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LESSON THREE: SHOW! DON’T TELL!

Have you ever read the Holes, by Louis Sachar? Here’s how it starts:

There is no lake at Camp Green Lake. There once was a very large lake here, the largest lake in Texas. That was over a hundred years ago. Now it is just a dry flat wasteland. There used to be a town of Green Lake as well. The town shriveled and dried up along with the lake, and the people who lived there. During the summer the daytime temperature hovers around ninety-five degrees in the shade—if you can find any shade. There’s not much shade in a big dry lake. The only trees are two old oaks on the eastern edge of the “lake.” A hammock is stretched between the two trees, and a log cabin stands behind that. The campers are forbidden to lie in the hammock. It belongs to the Warden. The Warden owns the shade. Out on the lake, rattlesnakes and scorpions find shade under rocks and in the holes dug by the campers. Louis Sachar, Holes, Chapter One

That’s the first page. If you’re reading closely, you’ll notice how the author raises some intriguing questions. Such as

What happened to Green Lake (both the town and the lake)?

Write two more questions you have about these opening paragraphs:

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______

Louis Sachar didn’t just sit down and slap out a few paragraphs to get the story rolling— or rather, the few first paragraphs he did write probably didn’t end up in the finished novel. Most likely he thought and thought and rearranged words and crossed out lines and tore everything up and started over. Also, as he wrote further in the story, he probably came back a few times to the opening and revised it again, including hints of what will come later. The main thing a novelist wants to do is keep the reader. So he’ll try to present an interesting situation or pose some interesting questions in the first few pages. We won’t get the answers unless we keep reading.

A wants to do the same thing, but can’t do it the same way. Imagine you had to write the movie version of Holes. You’ll need to get the viewers into the story as quickly as possible, so they’ll keep watching. Here’s one way to do it: the camera pans over a dusty, desert-y landscape while a narrator reads the first page of the novel. Do you think that will get the viewer interested?

As you may know, there is a movie version of Holes. You may even have seen it. The author of the book also wrote the screenplay (which hardly ever happens). Here’s how the movie opens, in screenplay format (Voice Over, or V.O. means the speaker does not appear on the screen):

EXTERIOR. HIGH PLAINS DESERT. NOON.

A blazing sun fills the screen. Cut to dry, cracked ground as camera pans along several boys in white tee shirts, digging. A rhythmic chant is heard.

VOICES (V. O.) (singing) Dig it, oh-oh-oh, dig it. Dig it, oh-oh-oh, yeah Dig it, oh-oh-oh, dig it. Dig it, oh-oh-oh, yeah

SOLO (VOICE OVER) (singing) With broken hands and weathered souls, Emancipated from all you know, You got to go dig those holes—

VOICES (V.O.) (singing) Dig it, oh-oh-oh, yeah.

A guard with a rifle over his shoulder strolls among the diggers.

SOLO (V.O.) (singing) You got to go dig those holes—

VOICES (V.O.) (singing) Dig it, oh-oh-oh, yeah.

Closeup on BARF BAG, sweating as he shovels dirt out of his hole. Overhead shot of BARF BAG as he slumps wearily.

SOLO (V.O) (singing) You got to go dig those holes—

VOICES (V.O.) (singing) Dig it, oh-oh-oh, yeah.

Overhead view of dozens of holes in the desert, each perfectly round, many containing a digging boy. They look creepy, like insect burrows.

BARF BAG leans on the edge of his hole.

Cut to RATTLESNAKE, swaying hypnotically.

BARF BAG stares at the SNAKE. He turns his head to watch the GUARD, walking away.

ZIGZAG (V.O.) Let me tell you why we’re burnin’ up out here, man. This global warmin’—

Closeup on RATTLESNAKE’s rattle, shaking.

ARMPIT (V.O.) The hole in the ozone is directly above my head.

BARF BAG slowly removes his shoe. SNAKE rattles louder.

MAGNET (V.O.) The hole is in your head!

Laughter from the BOYS, as BARF BAG’s foot slowly approaches the snake. The snake rears its head.

BARF BAG glups, steps closer.

ZIGZAG straightens up in his hole as he throws a shovelful of dirt. He sees what BARF BAG is doing.

BARF BAG walks past ARMPIT, who stares at him.

ARMPIT (alarmed, to BARF BAG) Man, what you doin’?

BARF BAG pauses, looks around.

RATTLESNAKE coils and rattles, redirecting BARF BAG’s attention.

BARF BAG continues walking, as the other BOYS react.

BOYS (V.O.) (speaking over each other) Barf Bag! It ain’t that bad! This ain’t funny, dog. Stop playin’, bro--

X-RAY stares, uncertain what to do.

BARF BAG slowly extends his foot toward the snake.

X-RAY (V.O.) (shouting) Get back, Barf Bag—for real!

BOYS (V.O.) (speaking over each other) Come on! What are you doin’?

ARMPIT (V.O.) C’mon, deal with it, baby!

ZIGZAG (shouting) Barf Bag!

