A Passing Fancy
Patricia Walker
A Passing Fancy 2
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Performed with special permission from ArtAge Publications’ Senior Theatre Resource Center at 800-858-4998, www.seniortheatre.com
A Passing Fancy © 2020 by Patricia Walker
ArtAge Senior Theatre Resource Center, 800-858-4998, www.seniortheatre.com A Passing Fancy 4
A PASSING FANCY
By Patricia Walker
CAST
FANCY: 40s-50s, owner of Fancy’s Fancies, a gift shop
LUCILLE: 40s-50s, church choir director
CHICK: 40s-50s, schoolteacher, excellent at typing and shorthand
NANCY: 60s-70s, homemaker, wife of Charlie
KATHLEEN: 60s-70s, homemaker, reader of tea leaves, wife of Gordie
BEN: 40s-50s, owner of the hotel
HARRY: 40s-50s, owner of the local weekly newspaper
RUFUS: 40s-50s, up and coming lawyer, works for Charlie
CHARLIE: 60s-70s, lawyer about to retire, husband of Nancy
GORDIE, 60s-70s, proprietor of the Prairie Dog Hill Emporium, husband of Kathleen
Place
A very small town named Prairie Dog Hill, somewhere in the Midwest.
Time
A patriotic holiday, sometime during the first decade of the 20th century.
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SCENE: One continuous scene
Setting: A clearing just off the town square. A patriotic celebration is going on in Prairie Dog Hill, and a few people have wandered away to this quieter spot. There are a picnic table, some benches, a couple of stumps or apple crates pulled up to a taller stump or crate that serve as a “table” and “chairs” for checkers, and a small table and two chairs, or any other configuration of chair and table space, that can serve as a “booth” for reading tea leaves. All songs are in the public domain and can be found in various songbooks. Lyrics are included in the text, some with minor changes to fit the situation.
At Rise: All ten characters come in (from different directions) singing a medley. CHARLIE and GORDIE set up a checkerboard. Dialogue is generally among small groups of characters. The focus switches from one group to another.
OPENING MEDLEY (A medley of: “In the Good Old Summertime,” “Yankee Doodle Dandy,” “Let me Call You Sweetheart,” and “You’re a Grand Old Flag.” Solo lines are indicated; generally, all characters sing some part of several songs as determined by the director/music director.)
ALL (song: “In the Good Old Summertime”) In the good old summertime, in the good old summertime, Strolling through the shady lanes with my baby mine.
HARRY I hold her hand and she holds mine
LUCILLE and that’s a very good sign
RUFUS, GORDIE (song: “Yankee Doodle Dandy”) I'm a Yankee Doodle Dandy, A Yankee Doodle, do or die
BEN, HARRY, CHARLIE A real live nephew of my Uncle Sam
KATHLEEN Born on the Fourth of July
NANCY I've got a Yankee Doodle sweetheart
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FANCY (song: “Let Me Call You Sweetheart”) Let me hear you whisper that you love me too.
GORDIE, KATHLEEN, NANCY, CHARLIE Keep the love-light glowing in your eyes so
CHARLIE (song: “Yankee Doodle Dandy”) She's my Yankee Doodle joy
BEN (song: “Let Me Call You Sweetheart”) Let me call you Sweetheart
GORDIE (song: “You’re a Grand Old Flag”) You're a Grand old flag,
RUFUS You're a high-flying flag
CHICK And forever in peace may you wave.
GORDIE, HARRY, RUFUS, BEN, CHARLIE You're the emblem of the land I love
NANCY, KATHLEEN, FANCY, LUCILLE, CHICK The home of the free and the brave
ALL Ev'ry heart beats true for the Red, White and Blue
HARRY (song: “In the Good Old Summertime”) She’s my tootsie wootsie
ALL (song: “You’re a Grand Old Flag”) Never a boast or brag.
RUFUS, GORDIE (song: “Yankee Doodle Dandy”) Oh I'm a Yankee Doodle Dandy
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ALL (song: “You’re a Grand Old Flag”) Keep your eye on the grand old, eye on the grand Keep your eye on the grand old, eye on the grand Keep your eye on the grand old flag. (Music ends)
CHARLIE: Not as hot as it usually is this time of year.
GORDIE: Boy howdy. (Insert Spring, Summer, Fall, depending on which patriotic holiday is being celebrated) _____ in the Midwest generally saps the juice right out of you. (beat) You ready to have the pants whupped off you.?
CHARLIE: What? By you?
GORDIE: None other.
CHARLIE: You got two bits you want to lay down on that?
GORDIE: (fishing in his pockets) I speck I can find a quarter.
NANCY: (looking over at the two) You boys trying to gamble over there?
CHARLIE: Who?
GORDIE: Not us. (hands back out of his pockets)
(The focus switches.)
LUCILLE: (pointing toward the town square they’ve just left) That was fun. The band sounds really good this year.
CHICK: Must be the new lead trumpet player.
LUCILLE: Why do you say that?
CHICK: Oh, come on, Lucille. It’s no secret you’ve been keeping company with Harry Bennet.
