A Journal of Jewish Responsibility Has Declared, Is Concept of Plurality and Mutual 19/370, MARCH 17, 1989 Recognition Between Orthodox and Non-Orthodox

Reform: The CCAR has determined that the medi- Sh'ma cal definition of death shall be deemed sufficient, this being a medical question. However, more important than the exact definition itself, the CCAR a journal of jewish responsibility has declared, is concept of plurality and mutual 19/370, MARCH 17, 1989 recognition between Orthodox and non-Orthodox. Therefore, the CCAR has declared that it will not accept as dead anyone so declared by an Orthodox rabbi unless that Rabbi will recognize a Reform declaration of death. The Reform rabbinate is hopeful of avoiding a divisive and prolonged debate over the who is a dead Jew bill pending in the Knesset. Conservative: There are those who accept the medical definition (brain death), while there are others qeipeieH update: two bio-ethics problems who feel this may be too lenient and thus require Kenneth S. Goldrich the traditional termination of all heart and respira- tory functions. In a spirit of compromise, the RA Surrogate motherhood. While rabbis from all has decided that in even years the brain death defi- three denominations have denounced the practice as nition will be accepted, while in odd years the tra- being dehumanizing, there is still a need to deter- ditional definition will apply. Local rabbis will mine if a child born of a surrogate mother is, in decide for their own congregations whether to use fact, Jewish. the secular or Jewish calendar to determine which Reform: The Reform movement has determined year is which. that as long as any one of the four "parents" (the Orthodox: The Orthodox rabbinate has over- natural father and his wife, or the surrogate mother whelmingly (though not unanimously) determined and her husband) is Jewish, and if, when the child that the issue needs much more study and for emer- begins to eat solid foods he prefers bagels or rye gent problems suggests you contact your local Or- bread to white bread, then the child can be consid- thodox rabbi. However, they warn that if you have ered Jewish. a heart transplant, you should thereafter refrain Conservative: The Rabbinical Assembly has stated from saying the words "b'chol le vavchah—with all that if a majority of the four "parents" are Jewish, your heart" —in the Sh'ma since it is no longer and if at least one of the families is a dues-paying your heart. member in good standing of a Conservative synagogue, then the child is Jewish. A minority opinion has held that if the natural father is a synagogue The gragger, rabbenu gedaliah, returns board member, then only two of the four parents Gershon Schwartz need be Jewish. QUESTION: I am a recently ordained pulpit rabbi. Orthodox: The Orthodox rabbis of the Rabbinical Among my many duties, I entertain congregants Council of America have been reluctant to issue a quite often—on Shabbat, holidays, the Pesah Se- decisive ruling until the Agudas HaRabbonim issue ders etc. My accountant advises me that I may le- their decision. However, assuming that under some gally deduct entertainment expenses for these meals circumstances the child may be Jewish, they are on Schedule "C" of my tax return. I am reluctant to studying what the child's proper role will be in the do so for fear that I will be reducing the mitzvah Temple after the coming of the Messiah in the value by receiving a reward in return. Can you ad- event that one or more of the four "parents" is a vise me? Cohen or Levi. ANSWER: Your sensitivities are quite good, and I Heart transplants. Pikuach nefesh, preservation of commend you for them. Long ago, our sages ad- life, is generally the overriding mitzvah, and heart vised sekhar mitzvah mitzvah (the deduction taken transplants are thus looked upon with favor. How- for a luncheon should not exceed the allowable de- ever, a sticky issue exists as to when the donor is preciation for books and pulpit robes from line 25, considered dead and the heart can be removed. schedule "C"). However, later poskim have mod-

