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The Best Revenge!”

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The Best Revenge!” Thursday 08.11.12 Thursday The best revenge How women won the vote for Obama By Emma Brockes That phone call Suzanne Moore Oysters Notes & Queries Michael Gambon How to concede an election The ‘ordinary’ monsters Why we should eat more How small is small? Staging Beckett 12A Shortcuts Barack Obama and Mitt Romney; (below) losing presidential candidate in 1996, Bob Dole US politics How to concede an election gracefully e’ve all been there. It’s W 1am, you’ve just lost the American presi- dential election, and now you’ve got to call the victor to concede. What the devil do you say? This, as history now records, was the quandary facing a certain Willard Mitt Romney – or, as David Lynch termed him last week: R-Money – in the early hours of Wednesday morning. For variously obvious reasons, it must have been a diffi cult moment. There was no love lost between R-Money and Obama during the campaign – at one point, the president implied that Mitt caused cancer – while only hours before Romney had boasted that he was so confi dent of victory, he had only prepared a winner’s speech. All 1,118 words of it. Not that he’s counting or anything. Emotions aside, though, there’s the incumbent, Bill Clinton, before Romney clan down the corridors of replied . “You’re calling me back an art to timing the concessionary polls even closed in California. a gloomy hotel. He released a photo to retract your concession?” “You phone-call. Too early, and you risk Half an hour later, the concession of the shenanigans . It’s supposed to don’t have to get snippy about it,” either upsetting your supporters was retracted and the mistake be touching, but really it looks more Gore shot back. Snippy, however, (who want to feel they at least was attributed to mythological like something out of The Shining.) didn’t even begin to describe what made things close) – or worse still, creatures. “Either a gremlin or Nearby, explained Schmidt, followed. Legal wrangling contin- foreclosing the ppossibilityossibility of a somesome other thing causedca it to be will have been “a war-room of ued for weeks, and it wasn’t until win. Too late, andnd you’re seen as released,’’released,’’ eexplainedx Dole’s young kids”. These strategists December that Bush could safely divisive and bitter.ter. haplesshapless presspre secretary . do the number-crunching on the call himself president-elect. “The losing candidateandidate has an InIn the hoursho leading results as they’re announced and John Kerry, Gore’s successor as important duty,”” said Steve upup to tthehe pphoneh call, the ultimately advise the losing can- Democratic challenger, achieved Schmidt, the seniornior Repub- candidatescandidates simply hang didate on when to give in. “It’s a rather more grace – mostly because lican strategist whowho about.aboa ut. “Everyone’s“Ev tough moment,” Schmidt contin- his loss was that much more advised John McCaincCain sittingssitting there,”the says ued, “when you have to tell the obvious. “Congratulations, Mr on when to concedecede Schmidt.Schmid “They’ve candidate, as I did, that we’ve lost President,” was his gambit at the in 2008, on NBCC oonn shoshoweredw in the Ohio: you’re not going to be the start of a measured fi ve-minute- Monday . “That’ss hotel.ho They’ve president of the United States.” long conversation between himself to concede the moved over to But even at this stage, the phone and George Bush in 2004. election in a the [campaign] call can go wrong. In 2000, Al Gore And what of old R-Money? Well, graceful mannerr site.site. They’re restless famously rang George Bush to in the end, it seems he opted for and begin to uniteite – a lot of it isi just watching concede once it looked like he’d the Kerry school of concessionary the country.” TV.” (So restless,re in fact, lost Florida. Minutes later, Gore telephony. Shortly before 1am, Republican Bobob thatthat thisthis yeary Romney’s was back on the blower. Some of east-coast time, a Republican Dole is an exampleple ooff aideaide GarrettGarre Jackson the Florida results looked fl awed, aide told CNN he had called how not to do things.hings. preferredpreferred to spend the and he wanted to stay in the race. Obama for a “short, polite” chat. In 1996, he seem-m- eveningevening chasingc the “Let me make sure I understand,” Good for him. ingly conceded to youngeryounger membersm of the an enraged Bush apparently Patrick Kingsley Ê 4,000,0004,000 likes Cheaters beware BobBob DylanDyla attracted a lot of Academics are contemplating Shorterer thumbs-upsthumbs- when his fi rst ever putting students through FacebookFaceboo status predicted a drugs tests around exam time, cutss landslidelandslide for Obama. “ He’s a according to the author of a hard act to follow.” A positive Cambridge University study that sousoundbiten from Dylan? The found 10% admit to taking pills ttimesim really are a-changing. to enhance their performance. 