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MEH-EH-EH-EH SINCE 1992 "THE TROUBLE WITH UNGULATES" BY MICHAEL ELLIS • MICHAELELLISART.COM VOLUME 24 | ISSUE 8 | FEBRUARY 19-25, 2015 | FREE [2] FEBRUARY 19-25 , 2015 WEEKLY ALIBI WEEKLY ALIBI FEBRUARY 19-25 , 2015 [3] CRIB NOTES BY AUGUST MARCH alibi Crib Notes: Feb. 19, 2015 VOLUME 24 | ISSUE 8 | FEBRUARY 19-25 , 2015 Redevelopment plans for the 1 _______________ were submitted to the EDITORIAL City last month, but the documents will MANAGING EDITOR/MUSIC EDITOR: remain confidential until mid-March Samantha Anne Carrillo (ext. 243) when the Albuquerque Development [email protected] Commission reviews them. FILM EDITOR: Devin D. O’Leary (ext. 230) [email protected] a) Route 66 Motor Hotel FOOD EDITOR/FEATURES EDITOR : Ty Bannerman (ext. 260) [email protected] b) UNM Football Stadium ARTS & LIT EDITOR/ WEB EDITOR : c) De Anza Motor Lodge Lisa Barrow (ext. 267) [email protected] d) Downtown Entertainment Corridor CALENDARS EDITOR/COPY EDITOR: Mark Lopez (ext. 239) [email protected] CONTRIBUTING WRITERS: Neighbors adjacent to a new homeless Cecil Adams, Steven Robert Allen, Captain 2 camp, as well as the property owner of America, Gustavo Arellano, Rob Brezsny, Shawna Brown, Suzanne Buck, Eric Castillo, David Correia, the empty lot in the ________________ Mark Fischer, Erik Gamlem, Gail Guengerich, Nora neighborhood where the latest tent Hickey, Kristi D. Lawrence, Ari LeVaux, Mark city Camp Faith was set up, complained Lopez, August March, Genevieve Mueller, Amelia Olson, Geoffrey Plant, Benjamin Radford, Jeremy they were not consulted before the Shattuck, Mike Smith, M. Brianna Stallings, M.J. homeless were told to stay there by Wilde, Holly von Winckel representatives of a local social PRODUCTION coalition. ART DIRECTOR: Jesse Schulz (ext. 229) [email protected] a) Barales PRODUCTION MANAGER : b) Barelas Archie Archuleta (ext. 240) [email protected] c) Arroyo del Oso GRAPHIC DESIGNERS: Tasha Lujan (ext. 254) [email protected] d) Sandia Heights Robert Maestas (ext. 254) [email protected] STAFF PHOTOGRAPHER: This past weekend, an APD officer was Eric Williams [email protected] 3 arrested for _______________. CONTRIBUTING ARTISTS: Ben Adams, Eva Avenue, Cutty Bage, Max Cannon, Michael Ellis, Adam Hansen, Jodie Herrera, KAZ, a) Child abuse Jack Larson, Tom Nayder, Ryan North b) Excessive donut-eating SALES c) Failure to yield SALES DIRECTOR: d) Domestic violence Sarah Bonneau (ext. 235) [email protected] SENIOR DISPLAY ACCOUNT EXECUTIVE: John Hankinson (ext. 265) [email protected] 4 Albuquerque often emerges at the ACCOUNT EXECUTIVES: bottom of many “Best of” lists, but the Valerie Hollingsworth (ext. 263) [email protected] city was recently ranked in the Top Five Laura Liccardi (ext. 264) [email protected] for ______________. Dawn Lytle (ext. 258) [email protected] Sasha Perrin (ext. 241) [email protected] a) Petty criminals ADMINISTRATION b) Marijuana prices CONTROLLER: c) Commuters Molly Lindsay (ext. 257) [email protected] ACCOUNTS RECEIVABLE : d) Transdimensional entities Courtney Foster (ext. 233) [email protected] FRONT DESK: Graduation rates at area high schools Constance Moss (ext. 221) [email protected] 5 Renee Chavez (ext. 221) [email protected] ______________ over the past year. EDITOR AND PUBLISHER: Carl Petersen (ext. 228) [email protected] a) Declined SYSTEMS MANAGER: b) Increased Kyle Silfer (ext. 242) [email protected] c) Stayed the same WEB MONKEY: d) Fluctuated randomly John Millington (ext. 238) [email protected] OWNERS, PUBLISHERS EMERITI: Christopher Johnson and Daniel Scott CIRCULATION Answers: CIRCULATION MANAGER : 1) C. The policy to keep competitive bids secret Geoffrey Plant (ext. 252) [email protected] during the negotiation process is part of a state law INFORMATION aimed at promoting fairness in business PRINTER: transactions. The Santa Fe New Mexican IN LOVING MEMORY: 2) B. Representatives of the Barelas Community Doug Albin, Martin Candelaria, Michael Henningsen, Coalition apologized for their actions, which were Eric Johnson, Greg Medara, Mina Yamashita not previously approved by residents or the owner INTERNET SERVICE PROVIDER: Southwest Cyberport (232-7992) of the new site, The Sawmill Community Land [email protected] Trust. NATIONAL ADVERTISING: VMG Advertising (888) 278-9866 3) A. Officer Skyler McClaskey was taken into www.vmgadvertising.com custody early Saturday morning after meeting with officials about the disciplinary methods he used on NUCITY PUBLICATIONS, INC. 413 Central NW, Albuquerque, New Mexico 87102 his stepson. BUSINESS HOURS: 10AM–5PM MON–FRI 4) C. PHONE: (505) 346-0660 FAX: (505) 256-9651 A study done by a nationally prominent self- Alibi (ISSN 1088-0496) is published weekly 52 times per year. The content storage and moving company lists Burque as of this issue is Copyright © 2014 by NuCity Publications, Inc., and may not Number Five in regards to its commuter- be reprinted in part or in whole without written consent of the publisher. All rights are reserved. One copy of each edition of Alibi is available free to county friendliness. The study cites low gas prices and residents and visitors each week. Anyone caught removing papers in bulk will short roundtrip travel times as a defining aspect of be prosecuted on theft charges to the fullest extent of the law. Yearly subscription $100, back issues are $3, Best of Burque is $5. Queries and manuscripts should our town’s mobile prominence. include a self-addressed stamped envelope; Alibi assumes no responsibility for unsolicited material. 