Laughing Stock Comedy in the Capital

Ghost street coffee jewelry chili chocolate

2013/11

LAUGHING STOCK COMEDY IN THE CAPITAL

the best

thanksgivingfeasts in the city

1 November 2013 ECOLOGICAL ECONOMY 生态经济(英文版)

主管单位: 云南出版集团公司 HR & Admin Assistant Siyu He 主办单位: 云南教育出版社 Director of Digital Communications & PR Iain Shaw 出版: 生态经济杂志社 Chief Technical Officer Badr Benjelloun 社长: 李安泰 IT Support Yan Wen 主编: 高晓铃 Deputy Web Managing Editor Jessica Rapp 地址: 昆明市环城西路609号云南新闻出版大楼4楼 Junior Web Editor Crystal Li 邮政编码: 650034 Photographers Mitchell Pe Masilun, Sui, Ken, Jamie Gu 国内统一刊号: CN53-1197/F Sales Manager Ivy Wang 国际标准刊号: ISSN1673 – 0178 Sales Account Executives Maggie Zhang, Sheena Hu Anna Rudashko, Amy Sun, Winter Liu Managing Editor Steven Schwankert Sales Assistant Wendy Lü Deputy Managing Editor Paul Ryding Editors Cat Nelson, Jessica Rapp, Nick Richards General inquiries: 5820 7700, 5820 7100 Production Manager Joey Guo Fax: 5820 7895 Contributors Shannon Aitken, Jim Boyce, Jerry Chan, Editorial inquiries: [email protected] George Ding, Crystal Li, Kyle Mullin, Iain Shaw Event listing submissions: [email protected] Sales inquiries: [email protected] Advertising Agency True Run Media Marketing inquiries: [email protected] 全国广告总代理: 深度体验国际广告(北京)有限公司 Distribution inquiries: [email protected] 北京广告代理: 北京爱见达广告有限公司地址: 北京市朝阳区建国路93号万达广场10号楼2801室 Complimentary copy, not for sale. 部分非卖品，仅限赠阅邮政编码: 100022 电话: 5820 7700, 5820 7100 传真: 5820 7895 Room 2801, Building 10, Wanda Plaza, 93 Jianguo Lu, Chaoyang District, Beijing 100022 General Manager Michael Wester Operations Director Toni Ma Editorial Director Jerry Chan Art Director Susu Luo Designer Micky Pan Marketing Manager Shana Zhang www.issuu.com/thebeijinger Event and Brand Manager Victoria Yang the_beijinger Distribution Coordinator Cao Yue WeChat theBeijinger Accountant Judy Zhao www.facebook.com/theBeijinger Cashier Alice Wang facebook HR & Admin Executive Cathy Wang twitter theBeijinger

2 November 2013 06 What’s Happening: The most important dates this month CITY SCENE Stat: Who has the priciest cup of coffee in Beijing? Going Underground: The National Library, Line 4 and 9..... Scene & Heard: See yourself at the Beijinger 12th Anniversary Zodiac Party 12 As Beijing’s comedy scene transforms from nascent to explosive, we COVER FEATURE take a look at an international star bolstering the scene, meet some local laugh-a-minutes and find out what makes them so funny. 20 What’s New: Okra, Jing Yaa Tang, 29 Grill, Moka Bros, El Gran Food & Drink Bocado, Bamiyan, Ink, Commix Bar and Restaurant, Square One Dining Feature: A field guide to Ghost Street Dining Q&A: Amber Deetlefs, Pinotage Last Orders: Christina Aman Riglet, formerly of Mosto Restaurants Back For More: Lost Heaven Alleyway Gourmet: Huang Tai Ji Wokipedia: Q is for … qi, qiang guo, quail egg, qiao rou Taste Test: Cough Drops Drinks Feature: Problems and solutions in the local craft beer scene Cocktail Profiler: Trevor Metz of Plan B Made in China: The perils to wine in China Just Desserts: Chili Chocolate Cake, Q Mex … plus what we’ve loved eating this month

Inspect a Gadget: Machines to make your party rave 54 Go What’s New Venues: O’Quirey, Yike Gallery Get the Look: Jewelry Get Out: Diving in the Philippines 62 Playlist: Lolly Fan MEET Feature interview: Mac DeMarco A Drink With: Zach Lewison Feature interview: The Bumbys Page Turners: Lao She Revisited Mastermind: Peter Murchison 70 ECOLOGY Feature: Infipure nose filters – are they safe? 73 EVENTS What you shouldn’t miss this month 80 PEKING MAN George gets a haircut

NEXT MONTH: DECEMBER This month’s cover EVENTS features Des Bishop HOLIDAY PARTY and was shot by Sui PLANNING DEADLINE: at Paddy’s Irish Bar in NOVEMBER 11 Sanlitun.

3 November 2013 The most important dates this month WHAT’S HAPPENING Eating, China’s altruism and eating more 2 13 meat and a dope after- moving to party: Chi Fan for the city – have you seen the size of kids Charity gives self- today? Capital M indulgence a bit discusses centuries of of redemption. food culture upended by contemporary He’s had more trends in this food- bad days than crazed country. 3 good ones since “Disagreeably his one - hit loud wonder back in 2006, misanthrope but what a hit it was. 9 rock” is one And it’s still getting label you’re not likely Daniel Powter around The Modern Sky Festival returns and runs until December 8. At the to forget in a hurry the world seven years time of going to print, they hadn’t and that’s precisely on. Don’t be surprised confirmed, but organizers had as why Witch Hats at 2 27-31 good as told everyone that they if the Canadian sells Kolegas is a simply have managed to sign up Tegan and Sara, Cat Power, out the ThinkPad space and The Cardigans (pictured) for this year. Prepare to unmissable show this this month. fall in love with “Lovefool” all over again. month. Two big nights of laughs Canadian rock slacker Mac DeMarco planned at Paddy’s Sanlitun always delivers the outrageous in this month as Punchline his live show – mostly because he 19-20 29 gets bored he says. God alone knows brings in UK mirth merchants Marcus how he’ll react to the sweaty confines of MAO Brigstocke, Imran Yusuf and Andre Vincent. Livehouse, but you better not miss out. We defy you to Haze reaches the terrible twos this month. not get on your Promising a stroll down memory lane, the 9 feet when Herbie 1 electro den will be a good option to get you Hancock bursts going again after your All Hallows shenanigans. “Rockit.” A grandpa NO costumes please; this is strictly business. of funk, or the godfather of post-bop We love Movember. It’s our favorite holiday of – whichever it is, he’s the year. A wonderfully timed, gloriously hirsute older than you and 22 celebration of the good fight against ball cancer. you should respect Funk Fever at The Bar at Migas will be a fine place to show your elders. off your, by now, wonderfully luxuriant soup strainer. For more events, see p73. Visit www.thebeijinger.com for more details. 4 November 2013 5 November 2013 Start as you mean to go on

CITYNATIONAL LIBRARY // NEWSBITES SCENE // SCENE & HEARD // JOKES BEAN COUNTING UBC Coffee RMB 45 Costa RMB 31 Zoo Coffee RMB 28

SPR Coffee RMB 36 Starbucks RMB 30 Tous Les Jours RMB 22

Coffee Su RMB 32 Pacific Coffee Company Holiland (Takeout only) RMB 30 RMB 12

An investigation by CCTV last month charged Starbucks with ripping off Chinese consumers. Seattle’s finest might not be the cheapest, but it’s far from the worst offender … Cost of a mid-sized latte, RMB Letter from an Editor howl at YouTube videos of dogs behaving like humans. You’re probably thinking my views on humor mean But Beijing-centric parodies on popular chart songs? nothing since I told you what bangs my funny bone. INot so much. I consider the original version of “The It’s a bit like telling a joke that nobody laughs at, which Office” to be a masterpiece, and Ricky Gervais’ portrayal happens to me a lot. Thankfully, our cover feature this of the hapless boss should go down in history as one of month was put together with the help of a diverse the finest comedy performances ever. But his stand-up range of local and international comedians specializing routine? Meh, I can take it or leave it. I cried tears of laugh- in all forms of comedy, who, more often than not, know ter after watching a man cry tears of pain from eating a how to tickle ribs. The production of this month’s cover tablespoonful of cinnamon (it was when he tried to talk feature served as a timely reminder of just how lucky we and only succeeded in sputtering more cinnamon that are to have such a hard-working, diverse and spirited did it). But slapstick comedy? It just plain annoys me. I comedy community in the capital. Support and enjoy delight in the confident employment of a well-placed our local comedy scene. It turns out we’ve got a lot to swear word. But I’d take the saintly repertoires of Jerry laugh about. Seinfeld and Jethro over the blue routines of Chubby Brown or Bernard Manning any day. The point being, it’s hard to define funny, and much harder to explain why something’s funny. It’s matter of opinion. But then, I don’t Paul Ryding do it for a living. Deputy Managing Editor

6 November 2013 generation gap

“Knock, knock”

“Ding-dong”

tell us a joke

PETER KOVEOS CCTV Sports Reporter

Q: Why are there so A: Because they all many Smiths in the have phones. phone book? photo: Courtesy of Danni Zheng of Danni Courtesy photo:

7 November 2013 NEWSBITEs

The Mayor of London, Boris John- schools. Simple enough, right? the cheerleaders came last month. son, paid a visit to our capital for The New England Patriots Cheer- The phrase “Great Wall of Garbage” the British Brands Festival and got leaders made their seventh trip to went viral online after the National up to some good self-branding China to train local cheerleaders Holiday. It was revealed that 109 shenanigans himself. It turns out for beach volleyball games and tons of garbage was left on the Johnson fancies himself quite also made an appearance at the wall by some 356,600 sightse- the “Ringo Star.” He joined The Kerry Center. Now that’s a serve. ers between October 1 and 6. City Beijing Beatles on drums for their workers had to scramble in and Video games and their consoles set at the festival and smoothly around the crowds to clean up their may soon be available “over the reinforced the argument that mess. However, math whiz kids on counter.” The games, which have McCartney was the talented one. Weibo found those calculations been banned for a decade, have A quick stop at Plastered T-Shirts proposterous. always been available at shady in Nanluogu Xiang also saw the electronic markets. But now, to Mayor stocking up on wacky shirts A Beijing News online poll of peo- market directly in China, Sony, and posing like a tourist with shop ple’s attitudes towards China’s holi- Microsoft and the like only need owner Dominic Johnson-Hill. day schedule revealed 70 percent to set up a joint venture with a Mayor Johnson was later spotted of respondents were dissatisfied company in Shanghai’s new free arguing with a woman on the with the national holiday plan. trade zone and have the contents Beijing tube. Fifty percent agreed seven-day of their games screened by the holidays should be preserved while Nearly RMB 5 trillion will be Ministry of Culture. Authentic 42.4 percent think it necessary to thrown at the city’s pollution Nintendo Wii’s are only a stone’s transform one-day festivals into problem in a five-year clean-up throw and a few loopholes away. three-day vacations by moving plan. Amongst the measures weekends. Fears that the foreign film quota this money will be spent on is a may be close to full for the year color-coded alert system based American football is making some led to speculation over what on “Serious” (AQI over 300) and field kicks far east. Four-time Super blockbusters we might miss out “Heavy” (AQI 201-300) pollution. Bowl-winning quarterback Joe on this fall. We can be sure to see Red indicates three consecutive Montana will be making his first Bilbo Baggins’ return in The Hob- days of “Serious.” Red action will in- visit to China with a special evening bit: The Desolation of Smaug and clude steps as drastic as taking half planned at the Kerry Hotel for No- Thor: The Dark World this month, the cars off the roads and closing vember 18. Unfortunately for him, but Disney’s Planes is still up in the air. Gravity’s last-minute approval surprised many. The sci-fi thriller, which stars Sandra Bullock and George Clooney, wasn’t expected to get a China release this fall, due to the rising quota and China’s tendency to block films that celebrate US space achievements. The fact that Chinese technology is made to look bad-ass and the Chinese are portrayed as good guys in the film may be reasons for the unexpected approval. spot the muppet

8 November 2013 going underground NATIONAL LIBRARY, Lines 4 and 9

Selling Point Bedecked with frescoes paying literary homage to the Chinese classics housed in its namesake National Library, this massive inter- change station between lines 4 and 9 lies west of Beijing Zoo and south of Weigongcun’s cafes and eateries. The relative quiet makes it an ideal place to hole up with a book.

Read Dating back to the late Qing dynasty, construction began on the National Library in 1909, and it was first opened to the public in 1912. Today, it is the seventh largest library in the world (according to Wikipedia) and houses a collection of over 30 million, including archives of Qing Dynasty literary works, manuscripts dating from the Southern Song Dynasty and a collection of inscribed tortoise shells and bones dating back over 3,000 years. It also boasts a large collection of over 8,000 digital publications.

Eat For a distinctly regional Chinese meal, take exit A and walk north 300 meters to find the Salt Merchants Restaurant, Jinfuyubang (锦府盐帮), on the west side of the street across from Hubei Dasha (湖北大厦). Specializing in Zigong cuisine – a regional cuisine from within Sichuan – this restaurant is located in a nondescript compound that belies its ornate wood-themed interior. If you’re hungry for other options, saunter up just south of Weigongcun, where you’ll find plenty of regional restaurants and cafes near Minzu University.

Stroll So named for the many plush groves of bamboo planted within, Zizhuyuan, or Purple Bamboo Park, surrounds the National Library to its west and south. Constructed in the Chinese classical garden style, the park is filled with picturesque rock gardens and islets dotting a large network of canals, ponds and lakes that can be explored by boat or “ice chair” in the winter. There is also a spacious playground with a sea of slides, rocking horses, and more for the kids.

