Freshmen Interview Teachers Hot Topics Horoscopes Pg. 2 Pg. 3 Pg. 4 Pg. 7 CONARD Current

Editor’s Note First Look at Editor-In-Chief, Sophie Appicelli, Julia Monyak, and Bella Gradante The Red C Welcome to the first is- words, you can also think of the By: John Cannon sue of the Conard 2015-2016 newspaper as the source of all school year, and more specifi- the current events occurring in cally the first issue ever of the and around our school commu- “Conard Current.” Yep, you nity. So there you have it, three read this correctly. After a meanings in one name…Pretty long, extensive search for the clever if you ask us. most fitting new title, we have Even in the beginning finally decided on one that we months of this school year, it is feel perfectly embodies the clear that there are a lot of new essence of this newspaper. It things going on, in and out of the was the brilliant mind of Bella Conard community. Between the Photo: Charlotte Leyland Gradante, our newest co-Edi- new teachers, a new fan group tor, who thought of the name. name, a new bachelor of the response, really well thought In recent months, Conard’s At first look, you might be month, new political activity, and out.” After that question we fan section, The Red C, previous- confused. Why is it spelled moved on to the topic of the more, it would seem like noth- ly known as The Tribe, has been c-u-r-r-e-n-t? Aren’t newspa- name, already a touchy subject ing is remaining the same. This, in hot water for supposedly racist pers with this title spelled as however, is far from the truth. chants and the famous Conard vs. for those who have been around The Tribe their entire high “courant?” If you are think- Through the articles included in Hall basketball fight that players ing this, you have a point. this issue, you will see that we and members of the audience par- school career. Bob explained that However, we wanted to make can still rely on the continuous ticipated in. These events caused there was a choice between two the title more personal to the hard work of Student Coun- changes that were unfavourable possible names, “The Red C” Conard community. As you cil, the now returning tradition for the student fan section, such or “The C Section,” both clever all know, Conard has under- as higher security at games and names, but the name The Red C of Homecoming, the typically gone some recent changes in much stricter punishments for was chosen in the end. This was strange responses of the new its name and logo. One of the inappropriate behavior at sport- most definitely a well thought freshman, and of course the nev- ing events. These events forced out list, I’d like to see the scratch biggest changes was the name er ending disgust of PDA from the fan section to leave the glory paper they brainstormed on. of the student fan group, which Joe Duva. So sit back, relax, and days of The Tribe behind them The question I empha- has replaced the former name, read, and we can guarantee your and try to repair their image. This sized the most was, why are we The Tribe, with The Red C. time won’t be wasted. Thanks to new start began with the name giving so much? For example, By spelling the title like one everyone who submitted articles The Red C. In my long journey we changed the name and the would spell an ocean or sea for this issue, there is plenty of discovering all I needed to know logo, yet we haven’t gotten current,we are able to main- intriguing and exciting content in about the new fan group I had the anything in return like a fan bus tain some coherence between the following pages. privilege to sit down with one of for away games, not just States the school affiliated groups. The Red C leaders. I sat down games. How can we be the best Through a simple play on with Bobby Iwersen, aka “Big fan section in the state when we Bob,” and my eyes were opened can’t get to away games? Bob to the new age of the fan section. then said, “As students we are When I sat down with living in a communist state and Bob, his face was as red as his we can’t do anything about it but Days ‘Till red shirt, I felt like he had some- carpool to games. Or maybe we thing to hide. Maybe he was just can swim there, we are the The Halloween...... 15 Red C.” This is just me thinking nervous about the questions I was Thanksgiving...... 41 going to ask. I first asked him the in my head but wasn’t the Red questions all administrators were Sea parted? So in that case we Homecoming...... 50 wondering, how are you going to could part it and walk there. But Winter Break...... 68 fix the broken image of The Red forget all this, the main question C. Bob hesitated and said, “Well is how will we be the best. In my Conard vs. Hall Football Game...... 37 we did change the name, we prob- sit down with Bob, it became Groundhog Day...... 109 ably won’t get in any fights, and obvious that he was fit for the 2016...... 77 we don’t have the logo that the position to make us the rowdiest shirts had last year.” I thought to fan section in CT, and we will Freshmen Graduate...... 3,627,584 myself, “Wow what a great be. Cannon out. Volume fifty eight Issue I page one

Freshman News

FreshmenBy: Callie Dannhauser and Interview Sarah Binder LinkBy: Mia Yanosy andCrew Emma Dowd

