12A Thursday 08.11.12 How toconcede anelection That phonecall The ‘ordinary’ monsters Suzanne Moore Why we should eat more revenge The best How women won thevote for Obama Oysters Notes &Queries How small issmall?

By EmmaBrockes Michael Gambon Staging Beckett Shortcuts Barack Obama and Mitt Romney; (below) losing presidential candidate in 1996, Bob Dole

US politics How to concede an election gracefully

e’ve all been there. It’s W 1am, you’ve just lost the American presi- dential election, and now you’ve got to call the victor to concede. What the devil do you say? This, as history now records, was the quandary facing a certain Willard Mitt Romney – or, as David Lynch termed him last week: R-Money – in the early hours of Wednesday morning. For variously obvious reasons, it must have been a diffi cult moment. There was no love lost between R-Money and Obama during the campaign – at one point, the president implied that Mitt caused cancer – while only hours before Romney had boasted that he was so confi dent of victory, he had only prepared a winner’s speech. All 1,118 words of it. Not that he’s counting or anything. Emotions aside, though, there’s the incumbent, Bill Clinton, before Romney clan down the corridors of replied . “You’re calling me back an art to timing the concessionary polls even closed in California. a gloomy hotel. He released a photo to retract your concession?” “You phone-call. Too early, and you risk Half an hour later, the concession of the shenanigans. It’s supposed to don’t have to get snippy about it,” either upsetting your supporters was retracted and the mistake be touching, but really it looks more Gore shot back. Snippy, however, (who want to feel they at least was attributed to mythological like something out of The Shining.) didn’t even begin to describe what made things close) – or worse still, creatures. “Either a gremlin or Nearby, explained Schmidt, followed. Legal wrangling contin- foreclosing the ppossibilityossibility of a somesome other thing causedca it to be will have been “a war-room of ued for weeks, and it wasn’t until win. Too late, andnd you’re seen as rreleased,’’eleased,’’ e explainedx Dole’s young kids”. These strategists December that Bush could safely divisive and bitter.ter. hhaplessapless presspre secretary . do the number-crunching on the call himself president-elect. “The losing candidateandidate has an IInn the hhourso leading results as they’re announced and John Kerry, Gore’s successor as important duty,”” said Steve uupp to tthehe pphoneh call, the ultimately advise the losing can- Democratic challenger, achieved Schmidt, the seniornior Repub- candidatecandidatess simply hang didate on when to give in. “It’s a rather more grace – mostly because lican strategist wwhoho aboaabout.ut. “E“Everyone’sv tough moment,” Schmidt contin- his loss was that much more advised John McCaincCain ssitsittingting there,”the says ued, “when you have to tell the obvious. “Congratulations, Mr on when to concedecede SchmiSchmidt.d “They’ve candidate, as I did, that we’ve lost President,” was his gambit at the in 2008, on NBCC oonn shoshoweredw in the Ohio: you’re not going to be the start of a measured fi ve-minute- Monday . “That’ss hohotel. They’ve president of the United States.” long conversation between himself to concede the moved over to But even at this stage, the phone and George Bush in 2004. election in a the [campaign] call can go wrong. In 2000, Al Gore And what of old R-Money? Well, graceful mannerr ssite.ite. They’re restless famously rang George Bush to in the end, it seems he opted for and begin to uniteite – a lot of it isi just watching concede once it looked like he’d the Kerry school of concessionary the country.” TV.” (So restless,re in fact, lost Florida. Minutes later, Gore telephony. Shortly before 1am, Republican Bobob ththatat tthishis yyear Romney’s was back on the blower. Some of east-coast time, a Republican Dole is an exampleple ooff aaideide GarrettGarre Jackson the Florida results looked fl awed, aide told CNN he had called how not to do things.hings. ppreferredreferred to spend the and he wanted to stay in the race. Obama for a “short, polite” chat.

In 1996, he seem-m- eeveningvening cchasing the “Let me make sure I understand,” Good for him.

ingly conceded to youyoungernger mmembers of the an enraged Bush apparently Patrick Kingsley Ê 4,000,0004,000 likes Cheaters beware BobBob DylanDyla attracted a lot of Academics are contemplating Shorterer thumbs-upsthumbs- when his fi rst ever putting students through FacebookFaceboo status predicted a drugs tests around exam time, cutss landslidelandslide for Obama. “He’s a according to the author of a hard act to follow.” A positive Cambridge University study that soundbitesoun from Dylan? The found 10% admit to taking pills timestim really are a-changing. to enhance their performance.

