Father Figures

t’s a fall afternoon at Pease Park in West Austin. Kids play. Parents hover near concrete with 2.3 million by single fathers, according to the latest statistics from the US Census Bu- picnic tables piled with food. Pet dogs scrounge for scraps. reau. But while the number of single mothers has remained nearly constant over the past de- An Austin support group, Single Parent Resource Network, has gathered for a cade, single fathers have become one of the nation’s fastest-growing demographics—increas- monthly potluck and clothing swap. ing forty-fi ve percent during the past ten years. If this gathering were representative of the nation’s households headed by single This trend comes at a time when the important role fathers play is coming into sharper fo- /parents, the proportion of men to women would be about right. cus. For example, recent studies conclude that the chances of a young male getting involved On this Sunday, two of the approximately ten single parents are men. Ask these single fa- in criminal behavior triples if he is raised without a father; fatherless children are twice as thers the biggest challenges they face and you get similar answers: balancing work and family likely to drop out of school; and children raised in single-parent households are more likely to life, having enough quality time with their children and lack of support. become unwed parents as teens. “Isolation is a big problem,” says Tom Madison, an Austin fi refi ghter and father of two. In fact, fatherlessness is the most powerful predictor of these and other major social prob- “Isolation and just making it work.” lems, says Ron Klinger, a family psychologist and founder of the Center for Successful Fa- Nationwide, more fathers are trying to make single-parent families work. As court custody thering, an Austin-based nonprofi t that offers fathering programs through schools and trains judgments and societal attitudes about men and children change, increasing numbers of single facilitators trying to involve fathers in children’s lives. fathers are serving either as their children’s primary caregivers or as equal parenting partners. As you might suspect, single men who stick around to father their kids are a mighty di- To be sure, single mothers still far outnumber single fathers, by a nearly fi ve-to-one ra- verse group. While many parent single-handedly, others co-parent with the mother. Some tio. In 2003, more than 10.1 million US homes were maintained by single mothers, compared have never been married. Others adopted children. Some bristle at the popular image of dead- FFatherather FFiguresigures A New Generation of Single Dads Juggle Priorities to Care for Their Children by Charles Boisseau PHOTO BY BARTON WILDER CUSTOM IMAGES WILDER CUSTOM BARTON BY PHOTO Dylan Quinn and son Kailen. THE GOOD LIFE ■ WWW.GOODLIFEMAG.COM ■ JANUARY 2006 39 beat dads, the one that says dads are uncar- reins, somebody to hold him accountable,” ing and gone. Having assumed greater roles, Schermes says. these single dads are busy searching for day He can count on his dad to do that. care, trying to instill discipline, and provid- ing love and emotional support. Dad with two adopted kids To think, single fathers now are singing a Steve Terrell is fathering two adopted refrain very much like the one female solo- sons: Luke, six, and John Michael, three. ists have sung for years. That’s because they Terrell, fi fty, a psychotherapist, adopted face many of the issues that single mothers the boys separately through the state’s Child have faced for a long time. Protective Services, a division of the Tex- But while the story of single mothers is as Department of Family and Protective Ser- well known, the story of the single dad is less vices. Both boys had suffered abuse and ne- so. Just how well are single fathers coping? glect. They don’t remember their biological Below are a handful of their stories. parents. The only parent they know is Ter- rell, a towering man with a burr haircut and a Thrust into a new full-time job quick smile. In November 2002, Bill Schermes’ ex- His biggest challenge? Lack of time. On wife called from St. Louis to tell him to pick this Saturday morning, the trio is at a driving up their youngest. She couldn’t deal with range in East Austin where Luke takes part in him anymore. a junior golf school. Afterwards, Terrell and Schermes immediately drove to retrieve the boys pile in their Ford Expedition for the Christopher, now sixteen. (Schermes also has next stop: Kids Space, a drop-in childcare a daughter, now nineteen, attending a college center in Round Rock. Then, Terrell