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Leader’s Guide for How to Live Right When Your Life Goes Wrong

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This study and leaders guide will help you think through and apply the taught in the book, How to Live Right When Your Life Goes Wrong. This study is not a substitute for reading the book, but is meant to be a supplemental guide to facilitate discussion about personal change in a supportive environment.

LEADERS GUIDE

by Leslie Vernick

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Copyright

All reserved. No part of this guide may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information and retrieval storage system, without written permission from the author, except for the inclusion of brief quotations in a review.

©Copyright 2011 by Leslie Vernick. All rights reserved.

Published in the United States of America.

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Contents

Introduction to the How to Live Right When Your Life Goes Wrong Leader’s Guide ...... 4

Part I: What Moves Our Heart to Change Our Ways?...... 5

One: Rules Don’t Change Us, Relationships Do...... 7

Part II: The Principle

Two: TroublesandTrials: The LathethatShapesOurHeart ...... 10 Three: OurResponsetoLife’sTroubles ...... 13 Four: UnderlyingIdolsoftheHeart...... 16 Five: Truth:TheMirrortoOurHeart ...... 19 Six: OurHeart’sResponsetoGod’sTruth ...... 21

Part III: The Pathway to Spiritual Maturity and a Lasting Change of Heart

Seven: Living to Please God Practical Application of the TRUTH Principle ...... 24 Eight: The Big Picture Using the TRUTH Principle to Reveal Idolatrous Life Themes ..... 27 Nine: Disciplines of the Heart Training Ourselves in the Ways of God ...... 30 Ten: A New Way of Life Becoming Our True Self in Christ ...... 33

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Introduction to the How to Live Right When Your Life Goes Wrong Leader’s Guide

Before each chapter’s discussion questions, I will provide some personal about the chapter and ways to approach it. In most small groups there is never enough to discuss everything or to even answer all the questions in-depth, but some guidelines can be of help in choosing one path over another so that the group doesn’t get lost in personal issues or tangents.

It is important for you to prayerfully discern God’s leading for the group and what kind of group you desire to create so that you can structure it to be a safe and meaningful encounter for everyone.

Suggested Structural Guidelines:

1. If you want this to be a growth group that shares openly, a maximum of 10-12 participants is best. When groups become larger, they gravitate toward more teaching and less experiencing.

2. A minimum of an hour and a half is necessary to adequately work through the material. You may want to devote the first 15 minutes to fellowship, and then leave an hour for discussion on the chapter using the study questions. Following the leader’s guide suggestions, you may want to linger over certain areas or invite more personal discussion. That allows 15 minutes for wrap up, announcements, or extra discussion if there is something pressing. A two-hour time slot gives greater flexibility.

3. It is recommended that this be an 11 week group which would allow for an introduction week where you go over the guidelines, hand out books, make introductions and then weekly cover the chapters in the book. If desired, you can also make it a longer group if people want to share more personal things, pray more and spend two weeks for each chapter.

4. During discussion, if a participant expresses strong feelings (cries or is anxious, etc) while sharing, take a brief moment to pray for him or her right then. A closing prayer at the end of the group time is also important, but don’t put all prayer needs at the end, possibly making prayer feel like an afterthought.

5. Leaders – please pray over the chapter you are leading, making sure you understand what is to be taught or discussed, and read over the leader’s guide suggestions.

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Part 1: What Moves Our Heart to Change Our Ways?

Introduction Week Leader’s Guidelines and Discussion Questions

If participants do not have books, then hand out books and assign next week’s lesson of reading the Introduction and Chapter 1 as well as completing the discussion questions.

Welcome: Introduce yourself and tell why you wanted to start this group. Share some of your goals and vision for this group as God has led you.

Introductions: Have participants introduce themselves and explain what they hope to gain from participating in the group.

Explain Format: Go over the group guidelines (in the study guide material) as well as the structural guidelines that you’ve adopted from above. Ask if there are any questions on the guidelines and format.

Discussion Time for the Introductory Session

LEADER: If participants have not read the Introduction and Chapter 1 before the first meeting, use the discussion questions below. If group participants have already purchased books and have read the Introduction and Chapter 1, then you can move into the discussion questions for Week 1 and incorporate some of the questions and ideas below as time permits.

LEADER: Begin discussion by asking the group:

1. Do you think knowing the truth about Jesus makes you a Christian? Draw out why they think either yes or no. (The answer is no.)

Many people believe the truth that Jesus is the Son of God and died on a cross for our sins, yet they live unhappy, frustrated, empty lives. Knowing the right things intellectually is not the same thing as experiencing the one who is Truth. Perhaps the truth that they believe is informational truth not transformational truth.

2. What do you think is the difference between informational truth and transformational truth?

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Reflect on the following quote. John Piper says, “Satan has more true thoughts about God in one day than anyone of us would have in a lifetime, but he is not a Christian. The problem with the devil is not in his theology; he knows the truth. It is in his heart. He has no desire for God.”

3. If you were to write a statement that characterized your relationship with God up to this point, what would it be?

LEADER: If possible, have each participant write something down. Let those who’d like to share do so.

Here are some ways saints wrote of their relationship with God:

 Abraham said of his relationship with God: “For the Lord, in whose presence I have walked.” Genesis 24:40

 David was described as “David, a man after God’s own heart.” Acts 13:22 NLT

 The apostle John described himself as the “disciple that Jesus loved.” John 13:23 NLT

Each of these statements said something significant about the way they experienced God.

4. Ask yourself, is my relationship with God more about what I know or who I love?

Although theology is important, it is NOT sufficient in developing a deep relationship with God.

