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twice, moving each name up one place on the 'ladder'; removing the name at the top and putting Chain your name at number twelve, you then sell your lists to two CHELSEA TO BE people for £20 each, recovering Letters the money that you have spent. The theory is that after a Hit IC further twelve stages of the operation, there will be 212 lists PENSIONED OFF? An outbreak of chain letters is with your name at the top, and sweeping through Imperial from each of these you will College. As many as five hundred receive £20—a total of £80,780. students are believed to have The system breaks down Professor Randolph Quirk, Vice-Chancellor of the University of London taken part; some claim to have because the money has to come has been attending a series of meetings at Chelsea this week with the made up to £1,000 but most may from somewhere. After twenty aim of writing a draft proposal of intent to merge the college in expect to lose out on the deal. steps, about a million people accordance with the SARC Report. This is a plan to concentrate the The letters, which are believed have lists, and have to sell them science departments of the University onfive sites : Imperial, University to have originated in Dorset and on what is now a saturated College, Kings/QEC, Queen Mary College and the recently merged come into the College through market. A further step merely Bedford/Royal Holloway College. the Geology Department, pro- doubles the number of people In a Union General Meeting will not fall, they are skeptical as mise a return of up to £164,000 trying to sell the lists. The 'Gold yesterday, Chelsea students their staff/student ratio is being for a short-term loan of £40 and Circle' system has certainly been voted unanimously to oppose all cut. operate within a system known through that many steps already, mergers and cuts, but they have Following Wednesday's dem- as the 'Gold Circle'. The pro- and a letter has been received been told that if they do not onstration in the Kings Road in cedure is as follows: you buy a from the University of London merge, their grant allocation support of the NUS grants list of twelve names from a Union advising people not to from the University of London campaign, during which a road friend for £20. You then (in the buy the letters. will be cut further still. Already, was blocked, Chelsea Union presence of your trusted friend) The covering letter provided they have been forced to close Executive is confident that it has post £20 to the person whose with the chain letter is remark- their two non-scientific depart- enough activists to make their name and address is at the top of ably insidious, in that it encour- ments (Humanities and Social opposition heard. the list, and copy the list out continued on back page Studies) and they have been instructed to cut academic staff by a third before next year. The proposed merger follows A Load only months after Kings and QEC merged—this time last year, moves were afoot to join Of Bull QEC with Imperial—and is the third such scheme since the At last Thursday's UGM the SARC reports. Chelsea is in RCS were proudly able to much the same position as present 'Velish', the fearsome Bedford College, which had to head of an Aberdeen Angus bull. close its internationally recog- This fine specimen was, as nised classics department and reported last week, the mascot form a split-site college with removed from the School of Royal Holloway thirty miles Slavonic and East European away in Egham. Studies (SSEES) with no greater Chelsea Students Union opposition than the cries of a representatives have said that marauding tea lady. even if they are forced to merge, In return for the return of they will refuse to operate a their mascot, the SSEES have split-site system like that agreed to provide sufficient operating at QEC, where stu- enthusiastic volunteers to be dents travel from Notting Hill to able to raise a minimum of £50 the Strand four times per week for the RCS Rag collection on Two RCSU Officials with the stuffed bull's head. The stuffed head is in by bus. Although they have been Saturday. the middle. assured that academic standards No. 6281 I Friday, November 19, 19821 I Free! Free Concert

Consort Chamber Orchestra

Hoist St Paul's Suite Bach Brandenburg Concerto No 5 Helen Cass Violin Jonathan Heitler Flute Damian Wisniewski Harpsichord DISCOUNT ON ALL SERVICES BY OUR HIGHLY TRAINED STAFF 1:00pm ON PROD&CTION OF STUDENTS UNION CARD Wednesday 24 November 68 GLOUCESTER ROAD, LONDON SW7 Telephone: 01-584 7193 Great Hall & 01-584 0858 HAIRDRESSING FOR WOMEN AND MEN

IC Dancing Club is holding their London Ball tomorrow in the JCR at Alternative Prospectus: If you want to The RCA Refectory is 7:00. If you haven't bought a ticket yet, tell sixth formersaboutthejoys of being available to students of some will be available on the door. a student at IC, the pleasures of living in Competitions, spot prizes, general London or any other excitement, you Small Ads have experienced than write them Imperial College at the dancing, demonstration couple. All this for only £1.50. down as an article for the Alternative following times: after Norman's coming, Sunday, Beit Arch Prospectus. Articles will be considered Flatshare: male person required for 1:00pm at lunchtimes and 10:00am. if delivered to the FELIX Office before February 1 1983. For further details shared double room in seven person Ents 4 Dobbers XI 3 The word has after 6:00pm in the eve- contact Hugh Southey. Chem Eng 1. mixed flat at Hamlet Gdns, rent been spoken and the power begins to £17pw. Please contact Graham nings. I would be grateful move. Crossley Mech Eng 3 or Adrian Haines if students would keep Physics Wanderers scraped a 10;0 Life Sci 2. victory against a determined, well Anne, you probably can do a lot of Room (shared), Commonwealth these times. organised Wood Green side. PW rule hideous things, Butley. IC Water Polo Club, There's no Hall, Cartwright Gardens, near West Thank you North London. End, squash courts and snooker Physics Wanderers do it again! Fosters in the Sahara. Just camels. tables, 2 meals weekdays, 3 meals at Stephen Goulder (7/11/82) We came from behind to Love ZZZZZ weekends, £33.70pw. Chris Sroka, thrash Selkirk 5-3. PW rule IC Halls. Python of Linstead 127: Thank you EE1. ICU President B-Landing strikes again—who's for coming so quickly—from Paris Would the person who stole my with love X. VAWVWVWVVvWrVVW next? burgundy coloured bag (containing Large room available immediately Life Sci Drifters (LSD) 5 Zoo staff 1. my lecture notes, and textbook on Gary Elec Eng 3 I love your fluores- for 2/3rd year or PG at More House, Any challengers, contact A Slater Genetic Engineering, and all my pens) cent balls—Marion, Chem Eng 1. 53 Cromwell Rd (opp Nat Hist (Zoo 2). from the girls changing rooms in Beit Flat to let: Self-contained basement Museum), £35pw inc breakfast and Robert Benyon— 2nd year from on Fri Nov 12 between 12:30 and studio flat, large, suits single or supper. Contact The Warden or Castellon. Please contact Chris Scott 1:15pm, please return it to where you couple, in Bayswater area. Available Miranda MacSwiney, 589-8433. (CE3)—Lisa wants to see you. got it from or to the Biochemistry from mid-December, rent £150pcm. Who in Guilds is standing for ICU Department. Thank you. H Measures, Tel int 4581, 4529 or 723-2910 (eves). Butley: Universities used to be President 1983/4 and why is Hissing serious once. Edna. Bioohem 3. Fiat 124, N reg, 1200cc, white, only Sid so anxious to help? Who is Hissing Lost at Carnival: Grey nylon C&A 32,500 miles, with stereo cassette (4 Sid? skiwear jacket, black strips down1 speakers), new exhaust system, Ritual burning of Mismoids by well arms, substantial reward for finder batterye, tax till Feb 1983 and MoT till established AVFC Appreciation mob. who returns it promptly. Contact Dave Oct 1983, £400. Telephone int 4581, Contact M Smith, BE3. Chaplin, Chem Eng 3. 4529 or 723-2910 (eves). RENETLY Lost: Red address book from Physics Peter Howarth (EE1): So you Level B. S'pose it's worth a pint. Dave sssssssssssssssssssss couldn't quite make it on Saturday 154a Cromwell Road Gahan, Physics 2. Lost Property: Security have several then? With love, the Lads (and Nora). Lost: One Charing Cross student Next to British Airways Collectors required for RCSU 24hr items of unclaimed property handed nurse, situation desperate, please Rag street collection tomorrow, turn in since the start of term still awaiting Discount contact Alfie. up at RCSU Office from 11:00pm owners. Items include: camera, For students and staff today for cans and licences. calculators (2), m/cycle flares, Did Sharon really have evening Joey, what marks you out as a umbrellas (3), radio, books (2), duty? Answers on a postcard please. Cuts: first visit £3, second and repressed as well as practising jumpers (several), jackets (3), watches Prize very short weekend in two lain after £2.50; Shampoo, cut and pervert, sentimentality towards (2), address book, rings, etc. Callers to USA. AF blow dry: first visit £4.20, second children, Butley. Room 150, Sherfield Building. Also Frontal Lobotomy & brain damaged would the student who called about a mutant modeling done by S W Hijohn, and after £3.85. Help required for (National) BAYS- textbook last Friday please call back. Open Mon-Fri 9am-5pm; Sat DAY March 5 1983. Will include Aero 2. Many thanks setting off balloons, giving directions, The occupants of a certain Hall of 9am-12noon starting competitions, etc...at IC. For John Boroughs Residence if the 'Voice of America' more details (no commitment) contact Security Officer was much quieter (preferably silent). Frances Burke, Life Sci 1 letter-racks. sssssssssssssssssssss Where is Toulaine? Page2| I November 19, 19821 I FELIX Guilds' Asbestos Tiles ASTMS Union members have refused to work in part of the Show Mines Building in the belief that damaged asbestos tiles may Last Saturday was the annual constitute a health risk. Lord Mayor's or Guilds Show, The suspended ceiling-tiles in and as usual Guilds had a float some rooms of the Geology in it. This year, however, they department have suffered from had to have a float with the leaking water-pipes, and some Operation Drake Fellowship are now efflorescing (that is, because of 'dying student shedding asbestos dust). Non- participation'. In fact Guilds academic staff have become were the only student float left in increasingly concerned, and the show, since Barts and City after a television documentary were cast out completely, which on asbestos-related diseases in peeved two City students who industry, their Union withdrew appeared at the start. their services from the affected The car they did it in The spirit of the occasion was areas. They stressed that this was consistently high, with Booma- not a strike and that they would lakas for the Lord Mayor, the continue to work in other parts cameras, the little girl on her of the building. Their action will daddy's shoulders who wasn't have its greatest effect on smiling Vive Le Beaujolais! industrial research work, which is a major source of revenue to the College. Driving a Rover 2300S loaned by up the A6 autoroute to Ausceme Centipede BL three members of the City & was essential. Unfortunately this Professor Knill, Head of Guilds College Motor Club raced was nearly thwarted by dense Department and Dean of the Assalted across France to a very creditable traffic on the autoroute and time Royal School of Mines, told twelfth place overall on the was wasted queueing at tollgates FELIX that there is no question Social activities in Selkirk Hall Beaujoiais Rally earlier this week. however as they steamed further of a dispute between the depart- will suffer as a consequence of The Beaujolais Rally which north the road cleared and a ment and the ASTMS; on the vandalism carried out in the celebrates the release of the steady llOmph was maintained contrary, the department is early hours of Saturday morning. Beaujolais Nouveau wine is to the fuel stop at Sens. doing everything in its power to A large quantity of salt was primarily a distance event where After refuelling and a change resolve the matter. The Estates poured into the Centipede video the car covering the shortest of driver and navigator the Department, he said, has taken a game and one of the telephones, mileage between a vineyard in Rover continued to make good most responsible attitude to the and costs of repair have been Villefranche (near Lyons) and time partially due to a total affair, and that expenditure has considerable. The profit sharing Brighton wins. However, an disregard of French road traffic been authorised for the work to scheme which Selkirk has with important condition is that all laws and eventually easily made be carried out. the owners of the games mach- competitors must catch the the ferry, beating all the Porches Doctor Hargreaves, the Col- ines enables social events to be 8:00am ferry from Boulogne to and Ferraris. lege Safety Director, said that subsidised. The cost of repairs Dover or be excluded. This The British stint was supposed independent surveys have been has had to come from Selkirk's means that an average of at least to be fairly leisurely, but delays carried out and levels of asbestos share of the profit and Warden 45mph must be maintained. at customs put the schedule back dust in the air were found to be Henry Hutchinson has pointed The crew, Chris Millard, John and again a high speed sprint well below the permitted level. out that the entire Hall will be Vedy and Martin Kift, set off was necessary—the car arriving The Mines Building was erected hit by the action of a few along with 124 other competitors at the finish with only two well before the restrictions on irresponsible people. from the vineyard on Sunday minutes to spare. the use of asbestos were imple- complete with ten cases of The crew, who hope to raise mented in 1969, but there is no Beaujolais Nouveau. Because money for the mentally handi- question of danger from un- they knew that their route would capped by selling the wine damaged tiles, and many tiles Where Were entail driving down slower brought back, also came second with a similar appearance have twisty country lanes as they in the charity class. no asbestos content at all. They? skirted Paris, a high speed stint