LUCILLE: Oh. (beat) So we haven’t been all that discreet, huh?
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CHICK: And why should you be? You’re both single people in the prime of life. You’re entitled to all the happiness you can find with each other.
LUCILLE: Do you really think so, Chick? I’ve always tried to maintain a certain, well, decorum as the mayor’s widow. I didn’t want to set tongues wagging.
CHICK: Everybody knows you were a good wife to Herb for 27 years. But he’s been gone now, what, five years?
LUCILLE: Six and a half, actually.
CHICK: Need I say more?
LUCILLE: Thanks, Chick. Your encouragement really means a lot. I haven’t felt like this since Herb and I were courting 30 years ago. I’m a middle-aged woman and I feel like I’m nineteen again.
CHICK: My goodness gracious. You sound like you might be head over heels.
LUCILLE: Truth be told, Chick, I am. That is exactly what I am.
SONG: I’M JUST WILD ABOUT HARRY
(Every song has a solo part sung by the character listed, and then all other characters or certain selected characters join the second iteration.)
LUCILLE I’m just wild about Harry and Harry’s wild about me. The heavenly blisses of his kisses fill me with ecstasy. He’s sweet just like choc’late candy and just like honey from the bee. Oh, I’m just wild about Harry and he’s just wild about me.
CHICK Hey! She's just wild about Harry
LUCILLE and Harry’s wild about me.
CHICK The heavenly blisses of his kisses fill her with ecstasy.
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NANCY He’s sweet just like (spoken) choc’late candy?
LUCILLE And just like honey from the bee.
CHICK Oh, she's just wild about Harry
LUCILLE and he’s just wild about me.
NANCY Yes, he’s just wild about,
CHICK Cannot do without,
NANCY, CHICK He’s just wild about
LUCILLE , NANCY, CHICK Meeeeeeeeeee / (harmony) (Music ends)
LUCILLE: (singing) He’s just wild about me!
CHICK: (hugging Lucille) Oh, Lucille, I’m so happy for you.
LUCILLE: Um, while we’re on the subject of happiness, do you and Rufus Brown have any major plans? Not that it’s any of my business, you understand.
CHICK: We’ve talked a little. He’s only just now getting on his feet in his new profession, so he’s been a tad cautious.
LUCILLE: Cautious? Rufus Brown? Are we talking about the same person?
CHICK: I know. It sounds odd, doesn’t it? Everybody sees him as a little impulsive.
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LUCILLE: A little impulsive. If you looked up “impulsive” in the dictionary, you’d see a picture of Rufus Brown. So, what’s it all about, this caution? Not that it’s any of my business you understand.
CHICK: Well, he enjoys working in Charlie Windsor’s legal office. Apparently, Charlie’s thinking about retiring.
LUCILLE: I’ve heard Nancy mention it.
CHICK: Rufus says Charlie’s willing to let him take over the law practice and is giving him a rent-to-buy option on the office building. Rufus says he’s never owned property before; he’s always rented.
LUCILLE: But you’ve talked a little? About…?
CHICK: Well, before Charlie offered him the rent-to-buy, Rufus was talking like he was ready to settle down. Wife, house, picket fence, the whole bit. Now that being a property owner is a real possibility – well, actually, a probability – he seems a little nervous. Hence, this uncustomary caution.
LUCILLE: Yes, I can see that. Where do you stand in all this? Not that it’s any of my business, you understand.
CHICK: Let’s just say I’m still feeling very kindly toward Mr. Brown’s attention. I’ve been widowed for fourteen years, and I never thought I’d find love again.
LUCILLE: It’s kind of fun being nineteen again, isn’t it?
The focus switches to the checker game. Nancy joins Chick and Lucille. They pantomime conversation.
GORDIE: So you’re really going to do it this time, eh?
CHARLIE: I reckon.
GORDIE: You made noises about it two years ago, but nothing came of it.
CHARLIE: That was before Rufus Brown showed up. He was postmaster over in Jackrabbit for years, and upped and decided to go to law school down at the state university.
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GORDIE: Just like that?
CHARLIE: Just like that. Graduated about a year and a half ago and got his diploma privilege right away. He has a strange sense of humor and some newfangled ideas, but I think I’m willing to trust him. He’ll take care of us right well.
GORDIE: What newfangled ideas does he have that you don’t like?
CHARLIE: Well, for one thing, he thinks we should get one of those telephones in the legal office.
GORDIE: What’s wrong with that? Telephones aren’t exactly new, you know.
CHARLIE: And just how many telephones are there in Prairie Dog Hill?
GORDIE: Only two that I know of. One in the bank—
CHARLIE: Right next door to the legal office.
GORDIE: And one in the hotel.
CHARLIE: Right across the street from the legal office. Now why should I pay good money for a machine that can only call the bank or the hotel when I can walk out of my office and be in either one of those places in less than one-minute flat?
GORDIE: Well, Charlie, Prairie Dog Hill isn’t the only place in the world, you know. You could call out to other towns.