5) A. Graduation rates fell at local high schools in 2014. Albuquerque Public Schools officials point to Association truancy as one potential cause for the drop in of Alternative Newsmedia graduates. a [4] FEBRUARY 19-25, 2015 WEEKLY ALIBI teacher who was allegedly let go over her phobia about children. Maria Waltherr-Willard, 63, had been claiming breach of contract against ODDS Mariemont City Schools. According to her lawsuit, Waltherr-Willard had taught Spanish and D French at Mariemont High School in Cincinnati since the 1970s, but she was transferred to an area N middle school in 2009. There, Waltherr-Willard A ENDS says the marginally younger seventh- and eighth- graders triggered her lifelong fear of children, WEIRD NEWS causing her blood pressure to spike and forcing her to retire in the middle of the 2010-11 school Dateline: Brazil year. An attorney for the school district says Three women wearing dominatrix costumes Waltherr-Willard was transferred because the allegedly succeeded in springing prisoners from a high school’s French program was being turned jail after tricking guards into thinking they were into an online course. The child-phobic teacher going to participate in an orgy. Dressed in skimpy tried to convince the appeals court she had a black vinyl outfits, they showed up at the Nova verbal agreement with some unidentified school Mutum public prison near Cuiaba around 3am. officials not to be transferred, but no such After being allowed inside to “chat and drink,” stipulation ever appeared in her written contract. the women dosed two guards and one supervisor with sedatives dissolved in whiskey. “From the Dateline: Massachusetts moment they drank the whiskey, the agents don’t A judge has dismissed charges against a woman remember a thing,” Police Chief Angelina de accused of throwing bacon at police officers. Andrades Ferreira told reporters. The women Lindsey McNamara, 24, of Ashland, was charged stripped the men, handcuffed them, stole their with disorderly conduct and malicious destruction keys and opened the gates, allowing 28 inmates to of property after a Dec. 26 incident in which she walk free. The prisoners raided the jail’s storage showed up at a Framingham police station with a room before leaving, taking three rifles, two box full of bacon and sausages and started revolvers and an unknown amount of throwing meat at officers. During the incident, ammunition with them. The groggy, naked guards which was caught on tape, McNamara told were discovered the next morning. A bag officers, “God told me to feed the piggies.” containing the women’s naughty clothing was Despite the fact that McNamara rubbed bacon on later found near the prison. The guards were the station’s dispatch window, Judge David Cunis arrested and will face charges of facilitating a said Framingham police provided little evidence jailbreak. Some of the missing inmates have been that she destroyed any property. “From what I see apprehended, but most are still on the run. in the report, they had to just do a little cleanup,” Cunis wrote in his official decision. According to Dateline: The Netherlands the MetroWest Daily News , Prosecutors could Police near Amsterdam busted a suspected bring the charges again in the future if they marijuana grow house after spotting its produce additional evidence that equipment at unseasonably snow-free roof. The house was the police station was damaged. located in the middle of a block of houses in the city of Haarlem, about 12 miles west of Dateline: Montana Amsterdam. Unlike its neighbors on either side, Earlier this month members of the House the row house had a warm, snow-free circle on its Judiciary Committee voted unanimously to table roof line. Inside the home police found heat House Bill 365, which would have made yoga lamps and marijuana plants. “Officers were pants illegal. State Rep. David Moore had investigating because the house was completely introduced the bill on Tuesday, Feb. 10. He was obscured, and the roof was remarkably dry trying to expand the definition of “indecent compared to other roofs in the street,” a police exposure” to include garments that give the spokesperson said in a statement. England’s The appearance of a person’s buttocks, genitals, pelvis Independent reports that at least three other or female nipple. According to the Billings suspected grow houses were also raided in the Gazette , the republican from Missoula announced, area, netting about 500 plants—all because of “Yoga pants should be illegal in public anyway,” snow-free roofs.