CAPTAIN FLASHBACK A fanzine composed for the 416th distribution of the Turbo-Charged Party-Animal Amateur Press A Natural Spy: Association, from the joint membership of Andy Justus Erich Bollman in Europe and America Hooper and Carrie Root, residing at 11032 30th In writing my “gum-card” biography of Gilbert Ave. NE Seattle, WA 98125. E-mail Andy at du Motier, the Marquis de la Fayette (see [email protected], and you may reach Carrie at CAPTAIN FLASHBACK #23), I encountered a [email protected]. This is a Drag Bunt Press Production, completed on 2/20/2021. wide cast of characters in Europe and America, who affected and were affected by CAPTAIN FLASHBACK is devoted to old fanzines, the life and career of the Marquis. Many of monster movie hosts, decorated sushi chefs and them deserved more detailed attention, other fascinating phenomena of the 20th Century. including Gilbert’s brilliant wife Adrienne and All material by Andy Hooper unless indicated. his son Georges Washington de la Fayette, who was with his father on nearly every step Contents of Issue #27: Page 1: A Natural Spy of the tour of America in 1824. But I find that I Page 2: A Key to Interlineations in Issue #26 am also fascinated by a little-known physician Page 10: Comments on Turbo-Apa #415 and chemist who engaged in a brilliant Page 16: Horror Host of the Month: espionage operation designed to free de la Dr. Sarcofiguy: Not Your Average White Corpse! Fayette from an Austrian prison in 1794. Page 19: Fanmail From Some Flounder Dept: The story of Justus Erich Bollman (1769- Letters to CAPTAIN FLASHBACK. 1821) was closely connected with some of the Page 21: I Remember Entropy Department: most famous figures of the age, but many Jon Singer details of it remain obscure, in spite of the “Sushi Chefs I Have Known and Loved,” PROPER BOSKONIAN #27, May 1990 best efforts of American and Europeaan historians. I presented a summary account of the escape attempt in Lafayette, You Are Here, bur blurred some details and left out many others; hopefully, this account will correct that. Justus Erich Bollman was born in the town of Hoya in the Kingdom of Saxony, the son of George Martin Bollman (1740-1799) and the former Amanda Hoppe (1750-1793). Justus was the Bollman’s first child; four brothers, Ludwig, Frederick, Andreas and Wilhelm, would arrive between 1774 and 1782. Further details on the Bollman family are elusive, but we know that they had the means to send their eldest son to school; he studied medicine at the University of Göttingen, and upon completion of his studies, received a position at Karlsruhe in Baden-Württemburg. 19th Century engraving of Justus Erich Bollman (1769-1821). [Continued on Page 2]

------Issue #27, February 2021 ------

1 ------A Key to Interlineations published in January in CAPTAIN FLASHBACK #26: Page 3: “You mean you dig that Crazy Dr. Destrukto stuff?” Interlineation, FANAC #85 February 7th, 1962 Page 4: “I always wanted to do a trivia. Who knows what I might know?” Marge Simpson (Julie Kavner) finds a hidden talent, , S. 32, Ep. 11, “The Dad-Feelings Limited.” Page 4: “That was so dangerous! I feel like Mrs. Dracula!” More from Marge’s big night out, The Simpsons, S. 32, Ep. 11, “The Dad-Feelings Limited.” Page 5: “Even a Humble Noob has a place in the seasons of trivia.” Serene wisdom from Kumiko Albertson (Jenny Yokobori) S. 32, Ep. 11, “The Dad-Feelings Limited.” Page 6: “I know it was collegiate and underhanded, but you forced me into it.” Julian Barre (Antony Averill) mansplains Gwen Kingery (Anne Hagel) in Radio Pictures’ Mystery House (1938). Page 7: “You’ll be happy to know that stupidity is not hereditary. You acquired it all yourself.” Disappointed Mom Margaret Garrison (Ethel Barrymore) in the 20th Century Fox picture Deadline USA (1952). Page 9: “A journalist makes himself the hero of the story. A reporter is only a witness.” Columnist Jim Cleary (Jim Backus) recalls his entry interview in Deadline USA (1952). Page 10: “About this wanting to be a reporter – don’t ever change your mind.” & Page 11: “It may not be the oldest profession, but it’s the best.” Editor Ed Hutchinson (Humphrey Bogart) gives dubious career advice in Deadline USA (1952). ------

A Natural Spy Where the Spies Are Continued from Page 1 Among his acquaintances was Louis, Conte de Narbonne, a man rumored to be the His connection to Göttingen is significant; the illegitimate son of King Louis XV, who served University was founded in 1737 by George II, his probable half-brother as Minister of War. King of and Elector of Hannover, to Bollman also apparently made a favorable foster the ideals of the enlightenment. Many impression on Madame Germaine de Staël, a students from all over Europe attended progressive and intellectual originally from Göttingen, but just as intelligence services of Genoa, who was, when time permitted, the the 20th Century recruited officers from the mistress of the Comte de Narbonne. When brightest minds at the best Universities, a things went sideways for Narbonne as young Doctor with a passionate interest in thoroughly as they had for de la Fayette, de European politics was the perfect spy for end Staël provided Bollman with money he needed of the 18th Century. He must have made his to accompany the Comte in his flight from first contacts in London while enrolled at a France and eventual arrival in London. After College endowed by the King of England. losing favor with Directorate herself, Germaine And Bollman seems to have been far more de Staël would form an exile network known interested in adventure and politics than as the Coppet Group. It is little exaggeration to medicine. After just a year at Karlsruhe, he say that she operated the most extensive traveled to and at least intended to network of spies in Europe and Eric Bollman begin a medical practice there. Like Gilbert du may have been one of them. Motier, who held the rank of Major before he During his travels with the Comte de started shaving, Bollman seems to have been Narbonne, Bollman had proven himself remarkably precocious. He arrived in Paris just resourceful and trustworthy. When individuals as the various events of the within the Coppet Circle, including the began to unfold and can have been no more philanthropist Trophime-Gérard, Marquis de than 20 years old at the time. Democratic and Lally-Tollendal, became concerned with the revolutionary ideas fascinated him and he was whereabouts and condition of the Marquis de drawn to the progressive aristocrats who were la Fayette in 1793, Bollman was considered trying to turn France into a constitutional an ideal operative to send to Prussia to search monarchy. for him.

2 In early 1794, Bollman traveled to Berlin, and Olmutz and kindly offered to assist in some of spent several fruitless weeks lobbying his cases for the valuable experience they Prussian officials for de la Fayette’s release. would provide him. Or he may simply have Making no progress, he traveled to pressed a bag bulging with coin from the Magdeburg, where de la Fayette had been Marquis de Lally-Tollendal into the surgeon’s held for over six months. But when Bollman hand and promised there was more where arrived, the Marquis had been moved to a that came from. fortress at Neisse. Possibly in response to Passing Notes in Class Bolling’s efforts to free him, the Prussians Expressing fascination with de la Fayette, then handed de la Fayette over to the Bollman asked Haberlein if he might carry Austrians. The Austrian Emperor held de la books and letters to the Marquis, as a gesture Fayette personally responsible for the fall and toward the latter’s well-being. Bollman execution of King Louis XVI and was encouraged Haberlein to read his letters and determined to make him pay for it. De la assure himself that Bollman’s motives were Fayette was held in the Moravian fortress of innocent. But each of the letters contained a Olmutz, where he was treated as a common message written between the lines in lemon prisoner, and not permitted to correspond with juice, one of the oldest forms of disappearing anyone. When Bollman inquired, the Austrians ink. refused to acknowledge that de la Fayette was even in their custody. Once Bollman confirmed that de la Fayette was at Olmutz, he returned to . There Our understanding of Bollman’s efforts is he was joined in the operation by a young hampered by the fact that he kept no diary or American medical student with a personal notes during the operation; this is sound connection to de la Fayette. Francis Kinloch practice for an espionage agent, but deeply Huger was the son of the first man who had frustrating for historians. Most accounts of the befriended a lost and water-logged de la events were reconstructed decades after, Fayette on his arrival in America. Major Bollman decided he would have to find a way Benjamin Huger had died fighting for to help de la Fayette to escape from the American independence in the Siege of Austrians – once he determined where they Charleston, and his son would consider it a were holding him. Moving on to Vienna he fell filial obligation to help de la Fayette in any way back on his training and status as a physician he could. After completing medical studies in and made contacts within the Austrian London, he had served in a British military medical community. He became acquainted hospital in Antwerp, then decided – apparently with the Austrian army regiments which by coincidence – to travel to Vienna before provided guards to the Empire’s military returning home to America. prisons, offering low-priced medical services Huger was just looking for a traveling to guards in exchange for conversation about companion for his trip back to Antwerp and their general situation and condition. He London before sailing for the States. He was learned which of the prisons was considered supposedly introduced to Bollman by a mutual the toughest, with double doors preventing friend who had no clue about the latter’s any conversation between prisoners and purpose. Bollman was mysteriously cagey guards. about his itinerary, telling Huger he would be To Bollman, that sounded like the place where willing to join him if the American could wait you would keep a dangerous radical like de la until he had concluded business in Hungary, Fayette. He befriended Dr. Haberlein, the promising to write in 8 to 10 days. surgeon who served as the prison physician at [The Story Continues on page 4] ------It’s bad luck to be superstitious. ------