CHARLIE: Do you have any idea what that would cost? No, siree, the telephone’s just not going to catch on in a small town like this one. Mark my words, it’s just a passing fancy. Next thing you know, he’ll be wanting to petition the council to bring electricity into town.
GORDIE: Well, I should hope so!
CHARLIE: Passing fancy. Mark my words. (makes a triple jump on the checkerboard) You should be paying more attention to your game than listening to the ladies gossip and worrying about telephones and electric lights.
GORDIE: Dang.
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(The focus switches to Ben, Rufus, and Harry, in a cluster off to the side.)
BEN: Rufus, was it hard going to law school at your age?
RUFUS: The work wasn’t all that bad. A lot of reading, analyzing, figuring things out. But the hardest part was being in classes with 22 and 23-year-olds. Made me cringe to think of how full of myself I must have been at that age.
HARRY: Weren’t we all? Weren’t we all? I don’t know that I could concentrate long enough at my age to read and analyze and figure things out. My hat’s off to you. You’ve probably got, what, ten or fifteen good years to work as a lawyer if you want to?
RUFUS: If I want to.
HARRY: Ben, didn’t I see a notice come across my desk to go out in next week’s paper that you’re looking for a hotel manager? You expecting so much summer business it’ll take two of you?
BEN: I wish. (beat) No, don’t talk this around town yet, but there’s a strong likelihood I’ll be leaving Prairie Dog Hill for a while. My brother-in-law’s in poor health and my sister wants me to come home and take over the family hotel chain back east.
RUFUS: And you’re going to do it?
BEN: Yeah. It’s family, know what I mean? (they nod) I haven’t quite decided if I can hire a local manager here or if I’m going to have to sell out altogether.
HARRY: Geez, that’s tough. You’ve been running that hotel for more than 20 years.
BEN: Yep. Twenty-two.
HARRY: I’m going to hate to see you go. (they do some sort of man thing: a punch on the shoulder or the like)
RUFUS: I’m thinking someone else might hate to see you go. You figuring to leave Miss Fancy?
BEN: Lord, I hope not.
RUFUS: Ah. Serious plans?
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BEN: You could say that. (pulls ring box out of his pocket and shows them the engagement ring) She is one fine woman. And the best thing that’s ever come into my life. But I haven’t mentioned marriage yet. She had a bad experience in her first marriage, and I’ve been courting her kind of slowly, you know?
HARRY: Does she know you have to leave?
BEN: We’ve talked about it. She knows I have to go back east at some point, but I haven’t said exactly when. When I try to tell her how important she is to me, she changes the subject and says we should talk about this later. So I don’t push.
RUFUS: How much time do you think you have?
BEN: Not much, I’m afraid. If my family needs me before Fancy’s ready to hear me out…well…I don’t know what my choice will be.
(The focus switches to Kathleen and Fancy sitting at a table drinking tea from cups.)
KATHLEEN: (Fancy nods to questions and follows every direction) Your tea’s almost gone? Now swirl your cup three times. See how the leaves are sticking to the sides? Now turn your cup upside down into your saucer and take a couple of breaths. Do you feel nice and calm? Okay, now turn your teacup right side up and talk about what you see.
FANCY: Oh, the leaves are spread out all around the inside of the cup. That happened when I swirled? (Kathleen nods) And I can see some shapes. Look, does that look like a butterfly to you?
KATHLEEN: It does. And a butterfly usually suggests overdue happiness. What does that say to you?
FANCY: Interesting that it’s the first shape I picked out. In the past few months, I’ve seen some happiness come into my life, and, yes, it was long overdue.
KATHLEEN: When you moved here several years ago and opened your shop, you seemed so very unhappy. Your face had forgotten how to smile.
FANCY: Yes, I was in a bad situation for too many years. It’s behind me now, thank goodness.
KATHLEEN: Then let’s see what’s ahead of you. What else do you see?
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FANCY: This little blob over here looks like a bridge. I can make out the floor of the bridge and the rails.
KATHLEEN: Yes, I see it, too. A bridge suggests a life-changing event. Or maybe a person. Or maybe the person brings about the event. We need to look at the shapes nearby for some explanation.
FANCY: Here’s a heart.
KATHLEEN: Yes, and as you can imagine, a heart generally suggests love. Romance.
FANCY: I don’t think I’m ready for romance, Kathleen. Maybe we should move on.
KATHLEEN: You may not think you’re ready, but the tea leaves say otherwise. They suggest a life-changing event involving romance. What else do you see near the bridge?
FANCY: Well, on this side there’s a broom.
KATHLEEN: Mm-hmm. A new home or a new era in your life. I’m going to talk to you as a friend now, Fancy, and not a reader of tea leaves. You said you were in a bad situation for too many years, and it certainly left its scars. But it’s behind you now, is that right? (Fancy nods) Your tea leaves say you may be poised for romance and a new environment, but you seem reluctant. Doubtful. Would it help if you talked about the problem from your past?
FANCY: It might. Are you sure you want to hear it?
KATHLEEN: I’m a good listener. Try me.