1. Has Link Crew been helpful? 7. What’s something you want changed by senior year? Gabe: No Joe: No Joe: Being able to leave during Brendan: No free periods Grace: I guess Brendan: Open campus and hats Molly: I didn’t go Grace: A better locker location Julia: Yes because it made me would be ideal aware of more friendly upper- class men in the school and 8. Most attractive seniors? helped me get to know some of them. Boys: Kenny, Andrews, Lucas Busch, Nate Richam, 2. How many times did you get Sam Newton lost in the first week? Girls: Callie Dannhauser and Days before the school prior to the start of school. One Sarah Binder haaaa ;) year began, Conard’s freshmen of the favorite activities among Grace: Probably like 10 flocked the gymnasium, ready to the freshmen was 64 squares, an Molly: I’m still getting lost CHS Declassified Freshmen Brendan: 0 (Looks like we got Survival Guide participate in a new welcoming activity where you had to find a pro here!) project. Link Crew, a program your way to the other side of Tip #27- “Freshman year introduced this year at Conard, the gym without stepping on a 3. Who is your favorite counts!” - Kiley Phelan teacher? Tip #31- “No loitering in four focuses on helping incoming wrong piece of paper. corners.” - Charlotte Leyland freshmen make a smooth transi- Although there were many Gabe: Mr. Patterson Tip #16- “Go to school events.” tion into high school and mak- great aspects of Link Crew, Molly: Mrs. Caruso!! - Lexie Burns Grace: 100% Mr. Jacobs Tip #32- “Walk on the right side ing them feel more comfortable, some attempts to make the new of the hall.” - Ryan Gabinelle especially during their first few freshmen feel comfortable actu- 4. What is your favorite part of Tip #61- “Go see your teachers days as high schoolers. At the ally seemed to make them un- Conard? if you’re falling behind.”- Maya Eisler end of last year, upperclassmen comfortable. When asked about Brendan: The Red C Tip #48- “Join a club.”- were chosen through a lottery her experience, a freshman girl Grace: The ledges on the Katherine Blaine process to be Link Crew Lead- recalled that she did not enjoy staircases that you can sit on Tip #8- “One bad grade will not Julia: Absolutely no bullying ruin your life.” - Marisa Haverty ers. These Juniors and Seniors the part of the program in which Tip #59- “Stay on top of your are mentors to the underclass- all of the Link Crew leaders 5. If you could have a celebrity as work and get involved. Don’t men, introducing them to the cheered and clapped as they your teacher who would it be? be afraid to approach people!” school and giving them advice walked into the gymnasium for - Cierra Sturdivant Grace: Wiz Khalifa Tip #83- “Take freshman year on how to be successful through- the first time. Many students Brendan: Kylie Jenner seriously, but at the same time out their four years at Conard. felt that it was embarrassing and Joe: Lil Wayne remember to have fun because Some of the activities Link made them feel awkward. Julia: Ed Sheeran you need some happiness in Gabe: Jennifer Aniston your life!” -Bergen Battiston Crew mentors did with their Another report was that al- Tip #39- “Manage your time groups included ice breakers, a though the tour of Conard was 6. If you could create a new club well.”- Maya Feigenbaum tour of the school, and bonding somewhat helpful, it was also what would it be? Tip #109- “Sleep more, eat more, study more, everything activities between Link Crew very overwhelming. Granted, Molly: Ski club more.” mentors and their groups. Since it is probably better for fresh- Grace: Hula hooping -Emma Damokosh the graduating class of 2019 is man to experience the size of Joe: Sleeping party Tip #56- “PDA is not okay.” Gabe: Math club (join Math - Colleen Schulken the first to experience this pro- the school prior to the first day, Team Gabe, get with it!) gram, we thought it would be when they are also trying to get interesting to hear their thoughts to classes on time, by them- and opinions about how the selves and in large crowds. program helped them transition Also, the time spent one-on-one into high school. Many students reportedly wasn’t as useful to appreciated how Link Crew al- the students. So maybe bond- lowed them to get to know many ing with larger groups of people new people before the start of helps students get to know each school. Because the groups dur- other better? ing the program were based on Overall, Link Crew was the homerooms students were a great success for the first time, in, students felt that it was easier and most freshmen reported that to adjust to school, as they were their transition into high school already familiar with the people was definitely easier after hav- in their homeroom on the first ing gotten to know people al- day, not to mention other class- ready. We hope that Link Crew mates. Many students reported will continue to help transition that the time spent bonding incoming high schoolers to Co- with their Link Crew Leader nard, and start their school year helped them feel more relaxed off successfully!