3 ------Now I have to go apologize to the tummler. He’s an innocent in this. ------A Natural Spy Continued from Page 3 His letter was delivered as promised, and carriage every other day, on a repeating series Bollman arrived a few days behind it. of routes which took him several miles away Swearing Huger to secrecy, he shared the from the prison. One of our few sources on the events of the past several years, leading up to event is a note which de la Fayette wrote to his plan to return to Olmutz and free de la Bollman in the margins of a book: “We are in a Fayette from prison. Huger’s eyes probably phaeton,” he wrote, “nobody with me but the grew wide as saucers as he listened, but he corporal — who, by the by, is afflicted with a agreed with little hesitation. Francis Huger rupture — and a clumsy driver.... Have a trusty was such a perfect ally that the story of their man with you. Stop the driver. I engage to … chance meeting rather strains credulity. He frighten the little cowardly corporal with his was young, strong. devoted to liberty, own sword.” He also assured them that he personally connected to de la Fayette, an had the strength to ride a horse if they excellent horseman and incapable of provided him with one. understanding or speaking German. If Because of the limits of the messages that the captured, an interpreter would be required to conveniently ignorant Dr. Haberlein could ask him the simplest questions. deliver, there were few other details worked The plan to get the Marquis out was out, such as a location for meeting if the group encouragingly simple. And de la Fayette came became separated or the identity of any other up with most of it himself. Although they had friends who might help them. Bollman worked denied the Marquis the use of books or paper, out a signal to let de la Fayette know the the Austrians still allowed him an outing in a attempt was coming by appearing at the spot where it would occur two days later and waving to the Marquis with his handkerchief. Bollman arranged to have a coach waiting for the party in the village of Hoff, located about 25 miles closer to the Prussian frontier. But de la Fayette had never been more than three miles away from the fortress since he was taken there. He had no idea which road led to Hoff or to any other town in the region. Huger and Bollman checked into the Golden Swan Inn in Olmutz on November 5th, 1794. On the 6th, they chose the location for the escape, and gave de la Fayette the signal as his carriage rolled by. On the morning of the 8th they vacated their rooms in the Golden Swan, collected two horses from the stables and set off for the carriage route. The Blunders of Free Men The escape attempt failed because Bollman did not think it safe to write down any instructions for de la Fayette to follow and 1825 portrait of Dr, Francis Huger by because the Marquis had badly misjudged the American artist Charles Fraser character of the “cowardly” corporal guarding him. The driver of the carriage was easily

4 cowed into silence, but when de la Fayette Marquis made it to safety. Huger then set off nabbed the corporal ’s sword, the soldier on a road that led straight into the mountains, grabbed the blade with both hands and began hoping that he could make it to the frontier shouting for help. Blood from cuts on the with Prussian Silesia. But local farmers soldier’s hands left huge stains on de la volunteered to help the garrison by riding Fayette’s clothing. Bollman jumped off his down all the roads in the area, and some of horse and got the sword away from the guard, these spotted Huger. A party of three soldiers only to watch in horror as the man grabbed a overtook him and the American was taken to double handful of de la Fayette’s cravat and the fortress. He would spend most of the next tried to strangle him with it. three months chained to the wall in the same part of the prison where de la Fayette had Bollman pried the guard’s bloody hands off of been held. de la Fayette’s necktie, and the Marquis collapsed in exhaustion, It took the combined Bollman was able to coax his insulted horse efforts of Bollman and Huger to subdue the into a trot, and they reached Hoff before dusk. guard and stuff one of the signaling He found the hired carriage and its drivers handkerchiefs in his mouth. But another waiting quietly for him as ordered. There was soldier had taken up the Corporal ’s cries and no sign of the Marquis. Bollman rode back was running toward the fortress, waving his along the route for some distance, hoping he hat to attract the attention of the sentries. might have passed the resting de la Fayette Huger, on the edge of panic, yelled at de la somewhere on the route. But the short Fayette to take his horse and “Get to Hoff!” November day passed completely into This was apparently the first time de la darkness and Bollman had to return to Hoff. Fayette had heard the name of the town, and He waited well into the next morning, then he didn’t understand what he was being told paid off the carriage and began riding slowly to do. He heard Huger’s instruction as “Get to the Prussian frontier, hoping that he would off!” and interpreted it as an order to get clear somehow encounter the missing Marquis of the crime scene. He trotted a short distance along the route. away and waited for his rescuers to join him. Two Grand to Forget You Saw Me They called at him to keep going, shouting There had been several forks in the road to again that they would meet him in Hoff. Hoff, and one of them led to a large village in Now another change in the plan proved clear sight of the main road. De la Fayette disastrous. Bollman had decided that bringing apparently convinced himself that this was the a third horse as de la Fayette requested would town he was supposed to reach. Covered in attract attention. Instead, they had purchased mud and the corporal ’s blood, he presented a horse trained to carry two riders at once, an arresting spectacle as he rode into the and Huger was supposed to share his mount middle of town. Seeing no carriage waiting for with the Marquis. But in the confusion, Huger him, de la Fayette aroused immediate had told de la Fayette to take his horse and suspicion by offering to pay two thousand ordered him down the road by himself. The crowns for a fresh horse. Troubled residents rescuers tried to ride Bollman’s horse called for the town Mayor. Somehow, de la together, but it resented this unfamiliar Fayette was able to explain his distressed treatment and bucked, sending Bollman condition, his French accent, and his presence painfully to the ground. near Olmutz to the Mayor’s satisfaction. He was on the verge of getting the fresh horse he This impact made further travel on foot difficult for Bollman, and Huger gallantly [The Story Continues on page 6] insisted that the Doctor take the horse and catch up to de la Fayette, making sure the ------In my business a man sweats and stinks, till he dies! ------

5

------They’re businessmen before they’re educators. They won’t support a den of scandal and terror. ------A Natural Spy Continued from Page 5 had requested when the local tax agent Mitrowsky, had become sympathetic to his wandered up to the crowd and asked “Hey, case and had provided the money that Passi what’s the Marquis de la Fayette doing here?” would need to bribe the judge for a lenient sentence. So, de la Fayette was back in his cell in less than 24 hours, being tended to by an None of this mysterious philanthropy was embarrassed Dr. Haberlein. His isolation from explicitly directed at Dr. Eric Bollman. But the outside world was now rigorously when the decision was pronounced, both enforced, but the story of the attempted prisoners were sentenced to a 30 -day period escape gradually got out, especially after the of “Labor in Irons,” followed by banishment Commander of the fortress turned Huger and from the Austrian empire. Given that both had Bollman over to the civil prosecutor in Olmutz faced likely execution at the opening of the for trial. investigation, this was truly a slap on the wrist. The two men supposedly had a brief meeting Bollman was the last to be taken into custody. with their Russian benefactor, then made He made it over the border into Prussia, but directly for Bremen and a ship to England. the authorities were alerted by their Austrian allies and captured him a week after the Aftermath and After That escape attempt. Two weeks after the Bollman had failed in his primary object of operation, Bollman was also confined in getting de la Fayette out of prison, but he had Olmutz prison. succeeded in finding where the Marquis was The Austrians were most worried that the being held and his trial forced the Austrians to escape attempt was part of a larger political acknowledge that de la Fayette was their conspiracy and when they were satisfied that prisoner. In 1795, his wife and daughters no one in the Austrian government or military were able to convince the Austrian had been part of the plan, they allowed government to allow them to join the Marquis Bollman and Huger to be kept in more in confinement. The Austrians were anxious to endurable conditions and charged them with avoid the negative attention that would come the lesser offense of “Breaking a Military if one of the women died in captivity, and the Post.” general improvement in conditions probably kept de la Fayette alive until Napoleon Huger again proved to be a fortunate choice of arranged for his release in September, 1797. random accomplice; he was able to write But that time in prison damaged Adrienne de letters to Thomas Pinckney, the American la Fayette’s health and she died just over a Minister to Britain and former Governor of decade after her release. So, the Marquis South Carolina. Pinckney wrote to Huger’s likely had mixed feelings about the attempted family in America and they appealed to rescue. President Washington and Secretary of State Timothy Pickering. The U.S. government Although Erich had given his honest best replied that it would be difficult to intervene in effort to the Olmutz operation, he apparently the case since the had no decided that the relationship with his new official representative in the Austrian partner Francis Huger was a more flexible dominions. However, when the day of the asset than his relationship with his former verdict arrived, Huger’s interpreter Professor controllers in the Coppet Circle. The notoriety Passi informed him that the Professor’s which followed his trial for freeing de la regular employer, the Russian Count Fayette meant that he was probably finished

6 as an undercover agent. And who was likely to depend on his discretion as a physician? Huger suggested that he could help Bollman find business opportunities in America and the two sailed to the United States in 1796. Bollman found himself a minor celebrity in America, on the strength of his efforts for de la Fayette and received even more positive attention after the Marquis was finally released in 1797. He spent much of his time in America as a resident of , where he was also a member of Gatehouse of the former fortress of Olmutz the American Philosophical speculation when markets crashed in the Society. In 1799, he married Philadelphia difficult year of 1802. native Elizabeth Nixon; the couple had two children, a daughter named Caroline, born in Back in the Circus 1800, and a son named Justus Louis. Sadly, When Bollman arrived in Philadelphia, it was Elizabeth died in 1802 and Eric suffered a the Capitol city of the United States, and series of business reverses that threatened to would remain so until November of 1800, leave his family penniless. when the first Capitol building was completed in Washington DC. Bollman knew Thomas He was involved in several commercial Jefferson through their mutual membership in partnerships, the most important of which was the Philosophical Society, and Jefferson was formed with his brother Ludwig. who followed aware of Bollman’s plot to free de la Fayette. him to Pennsylvania in 1796. The E and L To all appearances, Dr. Bollman was a Bollman Company traded on the brothers’ dedicated chemist, a far-sighted entrepreneur mutual knowledge of chemistry. Their most and a devoted husband, who soon had a baby important discovery was a process that made daughter to receive his legacy. But accounts commercially useful volumes of refined, that mention Bollman, from the 19th Century malleable platinum – the first time this had to the present tend to refer to him as a been accomplished in the United States. In “German adventurer.” He certainly maintained their laboratory, the Bollmans built platinum- an active correspondence with friends in lined vessels that allowed them to produce Britain and continental Europe. He was large volumes of concentrated sulfuric acid, incapable of operating anonymously as he had and that was a highly profitable product. But in 1794, but his access to the American Erich Bollman spent six years trying to develop political elite would have made him a valuable other commercial applications for platinum: in asset. coinage, glassware, porcelain “lustreware,” jewelry, commemorative medals and compact When won the bitter scientific weights. None of these efforts were election of 1800 over John Adams, he profitable, and the company was bankrupted by the Bollmans’ involvement in tea [The Story Continues on page 8] ------No one told smallpox it’s Sunday. ------