FANCY: I was eighteen when an elderly business associate of my father’s started to pay attention to me. He needed a pretty lady on his arm, he said, at social and business gatherings. My mother was against it, but my father respected him, so off I went to the opera and the theatre and the occasional dinner party. Then my mother died unexpectedly and everything changed. Before I knew it, I had married him. Not for love, of course, but for security.
KATHLEEN: And did you come to love him?
FANCY: I admired and respected him. But I’m not sure I’ve ever known love.
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SONG: A BIRD IN A GILDED CAGE
(with minor changes to lyrics to better fit the story)
FANCY I was only a bird in a gilded cage, a beautiful sight to see. You may think I was happy and free from care, I was not though I seemed to be. ‘Tis sad when you think of my wasted life, for youth cannot mate with age And my beauty was sold for an old man’s gold; I was a bird in a gilded cage.
FANCY, LUCILLE, CHICK, NANCY, KATHLEEN I was only a bird in a gilded cage, a beautiful sight to see. You may think I was happy and free from care, I was not though I seemed to be.
FANCY, LUCILLE, CHICK, NANCY, KATHLEEN ‘Tis sad when I think of your wasted life, for youth cannot mate with age And your beauty was sold for an old man’s gold,
FANCY, LUCILLE, CHICK, NANCY, KATHLEEN I was a bird in a gilded cage.
(Music ends. Fancy sits and they pantomime more conversation as the focus switches to Lucille, Chick, and Nancy.)
LUCILLE: Is that Kathleen?
NANCY: Yes.
LUCILLE: She reads tea leaves?
NANCY: Yes, you didn’t know that?
LUCILLE: Not at all. When did she start that?
NANCY: Oh, probably when she was about four or five.
LUCILLE: Excuse me?
CHICK: Yeah, she’s the real thing.
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LUCILLE: The real thing?
NANCY: Mm-hmm. She was born in County Galway just outside of Ballybrit on Galway Bay. Her mother, her grandmother, and her great-grandmother all had the sight and they found out when she was just a wee child that she has it, too.
LUCILLE: Chick, you knew about this?
CHICK: Yes. And I’ve had a few readings. I think she’s very good
LUCILLE: I knew she was Irish, but I had no idea she was a fortune teller.
CHICK: I used the phrase “fortune telling,” too, when I first went for a reading. But Kathleen says she doesn’t tell your fortune. She just uses the tea leaves as a tool to help people get in touch with things deep in their own minds and hearts they might not recognize otherwise.
LUCILLE: Uhm, what does that mean, exactly?
NANCY: Why don’t you ask her? Looks like she’s headed this way (Kathleen approaches)
LUCILLE: I don’t know. I’m not sure I believe in this “having the sight” thing.
KATHLEEN: Did your elders tell you there’s no such thing? (Lucille nods) And that getting information from your intuition or your psyche couldn’t be done?
LUCILLE: Yes. Exactly.
KATHLEEN: Did you ever stop to think that it’s only the people who can’t do it who say it can’t be done? Those of us who actually can do it know better than to say foolish things like that. Tell me something, Lucille. Do you believe in the law of gravity?
LUCILLE: Of course.
KATHLEEN: If you didn’t, do you think gravity would care?
LUCILLE: I think I see where you’re going with this. If something is true, it doesn’t require that you believe in it. It’s going to be true with or without your approval.
KATHLEEN: Pretty much.
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(The focus switches to the guys.)
RUFUS: You mean that Oldsmobile parked by the bandstand is yours? I thought maybe it belonged to some rich fella coming in from Wichita or St. Louis or Oklahoma City for the parade. Man, it stands out over there all by itself.
HARRY: Yeah. It’s hard to figure out where to put it. Some cities have designated sections for nothing but automobiles when you’re not using them. They call them parking lots.
RUFUS: No kiddin’.
BEN: Yeah, I’ve seen them, Rufe. A bunch of cities back east have parking lots.
RUFUS: What won’t they think of next? Say, Harry, would it be all right if I went back there and really looked your car over?
HARRY: Sure. Come on. I’ll go, too, and answer all your questions. We might even take a ride. Ben, you coming?
BEN: Nah, you two go on. I’ll mosey over and check out the checkers.
RUFUS: Take a ride? (Harry and Rufus exit to wherever they can go offstage.)
(Ben crosses to Charlie and Gordie at the checkerboard)
BEN: Do we have a clear winner?
GORDIE: Uh-uh. Same as usual. Split pretty near down the middle. Three games for Charlie and two for me, but I’m about to take him in this one.
CHARLIE: Where’d your two buddies go without you?
BEN: Rufus was all googly eyed over Harry’s Oldsmobile, so they went over to the bandstand to look at it.
CHARLIE: Bunch of foolishness, bringing that big old thing into Prairie Dog Hill. What does anybody in this town need with a motor car?
BEN: You don’t think it’s the wave of the future, Charlie?
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CHARLIE: Wave of the future, my Aunt Minnie. The dad-burned thing runs on gasoline and I read in Harry’s newspaper that over in Wichita, gasoline costs seven cents a gallon. Who’s gonna be fool enough to pay that price? And where’s our friend Harry going to buy his gasoline? Hmmm? Answer me that.
