The Reluctant Famulus # 80 March/April 2011 Thomas D. Sadler, Editor/Publisher, etc. 305 Gill Branch Road, Owenton, KY 40359 Phone: 502-484-3766 E-mail: [email protected]

Contents

Introduction, Editor 1 Old Kit Bag, Robert Sabella 6 Invention, news bit 9 Rat Stew, Gene Stewart 10 Bisbee Jewels, Matt Howard 12 Kentuckiana, Al Byrd 15 Sticker Shock, Sheryl Birkhead 19 Possum, news bit 22 Redshift, John Thiel 23 LoCs 25

Artwork

“Botch” 5, 14, 24 Kurt Erichsen 6, 10 Brad Foster 34, 42 Alexis Gilliland/W. Rotsler Cover Alexis Gilliland 28, 32, 38, 40 Matt Howard 12, 13 (postcards) A. B. Kynock 1, 26,30, 36 Spore and Toe Toe Hodges 2, 3, 4 Borrowed from the Internet 12, 15, 18, 22, Back cover T. D. Sadler back cover caption

The Reluctant Famulus is a product of Strange Dwarf Publications. Many of the comments expressed herein are solely those of the Editor/Publisher and do not necessarily reflect the thoughts of any sane, rational persons who know what they are doing and have carefully thought out beforehand what they wanted to say. Material not written or produced by the Editor/Publisher is printed by permission of the various writers and artists and is copyright by them and remains their sole property. Permission is granted to any persons who wish to reprint material presented herein, provided proper and due credit is given both to the author/artist who produced the material and to the original publication in which it appeared. TRF maybe obtained for The Usual but especially in return for written material and artwork, postage costs, The Meaning of Life, , and Editorial Whim. The Reluctant Famulus Introduction: ET, Where Are You?

Last issue I wrote In spite of fears of about certain people’s being contacted by a concerns or fears regard- violent race of beings, ing contacting or being the vast distances to be contacted by extraterres- covered, and the trials and particularly amount of energy those who might be real- required to attain light- ly nasty and dangerous speed, there are those to humans. Certainly that’s a valid fear but who are working to determine just how to probably one we shouldn’t be too concerned communicate with other, extraterrestrial civi- about at the present. According to our current lizations when contact is finally made. Some knowledge of physics—at least in this part of of you may remember a while back there was the universe—the fastest moving thing we a news article alleging that the United know of is light. As far as we know, that is Nations had created the position of Extrater- the upper limit at which anything can travel. restrial Ambassador and Malaysian astron- As large as the universe is theorized to be, omer Mazlan Othman, head of the U.N. even travelling at the speed of light, depend- Office for Outer Space Affairs, was suggest- ing on the distance to be covered, takes years ed for that post. The news certainly set off and centuries. To reach the closest stars some of the conspiracy adherents who sus- known to us would take at least four years pected there would soon be announcements travelling at light speed.But who’s to know of contact with ETs. The article was of where some other civilization may be? Ten course wrong in spite of what conspiracy the- light years? A hundred? A thousand? Even orists might claim. But something else was farther? Those latter distances seem more going on in a similar direction. likely. And there we have the problem of the The SETI League recently posted on limit of lightspeed. A photon (which is their web site a revised, streamlined set of believed to be massless) may be able to protocols or procedures to be followed in the achieve that speed but for something the size event actual signals are received from an of a spacecraft (which does possess mass), so extraterrestrial civilization. A copy of those we are told, would require a tremendous protocols follows. amount of energy to achieve that speed. And Preamble it would take time to do so, building up at a The parties to this declaration are indi- velocity which wouldn’t kill those inside the viduals and institutions participating in the craft. And even moving at lightspeed it scientific Search for Extraterrestrial Intelli- would take a century or more, depending on gence (SETI). the location of another civilization from ours. The purpose of this document is to And so . . . Well I’m sure, good readers, declare our commitment to conduct this you’re all smart enough to to know the rest search in a scientifically valid and transpar- of the argument. I’m headed in a somewhat ent manner and to establish uniform proce- different direction anyway. dures for the announcement of a confirmed 1 SETI detection. the import and significance of candidate dis- This commitment is made in recognition coveries for the benefit of non-specialist audi- of the profound scientific, social, ethical, ences. legal, philosophical and other implications of 3. Confirmed detections: If the verifica- a SETI detection. As this enterprise enjoys tion process confirms—by the consensus of wide public interest, but engenders uncertain- the other investigators involved and to a ty about how information collected during degree of certainty judged by the discoverers the search will be handled, the signatories to be credible—that a signal or other evi- have voluntarily construct- dence is due to extraterres- ed this declaration. It, trial intelligence, the dis- together with a current list coverer shall report this of signatory parties, will conclusion in a full and be placed on file with the complete open manner to International Academy of the public, the scientific Astronautics (IAA). community, and the Secre- Principles tary General of the United 1. Searching: SETI 2ations. The confirmation experiments will be con- report will include the ducted transparently, and basic data, the process its practitioners will be and results of the verifica- free to present reports on tion efforts, any conclu- activities and results in sions and interpretations, public and professional and any detected informa- fora. They will also be responsive to news tion content of the signal itself. A formal organizations and other public communica- report will also be made to the International tions media about their work. Astronomical Union (IAU). 2. Handling candidate evidence: In the 4. All data necessary for the confirma- event of a suspected detection of extraterres- tion of the detection should be made avail- trial intelligence, the discoverer will make all able to the international scientific community efforts to verify the detection, using the through publications, meetings, conferences, resources available to the discoverer and and other appropriate means. with the collaboration of other investigators, 5. The discovery should be monitored. whether or not signatories to this Declara- Any data bearing on the evidence of extrater- tion. Such efforts will include, but not be lim- restrial intelligence should be recorded and ited to, observations at more than one facility stored permanently to the greatest extent fea- and/or by more than one organization. There sible and practicable, in a form that will is no obligation to disclose verification make it available to observers and to the sci- efforts while they are underway, and there entific community for further analysis and should be no premature disclosures pending interpretation. verification. Inquiries from the media and 6. If the evidence of detection is in the news organizations should be responded to form of electromagnetic signals, observers promptly and honestly. should seek international agreement to pro- Information about candidate signals or tect the appropriate frequencies by exercis- other detections should be treated in the ing the extraordinary procedures established same way that any scientist would treat provi- within the World Administrative Radio Coun- sional laboratory results. The Rio Scale, or cil of the International Telecommunication its equivalent, should be used as a guide to Union.

2 7. Post Detection: A Post-Detection Task sudnov and Andrey Snarskii. They built com- Group under the auspices of the IAA SETI puter models which gave “bonus life” to civi- Permanent Study Group has been established lizations that contacted each other—and not to assist in matters that may arise in the surprisingly, civilizations too distant or dis- event of a confirmed signal, and to support similar to achieve contact were more prone to the scientific and public analysis by offering die away. guidance, interpretation, and discussion of While it was just a simulation, Villard the wider implications of the detection. takes away a couple of lessons from it. One 8. Response to signals: In the case of the implication is that the cross-cultural effects confirmed detection of a sig- of contact could be good nal, signatories to this dec- for both sides. It argues laration will not respond against “the idea that without first seeking guid- extraterrestrials would de- ance and consent of a vote an enormous amount broadly representative inter- of resources to physically national body, such as the travel here only to snoop United 2ations. around, be mischievous, Unanimously adopted yet avoid direct contact,” by the SETI Permanent Villard says. Study Group of the Interna- The other implication tional Academy of Astronau- is that there may be a “use tics, at its annual meeting it or lose it” quality to the in Prague, Czech Republic, quest for contact. “Extra- on 30 September 2010. terrestrials may wither These revised and streamlined Protocols away due to a loss of interest in the universe are intended to replace the previous docu- around them, or the atrophy of technological ment adopted by the International Academy capability,” he says. “Their brains might turn of Astronautics in 1989. to mush as they become totally preoccupied Because of the SETI’s posting, a ques- with their versions of Facebook, World of tion arises: Will those protocols ever be put Warcraft and reality TV shows.” Such ideas into practice? Most of the scientists involved probably make as much sense as others. in SETI say 50 years of searching isn’t long Recently, scientists have estimated there enough to judge whether our efforts to detect are at least 50 billion planets in the Milky alien signals are on the right track or not. It Way. Of that number, so they say, at least may be that advanced extraterrestrial civiliza- 500 million of those planets are in the not-too- tions don’t care enough about us monkeys to hot, not-too-cold zone where life could exist. make contact, just as we don’t spend a lot of The numbers were extrapolated from the ear- time letting ants know what we’re up to. It ly results of NASA’s planet-hunting Kepler may be that intelligence is a volatile thing, telescope. For many years scientists figured and that civilizations self-destruct before there were 100 billion stars in the Milky they’re around long enough to send signals to Way. But last year a Yale scientist figured other star systems. Or it may be that aliens the number was closer to 300 billion stars. are just boring themselves to death. And that’s just our galaxy. Scientists figure At Discovery News, a Ray Villard there are 100 billion galaxies. That would explores the issue of cosmic boredom, one of imply a very much larger number of planets the issues raised a while back in a paper post- and possible highly advanced civilizations. ed to the arXiv physics website by Igor Bez- Still, there remain the factors mentioned

3 earlier in this intro of the vast distances to be nals from another civilization isn’t enough traversed, the long time needed at even light and we should work on making the effort to speed, and the tremendous amount of energy send out something in the hope of receiving a required to propel a spacecraft, even a small response. In some ways it would probably one. Could you imagine the cost of sending make more sense to send out a relatively some large fleet to Earth as shown in the brief message. But there is one person, a Seth series V and the movie Shostak, who thinks it Independence Day? The would be better and, I cost would be incredible, suppose, make more I suppose. Even sending sense to broadcast a mere message at light something larger— speed requires a large much larger. Shostak amount of energy to gen- suggests transmitting erate and a time period the world wide web, or ranging from approxi- at least all the data pro- mately a decade to a cen- vided via Google, to tury or more just to send introduce ourselves to the message and hear any possible other civi- from any answer which lizations. Now I’m not might result. And that’s particularly paranoid— assuming some other ad- at least I don’t think I vanced civilization sent am—but that seems a message in our direc- like an awful lot of tion. information about us humans to be passing The SETI organization is of course listen- along all at once to strangers whose nature is ing for signals from another civilization some- totally unknown to us. On the other hand, I where out there and have been for half a cen- suspect we needn’t worry about that idea. tury. But that’s a passive course to follow. Whatever message goes out will probably be Searchers for alien life could do more than something reasonably small and, it is hoped, merely listen. In spite of Dr. Hawking’s warn- easily understood by other beings—and very ings those seeking to learn of other life in the likely noneof us willbe around to hear any universe could also be sending out messages reply. of their own in the hope there will be respons- There is also the fact that we’ve occasion- es. ally sent deliberate messages to the stars. But then, of course, there are the prob- There was the plaque on the Pioneer 10 and lems of what sort of message to send out and 11 spacecraft, with an engraving featuring a in what form. There are, I think, two schools friendly couple in nature’s garb and a map of of thought on the first: something short but our location in the Galaxy. The Pioneers’ informative or something much larger. To the interplanetary successors, the Voyagers, car- paranoiacs, any message, no matter how limit- ried a videodisk, with music, voices, and a ed, would be saying, “Here we are. Come small selection of inoffensive photos that and get us.” That’s a fear that many people could be played with a 16-2/3 rpm turntable seem to have, which may or may not be justi- and a mechanical needle. Thirty years ago, a fied radio message was broadcast by the Arecibo That complaint aside, there are those radio telescope to a star cluster in the constel- who are working on those particular lation of Hercules. It was a spartan graphic, issues.They feel that merely listening for sig- amounting to a mere 210 bytes of data. So

4 we’ve already made a start in that direction. As far as I [ye editor] know, nothing has Three alien hunters wrote in the journal been decided yet on what we want to say and Space Policy that we should develop an inter- how we want to say it. It’s an ongoing pro- national protocol for sending effective, intelli- cess and in time some method will be adopt- gible communications. They propose that a ed and used. We’ll just have to “stay tuned” website could be set up for people around the until that happens. It’ll be interesting to learn world to leave messages, following the proto- what the message will be. As for receiving a col, so that we can then figure out what mes- reply, well that is the greater unknown. sages are best-suited for cross-cultural com- I suspect any sort of message and result- munication. ing contact wouldn’t occur in any of our life- “An effective message to extraterrestri- times or even in that of our grandchildren’s als should at least be understandable by or their descendants’ lives. The universe is humans*,” Dimitra Atri of the University of claimed to be a huge place, after all. There Kansas, Julia DeMarines of the International could be a large number of advanced civiliza- Space University, and Jacob Haqq-Misra of tions out there and still never make contact Penn State University write in their paper. with one another or us. A sobering fact, that. About the proposal from the three And inescapable. Kinda puts a damper on all researchers, Douglas Vakoch, director of our science fiction doesn’t it? But it’s sure interstellar message composition at the Cali- nice to imagine such things. fornia-based SETI Institute. Cornell, said, “is on target in really wanting to encourage an open, transparent process for engaging the world community in thinking about how we would want to represent ourselves, and how we would create a message that stands a chance of being understood.“ Until the time comes, if it ever does, for a face-to-face encounter with ETs, cross-civi- lization communication will have to span vast distances, using technology such as radio waves and pulses of light. The trick, noted Vakoch, is finding something that is universal. “Some have focused on pictures, with the idea that vision has been very helpful here on Earth and so too might be helpful on another world. You might expect intelligent creatures on another world to be visual creatures as well.” Another idea is to use basic math and sci- ence. If alien beings are able to communicate with us, they must have the engineering and technical know-how required to send mes- sages across interstellar distances.

*Well--yeah--of course. After all, humans would be sending the message.