7 ------Who is gonna mug two black fellas, holding pistols, sat in a car that’s worth less than your shirt? ------A Natural Spy Continued from Page 7 tried to give Bollman a position within his laboratory. An experienced “adventurer” like government. He was allegedly offered the Erich Bollman was of obvious value to Burr. He position of American Consul at Rotterdam, was probably working for Burr in 1805 as well, then Factor of Trade in Santo Domingo, or but in 1806 Burr chose him for a critical Indian Agent at the Natchez Station on the mission that brought about the end of the edge of the Territory. Some sources conspiracy. suggest that he accepted all three of these As Burr’s force gathered and started down the appointments in succession, but Bollman’s Ohio, Burr dispatched two messengers to New activities in Philadelphia seem to have Orleans, with copies of a highly detailed letter continued at least through the end of for General Wilkinson. Samuel Swartwout, Jefferson’s first term. who would later be accused of embezzling In his time in Philadelphia, Bollman had also more than a million dollars as Collector of the become closely acquainted with Jefferson’s Port of New York, was sent to by first Vice President, . Even before land, and Erich Bollman was dispatched by he shot Alexander Hamilton in 1804, Burr had sea. organized influential planters and friends in Both men completed their missions and the Army with the general goal of creating a delivered Burr’s message to Wilkinson. new nation on the Southwestern border of the Unfortunately for them, Wilkinson had United States, possibly in the huge Louisiana concluded that Burr’s plan was going to fail. Territory that was purchased from France in The Spanish subjects Burr planned to 1803. Burr shared the commonly held “liberate” had no interest in being ruled by conviction that the United States was Americans and the U.S. would never tolerate incapable of defending all the land it had just the British intervention which Burr was acquired, and like Jefferson, he thought it counting on to provide him with a navy. likely that the United States would eventually Wilkinson thanked the messengers for their split into two countries. When the new country efforts, then let them seek more recruits emerged, Burr meant to be its ruler. among officers under his command. Those There is a great deal of disagreement as to officers had the pair arrested and sent back to the true scope of Burr’s conspiracy. No more Washington for trial. Wilkinson’s version of the that 50 to 60 people can be conclusively letter was entered into evidence; the original, connected to the scheme, but many historians allegedly written in a cypher was never believe that hundreds more were involved. produced. Burr was arrested in Mississippi not The heart of the plan was to raise an army in long after; he briefly escaped into the Western Virginia and Pennsylvania, sail it wilderness but was recaptured and down the Ohio and Cumberland Rivers to the successfully returned to the Capitol. Mississippi, and then South to seize New Burned in Three Languages Orleans. He did not expect force would be While he was waiting for Burr’s treason trial to necessary there, as General James Wilkinson, begin, Bollman used his acquaintance with in command in Louisiana, was part of the the President to ask him for a private conspiracy. interview, with the object of explaining why By 1806, the commercial interests that had neither he nor Burr were guilty of any action kept Erich Bollman in Philadelphia were against the United States. Bollman seems to largely bankrupt; Ludwig Bollman had moved have understood the cypher which concealed to and was employed by the the text of the letter. He did his best to detail glassmakers who had supplied the Bollman its true contents, with the expectation that the

8 President would not make his account public. Why he even entertained this naïve supposition is not clear, but Jefferson did not hesitate to use the information Bollman gave. Jefferson had no patience with Bollman’s argument that Burr and his followers had intended only to seize territory of the Spanish empire. And when Bollman initially declined to testify against Burr, Jefferson counseled the trial managers to charge him with treason or another gross misdemeanor, in an effort to compel his cooperation. Jefferson’s prosecutors asserted that Burr intended to suborn American troops, take American equipment, and ultimately establish a rival government in territory belonging to the United States. Burr’s defense asserted that his adventure was only intended to seize territory belonging to Spain, creating a territory for American colonists without requiring the Portrait of James Wilkinson by Charles Willson Peale American government to intervene. Remarkably, the Supreme Court decided that Burr was acquitted, but his political career, Burr’s conduct might well have been criminal, already eclipsed by killing Hamilton, was but it did not meet the narrow definition of completely extinguished. He soon left America treason provided by the constitution. for Europe, and would remain in voluntary exile for 20 years. Samuel Swartwout was When Burr was acquitted, the case against minimally affected by his involvement in the Bollman and Swartwout was clearly doomed. case; he was only 24 years old at the time and In Ex parte Bollman, 8 U.S. (4 Cranch) 75 would redeem his reputation with service in (1807), the court ruled that "To constitute a the War of 1812. Later, he would have a levying of war, there must be an assemblage central role in the Swartwout-Hoyt scandal, of persons for the purpose of effecting by but had the good judgement to escape to force a treasonable purpose. Enlistments of England before his crime was detected. He men to serve against government is not later negotiated repayment of a fraction of the sufficient.” One wonders if they would have money and was not prosecuted when he ruled the same way in the era of the truck returned to the United States. bomb and the drone strike. Erich Bollman also escaped any direct Ironically, the case may have fallen apart punishment for his part in the conspiracy, but when the Ohio militia raided Burr’s force while it clearly blotted out any admiration still felt for it was encamped on Blennerhassett Island his efforts on behalf of de la Fayette. He and arrested a large number of his men. Many continued trying to interest the government in more had deserted along the route to platinum production, and also began writing a Mississippi, and only a few dozen remained series of letters and monographs on banking, when Burr was arrested. They no longer including specific proposals intended to presented a credible threat to the American strengthen the American treasury. But all his government or its sovereign territory. [The Story Concludes on page 10]

------I vaguely remember killing a guy named Bloch once or twice. ------

9 ------Slander has slain more men than the sword. ------A Natural Spy Continued from Page 9 ideas were met with polite refusal or pointed remembered Justus Erich Bollman. Huger and silence. By 1814, he had grown weary of de la Fayette were reunited briefly in 1825; struggling to be heard, and moved back to Huger had served as a Colonel of Artillery in London. the War of 1812, married Thomas Pinckney’s daughter and a future General Officer of the Carolina in my Mind Confederate States of America would be In Britain, he continued to write letters on counted among their five children. (He was economic topics, and became interested in called Ben, after his grandfather.) And to the theories of David Ricardo. If he tighten the circle another notch, Thomas participated in any more revolutionary Pinckney’s brother Charles Cotesworth espionage, he succeeded in keeping it a Pinckney had been Thomas Jefferson’s secret. unsuccessful rival for the Presidency in 1804. He made at least one more lengthy visit to the Was young Francis Huger Erich Bollman’s United States. When he died in 1821, he was asset, or was it the other way around? in Kingston, Jamaica, acquiring property and Col. Huger, his wife Harriet Pinckney Huger trying to open yet another chapter in his life. and the Marquis de la Fayette all sat for By the time de la Fayette made his grand American portrait artist Charles Fraser in reunion tour of the United States in 1824, 1825. His ivory miniature portrait of Francis Erich Bollman had been all but forgotten, and Huger is in the collection of the Metropolitan it is likely that out of all the people the Museum of Art. Marquis met on that expedition, Francis (In memory of David Cornwell, aka John Le Carré, Kinloch Huger was one of a handful who (1931 – 2020) ------Talk less, smile more. ------Mailing Comments on Turbo-Apa #415: Some outside observers have characterized my mailing comments as “long,” but looking at This Month’s General Comment on fanzines submitted to other long-standing Comments: For the past several months, I Amateur Press Associations, I can see that I have had the opportunity to read through barely exceed the industry standard. (And I dozens of apazines preparatory to posting wonder about those people’s own experience them for auction online. I have said this with apas – have they all be RAEBNC’ed into before, but it is really quite magnificent when submission? Have their comment hooks you get to read a long string of regular dangled unbitten?) Writers like Dian Crayne, contributions to an APA – the repeating Bruce Pelz, Ray Schaeffer, Fred Haskell and rhythms and unique punctuations of the Roy Tackett have all passed across my desk writer’s life emerge from the sequence of lately, giving me a sense of just what a wide issues, and events of universal interest – the range of writing has been published under the moon landing, 9/11, New Coke – seen from relatively innocent title of “Mailing one fan’s perspective. Almost everyone has a Comments.” People who think that my unique answer to the question of Mailing comments are too long, too discursive, too Comments, from perpetually neglecting them tangential, simply don’t know or remember to making them the absolute focal point of the galaxy of things that can be found in a their fanactivity, writing little else besides humble MC. reactions to other fanzines in the APA.

