"Homer the Trillionaire" (guest starring Regis Philbin) by Craig Simon

Chalkboard Joke: I will never yell immigrant when I see Groundskeeper Willie again.

The show begins.

(Mr. Burns and Smithers are in Mr. Burns' office.

Mr. Burns: Smithers, my financial status is not good, and I need to do something about it.

Smithers: May I suggest firing some employees, to secure the plant's income, enabling you to get more?

Burns: NO, you idiot! Something television related, an actor, a host...

Smithers: How about creating a television show?

Burns: Yes, good idea Smithers.

Smithers: You could make your own show...how about, Who Wants To Be a Trillionaire?

Burns: Excellent.

Smithers: I have an idea sir, how about if you steal back that Trillion dollar bill from Cuba, that Homer Simpson gave to Castro.

Burns: Smithers, if this plan works...I owe you a coke.

(Back at the Simpsons house) (Homer is watching TV, when a special news bulletin appears)

Kent Brockman: There is a special announcement that Springfield Billionaire, Monty Burns has just notified us of. Every worker at the Nuclear Power Plant will have their names put into a lottery, and the winner will compete for One Trillion Dollars, on Mr. Burns' new television show, Who Wants To Be A Trillionaire! Regis Philbinis scheduled to be the host.

Homer: Hey, I work at the plant, that means that i'll be in the lottery.

Marge: Homer, do you know what the odds of winning are? There fifty thousand to one!!!

Homer: Woo-hoo!!!

(The next day at the Nuclear Plant)

Lenny: Hey Homer, did you hear about that lottery thing going on today.

Homer: Yep, heard it on the trusty television. Marge said the odds are fifty-thousand to one. I like my chances.

Lenny: Uh Homer, do you know what that means?

Homer: Yeah, it means that my name would turn up fifty thousand times.

Lenny: Not exactly Homer, it means that if they picked a name fifty thousand times, you would win once!

Homer: D'OH!

(Burns' office)

Burns: Well Smithers, it's time for the lottery, do you have the box.

Smithers: Yes sir, i'll shake it.

(Smithers shakes it)

(Burns picks out a name)

Burns: And the winner is...Len- (the name flies out the window.) Excuse me, the winner is...Homer Simpson? Smithers, who is this man?

Smithers: Well Mr. Burns, almost everything thats happened in the history of this town had him in it some way.

Burns: Never heard of him.

(Homer finds out he wins, and goes on the show)

Regis Philbin: Welcome everybody to Who Wants To Be A Trillionaire, i'm your host, Regis Philbin, and this is our contestant, Homer Simpson, let's play.

(The game starts)

Regis: For 100 dollars... What is ten percent of 15 dollars?

A: 150 dollars B: 15 cents C: 1 dollar and fifty cents or D: 1 dollar and fifteen cents.

Homer: Hmmmmm, Marge usually does the percent stuff, and I have no idea. MARGE!!!

(Marge in the crowd)

Marge: Homer, its C!

Regis: Excuse me, no cheating, but your our only contestnat, so what the hell! Your answer?

Homer: C

Regis: Correct

(The questions go by, and they reach the 500 Billion Dollar question)

Regis: Homer, what is the last name of the owner of the Kwik-E-Mart?

A: Burns B: Wazabi C: Simpson D: Nahassapeenapetilan

Homer: Probably A, B, or C, but I like to live on the edge, so how about D!

Regis:.....Correct

Regis: For One Trillion Dollars, here we go!

Regis: What state do you live in Homer?

A: Ohio B: Massachusetts C: Illinois D: Wichonski

Homer: That's easy, the answer is...

(Burns runs out and steals the Trillion Dollar Bill)

Burns: Haha, I got it.

(Burns runs away)

Homer: D'OH!

And the show ends