A F a T H E R ' S J O U R N E Y T O D E F I N E H O P E
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HOPE IS A FOUR- LETTER WORD A F A T H E R ' S J O U R N E Y T O D E F I N E H O P E ROGER RICHEY Copyright © 2017 by Roger Richey All rights reserved. Foreword You are about to look inside the lives of a family which was gifted with realities and challenges which no one would choose. You will learn how, first, Roger and Allison Richey, and then, their children Emily and Ian responded to the 24/7 reality of living life with their firstborn, Casey, and you will see that they chose to live life in the face of constant demands and unanswerable questions. That life would strengthen an already strong marriage, call upon their best gifts, expose their individual limits, challenge a deeply-held faith, shape the very contours of their heart, and enable them to find hope in what many would consider to be a hopeless situation. Your storyteller writes with unfiltered honesty, incisive insight, and deep compassion. You will find no sanitized story here. You will quickly realize that you need not offer easy answers, stock Bible verses, vague theology, or cheery sentiments. You will be challenged to face, in the words of the author, the “Caseys” in your life with equal courage and honesty. If you, too, are faced with profound challenges, you will be inspired to allow hope to be born out of the travails of your life’s circumstances. I have been witness to the story told in this book, and I can attest to both the struggles and victories Roger and Allison have experienced. I encourage you to read this book with patience. Do not rush past the struggle to get to the victory. Carefully consider the struggles, the doubts. Imagine yourself stepping into the story and sharing their lives. Allow it to bring forth greater compassion for people who face seemingly impossible demands. When Jesus’ disciples asked him to teach them to pray, he taught them, in part, to ask for daily bread. The storyline which lies beneath the surface is one of a remarkable family which found the sustenance of soul at each step, enabling them to transform a story of disappointment and despair into a story of hope. I am honored to call the Richeys my friends and to introduce this remarkable story. Jim Shepherd Pastor Sulphur United Methodist Church Sulphur, Oklahoma Introduction At 54 years of age I have lived half of my life as Casey’s dad. Casey is trapped by severe mental and physical developmental delays and functions on the level of a three-year-old. Obviously, this is not the life I had hoped for – for me, my family, or my daughter. Even though it doesn’t define me, it has marked me. Try as I may, I am unable to wash this mark from who I am. It has shaped me. I am not saying it has shaped me into anything better or special but I cannot deny it has pushed me into the person I am. Perhaps it has magnified both my strengths and weaknesses and brought them to the forefront. I am blessed to have a good friend who isn’t hesitant to speak truths to me. He challenged me to choose a path and follow it. The following pages share my journey from hope to hopelessness and to a new definition of what hope currently means to me. As I started laying the groundwork for this project I did some online research and I asked a few people how they define hope. I also asked them how it impacts their journey. Hope can be defined as a feeling of expectation and a desire to want certain things to happen. It can also be described as an optimistic attitude of mind that is based on an expectation of positive outcomes related to events and circumstances in our life. There is an element of uncertainty in hope where we must acknowledge that some things that happen on our journey are out of our control. The word hope as used in the Christian faith moves hope from a feeling of unsure optimism to a trust in a strong and confident expectation. Someone else described it to me as an ability to see things as they could be and not as they are. As simple as it sounds, for most of my journey with Casey, this ability to see has been clouded. It is my hope that by sharing this story you may be able to picture things as they could be as we all travel this world with our “Caseys.” Chapter 1 Inheritance – I Didn’t Ask for This Casey was blessed with two incredible siblings. Patient, kind, and caring, they have chosen to love Casey and watch over and protect her. Trust me, it is a choice at times as Casey has her moments that make it uncomfortable and frustrating. I know having a disabled sister has impacted them. Some good and some bad. That is just how it is. Emily helped push Casey along, and I am confident Emily sped up her development in crawling and walking. Emily is one of the most loyal, thoughtful people I know and has never shied away from her sister. Even through the awkward Christmas pictures and a time where Casey would bite her in the back seat, she has always been a blessing when she could have walked away. Casey loves her sister. At first, Casey was a little unsure of Ian. He was loud, boisterous, and a general irritant. Originally, Casey avoided him. As he got older, she began to warm to his huge heart and laughter. He would casually introduce her to his buddies as “That’s my sister Casey, she has special needs”. Now, 17 years later, every morning Casey asks, “Where’s Ian?” Casey loves her brother. 1 Chapter 1 A few years ago, I started blogging to share some of our life with Casey and some of my thoughts in general. Below is a blog from early last year as I began to peel back a few of the layers and share my thoughts, dreams, and fears with others. As difficult as it is to admit, regarding a special needs child, there are worse things than a parent outliving a child. For half of my life and nearly three decades of marriage, I have walked with Casey, but her loving brother and sister have walked with her their entire lives. Wikipedia defines inheritance as the practice of passing on property, titles, debts, rights, and obligations upon the death of an individual. Fox Business News created a reality show titled Strange Inheritance. It shares stories of families who have been given unique, bizarre, and sometimes very valuable treasures. How the families accept these assets and the plans to properly value and determine the best course of action is told in each episode. Most of us with children, close family, and friends want to be able to leave something valuable to those who are here after our journey ends. This is not limited to cash, houses, or monetarily valuable assets, but it also includes sentimental family heirlooms such as a Bible, pocket knife, old letters/cards, and any other items which bring us a sense of peace and reflection. The last thing most of us want to leave behind is a debt or asset that is a burden. We do not want to leave behind a headache for which no one asked. 2 Chapter 1 After an extremely long day at work, it was the dark of night as I headed south. As I was cruising along listening to Classic Rewind on XM, it hit me that I had no idea of how far I had driven as I pulled into the driveway. I had traveled a little over eight miles and do not remember any of it. There is a term called road blind, which defines this phenomenon. It is driving on automatic or inattentive to your surroundings. Usually this occurs on longer trips, but it can also manifest in the monotonous routine of our daily route. You lose focus of what passes by be it ugly, horrific, heartbreaking, beautiful, inspirational, or uplifting. You become blind to the broken people, homes, communities, and dreams. You miss the magnificence of the Creator’s imagination. Everything looks the same – same chain restaurants, retail, churches, and shopping centers are identical in each town. You are in a trance of being unaware to the views through the side windows as you press on to your destination. As much as we might try to deny it for far too many of us our lives have become comparable to the road blindness that afflicts us. Even though our social media presence might try to reflect a life of fun, success, wisdom, political, and sports acumen, we are, in all honesty, just getting from Point A to Point B the best we know how. Numb to the view that surrounds us, we are afraid to take our eyes off the road. 3 Chapter 1 The families of those who have been given the responsibility to care for the mentally disabled are very familiar with road blindness, or, in my case, the lack thereof. Some families of the disabled can follow the GPS and navigate the safest and quickest routes. They are able to enjoy both the ride and the view. Not so much with me. I’m struggling like crazy to keep it between the lines while viewing every hideous storm ravaged sight out the driver’s side.