2 The Guardian 08.11.12 Motoring them as standard. What you get insteadd Pass notes Does your is a repair kit – a bottlele No 3,278 of sealant and an electricctric car have a compressor. Nate spare tyre? The problem with the sealant is that it won’t work for larger Silver leaks, and the glue leaves the tyre beyond repair. The RAC attributes t is an unfortunate axiom of 20,000 call-outs a year to new Age: 34. I modern motoring that the cars without spares. Appearance: Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory. fi rst time you clap eyes on The stated reasons for this Never seen it. Then just imagine a generic mas- your spare tyre is usually the fi rst rather glaring omission are varied. sive geek. time you get a fl at, and it’s always Some manufacturers claim that Will do. So who is he? He’s a psephologist and a moment of apprehension. Will consumers have demanded extra former sabermetrician. the jack be of unfathomable boot space, which had to come A what and a what now? A statistical analyst of design? Will the spare itself be from somewhere. Others insist elections and a former statistical analyst of base- IN NUMBERS fl at? Will it be one of those space- it is done to cut down on weight, ball. His blog, FiveThirtyEight, now hosted by the saving toy tyres that can only be and carbon dioxide emissions. New York Times, is the go-to site for cold, hard driven on safely for 50 miles (or Industry representatives maintain election stats. unsafely for much, much longer)? the repair kits are cleaner to use, £423,390 So he’s pretty good then? Well, he got Tuesday’s What about this scenario: you and that fewer drivers these days presidential election exactly right. The average open the boot and fi nd nothing know how to change a tyre any- diff erence in So did half the world’s tossed coins. True at all. It’s a not very widely pub- way. That’s right: it’s our fault. executive pay enough. But they weren’t quite as accurate. licised fact that an increasing The manufacturers’ main between men and Meaning? Silver didn’t just predict Obama was number of new cars don’t come consideration is, of course, the women, according going to win it. He correctly projected the results with a spare. (Contrary to what bottom line: even those little to the Chartered for every single one of America’s 50 states. Some- many people think, there is no donut wheels cost up to £150. Management thing 50 tossed coins would have less than a one Institute. That’s legal requirement to carry one, A repair kit, on the other hand, in a trillion chance of getting right. £14,689 less a year but if you do, it must comply with costs about £20. Do yourself a fa- if you’re a woman. Ah, well. That’s a little more impressive. How’d laws on wear and condition. ) vour and check the arrangements In other words, for he do it? With his “election simulator” According to a new survey by in your car’s boot. That way, every £100 that men statistical model, which aggregates hundreds Auto Express, only a third of cur- when you next get a fl at, at least take home, a woman of polling fi gures and economic data, weights it rent Ford models have one, and you won’t be surprised. gets £85. Need we all for accuracy, factors in a load of fancy maths none of the new Minis includes Tim Dowling go on? about past elections and boils the whole thing down to a percentage chance of victory for each candidate. On Tuesday morning, while many Movember pundits were insisting it was too close to call, Silver’s model put Obama’s chances at a precise and healthy 90.9%. How did pundits feel about that? Pretty uncom- We focus-grouped fortable. He was derided in the media as “a joke”, this intensively. who was “getting into silly land”. One rightwing Apparently, the more of my quivering blogger even dismissed his predictions on the lie-hole I cover, grounds that Silver – an openly gay Democrat – the better was “thin and eff eminate”. Because your maths is wrong if you’re not fat and masculine? Apparently. Why such hatred for a mere statistician? A few reasons. In part, because he dispelled the myth of I got mine from porngear4u.com Mitt’s momentum. In part, because some people feel that stats have “a well-known liberal bias”. And, in part, because if number-crunchers are this dang good, the days of the postulating pundit GETTY IMAGES; ALAMY; REX REATURES ALAMY; GETTY IMAGES; may be, well, numbered. Do say: “Lies, damned lies and thin and eff emi- Here’s a cunning stunt by the Movember charity campaign, who have added nate statistics.” moustaches to the waxworks of David Cameron and Boris Johnson at Madame Don’t say: “I thought a sabermetrician measured Tussauds. What do you think they’re saying? Tell us at guardian.co.uk/shortcuts

PHOTOGRAPHS PHOTOGRAPHS swords.”

iSelf-defence Close shave ‘Kenyans don’t A safety-conscious American news anchor Jai lose races’ dad has developed Cunningham held back tears as As his tweet shows, a pepper-spray he pledged to shave his head on comedian Chris Rock iPhone case for his air every time a woman or child thinks Obama’s second daughter. That’ll is killed in the US as a result of term was inevitable. make her popular domestic violence, after a friend on campus. was murdered by her partner.