GORDIE: Harry has approached me about installing a gasoline pump at the emporium.
CHARLIE: Well, I hope you set him straight. What would you do with a gasoline pump once this whole motor car craze dies out? Nothing but a passing fancy, if you ask me. You think somebody in every town up and down the state, across the country, is gonna be fool enough to put in a gasoline pump?
GORDIE: I just might be fool enough to do it.
CHARLIE: You can’t mean that!
GORDIE: I do mean that. I agree with Ben. I think motor cars are the wave of the future, and we’re all going to have one before it’s over.
CHARLIE: Well, not me. I can promise you that.
GORDIE: You got two bits you want to lay down on that?
CHARLIE: (reaching into his pocket) I would certainly think so.
KATHLEEN: (from wherever she happens to be – and with a big smile) You boys trying to gamble over there?
CHARLIE: Who? (hands out of pocket)
GORDIE: Not us.
CHARLIE: Looks like your wife has an eagle eye, too, just like mine.
GORDIE: You spoke a mouthful there. I can’t complain, though. You saw that smile. She’s kept me in line for over fifty years with that beautiful Irish smile. I know this town’s full of fine women. Charlie, you’re married to one of them yourself. But there’s not a one finer than Kathleen Mary Houlihan O’Brien.
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BEN: She does seem like a very nice lady.
GORDIE: Son, that very nice lady is an angel. She never raises her voice. She never complains or criticizes. She’s never spiteful or judgmental. I don’t know how she stays so peaceful all the time.
CHARLIE: Lordy, I’d think being that near perfect would come close to wearing a person out.
GORDIE: Well, Charlie, now that you bring it up, I have noticed that she’s seemed a bit quiet lately. Maybe even sad. Didn’t give it much thought ‘til you just now brought it up. I’ll have to think on that a while. (Charlie makes a jump) Whoa, didn’t see that one coming.
(The focus switches to the women.)
NANCY: Yeah, now that you mention it, you both have unusual names. (pointing to Chick and Fancy)
LUCILLE: When we were children, before you moved away, we called you Charlene, and when you came back four years ago, you were Chick. What’s the story? Not that it’s any of my business, you understand.
CHICK: (playfully) For crying out loud, Lucille, stop saying that. You can ask me anything you want at any time. Well, you remember I was just a young teen when we moved to Jackrabbit. When I was 20, I married an older man. Well, he wasn’t that much older, I guess; he was 38. We had some very good years until he started having trouble with his heart. I was only 36 when he died, but after taking care of him for nine years, I felt like I was as old as he was. I dressed old, I acted old, and I’m sure I must have looked old.
NANCY: I can’t believe that.
CHICK: Believe it. Then one day at a church social about three years after Warren died, a new man in town started paying me some attention. Well, I was in such a rut that I was quick to tell him, “Hey, I’m no spring chicken.” And he came back with, “Well, ma’am, that’s where you’re wrong. You’re as fine a spring chicken as I’ve ever seen.” That’s all it took for the church ladies. From that day to this, I’ve been Chick.
NANCY: That explains Chick. How about you, Fancy?
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FANCY: Seems I decided to show up three weeks before I was expected, and my parents were out in the country helping out with my sick grandmother, so my mom couldn’t make it to Boston General.
KATHLEEN: Born in a hospital!
FANCY: That was the plan, but it didn’t work out that way. The delivery wasn’t difficult, so I’m told, but the midwife either couldn’t hear or couldn’t spell, so when my father told her my name was to be Francine Troy Hotchkiss, she wrote down Fancy Toy Hotchkiss.
NANCY: Fancy Toy! Oh, my word! What a crazy burden for a pretty little girl to carry.
LUCILLE: Couldn’t your parents get the birth certificate corrected?
FANCY: Yes, and probably any other family would have jumped right on it. But it required filing fees and paperwork at the state capital, and my father was having none of it. Fortunately, my mother had a pretty good head on her shoulders and talked me through the worst of the embarrassments until I learned to handle it on my own. Once in a while, it even worked out to my advantage.
NANCY: Like now? With your shop?
FANCY: That’s one of the best examples. Who else could open a gift shop to sell fancy things and call it Fancy’s Fancies?
NANCY: I just love your shop. Tell me where you find all those beautiful things. (they walk away toward a bench and sit)
Kathleen walks to the guys at the checkerboard, puts her hands on Gordie’s shoulders. He looks up at her.
KATHLEEN: Having a good time?
GORDIE: Yes, I am, and it’s about to get better. (holds up a finger as if to say “just a minute.” Makes a double jump) And that’s the end of you, Charlie Windsor. Now we’re tied again at three all.
CHARLIE: Dang.
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GORDIE: (turns to Kathleen) And how about you?
KATHLEEN: I’m having a wonderful day. And that little hibachi you set up under my table over there did a great job of keeping my teakettle hot. You’re so smart. (leans down and kisses him on the forehead or some such show of affection) See that apple tree over there?
GORDIE: Mmm-hmm. Do you want me to pick you an apple?