Volume fifty eight Issue I Page two Get to know our teachers

meet mr. marcoux By: Caroline Kane and Maya Eisler As we all know, Mr. Mabey, passion for economics. He loves it a U.S. Government and AP Eco- because it gives him the ability to nomics teacher, has not returned to question and find patterns and con- Conard this year. What you might nections in everything around him. not know, however, is that a new Before Conard, Mr. Marcoux stu- teacher has come to take his place. dent-taught at Middlebury Elemen- Meet Mr. Marcoux, the new U.S. tary School and taught at Pomper- History and AP Economics teacher. aug and New Milford High School. Mr. Marcoux grew up in Wolcott, When asked about how much better Connecticut and attended both un- Conard is than the previously men- dergraduate and graduate programs tioned schools, he pointed out that at UConn. In his free time, he en- all of the teachers here are dedi- joys photography, hiking, “free cated and helpful while the kids are concerts,” watching football, and very willing to learn. He wishes he spending time with his dog. When knew where everything was before asked about why he became a he got here and that he had time to teacher, he responded with a story meet the kids before. Mr. Marcoux of when the boss of a company he would like everyone to know that was interning for warned him not he loves his job and is looking for- to become a teacher because of ward to making connections within the salary. This, coupled with his our Chieftain community. His part- love for helping people learn, chal- ing words are, “Say hi to me in the lenged him to pursue the idea of hallway.” teaching. Mr. Marcoux also has a Mr. Jacobs By: Emma Dowd and Connie Liu Photo by: Bella Gradante at Conard High School, Mr. Ja- Mr. Jacob’s celebrity cobs had a very interesting and crushes also prove to be noth- rebellious life. One of his great- ing less than fascinating. Out of est accomplishments in his life all the stars from Hollywood, (so far) is his expulsion from Sophia Loren, Emma Thomp- a monastery. Care to elaborate son, Julie Christie, and Scarlett about the details on that one, Johansson catch his eye. Some Mr. Jacobs? The student body of you might not recognize the would undoubtedly be curi- name Emma Thompson, she ous to learn about that incident. was Nanny McPhee, but who (Look out for a sequel!) doesn’t know Scarlett Johans- Many of us have a spirit ani- son? She’s well known for her mal. Mr. Jacobs is no exception. roles in the series, The Aveng- Given that his spirit animal is ers, and the film, Lucy. Loren Glaurung the Dragon, it was no and Christie were actresses dur- surprise Boniface chose JRR ing their time. Tolkien, author of The Hobbit As you can tell, Mr. Ja- and The Lord of the Rings, as cobs, along with other teach- his dream person to take out to ers, is worth getting to know. Qa StaH nuq Conard! That handy, as the dominant lan- dinner. And because three peo- It is clear that Latin is not the means “what’s happening?” in guage at Conard is English, and ple makes it a party, Mr. Jacobs only thing you can learn from Klingon. As another school year elves seem to be everywhere. would also like to dine with him. Though we don’t know if begins, we thought it would be As a self-proclaimed “Hair Constantine the Great, a Roman Latin can keep everyone awake, interesting to interview one of of Splendour, Mouth of Truth, emperor who ruled around the we know his wide range of tal- the most well known teachers at and Fist of Justice,” Mr. Jacobs time of 300 AD and is known ents and interests do. Not only Conard, Mr Jacobs. As a Latin proves he is anything but ordi- for being the first Christian em- could you brush up on your teacher, he holds a reputation nary. Students speak of Mr. Ja- peror. Speaking of Rome, your own Klingon skills by holding a among students for being both cobs in a good manner for this favorite Latin teacher’s hidden conversation in the alien dialect interesting and entertaining. In reason. Many students agree talents includes, but are not lim- with him, but you could ask him addition to the language of the that his passion for Latin shines ited to, making honey in Rome about his Roman honey making Klingons from Star Trek, Mr. through and that his eccentric and Constantinople. With this techniques. As they say, “When Jacobs is also fluent in Eng- personality makes his classes in mind, maybe the next Latin in Rome, make honey!” lish and Elvish. His range in even better. However, before he trip’s destination should be language proficiency comes in began his teaching career here Rome? Volume fifty eight Issue I Page three World News

ot opics with race ike H T Current G Events and Their& TwoM Cents By: Grace O’Connell-Bach & Michael Sisti

chines that enrich uranium to with their large centrifuge infra- higher concentrations, from almost structure would only require two 20,000 to only 5,060 of their oldest to three months to create enough and least efficient models(BBC). enriched material for their first Iran’s nuclear stockpile will be re- bomb(whitehouse.gov). Under the duced by 98%, and enrichment at deal, Iran’s limited production ca- the underground facility Fordo will pabilities would push back devel- be banned for 15 years(BBC). The opment to over a year, making it only uranium Iran will have will even more difficult for any nuclear be enriched at 3.67%, just enough weapons program to evade IAEA