Prayer: Pray together for a greater desire for God for that is what begins to move our heart to change our ways. We are looking for transformation not merely knowledge. Loving God changes us from the inside out.

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Chapter One Rules Don’t Change Us, Relationships Do

Leader’s Study/Discussion Questions

The goal for this week is to invite participants to deepen their desire for and intimacy with God so that "Conversion is the he might be more real to them in their everyday lives. creation of new Chapter 1 Study/Discussion Questions desires, not just new

1. Think about the people who have significantly duties, new delights, influenced your life. How have they changed it? not just new deeds, Was it for the better or the worse? new treasures, not LEADER: Another angle on this question could be – just new tasks." what kind of influences are in your life right now? Are John Piper, When I Don't Desire they drawing you closer to God or closer to the world? God

2. What do you think about the author’s statement “we have seen Christianity as more contractual than personal?” Do you agree or disagree? Why or why not?

LEADER: Piper’s quote above would add good discussion here.

3. Read John 17:3 where Jesus describes what eternal life is. Have you viewed it this way in the past? How have you sought to “know God” in the past? What has that phrase meant to you?

4. Paul prays in Philippians 3:10 that he would count everything rubbish compared to knowing Christ. What are some of the things that hinder you from putting your relationship with Christ as your top priority?

5. Read Hebrews 11:6. What does this verse indicate that might help rearrange your priorities? What kind of rewards do you think the writer of Hebrews is speaking about? Why do you think we struggle with believing God?

LEADER: These first three questions all try to expose our unbelief and the obstacles to really believing God. For example in Hebrews 11:6 the writer says “without faith it is impossible to please God and those that come to him must believe that he is AND that he REWARDS those

For more information, go to www.leslievernick.com For questions, send email to [email protected] 7 Leader’s Guide for How to Live Right When Your Life Goes Wrong that diligently seek him”. Do we really BELIEVE that? Probably not. How do I know? Because if we did believe it, we’d be more diligent in seeking him.

LEADER: For example, if someone told you that you had a million dollars buried in your basement, where would you be right now? It depends on whether or not you believed it. If you did, you wouldn’t be here! You’d be digging and digging until you found your treasure.

6. The author shares several ways how to know God better. In what ways does listening help you get to know someone more fully? Is there a difference between hearing someone and truly listening to him/her?

7. How do you feel when your spouse or good friend doesn’t listen to your perspective or feelings? What about when they don’t believe you, or care about how you feel? How would that impact your relationship with that person?

8. What things could you do to listen for God’s voice more?

LEADER: Inevitably people will share how listening to God is difficult and they get distracted with their own thoughts. That is true for us all. Encourage them not to give up but instead, whenever stray thoughts come into their , to acknowledge them and then put them aside, continuing to listen for God.

9. Read John 6: 28, 29 and listen to what Jesus is saying to you through these verses. Pray to listen to God as he speaks his word to you through the scriptures.

LEADER: Ask participants what they heard God saying to them. The work of God is to believe.

10. Why is it so hard to believe (trust) God?

11. Listening is important but it is only the first step in knowing God. What other things does the author emphasize are important if we are to know God better so that we can trust and believe him?

Closing:

Read together Psalm 27:8 preferably out of the New Living Bible.

What is your response? The psalmist responded, “Lord, I am coming.”

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Pray together that you would have a commitment to come and talk with God and deepen your intimacy with him.

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Part II: The TRUTH Principle

Chapter Two Troubles and Trials: The Lathe that Shapes Our Heart

It is difficult to live in the truth of God's in our everyday life, especially when he allows trials and "You have made troubles to touch our lives. known to me the path The goal for this week is to share together the difficulty of life; you will fill of trusting and believing God and to begin to train our me with joy in your spiritual senses (the eyes of our heart as Paul wrote in Ephesians 1:18), so that we learn how to see the reality presence, with and presence of God all around us, especially in life’s eternal pleasures at difficulties. your right hand." Two great obstacles in the life of a believer are unbelief Psalm 16:11 and forgetfulness. Unbelief was touched upon last week, and forgetfulness will be emphasized this week. We are prone to forgetting God, even when he has been very good to us (see Deuteronomy 6:10-12).

Satan’s desire is to keep us sleeping spiritually ( unaware of spiritual ) or to give us spiritual amnesia so that we will forget who we are and why we are here. His primary strategies are to dull our appetites for God by keeping us satisfied with the temporal blessings of life instead of hungering after God or to create havoc in our lives (like Job) so that we will doubt God’s goodness and love.

In this chapter we will begin to look at the troubles of life and how God uses the hardest of as well as the minor irritating difficulties of life to teach us more about him, drawing us into a deeper relationship with him.

The word TRUTH can be used as an acronym which can serve as a tool to help us remember how to handle our trials in a godly way. Just as the Israelites were taught in Numbers 15:37 to make tassels on the corners of their garments so that they would remember God, we can do things today that will constantly remind us to look for the spiritual in every situation.

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1. Do you believe it’s possible to see all of your troubles through God’s perspective, to live in an “eternal dimension” every day? Why or why not?

2. Read John 12:27-28 and Philippians 2:5-8 together. What is the attitude of Christ when he submits to his Father?

3. Briefly share one of the greatest troubles you have faced and how you handled it. Do you find it easier to trust God with the “toughies” or the everyday annoyances? Why?

4. The author states, “God doesn’t ask us to understand him. Instead, he wants us to trust him.” Read Job 1:6-2:10 and pretend you’re Job. If you lost everything, would God be enough? Why or why not?