10 Cover (Jeanne Gomoll): The two halves were windows and sliding doors before we moved in both brilliant – the beautiful portrait of the as well, but they actually worked, and we Wisconsin Capitol and trees out of their minds really couldn’t have fit it into our budget. So on acid in the snow, and the vision of the DC we waited 12 years of course, until the doors Capitol rioters as an unrepentant Calvin and were chronically out of their tracks and Hobbes. Another one of these covers that windows all leaking cold air at their joints. capture the instant that they were created Now the false ceiling in the basement is very perfectly. slowly caving in on me, giving it a weird convex appearance. I have some ambition to get it Walter Freitag, COMING TO GRIPS #38: If you fixed before it actually drops one of the former were feeling well enough to experiment with owner’s home-made acoustic panels on my cold showers in the week after Christmas, you head, but I make no promises. must have recovered from your earlier bout with Lyme disease. When I was able to go to Jeanne, the story of your Mom getting locked the pool 4 or 5 days a week, I felt like I was out of your house was such a lovely peek at getting plenty of immersion in cold water, so you as a child – you were already cheerful and I’m not sure following it up with a cold shower sardonic at age 8! would be very appealing. The cold rinse at the Scott, you talked about your exposure to Dick end makes so sense to me – when I attended Dale by your older brothers. My cousins Laurie summer camp up in Ely, we used to take and Barbara were my first radio programmers saunas and plunge into the very cold lake – on a few memorable occasions I was left in when we were done, and I have never slept as the care of their Mom, my Aunt Mina, and I got well ever since. It was certainly an exhilarating to listen to either their choice of radio stations experience, but I don’t recall feeling full of or records from their collection. Sadly, they energy when I was done. Quite the opposite – were not into surf music very much – they it was hard to stay awake long enough to loved Motown, since we were living in , reach my bunk. but they were particularly wild for British Georgie Schnobrich, OCCAM’S WHISKERS: Invasion bands, especially the Bee Gees. I Wonderful portraits, Georgie. I find myself really discovered the brilliance of instrumental really studying them – I see something else surf after I almost accidentally got to hear the every time I look. Thanks so much for sharing Ventures perform at Merlyn’s on State Street them with us! I can’t be the only person seeing in what, 1980? I had somehow lived on the them who is now profoundly curious about the planet for 18 years without ever hearing stories that you have drawn them from. Are “Walk, Don’t Run” or “Telstar.” Life changed they full of Jacobins? Jacobites? Giacomos? after that night. Do you suppose they would like to be seen on Greg Rihn, AN WISCONZINE: So, for a change I actual paper too? I understand what you have seen something you reviewed in this mean about continuing to compose “for issue. The remake of All Creatures Great and paper,” even though I have to admit that I Small is quite remarkable – Carrie pulled up think my own zine actually looks better blown an episode the other night, on our new drive-in up to 200% on the computer screen. sized OLED television, and I was dumbstruck Scott Custis & Jeanne Gomoll, MADISON at how perfectly they had recreated the FOURSQUARE #51: Doesn’t everyone do original BBC series from the 1970s. I don’t house renovation projects precisely at the suppose it is any more accurate a portrayal of moment they are forced to and not a moment Yorkshire in the 1930s, but I hardly think most sooner? We had to put a new roof on this fans care much about that. I found that I had house when we moved in, so we did that; we {Comments continue next page.] should have replaced the majority of the ------The rule of my life is to make business a pleasure and pleasure my business. ------

11 ------A man that gives away twenty-six thousand dollars you can’t talk to. ------More Mailing Comments on Turbo-Apa #415: all skiing stories must, it sounds like you were able to enjoy the experience without being Greg Rihn, An Wisconzine, continued: totally paralyzed with pain afterwards, so that forgotten how pitch-black and sometimes much is a clear win. I bet you’ll get all the cruel the Yorkshire sense of humor was – and fluffy new snow you want before this winter is judging by most of the Yorkshire fan-writers I finally over. We just had a major snowstorm know, not much has changed since the here in Seattle last weekend, and one of the 1930s. folks that live across the street from us I have a personal sense that conspiracy appeared to go get her snowshoes out from a theories are just about over as a pop culture storage unit somewhere and returned to phenomenon, and they will shortly seem as waddle happily around their cul de sac for an quaint as novels about teenage girls in love hour. And I got to use the big shovel we with vampires and werewolves. Something bought after the February snow of 2019 – my worse will probably overtake them. Like back certainly agreed that we had not apathy. What I keep asking myself is, what is it shoveled any meaningful snow for two years. that make people want to believe these I appreciate the encouragement – I am piling things? I believe everyone ultimately believes up a lot of these horror host bios and it would the things one wants to believe – so why do be fun to do something with them. But there they want to believe in pedophile pizza parlors are already some books out there profiling the and lost emails, or even more puzzling, why do luminaries in the field – there’s one from they want to believe that Donald Trump is a McFarlane Press that people seem to think is very stable genius? After a daily diet of it for okay. I feel like I need to get some of those five years, I still don’t see the appeal. works and see what they cover, before I can Lisa Freitag, AFTER WORDS #45: The story of know if there is something else for me to getting your cross-country skis out as a 65th contribute. There have been two large birthday present to yourself was quite collections of postcards of Madison published wonderful. Despite ending with bruised ribs as in the past 15 years, and neither of them documents the publishers, artists, photographers or distributors of the cards they reproduce. So, I feel like the book I need still has to be written, and it may be that way with horror hosts, too. C Elizabeth Matson, COAT & BOOTS: Your holiday photos were great – especially the picture of your pup Nick as a reindeer, because he looked like he had stepped right out of the original How the Grinch Stole Christmas. I’m glad you didn’t make him take you to the top of Mt. Crumpet. I hope the storytelling event on January 30th went off well. I found myself thinking you must talk about the event in advance, to make sure no one plans to tell essentially the same story – and since there are only two stories (you go on a journey or Robert Preston comes to town), that must present something of a challenge. And have I asked this before? Do

12 you and most of your peers concentrate She isn’t very hard-boiled naturally, but we’ve strictly on your own stories, or do you been watching Noir Alley on Turner Classic occasionally lie beside the wigwam of Movies since the pandemic started, and that Nokomis or wax poetic upon John Henry and should help. I want to read it also, and will the Steam Drill? almost surely be willing to write a review. Lately, I have been feeling very strongly that if I’m finding there are many more women I am able to make myself actually finish a involved in hosting horror movies than I book, I really want to compose some kind of expected, but a lot of them had rather reaction to it. And if the book is by someone I ephemeral careers and have not been hunted know, it seems just this side of socially down by modern-day fans. Keep watching the imperative. The team that has helped you skies for Women of Darkness…. sounds great. Jim Hudson & Diane Martin, THINGS THAT The dog beds sound magnificent – I’m not BEGIN WITH I: Your bulleted list of the many sure which is bigger, those or our new steps implicit in producing your holiday letter television. I’m telling you, the image is so were pleasantly reinforcing. I sometimes feel intense, we can actually see backward that writing an 8-page essay on an obscure through time…. chemist and espionage agent from the turn of the 19th Century may seem like a quizzical Carrie Root: THE HOUSE ON THORNTON subject for an apazine, but you remind me CREEK: I never feel any stress about writing that there is no such thing. comments to you: I can always fall back on declaring that I love you and can’t live without Everyone watches and reads through things you. It’s always seasonally appropriate, too. much more quickly than I am able to, and in a few weeks, baseball season will start again! I liked your ambitions for our work on Kramer You are the 16th person to at least modestly Creek – I hadn’t thought about the fact that praise The Expanse in my presence this week, we were probably annoying the hell out of so we’re going to try to actually binge it. (We some rats by cutting back all their protective made it through the first 6 episodes and thickets of blackberry cane. The neighbors abandoned it for reasons neither of us can ought to be happy about that part of it! I would define.) Someone at the book discussion was also like to save some of those big trees, saying that there is an aftershow and the guy especially the cedars that seem to have who plays Amos is the host, and he is a endured so much. That big cedar log that lies complete geek and TOTALLY different from the diagonally across the middle of the site is so way he is on the show…and I just get tired of charred that I really think there was a serious being so unhip. fire there once. I wonder if our neighbor Jan would recall it happening? I have the But no amount of peer pressure can make me impression she has seen pretty much every re-attempt Babylon 5, so don’t bother asking. significant change here for the past 70 years. I If I want to see someone with a broom bet the Thornton Creek Stewards would also jammed sideways on his head do Bela Lugosi, value knowing some things she knows. I’ll go find something with Lugosi in it. (I’m Someone should interview her, and Cecil, and sorry you had to see this, for letting it happen Gary Snyder and anyone else who remembers in your comment. You are blameless in all this, when this was all Orange Groves. Barbara of course. It’s always the innocents who suffer.) Stanwyck and I used to ride the streetcar…. Marilyn Holt, LETTER FROM THE FARM: I don’t [Comments continue next page.] know if Carrie will mention it to you or not, but   she is reading your book right now, M. J. Holt! ------John W. Campbell can go for 40 days without food, but not one without psi. ------

13

------Cartoons on Pages 12 and 14 by Bill Rotsler, Page 15 by Bill Kunkel. ------More Mailing Comments on Turbo-Apa #415: by having to hold a socially distanced wedding, but I’m sure others have found it a Steven Vincent Johnson, SONOVA QUARK: I relief. I wonder if we will continue to live a am not in the business of doubting that your certain percentage of our lives by Zoom, even anxiety has organic and internal points of after the pandemic is over? The monthly origin; but I also think the period you talked Vanguard party in Seattle has been strictly about, from September to February, coincided virtual for a year now, and one great appeal is with the most stressful period of the election not having to drive home at the end of the and its aftermath. I mean, I feel better now, party…. too. J.J. Brutsman & Tom Havighurst, It was wonderful watching Biden and Harris ADVENTURES OF DA BUNNY AND BEAR: Your inaugurated; such a complete pleasure to Norwegian baking montage was a treat; the hear her laugh on the floor of the Senate. I pictures were vivid enough that I found myself find I have weird ambitions for him: I want him remembering the smell of holiday baking, to help the Republicans do a few truly back in the days when my grandparents would nefarious things, in the understanding that visit and my Mom made so many cookies that this indulgence comes at the expense of she would stash bags full of them under the voting for pandemic relief, immigration reform coats in the hall closet. and a few other pet projects. I want them to think he is their willing tool, because really, The art on the boarded-up windows n State that has been the arc of his life in politics: a Street is quite beautiful, and some of it useful man can be useful for all. deserves to be preserved when the plywood finally comes down. I’ve been a little relieved Darlene Coltrain, TAGALONG: Very nice to hear that there has been no chance of visiting from you again – and it was super happy news Madison over the past year, and hoping that to read about Fritha and John getting married. the city will be somewhat closer to normal I know that some people were very frustrated when I get there. It’s a selfish thing, but I’d just as soon have no memories of Madison under COVID, and live with my golden memories of Plazaburgers and summer softball leagues. Cathy Gilligan, CONJUNCTIVE DISORDERS: We’re living under the same general threat of having sidewalks added to our street as you and your neighbors. They haven’t published an actual plan yet, but whenever any work is announced in the area, sidewalks on 110th Street are part of the program. And yet – nothing so far. I suspect the rather corrugated quality of the ground next to the street is presenting them with something of a challenge. The prospect actually holds some potential excitement, as Carrie hopes that the attendant curbs and gutter would lead to less water gushing down our driveway during rainstorms. OF course, the nice thing about a new sidewalk is that it makes it easy to shovel