KENNETH S. GOLDRICH is an attorney practic- GERSHON SCHWARTZ is rabbi of the Jewish ing in Paramus, N.J. Center of Bay shore, N. Y. f 65 ified this rule. For instance, Rabbi Mai B. Rebeet, Inserts for the Traveler's Prayer the "Yuppisher Rav," maintains that eilu devarim she-ein lahem shiur ("These are the things for Afghanistan —Kabul-at Shabbat. which you will probably not be audited") refers not Argentina —Malvina Malkeinu. only to the specific list in Mishnah Pesah 1:1 but Austria — Vienna-nu Tir'ena. also to a series of later items including yeshiva tu- Canada — v'natan lanu et Toronto. ition, a personal computer, and checks made out to Cuba —Havana shalom aleikhem. your Shul for supermarket scrip, Shabbos wine,and Ecuador —Hodu lashem Quito. Pesah candy. The Yuppisher Rav is also purported France —borei Paree hagafen. to have allowed charitable contributions to Conser- Italy —Rome-mu hashem. vative and Reform synagogues, but this is based on Italy & France —Rome v'Nice-a. the testimony of a woman and should not be Japan —Shehecheyanu v'Kimono. trusted. Jordan —V'nomar Amman. Mexico —Ki hu yom Tequilla. Northwest USA — Yisrael v-Ore-Ida chad hu. QUESTION: I am a T-rah-True Jew, attempting to Paraguay —Birkat Amazon. live Yahadus to the letter of the L-w. On my last Peru —u'rvu. visit to Israel, it occurred to me that many modern Ukraine —Kiev-iakha el ha'aretz. Hebrew words end in y-h, which is a D-vine name. Yemen —Yemen hashem osah chayil. Examples are sufganih-h (doughnut), mitriy-h (um- (Jack Moline, Alexandria, Va.) brella) and qufiy-h (undershirt). May a T-rah-True Jew like me write or pronounce such words without taking the name of -o- in vain? Sh'ma ANSWER: Your love of T-rah is surpassed only by a journal of Jewish responsibility your lack of knowledge! While it is true that Y-h is Editor Eugene B. Borowitz one of the 7 holy names of G-d which may not be Administrator Alicia Seeger erased, the Hebrew name has a mappik (a gram- Production TypeLink, Inc. matical dot placed in a final heh). In correct Contributing Editors Michael Berenbaum, Rachel Biale, J. David Hebrew, this name of G-d should be pronounced Bleich, Balfour Brickner, Mitchell Cohen, Steven M. Cohen, Samuel H. with an aspirant heh, and you will hear a knowl- Dresner, Arnold Eisen, Leonard Fein, Blu Greenberg, Susan Handelman, edgeable baal tefillah pronounce it thus. Words like Paula Hyman, Nora Levin, Aaron Levine, Rela Geffen Monson, David sufqaniyah do not have a mappik in the heh. In the Novak, Harold Schulweis, Steven Schwarzschild, Elie Wiesel, Arnold strictest sense, then, there is no need to worry Jacob Wolf, Michael Wyschogrod. about confusion. Sh'ma welcomes articles from diverse points of view. Hence, the opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect those of the editors. Donations to Sh'ma Inc. are tax-deductible. Sh'ma is However, our tradition teaches us aseh siyyaq la- available in microform from University Microfilms Internat'l., Torah (fence around the Torah to make it a safer Ann Arbor, Mi. Torah). Therefore, many T-rah-True Jews today Unsigned articles in this issue are by the Editor. would, as a precaution, avoid using such words. I would suggest the following: First, in translitera- Long book reviews appear quarterly; shorter ones regularly. Unsigned reviews are by the Editor. tions, drop the final "h." For example, sufqaniya. This would avoid some of the confusion. Address all correspondence, subscriptions and change of address notices to Box 567, Port Washington, N.Y. 11050. FAX: 516-767-9315. Second, and much more important, you should join Sh'ma (ISSN 0049-0385) is published bi-weekly except June, the ever-growing number of Hebrew Revisionists July and August, by Sh'ma Inc. Regulatory "Office of who are rejecting the secularization of Hebrew that Publication," 275 Main Street, Port Washington, N.Y. 11050. was begun by Ben Yehuda, carried on by Ben Gur- Subscription $22 for two years in U.S. and Canada; $12 a year ion, and popularized by Ben Zvi. These Revision- overseas. Ten or more to one address, $6 each year. Retired or handicapped persons of restricted means may subscribe at half ists are creating a new Hebrew vocabulary to price. replace the questionable words of the past: Thus, mitriya becomes a shirem; sufqaniya becomes Copyright © 1989 by Sh'ma Inc. qebeks; and qufiya is kaftl. I would suggest that on POSTMASTER: Please forward Form 3579 to Box 567, Port your next visit to Israel you spend more time in the Washington, N.Y. 11050. T-rah-True communities of Judea and Samaria, Second class postage paid at Port Washington, N.Y. and at where these new words have become especially additional entry Bethpage, N.Y. popular. MARCH 17,1989 f 66 I