2 The Guardian 08.11.12 Motoring them as standard. What you get insteadd Pass notes Does your is a repair kit – a bottlele No 3,278 of sealant and an electricctric car have a compressor. Nate spare tyre? The problem with the sealant is that it won’t work for larger Silver leaks, and the glue leaves the tyre beyond repair. The RAC attributes t is an unfortunate axiom of 20,000 call-outs a year to new Age: 34. I modern motoring that the cars without spares. Appearance: Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory. fi rst time you clap eyes on The stated reasons for this Never seen it. Then just imagine a generic mas- your spare tyre is usually the fi rst rather glaring omission are varied. sive geek. time you get a fl at, and it’s always Some manufacturers claim that Will do. So who is he? He’s a psephologist and a moment of apprehension. Will consumers have demanded extra former sabermetrician. the jack be of unfathomable boot space, which had to come A what and a what now? A statistical analyst of design? Will the spare itself be from somewhere. Others insist elections and a former statistical analyst of base- IN NUMBERS fl at? Will it be one of those space- it is done to cut down on weight, ball. His blog, FiveThirtyEight, now hosted by the saving toy tyres that can only be and carbon dioxide emissions. New York Times, is the go-to site for cold, hard driven on safely for 50 miles (or Industry representatives maintain election stats. unsafely for much, much longer)? the repair kits are cleaner to use, £423,390 So he’s pretty good then? Well, he got Tuesday’s What about this scenario: you and that fewer drivers these days presidential election exactly right. The average open the boot and fi nd nothing know how to change a tyre any- diff erence in So did half the world’s tossed coins. True at all. It’s a not very widely pub- way. That’s right: it’s our fault. executive pay enough. But they weren’t quite as accurate. licised fact that an increasing The manufacturers’ main between men and Meaning? Silver didn’t just predict Obama was number of new cars don’t come consideration is, of course, the women, according going to win it. He correctly projected the results with a spare. (Contrary to what bottom line: even those little to the Chartered for every single one of America’s 50 states. Some- many people think, there is no donut wheels cost up to £150. Management thing 50 tossed coins would have less than a one Institute. That’s legal requirement to carry one, A repair kit, on the other hand, in a trillion chance of getting right. £14,689 less a year but if you do, it must comply with costs about £20. Do yourself a fa- if you’re a woman. Ah, well. That’s a little more impressive. How’d laws on wear and condition. ) vour and check the arrangements In other words, for he do it? With his “election simulator” According to a new survey by in your car’s boot. That way, every £100 that men statistical model, which aggregates hundreds Auto Express , only a third of cur- when you next get a fl at, at least take home, a woman of polling fi gures and economic data, weights it rent Ford models have one, and you won’t be surprised. gets £85. Need we all for accuracy, factors in a load of fancy maths none of the new Minis includes Tim Dowling go on? about past elections and boils the whole thing down to a percentage chance of victory for each candidate. On Tuesday morning, while many Movember pundits were insisting it was too close to call, Silver’s model put Obama’s chances at a precise and healthy 90.9%. How did pundits feel about that? Pretty uncom- We focus-grouped fortable. He was derided in the media as “a joke”, this intensively. who was “getting into silly land”. One rightwing Apparently, the more of my quivering blogger even dismissed his predictions on the lie-hole I cover, grounds that Silver – an openly gay Democrat – the better was “thin and eff eminate”. Because your maths is wrong if you’re not fat and masculine? Apparently. Why such hatred for a mere statistician? A few reasons. In part, because he dispelled the myth of I got mine from porngear4u.com Mitt’s momentum.
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