5 # 20 Writers of the Decade

Recently I was reading the local newspa- al. So I decided to restrict myself to the two per and saw an article in which sportswriters major awards. voted for the outstanding athlete of the past decade. So naturally my immediate thought 1900s: was: why don’t sf critics select the outstand- Although H.G. Wells’ most important ing SF Writer of the Decade? Since they do novels were originally published in the late not—or, at least, I have never seen such a 1890s (The Time Machine in 1895, The list—why shouldn’t I do it myself? Island of Doctor Moreau in 1896, The War Rather than limit myself to the current of the Worlds in 1898), his shadow towered decade, I will go back to the start of the 20th over the early years of the 20th century so century and select decade-by-decade in two that he easily remained the most important sf categories: my choice will be the most impor- writer of its first decade. And he continued tant writer of each decade, and the second publishing seminal sf during that decade. The will be my personal favorite writer. One qual- First Men in the Moon in 1901, In the Days ification: if two or more writers shared simi- of the Comet in 1906, and perhaps most lar importance during the decade, whichever importantly, “The Country of the Blind” in writer’s influence extended past the narrow 1904. So it is easy to select H.G. Wells as the confines of that ten-year period should most important sf writer of the 1900s decade receive the honor. as well as my favorite writer of the decade. Prior to 1960, I will select the most important writer based on research I have 1910s: done over the past decades. Post-1960, I will 1912 saw the publication of two impor- consider the number of Hugo and Nebula tant serials in All-Story Magazine, Under nominations as important factors in my selec- the Moons of Mars and Tarzan of the Apes, tion. I considered including other awards by Edgar Rice Burroughs. These stories such as the World Fantasy and John W. caused an immediate sensation, creating the Campbell Memorial awards in my considera- genre of “scientific romances,” thrilling sever- tions, but since those are juried awards rather al generations of schoolboys, and influencing than popular awards, they leave the possibili- much of the development of early science fic- ty of their winners being important to a select tion. Burroughs is an easy choice for most group of voters rather than fandom in gener- important writer of the 1910s. 6 My favorite writer of that decade is A. stories as “A Martian Odyssey” in Wonder Merritt, whose stories were only slightly less Stories and “The Lotus Eaters” in Astound- popular than those of Burroughs at the time, ing. His premature death in 1935 surely but which were much better-written, as well robbed the sf field of one of its shining lights as having a richer emotional punch. “The who would likely have published consider- Moon Pool” appeared in All-Story Weekly in ably more outstanding and influential fiction 1918, followed by “Conquest of the Moon had he lived. I also selected Weinbaum as my Pool” a year later. Shortly after the end of favorite writer of the 1930s. that decade came such stories as The Metal John W. Campbell started writing in the Monster, The Face in the Abyss and The Ship galaxy-smashing tradition of E.E. Smith, but of Ishtar, all in Argosy. under the pseudonym Don A. Stuart he wrote a series of softer, more thoughtful stories 1920s: whose emotional impact was much stronger The 1920s saw the development of and longer-lasting. “Twilight” in Astounding “space opera” in the capable hands of the in 1934 is the seminal Stuart story, but “Who highly-creative E.E. Smith. Skylark of Space Goes There?” in 1938 proved to be the most was one of the most important novels pub- popular. lished by Hugo Gernsback in his seminal sf magazine Amazing Stories, its influence still 1940s: being felt today in the form of “New Space It will come as no surprise that Robert Opera.” Equally influential was Smith’s Lens- A. Heinlein was the most important writer of man series which began in 1934 with the pub- the 1940s. His influence grew almost from lication of Triplanetary in Amazing Stories. his first published story in 1939 through the My favorite sf writer of the 1920s was 1940s with stories such as “If This Goes Murray Leinster, whose first sf story was On...,” “Universe, “Waldo,” “Methusalah’s “The Runaway Skyscraper,” in 1919 in Children” and “The Green Hills of Earth.” Argosy, followed shortly by “The Mad Plan- His influence continued in the 1950s as his et” in 1920 and “Red Dust” in 1921. Leinster series of young adult novels created an entire was one of the few writers able to make the generation of “Heinlein’s children.” leap from the general pulps popular from However, my favorite writer of the 1900-1920 to such specialized sf zines as 1940s was Clifford D. Simak, whose pastoral Amazing and Astounding. His stories such science fiction appealed to me more than that as “The Runaway Skyscraper” and “Side- of any other pre-1950s writer. It is perhaps ways in Time” in 1934 created many of sf’s best seen in his fix-up novel City about the most popular themes, plus he was a fabulous future of Earth under the care of evolved storyteller who never forgot the human ele- dogs and robots, but continued as far as the ment. 1970s with stories such as “The Big Front Yard” and Way Station. 1930s: Two writers dominated genre sf in the 1950s: 1930s, and I have selected Stanley G. Wein- The most important writer of the 1950s baum and John W. Campbell as co-writers of is Arthur C. Clarke, who is rightfully remem- the decade. Both writers pushed pulp sf in bered as one of the “Big Three” of sf’s Gold- new directions, laying the foundation for the en Age (along with Isaac Asimov who had immense changes of the “Golden Age” which the misfortune to write most of his ground- loomed at the end of the decade. Weinbaum breaking stuff in the same two decades as popularized “planetary adventures” in such Heinlein and Clarke). Nobody popularized

7 speculative science or sparked so much sense en (15 nominations, 5 awards) and Robert Sil- of wonder about the future as Clarke in sto- verberg (20 nominations 3 awards). Partly ries such as The City and The Stars, Child- because the most iconic sf image of the hood’s End, “The Star” and “The 2ine Bil- 1970s was the massive “ringworld,” I have lion 2ames of God”. selected Larry Niven as the most important My favorite writer of the 1950s is Alfred writer of that decade. His “known space” sto- Bester who prefigured the 1960s 2ew Wave ries were as much responsible for the re- in such stories as The Demolished Man, newed popularity of traditional sf in the wake The Stars My Destination, “Fondly Fahren- of the New Wave as anything else written at heit” and “The Pi Man.” Holiday Maga- that time. zine’s gain was science fiction’s loss as he My favorite writer of the 1970s was spent nearly two decades editing travel writ- Robert Silverberg whose sense of story- ing rather than writing fiction. telling, and tales of self-discovery were at their peak from 1966 through 1975, a period 1960s: during which he wrote a seemingly endless Onto the 1960s where two writers domi- stream of thoughtful science fiction such as nated the Hugo and Nebula ballots: Samuel “Hawksbill Station,” “Nightwings,” Dying R. Delany (who had 14 nominations and 5 Inside, A Time of Changes and so many awards) and Roger Zelazny (15 nominations, more. 4 awards), and whom I have chosen as co- writers of the decade. Zelazny melded sci- 1980s: ence fiction with fantasy better than anybody I was personally disappointed in science before or after. Novels such as Lord of Light fiction in the 1980s since it was the begin- and This Immortal featured the writing style ning of nearly 20 years in which much of sf of a poet whose love of words made every ignored the far-future and concentrated on line glow. Delany was the most thoughtful the present and near future, usually depress- and thought-provoking writer ever, whose ingly. Cyberpunk was the dominant trend of “The Star Pit” and *ova single-handedly that decade, and it is impossible to overlook raised “space opera” from its low regard to the importance of the fiction of William Gib- valued sfnal tropes. It is hard to imagine the son looming over the entire decade. His sto- “New Wave” having as much influence as it ries such as “Burning Chrome” and “The did without the fiction of Roger Zelazny and Winter Market,” and especially his debut nov- Samuel R. Delany to popularize it. I also el *euromancer set the tone for much sf of chose Zelazny as my favorite writer of the the next few decades. decade. My favorite writer of the decade was Michael Bishop whose combination of liter- 1970s: ary merit and biting satire in stories such as After the experimentation of the 1960s, “The Quickening,” “Her Habiline Husband” the 1970s were a decade of retrenching, in and *o Enemy But Time was among my which outwardly science fiction resembled favorite fiction of that decade. the period from 1940-1960 in form and themes, yet upon a closer reading was strong- 1990s: ly influenced by the literary experimentation The late 1990s saw the revival of tradi- of the 1960s. Four writers almost equally tional science fiction after nearly two dec- dominated the award ballots: Poul Anderson ades of near future dismal, originally in the (15 nominations, 5 awards), Ursula K Le pages of Interzone, although it gradually Guin (15 nominations, 5 awards), Larry Niv- spread through the sf field. But the award

8 ballots were totally dominated by a single 1960s Roger Zelazny/ Roger Zelazny writer who combined serious speculation Samuel R. Delaney with slapstick humor, Connie Willis (19 nom- 1970s Larry Niven Robert Silverberg inations and 8 awards). No writer ever achieved such awards domination as Willis 1980s William Gibson Michael Bishop did, and it would be unfair of me to indulge my own prejudices and not select her as the 1990s Connie Willis Kim Stanley Robinson writer of the decade. My favorite writer was Kim Stanley 2000s Charles Stross Jack McDevitt Robinson, with his finely-detailed story- telling and culture-building, especially in his Mars trilogy and accompanying collection The Martians. Improbable Inventions

2000s: As I was trawling the internet one day Two writers dominated the awards ballot looking for inspiration and ideas, I noticed on in this past decade: Michael Swanwick (12 the Reuter’s 2ews site a commentary about nominations, 3 awards) and Charles Stross the various concept cars at the Detroit Auto (14 nominations, 2 awards). Swanwick’s clev- Show. The commentator listed some of the erly-plotted stories were always delightful, concept cars—along with a sideshow of but Stross’ info-loaded stories attracted con- those and some earlier ones—at the current siderable attention from their first appear- show. In his list was mentioned one which I ance, and have influenced many writers in though was somewhat science fictional and the few years he has been publishing, earning gave me pause to wonder. Here is a brief him the designation of writer of the decade. description the commentator gave: My favorite writer was Jack McDevitt, “My favorite concept car is the 1958 whose sense-of-wonder mysteries were al- Ford Nucleon, announced as a nuclear-pow- ways absorbing and well-plotted, as well as ered car. This was during the period when steeped in future history, especially his Alex President Dwight Eisenhower advocated Benedict series, although his Academy series “atoms for peace”—using nuclear bombs to often rose to the same heights. dig reservoirs for dams, or to blast through mountains for tunnels. That idea, well, let’s Decade Writer of the My Favorite just say lacked traction. Decade Writer “The Nucleon was displayed by Ford at 1900s H. G Wells H. G. Wells auto shows, but with a key component—the nuclear reactor—missing. Ford Motors still has the prototype in its corporate museum, if 1910s Edgar Rice A. Merritt Burroughs designing the appropriate miniature reactor interests you. Just try not to get into a colli- E. E. Smith Murray Leinster 1920s sion, okay?” [Ed.] It seems like an interesting, if per- 1930s John W. Campbell/ Stanley G. Weinbaum haps impractical, idea, and perhaps more so Stanley G Weinbaum than that of nuclear powered spaceships and 1940s Robert A. Heinlein Clifford D. Simak submarines. At least as far as the general pub- lic is concerned. Still, I can’t help wondering 1950s Arthur C. Clarke Alfred Bester what driving one of those would be like.

9 Knowledge vs. Belief: The Rise of Irrationality and The Merger of Minds Typical shamanic experiences from fear A tulpa is a light body or spirit form in his and paralysis to being carried away to eerie philosophy. He calmly labeled them glimpses places of light and shadow where strange peo- of the real world surrounding our illusory ple, things, or hybrids do horrible things like world of physical forms. piercing, dismemberment, and sexual abuse par- This view is anathema to empirical purists allel precisely the UFO abductee experience. By who make a fetish of the scientific method. even cautious estimates, a significant percent- This literalist view holds that the spirit world is age of the population, amounting to millions, not only not the real world but is in fact unreal, claims such experiences. imaginary, and otherwise dismissible. Question is, what induces these visions in We have held the spirit world real for all so many of us? our history, until about 200 years ago. During Experiencers protest that it is real, not the Enlightenment, animosity arose between imaginary, not a mere vision. So do the true believers and adamant empiricists, the shamans, and they prove it by bringing back rationalists. Just as the believers created the useful information from the other world, from Dark Ages by suppressing reason and by ossify- the Others, things they cannot learn elsewhere. ing spirituality into dogma and unchanging ritu- Our current materialism and fear of the al, so the rationality bigots of the Enlighten- unknown prevents us from doing the same. ment, which ended the Dark Ages, substituted Until we learn to enter and use the other a materialist literalism that froze out the meta- realms, we will be doomed to remain confused physical. And yet, our search for a rational and terrified. Stupid, in short. world view need not ignore the unseen world Shamans built a careful technology of the to remain valid. In fact, it would be more inclu- spirit over tens of thousands of years and gave sive, more valid, if it were to move into explo- us useful insights and information from else- rations of the unempirical. Instead of sneering where. We have in the past 200 years or so at ghosts, investigating them might lead to thrown all that away in favor of atheistic materi- major news about our reality and gain us huge alism, a ridiculous waste. Bigotry and blindness benefits. keep us stuck sneering at each other across a Instead, prejudice rules, and keeps us world view divide of our own making. stupid despite our intelligence. So why did the When asked about UFOs, the Dalai Lama rationalists, after centuries of Classical balance smiled and said, “Oh yes,” and laughed. and harmony, reject during the Enlightenment “They’re tulpas.” entire categories of inquiry? Was it because

10 such unseen things were the claimed province Had knowledge and belief never become of reason’s mortal enemy, irrational religious adversaries, or had they experienced a rap- belief? Certainly knowledge would not wish to prochement in the formative years of empiri- validate belief’s untested claims, so matters cism and the Enlightenment, we might now metaphysical were shoved aside and disregard- have a humane system of spiritual insight, a ed, even ridiculed. technology of rational mind, body, and spirit. Had the believers not seen knowledge as a We might have a culture of peace and individu- threat, and had they not attempted to crush al growth, a world of hope rather than a society and obliterate rational inquiry into nature, then of madness, torture, and violence. the rationalists might well have been more Allowing irrationality access to power is open to investigating all of human experience, itself suicidally irrational. It is self-negating to not just the physical, including the spiritual. substitute wishes for facts. That way leads over And remember that the physical is precisely the many cliffs surrounding us. what the believers so often condemned as base, To believe is to pretend. To know is to corrupt, and vile. Naturally it would be, then, find out. Merging imagination with reality gives the physical that knowledge seekers—named us the best of both extremes, a middle of har- the true believers’ mortal enemy—would seize monic convergence that fosters both kindness upon and embrace so tenaciously. and advance. As an example, consider Ein- All gray area, all overlap, was no man’s stein’s gedanken experiments, in which soaring land, scoffed at by rationalists and often called feats of imaginative insight bordering on the evil by the believers, especially any area of mystical led to belief merged in math and tech- endeavor or inquiry that might lead to indepen- nology to give us access to immense power. dent thought. We see why the entrenched atti- How we use that power may well define us. So tudes came about during the death-throes of far, our uses have been as destructive as con- the first Dark Ages, during the Enlightenment, structive. and why they prevail to this day. Lines were We see, today, a resurgence toward bal- drawn, never to be crossed. ance in the UFO abduction experiences. They And yet, we see, too, a steep rise in the irra- combine belief and knowledge. They are spon- tional today, almost as if both extremes are taneous shamanic journeys both factual and being rejected by the general public. imaginative, both real and unseen. That they Mainline belief and mainstream knowledge happen to so many of us could be due to popu- both are pushed away by increasing numbers lation density, better reporting, or perhaps to of people, especially in North America, as if nei- pressure from the unseen to regain its validity ther suffices somehow, as if neither addresses in our affairs. Knowledge is there to be found, urgent needs.No surprise there; while knowl- if only rationalists embrace the experience edge and its Frankenstein’s creation, technolo- rather than reject it. Perhaps the percentage of gy, have give us advance upon advance, it has experiencers merely reflects the percentage of also burdened us with appalling problems such natural shamans living among us, untrained in as pollution and a destabilized climate. It has today’s material world, left to wonder in not addressed our increasing alienation. today’s resistance to spirit. By returning to a And while belief has perhaps offered a shamanic role for ourselves, we can validate sense of community and security for many, the the unseen with knowledge, and enhance falsity of those promises becomes more clearly knowledge with the unseen. With a merger of evident every day with life’s increasing pace of minds we can bring it all to bear upon helping change, pressure of population, clash of cul- ourselves, each other, everyone. ture, and its challenges of confrontation and Just think... then act. complexity.