08.11.12 The Guardian 3

Suzanne Moore Away from the celebrity scandals and conspiracy theories, abusers are often the most ordinary of monsters

re we in the midst of paedogeddon? actually worsened since then, as the private sector A huge, unnecessary moral panic This sudden moved into care homes, pushing pay down. One A about abuse triggered by the need to of the shocking facts to come out of the Rochdale Savile revelations? Not exactly but grooming scandal was the number of private chil- something strange is going on. We apportion dren’s homes in the area. Thus, we remove chil- have indeed been here before, but my hope is blame is dren from families and entrust them to those we that instead of swinging between outrage and pay little and don’t bother to train. Social work is denial about child abuse, we may start to hear about our demonised by those who bang on about “paedos” what victims and their advocates have been guilt for not but see all child protection as “health and safety telling us for decades. gone mad”. The MP Tom Watson says he has been shocked having Indeed this focus on paedophile networks by what he has been told about coverups, Tory becomes unhelpful and hysterical. Historically politicians and paedophile “networks”. He seems listened we have swung from Satanic abuse to a backlash genuinely horrifi ed by the dark and disturbing of false-memory syndrome, where victims were information he has received. I understand a little again discredited. Feminists have been accused because since I wrote about Savile a couple of of pushing an “anti-family” agenda as though we weeks ago, asking that we focus on the victims don’t have families. and not the BBC or political point-scoring, I have To bring this back to the victims once more, we also been the recipient of too much information. now have adult men who are naming high-profi le While I imagine Watson has been privy to abusers, a fl urry of rumours and an attempt by horrible stories about institutionalised sexual the government to appear to be doing something. abuse, I have been inundated with stories from The recognition of abuse has been seen as a leftie/ women who have been abused mostly in familial liberal delusion. Safeguarding and CRB checks circumstances. Some of them are confused about have indeed been cack-handed and intrusive but whether they really have been abused. it is important to remember they were born from It is terribly sad stuff , listening to adults who a wish to protect children. feel guilty about something that happened to These allegations are not new and we know them long ago, and who feel betrayed by those there has been a complete breakdown of trust who should have protected them. This tangle between the victims and the police. Why haven’t of feelings may lead to damage that resonates the police investigated the evidence they are said through generations because the boundaries to have in North Wales? between sex and love became so twisted at an We now see each institution trying to cover early age. My point is simple: the locus of most its tracks, be it the BBC, the police or the abuse remains the home but in the current government. All are struggling to cope with in- climate it is easy to get swept into David Icke-type formation that is very old but to which they have conspiracy theories. turned a blind eye. Transparency remains a fan- The internet is awash with names of powerful tasy, which is why conspiracy thrives. men who are being outed as abusers with no The nightmares of boys taken in Bentleys, girls evidence. We need to be clear. The abuse of taken to a fl at to meet a celebrity, the banality those in care, children often already neglected, of evil revealed in blood-streaked sheets, are with behavioural problems, is something we enough. We do not need to concoct vast networks have known about for some time. In the 1990s of paedophiles. This happened in our midst. This institutional abuse was being investigated by sudden need to apportion blame is about our guilt 41 out of 43 police forces. Yet the Waterhouse for not having listened. But those who have been Inquiry reported a “cult of silence” about the abused are used to not being believed. Those who level of abuse. abuse count on this. The focus on Savile has trig- Is silence the right word? Rather, those abused gered many to now tell their truths and, if we can as children have been screaming into a void. The bear to listen, it is heart wrenchingly apparent that, culture pressed some kind of mute button when unlike Savile, many of these men who abused they spoke. We value neither them nor the people children are the most ordinary of monsters. paid to look after them. We don’t need an inquiry to tell us this, or that The low status of “carers” is an intrinsic part “care” is often not care at all. We need, instead, of this scandal. Residential social work is often the political will to provide the resources to look done by low-paid and unqualifi ed people. I know, after our most vulnerable children properly and to as I did it when I was not much older than the prosecute those who rape them. Only then will we teenagers in my care. The economy of care has have “moved on” from where were 20 years ago.

This week Suzanne spent election night in the US Embassy eating free Big Macs and watching the very English Glenn Tillbrook of Squeeze perform Up the Junction. “An unlikely but wonderful gig.”

