Tories: Lib Dems: the Damage Done? a Careful Hypothesis Strength in Science

30 The award-winning student

newspaper of Imperial College . 04

“Keep The Cat Free” .

Issue 1,459 10 ffelixelix felixonline.co.uk This week...

How much? GaneshadevanGa resigns as Students criticise this year’s DDPE before she begins Summer Ball ticket prices. See page 3

News, Page 4

Seeing our universe: 20 years of Hubble

Science, Page 13

Feeling your best when under exam stress

Fashion, Page 22

Sand, sun, but no sea: Taking your pick Tripping across the Sahara 56% of Imperial students are voting Lib Dem at the General Election, but who should you be voting for? See page 6 - 9 Travel, Page 26- 27 2 felix FRIDAY 30 APRIL 2010 News Editor Kadhim Shubber NEWS [email protected] dB’s: You’ve had the last dance The world beyond College walls

Ukraine

krainian lawmakers engaged in a sports day of sorts in their parlia- mentary chamber on UTuesday. Ahh, those sweet memories of queuing up for half an hour just for a pint at the world’s tiniest bar Activities included egg throwing, boxing, smoke bomb dispersal, and tug-of-war. Members of parliament DDanan WanWan Editor-in-Chief ately after the Easter Carnival. da Vin- filled the chamber’s voting machines ci’s bar will now only be available for with glue. The speaker oversaw the use until the end of the summer term. festivities from beneath umbrellas The Union’s much-maligned night- Beyond that, temporary replacement held by his aides in order to protect from themselves from aerial attack. club, dBs, played out its final tunes at bars outside and in Activity Space 1 Members of the public engaged in demonstrations outside parliament the Easter Carnival on the last day of will open for the summer period. but the intensity did not reach the levels found inside. The cause for Spring term. Visitors to Beit Quad will see the concern was a deal to extend Russia’s lease of the Sevastopol naval base. dBs, now undergoing a major res- entrances to dBs boarded up, and in Sevastopol has hosted the Russian military since 1778, was under siege toration project which will see it re- its current state, all furnishings have by the allies during the Crimean War, and is still the home of Russia’s named Metric, was host to T4’s Jamee- been removed and the walls and ceil- Black Sea fleet. Ukraine and Russia reached a deal to extend the lease la Jamil and Emma Harkness as the ing have been stripped down. The for twenty-five years in return for discounted gas supplies from Russia. students said their goodbyes to a ven- prominent structure left is a pillar Relations between the two countries have improved drastically since the ue that has served them for 12 years. positioned directly in front of the pro- election of a pro-Russian president, Viktor Yanukovych, last month. The There was a loud roar of approval as posed position of the new stage. The parliament ultimately approved the agreement with a small majority. Dizzee Rascal’s Bonkers was played as pillar has been the subject of much dBs’ final song. debate over the past few months; It was business as usual despite the Union officials deliberated whether occasion on the Union’s traditional or not to take on the costly removal Greece end-of-term party. It was poignant of the potentially stage-obstructing that the club operated at near to full beam. Being weight-bearing, the pro- capacity for most of the night; it has cedure is risky and hence dBs was reece formally asked for a bailout from the EU and the IMF come up against much criticism by closed off earlier than normal to take last Friday. EU ministers, both before and after the an- students in its lifetime and has seen this into account. The foot-wide beam nouncement by Greek president Karolos Papoulias, have many a DJ perform to a sparse and is now due to be extracted from the stated that the EU would potentially be willing to lend 30 billionG Euros to Greece at an interest rate of 5% per year. stolid crowd over the years. building structure. As part of the Union’s Phase 3 project An entirely revamped ground floor Greek ten-year government bonds are currently trading at over 11% on that cost them £2.4million, renovation is expected to be in full flow for Fresh- It’s weird, because dBs above looks in the news of an S&P downgrade to junk status on Wednesday. Greek of the venue started almost immedi- ers’ Week 2010. a better state than before it closed two-year bonds had a yield of 38% on Wednesday. The IMF is reportedly willing to lend Greece a further 15 billion Euros at what would probably

30 be a lower rate than the EU loan. Adding to doubts over the success of the package is speculation by analysts of whether 45 billion Euros will be Felix, Beit Quad, Prince Consort Road, London SW7 2BB. Tel: 020 7594 8072.

Fax: 020 7594 8065. Printed by The Harmsworth Printing Ltd, Northcliffe House, . enough to fix Greece’s problems. German support, where 57% of the pop- 04 Meadow Road, Derby, DE1 2BH Registered newspaper ISSN 1040-0711. ulation is against a Greek bailout, is crucial for the success of the package. Jigsaw font by typotheque.com. A certain Miss. Morris deserves a pint... Dominique Strauss-Kahn, head of the IMF, was set to meet with German

Editor-in-Chief Editor-in-Prowling Deputy Editor Copy Chief China Dan Wan Kadhim Shubber Gilead Amit Sasha Nicoletti hina reformed its laws regarding leaks of state secrets, espe- Assistant Editors Business Editor Music Editors Politics Editors: cially on the Internet, this week. The reform was prompted Jovan Nedić Sina Ataherian Kadhim Shubber James Goldsack by last year’s conviction of four employees of Rio Tinto, a Charlotte Morris Alex Ashford Katya-yani Vyas C mining conglomerate, on charges of bribery and stealing International Editor Luke Turner James Lees state commercial secrets. News Editor Tom Greany That trial had created much concern in the international business com- Kadhim Shubber Comment Editors Travel Editor mittee because the twenty-year old existing laws on the subject were Film Editor Ravi Pall Dylan Lowe Clubs and Socs Editor vague about what information constituted state secrets, especially with News Reporters Ed Knock Charlotte Morris Alex Kendall regards to commercial activity. The government moved to clarify what Rox Middleton Coffee Break Editor commercial information could be considered a state secret. The new law Joanna Cai Technology Editor Science Editors Charles Murdoch Feature Editor also places new responsibilities on communications providers to monitor Alex Karapetian Samuel Gibbs Brigette Atkins Afonso Campos their channels for leaks. According to Xinhua, “information transmis- Alice Rowlands Nathan Ley Puzzles Captain sions should be immediately stopped if they are found to contain state Sports Editors Sean Farres secrets.” Privacy advocates are concerned about the measures, though Layout Editors Mustapher Botchway What’s On Editor Rox Middleton exactly how they will be implemented is still unclear. Official reports Carlos Karingal David Wilson Ziggi Szafranski Photography Matt Colvin have not mentioned to what degree communications providers will be Holly Farrer Indy Leclercq Ben Smith Lizzy Griffiths responsible in the monitoring of internet traffic, phone calls, etc. for the Arts Editors Alex Karapetian Ayyub Kamaludin initial detection of leaks. Online Editors Fashion Editor Caz Knight Jamie Beal Ravi Pall Kawai Wong Rosie Milton Catnip Editor Richard Howard By Tom Greany Chris Birkett Saskia Verhagen Lucy Harrold Rhys Davies Stefan Zeeman felix FRIDAY 30 APRIL 2010 3 NEWS Summer Ball 2010 price hike criticised Matt Colvin reports on students’ reaction to this year’s increased prices, and how the Union have justified them

s this year’s sabbatical tertainments tickets for £70. team prepare to hand over Freshers have been taken aback by the reins to those newly the pricing, despite many having lit- Worth seeing Aelected, the hotly antici- tle prior knowledge of previous ticket pated Summer Ball is one prices, with one noting that, “it’s pretty for £90? of the final opportunities for the cur- expensive despite the acts going.” rent team to oversee the running of a Another commented that, “the din- major Union event. However, a crisis ner tickets are too much really, consid- is brewing on campus after the ticket ering the price of the entertainments The Noisettes prices for the event were officially re- only tickets,” before adding, “but people vealed online – prices that have been would feel cheated if they didn’t have a seen by many as “extortionate”. ridiculously overpriced Summer Ball.” Tinie Tempah The sudden increase in price is only likely to bring further disappointment Freshers have been to those who still find themselves in an examination period on 19th June. Plan B taken aback by In previous years, biologists and biochemists have been subjected to this, pricing...” and this summer is unlikely to prove Jo Whiley any different. Even those previously restricted by We’d love to see how his photo turned out too. Alas, we won’t. Touted as the centrepiece of the exams have been less than enthusi- Scratch Perverts Summer Term, this year’s Summer astic over developments, as the fol- Ball is promised by organisers to “build lowing student states, “I’m a 3rd year a difficult decision but one that was Despite this, there appears to be a on the success of previous balls that Biologist and hence I’ve missed every taken so that all students attending the general consensus across college that Breakage have cemented the event’s reputation Summer Ball the last two years due to ball could benefit from any reduced while the line-up is of a good quality, as the best night of the year at Impe- exams. Finally I’m free to attend, and costs, not just the diners. The Summer the pricing is just too high, as summa- rial”, featuring performances from The I can’t really afford it. £90 is several Ball is a non-profit making event and rised by this comment from another Noisettes, Tinie Tempah and Plan B. weeks’ food bill. Looks like I’m not is currently budgeted to break-even. If 3rd year, “The acts are OK, but I’m not Stamina MC However, the pricing of the event has going!” we find ourselves in a position of hav- sure how different the Summer Ball left many disgruntled, with a significant Organisers have responded to critics ing sold more tickets than budgeted will be from last year. It’s got to justify increase in ticket costs compared with with the following statement, “This our intention is to divert that profit the price hike, and I’m not sure I want and more TBC... last year. Tickets for entertainments year we are offering a much-improved back into making the event even bet- to gamble my money to find out if it only are being sold for £45, while for an line-up and so if you purchase your ter through free drinks or more acts. does!” additional four-course dinner the price ticket at the first-day discounted rate Comparing our ball’s prices to other It seems that the most expensive rises to £90. Entertainments tickets for you will be paying no more that last- London and equivalent Students’ Un- question Imperial students will be the 2009 Summer Ball, featuring head- year’s price of £40. For dinner tickets ions £45 represents great value com- answering during this exam period For more information go to line act Athlete, were sold at points for we took the decision to no longer sub- pared to the line-up we have. I look is whether the Summer Ball will be www.union.ic.ac.uk/summerball as low as £35 alongside dinner and en- sidise the cost of the meal. This was forward to seeing you all there!” worth it or not. Imperial wins BP Challenge Faculty Union election results AlexAlex KarapetianKarapetian CCharlotteharlotte MMorrisorris Assistant Editor Imperial’s ‘’Meltdown’’ team has emerged victorious in BP’s Ultimate Field Trip Challenge. Teams were he end of last term saw asked in the Grand Final, held at the many opportunities to vote Natural History Museum, to come for your say in the way up with innovative, scientific ideas to Tthings are run around here, address the Carbon Dioxide emitted finishing with elections from a typical gas fired power station. for Faculty Union positions within the Meltdown, consisting of Chris Hunt- RCSU, ICSMSU and CGCU. er, Ben Said and Lizzy Riley, presented The RCSU elections showed many an approach using photosynthetic sin- “Meltdown” receive their awards fresh faces willing to get involved in the gle cell micro-organisms which have faculty union next year, including some the ability to produce components first years running for positions. After that can either be sold or burnt to pro- David Eyton, Group Head of Re- a successful year under the presidential duce green electricity. The team com- search and Technology, BP, com- control of Katya-Yani Vyas, the RSCU pra in the running of the faculty union CGCU this year. peted against fifty-two entries in the mented: ‘’We were really impressed have held many popular events, in- which represents the medical students He-in Cheung, currently a second UK in total and will now complete a with the way Meltdown approached cluding the Science Challenge, comedy of Imperial. Currently a third year stu- year Mechanical Engineering student, six to eight week paid internship with the brief and their consistent perform- nights, and the first-ever faculty union dent, Dave will be taking a sabbatical is to take over as Guilds President. BP North Sea this Summer. ance throughout the competition. Welfare Week. year in order to fulfil his (extensive) The election was a close one, with He- Ben Said, who was ‘’delighted to Their concept has considered both the After Vyas finishes her presidency at manifesto points. Progressing from En- in narrowly beating Amaury (Frank) have won the Ultimate Field Trip’’, economic and scientific challenges we the end of the year, she will be replaced tertainment Chair in the ISCMSU to Fastenakels in the third round of the commented that they had ‘’worked face, whilst the entry was technically by Scott Heath, currently a third year President will no doubt be a challenge, single-transferable vote style of elec- exceptionally hard since the Autumn advanced and well thought through Chemist. According to Scott, he has he hopes to encourage social events for tions. Unfortunately, RON (Re-Open of last year’’ and that they are ‘’look- – our industry is crying out for these “a great deal of energy and excitement medics, continue the high standard of Nominations) had the most number ing forward to starting the BP intern- bright young minds. I’m sure we’ll about becoming next years RCSU Presi- teaching within the faculty and main- of votes for thet position of Web Of- ship where [they] hope to learn even be hearing about Lizzie Riley, Chris dent and can safely say all of this enthu- tain the “family environment”’ present ficer, but the position will be taken more about the energy industry and Hunter and Ben Said in the future.’’ siasm will be well directed into provid- on the Charing Cross Hospital Campus. over by current Live! Editor, Lawrence the challenges it faces.’’ BP was so impressed with the level ing a bigger and more noticed RCSU.” After a turbulent year in the CGCU Weetman. Alongside Meltdown, Hot Carbon of talent at the Grand Final that they The ICSMSU elections saw the big- office with the resignation of Kirsty Each of the incoming presidents, from Imperial also made it to the decided to grant all fifteen finalists, as gest turn-out of voters ever, with over Patterson and swift take-over from along with their committees will of- Grand Finals and were another team an unexpected bonus, an automatic 1,100 students participating. David Dan Lundy, Engineers will hope to ficially take over from this year’s repre- to receive job interviews. interview with BP upon graduation. Smith will take over from Anil Cho- see a more stable committee for the sentatives on 1st August 2010. 4 felix FRIDAY 30 APRIL 2010 NEWS [email protected] Imperial students rise to the Challenge Charlotte Morris reports on the Science Challenge Grand Final at the Institute of Directors on Pall Mall

Imperial College Winner: Matt Silver How will genetic advances change medicine and society by 2020?

“Following recent press speculation MyFace wishes to re-iterate that in line with UK government legislation, the uploading and sharing of personal genomes is strictly forbidden.

‘Stuff that!’ Anna dismisses the alert. She knows about the offshore social networking sites offering new genomic services like full life prediction. Of course there are ethical issues. As a med student she’s sat through countless lectures highlighting the dangers of genome disclosure. The long-term depression arising from an untreatable future diagnosis; families torn apart by the discovery of a Simon Singh delivers his speech to a rapt audience at the Grand Final deadly heritable disease; discrimination in the workplace (only last month she’d read some crazy story about a company pre-selecting candidates on the basis of mandatory, genetic, cognitive skill-scoring)... And of course any privacy guaran- his year’s RCSU Science were the main sponsor of the event and tees for an offshore site are going to be next to useless. But a saliva swab in the Challenge has been a helped to provide some of the prizes. post, a small payment and she has a file containing her 3 billion-letter genome Mark Henderson presents Matt huge success. There were Alongside the judges, guest speaker sitting in her inbox. Now she can establish the truth?” Silver with his award T over 200 entries into this Simon Singh was present at the din- year’s essay competition, ner, and gave a very entertaining yet and as always they were of an excellent thought-provoking speech about his standard. This year’s competition also current libel case. He spoke about saw the first year of allowing video en- the importance of science being com- tries into the competition, which also municated to the public, and gave an showed a large amount of enthusiasm example of a scientific inaccuracy in a Schools Winner: Ellen Yueqi Ge and effort put into science-related Katie Melua song which he corrected media. and re-recorded with her. He also What are the prospects for finding life on other planets? The Science Challenge Grand Final spoke about his views on libel reform, which he is (not surprisingly) very pas- was held at the Institute of Directors on “It crash-landed a spaceship on Earth, crawled on all fours across a hot desert, Pall Mall and was a very formal affair. sionate about, and encouraged future With a reception and dinner attended science writers to campaign alongside and thirsted after ammonia. The brainchild of Robert Grossman, The New Yorker by Imperial students, the winners and him to change UK libel law. Luckily for cartoonist of 1962, could in fact be closer to reality than we think. Up till now, our runners up from the schools competi- him, the news came earlier this month largely pre-pubescent knowledge base of extraterrestrial science has surrendered tion and the prestigious list of judges that the British Chiropractic Associa- itself to the whims of human imagination, with the likes of E.T. ever popular as our from the competition, comprising of tion, who were suing him for libel, have alien icon. But the search for life outside our bountiful planet is now stepping for- Sir Keith O’Nions, Rector of Imperial now dropped their case against him. ward into the 21st century, and proves to be among the most enigmatic challenges College, Mark Henderson, Science Ed- After an excellent four-course meal, to modern science. With the constant innovations of novel techniques, the answer itor of the Times, and Athene Donald the winners and runners up were pre- may not be far out of our reach. And who knows? Maybe one day, our scientists FRS, UNESCO 2009 Woman Scientist sented with their prizes. The winners will indeed run face-to-face into E.T. of the Year, a distinguished physicist at were congratulated on their efforts and Life, as we know it, has long been defined by two basic ingredients: carbon and the University of Cambridge. Despite awarded with an all-expenses paid trip to Andrew Harrison, Fuel Innovations CERN, £4000 cash prize, guided tour of water. From the simplest amoeba to a fully-fledged adult whale, the lack of either Ellen Yueqi Ge, 17, collects her Manager at Shell, having put forward Shell, ITV/BBC behind the scenes tour essential would result in an unthinkable, lifeless bulk. award from Sir Keith O’Nions a question for the competition, he and a VIP ticket to the summer ball; and was unable to attend the presentation most importantly pride in the knowl- The extracts above make up the first paragraphs of each of the winning essays. To read the full essays, or to look evening, and so another representa- edge that they have won one of the most at the runners-up essays, visit www.rcsu.org.uk/sciencechallenge tive from Shell took his place, as Shell prestigious student awards in science. Meera Ganeshadevan abandons Union DPE position

RRoxox MMiddletoniddleton She is the second DPE candidate Ashley Brown and the returning of- body feels they can put themselves in to give up after her sole competitor, ficers, Ganeshadevan refused, claim- Ms Ganeshadevan’s position as Un- Benjamin Stubbens, pulled out of the ing there was no point because she ion President Ashley Brown has con- Despite an active campaign and even- race the day before the poll closed, had made up her mind. firmed that nominations for DPE will tual victory (against RON) in the Un- when he found out that he too had Ganeshadevan admitted that al- be reopened alongside the elections ion elections, Meera Ganeshadevan won an enviable internship with Rolls though she did not receive the intern- for Council Chair, RAG chair and has had to throw in her job as Deputy Royce. ship offer until after her election, she other officer positions in the summer President (Education), more than two Ganeshadevan said she was “truly had attended the interview “well be- term elections. months before assuming responsibil- sorry” and thanks everyone who took fore the campaign started”. Current DPE Jon Silver welcomes ity. Ganeshadevan accepted a summer time out to vote for her. She has explained her decision with inquiries from any full member of the internship with Credit Suisse at the “I hope people can understand why the hope that her earnings from the Union wanting to know more about beginning of the Easter holidays, and I am accepting the internship” and no internship will allow her to “do what standing. If you want to make a dif- will be unable to fulfil the role over the doubt they can. I really want and that is to go travel- ference, you’ve got confidence and in- summer. More difficult must be for the stu- ling” She said that it was a hard de- itiative and can represent the student Of her decision the Returning Of- dent population to understand why cision to make but she hopes that voice at the very highest level, you ficer Daniel Hill said “It is very disap- even the best sabbatical candidates “Imperial students can understand should definitely consider the role. pointing for a candidate to step down see the job of running the Union as why I felt I should stand down and I Also, perhaps, if you’ve failed to seat this late stage – the Union puts a no better than a fall-back plan. hope they can put themselves in my cure the internship you were looking lot of time, effort and money in run- Although she was asked to come position”. for, and haven’t made any fall-back ning sabbatical elections.” in and talk about the situation with Indeed, it must be hoped that some- plans. Meera Ganeshadevan: Truly sorry. felix FRIDAY 30 APRIL 2010 5 [email protected] NEWS Ash cloud forces Civ. Engineers to sit weekend exams