11 Bisbee Jewels Matt Howard

As we drove into Bisbee on Ari- internet) so as we were close to Bisbee zona 80 there was a sudden feeling that she’d thought to go and spy the land we’d entered the Twilight Zone and because there were several shops in Bis- been shrunk and entrapped in a model bee that sold Kate’s work. Kate now railroad diorama. has her own shop, Uptown Tribal Just like the HO model railroad Designs, and as fortune would have it, enthusiast’s model town that is built it was the first we found. up his room’s walls because of lack of Kate was born in Oxford, England. space so Bisbee is built on a foothill of Her father was a journalist, as was her Mule Mountain which has an almost American mother. They separated and impossible steep slope. Kate’s early years were Bisbee was in its hey- spent in Germany because day the richest town west her new step-father was sta- of the Mississippi, due to tioned there. He was Tony its copper/gold/silver Drew-Wilkinson, an army mines but by the mid-twen- major in the Scots Guards. tieth century it had gone By the way, you don’t have bust so no building is to be Scottish to be in the younger than 1950. That, Scots Guards. You do, how- and the fact they are each ever, have to be over 6 feet painted in a different color tall. Her mother obviously only added to the mis- had a thing for British matched diorama effect. men. But we hadn’t come all Kate’s education was the way from the midwest at a Devonshire boarding to look at the architecture. school, which mainly Not even the snow white art deco coun- catered for daughters of diplomats. Her ty hall. mom (or mum) decided this was mak- We’d come to eat at Cafe Roak and ing Kate too much of a snob and trans- my wife, Wanda, had come to find planted her to an Anglican convent. some of the renowned glass-blown jew- That distanced Kate from her family. elry of Kate Drew-Wilkinson. Drew-Wilkinson says her mother Wanda had been acquiring a small insisted she go to secretarial college, collection over the years (and over the although she had her heart set on be-

12 coming an actress. “I pleaded to go to style she taught French in exchange for drama school, and Mother said okay, food and a year later was back in Cali- but it had to be the hardest one, Bristol fornia, drawing with pen and ink, paint- Old Vic.” Mother’s master plan to suffo- ing with oils and making jewelry. cate the acting career suffered from Her work was spotted by Andrew immediate and overwhelming mission- Romanov whose factory then repro- creep as Kate won a scholarship, study- duced her work which in turn was con- ing singing, dancing, and fencing. tracted by The Nature Company for an But acting at the Old Vic did not initial $7,000. So Kate started a studio bring in good acting jobs (even though with three employees. she was with the Royal Shakespeare It was in 1989 that Kate discovered Company), just commercials and stunt the lampworked beads by Patti Frantz riding supplemented by waitressing and Brian Kerkvliet. She was fascinat- and nanny work. ed and searched out Then Belinda’s (a Linda Honeycutt Le- boutique on the Sunset Grand from Columbus, Strip in Los Angeles) Ohio who taught the offered her a job as man- how and why of lamp- ageress. She jumped at worked beads. it. She also jumped ship Kate also married and tried out in Holly- the British author Colin wood, where with all Haynes. When his six her theatrical training she became noth- months visa was about to expire they ing more than a spear-holder (or a fan- drove to Mexico towing a trailer filled holder really). As one of Liz Taylor’s with $40,000 worth of beads. No matter hand-maidens in Cleopatra. what life slung at Kate she always ful- She also landed a part in Oh, Cal- filled her contract with The Nature cutta! A stage review infamous for a Company. rape scene and the entire cast appear- Her suggestion to the Company that ing nude at one point. she use environmentally conscious re- “The show was so notorious I was cycled glass resulted in her “water recognized everywhere, and I got a beads” for which she is most famous. taste of what it was like to be She then relocated in Guadalajara famous—it’s the end of your private teaching bead making at a school. life. I’m a thinker. I can’t tolerate that In 1993 she became one of the baby intrusion.” boomers taking advantage of the cheap She then journeyed forth to the Gre- housing prices in Bisbee. As the hip- cian island of Rhodes, fell in love and pies had done the same about 25 years gave birth to her son Noah. She never before, Kate was in her element. “I’m married his father but the two parents fully committed to spending my days have remained great friends ever since. being an artist, irrespective of the econ- That was the time she started mak- omy.” ing beads (beads were big in the Hippie For a couple of decades or more Era) and with her one-year-old son, her she’s been one of the world’s leading jewelry-making tools and $500, she glass-bead artists, earning her the headed to Costa Rica. In true hippie moniker “Kate the Great”.

13 Wanda spent over an hour and a was a fire, those wires melted and the half at Kate the Great’s Uptown Tribal door slammed shut. Protecting the cin- Designs, even though Kate wasn’t emagoers and the cinema-owners prop- there. Wanda did show amazing re- erty with the exception of the projec- straint by confining herself to a pair of tion booth where the projectionist had $20 earrings. Some were going for over just six seconds to put out the fire, or ten times as much. During that time, I die of asphyxiation or incineration or sat in the coffee bar next door and tried both. to make an overpriced Caffe Americano A couple of coins strategically and an overpriced blueberry crumble placed were enough to stop the door slice last for 90 minutes. from sealing the booth and sealing the After that we wandered up to Cafe projectionist’s fate but the Projection- Roak whose menu constantly changes ists’ Union got those health hazard because they use local, seasonal ingre- doors quietly removed. dients. The meals were beautiful and The clientele at Cafe Roak were rela- very reasonably priced. Wanda ordered tively quite too. With no one talking a chicken dish and I had the three-bean loudly in the restaurant about some- burger which turned out to be three thing he knew next to nothing about. spheres the size of baseballs. Each meal And definitely no rowdies. The most included homemade tomato soup with animated customer there was a jovial basil, a medium sized but very tasty sal- and friendly lady in her 70s who came ad, a cuplet of sorbet to cleanse the in for a cocktail at the bar, spoke with palate and then the main course which some of her friends at their table and was so large Wanda couldn’t finish did a little dance movement to empha- hers. If you’re ever in Bisbee, Arizona, size some tale she was telling and then Cafe Roak is highly recommended. left. Cafe Roak is housed in a building Later our waitress told us that was that was once a bank and then became Kate Drew-Wilkinson. We had come a retail store before its last transforma- over 2,000 miles, stood within 18 feet tion into a restaurant. From its days as of her, and never exchanged a word! a bank it still retains a thick “door” on a 30 degree slide against one wall. In the case of fire, thin holding wires would melt sending the door sliding door to ground-level and sealing the side en- trance to stop the fire spreading to the neighboring building or from the neigh- boring building into the bank. If you’re old enough to have known Bob Tucker he might have told you a similar story about his days as a projec- tionist back in the1930s. Back in those days, which were the days of nitrate film, many projection booths had a door that looked like it belonged on a safe. It was held open by wires. If there

14 KENTUCKIANA XIII Kentucky in the American Civil War III A Man Called Stovepipe

In the lore of the American Alfred D. Byrd Ohio just upstream from Civil War, a figure of mytholo- Evansville, Indiana, on Febru- gy, the trickster, often recurs. He (or some- ary 8, 1834. His parents, Thomas J. Johnson times she, particularly in the field of espi- and Juliet Johnson, née Rankin, sent him to onage) is a person of daring and resourceful- common schools. From these, Adam, at the ness—a person who, using little, beguiles the age of twelve, went to work in a local drug- enemy out of much. Given the reality of a store. An ambitious young man, he left his war in which the Union had an abundance of job there at the age of twenty to move to Bur- resources and personnel, the Confederacy, a net, Texas. There, in succession, he be- came scarcity, the trickster was more often than not a surveyor of West Texas land claims, an a Southerner, keeping his or her aspiring Indian fighter, and a supplier of horses and nation in the conflict far longer than the dis- feed to, and sometimes a stage driver for, the parity of means between North and South Butterfield Overland Mail. On war’s eve in indicated that 1861, he married a local beauty, Josephine the South could Eastland. stay. What a man as ambitious as Johnson was might have become in time, had not the war broken out, one can only speculate. As his native commonwealth’s pro-Confederate gov- ernor and its pro-Union General Assembly strove to walk a tightrope of neutrality, John- son headed north to support the cause of secession in Kentucky. Joining Nathan Bed- ford Forrest’s cavalry as a scout, Johnson rode on Bedford Forrest’s lightning raids in the commonwealth in the war’s heady days for the Confederacy, when it installed a gov- ernment for the southern half of Kentucky in One such Bowling Green. trickster, operating out of Kentucky with a Things fell apart for the South when few ill-equipped men, pulled off the feat of Ulysses S. Grant broke the Confederate line being the first Confederate commanding offi- with a decisive victory at Fort Donelson, by cer to capture a city north of the Mason- the Cumberland River in northwestern Ten- Dixon Line—a feat that earned him the sobri- nessee. Johnson watched most of his Confed- quet, honored ever since among Southerners, erate comrades (including Jerome Marcellus of “Stovepipe.” Although he would later in Clarke, subject of “They Hanged Sue the war suffer a terrible, irreversible handi- Mundy! (Or Did They?)” ) become prisoners- cap, he would overcome this to live a life that of-war when the fort was surrendered to the most would envy. Yankees, but he himself escaped capture Adam Rankin Johnson was born in when Bedford Forrest led his men by night Henderson, Kentucky, on the banks of the through icy streams to fight another day. 15 The Confederacy, having lost its territo- Ohio. ry in the commonwealth, and unable just then On its southern bank, across from New- to invade it anew, turned to irregular warfare burgh, he prepared for his raid. He found a to weaken the Union’s hold on what it had skiff and a small barge for the Ohio’s cross- conquered, and to disrupt the Union’s supply ing, and then, given that most of his men lines for operations farther south. The Confed- were yet unarmed, he prepared props for a erate Congress authorized forming units of daring bluff. From a pair of charred logs, a partisans who would operate behind enemy cannibalized wagon, and the eponymous lines. The most famous of the Confederate stovepipe, he cobbled together a pair of partisan units would the Partisan Rangers, “cannon,” with gun mounts and trailers realis- commanded by Colonel John S. Mosby. His tic enough to withstand inspection by tele- operations in western Virginia after January scope from Indiana. Johnson’s contrivances 1863 made that region so hot for Union were examples of “Quaker guns,” mock can- troops that it was for a time common to call it non often used by the Confederates to “Mosby’s Confederacy.” deceive Union scouts and spies into giving Partisans were at work earlier in Ken- inflated accounts of Rebel strength. The can- tucky than they were in Virginia. One of the non were called “Quaker guns” because not men sent north to foment unrest in Kentucky even the pacifistic Quakers could object to was Adam Rankin Johnson, who recruited their use in warfare. The most well known men around his birthplace in Henderson. One use of Quaker guns was by the Confederate of his recruits was Jerome Marcellus Clarke, general Joseph E. Johnston in northern Vir- who would later attain notoriety as (presump- ginia to dissuade the overcautious Union gen- tively) Sue Mundy, as previously told in the eral George Brinton McClellan from assault- Kentuckiana series. Johnson’s outfit is in ing undermanned Southern lines. Across some accounts called the Breckinridge from Newburgh, Adam Rankin Johnson Guards, named in honor of John Cabell would leave in charge of his Quaker guns Breckinridge, a well-known Kentuckian who trained artillerymen including the soon-to-be had once been Vice-President of the United notorious “Sue Mundy.” States, but was then a general in the Confeder- His bluff in place, Johnson gave his most- ate Army. ly horsed, but mostly unarmed men a choice By July 18, 1862, the bulk of the west- to opt out of the raid. When they, to a man, ern Confederate Army had retreated after its accepted its risk, he led them on across the defeat at Shiloh into north-central Mississip- Ohio. He and two aides shared the skiff, pi, and the bulk of the Union army had fol- while the rest of his makeshift force took the lowed it there. Getting wind of supplies and barge. For his assault on Newburgh, he had weapons in the lightly defended river port of two objectives. The first of these was Bethel Newburgh, Indiana, Johnson, though he had Warehouse, which was normally used for only slightly more than thirty effectives at the hanging tobacco, but now held sabers and pis- time, decided on a daring raid. Newburgh, tols. Once his men had seized what the ware- about ten miles upstream (east) of Hender- house held, they were no longer unarmed. son, lies on the Ohio River’s northern bank a Now, Johnson moved on to his main objec- couple of miles upstream of the mouth of the tive, the Exchange Hotel, being used just Green River, which flows out of cave coun- then as a military hospital. According to try in south-central Kentucky. Johnson led report that had reached his ear, the hotel held his men on a night march south of Hender- weapons, medical supplies, and commissary son, across the Green River, and over the pe- goods for two companies of infantry. It was ninsula between the Green River and the guarded by Newburgh’s sole garrison just

16 then, a collection of eighty convalescent sol- tuckiana. A quest to avenge his foster broth- diers who answered to a certain Colonel er's blinding, some think, would turn Jerome Bethel of Indiana's home guard. Whether he Marcellus Clarke into the ruthless outlaw owned the Bethel Warehouse, I cannot say. guerrilla that he became. Johnson, armed according to one report A greater threat to Johnson in his retreat only with a shotgun, opened the assault on came from a Federal gunboat and a Federal the motel by walking boldly alone through its troop transport that appeared unexpectedly to front entrance. At once the center of attention the partisans. As Johnson and his men raced of several Union firearms, he coolly trained across the peninsula between the Ohio and his shotgun on a major and told him that the the Green River, the Federal craft tried to hotel was surrounded by Confederate troops, round a bend into the Green River to cut off and the Union soldiers had no hope of the Confederate retreat. As it seemed that the escape. Impressed by Johnson’s demeanor craft might do so, Johnson and two of his and by his claim, the major ordered his most- men covered the retreat of the rest of his par- ly infirm command to stand down. Soon, ty. From the cover of a thicket, the rear guard Johnson’s men, following him into the hotel, set up such shouting and such rapid fire from had captured Colonel Bethel and brought him plundered weapons that the commanders of to Johnson. Johnson told him that a pair of the Federal craft, thinking themselves out- cannon had the hotel in their sights and numbered, ordered a withdrawal covered by would “shell this town to the ground” if it the firing of shells that did the partisans no showed resistance. Johnson handed Bethel a harm. As Johnson had begun his day of battle spyglass to allow him to confirm the report with a bluff, so he ended it. of cannon. Evidently, the Quaker guns Two Federal soldiers wounded by buck- passed inspection, as Colonel Bethel ordered shot on the watercraft were the sole casual- his command to show the partisans no resis- ties of the Newburgh Raid. Its toll of victims, tance. however, would rise with time. Besides “Sue Johnson now had eighty Federal prison- Mundy’s” foster brother, others would pay a ers-of-war on his hands. Fortunately for him, price in the Union’s quest for justice—or ven- as he had no means to transport them to deten- geance. Southern sympathizers, later to be tion in the Southlands, he was free to parole known as Copperheads, were common in them on their word of honor that they would Indiana. It was clear to Federal authorities not again serve in battle against the South that such sympathizers had tipped off John- until they had been exchanged for a like num- son to Newburgh’s wealth and vulnerability. ber of Confederate prisoners-of-war. Leaving Two such alleged sympathizers were lynched behind the paroled Yankees, Johnson and his by a mob, six more were imprisoned in Indi- victorious and now well armed men transport- anapolis on charges of giving aid and com- ed their spoils of war across the Ohio. fort to the enemy, and four more left town It must not be imagined that Johnson under threat of prosecution. To prevent fur- faced no pursuit. From nearby Evansville, ther raids from Kentucky, Governor Oliver P. five companies of the Indiana Legion, as the Morton, who has appeared in “Bull Nelson state’s home guard was called, set out after Bites the Dust,” sought and received addition- him as soon as word of the raid had reached al Federal supplies and troops to guard the them. They set out too late to catch Johnson crossings of the Ohio. or to recover his plunder, but, over time, they For his exploit at Newburgh, Adam did capture some of his men. One capture Rankin Johnson was known for the rest of his ended in the malicious blinding of “Sue Mun- long life as “Stovepipe.” The Newburgh Raid dy’s” foster brother, as previously told in Ken- was only the start of a storied career for him.