9 November 2013 SCENE & HEARD SCENE & HEARD

Twelve issues per year, 12 years, how best to celebrate? With the 12 zodiac signs, naturally. People partied like a Leo with free-flow beer and vodka cocktails at Spark for the Beijinger 12 Anniversary Zodiac Party on October 17. Photos by Sui, Mitchell Pe Masilun, Ken and Ricky Zhang

10 November 2013 SCENE & HEARD SCENE & HEARD

11 November 2013 THE LOCAL COMEDY EXPLOSION

he KFCs are terrible, we live in a perpetual cloud of fostered by local performers themselves. And an dystopian smog, and the toilets are revolting holes increasing number of international big shots are swinging Tin the ground. Life can be so grim sometimes. And through town. Rumors of a secret show by Louis C.K. last it’s November, so you find yourself asking incessantly, year spread through the city like wildfire, making it one “When’s the heat coming on?” Yeah, bleak. of the most sought-after tickets of the year. Butch Bradley A while ago a bold local comedian performed a routine came in September, and we’re eagerly anticipating big where he asked his audience to imagine what it was like performances this month from US stand-up Tom Rhodes to be a school of sperm impeded by a condom, then and UK TV comedian Marcus Brigstocke. And some big quipped, “It’s like Line One at rush hour and someone’s names are here to stay. Joe Wong, who once roasted Joe covered the doors in plastic wrap!” The audience roared Biden, has a show on CCTV, and acclaimed Irish comedian with approval and that’s when we realized this: the harried Des Bishop is here filming a documentary series as well as and transplanted soul can best be cured by laughter. bolstering the local scene with regular comedy nights. What was once a nascent scene in Beijing has exploded In the following pages our city’s funnymen show you in recent years. Venues in and around the ring roads that nothing’s bleak when you can laugh at it. are alive with improv, stand-up and open mic nights photo: SUI

12 November 2013 13 November 2013 ni hao, I’m funny INTERNATIONAL COMEDIAN DES BISHOP IS IMMERSING HIMSELF FOR SOME HILARITY

hen I was 14, I’d already lost my virginity. to new audiences. It’s how he likes to introduce himself. Nobody in my class was like that. They In his Chinese stand up routine the pattern repeats “Wcouldn’t believe it when I told them. Of itself. He introduces himself with a joke about how he course back in New York that was completely normal.” Des chose a terrible name: Bi Xiaoping. Bi is after Bishop but Bishop’s life is a series of cross-cultural jokes, and he tells unfortunately is also a homonym for a vulgar slang term, them smoothly in his thick Queens’ accent. and Xiaoping after Deng Xiaoping. At age 14 he was sent to a semi-rural Irish boarding The phrase tossed around about Bishop most, is that he school. He’d just been kicked out of school in New York has built a career on “fitting in, from learning how to en-

for a drinking problem. The irony of this solution-moving gage with people out of necessity.” The world-renowned photo s : KEN to Ireland to stop drinking is all to clear to him and is a comedian is in China this year doing just that. He is shoot- standard punch line in his stand up act when he performs ing a TV program for Irish audiences that documents his

14 November 2013 journey learning to do stand up in Chinese. Classes at in Chinese comedy forms. Foreign performers get typecast Renmin University, a homestay, a short stint at a restau- into these roles. Their Chinese is good and they have rant in Heilongjiang, and dating girls on WeChat are just performance talent, but the stale art forms restricts them scrapes of his experience. and then these clichés evolve. He’d like to see someone Bishop’s brand of comedy is rooted in immersion. His “break free from the relics” and develop Chinese comedy 2008 TV show, In the Name of Fada follows him as he tries in a way that can be relevant. to learn to do stand-up in Irish. Another series documents He is an advocate for adapting Western comedy styles him working minimum - wage jobs in Ireland. He also into Chinese, an idea he is exploring and helping to produced a Gaelic version of the song “Jump Around” develop with his involvement in comedy clubs around the called “Léim Thart ”. country, where he sees a scene with a lot of potential. His Those experiences, along with some Chinese friends goal isn’t about Chinese prowess, but just to be funny. he made along the way and an obsession with kung “Say I did an awesome performance, it would kill me fu, eventually led to the idea of doing a similar project if everybody was just like ‘your Chinese is really good.’ I’d in China. His goal is to learn the almost not include my Chinese just language and perform a success- so people could say ‘It was funny ful comedy routine in one year. Dating girls on cause it was funny. Not because The result will be reality TV meets WeChat is just a scrape you’re a foreigner that can speak professional comedy, with a touch of his experience Chinese.’ That would be the ultimate of social commentary. Bishop puts achievement.” it simply: “Talking about the experience in actuality, but Bishop has already planned to team up with local doing it in a fun way.” Chinese speaking comedian Jesse Apell, the performer Watching him perform live in English, a few things behind the “Laowai Style” parody video that went viral are clear. He has the energy of a world-class performer, last year, to do a Chinese version of “Jump Around.” But talented and experienced; he can light up any room. He’s comparing himself to Apell, Bishop says: “I’m trying to insightful, after not even a year here his jokes about life in use my experience learning Chinese to tell a story about China hit the nail on the head and are executed with such learning about China. Jesse is fluent and he’s trying to take power that audiences can’t help but clutch their guts in his deep understanding of Chinese humor do something laughter. He works hard. After just a few months learn- fun. But at the end of the day I’m making a TV show about ing the language, the 37-year-old comedian is already a journey he had three years ago … I think it’s all about putting acts together in Chinese and delivering them at stories. At the end of the day people can follow a story Chinese-language comedy workshops in small venues and take what they can out of that story.” like Hot Cat Club. What Bishop is trying to accomplish here is not "white Des Bishop hosts a regular comedy night at The Bookworm guy makes Chinese people laugh because he’s white and called The Humor Section. On Nov 8 and 9 he will be hosting can say a tongue twister in cracked Mandarin." This is a performances at The Humor Section by visiting comedian phenomenon that he feels is a result of a lack of evolution Tom Rhodes.

15 November 2013 WHAT MAKES YOU MEET SOME SO FUNNY? OF BEIJING’S COMICS

KRISTEN CARUSOS “I am a ridiculous, goofy person and I live in this crazy, dirty, and fun b@ stard of a city. A lot of my material comes from some of my more interesting experiences and observations. I also have no filter and that sometimes makes for a great joke. My ideal joke is one that’s political and nerdy with some type of perverted twist to it. When I first started doing stand-up, some of my jokes were rather crass. I was thinking to myself, “Thank God the Great Firewall of China is making Facebook less accessible.” CARLOS OTTERY JESSE APPELL Years in Beijing: One “Hmm, other than having a touch “Most of my comedy comes from Comedy Style: Biting and bubbly for the mildly outlandish, I don’t comedic steroid injections, which Nationality: USA think I am particularly funny and am my ayi delivers directly into my spinal Day Job: English teacher a little wary of people who claim cord twice weekly. I enjoy mixing they are. If I ever get on stage then English and Chinese to make jokes, Catch Kristen at the upcoming it is probably some weird ego thing, mostly to ensure that I confuse as Comedy Club China show at The which is a risky game because it can many people as possible. My proud- Hutong on Nov 9. get deflated damn fast. A thing that est achievement to date is having amuses me is that we are all going caused the recent government shut- to die. Once people get comfortable down in America, which occurred with that, comedically it can be quite after the NSA read the jokes on my freeing, though instead, I tend use computer and tried to find a way to it to justify staying at home to jerk cancel my scholarship.” off and eat sandwiches. Everybody needs a hobby right?” Years in Beijing: Two Comedy Style: Everything from xi- Years in Beijing: Four and a half angsheng (cross talk) to comedy rap Comedy Style: A sort of perverted Nationality: USA confessionalism Day Job: Fulbright scholar research- Nationality: Anglo-Irish ing Chinese comedy Day Job: Editor at The World of Chinese Look out for Jesse’s bilingual rap video “Mo Money, Mo 发展” which is set Carlos co-wrote and acted in the to hit Youku soon. Check his website Beijing-set comedy This is Sanlitun. Laughbeijing.com for more details.

16 November 2013 “ Please do come to our shows – they are ever so mildly pithy ”

RICHARD ROBINSON ryan ha “I’m not as funny as I look. Actually, “I’m a sex symbol first and foremost. that’s not even possible.” That’s just me being real with y’all, you know? Like real real, like really Years in Beijing: Don’t know since real, ya naw I mean? I don’t try to I’m not finished yet. But I did get sugar coat my jokes, I tell it how it here in 2000. is. Whereas most people tell jokes Comedy Style: I guess you could about funny topics like horses, Brit- say I’ve rightly or wrongly been ish people, and the homeless, me, pigeonholed into the category of myself, I talk about cancer, rape, and neo-vaudevillian cum cerebral angry the Chinaman. Did you know that redneck meets over-the-top urban 95 percent of traffic jams in Beijing black ventriloquism. With props. are caused by a Chinaman trying to Nationality: Dual Irish-American make a U-turn? But, I digress, I am citizen raised in Boston. That gives funny because I have the body of me precious insight into why the JACK SMITH a Chinaman, but the mind of a 30- movie Good Will Hunting – about an “In Great Britain and the Common- year-old-single, black, female mother Irish-American genius from Boston – wealth, comedy is all about breeding. of four.” is usually to be found in the fantasy/ Aristocratic children as young as sci-fi section. Go Sox! three are forced to perform Monty Years in Beijing: Two and a half Day Job: I assume that you’re not Python sketches in front of the local Comedy Style: Stand up comedy, only assuming I have one (mobile clergy. Those who show promise can observational comedy, character internet entrepreneur) but insinuat- apply to enter one of our elite private comedy, cringe comedy ing that I shouldn’t quit it. I get that schools, who reinforce their commit- Nationality: USA a lot. ment to humor by forcing students Day Job: COO of Comedy Club to wear comical outfits and speak in China Visit Chopschticks.com for more ridiculous accents. The best go on information on their upcoming to Oxbridge, where laughter is very Get more info about Ryan and Comedy comedy shows and for when Richard much on the timetable, particularly Club China at Comedyclubchina.com. himself is performing. when delivered into the faces of the Follow him on Weibo @HaWyanHa. poor. And so, I find myself in the star- studded lineup of Beijing Improv, now in our seventh year. Please do come to our shows – they are ever so mildly pithy.”

Years in Beijing: Five Comedy Style: Improv Nationality: British Day Job: News Editor

See Jack perform at LAUGH! Special show with Shanghai’s Zmack! on Nov 30 at Penghao Theatre, or occasionally at one of Beijing Improv’s free weekly bilingual workshops on Wednesdays.

17 November 2013 gag -- alogue CHINESE JOKES IN TRANSLATION t’s always been said that humor is hard to translate, and But hang on, people from around the world make some of the performers on Beijing’s stages will attest us laugh all the time. We picked up a few Chinese jokes Ito that. This can be due to linguistic and cultural differ- translated into English that cleverly satire a lot of the ences; China’s prominent use of homonyms in its humor quirks about life in Beijing: plastic surgery, out-of-control is one over-used example. housing, bargaining and transportation …

There’s Always Someone Unattributed Lucky Winner A student was beaten by a master. The master said, A reporter interviewed a guy “I’ve studied taekwondo.” who had just won RMB 5 mil- The master was beaten by a swashbuckler. The swash- lion. buckler said, “I’ve studied jeet kune do.” “What are you gonna do with The swashbuckler was beaten by a middle-aged woman. your prize?” The women said, “I ride public busses.” “Pay my mortgage.” “And what about the rest?” “You mean the rest of my The Talented Farter mortgage?” A man was very proficient at fart- ing. He went to a metalworker to have a hammer cast in iron. While he was negotiating he cut loose a series of loud ones. The metal- To Repay Teacher’s Kindness worker was amused and said, “If A young teacher wore a funny- you can fart 100 times, I’ll give looking hat. When her student you a cast-iron hammer for free.” saw it he laughed and said, The man promptly farted 100 “Teacher, your hat makes you times. The metalworker couldn’t look like a clown. Take it off.” renege on the bet and handed the The teacher responded, “You hammer over. need to study hard, so later you As he was leaving, the man let can make a lot of money and buy loose several more farts and your teacher a pretty hat, OK?” said, “Since I gave you some extra “No way!” the student said, farts, you ought to throw in some shaking his head. But when he iron nails!” saw that the teacher felt bad, he patted his chest and promised: “When I make a lot of money, I’ll The Oracle Replies take you straight to Korea to get Young man: What should I do if I’m feeling sad? a pretty face.” The Oracle: Go talk to the old ladies who live in your block. Within ten minutes, you’ll have found out about all the people in each building who are more miserable than you, and you’ll feel a lot better. For more Chinese joke translations check out Jim Mahler’s website Chinese-stories-english.com. He’s got a database of well-translated material that spans centuries. Follow Jim on Twitter @fannyi.

18 November 2013 LAUGHS OUT LOUD THIS MONTH’S RIB-TICKLING ROUND-UP NOV 19, 20 THE PUNCHLINE COMEDY CLUB PRESENTS MARCUS BRIGSTOCKE UK funnyman and veritable Jack-of- all-trades Marcus Brigstocke is joined by Andre Vincent and Imran Yusuf for two Beijing dates. RMB 290, RMB 250 (advance). 8pm. Paddy’s Irish Bar (6415 0299)

NOV 30 COMEDY CLUB CHINA PRESENTS COMEDY DIM SUM A night of belly laughs from the Comedy Club crew with buy-one- get-one-free on Tiger before Temple MARCUS BRIGSTOCKE hosts a night of rap. RMB 50. 8pm. Temple (131 6107 0713) WEDNESDAYS wandering US stand-up and Comedy WEEKLY BILINGUAL WORKSHOP Central golden boy Tom Rhodes. ENGLISH PLAYERS SHOW PRESENTS Having been popular for over five RMB 150, RMB 120 (advance), RMB LAUGH! FEATURING ZMACK! years, the bilingual workshop is con- 100 (students). 8pm. The Bookworm The last Saturday of (almost) every stantly oversubscribed. Now they (6586 9507) month is a night of giving back as perform in two levels: beginners well as giving laughs. The charity looking to have a laugh, and more NOV 9 performance this month welcomes advanced improvisers with a passion BIG SHOW special guests Zmack! from Shanghai. for pratfalls. Free. 8pm. Hot Cat Club Beijing Improv’s bilingual group, BIG, All proceeds go towards supporting (6400 7868) performs in new surroundings at a local charity. Entry by donation Zajia. Entry by donation (RMB encour- (RMB 50 encouraged). 8pm. Penghao NOV 7, 21 aged. 8pm. Zajia (0112 2252) Theatre (6400 6452/72) BEIJING COMEDY CLUB OPEN MIC From regular stand-up and improv in COMEDY CLUB CHINA: English, to sketch comedy in Span- HUTONG HOOLIGANS ish, poetry in Portuguese, or Chinese The Hutong welcomes the CCC clan cross talk, as long as you’re trying to for a night of boozy hijinx and big be funny, the mic is yours. And there’s laughs. RMB 100 (includes limited free beer to lubricate performers. free-flow Tiger). 7pm. The Hutong Free. 7.30pm. Giggle Bar & Restaurant (6404 3355) (6409 3066) NOV 13, 27 NOV 8, 9 COMEDY CLUB CHINA OPEN-MIC TOM RHODES AT THE HUMOR A night of free-for-all near Yonghe- SECTION gong as regular host Toby Jarmin The Sanlitun South monthly comedy welcomes all-comers. Free. 8.30pm. club hosted by Des Bishop, welcomes Hot Cat Club (6400 7868) TOM RHODES

19 November 2013 Sip, nibble, gulp, chew, guzzle, savor, feast

FOODCHORIZO // DUCK // CHILI CHOCOLATE & CAKE // BOTTLESDRINK OF BEER

Trip out on tryptophan at The Grand Millenium Beijing on Nov 28. See www.thebeijinger.com/events for more details.

20 November 2013 nibbles and sips NEW OPENINGS Kro’s Nest is franchising and you can find them springing up at the Joy City on Chaoyang Beilu and in the very freshly opened Galeries Lafayette in Xidan.

HAPPENINGS Sucked into the trend by special request, Opera Bombana now has cronuts in three flavors (chocolate, pistachio and marscapone). The hip treat isn’t yet on their regular menu, but plans are in the works to supply them to Parkview Green’s Illy Cafe.

Pyro Pizza and Lush are now non-smoking during daytime hours (10am-4pm). With the state of this city’s air, this doesn’t seem like a terrible idea. (And isn’t it also a national law or something?)

Cu Ju is not, as we reported last month, looking for new digs. They’ve come to terms with their landlord and the good ship sails on in Xiguan Hutong.

The venerable Centro will mark ten years with an Agent Provocateur lingerie catwalk on November 22. As you do.

RENOVATIONS Renovations at 4corners have improved its credentials as a live music venue and made buying drinks at the bar a more pleasant experience.

Plan B no longer has a pool table, but they should have a new kitchen and menu ready to go by the time you read this.

On Guloudong Dajie, Cafe Zarah will be closing for a few months to undergo renovations. No word yet on the expected date for reopening, but we’ll keep you posted as we hear.

CLOSINGS The news in Shunyi is that Switch! Cafe has joined its brother Switch! Grill in the graveyard.

The whirlwind of a street Xingfucun Zhonglu has more happening. Long-standing Italian sandwich shop Panino Giusto has closed. If all goes as the plans stand now, sandwiches will prevail and Hercules will be opening a new outlet in the space.