08.11.12 The Guardian 5 CARLO ALLEGRI/REUTERS CARLO PHOTOGRAPH PHOTOGRAPH Romney’s campaign was marked by outdated pronouncements on rape, abortion and family How wom

6 The Guardian 08.11.12 n the very long list of people rather sweet and paternal and mercifully who, in what might come to be removed from the crowded junction I seen as the most impressive in his party where gynaecology and achievement of his campaign, theology meet. Mitt Romney managed to alien- It was against this backdrop on ate (a single, late-breaking example: “He Tuesday morning that people walked hates Chinese,” said the deliveryman out to vote. In 2008, the atmosphere who brought around the takeaway to my in New York on election day was like fl at on Tuesday night), the biggest and nothing I have experienced; for sheer most damaging group by far was women. community spirit, the only thing New As the results came in, while we had Yorkers could compare it to was the to wait late and long for the fi nal verdict city’s 1977 blackout and the days after – endure Karl Rove’s 11th-hour meltdown; 9/11. Men in suits made eye contact enjoy Diane Sawyer’s awesome, possibly with homeless people as if they shared mini-bar-assisted close of show banter a common reality; commuters on the and louche upper-body sway – it was subway, for whom smiling is usually clear from relatively early on that while defensive, facial air-freshener to conceal the Latino vote came out solidly for a bad smell – grinned warmly, conspira- Obama, it was women, particularly torially. When I went up to Harlem that single women, who made themselves night, in what seemed afterwards to most decisively heard. be the most indivisible unit of human This shouldn’t have been surprising. emotion there is, people walked The Obama campaign had hammered through the streets banging pots and away at Romney’s record on women in pans together. pointed campaign ads from way back, There was none of that this time targeting the customary staples – and no one expected it. People rose Romney’s opposition to Roe v Wade, early, anticipating huge queues after abortion under any circumstance and television coverage of early voting chaos. insurance coverage for contraception – In an apartment block on the Upper West so comprehensively that the danger Side, a young couple emerged at 6am, became one of reduced impact through bleary-eyed, in their tracksuit pyjamas overexposure. and made their way downstairs to the The surprise on Tuesday night was polling station off the hallway. It was that, after such a long, repetitive and empty. In New York, at least, while an exhausting campaign, Republicans hour or so wait was not unusual, managed to refresh these arguments plenty of polling stations experienced in such enduringly wacky ways as to sluggish starts as people forced them- provoke a kind of awe. You could only selves up and out to vote. laugh as the coverage revisited them; There was no romance; it was a in Missouri, let’s hear it one more time question not of hope but of duty, giving for Todd Akin and his “legitimate rape” voting queues in the city a muted, discourse; for Richard Mourdock in slightly martyred air. (Plus it was 1C Indiana (babies born of rape are a “gift out there). Those waiting wanted to from God”); in the Pennsylvania Senate get the job done, a sober ethos they race, for Tom Smith comparing rape to hoped Obama would take with him unwed motherhood, and so on and so on into his second term. – for a full list, see the Atlantic Monthly’s In Harlem, where four years ago you helpful round-up. As many pointed out could hardly turn a street corner with- on Twitter, it was almost as if Republi- out tripping over an Obama campaigner, cans had forgotten women could vote. where everyone seemed to be wearing By contrast, Romney’s modest gaff e campaign badges and T-shirts, there about “binders full of women” looked were few outward signs of an → life. No wonder single women voted so overwhelmingly for Obama, says Emma Brockes men won it

08.11.12 The Guardian 7 Voting as one: the faces of some of Obama’s supporters, celebrating their victory against Mitt Romney’s Republicans