17 The raid won him promotion to colonel and ater with few actors and no stage, the appoint- command of an outfit known as the Tenth ment still honored him. Johnson resigned it Kentucky Partisan Rangers. As head of this after only twenty days, but remained with the outfit, he would ride with John Hunt Morgan Confederate army in its retreat until, in April on his quixotic Ohio Raid. From the disas- of 1865, he surrendered to Union troops near trous Battle of Buffington Island (July 19, Macon, Mississippi. 1863), from which John Hunt Morgan would Briefly, he was held as a prisoner-of- ride off to capture, Johnson led three hundred war. Released from captivity at war’s end, he and fifty men, including the soon-to-be Sue returned home to Burnet, Texas, where he Mundy, in a desperate cross- and Josephine would have six ing of a flood-stage Ohio to children together. Not one to safety. For this exploit, among sit around in self pity, “Stove other accomplishments, Presi- pipe” Johnson founded the dent Jefferson Davis would Texas Mining Improvement appoint Johnson a brigadier Company, continued to work general, but the inscrutable in the overland mail service, Confederate Congress would and developed water power on never confirm his promotion. the Colorado River. In 1887, In the wake of the failed he founded the city of Marble promotion came personal dis- Falls, known then as “the aster for Johnson—a disaster blind man’s town.” If you that, for most men of his time, wish to learn more of him, you would have been career end- can read his military memoirs ing. On August 24, 1864, while he was lead- in The Partisan Rangers of the Confederate ing a raid at Grubb’s Crossroads, near Prince- States Army, published in 1904. He died at ton in western Kentucky, Johnson was acci- home on October 30, 1922, and is buried in dentally shot by one of his own men and the State Cemetery in Austin, Texas. blinded for life. Friendly fire is no novelty of Although we may admire “Stovepipe” the modern battlefield, but was dismayingly Johnson’s courage and resourcefulness, we common in the American Civil War. The may question his role as trickster. In this role, most famous example of friendly fire in that he is only a single star in a constellation of conflict was the wounding and eventual Confederate figures whose ingenuity we may death of General Thomas J. “Stonewall” Jack- admire even as its fruits we may mourn. Such son in the Battle of Chancellorsville in Vir- men as “Stovepipe” Johnson, “Prince John” ginia. Scholars can only make educated guess- Magruder, whose “marching bands” gulled es at the extent of friendly fire in that war, McClellan about Southern strength at York- but, given regiments of men pouring massed town, Virginia, P. G. T. Beauregard, whose fire into banks of smoke amid often chaotic “train tag” at Corinth, Mississippi, covered a terrain, it can only be a wonder that friendly strategic retreat, and the ever inventive Bed- fire was not more common than it was. ford Forrest did great service to their cause at Ever a trickster, Johnson cheated disas- an ultimate cost in human lives. These trick- ter. Despite his blinding, he was only starting sters helped transform a conflict that might a career of success. On September 26, 1864, have ended early and at little cost into one in President Davis appointed him to command which, as Lincoln would say, “every drop of of the Confederate Department of Western blood drawn with the lash [would] be paid by Kentucky. Although, in the war’s closing another drawn with the sword.” days, western Kentucky was a military the-

18 SSStttiiiccckkkeeerrr SSShhhoooccckkk

As I type I am awaiting a Sheryl Birkhead had been replaced and didn’t call from the ophthalmologist’s give it much thought. It took office to see if I can negotiate some way to me a few weeks to catch on to the idea that lower my bill so I can actually pay it. The there was still a puddle, now beside the new insurance company won’t pay any of it or heater, on the side opposite the original pud- even give me the benefit of a negotiated rate. dle. In my obtuseness, I figured maybe the This is all a long story in which they water was just hiding up there under the (literally) say they are NOT claiming (ahem) heater and slowly wending its way out. To I have a pre-existing condition, merely that I test this hypothesis, I took paper towels and have used an eye medication (three years mopped up the spot. Guess what: next day it ago) which is often USED to treat... You get was back. That got my attention. the idea. They even included a letter with the For the next week I began propping phone number to the state board if I wished small jars or cups in various places to see if I to appeal their lack of payment. I went so far could locate this new leak, without much as to call the state and was told I could luck. There was a blue tank that stayed empty appeal, but there was extremely low probabil- (I—duh—figured it might be a storage water ity that there would be any payment made. tank, so why was it always empty? Aha. Ah, but I digress. Potential leak source!). Then I noticed a pres- In case some of you have never lived in sure gauge that seemed always to be at about an area where there are private wells and also 15 pounds and even I knew something was acidic water, it is important to have an acid wrong: that was not going to be enough to neutralizer system in place. On the farm we keep water in the house pipes. Then I noticed did not have such a system and we did have this gray box, a water pipe feeding in and an copper pipes. Those of you remembering (oops) electrical wire feeding out. Sure basic chemistry may realize this means that, enough, that box is where the water was leak- eventually, the acid will eat through the ing. Okay. Now that I had the location, I pipes. As a result we often had the sound of needed to keep the floor dry; this leak was indoor storms as pinholes opened up inside a actually doing nasty things to the bare con- wall and, well, you get the idea. crete even in such a short time. This house has the neutralizing system. I did some calculations. I needed the This system has to be checked yearly and leak fixed. I needed the neutralizer mainte- chemical added as they are “consumed” in nance. It as almost Christmas. I figured that the process of neutralizing the acid water. So, if I could wait until February, I would have a once a year I can expect to pay at least $185 decent shot at paying the bill. to the local plumber to flush the system and Fast forward to February 15. Ah, right refill it and every few years to empty it all on track. I had enough to pay all the bills for out and refill everything for about double the month and could schedule the plumber as that. soon as the credit card bill arrived, so the Back in October, the little puddles of new bill would be in March. Nice idea. Febru- water on the basement floor resulted in the ary 21 was Presidents’ Day. February 21 the replacement of the water heater. The heater is furnace tripped the circuit breaker (right right beside the neutralizer and the electric beside the well, I guess) so a nifty red patch panel, tucked into a corner. I just assumed was visible. No heat. I re-set the breaker and the concrete would dry up once the heater held my breath until the furnace came on a- 19 gain—just long enough for me to believe it guy’s truck. I was crossing my fingers that, would work—then cut off again. This time it since I had run out of driveway, there would did not trip the breaker. I dried everything off not be an electrician’s truck joining the com- and waited an hour. Same thing happened. pany. Okay, now there was a water leak, an I bounced back and forth between the fur- acid neutralizer that needed to be seen to, and nace guy and the plumber, trying to watch a furnace that would not work. It had been what each was doing and asking (intel- about 50 degrees over the weekend so I was ligent?) questions. Well, for starters, the blue not worried. Sure, I was about out of wood, tank was for air pressure, not water. Oh. So but I would not freeze. I did not want to call at that pressure there had to be (oh great, I fig- in any repairmen on a holiday. I took a look ured it out before he actually said it) a leak at the weather forecast. The temperature was somewhere beyond the one I had found, oth- due to plummet into the 20s that night. Uh erwise there would be a flood in the base- oh. ment not just a leak. Just to be sure, he would Just for curiosity, I called the plumber replace the gauge and the gray box, which first since I knew that leak had to be fixed. I was some kind of switch, while he waited for asked them for an opinion: was the furnace the neutralizer to backwash. He implied that I issue electrical or furnace? No one was will- was lucky (ha!) since this visible leak was a ing to guess, but they were willing to come clue of something more sinister going on. out on Wednesday at 7 a.m. I said sure, and Back with the furnace guy. He told me for a few hours I felt that way, then I called the problem was something that happened to them back and ummed and erred my way all units like this one sooner or later. Of into a 10:30 a.m. Tuesday appointment. I course I had purchased the extended warran- brought in the last of the firewood, ty which had run out in August. He explained It snowed that Monday night. it was not the furnace, but the fan that was I got a call at 8 a.m. asking if my road the problem. The circuit board for the fan had been plowed. I had to be honest. No, it was not meant to withstand the resistance of had not, but I had taken my car out and I the—well, in short, it ate through the board could make it up to the plowed road. Aha, and the furnace would cut off once it started the gauntlet was dropped. Could their driver running and the fan did not. He said he manage the same trip? Sure he could, and would have to order another board but he’d since other people were canceling, he would wire the fan to run continuously, whether the be there at 9. I spent the hour shoveling furnace was on or not. snow. The plumber showed up at 10:30. I asked the cost. He said not to worry, He took a look at the cozy corner that they would put it on my “Comfort Plan”. I housed the electric panel, neutralizer, blue explained to him that it didn’t matter where tank, and the water heater. I told him I did they put the charges, I didn’t have the mon- not want to have to call the electrician and ey. He said they would just figure it out later. pay a call charge ($85) just to be told I He left, calling over his shoulder that he should call the furnace guy. Without even would return when the new board arrived. putting down his wrench he told me to go I already knew that leaving the fan run- and call the furnace guy, it was not an elec- ning 24 hours a day really added to my elec- tric thing. The furnace guy said he was actual- tric bill. I had tried that to see if it made any ly in the area and would be down real soon. difference in heating or cooling. What I end- Surprisingly, he was. ed up doing was re-setting the breaker for fur- Soon the driveway was occupied by the nace+fan and running upstairs to raise the plumber’s truck, followed by the furnace thermostat so the furnace actually kicked on.

20 I waited until the temperature came up and just had to be done. ran back downstairs and flipped the breaker Okay. Deep breathing. The good news to off, so both shut down. was that both the furnace and the leak prob- The plumber had to let me know he need- lem could be fixed. For the time being forget ed to call in a second guy now that he had the bad news. made what repairs he could. Part of the prob- An hour later I had still not located a hid- lem was merely that he did not happen to den income source. The plumber returned have a flashlight bright enough to see down and the two of them did a little dance around into the well. It was obvious that the leak (for the well. Remember the snow? They were there had to be one!) was—drat—between trampling it down nicely. I peeked out the the house and the well outside—or even with- window one more time and saw one of them in the well. He was guessing that the pump holding up a long pipe from the well. No one had been running almost continuously for at came up to the house to give me any more least as long as the gauge had read 15 bad news, so I busied myself drying out the pounds. Sigh. basement corner. (Oh yeah, that gauge was He called his boss to let him know he now in the healthy zone, so whatever they was going to need help. Based on his grimac- were doing/had done must have remedied the ing and what I heard at my end of the phone problem.) conversation, his boss was asking him ques- Plumber no.1 came back to the door with tion after question to be sure he had done billing book in hand. I steeled myself for the everything that he could do by himself before bad news and clutched at my credit card. He calling in help. He had. Apparently the boss handed me the bill. Say what? Before he man was not pleased. could change his mind (or the total) I handed I expected that the neutralizer plus leak over the plastic. Whew. That morning a bill repair would cost about $300. This new devel- of $506 would have flummoxed me; this opment was not even in the same cost league afternoon such a bill seemed sent from the I had imagined. As he went out to leave to gods. get lunch and pick up some help, I told him I I spent the next few days running up and needed to know what the maximum cost down stairs turning the furnace+fan on and might be so I would not be stunned by sticker off. On Thursday the furnace guy called to shock. He simply said that the outside work say he had the board and would be out in a would probably be under $1000, as if that half an hour. Forty-five minutes later he was was cheap. I gulped, but had to ask: how explaining to me that the board he had much digging would have to be done, how received was the wrong one and he would long would it all take? He looked at me have to order another one. The following quizzically. Naw, he assured me, they didn’t Tuesday he called again and arrived with the do that anymore. If the leak(s) was in the right board. pipe between the well and the house, they That same day I got an envelope from simply dug a small trench beside the well to the fuel oil company that employs the fur- reach the pipe and then, from the house, nace guy. I took a deep breath and opened it. threaded a new pipe out over the whole The first line made my heart sink “Due to length. Problem solved. He observed that if recent high charges you should consider in- the repair was not made, the pump would creasing your monthly payment”. Okay, burn out (and tossed in the free advice that don’t panic just yet. How high is high? I use the pump was not a “spring chicken” but was a lot of firewood and the furnace is sort of working fine—for now). He never really got like my back-up system, so my monthly bud- around to asking if I wanted the work done, it get plan is $55. I pay this 10 out of 12