Image: 2014 Disclose TV for peaceful electricity production inspections. Mike’s Take: and well short of the 90% enrich- Only after all nuclear require- The Iran deal is going to ment levels needed for a nuclear ments of the deal have been acted On July 14th, the P5+1 pass. On September 2nd, Sen. Bar- bomb. One sticking point has been upon by Iran and confirmed by the (U.S., U.K., France, Russia, China, bara Mikulski (D-MD) was the the ability of Iran to use plutonium IAEA, will the harsh international plus Germany) reached an agree- 34th senator to voice approval for byproducts of the Arak reactor to sanctions that have crippled its ment with Iran to limit its nuclear the deal, ensuring Obama’s veto build a plutonium bomb, but this economy begin to be lifted. If over program in an attempt to prevent will be successful by preventing a agreement will ensure a redesign time any aspect of the agreement the country from creating a nuclear Republican filibuster. Why is this of the facility so that no plutonium is broken, those sanctions will au- weapon. The Joint Comprehensive deal the best option in prevent- can be produced. The JCPOA stip- tomatically snap back into place Plan of Action (JCPOA) agree- ing Iran’s nuclear ambitions? Af- ulates thorough inspections from for at least 10 years. The JCPOA is ment has come under attack for ter 20 months of negotiations, the the International Atomic Energy the best way to prevent Iran from not doing enough to prevent Iran P5+1 has created a framework of Agency(IAEA) at every step of attaining a nuclear weapon, and from creating a bomb, especially uranium limits and robust inspec- the uranium process, with inspec- provides strong incentives for Iran when the restrictions expire, while tions that effectively prevent Iran tors granted access to any site they to comply with the strict require- proponents declare the only alter- from being able to create a nuclear deem suspicious of unsanctioned ments of the agreement. native in preventing Iran’s nuclear bomb. nuclear activity. weapon’s program is war. To start, Iran will curtail its Currently Iran has enough ma- centrifuge infrastructure, the ma- terial to make 8-10 bombs, and

Grace’s take: tions would The Iran Deal, to many, be lifted. seems to be the only way to pre- According vent a physical conflict. Not only to the Trea- is it an exemplary peaceful treaty sury Depart- that will (with any luck) prevent ment, Iran the loss of lives, it’s been supported currently has worldwide. Although the United over $125 States often acts without support billion fro- from other nations in negotiating zen in equity international affairs, the deal was abroad from agreed upon by the United Nations oil sales, Security Council, the European $60 billion Union, and the Islamic Republic of of which it Iran. The unilateral support for the would have impending legislature is reassur- immediate ing. access to Furthermore, the lifting of f o l l o w i n g sanctions on the country is a much the removal world to annihilate it a thousand to be put into action. On the other needed offer for Iran. When the of sanctions. For the sake of the times over, there is no logical rea- hand, if the deal fails, we run the 27 nations of the UN were banned Iranian people, I think it’s crucial son for there to be more added to risk of full-blown nuclear warfare. from purchasing Iranian oil, the that the nuclear deal is passed. the world’s already excessive sup- Though the stakes are high, the country’s economy took a major hit. Additionally, the prospect ply (granted Iran clearly feels dif- situation must be put into perspec- As a nation that receives 80% of its of less nuclear weapons in the ferently, but that’s to be expected). tive; those risks would be present revenue from exporting oil, it was world is without a doubt a benefit. From a global perspective, the less no matter the solution. And as this a devastating situation. However The tactic of mutually assured de- nuclear tools out there, the better solution is one supported by the the effects of this punishment were struction (MAD; the theory states off we all are. global community and one that is not limited to the government; the that because both sides of a conflict However this deal is not keeping the peace, it seems like it crippled economy hurt all of the would be completely obliterated foolproof. Because it only sets up may be our best option. people of the Islamic Republic of by the use of nuclear warfare, nei- a ten-year plan, the question be- Iran. The fact that so many should ther will end up using it) that has comes, where do we as a global suffer for the quarrels of their gov- been protecting us from massive network go next? Should the deal ernment is a harsh truth, but if the nuclear war thus far is far too risky carry out smoothly and efficiently, deal passes, such harmful sanc- to uphold. And as there is already a similar agreement may continue enough nuclear weaponry in the Volume fifty eight Issue I Page four Chieftain Features