The Supersonic Boomitzvah cheka birchot shamayim me-al— May the Almighty bless you with blessings from the heavens above" Simeon J. Maslin (Genesis 49:25). Gone are the days when one was impressed by bar 11:30 A.M.—With the conclusion of the service, mitzvah safaris to Kenya. Granted that the Brian the Air France staff will commence lunch service Moscowitz affair back in 1979 gave new meaning with a magnificent chef's salad. Roquefort dressing to the word aliyah when Mr. Moscowitz, standing is not included in the charter price of $299,995.00, at the base of a giant baobab, thought that he spot- so there will be a twenty-five cent charge for it. . ted a leopard crouching in the bush. (It turned out to be Aunt Gussie's coat.) But when sky-diving bar 12:30 A.M. —Difficult as it will be to fasten seat mitzvahs by Encino para-rabbinics in 1982 gave belts after an Air France SUPERSONIC BOO- ' way to underwater bjar mitzvahs by the "diving MITZVAH luncheon, the Concorde is ready to land ! Daveners of Delray" in 1984, only to be topped in at Charles de Gaulle Airport. Flight time, take-off ' 1986 by the charter of the QE-2 for an overnight to landing, is only three and a half hours, but local j bar mitzvah cruise, everyone recognized that we re- time in Paris is 6:30 P.M. I quire new departures in creative catering if Ameri- 7:00 P.M.—There is no luggage and, therefore, no j can Jewish spirituality is to survive into the customs inspection. A fleet of Air France charter i millenium of Western Civilization. Now Strato- busses will take the guests on a complete one-hour sphere Simchas, Ltd., proudly announces its spec- tour of Paris, including the Eiffel Tower, Arche de _ tacular SUPERSONIC BOOMITZVAH package. Triomphe, the Bastille, Montmartre, the Marais, Taking advantage of the SST Concorde service pro- the Rothschild synagogue, the Rue Copernic syna- vided by Air France between New York and Paris, gogue, fifteen minutes at the Louvre (including the ! bar mitzvah charters may be arranged for up to 250 Winged Victory, Venus de Milo and Mona Lisa) i guests, departing JFK at 9:00 a.m. each Monday concluding with an aperitif at the world-famed and Thursday (for the Torah reading) and returning Cafe de la Paiyes. (Minchah and Maariv can be | at 9:00 p.m., for just $299,995.00 (a fraction of the arranged.) cost of the cliched QE-2 charter). Herewith the ^ itinerary: 8:30 P.M. —Depending upon the religious orientation of the bar mitzvah family, the festive SUPER- 9:00 A.M.—Depart from the Air France terminal SONIC BOOMITZVAH dinner will be served I at JFK, aboard the luxurious Concorde, in its syna- either at Maxim's or Chez Chabad. (We regret that il gogue configuration, i.e. an ark set into the forward the cost of hashgachah requires an $18.00 sur- bulkhead (the plane is, of course, heading east) and charge for the latter.) a reading table. For Orthodox bar mitzvahs, an ex- tra bulkhead is set up in the middle of the plane as 10:00 P.M. —A special revue has been arranged at ! a mechitzah. the Follies Bergere. The bar mitzvah mother will be specially costumed and will be lowered from the 1 • 9:15 A.M.—Prior to take-off, the chief steward ceiling in a gilded cage. (The most poignant mo- will give the usual instructions about seat belts, ox- ment of the SUPERSONIC BOOMITZVAH will be ygen, flotation cushions and will add instruction on the orchestra's rendition of the overture to Halevy's the proper "laying" of tefillin. La Juive as mother, in plumage, emerges from her cage to the applause of all the guests.) Then, 10:00 A.M.