21 months a year. However, if it looks as if the their first glimpse of the opossum until July, payment will not cover the actual bills, there when the zoo opens its tropical wildlife exhib- is a race to the finish line with a huge it. increase in my payments for those last few The zoo had no inkling of what a cause months. I looked to see if that BIG increase célèbre the cross-eyed opossum would be- was listed anywhere. No. Yeah, I know this come when Heidi along with her sister, is false hope. I realize that eventually they Naira, and a male opossum arrived from a will have an actual total that I will have to zoo in Denmark in May. pay, but leave me a modicum of hope. “The Heidi sensation was surprising and Wait a minute—stop the presses! The unplanned,” said Leipzig zoo spokeswoman ophthalmologist’s office just called and they Maria Saegebarth. “It’s great that there has are willing to cut my bill in half and allow been a lot interest, but we had nothing to do me to make monthly payments. Hey, also in with the media hype.” the mail was my first check since December Heidi first appeared in Germany’s mass- for work done/medications purchased (since I circulation newspaper Bild last month. The work mainly with low/no income people or zoo has no plans to change its upcoming trop- humane groups), so I can at least make a pit- ical exhibit because of Heidi’s ticket draw. tance payment on my own bills. Ah, sudden- “We understand that Heidi has become ly life is rosy--uh--at least not as far in the so popular and that people will want to see red as it was a few hours ago! her,” said Saegebarth. “But that will not change the zoo’s strategy with the exhibit—























she’s one animal of many.” Cross-eyed Possum Still, Heidi is the most recent example of animal celebrities in Germany in recent years, which includes Knut the polar bear in Berlin and the recently deceased Paul the octopus in Oberhausen, western Germany. Paul the octopus was an international sen- sation this past summer when he correctly predicted the results of each of Germany's World Cup soccer matches and accurately tipped Spain to top the Netherlands in the final. Demand for information about Heidi has been so high the zoo has dedicated a portion of its website to answering Heidi-related BERLIN (Reuters) – questions, such as why she is cross-eyed. She's middle-aged, gray-haired and stays Zoo officials believe that Heidi's crossed up all night. Still, Heidi the cross-eyed opos- eyes could come from a poor diet when she sum is Germany’s biggest media sensation, was young, causing fat deposits to develop and she has not even made her debut at the behind her eyes—neither of which causes her Leipzig Zoo. pain or poses a health risk, the zoo said. Yet Heidi appears to be the next in a line Poor vision is not much of a problem for of animal celebrities in Germany. The 2-1/2- Heidi, the zoo said. As a nocturnal animal, year-old opossum has a growing Facebook opossums rely heavily on their sense of smell following pushing 80,000 fans, sparked a pop- instead of their sight to get around. ular song on YouTube and will soon star as a plush toy. However, the public will not get 22 Fandom and the Red Shift Phenomenon by John Thiel

Who that is a science fiction fan has one that has come most to my attention not, in poring over the annals of scientif- has been a color-changing effect resem- ic mystery, been charmed and then taken bling the astral light interpretation away by that scientific enigma known as anomaly that was called to our attention the red shift? If one cares now to recol- by the astronomers. lect it, the mystery involved the discovery You may know that the first scientific of an unaccountable prismatic analysis step taken in investigation of the red shift transfer into the red end of the spectrum was a thorough look at the equipment during the study of starlight. Of course a involved. In the case of the printer, that rational and valid explanation was found was all there was to look at, except if the for this effect, but one cannot forget the investigation were expanded to include original thrill of wonder in the descrip- the various pieces of equipment constitut- tion given of the discrepancy when it was ing the computer setup—and that, too, first noted. In fact, the discovery was not was equipment; other than that, what was revealed to the world at large until it had involved was a piece of art, or a color pho- acquired an explanation, so the reader of tograph, or some type, perhaps, that the science fiction has his full run of reaction operator wished to render more interest- to the mystery including its resolution in ing and attractive by use of various col- an encapsulated form. Likely the science ors. The desired functioning was being fiction fan is tempted to neutralize the more or less “fouled” by indistinct impres- explanation and return to the original sions and a lack of fealty to the exact col- perception of it just to have the enjoy- or scheme involved. ment of wonder. I will set forth the problem as it first Perhaps, then, these same aficionados came to my notice. It seems that the copy of the genre would take some delight in a was not a hundred percent perfect from similar phenomenon I have been noting. the first, but there is no reason to expect I did not think about it at first, beyond that it will be; however, as the number of staring at it and noting that it was some- reproductions increased, there was a dete- thing that might have to be considered. rioration which occurred at the pretty This involved something pretty close to much exact time that a notation fandom, so I have no doubt that it has appeared on the screen stating that one already stirred up some interest. I am or another of the two cartridges was low referring to the copy machine that does on ink. After this message appeared, the printouts on a computer rig. I’ve there would be perhaps ten copies and found more than one irregularity in the then a faded one would appear. As the performance of these machines, but the fading was not that pronounced, further 23 copies were possible, but then the effect I words, the program might be too com- have been talking about would occur. plex and have an overload effect if it Whatever colors had been most used included having an eye on the thinning were the first to go, and the copier would effects of the overuse of a particular col- compensate for their absence by substitut- or. Personally, I’m surprised that the car- ing another color.One’s first thought tridges would ever run out—their func- was that a spectroscopy should be tak- tion should be to create master copies. en—or “run” might be a better word. But Obviously they do not, but that would the color changes were not only not relat- seem to be the part that should be there. ed on the spectrum, but could not be How the machine utilizes those small accounted for by the artist’s effect of mix- quantities of whatever the cartridges pack ing pigments to get a different color. The in an instant’s time is not something with- shifts did not follow a color-mixing pat- in my scope of contemplation. tern. The only conclusion was that the So, as I complete my journalistic mus- cartridges were not set in a spectrum ings, I leave any further consideration of sequence (ROY G BIV) and that the sub- the question of this color change to what- stitution was based upon availability. ever readers I may come to have, less- However, this seemed modified by some ened by the omission of whatever num- other consideration, in consideration of ber of them do not have this problem the fact that the prints resulting were not themselves, which would include all wholly incongruous or bizarre. I had not those who cease copying until they can noticed this effect on my original copier; procure new cartridges at the moment however, that used the same thing as a they receive notification that the ink sup- standard printer and is now outmoded, at ply is low. I think I am right in assuming, least in terms of a computer copier. though, that if it happens in my machine, What aspect in the machine’s func- it must happen in other machines as well. tioning produces this crossover effect is Are any others troubled by the color- beyond my own reasoning capacity, con- changing effects of a high copy count in sidering that I have and can acquire little the computer copier? If so, I would be knowledge of the specific functioning of glad if I could see your input somewhere. the copier. It may be that it just does it, or it may involve a planned process having the purpose of upping a use’s copy count, albeit without rendering a complete run of perfect copies. There is also a possi- bility that color mixing is involved right along and does not cease once a single supply runs short, which is to say, its intel- ligence is not keyed in to this particular phase of the printing process. In other 24 From the Readers

Robert Kennedy British shipped undesirables like criminals, 1779 Ciprian Avenue wayward children, loose women, etc. here Camarillo, CA 93010-2451 and they were sold. It didn’t stop until we (805) 987-2164 won our War for Independence. Then they [email protected] were shipped to places like Australia. One would think that it ceased a long time ago. January 22, 2011 But, that is not the case, at least for children. I just looked it up on the internet. The trans- Dear Tom, portation of children to places like Australia, Canada, and New Zealand didn’t end until My thanks for #77 and #78. 1967. Some 150,000 children were transport- Not to have at least commented on the ed. In 2009 the Prime Ministers of Great wonderful Brad Foster cover on #77 is unfor- Britain and Australia issued an apology. givable. Your reprint of “A Fannish Adven- There are several books on the subject of ture: The Robot” was quite enjoyable. So, the British shipment here of Whites who for that matter was “Bad Places” by Taral became slaves. Some of them are available in Wayne. libraries and also on Amazon.com. Here are In # 78 your “The Land of Opportunity three that I own. They are all available in vari- II” was quite interesting. Especially enjoyed ous California libraries so may be available were the labels from Sadler’s Mustard. in libraries you can access. They Were White As I have said before just because I and They Were Slaves: The Untold History of don’t always respond doesn’t mean that I the Enslavement of Whites in Early America don’t enjoy The Reluctant Famulus. Quite by Michael A. Hoffman II (1991). Emi- the contrary. I enjoy it very much. grants in Chains: A Social History of Forced As you have said you keep sending it Emigration to the Americas of Felons, Desti- because you figure there will sometimes be tute Children, Political and Religious 2on- something that will really set me off and be Conformists, Vagabonds, Beggars and Other of such interest that I will respond. Well, it Undesirables 1607-1776 by Peter Wilson has happened again. Coldham (1992). White Cargo: The Forgot- In #78 in responding to John Purcell you ten History of Britain’s White Slaves in Amer- comment: “I have learned that in the late ica by Don Jordan and Michael Walsh (2007) 1600s and for some time after that many It’s not a pretty story. (hundreds at least) English arrivals in Ameri- ca came as indentured servants or were crimi- [[Thanks for passing along the information nals who had their sentences commuted if about white slavery. It certainly was not a they agreed to being sent here.” Actually, it pretty picture, and those white slaves, it turns was a great deal worse. It started in the early out, often ended up being treated worse than 1600s, and they were really slaves. Yes, there black slaves. Out of curiosity I did some were White slaves here before the African searching online about the subject and found slave trade started and there were White all the ones you mentioned and another, slaves who worked alongside Black slaves. titled To Hell or Barbados: The Ethnic We never were told that in school and it is a Cleansing of Ireland, by Sean O’Callaghan. subject not well known. But, it was real. The I was somewhat surprised to find a site which 25 had a downloadable copy of the Hoffman hope to get more! book, so I downloaded a copy. It was very Regarding your opening list of the 10 interesting and unsettling. In spite of their types that alien visitors to our planet could prices, I’m seriously considering buying comprise, I actually think the first 9 on the copies of the Jordan/Walsh, O’Callaghan, list are already here, and working us over and Coldham books. Several years ago, pretty good! while visiting my father’s older brother and Oh, and do you have any idea how frus- his wife they mentioned in passing that there trated I am that I just spent something like 5 was something unsavory in our Sadler past minutes looking through this issue trying to but they never said what it was and it didn’t find the footnote that the asterisk near the seem prudent to press them about it. As end of page 4 had to be referring me to? Only vague as their hint was, the unsavory part to realize when I went back to the page to fin- could have been one of many things. For ish reading the article that it was the itali- some reason I got the thought in mind that cized sentence at the bottom of the same col- maybe those earlier Sadlers were somehow umn! Obviously that was the place it would involved with slavery, either by having go, but since there was no corresponding owned some or, asterisk at the possibly worse, start of that sen- having bought tence, I had only and sold them. glanced down, After reading the found nothing, Hoffman book, and moved on to I’m beginning to see where in the wonder if maybe zine you had hid- the first of my den it. Argh! Ty- Sadler ancestors pographers every- to come to this where are calling country might have been indentured servants for your blood! (Okay, well, no one is calling whose indentures ran longer than expected, for your blood, just one over-sensitive fan- reprieved convicts, or among those snatched nish soul here. and not your blood... But, just off the streets and directly sold as slaves in remember, an asterisk is like a quote mark: If America. At this point, any of those possibili- you start with one, there’d better be another ties are merely conjecture with no basis in one somewhere else to match it!) fact. I would really like to find out the truth, So, I turn the page to another article no matter how unpleasant it might be. One of from Sheryl, and steel myself for more hor- my greatest fears is that I may never learn rors of the inanimate world attacking her the truth.]] again. But, what’s this, now it’s tales of her own body rebelling? Fine, as long as I’m get- From: Brad Foster ting all pushy and demanding today (see the January 31, 2011 previous paragraph for proof of that), I know would like to put in a request that Sheryl Greetings Tom ~ write a “nice” article about something “good” that has happened to her recently, for a The “newspaper-ish” cover design from change. I can’t take anymore, Sheryl. I can’t Tom makes me think you might be going the help you, and it is starting to hurt to read all PLOKTA route of seeing how far you can this. There must be something nice... even if stretch what a “cover” could be. Very nice, you have to make it up and lie to us, just to

26 take the edge off? what he sent me. I looked at it and thought: The opening two paragraphs of Tom it’s considerably different from what I’ve Doubrley’s article had me thinking that the used in the past. I felt it would be so unexpect- third one would include something like ed that there should be a few comments on it. “unless you were standing near the catbox, Positive ones, I hoped.//You could be correct you wouldn’t smell anything...”, since he had about the first 9 types of aliens. The sort of already covered both seeing and hearing in ones Hawking cautioned about are certainly the first two paragraphs! Of course, my light- to be avoided if possible but the other kinds hearted little smirk vanished as I read what could be just as damaging in their own was a quite sobering article. I am amazed and ways—and maybe even more insidious impressed by the calmness that Tom dis- because their affects wouldn’t be fully real- played in the incident. I hope that I will nev- ized until it was too late.//Sorry about all the er be in a similar situation, but if I am, will frustration regarding the footnote. It was be able to react as well. totally unintentional. I had been so focused Regarding the loc from Joe Major on the on finding and correcting all the typos (and Kindle, and loss of all the books it contains if probably still missed some) that that slipped it is lost or damaged: You said your daughter by me. I shall smite myself with a composi- has one now. Could you find out from her if tor’s stick—if I can even find one these it is possible to backup the book files in some days—as penance. I did manage to make form away from the Kindle—say on your sure the footnote in this issue’s introduction main computer hard drive, or a flash drive, or could be easily found if that’s any consola- disc, etc? So, if you damage/lose the Kindle, tion. I’ve been guilty in the past of dropping you could still download those files into a quotation mark from time to time, but I’ve another reader? Like Joe, losing all of that in been somewhat gratified to see others have one unfortunate go is one of my major con- done so too.//Let’s hope that after reading cerns. It’s the same reason I copy, format and your loc Sheryl does manage to relate some- print out all my emails. I’ve had enough com- thing less harrowing and distressing, made puters go wacky on me to NOT trust electron- up or true. Sooner or later something good ic storage as the final resting place for my has to happen to her. I very much hope so records. Paper is much better. anyway.//TomD’s article had a strong and The electronic version is wonderful for profound affect on me as well and reminded searching and reworking, but it is too fleeting me that unpleasant things can happen to any- as a long-term storage device. one anytime anywhere. Despite what we And I loved Taral’s first two Laws of claim, ours is not a completely civilized soci- Civilization! I think he’s got a wonderful ety. The daily news is proof of that. I’m glad start going there, and am looking forward to and relieved that TomD came through it all seeing how he might add to that list. right. I don’t know what I would have done if such a thing had happened to me. I hope it stay happy~ never does.//I’m trying to insure that the Brad most important documents and e-mails are properly preserved so that they’re not lost for- Brad W Foster ever. I’ve had a hard drive crash too and lost PO Box 165246, Irving, TX 75016 some important things. I’ve been taking pre- cautions ever since by backing up the vitally [[There was no conscious intent to “stretch” important documents and pictures on CDs the idea of what a cover could be. I had and DVDs and, now, on a flash drive. I asked TomD if he would do a cover. That is recently purchased one of those external

