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Comedian Jessica Harem University Village delivers controversal Townhouses have soft performance. opening. B-3 a-3

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Opinion

Courtnee Cesta

Wednesday B-1 September 3, 2014 Reverb The Leader WELCOME WEEK

Mary Laing / Photo Editor Mary Laing / Photo Editor

Gabbie Lee / AssistantPhoto Editor

Mary Laing / Photo Editor

KRISTEN SHULTIS Spectrum teamed up with S.T.E.P.S to present Staff Writer Jessica Halem, a comedian who appeared in Marvel Theater with her act, “Bad Feminist.” Wednesday, people were dancing and Every semester Spectrum puts doing aerobics, something students may need on an array of entertaining events after eating the campus food. to get people to come out of Thursday's event was dubbed “build your their dorm rooms. It all starts own garbage plate.” It is what it sounds like: with Welcome Week. This a combination of numerous amounts of food Mary Laing / Photo Editor year, Welcome Week started that are all piled on top of each other. Some off with a myriad of different of these may include sausage, egg, cheese activities and outdoor games, like and macaroni salad. frisbee and kickball. The final event included prizes: Bingo. Monday's event had people out Spectrum does not disappoint with their prizes, in sweaters and blankets, watching the such as last year's giveaway: a TV. Prizes movie “Divergent.” For a serious movie this year included, gift baskets, gift cards, people were laughing, talking and having a a tablet, longboard and a few other smaller good time. There were a few minor glitches prizes. Spectrum can always be expected to when the projector stopped working; however, give out things that will make the first week that did not stop anyone from enjoying this back feel a little more enjoyable. That is before movie. The audience cheered and laughed the snow, exams, campus food and fire alarms when certain things happened. The students take back over students’ lives. (Top and bottom) Kathy Forster of Residence Life leads students in zumba who were at the event representing Spectrum Students can stay up to date with workout. cracked jokes about it, and when they finally Spectrum's upcoming events by following them (Left) SUNY Fredonia Spectrum members host a bingo event at the Williams swapped the projectors, there was a cheer on social media. Search “SpectrumFredonia” Center patio. (Right) Freshmen communications major Rachel Dragen and early childhood from everyone. on Facebook, tag “@SpectrumFred” on Twitter education major Alyssa Marsh create their garbage plates. Spectrum's welcome week wouldn't be and “@SpectrumFredonia” on Instagram. complete without the other events. Tuesday, B-2 The Leader, Wednesday September 3, 2014 The “50th Video games to watch Anniversary of the out for in the fall 60s” MO SADEK , and have given Hyrule the remarkable. Players can expect to dish out Mainstage season to Special to The Leader “” treatment. Players will face some damage with Pac-Man, Mega Man, off against hordes of enemies with characters the Fit Trainer and many more! Players celebrate baby boom For most people, summer is a wonderful from all over the Zelda universe, from Impa can still expect the same old smash vibe with season. School has ended, there are beaches to herself. The Zelda series some of the classic characters as well, like era and swimming, great movies and lots of is known for its unique mechanics in games Mario and Samus. The first rendition of the relaxation. For gamers, however, summer is like Skyward Sword and A Link Between game will be released on the 3DS, followed KORI BARKLEY daunting. New video games are traditionally Worlds, but is a big change by the console release on the just in Staff Writer released in the fall and winter seasons, so you for our dungeon-crawling hero. I wouldn’t be time for a holiday rivalry with the family. are left to quench your thirst for games with too worried if I were you — the series hasn’t Fredonia’s Theatre and Dance Department, obscure indie titles, replaying games you’ve disappointed yet. Sunset Overdrive (XB1) commonly known as TADA, is gearing up for its 2014- already beat, or buying some old, heavily Release Date: October 28 15 Walter Gloor Mainstage season with productions discounted games that will most likely end Middle Earth: Shadow of Mordor If everyone liked the same games, full of laughter, controversy and potentially even a up on the list of games you tell yourself you’ll (XB1/360, PS3/4, PC) there would only need to be one type of few tears. This season, TADA will bring five major get to at some point. Eventually, you will Release Date: September 30 console. But since playing video games is productions to the Fredonia campus. become more interested in watching reruns Over the past few years, Middle-earth not just a hobby for some people, there is a Without really intending to, the department has of “Wheel of Fortune,” with the rest of the has lost a lot of ground in the world of gaming. ton of competition for a gamer’s admiration. selected a season of plays that is something of a “50th summer best described as a combination of There has been a lot of success with the Lord In order to showcase their qualities, consoles Anniversary of the 60s,” according to Department vowels and consonants spelling “boredom.” of the Rings Online, but for consoles, the will strike deals with publishers to make Chair and Artistic Director of TADA Tom Loughlin. Three of the productions are united with the theme of the 1960s and issues that defined that era. The first production of the season, William Shakespeare’s “A Midsummer Night’s Dream,” is one of the three. The play will be directed Loughlin. Though clearly not written during the 20th century, Loughlin plans to adapt Shakespeare’s play to be set in the 1960s on Ohio University campus in Athens, Ohio and surrounding woodlands. “Basically it will be a production that will echo the ‘Summer of Love’ of 1968,” Loughlin said. “I Courtesy of us.playstation.com Courtesy of pocketgame.co.uk think there are several parallels to the themes of the play and the kind of youthful madness that took place at that time.” The production will be held in Bartlett Theatre Oct. 17-19 and 23-25. The second production to occur in December is a sort of a “play within a play.” Inspired by “It’s A Wonderful Life,” the beloved American holiday classic, Joe Landry’s “It’s a Wonderful Life: The Radio Play” is a staged version of actors acting out the movie version for a radio audience. The production has only five actors who perform as Courtesy of