DDanan WanWan Editor-in-Chief The department of Physics, based in the Blackett Laboratory, have also announced that 1st, 3rd and 4th Exam season has already been dis- year exams will take place later than rupted before it has even begun. scheduled. Heavy ash from Iceland’s Eyjafjal- 1st year Physicists normally have a lajokull volcano has forced depart- five week break between their first set ments in College to reschedule exams of three exams and final five exams as students struggle to return from later on in the Summer Term, but the the Easter holidays on time. Civil En- time between exam periods, when a gineering have even had to make a group project is generally set, will be decision to set exams on a Saturday shortened. afternoon. 3rd year comprehensive exams were Air space over North-western Eu- due to take place on the 27th and 29th rope had been deemed unsafe to en- of April, but will now take place on ter on April the 14th for several days; the 11th and 13th of May. Final year students returning to College from MSci students’ exams have suffered a abroad have struggled to reschedule similar fate. flights before the 26th of April, Col- Many other departments have de- lege’s official start of term. cided to carry on as initially sched- In response to the natural phenom- uled despite student protests. 3rd enon, Physics and Civil Engineering year Biologist and Biochemists have have delayed the start of exams whilst taken their finals this past week. many other departments are giving Computing students were reas- stranded students a later chance to sured by email that despite exams take exams they miss. going ahead in the first week of term 3rd and 4th Year Civil Engineering that anyone missing these exams due students will even find themselves to travel issues will be allowed to take taking their ‘Coastal Engineering’ the exam at a later date. Final year and ‘Advanced Hydrodynamics’ mod- students will be notified of a date later ule exams on a Saturday. Their exam this term whilst younger year stu- period was due to start on Monday dents missing their exams will be of- 26th April but have been pushed fered the exam full-mark assessed in back by nearly two weeks; exams will September. now commence on Tuesday 4th May. “I wish them Icelandic types would The rescheduling of these exams will stop pissing off their volcano gods so mean some students will suffer the much. Don’t they know we have ex- hell of having four exams in four days. ams?” exclaimed an unhappy student. If you look really closely in the distance, you’ll see some Civil Engineers scowling and cursing 6 felix FRIDAY 30 APRIL 2010 GENERAL ELECTION [email protected] WHO SHOULD YOU BE VOTING FOR? AS THE GENERAL ELECTION APPROACHES, FELIX OUTLINES HOW THE PARTIES PLAN TO MAKE LIFE EASIER, OR INDEED MORE DIFFICULT, FOR AN IMPERIAL STUDENT IN THE COMING YEARS. BY DAN WAN

f it hadn’t quite clicked already, A student scientist’s vote this General Election is important; not just for the country as a whole, he manifesto launches from the three main par- stitutions like Imperial. but for you too. As Imperial stu- ties, Labour, Conservative and Liberal Democrats, CaSE have lobbied the importance of science and its related dents, under- or postgraduate, T yielded some good news for all with an occupa- disciplines to the leading political parties in the run up to the Iyou are the next generation of scientists, tional interest in science. Unlike the two previous General Election, and even wrote to the leaders of the three engineers, doctors and businessmen of elections in ’01 and ’05, Labour and the Conservatives have main parties asking them to set out their policies on science. the UK (if not the world). Graduating pushed scientific policies onto the forefront by featuring Dr. Hilary Leevers, Assistant Director of CaSE told felix that from a ‘world-class’ university certainly them in a section, albeit limited, of their 2010 manifestos. “CaSE and others have worked to show that there is a science sets your bar high for career aspirations, The UK’s scientific industries certainly stake a claim that vote to be won. much more attention should be paid to policies directly af- “The need for the parties to respond to the coherent de- and the fields of academia or business fecting them. Businesses using elements of physics alone mands of scientists and engineers has ensured that all the you’ll be leading will either suffer or contribute 6.4% of the UK’s national economic output; this is main party manifestos covered these areas, and they even prosper under the new Government to as much as the finance, banking and insurance sectors com- form the basis of the newly born Science Party.” be formed on May 7th. bined. This figure doesn’t include the business sector based Dr. Leevers stressed the fact there was a very important de- Hence, this General Election may have on biological, medical, engineering or chemical principles cision to be made by scientists and engineers. a significant bearing on all Imperial stu- either. In stark comparison, one only has to look how much “Many felix readers will want to know how the different dents graduating in the coming years. public debate arises when the financial services sector is un- parties intend to support education in science, engineering, As much as you protest, your days as der scrutiny. To take it from another angle, The Campaign for technology and mathematics, and the careers in the academic a student will come to an end. Finding Science and Engineering (CaSE) claims that there are about and private sector that follow on from it. yourself knee-deep in the mire that is the HOW ARE IMPERIAL three million people in the UK with a scientific background, It is up to voters to decide how they take this information job market may come as a shock to the STUDENTS’ VOTING? or 7% of the electorate; that’s more than enough to win or lose into account; they may choose to vote for the party they be- such a tight election as this. lieve has the best policies or the candidate they believe will system, but at least this General Election To put it simply, the better corporate science and engineer- work the hardest for science and engineering. will allow you to have some say in how Labour ing is allowed to perform by the Government, the more jobs Help decide who will be working on policies affecting sci- painful or delightful this shock may be. available to those qualified, i.e. students graduating from in- ence and engineering in the next Parliament.” Moving away from a generic comparison of the three main parties’ manifesto Conservatives pledges, felix is looking into the policies and issues being discussed that will di- Liberal Democrats CaSE’s invitation to elaborate rectly affect a fledgling workforce enter- ing the industries of science (academic Other or otherwise)herwise) and City business. felfelixixx will he Campaign for Science and their science spokespeople more of a knowl- aadditionallydditionalnallyly insinspectpect the ppolipoli-oli-- Engineering (CaSE) is a lead- chance to release a more detailed and edge of thehe cies tthathaat coucouldld cchangehange T ing political advocate for sci- specialised manifesto for anyone who workings ence and engineering in the cares to read. Gordon Brown is the lat- behind tthehe wwayay yyouou lliveive 44%% UK. Director Nick Dusic and Chair est of the three to respond, but detailed both aca-- out yoyourour remaremain-in- Professor Hugh Griffiths formally sent analysis of the situation was accompa- demic iingng yeyearsears as a a letter to Gordon Brown, David Cam- nied with an impressive specialised and cor- stustudent.dent. 16%16% eron and Nick Clegg requesting they Science Manifesto. porate clearly and comprehensively outlined David Cameron’s response expands science, their parties’ proposed policies regard- on his manifesto pledges and veers men- ing science, technology and engineer- towards a much wider vision of ad- tioning ing. The letter, also printed in The vancement in British science and as- issues surround-round- Times, can be seen online on CaSe’s sociated industries. It is considerably ing post-doctoralt l opportunities, t iti website (www.sciencecampaign.org. shorter than Nick Clegg’s response gender imbalances in the industry and uk). however. The Lib Dem leader’s re- the importance of peer-, and not gov- It effectively gave the leaders and turn letter demonstrates an intricate ernmental, review. 224%4% 556%6% AAcademicallyc speaking... cademically, the British ceeds £35 billion. The USA already size and importance. With their institutions’ research produces globally-leading research, portion of the overall budget, each output comfortably but President Barack Obama last council then goes about setting a A sits in the ‘world -class’ year pledged a multi-billion stimu- general direction of research in their bracket. However, there lus package into science research respective field. This is done by allo- areare growingg fears that without the funding, hoping to achieve levels cating funding to projects proposed Online poll rightright investment into academic sci- of scientific output “at the height of to them by research groups and de- of 233 students ence from the next Government, the space race” in the 1960s. partments from universities across IMPERIAL STUDENTS the UK are at risk of falling behind Needless to say, the way the UK’s the UK. Imperial College, as an insti- BACK LIB DEMS international competition. academic output rises or falls in the tution, has a strong standing in the Despite over half of students Earmarked as the next interna- coming years, the currently prestig- British scientific community, but intending to vote Lib Dem, the 87% tional powerhouse, China’s spend- ious reputation of Imperial College, access to funding is likely to follow overwhelming majority predict ing on research funding has in- as a specialist institute for science, any national trends when budget a Conservative win or a hung Percentage of creased 20% every year since 1999, engineering, technology and medi- cuts are concerned. and has overtaken the UK’s equiva- cine, will follow suit. Effectively, the larger the cuts a parliament. This echoes the recent students that think the lent spending. South Korea’s “U- The overall budget for science and new Government makes to overall YouGov poll that showed 49% of Election will result in Korea” programme has seen a surge its associated research fields is set science and research budgets, the people would vote Lib Dem if they a Conservative win or in funding in the nanotechnology out the Government and divided up less PhD opportunities there will be realistically thought Nick Clegg’s hung parliament industry, and overall spending on between the UK’s seven Research for those looking for postgraduate party could actually take power. private and public research that ex- Councils according to their relative study in science. felix FRIDAY 30 APRIL 2010 7 [email protected] GENERAL ELECTION

The leading parties’ policies looking to win an Imperial student’s vote

Labour Tories: Lib Dems: The damage done? A careful hypothesis Strength in science

he Labour government have already dam Afriyie MP, Conservative’s science ompared to the other two parties, pencilled in public spending cuts, and spokesperson, has publically promised the Liberal Democrats have placed that is unlikely to change whoever a multi-year ring-fenced budget for sci- science-based issues quite firmly takes power after this General Elec- ence, should the Conservatives come to on their election agenda, claim- tion.T £600million is to be saved on higher edu- Apower. This ring-fence will only come into action ingC they want to move to a “knowledge-based cation, science and research budgets, and univer- once the new Government has set a new Budget economy” if they find themselves as the next sities across the country are now being forced to immediately after coming into power. There was no Government. offer around 25% fewer PhD student grants come the next assurance of maintaining current levels of research fund- Just for starters, their manifesto has a visibly larger sec- academic year. The announcement made via Chancellor of ing, and hence a Conservative government could be ring- tion dedicated to policies based around science policies. Exchequer Alistair Darling’s pre-budget report is seemingly fencing a decreased level of funding. Science is one of the fronts that the Lib Dems have at- a U-turn on Gordon Brown’s earlier promise, in which he tempted to capitalise on during this General Election, and pledged a ten-year commitment from 2004 in maintain- their science spokesperson, Dr. Evan Harris is a popular fig- ing scientific funding and the continuation of ring-fenced Despite this, David Cameron’s ure in scientific circles and has undoubtedly championed budgets. recently published manifesto, many of the ideas that have already turned many scientists’ An Invitation to join the Govern- INVITATION TO JOIN THE GOVERNMENT heads. Nick Clegg was the only party leader to accept an “Some say that now is not the time to invest but the bot- ment of Britain, mentions future OF BRITAIN invitation by the prestigious Royal Society to speak on sci- tom line is that the downturn is no time to slow down our funding budgets in even less detail, MANIFESTOVE 2010 entific issues. investment in science. We will not allow science to become promising “a multi-year Science and Speaking to felix, Dr. Harris said that the Lib Dem’s “have a victim of the recession but, rather, focus on developing it Research Budget to provide a stable repeatedly stated that we think the economy needs to be as a key element of our path to recovery,” he said. Despite investment climate for Research based on high-tech, green foundations, and not just on the funding cuts attracting criticism from those within the Councils”. The more eagle-eyed critics scientific community, Labour are keen to point out that the financial services.” Though, much like the Labour and have noted that there is no mention of 1 Tory manifesto, the Lib Dems write that “in the current they have doubled investment in research since 1997, the ‘ring-fencing’ specifically; whether this THE CONSERVATIVE MANIFESTO 2010 year they came into power. However, the specifics of this omission is extremely careful wording economic climate it is not possible to commit to growth in statistic have openly disputed by the Liberal Democrats. or unfortunate phrasing for the Conservatives is still under spending.” However, no one can rest on past laurels and it is the future debate. A science budget set for multiple years will provide funding commitments that the scientifically-motivated the Research Councils with a lot more stability and will allow Liberal Democrats science voter will be looking at come May 6th. spokesperson, Dr. Evan Harris them to undertake more beneficial, longer-term strategies has said that “Liberal Democrats than they could on single-year budgets provided to them by recognise that Science, Technology, So what can Labour bring to the table now? a Government. A multi-year budget would definitely affect and Engineering have to be key drivers current undergraduates, from 1st year to 4th year, looking to of our economy as we move out of Labour claim they are “committed to a ring-fenced sci- a career in academic research. recession. A knowledge-intensive ence budget in the next spending review,” and this echoes economy is not only more reliable, Labour’s science spokesperson Lord Drayon’s call to hold but also more rewarding and a better In an overlap of academic and corporate science, the strategic base in the long-term.” onto current science budgeting levels. For a party with its Tories also plan to get universities and businesses to work hands already on the steering wheel, there is a distinct lack together with the establishment of a focused research of figures and detail to their pledges. There is no written re- and development institute. Future PhD students may find Dr. Harris also spelled out how the Lib Dem’s policies assurance that their own 10-year commitment will be seen themselves with much more comfortable financial would benefit Imperial students. through to any extent. backing if this plan comes to full fruition, and “Imperial College is one of the country’s and the will also allow a go-between for students unsure world’s top universities, and the Liberal Democrats Labour’s separate Science Manifesto states want to keep it that way. Unlike the Conservatives, they are keen to support “excellent re- whether to stay in academic science at university or to enter the science-based employment we’ve already committed to not cutting the science search” by “excellent individuals” through budget in the first year of the new Parliament.” long-term fellowships from Research at for example, a pharmaceutical However leader Clegg conceded in a response to Councils. “Maintaining world lead- company. the CaSE letter that “it would be wrong in the ing research at our universities is a current economic climate to pledge that any priority.” In response to CaSE’s letter inviting him to fully put for- single departmental budget will be protected.” ‘Innovation’ is big on Labour’s ward his policies of scientific The Lib Dems have laid out some good agenda. They promise to provide importance, Cameron called news for students looking to go beyond ‘focused investment for Technology science and engineering in PhD level. Clegg noted that “there are sim- and Innovation Centres’, and to also the UK “an absolutely critical ply not enough post-doctoral positions utilise the Higher Education Innova- issue”. He gave hints that the available to provide adequate job secu- tion Fund to help support university Conservatives would look to rity for young researchers” and would research projects that have social advance in corporate science look to resolve this by several methods and economic impacts. The Science able to underpin a currently flailing including the encouragement of “indus- Manifesto states: “Our future prosperity economy. try-friendly” PhDs. will demand excellent science. It is critical in securing the recovery and delivering “We need to translate more of our world-class On a more basic level, The Lib Dems are looking strong economic growth. We are clear: research into world-beating British products. to take a step back from a target-driven ethos. They science will be placed at the heart of La- And we need to secure the right economic con- claim to recognise that the best way to use fund- bour’s economic growth strategy. ditions for businesses to create more well-paid ing to its maximum potential is “to enable scien- Despite this, no science policies or jobs,” he stated. There is a feeling that a young tists get on with their work, based on peer review, issues make it into their definitive ‘50 scientific workforce, i.e. Imperial students, rather than using clumsy mechanistic ways to try steps for a fairer Britain’ featured in the would be preferred to enter innovative busi- to direct research into areas of high economic main manifesto. ness than blue-sky academic research. impact. 8 felix FRIDAY 30 APRIL 2010 GENERAL ELECTION [email protected]

Reforming laws that will allow scientists the freedom of speech

argely thanks to an ongoing Speaking to felix, he further empha- Labour’s manifesto promises that re- high-profile campaign led by sised the importance of libel reform to form will occur to “protect the right of L lobbying group Sense about Imperial’s students. defendants to speak freely.” The Con- Science, all three parties have “This is an issue that should be close servatives follow suit with an outline made libel reform an issue worthy of to hearts of Imperial College staff and explanation of their proposed plans their manifestos. The loud call for a students for a whole host of reasons. to tackle the troublesome libel laws: change in English libel laws came when For example, science can only progress “We will review and reform libel laws famous science author and Impe- to protect freedom of speech, reduce rial College alumnus Simon Singh was costs and discourage libel tourism.” sued by the British Chiropractic As- The Lib Dems have given a more sociation (BCA) for what they claimed “[Libel reform] is an detailed description of changes to be were “defamatory” comments made by made in libel laws. They will protect Singh in The Guardian. issue that should scientists in open forums of debate Despite the recent news that the against unfair libel action by “requir- BCA have backed down from the case, be close to hearts ing corporations to show damage and effectively handing Singh the victory, prove malice or recklessness, and by he is still several thousands of pounds of Imperial College providing a robust responsible journal- in debt. Current libel laws in England ism defence.” are stifling fair debate and effective staff and students” Despite party promises, Singh is not freedom of speech in scientific issues; content with what his court battles it is the almost guaranteed financial Simon Singh have helped yield. He will continue to burden that scares writers defending campaign for the greater good of sci- themselves in court. ence in the mainstream media. The issue has seen much media at- through open and frank discussion, but “In short, it is generally acknowl- tention in recent times thanks to English libel law can chill and crush edged that we have the most oppres- Singh. The fact all three leading par- such debate. Also, unless scientists and sive, one-sided and anti-free speech ties are now using libel reform as cam- journalists can discuss ideas freely and libel laws in the democratic world,” he paign ammunition “is a great tribute to fairly, then the public will not hear the said. “The challenge will be to make grassroots pressure on politicians” said whole truth on matters of serious pub- sure that the next government acts on Singh. lic interest,” he said. its manifesto pledge.” Simon Singh, holding the scarf, after a court battle against the BCA

Around the corner POOR, POOR STUDENTS As well as their future careers beyond university, there’s also another concern for students: the not-so-small number in red ink on their student loan statements. An average Imperial student on a three-year course will graduate with approximately £24,000 of debt, a sum likely to be more than a graduate scheme’s starting salary. So, who’s promising what about the imminent dilemma that could see tuition fees rise Candidates running for Imperial’s local once again for students?

constituency, Kensington, speak to felix Labour ervingervingg a rregionegion of ccommu-ommum - seeminglyseemini glly notnot a priority,priority, failingffaili ini g toto rre-ee- Labour will stand their ground on the basic policy their then Education Minister David Blun- nities thath span righth across spondd to felixf l ’s’ questions. kett introduced. The party is likely to favour a lift of the cap that means students can only pay the spectrum is no easy job. In comparison, Sam Gurney, La- Whoever takes up the parlia- bour’s PPC for Kensington was more a maximum of £3,500 a year for tuition. S Saying that, a third of Labour candidates including several prominent members have signed mentary seat for Kensington in tune with Imperial students’ strife. will have to contend with just that. “If elected I will seek to represent a pledge organised by the National Union of Students (NUS) to oppose the lift on tuition The Kensington constituency, pre- all Kensington residents to the best of viously Kensington & Chelsea under my ability, but my focus will be mak- fees. They could hold their weight in any future debates and keep any fee hikes in check. the old constituency boundaries, has ing Kensington a fairer place for all, been a Conservative stronghold for including Imperial students. One of Conservatives many years now. This is thanks to the the central focuses of our campaign is large numbers of affluent residents liv- the need for more affordable housing The Conservatives appear to be taking the unpopular decision to not only keep, but also over- ing around South Kensington, Notting in the area, many local students are see a rise in tuition fees to a reported £7,000 a year. Hall and King’s Road. Amongst them forced to move away on completion of Remarkably coy on their position on the matter, the fact is that only thirteen Tory candi- however, sits North Kensington’s more their studies and many other Imperial dates have signed the NUS’s petition opposing the lift on tuition fee caps; this may be telling deprived areas and also hubs of stu- students have to commute long dis- dent residences. tances just to get to college.” evidence on their official party line. MP for Kensington & Chelsea, Sir Lib Dem PPC, Robin Meltzer, looked They follow Labour’s lead in awaiting the outcomes that will be derived from Lord Malcolm Rifkind, is a backbencher to draw on wider policies his party Browne’s Higher Education review before making any commitments to those in higher with an illustrious political history stood for: to address the financial bur- with the Tories. He served under Mar- den all university students are saddled education. The review, which commenced in November 2009, is likely to suggest that an garet Thatcher as Secretary of State for with. increase in tuition fees is necessary. Foreign and Commonwealth Affairs “The first thing to say is that the Lib- and Secretary of State for Defence, eral Democrats are the only party com- and even contested the leadership with mitted to scrapping university tuition Liberal Democrats her successor, John Major in the early fees. University education should be Nick Clegg has reaffirmed his position to scrap all tuition fees this General Election. Though nineties. free and admissions based on ability a party divide has seemingly arisen over the matter, the Lib Dem manifesto promises to phase Rifkind is looking to scrap the West- not bank balance. We will scrap un- ern Extension Zone by the end of this fair tuition fees for all students taking out tuition fees for students by 2015. Under this radical plan, final year students will be allevi- year. their first degrees saving them nearly ated of their debts first. “Extending Congestion Charging to £10,000 each. “Students want to be treated like grown-ups; they know money doesn’t grow on trees. That’s Kensington was always about raising “We have a financially responsible money, as opposed to easing traffic plan to phase fees out over six years, why we have agreed together to lay out a financially responsible timetable to scrap fees, step flows,” he said. so that the change is affordable in these by step, after the general election,” said Clegg. Addressing the student body so im- difficult economic times,” he said to portant to Kensington’s locale was felix. felix FRIDAY 30 APRIL 2010 9 [email protected] GENERAL ELECTION

BUSINESS EDITOR SINA ATAHERIAN LOOKS INTO WHAT MAY COME OF THE CITY AND ITS JOBS

or every Imperial stu- wants to keep the current “Tri- profits, revenue and so on. And it dent continuing in sci- partite” arrangement for financial took well over a decade to recover. ence after graduation, regulation, consisting of Treasury, It is natural for Imperial students F there’s an Imperial stu- the Bank of England, and the Fi- considering a future profession dent looking for a lucra- nancial Services Authority. In ad- in finance to factor in the parties’ tive job or internship in the City. dition, they will create a new body view on the industry into their vot- But what will come of the City with the power to tell banks what ing decision. There are two pre- under a new Government? What they are allowed to include in their vailing views on this. Some may will happen to the City’s graduate employment contracts. The Lib- feel that more regulation will en- job market? Will there even be a eral Democrats are swinging heav- sure greater long term success for City to look for employment in? ily towards the latter half of their the City, and would favour Labour Government policies are a major name by demanding the toughest and the Lib Dems over the Con- factor in business location – and rules of all. They would break up servatives. In particular, if they relocation – decisions for financial banks – even ones not owned by feel the main problem is excessive firms. With strong bank-bashing the Government that performed risk taking they may prefer Labour, rhetoric coming from all major UK well during the crisis – and then whereas if they are concerned that political parties, concerns are be- force the smaller banks to lend banks are undermining their own ing raised that they may flood out substantially more than they have position by not lending enough of London as regulations against been doing so far. then they will find themselves in them tighten. The question that many students agreement with the Lib Dems. A central idea for New Labour in particular have been asking is Alternatively, would-be finan- was to limit penalisation of the fi- whether this will drive leading fi- ciers may consider the banks and nancial sector to taxation, so that nancial firms away from London. other financial firms as the best- their loss would at least be Treas- There are a few relevant points to placed to be making the sort of de- ury’s gain. At their peak, taxes consider. First of all, regulations cisions that regulators would pre- from the City accounted fully for are tightening almost everywhere, fer to make instead. They will feel one seventh of all Government not just in the UK. For example, that fewer regulations will mean revenues. But that plan now clear- this is true of Switzerland, which is greater success for those looking ly lies in ruins – with hundreds of the most common suggested desti- to start a career in the field. They billions in bailout money going nation for financial firms currently may therefore be disheartened to the banks. All the parties now based in London. Secondly, no one to see the Conservatives often agree on a “consumer-protection” expects the Government to be as matching the other two parties’ agency, higher capital holding re- tough as its talk, especially when bank-bashing. However, even if VOTING TO quirements, and tighter overall it is itself such a big shareholder the Conservatives keep regula- regulations, both domestically and in leading banks. Thirdly, the last tions as tight as they are, they are internationally. time similar concerns where raised unlikely to tighten them further as The Conservatives are promis- about a major financial centre los- zealously as the other two parties SAVE YOUR BIG ing to give extra powers to the ing its influence was New York in likely will. They are therefore still Bank of England to supervise fi- the late ‘70’s. It did lose out slightly the best choice for advocates of nancial companies, ensuring that in relative terms, but not in terms laissez faire, albeit with a massive CITY DREAM JOB they take on less risk. Labour of absolute numbers of employees, pinch of salt.

felixf did a little scouting to find out what the people voting actually thought about the General What are the students saying? EElection in respect to their current endeavours and future careers.

The PhD student The International Student Marcus Shepheard, Epidemiology Fernando Revilla, 3rd year, Maths Previously a mildly-apathetic Tory, the progressive This election could potentially decide the most improvements in the Liberal Democrat manifesto and important five years of my life, but as a foreigner, I manner have gradually won me over. Employing ideas beyond don’t even have a say in the matter. I can’t vote. rhetoric, with a message that actively supports my livelihood as I hope to stay here after I graduate, to work as a teacher. a student and scientist, the party under the stalwart leadership However, it’d be unfair for me to just expect to be allowed of Nick Clegg has come a long way from its period of wandering to stay. I just hope whoever’s voted in gives skilled migrants in the wilderness during the 90’s and 00’s. I feel content that the a chance to prove ourselves in shortage occupations that Liberal Democrats offer an authentic opportunity for me to do no-one wants, like teaching or nursing, just as I’d like to as a more and live more happily, both as a scientist starting out in life, maths teacher. Everyone loves a maths teacher. and as a Briton who cares about our collective wellbeing. Do these Freshers actually care about the Election?