BachelorBy: Claire O O’Sheaf and Anniethe Kirklin Month John Martin Cannon, bet- while he doesn’t dismiss the possi- ter known as Steez (to his dismay), bility, “freshmen may have a slim- is a former aspiring snowboarder mer chance because I’m looking for and a current bachelor searching more of a mature relationship... life for his perfect woman. When John is short.” John doesn’t have time to was asked to describe himself in one fool around! We wanted to know word, he responded, “sensitive.” what John considered as a girl’s best John is on the lookout for a girl with feature. John told us, “While all fea- “a solid personality,” and someone tures can help make a girl more at- who has a good sense of humor, so he tractive, I’m more of a ‘what’s on can make fun of her. If you’re won- the inside kind-of-guy.’” Everyone dering if you and John will have any sees those couples in the halls that common interests you should know are all about PDA, so we asked John that he’s looking for a girl who is up if he was looking to join that couples for long walks on the beach, “right club. The answer was a huge “NO.” when the sun is at the horizon” and John will be graduating Conard this movie dates to watch his favorite year, so we decided to think of what film, The Notebook. We were inter- his future love life has in store. We ested in John’s idea of a perfect first also wondered if John believes that date and found out that he isn’t a very Conard offers the potential of a “high fancy guy, and will most likely take school sweetheart.” John responded you to Friendly’s for a first date be- saying, “I guess you never know un- cause “it’s a really great place” and til you meet her. It’s all about finding “it reminds him of his childhood.” the diamond in the rough.” (Ouch?) How sentimental! During the inter- Clearly ladies, there is an ideal man view, we took into consideration that here at Conard just waiting to take John is a senior here at Conard and you to Friendly’s and make fun of there must be some freshmen won- you! Make our Bachelor’s dreams dering if they too have a chance. So come true and feel free to contact we asked John, “How low can you him through any form of social me- go?” John responded saying that dia. Sean-te’s Inferno The Republican Debate By: Sean Cavanaugh The Republican debate is answer will shock you. It’s both. crazy is that one quote from last rate events? I suggest we combine like the presidential election: It And what do you think was broad- night’s debate?,” “Sean, what do the two. I personally have several happens every four years and ev- cast live on television on the night you mean you didn’t watch the designs for a Bernie Sanders-bot, eryone’s supposed to care. It’s the of September 16? The answer will debate? This is government class. and am very open to suggestions democratic ideal of the battlefield be rather predictable: Both. Two That was your only homework.” for Clinton-zilla. If you are wor- of ideas. Eleven candidates enter shows about angry people fighting Now I’m some kind of pariah. ried about how this will fit into and eleven candidates leave, but in a nice house, and I’m supposed Some hack broadcasting major series continuity, don’t. I’ve got some feel better about themselves to choose between the two? Ok, decided to air the two most impor- you covered. When Sanders-bot than others. Ideas are discussed, sure. Now I ask you which I should tant TV events of the year at once, hacks into the Democramatrix, along with concepts, notions, choose: The esteemed broadcast and I’m the dumb one??? I’ll he will essentially create a splin- thoughts, and theories. People with seventeen seasons of solid believe it when I see it!!! ter universe, allowing for series who think one thing verbally joust gold backing it up, or the one with So in the end, I will leave leniency. Clinton-zilla, on the with people with different yet sim- Donald Trump? This isn’t freakin’ you with a request. The Demo- other hand, will be the result of ilar ideas. The Republic debate is rocket science!!! cratic debate is going to be held human-monster DNA splicing, fantastic TV. The only problem “Ok, sure Sean,” you might on October 13, the night Godzil- so we don’t have to worry about is: I couldn’t watch it! Can you say, “just watch Big Brother, no la vs. Mechagodzilla is planned having another Son of Godzilla on freakin’ believe it??? Welcome to biggie.” To which I would respond to be aired on HBO 3. Honestly, our hands. Luckily, this plan al- Sean-te’s Inferno: I say it so you A) One step ahead of you, and B) this choice is a no brainer. One lows for cameos from fan favor- can go, “Wow, that’s something I It’s not that simple. So imagine has Mechagodzilla in it, the oth- ites, such as King Ghidorah and might have said!” you’re me. You walk into school er is the Democratic debate. But Mothra. I hope I’ve alleviated any Here’s an idea for a tele- with a swagger in your step and it doesn’t have to be this way. If and all concerns you might have vised event: Fill a building with big another solid episode of America’s anyone in the Conard community about my debate/crossover/mon- personalities and let them go at it favorite fly-on-the-wall TV ex- has a connection with Anderson ster-mashup-marathon. If you for the enrichment of the viewers. perience under your belt. You’re Cooper or HBO 3, I propose a have any ideas, please email me at Am I talking about the Republican having a good day, until the ques- compromise. Who says Godzilla xXTotalDramaIslandFanaticXx@ debate? Or how about CBS’s hit tions start. “Hey Sean, see the de- vs. Mechagodzilla and the Demo- hotmail.com. This has been the reality drama Big Brother??? The bate last night?,” “Hey Sean, how cratic Debate have to be two sepa- Inferno!!! I freakin’ said it!