21 November 2013 Seaspeak Okra Tue-Sat 6-10:30pm (dinner), 6pm-midnight (cocktails). 1949 The Hidden City, Courtyard 4, Gongti Beilu, Chaoyang District (6593 5087) 朝阳区工体北路4号院

800m west of Tuanjiehu station (Line 10) photo: SUI uzakyu

22 November 2013 WHAT’S NEW restaurants he meal begins with little revelations. A generous cup of pale foam dusted with a deep green powder Tprovokes the first question of the evening. How could something so gossamer and insubstantial impart so complex a flavor?Dashi broth, naturally, that bearer of umami, Japan’s prized taste. Flecks of black speckling the eggplant teriyaki on one night and the smoked tuna rib on another, are mysterious and familiar – how could the charred remains of a sweet pepper be so delicate, yet so assertive? The man behind this intrigue is Max Levy. His kitchen is intellectual and deliberate; there is reason behind every choice at Okra. Nothing just is, and this is neither tiresome nor pretentious. A bouquet of wild chive flowers from Huairou sit on the counter behind the bar and later you discover their slender, fragrant figures garnishing a dish. An out-of-control piece of mackerel has reached these heights of insanity because of the confluence of three major jet streams off the coast of Japan, or so Levy tells you and you believe. Why else would it melt like that? You must be willing to eat the ocean, but once you accept this task, this is the place to go. The menu offers several options of sushi and sashimi sets (RMB 125-375) and dishes a la carte. There is, too, an excellent-value set menu (RMB 375, items rotate regularly) which gives a comprehensive tour of Okra’s offerings. Levy traverses the flavor and texture matrix. The sushi and sashimi are exquisite – bright and clean, matched by rice with an exceptional purity. The rich intensity of the cooked dishes throws brightness of the fish into relief. The nutty, deep flavor of thechawanmushi (egg custard) is counterbalanced by its textural lightness. He is playful. Uzakyu riffs on sanbeiji – the popular Taiwanese chicken dish dressed with a cup each of sesame oil, rice wine and soy sauce – with a novel trio of dashi, vinegar and soy sauce that bathes grilled freshwater eel and cucumber. Xinjiang raisins speckling the beef tongue taste unbelievably of roses. A beguiling smoked clam hides out amid slippery rounds of Okra’s namesake in a challenging red tofu soup. You will want to drop all illusions of civility and gnaw at the carcass of the charcoal-roasted fatty tuna in the yaki toro (RMB 150, a la carte). It must be obvious in your hungry eyes because later, Levy drops by the table to suggest it. What you don’t confess to him is that, like a monster, you want to lick the plate, too. Cat Nelson

Also try: Yotsuba, Geba Geba

23 November 2013 WHAT’S NEW restaurants dapper duck

Jing Yaa Tang 京雅堂 Daily noon-10.30pm. B1/F, The Opposite House, Taikoo Li North, 11 Sanlitun Lu, Chaoyang District (6410 5230) 朝阳区三里屯路11号太古里北区地下1层 1km northwest of Tuanjiehu station (Line 10)

ou might think that this city doesn’t need another side vitality to marry with the deep notes of the date wood roast duck restaurant. You are probably correct. stoking the oven. The wonderfully crispy skin and the YLuckily, The Opposite House doesn’t care. They delicate meat may be de rigeur, but there are welcomed serve duck, yes, but there is much more to Jing Yaa Tang breaks from convention, too. In the sides, there is the than that. The menu is “pan-China” and skips across the unanticipated julienned melon and fried minced garlic. provinces with accessible, refined renditions of classics: Rather than soup, whole orders are accompanied by a dish a well-balanced, though mild koushuiji (poached chicken of stir-fried shredded duck, bamboo shoot, sausage and in chili sauce, RMB 48), lamb chuanr (RMB 18 per piece), mushrooms to be wrapped in lettuce leaves. zhajiang noodles (RMB 48). The kitchen takes country fare and polishes it for the Brilliant orange and red, the chilled cherry tomatoes white tablecloth. Consider a lesser-revered fowl, the pi- marinated in plum sauce (RMB 48) tumble out of a ribbon geon (RMB 88). A coarser cousin to the duck, its roasted of leaf encircling the tiny heap of lycopene. These small meat is darker, tasting of a life less indulged. extraordinary gems come skinned, nude memories of If experience discourages you from ordering sweets in summer. Nutty young shoots of Chinese toon cascade a Chinese restaurant, put some faith in the kitchen. The off of a deep ochre tangle of elastic cordycep mush- fried butter cream cake (RMB 28) is a misnomer. Is this is rooms (RMB 58). A stratum of spinach caps a square of an old Beijing snack, not simply, delightfully airy beignets? soft homemade beancurd (RMB 38), its delicate texture Strong vanilla notes run through the custard of the egg well-paired with the pool of pumpkin puree and rich tarts (three, RMB 38) as the buttery crust flakes off in neat

matsutake mushrooms. circles. Cat Nelson photo: ken After its journey from the outskirts of Beijing, the duck (whole, RMB 238/half, RMB 138) brings a certain country- Also try: Da Dong, Made in China

24 November 2013 WHAT’S NEW restaurants Grill Friend 29 Grill Tue-Sun 11.30am-11.30pm. 2/F, Conrad Beijing, 29 Dongsanhuan Beilu, Chaoyang District (6584 6300) 朝阳区东三环北路29号康莱德酒店2层

500m north of Hujialou station (Lines 6 & 10)

hoose one thing to do, and do it well. Solid advice, if you ask me. 29 Grill does a few things, but their Cspecialty is meat. They do lots of it – to a high standard. Set out with an exploration of the restaurant’s cold cuts. You can try five varieties for RMB 195, with unusual cuts including ostrich ham and truffle wild boar salami. The prosciutto cotto is excellent, but go with your own instincts. Just don’t stuff yourself before you reach the main course. The steaks aren’t presented with excessive flourish – in fact, 29 Grill comes across as a little too modest. They’ve every right not to be: their cuts of Australian beef are excellent, and the chefs know how to handle them. The 180g Newport (RMB 158) is the most budget-friendly option, and the size should satisfy most diners. If you’ve got a bigger appetite, go for the 120-day, grain-fed tenderloin (250g, RMB 278). You can choose one sauce – the Bordelaise was the best we tried – or accessorize your steak with luxuries like duck foie gras (RMB 38) or a wild morel and hazelnut crumble (RMB 58). If you’re not into steaks, there are a few beefy alternatives, as well as lobster, king prawns and Norwe- gian salmon. Whatever you order, you’ll want to save some stomach storage for one of the luscious desserts (RMB 55-65) or cheese plates (RMB 68-258). Iain Shaw

Also try: Morton’s Steakhouse, O’ Steak

Sirloin Steak s y of 29 gr i ll u rte co photo:

25 November 2013 Ghost Busters A Field Guide to Gui Jie by Cat Nelson and Crystal Li

ou, Gui Jie, with your luminescent strands of red Your mass of restaurants melts into a formidable, lanterns and your glittering, oily patina, you are a around-the-clock mountain of chilies and peppercorns. Ystrange one. Vivacious and iconic, enigmatic and So how then to separate the wheat from the chaff, impenetrable. You have no street sign and yet, you are the fish from the bones, without getting knee-deep certainly there – loud, inescapable and entrancing. in gutter oil? photo: SUI

26 November 2013 dining feature

What’s in a Name? Gui Jie is, in fact, actually the stretch of Dongzhimennei Daijie between Dongzhimen and Beixinqiao. So how did it ever come to be called “Ghost Street”? One tale is this: In the Qing Dynasty, Dongzhimen was the city gate used for transporting the deceased out of town for burial. Funeral stores lined the street and the kerosene lamps of night vendors cast eerie shadows. It was for these two reasons that locals began referring to the strip as “Ghost Street” (鬼街). Over time, restaurants proliferated until the local government decided to change the name to something less grim, and in the early 2000s, they registered the trademark and brand “簋街” which has the same pronunciation as “Ghost Street,” but whose “gui” refers to an ancient container for food.

Heavy-Hitting Gems the Beijinger Top Picks While Gui Jie is not entirely Sichuan (you’ll find the odd Xiao Yu Shan 小渔山 Russian and Cantonese restaurant), there is a proclivity An old faithful serving a wide range of Chinese cui- towards pepper. Here are the most common dishes you sine. Cheers Wine across the street lends an added might encounter: plus. Try: suobianyu, maxiao, chicken with chilies (辣子鸡, laziji) Mala xiaolongxia (麻辣小龙虾): Crayfish cooked Chongqing Kongliang Huoguo 重庆孔亮火锅 and then heavily peppered until it’s mouth-numbing. A Chongqing transplant specializing in eel hot pot Served with plastic gloves, and also known as maxiao with a flavor championed by Chongqing exiles resid- (麻小). Try: Huda Fanguan 胡大饭馆 ing in the capital. Try: Chongqing-style hot pot with eel Chanzuiwa (馋嘴蛙): Frogs doused in chili – you’ll (鳝鱼, shanyu) and tripe (毛肚, maodu) need a little faith and an adventurous spirit. Try: Xiao Qimen Shuanrou 奇门涮肉 Dong Tian 小洞天 A hip, young venue serving Beijing mutton hot pot. Shuizhuyu (水煮鱼): A chili-laced Sichuan dish Try: hot pot with lamb (高钙羊肉, gaogai yangrou) which poaches the fish, maintaining its tenderness, and beef (双层肥牛, shuangcengfei niu), shaobing rather than stir-frying. Try: Jingui Xiaoshancheng 金 (烧饼, sesame bun) 簋小山城 Kaoyu (烤鱼): A Chongqing-style roasted fish first marinated and fried, then served in a spicy broth flavored any number of peppered ways. Try: Jiangbian WHAT WE LOVE ABOUT GUI JIE Chengwai Kaoquanyu 江边城外烤全鱼 1. The atmosphere. The lanterns and bright lights set the mood. It makes you feel like you’re on It’s hard to get through even your first month in Beijing holiday. Just a little. without learning the word “huoguo,” but variations on 2. Kaoyu. Gui Jie is the place to come for this. the iconic Chengdu and Chongqing peppery hot pot do It’s Chinese “event” dining in the same way as exist, and Gui Jie is the place to explore them. Peking duck or hot pot, but often overlooked. We love the different seasoning options, and it just Mala xiangguo (麻辣香锅): A “dry hot pot” from the looks great. Chongqing countryside – same mouth-numbing 3. The fact that it’s proudly, perhaps defiantly, heat, minus the soup – accommodates any variety a hub of spicy food. A whole street of niche. of ingredients. Spiciness to preference. Try: Xiongdi Concessions to cuisine from anywhere else but Chuancai 兄弟川菜 Sichuan or Chongqing are rare. Suantangyu (酸汤鱼): A tomato-based, fish hot pot 4. All the weird, snake-infused liquor, invariably from the Miao minority with a tangy sourness im- idling on restaurant counters in huge jars. Who parted by fermented rice flour and typical of Guizhou drinks that stuff? cuisine. Try: Miaoling Suantangyu 苗岭酸汤鱼 5. The prominent sheen of the street, raining or not.

27 November 2013 Bro Out Moka Bros 摩卡站 Sun-Thu 11am-10.30pm, Fri-Sat 11am-11.30pm. 1/F, Nali Patio, 81 Sanlitun Lu, Chaoyang District (5208 6079) 朝阳区三里屯路81号那里花园1层 900m northwest of Tuanjiehu station (Line 10) photo: sui red rice crunch

28 November 2013 WHAT’S NEW restaurants he seductive charm of contemporary, urban China is in its raw, heaving energy. This too is the charm Tof Sanlitun, if there is any, and now embodying this vitality is Moka Bros. It is unsurprising that a place named after an iconic stove-top coffeemaker would be throbbing with a certain caffeinated buoyancy. Moka’s walls shout, YOU ROCK! and WAKE UP / KICK ASS / REPEAT which is, remarkably, not obnoxious and is even oddly encouraging. The energy is palpable. The menu is bright and unrestrained with spinach and tomato lending hues of green and orange to wraps that cradle such fillings as chicken pesto (RMB 48) or steak and avocado (RMB 68). Modo’s chic black olive tapenade reappears as a more lighthearted, but equally exceptional version with green olives (RMB 18). The red rice crunch bowl (RMB 48, add steak or chicken RMB 18) splashes our table with the earthy browns and maroons of meat, grain and legume, punctuated with the luminous yellows of corn, brilliant reds of fresh bell pepper and an avocado’s green. Flavors rise to the visual challenge, exceeding it with biting accents of onion and a cilantro-lime dressing. Naturally, there is a salad lush with leaves of spinach and the prickly hearts of artichokes called the Protein Rush (RMB 68) centered on that fortifying, ancient grain, quinoa. The high energy must be maintained somehow. This is not to say Moka is not a serious or thought- ful endeavor. It is. The tenderloin steak and bacon crepe (RMB 75) is a dinner affair, sincere and successful with its creamy mushroom sauce. The Par- ma ham sandwich (RMB 68) is an earnest classic, kept fresh and enchanting with slivers of sun-dried tomatoes and basil leaves on walnut bread. There are a few missteps – a Negroni (RMB 50) overwhelmed with gin, the onion soup (RMB 38) too saccharine – but these are redeemed by several delightful raspberry daiquiris at happy hour (RMB 30, 4-7pm), and a singular sour cream foam, a condiment nearly worth the cost of the main it accompanies, at least for a try. You may think you don’t like sweets, but eat an alfajor (three, RMB 10). Two nutty cookies crumble around an exquisite center of dulce de leche and when you hear its name might derive from the Arabic for “luxurious” – far more glamorous than the alternative etymology of “stuffed” – you know you could have surmised this unassisted. Cat Nelson

Also try: Café Ricci, Traitor Zhou’s Kaifeng Non-Kosher Delicatessen

29 November 2013 WHAT’S NEW restaurants

Shredded beef taco The Big Bite El Gran Bocado Daily noon-midnight (kitchen closes at 11pm). 55-6 Xingfucun Zhonglu, Chaoyang District (6416 1715) 朝阳区幸福村中路55-6号

1km west of Tuanjiehu station (Line 10)

spent a mess of Tuesdays some time ago scooping (RMB 48), mozzarella and cheddar stand in as a satisfying spoonfuls of the queso dip that pooled around my replacement for Oaxaca cheese. Comparatively, the rice Iburrito like it was melting ice cream and licking the salt in the tacos (RMB 38-48) and burritos (RMB 52-62) tastes from the rim of gracious pours of 99-cent margaritas. On like a disappointing box mix livened with a vegetable those Tuesdays, so potent was this cheap tequila that I medley. And yet, the home-cooked refried beans are the now have almost no understanding of what Mexican food most flavorful I’ve had in Beijing – or possibly ever. actually tastes like in the American Midwest. You’ll recognize the margaritas – try Hulk’s (RMB 42/52) You’d think it would be a similar case with a Beijing- for an unusual splash of mint liqueur – from Sand Pebbles, born graphic design student who owns a taqueria. But I’d in addition to finding Slow Boat beer on tap (RMB 40) and put my pesos on him if there were ever a Mexican food the spiced rice milk drink, horchata (RMB 25), which could standoff in Beijing. use a heavier dose of cinnamon. The brains behind the cozy Wudaoying Hutong haunt, Heng is still refining the menu, but of note, expect a Sand Pebbles, Ray Heng says he learned how to make range of hard-to-come-by breakfast options in Beijing, Mexican food with the aid of YouTube, tasting trips to and this mean twist on a churro: What’s misleadingly Mexico and the American Southwest, and a little bit of called a cinnamon cake roll (RMB 35) is actually cinnamon- creativity. Turns out he has something of a knack for it. covered churro dough engulfing a slab of warm, creamy In Heng’s new avocado-colored restaurant, El Gran cheesecake. Bocado, he improvises on the hard-to-import Mexican And whatever became of Heng’s graphic design chilies by using a Chinese variety for his homemade sopes experience? Just check out the toothy grin on his menus.