KATHLEEN: No, but it’s sweet of you to ask. I was just remembering the day you asked me to marry you.
GORDIE: My goodness, what made you think of that?
KATHLEEN: I think we have a right fair share of romance brewing up in this little town. It takes me back. Do you remember? It was under a tree just about like that one.
SONG: IN THE SHADE OF THE OLD APPLE TREE
KATHLEEN In the shade of the old apple tree, where the love in your eyes I could see, When the voice that I heard, like the song of a bird, seemed to whisper sweet music to me. I could hear the dull buzz of the bee, in the blossoms as you said to me, “With a heart that is true, I’ll be waiting for you, in the shade of the old apple tree.”
KATHLEEN (Melody), GORDIE (Harmony) In the shade of the old apple tree, where the love in your eyes I could see, When the voice that I heard, like the song of a bird, seemed to whisper sweet music to me. I could hear the dull buzz of the bee, in the blossoms as you said to me, “With a heart that is true, I’ll be waiting for you, in the shade of the old apple tree.”
KATHLEEN , GORDIE (Accompaniment for one more time through as Kathleen and Gordie waltz)
(Harry and Rufus come back and go to Lucille and Chick.)
RUFUS: Chick, you should see Harry’s Oldsmobile. It is just amazing. I think I ought to get one, too. He took me for a ride. Oh, Chick. Oh, my. I can’t even begin to describe it.
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CHICK: Uhm, Rufus, how did you have in mind to pay for this grand motor car?
(Harry and Lucille discreetly slip away to the side.)
RUFUS: I have enough right now for the down payment. And you know my job is going well, so I’m pretty sure—
CHICK: Rufus, didn’t you tell me the money you’ve put aside is for the rent on Charlie’s legal office?
RUFUS: Yes, but—
CHICK: And do you have enough money for both the rent and the down payment on the car?
RUFUS: No, but—
SONG: WHATCHA GOIN’ DO WHEN THE RENT COMES ROUND?
RUFUS: C-H-I-C-K-E-N. (Chick and Rufus sing their parts once; then the women join Chick and the men join Rufus; then all characters sing their parts at the same time in counterpoint.)
CHICK Rufus Reilly Johnson Brown, oh whatcha gonna do when the rent comes ‘round? Whatcha gonna do-oo, whatcha gonna say-ay, Can’t pay the rent ‘til the break of day-ay. You know, I know, ev’rybody knows, you can’t pay the rent if you haven’t got the dough. Rufus Reilly Johnson Brown, whatcha gonna do when the rent comes ‘round?
RUFUS “C” is the way to begin and “H” is the second letter in And “I” in the middle of the word, and “C” you’ve already heard And “K” is nearing the end, the “E” and then the “N.” C-H-I-C-K-E-N. That’s the way to spell Chicken.
CHICK, NANCY, KATHLEEN, FANCY, LUCILLE Rufus Reilly Johnson Brown, oh whatcha gonna do when the rent comes ‘round? Whatcha gonna do-oo, whatcha gonna say-ay, Can’t pay the rent ‘til the break of day-ay.
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You know, I know, ev’rybody knows, you can’t pay the rent if you haven’t go the dough. Rufus Reilly Johnson Brown, whatcha gonna do when the rent comes ‘round?
RUFUS , GORDIE, HARRY, BEN, CHARLIE “C” is the way to begin and “H” is the second letter in And “I” in the middle of the word, and “C” you’ve already heard And “K” is nearing the end, the “E” and then the “N.” C-H-I-C-K-E-N. That’s the way to spell Chicken.
(One more time, men singing their part and women singing their part simultaneously.)
(All characters break off into couples. Pantomiming quiet conversation and/or any appropriate actions. Focus goes to Harry and Lucille)
LUCILLE: Rufus sure does like your fancy motor car.
HARRY: Yeah, but it looks like he’s not going to be in the market for one for a while. I think he’s more serious about Chick than he is about a car.
LUCILLE: Looks that way. And I happen to know Chick is pretty serious about him, too.
HARRY: How about you, Lucille? Are you serious about anyone?
LUCILLE: I might be. Did you have someone in mind?
SONG: IN MY MERRY OLDSMOBILE
(Harry pulls out engagement ring at some point)
HARRY Come away with me, Lucille In my merry Oldsmobile Down the road of life we'll fly Automobubbling, you and I To the church we'll swiftly steal Then our wedding bells will peal You can go as far as you like with me In my merry Oldsmobile.
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MEN: (In counterpoint) Oom-pah-pah
WOMEN: They love to "spark" in the dark old park as they go flying along She says she knows why the motor goes; the "sparker" is awfully strong Each day they "spoon" to the engine's tune; their honeymoon will happen soon He'll spin Lucille in his Oldsmobile; she'll hear him fondly croon ...