Volume fifty eight issue I Page five Chieftain Features

Joe’s Lament I keep seeing PDA and I don’t like it By: Joseph Duva I began this year with a watch- just watched this one episode of the ing their understanding of CHP- ful eye for new annoyances; a new Jetsons where Judy kissed a boy in DA...the results were alarming. “Do that on your own time, not subject I can really embellish to the the flying malt shop, so I’m led to mine and everybody else’s!” -Katie disproportional degree it deserves. believe that PDA is here to stay.” -Is kissing in the hallway gross? Kopp, Sophomore After weeks of soul searching, I Joe: “In order to have a deeper Yes 33% No 48% Trick Ques- drew a blank on what I could write understanding of the issue at hand, tion 19% “What’s Wal-Mart? Do they about, nothing sparked me with bring me into the mind of the aver- -Have you participated in any sell, like wall stuff?” - Paris Hilton, enough severity worthy of dedicat- age CHPDA guilty individual.” CHPDA related activities in the a famous person ing an entire article. Disappointed Sean: “Well Joe, you have last 3 months? Yes 5% No 10% by my inability to find anything to to understand the psychological I met my girlfriend/boyfriend at “The most dangerous aspect of complain about and the fact it was background of these frequently summer camp and he/she lives in CHPDA is every aspect of it.” -Av- the day of the article’s due date, I lost individuals. Studies show that Canada with no social media what- ery Schott, Senior was overcome with defeat. But then CHPDA attacks are often the re- soever so that’s why I don’t partici- I thought, “Why not write about sult of deep personal history and pate in CHPDA 85% “Your poll isn’t real.”- Kather- PDA again? I mean I see it every- unresolved relationships. Although -Is CHPDA a bother to you ine Policelli, Senior day and I could write a whole new these titles may seem fitting, the and you’re day? Yes 9% ...No 11% article on it solely because of how average CHPDA guilty individual ...Their is a typo you put “you’re” “Yes it is.” - Me gross and annoying it is.” I present is not analogous to a murderer or instead of “your” 60% Joe’s Lament: I keep seeing PDA thief. Instead, the closest analogy You used the wrong “there” in “Friends don’t let friends CHP- and I don’t like it. is the veteran, sucked back into the previous statement 20% DA.” -EVERYONE I don’t understand where my a war they never really finished After receiving the disquiet- last article went wrong. PDA is a fighting. In the head of a CHPDA ing results of my poll, I went on to “CHPDA...I didn’t read the ar- constant sight in the halls of Co- guilty individual, the Conard hall- the source of this information, the ticle, what does that stand for?” - nard. To my knowledge, it was way ceases to be a school hallway, streets, and found out what CHS Clara Capone, Senior very clear that the majority of the instead becoming whatever delu- students had to say in respects to school’s population sides with sion is needed to sate their deep CHPDA. Andy Olmstead’s renowned quote psychological desires. The math Make sure to do “I’m not one to play tonsil hockey wing becomes the living room of a “COOTIES!!! STOP THE your part to put an end in the hallway.” Yet why is so much past love, or the kitchen of a past COOTIES!!!” - Maggie Murray , to CHPDA. Together, tonsil hockey being played in our love, or the back of Jamie’s Nis- Junior hallways? With a deep desire to get san Altima, where you used to go we can. down to the brass tacks of this con- through her weirdly extensive yet “You already wrote something tinued public lip locking dilemma, endearing stamp collection.” about this, stop living in the past.”- I sat down with Sean Cavanaugh, Joe: “My final question, Liv Starr, Junior an expert kissologist. Sean, is there any hope to end CHP- Joe: My first question, Sean, is, DA once and for all? And what can “My day isn’t complete without “Why? Why do people like to kiss every CHS student do to prevent feeling uncomfortable because of each other while their peers awk- the spread of CHPDA?” CHPDA.” - Everyone who walks wardly pass while asking the same Sean: “I’ve gotta say, Joe, the in the halls of Conard question of : why?” cure is easy. If you feel the on- Sean: “Well Joe, the truth set of a CHPDA attack, take deep is, it’s human nature! As a kis- breaths. Imagine something really sologist, it always goes back to the gross, like jello with hair mixed data. For instance, 95% of Homo in or that one rash behind Jamie’s Erecti made some kind of oral con- ear that you only found out about tact in front of their companions, because you were trying to be cute often amidst a torrent of protesta- and brush the hair out of her face. tion. We have cave drawings of hot The power to stop CHPDA lies cave men spit swapping going back within us all, but the cure is deeply STOP to the dawn of man, and let me tell personal. Whether it’s a bunion or a you, it was always uncomfort- rash, find out what you find gross, able.” so you’ll have it ready to prevent Joe: “Now Sean, I’ve received a CHPDA attack. The power is in word from Joe’s Lament’s finest us all. Jamie if you’re out there, analysts that the rate of Conard please take me back. I’m a shell of CHPDA Hallway PDA or commonly re- a man without you. Thanks for hav- ferred to as CHPDA is expected to ing me on, Joe. Cavanaugh out.” increase. Any comment or explana- After my compelling interview tion?” with Sean, I was bestowed a deeper Sean: “Well Joe, kissology isn’t understanding of everything CHP- particularly useful for projecting DA. With this knowledge I decided into the future. That being said, I to poll the Conard populous regard-