con chorizo (RMB 32), an on-point blend of spicy and salty, Jessica Rapp photo: KEN nestled in fried masa and topped with breakfast potatoes and an unexpected dash of feta. In the meat quesadillas Also try: Q Mex, Cantina Agave

30 November 2013 WHAT’S NEW restaurants Kabuli For You Bamiyan Daily 11.30am-midnight (kitchen 11.30am-2.30pm and 5.30-9.30pm, tea and shisha during non-kitchen hours). 3/F, C-8 Lucky Street, 1 Chaoyang Gongyuan Lu, Chaoyang District (5867 0223) 朝阳区朝阳公园路1号好运街C-8号3层

1km east of Liangmaqiao station (Line 10)

or much of the past year, Gireesh Chaudhury has been feeding us updates on this Afghan restaurant, Fhoused upstairs from Punjabi, his long-running Indian restaurant. “Soon,” Chaudhury would reassure us. Hap- pily, the waiting is now over and the eating can begin. Superficially, there are similarities with Indian cuisine – curries, vegetable sides, kebabs, bread and rice – but the dishes tend towards lighter, creamier flavors. There’s nothing approaching the spice of a vindaloo here. Yogurt and mint are used liberally, and to great effect, in the borani banjan (RMB 42), which is sautéed eggplant and peppers in tomato sauce, served with strips of naan. The galouti kebabs (two, RMB 48) – minced lamb patties with cinnamon, cardamom and cashews – ease us into some serious meat eating. The essential dish is the nihari (RMB 78), a lamb shank curry stewed for eight hours and featuring more robust, complex flavors including coriander, trips of ginger and a few mint leaves. Order a naan to finish off the leftover sauce, or try the kabuli pulao (RMB 35), basmati rice flavored with caramelized sugar, carrots, raisins and saffron. If there’s room for dessert, thefirni (RMB 32) makes a sweet, creamy rice pudding-style finish to cap off a meal you won’t find anywhere else in town. Iain Shaw

Also try: Mughal’s, Punjabi

borani banjan photo: sui photo:

31 November 2013 Q&A

Carnivorous Convert Amber Deetlefs, Head Chef and Owner, Pinotage by Cat Nelson

fter a childhood in South Africa, Amber Deetlefs anything my mom cooks. I don’t know what she does moved to China at the fresh young age of 18. A but it just tastes so good. Maybe it’s because she doesn’t Ayear learning Chinese at BLCU led into importing overdo it. A lamb chop, a little bit of rosemary, lemon juice, wine and finally Beijing’s only South African restaurant salt and pepper and that’s enough. Do some creamed and wine bar. Now 25, Deetlefs has trained herself as a potatoes with that and it’s amazing for me. chef and runs two successful branches of Pinotage in Shunyi and Sanlitun. Are there things on your menu that you’ve drawn from her cooking? What’s your first food memory? Yes, but don’t tell her. All the basics: onion and tomato, the I actually never used to eat meat as a child. I couldn’t stuff we have for the brunch. She used to make hash on swallow it. I’d chew it until all of the juice was out and then toast with bully beef and now we jazz it up with brisket. just have this dry piece. I was almost like a vegetarian, But it’s what I grew up with. which is hilarious if you see the menu now. It’s carnivore extreme,. I remember having to eat meat. My mom would What do you find most exciting about Beijing? What’s always force me to eat a little bit. keeping you here? Meeting interesting people, definitely. People come and What do you eat in Beijing when you’re not working? go here. That can be a really difficult part, but it actually I like to eat at places where I don’t really want to think can be really exciting. Especially working in this kind of about the food and how they made it. Specifically, Ssam industry, I meet people all the time from such interesting the Korean place. I love (Chef Andrew Ahn) and I love the backgrounds. It’s very stimulating. food. The flavors are just nothing I’ve ever used or cooked Beijing crawls under your skin. You have to get out of with, so it’s much easier for me to enjoy it because I’m here every six months to save your sanity. But I always not trying to think. I let it go and say, it just tastes good, miss it when I leave. that’s it. Get a taste of South African cuisine at Pinotage in Sanlitun

Does your mom cook for you when you go home? Soho or check out their new digs in Shunyi at the massive photo: SUI She does. That actually is my favorite food. People al- new Pinotage Plaza. ways ask me, what’s your favorite dish? And I always say,

32 November 2013 LAST ORDERS always tastes amazing and it’s a sure bet to convert visitors Christina Riglet to Chinese food from day one. Former Group Marketing Manager, Dessert Mosto restaurants I think it would put a big smile on everybody’s face if we hristina Riglet has worked hard and played hard finished the meal with the limoncello souffle from Opera with the Mosto family for nearly three years in Bombana. CBeijing. She’s now off to a new exciting chapter in her original homes of Paris and London. Dishes from your own venues? Christina maintains that she is not leaving Beijing … We’d start with some terrines from Modo Urban Deli, only going back to Europe – rich from the extraordinary then dig into the soothing wild mushroom noodle soup, experience of working and living which she has shared coming soon to Moka Bros – it’s addictive! We’d follow with the Mosto family: Daniel Urdaneta and Eva and Alex with each person’s choice of dish from Mosto’s brand new Molina. winter menu. There are lots of new flavors and textures to discover. The venue It would be beautiful to set up a long communal table The music in Susu to gather all my friends and the Mosto family. I I’d definitely leave it to Migas’ Nacho Garrido and Jeff have many great memories at Susu, including a friend’s Hinson (Bite-size Buddha); it’s got to be fun and wild! wedding that took place there. The entertainment The starters I see Temple Restaurant Beijing setting up a bar and It’d be grand to start the night with a spread of tapas and shaking their cocktails throughout the night. I would love starters by Chef Aitore and his Migas team. Please include Coro Urdaneta, our restaurants’ architect and stylist, to set the scampi tartar and the molecular olives with anchovies up the table and flowers. Then, of course, there would be … they’re the bomb! free-flow champagne!

Main course Try Chef Daniel Urdaneta’s all new winter menu at Mosto We’d share the enormous pork ribs plate from Karaiya starting from Nov 21 or check out the team’s newest location Spice House. No matter what the situation or mood, this Moka Bros (p28). photo: sui photo:

33 November 2013 BACK FOR MORE

Pieces of Paradise

Lost Heaven 花马天堂 Daily 11.30am-2pm, 5.30pm-1am (kitchen closes at 10.30pm). Ch’ien Men 23, 23 Qianmen Dongdajie, Dongcheng District (8516 2698) 东城区前门东大街23号

200m east of Qianmen station (Line 2)

here was a moment a few years back when a rush of These happily married flavors emerge several times Yunnan seemed to overwhelm our northern capital. over the course of the meal – in the stimulating Jingpo- TWith its abundance of mint and its surfeit of citrus style ghost chicken salad (RMB 68), the melt-away Dai- and chili, the flavors of the southwestern province easily style fish filet (RMB 90), the luscious Dali-style chicken seduced a city on the edges of the arctic tundra. (RMB 68), the smoky Yunnan eggplant and tofu salad (RMB The saturation point for fried goat cheese and jasmine 50). The blend is a delight, but if variety is a concern, take flower scrambled eggs seemed long past when Lost care in ordering lest you find yourself eating mountains Heaven also travelled north from the eastern seaboard of of minced chili, garlic and ginger, ribbons of coriander Shanghai. But the restaurant found its niche, filling a hole showered with lemon and the occasional bit of vinegar. in the scene we didn’t know existed until that moment. The kitchen has range. The spicy and sour sauce blan- In the evening, the elegant Ch’ien Men 23 space keting a Miao-style braised crab meat omelet (RMB 80) smolders with rich reds and dark lacquered wood. In his list conceals lashings of ginger and plays against the sweet- of five China dining standouts last month, formerNew York ness of egg and supremely soft crustacean. When you Times restaurant critic Frank Bruni described Lost Heaven nearly think that the tea has been lost from the Burmese as “more than great eating: it’s a learning experience. A tea leaf salad (RMB 60), the absence of leaves is recovered

teachable meal.” But I suspect you need not be taught. You by the tea-steeped fish sauce, offset by the crunch of fried photo: KEN will recognize the chili and lemon, the garlic and ginger, broad beans and complemented by the nutty undertones the kitchen’s liberal hand with coriander. of sesame seeds and peanuts. Cat Nelson

34 November 2013 35 November 2013 ALLEYWAY GOURMET

A Jammed Being Huang Tai Ji 黄太吉传统美食 Mon-Fri 7am-2am, Sat-Sun 8.30am-1am. 1/F, Bldg. 10, Jianwai Soho, Dongsanhuan Zhonglu, Chaoyang District (5869 9887) 朝阳区东三环中路建外Soho西区10号楼1层

550m southwest of Guomao station (Lines 1 and 10)

he man who invented the jianbing would never he used well-honed, killer moves all over Chinese social have been able to imagine that instead of being media. He dominates on Weibo, reacting quickly to the Tsold on chilly early mornings and late nights, the shop’s followers, winning the attention and compliments jianbing would become one of the newest trendy eats of native Beijingers and even those from out of town. for hipsters. The interior decoration is bright and trendy. Posters on The jianbing started its glorious reputation as a food the wall have quirky Chinese slogans and street-culture of the commoner centuries back in Tianjin. It migrated graphics. You’ll find little figurines along the counter to Beijing in the early 1980s and eventually, the jianbing wearing shirts reading “Genius of jianbing.” had spread its name all over the streets and alleys of But hip as the surroundings might be, Chang is calling the capital. But in transit, the jianbing lost some of its back the days of yore by returning to the youtiao as the identifying features. Instead of using youtiao (油条) – stuffing for their jianbing, making more layers of flavor those puffy sticks of fried dough – Beijingers substituted inside of large crepe-like wrapper by brushing a secret baocui (薄脆) – square, crisp and light fried batter – as sauce of their own, and doubling the eggs. If one jianbing the jianbing’s stuffing. (RMB 9.5) is not enough, try their classic jianbing set (RMB

How did a jianbing shop get so hot with young and hip 23), a jianbing with a bowl of spicy doufu nao (豆腐脑, photo: sui Chinese youths? Owner Hao Chang originally worked in jellied tofu) – though ask for plain if you prefer – and a the media, and you can tell. When opening his business, cup of soy milk. Crystal Li

36 November 2013 WOKIPEDIA Q is for … A …qi 汽 Qi, or steam, is one of the most important ingredients in Chinese home cooking. Steamed rice and steamed fish are common dishes, and it’s important to remember that vegetables are commonly blanched in China. Steaming dates back 3,000 years to Yunnan province where a clay plot with a slit in the middle was used. Today, two types of steamers are employed: the bamboo steamer and the wok. The former can be stacked and this is useful for cooking many dishes at once. A wok can steam with some water in the bottom, a steel plate, or even chopsticks rested in the middle and a tight lid.

…qiang guo 炝锅 The precursor to a good stir fry, qiang guo, or literally, “to choke the wok,” is a basic technique in Chinese cooking. Before frying ingredients, a mixture of chopped garlic, peppers, ginger and scallions are chucked into the heated oil to add fragrance to the dish. This mixture can be varied according to taste. Dried hot peppers, garlic and ginger are used by chefs to neutralize gamey and fishy flavors in meats. Scallions, garlic and ginger are popular for their ubiquity in the kitchen and are known as the “three treasures of the kitchen,” or chufangsanbao.

…quail egg 鹑蛋 In Chinese, quail eggs are referred as the “ginseng of the animal kingdom.” Traditional Chinese Medicine regards them as having invigorating qualities and skin beautifying elements. They are also just great to eat, with a big yolk that stays soft. A common Chinese saying goes, “To eat birds, have pigeon and quail.” The eggs are generally hard-boiled, peeled and stir-fried, sometimes used to elaborate on common dishes like hongshaorou and can be spotted garnishing salads.

…qiao rou 敲肉 This is a technique used for tenderizing meat. It literally means “knocking,” or hammering, meat. Lean pork is cut into slices about 1-2 centimeters thick and covered with sweet potato starch. Then the flat edge of a cleaver or a rolling pin is used to hammer the meat into thin slices. The slices are turned and placed onto a sieve or similar meshed object and beaten. Once the pork’s fibers have broken and the starch is well mixed in, the result is soft and tender.

37 November 2013 TASTE TEST The Drop-off Antidotes for sore throats by Cat Nelson

emories of the warmer months long gone, we’re descending rapidly into the true chill of the season. The return of the common cold is imminent. Admittedly, winter sniffles are far more fun than summer ones, what with blankets, bowls of soup and mugs of hot toddies. But whiskey aside, nobody enjoys Mhacking up a lung. Read on for the quickest and tastiest remedies to banish that persistent cough.

Halls, Extra Strong (RMB 1.90) “It tastes like antiseptic applied to the tongue.” “It’s got flecks of kryptonite in it … kryptonite for your throat.” “This is the only one I feel would shift a sore throat … because it would melt through your esophagus.” “It’s the first one that has rippled into the nostrils, a not-unpleasant sensation.” Wang Lao Ji (RMB 10.60) Ricola, elderflower flavor “Another stab at grandiosity (RMB 9.80) with the old gold wrapper.” “A very successful encapsula- “It’s like if Aunt Jemima made tion of the peach flavor.” a lozenge.” “It’s like Meryl Streep playing “There was a tricky coating Margaret Thatcher. It’s almost of bonfire toffee sucking me accurate, but the accent is just in and then it hit me with a a bit off.” menthol blast.” “If it were a novel, it would be “It’s ‘Puff the Magic Dragon.’ The Great Gatsby. Looks quite At first you mistake it for impressive, a little bit of a party a rather asinine kids’ treat, in the mouth, all very glamor- but it slowly unveils an ous but it’s impermanent and

undercurrent of menace, a ultimately, not that much photo: sui world of nightmares.” content. It’s the Jazz Age.”

38 November 2013 TASTE TEST

Vicks VapoDrops, cherry flavor (RMB 16.90) “Didn’t Morpheus give Neo one of these?” “It’s got a matte texture. It’s the hipster’s lozenge. It’s a really rare strain of this cold; you probably haven’t heard of it yet.” “It’s like a little cube of sugared sand paper on my tongue.”

Vivil, blackcurrant flavor (RMB 25.80) “Shallow. It’s a welcome diver- sion from the problems of daily life, but when you come out at the other end, you’re still going to have a sore throat.” “It’s like watching a Van Damme movie hungover. Still feel bad afterwards, if not worse.” “Promised so much ... but ultimately disappointing.”

Pan Gaoshou, loquat Golden Throat Lozenge, flavor (RMB 12.30) mulberry and “You could wipe one of these chrysanthemum flavor on my arm before taking my (RMB 16.90) blood.” “Notes of a buttery clove of “No nonsense, no easing you garlic and caramelized onion.” in with some nice taste. This “It’s perverse. It’s starting to is your medicine, son – get it taste of fruit as well.” down you.” “Agh, this is hurting my mouth. “Any final thoughts on this It’s making my throat sore.” one?” “Death.”

VERDICT This month’s test invited the question: What is the ultimate flavor of a cough drop? Is it one that sort of tortures you for a little bit but, in the end, is good for you? Or is it one that boosts your moral with its sweetness? Our tasters chose the route of tough love. The winner? That scary ice cube with blue flakes of kryptonite: Halls Extra Strong.