tuxboard.com Courtesy of blogs.denverpost.com the 48 characters in the original, made possible with Come the fall season, the the help of vocal differentiation and sound effects. hundreds of hours you spent at your games exclusive to that console. This “It’s more like listening entertainment,” director full-time summer job finally pay off. will usually push gamers into buying Marc de la Concha, adjunct professor and 2005 As you walk into the game shop of one console over another. In the new graduate of Fredonia’s Musical Theatre Department, your choice and see the wall of new cycle of consoles, Microsoft’s XBox One explained. “Though there is some physicality to it, it’s titles, it is tempting to throw your has fallen short in creating exclusives. more up to the audience to imagine what is actually money at the first new release you However after the success of the first going on, as you would listening to a radio show.” see. Remember, you are a gamer. person shooter Titanfall, Microsoft The radio play will debut just in time for the You’ve worked too hard and waited has partnered with some awesome holiday season in Bartlett Theatre on Dec. 5-7 and too long for some mainstream digital publishers to create more exclusives. 11-13 and audiences in Jamestown can hear the disappointment. You waited for a Courtesy of lightninggamingnews.com Sunset Overdrive is the result of this. production broadcast live on a local Jamestown game that will inspire you, restore your lost Sunset Overdrive is a third-person radio station. spirits, and give you that feeling of fulfillment Tolkien experience hasn’t translated as well. shooting game that takes place in a world Lanford Wilson’s “Balm in Gilead,” is another that you once had. Just to get you started, here That being said, Shadow of Mordor could be a that is a little far off from ours, but honestly, production to be presented by the Theatre Department. are the top five games you can expect this big change for the series. The player takes the the story is whacked up and crazy in every The play was written in 1965, but will be set September and October. role of a ranger named Talion, who is killed sense. What makes the game special are the in the present, at an all-night coffee shop on New and revived with supernatural powers that he components of which it is composed. Characters York City’s Upper Broadway. “Balm in Gilead” tells Destiny (PS3/4, XB1/360) will use to extract his revenge on the armies will be 100% customizable from head to toe. the story of two young people who try to escape Release Date: September 9 of Sauron who laid waste to his family. The In most games, you usually choose armor the turmoil of life, but are instead swallowed by it. Destiny has been one of those games that game itself takes place between the original or clothing based on the advantages it gives “It’s not exactly a feel-good play, but it is a threw a curveball at the industry. Produced Lord of the Rings trilogy and The Hobbit, your characters. Sunset Overdrive, however, reflection of our times,” professor of theatre and by Bungie, the masterminds behind Halo, but the real draw of the game is the unique allows players to wear whatever they want. The director of the play, Dr. James Ivey, said. “The Destiny has proven to be a game to be reckoned gameplay system called “Nemesis.” On system of combat is incredibly tight and fast struggle goes on and on. Some audience members with. The public beta of the game was well Talion’s quest, the player will fight enemies that paced. It uses fluid movement, like parkour, will like it, some won’t. You won’t be able to leave received. Some of its best features include dynamically change in both personalities and mixed with a large arsenal of weapons that without a visceral reaction.” a massive universe filled with loot, fully battle tactics based on previous experiences work seamlessly with the movements. This There have not been any production meetings customizable characters and a single player with the player. This makes for an extremely creates a mechanism that is easy to pick up thus far, but Ivey hinted at some interesting and experience that seamlessly connects with the intimate affair and will pull the player deeper but has enough depth to give seasoned players challenging concepts for set designs. “We will blow multiplayer gameplay. That means you can into the realms of Middle-Earth. The combat a run for their money. The artistic style of the the audience’s minds open,” he said. have your friends jump in on a mission while mimics that of Warner Brother’s Batman game is a great compliment to gameplay itself. “Balm in Gilead” will be held in Bartlett Theatre looking awesome and most likely shooting a series, so you can expect an in-depth combat The use of vibrant colors gives the game an February 27 through March 1 and March 5-7. big gun. This is a must-have for anyone into system and a strong replay value. However, exciting and lively vibe and really brings Directed by Jessica Hillman-McCord, “Hair: first person shooters, role playing games this is a game that might need some time out out the personality. Even though the story is The American Tribal Love-Rock Musical,” by and multiplayer cooperative and competitive in the wild before you go throwing money at meant to be goofy, it has a lot of depth to it. James Rado, Gerome Ragni and Galt MacDermot, play. There is a little something in Destiny it. So far it looks promising, but not everything Out of all the games coming out in the next will premiere on the Marvel stage for an interactive, for everyone. in Middle-earth is all that it appears to be. two months, this is definitely one to watch “be-in” theatrical event. out for. There’s a lot of features that can only Performed internationally, “Hair” centers around Hyrule Warriors (Wii U) Super Smash Brothers (3DS) be described as revolutionary and can’t be a group of young hippies in the 1960s and tells the Release Date: September 26 Release Date: October 3 summed up in such few words. Take some story of their fight for anti -war and a peace, Link returns for a new adventure, and by Here comes a new challenger! The latest time and check it out on YouTube before you “new,” it’s not some minor changes or a new installment in the long-running Smash Bros. go out and buy it — then you’ll understand Continued on page B-3 hat. We are talking BIG changes. series has finally arrived. The cast of characters what I’m talking about. teamed up with , the people behind Nintendo has acquired this time around is B-3 The Leader, Wednesday September 3, 2014 Comedian Jessica Halem gets down and dirty

