see if Southampton could beat Arsenal in Cardiff‘s Millennium Stadium. He didn‘t think they could, but loved the fact that no one in the world knew what the final outcome would be. That unique piece of history was yet to be written. The author of this thesis had a lot of things running through his mind as he set about completing his daily 54 lengths of the city‘s public swimming pool. The result of the 2003 F.A. Cup final, however, was probably the least important of them all. He was desperate to start planning the next twelve months of his life. He didn‘t feel any older, wiser or slower in the water. He knew he had some tough choices to make that later day. But they could at least wait until he was sat down at his desk. Four hours later, he found himself staring blankly at the computer screen directly in front of him. He knew that he should have been doing something. He knew that he needed to prepare the vouchers for the walking tours of Kings College Chapel. His thoughts, however, were preoccupied by the three promises that he had made to his undergraduate dissertation supervisor tvelve months earlier. He had promised to consider returning to academia. He had promised that he would look at living somewhere (anywhere) overseas. He had promised that he wouldn‘t settle for an average existence. I loved my life. I enjoyed my job. I worshipped my football team. I also knew that something wasn‘t right. Something was missing. I wasn‘t happy. I could feel myself growing more and more frustrated with my daily routine. I didn‘t want my life becoming predictable. I didn‘t want it to be average. I wanted to be challenged. I v wanted excitement. I wanted to do something different. I needed to escape. So what of today? What about the 16th of May 2009? Well, it is a graduation day here in Dunedin. I am about to turn my computer off after another morning of nausea, nostalgia, fear and fantasy. I am about to go and watch some of my former students parade down the city's main street in front of their family and friends. I never expected to be graduating today. I am, however, still hugely disappointed that I won‘t be walking across the Town Hall stage in a few hours time. I had secretly hoped to be celebrating the long-overdue submission of my heartful autoethnography. Instead, however, I find myself sitting alone in my office, reminiscing about everything that led me here. I find myself struggling to write a preface that I hope will complement my abstract and provide the reader with a much better introduction of what is to come. As revealed in my abstract, this is anything but an average doctoral thesis. Likewise, my journey of discovery has been anything but predictable. It has been challenging. It has been exciting. It has allowed me to escape into a world that I never previously knew existed. It was seven years ago today that I first promised to avoid the safe option of surrounding myself with family and friends and living my entire life in Cambridge. It was six years ago that I sat in the Cambridge Tourist Information Centre and typed ‗University of Otago‘ into Google for the very first time. It is four years to the day that I first stood in front of twenty-two University of Otago undergraduates and proceeded to give a guest lecture on sport tourism, and exactly two years since I sat on my bed and completed an Ethical Approval Application for my proposed PhD research. The thesis is split into four acts, each told over two uneven halves that I have named: Part One: From the Abbey and Part Two: To the Academy. The first half identifies the power of our past and introduces the author of this text. It reveals the formation of several personal identities, including the sports fan and the scholar. The second half narrows the sociological lens and reveals its potential for challenging our present and changing our future.