14 the snow off that nice smooth surface. One of your neighbors with a snowblower will probably volunteer to do your side of the block if they know you are not eager to do it yourself. So – would you like to have some Dungeons and Dragons Miniatures? That’s another one of those things where there is a lot of speculation and wild assumptions about collectability, scarcity and value. Quite frankly, old D&D players are leaving this plane for the Happy Hunting Grounds all the time, and all of them had about 150 well-painted figures, and ten to thirty pounds of unpainted lead. If you would like to surprise your DM and fellow an open mike by an intense young poet in a players with some new-old figures, I’d love to surplus Swedish army trench coat and a provide some. The vast majority sit around haircut like Lyle Lovett. All of this seems like gathering dust and that includes mine, since I the struggles of a civilization that has yet to tend to play nothing but 15mm scale historical invent psychohistory. Looking at things on a battles these days. I’d love to think of my galactic scale would seem to be a reasonable Wizards casting fireballs in action once antidote to conspiracy theories – conspire all more…. you like, the universe still laughs at you and Karl Hailman & Hope Kiefer, QUEST FOR pulls down your pants. Or makes your star go SLEEP: My family took several holiday trips to Nova, just as you have finally overcome your Florida after my Mom’s parents retired to the hated political rivals. Englewood-Ft. Myers area. We never actually “Blue Heaven” reminded me of a number of went all the way by road but driving a rental science fiction novels and films. I’m not sure car up and down the Gulf Coast in the 1970s I’m interested in an afterlife where wealth, was more than enough. The year that we went clout and political power continue to be of down by train was a fairly unforgettable some significance. In fact, I would say the ordeal; the train actually hit a stalled car on afterlife leaves me cold on a conceptual level the tracks just outside Tampa. – if it turns out that there really is one, I’m So, I have never had to opportunity to see the likely to complain. Lodge at Wakulla Springs on any of my trips to Catie Pfeifer, A ZINE OF ONE’S OWN: Your Florida – goodness, it’s really beautiful! I remodeling tale of woe was pretty woeful. I looked at the web page on the Florida State hope they have made some progress on their Parks site – it seems like the ideal place for a plan by now. Every time I read about a murder mystery! But it was hardly necessary member of the APA being forced to wrangle to mention the rain – as far as I can recall, it hundreds of pounds of books in order to paint has rained every single day that I have ever a room, remodel a bookshelf or escape a spent in the state, winter, summer, Labor Day volcanic eruption, I make another resolution weekend, Thanksgiving weekend, Arbor Day, to find a new home for at least some portion Don Shula’s Birthday. Perhaps you can refute of our library. Trying to abandon them in Little this statistically, but mildew doesn’t lie. Free Libraries simply isn’t working – I had to F. J. Bergman, A TURBULENT APA-RITION: You break out a big plastic bin to consolidate all have too much fun. “Hella Big” was definitely the books we took OUT of LFL’s in 2020. the poem to lead with – I imagined it read at ------Hang a License Plate on me Mother, I’m a Stanley Steamer Tonight. ------

15

------The serial version of Starship Troopers was cut by 51%, not 26%. ------Horror Host of the Month: profiling the best-known African American Horror Host, I found that there was really just Dr. Sarcofiguy: one candidate available. Comedian, actor, Not Your Average White Corpse artist, writer and singer John Dimes has In CAPTAIN FLASHBACK #25, I profiled portrayed “Dr. Sarcofiguy” since the mid- modern-day horror host Penny Dreadful XIII, 1990s and has bridged the gap between and noted that since Maila Nurmi had created regional cable access programming and the role of the horror host as “Vampira” in starring in his own web-based 3-minute 1954, the overwhelming majority of animated talk show, exclusively populated by subsequent hosts were male, outnumbering dead celebrities, in a mere quarter-century. women by perhaps 20 to 1. That has changed Regardless of his relative anonymity in the in the 21st Century – in the Cable Access and world at large, Dr. Sarcofiguy is a genuine star Internet eras, more monster shows have been in the Monster Culture and was inducted into hosted or co-hosted by women – and robots, the Horror Host Hall of Fame in 2017. puppets and computer-generated characters, As a kid in Washington DC, John Dimes was a some of them created by women. devoted fan of local horror host Count Gore De On the other hand, almost every human who Vol, played by actor and producer Richard ever hosted a horror movie program, on Dyszel. Dyszel is a native, who began broadcast, cable or streaming platforms, has hosting monster movies as “M. T. Graves” in been Caucasian. I would assume that there Paducah, Kentucky in 1971. After moving to have been at least a few Native American and WDCA, Channel 20 in Washington, Dyszel Asian performers, and actors of mixed race became Gore de Vol; he also took on the role among the hundreds who have hosted horror of Bozo the , and then “Captain 20,” a shows…but most hosts have been extremely kids-show host and cartoon wrangler who white, even when they were alive. So, as I sat persisted on the air until 1987. down to write this column with the intention of Dimes worked as a stand-up comedian, appearing with Dave Chappelle, Patton Oswalt, Wanda Sykes and others who broke through to national prominence. But Dimes never had an HBO Special or a part on a network sitcom. He also pursued interests in writing and illustration, producing works that combine both such as The White Corpse Hustle (2002), a guide to vampire lore and answers to frequently asked questions for the undead novice. In 1995, cable video producer Curtis W. Prather asked John Dimes to appear on a Fairfax County, Virginia cable series Dr. Sarcofiguy Confronts the Vortex of Forgotten Matinees titled Tales to Make You Say

16 ‘Goodness!’ Much of the program’s content seances and stand-up comedy, with was amateur film and video shot by Prather inspiration from Eddie Murphy, Vincent Price, going back to his childhood. Dimes created Robin Williams and Screamin’ Jay Hawkins. the character of Dr. Sarcofiguy to present As a working mental health professional, Dr. Prather’s home movies as if they were B Sarcofiguy was free to leave the Ida Lupino pictures on a late-night horror show. The Memorial Theater in daylight hours, something character was so successful that Prather which Count Gore De Vol was obviously immediately wanted Dr. Sarcofiguy to host prohibited from doing by his vampirism. some monster movies “for real,” and thus was Perhaps this is why the dusty death of Dracula Spooky Movie Television born. It first aired on at the end of a picture could move the October 31st, 1995 and would run for 15 sentimental Doctor to tears. Prather filmed years on the third largest cable system in the Dimes in a local cemetery, in apartments and country, from studios in Falls Church. At times, in front of random piles of junk in the cable the show appeared in distant cities including studio. Dayton, Ohio, Jackson, New Jersey and Greensboro, North Carolina. Over the years, the Doctor’s costume evolved to include a signature leopard-print fez, but in The Doctor Will See Things Now many of his TV appearances, the only unusual Simply describing Dr. W. E. B. Sarcofiguy is a element was a pair of dark round-rimmed challenge. His Doctorate appears to be in glasses that concealed his eyes completely. Psychiatry or possibly Parapsychology, putting His patter had the cadence of an elderly him in the small subset of Mad Scientists Doctor of Divinity, but the program veered into specializing in the madness of others. He was nerdish absurdity at the least provocation. A on the staff of the Hope Valley Mental circle of eccentric supporting characters had Institute, where some of his guests were recurring appearances, including the bearded patients. He counted “Dr. Bombay,” late of the Blackmon as “Anne Rice,” “E” the zombie situation comedy Bewitched and portrayed on Elvis impersonator (Matt Langley) and Megan Spooky Movie Television by actor Mark R. Owens as bellowing landlady Myrtle Fargate. Blackmon, as a close colleague. He is also a Curtis “C. W.” Prather also stepped in front of talented spiritual medium, with a particular the camera as the semi-intelligent “Mickey.” gift for channeling dead celebrities from the There were also many furious one-sided Golden Age of Hollywood, including Lionel phone conversations with Sarcofiguy’s “Ex” Barrymore, Bette Davis and especially the Clarinda, which felt like eavesdropping on poet Maya Angelou. John Dimes’ impressions Redd Foxx and Lady Macbeth. are hardly meticulous, but they are funny, genuinely funny in a way that eludes a lot of Since all of this originated from the Falls horror hosts. Dr. Bombay was also a gateway Church Community Access studios, I’m not for celebrity spirits and the late Desi Arnaz sure how much Dimes and Prather made out seemed particularly fond of possessing him. of all those seasons of The Spooky Movie Show. In the 2010s, the program migrated to As the Doctor, Dimes’ voice ranged from a The Monster Channel, an early web-streaming profound baritone to a high-pitched, and service, and that presumably earned them almost musical note; he seemed to be something. In 2006, Curt Prather founded The perpetually delighted, no matter what kind of Spooky Movie International Film Festival, and mayhem prevailed in the evening’s movie. Dr. Sarcofiguy naturally became his Master of Like many of the best hosts, there were times Ceremonies. The festival has a reputation as when Dr. Sarcofiguy seemed to barely recall one of the most “fun” in the field and has a that he was in the Ida Lupino Memorial Theater to present a horror movie. His show [Continues next Page] was a collision of mock interviews, improvised ------But still there isn’t much plot. ------

17 ------A Pregnant Man is an Awful Sight. ------2015, Dimes has devoted a lot of time to his work in graphic art and cartooning. His most recent venture is “Dr. Sarcofiguy for Show,” a series of animated shorts posted on Youtube. In these, the Doctor hosts a talk show whose guests are all ghosts of Hollywood celebrities. Some, like Phyllis Diller, crack jokes; some merely emit ectoplasm and mysterious bursts of light, like Red Buttons. It is a continuation of classic Sarcofigesque shtick but boiled down to 3 minutes for 21st Century attention spans.