The Medic The Aspiring Businessman The Fresher Jaimie Henry, 3rd Year Brad Jones, IC Finance Society President Lillie Baines, Biochemistry When I graduate they will have changed the So much for Conservatives being the most pro-City party; I Although this General Election won’t affect me too much for a NHS for better or worse, and I’ll have to work in think that their policy to go ahead with a banks tax without few years now, it is also my first time voting in one. I really do it. The Liberal Democrats’ policies seem to be showy without international cooperation would be detrimental to London’s want to make sure I come out of university with available jobs on any substance - lots of talk about patient contracts and choice City status – Labour has the right idea on this one. Having said offer, but I also don’t particularly fancy looking at the sum of my without addressing the big financial concerns we’ll face. There’s that, after the recent fraud charges against Goldman Sachs, student loans debts either. The Liberal Democrats are obviously international cooperation is probably not a mile off. The most trying to tap into the student vote, and with Cleggmania aside not much between Labour and Conservative health policies, but important factor is the recovery of our own economy and for just one moment, they are the only party of the three to the Tories haven’t done enough to convince me that their one off Gordon’s ‘tax on jobs’ doesn’t help here, so a Conservative announce their plans to phase out student loans. This might £8000 for lifetime elderly care adds up - and their refusal to back vote for me! Oh, and Lib Dems – what are you thinking about.. include current undergraduates too, so I’m in. David Cameron’s cancer targets means I’m voting Labour (tactically, at least). wiping out our defence system...? right though, we can’t go on like this, with suspicious minds. 10 felix FRIDAY 30 APRIL 2010 Comment Editor Charlotte Morris COMMENT [email protected] Jaimie Henry on televised election debates “If I wanted to see three middle aged, men coming to blows... I’d go to a Soho brothel.”

imagine you’re probably sick to election so much as they were looking ties and flair of a man, given we all have genuous policy; seeing as we’re voting them have come across as old school death of hearing about the elec- for Obama-esque election sexytimes a natural preference for certain styles for a party and not a person it might politicians in these debates and cer- tion by now. So I’m going to do rather than dependable democracy, of speaking and none of them are so be considerate of their dear leaders to tainly haven’t come out of the whole Iwhat I always do when I’m hun- they caved in. different or mad to be sufficiently actually tell us what those policies are. thing very well. The Liberal Demo- gover and discover something So what is my problem? The debates polarising, the debates have just com- Meanwhile, all three of them squab- crats, seemingly buoyed by the power people dislike: I’m going to go on about just don’t work. In the UK we follow a pounded this lack of a decisive vote. ble over who said what and when to a they hold over the major two parties, it even more. “first past the post” voting system. In I’m not saying this would be any better point where it is no longer funny but appear a real alternative, with a wor- Firstly, let me declare my intent. I the States, televised debates work a lit- under a Proportional Representation tiresome; if I wanted to see three mid- rying lack of perspective on the real don’t think any one of the parties are tle better because the voters do (albeit system, but at least we’d know what dle aged, balding men almost come to world. Despite that, I’ll be voting Lib- particularly amazing; yes, I hate David in a slightly convoluted way) vote for a we’re signing up for. blows over economic policy I’d go to Dem because my MP is pretty good Cameron as much as the next person, President rather than a party, and it’s So, instead we now have a giant per- a Soho brothel and watch the punters (and not Tory). I’m more Labour, if I’m and the day I vote for him will be the the votes for that politician that gets sonality contest, but with none of the discuss who was going to pay for the honest, but let’s not start on Tactical day I get to sleep with Katy Perry. Ac- them elected as the President. Con- personality, contest, or giants. orgy. Perhaps that’s just me. A mute, voting… tually, if you’re listening Dave- set it up trast that to here, where it’s the leader Even if this wasn’t true, the debates and by appearance clinically depressed It is a worrying precedent; if we carry and my vote is yours (apparently say- of the party with the most votes who are so painfully boring, rehearsed and audience reading questions from cards on like this I can easily imagine that ing I would “cut off my left bollock to becomes the de facto Prime Minister. dowdy that they become politically like they’re on day release into the we’ll end up in an American system sleep with you” just doesn’t seem to cut Whilst an election will always have irrelevant. Cameron, without fail (or community really doesn’t inflame the anyway (brought to you courtesy of it with the ladies any more). Now that some focus on the party leaders, the indeed any sense of irony whatsoever) passion for democracy either. Pepsi and McDonalds). My prediction would be a fair future for everyone. importance of policies and local can- cracks out these incredulous anec- Perhaps the most dangerous prob- this time round is a hung parliament- But I digress. Aside from the obvi- didates I fear has been lost. When we dotes where he met an [insert ethnic- lem, however, is that now we have an and the only way any of you can stop ous points that everyone always moans combine this with our tri-partisan ity, gender and occupation] at a [insert election that has lost its focus. It makes it is by ignoring these fruitless debates about with elections (such as “all poli- system compared this to the USA’s location] who told him that [insert key sense on paper to have these televised and reading up on the policies of the ticians are wankers” and “I didn’t know predominantly bi-partisan structure, voting issue] was very important to [in- debates in order to reduce voter apa- parties and your local candidate. If I’m I actually had to register to vote”) my we’re in big trouble. Because the win- sert key demographic], whilst Brown is thy, and I concede that despite this completely honest, however, I’m hold- main problem is with these infernal de- ning party is decided by simple major- positively falling over himself to fallate being one of the less polarising elec- ing out for a “Total Wipeout” version bates that are on at the moment. I was ity rather than an absolute number, a Clegg- who in turn is more interested tions in history it does appear that it of the debates hosted by Richard Ham- genuinely surprised that the blasted party who technically wins still might in fallating himself for trying to do may well have one of the biggest voter mond, with me sitting in my pants on things even went ahead; all three of not have enough power to pass legisla- what everyone else wants to do now a turnouts for a fair while. For a reason a Saturday evening eating Doritos as the main parties managed to resist the tion without help from across the floor. few months before. In the two debates I can’t fathom people seem to be inex- David Cameron is catapulted from a cries for so long, and then having real- So what we end up with is a debate en- I have watched at the time of writing, plicably tired of Brown, and Cameron giant red balloon in the middle of Ar- ised that people weren’t looking for an couraging us to vote for the personali- I struggled to find a single concise, incomes across as very sleazy; both of gentina. Now that’s voting for change. Jehan Pasangha ponders election campaigns “...no party appeals to me personally, I have decided to vote for a party based on its policies”

e all know that there so that I will have to spend fewer rupees I asked. “My uncle is a Labour Council- the most preferred and Labour be- dude is a professional. He knew what to is a general election for your studies”. What selfless advice, I lor”. I asked at least five more friends, ing the least (I think because of Gor- say, and was very calm even when he in Britain, on the 6th thought sarcastically. and all their reasons were extremely don Brown). criticised the other two parties. At the Wof May.(if you didn’t Now, I asked his cousin who lives here personal, that is if they even had any In this backdrop came the much an- end of 94 minutes, there was a huge shift know that, you know in Britain, and she said she’ll vote con- reason to vote for a party. ticipated first ever Prime-ministerial in my political preference. Nick is now it now) And, I’m another of those float- servatives because apparently Maggie Since no party appeals to me per- debate on ITV. Less interesting than first, Brown next and Cameron needs to ing voters. According to the London Thatcher had increased her salary by sonally, I have decided to vote for the American debates, but, believe it or be kept in the opposition. Evening Standard, more than 40% of many pounds, many decades ago. Fair a party based on its policies, for not, it has had the biggest effect on my But, wait a second, there is one more students in London universities are like enough. the benefit of all. After all, its my opinion about the main British parties debate left and my opinion is not yet me (as of last week), still not sure whom I then asked my dad’s friend, who said first vote in any election (general and their leaders. Cameron simply did sealed, it is always open for modification to vote for. he’ll vote Labour. Reason-”We’ve always or council or whatever) and I am not rise to my expectations; he sucked. (if needed). I asked my Dad whom he thinks I voted Labour”, he said. Which means not gonna “waste” it. I arranged my Brown was less grumpy, but still boring Now, I wonder if debates are going to should vote for, and he told me to “vote there is no reason. I asked my room preference in the order Con, Lib (better than what I expected from him). be the most decisive factor in this year’s the party which will devalue the pound, mate and once again “Labour”. “Why?”, Dems and Lab, Conservatives being The star was of course Nick Clegg - that UK election? Only time will tell. felix FRIDAY 30 APRIL 2010 11 [email protected] COMMENT Rhys Davies reviews the art of complaining

“Some people say that suffrage is an essential human right...”

n Thursday, the na- sionary. Or maybe you could vote for visceral thrill of having a good moan. moan about the things we can’t nitely safer than trying to solve them. tion goes to the polls Rage Against The Machine. Sorry, I Complaining is one of the great uni- change. Sport, the weather and pub- But that doesn’t mean we won’t be to decide its collective mean the Liberal Democrats. versal past-times and one we can all lic transport are all popular favour- blow-hards and hypocrites. Ofate for the next four But this isn’t a diatribe on the woes relate to. How often has a friend from ites. And there’s nothing wrong with That is why your vote is so impor- years, more or less. of modern government. Goodness another university asked after your this. A good gripe tends to stimulate tant. It safeguards your unalienable Will we rally together and oust the knows I’m not up to offering piquant well-being at Imperial and, instead of conversation far better than a pleas- and fundamental right to complain incumbent, incompetent collection critique on the probable outcomes of enthusing about the plethora of clubs ant observation that everything’s fine. and the true satisfaction that only of crooks, clowns and codswallop- Thursday’s voting – without a swin- and societies, the scintillating social Even if we disagree, we are spurred comes from dissatisfaction. If you ers and sweep in to power...a pitiful gometer, I wouldn’t know where to life and the world-class education, do on to talk, to communicate, to engage stand up and make a choice and it party of pedants, pissants and penny- begin! And far be it from me to sug- you instead squeeze the pathos out and the collective human experience falls flat, then oh well. At least you pilferers? Oh dear. Will this be a case gest, advise or command you who of the mounting coursework, the mi- gets just that little bit richer. tried, and then any gripes, groans or of out of the frying pan and onto the should vote for. However, I do strong- nuscule free time and the suspiciously But when we start to complain grievances that you may bear can be griddle? ly suggest, earnestly advise and impe- lecherous lecturers? It is perverse but about things we can change, or could vented with impunity. No-one can re- Over the years, in an effort to ap- riously command that, whatever your we only feel good when we feel awful. have changed, things are not so pro- sent you for complaining when you’ve peal to more and more voters, the two political leaning, you do vote. It borders on masochism, the way ductive. Dialogue is generated but it ostensibly tried to change your world main parties have moved ever closer Some people may say that suffrage we derive pleasure from our own quickly turns sharp and accusatory. If for the better. to the political centre with each pass- is an essential human right and to ex- pain. On any given topic, it is cer- we feel so passionately, and if change Really, it is a win-win situation. If ing election. If they were to continue ercise it is imperative. Some people tain that someone can, and will, find or choice is possible, our opponents the election goes against you, you on their paths until Labour were con- may say that, for all its faults, democ- something wrong. Their criticisms cry, why are we complaining over can rant to your heart’s content in the servative and Conservatives were racy is the best form of governance don’t even have to be logically or a pint when we could be pursuing Union and if it goes for you then, hey, democratically socialist in some Mad that we have in this modern age and factually correct. If whinging was an something better. Why indeed? The you picked a winner! Personally, I’m Hatter’s Boston Tea Party, I’d be fine should be supported. Some people Olympic Event, we’d send a clutch answer is simple; action, any action, expecting a hung parliament which with that. But no, instead they both just have an unhealthy obsession with of Daily Mail columnists and come is difficult and vulnerable to failure. will mean, politically speaking, no- gravitate in the unhappy middle such signing little crosses in boxes. But as home with gold, silver and bronze. But if we don’t try then we can’t fail. one will be happy. that any real choice is rendered illu- for me, I say you should vote for the Most of the time, we choose to Moaning about our problems is infi- So really everyone can be happy! Angry Geek on Exhi-f*cking-bition Road “You may as well just switch the traffic lights off...let the cars find their own equilibrium ”

re the local Council out tion Road is laid out, because I’m about Lawn like a gigantic circus of bland- Caffeine. Caffeine and I had been over the course of the next six weeks. to get me? Are they de- as likely to find myself careering down ness, but on the plus side it means I’m casual, meet-up-once-a-week friends Me and my stomach lining are playing liberately reordering the it in a Lamborghini next week as I am less likely to be involved in a road traf- for the most of my degree, but the last Russian roulette to see which one of us A layout of Kensington’s to replace David Beckham as captain fic accident, and that’s probably a prov- six months have turned us into crazy caves in first from overconsumption of roads in order to flum- at the World Cup. If they want to re- erb or something. It’s definitely good, Olsen-Twins-film-style best friends, espresso. mox me as I move around the city? I verse the road markings, or make in- anyway. and we now meet up several times a In light of all this, don’t be surprised stepped out into Exhibition Road last dicating optional on ‘casual Fridays’ or The plan for this revision season is to day to discuss earrings, makeup and if you find yourself outside the Busi- week and found myself in a Tex Avery whatever, then that’s fine, but actually hollow out part of the wall in the Sci- why my life is now a pitiful drug-addled ness School in three weeks time play- cartoon, being run over by an endless directing cars the wrong way down a ence Museum library so that I can cre- shadow of what it was when I started at ing chicken with the cars and the road stream of buses driving in both direc- road so that they flank me like they’re ate a makeshift cocoon during the night Imperial. Oh, and boys. markings while screaming fundamen- tions down what had previously been a Boris Johnson’s 3rd Motorised Division using old Richard Dawkins books and Since most people seem to make tal theories to yourself, because after one-way road. Taking the time to dust is just screwed up. saliva as a sort of improvised papier light of the fact that they can’t function a few days of solid note-reading you’re myself down before having a piano And I know that won’t matter soon maché. Then in the morning I can without caffeine, I suppose I should be probably going to crave a bit of excite- dropped on me from a great height, I because it’s revision period and so most gnaw my way out, disgruntled at the making hilarious jokes about how comment in your life and nothing perks me noticed that this will be going on un- of us won’t be seeing any cars for two sensation of awakening with my face pletely incapable of thought or self- up like making taxi drivers think they’re til cocking May 2011. What in Christ’s months as we return to The Library, three inches from a copy of The God powered action I am without a cup of about to regret the last quip they made name for! No-one looks at road mark- the anti-Cheers where no-one knows Delusion, ready to begin a new life as a oily despair every morning, but in real- about pedestrians. ings anyway, you may as well just your name or gives a flying wazoo. And fresh-faced student who is already dy- ity it’s actually a sad tale of dependency On the offchance I don’t make it to switch the traffic lights off for a week yeah, that’s a little sad because the sun ing inside. and having to sneak away to the burly the Comment pages in the coming and let the cars find their own equilib- is out now, the clouds are bubbling up This year will be particularly inter- men and women dealing the drink weeks, remember - if they can’t read rium. It’s how nature intended. and the Wild Marquees are coming out esting, though, given that it’s my first down the shady alleyways of the JCR. your handwriting, they can’t mark you I could really give a toss how Exhibi- of hiding to make their nest on Queen’s year revising alongside my good friend I’m fairly sure it’s going to cripple me down. 12 felix FRIDAY 30 APRIL 2010 COMMENT [email protected] Adam Falk recommends voting for policies

“My main gripe is the Liberal Democrats’ current campaign strategy...”

’ve been at home now for a few it was funny… Anyway, as I have no real So by voting Lib Dem can we have the cies, Nick Clegg is manipulating peo- that they’ve had 13 years to do that, weeks; naturally I’ve spent a dis- opinions regarding the Volcano (except country as we want it? They’re going ple into thinking that he will genuinely any promises now just feel hollow after proportionately large amount its name, is there anyone at Imperial to abolish tuition fees and make all bring change. I realise that this is es- that. Of course, all of the parties prom- Iof my time on the Internet. You who can tell me how to pronounce it?) student loans into free grants instead? sentially what all political campaigning ises are just as much bollocks, but we have the few standard sites you I’ll rant about the election. Strange, I didn’t find that in their mani- is, but his way of making very vague know that Labour are just saying theirs check when you come online. If you re- I want it to be clear that I don’t care festo. Not that I looked. promises but assuring us that his party because of the election. ally have nothing else to do, you might which way you vote. All I want to do He went on to lambast the “Old Par- is different really grates on me. Anyway, enough ranting. We are go through them a second time, just in is espouse my opinions on what I’ve ties” for telling young people that their All of the parties are as guilty as each scientists so we should try to vote in a case you missed something. If you real- seen; by all means ignore them/write votes don’t count and that they’re wast- other though. David Cameron is being scientific way. Some sort of blind test ly don’t want to revise, you might resort a response telling me why I’m an idiot. ed if they don’t vote Tory or Labour. I particularly lazy; he looked at Ameri- where you just see policies and not to opening them all in separate tabs and I’m the first to admit I’m not normally don’t recall either Dave or Gordon tell- ca, saw that promising change worked whose they are, that would be good. just refreshing them. As a result of this, abreast of politics. I don’t even really ing me my vote didn’t count. I think there and has just adopted that. Of Chances are you’ve heard some poli- I’ve been able to keep alarmingly up-to- understand how our Parliament works, they both just said “Vote for me”. From course the Lib Dems scuppered his cies by now so you might recognise date with current affairs. During term I but that doesn’t mean I can’t scream my point of view, it seems that Nick plans by doing the same thing and be- them, but it’s better than nothing. wouldn’t know if a comet hit Scotland, opinions from the rooftops like every- Clegg is campaigning entirely on the coming serious contenders. The Tories I recommend everyone interested but over the last four weeks if a priest one else. fact that his party isn’t “Old”. Does that still say that their change is the bet- should go to http://voteforpolicies.org. molested a child half way around the My main gripe is the Liberal Demo- mean they’ll be any different? I sup- ter one. To determine the difference uk, which provides just that service. It world I’d have known in minutes. crats’ current campaign strategy. Fair pose we can’t really know unless they would actually require looking at their includes the policies of six parties: La- Naturally, I can’t have failed to miss play to them, they’ve done very well to get into power, but as much as they policies, which I’m trying to avoid at all bour, Conservative, Liberal Democrat, the only two stories for the last two make themselves a serious contender ensure me that they’re different, they costs. Green, UKIP and BNP. It gives you 9 weeks, Icelandic Volcano and ELEC- in the election. However, I saw Nick all look the same to me. Just because I don’t really know what Labour issues, of which you can choose which TION FEVER!!!1!!11eleven. I’m now Clegg on the news a few days ago ap- they haven’t had a chance to mess up are saying. I watched the first debate are most important to you and those going to fall into the trap of making a pealing to the “Young people/First yet doesn’t mean they won’t if we give though and David Cameron made are the areas where you compare the joke about the two. They could have time voters” portion of the electorate. them that chance. a good point. After Gordon Brown policies. The results are quite interest- just had the one headline for two weeks: He said repeatedly that young people I dislike this method of campaigning. promised some sort of reform (the ing, what have you got to lose? Revi- Things eject hot gas. My mum thought could shape the future of this country. Without actually mentioning any poli- house of Lords?) Dave pointed out sion time?

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FURTHER INFORMATION AND APPLICATION FORMS: Web: http://www3.imperial.ac.uk/registry/studentfinancialsupport/hardshipfund Email: [email protected] Telephone: 020 7594 8122 felix FRIDAY 30 APRIL 2010 13 SSciencecience EEditorsditors NathanNathan LLeyey & BBrigetterigette AAtkinstkins SCIENCE [email protected] Libel case against Simon Singh dropped Singh has won his battle against the BCA, but the war for libel reform is far from over, says Courtney Williams

n the 15th of April Simon ences to studies and statistics. How- position to the rest of the legal system. Singh, science writer ever, despite these credentials and the Cases can be long and costly, as Singh’s and Imperial alum- scientific basis of the article, the BCA was, and incredibly difficult to win. Closer to home O nus, received the long launched a libel case against Singh, cit- There are few alternatives to a full trial. overdue news that the ing the damage he had caused to their The laws don’t appear to have moved he recent spotlight on several libel cases British Chiropractic Association were reputation. with the times, either, and do not re- brought against scientists has generated bringing to an end the libel case they In May 2009 it was ruled that the flect the presence of the Internet as a pressure for libel reform. In light of the had brought against him. His crime? wording of Singh’s article implied the source of comment and discussion. In increased number of such cases and Writing an article, originally published BCA were being knowingly dishonest. addition, there is the phenomenon of Tbearing in mind Imperial conducts research which in the Guardian in 2008 and now back Having launched an appeal, on the 1st “libel tourism” - where foreign defend- may call to question the actions of others, Imperial online, which questioned claims made of April this year the Court of Appeal ants use British libel laws to silence College Union is submitting a paper to Council by chiropractors. ruled that his article counted as com- those who criticise them. Chiropractors claim to treat ill- ment, not fact, so he could use the fair It is important to remember that regarding the action the Union should take in nesses by manipulating the spine and comment defence. If this hadn’t been the case was won not through libel response to the demand for libel reform. neck. In his article, Singh criticised the case, it would have had great im- reform, but in spite of the libel laws The paper, available through the Union website, chiropractors, and the British Chiro- plications for others questioning the still in place, which Singh described was proposed by the president and outlines the practic Association (BCA), for saying claims of companies and organisations. in his statement on the Libel Reform Union’s view on the current state of UK libel laws, they could treat childhood conditions A precedent could have been set, mak- Campaign website as “the most noto- their possible effect on students of the college and the such as colic, asthma and ear infec- ing many more scientists and science riously anti-free speech libel laws in action the Union is proposing to take. In particular tions, despite there being “not a jot of journalists vulnerable to financially the free world”. Currently, the system the paper notes the libel cases brought against Simon evidence”. He also discussed the use of and emotionally draining libel cases. almost encourages cases such as the Singh and Ben Goldacre (The Guardian’s ‘Bad Science’ chiropractic techniques in curing back Although this case has cost Singh one brought against Singh, and thus columnist) and also expresses concern that ‘[current and neck problems, and the dangers dearly, both in terms of the time it has discourages free speech and stifles sci- libel law] has a chilling effect on scientific debate’ and involved. He cited the high incidence taken up and the amount it has cost ence, which is by its nature a system of adverse side effects and even fatali- him personally (two years and over dependent on criticism. This is why, the costs involved for anyone defending their wok in a ties associated with them in addition £100,000), some good has come from despite this victory, a great deal still libel case. The Union even feels some students may fall to the relative low rates of success. He it. Over 50,000 people have now signed needs to be done before we can say foul of these laws due to publications released from had recently published a book on the a petition asking for libel reform, and that our legal system truly allows free research courses they are on. topic with a former chiropractor, so the issues surrounding libel law in this speech. The Union proposes action be taken including should have been considered to be in a country have been brought to the fore- the lobbying for the support of MPs and College to good position to criticise the BCA. In front of discussion. Current British support libel reform and making students more aware his article, he referred to their claims libel laws consider a defendant guilty For more information visit of the issues surrounding UK libel law. as “bogus”, backing this up with refer- until proven innocent, in direct op- www.libelreform.org.