REBECCA HALE she stated. “And be careful with those vegan we are there to give you the information Assistant Reverb Editor [queers], they can be bitchy!” and advice you need.” Halem also made fun of the gay dudes in Although some may have been Jessica Halem, who introduced herself the room, in reference to the website Grindr: uneasy at the mention of “fisting,” as “a radical, Jewish, feminist queer stand-up “Now you can sit in your room and order up a Halem’s way of poking fun comic,” and whose career she describes as blowjob!” she exclaimed. at everyone made the “generally being pissed off for a living,” put And for non-feminist women, Halem had room more comfortable, on quite a jaw-dropping act in Marvel Theatre plenty to say. and hopefully made some last Tuesday. Halem is not a cautious comic “I knew I wanted to be a feminist in the third students more confident in who treads lightly around social taboos, but grade,” Halem said. “There’s no such thing as their own skins. is a rather balls-out woman who isn’t afraid to fairy godmothers and princesses — put on your “It’s a good event make fun of every social group. boots and go to work. F*ck the princesses.” to explain where “I felt so much better after coming here,” Halem then went on to pick on the party r e s o u r c e s o n said Mac Magwood, a junior social work major scene, particularly the tendency for girls to wear campus are, and who attended Halem’s performance. “I was skimpy clothes in freezing weather: to provide a safe really feeling like shit earlier.” “You need to put on some real pants and space for students Halem began by immediately calling some shoes you can walk across the street in!” in the queer out the audience, urging students to identify she shouted. community themselves if they were gay, lesbian, trans or “I promise you’ll still get laid! He thinks and feminist any other identity. Members of S.T.E.P.S., who you have a vagina,” she continued through the community. put together the act, along with Spectrum, were hooting and laughter. “I don’t care what gender We are all sitting up front, yelling and showing their support you are, you need to put on some seasonal w o r k i n g as allies and members of the community. clothes!” towards a After Halem had established that the room A surprising amount of students attended c o m m o n was a safe environment for everyone, she began the event as a part of Welcome Week, especially cause, and hilariously attacking individual groups. freshmen. it only get “You’re straight?” she asked a few students. “I think attendance was really good, better when “The night is young!” she then exclaimed. especially because we didn’t have a lot of it grows,” “I do identify as queer because college advertising, but it was an amazing turnout,” Lunderman made me queer,” Halem said. “It was doing said Alice Mezhibovsky, a senior psychology said. women and gender studies together [that did it].” major who helped usher the event. Halem encouraged students to explore their “And I think she was so funny,” Mezhibovsky sexualities, saying, “At some point you’ve got continued. “I like how she made light of so to put theory to [the] test!” many physical issues and just made them “It’s really a service,” she continued, in funny and cool.” reference to being good in the sack. “You Halem’s performance was not only funny should put that on your resume!” and entertaining, but it was almost educational. Halem then proceeded with a demonstration Fredonia is a university where many students of how to properly pleasure a woman, causing identify with different social groups, and Halem the room to erupt into uproars of laughter. Then, helped to demonstrate that. with a straight face, she asked, “Does S.T.E.P.S. Claire Lunderman, president of S.T.E.P.S. do workshops on fisting?” and a senior dual major in women and gender Still, though she is queer herself, Halem studies and international studies, explained: had plenty of cracks toward those “hummus- “When students attend events like this they Becca Hale / Assistant Reverb Editor loving lesbians.” are exposed to many different individuals and Comedian Jessica Halem riles up students at her performance “I don’t go to church, I go to brunch,” topics that many of us are afraid to discuss, but during Welcome Week.