5. What have you found to be the most comforting response you’ve received from others when you’re in pain? Why do you think this was helpful to you, and how can this insight help you be more sensitive to others when they’re hurting?

6. The ones we lean on in the midst of adversity reveal a lot about who we are. Think about who you call in the midst of your troubles. Is the person a caring friend who gives wise counsel or someone who tells you what you want to hear?

7. Do you believe God loves us when he allows others to sin against us? Reflect on how you respond in this type of situation. Would you change anything?

8. The author reflects on God’s will primarily being in the area of spiritual maturity and that he often uses to develop godly character. Is this a new to you? How have you seen understanding God’s will and has this chapter helped you understand it any differently?

9. If the decisions you make lead to poor or unexpected results, do you question if you acted on God’s will or missed it altogether? Explain.

10. What scriptures (if any) do you cling to during your troubles? Jot them down. Consider memorizing them (if you haven’t already).

LEADER: See below to use question ten to close this week’s study.

Closing:

Ask a few people to share their favorite “cling-to” scriptures from question 10.

Read aloud the verse from the preface of Chapter 2, James 1:2-4, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your

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Seeing our lives from God’s perspective grants us the strength to endure suffering in a positive light and also enables us to persevere in the darkest nights. Through it all, we learn to wait and rely on him, and as we will see in the next chapter, these disciplines turn the tumultuous tide of our reactions into the solid concrete of mature responses.

Pray and ask the Lord to help you persevere during your trials by remembering to constantly seek his perspective and receive the joy that comes from knowing him in the midst of our trials.

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Chapter Three Our Response to Life’s Troubles

Often the troubles in our lives test the reality or the integrity of our faith. The test is for our benefit, revealing to us our There is no deep heart’s weaknesses in our faith and trust in God. Sometimes we blame others, playing the waiting game, “I’ll change if knowing of God and when you do.” Other times we feel forgotten, self- without a deep righteous, entitled to certain treatment, or like a martyr, knowing of self and hiding behind the “everything’s fine” routine. no deep knowing of God want us to be honest with him about our feelings. He self without a deep can take it. Our feelings ought to inform us, not control us. Identifying our feelings and understanding where they are knowing of God. coming from helps us better decide what to do with them. We will begin to understand and change our emotional John Calvin, Institutes of response to our troubles in life when we think honestly and Christian see the situation as God sees it.

The key to better understanding our emotions is to realize that they are not based on what is happening to us but on what we think is happening to us. Too often we focus on changing our behaviors and give little to what is going on in our heart. Proverbs 23:7 says, “as he thinketh in his heart, so is he” (KJV). Only when we begin to take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ will he begin to reveal the lies we tell ourselves so that we can better understand what prevents us from achieving a more lasting change.

1. Think about a recent letdown, something meaningful, something really important like a relationship, a pregnancy, a diagnosis, etc. that you wanted but didn’t get. Did your faith fall apart? Why/why not?

2. Do you let yourself be honest with God, even when you’re angry? If so, how does this affect your relationship with him and the way you respond to trouble? If not, why?

3. When we allow God’s word to move from our head into our heart, we dare to ask the question, “Am I going to yield to God’s perspective, or am I going to cling to my version of reality?” Think of a time when you yielded to God’s perspective. How did that change the way you felt?

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4. The author talks about our thoughts influencing our feelings. A.W. Tozer says, “Thinking stirs feeling and feeling triggers action. That is the way we are made and we may as well accept it.” How have you noticed your thoughts influencing your feelings and behaviors?

5. Our biggest “button-pushers” in life are usually the people we interact with and are closest to. Who in your life does God use to test you and help shave off your rough edges?

LEADER: Ask your group to picture in their someone about whom they could say. “God uses ______to test me.” Take a minute and ask everyone to silently pray for the person they’re thinking about.

If and when we yield ourselves to God in prayer on behalf of another, especially our enemies, God can move our hearts to learn to respond in a right manner when we interact with them.

6. Getting out of the no-win, “I’ll change if and when you do” happens when we begin to see that it is our relationship with God, not another person’s actions or lack of actions that will help us to grow, change and act right. How can we draw upon our relationship with God to overcome this deeply rooted relational pattern?

7. Thomas á Kempis said, “We must diligently search into and in order both the outward and the inner man, because both of them are of importance to our in godliness.” God uses our troubles in life to help us grow up in him. Do you struggle to thank God for your troubles? Share with the group how they can pray for you.

8. The author states that “too often we focus on changing our behaviors and give little thought to what is going on in our heart.” Do you keep a journal?

LEADER: Ask for a show of hands to the question, “Do you keep a journal?”

9. How much of what you write focuses mainly on the temporal – what’s happening to you rather than how God might be using the situation to shape you or use you?

10. We need to keep reminding ourselves what God is up to in order to fix our eyes on the eternal dimension of life. What specific ways can you think of to remind yourself to do this on a daily basis?

LEADER: Ask one person to read Philippians 3:7 through 4:1 aloud. Suggest writing “Live in the Eternal Dimension” on index cards and putting them around the house in prominent places that will trigger their minds to seek God’s perspective throughout the day.

11. What’s the one thing you wish you could change in your response to troubles? What steps can you take to “reset” your ways?

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Closing:

Encourage your group to start a Trouble/Feeling/Thought/Behavior journal as explained on pages 79-80.

Ask someone to read Philippians 2:1-5 and reiterate that developing the mind of Christ is essential to responding to troubles in a godly way.

Pray and ask the Lord to reveal the root cause of wrong behaviors, that all of you may respond in a godly way to the troubles God allows in your lives and that together you will grow into the men/women God created you to be.