39 November 2013 Not a blot photo: co u rte s y of i nk

40 November 2013 WHAT’S NEW BARS & CLUBS INK 墨 Daily 11pm-late. Courtyard 4 (beside Salsa Caribe), Gongti Beilu, Chaoyang District (157 0122 3422) 朝阳区工体北路4号院

800m west of Tuanjiehu station (Line 10)

any have tried to coin a catchy name for the Sanlitun yard housing The Bookworm, Kro’s MNest and The Local. All have failed. If giving directions to this corner of Sanlitun remains a frustrating experience, Ink is at least another in a wave of openings that are marking this once-moribund area out as one of Beijing’s classiest nightlife enclaves. Ink looks like an underground club wearing its Sunday best: concrete floors, clean layout, leather sofas. There’s a flash of gold, but even that’s done in good taste – no dripping diamante chandelier tackiness here. The aim is for Ink to complement neighbors like Janes and Hooch and d lounge: drink your expertly crafted drinks in those bars, then come here to dance. The drink list reflects that. Ink’s cocktails (RMB 65) are functional rather than fancy, there’s champagne and liquor by the bottle, and a small beer selection to keep you lubricated. A lot of love has been put into the sound and visuals. Projectors beam images onto the screen behind the DJ booth, which boss Ivan Maximovic reckons to feature some of the best kit in the city. Ink pitches its musical tent on housey ground, somewhere between the underground sounds of Lantern and Dada and the more main- stream beats of clubs like Spark. Smart choice, I say. If the main room gets too hectic, head upstairs to the chillout lounge and sink into the sofas for a breather. If you really want a place to yourself and your crew, the second floor has all you need for a party of your own – for a minimum spend, of course. You might know the team behind Ink from the last incarnation of The Beach at Block 8. Their latest outing may lack a rooftop, sandpit and public showers, but you can expect the same, irresistible brew of hedonism with a touch of class. In a location already attracting discerning drinkers, Ink is an exciting prospect. Just don’t call me for directions. Iain Shaw

Also try: Haze, Spark

41 November 2013 drinks feature A SLOW BOAT STATESIDE AN INTERNATIONAL SOLUTION TO A LOCAL PROBLEM by Paul Ryding

he brewing game is getting tough. Well, tougher. bars provides its own chal- It’s always been pretty tough. It’s a labor of love at lenges. Tfirst. That’s where a brewer’s passion comes from. “Beijing’s tiny bars don’t Spirited hobbyists made up the first phalanx of the city’s have adequate refrigera- microbrewers. Their enthusiasm is often tempered by tion, making maintaining some of the more common issues. Low-grade local raw fresh beer challenging,” materials, expensively imported machinery, logistical says Jurinka, who took issues, the greater public’s lack of knowledge about craft the drastic measure of ale – in its relatively short history in the capital, craft introducing a custom- brewing culture has never been without its problems. But built cooling system to the scene is in rude health despite the many challenges. each of the Slow Boat However, there are new players in the game by the month, stockists in an effort and in recent times, brewing has become an increasingly to overcome the competitive arena in which to do business. difficulties that Problems with sourcing ingredients, preparation and poor storage and presentation, as well as prohibitive local laws, have led one a lack of refrigera- Beijing brewer to look outside their home turf for ways to tion caused for his improve their product and expand the business. brews. “Local grains are attractive because of the lower cost, “Beijing’s bars but they produce inconsistent and inferior results,” says are often space Chandler Jurinka, General Manager of Slow Boat Brewery, constrained, mean- as he describes the problems he faces with expanding ing the only way his brand in the local market. “In the past, when we’ve to serve draft beer used local ingredients, our miller had to use a magnet to is through a flash extract shards of metal from the malt.” Jurinka recounts cooling system. the story of a recent instance when an expensive piece of They take warm equipment was damaged beyond repair after a nail beer and pump caught up in a bag of grain became lodged in its pump. it through a pool “Consistency precedes the maturation of any industry, of frozen water to and until the quality and consistency of raw materials produce a chilly improves, craft brewers face challenges before the beer brew.” Problem even leaves the brew house.” solved, you might That’s not to suggest the only problems faced by think. But, as Jurinka Beijing’s craft brewers lie in the obtaining of high-grade points out, unpas- materials. The size and structure of many of Beijing’s teurized craft grog

42 November 2013

drinks feature A SLOW BOAT STATESIDE Our miller had to use a magnet to extract“ shards AN INTERNATIONAL SOLUTION TO “ of metal from the malt A LOCAL PROBLEM

needs to be refrigerated even in storage. domestically producing unpasteurized bottled beer. With- “Craft beer still has yeast in it. When cold, it falls out exception, China’s mass market beers are pasteurized. dormant, but when it heats up, it begins eating residual After some investigation, we found that those regulations sugars left from the brewing process. In no time ‘off flavors’ don’t apply to beer imported from abroad,” says Jurinka. like sourness and metal result.” It’s precisely these prob- To take advantage of this, Slow Boat has invested in a lems that Jurinka and Slow Boat wanted to avoid when brewery in California. Jurinka’s choice to move into bottled they took the step of investing in and installing cooling beer was initially taken with a view to getting his beer out systems in each of their Slow Boat distribution points. “We to more people. But, as he points out, the added benefits now deliver our beer in kegs that are taken from coolers of the move have been manifold. in our brew- “It was all upside for us: ten times the capacity, access to ery to cool- the highest quality grains in the world, fresh and plentiful ers in our hop supply, clean water and, of course, a bottling plant.” Ta p r o o m , By the time you read this, the very first batch of US- and finally to produced Slow Boat beer will have hit Beijing – the only refrigerators place it’s going to be available. There will be two bottled behind the Slow Boat Brewery beers to begin with. The Zombie Pirate various bars Pale Ale (4.75%) and the First Immortal Double IPA (8.0%) we source to.” are new additions to the Slow Boat collection, but both Avo i d i n g nod to their local roots. “We chose to make a combina- a serving of tion of what we love to drink and what we thought was shrapnel and missing here in Beijing,” says Jurinka. keeping the Asked about whether his beer could still be consid- beer cool are ered truly “local,” Jurinka suggests “going local” shouldn’t costly enough mean discounting anything produced outside the Sixth c h a l l e n g e s Ring Road. t h e m s e l v e s , “Slow Boat is a local Beijing brewery. When the laws but a desire to change to allow us to bottle the beer we want, the way i n t r o d u c e a we want, Slow Boat will be the first to change course.” range of bottled But when someone goes to such trouble to ensure the beers to the mar- quality of the beer we’re drinking, why should we care ket brought with where it’s made? it a unique set of obstacles. Try the newest additions to Slow Boat’s collection at local “ C h i n a h a s stockists. See Slowboatbrewery.com for more details. regulations about

43 November 2013 BACK TO BASICS photo s : sui

44 November 2013 WHAT’S NEW BARS & CLUBS SQUARE ONE Daily 10am-2am. Rm 606, Bldg 1, Jianwai Soho, Dongsanhuan Zhonglu, Chaoyang District (5366 5531) 朝阳区建外Soho东区1号楼606室

550m southwest of Guomao station (Lines 1 and 10)

f there’s one thing missing at Jianwai Soho (apart from a soul), it’s a British-themed bar room with stone print Iwalls, a roaring (effect) fireplace, a Union flag in the window, a TV cranking BBC, and a tatty print of the London Herald mounted on the wall proclaiming England to be World Cup champions. Always a safe bet for a themed bar, the Blighty-styled boozer is usually a fool-proof blueprint for a successful watering hole. The British-themed pub should be relaxed, unpretentious, comfortable and welcoming. All things that are relatively easy to realize. Something of a hangout for off-duty teachers, Square One is certainly a place of comfort. The sizable bar room is ringed with snug benches enabling a view of the Lego-like Soho setting. It spreads back towards two leather-loungered nooks ideal for a studious language lesson, or some extra-curricular drinking sessions – depending on what time of day you drop by. The drinks selection is on the modest side, but to- the-point; a varied cocktail list runs over three pages of the menu (RMB 40-60). A very limited selection of six bottled beers (Corona, RMB 15, Hoegaarden, RMB 35) is chalked out on the wall suggesting Square One caters more to the cocktail crowd than the beer swilling one. And snacks are provided courtesy of the excellent Tavalin Bagels (RMB 15-50). Jianwai Soho has another relaxed, cozy and understated bar room. But cocktails and bagels? How very un-British. Paul Ryding

Also try: Nola, Twilight

45 November 2013 MIXING IT UP COMMIX BAR AND RESTAURANT Daily 11am-2am. 55 Xingfucun Zhonglu, Chaoyang District (8405 9130) 朝阳区幸福村中路55号

1.2km northeast of Dongsishitiao station (Line 2) photo s : KE n

46 November 2013 WHAT’S NEW BARS & CLUBS opping up between close friends Frost Nails and Back Alley Bistro, an unlikely third wheel emerged Precently in the form of the surprisingly prim Commix Bar and Restaurant. Rumor had swirled about what would emerge from behind the plastic sheeting after a few weeks of construction. Some said it was to be a take on the popular Bob’s Wine blueprint just a couple of doors south (who would have blamed them?). Others suggested another disappointingly sterile effort in the mould of Friend Bar which resides in the crumbling de- tritus left behind by Heaven Supermarket mark I. A tidy, bright space with a bold drinks list and a sizable food menu was never a consideration. The beer fridge alone provides food for thought for the other players on Xingfucun, and is a nod to the uncle’s competitive pricing back towards the main road. RMB 8 bottles of Tsingtao and RMB 10 Tiger are sure to be draw enough for a Bob’s crowd looking to migrate indoors for the winter. A sizable selection of imported Belgians and English ales all weighing in at 25 kuai and under might just bring some fresh custom to the area as natural summer habitats are lost. Aside from beer, a fleshy whiskey collection joins some high-grade vodka options amid the usual pours, all well-priced between RMB 30-55, and two pages of special and classic cocktail mixes (RMB 30-40). Veracity of the management’s claim that all the spirits are genuine could not be attained by our small party on a single early evening sortie. But we weren’t blind after a couple of tight White Russians, so there’s a start at least. High tables and a larger seating area in the rear could be Commix’s trump card, although the quality and value of the drinks list make up a strong enough opening hand already. Paul Ryding

Also try: Heaven Supermarket, Luga’s Villa

47 November 2013 COCKTAIL PROFILER

huangjing’s Plan B is likely not the first place Metz did a sterling job at putting his signature Canadian you’d think of when it comes to craft cocktail spin on some creative blends using what he could find creation. He may be more used to flipping the lid around the bar. The results were so good, in fact, that Son a bottle of Moose Head, but manager Trevor Trevor is planning to add his creations to the menu. AMY Interesting fact: Amy is a music teacher and has won national music awards. She likes to making new friends and trying new things.

The resulting drink: Served: Shaken and The Mexican Sunset strained into a martini Ingredients: glass with a pineapple 75ml tequila ring garnish. 25ml Triple Sec “The pineapple is so tasty, Topped up with equal and it’s not too strong. parts orange juice and Great job, Trevor.” pineapple juice photo s : M i tchell P e Ma si l

Every month we ask one of the city’s expert mixologists If you’d like to be in next month’s Cocktail Profiler, email to profile a selection of Beijingers based on a single us a photo ands an interesting fact about yourself to snapshot and a brief factoid. [email protected]. u n

48 November 2013

COCKTAIL PROFILER

SHEILA Interesting fact: Sheila is a world traveler. On her most recent trip she witnessed riots in Istanbul during the first night of upheaval. The resulting drink: pepper The First Emperor Served: In a tall glass Ingredients: garnished with a long 100ml ginger-infused piece of celery, and a vodka celery salt rim. Topped up with “I normally drink Caesars, Clamato juice the ginger vodka is an Dash of Worcestershire interesting twist. But I and Tabasco sauce like it.” Pinch of salt and

BILL Interesting fact: Bill played semi- pro baseball as a young man, and once owned a vinyl co llection of more than 13,000 records. The resulting drink: martini glass rimmed The Maple Leaf with lemon and Ingredients: garnished with a lemon 75ml of Canadian slice. whiskey “I’m a beer man usu- 25ml real Canadian ally, but this is really, maple syrup good. I like the maple Served: Muddled and flavor, and it’s not too poured into a overpowering.”

WARREN Interesting fact: Warren lists “childlike honesty” among his per- sonality traits. Though, it’s one that often gets him in trouble. The resulting drink: Topped with orange The Silencer juice Ingredients: Served: In a pint glass 25ml Jack Daniels with a mandarin 25ml Jim Beam orange garnish. 25ml Canadian Club “Wow – there are like five 25ml Jamieson different shots in here. 25ml Triple Sec I may be ready for bed Dash of cola and lemon after this!” juice

49 November 2013 Made in China GRAPE GRAVEYARD The ghouls of the Wine World by Jim Boyce

s if on cue for Halloween, vineyards become Vampires graveyards in northern China this time of year. Among the biggest challenges with Chinese wines is After the grapes are harvested, and before winter finding value, that elusive mixture of quality and price. A photo: co u rte s y of JIM B OYCE descends, the vines turn into “the living dead” as they are Just as creatures of the night drain their victims of blood, buried beneath a foot or more of soil for protection against poor-value wines suck cash from consumers’ wallets and the coming cold. They spend months entombed before purses. It’s all take and no give. The Count Dracula of this seeing another ray of light. scene is a wine from Shandong priced at RMB 28,000, But dealing with winter is not the only perilous higher than all but a few of the world’s best bottles. Drive problem facing the wine industry. a stake into the heart of that one.

50 November 2013 Made in China Ghosts Consumers tend to buy wine as gifts, with a focus on brand or price, or to drink it for assumed health benefits, thus taste has not been the main priority. This has been reflected in the industry through a lackadaisical attitude toward quality. Farmers are often paid for grapes by weight and thus grow not the best but as many as they can. Those grapes might well get harvested too early for fear of loss due to adverse weather and thus be unripe. And the ensuing wine tends to inspire descriptions such as “thin” or “watery.” That wine is a ghost of what might have been, had someone cared about the fruit.

Body Snatchers When it comes to fake wine in China, people are typically talking about imports from places like France and Australia. But well-known local brands are also at risk of “invasion,” with variations or outright copies of Great Wall as just one example. (Note: Be careful of anything called Grave Wall.) It happens to smaller wineries, too, with Chateau Hansen in Inner Mongolia and Helan Qing Xue in Ningxia report- ing cases of brand-snatching. It’s best to buy directly from official distributors or trusted restaurants and bars.

Zombies Take a light, fruity wine that is overwhelmed by too much time in new oak barrels. Or made undrinkable due to a cheap, faulty cork. Or suffered severe damage from excessive heat or cold during transportation. Or even made it to the wine shop intact only to be stuck in the front window to warm and sparkle in the sunlight. (Wine reacts about as well as vampires to such a situation.) That original vibrant wine is long gone and something unpleasant has come to life in its place. Hopefully, it won’t eat your brain.

Forces are fighting these monsters. As more consumers enjoy wine for its taste, they are learning to become Frankensteins vampire slayers and avoid the body Like mad doctors using a mishmash of body parts to create snatchers. As vineyard, winery and a composite creature, some domestic producers combine shop managers gain experience, local and imported bulk wines. It is estimated that 15 to 25 they are becoming zombie killers and percent of what is found under Chinese labels is of foreign ghost busters. With quality on the rise, origin. Blending is not illegal as long as labeling laws are we are moving from the era of Dawn followed. But it might explain why a label you bought from of the Dead to the Dawn of the Red. a Chinese producer reminds you of something from Spain or Chile, the two current key sources of bulk wine.