Only two of the College's twelve policy that Council members Sunday Times attacks Tebbit departmental representatives who miss two successive meet- Hugo Young, the political editor Talking to West London turned up to Monday's Council ings without sending apologies of the Sunday Times, attacked Catholic Students at More meeting, which was declared are deemed to have resigned. the Conservative Party for being House on Sunday, Mr Young inquorate from the start. This The meeting has been re- able to consider Norman Tebbit said that only five years ago Mr will probably assist the move to arranged for next Monday. as a potential leader. Tebbit would not have been remove Dep Reps from Council. taken seriously, yet he was the Of the Council's forty-odd Telephones star of this year's party confer- members, less than half turned ence. He described Mr Tebbit as up, and John Passmore objected an unpleasantly rascist and anti- to the meeting being opened Exchanged union politician who expresses without a quorum—much to the , Many telephone calls on the views which the rank and file of annonyance of those who had college switchboard were cut off his party has held shamefacedly turned up in the hope of getting yesterday afternoon. This is for many years. But now that through a great deal of Union because Kensington exchange is British politics is tending business. The meeting was preparing to transfer to a new towards extremes, he claimed adjourned, and Council Chair- computer system next Thursday, that the Conservative Party had man Nick Pyne has sent out and the problems are likely to discarded all social conscience. memos informing councillors of continue until then. fmximiMmmkmmkmm I November 19, 19821 IPage3 Disco and would you believe it, yes, Punjabi songs had almost Bodies half the share. As a non-Punjabi Courtesy in myself and I am sure speaking Dear Sir or Madam for hundreds more, I was I am writing in thorough thoroughly bored and frustrated FELIX disgust after my recent perusal and felt out-of-place at this of Jon Barnett's little white book function. in which I was shocked to find I would like to ask the Dear Martin no warning to unsuspecting President why was such a Upon gaily tripping Into the freshers of the certain activities Punjabi-biased show allowed to FELIX Office oi ; y I was of particular bodies that exhibit carry on when he himself confronted by the vvoeful (alas a certain duality and hence can assured us that "Punjabi biased and alack) sight of an unfolded be found interfering with them- functions would not take place if FELIX. Whilst gathering selves in specific laboratories in he were elected, as has happened together the assorted sheets and the infamous den of iniquity, the in the past," at his election folding them in the wrong order. Blackett Laboratory. Being a speech! India Society is a society I attempted a little trivial light second year physicist I was not to cater for the needs of all its conversation with a rather overly shocked but* the thought members, who I assure you are unsavoury gentleman with a of the aforementioned particular not all Punjabis. I cannot see the Multiple beard, sitting on one of your bodies exhibiting this behaviour point of paying £1.50 for the tables drinking coffee. in places open to unsuspecting enjoyment of one section of the I opened with an innocent and innocent first year students crowd when half of them were Grand- snippet about the state of brings me to ask for the expul- bored sick and wondering why FELIX, thrown casually to the sion from the College of all were they here! Diwali is wind, and he replied with the bodies using their wave-particle Matricide celebrated all over India, not subtle charm and eloquent properties in such an unseemly only in the Punjab. The Presi- Dear FELIX repartee of a Liverpool docker manner. dent requires a lesson in geo- I am writing to complain with a crowbar through his D Ganger graphy as it seems he cannot see about the size of the paving head. Physics 2 stones in the streets around IC. further than the Punjab! I feel he Somewhat taken aback, and Paul Griffin On average I tend to hit a crack in has a lot of explaining to do to fearing he might' do something the pavement once every three his fellow members. hasty like tear me limb from strides. This means that my Yours faithfully limb and feed me to the folding grandmother dies 1,000 times A Chakravarty machine, I wished him good-day News (again) each day! If I were to try to ME PG and sallied hence to my place of avoid the cracks, this would residence. Dear Martin mean walking like a 1920s film, It is now my painful duty to In reply (if one is needed!) to or leaping around as if practising exact satisfaction for this Glyn Garside's accusations of for the Olympic triple jump Civ Eng affront, for which I demand anti-socialist reporting in last record. In all honesty, could Dear FELIX either that you nail the offending week's news: the reason for his something not be done, like When I applied to IC to study gentleman's naughty bits to the attack seems to be that I do not chopping me off at the knees civil engineering, I did so on the rafters, or that you print this bias the news towards his way of (preferably the top half!). understanding that the facilities letter and give me a free cup of thinking.* I am therefore a Yours for this course were some of the FELIX coffee, whichever costs Reactionary Capitalist, and Room 114 finest in the country. However, you less time, money or step because I do not go in for the the department cannot claim to ladders. ego-trip of plastering my name provdie for all the needs of its Yours pompously under every news item that I Diwali students where it does not install Andy Robinson write (eight last week) I am a coffee-machine, the lack of DoCl cowering behind the agonymity Celebrations which causes great hardship, PS: I always thought they were of the Fascist Press! stress and exercise to over- called evangelists, not Catholics. For a member of the Debating Dear Sir worked civil engineers as we Society, Mr Garside is remark- Last Saturday (Nov 13) was rush to the JCR and back. Dear Martin ably unfamiliar with the English the day of the annual Diwali Why is it that inferior disci- I was sitting in the FELIX language. The word 'betray' Celebrations held by the India plines, such as Mech Eng and Office last week drinking tea which he has worried to death Society in the JCR. This is by far Physics, should have their own when some obnoxious weed does not imply an attempt at the biggest single function held coffee-machines? More to the poked his head through the door subversiveness, but to 'indicate by the society each year and point, is it fair that we pay 16p demanding a FELIX. As the or show sign (of)' (Collins attracts large contingents of for coffee in the buttery, whilst folding machine had recently Dictionary). In point of fact I Indian/Asian students of varied physicists pay a mere 9p? I tend died, said publication was agreed with much of Sir Ashley's backgrounds from all over to the conclusion that someone unfolded which seemed to speech; presumably if I had let London. Such a crowd of diverse has a protection racket on here; I aggrieve said party greatly. my opinions show through the ethnic origins would I presume mean, who would pay good When I informed the gentle- news article Mr Garside would dictate a function to be varied to money for a cup of bitumen from man of his democratic right to not have complained. suit most people if not all. Mr Mooney when he could enjoy ask the Editor to resign if he felt I would point out that while Alas the function was nothing a decent drink at a fairer price? he could do the job better he we did edit our his numerous of the kind. The main part Apart from the prestige flew into a frenzy, holding forth spelling and grammatical errors, consisted of 'Punjabi' songs gained by the department, with all the force of a wood elf. Mr Garside might remember punctuated by a few 'Hindi' students would feel far more Really Martin, I must question that it is better to keep silent and songs. This session lasted for at inclined to attend lectures on your policy of letting plebs past to be thought stupid, than to least an hour and a half. Having time. It would also encourage the hallowed portals of the write illiterate letters to FELIX being throughly bored by now contact between the years. FELIX Office if this is all they're and remove all doubt. going to do. we were subjected to yet another Yours Yours arrogantly piece of Punjabi culture: Bhangra M A Gnus Yours Adrian James dancing. Then followed the Civ Eng 1 The hairy fat slob For want of a better word Page 4 November 19, 1982 HHHHH FELIX Council FELIX Staff Council is the main decision- Thanks to all the people who making body of IC Union, responded to last week's carrot. second only to the Union Staff problems are sorting General Meeting in its authority. EDITORIAL themselves out, although we It only meets three or four times could still do with more helpers, a term and yet last Monday over particularly on Wednesday evening. half its members failed to show unattended. (Why Christine Names to the FELIX Office by up. I was not there either, even Teller, incidentally? Has she Impossible Without Tuesday lunchtime, please. Post- though it is part of my job to forgotten that she isn't Deputy Nick Bedding and Nick Hill for dated cheques will be accepted. attend. Why this surge of apathy President any more?) Anything reviews, Dave Parry for photo- by those who are elected repre- suspicious should be reported to Copy Deadline graphy, Adrian James, John sentatives of the student body? the Union Office or Mr Reeves When Mary Freeman resigned I Vedy, Howard Bell, Viv Draper Answer: only two notes were in Security immediately. You produced a one page FELIX in for news (four of them—a new sent out to advise us of the should also carry your Union- three hours and everyone was record!), Pinocchio and meeting, one by Mary Freeman card at all times; while the thefts full of praise. Each week I Walkabout-Looksee for their last July, and one which I continue, Union officers will be produce a sixteen page FELIX respective columns, Bow-tie for received four hours before the carrying out spot checks, and in forty-eight hours (three days, Royf, Royf for buying us drinks, start of the meeting. anyone without a Unioncard is allowing me eight hours sleep) Chris Mallaband for sports, liable to be thrown out of the Security and everyone is incredulous that Hugh Southey for What's On, building. Caroline Foers for Clubs and Many people are concerned I need so much time. Copy Societies, Petra Barry, Nick about the amount of theft from FELIX Dinner deadline is 1730h Monday, and anything received after that time Pyne, Mark Smith, Andy Wood the Union Gym and other parts This is on December 3, a may not go in. I also reserve the and Diane Love for pasting-up, of the Union Building, and fortnight today. The cost is £8.50 right to cut letters and small ads all the STOIC hacks who collate, Christine Teller has written to for an n course meal, everyone is which are excessively silly, long Maz, Peter and any errors or ask me to ask you not to leave welcome and the guest speaker is or anonymous. omissions. clothing or other valuables Sue Arnold of the Observer.