Theatre and Dance: continued from page A-1

love, hippie lifestyle, as well as generational with video projection; Jon Lehrer, director of conflicts. the Buffalo based LehrerDance company, who Professors of theatre say that the show is will create one of his signature, high energy, important to musical theater history. “Hair” is jazz pieces; and Kerry Ring, dance faculty considered to be the pioneering rock musical at University at Buffalo, who will create an and brought rock music to Broadway in a “architectural” ballet piece involving a large way that hadn’t been seen before. There are ballet bar that dancers will tip and climb on, 40 songs in the musical that span all sorts of simulating a jungle gym. rock styles from the 60s as well as later styles. Terry Beck, Samantha Kenney, Galey “I’ve wanted to do this show for a long Summerton and Helen Myers, who are time,” explained Hillman-McCord, associate Fredonia’s faculty choreographers, will also professor of theatre and dance. “I love the create dance numbers. Beck will create a music and think it still has something powerful piece of dance theater with original music; to say. The hippie movement is over, but what Kenney will create a high energy, modern they were fighting for — peace, not war — is dance piece; Summerton will create a comedic still incredibly relevant today.” dance piece; and Myers will create a piece While it is an accurate portrait of the to ancient, 12th century music, performed time period, “Hair” caused much controversy by Fredonia’s Chamber Choir. in the 60s. Potential audience members The event will be held in Marvel Theatre should be aware that the musical is for adult on May 1-3. audiences, as some scenes involve nudity, “The shows encompass a huge range sex, drugs and other indecencies. from Shakespearean comedy to the dark On April 10-12 and 16-18, “Hair” will drama of ‘Balm in Gilead,’” said Cameron be presented in Marvel Theatre. Caulfield, a senior BFA theatrical design and To end the season, the Fredonia Dance production major. “We are still early on in Ensemble will host seven performances in the academic year, but this year promises to one sitting. “We have three guest artists and be an exciting one for sure. As a department, four faculty members choreographing seven we keep doing bigger and better shows in signature pieces,” Helen Myers, professor and every aspect, and this year is no exception!” director of the Dance program, explained. Tickets for the performances can be Among the guest artists are Rosy Simus, purchased at the Campus Ticket Office or Minneapolis based contemporary dance online at http://www.fredonia.edu/tickets/ choreographer with a Native American heritage, Performing_Arts.asp. who will create a new work of dance theater B-4 The Leader, Wednesday April 11, 2012 B-4 The Leader Wednesday September 3, 2014