51 November 2013 JUST DESSERTS

Dead Delectable Q Mex Daily 5pm-2am (kitchen closes 12.30am). Courtyard 4, Gongti Beilu (under Kro’s Nest), Chaoyang District (6585 3828) 朝阳区工体北路4号院 (下乌巢)

800m west of Tuanjiehu station (Line 10)

omb Sweeping Day (qingmingjie) in China is a fairly been bubbling and spurting this year, it couldn’t have somber event that seems to pass foreigners by with been more appropriate. Tnothing more than the occasional fire on the side The torta Popocatépet is an unpretentious square of the road. Chinese family members quietly pay respects of spicy chocolate satisfaction, although it might not to their departed without much fanfare. The Mexicans, be what you expect. If what the name and the menu however, turn death into more of a colorful celebration suggest were true, the cake would offer mouthfuls of with Día de los Muertos, or Day of the Dead, on November “molten chocolate.” It doesn’t and no fiery hot chocolate 1 and 2. It’s a time to remember the dead and celebrate lava oozes from its core, but that’s not to say it wasn’t good. this as a natural part of life, and, joyously, this includes It was a uniformly dense, rich and moist slab of cake, about the excuse to eat and drink. Skulls and skeletons are a an inch thick, dusted with icing sugar and accompanied must and the festival itself might almost be mistaken for with a scoop of vanilla ice cream. The chili bite was subtle a Halloween hangover. and balanced, and though the heat built with every bite, What better excuse could we have, therefore, than to it never overpowered. Added to that, the serving was seek out something sweet from Mexico? What we found generous. A single diner might be hard pressed to get photo: Gu o Joey

was a simple but devilish piece of chili chocolate cake, through an entire piece. However, no celebration should photo: sui the torta Popocatépetl, served up at Mexican restaurant be done alone, so it is a perfect portion if you’re up for Q Mex. Named after the Popocatépetl volcano that has sharing. Shannon Aitken

52 November 2013 p.s. we ate you

Every month, we like to shine a spotlight on the most delicious dishes we’ve stumbled upon recently. Dig in! smoked pork & mushroom pizza Gung Ho! Pizza, RMB 72 We ordered this the other day at the office and found it to be closer to smoked ham and wild mushroom than the name suggests. This is a good thing. If called the Yunnan Special instead, that would also be accurate. The forest mushrooms are a pleasant change from the usual bland fungus pizza topping, and provide a bit of crunch and a savory balance to the sweetly-smoked pork. The thick crust now offered by Gung Ho! might also work for this combo.

1950s Korean “NE38 DMZ (Demilitarized Zone) Army Pot” Iki, RMB 36 Pork, spam, sausage, kimchi, egg, and tuna fish. Sounds awful, amirite? So does war, but if there’s one good thing that ever came of it, it’s this. The broth is salty and flavorful with all sorts of meaty treasures, bedecked with ribbons of pungent kimchi. This is not for the faint of heart, but then again neither is the DMZ. Your choice of instant noodles or udon: if you’re classy? Udon. If you like keepin’ it real? Instant noodles. madeleines Maison Boulud, complimentary Airy and perfumed with lemon, these small gems are the sensible end to any meal – ever. Luckily, Maison Boulud is on that tip and you can expect generous basket of the spongy cookies to finish your visit to Chi’en Men 23. True gentlewomen will daintily devour the tiny shells in two or three bites. The rest of us monsters? One chomp will suffice. xiaocongbandoufu （小葱拌豆腐） Wang Pangzi, RMB 10 The shop may be known for donkey, and we usually stick to that, but a recent foray into their numerous cold dishes offered a welcomed surprise. The ricotta-like tofu is remarkable. Fresh and pure, it could be banal but the clean flavor comes through with such clarity, it is anything but dull. Sprinklings of green onion counterbalance soft curd with their sharp notes.

53 November 2013 Things to do, places to be, stuff to try

What would match these? p.56

GORAVE TOYS // PHILIPPINES // LAO SHE // ARTISAN JEWELRY photo: courtesy of the organizer

See Steve Lopes’ impressions of Bei Gao village at Stella Downer Fine Art (until Nov 16).

54 November 2013 Inspect-a-gadget

Chauvet B-250 Bubble Machine This little box conjures up thousands of bubbles in minutes, a good choice for adding magic to a party. www.amazon.com RMB 1,100

Vestax Spin2 DJ/VJ USB and iOS Controller This all-in-one DJ controller lets you mix tracks and clips from an iPhone, iPad, or Mac. Just plug and play with popular mixing apps (Algoriddim djay and Friends of Hue vjay), mix songs and videos from your iTunes library LightStrips and rock your party. Studded with LED lights, www.vestax.com these strips let you deco- RMB 2,450 rate your party with your own color scheme. Use these strips to illumi- HipKey nate or define spaces HipKey keeps an eye or to make neon signs. on your valuables and You can choose from up lets you quickly find Rave to 16 million colors via them. Simply attach iPhone or iPad to match the device to your the party’s atmosphere. iPhone or keys and All you need is an imagi- it’ll keep track of them nation. while you’re having On www.philips.com.cn by Joey Guo fun at a party. It warns RMB 630 you if you forget your valuables or alerts Roots Rock Bluetooth Portable you if someone tries Speaker System to move them. Housed in a bag with a carrying strap, this speaker www.hippih.com system is designed for portability. It wirelessly streams RMB 630 music from Apple devices and lets you party whenever and wherever you want. Its fabric cover doubles as a stand when folded. www.thehouseofmarley.ca RMB 1,400 ourtesy of the brands of ourtesy : C PHOTO

55 November 2013 Toe the Line Thinking fashion Outside the box photo: SUI

56 November 2013 WHAT’S NEW Venues & shops O’Quirey Daily 10am-10pm. LG1-19, Parkview Green, 9 Dongdaqiao Lu, Chaoyang District (8561 0015) 朝阳区东大桥路9号芳草地

600m south of Dongdaqiao station (Line 6)

t’s a known rule in the fashion community that your shoes should match your belt. Koen Naber of O’Quirey Ishoes takes it one step further: He tailors the lining of his suits to match his prismatic palette of leather Oxfords. “If you look in my closet, it’s actually pretty boring from the outside,” he says. “You only see blue and gray suits, and my shirts are always white or light blue because of course, my shoes should stand out. But if you look inside my jackets, they are always orange, blue, red or pink.” Rules don’t stop some customers from thinking outside the box when they buy from Naber’s Dutch-designed collection. One brave Chinese man once left the Parkview Green store with a pair of white shoes and a red belt to “match.” “I walk out of the store and don’t want to see it,” Naber half-jokingly admits regarding this faux pas. His crisp suit- jacket and pristine, blanco shop walls unveil his preference for perfection, from the hygienic nature of his shop’s clean floors for one’s bare feet, to a pride in high-quality crafts- manship, right down to the color of his belt. It’s a standard he hopes to instill in Chinese customers, many of whom value comfort as a number one priority. Naber insists that O’Quirey, constructed in Europe, is one of the most affordable and comfortable shoe brands in Beijing’s menswear market because of its sole, made of impressionable cork and breathable leather. What stands out most about these shoes is the state- ment-making color selection. Naber says most foreign shoppers will purchase a neutral-colored business shoe and a more vibrant pair for casual wear. Chinese shoppers are less traditional. Naber says he spotted three Chinese men in Parkview Green wearing black business suits and ties. One of the three wore orange shoes. Much of this rainbow selection is available in sizes 37 through 46 for RMB 2,990-4,190, and they’ll be getting in more bold styles soon, if you’re really itching to amp up a bland wardrobe. It’s already clear from the numbers that O’Quirey has no problem pushing guys out of their comfort zones. What has been the highest-selling color since the shop opened? Pink. Jessica Rapp

Also try: Hugo Boss, Zara

57 November 2013 RUGGED TERRAIN Persian Culture Gets red-carpet treatment photo: mitchell pe masilun

58 November 2013 WHAT’S NEW Venues & shops YIKE GALLERY Daily 11am-7.30pm. Rm104, Bldg 8, Coco Moma, Wanguo Cheng, Xiangheyuan Lu, Dongcheng District (134 3933 0557) 东城区香河园路万国城Coco Moma8号楼104室

700m north of Dongzhimen station (Lines 2 and 13)

old feet? It may be time for a carpet. The city’s options for stylish flooring have recently expanded beyond Cthe realms of IKEA and the odd Tibetan weaver’s market, and thankfully so; Beijing apartments aren’t exactly known to sport more than slick, chilly tiles. Komeil Nasrollahi and his wife Sarah launched Yike Gallery in Moma in August, and from what we can see, they’re the first in Beijing to sell Persian carpets and tapestries that hail straight from Iran. What little market there is in China for this ancient rug tradition is generally made up of suppliers from Shandong and Xinjiang who sell copied, Chinese factory-made designs as authentic Persian products, Nasrollahi says. He, himself, comes from Nowshahr, a small beach town in north Iran, and has a brother and sister in the carpet business. Before you toss out your slippers, though, you’ll want to check whether you have up to RMB 20,000 handy. Yike’s more intricate, wool, Bakhtiary-style rugs from western Iran are generally thicker because of the nomadic living condi- tions that they support. They can take up to two years to make by hand and boast a price tag to reflect the labor. Nasrollahi’s gallery features a mini-loom and a half-made mini-carpet so that customers can see the complicated process for themselves. Because floor space isn’t always an option, Nasrollahi also sells wall tapestries fitted with elaborate golden frames. These carpets, delicately woven with silk and wool, could pass so easily as paintings that Nasrollahi requests customers to touch them. Their subject matter ranges from imagery not traditional to Iran, like white stallions, vases of flowers and the generic babbling brook scene, to Persian designs called “miniature,” named after a 13th- century painting style. For those who can’t part with their pocketbook, but still want a piece of Persia to take home, Yike Gallery sells carpet-covered handbags ranging from RMB 200 to RMB 600 and small vases, which are adorned with snippets of leftover carpet. Jessica Rapp

Also try: IKEA, Wu Xin Zhai Carpet Store

59 November 2013 GET THE LOOK

Candy-Colored Geo- metric Bracelet Tatty Devine, RMB 350 This neon pink and Flower Series Metallic and Green Bracelet lilac puzzle of acrylic shapes is one of the Wear and Tear, RMB 360 more snappy acces- This elegant weave of metal and forest sories available on green thread is available at a discount on Nuandao.com. AnyShopStyle.com. You can also find these accessories in several boutiques across Beijing. Beijing

Hand-Embroidered Two Birds, One Stone Mushroom Ring Ring Verimeat, Bling NomiQueen, RMB 40 RMB 750 by Jessica Rapp Wear your grandmoth- Ukranian designer er’s fungi-themed wall Vera Balyura takes your n some places in the West, saying that you make hangings around your average brass band and jewelry for a living is practically a running joke, finger. Available on puts a bird on it, thank- Ithe craft is so common. In China, the handmade Nuandao.com. fully in a way that’s jewelry business is still maturing and leaves you adjustable for those with few options outside copycat jade zodiac with bigger digits. Find this on Nuandao.com. bracelets and tarnished Tibetan silver. So that you’re not stuck with an overpriced souvenir that will turn your skin purple, we’ve gathered a handful of quirky pieces available locally to help give your ornament collection a bit more bling.

Gemstone Cufflinks Paloma Sanchez, RMB 10,000 Rock hand-cut lapis Silicone Neck- lazuli and hematite lace Ubi, when you wear these RMB 600-1,000 18k gold and 925 silver Square Bead Cuff Designer Xinzi cufflinks. Everard Jewelry, Song makes RMB 3298 silicone neck- This cuff bracelet is laces in differ- made-to-order with ent lengths five 10mm malachite and colors. cubes set in 18k gold- Prices vary per plated brass. Available length. at everardwang.com.

60 November 2013 GET OUT Dive and Decompress Breathing under water in the philippines by Steven Schwankert

ive years ago, the standard travel destination for The grounds are exceptionally pleasant, green and serene, Chinese holidaymakers was Thailand. Although that and one might even encounter its resident peacocks Fcountry still sees more than one million visitors from during a meditative stroll. Accommodation ranges from China every year, the new gold standard for Southeast “terraces,” which more closely resemble traditional hotel Asia is the Philippines. rooms, to villas with their own private pool. Rates start at It’s not hard to understand. Depending on the season, PHP 8,400 (about RMB 1,200) per night. a holiday in the Philippines can be between 30 and 50 The Philippines is not without its drawbacks. Infrastruc- percent cheaper than equivalent arrangements in Thai- ture in the archipelago is underdeveloped, and airports land. Local brew San Miguel is a ten kuai beer (about 75 may be a bit far from the final destination, often requiring Philippine pisos). While local food isn’t to everyone’s taste, two to three hours of road travel. Other conveniences like it’s certainly inexpensive, and any restaurant in a tour- ATMs can be a hassle. On a recent trip to Puerto Galera, ist area will offer serviceable Western and, increasingly, the single machine there was out of order, with the near- Chinese eats. est alternative ten kilometers away. Internet and Wi-Fi are A recent visit started in Puerto Galera, on the northeast abundant but generally slow. Solve both of these issues coast of Oriental Mindoro, two and a half hours southwest by stocking up on pisos and buying a 3G Internet dongle of Manila. This spot is to the Philippines what Ko Tao is from providers Globe or Smart before leaving Ninoy to Thailand – a mecca for those wishing to learn scuba Aquino International Airport. Dongle users should also diving. There the diver or snorkeler is likely to see sea stock up on recharge cards there – they are very difficult turtles (which still lay their eggs on Sabang Beach), sea to find outside of Manila. snakes, whose venom is extremely deadly, but whose mouths are too small to bite humans, and giant clams, Read “Talking Travel’,” our weekly travel column, every Tuesday so rare and valuable they have their own park ranger to on the Beijinger website. protect them. The grand dame of dive shops is Asia Divers (Asiadivers. com), which celebrated 25 years in Puerto Galera last year. The shop is attached to the El Galleon Resort, more hotel than resort, but clean and serviceable accommodation, especially for visitors spending most of their day outdoors, with rates as low as USD 43 per night via Agoda.com. Asia Divers offers all manner of instruction, from Discover Scuba all the way up to instructor programs. For divers looking for a greater challenge, nearby Tech Asia (Asiadivers.com/tech) specializes in teaching technical diving, including Nitrox and Trimix courses. Nearby White Beach is a good spot for non-diving fun like parasailing and collecting (or buying) shells. For less water and more relaxation, The Farm at San Benito (Thefarm.com.ph) lies about 90 minutes southwest of Manila, and is the perfect decompression stop for non-divers and divers alike. A visit starts with a doc- tor’s consultation, which then follows with appropriate treatments that include massage, detoxification, and

photo: SUSU LUO photo: nutritional recommendations for the length of one’s stay.

61 November 2013 Introducing the people who matter

“I would want aliens to know that we humans cherish our lives” See p63 “I was diagnosed with elephantitis of the testicles this summer” See p64 “People don’t know what to expect from exhibitionist bank robbers” See p66 “I believe they referred to themselves as ‘really poor’” See p69

MEETLAO SHE // MAC DEMARCO // ZACH LEWISON // THE BUMBYS THINGS YOU MAY NOT KNOW ABOUT DANIEL POWTER …

In December 2009, he was In 2005 his debut single named as the decade's top “Bad Day” reached the One-Hit Wonder by for his Top 10 in no fewer than song “Bad Day” seven countries His one and only Top 100 hit was “Bad Day”

In 2013 he appeared In 2010, he released at the NADCP 19th a Greatest Hits Annual Drug Court album. His song Training Conference “Bad Day” was and performed his included on it song "Bad Day"

See Daniel Powter perform “Bad Day” and other songs at ThinkPad Space on Nov 3. See www.thebeijinger.com/events for more details.