1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 11 ' _f BH H ^^^^^ Ol ^^T"i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i 11 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 JL 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 _I_I_M-I_I 1 1 J 1 I I r l l i i i i i I l l l t I l l l \ % \ 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 l l l l l l l l 1 l l l l l l l l i i l l l i l l i l l l l1 DCLV/W ^ 1 1 1 t 1 1 t 1 aggressive Ulster accent snapped I'M GLAD TO see that J Martin of one my father was sent several "Are you the Rector, then?" Taylor hasn't totally retired years ago. After all the usual Lord Flowers, unflappable as from the political scene at IC guff about sending copies to four ever, remarked blandly "I am after his presidential election friends, moving names around sometimes" which must be one defeat in March last year. restaurant menu for a few and adding your own name to of the few recorded attempts at Second and third years will minutes before asking the the foot of the list, it continued rectorial humour. remember that last year IC was FELIX Editor in all seriousness "Now bundle up your wife and overrun with Martin Taylors "What is a sausage?" send her to the address at the top (four, actually) two of whom, to Finally, to dinner with Enoch ALL THIS NONSENSE about of the list; within three weeks the best of my knowledge, have Powell during his visit to College chain letters (which the Editor you will receive 1,024 women left, one is FELIX Editor, and a few weeks back. Mr Powell and News Editor have started from all different parts of the one, J Martin Taylor, is now had his meal at the Rector's calling 'Chain Mail') reminds me country." doing a postgraduate course in house in the company of Lord Nuclear Fuels where he and his Flowers, Stephen Goulder, officemates spend much time several other important digni- taries and, as it happened, ROY FRANCIS explaining to visitors that no, this is not the Martin Taylor this Martin Taylor. The conversation INTERNATIONAL FEMALE IMPERSONATOR turned to Mr Powell's love of is someone else. God knows SINGER - COMEDIAN - IMPRESSIONIST what confusion would have philology, and his ability to reigned if he'd succeeded in his speak twelve languages fluently. presidential campaign. An impressive pause was broken by a distinctive Lancashire tone During his career as a super- uttering in plonking voice "I've hack, Martin acquired a reputa- got an O-Level in French," tion as a maker of long boring which effectively silenced further speeches and this, together with conversation- for the next ten his commendable determination minutes. to represent the views of non- hacks, made him many enemies on Council. This is a great pity, THE DIFFICULTIES of making as he is a warm and sympathetic light conversation with impor- person with a generous sense of tant people are considerable, humour which he frequently though. It is said that Lord 'Rab' turns against himself, his much- Butler, when Master of Trinity mocked northern accent and his College, always used to bandage frequent social gaffes. His classic up his hand before meeting quote concerned David Owen: undergraduates in order to "He was even more boring than provide an immediate topic of I am!" It takes a brave man to conversation. No such excuse make a joke like that. was needed by gangling FELIX More recently, at an outing of Business Manager Peter Rodgers Martin Taylors, he demonstrated when faced with Lord Flowers AVAILABLE FOR CABARET, etc. his aptitude for bewildering his on a social occasion. He looked companions when he studied a his straight in the eye and in his From the newspaper The Stage. FELIX November 19, 1982 PwgeS [OPINION I The article mentioned with voice heard; however, last praise the Peace Now movement week's article attempts to deny in Israel who have (and continue) any but peaceful actions to the Exposing to speak openly for Palestinian PLO, once again indulging in a rights and an eventual solution completely pointless hiding of based on the partition of the truth. the Nazi-Zionist Israel/Palestine. However, Peace Now are also Zionists and Mutual Connection even the most moderate Peace Now members would find it Recognition hard to sit down and talk with —A Jewish Viewpoint an extremist who claims that Zionists are no better than The official policy of Imperial Nazis. College Jewish Society, along Are the Israelis the new Nazis? This is the clear question behind last The other side of the lack of with the Union of Jewish