B-4 Wednesday B-8 September 3, 2014 SPORTS The Leader Men's cross country looks to continue improvement

DYLAN FORMAN Special to The Leader

Last season, the Fredonia men’s cross country team gained national attention when they were ranked 35th in the NCAA Division III polls. After finishing third at the SUNYAC Championships a year ago, the Blue Devils are looking for a top-two finish this year. Furthermore, with a preseason ranking of 10th in the Atlantic Region, the team is looking to finish in the top six to improve on their ninth place finish from last Fall. Leading the men's team is senior Zakk Hess who will surely be looking to better his lifetime best at eight kilometers of 25:34. Hess will have a chance to leave something behind if he can finish in the top 10 at SUNYAC’s and earn a spot in the SUNYAC Cross Country Hall of Fame. It is among the highest of SUNYAC honors and something that few runners have done in decades. He has also become an exceptional long distance runner after specializing in the mile early in his collegiate career. Last spring, Hess vastly improved in the 5K by running 15:02. Following Hess, junior captain Collin Mulcahy will look to get stronger and faster after a running his personal best of 25:47 at last Fall’s SUNYAC. Mulcahy also showed his speed in indoor and outdoor track by running 4:13 for the mile and 1:52 for the 800. Looking to finish his collegiate career on a good note is senior captain Chris Shartrand. Shartrand was able to finish third for Fredonia at the SUNYAC championships while running his personal best of 25:51. In track and field, he was able to show off his long distance prowess by running 15:04 for the 5K, 34:06 for 10K and 9:36 for 3000m Steeplechase. Looking to round out the Blue Devils scoring five will likely be junior Kyle Collins and sophomore Cody Martini. Martini finished Mary Laing / Photo Editor sixth for the team last season while running 26:41. Meanwhile, Collins finished fourth at SUNYAC while running a personal best Hill-MacDonald remains at Fredonia following break out year of 25:58. After last year’s strong finish at KRISTEN SWANN chosen to coach the Eastern Conference in the to prepare her players now. championship races, the team returns four of Special to The Leader 1999 WNBA All-Star game. Hill-MacDonald “Our preparation will begin with the their five top runners. This is a big advantage also was an assistant coach for the Washington players working together to develop a high level for a team in cross country and will help with Former WNBA coach Linda Hill- Mystics as well as at the University of South of fitness before we actually get on the court on experience when the season is on the . MacDonald has been named as the head Carolina. October 15,” she said. “Our approach will be to The only graduated top-five runner is Steven women’s basketball coach at Fredonia. Hill-MacDonald has received numerous create an intense environment and to motivate Whittemore who returns to the team this year Hill-MacDonald served as last year’s professional honors including the 1989 WBCA the athletes to strive to become the best they can as an assistant coach under head coach Tom interim coach before being named to the head Carol Eckman award. She was twice named through discipline and a consistent work ethic.” Wilson. The team, as a whole, is one of closest coaching job this past summer. Atlantic 10 coach of the year as well as Big 5 Although Hill-MacDonald will be facing knit teams in recent memory and will certainly “It feels great to be back at Fredonia for a coach of the year. She was also president of the some obstacles this season, she believes that her look to be the strongest and fastest teams in second season,” said Hill-MacDonald. “I feel Women’s Basketball Coaches Association and remaining players are up for the task. both recent and distant memory. more prepared this year since I now know she was an honorary chairperson of the 1991 “This season we will be challenged to According to coach Whittemore, “They the athletes, am familiar with the campus and International Special Olympics. replace Becky Hebert and Jaimie Warren, our have been sticking to the training plan really athletic department and understand the demands With such an impressive resume, it is hard top two scorers whom we lost due to graduation. well so far.” In cross country, the key to success of the SUNYAC Conference.” to believe that there could have been a doubt This year's team will need to work very hard, is simply sticking to your training and staying Before coming to Fredonia, Hill-MacDonald that she’d be asked to stay. As interim coach, maintain a focus and be committed to excellence healthy. Both of those ideals look to be in full completed over 30 years coaching at various she helped the Blue Devils to a 15-10 overall in everything they do.” swing early on and should help the team reach levels. She spent seven years as the head coach at record last season, an improvement from their That challenge starts as soon as the women’s their goals of finishing second at SUNYAC the University at Buffalo and has also coached at 12-12 record the previous year. basketball team prepares for their upcoming and sixth at the NCAA Division III Atlantic Temple University, The University of Minnesota Hill-MacDonald will be looking forward season; they are allowed to start practices Regional Championships. and the WNBA’s Cleveland Rockers. During and hoping to improve even further on that sometime between late September and early Both cross country teams will open their her time with the Rockers, she was additionally record in the upcoming season by beginning October, as per NCAA rules. seasons at Lake Erie State Park on Sept. 6 at the Fredonia Blue Devil Invitational. B-5 The Leader Wednesday September 3, 2014 B-5 The Leader, Wednesday April 11, 2012 Men’s soccer takes home the hardware in D.C. road trip