—Upon reaching the standard SST framed by a stunning tableau of half-clad Follies cruising altitude of 59,000 feet, the Air France chorines, the bar mitzvah boy will appropriately Fiddle and Freilachtz Ensemble will begin the declare himself a man. The revue concludes with chanting of the Pesukei d'Zimrah with "Nearer, My the traditional bar mitzvah candle-lighting, its spir- God, To Thee." ituality enhanced by the unique atmosphere of I 11:00 A.M. — As the Torah reading progresses, the Paris, the city of lights. * < pilot will "go up" 100 feet for each aliyah. Maftir 11:00 P.M.—Busses leave for Charles de Gaulle j will be chanted by the bar mitzvah boy at 60,000 Airport. feet. At his final Amen, the Air France F and F En- ' semble will sing a special arrangement of Psalm 11:30 P.M.—The charter Concorde takes off for \ 18:11 —"He mounted a cherub and did fly, gliding New York, landing at JFK at 9:00 P.M. local time. 1 on the wings of the wind." The congregation will Due to the anticipated demand for this bargain ser- congratulate the young man with cries of "Y'var- vice, families should contact Stratosphere Simchas, Ltd., to arrange details of this own personalized [ SIMEON J. MASLIN is rabbi of Keneseth Israel SUPERSONIC BOOMITZVAH at least two years j1 Congregation, Philadelphia. in advance. Dial, toll free, 1-800-MITZVAH today!

\ 67 I Not necessarily not the jewish news... these years! Of course, the Yale band, at least, was playing the same tune. New Paths for Jewish Fund Raising You Prefer Business to Jewish Scholarship? Joel Smilow, Yale '54, recently gave his alma mater $1,000,000 to endow its football coach's job. Now Clarkson Potter publishers has signed Lawrence a canny rabbinical school ought to get someone to Miller to do a book entitled Barbarians to Bureau- endow a Resident Shamas, sorry, Ritual Director. crats and Warner will soon publish a volume with best-seller written all over it, Wess Roberts' Lead- The Creative Governmental Imagination Lives ership Secrets of Atila the Hun. Amram Nir, a former advisor on counter-terrorism Why We Opposed a Nobel Prize for Judaica to both Peres and Shamir died in a light plane crash in Mexico. He was the initial go-between for U. S. Breaking its rule about not favoring anything but and Iranian officials in the Irangate arms scandal. responsible Jewish pluralism, the Sh'ma Editorial Though listed on the plane's passenger list as Pat Board unanimously voted to oppose the plan to set Weber, The Israeli Embassy denied that he was in up a Nobel Prize for Jewish Studies. The Board fell: Mexico to supervise a shipment of arms by Israel, that in this time of Jewish communal stress the and a Mexican official insisted he had been in the struggle over the award would only exacerbate country to purchase avocados. tensions. Are We Not Our Brother's Keeper? And You Thought the Serpent was Dead On February 25 a Dade County jury rejected a Publishers Weekly reports that the Bodhi Tree, the claim for damages against Jack Lentz and did so in largest New Age bookseller in Los Angeles will 19 minutes. Fordiran Gonzalez, who admitted a now be able to serve its spiritualistically oriented burglary, had been hit in the back by one of three clientele very much more efficiently. It has installed! warning shots fired by Lentz as Gonzalez fled. He 30 personal computers. sued to recover his medical bills of $8,622 and OK, so We'll Explain "New Age" Publishing found the verdict callous. Don't think the Age of Aquarius died with the '80s. Clandestine Operations Among Magazines It's still big and you shouldn't be so close-minded. We knew Michael Lerner, Editor of Tikkun, would Today, according to NAPRA (the National Associa- go pretty far to fight Commentary but getting Gor- tion of New Age Publishers and Retailers), it en- bachev to expand Glasnost so that Likud might em- compasses five major categories: Metaphysics and brace the Soviets as Middle East peacemakers was New Awareness; Health and Fitness; Psychology genius. That breaks the Jewish tie to anti- and Self-Improvement; Social Change and Respon- communist conservatism sending Commentary back sibility; Classic and