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Chapter Four Underlying Idols of the Heart

It all started in the garden when Eve desired more than God gave her. Even in her idyllic setting, Eve desired "Those who cling to knowledge and control more than she desired obeying and loving God. worthless idols forfeit the grace Throughout the Old Testament, we watch the Israelites as well as pagan nations allow their desires to rule their that could be theirs." emotions, their thinking, as well as their . Jonah 2:8

Before we can change, we must identify those things that have become more important to us than loving and obeying God.

1. Have you ever seen yourself as an idolater before reading this chapter? Why or why not? In what ways have your eyes been opened to the idea?

2. The author talks about three things that hinder our life with God: life’s worries, self deception, and other desires of our heart. Which one of these three hinder you the most? What steps do you take (or can you take) to guard your heart against them?

3. Read Proverbs 27:20 NLT. How do you the truth of this verse, that human desire is never satisfied?

4. Reflect for a moment. What is the deepest desire of your heart? Is the love of God and the love for God controlling you and ordering your life? Or have you found that other desires, even legitimate and good ones, have crept into first place? What are they?

Leader: It’s important to invite honest discussion of how good things sometimes get in the way of a deeper relationship with God. Loving our children, having a good marriage, taking care of our home, careers, financial concerns, are all important to God and to us. But when these things control our lives, we are bowing to a false god and will be eventually frustrated or disappointed.

5. God wants your heart to love him first and foremost. What steps can you take to set your loves in order instead of allowing lesser loves to creep into first place?

6. What happens to you and in you when you don’t get what you want (desire)? Can you trust God with that loss or do you continue to press to get your own desires met?

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7. The author related a story where a woman desired more consideration and fairness in her marriage (page 91, 92). Must we have consideration and fairness in marriage in order to live as Christ commands us? Why or why not? How can we tell when our desire to be treated properly by our spouse has grown from a normal healthy desire into an unhealthy idol?

8. said, “Whatever concerns a man ultimately becomes god for him.” Do you agree or disagree?

9. People’s legitimate desires typically cluster around the three themes of (1) security and comfort; (2) approval, admiration and affection; and (3) power and control. There is nothing sinfully wrong about wanting any of these things unless they rule our life. Which of these three themes most typically grabs your heart away from putting God first?

10. Read Matthew 4 on the temptations of Christ and notice how Satan sought to tempt Jesus in these three categories. What was Christ’s response?

11. In the sanctification process, God seeks to transform a person’s heart from a natural heart to a spiritual heart. He seeks to recapture our heart to return to him as he wants to be our first love (Mark 12:30). Read Romans 8:5. How might you fix your mind more on what the Spirit desires for you?

LEADER: Ask your group to take a minute and reflect upon the actual time they spend – hopefully daily – alone with the Lord.

12. How much of a priority is God and his desires in your everyday life?

13. Setting our heart in order is making sure that we have submitted our heart – our affections, our mind, and our desires – to things that God says are good and right. Have you given God the right to rule you? Is he at the center of your heart because he is the desire of your heart?

Closing:

Read pages 98 to the top of 99 (Litany of Humility) aloud together.

The above piece does a great job of putting us in our place before God’s throne. Acknowledging responsibility for our sin before God is vital to keeping him number one and avoiding the accumulation of idols in our lives.

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Pray that the Lord would disclose to you any idols hidden in your heart and give you the strength to remove them permanently.

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Chapter Five Truth: The Mirror to Our Heart

When our reason, logic, emotions, intuitions, or imaginations conflict with what God says, who are we Truth isn't something going to believe? Who are we going to trust? we learn; truth is Our culture has lost confidence in objective truth apart someone we know. from one’s sense of knowing something. “It may be true for you, but it’s not true for me.” Christians have bought into the lies of , knowing what God says is true, but their own sense of things doesn’t quite believe it.

What is true and real can never be fully discerned by looking to self for the answer. We are vulnerable to being misled, confused, or deceived. In the Gospels, Jesus said, “I tell you the truth” more than seventy times, and in John 14:6, Jesus said that he is the Truth.

Rules about right living don’t change us; Jesus does. Only when we allow his truth to enter our heart and cause us to repent and to love and to obey God more can we see ourselves/our situations clearly, live rightly, and enjoy him fully.

Leaders Goal: To help participants experience Jesus to be all truth, not only telling the truth.

1. “God doesn’t lie.” How do you think our culture in general perceives this statement?

2. Do you avoid truth tellers like scales, mirrors, photo-taking, etc.? Why or why not?

3. Read Psalm 25:1-10. Are these relevant to the faith struggles we have today? If so, how?

LEADER: Select one person to read Psalm 25:1-10 aloud.

4. Can you think of a time when you trusted God, even when it didn’t seem to make sense? What was the outcome?

5. Oswald Chambers says prayer doesn’t always change a situation, prayer changes us. The author tells the story (pages 113-115) when some unruly children, unattended to by their mentally absent father, irritated Steven Covey on the subway. When he asked the father to do something about his children, the father related the news that their mother had died an hour ago. How did knowing the whole story affect Covey’s frame of mind and emotions?

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6. How might taking the time to listen to our story (trouble, or difficult life circumstance) from God’s perspective, the only One who knows the whole story, change us?

7. The author writes, “Believing by faith is one level of the Christian journey; walking by faith is another. To follow God’s truth is not to mentally agree with it; it is to radically obey and follow it. It should change the way we live.” What do these statements mean to you? Are you walking and/or believing? How do you know this?