The SNAKE strikes. BARF BAG, in slow motion, screams at the sky.

BARF BAG Aaaaaaaah!

Camera pans up to the blazing sun. Two shapes appear, which soon themselves as a pair of flying sneakers.

EXTERIOR. CITY STREET WITH OVERPASS. AFTERNOON

Overhead shot of STANLEY YELNATS walking along the sidewalk in what appears to be an industrial part of town.

Cut to STANLEY walking toward the camera. Sneakers fall from the sky, hit him on the head and knock him to the ground.

STANLEY (groaning) Oof! Ohhhh . . . .

STANLEY sits up, rubs his head, looks around dazedly.

STANLEY (V.O.) All my life, I seemed to be in the wrong place at the wrong time . . .

(You can find the first three and a half minutes of the movie at this YouTube link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UVOEdRLrwP8)

If you’ve read the book, you may remember that “Barf Bag” never actually appears in the story; the other boys just talk about him, and on the second page the author mentions that boys were sometimes bitten by rattlesnakes. But the screenwriter (who was, of course, the same person as the author) saw Barf Bag as a way to pull the viewer in the story.

Does it work?

Also notice that the movie-viewer will be presented with a some questions than the book-reader. What questions are raised in the first few minutes of the movie that were not addressed in the first page of the book? Write two or three of them here:

______

______

______

What you’ve just seen is the difference between showing and telling. If you ever take a - writing class, the instructor is probably going to tell you over and over that you must learn to show, not just tell. That means, don’t spend a lot of time explaining things to the reader—as much as possible, let the reader get into the and figure out for himself how characters are feeling and why they do the things they do.

Of course, novelists have to explain some things. Louis Sachaar could have begun his novel with the same scene he used to open the movie version, but he decided to first tell the reader about Camp Green Lake. It works because right away he’s got you wondering about what happened to the lake and the town, and in the next very short chapter he’ll have you wondering why boys spend all day digging holes at Camp Green Lake. But after that he can’t delay any longer—he has to introduce Stanley Yelnats and tell how he ended up with a pair of stolen sneakers. Then you’ll be hooked.

With a screenplay, however, the has to start showing very quickly. Some movies begin with a narrator, but the talk can’t last long before something happens.

TRY IT: How good are you at showing? Here’s the beginning of one of the best-loved children’s stories of all time:

Once upon a time there were four little Rabbits, and their names were: Flopsy, Mopsy, Cottontail, and Peter.

They lived with their Mother in a sandbank, underneath the root of a very big fir tree.

"Now, my dears," said old Mrs. Rabbit one morning, "you may go into the fields or down the lane, but don't go into Mr. McGregor's garden - your Father had an accident there; he was put in a pie by Mrs. McGregor."

"Now run along, and don't get into mischief. I am going out."

If you were writing the feature- version of Peter Rabbit (The Great Rabbit Adventure) how would you begin? Get together with a couple of friends and brainstorm the best way to introduce the bunnies with no at all. How would you show that Flop, Mop, and Cotton are good little rabbits, while Peter is not so much? Is there some way you could hint at the trouble he’ll get in to? (I hope you’ve read the story. I you haven’t, you can read it here: https://www.gutenberg.org/files/14838/14838-h/14838-h.htm)

Don’t bother with the full screenplay format this time—just list the characters that will appear, then write each action and each line of dialogue on a separate line. If a is speaking but is not seen, be sure to indicate that with a V.O. (Voice Over) after the character’s name.

You may be more of visual person who enjoys drawing. In that case, use this Basic (print out as many copies as you need) to draw individual images, adding dialogue and action clues in the small boxes above each square.

If rabbits just don’t get your creative juices flowing, here’s an alternate exercise, using one of the oldest David-and-Goliath stories. In fact, it’s the David-and-Goliath story!

The Philistines now mustered their army for battle and camped between Socoh and Azekah. [King] Saul countered by gathering his troops near the valley of Elah. So the Philistines and Israelites faced each other on opposite hills, with the valley between them.

Then Goliath, a Philistine champion from Gath, came out of the ranks to face the forces of Israel. He was a giant of a man, measuring over nine feet tall . . . An armor bearer walked ahead of him carrying a huge shield.

Goliath stood and shouted across to the Israelites, “Do you need a whole army to settle this? Choose someone to fight for you, and I will represent the Philistines. We will settle this dispute in single combat! If your man is able to kill me, then we will be your slaves. But if I kill him, you will be our slaves! I defy the armies of Israel! Send me a man who will fight!” When Saul and the Israelites heard this, they were terrified and deeply shaken.

I Samuel 17:1-11, New Living Translation

Imagine this is the opening scene of the movie version. How would you show it? You’ll have to set the scene, indicating there’s a war on, and we’re in a valley with opposing armies stationed on opposite hills—it’s okay to use a little narration for that. For the rest, invent a few characters and give them names. Some good Bible names are Joash, Benjamin, Amos, Eliezer, Aaron, Joshua, and Ezra. Or you could call them Mike, Rocky, and Slade but it wouldn’t sound very authentic.