Ancient Thought—and you're to being only a fine cultural journal. not against any of that, are you? Of course, the alternate Oxford Books system may be more precise, . The Perplexity of the Centrist-Modernists incorporating: Astrology; Spiritual Teachings; Gen- eral Religion; Parapsychology (reincarnation and With attacks on the Lubavitcher for loving Jews but crystals come here); Occult; and Predictions. Cur- scorning other Judaisms faltering, university type rently "in" with New Agers are: mysticism, oat Jews decided to set up their own, alternate guru. bran, Native Americans, wedding rings, spiritu- They were about to advertise their new job until ality, rain forests and paper, while their counterpart: they realized that damning heavily, preferably un- "outs" are: occult, granola, American Indians, ruly bearded types was sexist—but can you have a mood rings, religion, deforestation and plastic. beardless charismatic rebbi? Need further orientation? "In": crystal jewelry, shamanic journeys, creative visualization, channel- How The American Jewish Community Works ing, natal charts, near-death experiences and psy- Thanks to the Yale University Marching Band we chic counselors. "Out": the harmonic convergence, can finally visualize how organizational Jewish life crystal balls and geodes, going with the flow, Fritz works. As the NY Times described them at the Perls, past-life experiences, palm reading and Bush inauguration parade, "Almost proudly, the Valium. Yale band straggled along, its ranks uneven and its musicians looking like real people..." When asked Meanwhile, in the Jewish World... about this, the band's director, Thomas C. Duffy, So as not to stretch your horizons too far, we said, "We're not going to high-step, we're going to thought you might like to see what services people process." So that's what Jews have been doing all are currently paying to advertise to the Jewish com- f 68 T'

^ munity. In the MetroWest [Greater Newark Area] had looked upon 1900 years of Jewish suffering and Jewish News of Jan. 19 devoted to Healthy Living, impotence as evidence of the non-existence of the we found ads for: Issinryu [Traditional Okinawan] G-d of Israel. Jewish weakness is the essence of the Karate; Shiatsu Massage; a free tasting for low cal- desecration of the name of the G-d of Israel. In the orie, all-natural foods and snacks; a lab for Health eyes of the gentile it is the weakness of the Jewish '«• Hazard Evaluations of Toxic Contaminants in G-d. Jewish strength and victory, on the other 1 Drinking Water; Reflexology Massage; Aerobic hand, are proof of the existence, power and omnip- d- Classes to develop Flat Abdominals; Laser Diabetic otence of the G-d of Israel. They are the sanctifica- Retinopathy; Medical Programs for Lipid Problems; tion of His name. Because of this, it is a national Biofeedback Therapy; a caring approach to Bu- injunction and imperative to follow an ongoing pol- limia; a Medical (business] Management service; icy of sanctification by never retreating before the ' and, if "you need a vacation" and want "peace of gentile and by never hesitating to act according to il mind for your well deserved vacation," a home that Jewish Law because of that fear." So keep that in set will give your parent "Tender Loving 'respite' Care mind when you write your next book. Salman fell j while you are away." Etc. Rushdie. | Keeping Current with the New Cosmogonies | Here's Genesis according to superstring theory: in- Jewish historical sound-bites finitesimal, one-dimensional strings vibrate in 10 dimensions and when the six uncommon dimen- Jethro: I am looking for my son-in-law Moshe the ie sions are compactified smaller than the length of Hebrew, who is shlepping around in the wilderness the strings, our ordinary four dimensional world with, rumor has it, 600,000 escaped slaves from d emerges. Don't judge that heretical since for centu- Egypt, trying to lead them to the "promised land," lk ries kabbalists have talked about the 10 sefirot as and all they do is complain. This man needs to be the true reality. taught about delegating authority! Information .".. .but others