"Homer the Trillionaire" (guest starring Regis Philbin) by Craig Simon Chalkboard Joke: I will never yell immigrant when I see Groundskeeper Willie again. The show begins. (Mr. Burns and Smithers are in Mr. Burns' office. Mr. Burns: Smithers, my financial status is not good, and I need to do something about it. Smithers: May I suggest firing some employees, to secure the plant's income, enabling you to get more? Burns: NO, you idiot! Something television related, an actor, a host... Smithers: How about creating a television show? Burns: Yes, good idea Smithers. Smithers: You could make your own show...how about, Who Wants To Be a Trillionaire? Burns: Excellent. Smithers: I have an idea sir, how about if you steal back that Trillion dollar bill from Cuba, that Homer Simpson gave to Castro. Burns: Smithers, if this plan works...I owe you a coke. (Back at the Simpsons house) (Homer is watching TV, when a special news bulletin appears) Kent Brockman: There is a special announcement that Springfield Billionaire, Monty Burns has just notified us of. Every worker at the Nuclear Power Plant will have their names put into a lottery, and the winner will compete for One Trillion Dollars, on Mr. Burns' new television show, Who Wants To Be A Trillionaire! Regis Philbinis scheduled to be the host. Homer: Hey, I work at the plant, that means that i'll be in the lottery. Marge: Homer, do you know what the odds of winning are? There fifty thousand to one!!! Homer: Woo-hoo!!! (The next day at the Nuclear Plant) Lenny: Hey Homer, did you hear about that lottery thing going on today. Homer: Yep, heard it on the trusty television. Marge said the odds are fifty-thousand to one. I like my chances. Lenny: Uh Homer, do you know what that means? Homer: Yeah, it means that my name would turn up fifty thousand times. Lenny: Not exactly Homer, it means that if they picked a name fifty thousand times, you would win once! Homer: D'OH! (Burns' office) Burns: Well Smithers, it's time for the lottery, do you have the box. Smithers: Yes sir, i'll shake it. (Smithers shakes it) (Burns picks out a name) Burns: And the winner is...Len- (the name flies out the window.) Excuse me, the winner is...Homer Simpson? Smithers, who is this man? Smithers: Well Mr. Burns, almost everything thats happened in the history of this town had him in it some way. Burns: Never heard of him. (Homer finds out he wins, and goes on the show) Regis Philbin: Welcome everybody to Who Wants To Be A Trillionaire, i'm your host, Regis Philbin, and this is our contestant, Homer Simpson, let's play. (The game starts) Regis: For 100 dollars... What is ten percent of 15 dollars? A: 150 dollars B: 15 cents C: 1 dollar and fifty cents or D: 1 dollar and fifteen cents. Homer: Hmmmmm, Marge usually does the percent stuff, and I have no idea. MARGE!!! (Marge in the crowd) Marge: Homer, its C! Regis: Excuse me, no cheating, but your our only contestnat, so what the hell! Your answer? Homer: C Regis: Correct (The questions go by, and they reach the 500 Billion Dollar question) Regis: Homer, what is the last name of the owner of the Kwik-E-Mart? A: Burns B: Wazabi C: Simpson D: Nahassapeenapetilan Homer: Probably A, B, or C, but I like to live on the edge, so how about D! Regis:.....Correct Regis: For One Trillion Dollars, here we go! Regis: What state do you live in Homer? A: Ohio B: Massachusetts C: Illinois D: Wichonski Homer: That's easy, the answer is... (Burns runs out and steals the Trillion Dollar Bill) Burns: Haha, I got it. (Burns runs away) Homer: D'OH! And the show ends .