62 November 2013 playlist LOLLY FAN media executive, maybe mars records

What is your favorite song to wake up to? Jesus and Mary Chain’s “New York City.” It starts with a beautiful, soft melody. It helps me welcome the new day with a good mood. I hate to be woken up by a sudden loud sound.

What artist would you choose to take a long journey with? From my experience, I wouldn’t want to travel with any artist! You can’t imagine what kind of weird things they get up to on a trip. All the artists I’ve traveled with drove me crazy.

What’s your favorite Chinese song, and why? “Love of Life” by the Gar. The song is so euphonic and it’s about the love and the hate we experience in life. The courage, the hope, the confusion, the pain of life, and of youth. It always drags up memories for me.

What do you think is the saddest song, and why? Pink Floyd’s “Comfortably Numb.” It’s so hopeless. It speaks of a saddest state: When you got hurt and are in pain and give up. You feel nothing is worthy of love and your soul drops. You are abandoned but you tell yourself that you’re just comfortably numb. everyone you know someday will die/and instead of saying all of your good-byes/let them know you realize If an alien came to Earth, which song would you that life goes fast/it’s hard to make the good things last.” I recommend them to listen to? would want aliens to know that we humans cherish our The Flaming Lips’ “Do You Realize?” I love the lyric “That lives. Please do not attack us!

LOLLY’S FIVE-SONG PLAYLIST

“Echoes” by Pink Floyd “Walking With Jesus” by Space- song before a show. When I hear It is far beyond a song for me; it’s men 3 this song, I’m ready to rock! a grand movement. It’s sung so Drone can take me absolutely lightly but every note sinks into anywhere I want to go. It shows me “Doola And Dawla” by Bang my heart and spirit. the secret path to a fairyland. Bang (Brothers Of The Head OST) “Lola” by The Kinks “Search and Destroy” by Iggy The distortion is so sexy, with the The lyrics make up the best love Pop & The Stooges hysteric vocal shouting; a total letter I have ever read. The old D-22 always played this release of emotion. photo: mitchell pe masilun mitchell photo:

63 November 2013 interview with elephantitis of the testicles this summer, so all of the Mac DeMarco songs are about that. Vancouver surf slacker You once participated in medical experiments for by Kyle Mullin money. What sort of tests were you subject to? The experiments were weird studies put together by col- any Canadian troubadour Mac DeMarco is infamous lege students in Montreal. It’d be me reading something for his onstage antics. He’s been known to drop his over and over, or doing some strange task like running Zpants before crowd surfing, lodge drums in his ori- on a treadmill or something. It’s definitely not worth it. fices, and tell jokes raunchy enough to clear a venue. But They pay you almost nothing, and you have to go out all those willing to stick around invariably witness something over town to these weird places where they conduct the even more surprising – a unique blend of psychedelica studies. But on the other hand, it was better than having and surf rock from a man who only moments before a real job for a while. seemed in the throes of a lunatic episode. In advance of his November 29 show at MAO Livehouse, One of your first “real jobs” was working on a road- DeMarco reveals how he has acted as an experimental paving crew. Did that inspire your music? guinea pig for money, and how his mother has supported I wasn’t cut out for it. The crew made fun of me constantly. him along the way. Of course, pleasingly our chat wasn’t That job didn’t influence my music in any way. I hate that completely spared his signature sense of humor. labor sh*t mentality that goes on in my hometown. It’s f*cking the whole world up. What is inspiring your newest material? I’m working on a new album right now. I was diagnosed Is it true that you still use a guitar that you bought for 30 dollars when you were 16? I do still use it. My mom bought it for me. I had a bunch of really nice guitars at the time, but wanted a crap one because I thought they were cool. It turned out that I liked it way better than any of the fancy guitars I had, so they’re all gone now and I still have this one.

You said that you use effects pedals that “no serious musician would use.” Why? It’s just entry-level cheapo stuff. I always had high ideals about different gear and certain music effects, and stayed away from tons of stuff. But then I realized a little while ago that I was being stupid and just started having fun experimenting.

You said your song “Freaking Out the Neighborhood,” was an apology to your Mom for your onstage behavior. Did she accept the apology? She’s proud of me, she thinks it’s funny. I just needed something to write a song about. The sh*t I pull onstage is just me getting bored of playing the same songs every night for a year.

Mac DeMarco will perform at MAO Livehouse on Nov 29. Tickets are RMB 80 (door), RMB 60 (student). For more information, visit Spli-t.com.

64 November 2013 A Drink With

smashed my head into the doorframe in the hallway. Zach Lewison When she noticed that it was missing, I blamed it on my brother, and he got in trouble for it. Haha, Christmas just Co-Owner, The Irish Volunteer got weird this year!

Who would you most like to go out drinking with? Where’s the dumbest place you’ve gone drinking? This one is easy: my hero, my dad. We always have some We’ll save that for the special, “Zach Lewison: Man, Myth, beers, Coors Light – his favorite, not mine. We talk about Moron” issue of the Beijinger. how bad The Jacksonville Jaguars are and how next year will be The Cubs’ year. I have a feeling that one day I’ll have What kind of drink are you? the same conversation with my son over a beer. Is this the part where you want me to get all chef-y? Ok, I’m a long drink, something complex with layers of flavors If you could only imbibe one drink for the rest of that build up to make a smooth, easy drink but one that your life, what would it be? makes you think and crave for more. That sounds stupid I’m a beer guy – always have been and always will be. That … I’ll go with a mojito ‘cause we’re both from Florida. said, I’ll go with Dogfish Head’s 90-minute IPA. What’s your idea of a good night out? How old were you when you started drinking? At a baseball game drinking beers in the bleachers with Seventeen. We would get our friend Jesse to buy us quarts my wife, my son (he’s two so he can’t drink yet, but he’ll of Olde English 800, or as white kids from the suburbs called be the designated driver), and a few friends. it, 8-Ball. We would drink them outside of a punk club called the Milk Bar and see some really good shows. What are your secret watering holes? That would be The Irish Volunteer in Lido. Tell us about the first time you were drunk. I’ll start this by saying, “Sorry, Mom.” I stole a bottle of Have a drink with Zach at The Irish Volunteer’s pink Zinfandel from her, drank it in my room, and then Halloween Party Nov 1. photo: mitchell pe masilun mitchell photo:

65 November 2013 INTERVIEW The Style Council Jill Bumby, The Bumbys by Jessica Rapp

What’s your fair and honest appraisal of Beijing? Almost every girl at Fashion’s Night Out had a sick hand- bag and the best manicures this side of Tokyo. Gill saw a dude with a crazy, ferocious t-shirt – the guy that our producer Viranda referred to as the “Chinese Kanye West.” All the punker dudes seem to have the same great Flock of Seagulls hairstyles.

Did you have any reservations about appraising fashion in Beijing as Chinese aesthetic expectations are often different from what you’ve seen in the US? From our perspective, there’s a difference between fashion and style. Fashion can always be cultivated and copied, but style can’t. In China, there seems to be a lot of emphasis on brands and labels, which can be exciting on the right person (it’s not every day that you see head- to-toe Chanel on a person, even in NYC), but sometimes, the most interesting looks are put together by people who don’t have any money or are in fact wearing a uniform. What’s exciting to us is the essence of a person, the way they put themselves together, the sense of humor in their clothes, color or lack of color, what’s going on behind the eyes. Sometimes, what’s interesting or arresting about a person is their beauty, but sometimes, it’s something else, and one is not necessarily better than the other.

There’s been a lot of praise of First Lady Peng Liyuan’s fashion choices lately. Do you have an appraisal for ill and Jill Bumby, a popular performance duo in this? US celebrity and fashion circles, were recently in A First Lady is under a lot of pressure to be all things to Gtown for Vogue Fashion’s Night Out to don their all people – fashionable and pretty, well-spoken and signature disguises, settle behind their typewriters and brilliant, warm, maternal, and gracious. It must be ex- give “fair and honest appraisals” of people’s appearances. tremely difficult to achieve a look that communicates all Some of you may already be perspiring just thinking of those things while also expressing a hint of her own about the possibility of getting judged by a pair of New creativity as well. photo: courtesy of bumby York City big shots, but The Bumbys are widely regarded Of course, she looks beautifully put-together and for putting a graciously positive spin on the convoluted classic (Vanity Fair put her on their Best Dressed List this notion of being the “fashion police.” In honor of China year), but for me, the creative touch that sets her apart Fashion Week (Oct 25-Nov 1), we asked Jill (pseudonym) are her shoes. That woman can rock a five-inch platform to give her impression of style in Beijing. heel like no other world leader I’ve seen. She always

66 November 2013 INTERVIEW

appears strong and confident which is more than I can What kind of writing have you done before this? say for some of our shorter male leaders. Maybe they I’ve written reviews of art and books online, features for should try a heel! fashion magazines, and a book. I truly believe anyone can do what we do, but I guess all the writing practice makes What style trends did you spot in Beijing? us fast typists. One thing Gill noticed this trip was a trend of Chinese hipsters who had gotten English words tattooed on their Where did you draw inspiration for your outfits? bodies (a nice twist on the massive appropriation in the I based Jill Bumby’s look on my own style – obviously – West of words in Chinese characters but in technicolor. Red and black are that simply do not translate). And I’ve THAT WOMAN CAN ROCK A our colors, and over the years, Jill has noticed that the men here might have FIVE-INCH PLATFORM HEEL sampled different wigs, but always the best personal style in the world. seems to return to the red. The way LIKE NO OTHER WORLD we cover our faces with scarves and Why do you think men have the best LEADER I’VE SEEN. sunglasses and head-coverings will personal style? never change. The key to this costume, The men of Beijing are particularly clean. Their hairstyles besides concealing our identities, is that it naturally looks are crispy little piles of art, and they smell like they’ve been intimidating or a little weird. People don’t know what to dipped in heaven. They aren’t afraid to wear red. expect from exhibitionist bank robbers.

If you could get a Chinese-themed tattoo, what would Do you have a memorable person you Bumby’d in it say? Beijing? The quote from Confucius: “Everything has its beauty but A bunch of people stand out in my mind. In general, there not everyone sees it.” was a lot of humility radiating off of people in China. Not everyone is boasting like Kanye these days. And we saw so many great three dimensional iPhone 5 cases. It made me jealous.

For more on The Bumbys and to read their appraisals, visit Thebumbys. tumblr.com.

67 November 2013 PAGE TURNERS Drawing on Lao She’s own experiences of living in 1920s London, the second of these re-issues, Mr Ma and REVISITING Son, follows two generations of Mr Ma and his son, Ma Wei, as they relocate from their native Beijing to England LAO SHE with the aim of taking over Ma’s brother’s antique busi- STILL AS RELEVANT AS EVER ness. It’s a far more human- and character-driven novel by Nick Skidmore when compared with Cat Country, but, like it, Mr Ma and Son makes brilliant observations on many cultural differ- ences between China and the West. It’s a coming-of-age oday Lao She is remembered for mostly three things: story, with romantic overtures, but the novel is at its first, his novelRickshaw Boy, bringing to life most fascinating where it brings back to life Tthe urban chaos of Beijing’s street the dramatic intersections of modernist life; second, his suspicious drowning London and much of the racism that during the Cultural Revolution; flowed through British society at and then, finally, the Lao She the time. Teahouse, a staid favorite As distinct as these two of many tourists, but one novels are to one another with no obvious connec- in both style and effect, tion to the man nor his their being re-issued works. However, Pen- at this time signifies guin’s recent re-issue an important recon- of two of his novels, sideration of one of Cat Country, and Mr Ma China’s influential writ- and Son, seeks to prove ers, demonstrating the just how versatile and extent to which Lao She urgent one of China’s most was frequently testing the prestigious and progressive “Chinese” character of his writers truly was. writing. But, beyond these rela- Cat Country suitably introduces tively academic concerns, both the theme that binds these two in- novels also offer something else: two dividual novels together: Lao She’s ability uniquely enjoyable yet equally edgy jaunts for expertly examining a society from an outsider’s from a writer at the top of his game. perspective. In this instance, it’s the narrator himself, a unnamed Chinese astronaut who guides the story, offer- Re-issues of Lao She’s works are available at The Bookworm, ing his impressions after having been stranded on Mars Amazon.com and various other bookstores in Beijing. – albeit a Mars that might now seem wildly quaint, with its green pastures and cat-inhabitants, but one which, in its imaginative remove, serves as an ideal caricature of 1930s Chinese society. As the narrator skirts the political factions of his setting, fully exploiting the prejudices that “foreigners” are afforded in this society, the reader is introduced to a civilization on photo: courtesy of S tephen L eonelli the brink of collapse due to its excessive reliance upon social distinctions and stubborn refusal for reform. As with most satires of this sort, the labor of bringing such a world to life is a little heavy-handed, and much of its emotional content is often lost among the conceit, but there’s a palpable sense of relevance and urgency that still surges through the novel.

68 November 2013 MASTERMIND PETER MURCHISON GUITAR PLAYER AND SINGER FROM THE BAND ZHENREN SPECIALIST SUBJECT: OLD BLUES

GENERAL KNOWLEDGE 1. How long does it take for light from the moon to reach the Earth? Holy mackerel! I would say it takes three milliseconds if the humidity is not too high. × 2. How many kilometers long is the Trans-Canada highway? 5,218 kilometers. About the length of the Great Wall. × 3. Why do fireflies flash? Too much caffeine, absolutely!× 4. What is the most common element on Earth? take that middle one down just one half note and bang! There are two “H”s for every “O” in the water. That’s a lot! It changes everything. √ I’ll say hydrogen. √ 9. Which state did most of the blues musicians who 5. How many tentacles does a squid have? made up the Chicago scene migrate from? Well, an octopus would have eight. I’ll stick with eight. I would say Mississippi. Because that’s where Muddy It’s a classic number and a very lucky one here in China. (Waters) was from and everybody followed him like a The other answer might be: if they’re properly deep-fried, magnet. √ does it matter? × 10. What did the original blues musicians refer to themselves as? Specialist Subject I believe they referred to themselves as “really poor.” Big 6. What plant common in US slave plantations Bill Bronzy used to call himself a “gitar player.” × and used by Western African cultures in mourning ceremonies do people speculate the term “blues” FINAL Score: 4/10 originated from? VERDICT: Peter’s gotta keep feeding his brain with Yeah, I have no idea at all. I just associate the word blues fried squid to improve his general knowledge, but his with that minor seventh sound. Nope, no idea at all. Total foundation in old blues is pretty solid. blank! × 7. What year was the first blues composition Catch Peter and Zhenren at Jianghu Bar on Nov 15 with copyrighted? special guest Steve “Silvertone” Levine. The early stuff I know is like very early ‘20s, but that wasn’t WIN A HOTEL STAY! the first commercial stuff. So I would say more like 1910 Win a deluxe-room stay at the or 1915. Let’s say 1912. √ Regent Beijing by answering 8. The composition “A Negro Love Song” by Samuel the following question: Where is Taylor Coleridge used what kind of note that is Slow Boat’s US brewery? distinctive in blues? Answers to [email protected].

The two distinctive notes would have to be the minor

Hydrogen, 5) 10, 6) Blue indigo, 7) 1912, 8) Blue note, 9) Mississippi, 10) Songsters 10) Mississippi, 9) note, Blue 8) 1912, 7) indigo, Blue 6) 10, 5) Hydrogen, third and the seventh. Those are the blue notes. If you 4) process, mating the to related reaction chemical A 3) km, 8,000 2) seconds, 1.26 1)

take the “do,” “mi,” “so,” it’s just such a happy sound. But you Answers photo: sui photo:

69 November 2013 ECOLOGY“LOVE IS IN THE AIR, BUT THE AIR IS HIGHLY POLLUTED.” – AMIT ABRAHAM

A barely visible CCTV Tower in downtown Beijing.