say...," according to Victor leading to his exact whereabouts will be greatly Weisskopf in the NY Review of Books, everything appreciated. ^ starts with "true" and "false" vacuums. A "true" vacuum is empty of matter and energy; but a Be sure to include Zip Code. We do not have a toll "false" vacuum is empty of matter but not of en- free number. (Bernard Roth.) ergy. Of course it isn't the kind of energy which EZRA and NEHEMIA: Progress on the Temple Einstein showed was equivalent to matter/mass, so going poorly, fundraising slow, and not enough vol- don't get excited. And according to Einstein such a unteers from the Men's Club to work on construc- "false" vacuum would expand suddenly and ex- tion. The outer court is a mess, the walls damaged, plosively, with what you might call a "Big Bang." and the carpet in the lobby definitely needs to be Anyway, "In the beginning..." there was a "true" replaced. The banquet hall doesn't even have a vacuum, what in the old days we called "nothing." chandelier. Best bet—work out a deal with a ca- But "there is nothing in nature that remains quiet. terer to pay for the renovations in exchange for ex- Everything, including the true vacuum is subject to clusive rights to weddings, bar mitzvahs, and every fluctuations—in particular to energy fluctuations." Kiddush following sacrifices. Thus, a fluctuation in the "true" vacuum produces a "false" vacuum which produces the Big Bang, JULIE KAFKA: I just read Franz' letter to his fa- ergo, a perfectly natural, mathematical model of ther. Such complaining. You would think he was on something from nothing. In other words, because a trial in a penal colony instead of here in Prague in "true" vacuum isn't exactly so "true" a vacuum, we the home which is his castle. He should expect have a world. And that's called science and not some discipline. After all, this isn't Amerika. And 1 belief... el- really, to get so upset about a cockroach! ,i Enough of this Levity; Let's be Serious ;e EDITOR, VIENNA NEUE FREIE PRESSE: Re- |tz Lest this Purim exhilaration get Dionysian, and mind Herzl that he is past deadline with his essay, 1 thus obviously goyish, we suggest you sober up by Paris: Fin de Siecle, and that he hasn't submitted i noshing on some food for thought. Herewith para- his "1895 10 Best List" for new fiction. He's be- 1 graph (8) of the policies and programs of Rabbi come obsessed with his theme of the Jewish State. 1 Meir Kahane's current American organization: That Theodor is such a dreamer. In my opinion, I , "ISRAEL IS THE HAND OF G-D. It was created doubt if a Jewish state would ever get much media as proof of His existence and power to a world that coverage. (Nora Yood)

f 69 Fractured hebrew Hamanic Depressive —Psychological disorder char- acterized by "noose morals" and alternating pe- The authentic answer to the question "Who is a riods of feeling high-strung and "low down." Jew?" is Ml! (Stu Kaplan, Tea neck, N.J.) Seudah Yourself—Microwave Purim feast. By logic we know that God prefers higher voices, Haifa-Baked Homilies —Such as: Haifa bagel is thus tenors to bass-baritones, for Psalm 145.6 says, better than none! as all female cantors know, "Men shall talk of the Show and Kvell—The art of bragging about one's might of Your awesome deeds; Your greatness is in grandchildren, often through the use of a soprano; Ve-e-zuz no-r'o-te-kha xo-me-ru, photographs. u-g'du'la-t'kha A SOPRANO. " (Myer S. Kripke, Omaha, NE.) El Al-lergy Syndrome—The physical need to travel Q: Why is a doctor who is too eager to prescribe to Israel exclusively on El Al. (llene Munetz Pach- medicine the opposite of a Litvak yeshiva student? man, Richboro, Pa.) A: The former is a pill pusher; the latter is a Some interesting names we've found in perusing pilpuller. the various encyclopedias of Jewish knowledge: Johann Sebastian Bach had at least twenty sons, Codifier of Jewish Law and Syrup Inventor—Joseph1 some well-known and others less so. Q: How do we Karo know that the happiest of all his sons was Adam B. Bach? A: As it is written, Ashrei Adam Boteach Neo-Orthodox Leader and Car Rental Magnate— Samson Raphael Hertz