Image released in celebration of Hubble’s 20th year

BrigetteBrigette AtkinsAtkins Science Editor caused significant image blurring and had to be corrected in 1993 during the first of five servicing missions to the Saturday 24th April saw NASA cel- telescope so far. In 1994 the entire ap- 175,000 ebrate the 20th birthday of the Hubble paratus was shut down due to the fail- Space Telescope (HST) with the release ure of four out of six gyroscopes which mph of a picture taken by the telescope of allow Hubble to aim and 2003 saw the the Carina nebula. The image shows a space shuttle Columbia (one in a fleet The speed at which Hubble small part of one of the main regions of of shuttles which carried out servicing orbits above the Earth’s star birth in our galaxy. The section of on the telescope) break up upon re- atmosphere. the nebula pictured stands three light entry through the Earth’s atmosphere. years tall and is set to become one of As a result, future servicing missions Hubble’s more influential images, plac- were cancelled; being viewed as too ing it alongside the ‘Pillars of Creation’ risky with the aging shuttle fleet. Even in the Eagle nebula imaged by the tel- before its launch, the HST caused escope in 1995. To date Hubble’s mis- controversy. Robert O’Dell, found- sion of discovery has seen it aim itself ing project scientist explained many 8700 towards 30,000 celestial objects and astronomers at the time thought it produce over half a million images for better to build 20 larger ground based its archive. scopes than have one less powerful Papers have been published The history of Hubble however is orbiting telescope, despite the by astronomers using akin to the proverbial roll- er- image clarity Hubble would coaster. Launched in 1990 be able to provide as a re- Hubble making it on aboard the space shut- sult of being positioned of the most productive tle Discovery, it was a outside the Earth’s instuments in science matter of weeks before atmosphere. the first in a line of Regardless of problems for the these and vari- telescope re- ous other blips at the time of its launch was to accu- alised itself. in Hubble’s rately measure the age of the universe. An error in the history, the Not only did it achieve this but Hubble The image of the Carina nebular was taken earlier this year shape of Hubble’s project has has also collected data for investigat- primary mirror to been largely suc- ing galaxy formation and found evi- the order a fiftieth of cessful at increasing dence supporting the existence of dark The HST was named after astrono- build and stands at 43ft long. Having the width of a human our understanding of the matter, dark energy, black holes within mer Edwin Hubble who in the 1920’s already had its runtime increased, the hair produced an effect universe and has revolu- galaxies and exoplanets – before, oth- investigated the motion of galaxies HST is set to be in operation until 2014 known as spherical aberra- tionised modern astronomy. er planets orbiting other stars were a leading to the conclusion of an expand- when it is likely to be replaced by the tion. This spherical aberration One of the main aims of Hubble purely theoretical idea. ing universe. It cost over $10billion to James Webb Space Telescope. 14 felix FRIDAY 30 APRIL 2010

Business Editor Sina AtaherianAtaherian BUSINESS [email protected] What’s next for Britain’s economy? In felix’s last business section before the Election, the Parties’ economic and business policies are reviewed The Business Vote

he Conservatives’ recently has however won some support by of- ling tried that narrative for one last diminished lead may not fering to cut business rates (a tax on time before Election Day. He started be enough to overcome premises) for some businesses as part by painting the scene, talking of “the T Labour’s advantages in of the 2011 budget. deepest recession for over 60 years.” the current electoral sys- Then came the expected importance tem. A key swing vote in recent elec- of experience pitch, “Gordon and I tions has been that of small business “...none of this made, the decisions taken, would have owners. In 2010 they are a particularly a direct impact on businesses, on fami- important constituency because of the happened by lies, on jobs and incomes. Get them likely closeness of the race. The Econo- right and we had the chance of stop- mist reported last week that “about accident. It ping the economy, here at home and 6,000 voters in each constituency are internationally, sliding to disaster. Get sole traders or own small businesses.” was because them wrong and the cost would be In marginal seats, that can make all the paid by businesses and families right difference. of deliberate across our country.” Labour will need to recoup ground lost Not one to leave his audience on a with these voters by their proposed in- choices made cliff-hanger, they were soon told how crease in national insurance tax. It is pre- it all ended: “I was right.” Mr Darling dicted to raise £6 billion for The Treas- by this Labour put almost every major debate in mod- ury, but the Federation of Small Business ern political economy to rest, declar- predicts it will destroy 57,000 jobs. Government“ - ing that he had been proven right by It came as little surprise then, that “the record.” He accused the Tories of Shadow Chancellor George Osborne’s Alistair Darling being motivated by “ideology,” holding promise last month to ditch the hike “embarrassing” views and advocating was warmly greeted by business lead- “policies which will put at risk the re- ers. In fact, 23 heads of major UK com- With voters likely to take strong covery the country has worked so hard panies, later joined by another 45, had anti-political feelings into the polls to deliver. Policies which will threaten already written to the Daily Mail ask- with them on May 6th, Labour has your job, your living standards and the ing the Government to reconsider. been struggling to use its incumben- public services on which millions of The Tories will still keep the tax cy to its advantage on the experience families depend.” hike for those earning above a cer- argument. But some of his comments will prove tain threshold. This limits the appeal It has been trying to argue that since less controversial, claiming, “none of of their counter-proposal. But at least it has greater recent executive expe- this happened by accident. It was be- they avoided patronising business rience, it is better suited to pull the cause of deliberate choices made by leaders as Gordon Brown did two country out of its current economic this Labour Government.” You would weeks ago by asserting that if only they situation. not have known it, but he was – with understood national insurance tax, In a speech in Edinburgh last a perfectly straight face – referring to they would support the hike. Labour Wednesday, Chancellor Alistair Dar- the strength of the Labour economy. Brown, Clegg (above) and Cameron (below) are going head-to-head

Big Society At a glance - comparing the three major political parties The Conservatives’ Big Idea for this election has come to be what they call Labour the “Big Society.” It is difficult to know - Increase income tax to 50% on earnings over £150,000 what to make of it, for several reasons. Firstly, it is odd that they are tak- - Pledge not to increase income tax ing such a risk by trying to introduce - One-off tax on bankers’ bonuses voters to unusual thinking when they - Work internationally to introduce a “global levy” on financial services have a clear lead in the polls. Also, this seems a distinctively un-Conservative - Break up banks in which the Government currently has a controlling stake vision. The Big Society idea comes - Set up a fund to channel £4bn of public and private investment into firms after years of internal disputes over - Raise threshold of support for company takeovers to two-thirds of shareholders core philosophy, and seems aimed at the contemporary middle classes – a firmly Statist demographic according Conservatives to polls, unlike say twenty years ago. - Raise Inheritance Tax threshold to £1m Some of the more bizzare parts of - Scrap Labour’s planned 1% national insurance rise for people earning less than £35,000 the Tories’ Big Society include using “the latest insights from behavioural - Scrap Stamp Duty for first-time buyers on homes up to £250,000 economics to encourage people to do- - Two-year council tax freeze nate more time and money to charity” - Freeze public sector pay for one year in 2011 and setting up a “Big Society Bank” and celebrating “Big Society Day.” But most of this plan is about the State taxing Liberal Democrats citizens, but then letting charities and - Raise the threshold income at which people start paying income tax to £10,000 per year “social enterprises” spend the money. There are two main reasons offered - Impose “mansion tax” on the value of properties over £2m against State interference in general: - Increase capital gains tax to bring it into line with income tax the motivations of the interfering bu- - Set a £400 pay rise cap for all public sector workers reaucrat and the impossibility of ra- tional decision making in the absence - Introduce a banking levy until banks’ retail and investment arms are separated of price information. The Big Society - Limit the length of “non-domiciled” status to seven years may be interpreted as the Tories un- - Force regulators to consider the “public interest” when assessing takeover bids derstanding the former point but still being unconvinced of the latter. felix FRIDAY 30 APRIL 2010 15

Music Editors: Alexandra Ashford, Kadhim Shubber & Luke TurnerTurner MUSIC Online Editor: Christopher WalmsleyWalmsley [email protected] www.felixmusic.tk

They’re apparently releasing an A glorious London acoustic album in July (eek) and promoting it with a series of gigs in summer for music lovers churches. Until then they’re busy selling Field Day clouded over the festivals debut should When & Where: out The Forum, be completely ironed out. Aside from but I won’t be the music, the festival aims to have satisfied until This one dayer in the heart of London’s some sort of village fete vibe offering Victoria Park E3 they give out East End should definitely be on your ‘rural fayre,’ which is all very quaint 31st July complementary radar if your looking for a suitable fes- although one can hope that it won’t £33.33 curries at their tival for your indie or electro needs. smell of manure. It’s reasonably priced More Info and Full Lineup shows. This will be the fourth annual event, at £33.33, which I guess is also nice if http://fielddayfestivals.com/ and by now the logistical issues that you’ve got a fetish for thirds. (right) Lead singer Jack Steadman at The Forum Who: // Photo by Christopher Headlining the main stage is french Walmsley synth poppers Phoenix along with veteran post-punk act The Fall. Further down the bill is Imperial Alumnus Caribou who will be sure to swirl out some fine IDM beats from his latest album ‘Swim’, and Lightspeed Champion will also feature. Electro-heads will be probably be drawn to Bugged Out’s very own stage that will feature some fine glitches, pulses and warbles from acts like Simian Mobile Disco, Fake Blood, Bombay Bicycle Club and Chilly Gonzales. There are three other stages with The principle of ‘Survival of The Fittest’ holds as true for indie notable acts including the lofi noise music as it does for the natural world. While weaker indie-pop of No Age, the looping acoustic bands have crumbled beneath the weight of their own medi- samples of Atlas Sound, and probably ocrity, Bombay Bicycle Club have rightfully emerged from the something a bit mental from These NME indie hype-fest as a band with real talent and more than New Puritains who cite the smurfs as a few fantastic songs. Are they pioneering? No. Are they great one of their influences. French synth poppers Phoenix headline the main stage to listen to? Definitely. - Kadhim Shubber

Wireless Festival When & Where: Live Review: themes of his songs remind me of Os- ‘Long Live the Queen’, about a friend car Wilde, focused on ideas of enjoying who died and told him (as the cho- Frank Turner life to the fullest (‘Yes I’m definitely go- rus goes) ‘You’ll live to dance another Hyde Park plays host to this three day Hyde Park W1 ing to hell, but I’ll have all the best sto- day, it’s just now you have to dance festival on the 2nd-4th July, and boasts 2nd-4th July ★★★★★ ries to tell’), and come from the heart. for the two of us’ we warm to Turner an eclectic mix of new and established £110 (3 day ticket) Maybe it was the crowd’s response to for his obvious love for his friends, acts. There is only one stage however, More Info and Full Lineup his songs – the fans knew every word and we sing along with his lyrics for so some lineup scrutiny might be re- Frank Turner surprises me. His re- off by heart; the audience jumped, their obvious love of life. Some artists quired, although there are beer gar- corded work is remarkably unre- pumped their fists, and even moshed are interested in turning themselves dens and chill out areas to compliment markable, a kind of folk-rock, singer- the evening away. into stars. Turner on the other hand the music. songwriter mash-up that leaves a lot But, for me the most fascinating scoffs at this behaviour, and is all the to be desired. Yet despite this, and the thing about ‘the real Frank Turner’ is more charming because of it. As his fact I did not know a single one of his how easy it is to relate to him. Whether lyrics go ‘there’s no such thing as rock Who: songs prior to the show, Frank Turner it be Frank asking his good friend Dan stars, there’s just people who play quite simply blew me away. to accompany him on stage while he music, and some of them are just like Maybe it was the passion with sang a song written about the guy, or us, and some of them are dicks’. Friday is a wholey poppy affair, head- which Turner performed – the to tell us the story behind the song - Mariam Zahedi lined by Pink and other acts including the Ting Tings, The Gossip and Plan B. Saturday is a traditionally more dance orientated day; this year it is Rufus Wainwright was considered a way of coping with headlined by LCD Soundsystem with his mother’s imminent death. Al- 2manydj’s, DJ Shadow, UNKLE and All Days Are Nights: though a biased super-fan of Rufus, Missy Elliott also featuring. Snoop this album is sublime. It screams of Dogg is also listed as a special guest. Songs for Lulu the melancholy drama of his recent Sunday has the epic Jay Z along with French opera, however it manages to Lily Allen, Friendly Fires and Guitar maintain its emotional and personal legend mophead Slash. There is a bit Close to 3 years after the release of his element with references to his part- of variation with Chase and Status, last album ‘Release the stars’, Rufus ner Jorn and his sister Martha. This Chipmunk and Mr Hudson so per- Wainwright returns to his solo piano- is unlike anything he has produced haps this is the most eclectic day. playing roots with ‘Songs for Lulu’. before and really showcases his lyri- The album serves as a tribute to his cal talent as well as his piano playing late mother, folk singer Kate McGar- ability. Favourite song on the album: rigle and the time alone with his piano The Dream. - Emily Beech Previews by Christopher Walmsley LCD Soundsystem are headlining Metric Stage THE NOISETTES PLAN B TINIE TEMPAH Quad Marquee JO WHILEY Dance Arena SCRATCH PERVERTS BREAKAGE STAMINA MC

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20 felix FRIDAY 30 APRIL 2010 Film Editor Ed Knock FILM [email protected] The most powerful film of the year

tions and though she initially reacts to Samson and Delilah this with utmost disgust, her real feelings are much more mutual. After they Director Warwick Thornton both endure brutality in their village, Screenwriter Warwick Thornton Samson steals a car and whisks Deliah Cast Rowan McNamara, Marissa away to Alice Springs where they tragi- Gibson cally suffer worse treatment. The strength of the film lies in the performances of its two young stars EdEd KKnocknock Film Editor (Rowan McNamara and Marissa Gib- son). With no previous acting experience, they manage to express all the Whilst the majority of cinema is typi- necessary emotions without a big cally for pure enjoyment, occasionally script. In fact the dialogue is so mini- a film arrives which intends to pro- mal that Samson only utters one word voke debate about current affairs. The in the whole film – his name, which he ‘kitchen sink’ dramas made famous by barely manages to do anyway. Ken Loach and chums in the 60’s come Thornton, who is already a celebrat- to mind and more recently, troubles in ed cinematographer, decides to let the Africa have been highlighted by films film’s visuals and sound track speak such as Hotel Rwanda and The Con- in place of the sparse screenplay. You stant Gardener. The atmosphere of can almost smell the wretched heat Samson and Delilah is certainly un- of the desert which seems to burn a pleasant and is at times almost over- sense of hopelessness into its inhabit- powered by the bittersweet relation- ants’ minds. The monotony of village ship at the heart of the story. life is reflected in the steady Ska beats This debut from Australian director of Samson’s brothers’ band, who spend Warwick Thornton portrays the mis- sunrise to sunset playing the same mel- erable existence some Aborigines have odies every day. In contrast, the dan- to endure in the outback, set against a gerous world of the city is further em- bizarre love story between two youths. bellished by ominous sounds whereas Samson awakes every morning with Samson can only exhibit his rebellious his head inside a tin of glue; high off spirit by listening to rock music. the fumes, he endures his mundane life The series of hardships and (out- by irritating his brothers and throwing rage) the pair encounter become ever and ashamed at what they are watch- Aborigine custom of cutting their hair to Samson and there’s only so much rocks at kangaroos. Delilah, on the more shocking and intentionally never ing. The suffering of Aborigines has when in mourning: whether Thornton misery an audience can endure. If your other hand, has been entrusted with make easy viewing. The only person long been a controversial topic in Aus- is mourning for his people is unclear. faith in human nature isn’t ruined by the welfare of her grandmother and who shows the protagonists any com- tralian politics and Thornton, who is The apathetic white citizens of Alice the end then you must be a saint. But they spend their days painting tradi- passion is a bridge-dwelling tramp Aborigine himself, presents a rather Springs may seem a disgrace to cosy don’t shy away from this film because tional canvasses only to be exploited by who shares his meagre food rations. negative picture of Aborigine life. He viewers in the UK but we would display of its difficult subject matter, it’s chal- the white shopkeeper who sells their Though an opportunity of hope is of- claims it is a film of questions and he the same behaviour in their situation lenging to watch and, once you’ve work for massive profit. Deliah soon fered at the end, Warwick Thornton doesn’t present any answers. The film isn’t without its faults. It’s recovered, a thoroughly rewarding becomes the target for Samson’s affec- compels the audience to feel disgusted The Biblical title is a reference to the hard to understand Delilah’s devotion experience. A great slow-burning thriller Exam Stress Relief

and capitalism. ing about Polanski here and he brings The Ghost After his predecessor dies in mys- his trademark delicate pacing to con- Director Roman Polanski terious circumstances, a ghostwriter struct an intricate web of conspiracies. Screenwriter Robert Harris (Ewan McGregor) is hired to complete There are no Jason Bourne style ac- Cast Ewan McGregor, Pierce Brosnan, the memoirs of ex-prime minister tion scenes or conveniently placed plot Kim Cattrall, Olivia Williams Adam Lang (Pierce Brosnan), who is twists. Pierce Brosnan is perfect as the under suspicion for committing war arrogant ex-PM and Olivia Williams is crimes during a ‘War on Terror’. The wonderful as his seemingly innocent ghostwriter (he is never named) soon wife. Ewan Mcgreggor is on form as EEdd KKnocknock Film Editor finds himself drawn into a conspiracy the unfortunate protagonist, an aver- Iron Man 2 which could have far-reaching conse- age man who reluctantly unveils the Robert Downey Junior dons quences for those involved. aforementioned mysteries. the crimson super suit in a Infamously finished whilst Roman The parallels between Brosnan’s The bleak landscape of coastal North Robin Hood second helping of high-tec Polanski was languishing under Swiss character and Tony Blair are inten- Germany (substituting for New Eng- Russell Crowe discards the ass-kicking. imposed house-arrest (perfect timing tional with references made to Iraq, land) helps create an alien environ- to break their tradition of neutrality!), his close relationship with the USA ment of politics and the dire situation tights for a serious take on Perfect for: comic book geeks The Ghost is the latest in the recent and his showman style of politics. This the protagonist finds himself in. The the legend...with WWII trend of political thrillers that prey on could be used as a gimmick by a less- Ghost is a must watch for those bored beach landing craft? the current distrust of modern politics experienced director, but we are talk- of adrenalin fuelled action films. Perfect for: history buffs The A-Team Finally it has arrived. I don’t know why we’re excited, the original was before our time and frankly a bit shit. Perfect for: your Dad felix FRIDAY 30 APRIL 2010 21 [email protected] FILM An Interview with Warwick Thornton Film Editor Ed Knock meets the new director who is causing ripples of excitement across the Film World