27 portable hard drives which connect by way of will make a big crater somewhere. I found it a USB port to keep the vital stuff on. At night easily enough with the coordinates, but no when I shut everything down (partly to save link to Kasnov or how he determined the some energy during the night at least), I size, which would depend on knowing the dis- unplug the portable hard drive—just to be tance. But fortunately for Earth, Google safe. That hard drive also allows me to move reveals that Kasnov is a looney and his object from desktop to laptop to netbook without is only a scratch on a film emulsion. Whew! having to synchronize. Paper is much better Do you think it was a coincidence that the in in some ways, especially acid-free paper. “cylindrical” object looks rather like a impres- But it too needs to be taken care of properly. sionist painting of a prick? As long as we avoid floods or fires the paper Excellent research on the 1907-1911 docs should be all right. And one doesn’t labor bombings! Clarence Darrow’s autobiog- need a computer to read raphy (which I bought long what’s on the paper. Long ago but had not read) term storage is one of the devotes two chapters to the problems with computers McNamara case—he was and their associated storage in no way ashamed of hav- media. Such things change ing taken it, nor did he over time or become obso- have any reason to be. lete. Punch cards are gone; There could hardly be a fair tape is no longer. 8” flop- trial without a defense attor- pies—poof! 3.5“ floppies, ney. His account (and not completely gone but McNamara’s confession) eventually. CDs are being has it that the bomb was supplanted by DVDs (and not very big—what was probably Blu-Ray) Eventual- called a “pineapple” at the ly something will replace time, and meant to frighten those storage methods. Who the non-union workers in knows what it will look like the press-room under the 50 or 100 years from now. alley. But it vaporized and Or will it all be in ”the cloud“?]] ignited flammable materials, so that the catas- trophe was much worse than intended. From: Cuyler Warnell Brooks Jr - Frightening tale about the robber. I have 4817 Dean Lane - a pistol by the bed and would probably have Lilburn Georgia 3004 done the same thing. But what if the robber has a pistol.... I doubt I would shoot anyone January 31, 2011 over the TV—they might be doing me a favor to drag the ponderous old Sony CRT Dear Tom, out. The PC on the other hand.... I had no idea that the “fine-structure con- Thanks for the Reluctant Famulus 79. stant” a (a dimensionless number composed Funny cover! I suspect that space-traveling of three other physical constants that do have extraterrestrials would be as likely to find us dimensions) could be measured in distant unpleasant as vice versa—xenophobia seems parts of the universe. That it may not be a to be endemic here. constant at all seems to be a recent claim and The sky-map site is fascinating. If Kas- a matter of debate among astrophysi- nov’s Big Blue Thing is that big and solid it cists—we will have to wait and see! The pro-

28 posed consequence that only our own corner ed that were such that if one were to drop an of the cosmos could support our carbon- ice cube into a cup of tea it would start boil- based life forms is certainly startling. ing. But I’m not sure now if it was something I actually read or something that I imagined Best, I read. Memory is funny sometimes. If what Ned they claim is correct, then carbon-based life forms are unusual and unique. And if the the- [[I would imagine ETs very well might find ory is correct and if there are indeed other us humans unpleasant and want nothing to kinds of life in the universe it makes me won- do with us. Xenophobia may be endemic here der what they would be based on and look but it may also be wide-spread among non- like. Maybe there are such things as the Hor- human ETs as well.//You know, I had looked ta, beings of plasma or pure energy—or what- at that image but the similarity to a phallus ever. And if so, some of our SF writers may never occurred to me. I must not be quite be closer to the truth than they or we real- Freudian enough in that regard.//Why some- ized.]] one would think defending the bombers and losing should have adversely affected Dar- 1409 Christy Avenue row’s career is puzzling. Lawyers have been Louisville, KY 40204-2040 known to lose cases from time to time; that’s [email protected] part of the system. The accused is guaranteed February 2, 2011 legal representation regardless of the amount of evidence against him or her.//I think if Dear Tom: what had happened to TomD had happened to me and involved a CRT, I might very well Introduction: As I understand it, what have been glad to see it go.We’ve got a more happened was that Verhoven had a script recent CRT tv which I wouldn’t mind replac- called “Bug Wars” and was told that if he ing but as long as it continues to provide a bought the rights to Starship Troopers he’d reasonably good picture I’m hesitant to do have a pre-established tie-in. The filmcrit so. But if someone was foolish enough to world has been emoting about this clever par- want to steal the big, heavy beast, well . . . ody of the macho mentality while for some As with you, I’d have felt I had been done a reason the film was relentlessly promoted as favor. Much as I rely on my PC I’m not sure an action-adventure. Which by me indicates I’d want to get into a gunfight over it. If I’m that film criticism, and much of academic crit- lucky, it may never come to that.//Thanks to icism in general, is an art with absolutely no advances in technology astronomers are able relationship to any external material. to reach out farther and farther (so to speak) The Heinlein fans did find an article by with their instruments. The Hubble and the the screenwriter of The Puppet Masters about various radio telescopes and VLAs have the problems of getting the adaptation of the advanced such research considerably. I’m story past the suits, the director, and so on. not certain but I think the theory or physical When Heinlein was in on Destination Moon “laws” being different in other parts of the he managed to stop some of those things (e.g. universe have been around for a while in the lunar singing cowboy ranch) but he had some form or another. It seems to me I read street cred. some version of that theory a few years ago. I Some of your potential items have been vaguely recall reading somewhere once some- touched on. For example, Greg Costikyan’s one speculating that there might be some- novel First Contract (2000) deals with finan- where in the universe certain conditions exist- cial matters normal and honest. And the ubi-

29 quitous Randall Garrett did a story about much fear and trembling. aliens finding human ways risible; “A World The Monsters: Percy Shelley was the by the Tale” as by “Seaton McKettrig” son and heir of a baronet, Sir Timothy Shel- (Astounding, October 1963). Not to mention ley. The title went to his and Mary’s son, Sir that insightful analysis of the collecting bug, Percy Florence Shelley, Bt. In 1965, the last “The Big Pat Boom” by Damon Knight heir of Sir Timothy, Sir Sidney Patrick Shel- (Galaxy, December 1963). ley, died without children, and the title “A World by the Tale” http://www.gu- passed to the heir of Sir Timothy’s younger tenberg.org/ebooks/30816 half-brother, Sir John Shelley-Sidney, Bt. The Old Kit Bag: There was the story (they just handed the things out back then); about the shopping mall that did a meticulous his mother was descended from the family of research on tenants, seeking the ones that Sir Philip Sidney, and the family now goes returned a maximum profit per square foot of by just “Sidney”. The guy who inherited was floor space. And then the mall consisted an interesting sort himself. entirely of women’s shoe stores. And so with From the Readers . . .: Ned Brooks: Par- fiction that isn’t romances aimed at women. ticipants view an event from their own per- As I’ve noticed spective. In the Vic- when going to the torian era, the SF/F section in the British 29th Regi- local bookstore and ment of Foot, and finding it consists its successor the almost exclusively Worcestershire Reg- of Vampire Hunt- iment were known ress novels. as the “Vein Open- Rat Stew: The ers”. Why? Their eeties somehow ne- predecessors had ver seem to leave any physical evidence. Or been the shooters at the Boston Massacre! at least any that anyone else can see. The Taral Wayne: Off hand one of the first UFO people who pick it up will explain, times I can think of that a loser accepted los- “Well, a man saying he was from the Air ing was when Sir Robert Walpole resigned as Force came by about two in the morning and First Lord of the Treasury (calling him said, ‘Am needing Evidence for study by “prime minister” was an insult) in 1742 after Official Laboratory. Is important.’ So I gave losing a Parliamentary vote over a dubious it to him, along with all my records. He was by-election. Unlike his predecessors he was wearing a long black coat. It was summer, not executed or even exiled. (There was, and still over eighty that night. No, he didn’t three years later, the ‘Forty-Five, but that’s show any identification.” Otherwise, these another story.) people produce long screeds about how Alexis Gilliland: I know Brunner com- deceitful and even malicious the government plained about the effort taken to write The is and no one should ever ever trust it. Great Steamboat Race not being proportional It’s like one of the more saddening argu- to the return. It was about then that his poli- ments against the existence of Bigfoot. There tics went really dominant. has never been a Bigfoot found dead after Milt Stevens: Merrill liked to bring in a being hit by a train or car. After all these lot of other writers not necessarily of our years? Really? group. Some of them were interesting enough A Crowning Touch: And Lisa has had to (the story about the atom bomb that wanted have a new crown. I await the final bill with to be a bullet because it missed the personal

30 touch was a witty little comment). The doubt the trend. Considering the majority of anthologies turned into scrap-books of what- offerings in the so-called Science Fiction ever she liked (think poorly organized blogs, Book Club, it isn’t surprising bookstores kiddies) and as her taste diverged from that would be the same way. That’s the main rea- of the public’s the sales correspondingly son I go to used book bookstores: a better declined. chance of finding actual SF.//The lack of Dave Rowe: As I said, her tastes got so physical evidence of ETs coming to Earth individual that fewer and fewer people found could be construed to prove there were no that much in common. alien visitors. Or it could be argued that the Actually, you don’t show your subject ETs were very careful to leave no traces slipping on a banana skin. You show the behind. Or it could be presumed that any ETs walker, the banana skin, back and forth, and with technology advanced enough to enable then she steps over the banana skin and goes them to travel multiple light year distances down the open manhole next to it. (I wish I wouldn’t worry much about leaving evidence could remember the comic who said this.) behind since, from previous observations Good seeing you in Frankfort. Maybe at they might have made from a distance, they’d ConCave? know we humans wouldn’t be able to follow Namarie, them to their home-world even if they left behind an interstellar roadmap. (Just kidding Joseph T Major about that last.) Or else they’d leave traces behind just to drive us nuts.//RE: Bigfoot. [[I sometimes think all criticism has “. . . Why would anyone assume a Bigfoot would absolutely no relationship to external materi- be stupid enough or careless enough to get al.” I’m not surprised that some of the possi- anywhere near highways or railroad tracks. ble types of aliens I listed would have been Just because skunks, possums, raccoons, etc. dealt with at some time in SF. As has been are found dead along roadsides doesn’t noted before, the genré has grown so much mean Bigfoot is as stupid. 2ot that I’m say- over the years that it’s just about impossible ing I believe in Bigfoot. At most, I’m agnostic to be familiar with or have read all the sto- about them.//I suspect the title of baronet ries written over the past decades. I’m sure wasn’t an especially noteworthy title. A dime that at times certain story ideas occur to a dozen as the old saying goes.//“Vein Open- more than one writer. Whether they all fol- ers”?? That seems like a rather vague nick- low through on the idea or not is another mat- name even of their predecessors were at the ter. Sometimes a writer thinks he or she has Boston Massacre and were responsible for an original story idea only to discover some- the few deaths of Colonials (five, with nine one else had the same idea first or at the wounded). Then too they could as easily refer same time. At any rate, the list I made was to themselves as “Artery Openers”, or “Blood- only semi-serious, equally tongue-in-cheek letters”. or the “Sanguinary Regiment”. It and facetious. I may at some time have read seems to me any regiment which fought in a somewhere stories dealing with some of battle could probably call themselves “Vein those ideas or similar ones and never remem- Openers”. Certain suicides could too, for that bered them.//I find the story of the results of matter. So what distinction would that really that mall’s market research difficult to bring? Would it actually strike fear in the ene- believe. There is such a thing as oversatura- my? It seems pretentious somehow.//I believe tion of a market. Maybe the story was meant I read the same thing you did about not show- sarcastically. I haven’t gone to the SF/F sec- ing the victim actually stepping on a banana tion of a bookstores in a long time but don’t peel. That may not have applied to movies

31 once but with modern special effects it could space faring civilization last. If the speed of be done. I think I may have seen that in car- light or some fraction thereof, should be our toons. As far as going down a nearby open limit, even the closest distances would manhole, it may have been Buster Keaton require decades or centuries to traverse, trips who said that. And I think it may have been far longer than the great voyages in Earth's meant as an alternative to slipping on a history. It would be hard to drum up much banana peel, which is pretty much a cliché. interest in a trip whose findings would gener- And anyway the point wasn’t about seeing ate no profit but just might be of interest to someone actually slip on a banana peel but our aging grandchildren. The other thing is to explain the difference between comedy and that there is no guarantee that the high tech tragedy. The point could probably as easily civilization necessary to maintain spaceflight have been made about someone falling down would stable enough to last for the duration a manhole and of those space- you falling down flights. Indeed, a one. Just a lot of our top of thought.]] the line technolo- gy seems to be seriously destabi- ALEXIS lizing. If the ques- GILLILAND tion about those 4030 8th Street hypothetical ETs South, Arling- is: “Where is ton, VA 22204 everybody?” The February 2, answer may be 2011 that either they Dear Tom, can't quite reach us, or space-faring civiliza- tions are so short lived that they are non-con- Thank you for TRF #79, which arrived temporaneous being separated by millions of as the TV weathermen were predicting anoth- years of time as well as “mere” light years of er humongous snowstorm that failed to mate- distance. Which may be a good thing, consid- rialize, at least locally. Indeed, local tempera- ering how we happy humans have treated our tures were sufficiently above freezing so that less advanced fellow humans. a lot of the snow we had in place went away. Tom Doubrley's “Unusual Visitation” In Chicago, however, 25-foot waves closed was interesting, and he makes the old point Lakeshore Drive, and enough snow fell to that blows are not dealt by measure. Howev- close the schools. Your cover was interest- er, he may be over estimating the damage ing, in a textual sort of way, but you proba- that a snub-nose .38 slug can do because of bly should stick to conventional graphic its lower muzzle velocity. The WW II design in the future. By way of a suggestion Garand Mi rifle and the Mi carbine both fired a Xerox of a Rotsler-Gilliland collaboration .30 caliber slugs, but the carbine used a small- from 1983 is enclosed, having been made er charge, and therefore lacked stopping pow- into a cover for TRF #80 with Brittanic Bold er. It is also doubtful that an out of sight gun 48 point type. on a high shelf would be out of reach of chil- Your editorial meditation on the various dren. ETs who might be out there lacks two critical That should do for now. A sheet of car- numbers, first, how fast is it possible to trav- toons is enclosed for your contemplation and el, and second, how long does the average possible use.