election taking place. This was So it went throughout the day. a tough time respecting. But she became ← partly down to hurricane Sandy, As usual, the most moving sight of the homeless under Obama. So would she still zapping the city’s emotional and election was those who had the most have voted Republican? physical resources; on Frederick to overcome, making the most eff ort She grinned. “Hell, no.” Douglass Boulevard, a long line of to vote; the old and infi rm, coming up In the end, the assumption made people waiting with cans to buy petrol the street on walkers and the arms of by decent, liberal Republicans – that was more feverish than the queue one carers, mixing, at the Brooklyn polling this wasn’t the real Romney; that once block up to vote. station I visited, with the predictable in offi ce he would simmer down and It was partly down to customary assortment of young men in skinny remember himself – became too much second-term campaign fatigue. Even jeans and asymmetrical hair, brandish- of a gamble to take. If any further evi- by the standards of content-free cable ing books by Günter Grass. dence of that were needed, there it news coverage, things were looking Some were inclined to give Obama was in his concession speech. Looking pretty burnt-out on Tuesday morning, a break. “He’s only got two hands and weary, Romney spoke as if from his with an MSNBC pundit trying to eke a brain,” said Ronald, a 47-year-old father’s era, thanking his sons for their drama from polling data by suggesting who asked to be identifi ed only as help, “and their wives” for holding the that Nate Silver would never, for “a Virgo, been single for two years”. fort at home. He sounded, as he always example, have predicted Dunkirk, He said: “He spent all that time has, like a nice guy from the 1950s who, to the baffl ement of fellow panellists. straightening out what Bush did.” when he hears a woman speaks about Mainly, however, the muted air came anything beyond dinner, sees in the from a sense this time of No Messing corner of his eye a dog on its hind legs. About. Once the jokes about dogs on That 68% of single In the post-game analysis there will car roofs and Mormon underpants fell be speculation that Romney’s defeat away, the stakes for this election became women voted to will mark the end of the Tea Party, given abnormally high. Obama didn’t need to the damage it did to his mainstream inspire; he just needed to be the guy stop Romney is a appeal. And there will be a temptation not threatening to turn back women’s to write off the whole thing as idiotic. reproductive rights to 1973. decisive moment The sobering fact is that if Romney Comments coming out of the voting had won, with three places on the queues registered as much, and across in feminism supreme court potentially up for grabs party lines. “Seeing [his] attitude toward during his tenure, he could have woman in general,” Mary Mitchell changed the social landscape of the Bartley from St Louis, and previously “I’m not excited to vote,” said Lydia, United States. According to exit polls, a Republican, told journalists, “voting a 68-year-old African American retiree. 68% of single women voted to stop for him would be impossible.” “Last time, it was very exciting. This him – women who, I think it is safe to “I’m not the only one who sees it, year, less exciting. I vote because if assume, voted partly out of a desire to right?” said Kathy McLean, 54, working the wrong person gets in, it’ll be a retain governance of their own ovaries, her shift in a launderette in Brooklyn. question of not what you know, but rather than outsource them, say, to a She shuddered. “Paul Ryan? He doesn’t who you know.” Republican senator from Missouri. This have a clue.” She had been up at the Belinda Nettles, 42, guarding her is as decisive a moment in feminism as crack of dawn to vote in Prospect Heights plastic bottle collection on the corner there has been. Debates about where and was a rare example of someone so of Atlantic Avenue, voted for Obama we are in a post-post-feminist world, angry she was excited to vote. “Excited, in the last election. She didn’t vote this how squeamish women are about call- yes. Obama must win,” she said, time for two reasons: one, in a telling ing themselves feminists, whether to pointing a fi nger over a pile of laundry indicator of the way democracy func- wax or not to wax – all the tap-dancing on the counter. “I needed the bathroom tions these days – “I haven’t seen the that supposedly must be done these so bad this morning but I would have TV for a very long time, and I can’t vote days to engage women in their own peed myself rather than leave that without seeing the personalities.” And political interests – all of that fell away. line.” What was she voting for? two, because since the last election she Red or blue, left or right, “career “For healthcare and child services for has become homeless, “kicked from woman” or “homemaker”, they people in need; for people like me, the shelter to shelter”. voted as one. poor and the middle class. If Romney It’s a fair bet that Nettles is one of As Obama said on the stump: “Don’t wins, it’ll be all about the upper tier.” the 47% of people Romney would have boo; vote. Voting is the best revenge!”

8 The Guardian 08.11.12 Westminster Digested From late-night text messages to living wages for the little people, John Crace takes a satirical stroll down the corridors of power