week's article 'The Palestinian Holocaust'p Use of the phrases objectivity of the article was the Students to which it is affiliated, 'holocaust', 'genocide' and 'concentration camps in the Second World whitewashing of the PLO's is mutual recognition of Jewish War' combine to create the impression that driven by 'the Zionist aim attitude towards Israel over the and Palestinian rights, and that to create an exclusively Jewish state in Palestine' the Israelis are years. Under the subtitle 'PLO any future settlement should be mercilessly butchering the Palestinian people. peacemakers' we were told that on the basis of this fundamentally Menachem Begin has used the article are trying to imply that "the PLO...has always sought important recognition. At the Holocaust to justify some of his Zionism is Nazism, an intensely towards finding a peaceful formation of the IC Friends of actions over the years, much to offensive accusation to Jews, solution to the conflict." When Palestine Society the suggestion the horror of those Jews and and to anybody with an aware- Yasser Arafat spoke to the was made by the Jewish Society non-Jews who wish to see the ness of the past forty years of United Nations it is true that he that it may be possible to find memory of that unimaginable history. held an olive branch in one common ground based on one period preserved as accurately as hand. He held a submachine gun policy, towards putting forward possible, as a warning for future in the other. a joint motion on Israel/Palestine theory in the Union (an event generations. Right wing revision- Peace Now More importantly, the coven- which in a small way would ist historians, in a far more The sad part of this article is that ant of the PLO calls explicitly make history!). This was due to extreme manner, have taken a much valid (and much invalid) for the destruction of the State the very reasonable speeches cavalier attitude to the facts of criticism of Israel has appeared of Israel and replacing it by a given by some members of the the Holocaust, maintaining that recently in the Western Press "secular, democratic" Palestine. Palestine Society—implicitly Hitler did not know about the (and in the Israeli press) and To achieve this it calls for recognising the right of Israel to murder of the Jews and that in these points alone would be "armed struggle" and the exist and calling essentially for a any case six million Jews were quite sufficient to establish that expulsion of the Zionist settlers Palestinian State on the West not really killed. This vile the Palestinians have suffered (ie Israeli Jews from, presumably, Bank and Gaza (yes, this is also nonsense is publicised by the recently in Lebanon and will 1897). This is not a peaceful, Peace Now policy). We chose to National Front and other similar continue to suffer as refugees diplomatic approach. set aside as atypical a disturbing groups. until some resolution to the It would have been argued that speech of solidarity by a member Now, alas, it would appear conflict in the Middle East is terrorism has been necessary for of the Islamic Society, calling for that the Holocaust is to be found. the Palestinians to make their the Jews to pack up their bags abused for political purposes yet and leave Israel "in peace", again, in the way in which last before they are thrown out week's article cynically over- "harshly", by force. states what could have been a perfectly legitimate case. We are now publicly repeating The Israelis are not running a this offer to the Friends of 'concentration camp' in Southern Palestine Society with that Lebanon. Even if the Israelis warning that if the extremism so were torturing every Palestinian rut blatantly shown in last weeks in this camp (and there is not a article is the true mark of the shred of evidence to support society any communication will such a ridiculous claim) it is hard I, have to cease. Comparison of to imagine that they are gassing the Nazi Holocaust to the recent Palestinians, turning their bodies events in Lebanon is just as into candles or performing offensive to Jews as the rantings atrocious medical experiments of the lunatic right wing on the on them, to mention but a few of MUST same subject. If there is to be a the more notable crimes com- dialogue between Jews and mitted by the Nazis. Palestinians (and between Israel The 'genocide at Sabra and and the PLO in the long term) Chetila' was a terrible blot on this must be on the basis of mutual understanding of the the record of all involved and an TO appalling human tragedy. But feelings of each side. Con- 'genocide' means the destruction OF sequently, it would be very of an entire people which it was welcome if the leaders of the not. Again the word 'holocaust' Friends of Palestine Society is totally unreasonable in the miY. AtJAFflT tiers would be prepared to publicly context, vastly overstating in its disassociate themselves from the implications, the actual events in disgraceful comparisons in their Lebanon (bad as they were). (anonymous!) article, and we challenge them to do so. It seems to the Jewish Society that the use of these emotive D Rickman expressions and the tone of the pp IC J Soc Page 61 I November 19, 19821 I FELIX British Rail and over the years ordinated and effective student this has saved individual students organisation. To NUS or not to NUS is a perennial question pounds and pounds. The Inter- B. Lefties: this is no kind of in many students' unions, and ICU is no national Student Identification reason for anything; however it Card (ISIC), giving discount exception. Five years ago we voted to stay out; was said that the organisation travel for all over Europe and now, in view of the NUS grants campaign, was dominated by 'trots' and further, along with many other 'commies'. All NUS Executive many students feel that it may be time to advantages, was brought about members are democratically reconsider the decision. PHIL NATHAN puts through the work of the NUS. elected at NUS conference—they Those of us who insure with the case for reaffiliation have included Socialist, Conser- Endsleigh, are involved with a vative, Communist, Liberal company that was set up by and Labour students. The domi- NUS. It supplies cheaper insur- nant grouping for the last five ance and better insurance years was the 'left alliance', a schemes, designed specifically NUS: The Case coalition including Liberal and for students. Labour students, but now the There are many, many other Labour Students hold sway. Of ways in which the NUS helps course political colour makes For Reaffiliation students, the national discount little difference since elected scheme, legal protection, welfare members are all committed to services, national competitions, student welfare and that's what Five years ago, Imperial College students decided in a campus-wide a national student newspaper counts. Few would argue that referendum to withdraw from the National Union of Students (NUS) and much more. The decision was made on a margin of about fifty votes out of 1,500 their efforts have not been of votes cast. Many people still believe that the students' union should still (3) Helping Our Students Union great benefit to students. be in the NUS, and at the next Union General Meeting on December 7, Do you think our student union C. Finance: The most foolish a motion will be heard, calling for the referendum required for works effectively and efficiently? and short-sighted reason — reaffiliation. Why should you vote for a referendum, and then, In the past year more than 2,000 'Look, we can save 9% of our ultimately for re-affiliation? How can NUS help us? union officers have attended student grant,' it was said, 'the NUS training courses. The NUS money is just being wasted'; but (1) Representation to development and training depart- NUS repays over and over again Government ment has recently devised a the affiliation money in grant The main work of the NUS is in special accounting system for claims, welfare services, discount the annual grant claims made to student unions which is now schemes, etc. Because NUS is government. Last year the grants used in more than 350 unions. In not seen to hand a lump sum campaign brought in for univer- addition sabbatical regional of money back to the Union sity students a 4% grant increase. officers are on hand to give which pays the affiliation fee, In other words, it netted on advice and assistance in negoti- 'blind' people said it was a waste behalf of Imperial students more ations with College (refectory of money. than £200,000. The Department boycotts!!) and local authori- D. Undemocratic: Five years of Education and Science ties, to all the unions affiliated to ago it was the case that not all recognises only one repre- NUS. They are also equipped to delegates to the national con- sentative student body, the NUS, give expert help and advice on ference were democratically and this is the organisation the the financial control, adminis- elected. At the last conference a DES consults when it is consider- tration and development of motion calling for all delegates ing any aspect of student student unions. to be elected in cross-campus welfare, be it housing, prescrip- The evidence for supporting ballots was passed by the tion charges or parental grant NUS and joining it is over- required two-thirds majority, contributions. NUS is the whelming; yet what were the and when it is passed again at organisation that Members of reasons put forward for disaffi- the coming conference, all Parliament consult before Phil Nathan liation five years ago. delegates will be democratically making up their minds on many A. It was said that NUS was elected. different things that effect our prevent poorer students from ineffectual and badly organised. At the present moment in time lives. It is the strength of NUS entering further education. Only How do those in favour of NUS Imperial College students live with its 1.2m members which a national body like NUS can do membership counter this? The off the backs of other students in gives us a 4% grant increase; no things like this. In opposing answer is quite simple and can this country; gaining many indivdiual students union could student loans, it has been worth be provided by three MPs: advantages of NUS without manage this on its own. 1.2m its weight in gold. The recent "NUS is highly professional contributing anything and student voters united in a grants' defeat of the new, government and argues the case of students having no say in the way student claim form an extremely power- proposed crippling grant regula- extremely well. "-Sir William views are put to Government or ful lobbying body. The NUS tions, was due largely to the van Straubenzee, Tory MP and anyone else. A vote for a negotiates for our grants, we skilful lobbying and representa- former Junior Education Mini- referendum on December 7 will should join and support it. tion of the student case, to' ster. members of parliament, carried allow democratic discussion The NUS has fought effectively out by NUS. The amount of "NUS is one of the country's about NUS, will allow all against the introduction of misery and financial strain that most effective educational pres- students to have a say; and student loans and has been the the NUS has saved us in helping sure groups." - Shirley Williams, reaffiliation will bring us back major force in opposing them to defeat these government plans SDP Leader, Former Secretary into the community of students; for many years; it has managed is not possible to measure but in of State for Education. will give us more NUS benefits to organise surveys in other financial terms it must be far "The work of NUS is essential and will improve the running of parts of the world where the greater than the 9% of our in campaigns against education our student union. Our era of loans system does operate and student grant required for cuts." — Neil Kinnock, Labour parasitism will be over. has gone back to government affiliation. Shadow Education Minister. Vote for a Referendum on Dec 7 with concrete evidence that NUS is not perfect, but it is Philip Nathan shows loans have a higher rate of (2) Services to Students organised well and though it Biochem 3 default, cause an expensive The student railcard came about may be difficult for some to IC Liberals system of administration, and after NUS negotiations with accept, NUS is a well co-