Volume fifty eight Issue I Page Six Chieftain Features

oroscopes Featuring Conard’s H Only Astrological Fortune Teller, Kaitlyn Jones Capricorn (December 22nd - Aries (March 21st - April 19th) Cancer (June 21st - July 22nd) always your answer to anything. January 19th) - Everyone knows - Your constant role in life is being - You’re not a “moody” person, You always have money to spend, you’re the life of the party. Your a leader. In everything you do, but your moods tend to change and that can be a curse and a wit, humor, and kindness are you have to have some control in constantly throughout a time blessing all at once. Save your almost contagious wherever you order to feel accomplished. Your period. One minute it’s blue and money right now, young Libra. go. Don’t lose these important “go-get-‘em” personality is truly then BAM, you’re all about red. There is something in your future traits as school, sports, and something that attracts people to Don’t see it as being bad thing that will be worth spending for. clubs start this fall. You have you. Make sure, however, that though! Changing your mind Who knows, maybe it’ll be free! borderline-workaholic tendencies. you let others take that role on all the time bring excitement in Take a break every now and then every now and then. You may your life right now. Try and do Scorpio (October 23rd - to ensure your tranquility and learn more by listening rather than everything you want to do now. November 21st) - Now is the best personal necessities. conducting. You only live once. time to use your “gut instincts,” Scorpio. You may have been Aquarius (January 20th Taurus (April 20th - May 20th)- Leo (July 23rd - August 22nd) feeling a little confused about - February 18th) - You’re New year, new start, right? That’s - Did you know you’re a cool cat? what to do in a certain situation. constantly trying to help everyone the mindset you have to keep right (No pun intended) I mean look at Your mind may be telling you one around you. Your kind hearted and now. You’re such an innovative, you, you’re constantly surrounded thing, but your heart is telling you selfless personality has always creative, and awesome person. by good friends and you always another. It’s up to you to choose been one of your finest assets. It’s always good to keep your old have a positive attitude. However, which one seem more like you However, now is the time for you friends, but now is that time to there’s a chance that someone may and to follow through with that to take care of your own needs make new friends and become try to rain on your parade soon. decision all the way. You got and desires. Put your feet up more social. Come out of that Don’t let them do that. Even with this— there’s hope in the air! and chill with good friends and shell, Taurus, and show everyone a little rain, grab an umbrella and a acquaintances in your free time. the real you! raincoat and keep on dancin’! Sagittarius (November 23rd - December 21st) - “The truth will Pisces (February 19th - March Gemini (May 21st - June 20th) - Virgo (August 23rd - September set you free.” This is something 20th) - Now that school has You may not always realize it, but 22nd) - Perfectionist? That’s that you as a Sagittarius have a started, Pisces, you have probably there’s something about you that an understatement, Virgo. You strong belief in. No matter how taken on a lot of tasks and makes you different than anyone continue to dot your I’s and cross bad a situation is, telling the truth responsibilities to get yourself else. You’re on the hunt for a new your T’s whenever you get the will always make everything back into the “zone.” Although this adventure right now. Find time to chance. Don’t stop now! It may better. While these are good words may be one of your master plans go somewhere you really want to seem tedious to do right now, but to live by, make sure you don’t tell for a resume booster or productive go—the mall, a party, a museum, in good time, it will all pay off. the truth brutally. Although you way of passing time, don’t take too even out of state! No matter where The world is your oyster! can take it well, others can’t. Use much on right now. you go, you’ll be a shining star in your kindness to break the truth to the room. Libra (September 23rd - people in the nicest way possible. October 22nd) - Retail therapy is

tudent ouncil review S CBy: Brian Wilson P Thanks to your Student upperclassmen to freshmen home- Events: Executive Board for 2015- Council, this school year will be rooms to build connections and Freshman Orientation- August 25th 2016 full of fun events. We are excited make homeroom a little bit more Movie Night - September 18th Co-Presidents: Brian Wilson, to continue with our annual activi- enjoyable. 3 v 3 Basketball Tournament - Oc- Mamta Malla ties and to create new fundraisers. We are extremely excited to an- tober (Date Unknown) Secretary: Clara Capone We have a hard working club that nounce, for the first time in 4 years, Food Drive - November (Date Treasurer: Emmanuel Adelani will be putting these events on and HOMECOMING IS BACK! Unknown) Board of Education Representa- making them as enjoyable as pos- Due to hard work for the past Trivia Night - November (Date tive: Zachary Mega sible. couple of years from our execu- Unknown) Advisors: Ms. Casey, Mr. Collins Student Council has 4 tive board, we have finally pulled Homecoming - December 5th committees; Fundraising, Dance, it together and reinstated it. The Winter Semi-Formal - January Service, and Homeroom. These date is set for Saturday, December (Date Unknown) four committees have their own 5th, at the Town Hall. Homecom- Volleyball Tournament leaders and plan events based on ing was cancelled after the West - March (Date Un- their category. The Fundraising Hartford Parks and Recreation known) Committee takes care of all sports department chose not to host it Golf Tournament - tournaments, the movie night, the anymore. Student Council had to April (Date Unknown) Valentine’s Day flowers, and more. make it a school sponsored event The Dance Committee takes care which requires teacher chaperones, of the school dances and every- administration support, and hiring thing that goes with them, such as police officers. Unlike past years, decorations and ticket sales. The this will only be a Conard dance, Service Committee sponsors food rather than both Hall and Conard. drives and looks to give back to All grades are welcome and are our community and school. Lastly, encouraged to come. the Homeroom Committee sends Photo by: Kelly Casey Volume fifty eight Issue I Page seven Chieftain Features