Tom Watson: Are you sure you’ve handed over all There’s Saudi Arabia: So what’s the deal? your text messages? Cameron: I’ve got a special off er on the Cameron: Absolutely! I’ve got nothing to hide. a special Eurofi ghter. Sign up by the end of the month and Raisa the ex-police horse: I wouldn’t be so sure offer on the you get three for the price of two. about that, big boy. Nick Robinson: Can I have a word about this ? Cameron: What are you on about? Eurofighter. Cameron: I’d love to! But unfortunately I seem to Raisa: Don’t try to deny our love. Remember that Three for have left you behind in Britain. ride we had together? How you said you found me Milidee: You can have a word with me, Nick! utterly uncontrollable at fi rst? I can’t tell you how the price Robinson: Why on earth would I want to do that? arousing that was. And then you tamed me after a Milidee: Because I’m the leader of the opposition. long, sweaty, passionate ride ... of two Robinson: So you are. I’d completely forgotten. Cameron: I may have to withdraw the whip. Just, please, no more of that One Nation drivel. Raisa: I love it when you talk dirty. Milidee: Don’t worry! Milidum and I have Cameron: What I mean is that you’ve got the concoctedliving wages a very cunning plan. wrong end of the stick. Robinson: Go on. Raisa: Don’t say it! I couldn’t bear it if you had Milidee: We’re going to campaign for a living been using me all along just to get to … wage. A fairer deal for ordinary people … Rebekah Brooks: Me. I knew it was me you Robinson: And what is this living wage? always wanted, Davikins. I could see it in your Milidum: Well, I struggle to get by on over eyes when you made that beautiful party half a million a year, despite all my earnings conference speech. I know you were talking to outside parliament. So for me a living wage is a whole nation, but I felt as if you were looking about £2,000 per day. But I reckon the little deep into my soul and saying: “You are the one, people should easily be able to manage on Bex.” In that moment, you completed me. I £7.45 per hour. don’t mind admitting that I broke down and Everyone: So this is what One Nation means? sobbed uncontrollably. Milidee:Milidee One nation. One nation. One nation. Cameron: Stop using that word. It’s embarrassing. Milidum:Miliduum: Er quite.quite. What my idiot brother is really Brooks: I don’t care, Davikinsy-winsy. I’m not tryingtryingg to sasayay is tthat he understands that life ashamed that I wept. Twice. I’ve never done that can be toughtoughh fforo the not-so-poor as well and for anyone before. Not even Ross Kemp. that we all neednee to pull together. Cameron: Steady on, Bex. Nadine Dorries:Dorrie I know exactly what you Brooks: There’s something about a chinless mean. How is anyonea supposed to get by on an wonder with red cheeks that I just fi nd irresistible. MP’s wage nownow? Count me in for a month in the Cameron: I don’t know what you’re talking about. junglejuungle and an extrae £40K. Brooks: You can’t get rid of me that easily. Cameron:CaC meron: ThisThi is monstrous. I will have to Remember how you texted me those loving LOLs withdraw youry whip! when I said I thought we could work well together. Raisa: I betbe you say that to all your laydeez. How we used to meet for those kitchen suppers? Dorries:Dorries: Sod So off , posh boy. You try living on Cameron: I’ve been trying to forget … £65K. Besides,Besi it’s part of my job to go on TV Rupert Murdoch: Well I haven’t, sonny. And and makemake my ideas known to the public. if you continue to try to fuck with News Cameron:Cameron And what ideas are those? International after toadying up to me for so long, Dorries:DDorries: That I expect us to lose the next then you’re in for an even bigger kicking. electionelecti and that I am now available to do Cameron: Oh, whoops! I’ve accidentally deleted absolutelyabsol anything to trade on what little all my old text messages. What a pity! famefame I have. Vodafone: We’ve probably still got LouiseLou Mensch: I would never do them somewhere. somethings om like that. Cameron: Do you want that tax break or not? Dorries:Do Of course not … Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to go off to Cameron:Ca Calm down, dears. I’ve just got Saudi Arabia for a very important trade deal. BarryBa on the phone. Apparently he’s just Saudi Arabia: You’ve got a bit of a cheek turning wonw an election. up here after all that crap you talked last year Osborne:Os Is Barry your black man from about Arab Springs and democracy. PlymouthPl ? Cameron: That’s just the thing, Your Highness. Cameron:Ca Don’t be silly, Ozzy. He’s my other I realise now that I may have been a little hasty blackbl man. I know two actually. in supporting voices of liberalism in the Arab Osborne:Os Wow! That’s incredible, Cams. world. Which is why I want to off er you the Cameron:Ca I know. Now how are you getting on chance to buy as many heavy-duty weapons makingm up for that £40m we blew screwing up as you like so that you can suppress any dissi- theth rail franchise? dent voices both within your own country and Osborne:Osb All in hand, Cams. I put a huge bet on beyond its borders. RomneyRom to win.