MEN: (In counterpoint) Oom-pah-pah HARRY Come away with me, Lucille, In my merry Oldsmobile Down the road of life we'll fly, Automobubbling, you and (I)
LUCILLE (singing) I'm just wild about Harry and Harry's wild about –
HARRY She's just wild about –
LUCILLE, HARRY (in harmony) S/He’s just wild about Meeeeeeeeeee
(Charlie and Gordie return to checkerboard. Chick and Rufus pantomime close conversation; so do Harry and Lucille. Ben kibitzes checker players and keeps glancing over at Fancy, who is in conversation with Nancy and Kathleen.)
KATHLEEN: Looks like I was right about the romance brewing here in town.
NANCY: Yep. Looks like.
FANCY: That’s nice for them. I’m glad thoughts of love are making them all happy.
KATHLEEN: How about you, Darlin’? A certain hotel owner seems to have quite a lot of respect for a certain fancy shop owner.
FANCY: Yes, it’s true that Ben and I have been seeing each other. Sometimes I sense he wants to get a bit serious, so I’m quick to steer the conversation to a safer topic.
NANCY: A safer topic?
KATHLEEN: Safer than what, Darlin’?
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FANCY: Safer than love. Romance. Marriage. (almost shudders)
KATHLEEN: Safer than happiness?
FANCY: What do you mean?
KATHLEEN: The butterfly says overdue happiness; the bridge says a life-changing event; the heart says love; and the broom says a new home or a new era in your life.
FANCY: (considering) You think those pictures you saw in the tea leaves actually mean something in my life?
KATHLEEN: Your heart showed you those pictures, and then you showed them to me. Remember?
FANCY: I, uh, I might need to think quietly for a few minutes.
KATHLEEN: I think that’s a good idea.
(Kathleen and Nancy go to checkerboard.)
NANCY: Ben, do you play checkers?
BEN: Not like these guys do. They turn it into an art form. They’re too good for me. I just have to leave them to it. (Ben moves to Fancy, and they pantomime serious conversation.)
CHARLIE: Hmmph. We might make an art form out of it if Gordie had a little more skill.
GORDIE: If I had more skill? You’ve been just plain sloppy all day.
CHARLIE: Then how come I’m up four games to three? Hmm? Tell me that.
GORDIE: Well, just hold your horses. After the next game, we’ll be even again, and then I’ll take you in the one after that. You can’t hold onto that streak of luck all day.
CHARLIE: Streak of luck? Streak of luck? Have you lost your last few brain cells?
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(Ben goes down on one knee. All conversation stops, and everyone looks at him and Fancy. He holds out the ring. She nods. They fall into each others’ arms. All others applaud and cheer.)
SONG: THERE’LL BE A HOT TIME IN THE OLD TOWN TONIGHT
BEN When you hear those bells go ding a ling, All join round, and sweetly you must sing And when the verse is through, in the chorus all join in There’ll be a hot time in the old town tonight.
FANCY Please, Oh, Please! Oh, do not let me fall. You are mine, and I love you best of all. You'll be my man, or I'll have no man at all.
ALL There’ll be a hot time in the old town tonight.
BEN My baby, when you hear those bells go ding a ling, All join round and sweetly you must sing
BEN & FANCY And when the verse is through, in the chorus all join in
ALL There’ll be a hot time in the old town tonight. When you hear those bells go ding a ling, All join round and sweetly you must sing And when the verse is through, in the chorus all join in There’ll be a hot time in the old town tonight. There’ll be a hot time in the old town tonight.
Lucille and Chick run to Fancy to admire her engagement ring. Lucille shows off her ring. Chick sighs and looks wistfully over to Rufus who is standing with Harry and Ben. He looks sheepish, shrugs, pulls a ring box out of his pocket and takes it over to Chick. She throws her arms around him, and once again, all applaud. At some point here, Nancy and Kathleen join the women. Harry and Ben drift toward checkerboard. Rufus moves toward men.
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HARRY: So I guess that means you and Fancy will be leaving us.
BEN: It’s such a relief not to have to choose between the family I love and the woman I love.
LUCILLE: What will happen to your shop, Fancy? You’ve put so much work into it these past few years.
FANCY: Yes, I have. But I can let it go. Children grow up and move on. I can let Fancy’s Fancies move on to another owner. (laughs) At least, I can say that now. It might be a different story when I see who comes forward to buy it. If anyone does.
NANCY: (almost unbelieving) You’re going to sell your shop? (men now listening to women’s conversation)
FANCY: I suppose so. Do you know anyone who might like to have it?
NANCY: (wistfully) I’ve always wanted to have a pretty little shop. But there was never the time or opportunity. Just think. It could be Nancy’s Fancies.
KATHLEEN: I’ve heard you mention it a few times over the years. (hand on Fancy’s shoulder sort of moving her toward Nancy). Why don’t you and Fancy discuss the possibilities?
CHARLIE: (stands) There will be no discussion of this topic. Opportunities or possibilities need not be mentioned. (quiet gasps of dismay, Nancy’s face falls. Charlie moves to Nancy, almost in her face, still speaking sternly) Nancy Windsor, if you think you want to run a fancy shop, (voice loses sternness, becomes gentle and loving) I am behind you one hundred percent. (applause and cheering. Nancy hugs Charlie.)