Bach (Ps. 84:13). i Q: How do we know that this son was known as American Orthodox Leader and Sacrificial "the Norway Bach?" A: As it is written, Ashrei Object—Norman Lamb Adam Oz Lo Bach (Ps. 84:6). (Joel A. Linsider, Al- Hebrew Poet and Bagel Baker—Chaim Nachman bany N.Y.) Bialy Tap-ooze —Overripe orange Israeli Chief Rabbi and Epicure—Abraham Isaac Buy it —House for sale Cook Ode —Another poem U.S. Physicist and Egotistical Talmudist—I. I. Peel —Sunburned elephant Rabbi Safe-r —Money hidden in a book Caffu —Freeze dried coffee Early Zionist and Local Israeli Politician—Mayor (Yapha Schochet, Jerusalem) Dizengoff U.S. Orthodox Leader and Revolutionary—Bernard! Dov Rebel Fractured english 19th Century American Rabbi, Author, Educator Convoluted purim lexicon and Minimizer—Isaac Lesser Megillotine—A punitive device invented by French Hasidic Rebbe and Bingo Entrepreneur—Shneur Jews who thought hanging was too good for Zalman of Lotto Haman. Anti-Hasidic Rabbi and Mafia Thug—Elijah ben Shirley Temple Sinai—The central character in a Shlomo Zalman,the Vilna Goon feminine version of the Jazz Singer, a story in 12th Century Tosafist and Cabin Dweller—Jacob which the leading lady must choose between a film ben Meir, Rabbenu Tom career as a musical star or becoming the cantor of a 3rd Century Palestinian Amora and French Chef— suburban reform congregation. Resh LaQuiche Hamantashlich—An obscure oriental ceremony in U. S. Author, Scholar, Educator and Genetics which the crumbs of the hamantaschen are scat- Researcher—Gene Borowitz tered into a stream. (Gershon Schwartz, Bay Shore, N.Y.) Esthering rendition—A beautiful Purim Q: What do you call the original Persian Aya- presentation. tollah's death threat to the Jews? (chap. 3 Meg. Book of Esther) Groggeroni—Pieces of pasta which erupt into A: "Hamanic Verses" (Steve Westman, W. Palm bursts of noise upon boiling. Beach, Fl.) f 70 T" v For all you liberals and pluralists Sunday 10:00 a.m. All Star Wrestling, featuring Geulah Cohen • The Union of American Heimish comedians defending her Ladies Championship against challenger. (UAHC) proudly presents its 1988 Catalogue of Shulamit Aloni. Arik the Giant Sharon vs. Moshe Arens | Publications. Newest in the popular "Gates of and David Levy (with special referee Yitzhak Shamir). Prayer" series are: Friday Gates Au Pair: You and Your Israeli Nanny 8:00 p.m. Dallas. Tsk. tsk. tsk. who watches television on Shabbas? , Gates of Resentment: Helping Your Kids Sit Please note that the times given are approximate. i Through the High Holy Days i Gates of Plates: The Passover Manual K'riyat sh'ma: a listing of best-sellers aviii Gates of Mates: Finding a Spouse at Services Semi-Treif: Growing up in a conservative *; Gates of Rates: The '88 Guide to Temple Member- household. , ship Rabbi, Dearest: One congregation's experi- • | Gates of Treif: The Classic Reform Cookbook ence following the ordination of women. i Rusty Gates: If you Want to Pray But have Forgot- I Chose Ambiguity: Confessions of a Sh'ma H' ten How reviewer. Interesting, albeit tedious. Enter- Gates on Wheels: Services for the Homebound tains even as it frustrates. Gates Au Gratin: The Shavuot Cookbook Who Frummed Roger Rabbi?: Absorbing, animated account of a Reform rabbi becoming : (Lori Lippitz and Mike Carasik) a ba'al t'shuvah. Three Men and a Baby: A historian re- " i The jewish broadcasting network line-up examines the nativity story. Steven M. Bob A Separate Piece: Examination of the oft- ie Thursday forgotten, much misunderstood mitzvah of 8:00 p.m. The Cosby Show, an indepth look at Mid- hafrashat challah. ianite women in the 25th chapter of the Book of The French Connection: Rashi and his circle ' Numbers. of commentators. K ' 9:00 p.m. Knott's Landing. Chaim, the tallis maker, returns from outerspace with a shipment of newly tied Twins: Jacob and Esau, retold. art tzitzitz" All of Me: Halacha for the Orthodox laity. Monday Thirtysomething: Halacha for the Conserva- r 8:00 p.m. The Odd Couple. On the season premier, the tive laity. Satmir Rebbe leaves his wife and moves in with Woody Allen. Eight is Enough: Halacha for the Reform laity. 