70 November 2013 SOLution masK are INFIPURE’s new ‘nose masks’ truly effective, or even safe? By Kyle Mullin

n the smoggiest of days, Beijing sidewalks are each pack of eight disposable filters costing RMB 32. congested with people sporting leopard print But Infipure is not without its critics. Nose masks like patterns, Hello Kitty logos and other quirky Infipure’s are “uncomfortable, and make you appear that designs across their faces. But one local star- either you need rhinoplasty or just went to the wrong tupO offers a more practical version of such products, one plastic surgeon,” said Mairead McClean, a spokesperson that isn’t nearly as flashy. In fact, it’s practically invisible. at British face mask maker Respro. “When I was first in Beijing as an expat, we all used Law filters through such criticisms, hoping to clear the big air masks that covered our mouths. I remember a air in more ways than one. lot of them being really uncomfortable, hot and stuffy,” said Francis Law, a partner at Beijing-based company, How do your nose filters work? Infipure. Users can insert the filters in their nostrils and dispose of To snuff out this issue, Law says the firm’s design- them at the end of each day. We understand that putting ers devised small filters that can be inserted into users’ things into your nose can be a very new experience. But we nostrils, allowing them to not only breathe easily but also liken it to many years ago, when contact lenses were new, discretely. Aside from its aesthetic advantages, Law says and putting something in your eyes was foreign to most Infipure filters’ effectiveness is unparalleled, blocking 99 people. Our product comes in three sizes that cover the percent of pollution, including the infamously toxic PM2.5 general range of nose diameters. We spent over two years particles. He said another big selling point is the price, with researching and developing soft, comfortable materials. So Photos: courtesy of infi p ure courtesy Photos:

71 November 2013 standards. Sometimes the safety hazards are not due to poor standards, but to manufacturers who are not meeting them.

A South Korean filter firm said it is unsafe for Infipure to not divulge what materials you use. What are your thoughts on this? Our filtration material is modified from a similar type of substance used in a well known anti-air pollution product, which we can’t name because of our trade secret. We chose it because it is proven, soft, and effective. Our filters also have a low amount of air resistance, helping them conform to the numerous sizes and shapes of noses while maximizing breathability and effectiveness. The plastic components on our product, which are a medical grade polymer often used in the healthcare industry, were selected because they have a high stretch point to minimize potential breakage.

The filter’s look and functionality have been criticized. How do you respond to that? We don’t feel it’s right to critique our specific competitors. We all have the same goal of trying to help people improve their health by defending against air pollution. Our product may appear simple in design, but if you select the right size, combined with its soft material, this was intentional. The nasal passage is narrow, so we it will fit well for you and block a lot of pollution. wanted to ensure that we weren’t over designing filters with extra plastics or other material that would create What are these “soft materials” that you mention? breathing resistance. That’s a trade secret, which we need to keep to stay It’s understandable that our competitors may feel competitive. But we have done third-party tests with the compelled to critique us. Of course Infipure, like any American National Standards Institute. They checked our other product, is not for everyone – especially mouth efficiency against PM2.5s, and our filtration material was breathers. But the vast majority of our customers have able to block particles at over 99 percent. indicated that our product is comfortable, safe, hygienic and highly effective. Are there any risks in terms of what the filters are made of? Definitely not. That was also part of our research and development. We ensured the materials were safe, non- toxic and recyclable. Our invisible air mask design is new for the Chinese market; before we created this product we didn’t have a product standard to compare it to. So we had to write our own product standard, which the government has accepted.

p hoto: courtesy of infi p ure

Why is government approval something to strive for? We feel that the Chinese government is actively improving standards to maintain safety. We also work with all our third party suppliers to ensure high quality

72 November 2013 What are you planning to do?

OUREVENTS EDITORS PICK THE BEST OF THE MONTH upload your events at thebeijinger.com/events

find all venue info AT THEBEIJINGER.COM/DIRECTORY. please call venues ahead of time to confirm details.

ONE REPUBLIC NOV 4 – The Coloradan quintet play Beijing in support of their newest record, Native. Warning: There will be a smattering of piano balladry. RMB 380-980. 7.30pm. Workers’ Gymnasium (6501 6300)

73 November 2013 EVENTS

1 2

1. MODERNISTA second ANNIVERSARY SWING PARTY NOV 13 – Baochao Hutong’s infamous, and newly renovated, absinth jazz club celebrates its second birthday with music by French gypsy Jazz band The Hot Club of Beijing. Free. 9.30pm. Modernista (136 9142 5744) 3 2. MIND SCAPES FROM NOV 9 – A solo exhibition by Cindy Ng Sio leng. The award-winning ink painter, photographer, and video artist explores the concept of ink in motion. Jiali Gallery (8402 5613)

3. ON THE PAPER FROM NOV 9 – Local rice paper artist Chen Linggang invites his audience to proactively examine cultural and historical content by creating visual “obstacles” in his signature tiled, textured work. Free. 3pm. S.T.A.R.S. (8408 3833)

4. GILLES PETERSON NOV 8 – British-based airwaves legend Gilles Peterson makes it to Beijing for the first time bringing with him his eclectic record collection. With special offers on cocktails. RMB 200 (includes one standard mixed drink), RMB 150 (advance). 10pm. Cicada Ultralounge (6418 9898)

5. SKY BLU NOV 9 – This night was supposed to happen a few months back. Never mind, he’s here now, and he’ll be running the decks at Elements. Expect plenty of shots, people being sexy - and knowing it - and some party rock- 5 ing anthems. RMB 280. 11.30pm. Elements Club (6552 6223)

74 November 2013 don’t miss THANKSGIVING FEASTS

THANKSGIVING CELEBRATION NOV 28 – Go Francophile on this American holiday. Indulge in a five-course dinner featuring turkey with traditional Thanksgiving sides and dessert. RMB 368+15%/person (whole turkey), RMB 298+15%/person (half turkey). Jaan, Raffles Beijing (6526 3388 ext 4186/5331)

THANKSGIVING DAY LUNCH NOV 28 – Get started with excess a little earlier in the day with a turkey buffet or themed set menu. RMB 358+15% (buffet, includes wine), RMB 318+15% (set menu, includes wine). 11.30am-2.30pm. Greenfish Restaurant, Ritz Carlton Financial Street (6629 6990)

THANKSGIVING DINNER BUFFET NOV 22 – Get a jumpstart celebrating your gratitude with turkey as well as a seafood station plus the chance to win a “staycation.” RMB 588, add RMB 288 for free-flow champagne. Kerry’s Kitchen, Kerry Hotel Beijing (8565 2088)

THANKSGIVING DINNER NOV 28 – Hit the holiday season full-stride with all-you- can-eat traditional fare and seasonal holiday drinks (+RMB 60). Free craft activities for kids until 7pm. RMB 160, RMB 80 (kids under 10). 4pm. The Filling Station (8470 3821)

TRADITIONAL THANKSGIVING FEAST NOV 28 – Dine out on a set turkey dinner or opt for takeout. RMB 119/person (set dinner), RMB 95/kg (turkey to go), +RMB 20 for sides. Lily’s American Diner (6592 5548)

TURKEY DINNER NOV 28 – Choose from turkey meat options to accompany a buffet of traditional sides. Turkey delivery available (details TBA). RMB 120-360 (RMB 80 discount for three-day advance booking). 6pm, 8pm (two seatings). The Local (6591 9525)

THANKSGIVING DINNER BUFFET NOV 28 – Delight yourself with roast turkey and then shake things up with sumptuous seafood. RMB 638+15% (includes free-flow champagne), RMB 318+15% (kids 6-12). 6-10pm. Aroma, Ritz Carlton (5908 8161)

THANKSGIVING AT THE GREAT WALL NOV 28 & 30 – Share a family-style feast of turkey with live jazz at Mutianyu. Round-trip bus transport, RMB 80. RMB 380, RMB 160 (university students w/ID, kids 4-12). 5-8pm. The Schoolhouse (6162 6506)

GOBBLE GOBBLE ON THE GO NOV 26-DEC 26 – Takeaway option only, the 7-8kg bird with stuffing, vegetables and dressing. Additional sides for an added cost. 48-hour advanced booking required. RMB 1,688+15%. The Cut, Fairmont Beijing (139 1152 4415)

HOOK N COOK ONGOING – During the holidays, book a session of this cooking competition for groups of 10-42 and they’ll throw in a complimentary turkey. RMB 480/person (including free- flow Tsingtao). The Hutong ([email protected])

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1. KORPIKLAANI NOV 2 – This Finnish folk metal band’s name literally means “Wilderness Clan.” They are distinguished by the unusual fact that they started out as a folk band and transitioned to metal. Their sound has been described as, “music for old people played on heavy metal guitars.” RMB 300. 8pm. Yugong Yishan (6404 2711)

2. FOOTPRINT TWO-YEAR ANNIVERSARY NOV 9 – Join the Footprint crew as they celebrate reaching the terrible twos with Tama Sumo and Lantern’s all-female cast for a night of house and techno drawing on Sumo’s Berlin roots. RMB 80, RMB 50 (advance). 10pm. Lantern (135 0134 8785)

3. SWISS BALL NOV 30 – A Winter Wonderland-themed evening highlighted by a special menu, great music and warm atmosphere. Price and time TBA. Beijing Marriot Hotel Northeast (5927 8888)

4. MONSTER MASH HALLOWEEN NOV 1 – Tavey Lean’s Solid Gold Dream Machine whips out their much- loved funk repertoire for a night of silly costume contests. A Houhai flash mob will take place in the first hour. Free. 8pm. 4corners (6401 7797)

5. ZHU WEI FROM NOV 3 – An exhibition by the world’s most renowned contemporary Chinese ink painter and the art form’s most important explorer. He was also among the first contemporary Chinese artists recognized by the 65 international art audience in the ‘90s. Today Art Museum (5862 1100)

76 November 2013 EVENTS

1. THE BEIJING KUNG FU TOUR SATURDAYS FROM NOV 2 – Learn about the history and legends of the Taoist arts of Wudang Mountain and the explosive Buddhist techniques of Shaolin Temple. Tech- niques will even be demonstrated in a class. RMB 260. 2pm. Newman Tours (138 1777 0229)

2. ST. ANDREW’S BALL NOV 30 – A night of evening dress and dancing to the John Stewart band from Scotland with dinner, drinks and breakfast included. The event will be preceded by four optional dance evenings. Email [email protected] for reservations. RMB 1,000. China World Hotel (6505 2266)

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1. MOONGLOW BURLESQUE: RUSSIAN LOVE 3. HEROES VS VILLAINS DISCO DERBY PARTY NOV 23 – Dress up as your favorite superhero and get down NOV 8 – Billed as a hot-spiced Russian party, this evening will at the third Disco Derby event. Prizes for the best in show. feature never-before-seen burlesque performances, dance RMB 100, RMB 80 (for those in costume or those with their lessons, vodka specials, a drinking contest and stunning own skates). 9pm. Mako Live House (5205 1112/3) beauties. Free. 10pm. Modernista (136 9142 5744) 4. BOTTLED IN ENGLAND 2. JING JAM WORM UP NOV 15 – Returning to the capital after a thunderous NOV 17 – Local American folk music hero Randy Abel and performance last year, the Danish dubsteppers prepare for guests will lead a day of workshops on old timey music, a repeat performance as part of The Drop #26 with support square dancing plus open jams and performances. RMB 130 from Sekuoia, Oshi and Nuumu. RMB 50. 9.30pm. Temple (day pass), RMB 50 (single events). Noon. The Bookworm (131 6107 0713) (6586 9507)

78 November 2013 EVENTS

1. AGUA FIVE-YEAR ANNIVERSARY NOV 8 – Nothing like a party to celebrate sustained exist- ence. Swing over to Nali Patio to join in the celebration with wine, Chef Jordi’s top five small bites and music by Mosto’s Alex Molina. RSVP encouraged. RMB 200, RMB 150 (advance). 10pm-1am. Agua (5208 6188)

2. HERBIE HANCOCK NOV 9 – Fourteen-time Grammy Award winner and funk icon Herbie Hancock swings in for his Beijing debut. One of the earliest jazz artists to cross over to a more synth-laden sound, he’ll lift the roof off the space when he turns out his timeless hit “Rockit.” RMB 300-900. 8pm. ThinkPad Space (400 610 3721)

79 November 2013 PEKING MAN haircuts and the Art of Upselling by George Ding

or me, getting a haircut is a special kind of hell. As I left, 805 gave me his card. First there’s the irony of paying someone to make “Ask for me next time,” he said. you look worse. Second, since you have to take It seemed like the new management had a new your glasses off and I’m essentially blind without business strategy - charge less for the haircut and make Fthem, I can’t read or play with my phone - so I just kind of money by upselling people on perms and hair care sit there and think about all the things I’d rather be doing products and manicures. than getting a haircut. It was months before I went back. The reason I didn’t But most importantly, I can’t stand the constant go somewhere else was because I still had money on whedling from stylists to get more expensive procedures the membership card I had bought so Jacky could get when all I want is a simple haircut. a commission. So how fortunate it was that I found a stylist I liked at The next time, I got No. 106. The upselling started the salon across the street who didn’t try to upsell me almost before my butt hit the chair. until the third date. Sure, Jacky eventually talked me into “What do you think? Let’s perm this.” buying a membership card and getting a disastrous perm I told him no, and kept telling him no, as the haircut that made me look like an Asian Lionel Richie - but no wore on. I could tell 106 was fuming with each rejection one’s perfect. because his entreaties became more Then one day, Jacky disappeared. I COULD TELL 106 WAS FUMING and more insulting. The local salon closed for renova- WITH EACH REJECTION BECAUSE “I really think you should consider tions and when it reopened it had HIS ENTREATIES BECAME MORE getting a perm.” been rechristened “Fashion Wharf.” AND MORE INSULTING “To be honest, your hair looks ter- I wandered in there and asked for rible and it’s going to keep looking Jacky. The receptionist was circumspect. terrible until you perm it.” “Jacky isn’t here,” she said. I declined until the end. 106 sighed as he finished up “When will he be here? I can come back tomorrow.” and let me go, though I know his conscience was eating Jacky was gone. Where, I’d never know. In his place at him for letting someone who looked as awful as I leave was a young upstart: No. 805. That’s right, Fashion Wharf Fashion Wharf. stylists were known only by their employee number. The cashiers glared at me as I paid 24 yuan and re- 805 moved fast, shearing off chunks of hair willy-nilly. buffed their pitches to charge my membership card with He also tried to upsell me immediately. 10,000 kuai. “Have you thought about a perm?” he asked. As I walked back to my apartment, I thought about I told him I had suffered one before and didn’t want to what kind of a place would institute such a transparent repeat the experience. “We have really skilled specialists scheme for making money, and then make the customer here. It won’t be like last time.” feel bad for not taking the bait. It would be like IKEA I refused again. 805 looked dejected. He flicked my hair deriding people who only go there for the 1 kuai ice around with a finger and said, “If you don’t get a perm, cream cones. there’s nothing I can do to make your hair look good.” After that experience with 106, I decided I would never 805, the Pontius Pilate of stylists, couldn’t wait to ab- go back to Fashion Wharf, even though it’s so painfully solve himself of responsibility. He made a few more snips convenient - not out of righteousness or moral indigna- and sent me on my way. It turned out that the haircut tion, but simply because I don’t think my self-esteem was only 24 kuai, even cheaper than before. could take it.

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