Rabbi Kimberly Herzog Cohen June 27, 2014

I had a conversation recently with one of our neighbors. He wanted my opinion on an exchange between his two year old and one of his classmates in pre-school. One of the other kids hit my neighbor’s son. And this sweet, doe eyed two year-old that lives next door was so angry, he hit back. “But what do you think?” he asked. “Was this a good thing? Or should he never hit anyone, no matter what? No matter how provoked he may be? We stood on his front lawn for a bit talking this through and ultimately I said, that words are better to use than physical retaliation, but that sometimes self-defense is called for.

When I returned home, I though about the exchange, and noted the thin line between acting on our anger in a positive way versus having it overtake us in a negative way. Clearly we cannot expect a two your old to be ever-mindful of this distinction, But what about adults and their play yard antics? Now as a parent, I realize my actions are already being observed by two impressionable little beings that will someday be confronting this choice on the playground.

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In a culture where people are throwing punches on reality tv and talk shows, where violent video games and movies are a norm, where bullying is on the rise, there is no doubt that all of us are called to do our part in teaching the next generation how to effectively and thoughtfully channel and use anger.

After the discussion on my neighbor’s front lawn, I began thinking about the story of Moses hitting the rock when he had reached his breaking point with the ever complaining Israelites. And lo and behold, the rock hitting episode is in this week’s Torah portion! The story goes like this: The Israelites were thirsty and complained bitterly to Moses and Aaron. If only we were back in Egypt they wailed, over and over again. As they so often do, Moses and Aaron turned to God for direction. God instructed them to take a rod and stand before a rock. Order the rock, God said, to yield water, And it will produce enough for the whole congregation and their flocks.

So Moses grabbed the rod, gathered the people, and then proceeded to do something quite different than what God had just instructed.

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“Listen, you rebels,” Moses said, I imagine with great bitterness and fiery anger, “shall we get water for you out of this rock?” Moses then raised his hand and struck the rock twice with his rod. God was so angry at Moses’ behavior, God decided then and there that Moses and Aaron would not be able to cross over into the Promised Land.

Moses’ punishment is severe. Later, in the book of Deuteronomy, Moses pleads with God to reverse God’s decree. “O Adonai, You who let Your servant see the first works of Your greatness and Your mighty hand, You whose powerful deeds no god in heaven or on earth can equal! Let me, I pray, cross over and see the good land on the other side of the Jordan…But God refused, and Moses blamed the Israelites…”(Deuteronomy 3:23-26). There was no going back—God had proclaimed God’s decree and nothing Moses said could make a difference.

I think the severity of God’s decision is fashioned as a wake-up call by the biblical writers. They want us to pay attention and wrestle with Moses’ display of anger before the people and God. Clearly, Moses did not count to 10. He did not breathe, wait, and then speak.

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The medieval Jewish commentator, Nachmanides, adds another dimension to Moses’ misdirected behavior: Moses made the fatal mistake of saying, “‘Shall WE bring forth water’ instead of saying ‘Shall God bring you forth water’…the people may have been misled into thinking that Moses and Aaron had extracted the water for them, by their own skill.”

When fiery anger blurs our vision we lose sight of the holiness in other people. We lose sight of God’s mysterious works and creations, ever before us even in the most unexpected places. How could the person on the phone from the credit card company be so clueless and our frustration quickly snowballs to impatience, and the angry words are out of our mouths before we can say “my pin number is…” With so many computerized voices on the other end of the line, it is hard to imagine the person—when you actually connect to a person— is a human being, with a soul, with feelings, one of God’s creations. Anger can blur this, however justified it may be.

And on the other hand, we can fail to use our anger in a positive way to make a difference in the world. We can become complacent to the injustices that surround us…

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In our prayer book Mishkan Tefilah, one of my favorite prayers is one that asks us to use our anger for good: “Disturb us, Adonai, ruffle us from our complacency; make us dissatisfied…let not Your Shabbat be a day of torpor and slumber; let it be a time to be stirred and spurred to action…” Don’t just sublimate your anger, this prayer suggests— rather, find a way to channel it for good.

Several years ago in a Kol Nidre sermon, Rabbi Stern said the following: “From the moment that Cain slew Abel, our Torah and tradition have confronted the realities of anger. The rabbis saw anger and arrogance as intimately related…our sages understood that too often, when our anger controls us, we see only our own needs, our own pain, and our own unyielding point of view. Even when our sense of hurt is justified, if our wounds are all that we see, all that we feel, then we run the risk of crowding other human beings, other needs, even God, out of the picture...But when we do permit our anger to flow, it will be the result of a choice, an assertion of power and not a loss of control…or in the words of the Chasidic master Rabbi Pinchas of Koretz, “Long ago I conquered my anger and placed it in my pocket. When I have need of it, I take it out.”…Anger is like money, or laughter, or intelligence, or ambition – it is not good or bad in and of itself – it is a resource, in our pockets, awaiting our wise and just use.”

So, I realize…it doesn’t start on the playground per say. It begins with us and how we choose to use the very natural human emotion called anger in our day to day lives. May we do so with mindfulness. May we do so with passion. May we do so with compassion. And may we do so for ourselves and the next generation of leaders.

Shabbat Shalom

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