FELIX1 November 19, 1982 Page7 is certainly much better than Jonathan Lyon's waterfall from the first to the ground floor! i figures—hunters, birds and beasts—are recent production of Shaw's Arms and the Currently, work is in progress on the smoothly polished, and their clear, streamlined Man at the Lyric Theatre, and The Dark Lady WALKABOUT- escalators on the cast side: you can ride up on shapes have a class simplicity and beauty. The of the Sonnets and The Admirable Bashville at copper-coloured tradition, and down on silver- sculptor's aim is to release the spirit contained the Open Air Theatre in Regent's Park last grey modernity. in each piece of stone; and between them, Heaven 0 summer. The NT production is recommended lOOKStt sculptor and spirit produce the likeness of a for lovers of Shaw and anyone who likes a Carvings from Arctic Canada seal, bear, or whatever. The beauty of the good argument. by Mobile Optics Inc. The 'Art Reflections' gallery, next to the piece appears to be incidental, as there is no Georgian Restaurant on the fourth floor, offers Armaments 1 Nick Bedding word 'beautiful' in the Inuit language. a short excusion into the visual arts. The Christmas is coming, the goose is getting fat, gallery contains a small and changing Harrods Limited Kindly put a penny in the old man's hat; exhibition of Limited Edition reproductins and "Harrods must be a showpiece which attracts If you haven't a penny, a ha'penny will do, Major Barbara by Bernard Shaw. objets d'art, and also a collection of original visitors from both home and overseas, not If you haven't got a ha'penny then got bless Directed by Peter Gill. The Cottesloe, Eskimo (Inuit) sculpture. only as a trading store, but as a supremely National Theatre. Worth Missing you. The Eskimo carvers work mostly in different place of interest...(the) wide range of Major Barbara is one of three plays by Echoing the spirit of trad anon above, high quality merchandise must always be seen though not the scansion, Walkabout took me soapstone, which comes in softly-mottled which Shaw converted the theatre into a to be good value for money, taking into A Meal For? along Brompton Road towards Knightsbridge: shades of green and grey. The little forum of ideas and debate, where audiences account the atmosphere and style of Harrods* came to be provoked and to be forced to Christmas is coming, chestnuts are being think. The theme in the play is poverty, and roasted on the pavement, the windows at Diary of a Hunger Strike by Peter what could or should be done about it. The Harrods are full of be-ribboned, be-baubled Sheridan, directed by Pam Brighton, Hull argument is fought between Undershaft, the Christmas trees and the facade is festively Truck Theatre Company at the Round world's greatest armaments manufacturer outlined by a seemingly-endless string of light House. (played by Brewster Mason), and his daughter bulbs. Before you get thoroughly bored with Barbara, a major in the Salvation Army (played As the title suggests this play examines the the concept of Christmas 1982, and before by Penelope Wilton). The play was written in complicated issues of the recent H-Block your grant runs out completely, visit Harrods 1905, at a time when Britain was at the summit hunger strike. The production was not too Thatcher, who thought she could solve the and enjoy the ultimate commercial Xmas. biased towards the IRA cause (though some of her Imperial power and was the world's problems of the Province in a few months). In 1849 Henry Charles Harrod, a tea would say it was biased merely because the second biggest armaments exporter, and also, Secondly, the protestant prison warder merchant, took over a small grocery shop in subject was presented at all). The approach at a time when it was claimed that one person (Christopher Whitehouse) who recognised Middle Queen's Building (now Brompton was that of a diary, with both warder and in ten 'lived below the standard of the London that the British consider Ulstermen to be Irish Road): he had a turnover of £20 a week and inmate expressing their emotions and cab-horse'. Major Barbara appears today to whilst Irishmen regard them as 'Brits'. Finally, employed two assistants. Following the Great opinions. The arguments from both sides of have lost none of its relevance. A frighteningly this British lack of interest is illustrated by the Exhibition of 1851 in Hyde Park, Knightsbridge the Northern Ireland dispute were offered, so large proportion of Britain's population lives on replacement warder (Alan Buckingham) who grew from an area infamous for its highway whilst there was nothing new in them, at least or below the officially designated poverty line, is English right down to the London accent and robberies, to a fashionable district. Harrod's it provided an education for the apparently all- and this at a time when the Government is talks only of Spurs Football Club while the rest business prospered, expanded, and has never American audience which surrounded me. spending more on defence than any other of the prison is experiencing the tension of the looked back. country in Europe, and is still selling upwards The most important point which appeared in imminent death of a hunger striker. The first escalator in a London store was of £700m worth of armaments a year in the play was the lack of interest in N Ireland The moral of this review is 'don't sweep installed in Harrods, in 1898. In July 1981, a secrecy to various governments throughout shown by the British. This was shown by the Northern Ireland under your carpet'. Get over new bank of escalators was opened on the the world. naivety of the Tory peer played by James Wyn to the Round House before December 4. west side of the store. They are faced in (which reflected that of the newly-elected Mrs Mr Mooney eat your heart out! The play holds interest at the very outset. Nick Hill Roman travertine marble and incorporate a Shaw was a vociferous atheist, and an equally SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSeBSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSaBSi iSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSfgi statement of policy, which explains the store's vociferous socialist. Would he come down on objectives and its raison d'etre. They are the side of the Salvation Army and the aiming at discriminating customers, whatever Kingdom of Heaven, or on the side of the seller their social class. So, as you roll your eyes at of arms (called The Prince of Darkness by his the price of a tin of dry-roast peanuts, family)? remember that you are paying in part for the plushy, stylish decor (where else does meat Undershaft wins, but not easily and not Hall have a preservation order on it because of clearly. The argument is conducted as the its original Victorian tile friezes?), for the Undershaft family is led around the factory, helpful (...well usually, avoid over-crowded and Shaw argues equally eloquently and Saturday afternoons) staff, for the free delivery cleverly for each side. Undershaft claims that within a thirty mile radius, etc, etc. poverty is a crime, and the high wages and organised welfare arrangements with which he Harrods is on the flashy side of smart: their saves his workers from the degradation of razzmatazz approach is undeniable, neverthe- poverty contrast favourably with his less Christmas at Harrods is extravagantly and daughter's modest charitable rations to the childishly fun. Darth Vader will make a down-and-outs in the Salvation Army's hostel. personal appearance in the Toy Fair, on the But Undershaft's philosophy extends further. I third floor, on November 20, and Father He firmly upholds the armourer's faith: 'to give Christmas will arrive there on November 27 arms to all men who offer an honest price for and stay till Christmas Eve. them, without respect of persons or In the Food Halls, on the ground floor, principles'. He abhors politicians and others Harrods are presenting a range of Christmas who classify, label and even condemn large gift boxes, brimming with fine food and wine. sections of the world's populace. Who has a The 'Supreme' (the hamper of a liftetime, right to pass judgements of this kind, and on £1,000!) is stuffed with every conceivable what basis? Christmas goody, from a gallon of Glenfiddich The argument, as may be expected, covers whisky, through multicoloured Sobranie a great many other issues. However, the usual cocktail cigarettes, to a storage jar of Harrods Shavian silliness pervades the play like a Brandy Butter. If you're not that greedy, or not lingering farmyard smell: the rapacious lady of that wealthy, but still looking for something a the family, played by Sian Phillips, is a Lady little special to take home, you'll find delicious, Britomart; the great Undershaft enterprise pure butter Harrods shortbread in the Bakery must always be inherited by a foundling; (ground floor). Petticoat Tails (400g) and Barbara's sweetheart (played by Nicholas Shortbread Fingers (500g) come in pretty, Jones) who takes on the enterprise at the end round and oblong tins respectively, at £1.95 of the play, is a Professor of Greek; and the each. embarrassing member of the family, Charles Where, When, £? Lomax (played by mark Tandy), wallows in Harrods is at the Knightsbridge end of insouciant verbal laziness and exclaims "Oh, I Brompton Road, open 9:30am - 7:00pm on say!" all the time. All very silly. © Wednesday, 9:00am - 6:00pm on Saturday and This is a good production of Major Barbara, 9:00am - 5:00pm otherwise. Looking is for free; but I fear the pace is rather fast towards the temptations start at lOp and rise on a end and it becomes a job to keep up. The play logarithmic scale! I November 19, 19821 I Page9 it JMDT FLOWEKS 10 PINTS A WEEK? ...OR A DECENT LIVING FOR STUDENTS?

£5.00 A WEEK An increase in the main rate of £5.00 a week (with the London well London students a yearly award of £2,136, compared to £1,831 joul hare a fight on our hands at the moment to maintain the Lom D.E.S. is thinking of scrapping; it is quite clear that Londi grant to meet the higher cost of living of London.

END THE PARENTAL GBmOBUTIC Phased abolition of the parental contribution, ami the threshold to be najhldaiitf year to £9,000 (i.e., if the parent's income is under £9,000, my do not havn^mltibute) from the present level of £6,000. We want a full, non means tested for all students.

£25 MINIMUM FOR ALltfN FURTHER EDUCATION Minimum allowance for af stents in higher education, hi liae with the Youth Training Scheme allowance. * *

Unreasonable? I talabljhat would agree We need your help to set the record straight. with the vast majority of students all ove^ the Come either to the march from Malet Street at couatry thaMliese are not outrageous clahn*. 12.30 p You may Wanmlnd to bear, then, that for both) I these jp#be Main campaigning points that the N.U^is tryiaa^|»%iu for as. See you At #gpceat>,, press coufereace, when Niel StewarT^HMMced the campaign program aad Its alms, utfny of the Jo««ali«t«praaenl did not believe ton many students jet leas that £20 a week. If the press are ignorant of how badly off Seer and Bangers many students are, thea It seems hardly surprising that the public at large have the Wednesday November 24, 5:30-7:00pm Image of the students that they do. 170 Queensgate Names to Jen in the Unl->n Office by 1:00pm Tuesday Nov 23. Freshers particularly welcome.

Mining and Metallurgical Society

Royal School of Mines,

Imperial College

3rd Robert Pryor Memorial Lecture

Sir Peter Baxendell Chairman Shell Transport and Trading Company

The Diversification of Oil Companies into Mining ICU HANDBOOK EDITOR(ESS) REWARD: Six free weeks in Hall. 18 00 hours

For further information contact: Mike Prosser (Elec Eng) Monday 22nd November 1982

Peter Rodgers (Physics) Mechanical Engineering Lecture

Theatre ME 220 Papers go up in the Union Building on Monday. The Imperial College SW7 election will be held at the Publications Board meeting on Tuesday December 7. No experience needed (no cowboys please). Refreshments from 17-00 hours

PagelO! November 19, 1982 FELIX ICLUBS & SOCIETIES!