Courtesy of Fredoniabluedevils.com the Blue Devils now 2-0 after two wins in Washington, DC.

TORIN O’BRIEN According to the Washington Post, that 1-1 tie with a penalty kick goal by a confidence boost that will hopefully Special to The Leader Emelki was a player and coach for junior defenseman, Mike Biggane, out carry over into the home opener against Catholic, as well as an immigrant who of Amherst, NY. Junior keeper Sammy Mount-Saint Mary (12-5-3 in 2013) on Two games, two last minute goals, dedicated over 60 years of his life to Torrelli made his Blue Devil debut, Friday here at University Stadium. two wins and one trophy can sum up expanding the sport of soccer here in earning one save in the 2-1 victory. The Blue Devils are hoping to make this past weekend for the men’s Blue the U.S. Now 88, Emekli is ill with Saturday’s game against Dickinson waves in conference play this season. Devils soccer team. Alzheimer’s, but gladly accepted the was more of the same nail-biting action. With a plethora of young talent, it will After their weekend road trip to induction into the Virginia/D.C. area The Blue Devils were able to prevail be exciting to see what veteran coach Washington D.C., the Blue Devils Men’s HoF in February. again — this time with a header goal P.J. Gondek can do with the squad. Soccer team is now 2-0, with a victory In their game against Hampden- from freshman defenseman Hunter And wouldn’t you know it, Fredonia over Hampden-Sydney College (VA) on Sydney on Friday, the Blue Devils got Critchlow off a free kick from Chase took home the trophy in the first ever Friday and knocking off #24 ranked started early with a goal by senior Lipshie in the 90th minute. “Turk” D.C. Classic. Dickinson College (PA) on Saturday with midfielder Chase Lipshie in the third For the second time in two days, the Friday’s game will begin at 7 p.m., a last-minute header goal by freshman minute of play. Hampden-Sydney Devils sealed the deal in the ninetieth followed by Saturday’s at 2:30 p.m. Hunter Critchlow. sophomore midfielder Liam Hogan minute of play. And in doing so, Torrelli against Houghton College. Then, it The Blue Devils were invited by host notched the games equalizer at the end was given his first career shutout with all wraps up with Geneva College on school Catholic University to partake of the first half to lock it at one going three saves. September 13th for the final part of the in their first ever “Turk” D.C. Classic, into the half. It’s a great start for men’s soccer, who three game homestand. in honor of the school’s Hall of Famer, It wasn’t until the ninetieth minute, finished last year with an overall record Hicabi “Turk” Emekli. however, that Fredonia was able to break of 5-12-1 (2-6-1 in conference play). It’s