32 Best wishes, Alexis had to shoot the intruder if it was at all possi- ble, regardless of the over- or under-estima- [[Pardon me if I seem puzzled but, did you tion of the effect of a .38.//Thank you for the think the cover was done by me? 2ot at all. It cartoons and for the cover. It’s certainly was done by Tom Doubrley, a real person rather . . . minimalistic. Following the old and artist who has provided other covers for “KISS” injunction, I suppose.]] TRF in the past. I can’t take and credit—or blame—for that cover. Aside from a very From: Dave Rowe crude cover for the first issue of TRF and 8288 W Shelby State Road 44 which I hope will be justly forgotten, the only FRANKLIN IN46131-9211 other cover I did was for TRF 76, the one 2011-February-3 with a photo of Terry Jeeves. I know well my limits when it comes to creating art. I doubt Dear Tom, the cover used on TRF 79 would ever have occurred to me anyway. I’d probably have Re: TRF79 thought of something much more complicat- ed and well beyond my ability. As I’ve said Hilarious cover! Nice to see Tom Doubr- before: I can’t draw and I don’t even attempt ley’s back in action. What with Tom’s to.//My editorial in last issue was concerned “phony” covers, Sheryl’s delicate cartoons, with a humorous approach to kinds of threats Brad’s colorful creatures and designs, A.B.’s from ETs. I wasn’t trying to deal with all the spaceships and the humor of Kurt and Steve, obstacles and limits associated with anyone, no one can honestly say you don’t have a real humans or ETS travelling in space. There is variety of covers. a proper place for that information. I had Thanks for the extra (and all important planned at least to touch on it in an intro in a details) about the 1910 Los Angles Times future issue of TRF—which, as it happens, bombing. However, it’s fair to take issue turned out to be this one. The intro to TRF with its author, Lew Irwin, when he writes was also a response of sorts to Dr. Hawk- that the court-case “wrecked the career and ing’s admonition regarding trying to find and tainted the reputation of the most prominent contact other civilizations. I don’t recall that defender of labor of the day, Clarence Dar- Dr. Hawking even peripherally included the row.” After all, Darrow kept going strong issues you mention—and I’m certain he’s and his two most renowned cases came after well aware of them, probably more so than the Times Bombing case: Leopold and Lob you or I. As I mentioned above, the introduc- in 1924 and the Scopes Monkey Trial in tion to this issue mentions the factors of vast 1925. distances to be covered, the equally great The trouble with Historical Fiction is lengths of time needed even at the speed of that unless you are well versed in the period light, and so on. I was just concentrating on it can be difficult to know what is historical the aspects of searching for ETs and for con- and what is fiction. tacting them. //As for the effects of guns goes, Al Byrd’s articles on Kentucky are oddly I have no personal experience with them. appropriate for a SF fanzine because Ken- Tom Doubrley, I believe, served in the mili- tucky gets its name from the Iroquoian word tary and has had weapons training there and “Ken-tah-ten” which means Land of Tomor- in non-military occupations. Perhaps he’ll row. Can you imagine a SF prozine called respond to your comment—or perhaps not. I Kentucky? think the main point of that part of Tom’s Tom’s story of the armed intruder is account was that he would rather not have close to incredible and his slow review of the 33 details and alternatives he faced only addedto kidding). After the Tate you cross Sumner- the tension. Does having to “recover” from Street and find yourself in Great Guildford that incident explain his absence from your Street. That’s just in case you ever go. pages? That was a surprising juxtaposition in John Purcell’s review of Hoobler’s The your locol. One loc decrying “the poor folks Monsters was fascinating: “Fragments of who create the illos and fillos can only fanta- (Lord Byron’s and Percy Shelley's ghost sto- size about their work generating a conversa- ries) survive.” Really! Where? Are they in tion in the locol” and in the very next loc print anywhere? Pamela Boal spends a whole paragraph on One typo: Lord Byron died in 1824 not one artist. Loving the whimsical aliens and 1924. If the latter had irritated by the eerie back- been true he would have grounds. been 136 years old. So let’s give the little Altho’ it’s intriguing to devils their due: think how the “mad, bad Kurt Erichsen, what and dangerous to know” an illustrator! He has Byron would (at the age been going for something of 112) eulogize Oscar like four decades now. In Wilde, after the latter’s that time there have been death. Anyone for an al- three distinctive develop- ternate history of poets? ments in his style. All Won’t loose any have been an improve- sleep over the theory that ment (even tho’ his first the Alpha Constant may was an already outstand- not be constant after all. ing technique) and all The present facts are that retain a three-dimensional the report has only been delivery that some artists submitted to Physical find so hard to do with Review Letters and just lines. awaits the decision of Sheryl Birkhead and peer review. As Carl Alexis Gilliland have Sagan said “Extraordinary claims require become fannish institutions. And that is not extraordinary proof.” meant to be in the least bit derogatory. So Sadler’s Mustard was based at 26 Sheryl’s have a charming, delicate, wry Great Guilford Street, S.E. That’s London humor. Rather like Sheryl herself. Alexis S.E. or to put it another way southeast Lon- knows where to put the small, subtle details don. The street is relatively easy to find. Start such as the hairs on the wizard’s nose and the at the Millennium Bridge, that’s the long shape of the king’s eyebrows. Even the few white footbridge that stretches across the illos with slightly lackluster ink-lines more Thames and was torn to pieces at the opening than survive by virtue of the originality of of the film version of Harry Potter and the their captions. Half-Blood Prince. It’s still there, honest! If Brad Foster’s quality seems almost you were to walk across it to the south unhindered by its quantity. He remains per- embankment you’d find yourself continuing versely original and the control of his south along Cap Alley, which borders the linework to create a solid subject is a joy to east side of the Tate Modem (Art Gallery), behold. And the results always invite the eter- the building used to be a Power Station (no nal question “Where do you get your ideas

34 from?” these years. I even bought a paperback copy A.B. Kynock’s spaceships are pleasingly of the play. One day I need to see if it’s on varied and colorful. On his covers his logo DVD so I can get a copy and watch it all states “Collage” so if these are “cut and over.//I’ve read a fair amount of historical fic- paste” what are their sources? Friends, who tion and agree it is difficult to tell the fiction know just about every pro-cover, film and from the history. Some of the authors have TV series, could not identify many of the included end notes and such to assist the crafts. reader in that regard.//Re: TomD’s account. It’s too easy to be an after-the-event 2o, recovery from the incident doesn’t play expert but did anybody else think that those any real part in his absence. There are other dancing aliens weren’t from A.B.? Whose reasons but out of respect for his privacy I spaceship fillos are normally well balanced won’t go into them.//The typo is my fault. I with strong contrast. Whereas the Hodges’ had seen it earlier and intended to go back aliens seem to be “shot” at an odd moment, in and correct it but, as is usual, was distracted an odd position, obliterating or obscuring and forgot. My apologies to John. Mea cul- details and blending into the background. pa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa! I’d better The simplest remedy there would be to have get out that compisotor's stick again and . . . no background at all. And Pamela could have Sorry, John!//Even if the theory of the fine her whimsical aliens without the eerie back- structure constant does prove to be true it drops. wouldn’t have any affect on the vast majority Just a thought. Dave of people. A different set of physical “laws” in a part of the universe hundreds or thou- [[Thank you for the compliments on the cov- sands of light years away would be some- er by Tom Doubrley and the works of other thing none of us would be likely to experi- artists. Though you and some others appreci- ence. It might be interesting to know what ated the cover not everyone shared that opin- those differences were though—just out of ion. But that’s to be expected.//After 2ed curiosity.//I’ve long wanted to travel to Eng- asked for specifics about the bombing I got land, partly for genealogical reasons, partly interested in learning more about what hap- for the history of the place, and partly for the pened. As to what Lew Irwin wrote and scenery. But the thought of going to a place a which was touched on earlier in the loccol, it few thousand miles from home is daunting was certainly an unfair and incorrect assess- and scary And not just because of the fact ment. I pretty much doubted that Clarence that they drive on the “wrong” side of the Darrow suffered much because of that case. road over there. To the English, of course, A lawyer’s career shouldn’t be too seriously we drive on the wrong side. It’s more that my injured by a few lost cases. After all, for wife and I would be in completely unfamiliar every winner in court there has to be a loser. territory with no one we know around to help Your mention of the Scopes Trial reminded us out.// The juxtaposition was purely acci- me of that great play (and movie adaptation) dental. I place the letters in order of the Inherit the Wind by Jerome Lawrence and dates received. Your loc happened to arrive Robert E. Lee (not the Civil War general) before Pamela’s. There’s nothing I could add based on the Scopes trial. I remember seeing to your assessments of the artists. Well, the version in which Spencer Tracy played except maybe for, “It's better to be an institu- Henry Drummond (Clarence Darrow) and tion than to be in an institution.” Oh—and if Frederick March played Matthew Harrison I had attributed the illos correctly in the Brady (William Jennings Bryan). It was a fas- issue before last there wouldn’t have been cinating play and I’ve remembered it all any confusion. Bad me. Finally, it seems to

35 me the backgrounds in the Hodges alien column is trying to figure out what percent- images are necessary since presumably they age of the literature that he mentions one has live on some planet somewhere, even if only read. I figure that I batted about .500 on his imaginary worlds.]] last column. Given the quality of the litera- ture that he mentioned, I’d have to say that I From: Al Byrd did well. February 7, 2011 Both Sheryl Birkhead’s article and Tom Doubrley’s show us, in radically differ- Dear Tom, ent ways, that real life has horrors to equal Stephen King’s. Congratulations on TRF 79. Once again, Re the discussion between you and *ed you’ve given your readers a unique, interest- Brooks on lifting heavy weights: an actual ing cover. Every other picture tells a story, benefit of my having reached my mid-fifties but G. Thomas Doubrley’s tells a number of is that no one in the laboratory asks me to stories at once—stories entertaining to fans move equipment these days. of Doctor Who, Alice, and Mad Magazine, Joseph T. Major correctly points out inter alia. (How does one pronounce Doubr- that the conquistadors often had a high-hand- ley, by the way? ed approach to My guess would diplomacy and be DOW-ber-lee, labor relations. but I could be DeSoto may not wrong.) It’s fun have been the to think that TRF worst of his could be around class. thousands of General years from now. Custer went into The fanzine battle shouting, would then be “Wolverines!”? like the magazine Fantaisie in a novel of Ver- How uncouth! Now, if he had gone into bat- nor Vinge’s, the title of which escapes me tle shouting “Spartans”. . . just now. At least one of your readers must (Michiganders can deduce from the for- know! going statement where I got my undergradu- As for your editorial on SETI, I feel led ate degree. And, yes, I do know that a cry of to repeat the observation of many a pundit “Spartans” would have been anachronistic, as that the optimism about first contact inherent it was in Lincoln’s administration that the in Star Trek, Close Encounters of the Third land-grant colleges began.) Kind, and ET has given way to pessimism. I’ve been satisfied with Kindle for PC, Either the aliens are demons, as in War of the which I downloaded for free onto my best lap- Worlds, or we are the demons, as in Avatar. top. One can get most of the oeuvre of Edgar Does this growing pessimism correlate some- Rice Burroughs for free at the Kindle Store how with how ever harder it seems to put as well. humans into space? Gene Stewart’s article To Taral Wayne: I would love to see presents another take on the issue of aliens Cahokia. These days, however, central Ohio among us: our perceptions of them may tell is about as far as my car and my finances will us more about ourselves than it tells us about take me. (Maybe, if my Moundbuilders time- them. travel novel sells...) Part of the fun of reading Bob Sabella’s I believe that Lloyd Penney is right a-

36 bout why the White House is white. Its white- ing us.//I haven’t tried to figure out what per- wash would not be the last cover-up in Wash- centage of literature Bob wrote about I’ve ington, D. C. (Not an original joke with me, read. I would hope, though, it was at least by any means.) .500. But a more realistic me says it’s more Over all, the Moundbuilders articles likely .350 or so.//The horrors of real life seem to me to have been well received. This may equal Stephen King’s (and those of oth- spring, if all goes well, I hope to make a trip er writers) but I doubt they are quite as to Marietta, Chillicothe, and Serpent Mound bizarre or fantastic.//I suspect DeSoto and to do research for the novel. Maybe, I could his conquistadors weren’t the only ones with do a travelogue as a follow-up article. Per- a poor diplomatic approach. As for labor haps, I can even acquire and learn to use that relations—well the fact that there has been newfangled device, the digital camera. widespread slavery in just about every soci- Just now, I’m getting ready to write an ety from the earliest times onward proves article on Eastern Kentucky’s most signifi- poor labor relations did exist, something cant battle, the Battle of Middle Creek. In touched upon in Bob Kennedy’s loc which this rather neglected conflict, one can reason- lead off the loccol.//Aha! So you’re an MSU ably claim that both sides lost . . . man. 2o shame there. You could go all the Thank you for another fine issue of TRF, way back to the original Spartans of course, and may there be many more issues of it to well before the land grant colleges.//In your come. comments about your Kindle you may have Best wishes, answered Brad’s question. I think. I really Al should check with my daughter to see what she says. It does seem as if there must be a [[Well I know Tom’s surname definitely isn’t way of backing up the contents of a Kindle in pronounced Sadler. I find it extremely unlike- case of some sort of disaster.//With the way ly TRF will still be around thousands of gas prices have been rising lately I think a years from now in any form. 2one of my lot of people will be restricted in the forsee- direct descendants have any interest in such able future. $4.00 a gallon gas by Memorial things and wouldn’t want to take it over (And Day with the possibility of going as high as I wouldn’t blame them.) and it’s less likely $5.00 a gallon. And nothing anyone can do subsequent generations of my descendants about it but suffer through.//Them thar new- will either. Here’s hoping someone fangled thangs like digital cameras ain’t so (Probably Joseph Major) knows the title of hard ta larn how ta use. If'n I c'n manage, so the Vernor Vinge novel. I can’t help seeing c'n anybody.//The Battle of Middle Creek. his first name without thinking of the brand Was it truly a loss for both sides or a draw? of ginger ale with which I’m most famil- Guess I’ll have to wait and see.//Thank you. I iar.//I’m not sure the notion ETS may be can’t guarantee how may more issues there demons, devils, monsters, or whatever is that will be but—we’ll see . . .]] widespread. The pessimism is more likely over the vast distances to be crossed, the amount of time it would take to get there, It would have been all right, if only the funding for missions, and all the other associ- Zambrglio modulator hadn’t broken down, ated problems.//I agree that what Gene wrote which threw off the bream synthesizer in his article does tell us more about our- resulting in a wide dispersal of backlooped selves than about any potential aliens. Those proto-strange particles perhaps too trusting see only friendliness; (In other words, we don’t know the paranoiacs see monsters bent on destroy- what the hell happened.)