Second Heaven - Judith Guest, Allen Lane Pub RSM £7.95 Bookshop News Pocket Thesaurus - Wittels & Greisman, Ward I hope everyone enjoyed their day down in Lock Pub £2.95 Cardiff and it was good to see that we taught Thank you all for supporting our exhibition of Bird Watchers Diary - Lovegrove & Barratt, them a bit about singing songs and boat races books from Russia. The cultural attache was Hutchinson Pub £9.95 (to the extent they had to start cheating!). most impressed. They are having to restock Some Damn Fools Signed the Rubens Again - Thanks very much to everyone who helped for future exhibitions. Thelwel, Methuen Pub £4.95 out at the Open Day. The students who We will be having an exhibition of books by Amazing Times - S Winkworth, Allen & Unwin attended all seemed to think it was well and about H G Weils in the Shop on week £6.95 worthwhile. beginning December 6. Hopefully to include A Nice Night's Entertainment - Barry Names are now being taken for the Mines the latest one H G Wells and the Culminating Humphries, Granada Pub £1.95 Ball (Dec 17). Tickets are £28 (for a double) Ape by Peter Kemp, Macmillan Press, approx Spare a Copper - G Harris, £1.95 and although that might sound expensive it £15. A Hundred and One More Uses of a Dead Cat includes a four course meal, cabaret, disco and Best Sellers - Simon Bond, Methuen Pub £4.95 bars. We will accept post-dated cheques (till Concise Atlas of World History - Times Books Snakes & Ladders - Dirk Bogarde, Granada next term) so get your name down to the £12.50 Pub £1.95 Union Office now. Rude Food - David Thorpe, Macmillan £4.95 A Gentle Occupation - Dirk Bogarde, Granada I suppose there are not many of you out there The Amateur Naturalist - Gerald Durrell, £1.95 who are aware that the RSM possesses a Hamish Hamilton £12.50 Yarbro - Chelsea Quinn, Granada £1.50 motorised mascot, but let me assure you that Best of James Harriot - Michael Joseph Pub Dealers Wheel - Steve Wilson, Granada £1.50 Clementine, a 1926 Morris Commercial, is £12.95 Death Beam - Robert Moss, Granada £1.95 very much alive. Clem is at present being rebuilt, having been rolled (yes, rolled!) some years ago. At that time, Clem was stripped, chucked into boxes, RCS SF Soc and distributed all over College for restoration 24hr Rag or: the Further Adventures of Burt the work. This marvellous event is being held from Bacterium Unfortunately, nobody bothered to record midnight tonight onwards. Turn up at any time With a high pitched scream she lunged where all the pieces went, and we have been from 11:00pm onwards to collect licences, forward and tore at my cell wall. One of my sex left with the frustration of a jigsaw, with cans and find a place to collect. Hopefully we pili came away in her long nailed hand. numerous unaccountable missing pieces. can raise more money than last time it was held (over £1,000) so we need lots of you to go Shuddering with pain I lashed out with my Please, if anybody knows where any of the flagella, striking the woman across the head pieces are, or any bits of scrap which may be and accost the general public for their coppers—but don't accost the coppers. and chest. She staggered backwards and I useful, let me know, or drop a line into the pressed in on the offensive, firing both R and F This is a really almost legal Rag stunt and RSM Union Office. plasmids at her now bleeding wounds. Finally if anybody is interested in helping out should be a big money-raiser. "No!" she gasped, "You'll only make it with the rebuilding of Clem just get in touch. worse for yourself. Run while you still have the The club meets every Wednesday in the RSM chance!" Union Office at 1:00pm. Indian For then it was that I heard the ominous Much ta. throbbing noise coming from behind me. With John Eagleson Funny, satirical, and also grim. Described also as 'hilarious if subversive' this film featuring the a bias random walk I turned around and faced incomparable Vasudeva Rau as an aged my foe. Ah, yes! I knew him well—Wally the layabout, is the second in India Society's short White Blood Cell; we had met many times C&G before in the seedy capillaries of the heart and season of works by accomplished directors. Last Friday Guilds Carnival was a great Minnal Sen is a highly talented director, but brain. His horribly deformed cell membrance success with everyone having a great, fantastic Oka Oorie Katha is the only one of his films to bulged grotesquely out in my direction, marvellous, spacer, etc, time. Thanks to all be released SQ far in the UK. This is then a rare catching my flagella. Slowly 1 was being drawn those who arranged it and helped to make it chance to see a work of his here, despite Nigel towards that seething mass ot digestive one of the best ever. Andrews' view (of the Financial Times) that enzymes The C&GU/Operation Drake float went "it would clearly feel much at home." I Continued next week down well at the Lord Mayors Show last sincerely hope many of you will take this Saturday, despite the fact that all the opportunity to see it, on Tuesday at. 6:00pm in Guildsfolk were still suffering from Carnival's Mech Eng 220. The copy will of course by fully excesses. subtitled in English. STOIC Enough of the past—now to the forthcoming OK, so Southside can recieve Channel 4 and Guilds spectaculars. STOIC, lucky people. Right, on with the column. This Saturday (November 20) we have Silly Sports outside Harrods. This is one of the Community Action Some of you may have noticed the temporary disappearance of the Southside TV most enjoyable Rag events of the year and is Sponsorship forms for the Crisis at Christmas Lounge set last week. This was for modifica- where Guildsfolk impress (?) the Harrods pilgrimage have now arrived. If you are tion, or rather re-indoctrination, as your customers with their amazing acrobatic and interested in the two day walk from friendly cathode ray tube was beginning to idiotic skills and then ask for/demand large Canterbury to London (60 miles!) with your have ideas of its own. At one point the set sums of money for charity. Meet in the Guilds overnight accommodation paid for, on refused to automatically switch to STOIC Office at 9:00am this Saturday. Saturday and Sunday, December 4 and 5, transmissions when commanded. A retraining And finally for those of you who suffer from please come to the Rag Committee Room at course was obviously necessary, and after a the midweek blues we have on Wednesday 12:45 today as this is the last day for entry. few hours under the scalpel of Oberengineer- November 24: Morohv Day, on which we take If you can't manage this feat, please come ingfuhrer Nick W Graham-Taylor, the Philips on RCS and Mines in a battle for the Morphy and sponsor those noble persons who are at Gil returned to an existence as free from Oar. Traditional ammunition consisting ot the same time, same place. original thought as the JCR set. bulls blood, rotting eels, guts, etc. Traditional Many thanks to Steve Goulder for get- If any of you, whilst passing your free time armour in pink (mmm-nice) bin-liners. All ting us out of the Soup literally (i-Ed) a week last watching STOIC's hybrid waveforms notice cavalry, artillery and foot soldiers meet in the Tuesday by getting out of bed and finding us a any slight variation from technical perfection Guilds Office at 12:30pm from where we will van for the Soup Run. gives us a bell on internal 2637 and we'll send march down to Putney towpath and let battle Soup Run is continuing as usual on the boys round. commence (after the rowing races). Cream Tuesdays and Fridays meeting at 10:30pm in On a lighter note, we wish Martin S Taylor teas will be served in Harrods for all survivors Falmouth Kitchens. A great way to see the best of luck with his fight against the and those agile enough to escape Harrods' London at night. Also help is needed at the tyrannical cospir (aha! Insurrection from the security guards. Acton Youth Club on Saturday afternoons. typewriter) conspiracy of the mechanical See you at the above events. If you are interested in anything our proletariat, ie, the folding machine...we know Jules meetings are every Monday, 12:30pm, Rag the feeling. Committee Room. FELIXI November 19, 1982BH IPogell ISPORTI match. down the middle. However, in the second half Jo angled one in straight 3 Imperial played some of their through the legs of a participant, PORT best hockey with Andy and whereas Karen was a bit less Rifle & Pistol Chris holding the defence daring and centred one perfectly. together well and Captain Geoff Thus the game progressed until controlling the midfield distri- both parties retired to the Another exciting week down on buting the ball out to right wing showers. the range with radically improved ^ Hockey Mangat who put some nice deep scores registered by Steve and first time crosses through the Mark, both, hitting hot 99s. Brunei defence resulting in a hat- Asked to comment on his trick for Bell and a rare Steve Rugby performance Steve Harrison Firsts Parker goal — much to the (Club Captain, contact viaq Elec IC vs Goldsmiths I 4-1 delight of his girlfriend. (It's Seconds Eng letter-racks) admitted that a funny how he seems to move new leg geometry is adding IC vs Rosslyn Park Vths 36-6 This was a crucial first round of upfield whenever she's around?) stability to his position. Crisis the ULU Cup played against a If Imperial can keep scoring like The day after Carnival saw IC struck when rock-afficionado team determined to show IC this—and keep a tight defence— make a slow and ponderous start Gary Smith discovered that his how lucky we were to draw with how can we lose? against Roslyn Park 5ths. It took Phil Collins gig coincided with them last season 1-1. Played on a forty minutes before the IC the annual club din-dins. Regret- smooth Harlington A pitch players decided that perhaps tably Mr Collins was unable to Imperial failed to stamp any they didn't get that drunk the agree to a change of date hence authority on the game during the Seconds previous evening and locomotion the dinner will now be held on first half-hour allowing 'Goldys' was indeed still possible. From Friday December 3 (all members a free run of the pitch cul- IC vs Mill Hill 0-1 then on IC rarely left their please note). minating in a nicely finished opponents half and starved the Club outing to the Army goal. A goal down, Imperial With IC all ill, opposition of nearly all posses- ranges at Bisley takes place on started to show a little more Against a team like Mill Hill, sion. Strong work from the Sunday. Those attending will aggression and soon fought back We were never going to win. forwards ensured plenty ball for need warm costumes, money for to draw level before half time. The pitch was so bad, a good attacking baseline, lunch, railcard, etc. We meet In the second half Imperial Again Purdy got mad, although at times the handling 9:00am under the departure started to control the game with And Slatter let their goal in. left something to be desired. A board at Waterloo Station. 90% of the play and soon good move in the three-quarter Between his legs went the ball, converted some fluent moves line and strong running from Such a surprise to us all. into three more goals from Phil Clarke gave Roger Flynn a Oh Rolf, what a terrible sin! Geoff, Andy and Paul ensuring touchdown in the corner for the Squash Imperial a sound win and a Charles missed a sitter, last try of the game. Tries were second round place in the Cup. And Dave did not better. also scored by Roger (2), Paul, Team: Bell, Ayres, Franklin, When he tried kicking it in. John, Charles, Andy, Micky and lsts vs KCH 1 5-0 Riley, Parker, Bawal, Jones, 2nds vs St MH 2 5-0 No Hope couldn't score, Jim to give a final score of 36-6. Paul, Andy, Walter, Garmes. 