Finding Your Roots Dr. Sarcofiguy’s poet nemesis in “Cinco de Maya Angelou” Dimes has taken considerable pride in being the first African American horror movie host, tradition of showing very contemporary horror but he would be equally satisfied if it could be films alongside beloved favorites and proved that someone else deserves the title. neglected classics. It now has a permanent About three years ago, special effects artist home in the AFI Silver Theater in Silver Spring, Todd Matsui posted a series of video clips that Maryland and held a “virtual festival” in appear to be excerpts from a Horror broadcast October 2020, due to the Covid-19 pandemic. titled “The Count Orloff Show.” This show was Dimes had the chance to collaborate with his supposedly created in 1988 and starred inspiration, Count Gore De Vol, when Richard Samuel Martin Oldham, now a well-known Dyszel brought the character out of retirement editor and film school instructor, who happens in the late 1990s. The two appeared on each to be African American. Sam reposted the other’s Halloween specials and on The Spooky video, claiming that it was the only remaining Movie Thanksgiving Leftovers Special, which footage from his brief stint as a horror movie featured eight different horror hosts. That host! opportunity to work together is one big But requests for further information on the difference between the “second wave” of show, including its air date and point of origin, horror hosts who arrived after 1990 and those have not been answered. I’m certainly willing who worked in the years between 1954 and to believe in Count Orloff, but until some kind 1989. The “original” horror hosts had very of corroboration appears, John Dimes remains localized appeal, and only a handful ever the only African American performer to host a made appearances together. Now there is a horror movie program, and certainly the only real synergy between the members of the tribe one to routinely don a long brown wig and and Dr Sarcofiguy has shared the screen with claim to be Maya Angelou. Plenty of hosts hosts Penny Dreadful XIII, Dr. Dreck (Michael arrived on screen in a vinyl coffin like Orloff, Legge of Bellingham, Mass.) and Boo de Pest, but how many can improvise in iambic played by -born actor Leanna pentameter? Until more specific evidence can Chamish. be brought to light, the Dr. is the Sarcofiguy His 2017 induction into the Horror Host Hall of for me. Fame was certainly a big moment for Dr. Sarcofiguy but might have been the beginning    of something new for John Dimes. Since ------There are no Bad Movies, only Bad Audiences. ------

18 ------What about those U.S. Senators you were throwing tomatoes at? ------Fanmail From Some Flounder Department: Letters to CAPTAIN FLASHBACK Lloyd Penney searches. I might do some freelance work, but [email protected] it is pretty cutthroat. Also, I am trying to increase my marketability by increasing my publishing experience. My volunteer work January 29th, 2021 for Amazing Stories as a copy editor/ I have here in front of me Captain Flashback proofreader has blossomed into getting as 26, and I was told I was mentioned in it, so I much experience as I can get in magazines thought I’d download it, and see what’s in it. and books. I have now worked on seven More on that later, but in the meantime, start issues of the magazine, plus six of at the beginning… the Amazing Selects books (titles from Allen Steele, David Gerrold and John E. Stith), plus I find that I will sometimes look for any other books from Shirley Meier, Nancy information on or quotations from Guillermo Kilpatrick, Sharon Lee & Steve Miller, and del Toro. We know his ex-wife in Toronto, and Paula Johansen. They’ve all been SF, except she is a quiet type, but we did get to know for some of Nancy’s horror, and a Canadian here in Toronto, and she was in LA when we history text from Paula. Honest, I devote what guested at Loscon some years ago. I am time I can to writing locs, but I got so far surprised he let someone sweet like her go. behind with them in 2020, and I didn’t like My own childhood television was often a split writing a single loc to cover as many as four or between Canadian and American shows. On five issues. I will hereby promise that I will get the CBC here in the mornings was Mr. more locs to your publications. (I think Taral Dressup (Ernie Coombs, who had worked with may be unhappy with me for the same Fred Rogers in the distant past), a puppet reasons.) show, and Chez Helene (Helene Ballargeon, One of my mentors, Harry Warner, Jr. More who taught us Anglos a little French here and years ago than I care to think about, I got mail there to help with our school lessons). The from Harry Warner and Walt Willis, praising Buffalo channels available to us were a mixed the fact I was willing to respond to all of the bag, but on Channel 7 Buffalo, the ABC fanzines available at the time. I don’t know affiliate, was Rocketship 7, starring Dave about quality, but I was putting out quantity, Thomas, with a large robot and a few hand and that was important, too. Harry was a puppets. Besides the rocket ship theme, we journalist, and I was training to be one…he got saw Dave Thomas on the Buffalo weather in to do it, and I didn’t, but responding to the evenings, he moved to Philadelphia, and fanzines got me the byline I wasn’t getting retired from broadcasting there. His son David elsewhere. Jr. is actually actor David Boreanaz. Well, much of this was personal, rather than Ah, there I am. No, I still respond to many much in the way of comments on the zines, e- or otherwise. I admit I have reduced contents, but so it goes. I will make another my load of zines because of a few factors… I attempt with issue 27 the next time, promise. have not been employed for a few years now, and prices are not dropping. Yvonne is retired, Yours, Lloyd Penney. and we are living off her investments, so I [APH – It is entirely in character, but still need to find work, and I am also increasing my wonderful, that Harry Warner and Walt ------Is there any milk in the house? ------

19 ------There wasn’t any milk, only beer. ------Willis noticed your prolificity in correspondence outcomes of conflicts. Yay, everyone's alive and reinforced it. I know than a few of your again! Except for the characters who died in letters, but it was always nice to get them and I the original outcome - they're still dead, appreciate your sticking with me. really. The "revived" characters are really new Spending my first five years in the Detroit area, people. I had some exposure to Canadian TV too. Ironically, my favorite CBC program was an If that isn't clear, it's because of the limitations American co-production, The Friendly Giant. of language. That's my story, and I'm sticking Bob Homme started the show on the radio at to it. WHA in Madison, Wisconsin 1953 and moved to Canadian television in 1958. I was stunned to Thanks for reprinting the Harry Warner story find that it had remained on the air until 1985! by Arnold Platou. I hadn't seen this before. It seems like nearly every horror movie host Your work for AMAZING sounds like it must be also had a character that hosted children's very entertaining, but I must agree with your programming. I some of the Cleveland hosts - unspoken statement that you ought to be getting Barnaby, Captain Penny, and Mr. Jingaling (or paid for it. I’ll keep you in mind if I have a Jingeling). The latter was only on in December, project that needs editorial help. I’ve no idea if as he was supposed to be the keeper of CAPTAIN FLASHBAK has contained much of Santa's workshop. (I can still sing his theme specific interest to you, but I certainly have wandered between a variety of topics over 27 song.) There was another host who was called issues. That’s not too many, right?] "King Something." I found a list of children's hosts in Wikipedia, and it seems he was "King Jerry Kaufman Jack," but the link shown is to a 2015 movie [email protected] and not the host guy. I remember that my sister and I got to be in his audience one time, February 9th, 2021 and were picked to make things in his "toy workshop" on camera. I made a jewelry box I haven't read Recursion or heard of Blake with a cigar box and four thread spools as legs Crouch, but your recounting of the time-travel and remember them falling off during the bus plot sends me into plot paradox land. I would ride home. have to read the book in order to get an understanding of this time travel via memory. So thanks for the memories. But my impulse is to question how it could Jerry create changes in the phenomenal world, and how changes to one person's memories could [APH – Who else shall we summon from the affect other people. glades of partial gafia this time, Jerry? If I believe that in reality time travel is Lloyd’s letter is any indication, this is a power impossible, but if it were possible, it could not that can only be used for good or evil! I could change the present. I think that any attempt to mention David Emerson…or Pat Virzi…or Rich change a past event has already happened, Coad, all people I have had letters from in the and either failed, or actually contributed to the distant past and would love to summon from the couch of despond. event being targeted. I know, of course, that many fictions take advantage of theories that You are obviously correct that there is a great decision points might create multiple deal of overlap between horror movie hosts and timelines (and thus multiple universes) characters from children’s shows. One assumes dependent on which probability takes place the two talents are somewhat transferable, but (or which decision is made); this advantage those horror hosts who treated their audiences allows many films and television shows to like children often had a brief tenure in the reset their negative outcomes by switching the field. Keep watching for Bill Cardille & other requests!]

20 I REMEMBER ENTROPY DEPARTMENT Sushi Chefs I‘ve Known and Loved by Jon Singer “Sushi Chefs I Have Known and Loved” by Jon Singer One advantage of living in San Francisco is being able eat sushi at a variety of Originally published in PROPER BOSKONIAN establishments in the Bay Area. One #27, May 1990, edited by Laurie D. T. Mann advantage of being on USENET is the frequent (Fandom is a subculture composed of people discussions of sushi in ba.foods, one of the determined to be memorable characters and Bay Area newsgroups. As with all things on some degree of eccentricity can be taken as a USENET, there have been flame wars, but as I given. But even in this society of the hope we all know, flaming sushi is a definite indescribable, Jon Singer challenges the No-No. fannish vocabulary. His pastimes and his I am kinda surprised at the number of people professions have been pursued with equal zeal, in ba.foods who said they like Watercourse and he has displayed a suspiciously intense Way. Not only does it fail one of my criteria level of knowledge and interest in areas utterly by not having a bar (see below), but I including horticulture, computer science, have eaten there 3 or 4 times, and have never ceramics, bowling, international cuisine and been impressed either by the rice (again, see mimeography. Reading Jon’s writing is a poor below) or the freshness of the other substitute for conversation with him, as he can ingredients. Moreover, when I tried to order generally only write about one thing at a time, some nice veggie things they had on the but it is still a highly worthwhile experience. menu, they told me they had just discontinued His column “The Technocrat of the Breakfast all of them. This is a Bozo No-No; lots of Table” in Kaufman & Tompkins’ fanzine vegetarians inhabit the Bay Area and they now MAINSTREAM was one of my favorite series have a hard time meeting their needs at of the 1980s by any writer, fan or pro. Watercourse Way (unless the veggie stuff has Previous columns in this series have featured been restored since I was last there). It is not a number of vintage articles composed directly an easy thing to be a vegetarian who likes to to mimeograph stencil, and they represented eat with friends. the style of writing dictated by the format. This piece by Jon, published in the NESFA I was also surprised by the person who said clubzine PROPER BOSKONIAN, was first that Ikenohana was the only place where they composed as a long post on a Usenet group had ever found scallop and lobster sushi. devoted to food in the San Francisco Bay area True, lobster is relatively uncommon, but and reflects some of the etiquette and scallops should be available at most Bay Area limitations of that form. It’s also from an era sushi bars. when many science fictions had discovered I will, when cashflow allows, give Bonsai and sushi and opinions on the topic were common Sushi Zen a try. Cashflow, unfortunately, and strongly held. The chefs Jon describes in seems to be at an ebb right now. Meanwhile, his article are, I presume, retired from the Ikenohana and Kirala are my favorite sushi business by now. But his ideas about how to places so far in the Bay Area. Kirala is in interact with a sushi chef and get the most Berkeley on Shattuck Avenue, on the same from their art are as fresh as when he first block as the Berkeley Bowl, a couple blocks caught them. north of Ashby. Jon defines a number of the more important I have two reasons for yacking here: They are delicacies in his article, but he offers many as follows: others without translation. You’ll find my best effort at defining them in a few sidebars 1. To explain why I like, say, Ikenohana a lot alongside the text. Prepare your palate for better than, say, Watercourse Way. pureed strawberries on a bed of fresh scallops!) 2. To point out some things about sushi and the people who make it that I think are   