37 readable issue. In this respect your editorial From: Ray *elson was very enjoyable, too, rather spot-on. 333 Ramona Ave. I noticed from the mailing envelope El Cerrito, CA 94530-3739 being scotch-taped and the envelope glue intact that you have a problem I also Dear Tom, have—the commercial envelope glue doesn’t stick very well. Either you get your enve- Why were Terry Carr’s anthologies so lopes from the same source or it is common good? Because nearly all the authors he throughout the manila envelope manufactur- picked were his own personal friends (includ- ing industry to use poorly-adherent glue in ing myself). Many were fellow members of the making of these envelopes. Another possi- The Golden Gate Futurians, a science fiction bility is that all the envelope manufacturers fan club based in Berkeley, CA are forced to obtain their glue from the same manufacturer. Anyway, a tip you might or Your fan, might not wish to follow: I obtain greater Ray Nelson adherency by moistening the glue and then running my finger [[Then all I can over it, stirring the say is that Terry glue just a bit. Carr was very Though it’s till a bit good a picking loose here and there friends as well as when sealed, this being astute in his too may be compen- judgment of writ- sated for by an extra ers. It must have moment of compres- been a pleasure to sion when the enve- know Terry Carr. lope is sealed. He seems to have I liked your cov- been someone well worth meeting and know- er this issue, and also the addition of Spore ing. 2ot that I’d have been counted among and Toe Toe Hedges to your list of illustra- those friends if I had had the opportunity to tors. I hope this addition is retained. meet him. I bet the Golden Gate Futurians I was thinking as I looked over the Alex- have some interesting tales to tell. Your fan, is Gilliland cartoons in this issue that I’d like Tom Sadler, the obscure]] to see an AG cartoon portrayal of the Grim Reaper. Whereupon I thought of a cartoon From: John Thiel this figure could appear in: a couple of fans are glorying in their immunity to time and 30 N. 19th Street tides, while behind them Captain Fanboy is Lafayette,Indiana 47904 removing his beanie and raising his scythe. Rather than drawing this cartoon myself or January 31, 2011 suggesting it to Alexis, I thought a descrip- tion of it would serve the purpose just as Thomas: well. Regarding the TAFF form, I can’t help A fine January issue. I found the colum- but think that the funds might better be used nists to be staying closer to science fiction to purchase wheelchairs for especially deserv- than they sometimes do, making for a very ing fans and pros who attend the conventions

38 to help them get through the mayhem of Plait’s explanation. Surely with all the highly those affairs. sophisticated and expensive equipment avail- All for now. My phone is ringing. able to watch the universe, flawed glass plates, badly applied coating and foreign bod- John Thiel ies would be guarded against in a serious sci- entific community? The Times bombing is a sad reflection of [[I’m trying to stick closer to items more sci- the fact that there is nothing new in the evil ence fictional but also including things I men will perpetrate in order to gain their think they might find of some interest. SF goals. fans do have many other interests besides Matt Howard’s item is also a sad reflec- SF.]]I started using packaging tape because tion that we do not seem to learn. We inter- I couldn’t stand the taste of the adhesive on fere with other cultures (even if we mean the envelope flaps and I hadn’t had much well) at not only their peril but our own as luck with water-moistened sponge applica- well. The knowledge to be gained from the tors. I could, I suppose, spend more money Tohono O’odham people survival diet could on those self-sealing envelopes. I hadn’t well be of vital importance in a changing cli- thought of wetting a finger and doing as you mate. suggest. It might work.//Maybe some other Enjoyed Rat Stew, The Old Kit Bag and artist will see your idea and do something the Kentuckiana as usual even though I have about it. Or not.//Your suggestion regarding no particular comment this time. wheelchairs probably has some merit but I What a horrible experience for Tom doubt anything would come of it. Consider- Doubrley, not least the prospect of killing ing the increasing costs of airfare TAFF mon- someone. As he wrote what a waste of a life. ey would be better spent in that direction.]] Sheryl Birkhead’s dental saga struck a most sympathetic note in my mind. The price of dental care here in the UK is outrageous. From: Pamela Boal There is still the rump of a national health February 20, 2011 dental service but as so few dentists are pre- pared to work for the NHS that it is impossi- Dear Thomas, ble to get taken on by one. I have an abscess at the moment it will cost me around an hun- Always pleased to see you popping dred dollars to visit the dentists to be told through my letter box, 79 is no exception to what I know but there is no other way to get the rule of good presentation (well OK a a prescription for antibiotics. slight blip in the penultimate item) and inter- As always enjoyed the LoCers and your esting reading. conversation with them The front cover is a neat, smileworthy Warm regards idea well executed. The back cover is amaz- ing (pun intended). I wonder how many folks Pamela were moved to follow the line around? As far as my eyes would let me go it is indeed one [[The cover was very different from what I continuous line. How on earth did Brad usually have and I thought it would attract achieve such a pleasing design in such a fash- some sort of attention, which it did. It does ion? The supreme master of doodle. seem to have been fairly well received for the I wouldn't find the space “worm” con- most part. As for the back cover—I didn’t vincing but am a little surprised at Phil even attempt to follow the line. I get confused

39 enough as it is with less complicated things.// An alternate reality in Congress? For sure… I can’t remember for certain but I think the I hope that reality stays quite alternate, but it glass plates were from an earlier period. I is intruding into our own. It is a long week- believe all the images taken are digital ones end here as it is there, so I can not only get now. You’d think people would have taken caught up, but actually work ahead. better care of the glass plates but, humans I think I can see where Hawking and co. being what they are, that would be too much are coming from. If indeed there is life out to expect.//Homo sapiens can be a cruel and there, if it sentient, and if it is advanced violent species, as our history has often enough to wander the stars, we would have shown, and that's why Dr. Hawking’s misgiv- no way to know what that sentient life is like. ings about possible We only have earth- hostile ETs seems of bound models to go little concern. Recall by, and good imagi- the quote of Walt nations to help us Kelly’s Pogo, “We speculate. We also have met the enemy have television and he is us.” The shows that show only time humans alien life as any- band together are to where between fine beat the crap out of and calm ambas- a mutual enemy.// sadors to ravenous Yes,TomD’s story beasts. Too many of was frightening and us think they are unnerving. Most peo- just like us, except ple are never faced for ridgy foreheads with such a decision of whether to kill or not or other facial appliances, but those are the kill a fellow human in spite of our propensity limitations of the television or movie indus- for such actions.//I suppose 2ational health try. All we can really do is to explore the programs can become nightmares.Whether idea, and be ready for it should it actually the 2ational health system the Obama admin- happen. Hey, I wouldn’t mind it if the Vul- istration was promoting stays or is repealed cans landed, but we can’t rely on such expec- there will remain major problems and diffi- tations. (Besides, as in some stories, the culties and dissatisfaction with whatever the aliens may be out there ignoring us, for we’re U.S. ends up with. It seems like a no-win situ- not worth noticing, or We Are Not Yet ation.]] Ready.) Men’s fiction… this makes the assump- From: Lloyd Penney tion that most men actually read. Beyond that, trying to classify fiction by appeal to a 1706-24 Eva Rd. gender may be foolish. We all ready different Etobicoke, ON stuff, and we cater to our whims. I also found CANADA M9C 2B2 out some time ago that most of the successful February 20, 2011 writers of romance fiction for Harlequin are men, writing under a female pseudonym. Dear Tom: There are times, when you consider char- acters like Frankenstein’s monster and Dracu- Thank you for issue 79 of The Reluctant la, how we would have treated them today if Famulus, the best 50 Paiktok I’ve ever spent. Hollywood hadn’t popularized them and

40 eventually made them like cartoon charac- the burn marks. ters. These characters were often studies into We’ve been having a very productive the human condition, and we’ve trivialized weekend here…I’ve been creating some hand- them. icrafts for sale, and doing a lot of writing, as The letter column…I probably shouldn’t you can see. Yvonne’s been busy with handi- lift heavy items myself, seeing my knees crafts and sewing, and doing a little millinery aren’t getting any better, but it’s probably the work. A long weekend for ourselves is a rari- only exercise I’d get. We have push carts to ty, so we’re getting the most out of it. Thank get our luggage from the apartment to the car you for this newest Famulus; hope I’m in to the hotel room when it comes to cons, plus time this time. a collapsible cart for smaller items. We’ve Yours, Lloyd Penney been pretty good at getting equipment to make the things we do easier. [[Sometimes I think the U.S. Congress is an More and more, I’ve seen e-book readers alternate reality—or at least one not fully in on the bus or subway, and they look a little touch with the majority of people in the coun- fragile. I still plenty of people with paper- try./Indeed we have only the experience of backs or hardcovers, so the reader is still tak- the world around us and human imagination ing time to get on with most people. It’ll be a to go on and so base conjectures of alien life while before people look at me strangely on what we see. Scientists are still occasional- because I’ve opened a paper book. ly finding somewhat strange, unexpected life I’ve found that the Tea Party, which forms on this planet. That being the case, the likes to represent itself as a grassroots move- J. B. S. Haldane quote still stands and proba- ment, is actually funded by the Koch Broth- bly always will. In fact, it might be that if we ers, who seem to be very rich and very con- were ever to come face-to-face with some servative. Why start your own party when ETs they might find us to be unlike anything you can sneak in and take over one that they had imagined. And if it should turn out already exists? that indeed the laws of physics aren’t uni- I see mention of Teddy Harvia/David form throughout the universe any other intel- Thayer. I’d say so many miss his crazy car- ligent life will be vastly different from what toons; I know I do. David told me he was we imagined. It’s almost funny how closely planning to write a novel; I wonder how far TV and movie aliens usually resemble us with along he is? Brad, poke him a little and tell only relatively minor differences. Of course him to say hello to people sometime, would there is Jabba the Hut in Star Wars but he/it you? seems in the minority. I’d almost be more I found out about the UN alien ambas- inclined to the possibility that we’re just not sador hoax after writing that loc. As long as interesting enough to ETs or worth their everyone was amused by it, no harm done. notice. But we’ll likely never know (or at My loc…the computer is doing fine least those of us now alive and several gener- again, and we got ourselves high-speed inter- ations after) for certain there is other intelli- net, only because Allstream, our old ISP, gent life in the universe and what it actually couldn’t fix the problems with our dial-up. looks like.'' I suspect it’s very likely more They don’t offer high-speed to residential women than men are readers, for various rea- clients (part of their efforts to dispose of their sons. I don’t know if most of the successful residential clients and concentrate on corpo- writers of romance fiction are men but cer- rate clients), so we are with Bell Canada. I tainly many of them are.//The trivialism of think you’re right about the White House get- such once fearsome characters as Franken- ting its name from the whitewash covering stein’s monster and Dracula (and to a cer-

41 tain extent were- Hughes.net being the pre- wolves) is rather sad in dominant (and I think some ways. But when only) one. I’ve also you consider the way learned that while faster some of the positive than DSL, satellite inter- icons of history such net isn’t as fast as the as George Washing- provider claims, unless ton, Abraham Lincoln, one is prepared to pay a and Ben Franklin have ridiculous price for what been trivialized in TV is still, I suspect, slower commercials it’s not than some of the cable surprising. Also, cer- pro- viders. And little tain holidays seem to things like heavy cloud be losing their original cover or strong rain- intents and purposes. storms strongly affect Independence Day and reception, and a little Thanksgiving, for ex- snow on the dish to a less- ample. The former er extent. 2othing is with- seems to have become out its problems and an excuse to make lots drawbacks.]] of loud noises with fire- works and have picnics From: Milt Stevens and barbecues and February 21, 2011 drink too much; the latter an excuse to overeat and sit around for hours watching Dear Tom, football games on TV.// Kindles, 2ooks, and other e-readers are slowly catching on and, I The cover on Reluctant Famulus #79 imagine, will predominate sooner than some wasn’t what I expected. That’s why I didn’t of us would like. That’s inevitable, unfortu- immediately recognize that it was the cover. nately. So enjoy being able to open a paper The cover is mostly text and the rest of the book without being regarded as odd while issue is mostly text, but the cover and the rest you can. But we can also take comfort in the of the issue exist at different levels of unreali- likelihood that paper books will be around at ty. That explains the incidental confusion. least through the rest of our lifetimes if not Hawking is undoubtedly correct that somewhat longer.//As mentioned in passing aliens could be hostile and dangerous. They in the intro, the U.2. alien ambassador probably won’t be, but they might be. I sus- appointment wasn’t a hoax, exactly but more pect they won’t be any worse than we are. Of a matter of people jumping to wrong conclu- course, that could be pretty damned bad. You sions.//People living in the country, as I have just can’t get to the top of the food chain learned, also have a problem getting high entirely by being Mr. Nice Entity. If they speed internet. 2ot all rural locations have aren’t aggressive enough, they don’t survive DSL capable phone lines or cable internet or to get into space. If they are too aggressive, wireless broadcast internet. The reasons they wipe themselves out before reaching being of course the high cost of stringing new space. phone lines or laying cable lines in a lower There is one other thing that protects population density area is just too costly. The us.In any imaginable economy, wealth if ener- only alternative here is satellite internet, with gy, and energy is wealth. It takes a lot of ener-

42 gy to go between stars. You may be willing ence in this universe. Or any other universes to expend that much energy, but it will have if a certain theory becomes proven fact. to be for a good reason. Idle hostility is not a You’re correct about rising to the top of the very good reason. Curiosity probably is a food chain. Except, of course, when any good enough reason. We’ll do a lot to satisfy human goes hand-to-hand, so to speak, with our curiosity. something like a lion, tiger or grizzly bear. I almost said science fiction has plotted Then the unfortunate human becomes dinner out just about any conceivable reason aliens in that food chain. It certainly doesn’t make might come to Earth. Then I realized SF much sense for some ET civilization to hasn’t had any aliens who came to Earth expend such a large amount of wealth and because they wanted to be bad entities in Hol- energy because of hostility. Unless of course lywood B movies. We also haven’t had any they feel threatened. But then there may be aliens who wanted to shine shoes as a reli- other civilizations between a truly hostile one gious duty. We also haven’t had any aliens and ours which are much closer than we are. who want to pay for the right to eat our toxic Considering also the vast multi-light year dis- waste. I guess there are a lot of things we tances to be crossed a hostile ET civilization haven’t thought of yet. may get partway, decide it isn’t worth all the In regard to Bob Sabella’s column, wom- trouble, and turn around and go home. Or en do buy more novels about romance, and after a long enough while forget why they left men buy more novels about war. However, in the first place and where they were head- there may be something more fundamental ed. Curiosity and the desire for knowledge, involved than just genre. From my English on the other hand, would make more sense. I Lit days, I recall the theory that men prefer like your three reasons for aliens coming to plot driven fiction, and women prefer charac- Earth. I had hoped someone else would come ter driven fiction. If a story has a strong plot up with other ideas no matter how far- and interesting characters, everybody is like- fetched. Considering how human actors ly to read it. As generalities go, that seems to claim they like playing bad guys it wouldn’t be a pretty good one. be surprising to have some ET would-be Chicken With Chicken Mumps? Oook! actor come here to do something like that. While shining shoes as a religious duty may Yours truly, seem silly it’s no more so than the human reli- Milt Stevens gious practice of washing other people’s feet. 6325 Keystone St. When you think about it, aliens who wanted Simi Valley, CA 93063 to eat our toxic wastes would prove benefi- [email protected] cial to us. They’d have something to eat and we’d get rid of a big nuisance. It seems to me [[Sorry for the confusion the cover caused. that I’ve heard that theory you mention, and Again, it wasn’t intentional. It was so differ- it may be true to a certain extent. But I agree ent from the usual that I thought readers more with the penultimate sentence in that would appreciate a bit of a change. This paragraph. It is a good generality.//I recall issue’s cover shouldn’t have caused any prob- having had mumps when I was a kid. I can lems. I hope.//I imagine there is a good possi- emphathize with the chicken. It definitely was bility of some races of ETs being hostile and not pleasant. As if any illness is.]] dangerous. After all, as large as the universe And so we come to the end of another is and as varied as it may be, it seems believ- issue of this sometimes confusing fanzine. I able that we humans aren’t the only hostile, hope no one felt reading this issue was a dangerous, sometimes nasty, critters in exist- waste of time. Till next time: Full thrusters!

43 See you later!