3rds vs BSO 1 0- 5 He missed the target for sure, 4ths vs St GH 2 1- 4 IC vs Gowan 1-0 And so all four chances were Ladies vs St GH 20-5 blown. Gowan, a team from a division Ten Pin Bowling Sorry to say that the Thirds above our own, were a skilful and Fourths are slipping behind IC vs Portsmouth Poly 2-8 side. Weakened, starting with Ladies in the points table. The Firsts ten men, Imperial applied good hammered KCH and are un- At long last, there was actually opening pressure with Andy IC vs Chelsea College II 2-0 doubtedly one of themost some excitement for the Bowling Garmes doing some good run- powerful sides out of all the Club last week when the coach ning out wide on the left wing London colleges. The Seconds Locality: Somewhere south of broke down and the driver swinging in some good balls for also have a walkover (5-0) to the Thames in a whorehouse wandered off to a neaby hostelry Bell to neatly miss leaving a their credit after the rearranged Visitor: Ivor Cock to discuss the state of the world scoreless sheet at half time. The match against Westfield 1 was Condition of surface to be with the landlord. While he was second half saw a very close again cancelled. negotiated: Somewhat lumpy away two officers of the law battle, especially in midfield with and soggy, probably due to turned up and despite Ian I hope everyone's had a both sides creating good chances constant use. Ridgley's efforts to open the chance to look at our glorious but failing to convert them to multicoloured ladder, bought Problems: Possibility of door they managed to get in. goals. However, with about ten and erected at fabulous expense. embarrassment due to lack of Captain Chris Wells smiled minutes to go Garmes slotted a Thank you ACC Exec! The experience in certain positions. nicely and managed to persuade Bansal cross into the net leaving ladder system which has been Experience: Majority of the police not to take us all in as Imperial to survive a final ten made good use of so far, should participants admitted to ex- long as Mark Sample agreed to minute onslaught before pro- now be much easier to update. perience in most areas, but donate a pint of blood to the gressing to the second round of weren't too happy with changing Police Christmas Ball fund. The the Middlesex Cup. positions, since some required driver eventually turned up and Team: Sean, Barry, Geoff, more tactical manoeuvring than carefully avoided breathing in Steve, Chris, Jones, Andy, Paul, others. Group organiser, Sara,, the general direction of the PCs Netball Andy G, Mangat and Walter. did suggest that once you've and a replacement coach got us Netball Club has reformed and done one you've done them all, home only n hours late. IC vs Brunei 4-0 has at least two matches coming but in games of this nature she Back to the grind on Sunday up. For anyone else who is has been known to get around a Yet another sound victory in the as the IC team lost to Portsmouth interested, practices are at 12:30 bit. division against a useful but Poly but we pushed them much on Thursday lunchtimes; chang- disjointed Brunei side. Imperial Game: Sticky situations did harder than usual, our A team in ing in the Sports Centre and created all the chances in the arise, but these were not insur- particular managed to tread all playing ont he Tennis Courts by first half but the forwards failed mountable. Moving it from side over the opposition. Megastar of Linstead. This week we shall to convert these to goals and by to side appeared to have better the day was Dave Gee with a also elect the Captain and | half time it was still a scoreless results than placing it straight series of 616. Committee. Page121 I November 19,19821 HUHHHHH FELIX ISPORTI prospect of this match between With Hairy Christodpoulou back of their vans? And where i two giants of the London setting the cultural tone of the was Peter when we needed him Colleges Basketball League. Football team, newcomers like Mike most? James must be wondering Team: Julian Bennett, Graham The match tipped off at 7:30 whether the IC prospectus told Dalton, Graham Kennedy, Nora and by 7:37 IC's fate was sealed Seconds the whole truth. Only the Myers, JameS Redman, Richard as Ealing amassed an early 20 captain (author of this fiction), Tostevin, Peter Howarth (apolo- point lead. (Mainly as the IC IC vs UC II 3-2 in his dashing cherrypickers and gies). team was having forty winks At the Harp: Sailing continues recovering from a two hour Sunday evening in the bath moustache, shows modest pro- throughout the winter every warm-up!). seems a good time to look back mise, though well disguised, Wednesday afternoon with food When awake the team fought on a day when IC 2 overcame beneath mumbled obscenities. and cheap beer in the evenings. like tigers, matching Ealing the auld enemy as well as the Of 'Falling Francois' Grey the Peter will be there. basket for basket, losing teeth in administrative cock-ups of their less said the better. the process (Tamman was the own club. A day when, the VIIs On to the second team then. unfortunate victim). went to play at Merton, when As yet unblooded, led by the Generally a mediocre team they should have been at Har- abovementioned Francois, they performance and George's lington, no referees were ar- will shortly be playing the Judo contribution of a mere thirty ranged, the opposition were left German School, the French Well here it is, what you've all points did little to help our at the Union as no-one knew Lycee, and possibly the Wimble- been waiting for, the first judo situation! they were coming on our coach, don YMCA. Plenty of promise article of the academic year. OK, Team: Brian, Nick, George, and Steve Jomo Rimmer proved amongst the newcomers, with a so I exaggerate, but here's the Alan, Tamman, Andy, Ian, Ken, small folk can beat defenders in bit of luck and some coordina- important bit. John and Tim. the air but only when the ball's tion they should do well. Gradings: Congratulations to two feet off the ground! Mustn't forget to mention the Keith and Terry who both After a hectic start, the IC ladies, either, who will soon be picked up points at their first defence were put under a lot of playing various friendly matches Dan gradings. Keith got 10 and Boat pressure and Burns, Berns, for the experience. Anybody Terry 17. Powell and Tony (last name interested (preferably female) Also congratulations to me Last Saturday three fours from unknown) did well to hold out please contact Nada el-Yassir and Andy P. I graded to 6th Kyu Imperial College took part in the. the IC attack of Coussens, Rigby LS2, or just come around to a and Andy to 8th. Head of the River Fours Race. and Rimmer woke up soon after ladies training evening (Tues- Forthcoming events: IC have Although starting in the new and Rimmer it was who made days 1730-1900h at the Volley- in their possession a nice shiny entries at the back of the field all the net bulge for IC's first. HT 1- ball Court, behind Biochem- trophy, which unfortunately crews rowed exceptionally well 0. istry). London Medical College want. to finish well up in the order. UC could have been finished We also train Wednesday and So to be fair we have to fight The two coxless fours (IC I and off within two minutes of the Saturday afternoons (1330 till them for it. This will take place II) were within four seconds of start but alas, they regained their about 1700h). on November 30 at IC. each other finishing 28th and composure and a minor, ahem, Team: P Dias-Lalcaca (capt), Our team consists of Martin, 24th respectively out of about mistake left Mike Hardy picking P Walker, N El-Yassir, A Green, Terry, Tim, Keith and Mark. 330 crews. In doing this they the ball out of the net instead of F Grey, A Knap, C Christou, M Bye for now. beat two crews from UL and from between his feet. Lam, H Christodoulou, M James, came within five seconds of the S Lauria (baggage attendant!). After a period of toing and fastest National Lightweight froing Dave Hardy, who had Fencing four. The coxed four IC 3 been combing well in midfield finished 45th, only fifteen with Gaskill and Buckley, just seconds behind our coxless dashed off on his own and |0I Sailing Our second match of the season boats, and beating equivalent scored, so much for a patient against UCL and it could college opposition convincingly. build-up. UC, however, came Score (Liverpool Street 7:00am): scarcely have been more different The crews were: T Anderson, back again and bucked it up at IC vs C & G Carnival 4-2 from the first. In fact, it was so P Allen, P McConnell, B Down- 2-2. Peter, obviously being too hung very different that it was almost ing (IC I); J Thorp, W Bradbury, And then, with only a few over, didn't even master the BR a mirror image, with instead of J O'Brien, P Edwards (IC II); J minutes remaining, Berns float- tannoy at Ipswich—perhaps the ladies and novices teams Griffiths, G Harding, E Mendez, ed the ball back into the box and Nova could give him some winning, only the ladies team M Greaves (IC III). the Gnome stooped low (why lessons. lost (the novices did not fence). didn't he just kick it) to head Despite crys of 'Water', 'Mast Indeed, this match saw an home the winner and send BBJ abeam', and 'I've got to get my altogether changed outlook into a two minute celebratory leg over' from the UEA ladies, from the male teams. The dance routine, after which, Andy we scored a win against them. sabreurs won 8-1, the foil teams the snooker player turned Their mens team, however, A and B won 5-4 each, and the Mixed referee blew for full-time. would not succombe to our epee (the greatest change of all, IC vs UC 1-8 charms (where was Peter?) and from losing 1-8) won 6-3. we were convincingly defeated in Thus, it was an altogether The mixed First team rumbled Volleyball both races against them in spite more pleasing match (bar the into action last Wednesday. The of the supreme efforts of Dawdler ladies, poor dears), one which club captain decided it was time Dalton and Back-of-the-Fleet leaves us looking forward to the to make a guest appearance. In This season is beginning to Bennett, the latter being unable next. retrospect this turned out to be resemble a repeat of last year, to resist his annual dip in Oulton not such a good idea! with ICVBC first team winning Broads. Ian and Jo played as well as its first three SEETECH League The second round was ar- Basketball can be expected without Jaffa matches in straight sets. So far ranged at the Wheny Inn, cakes. Dominic and Jane played IC vs Ealing College 75-106 Watford, South Bank and followed by a lightening drive very well but to no avail. Middlesex Polys have fallen back to Norwich to catch the last For the opening match of the Dominic seemed to be arguing victim to Pete Walker's spikes, train. season the court was packed by a with himself for a lot of the time. Christo's sneaky short balls, and This posed two questions: why capacity crowd. Both of them The club captain wishes he Mans generally dirty tricks. do UEA have mattresses in the were visibly excited by the hadn't played! FELIX £ I November 19, 19821 IPage13 Physics 1300b LT2 Monday Seismic Studies of the Earth's Crust by Professor Blundell of Chelsea College. Admission to this Mopsoc lecture is by Union membership. 1300h SCR Peace Now A talk to the Jewish 1300h Lounges Society; you don't have to be Octopussy A STOIC interview Jewish to attend. with the Executive producer of this film, recorded at Pinewood Studios.