arwick Thornton “How did you find Marissa and Row- has sprung out of an, did you go out looking for nonpro- nowhere to be- fessional actors?” W come the new dar- Again, Warwick talks about his tal- ling of the world of ent cast with a sense of endearment. independent film. With a bag full of “Yeh, I wrote the film knowing I would awards from his native Australia and be looking in communities around a film short-listed for the Oscars, he Central Australia for these two kids. I looks set to become a prominent direc- needed back up, I needed two kids who tor of this century. Samson and Deli- had experienced the type of story that lah has created debate in his homeland Samson and Deliah go through. They and highlighted problems that politi- were both thirteen when we made the cians probably want to pretend don’t film and it’s thirteen years of research exist. He casually enters the room, and rehearsal for the part; they had a where a small group of journalists have total understanding when reading the gathered. “Okay, how are we going to script of what was going on.” change the World guys?” He quips, running his hands through a shaggy mane of hair, “Did anyone bring a po- An unpleasant date tato salad?”. The room laughs nervously, everyone knows that the questions with the hairdresser the film raises have no room for light hearted humour. We ask after what the children are doing now. “They’re both sixteen, they’re teenagers - I dunno what the I could have been a fuck they’re doing.” He explains in a deadpan manner. He elaborates fur- contender! ther, Marissa is set on attending university and is learning Japanese, how- “Have you changed the World for ever Rowan is still getting into trouble, the Aborigine community with your unsure what to do with his life. War- film?” Someone quickly replies. War- wick assures us though that they will wick gazes contemplatively for a few you know that’s the beauty of World “No, first film they’d ever done” We’ve changed from lead-based pet- be supported in anything they want to seconds, Cinema, some of the most beautiful “How did you go about working with rol to the one that if you try and sniff do . “Yeah I dunno, its a film full of ques- films have really made me a better hu- them in terms of drawing out their it, gives you a really bad headache. “How did you persuade that poor lit- tions not answers. It was on purpose to man being. Films from Outer Mongo- performances?” There’s a darker side to that now too, tle girl to make herself ugly?” Someone lia and London, you embrace them and “You can teach. If their mind is open people are bringing in lead-based pet- cheekily inquires. you can use those films to become a enough you can teach anybody to act, rol and selling them for about 10 dol- “Right from the beginning I said “Every screening better human being essentially.” War- you know to find that character you lars a litre to kids, like drug dealers in Marissa, we’re gonna have to cut your wick speaks inarticulately, he appears need. The first step is to draw along your a sense. hair off and give you black eyes. She has been really to be a true filmmaker - letting the film own personal experiences and emotions. When Delilah is beaten for her had incredibly beautiful hair but right speak for him instead of words. It is ob- That’s the stuff you want to do on set grandmothers death, is that something from the beginning she was like “Okay, positive and people vious that there is no pretentious moti- when you’re making the film. With Row- that goes on? I don’t mind, I’m going to be the star of vation behind Samson and Delilah. an; he actually is a cheeky, wiry little mad “Yeh that scene I’m kinda talking to this movie.” Before the scene she asked “Were you sad not to make it into kid, so he kinda owns a bit of Samson it my own mum about. There’s parts of do I really have to cut my hair off. We seem to write really the final five [of the Oscar Best Foreign that respect. Marissa in real life is this indigenous law and culture in Central said yep, and we’re going to cut it really Film category]?” absolute Mother Earth, nurturing type Australia which I think maybe aren’t bad and you’re going to look terrible. beautiful things “Oh totally. I have to be truthful, you of being and that’s what I was looking relevant today. In precolonial times, She understood that you traditionally make your first film and then you’re up for when casting the film. All I had to do younger kids were not given but con- cut your hair off when you’re grieving. about [the film]” for up for contention for an Oscar and after that, was make them feel incredibly nected to ailing older elders. Their We compromised and gave her a ‘Posh it’s had such a beautiful run whether positive about who they are as Rowan job was to look after them because Spice’ hair cut but she understood the do that. I don’t have answers, by creat- we got in or not. A lot of people have and Marissa, not Samson and Delilah. So they get to that point where they can’t process of the journey for Delilah and ing questions someone might have an seen the film and liked it but that that when they did stand in front of the hunt. The elder would transfer all the that it needed to be done properly. answer. Its a step forward.” His heavy would have been the absolute icing on camera, they had the energy and respect knowledge, songs and all the secret Samson and Delilah shares aesthet- Aussie drawl carries an air of honesty. the cake wouldn’t it?” We receive the for themselves and they could play any laws to that child. That’s the traditional ics and subjects similar to previous “What’s the response been from the obvious answer. character.” When Warwick talks about way and it still happens today as you Australian films such as Walkabout community?” the children, you can almost see the can see when Delilah paints with her and The Proposition and I was interest- “There’s been a lot of shock, but eve- pride shining from his face. grandmother and learns the traditional ed to hear where Warwick had taken rybody loves the film in that sense. It’s A little more songs. But if you didn’t look after that his inspiration from. a hard film, a dark film but people kin- elder person and she died you received “Walkabout is way before my time, da go: if that’s the way it is, it’s fantastic conversation? Australia, it’s not a beating, that was the traditional way I’ve never been much of a cinema goer to have that door opened, to see it and in a sense (‘in a sense’ appears to be his think about it.” It’s apparent that he With questions on the film’s success all about barbies catchphrase’). I watched Walkabout feels a little uncomfortable becoming exhausted, another person asks about “When Warwick when I was twenty five; I never watched a new campaigner for the Aborigines. films content itself. “There is not much on the beach. it again so it’s not like I know it back to “How surprised have you been by the dialogue between the characters. How front. I take inspiration from all over the international reaction?” Someone else did the story turn out, was that due to I was now interested in what expe- talks about the shop, Terrence Malick for example. inquires. their performances?” riences the film had emerged from. The interview soon draws to a close. “Very, very surprised. We were very “Massive amount, you know what “Was the film based on any of your children, you can Along the way we had a small discus- proud of the film when we finished it, I mean. It’s still a ninety page script, personal experiences?” I asked. sion about Australian politics, which actually having it screened, this is what even though it didn’t have much dia- “Yeh I grew up in that town, in Alice almost see the I felt wasn’t necessary for inclusion in we set out to do. Every screening has logue so every little nuance, every lit- Springs and I left school when I was the interview (as did Warwick). Sam- been really positive and people seem tle look, every step is written into the thirteen and I spent a lot of time at pride shining from son and Delilah is a provocative film to write really beautiful things about it” actual script and so it was a lot more night on the streets. There is nothing but it is a very personal one for War- “Are planning on taking the film to demanding on them in that respect. I in Samson and Delilah I haven’t seen his face.” wick, and I have learned that it wasn’t the States?” couldn’t use words like ‘Im happy, I’m personally in the town. I made sure a piece of exploitation cinema to put “A limited release, the last place to sad, I’m angry’ like we do a lot in cin- that I didn’t write anything I hadn’t and still happens today. Delilah did himself in the spotlight. He is a prom- buy it was North America. I don’t ema to get narrative plots across. They seen in that sense, so that no one could look after her grandmother very well ising director with a bold vision and know if it sold because it got into the actually had to act angry, sad, happy tell me that this film isn’t true. and she still got a beating and that’s a unique style. If Samson and Delilah finals of the Oscars. We’re in negotia- which was incredibly demanding on “So is solvent abuse quite a big prob- tragedy and travesty in the film. Is this was his warm-up act, I can’t imagine tions about that kinda stuff at the mo- the two kids.” lem?” I press on. still right? Is this still current to who how great the future films he will pro- ment. It would be great to show them, “Had they acted before?” “It was, its not that bad anymore. we are today?” duce are going to be. 22 felix FRIDAY 30 APRIL 2010 Fashion Editor KaKawaiwai WWong,ong, Saskia VVerhagenerhagen FASHION [email protected]

Welcome Rid of the stress pimples

Saskia and KKawaiawai WongWong But the myth is true: the more hy- skincare products. drated your skin is, the less your skin Finally, moisturising is not to be produces natural grease to prevent skipped. This helps to manage the Charlotte! o one likes facial indi- water loss. excess secretion of sebum. The epit- Fashion Editor cators, especially when Adopt a mild cleansing routine. ome of a good moisturiser is one that KKawaiawai WWongong they are stress induced Strangely enough, a mild water-based leaves no ‘sticky residue’. N and flare in a raffish hand moisturiser works best. Any greasy or plasticky trail that is crimson colour plus the Work a dollop of the moisturiser - left on your skin will clog pores. Gar- Hello and welcome! After a brief eyes as I walked past rails and rails of formidable pus. plus a dash of water - on your face as nier’s Daily Regenerating Moisturiser hiatus, we are back, charged with clothes. There was no Mark Fast! What Many assail these unsightly spots you normally would with a face wash. is a soft water-based moisturiser that ammunition. a con! with an antediluvian regime – anti- The dirt is dissolved in the hydropho- contains essential elements for your During the Easter Holiday, our new Then a helpful shop assistant came blemish face wash, scrubs, benzoyl bic part of the moisturiser. Then, rinse skin. Fashion and Beauty Editor, Saskia to my rescue. It turned out that Mark peroxide creams, toothpaste... until the skin feels fresh. Blot dry with Its formula is simple and leaves your Verhagen, and Charlotte Morris have Fast’s garments have just arrived ear- I have experienced the cherry blos- a clean hand towel. skin looking mattified and clear. discussed our way forward as a fash- lier that morning, and they remained som before and I know that having Using this method, the taut skin af- If you’re willing to push the boat ion team. In the future, there will be a in the back, unboxed. acne can feel like a debilitating dis- ter a wash is replaced with a supple out, Chanel’s Hydramax+ Active Se- regular beauty column, as well as excit- I described my dream skirt. Miracu- ease. Fortunately, I have found a re- and comfortable feeling. Try Vase- rum gives you all the moisture you ing features that will no doubt be very lously, the man agreed to go to the back gime that works for me. So if you are a line’s Aloe Vera Intensive Care Body need for the day. engaging! and do a quick ransack for me! step short of applying sulphuric acid, Lotion. If you have access to an aloe vera So, if you have any ideas or feedback Although the skirt was non-existent, read on. The skincare sequence is normally plant, apply a thin layer of its jelly for us, feel free to write to us at the a dress variation was available for pur- It is common knowledge that acne wash, tone and moisturise. If you have content as a face mask. Leave it on for email address above. chase. I gingerly took the dress in my is caused by blocked pores. This is breakouts, skip toner altogether. As 15 minutes. I also went to Bicester Village, the arms, petting it. My imagination had caused by the a toxic cocktail of se- toners are not wiped away after appli- Aloe vera has remarkable hydrating heaven for the high fashion cheap- perfected the dress in so many dimen- bum and dead cells. The most com- cation, the tiniest stimulant can result complexes that will leave your skin skates during the holiday. sions... I was looking for a silky and mon home treatment is to engage in angry eruptions. This is because immediately hydrated and refreshed. I went there on the opening day of soft texture. The reality was more of with a harsh cleansing soap, as well as toners usually contain alcohol – the Rinse off the excess residue with wa- the British Fashion Council’s pop-up a rough, strawy sensation. I was still abstaining from moisturisers. primary stimulant in cosmetics and ter and dry with hand towel. store. The shop is inconspicous com- electrified, nonetheless. pared to the big bad signs of Dolce & The size 0 phenomenon hit home Gabbana and Burberry alike. Blink and in the fitting room. I can barely fit my VASELINE GARNIER CHANEL you’ll miss it! thighs into the dress. The dress was so ALOE VERA REGENERATING HYDRAMAX As I stepped into the shop, I could tiny that I wonder how many women BODY LOTION MOISTURISER ACTIVE SERUM feel my credit card twitching in my in real life can manoeuvre into it with £2.45/200ML £8.99/50ML £56/30ML purse. BFC has promised 50% reduc- ease and grace? tions on almost all merchandise from The Erdem rail was disappointing Mark Fast, Erdem, Jean-Pierre Bragan- too. But I was assured by the staff that Use this hand lotion This light This intense za and many more. the designers send in new stock every as a facewash. moisturiser doesn’t moisturising I had my eyes fixed on the Mark Fast week, that I should keep coming back. The remarkable leave any trail of serum has a few skirt that I moaned about a few edito- Shame I live about 100 miles away. ingredients dissolve residue on your new patent on its rials back. An embroidered piece from As I left the shop disappointed, the dirt and grease, face. The hydrating ingredient list. The Erdem was worth an investment too. credit card breathed a sigh of relief. It leaving your face ingredients leave active moisturising Mark Fast, Mark Fast... I squinted my has survived another battle. feeling clean and your face feeling complex will satisfy comfy. mattified all day. the driest of skin.

Bust exam stress in style Dressing Time-out Hydration Exams are here and stress is riding high. Here are Saskia Verhagen ‘s ways to de-stress.

Stay active Snacking

Even though time is scarce and many Choose energy-rich foods – fresh Comfort, comfort, comfort. A couple of hours of doing something All-important – coffee or Red Bull is feel compelled to revise instead of or dried fruit is just as good as a Luckily enough, comfort is one of you fancy isn’t going to make or break fine for when you need that quick extra sleep, the building up of excess stress chocolate hobnob (guilty) but much the dominant themes this season. your exam result. boost, but water is generally what you can reduce your mental flexibility. healthier. Thanks goes out to Alexander Wang, Boost your energy by taking a short need to avoid revision-induced head- Rid of those stiff shoulder muscles by Also, the ridiculous library thermo- who has made jersey trousers and high stroll, doing a few stretches or taking aches and lethargy. doing simple stretches at home. If pos- stat plus excessive chocolate intake school hoodies forgivable for this very a 15 minutes power nap. While we’re on the topic, use caf- sible, find 15-20 minutes a day to do a leads to inevitable spotty study-leave summer. Elena de Cortes, masseuse and aro- feine wisely. The chemical can provide quick run, a few sit-ups etc. skin. For me, comfort means plenty of matherapist, offers discounts for Im- a surge of energy and concentration, Once you sweat it all out, you’ll feel Head to Snog the Frozen Yoghurt loose-fitting cotton jersey; lots of lay- perial students at her practice at the but like any drugs it can also give you infinitely better. Refreshed and ener- shop near South Kensington station. ers which can be removed or replaced Imperial College Health Centre. A lit- a comedown. So either continually use gised, you can go for miles longer! The friendly millieu and the revitalis- as appropriate for the Saharan climes tle massage does wonders! Refreshed the stimulant to sustain that energy Besides, the serotonin keeps your ing frozen yoghurt plus fresh fruits of the 5th floor or the late-night cold, and motivated , you are ready to start level or... spirits up. After all, revision can be long will give you an instant energy boost. blustery winds on your walk home. work with more energy than before. Drink plenty of water! and tedious. felix FRIDAY 30 APRIL 2010 23

Food Editors Chris Sim & Holly Cumbers FOOD [email protected] Wine and dine under the Pear Tree Pubs aren’t the usual location for Chris Sim to have a sit-down meal, though this pub may have swayed his opinion

ub dinners. I don’t do them up was a white onion tart with goats’ bring everything together. that often. Not that I don’t cheese and salad which was probably To finish off our meal, a couple of like the food. Nor is it that the pick of the first courses. It possessed memorable desserts made their way to I don’t like the atmosphere. a good balance of sweet caramelised our table. The home-made banoffee pie It just never occurs to me to tones from the onion, rich buttery notes had an excellent balance of sweet toffee Pdeliberately go to a pub for a proper from the pastry and an injection of salti- and banana, held together by the des- sit-down meal. Combining the two ness from the cheese. The duck rillettes sert’s delicious gooeyness. Even better just isn’t my usual cup of Earl Grey. with salami, red onion marmalade and than this, however, was the chocolate Ok, once in a while when a big game bread was satisfying but a stronger terrine. It was pretty diminutive, but is on I’ll have some chips with a beer. duck punch was needed to compete both myself and my diners only needed And yes, I do love the places which with the sweet marmalade. The mus- a small helping to experience the full on, do proper hand cut chips complete sels in a white wine sauce had the right divinely rich chocolate-truffle-esque with skin and all. And once every blue flavour combinations, but the freshness nature of this dish. moon I’ll have a burger with those of the shell dwellers was not quite up to The portion sizes were agreeable for fried potato accompaniments. But standard. the price, around £5 for a starter, £9-10 with gastropubs around London re- The mains were also of a pleasantly sat- for a main and £4 for desserts. We ac- ceiving some well deserved praise I isfying standard. Their Aberdeen angus companied our meal with a refreshing thought I’d break this old habit and a beef burger met my expectations, being bottle of Rosé, which, at £15 I thought visit to a recently renovated pub by the full of meaty tones and oozing gorgeous was quite fair. Service was attentive by name of The Pear Tree with some seri- beefy juices, and was also of a size which pub standards though the courses could ous foodie intentions. could actually fit in my mouth without have left the kitchen a tad quicker. So to Traditional British pub décor and an having to crush its environment of fresh conclude, I feel that the Pear Tree did absence of pretence were the first things bun, lettuce and tomato. Many of the help me to consolidate those two oc- that struck me as I entered, features accompanying chips were slightly over- casions which are normally separate in which agreed well with me. Slightly dis- fried; however those that were cooked my own eyes: a satisfying meal within a appointing though was that our table to perfection possessed a harmonious pleasant pub setting. was situated in the main area of the pub equilibrium of fluffy centre and crunchy and not the dining area, and whilst one exterior. Also escorted with a side of could say this gives an added element chips was a sirloin steak with red wine of atmosphere to a meal – it meant our sauce. The quality of the steak itself was conversations had to be conducted at of a pretty high standard and, whilst the Food: 8.0 slightly higher volumes. red wine sauce had a level of richness, it Pleasingly, the menu is changed regu- was slightly too sweet. Probably the best Value: 7.0 larly by the owners and the dishes on of- main was the salmon fillet with crushed fer appealed not only to those desiring new potatoes, fennel and purple sprout- Service: 7.0 a heavy portion of red meat, but also to ing broccoli. No faults were in evidence Ambience: 6.5 those who wish to go for the healthier here: well cooked potatoes, nicely sea- option of fish or vegetarian dishes. The soned vegetables and fresh, perfectly Overall: 7.25/10 starters provided a prelude to what was pan fried salmon, though it could have to be a wholly satisfying meal. First done with a touch more fennel to really The Pear Tree’s welcoming exterior is definitely matched by its cosy interior

You’d be surprised how interesting Canarian cuisine can be... Chris Sim definitely did not regret bringing his tastebuds to these much-stigmatised Spanish islands…

efore I left for the Canary esting potatoes in the world. Known ar syrup, cinnamon and egg yolks. Islands, or Las Canarias as papas arrugadas, or wrinkly pota- Whilst being too rich to eat on its in Spanish, I must admit toes, they are simply seed potatoes own, its sweetness balanced by the that I considered leaving (smaller and much sweeter than new nutty and earthy tones are great my tastebuds at home. So potatoes, probably the first type of when smothered on plain foods like Bwhat preconceptions led me to think potatoes brought to Europe from crackers or toast. of such radical action? I thought of the Americas) slowly boiled, rubbed And the fun didn’t stop there for Western European tourists choosing lightly with sea salt and casually myself and my symbiotic travel bud- to be imprisoned in their hotels or drizzled on with two delightful sauc- dies, for we were fortunate enough bronzing on the jam-packed beaches. es. The first is mojo picante, a slightly to visit a Canarian winery, where we I thought of cultureless bars erod- spicy sauce containing olive oil, spicy were treated to a memorable gastro- ing the Spanish flair and traditions. paprika, cumin and lemon juice. Lose nomic experience. Our meal had too I thought of classic Spanish cuisine the paprika and add some mild cori- many great dishes to mention, but being carelessly adapted to the tastes ander, and you’ve got mojo verde. my favourite was a large plate lined of other Europeans. This last point, The former can really give a mild with sashimi-style octopus tentacles, I thought, was surely too unbearable heaty kick, while the latter is a fan- thinly sliced and smothered with ex- for the sensory organs on my tongue. tastic embodiment of fresh flavours. tra virgin olive oil, accompanied by Fortunately for my tastebuds, These really do put our everyday the perfect amount of local (much easyJet didn’t charge extra for bring- roast potatoes to shame. Supremely cheaper than the Russian) caviar. ing them on the three-hour flight to sweet and fluffy in the middle, salty The freshness of the octopus was in- these picturesque islands northwest on the exterior, and when combined credible, and its sweet flavour of the of the African coast. So I decided to with the mojo sauces; well, it’ll do sea even more so. bring them along. And upon leav- your ‘mojo’ a world of good. The next So, after all, I guess my tastebuds ing the overcrowded tourist zones Canarian treat to dazzle my tongue- were pleased I brought them along. and delving into the eateries of local dwellers was a dessert, appropriately Yours too would also be more than Canarians, we were pleasantly sur- named as bienmesabe. It means ‘it satisfied, but it’ll take just a wee bit prised by a number of their foodie tastes good to me’ and it really did of extra effort to go out, explore the gems. First to entertain my tongue- live up to its billing. It presented it- local towns, villages and country- mounted companions were what I self in the form of an almond cream, side and find the real flavours of Las thought are possibly the most inter- Papas arrugadas (wrinkly potatoes) with mojo picante (spicy, zingy sauce) consisting of Canarian almonds, sug- Canarias. 24 felix FRIDAY 30 APRIL 2010 TTechnologyechnology Editor SamuelSamuel Gibbs TECHNOLOGY [email protected]

Better than Easter Highlights - The be

elcome back all you holidaying Imperialites. I hope you had a Easter eggs refreshing break or as so many of you were revising, your revision went well. It’s back to the daily grind from now until the iPhone SamuelSamuel GGibbsibbs Technology Editor W end of the academic year with the summer term punctuated by exams and projects. But enough of that, what did we miss I hear you cry! Well the month of April held a surprising amount of goings on in the consumer electronics space this elcome back stran- Windows Phone series, but it’s still a year, including a couple of things from Apple, a few tidbits from Microsoft and an gers, no need to phone that Microsoft’s selling them- absolute deluge from Dell. So without pomp and circumstance, let’s get on with hide away. I know selves that could compete directly it shall we? Roll the press! W it’s a difficult time with their licensee’s phones. Google of year for quite a of course is doing the same thing with lot of you, exams and all, so this week their Nexus One, but Google isn’t sell- I’ve conjured up a brief ‘I’ve been hiding the OS to its licensees as its open ing under a rock revising for a month, source. You’ve got to wonder what Apple iPad Launch what happened’ guide for you. Think companies like HTC, Dell and Mo- of it as a little light relief from the te- torola think about operating system dium of study. vendors selling their own hardware. Actually, quite a lot has happened in Palm, a company struggling against the weeks of college closure, a surpris- Android and Apple, was put up for ing amount really. We’ve had a barrage sale during the Easter break. The Pre of Apple news, which seems to be pret- and Pixie, although decent phones in ty much normal these days, but we’ve themselves, hadn’t garnered the suc- also seen Dell drop a mother load of cess needed to put the company back devices in one leak and Microsoft take into good financial standing. Although its first foray into phone manufacture the most likely suitor HTC ruled them- with the Kin. selves out of a purchase, HP swooped The Kin itself is quite interesting in and bought Palm late on Wednesday because unlike Apple, Palm or RIM, night this week for $1.2 billion. Let’s Microsoft is an operating system seller, hope that HP gets the company that not a device orientated company. OK, arguably started the smartphone revo- the Kin isn’t strictly part of Microsoft’s lution back on the winning track.

Microsoft Kin iPhone OS4, the next evolution of Apple’s mob

hilst the great majority of you were hitting the books, Apple Whas been quite busy. A week after the iPad release the fruity company sent out invites to an iPhone OS4 event titled ‘Get a sneaky peak into the future of iPhone OS’. Now of course, this wasn’t really a surprise for those keeping up, but what did strike people in the know was that even though Apple’s mobile operating system is now powering three separate devices, the iPhone, the iPod touch and the iPad, it’s still called iPhone OS. Still, Apple did its adoring fans proud with a show and release of the devel- oper version of the OS. Apple’s iPad, available end of May 2010 in the UK Apple changed a lot of things in the iPhone OS, most of them small or not user Microsoft’s Kin One (right) and Kin Two (left) for ‘Generation Upload’ accessible, but here’s what you need to know. hilst you were out, Apple launched a little thing called the iPad. You For all intents and purposes it’s got might have seen our feature on Mr. Job’s ‘magical’ device last term, ‘multitasking’. OK, in truth it’s not real icrosoft, not to be left out of the party that was April, announced its Wwhich was released in its WiFi only form to avid fans across the US multitasking, but on a device with a screen first own-brand phones, the Kin One, a square slider and the Kin Two, on April 3rd. Is it as amazing as all Apple fanboy’s hoped and dreamed? Maybe. that small, who’s going to want to run two Ma more traditional landscape slider. Microsoft’s aiming the Kin brand The plethora of reviews have certainly been good, but unfortunately the full programs side-by-side, if just running as a separate device category from the recently announced Windows Phone 7, international release of Apple’s new market defining device has been pushed back the important threads of the program can targeted at what Microsoft calls, ‘Generation Upload’, that’s the youth of today to ‘the end of May’, with official pricing and availability due to be announced do the job just fine? The dock has been apparently. Essentially, the Kin phones are smart-dumbphones, or should that on May 10th. So for the mean time, all I can tell you is what you can read for modified to allow rapid app switching be dumb-smartphones, either way, they’ve got smartphone like features running yourselves in the gazillion reviews that every Tom, Dick and Harry has rushed to between those running in the background on a stripped out smartphone operating system that lacks critical features that publish. It’s good, but it doesn’t do everything you’ve always wanted and we’re not and it’s also gotten all 3D on us, just like the define a true smartphone. There are no apps for the Kin; neither does the user sure what you’ll use it for. Apple put’s this delay down to the iPad’s unexpected Mac OS X dock you know and love. The have to worry about multitasking or device management. But what the Kin does success in the US, with over one million estimated to have been sold since launch. springboard now has Folders too, so you can provide is a streamlined way to get on the mobile web, life stream and connect Of course accessories for the slate device have been popping up left, right and bundle apps of your choosing into spring- with friends. The Kin is the product of the Danger purchase that Microsoft made centre from every manufacturer. Some better than others, they range from basic loaded folders on your home pages. If you’ve a year or so ago and is the spiritual successor to the T-mobile SideKick. stands to DIY keyboard cases that turn the iPad into a sudo-laptop. ever used Stacks on Mac OS X you’ll know Both Kin models feature social networking integration with direct pooling and But who’s the iPad really for? Well this week there’s been a story kicking how Folders work. iPhone mail has been access to Facebook and Twitter built-in. The phone limits automatic updates of about the technology press of a woman who’s been given back here passion for upgraded with multiple Exchange profile your friend’s statuses to every 15 minutes, which should allow the Kin to be sold readingby the iPad, becoming arguably the oldest early adopter ever. The 99 year support and a unified Inbox, plus you can with cheaper data plans. Limiting network access has also allowed Microsoft to old woman who’s poor eye sight has prevented her from reading books, uses the now have wallpapers on your home screen give the Kin devices ‘weekend battery-life’. Not as impressive as the standard cheap iPad’s sizable and bright text to read again. The perfect computer for your mother not just lock screen. I bet you’ve been longing dumbphone week-long battery life, but certainly a lot better than the standard then perhaps? for that ever since you saw the iPhone right? barely-a-day’s usage you get out of the current generation of smartphones. Oh and for those who are interested, Blendtec confirmed it, the iPad will blend, Mr. Jobs also unveiled iBooks for iPhone OS If either Kin pushes your buttons, look for them on Vodafone in the Autumn. even if you have to cheat a little bit to get it in the blender. to bring it into line with the iPad, and like felix FRIDAY 30 APRIL 2010 25 [email protected] TECHNOLOGY est of what you missed over the break e OS4 Leaked iPhone Prototype Dell’s Device Deluge

ell’s been pretty busy behind the scenes over Easter and on April 21st, the mother of all leaks landed in the laps of the Engadget crew. In the leak Dthere were details and photos of no less than five previously unknown devices and more detail on two as yet unreleased gadgets. The bounty detailed one Windows Phone 7 device, the Lightning, three Android phones, the Thun- der, Flash and Smoke, plus the previously known Aero and a seven-inch Android based tablet called the Looking Glass, which will join the previously detailed Dell Streak Android tablet. Whilst each device has its own merit and target market, let’s have a look at the two flagship devices Dell’s aiming at your wallet.