Salty Bobby Fall Festivities! By: Robert Faulkner Iwersen IV By: Eve Gilles and Jordyn Zolty

The leaves are changing and fall is officially here! Hal- loween is just around the corner and students are excited to show their school spirit at the many exciting athletic compe- titions this month. We’ve compiled a list of our top five fall activities to get you excited for autumn. Pick your own apples! Some of our favorite locations in- clude Lyman Orchards, Rose’s Berry Farm, and Belltown Hill Orchards. Get crafty and make your own Halloween costume! A classic and easy DIY is the “bunch of grapes” costume. Wear a green or purple shirt and blow up balloons matching the color of the shirt to attach to your back. Attend a school sporting event! Big games for our teams include: Conard vs. Hall football on November 21 (Home), It only makes sense that a the word “Chief” has become too Conard vs. Hall girl’s soccer on October 28 (Home), Conard picture of a Native American and much for me to bear. vs. Hall boy’s soccer on October 28 (Home), Conard vs Hall the word “Chieftains” should This is why I’ve asked the girl’s field hockey on October 19 (Away), Conard Cross Coun- offend a group of people without administration to outlaw saying try CCC championship on October 15, at Wickham Park. a single drop of Native Ameri- the following words and phrases: Get spooked! For some scary fun, check out haunted can blood in them. A picture, Chieftain, Native American, hayrides at Flamig Farm in West Simsbury. mind you, that no teacher has tribe, tomahawk, lacrosse, foot- Put a twist on the traditional Jack-O-Lantern by paint- had an objection to for nearly 60 ball, hockey, and most impor- ing a pumpkin for Halloween! All you need is a mini-pumpkin years. So yes, the whole situation tantly “stop it Bobby you liberal and some latex paint- craft supplies which can be found at makes total sense. fool.” Michael’s Craft Store. The problem at hand is Opposers of my righteous that a picture of a Native Ameri- cause will demand to know why We hope this list gets you in the spirit of our favorite season. can man is obviously always this issue is still of such vital Happy Autumn! racist and politically incorrect. importance. First and foremost, Whether it be on a Tootsie Pop I reply to these questions with a wrapper, a museum, or perhaps a compelling speech on why they Thank You! sports jersey, the Native Ameri- are both moronic and discrimina- can image always has malicious tory. This auditory bombardment intentions. Furthermore, its is filled with ad hominem argu- We’d Like To Extend A Special Thank You creator should be put into the ments, straw man attacks, and To Everyone Who Contributed Articles, county gallows and pelted with a host of other logical fallacies, ictures ime and esources o his irst ripe fruit in penance for their which are definitely not clever P , T R T T F shameful ways. ways around the fact that my Edition Of The School Year. When I first saw the argument makes no sense. racist mascot of Conard High Secondly, we cite the School coupled with the word fact that it is the Chieftain logo We Look Forward To Working With Ev- “Chieftains,” I was horrified. So and mascot that causes every eryone Again On Upcoming Issues, And horrified, in fact, I waited three problem, ever. Money should be e elcome nybody ho ould ike o years before I told anybody. I raised to help to pay for extra W W A W W L T felt as though I needed to wait security officers who will be Get Involved With The Conard until it became nationally sig- posted around the school ready Current! nificant due to the complaints to detain anyone wearing a of my liberal comrades. You Chieftain logo on their person. ophie ppicelli ella radante and might ask me, “Why do you The basic problem here is -S A , B G , feel so strongly about this cause that everyone at Conard is wrong Julia Monyak Bobby?” The answer is quite except for me. People that want- simple. As a 100% Caucasian of ed to keep the logo are a menace European decent, I know exactly to society. The goal of this Newspaper is to keep the students of Conard High what Native Americans (whom School informed and provide a forum for their opinions and inter- I’ve never met before) consider ests. This organization welcomes any student who shares the Co- to be racist. There’s no need to nard Current’s dedication to promoting the flow of information and ask input from any of them on knowledge. We do not print anonymous and unsigned editorials; the topic because I know what is each author’s opinion is their own. If any of the articles offend you, it deemed offensive or not in their was not our intention to do so. Contact the Editor-in-Chiefs: Sophie eyes. And I do deem it extremely Appicelli, Bella Gradante or Julia Monyak if you have an issue with offensive, even the utterance of anything printed, or wish to join the Powwow Staff. Volume fifty eight Issue I Page Eight