GORDIE: So you’re passing Fancies from Fancy to Nancy. There you go, Charlie. There’s your passing fancy. (Charlie shakes his head and puts up his hands in surrender.)
HARRY: How about your hotel, Ben? Nancy probably doesn’t want to run that, too.
NANCY: Nope. Nancy’s Fancies is enough for me.
BEN: Well, Harry, I suppose you’ll have to run that notice in your newspaper. Apparently, now I’m actively looking for a buyer. Unless I can find a long-term manager.
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RUFUS: Are you figuring to come back to Prairie Dog Hill?
BEN: Miss Fancy?
FANCY: I love Prairie Dog Hill.
BEN: Nothing would make me happier than to stay with my family as long as they need me and then to bring the fabulous Miss Fancy back to Prairie Dog Hill.
LUCILLE: (to Ben) Give us a second. (gathers Chick, Rufus, and Harry into a huddle)
GORDIE: What do you suppose that’s all about? Looks like a mighty serious confab going on.
The others watch with interest as the huddle meets for a few more seconds and then breaks up.
LUCILLE: Chick and I will manage your hotel as long as you’re gone. What do you say?
BEN: You mean it? All of you? Rufus? Harry?
RUFUS: Charlie said it best. We’re behind them one hundred percent.
(Handshakes, hugs, general congratulations all around. The group separates into three clusters: Ben, Fancy, Charlie, and Nancy pantomime conversation; Harry, Lucille, Rufus, and Chick pantomime conversation; Gordie and Kathleen move to center.)
KATHLEEN: What a happy day for Prairie Dog Hill.
GORDIE: Does being here in Prairie Dog Hill make you happy?
KATHLEEN: Of course it does, Gordie. Being wherever you are makes me happy.
GORDIE: Sometimes you’re not as happy as you could be. I see you staring off into space. And then you sigh. You seem almost sad.
KATHLEEN: (quietly) Oh. (beat) I didn’t know you had noticed.
GORDIE: I noticed. You’re missing your family, aren’t you? Your homeland.
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KATHLEEN: Oh, Gordie, how did you know? If only I could see Ireland one more time before I die—
SONG: I’LL TAKE YOU HOME AGAIN, KATHLEEN
GORDIE I’ll take you home again, Kathleen, across the ocean wild and wide To where your heart has ever been, since first you were my bonny bride. The roses all have left your cheek. I’ve watched them fade away and die. Your voice is sad whene’er you speak, and tears bedim your loving eyes. Oh, I will take you back, Kathleen, to where your heart will feel no pain. And when the fields are fresh and green, I’ll take you to your home again.
(Charlie and Nancy move away from Ben and Fancy. The focus switches to them.)
CHARLIE: Thank goodness it’s cooled off a little now that the sun has gone down.
NANCY: It’s been a long, hot day. But, oh, Charlie, it’s been just wonderful. And twilight’s always a beautiful time of day.
SONG: LOVE’S OLD SWEET SONG
CHARLIE , NANCY Just a song at twilight, when the lights are low And the flick’ring shadows softly come and go. Now our hearts are happy, glad the day and long, And to us at twilight comes loves old song, Comes loves old sweet song.
NANCY, KATHLEEN, FANCY, LUCILLE, CHICK Just a song at twilight, when the lights are low
CHARLIE, GORDIE, HARRY, RUFUS, BEN And the flick’ring shadows softly come and go.
NANCY, KATHLEEN, FANCY, LUCILLE, CHICK Now our hearts are happy, glad the day and long,
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ALL And to us at twilight comes loves old song, Comes loves old sweet song.
KATHLEEN: It has been a wonderful day. I almost hate to see it end.
FANCY, CHICK, LUCILLE: (in a line, holding their left hands out in front of them, admiring their rings) Yeah.
(Harry, Ben, and Rufus move behind their ladies, put their arms around them or move to the side and face them, taking their hands, or some such, on Charlie’s next line.)
CHARLIE: This is one _____ (Fourth of July, Flag Day, Presidents Day, Veteran’s Day, Memorial Day, or whatever day is being celebrated) we won’t soon forget.
HARRY, BEN, RUFUS: Yeah.
BEN: Hey, folks, didn’t I promise you a party? Everyone down to the hotel and I’ll break out the champagne. We all have something to celebrate.
REPRISE: THERE’LL BE A HOT TIME IN THE OLD TOWN TONIGHT
BEN When you hear those bells go ding a ling, All join round, and sweetly you must sing And when the verse is through, in the chorus all join in
ALL There’ll be a hot time in the old town tonight.
MEN My baby, when you hear those bells go ding a ling, All join round and sweetly you must sing
WOMEN And when the verse is through, in the chorus all join in
ALL There’ll be a hot time in the old town tonight.
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Directors Note: you may insert a dance break here if you would like.
ALL When you hear those bells go ding a ling, All join round, and sweetly you must sing And when the verse is through, in the chorus all join in
ALL There’ll be a hot time in the old town tonight. There’ll be a hot time in the old town tonight. There’ll be a hot time in the old town tonight.
THE END
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