Chem Eng 1300h LT1 RCSU Strikes A talk by Ray Buckton, 1 Today 2300h Office General Secretary of ASLEF Twenty-four hour Rag collec- -Following the ASLEF dispute about flexible rostering, Mr tion Buckton is certain to have 1230h Common Room some interesting things about subjects such as secondary Natural History Society are Saturday picketing. going headbutting sequoias

Guilds Huxley 1230h JCR Union Office 341 Angling Club meeting. 0900h 1300h Guilds Silly Sports Outside NUS Organisaton A talk by the Beit Arch Harrods. Take part in the Vice President of NUS, Jane 1230h wheelbarrow races etc and Taylor. raise money for charity. ICU contingent for Education Read Theatre Alliance March meet. From JCR Sherfield here they will travel to Malet 1330b Street. 1900h Thinking about Ethics a talk by The London Ball An evening Ray Buckton talks to the Professor D D Raphael entitled -For full details see the policies of competitions, general danc- Industrial Society on Tuesday 'Old Problems with New of the Education Alliance. ing, spot prizes and demon- Suggestions'. stration couples provided by Mech Eng 1230h JCR Imperial College and University 1800h 220 Pippard Theatre IC North America Club meeting College Dancing Clubs. Sherfield Diversification of Oil Com- 1330h 1255h Union Concert Hall panies into Mining The Robert Three Revolutions in Science Islamic Society Friday Prayers Union Pryor memorial lecture. Dr Simion Schaffer opens this 2000h Lower Refectory series with a talk entitled Hyde Royal Academy of Dancing 1930h JCR 'Electricity Becomes a Science, 1500b Park fancy dress party. Admission Advanced Dancing Class 1720-1760'. Education Alliance demon- £1.50. Elec Eng 1730h Brown Committee Room stration. 1930N 408 Amnesty International meeting -If you can't miss a whole Sunday Dr Magnus Pyke, TV Scientist afternoon's work try and turn 1730h Volleyball Court extraordinaire will be giving a up for this instead. 0915h Consort Gallery Women's Volleyball training lecture entitled 'A Budget of Prayer meeting session. Fallacies'. Southside 1900H Bar Beit -Be there early, it's sure to be RSM Arch G20 Guilds Bar Games Night 1000h popular. 1800h Cycle Ride with IC Cycling Conservation of Museum Ob- -Beat the Guilds Exec at Cards jects a talk to the Metallurgy darts, dominos, chess, etc. Club, probably to Kent. and Materials Science Society 1000h Consort Gallery by J Ashley Smith of the SCR 1900h Ecumenical Communion ser- Tuesday Victoria and Albert Museum. vice. There But for Fortune: Joan i fi ft A h Bot/Zoo Baez in Latin America' A Film 1100h More House lOUUn Common Room Soc show. Admission 30p for Catholic Mass Communism A talk to the members, 50p for non- / 1230h Southside Upper Lounge Socialist Society by a speaker members. More Boardsailing Club meeting from the Communist Party of House 1800h Great Britain. ULU Mech Eng The House of Lords: Source 1930b Building 1245b 220 -Communism in the Russian of Continuity, Safeguard and and the Chinese form is usually Democracy? A talk by Viscount Rosie the Riveter a Labour David Thomas (ex-Pere Ubu) a dirty word. However, if you Monckton of Brenchley to the Club and WIST film show. and the Go-Betweens £2.50 want to find what real commu- admission on the door or £2 Catholic Students of West -This film examines a woman's nism is about, turn up and hear London. This talk will be pre- perceptions of work and roles the differences between this ceded by a bar supper and JCRf played in an aircraft factory and the so-called Russian mass. 2000h in World War Two America. variety. Bathrobe and Dressing Gown -If you get bored with the talk party! Organised by Mines you can always ask for the 1245h Chemistry 231 1800h.Union SCR Union. latest gossip on Lord Flowers. Catholic mass Wine Tasting Society meeting Pagel4l I November 19, 19821 MHHHH FELIX TV 1930h JCR 1800h Lounges Beginners Dancing Class STOIC repeat the lunchtime broadcast. 1930h Dining Hall Play Butley by Simon Gray. 1830h Union Gym £1. A Dramsoc production. Judo Club practice

1830h JCR Silver Medal Dancing Class Thursday 1930h JCR Beginners Dancing Class 1230h Lower Refectory Wednesday Labour Club meeting to dis- cuss motions to NOLS confer- ence. AM Mines 1230h 303 Industrial Society visit to British Sugar Corporation Photography A Scout and refinery at Peterborough. Con- Guide Club talk. tact Chris Day (Mech Eng 2) for details. 1230h Southside Upper Lounge ICYHA Butties meeting 1230h Chem Eng E400 Civ Eng Methodist Society meeting 1245h 201 ecu The Future of Hong Kong a talk 1230h Offices to the Chinese Society by Mr Walter Easey. Morphy Day Fling blood, excre- ment and general unpleasant- - Mr Easey is an expert on the ness at the opposing CCUs and subject as a former member of then try and rip an oar out of the Hong Kong police and a Alec Guinness features in Ents Thursday film, Star Wars. their hands. Don't miss trip to member of the Asian committee Harrods for tea afterwards. of the Labour Party. Huxley Chem Eng Union Chem Eng 1300h 140 1600h LT1 1300h Upper Lounge 1300h LT2 Namibian Uranium Contract A The Scientific Study of Hazards The Different Faces of Apar- This House believes in de- talk by Mr Brian Wood and a The Annual Newitt Lecture will theid The UN Soc will show two nationalisation for Britain A film 'Namibia—The Struggle be given by Professor J H films, one from the UN and one Debating Society special in- for Freedom'. This event has Burgoyne to the Chemical volving Consoc and Socsoc. from the South African govern- been organised by the Third Engineering Society. ment. World First Society. Huxley Biochem 340 Physics 1300H 1300h Green Committee Room 702 LT3 1700h Was Jesus Christ Truly God? A 1300h Sci Fi Soc committee and Genetic Manipulation of Strep- The H-Bomb Secret Slide Show j library meeting. talk to the Senior Christian i tomyces In Relation to Anti- IC Scientists Against Nuclear Fellowship by the Reverand biotics Production A talk to J A Couger. Arms present slides and a talk Chem Eng the Biochemical Society by from Howard Marland, the man 1300h LT1 professor David Hopwood of 1315h 9 Princes Gate who showed you how to make This house believes the trade the University of East Anglia. Quran Circle your own H-bomb in 'Progres- union closed shop must be sive' magazine. Come and maintained A debate between 1730h Southside Lounge broaden your education while 1830h JCR Mr Charles Timworck, Assis- Model Aircraft Club meeting Bronze Medal Dancing Class eating your sandwiches. tant General Secretary NUR and Mr Gerald Hartley, Nation- TV al Branch Organiser, the Free- 1800h Lounges dom Association. STOIC repeat the lunchtime -Both these men were involved broadcast. in the cause of three men British Rail sacked for refusing to join the NUR. 1830h Mech!*o Star Wars An Ents film TV 1300h Lounges -Even if you did see it a few weeks ago on your black and STOIC broadcast. white portable, this is your opportunity to see it in colour Great Hall on the (fairly) big screen. This 1330h Sherfield I film directed by George Lucas The Ascent of Man Part 6, the stars Mark Hamill, Alec j Starry Messenger. Guinness and Harrison Ford. | Thursday 1330h IQini* Music Room Union lOOUn 53 Princes Gate 1930h Dining Hall Play: Butley by Simon Gray. j The Lunch-hour Concert by the Morphy Day in full fling £1. A Dramsoc production. ;Bochmann String Quartet. I November 19,19821 IPage15 continued from front page ages participants to sell their lists to trusted friends (to ensure Chem Eng secrecy and the continuity of the SBSXii system). People are now trying fa'TSg-rtwi in i I111*" 1 to offload their lists on friends Society who will have even more trouble in getting rid of them. Banned The covering letter asserts that the system is totally legal, and this appears to be true. But the The Chemical Engineering law Is being broken if any Society has been banned from attempt is made to step outside the Frank Morton Sports. This the rules listed on the instruc- is a national meeting of Chemical tions, for instance if the letters Engineers at which last year the are sent through the post or if IC contingent started throwing It's a dog's life entertaining students. Canine entertainment at Guilds' anyone replaces several names glasses at the party after the Carnival last Saturday. on the list with his own name. sports competition.

RPtyAL SCWOl Of M1N6S & INSTITUT FRANCAIS

PRESENT: f^ATHROBE PRESSING "fjowN FARTY !

WITH : VIDEO SOUTHERN COMFORT JAZZ BAND STARTS 8-3DPM

IMPERIAL COLLEGE *1CR WITH BATHROBE -

FRIDAY | ^ NOVEMBER ALL OTHERS* Selkirk Hall residents joined in a three-legged rugby match last Sunday goo PM TIL LATE 4 YSO

Now back to last week. Taking the sheet A, I was distressed to see three gentlemen B, C, D again, then the four sheets are: appear on Tuesday lunchtime, and all put PINCCCI-IIO A, B, C, D - 1, 3, 14, 16 virtually identical (wrong) solutions in the box, ! 2, 6, 11, 15 all headed "Dear Martin" (!), obviously a group 5, 7, 9, 13 effort. If it really takes two or three of you to Obituary 4, 8, 10, 12 solve a puzzle, then at least only hand in one President Breezeknees, President of the which must come in that order, since the solution! mighty state of Truthizov, has finally shuffled editorial page must be third (in the right And now a word from our sponsors off this mortal coil, and departed this earthly position), and if the sheet starting with page 4 sphere, at the age of 100. He retained most of were to come after the first sheet, then in the his faculties to the end, in spite of four previous folded FELIX, page 4 would follow page 3, rumours of his demise. Since all old which is not allowed ("no two consecutive newspapers are periodically destroyed in order numbers in any position"). that the lies conveyed within their pages are not perpetuated, it is not known when these SIT rumours were. It is known, however, that the President was over 50 when the first rumour started, and that if we say that these rumours occurred when the President was A, B, C and D years old, where A, B, C, and D are not OYou don't need uNs to anything goI wrong,T repair it necessarily all different, then AxBxCxD = |tell you how much beautifully. And we a cycle makes. also offer a 10% 47,029,248, and A + B + C + D is an odd But you do discount. So even though number. It is of purely academic interest, of us to help you t choose your you'll be course, but how old was the President when next bike getting around] these rumours occurred? We'll service town faster,] it, guarantee" Solutions, comments, criticisms to me at the and will go (should slower. FELIX Office by Wednesday, 1:00pm. £5 from MEND A BIKE Mend-aBike for a randomly selected entry. Of the six people who sent in entries with the pages in the correct order, Phil Moore of Last Week's Solution Elec Eng 3 was chosen as this week's winner, First let me scotch a malicious rumour; I neither and he can collect his £5 cheque from the am, nor ever have been, Martin S Taylor, S FELIX Office after 1:30pm on Monday. Many Martin Taylor, Taylor Martin S, nor any thanks also to Dave Parry for sending in a combination of the above. Alright? You can complete (correct) miniature FELIX as a start guessing again. solution.

FELIX is published by the Editor for and on behalf of Imperial College Union Publications Board, and is printed by the Union Print Unit, Prince Consort Road, London SW7 2BB. Tel. 01-589 5111 Ext 1048 or Internal 2881. Editor: Martin S Taylor; Business Manager: Peter A Rodgers; Advertising Manager: Nick Thexton. Copyright FELIX 1982.