8. Practicing the presence of God means processing the reality of our daily experience with the truth of who God is and what he says. Take a minute and think about yesterday. What decisions did you have to make? Did you experience any pain, whether physical, emotional, or spiritual? How did scripture/prayer affect (if it did) those ? What would you do differently?

9. What’s one thing you can do daily to remind you to seek God’s perspective throughout the day?

LEADER: Ask someone to read Proverbs 3:5-6.

10. Can you think of Bible characters that trusted God to guide them when they refused to back down from a difficult situation?

LEADER: Some examples are: Jesus, Noah, David, Daniel, Paul,

11. Do you believe it’s possible to have the kind of faith today that the above characters showed through the way they lived their lives? Why or why not? What are the obstacles?

Closing:

Faith uses the imagination to ponder what God has already promised. These promises become the foundation for our trust in him. We don’t always receive the promises in their entirety, but we believe they are coming. For now, let’s take encouragement from those who have gone on before us and finished the race well.

Read Hebrews 11 in a rotating fashion around the group verse-by-verse.

Pray and ask the Lord to reveal the true condition of your heart. Ask him to help you walk by faith, not by sight, reason, emotion or sheer willpower. By “faith, the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen” (Heb. 11:1).

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Chapter Six Our Heart’s Response to God’s Truth

Have you ever found yourself caught on the hamster wheel, stuck in a sin pattern that you can’t seem to conquer? True We cannot stand in repentance requires both turning from our sin and turning to God. He wants our hearts first, then our habits. God's presence and remain neutral. Many of us try to change our negative behavior on our own, but therein lays the problem. We can’t really change unless we surrender to God’s Sprit working in our lives. If we’re doing something we know we shouldn’t and simply try harder not to do it, God gets no glory because he didn’t change us. We changed ourselves or at least we think we changed until the problem resurfaces a few years, months, or even meals later.

Leader: The goal for this chapter is to help participants understand the difference between true repentance and a false kind of sorrow that leads to death. We also want emphasize God’s readiness to forgive as most people feel that God is angry and disappointed when they sin.

1. When you know you’ve sinned, how long does it take you to “get right” with God? Is your typical pattern to avoid him or do you run into his presence to be forgiven and reconciled?

2. Read Romans 2:4. How does seeing God’s kindness help motivate us to live differently?

Leader: You may want to recall Victor Hugo’s novel, Les Miserables, where the priest freely gave Jean Valjean the silver candlesticks after he was arrested for stealing them. This act of kindness made such an impression Jean Valjean that it changed his life forever

3. Has there ever been someone who did something so kind, so sacrificial that it changed the way you lived? If so, share it with the group.

4. Read Luke 7:36-50 about the sinful woman who anointed Jesus’ feet. Why did Jesus say those who were forgiven much, love much? What is the response of the person who is forgiven little?

5. God doesn’t expect us to be good apart from his working in us. If so, then why are we so horrified when we sin? Do you struggle to admit you’re a sinner in some areas and not others? Why or why not?

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6. The author writes, “The appropriate response to seeing ourselves truthfully is humility, not self-hatred.” What is the difference between humility and self-hatred?

Leader: Humility is seeing our smallness, being poor in spirit, recognizing our dependence and need on God for everything good. Self-hatred is self-centered. It is wounded pride. We are disappointed that we aren’t better, stronger, more spiritual, more talented, etc, than we are. It has nothing to do with hurting God and everything to do with being disappointed in ourselves. Self-hatred and pride are two sides of the same coin.

7. Fénelon said, “Sensitive pride cannot bear to see itself imperfect.” God gives us a good, hard look at our true condition, but we must be humble to see it. True repentance is a heart response to God’s holiness and Christ’s sacrifice. All of this evokes thanksgiving, love, obedience – a change of heart, a change of life. Do you find yourself being thankful for being forgiven or are you more miserable that you’re still a sinner? How is gratitude a key to loving and obeying God?

Leader: Be sure you study the diagram on page 130 and look through the two circles of the victorious Christian life. The upper circle of resisting sin, walking in faith and obedience is where all of us wish we could live continuously. The larger circle that starts with the arrow “sin” is the second loop of the victorious Christian life as well. As we sorrow unto repentance (instead of sorrowing unto death) we can yield, trust, and experience love and gratitude for what God has done. Both circles represent the victorious Christian life.

8. Look at the diagram on page 130. Notice both circles representing the victorious Christian life. When we stumble and fall into sin, how can we still walk by faith?

9. Read 2 Corinthians 7:8-10. Which kind of sorrow do you tend toward most? The sorrow unto repentance or the sorrow unto death? What have you learned in this chapter that can help you move from sorrow unto death toward sorrow unto repentance the next time you sin?

Leader: We always want to invite the participants into personal application. The next few questions will have to do with sharing some particular besetting sins with the group for prayer and accountability. Please be sure to remind the group of the importance of keeping each other’s confidences and that what is shared in the group, stays in the group.

10. Sin always leads to broken relationships not only with God but often with other people. What recurring sins (often associated with our idolatry) have affected your relationships at home? Anger? Pride? Controlling behaviors? Bitterness and resentment? Greed? Jealousy? Is there one in particular the Holy Spirit is shining his light on right now?

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11. Obedience flows from a heart that loves God too much to disappoint him with a wasted life. In this step of the TRUTH Principle, God wants you to repent and desire to change. Are you willing?

Closing:

Write a short Psalm or prayer to God for what he has done for you, a heart-felt response to his grace and mercy.

Pray and ask God to give you a deep love for him. Take some time to commit yourself anew to the Lord.