Blue Devil women’s soccer drop two in Rochester

ALEX KALUZNY shots each, making up half of Fredonia’s Special to The Leader eight shots. As for the trio of scorers in the second Fredonia State’s women’s half of the weekend, “It was good to see soccer lost both games in Rochester Kristie get two goals on Saturday. Moreland this past weekend: 3-1 to Rochester on played all 180 minutes and for the most part Friday and 3-2 to Union on Saturday. was solid. It was great to have Katie back Fredonia did not do much to stop on the field for us. She’s a great on-field the onslaught both days and allowed leader,” said Coach Chris Case. a total of six goals — getting outshot Before the half, Union added heavy 29-15 in total. pressure and overcame the one-goal deficit Junior Ally Tatro put Fredonia’s as the teams went to the locker rooms with only tally on the board during Friday’s the Dutchwomen up 2-1. Union added their game. At the time, the goal tied the third goal in the 75th minute of the game game in the 33rd minute. From there, before Fredonia made a charge on Kleine’s Rochester put the throttle down and late tally, which proved to be too late. In only let off a few times when Fredonia her second straight start, Forness needed added pressure in the second half. a kevlar vest in net, with back-to-back The Yellowjackets tucked one in the six-save performances over the weekend, back of the net before the end of the facing nine shots on target of Union’s 16 half to pull ahead once again. In the attempts. second half, Rochester scored once “Lindsey did make some mistakes, more in the 81st minute to conclude but she also made some great plays. After the scoring at 3-1. two years she is still trying to get back to Courtesy of Fredoniabluedevils.com In Friday’s game, Rochester had Ally Tatro scores the Blue Devils first goal of the season where she was. She is a hard worker and nine shots on target of their 13 attempt will only get better as the season goes with junior goalkeeper Lindsey Forness off the bench. and tallying the last goal of the match in on,” said Case. turning away six. Sophomore Alexis In Saturday’s game against Union, the 86th. Moreland contributed an assist The Blue Devils will look to get started Moreland led the Blue Devils with three sophomore Kristie Kleine’s two goals were on her first goal while her sister, senior in the win column this weekend hosting shots, two of which were on target. Two of the bookends of the game for Fredonia, Katie Kleine, got the helper on her second. Medaille at 5 p.m. Friday and Mount Union Rochester’s three goals came from players opening the scoring in the 16th minute Moreland and (Kristie) Kleine had two at 7 p.m. on Saturday at University Stadium. B-6 The Leader, Wednesday April 11, 2012 B-6 The Leader Wednesday September 3, 2014