08.11.12 The Guardian 9 dozen teenagers push Occupy camps – all of which were loose their way through the attempts to both critique capitalism A doors of the New Cross ‘We’ve and engage people in direct action. branch of Sainsbury’s in But Demand the Impossible – a riff south-east London, and on a quote by Che Guevara – is doing bear down on the self-service check- things a bit diff erently. Its contem- outs. To the shoppers fi lling trolleys created poraries are either aimed at more in the fresh fruit aisle, they might for experienced thinkers – in the case of a moment look like looters. But then UK Feminista – or run by groups (Coun- they start yelling. terfi re) with explicit, didactic agendas. “Shoppers of Sainsbury’s,” shouts Some, like Netroots, are niche, while one woman in the crowd. some others – Occupy – are notoriously “SHOPPERS OF SAINSBURY’S,” vague. All of them are often criticised repeat her friends. for their reliance on middle-class par- “We are here today.” ticipants versed in protest technique “WE ARE HERE TODAY.” feminists!’ and leftwing theory . Demand the Im- “In solidarity with Sainsbury’s possible is an attempt to do what its workers.” Too young to vote? That forebears couldn’t: to engage with or- “IN SOLIDARITY WITH SAINS- dinary, working-class, predominantly BURY’S WORKERS.” doesn’t mean you’re powerless. Asian teenagers with little or no experi- In this gospel fashion, the teenagers Patrick Kingsley, joins a ence of activism or leftwing thought. make the incongruous announce- “We went out of our way to fi nd people ment that, despite sizeable profi ts, the one-week college course that who weren’t particularly radical,” says supermarket still fails to pay its workers Jacob Mukherjee, the 29-year-old who the London living wage of £8.30 an teaches teenagers the theory – created the course with his best friend hour. “Sainsbury’s pay for workers from university, Ed Lewis. Both teach- is worse than Tesco!” they cry – but and practice – of political activism ers at north London state schools, they by this point said workers are gently asked their students to spread the usher ing the protesters from the shop. word about the summer school . “The “We are in solidarity with you,” they bar was very low,” says Lewis. “One add, but sadly the feeling is not mutual. said their teacher had gone on strike – “It’s worse than Asda!” is their last and that was enough.” plaintive cry. But to no avail. They are The course is structured through the now outside in the car park . prism of, in Lewis’s words, “transcending Just a few days ago, most of these capitalism” – but I don’t meet anyone sixth-formers – mainly women, mainly who thinks they have been brain- Muslim and working-class – were not washed. “The course isn’t actually about particularly political, let alone radical. agers. Still others want to campaign for ‘They’ve taught being a capitalist or a socialist,” argues “I didn’t realise I could do these things,” gender-neutral toys. us to think in a Luong . “It’s not about labels. It’s about says 17-year–old Mamataj Begum , who “Girls shouldn’t have to play with diff erent way’ … exposing yourself to diff erent ideas.” found herself shaking with emotion Barbie,” says sixth-former Jessica a study group At one point, some of the students after wards: “I wouldn’t have done it Luong . “They can play with Action at Demand the are sent to ask the people of New Cross this time last week.” Man too.” She would start small and Impossible; to sign a petition that, amusingly, calls But that was before she signed focus on individual outlets. What (below) a student for the end of capitalism. It garners 11 up for Demand the Impossible – a would her protest look like? Leafl eting makes a point signatures in half an hour – perhaps not free, fi ve-day course at Goldsmith’s at fi rst, she says . Isn’t that a bit boring, enough to bring about a global revolu- College that introduced around 25 asks Holly Rigby, a full-time activist tion. Then again, th e petition isn’t a teenagers from east and north London helping to run the course. All right, serious attempt to radicalise either to activism and radical politics. By the says Luong: what about a protest out- New Cross or the people on the course. time I arrive towards the end of the side the store? “Or how about,” says It is just a useful means of sparking a week, the class has had workshops on Holly, “a protest insidee thethe store!”store!” discussion about the eff ectiveness of the Egyptian revolution, Palestine, Demand the Impossiblesible is diff erent activist tactics. oil spillages in Africa, and feminism. in good company. It’s oonene “They haven’t indoctrinated me,” Prominent leftwinger Mark Fisher of several leftwing activistivist smiles Begum . “At the end of the week, has given a talk on the problems with workshops to have emergedmerged I’m still a little bit capitalist.” capitalism, and the group has brain- in the past year. There’se’s UK If anything, Lewis and Mukherjee stormed some alternatives: social Feminista, which runss boot- are surprised by how wedded their democracy, mutualism, anarchism. camps for campaignerss forfor students remain to capitalist ideas, They have tried diff erent kinds of gender equality. Netrootsoots hosts and to the virtues of meritocracy. They activism – leafl eting, petitions, and an annual conference forfor are interested in critiquing capitalism, the fl ashmob – and been encouraged online activists . Hard-leftleft sure – but most of them don’t yet to critique the eff ectiveness of each group Counterfi re organ-an- have fundamental problems with it. tactic. Today, they are planning their ised a citizen activism Early on in the week, the pair ask the own campaigns. day at the School of students to come up with a fairer way One group wants to set up a support Oriental and African of structuring society. The world, they hotline for Asian victims of domestic Studies in central Londondon argue, is currently shaped a bit like a violence. Another wants to combat this spring. And then therethere pyramid – with the rich few in the tip at negative stereotypes of young people were the student occupa-upa- the top, and the impoverished masses by making fi lms of inspirational teen- tions of 2010, and last yeyear’sar’s in the wide bit at the bottom. What