1:00 a.m. Moonlighting. Professor of Theology at a Rabbinic School takes a second job as editor of a Jewish (Dan & Mike Mosenkis, Al Kustanowitz. Ken Gold- 1 magazine. rich, citizens ofN. J.) Saturday Old Litvaks never die—they just lose their herring. 9:00 p.m. Who's The Boss. The Council of Presidents Great Authors/Titles in Jewish Literature: "A Bell of Major Jewish Organizations meets to choose a perma- for AdonOlam"—the tale of a poor chasidic bell- nent spokesman for the American Jewish Community. maker who chose a slightly unusual method of wor- May run overtime. ship. (David Gordon, Woburn, Ma.) 10:00 p.m. Miami Vice. A report on the private lives of the members of the Florida Jewish community. Purim Torah > Week nights Israeli writer A. B. Yehoshua is reputed to have in- 6:30 p.m. Leave It To Beaver. Consumer guide to the vested heavily in real estate in the British Isles. selection of fur for a strimmel. With the recent downturn in prices, his Scottish property plummeted. But A.B.'s Irish rose. | STEVEN M. BOB is rabbi of Congregation Etz Chaim (Rochelle S. Elstein)

71 Art Scroll Yinglish OUR SPECIAL THANKS TO Rabbi Kenneth D. j Roseman of Temple Shalom, Dallas, TX, who sugl Raphael C. Adler gested our Fractured Hebrew game. And to all

A commentary on selected translations in "The those who sent us contributions that we were un-

Complete Art Scroll Siddur" able to use: Bert S. Gerard; David Gordon; John Felstiner; Larry W. Josefovitz; Eli I. Kavon; Jim j Page 27 "We come early and stay late" (and still Michaels; Michael Millenson; Meta Miller; Steven you invite us to parties?). H. Moskowitz; B. Valerie Peckler; Bernard S. Page 37 "And a minute amount of a smoke-raising Raskas; Avi Rockoff; Paul M. Rosen; Norman herb." (The first mention of pot in the Talmud). Rosenzweig; Jeanne Saletan; Barry L. Schwartz; Samuel M. Silver; Paul Teicher; Jeffrey J. Page 39 "It is taught. Bar Kappara said: Once ev- Weisblatt; and to anyone whom we should have lis> ery sixty or seventy years, the accumulated left- ted but didn't. overs reached half the yearly quantity." (Which is a good reason for planning your meals in advance and bringing a shopping list with you to the grocery.) .. .but others say about purim... Page 215 "But the footsteps of the wholesome one Is this Any Way to Run a Magazine? were beautiful in shoes." (Imagine how her hand >i print was in gloves.) I'm still mad because you turned down my Purim j Page 215 "Whose are the threads?" (Yehudah article last year. That still hurts because I really pi! Halevi creates 50's lingo.) my heart into that one. I was pretty steamed about!, Brandeis setting up a glatt tref food line and satire! Page 606 "I create fruit of the lips" (read: fruit of seemed the right way to respond. So I wrote an adi. the loom.) on behalf of the Officers and Trustees of Brand j Page 615 "Behold! He was standing behind our Nice University saying that when we asked for ; wall, observing through the windows, peering books, Jews responded, and when we asked for through the lattices." (A regular Peeping Tom.) money, again they responded. And now we wanted Page 625 "In time to come Jacob will strike roots," one more response, "Send a goy to Brand Nice." (claiming that the mini-series negatively portrays What's so terrible? Would it have been more gen- • Jews.) teel to say gentile? But you wimps rejected my ,j piece. OK, that's your privilege—but when I saw Page 637 "You have released my bonds," (now go that stuff you published instead, I couldn't believe: and invest in Money-Markets.) your idea of "responsible" Jewish humor. Page 717 "They inquire of Israel regarding proofs," I thought of cancelling my subscription but have ] (since they sent the negative to photo-mat two decided to give you another chance. Just think months ago.) about how you wound us writers —and show a littU' guts by publishing this letter. Page 731 "Ground from accursedness," (certainly not Folger's Crystals.) Eugene B. Borowitz Port Washington, NY RAPHAEL C. ADLER is rabbi of Congregation Chevra Thilim, New Orleans.

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