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Top 5 Ways Bill Nye and I Will Become Best Friends During His Time in Fredonia, in Order of Increasing Preference Sex and the SUNY LEO FRANK your-biggest-fan thing all the time. and the world in the process. Lampoon Editor Also I’m not even sure I’ll be able to 4. Hollywood-type “cute meet.” see him speak. But I harbor a shred of Scene: In two weeks, beloved scientist, genuine belief that if I bust into the It is a sunny September afternoon ...or is this just educator, entertainer and activist venue while he’s speaking and just in Fredonia. Bill Nye strolls along Bill Nye will be in Fredonia giving shout at him that we should chill, he’ll the walkway between the Williams fanstasy? a speech. While this is certainly be so struck by my earnestness and Center and Reed Library, admiring exciting for the university and the dedication that he will realize that the campus. Maybe he’s seeing the community, it is even more exciting I’m a totally chill guy with whom he sights between engagements. He’s KELLY CANER for me, because Bill Nye and I have should definitely strike up a lively transfixed by the resplendent autumnal Staff Writer been destined to become best friends Twitter-and-Snapchat correspondence. beauty of our campus. I’m headed the since I first heard the rousing Bill 3. I do some science, and Bill other way, absorbed in the task of I raised an eyebrow as my silver fox Nye the Science Guy theme song Nye sees me do it simultaneously looking at my phone, chiropractor was lathering Biofreeze into sometime in the mid-nineties. I now To prepare for my boy’s upcoming holding a coffee and carrying three my childbearing hips. He was rambling on present the top five ways I envision visit, I’ve been watching — well, books. I’m distracted, Bill Nye is busy and on about realigning my spine, but the Bill Nye and I becoming best friends. studying, really — old episodes of with the resplendent autumnal beauty only thing that needed realigning was his 1. We get stranded somewhere Bill Nye the Science Guy. So I’m and all. So of course we smack right full, enticing mustache onto my lips. I kept Being stranded anywhere with a fairly confident that I know pretty into each other. I spill my coffee and drifting off into fantasizes about how erotic stranger can be tense and awkward, much all the science. So when Bill apologize profusely while scrambling it’d be to feel those tough whiskers caressing but with the right attitude it can also Nye is on campus I’ll make sure he’s to gather my books. But Bill Nye is a my cheeks. be a great opportunity to establish watching and then litmus test my gracious man and offers to buy me a Fantasizing: we all do it at some point in a rapport with someone and work coffee or something, at which point new coffee. It’s Bill-friggin’-Nye, so our youthful, hormonal years. Some more than your way into their life. This is why Bill Nye, observing, will say I say yes. While in line at Starbucks others, of course, but it is nothing to sneer I would derive profound, existential- something to the effect everyone stares, jealous, as I at. There is danger to fantasizing, however. type gratification from finding myself of “That guy is super say a series of witty yet I am a notorious giggler, and as soon as I stranded 50 miles from civilization good at science self-effacing things kept internally commanding my chiropractor with nothing but my soon-to-be pal and a wor thy that make Bill Nye (who looked frighteningly similar to Richard Bill Nye and one bottle of water companion.” laug h a r ich, from friends) to “moisten me,” I began to between the two of us. I don’t know T hen we’l l Dumbledore- burst in laughter. how we got stranded. It just happened. h o p i n t o like laugh. For I spent a vast majority of my steamy Over the course of our trek to the h i s t i m e - the rest of our summer fantasizing during my summer nearest pocket of civilization, working t r avel l i ng lives, Bill Nye internship at some old white dude’s law together to navigate using the stars, s p a c e s h i p and I make sure office who had hands that resembled oatmeal I’d impress him with my knowledge disguised as to get coffee cookies. I sat across a desk from my fellow of forestry and engage him in several an old-school whenever we’re intern, Edwardo, who had those big ol’ Daniel profound conversations touching British police both in the same Radcliffe thick eyebrows that I just wanted on such subjects as death, life, love box and we’ll go city. to roll around in. We’d make copies together and God. tearing around 5. G e t t i n g and as I was lost in the sensation of warm 2. I just straight up ask the guy t h e u n i ve r s e him to read this pages I’d start thinking about Edwardo takin’ to hang out with me solving space article a slice out of my corporate cake. We’d make I will concede that this one is a c r i m e s a n d Please be my friend, love like wet, slippery sea otters on the copy little bold, especially considering the learning a little Bill Nye. machine. But this never actually happened, fact that a figure of Bill something about ever. Nye’s eminence o u r s e l v e s The fantasies grew out of control as the probably gets summer progressed. I was to visit my born- this I’m- again Christian mother in June who lived in . As I boarded my flight and nestled into the middle seat, I looked up and saw two naval officers striding toward me. “Oh sweet mother of god…” was all I could muster as they sat on either side of me, sandwiching me. My mind was spinning a fantasy that actually had a title: “Sex Plane,” in which a young impressionable woman would be pleasured in secrecy by two naval officers. Now here is where I went wrong — what I advise all you frequent fantasizers not to do. I started writing the plot of this fantasy down on paper, titling the naval officers as “anal” officers. To no one’s surprise, the gentleman on my left saw the filth I wrote and slowly inched away. It was a really uncomfortable flight. Fantasizing is undoubtedly entertaining, especially when the only action you’ve gotten all summer was from your guinea pig ejaculating on your chest before waddling away while smacking his brown leathery lips in pleasure. My advice to all you fellow fantasizers is to live out fantasies! It is safe to live in the comfort of our imaginations, but maybe in life, we need to grab the Edwardos of the world and take them for a ride.

Courtesy of thelostogle.com B-8 The Leader, Wednesday April 11, 2012 B-8 The Leader Wednesday September 3, 2014

Leo Frank / Lampoon Editor