Apple’s iPhone prototype. Could this be the iPhone for you this summer?

ove it or hate it, the iPhone is a pretty big part of the modern smartphone market, and as such is currently the phone to beat. Apple is expected to Lrelease a brand new iPhone in the summer, but normally it’s legendary culture of secrecy keeps leaks to an absolute minimum, leaving the technology press to rely on assumption and rumour. This month however Apple’s vice-like grip slipped and out popped an iPhone prototype. Encased in a custom cover to make it look like an ordinary everyday iPhone 3GS, the iPhone prototype was dropped by an Apple engineer in a bar in California, where it was picked up and promptly Dell’s top class entry into the Windows Phone 7 space: the Lighting bile OS X based operating system sold to Gizmodo for a purported $5000. When Gizmodo unwrapped the now remote-wiped and non-functional device, they found an iPhone without the cur- vaceous back of the current generation and a metal strip around it’s edges. As you So what does the Dell Lightning have in store for us? Well as you can see above the Amazon Kindle and iPhone app, it’ll sync can see in the photo above, the front of the device resembles that of the previous it’s a pretty slick looking portrait QWERTY slider like that of the Palm Pre, with your reading position between your iPhone generation, but the rest of the device makes a distinct departure from what’s cur- the required three button Windows Phone 7 control scheme up front. Packing a and your iPad. Game Center was another rently available from Apple. 4.1 inch WVGA OLED capacitive touch screen, the Lightning is powered by a big unveil, which is aiming to bring you an 1GHz Snapdragon processor, the QSD8250 for those keeping count. Dell saw fit Xbox Live-like experience with multiplayer to give Windows Phone 7 512MB of RAM to play with and on the storage front matchmaking, achievements and all the 1GB of built-in flash plus an 8GB of MicroSD, plenty of space for your apps. Of goodies you’ve come to expect from modern course the Lightning also comes equipped with the usual array of toys including online gaming. Now all they need to do is GPS, an accelerometer, a compass, an FM radio, a 5MP autofocus camera and give the iPhone and iPod touch some more full Flash support. Looking decidedly buttons so the control schemes of iPhone like a Windows Phone 7 launch device games don’t suck. you can look forward to getting your Last but not least Apple took a swipe at grubby mitts on it in the fourth quarter Google and its mobile advertising division of this year, with an LTE (read 4G) ver- with the announcement of iAds. Essentially sion scheduled for Q4 of 2011. Apple is building an advertising platform If Android is your thing, and let’s be directly into its mobile operating system honest, Windows Phone 7 has poten- and you’re going to love it! OK, I might be tial but it’s starting to look a little out- exaggerating just a tad here, I’m as sceptical dated even now, and it’s not been reas you as to whether this is actually better for leased yet, then Dell’s got lots for you. the user, but Apple showed off interactive ads The Thunder pictured left does away that are unlike anything you’ve seen before. Side-by-side: Grandad iPhone next to new and shiny. with the sliding keyboard that defines Let’s just hope it doesn’t turn the iPhone an the Lightning, for a sleeker package. ad-riddled mess like the internet has become. Like the Lightning however, the Thun- Like pervious iPhone OS updates, iPhone Apart from its looks, Gizmodo discovered that the prototype device was packing der packs a 4.1 inch WVGA OLED OS4 is going to be available as an upgrade a front facing camera, a larger camera lens on the back with an LED flash and a screen, but the rest of the specifica- for previous iPhone models. The kicker here larger battery. The screen itself was marginally physically smaller, but was said to tions are a little sketchy at this point. though, is that original (2G) iPhone owners have a much higher pixel density, laying credence to the iPhone HD rumours. The It’ll probably be running a similar and iPod touch owners are going to be left volume rocker had also been replaced with two separate buttons, possibly indi- Snapdragon CPU and storage; how- out in the cold. iPhone 3G owners are going cating some sort of dual functionality, a dedicated photo button in the Camera ever Dell has upped the camera to an to get a lot of the newfangledness, but you’re app perhaps. Those of you hoping to slap your current SIM in the next generation 8MP shooter. With Android 2.1 Dell’s going to be missing out on multitasking, iPhone will be sorely disappointed as it seems, just like the iPad, Apple has gone gone all out on the customization with wallpapers and some other smaller things. for a micro SIM slot. Don’t fret however; all current major iPhone carriers have the device running Dell ‘Stage’ UI ty- Of course iPhone 3GS and iPod touch 3rd announced that they’ll be supporting the new SIM standard. ing into Facebook and Twitter for so- generation users are going to get the whole Of course this ‘find’ didn’t necessarily have to have been an actual Apple cial networking and using Swype for its shebang, but it might cost you, we’ll have prototype, but its authenticity was confirmed when Apple themselves asked onscreen keyboard. It certainly looks to wait till closer to the ‘summer’ launch for the device back. Since then the saga of returning the iPhone and now just classy and has a similar feel to that of window to find out. iPad owners/fanciers, this week, the Police raid on the Gizmodo Editor Jason Chen’s house over the HTC’s Sense UI. you’ll get your taste of iPhone OS4 but you’re purchase of ‘stolen’ goods, has raged. What next will unfold and whether we’ll see Dell also claims that it’ll have Flash going to have to sit tight till the Autumn. this type of device come July is unknown, but I for one am itching to see the how and a Hulu app on the device at launch, Oh and those living on the wild side will be the rest of this story is going to unfold. Head on over to Gizmodo for full coverage not that that’s much use to us over here pleased to know it’s already been jailbroken. including a blow-by-blow account of how the phone ended up with Gizmodo. Dell’s Thunder lights-up Android in Blighty. Give us iPlayer, eh Dell? 26 felix FRIDAY 30 APRIL 2010 TTravelravel Editor Dylan LoweLowe TRAVEL [email protected] Non, rien de rien; je ne regrette rien If only that’s true beyond lyrical idealism – Dylan Lowe embarks on a regret trip into the Saharan desert

rasping the handle and I really wanted to visit, and sipping that gasping nervously, heroi- bile of disappointment, propels me to cally retaining balance on devote some time and effort in returning the saddle as the beast to the country for what I have previously took a tumble down a dune missed out. And one shard of regret, of G– that ceased to be a concern or a com- disappointment, had taken me back to mon struggle I felt obliged to be part of. Morocco, once again a hitch-hike from The spot of bother, rather, came when I London for the charity Link Community couldn’t quite figure out 5 Down, Shake- Development. spearean tragedy (4,4). It had sprouted a year ago: I was perched There can only be so much enjoyment on the customer’s seat, in a room that while cruising the desert on a camel never ceased to impart a resemblance to before you resort to feigning pleasure, a hospital ward – even in memory – grap- so many strokes and attempts to con- pled by the figures the travel agent had verse with the animal before realising it jabbed into a calculator. couldn’t talk and probably wanted you Anna, the Morocco Hitch partner as- off its back, so much photography before of-2009, even gave a squeal at the sight of finding nothing other than desolation to the price tag. capture. It was a mistake – anticipating With many more agencies eager to the camel expedition like some glori- pillage our wallets, which were pretty fied amusement park ride – though it empty by that stage, the desert excursion wasn’t mine alone: carpet burns, aching didn’t quite happen. scrotums, motion sickness, they were This time, though, nothing was go- all symptoms of what my fellow excur- ing to stop me. Even if it meant leaving sionists would agree as a case of bad We reached base camp after a two-hour the car park - secluded, yet enough hype Asians as the most lucrative of nation- investment. ride. The camel stooped as though bow- for a small touristic town to distract my- alities, and lamented that my skin colour Yet there we were, sand dominating the “Finding myself ing after a laborious yet lousy perform- self from the soaring temperature and wasn’t exactly doing me any favours. terrain and filling our boots, smog en- ance, whose audience rose from their migraine. I scrutinised the money-grabbing shrouding the Saharan skies and blind- failing to go to a slumber and feigned a clap or two so as And with most people from my tour camera posers in traditional clothing, ing us from a stellar spectacle on the not to hurt the producers’ feelings. The gone astray and yet to return from the the shopkeepers, tour bus drivers, wait- previous evening, I perching on a saddle place I wanted to Berber nomads, our guides and hosts at ksar of Aït Benhaddou, a pit stop en ers, tourists, school children; their attire, perplexed over a crossword puzzle I was the desert camp where we stayed over- route to the Sahara, I wasn’t exactly going their mannerism, down to the way they failing to solve. visit propels me night, produced a handshake and good- anywhere. saunter, meander, scuttle – So I gave in: “King Lear”, said the bye, as each of us descended from the And with every repetitive throb that The girl approached me. I had seen solutions. I cursed myself for the to return to the mountainous mass of fabric that insu- pounded against my skull, I felt more and her earlier, an individual inconspicuous foolhardiness. lated the camel’s hump, and fled gingerly among the uniform-clad, backpack-slung Curious how, like guilt, regrets are the country for what I from the final round of formalities. children chortling in childly glee. The motivation that send people achieving That moment felt like an end to my “I didn’t want to dramatics that followed was unworldly, extraordinary things and visiting ex- have missed out” three-day excursion into the Sahara; unchildlike: the smile vanished, shoul- traordinary places, if only in a redemp- sure, the full circuit which began/ended contribute towards ders slacked, eyes watered as she steered tive kind of way. I like travelling with in Marrakech didn’t conclude until after towards me just as her peers selected and regrets, though in a more innocent man- behind Tori, my new hitch partner, and a 13-hour drive through treacherous ter- an already existent pursued their marks across the park. ner: finding myself failing to go to a place venture into the Sahara among strangers. rain ‒ though the landscape did shape like And before she could even reach me, a geological Elysium ‒ in terms of my re- begging culture” she had already extended her empty demption trip the conclusion was drawn palm. She may have muttered something upon the sand the moment I dismounted. pleadingly in French, but the gesture Thus, deliverance. Unshackled, un- more susceptible to the minute details alone was lucid. bounded from a repaid debt. But was I of observations I was absorbing, and the I rattled a ritual response. going to get away this time humming sentiments they represented. La. No. Non, je ne regrette rien with a clear I reminisced idle Moroccans by the Safi. Enough. conscience? ksar, or fortified city, touting and has- There was little meaning those two Not exactly. sling, and pondered on ways they could meagre words of Arabic could have con- * have better made use of their youth. veyed. They were the means to reject a I couldn’t have found a better refuge than I remembered the Lonely Planet en- plea and to rid of a nuisance – she did under the shade of a grocery store, just off try claiming that Moroccans regarded wince a little from the crudeness before

The breathtaking Dadè Gorge The desert camp at a visually disappointing sunrise felix FRIDAY 30 APRIL 2010 27 [email protected] TRAVEL

Eyjafjallajoek… say what?

DDylanylan LoweLowe Travel Editor

onjour and welcome back to of those who are stranded, states BBC what is widely regarded as the News. most dreaded semester of the ‘Rescue attempts’ have been mounted year. Best of luck to you all for to bring stranded Britons home, espe- the exams you must endure, cially when many other services, includ- Bpast and future; just try not to die of caf- ing the Eurostar and ferry firms, are com- dumping me for a more generous mark – Clockwise from feine overdose. pletely sold out. but those weren’t what I intended. What I top: the ksar of Depressing stuff aside, hope you’ve all My personal favourite was the short- intended, what I could only wish to have Aït Benhaddou; had a wonderful Easter break. And may I lived rescue effort set up by the TV pre- done, was to be more considerate. camel train extend my congratulations to those who senter and historian Dan Snow, who I wished I had told her that I didn’t across sand successfully hitchhiked to Morocco/ planned to travel across the English mean to chastise. I wished I had enquired dunes; signs Prague – 36 of you from the London Channel with a fleet of speedboats. As about her welfare, her studies, and en- advertising for region and some 1500 across the UK – well as running a ferry service through- couraged her to work towards a better fu- Berber carpet many of which I had the privilege to meet out the day, his intentions included pay- ture. I wished I had explained how I didn’t shops; the road along the way. A massive thank you on ing tribute to the 70th anniversary of the want to contribute, by doling out the to Tamddakhte; behalf of Link Community Develop- Dunkirk evacuation. spare change, towards an already existent the mud-brick ment for your fundraising efforts as well. Three boats and 25 passengers later, the begging culture, or her becoming a beg- mellah, or Jewish And speaking about the Easter holi- endeavour was prematurely shut down by gar. Above all, considering I’m virtually quarters, now days, can there be a bigger scandal in the French officials for no apparent reason. illiterate in Arabic and French, I wished inhabited by tourism industry than that triggered by a BAA has estimated a £28m loss as a re- I had possessed a better understanding of Berber families little bit of geological activity? sult of the volcanic ash, with the total cost the languages within her grasp, in order It has been estimated that, with more to the airline companies and tour opera- to speak the then unspoken words. than 100,000 flights grounded, over 10 tors estimated to be between 1.5 to 2.5 bil- But then, I didn’t wish. the dilapidated Berber quarters of a small soiree couldn’t be more short of enthusi- million passengers worldwide were left lion euros by the European Commission. I regretted. town. I sent them away with scorns, with asm, whose dialogues couldn’t lack more stranded throughout the six-day airport The effects of the Eyjafjallajokull erup- * enough phrases of the lingo to banish warmth and sincerity. closures. tion are by no means a thing of the past: The High Atlas had a way of unfolding them back to the slums they belonged. For we were investors of rehearsed the- Inconvenient, to say the least – what its blow to the aviation industry, de- its life story, one rock formation at a time, I failed to understand them. Especially atrics and, not only that we didn’t pay for had set out as a leisurely break acidified scribed to be a ‘logistical nightmare’ by as though the mountain ranges were it, we expressed no interest in taking the for those who had to squander hours for a a contributing editor of Airliner World, playthings of nature. The heaps of stone backstage tour. futile wait, had to seek alternative meth- will take much more to resolve than the it constructed, and the landslides where If only my French was up to scratch, my ods of transport (should have hitchhiked, lifting of the air space ban. The disruption it had trampled on like a sandcastle dis- “...my ignorance of Arabic sufficient to propel a conversa- people), had to spend extra cash during of intricately-designed flight schedules, favoured. The technicolour outcrops as tion. If only the way I acted had been less an extended, now bitter stay at their holi- crew management, fixed operation costs, canvases upon which it had crayoned a place was simply detached, and more like that attitude that day destination. not to mention the tsunami of claims by and painted. Riverbeds the trail of rub- have me welcomed, time to time, to the For some, however, it wasn’t merely estranged passengers over expenses and ble it had left behind as it frolicked, layers replaced by my hospitality that Moroccans are famed for, exams that were missed and work left cancelled flights: a crippling effect to an of bedding blankets it had unfurled and that I have received with gratitude. unattended. already struggling industry. crinkled. Tears it shed on the boulders, ignorance of the If only I could cry ‘No, I have no regrets’ Hundred of Britons are now reported And with airlines such as Ryanair ex- boring and eroding them into the peculi- to the heavens and not be struck down by to be caught up by the civil unrest that pressing reluctance in paying passengers’ arity the locals have affectionately named people” accusations of hypocrisy. had stirred up in Bangkok. With 27 peo- hotel and food bills, and British Airways ‘The Hand of Fatima’. The Dadè valley Sensually, it had been a fantastic jour- ple killed so far and many more injured alleged to be preferring new passengers and gorge gouged out of a boyish rage. ney: my appetite for natural beauty and amid the anti-government protests, over those with existing yet delayed book- The van took another bend uneasily when, as I sneaked a glance before my en- action had been utterly quenched. It holidaymakers who obviously no longer ings – much to the outrage of the general as it raced towards Marrakech against tourage exited the mud brick ghetto, the was by no means closure since, stepping took pleasure in staying, besieged the public – their financial desperation was nightfall. My gaze remained apathetically beggars transformed back to their natu- out of the van into the hectic nightlife airport as they attempt to secure flights pretty transparent. fixed on what lied beyond the window. ral juvenile form, seemingly immune to of Marrakech, I now bore the burden of back home. Such was the desperation Which reminds me: I’m meant to book I was reading the geology like a book. A our aloofness. a damaged conscience for my ignorance that travellers are prepared to employ my flight ticket to New Zealand this after- children’s book of unspeakable mischief. For all my fondness and fascination of the people that simply replaced my deception to get prioritised over the rest noon. Heh, wish me luck. It was then when I was hit by an unset- for the Moroccan people and culture, ignorance of a place. Thus, which might tling feeling. my experience with them during the ex- one day bring me back to Morocco once Ultimately, I had failed my purpose as cursion didn’t exactly leave me singing again if I must sprinkle some optimism a traveller. praises. Somehow I felt mistreated by my onto the wound, was what I got out of the I had failed to read the people. driver, who would happily charge us for desert excursion – a regret. I had betrayed my humanity when every piece of information that parted his Though let’s not forget about that many more children swarmed us with lips; I felt disappointed by the camel tour damned carpet burn that bugged me for pleas and open palms, as we stopped by guides, whose drum beats in a fleeting many days to come. Photograph of the week ‘Parc de Montjuic’ by Robin Andrews, 4th Year MSci Geology w/ Year Abroad

A fiery sunset over Barcelona, seen from the top of Parc de Montjuic, taken in April of this year.

Submit your photographs of the week to [email protected] felix FRIDAY 30 APRIL 2010 29

TTextext iinn ttoo 0783267047207832670472 CAT-NIP EEmailmail inin atat [email protected]@imperial.ac.uk TTweetweet @felixcatnip@felixcatnip

CAT GOT YOUR TONGUE? Death By Revision Or THE ELECTION: Chocolate? Is it bad that I know all the computers in the Library by name? WHO’S GOING TO WIN? Second Year Medic JOKES, LETTERS, OPINIONS WE WANT THEM ALL! I ate so many easter eggs, it was bliss! Then I remembered I’m lactose intolerant and chundered everywah. Email: [email protected] Text: 07832670472 First Year Engineer This degree better be worth it. I can’t remember what the sun Facebook: Felix Fan Page Twitter: @felixcatnip looks like...it’s green, right? Third Year Biochemist Drunken-Mate Photo Of The Week Got a picture of your mate being an absolute waste of oxygen? Well, get your camera out and email your drunken mates to catnip. felix@imperial. ac.uk Picture the scene: It’s the Easter Break, you’re away with your mates, and you’re all chillaxing with nothing to do. A bottle of wine is opened, the first of many. Suddenly, in a drunken haze, your feelings overcome you and you are filled with a burning passion. You turn to your friend and whisper, “Do you want to play snooker?”

Senders must have permission to use submitted photos and accept full responsibility for them

Overheard At Imperial... Is your life so dull you’re eavesdropping on others? Post your listenings on the “Overheard at Imperial” facebook group Some say a world without sin is ideal, but I disagree. After all, there’s only so many problems which can be answered with cos and tan. – Anon.

I was at Kings last night...and there were girls! Girls everywhere! And pretty girls! – Imperial Lonely Hearts.

A: What is mumps? B: It’s when you get swelling in your balls. A: Oh. B: But not if your a girl. – Medics know their Anatomy!

So for it to pass to humans, these people would have to have been very intimately involved with the birds. – A Lecturer on Bird Flu.