21 pretty important. For example, I saw lots of when you bite into it. Soggy sushi is soggy people talking in ba.foods about large portions crud. I want to order one thing at a time, so it and about freshness. While I don’t care about doesn’t get stale while I’m eating the previous quantity myself, many people do, so that’s item. The salmon skin handroll sitting in the cool. Freshness, of course, is really important. holder is going to get just as soggy while you But in something like 20 or 30 messages that eat your Hamachi and Maguro as it would were forwarded to me, I don’t recall a single sitting on the counter waiting to be delivered one that mentioned rice! to a table. No thanks. One item at a time is plenty fast enough for me. Not one mentioned tea, either. Second, I like to watch them make it, and I like Ikenohana typically serves some of the greenest to give them a hard time while they are making green tea I’ve ever seen at their sushi bar; Genmai- it – livens up their day, livens up mine. cha (tea with puffed brown rice) at their dinner So I typically avoid ordering sushi if I am sitting table; and some interesting reddish stuff at the at a table. That’s a good way to have an OK noodle bar, which is only open at lunchtime. They meal, which is not usually what I’m after. I’ve serve three different kinds of tea. They don’t have had lots of OK meals already. to do that. They could, quite reasonably, serve you 3. I am concerned about the quality of the fish Genmai-cha regardless of where you sit or what and other items. (No surprise here.) you are eating. But they don’t. Seems to me that it 4. I am concerned about the depth and breadth is this kind of attention to detail, this kind of of the selection. If I go into a sushi place and concern about what goes where, that makes the ask for a slightly odd item, like Kanpyo (gourd difference between a restaurant that is good, and shavings – sounds ucky, tastes rather a restaurant that is damn good. pleasant), I want them to have it. Especially if I My experience, if you care, is reasonably extensive, have been wanting it for three weeks or so! but not phenomenal: I have been eating sushi There are, of course, some things that are, since maybe 1960, but I’ve only been hot-and- regrettably, just uncommon. I know of very few heavy at it since perhaps 1975, and I have not places I can walk into and get Ni-hotate. I eaten at every great place I’ve ever heard, of or know of few places that regularly carry anything like that. I haven’t been to Japan, either. Kohada. Sniff. Now let me talk a bit about my criteria. 5. I do not care about portion size, myself. Big hunks of stuff are just as nice as little hunks of 1. The heart of sushi is rice. Sure, if the other stuff. ingredients are not topnotch, the sushi won’t 6. I will take good sushi from the hand of anyone be great. But superb rice usually tends to go who cares to make it, but there are some with topnotch ingredients anyway, and even people who are real artists. I do not merely good ingredients will make fine sushi if necessarily mean excessively flamboyant, they are on great rice, whereas the best either, though most of the artists I know have, ingredients will make only OK sushi if they are well, distinctive personalities. There are three on mediocre rice. Ikenohana not only has sushi-chefs that really stand out in my wonderful sushi-rice, they even have very nice experience. plain-old-dinner-rice. I regard that as a good sign. I am, anyway, going to talk about these three 2. I want to sit at a sushi bar. Watercourse Way artists here at some length, because they are amusing and because there are some important loses instantly here because they don’t have a things I’ve learned from them. Expository lump sushi bar. The reason why I want to sit at a bar warning. (This is long.) is twofold: First, I am deeply concerned with freshness, not only of the ingredients, but also Sammy of the preparation. What is the point of having Sammy typically inhabits Boulder, Colorado, so he really fresh fish, if you leave it sitting on the is a bit outside of our realm, but he is somewhat counter for fifteen minutes after you cut it? I singular and worth mentioning. The first time I met Sammy, he was furtively eating a Wendy’s don’t want to watch my order sit on a counter hamburger out of a bag and claimed that he didn’t getting stale. No no no! A hand-roll is like sushi. This guy, I thought, is nuts! supposed to be handed to you just as it is finished because it is supposed to crunch

22 I was right, but he was lying about the sushi (I’ve cucumber, put his thumb on top of it and seen him making sushi and shoving it down his commenced to slice it in transparent, paper-thin throat on several occasions). sheets. When he put the thing together, he added Shiso and sesame seeds…it was the best Kappa- One night when Sammy was working at Sushi Koi maki I ever ate. in , my turn came, and I asked him for Tako (octopus). He looked at me and said, disbelievingly, So why was mine different from the other ones? “You eat that stuff?” and went on to the next The best answer I can give you is that it was person at the bar. When he came back to me different because I gave enough of a damn about it about ten minutes later, I asked him again for to ask him personally and specifically for it, and to Tako. He said “No,” and went on to the next sit there and watch him make it, right after person. Ten more minutes. This time I demanded watching him make at least a half dozen of them. my goddamn octopus, and he gave it to me. Ordering from the table is anonymous. Sometimes I think he really didn’t want to do it, If there’s more than one sushi-chef on, you don’t and I shouldn’t have asked him. Sometimes, I even know which one made your order, unless you think he was testing me, and it was a damn good watch really carefully, and even then you don’t get thing I kept at him for it instead of caving in. Life is to see them do it, or talk with them about it. full of strangeness. Sometimes, the regular things are how you tell a Another time I asked him for Tako, he said “You really great place from a merely good place. like Tako?” and pulled out from behind the counter a bag which contained – you guessed it, a taco. He Kashiba Shiro-san took a long crunchy bite from it and said, “Don’t The best sushi bar I have ever eaten at in my life is Tell anybody.” Then he put it back and gave me my Nikko in Seattle. Nikko looks like hell from outside octopus. – a run-down, somewhat dusty-dirty house, way the hell out on King Street in Seattle, at the corner of Now, I tell you these things, which are true, and I Rainier. It may have been the first sushi bar in have witnesses for some of them. They are not the Seattle. whole story, though. Just to let you know that Sammy is a bit, well, strange. The way I first heard about it was a sweetie of mine sent me an article about where Seattle chefs eat Sammy has all these little “specials” that he when they go out. Every single person who makes from time to time. He invented a thing he mentioned sushi said they went to Nikko. Every called a “Caterpillar roll” – this was an inside-out one of ‘em. makizushi with eel in the middle, some sesame seeds on it, then Nori, then rice and thinly sliced Shiro-san is a heavy traditionalist. You know how avocado on the outside. In order to handle the sushi-chefs give you a little tray with gari (pickled thing while he was making and cutting it, he had to ginger) and a little lump of wasabi on it? Shiro-san wrap it in plastic wrap, which he left on when he gives you a tray with gari on it. You want your sushi served it so you could take your time eating it – the hotter, you tell him, and he makes it with more avocado stayed nice and green. wasabi in it. If you want a California roll, you have to fight with him, which he doesn’t really like, but If you asked him what he had that was special, he he will eventually give in and make it for you. Only would tell you that he had 24 different specials it won’t have any avocado in it; there is no avocado every night. He was not really kidding. in his restaurant. I have discussed this with him But the magic was not really in the specials. One explicitly, and he has no objection to new sushi. He evening, I sat in front of Sammy and watched him even likes some of it. Won’t make it himself, make 6 or 7 Kappa-maki (cucumber rolls) in a row, though because he feels it is important to have for the tables in the restaurant. He was quite someone around who maintains the older methodical about it, cutting Julienne strips of traditions. cucumber and rolling them up in rice with seaweed Sushi itself is apparently a relatively new thing – it around it. You know, the usual stuff. I got kinda was invented about 700 years ago, if I understand inflamed, watching this (I like cucumber), so when correctly. Sushi Bars seem to be much newer than he looked at me and asked me what I wanted, I that – I’ve been told that they are only about 75 said, “Would you mind if I asked you to make years old. To get back to Shiro-san, I went into his Kappa-maki?” He looked kinda sharp at me, and I restaurant about 27 times in 1987. Every single was afraid for a moment that I had done time I sat in front of him (about 24 of those times), something wrong. Then he took a hunk of he fed me at least one thing I had never previously