rushes in St. Louis.) “He wasn’t doing any school to a conference downtown, where he is one work and his grades were in the toilet,” he of the scheduled speakers. says. “He just needed some male infl uence, I Sticking to a schedule helps maintain suppose.” sanity, Terrell says. On a typical weekday, At the time, Schermes, who had moved Terrell picks them up at daycare, returns to Austin in the years following his divorce home by 5:30pm, prepares dinner, bathes the in 1997, was bunking at a friend’s house. boys and reads them a story. Bedtime is 8pm. Within about ten days, he leased a house, That is also when Terrell snatches some time pulled furniture out of storage and enrolled for himself. “That’s when I watch Desperate Christopher in school. A remodeling contrac- Housewives.” tor, Schermes gave up a side job as a human Despite the hectic schedule, Terrell re- development workshop teacher because it re- tains a sense of humor. “Bye daddy,” Luke quired too much travel. says as he marches up a hill with another Early on, Schermes found himself getting boy. “Be careful on the highway,” Terrell re- impatient, raising his voice and complaining sponds. In addition to golf, Terrell says they about Christopher’s lack of help with house- like to ride bikes, swim in their backyard hold chores. Christopher was angry about pool and build forts “with anything they can being uprooted from his social life in mid- fi nd.” school year. “I saw him suffering and there Terrell says being a father requires him was nothing I could do for him,” Schermes to be a better man. He recently converted to says. “I stayed real close to home.” Catholicism, seeking to build a solid spiri- Over time, the pair adjusted. One eve- tual foundation for his boys, as well as him- PHOTO BY BARTON WILDER CUSTOM IMAGES WILDER CUSTOM BARTON BY PHOTO ning, Christopher asked if a new friend could Bill Schermes and son Christopher. self. He and Luke were both baptized in spend the night. “You can have him move 2005. “Every day, they make me a better per- in!” Schermes said, recalling with a laugh. “I cannabinol), as well as other illegal drugs, he ever, especially teenagers and teenage boys, son because they are such a mirror of behav- was so happy he had a friend.” can drive again. “It’s his problem. It’s not my is really lonely and diffi cult,” Diamond said ior,” Terrell says. “They are the most impor- Since then, Schermes has emerged as problem,” Schermes says. “If he’s doing it, in an e-mail. “Bill does a great job. Christo- tant things in my life.” a father with a matter-of-fact manner. He he’s got to deal with it.” pher knows that Bill loves him and is com- sets clear boundaries and consistently ap- Rick Diamond, pastor of Journey, a non- mitted to him. He knows that Bill will be Déjà vu for dad plies consequences if his son violates them. denominational church that meets at Aus- vulnerable and honest with him, which is At an outdoor gathering of single parents, For example, drug tests have become a regu- tin’s Northwest YMCA, says Schermes—as huge for any parent to do, much less a sin- Dylan Quinn, a thirty-one-year-old computer lar practice after an incident a year ago when well as other single dads he knows—are do- gle parent.” technician, is sharing a story about his son’s Christopher smoked pot. Recently, Christo- ing lonely work. They play all the parent- Overall, Schermes says Christopher is pet cat, Gypsy, with a young mother whose pher was grounded and lost his driving priv- ing roles alone: nurturer, disciplinarian, en- doing well. He raised his grades to nearly a studded tongue fl ashes as she speaks. Near- ileges for violating house rules and smoking courager and household manager. Schermes B average. He played defensive back for Mc- by, his three-year-old son, Kailen, wears a marijuana. also plays guitar on Sundays at Diamond’s Neil High’s football team this past year. Spiderman costume, sips from a juice pouch How can he get his car keys back? He church. “He’s a typical teenager. He’s got a lot of and studies a friendly dog sitting in the dirt. has to volunteer to take another drug test; if “Disciplining one’s children and having mischief in his blood, but he’s got a decent Quinn says he had no support to lean the results are negative for THC (tetrahydro- them respond angrily or defensively or what- attitude. He just needs somebody to hold the on after his ex-wife moved out a year af- Kim Soo Martial Arts is pleased to announce the arrival of Body Vida Traditional Martial Arts • The Nia Technique • Yoga • Pilates West African Dance • Self Defense Classes Adults, Children & Teens.

Load more