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Part III: The Pathway to Spiritual Maturity and a Lasting Change of Heart

Chapter Seven Living to Please God Practical Application of the TRUTH Principle

Learning to look at troubles as Christ did can be painful, but trusting that God has a purpose for our trials brings us Does the reality of into a deeper awareness of his . Discovering this is your relationship with part of the maturing process as Christians. God meet you in your A recipe for a delicious cake amounts to no more than a deepest need? pretty index card unless the information it holds is understood and applied, producing a scrumptious dessert. We don’t want to sit in church on Sundays soaking up sermons or at home reading Scripture without having made a decision to DO what it says

Leaders Goal: This chapter moves more heavily into application of all five steps of The TRUTH Principle. We want to help participants use the model throughout the week and share stories of where they got stuck in application so that it might become a useful tool in their sanctification process.

James 1:22 says, “Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says.” We’re only kidding ourselves if we think we can “play Christian” and go through the of the “church game” and still handle the storms of life in a Christ-like way.

Thus far you have studied the five steps of The TRUTH Principle, now it’s time to put them into practice in a holistic way.

1. Have you memorized the five steps of The TRUTH Principle? You won’t remember them in a panic or when you’re overly emotional. The time to prepare is now.

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T. Trouble What is your trouble? Are you looking for what God might be up to in the midst of your trouble?

R. Response What is your response to your trouble? What are you thinking, feeling, and how are you responding in the midst of your difficulty?

U. Underlying Idols What do you want the most? What do you love? What do you fear? What takes first place in your heart?

T. Truth Whose reality do you most trust? Your own thoughts and feelings or God’s Word?

H. Heart’s Response What is your response to God’s truth? Are you indifferent? Rebellious? Repentant?

2. Do you more easily look for God in the minor irritations of life or the major storms? What could you do to practice being more God-aware this week when difficulties hit?

3. Only God can know the purpose for all our troubles. Can you think of a time when you moved through disappointment in a godly way? Were your kids or other people watching, and if so, how did your response affect them positively or negatively?

4. “For out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks” (Matthew 12:34). What typically comes out of your mouth when you are in the midst of a trouble? What does it reveal about what’s going on in your heart?

5. Look at Chart 7.1 and 7.2. Can you relate to the way Carol and Phillip processed their trouble, and some of the thoughts he/she thought and the feelings he/she felt? How so?

6. How do you generally respond when you’ve blown it and responded poorly? Do you avoid talking about it, blame others, rationalize or make excuses for yourself? What action plan will help you start taking personal responsibility for your thoughts, feelings, and actions?

Leader: If they can’t come up with something, charting out the situation, thoughts, and feelings exercise that are on pages 146 and 149 would be a helpful first step.

7. Desires that rule us are often good and legitimate desires that have grown too important. The quickest way to ask yourself if your desires have become idolatrous is to watch your reaction when you don’t get what you want. Earlier we talked about the 3 centers that our desires typically cluster around, (1) security and comfort, (2) affirmation, appreciation, affection, (3) power and control. What idols have you identified that most commonly rule your heart instead of the love of Christ?

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8. Once you’ve identified some of your idols, how do you hear God speaking to you about them? For example, people pleasing behavior might typically cluster around the desire for affirmation and appreciation. When it rules you, you are in bondage to what people think and are snared by the fear of man. The idol of power and control might manifest itself through angry outbursts when people don’t do what you want them to. Laziness and peacekeeping behavior might indicate idols around security and comfort. As you begin to some of your idols, how do you feel?

9. Think through some typical “troubles” you experienced this week. Can you walk yourself through the first three steps of The TRUTH Principle? Once you take responsibility for your response and identify whether you have a ruling idol, can you hear what God is saying to you in that moment? It might be “let go” or “trust me” or “watch your tongue” or “fear not”. What do you hear him saying to you?

Truth is not in us – it’s in him. How can he help you know the truth about your trouble?

10. Does the reality of your relationship with God meet you in your deepest need? Do you really trust him? How can asking these two questions in the mist of our trouble help us?

11. Seeing the truth does not profit us if we don’t act on it. What is your heart’s response to what God is showing you?

Closing:

Think back over the week to a trouble you faced, one that you didn’t handle well. Using The TRUTH Principle, run your situation through all five steps and jot down your answers.

Next, jot down what you would do differently if this situation happened tomorrow. Make a conscious decision to take time everyday to examine, under the scrutiny of the Holy Spirit, your troubles and your responses to them

Pray for God to give you the discipline, discernment, and courage to daily apply the TRUTH principle to all of your troubles.

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Chapter Eight The Big Picture Using the TRUTH Principle to Reveal Idolatrous Life Themes

Our goal in applying the TRUTH principle is to experience deeper personal change in pervasive habits that will help us in times of trouble. Only by consistently When your eye is good applying what we’ve learned will we see a difference in your whole body is our behavior, our thought , and our overall relationship with God and others. filled with light.

Obtaining wise counsel in our walk with the Lord is Matthew 6:32 essential to making these changes happen for the long haul. Not only do these older and wiser saints who have weathered many storms encourage us when the going gets tough, but they also hopefully hold us accountable to live according to biblical principles.

Maturity is always a process. Pride can easily flare up during this process, so we must constantly keep our eyes on Christ, ensuring that he is the one desire of our heart.

Leader’s Goal: To continue to practice using The TRUTH Principle to help us “see” what’s going on in our heart and to yield more fully to Christ’s Lordship in our lives.

1. Do you ever use God as a “psychic errand-boy” rattling off your wish list in prayer but not really taking time to listen? Why? Is it our fear or our flesh that sometimes inhibits open communication with him?