23 eaten. I had never even heard of a quarter of them. A Glossary of Sushi Terminology For example, he served me monkfish-liver pâté once. (The only other place I’ve ever encountered (Most of these Japanese terms are used by Jon in this item was at Joshu-ya, in Berkeley, an his article.) otherwise OK-to-pretty-good place. Seeing the Age-dashi tofu: Firm silken cubes of tofu dusted in monkfish liver pâté listed as a daily special sure potato flour or cornstarch and fried in hot oil, surprised me!) served in a savory tentsuyu broth, garnished with At the bar, at Nikko, there is a laminated menu onion, grated daikon and kastsuboshi. with some things on it that are regular items. They Chawan-mushi: A savory steamed egg custard have a Japanese name, and English name, a price served in a small bowl or cup, translates as “tea and a bit of explanation. Things like Oshitash, Age- cup steamed.” dashi tofu, Chawan-mushi, stuff like that. (Nikko makes among the best Age-dashi tofu and Dai-kon: Japanese white radish, translates literally Chawan-mushi I have ever had.) Paperclipped to as “big root.” this menu is a 3 x 5 piece of paper from a little Gari: Pickled sweet ginger. pad, on which Shiro-san has written the specials of the day in Japanese. No English, no price. Genmai-cha: Japanese green tea mixed with Sometimes he is willing to explain them. roasted, popped brown rice. Sometimes he doesn’t want to talk about it. Hamachi: Also called Buri, a fish known in the west I went into Nikko just after New Year’s, at the as Amberjack or Yellowtail. Favored in winter, when beginning of 1988, and asked about the special they have a higher fat content. menu. The Japanese guys next to me were very Hirame: Flounder, much praised for transparent forthcoming and said that they had Ika-somen, and and fatty flesh. Skin and bones are also edible. this and that and the other thing, and Osechi- santemori. “Uhh. What?” I asked. At that point Ika-somen: A Hokkaido specialty, consisting of raw Shiro-san came over and explained that Osechi- squid cut into thin strips and flavored with grated santemori means 3-things-special-for-New-Year’s. ginger and soy. Literally “squid noodles.” Osechi-gotemori, likewise, would mean 5-things- special-for-New-Year’s, but he only had the 3- Ikura: Salon or trout roe. In Russia it is known as things version. “red caviar.” “Would you like to try?” Kabocha: A ariety of Japanese winter squash, sometimes termed “Japanese pumpkin.” There is only one legitimate answer when a sushi- chef asks you this question, unless you are Kanpyo: Dried strips of a Japanese variety of the severely allergic to it or have an active phobia. calabash gourd. (Besides, I was thoroughly intrigued by that point Kanten: Known in the west as agar-agar, a jelly-like anyway.) substance used as a thickening agent and derived What I got was a little tray. On the little tray were from red algae. from left to right, the following things: Kappa-maki: Cucumber roll. One of the most basic Two pieces of sweet pickled seaweed, with sushi “side dishes.” two little bitty sweet pickled cooked fish Katsuboshi: Dried bonita flakes. on them. Kohada: Small adult summer-caught Gizzard Shad, A square of gel, the bottom part of which boned, fileted, washed, salted and soaked in was yellow-brown and turned out to be vinegar. An Edo-style delicacy. Kabocha (Japanese pumpkin): the top was clear and had a chestnut imbedded in it. I Maguro: Bluefin Tuna. One of the basic staples of believe that the gelling agent was Kanten sushi. (Agar-agar, common in Japanese cooking.) Makizushi: “Rolled sushi.” Typically wrapped in nori A cube of Daikon (Japanese white radish) and cut into 5 to 6 pieces. about one inch on a side. The top had [Continued next box] been cut into many times, about halfway down, so that it was a sort of brush. On top of this was single red ring of Togarashi

24 (Japanese hot pepper), to let you know what kind of pickle you’re dealing with. A Glossary of Sushi Terminology, Continued: Very lovely stuff. I had been there one evening the previous Spring Matsutake: Species of mushroom popular when Shiro-san was dishing out some sort of muck in China, Japan and Korea, prized for a from a longish tube. I inquired. The stuff was distinctive spicy and aromatic flavor. steamed coltsfoot, a root that they apparently Ni-hotate: Scallops acquire at the right season from someone down in Oregon. It had beancurd skin mixed into it. It was Nori: Red algae of the genus Pyropia, to die for. toasted, shredded and dried into sheets very similar to making paper. Most During the summer, Ikura (salmon roe) is a prominently used as the wrapping or casing seasonal specialty of the house. I believe that they for rolled sushi. take the roe out of the salmon themselves; then wash it and put it into the same kind of longish Okara: Often called “soy pulp” or “tofu tube, with a dark-red liquid that contains sake and dregs,” consisting of insoluble solids left who-knows-what else; the eggs, when you order after the production of tofu or soy milk. them, are dipped out with a slotted spoon. You Oshitashi: Spinach salad served with soy know how Ikura are typically slimy and somewhat and roasted sesame seeds. salty? This is a slightly different item we are talking about. Pon-zu: A condiment made of soy sauce mixed with lemon juice. Last fall I went back to Seattle for the World Fantasy Convention and went to Nikko. My luck, it Shima-Aji: Striped jackfish, considered was fall, and it was Matsutake mushroom season. leaner and less “fishy” than mackerel. They make a soup, which they serve in a tiny Shiso: An herb with some similarity to mint, kettle, from which you pour it into a little bitty bowl; also known as beefsteak plant, Chinese it is a fine clear broth, with slices of the basil, perilla mint and summer coleus. mushrooms and various other things in it. Into this soup, you squeeze a piece of lime. It is at the same Tai: Sea bream. time delicately fragrant, and strongly flavored – the Tako: Octopus mushrooms apparently grow on the roots of pine trees, and have a distinctly piney favor. Tentsuyu Broth: Versatile sauce used as a tempura dip, typically composed of clear This is not just someplace where you can get a big stock, mirin (a rice wine) and soy sauce, but hunk of fish on some rice. Sure, you can get often flavored with other and seasonal Hamachi and Maguro and all the regular things ingredients. there. They are all very good there. But if you only eat the regular things, you will never even find out Togarashi: Japanese red chili. about the Matsutake mushroom soup, or the Wasabi: Typically referred to as Japanese monkfish-liver pâtė, or the little stuffed pickled Horseradish, related to mustard and squids that Shiro-san serves with seaweed and a cabbage. Served as a paste made from its piece of frozen-and-thawed tofu (yes the frozen ground roots. tofu is pretty weird), or the twenty or thirty things I haven’t mentioned because this article is too long already. These poor bastards, especially in this area, have to stand around making hundreds and thousands Howard-San (that’s not really his name, but that’s of California rolls and pieces of Maguro day in and what they call him.) day out for people who aren’t even bothering to taste them. Howard-San at Ikenohana in Cupertino is another one. I have spoken with him about customers. He How would you feel? Could you smile and be happy says if he offers someone 3 things and they refuse if you were trying to feed people who consistently all 3, he stops offering. I bring this up because I mispronounced the names of the foods they were think it is true of Shiro-san, Sammy and most other ordering, when they even knew the damned real artists in this business. If a sushi-chef offers names? Could you maintain your composure if you you something, it’s not just someone passing a box were constantly trying to feed people who would of crackers around. only order three different things out of the

25 hundreds you knew how to make, and wanted to Clearly some chefs are artists and some are not. order too much of all 3 at once? Equally clearly, people tend to have food preferences. For example, though I like I once went into Ikenohana for lunch with Ted mayonnaise (Japanese mayonnaise is a common Lemon, and when we sat down at the bar. Howard- ingredient in recently-invented sushi items), my san said hello and then went away. We looked at physician doesn’t want me eating too awful much each other, somewhat mystified. Then Howard-san of it, so I get to request that it be kept down to a came back with a little plate. He set the plate in dull roar. Aside from necessary restrictions, front of us. The majority of what we could see though, the more freedom the chef has, the better looked sorta like pink yogurt. Sticking out of this your meal will be. were three aqua-colored objects that proved to be Japanese-style pickled broccoli hearts. The pink At least, that’s what my experience has been. stuff was a strawberry-Okara sauce on top of sliced Be warned, however: a good bit of this essay is the fresh raw scallops. It was, how do I say this, fact that I have taken the time to get to know the fucking amazing. Howard-san had wanted to do chefs at Ikenohana (and Kirala, to a lesser extent) some sort of special something, and this is what it pretty well, and that is perhaps the most important turned out to be, when he did it. secret of great sushi: if the person who is making it Howard-san has mostly been utterly merciless with has had time to decide that you really care about me. He says the most outrageous things, most of what you are eating, you are much more likely to which I believe implicitly, until I see his little wicked find magic. grin starting. This is the price we pay for artistry. The problem, of course, is that when you first walk Last night, I was taken out to Ikenohana for dinner. into a sushi bar, you don’t know the chef, the chef Instead of ordering, we asked Howard-san to feed doesn’t know you, and if you expect magic because us. someone has told you how great the place is, you are probably looking for trouble. Chances are that At one point, he gave each of us a dipping-dish you will get very good sushi, and you will wonder filled with Pon-zu for the next item, which turned why the idiot that told you about it thought it was out to be a plate with three pieces of sushi on it. the best place in the world when it’s just another The one on the left was Shirame, with a little blob good sushi bar. Well, maybe it is, maybe it ain’t. of ground daikon, to which had been added just Maybe you have to get to know it before it will enough Togarashi to make it pink (a standard shine. garnish, as it happens); in the middle was Tai, with some shredded scallions; on the right, Shima-Aji, On the other hand, only a few people are really with a piece of Shiso leaf draped over it. Three accomplished artists, and that is as true of sushi- pieces of white fish, three different kinds, each chefs as it is of auto mechanics. As I said above, I with its own particular garnish. A very delicate and think I know three of them. Akira-san at Kirala may beautiful contrast. Needless to say, it was superb. be a fourth one; if I have more chances to eat (I’m not even going to mention the octopus salad there, I may find out. that he built for us later in the meal. Enough is, Remember, a crowded restaurant restricts the after all, enough. Now, back to the contrast chef’s freedom. When the place is hopping, he may combination.) not have the time to play you with specials, so you Would you ever think to order such a combination? will probably want to ask if its okay if you leave it in I can tell you very plainly that it would never occur his hands. I expect your chances are pretty good to me! One more ingredient in the pursuit of magic with most of them, most of the time. There are is revealed; the job of the sushi-chef is not merely limits, though. to produce the items you request; it is also to know I have been referring to the sushi-chef pretty what is particularly good today, and to offer it to consistently with masculine pronouns. That is you. In order for the chef to do this, he has to have because I have sat in front of perhaps 40 or 50 room to work. If you hem him in by insisting on men and 1 or 2 women. Seems like this probably ordering all your favorites in linear order, you won’t the result of pervasive Japanese cultural attitudes get to find out what’s fresh, what’s in season. You about women and their place in society. Frankly, as may assure yourself, in some cases, mediocre much as I like lots of Japanese culture, I think this sushi by ordering things that happen not to be is one place where they are suffering from a total fresh or in season. cranial-rectal insertion problem. Sigh.     

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