A: So what are your plans for the Easter holidays? B: I’m probably going to go the Library. A: Oh wow! Is it a weekend trip? Who are you going with? – A Medic and an Engineer. 30 felix FRIDAY 30 APRIL 2010

CCoffeeoffee BBreakreak EditorEditor CCharlieharlie MMurdochurdoch mmmm COFFEE mm..... BREAK [email protected]

The Felix University/ College-Wide Invitational Good luck? FUCWIT Tournament League is League Table new and improved, with an iPod nano for both the F*ck off? Teams:Teams: team and the individual with the most points at Harry Potter Trio 251 Points the end of the year. CharlieChar Murdoch Coffee Break Editor The Tough Brets 148 Points 5 points for the 1st correct answers for all puz- The Cool Kids and Fergal 40 Points zles on these pages, 4 efore I go off into my weekly tits.” Your parents will be proud. points for 2nd, 3 points rant I have to state that the I digress. The phrase ‘good luck’, Individuals:Individuals: for 3rd, 2 points for B censorship still rages here whilst having the best intentions of the 4th and 1 point for 5th. at felix. Twats. Oh yeah, and recipient in mind is basically bullshit. Matthew Colvin 193 Points Now then FUCWITs, an- hello, hope you had a good break. Now What does it even mean? Really have a Sheryl 186 Points swers to sudoku.felix@ we’re done with all the pleasantries, think about it, because as you go off to imperial.ac.uk. Go! lets get down to business. For most of your exam, luck isn’t going to change Kelvin Wong 111 Points us this business will be sitting hunched the paper, luck isn’t going to make you over a book desperately trying to re- remember that vital equation, luck is vise, or more often than not, learn the going to do f*ck all to be honest. This endless prose that your lectures con- world we find ourselves in is not about tinually interrupted your sleep with. luck. True they say ‘you make your Unless of course you happen to be own luck’, but that’s made by hard Tehnical term meaning: ABOMINABLE (adj.) in the library, then you’ll probably be work. They also say ‘shit happens’. If ‘word origin/ history’. Describes a situation (or a catalyst sweating like a paedophile in Moth- come your next exam you find your- Etymology thereof) that is as bad as having ercare. Can they really not cool that self forced to check the front cover of an armed explosive device in the place down? the paper to check you are in the right stomach of a live male bovine. Back to the point. Once you’ve con- exam because it’s going that badly, ‘shit This new section proved itself to be very [We didn’t realise, when we decided to Originates in a village newspaper ducted this Captain Scott standard happens’. If you’ve done all the revision popular. Our inbox was overwhelmed take on this abominable job (we love article documenting an occurance epic into the world of nanoconductors, you can, then well, it wasn’t meant to with etymology requests. With a large it really), just how hard it’d be to make of this very event in a local farmer’s people still feel the need to wish you be; ‘shit happens’. Don’t get hung up on number of readers coincidentally all monies by selling our newspaper at the field, though there is no evidence of good luck. This gets on my tits. Well, it. Have a pint, listen to Cat Stevens, suggesting I should research the word competitive price of 0 penny.] main media interest to corroborate if I had any it would, and the likelihood whatever floats your boat. ‘dictionary’. I felt the term was too So we’ve added it to the list, where this story. No one died. Except of that happening is ever increasing. In ‘Good luck’ is bollocks. It’s become obscure however and so will not be it joins ‘The felix Book of Words and the bull and an old woman in a a deep, heavily scientifically based con- and instant reply to the word ‘exam’. If including it. However its definition Their Associated Meanings Presented wheelchair who was going to die version with a certain Mr. Philpott on you’re just trying to be nice, just offer makes it a perfect candidate name in Alphabetical Fashioning’, ‘The Big soon anyway so neither counts. the subject of oestrogen, he managed out jelly beans or a coffee. Everyone for the book of word meanings that, Book of the Wordier Words You May to use all his four years of Imperial Col- loves jelly beans. And if you’ve pissed as I mentioned last week, we’ve been Not Know Yet’, and ‘Words (And What If you have a word whose origin you’re lege tuition to pronounce the fact that about the whole year, well son, you are compiling in order to make us enough They Mean)’. At the moment it has the interested in, send your request to us oestrogen “gives you women stuff, like a prize tosser and... Good luck. monies to escape the felix office. merit of being the most concise option. at [email protected].

Thomas Edison: “Restlessness and discontent are the necessities of progress.” Quote of the Week Wordoku Arrow Maze 1,459 Wordpath 1,459

Solution 1458 Solutions ORIGIN: 1 NULL Am U Th Np Cm Ac Pu Bk Pa F E L I X ABLE via Cm Bk Ac Pu Am Pa Th Np U DESTINATION: ANNULLABLE Pu Pa Np Th U Bk Cm Am Ac 3388 ABLY (LS) Th Ac Pu Am Pa Np Bk U Cm P A P E R VOID via Pa Cm Bk Ac Th U Np Pu Am AVOIDABLY Np Am U Bk Pu Cm Pa Ac Th 2266 4411 1111 2277 Ac Th Pa U Np Pu Am Cm Bk U Pu Cm Pa Bk Am Ac Th Np How to play: Winner of last issue Bk Np Am Cm Ac Th U Pa Pu 2244 was Team Dirty Make a path from the origin word to the destination Medics. Well done, S A N O I D C T I word by taking steps between words using one of the keep those answers I I D T C N A S O three following methods: coming in. T O C S I A D N I We have a five letter O N I D T I S C A Letter Substitution: Substitute just one letter. puzzle this week. D T I C A S I O N 4 e.g. WORDS -> WARDS C S A N O I T I D Anagram: Rearrange the letters. I Scribble box A C T N O I D S e.g. WORDS -> SWORD I D O I S T N A C Wordslide: Replace the current word with a new 5 letter N I S A D C O I T 4433 4499 word from any 6+ letter word that contains them both. e.g. WORDS-> CROSS (via CROSSWORDS) Intermediate Winner: Sheryl How to play: Evil Winner: Harry Potter Trio Fill all the squares with numbers to form a path from 1 to 49, such that the arrow No consecutive steps may be made by the same method. Last issue’s Wordoku mistake: under each number points to the square containing the number one greater e.g. WORDS -> WARDS (by LS) -> WARES (by LS) Multiple Intermediate solutions do to (except for 49 obviously, which has no arrow, being the end of the path). would be invalid. the highlighted accidental omission. Hints: What?! No Wordokus this week? But 26 is pointed to by three arrows but only one of them is pointing only at 26, so Points are awarded for the earliest SHORTEST valid path there’s ALWAYS a Wordoku? Well this square must be 25. The square immediately right of 4 is only pointing to one between the two words. Dubious words will be checked tough, I have exams for a few weeks square so can temporarily be labelled ‘A’ and the square it’s pointing to can be against the OED. Send your solutions to sudoku.felix@ so you get Arrow Maze instead. labelled ‘A+1’. Now we no longer consider ‘A+1’ as a destination for other arrows. imperial.ac.uk. felix FRIDAY 30 APRIL 2010 31 [email protected] COFFEE BREAK Nonolink 1,459 Bridges 1,459 2 2 3 2 1 2 2 2 How to play: 2 2 2 3 1 1 1 2 3 1 3 2 3 1 1 1 1 2 1 1 1 Connect all the 3 3 2 1 1 ‘islands’ together 2 1 2 2 2 1 3 5 1 2 4 2 4 1 3 3 5 3 by bridges 3 3 2 2 2 3 1 running in direct 3 3 3 2 3 0 1 3 2 3 1 2 2 3 4 2 3 1 4 3 2 lines, North, West, East and 2 4 South only, with 7 no more than 4 5 3 two bridges connecting any 2 1 1 1 2 4 2 two distinct islands. Every 2 2 3 island must have 2 1 1 a total number 4 5 7 4 of bridges from 2 1 1 3 it equal to the 1 2 2 number on the island and 2 1 2 1 2 bridges must not cross islands, 1 2 one another or 3 3 1 lead to nowhere! 4 4 1 1 2 1 4 4 4 3 3 2 1 2 3 Solution 1458 1 1 5 Imagine a bridge that is placed over some water. That water appears to be troubled. Consulting 3 3 2 2 your CD collection, for reasons unknown, you ask 1 2 4 1 Simon and Garfunkle their views. They suggest a 5 4 1 2 2 bridge over troubled water. And that’s what GLT bulit. So well done. 3 2 1 3 D-Piddy suggested getting smashed off your nog- 2 2 A big hand to Matthew Colvin who was the winner of not one, but two, yes, two of last issue’s ging on crystal meth. That would not be a good 1 1 puzzle thigies. So yeah. How about you do some work... maybe pass your exams... maybe not idea, but feel free to give it a try. 4 7 3 1 get kicked out... maybe not end up a skag head? Just a thought. 4 3 4 4 2 1 Solution 1458 If you would like to design a puzzle and see it 3 3 2 5 1 2 How to play: printed in felix but don’t want to do one every 1 week, just send us your ideas to the usual place - 3 2 The numbers at the side represent the size and 3 2 [email protected] and if we like them 1 2 2 2 2 order of blocks in each column and row. There 2 2 2 1 2 we’ll print them! must be at least one space between each block. 3 3 1 1 2 0 Then insert the numbers from the box in the top 2 3 02 2 left corner into the unshaded cells and proceed as for a normal ‘Slitherlink’: 3 1 2 2 “Blonde Sweetie. Looks incredible smile, blue All numbered cells must be surrounded by the 1 1 22 like she is doing some and white top-snug fit corresponding number of edges. The solution ffitit online food shopping.” ;) - word on the grape consists of one continuous line. Any cells without 2 3 1 2 2 3 vine is her name is a number can have any number of edges. 2 1 1 2 2 2 “Hot latino girl, wearing Alexandra.” grey top and short skirt, See last issue’s solution (right) for more help. 3 1 3 0 finderfinder sat in JCR looking lonely “Male, Brunette hair. Send your solutions to us at sudoku.felix@ 3 3 3 3 and desperate for some Chequered shirt, sexy imperial.ac.uk cock.” beard, I’d love to get LLoveovesstrucktruck some stubble rash on “Female, Blonde hair. my thighs from that Above average height, hottie. nametag says Riddle 1,459 07726 799 424 slender figure, deep eyes, ‘’Chris ‘Hung’ Cripps’...”

A group of girls are out shopping together. Within this group there exists the following relationships: Great-grandmother, Great-great-aunt, Best Grandmother, Grandniece, aunt, and two of each of sister and daughter. Each relationship is between two of this distinct individuals - i.e. nobody’s their own grandmother! Furthermore to that notion, no time-travel is involved!

What’s the smallest number of girls week’s this group can be composed of? Submit your answer with a family tree to us, by email at [email protected]. lol catz 32 felix FRIDAY 30 APRIL 2010 COFFEE BREAK [email protected] A quickie (crossword) 1,459

1 2 2 3 4 4 5 5 6 6 7 ACROSS 7 7 Viva recession! (anag.) (8,5) 15 Small buck-toothed mammals (6) 8 “Fucking terrible!” / “Absolutely 17 Serial (anag.) (6) Solution 1458 8 10 wank!” / “Complete shite!” (3-5) 18 19thC. Austrian pioneering 9 ‘Bookish’ type (4) “motherlover” (5) S P D A A F 8 10 9 10 Weirdo (7) 21 Bang on (like a fish?) (4) S H O O T I N G S T A R S 12 “Everything on black!” (3,2) A P S A L E 14 Money/goods brought by bridge A G N U S D E I A B E L 12 P A N S F in marriage (5) Well done to last week’s winner Sher- C A U S T I C S T O A T 16 Tramp around unwillingly (7) yl. Make sure you get those answers in L N B L 10 11 12 19 What Roger McGuinn was? as soon as you pick the paper up. To H A Y D N B U M H O L E (tweet!) (4) be honest they needn’t even be correct, C O D M E 15 14 13 17 20 19th/20thC. built universities (8) it’s unlikely that I’d notice. Well, back W A T T R E M S L E E P 22 Physics of the very small (7,6) to revision. R C E E M D A T L O G G E R H E A D S 14 15 16 17 DOWN Crossword by Peter Logg E M S S T Y

20 18 21 22 1 Mafia boss (4) 2 Baking soda (6) Scribble box 19 20 21 3 Air-filled eggy pudding (7) 4 Wibbly-wobbly pudding (5) 5 Aromatic herb/plant/bulb/seed 24 24 25 (6) 6 (Typically paranoid) robo-man 22 (8) 11 Greek God (Bacchus in Ancient 26 Rome) (8) 13 Scholarly (7)

Swallow-scopes: Horoscopes but it’s your birthday...... and you’re a keen bird-watcher. What were you thinking of? Bloody perves, the lot of you. Read on, then....

Aquarius Taurus Leo Scorpio

It’s nearly midnight You’ve just spent your You’ve been poking Imperial Fitfinder? Isn’t and you’ve basically entire Easter playing around on the FOIL that just the most dis- wanked yourself Angry Birds on your group on Facebook. placed social network into a coma. You’re iPhone and you have The creator is all utilty, like...ever? It’s ba- friends are still doing finals in two days. ‘ironic’ and stuff, but sically a website where their finals and you When you heard of then you realise he’s mentally-disabled can’t wait for them to finish. Turns out all your the volcano postponing exams your heart lept just a sad little boy crying out for attention, and people try and believe their outlook on life isn’t friends decided to celebrate without you. Well, like it did when you had that near fatal heart inordinate amounts of pussy. You can hear his mentally-disabled. The evidence shows otherwise. give yourself another half hour and another attack. It’s exam day and all you’ve done is drawn cries from the other side of Marble Arch. Busty brunette, Sci Fi Library, on the bean bags at two minutes of porn, and you’ll be trapped in bad sketches of exploding birds in response to a You feel sympathy for him, but then all those 2AM. Gorgeous. You wear your name tag, it says your dirty but boring cycle of comatosed wank. timed essay question. FOILs are true, aren’t they? “BARRY” on it. Weird name for a girl...... Oh.

Pisces Gemini Virgo Sagittarius

Something is Sadly your love life is So...... it’s a I heard all greasy hurting down there, up the shitter. You’ve nice day isn’t it? bastards are Saggitarius, but you can’t figure woken up with your ...... Yeeeeeh...... so here goes. It’s getting it out. It’s been own jizz on your face. my weekend was warmer now, and yes, painful ever since You’ve gotta see some- fine...... going on T-shirts are allowed. you finished that one about that whole holiday soon....hope But, for the sake of internship with UBS. You wake up one night sleep-auto-oral pleasure thing. But at least now the the weather’s going to be better there.. Bloody mankind, please have a wash, use some deodorant to find a cucumber slowly excavating itself weather’s picking up and you can try telling people Britain, eh? With their terrible weather...... before you leave your squalid house. Put down the out your body. Them banker types are weird, its sun cream when you finally leave your dingy layers, gotta wrap up in layers here in the Gundam figurines, and pick up a can of Lynx. Give ain’t they? I WANNA BE THEM! room, that is. UK...... Ohhh! This is my floor, BYE. yourself a good spray - pretend it’s Lv. 57 life elixir.

Aries Cancer Libra Capricorn You know it’s a bad You wake up and LOOK! That is the last night when you’ve you’ve got several time I tell you. Your You decide to go had to come out to cigars and a fat chick birthday is no excuse hitchhiking and you get your parents and in next to you. You check to go dogging for a picked up. He’s a dirty the same night they if she’s naked. She’s night. Firstly, you don’t lorry driver and anally catch you dressing up not. Phew. You check have a f*cking car, just rapes you. Turns out your blow-up sex doll in a kimono. I mean, Asian if you’re naked. You are. You roll over to find a shitty old Vespa. It’s lights don’t even work, he’s got leprosy too and his penis snaps off inside boys don’t even wear kimonos, it’s women’s attire. a small ambiguous farm animal in bed too. It’s how are you going to signal for some rumpy- you. Well done, at least you’ve got a 100% organic You’re a confused little boy, my son. Now GET dressed in your clothes. At least it partially is. It pumpy? I just used the term ‘rumpy-pumpy’, butt plug now. You sell the idea to Whole Foods THE FUCK OUT MY HOUSE. looks kinda silly in your skinny jeans, it does. didn’t I? Fuck it, let’s go dogging. and they fucking love it. £2.99. Pint? felix FRIDAY 30 APRIL 2010 33

(We’ve(We’vvee ggoneoonne greengrgreeeen forffor GreenGreen Week,Week, HHangmanPuttingPunuttingga thethen cat outouogut totom drydryry an notnonot tththataatt wewe weren’twew ren’t greengrg een before...)bbefore...) [email protected] An invitation to break TTWATTERWATTER Britain a little bit more SUPERACEGORTHEROAR87 ffs. jus calld some old bitch a ‘bigot’, thort i gt Hangman gets half-way to summing up its official party manifesto away wiv it, but ossie rigged me up with a mic! Cameron_DA_Maneron!!! eeing as we have decided that (right) all of our options for voting Hangman’s trololololol. nt gna win now are, we gor? but in the General Election will Manifesto: Smost likely end us up with a srsly, wer do thse east-europens cum frm?!!1 completely incapable fool in The red charge of the country, not to mention symbolises our SexyOsama69 the fact that voting gives you cancer commitment (see Daily Mail’s list of things that give to socialist JOKEZZZ! got u!!! ur both losing neway. told u you cancer - it’s been recently updat- totalitarianism democracy was a waste of tiem. wanna me to ed), Hangman has decided to run for while the nuke nick clegg lol? election within the Kensington con- scribbles indicate stituency. Unfortunately, although we our designer’s Barack_attack_l33thaxor applied to join in the with the televised lack of effort Leaders’ Debate, we were rejected, with every1 iz sayin’ this clegg mofo is da new barack various different media establishments obama. hes not evn black! citing the problem as the fact one of our leader’s aides was ginger. He’s apparently desiccate within seconds under the studio lighting. Fair do’s, we SUPERACEGORTHEROAR87 said. We sacked him and still couldn’t fuck dis. new i shouldnt av told tony i wanted to get TV airtime, so we thought we’d like be PM. dis is all Sue’s fault. to some of our best policies here: Burqa-wearing has had a lot of bad press recently, what with people trying to get it banned in public places and civil service jobs etc... We find this type of discrimination appalling, and so should you. We intend to tackle this issue accordingly. I agree with Nick, New research shows that ‘Fuck when he says we need more policemen on the streets. Policemen under the Hangman government will take on the Our Imperial Lives’ is “whiniest new role of ‘Ugly Patrol’. Their job will be to enforce a strict ‘Non-Ugly Policy’, facebook group ever” a law which will be passed as soon as addiction. Their media and TV expo- possible. This will involve the compul- sure will be limited to watching Jeremy sory darkened material covering those Kyle, reading The Sun newspaper, with TheThe DDavidavid TTennantennant ofof Hangman:Hangman: who’s facial features are just plain of- the weekly treat of the Eastenders om- gonegone bbutut bbetteretter fensive to the rest of the world. All 44 nibus. They can learn from experience people with a BMI of 25+ will also be what the UK is really like, and after a The number of times Nick In a paper to be published in the Lan- fined for every calorie they eat and be month’s trial period, be given the op- Griffin has tried to grow facial cet next week, new research has shown required to wear large cardboard boxes tion to go back to their war-torn home. that the amount of whining, bitching instead of clothes. The boxes typically When the Hangman Party comes to hair ‘like Charlie Chaplin’ and moaning on the “Fuck Our Impe- found next to households that have re- power (we will), we plan to scrap edu- and told to shave it off again rial Lives” (FOIL) Facebook group is cently purchased a new fridge-freezer cational testing such as SATs, GCSEs 300 times the normal amount. unit. We already have support from and A-levels in favour of the new Wiki- This startling discovery has given various members of the Tory party on pedia Proficiency Test. We, as a party, significant weight to critics of the this issue; David Cameron agrees with believe that a Wikipedia knowledge- group who have said that its members this policy, adding ‘When I was on my based economy will put as top in the need to “get some fucking perspective.” gap yaaah there were some terribly ugly world for inaccuracy and hilarious in- 75% Joe Schnitzel, the author of the pa- people in Tanzanaaah.” It has also been jokes that moderators have missed. According to a YouC*nt poll, per, said, “We accounted for a vari- reported he “chundered everywhere” in We hope to reduce the national debt ety of different factors, for example we sight. by re-instating the debt owed by 18 75% of voters like to see normalised our results to account for Another policy close to our hearts is African countries. At the G8 sum- Gordon Brown’s prolapsed exam time stress and depression. But the issue of immigration. Our immi- mit, some idiot didn’t check his crystal anus fed to a hedgehog the levels of whining were still well Latest research shows that gration policy is perhaps not as strict ball for future recessions and foolishly above normal.” Goldsmiths isn’t ‘cool’ - it’s just that as other parties’, in the sense that we’re cancelled all Third World debt. Fuck- Common gripes posted on the Fa- students there complain less not going to limit the number of peo- ing billions of quids there. They owe us cebook group include moaning about ple who are allowed to move to the £22bn in total, but ample time will be the number of exams coming up and UK to live and work. We’re not going allowed; we will give them until 23.59 one student even complained that they steps to ensure that Imperial students to impose testing for English language May 7th 2010 to repay their debts. I “Should’ve gone to Kingston.” don’t get too worried or upset during skills, or a points-based system to allow know we said we weren’t bothered, but 53 “I don’t want to pass judgement on the exam period. The new measures only skilled workers to enter the coun- we kind of need it back now. The number of ordinary people individuals,” Mr Schnitzel said, “but are said to include: A weekly trip to try. Instead, all immigrants will have We don’t want to become a nation of that David Cameron has met they sound like a bunch of pussies. East London, speed-dating events in to enter the country via the delightful ponytail mullet-wearing Greek people Well, more than a bunch; more like 829 the JCR and in extreme cases, encour- city of Hull. Here they can spend some now, do we? during this election, which pussies. That’s a lot of pussy. Mmm.” aging students to “man up”, quit their time with the pregnant chavs, catch a Vote Hangman, because life’s shit brings his lifetime total up to 56 In response to the group, Imperial “jibber-jabber” and “pity the fools” few STIs and possibly develop a heroin and we want to make it shitter. College’s Health Centre is taking extra who didn’t get into university. 34 felix FRIDAY 30 APRIL 2010 SPORT [email protected] Measuring your heart rate - the Suunto way

Ali Al Ramahi Energia Instructor be stopped. You can delay the onset of fatigue through correct training of the lactic acid system and you may be able Did you know your heart rate can be to increase your tolerance to lactic acid used as an accurate way of measuring build-up. your exercise intensity and is an ex- Zone 90 – 100% is only possible for tremely useful tool in monitoring your short periods of time and can help to progress to reach your training goals? develop speed by training your fast There are many types of heart rate twitch muscle fibres. monitoring devices available but here Only the very fit are able to train at Ethos we have the latest up to date effectively within this zone. It is rec- technology, the Suunto Fitness So- ommended you seek advice about the lution. The Suunto Fitness solution correct way to train in this zone due works by simply strapping a belt across to the risks associated with high heart your chest and as you enter the gym or rates. studio and start exercising an electro- When you are complete your work- magnetic signal is sent to the Suunto out and you take your belt off, the sys- POD receiver and your heart rate will tem creates a summery of your work- be displayed on the screen or projector. out including energy consumption and Once you have got your heart rate your Training effect results. monitor belt it can only be beneficial Making sure you are achieving the to you if you understand the heart rate correct Training Effect will improve readings you get when you are exercis- your progression and help you achieve ing and also knowing what the limits your exercise goals. It will help keep are. With the Suunto solution this is all you on track and maintain your moti- done for you. The Suunto system cal- vation during exercise sessions. This is culates your Heart Rate Zones and also all done using the Suunto Fitness So- calculates your Training Effect. Effect. bution will decrease. energy is greatly reduced and the gly- lution so you no longer have to worry Making sure you are exercising in the Zone 60 – 70% helps develop basic Zone 70 – 80% will help develop cogen stored in your muscles is used. about whether your are doing enough correct Heart Rate Zones will improve endurance and aerobic capacity. It can your cardiovascular system. This is One of the waste products of burning in your training sessions and if your your progression at that particular in- also help you lose weight by fat burn- the body’s ability to transport oxygen glycogen is lactic acid which builds up current exercise sessions have actually tensity and enable you to achieve max- ing which is when your fat provides to the working muscles and transport in the working muscles. been making a difference to you. You imal results. It is also a good way of some of the total energy you need to carbon dioxide away from the working Your anaerobic threshold is the point should also now have an idea of what keeping you on track and maintaining keep going. This is most beneficial muscles. As you get fitter you will im- where your body cannot remove lac- intensity you should be training at for motivation to keep up your aerobic ex- when exercising for a duration of 40 prove your aerobic capacity. tic acid from the working muscles certain results. ercise sessions. The different exercises minutes plus. The longer you exercise Zone 80 – 90% will help to develop quickly enough. There is only a cer- Next time you are in the Energia gym zones help specify the best Heart Rate at this intensity the more fat you will your lactic acid system and find out tain amount of lactic acid, which the speak to one of the personal trainers Zones for you to train in and there- use up for energy. If the intensity of ex- your anaerobic threshold. During this muscles can tolerate before fatigue and and get yourself a belt for the special fore enhance your fitness and Training ercise is increased then the fat contri- zone the amount of fat being used as soreness sets in and the exercise must price of £20.