2. Proverbs 15:32 says, “He who ignores discipline despises himself.” How does a disciplined life indicate a proper self-love? Our culture often endorses indulgence as a means of self-soothing. Do you find yourself shopping, watching too much television, or overeating in order to cope with the difficulties in your life? If not, how do you cope?

3. We were never created to mature without wise and loving helpers who can encourage us and hold us accountable. Right now, who in your life influences you the most? Is this person older/younger than you? Are they mature in their walk with the Lord?

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LEADER: Discuss good qualities to look for in mentors (i.e. helping you see your weak areas, giving solid biblical advice, etc.). If you do not have someone in your life who plays this important role, pray for the Lord to bring someone into your life who you can trust to give you wise counsel and help you stay on track in your walk with the Lord. Your pastor or a church leader may be able to make a recommendation.

4. Wanting to be rid of troubles and wanting the people who care about us to meet our needs are two human heart desires. Can you relate to these? Giving them up or surrendering them to God doesn’t seem fair somehow. How can we willingly yield both to the Father as Jesus did and still enjoy the abundant life God promises us?

5. We don’t tend to challenge what we want. This can come back to bite us, especially if we let it override the Holy Spirit part of us that really does want to change and mature. How can we prevent this from happening?

LEADER: The key lies in admitting our tendencies, our areas of struggle. Some of us like to overspend; others like to overeat, etc, because we are made that way. God knows that, and he doesn’t expect us to pretend we don’t have those weaknesses. We’re only kidding ourselves if we try to hide them because they will never go away unless we own them. God wants us to talk to him about our areas of struggle, admit them, decide not to do them anymore, and follow through. It is tough, but worth it.

6. Refer to Charts 8.2 and 8.3 on pages 165 and 166 and review the broader themes of idolatry that keep us stuck in repetitive sinful patterns. Where do you see yourself on these negative personality traits or sinful tendencies? When you “see” what is ruling your heart, then what? Does it help you or upset you?

LEADER: Remember, our key verse for this chapter is Matthew 6:32, “when your eye is healthy, your whole body is full of light. Turn to that passage and read the rest of what Jesus says. When people fear “seeing” the bad parts of themselves they stay in darkness. We cannot change something we cannot or will not first “see”. When we do that, Jesus called it blindness or hardness of heart. Encourage participants that part of spiritual growth is “seeing” without self-hatred or condemnation but seeing with the eyes of faith that God is working on these areas in order to bring us into a deeper relationship with him and greater maturity.

7. Controller, People-Pleaser, or Self-Indulger – which tendency do you lean towards the most? In the past, have you consciously made an effort to change your ways? Think of some things that have worked for you and/or practical steps you can develop to help you combat the pitfalls of these human tendencies.

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Closing:

Recite the components of the TRUTH principle together. Ask for one or two examples from the group (as time permits) of how they applied it to a trouble they faced this week.

Pray for the Lord to help all of you make decisions for lasting change in your lives and to implement behavioral changes that will lead to ongoing growth and freedom in Christ.

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Chapter Nine Disciplines of the Heart Training Ourselves in the Ways of God

Training ourselves in the ways of God involves faithfully learning a new way of thinking, seeing and "He who ignores responding to life. It involves making a series of discipline despises choices again and again to believe God, trust him and do what he tells us. himself." Proverbs 15:32 Leaders Goal: Discussing and implementing some of the spiritual disciplines as practices in godliness. They are not a means of godliness, but they do prepare our heart to be more open to God’s voice and leading.

1. Read Deuteronomy 30:19, 20. What are our choices and what are the consequences of our choices both for our life and the lives of our children?

2. The author states, “It is not enough to stop doing wrong things as a Christian; we need to daily practice doing the right things. The opportunity for practice comes in the ordinary, everyday situations of life, not in the extraordinary God moments. When those special moments happen, we want to be ready.” How has practicing the steps of The TRUTH Principle helped you change some of your responses in difficult situations?

3. Read Ezekiel 33:31-32. What happens in our relationship with God when we pretend to follow him or love him but fail to actually put into practice the things he says are important?

4. The author says, “A disciplined life doesn’t come about by deciding; it comes about through practices.” Do you agree or disagree? What are the benefits of a disciplined life?

Leader: If there is some disagreement or question about this you might want to use New Year's Resolutions as an example of people deciding to change something, yet failing because they haven’t put those resolutions into a disciplined practice. Ask the group, “How many of you are still keeping the New Year’s Resolutions you made last January 1? What happened?” (You decided but didn’t develop a disciplined practice.)

5. Dallas Willard says that, “They [spiritual disciplines] teach us an inner posture of not having to have our way, which relieves us of one of our greatest burdens.” How does

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having to have our own way create a burden for us? How does having to have our own way all the time impact our relationship with others and with God?

6. What other benefit can learning and practicing spiritual disciplines provide? What are the pitfalls?

LEADER: Some of the benefits are deeper ability to see spiritual truths quickly, an ability to handle negative emotions better and not let them erupt inappropriately, a closer relationship with God, a confidence in spiritual reality, wisdom, an ability to control our fleshly desires.

The pitfalls are a spiritual pride that we have it together, that we have an edge over others, that we are earning points with God, that it is our righteousness that pleases God.

7. The author states, “The discipline of worship takes our eyes off our circumstances and focuses them on Christ, lifting and calming our spirits, reminding us that we can rest in the knowledge and assurance that he is almighty God, in control even when we don’t understand.” Have you ever thought of worship as a spiritual discipline that could help you when a difficult time came?

How might you discipline yourself to worship God when you’re not in church?

Leader: Through singing and/or playing an instrument for him. Through a time of quiet meditation. Through poetry. Through praise and thanksgiving in daily life

8. Do you love to pray? Think about your prayer life and how difficult it is to stay present to God. Prayer can be a spiritual battle because Satan does not want us to pray. What can you practice to keep yourself aware of God’s presence in your life?

9. Read Matthew 14:23 and Luke 5:16. Jesus often sought out lonely places, places of solitude, to pray. How do you “get alone” with God? Do you have a special place, a certain time of day, etc.?

10. Meditation focuses our intellect, reason, imagination, and will on a particular topic, story, verse, or image, allowing God to speak to our heart in specific ways. Can you think of something particular that God has spoken to you in a unique way during a time of mediation and study? How has that helped you grow closer to God?

11. The author states, “Whatever holds your heart to the world and away from God will rule you”. Fasting as a spiritual discipline helps us detach our heart from these things so that they no longer control our time or attention. Do you fast regularly? Why or why not? What makes that so difficult to do? Would you be willing to try this discipline?

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12. Timothy said that “godliness with contentment is great gain” (I Timothy 6:6). Sometimes our heart is attached to good things, but they hinder a deeper trust in God. Are you content with what God has given you without holding it too tightly? Are you able to accept the good with the bad, trusting God at all times? How might practicing the discipline of simplicity help you?

13. Will you devote yourself to be close to God? Discipline yourself to do something different, implementing one of the spiritual disciplines we studied in this chapter. Which discipline are you focusing on? It’s not about being in the mood or feeling like it, just do it. Your emotions are one part of you. Exercise your will and do it, opening your heart wide to God and remembering that lasting change comes about through habitual practice.

Closing:

Ask your group to close their eyes as you read the following quote:

“To worship God is to fix my gaze on the loveliness of Christ in such a way that my emotions become one with my faith and in God. At that point, worship becomes more than an intellectual acknowledgement. It becomes a heartfelt experience.”

Pray and ask that God would make this the experience of everyone in your group today, that all of you would be ravished by the pleasures of knowing God throughout the week.

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Chapter Ten A New Way of Life Becoming Our True Self In Christ

The TRUTH principle helps us to see each moment from God’s perspective so that we can understand that he’s in “Abandonment is control of it and has a purpose in it. As we walk with being satisfied with him more and more, our love and trust in him will grow and produce a beautiful intimacy worth waiting for. the present moment... because Only when we put him above everything and everyone else can this happen, but nothing pleases him more. God you know that is delighted and glorified when we humbly recognize our whatever that need for his love, his grace, his forgiveness to live each moment has, it moment of our life. He delights in our helplessness and dependence on him. contains--in that instant--God's Leaders Goal: We want to close this study by giving participants a vision of what Christ has in mind for eternal plan for you.” them to become. Some of the hard work of Jean Guyon disciplining ourselves or giving up certain things may feel like deprivation, but we want to see it as transformation.

1. What do you think of the idea that our destiny as human is to reflect God’s image in our human body (2 Corinthians 4:10-11)? If someone were to look at your life, would they mostly see Jesus? What parts of your life look like Jesus? What parts look still like your old self?

2. The author states, “Dying to self begins after a person has come to understand that he/she has a self to die to. Many people stay immature because they don’t do the hard work involved in knowing who they are and what they want.” Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

3. How have you failed to “know yourself” in the past? Has studying the 5 steps of The TRUTH Principle helped you know yourself better? What have you learned about yourself?

4. The author writes, “We will never be more fully our true self than when we fully abandon ourselves to God and die to our old self.” As a result of practicing The TRUTH Principle

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have you had any experience of feeling more alive and more your true self? How did that feel?

Leader: The point of question 4 is to help people understand that living for God isn’t deprivation but transformation. It feels wonderful to live in sync with who we were meant to be and centering on God and his will for our life.

5. What ways have you learned to live wholly in the moment applying The TRUTH Principle?

6. How have you begun to live wholly in the moment using the steps of The TRUTH Principle?

7. Read 2 Peter 1:3-11 and discuss these questions:

What has God given us in order to live as he called us to? Vs 3, 4 What is the result of living as he called us to? Vs 4 As a response to that truth, what are we called to do? Vs 5-7 As we do this, what will be the result? Vs 8 What is one reason we fail to develop? Vs 9

8. What can we do to not forget?

Leaders Note: There are a number of good answers here, but based on the study, one would be to practice The TRUTH Principle so that our heart is trained not to forget.

Closing:

Take a few minutes to go around the group and share the one thing that has made the biggest impact on you during this study.

Read 2 Timothy 1:7.

Pray together for God to grant you the strength, courage, and discipline to remember and apply the TRUTH principle to your life.

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THE SLOW STITCH

Every morning I awake, How will we be together today, Blessed One? Life takes a curious turn.

Self, once so familiar being knit again by your hand.

Tears surprise and flow. They have their own life in me. Voice, most trusted of instruments, no longer responds to the pitch and tone of my choosing.

Heart--broken, healed, broken, healed, broken and healed again, now laid bare, open, waiting. And waiting...and waiting...and waiting.

What Lord? What? Wait child, wait. "Next" will come as gift and grace.

I believe you, Holy One. I trust you. I wait Born from the deep, heaven placed in me comes the next of your hand.

I feel you knitting away tenderly, gently, with purpose.

In the meantime, each day I awake. How to be me? How to be yours? When the self I have been is no longer the self that I am, and not yet the self you see.

Knit faster O Lord Or teach me to love the slow stitch.

by Gina Gilland Campbell

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