Imperial cricketers begin their season with two promising performances

Andrew Payne Cricket However, poor concentration was to Reading no. 4. boundary, but instead he top edged it ship and runs started to flow until a lead to the downfall of both batsman as It looked like Imperial were on the straight back to the bowler, handing horrendous mix-up lead to Raj be- they spooned catches in the off side. A home stretch at the drinks break with Imperial a tense victory. ing run out. Wickets then were lost at similar story was to follow for most of the score on 70-5 after 25 overs, but The players, although shocked at regular intervals until Rohan Babla and Reading had other ideas. Number 6 Ahsen Khan (20) came in and, to the IImperiiall Collllege Men’s 2ndd XI 147 All the Imperial batters. how close the game had become, After a couple of quick wickets and (Grindal) and 7 (Waterstone) were showed fantastic sportsmanlike beah- surprise of everyone, took the attack out a slight dip in run rate, Ankit Patel picking off the bad balls after the break, viour in commiserated Grindal (132) to the rather pathetic spinner put on University of Brighton 2nd XI 148 for (40) hung around producing a watch- steadily accumulating runs while Im- on his brilliant innings. to bowl with Rohan (33), who’d prob- two ful innings, while short cameos at the perial kept looking for the next wicket. The team knew that the game should ably not hit a ball in any of the training other end brought Imperial up to a Joe O’Gorman used the pitch to his never have been allowed to get as close sessions, hitting two rather impressive Imperial lost by 8 wickets good total of 280. Imran Zahid (26) in advantage with some leg-spin, but the as it did and that improvements are 6s that he will not forget (and won’t let particular dispatched several balls out odd loose ball kept the runs ticking required throughout the forthcoming anyone who talks to him forget either). of the park, including one monster six over. Eventually O’Gorman snuck one season. Imperial ended up on 147 all out. down the ground. From 256-5 in 44 through and bowled Waterstone to get Buoyed by a good finish to their overs IC felt that they could have done the 6th wicket. *** innings, IC set out to field with IImperiiall Collllege Men’’ss 1stt XI 2880 All better but were happy with the score Grindal kept going though, now confidence. out nonetheless. starting to accelerate with several Pete decided to take responsibility University of Reading 2nd XI 268 All Navin Surtani and Andrew Payne mammoth sixes and a punishing at- After an unusually prompt meet by a and started off with a fast and hostile out opened the bowling for Imperial and titude to anything slightly off line or scratched together 2nd XI, everyone opening over, taking a wicket with the once again gave the team a great start length, working his way to a century. set out for a ‘home’ game at Harling- 3rd ball; guided to an expertly placed Imperial won by 12 runs to the innings. Surtani, in particular, Steady wickets at the other end kept ton. However, after deciding that the Alex in the slips. Rajiv Bhar, the other was bowling a perfect line and length the pressure on, but you could sense team was lacking a bit of communal opening bowler, was unlucky to not with a brilliant balance of seam and the game had become close with on- spirit, captaincy debutant Pete Swal- get a wicket as he had several chances IC’s 1st XI first game of the season was swing; any opening batsman’s night- field tension increasing every over. low decided to take the scenic route in dropped, something that plagued the away against the University of Reading mare. In contrast Payne utilised a Pressure on the fielders led to a couple and around Heathrow (not helped by team and was ultimately responsible 2nd XI. The early morning showers completely different style who, with of difficult chances going down and being told to get the wrong bus). for the loss as Brighton managed to had just about disappeared ready for his height was able to exploit some of some misfields on the boundary. Fortunately everyone arrived on get the 148 required for the loss of only an exciting game of cricket. Reading the demons in the pitch; one delivery Ehtasham Junaid bowled well from time and a new team spirit had been one more wicket. won the toss and elected to field. bounced off a length and shaved the one end to keep it tight, but at the oth- formed by gently abusing the Captain. Overall, the team performance was Imperial’s openers Matt Tarr (73) batsman’s head as it raced through to er end Patel kept leaking runs. Brighton won the toss and decided good within which there was a lot of and James Musgrave (78) attacked the the keeper. Umpires began questioning the they would field first giving most of enthusiasm and effort while many new ball to bring up a stylish and rapid Pressure was building which ulti- over-rate and with Imperial were rush- the team time to sit down and chill positives can be taken from the game century partnership in just 14 overs; a mately caused the initial wickets, one ing through their overs, the score at out. The makeshift opening pair of as we look to improve over the forth- dream start. Both Tarr and Musgrave each for Surtani (1-16) and Payne (1- 268-9 after 48 overs and Grindal was Sandeep Saha and new-boy Alex Tin- coming season. punished any poorly bowled balls with 47), courtesy of a well judged caught- on strike: 13 runs required from 12 dale (40) started slowly and Sandeep Final congratulations to Alex Tindale Tarr hitting three sixes; one of which and-bowled. Wonderboy Rehan Ali balls. The first ball of the 48th over was was soon out. for his man of the match perform- landed outside the ground on a nearby got the wicket of the day with a hidden short; Grindal went for the pull, look- The second new player Raj S and ance for scoring 40 runs and taking 2 road. bouncer that completely deceived the ing for the gap at the deep square leg Alex then developed a good partner- catches. felix FRIDAY 30 APRIL 2010 35 [email protected] SPORT

Imperial secure two top twenty finishes at HORR felixSports League Christina Duffy Rowing for the race itself, cox Seb Pearce was The crew set off in 12th hot on the Team PWDL F A Diff felixSport the hero. Coming under Hammer- heels of the Durham first 8+ deter- Index smith Bridge they approached another mined to take them doon, which they Imperial College have secured two tideway crew and could overhear the swiftly did. The club was hosting an 1 Fencing Women's 1st 11 11 0 0 1451 964 487 5.00 pennants and two top twenty places coxbox: “150 years of rowing came alumni reception in the club room and 1= Volleyball Men's 1st 10 10 0 0 20 1 19 5.00 in this year’s Head of the River Race down to this day.” Pearce: “150 years after the race strokeman Steele was 3 Volleyball Women's 1st 9 8 0 1 17 4 13 4.00 (HORR). Imperial I claimed the IM1 of rubbish rowing, let’s push off this reflective when speaking to the press 4 Netball Women's 2nd 11 9 1 1 356 217 139 3.91 pennant (16th overall), Imperial IV driftwood.” Earlier while marshalling officer: “The stern three in that boat… 4= ICSM Badminton Men's 1st 11 9 1 1 69 19 50 3.91 won the novice pennant (103rd over- another crew was having difficulty ma- all freshers.” *dramatic pause* “That’s 6 Lacrosse Women's 1st 8 7 0 1 145 21 124 3.88 all) and the elite lightweights came a noeuvring and the cox was yelling for pretty f-ing awesome. Give it two years 6= Squash Men's 3rd 8 7 0 1 17 7 10 3.88 close second in category (8th overall). more room from other crews. “She’ll and that’s us right there.” *points to 8 ICSM Netball Women's 2nd 12 9 2 1 517 344 173 3.75 An alumni reception was held at the need a lot of room”, murmured Pearce victorious Henley 2004 photo of Si- 9 ICSM Rugby Men's 1st 15 12 1 2 512 240 272 3.60 club with several VIPs in attendance before mimicking the beeping sounds mon Hislop, George Whittaker, Hugh 10 Table Tennis Men's 1st 12 10 0 2 143 60 83 3.50 including the Imperial College London of a reversing truck. Mackenzie, Ed Johnson & Seb Pearce* 11 Rugby Men's 1st 15 11 2 2 489 122 367 3.40 Rector Sir Keith O’Nions. The novice 8+ were delighted with Thanks to Imperial College London 12 Squash Women's 1st 11 6 4 1 30 14 16 3.09 The Imperial Lightweight 8+ consist- their win and coach Ross Smithe- Rector Sir Keith O’Nions for attending 13 Hockey Women's 1st 13 9 1 3 59 17 42 2.69 ed of Ole Tietz, Adam Freeman-Pask, man was close to tears at hearing of the reception and conducting a rather 14 Badminton Men's 1st 12 8 1 3 57 39 18 2.50 Oli Mahony, William Fletcher, Andrew the result after weeks of tough basic wet boat naming ceremony. Two new 15 Lacrosse Men's 1st 8 5 1 2 73 54 19 2.38 Craig, Jamie Kirkwood, Benjamin Jack training. The crew were Tom Pearson, ICBC Stämpflis were named; ‘Martin 16 Fencing Men's 1st 12 8 0 4 1499 1266 233 2.00 Rowe & Tommy Junior. The head race Andy Gordon, Will Laughlin, Finlay Knight’ after the College COO and ‘Si- 16= ICSM Hockey Men's 1st 13 8 1 4 46 29 17 2.00 was the crew’s second outing in that McPhail, Sietse Braakman, Hal Brad- mon Archer’ after Senior Lecturer and 18 Hockey Men's 2nd 10 4 3 3 21 19 2 1.40 combination, and only the seventh time bury, Luke Johnston & Tom Shaw. Chair of the Boathouse management. 18= Squash Men's 1st 10 6 0 4 29 21 8 1.40 they had all been out in an 8+. Most of They were coxed by WEHORR IC1 A few weeks earlier the women’s 20 Tennis Men's 1st 12 5 3 4 70 49 21 1.25 the preparation and focus consisted cox Tom Fieldman. When asked about head of the river saw ICBC’s Mel Wil- 20= ICSM Netball Women's 1st 12 7 0 5 441 381 60 1.25 of taking the piss out of Jamie Kirk- the differences in coxing women he son, Lenny Kennedy and Ro Bradbury 22 Football Men's 1st 13 6 2 5 34 29 5 1.08 wood who won the Sculler’s Head of replied: “I recall none of the girls wee- become Head of the River in a compos- 23 Basketball Men's 1st 9 5 0 4 586 588 -2 1.00 the River in late November of last year. ed at the start, whereas with the men ite 8+ (Gloucester/IC/Marlow/Read- 24 Squash Men's 4th 11 6 0 5 17 16 1 0.91 Freeman-Pask: “He got a lot of stick I think the tide was rising before our ing Uni./Thames/UL) at WEHORR. 25 Netball Women's 1st 13 7 0 6 524 482 42 0.85 for being shit, but when he switched to race, even though the river was going They won by 20 seconds (18:10.67) 26 Football Men's 3rd 9 4 1 4 12 21 -9 0.67 bowside… and being in the three seat... out to sea.” The crew took the novice over nearest rivals and hotly tipped 27 ICSM Hockey Women's 2nd 11 3 4 4 13 31 -18 0.64 this only got worse. ‘Kirkwood to tower pennant 16 places (103rd) and three Leander Club (18:30.39). The GB crew 28 Badminton Men's 2nd 13 6 1 6 53 51 2 0.62 requesting a flyby. Negative Kirkwood, seconds (18:48.78) ahead of Oxford was stroked by triple Olympic silver 29 Fencing Women's 2nd 10 5 0 5 1052 1235 -183 0.50 the pattern is full.” The banter was re- Brookes (18:52.91). medallist Katherine Grainger and have 29= Badminton Women's 1st 10 3 3 4 43 37 6 0.50 lentless, complete with general retard In the first boat were Simon Steele, been training out of ICBC and coached 31 Hockey Women's 2nd 11 4 2 5 22 31 -9 0.36 elbow-licking impressions. Rory Sullivan, Jonny Rankin, Henry by IC’s Steve Trapmore in the run up 32 ICSM Hockey Men's 3rd 8 3 1 4 15 29 -14 0.13 Freeman-Pask himself offered mo- Goodier, Mark Mearing-Smith, Leo to the Head. The Imperial club first 33 Squash Men's 2nd 9 4 0 5 18 27 -9 0.00 tivational soundbites to the crew in- Carrington, Danny Bellion, Alex Gil- 8+ came 15th overall (19:31.16) while 34 Tennis Men's 2nd 12 5 0 7 54 66 -12 -0.25 structing them to “Drop the bread in lies & cox Henry Fieldman they won the alumni composite came close-by in 35 Football Men's 2nd 13 5 0 8 24 31 -7 -0.54 the toaster and wait for it to pop.” As the Intermediate 1 category in 18:06.6. 18th (19.34.9). 36 ICSM Hockey Women's 1st 30 10 2 18 63 103 -40 -0.60 37 ICSM Netball 3rd 10 3 1 6 255 335 -80 -0.70 38 Rugby Union Men's 2nd 15 5 0 10 238 211 27 -1.00 38= Fencing Men's 3rd 12 4 0 8 1293 1423 -130 -1.00 40 Tennis Women's 1st 11 2 2 7 35 75 -40 -1.27 Is the English Premiership 40= Netball Women's 3rd 10 3 0 7 208 337 -129 -1.30 David Wilson Sports Editor 42 Rugby Union Men's 4th 10 3 0 7 91 225 -134 -1.30 experiencing a decline? 43 ICSM Football Men's 1st 10 2 1 7 12 20 -8 -1.60 44 Rugby Men's 3rd 13 2 2 9 128 309 -181 -1.69 45 ICSM Rugby Men's 2nd 14 3 0 11 209 410 -201 -2.07 hursday night saw Fulham Manchester United were all eliminated seem to be a more attractive option 46 Hockey Men's 1st 9 1 1 7 17 31 -14 -2.33 and Liverpool taking on at the Quarter Final stage of the Cham- to top players with supposed interest 47 ICSM Football Men's 2nd 9 0 2 7 8 38 -30 -2.67 Hamburg and Athletico pion’s League, destroying any dreams from English teams in both Robben 48 ICSM Rugby Men's 3rd 14 2 0 12 139 465 -326 -2.71 T Madrid respectively in the of another all English Final. The strong and Sneijder ignored. 49 ICSM Hockey Men's 2nd 10 0 2 8 11 39 -28 -2.80 semi-finals of this year’s presence of English clubs in the later There is no doubt that the Premier 50 Football Women's 1st 10 0 1 9 2 59 -57 -3.40 UEFA Europa League. As felix goes stages of the Champions league in re- League has its fair share of World Class 50= ICSM Hockey Women's 3rd 10 0 1 9 8 81 -73 -3.40 to press on a Thursday evening I can- cent years has disappeared; this will be players, but it seems that ‘the best not write about the result, although it the first year that an English club has league in the World’ has lost some of its wouldn’t be too optimistic to predict not contested the final since 2004. allure. The poor weather is supposedly an all English final. Both teams are The reason, it would appear, is that Franck Ribery’s reason not to play in felixSport presents to you the playing at home, while Fulham enter other teams have caught up and have England. Could the reason be the high the game 0-0 on aggregate, Liverpool devised tactics and strategies to beat taxes which hit the astronomic wage have the harder albeit achievable task the English teams. Real Madrid spent bills earned by top footballers. Andrey final league table of the year of overturning a one nil deficit from over £200 million last summer, but even Arshavin of Arsenal was left more than the first leg in Madrid. this sum of money cannot buy success; a little annoyed when he found out s we enter into the summer There is a strong chance that at results only stem from a team perform- that Mr Brown takes away half of his A term, the majority of the sports least one of the English teams will ing together. reported £80,000 wage packet. fixtures for this academic year be present in the May 12th final. An Barcelona are the only team who It’s not just in Europe that England’s have been played. Although many will English club has not competed in the have prevented English dominance of top teams have struggled; the Premier argue cricket and athletics seasons are Europa League (formerly UEFA Cup) Europe’s premier competition in re- League title race has been the closest it only just beginning, the number of re- final since 2006 when Sevilla thrashed cent years with their tika-tak football. has been for a while. While one could sults for these sports would not be as Middlesbrough, who now play in the Even they were not worthy of a place argue this increases entertainment, it great as those sports which have com- Championship. in this year’s final; knocked out by Jose was still three familiar faces fighting it petede over the previous two terms. While Fulham’s achievement is nota- Mourinho’s Inter in Tuesday’s semi fi- out for the title. Manchester United and felixSport can reveal the final league ble and should be recognised, Liverpool nal. The other place in the final is oc- Arsenal only remained in the title race table for the 2009-2010 season. Stand- should not be contesting the Europa cupied by Bayern Munich, the team due to Chelsea’s ability to drop points. ing at the summit of the table are Fenc- League. They are a team rich in his- who ended Manchester United’s run in It is encouraging that the gulf between ing Women’s 1s and Volleyball Men’s tory and last season finished second the competition. Both Inter and Bay- fourth place and ‘the rest’ now appears 1s both of whom boast unblemished in the Premiership, this season their ern are teams which are rebuilding and to be closing or are the top four just not records and have won all of their campaign has been hit by injuries and returning to prominence. Mourinho’s as good anymore? Only time will tell matches. Our female fencing team im- indifferent form from key players. They star performer is Wesley Sneijder who what is to become of the English game. proved on their 4th place finish in the were dumped into the Europa League was surplus to requirements at Real But for now, as the domestic season table last year. Men’s Volleyball team as a consequence of their limp perform- Madrid following the Galacticos II re- draws to a close for another year let’s managed to outdo the performance of ances in the group stage of this year’s development scheme, while another look forward to the World Cup which, if their female counterparts who finished Champions League. Liverpool are not Real reject, Arjen Robben sparks the popular consensus counts for anything, a promising 6th last year and improved the only English team to disappoint in Bayern team into life when he’s not on we are sure to win. Could it be that we to a 3rd place finish this time around. Europe this year. Arsenal, Chelsea and the sidelines injured. European teams all expect a bit too much? 30.04.10

Send in your sport reports: [email protected] felixSport High resolution photos only BUCS win for Imperial’s amazing marathon man Second year Maths student Alex Milne ran a blistering 2:39:26 in the London Marathon to London win the BUCS marathon Championships. Marathon Indy Leclercq finds out more 2010 :

ast Sunday’s London Mara- This year’s marathon, then, was a the Lowdown thon was the scene of a very chance for improvement. “After run- impressive performance ning really badly in the London Mara- L by Imperial second-year thon last year, I wanted to do it prop- mathematician Alex Milne, erly this time. This meant training • Number of runners : who won the BUCS marathon cham- harder and I have currently run every pionships. Finishing 160th overall in single day since 22nd May 2009.” 36,522 the race with a speedy time of 2:39:26, “I’ve run over a thousand miles since 20-year-old, Alex was the fastest the beginning of 2010 and my highest • t26-mile course starts BUCS-registered runner to complete mileage week (102) was 4 weeks be- the 26 miles. fore the marathon. The most impor- in Blackheath, goes felixSport caught up with him to find tant part of my training was the long out more about his success, and what run, which I gradually increased until through east London goes into running a marathon. running the furthest of 24 miles. The It turns out that last week’s success runs around Hyde Park with the Cross and the city and stemmed from a tragic accident three Country Club on Wednesday are the years ago: “In 2007 a good friend of most fun as they are with a big group.” finishes on the Mall mine broke his neck on a trampoline Such grueling training could only and since then has been paralyzed pay off: “I was feeling really good up • Top prize : $ 55, 000 from the neck down. I wanted to help until 18 miles. I had stuck to the pace I wanted and the noise from the crowds (for the first-placed was incredible.” But a marathon is never plain sailing, and Alex had to dig Men’s and Women’s “I was feeling very deep into his physical and mental resources to keep going during the really good...I race: “My legs started to feel heavier runners (total prize and the proper pain started at mile 20. had stuck to the It got worse and worse, but I forced money $295,000) myself not to stop. By the 26th mile I pace I wanted and was completely disorientated and felt • Course record : 2:05:10, on the verge of passing out. Luckily I the noise from made it over the finish line still stand- set by 2009 winner ing and then collapsed!” the crowds was It was done, though. After a year’s Sammy Wanjiru hard training, he had crossed the finish incredible” line – although realizing what he had • The London marathon done took a while to sink in as he recovered from his effort in the first aid Alex also won the Herts Cross Coun- test yourself this is the way to do it. In also comprises a Jack out and decided that running the tent. He is, however, delighted with the try Championships and the London terms of training, the most important marathon for him would be a great way result : “ I wanted to run under 2 hours Colleges Cross Country League, and thing is getting in some runs of at least wheelchair race along to do so. I began training later that year 45 minutes, so I was very happy with came second in the Berkhamsted half 20 miles at a fairly easy pace. It may with just a few runs here and there. I 2:39:26”. marathon. sound like lots, but it will go by quickly the same course got a place in the 2008 London Mara- Happy he should be, as that time However, when asked about running and you (but not your legs) will feel thon through the Spinal Injuries As- meant he came 160th overall (out of future marathons, he remains unsure. great afterwards. In the race, the one • 2010 winner : Kenyan sociation and managed to raise £4000 over 36 000 participants) and first in “That’s a tough question. I have now thing you should not do is go out too for them and £6000 for my friend Jack. the BUCS championships. This sur- qualified for a championship place so fast. It’s easy to get excited and forget Tsegaye Kebede in The run was lots of fun and I was one prised even him, though: “I had actu- it’s tempting. However, I might give it a you still have a hell of a long way to go.” of the youngest runners (18 was the ally forgotten that I entered the BUCS rest for a few years to focus on 5km to In any case, Alex showed a lot of grit 2:05:19 minimum age). I finished in an OK 3 Marathon Championships, so it was half marathon. My next main goal is to in this year’s run, and his words are hours 30 minutes.” only on the evening after the race that run a half marathon in under 70 min- something to ponder for the would-be • 1st-placed Briton This initial performance encouraged I looked up the times of the other guys utes, as that would be getting me closer marathoner. Maybe future years will Alex to take running more seriously and found out I had won! I also saw to the elite times.” bring more Imperial participants in the Andrew Lemoncello and join a club. He gradually built that one of the others who finished just Finally, does he have any tips for testing ordeal! up to the 2009 marathon, winning a behind me had been 4 minutes ahead those of us who want to try running a Alex would like to thank the Cross came 8th place through the ballot and aiming at halfway. This made all the pain marathon for ourselves? Country and Athletics Club for the for a sub-three-hour time. He finished worth it.” “I think everyone should run a mara- great training sessions, and his girl- in a “very disappointing” 3 hours 22 Another taste of success, then, to cap thon at least once in their lives. It is a friend, Jessica Floyd, for supporting minutes. off what has been a rewarding year, as unique challenge and if you want to him all the way.