10 The Guardian 08.11.12 On the web For a sideways look at the news, visit our Shortcuts blog guardian.co.uk/shortcuts

shape, they ask, would create a fairer care about anything other than profi t. their schools. There, it’s just about the system? A couple of people suggest a But on the fi rst day at Demand the suff ragettes.” fl at line, putting everyone on the same Impossible, she learned about Shell’s “I wasn’t really a feminist before,” level. But most wanted a less radical chequered environmental record in says Begum. “I thought it was about redesign. A semi-circle would do – more Nigeria – and for the fi rst time realised fi ghting for the right to vote. Now I room at the top, but still some oppor- profi t isn’t the only thing a business realise how relevant it is, and how tunity for people to work their way up should be forced to worry about. it’s about domestic violence and the social ladder. “They all watch Alan The week is full of such Damascene street harassment.” Some girls were Sugar,” says Mukherjee. “So they all moments . As a child, Adenike Ijanusi, so moved, they now want to set up a believe: if I’ve got enough drive, I can now 17, had always wanted to be a fi re- support hotline for domestic violence make it. They don’t really see anyone man, so a few years ago she did work victims from ethnic backgrounds. from other social spheres. So they don’t experience at a fi re station. When they At the end of the week, the students really know how other people are so arrived, all the workies were lined up give presentations on what they have much more advantaged than them.” and asked to introduce themselves. learned and what related projects Still, he shouldn’t be despondent: But when they came to Ijanusi, the they plan to do. On the walls you can “They’ve taught us to think about fi remen missed her out. As the only girl still see the massive mind-maps they things in a diff erent way,” says Begum. there, she was shunned. At the time, drew at the beginning of the week – “You can’t really do that in lessons.” she just thought sexism was a fact of They have hundreds of scribbled statements of Ah, the national curriculum – life, and set her sights on other goals: tried what the y thought politics was about : another recurrent theme. If the course “I just washed it out of my mind.” But simplistic slogans such as “No War!”, is biased, say several students, it’s no the course, with its side-focus on femi- petitions, “More Taxes!” and “End Poverty” . But more so than their human science A- nism, made her realise sexism is some- leafleting, just fi ve days later, those same teen- levels at school, which rarely encour- thing that can and should be fought. agers are talking confi dently about age independent thought, and hardly “We’ve created some feminists!” and the eco-anarchism and mutualism in the ever challenge capitalism. “In history, says a delighted Maeve McKeown, a same breath as the patriarchy and you don’t learn about radical politics , PhD candidate at UCL who gave an flashmob. Mark Fisher. It’s hard not to feel a little says Luong. “ You do explore ideas, but introduction to feminism on day two. Today they moved – a feeling that makes Lewis FRANK BARON FOR THE GUARDIAN only in the way that the curriculum “There were a few who were feminists simultaneously elated and crestfallen. teaches them.” In two years of busi- at the start, but I don’t think most of are planning “I was just thinking about going ness studies, 18-year-old Rosemary them really understood how it ex- their own back to school,” he says, “and feeling Ovensehi says she was never prompted tended into their own lives. That’s the very depressed.”

PHOTOGRAPHS PHOTOGRAPHS to question whether businesses should diff erence to how it’s been taught in campaign demandimpossible.wordpress.com

08.11.12 The Guardian 11 Food Shell out for oysters Britain’s native oysters are in decline, depriving fi shermen of a living and food lovers of a wonderful treat. As the season gets underway, Susan Smillie hears that the best way to save them is to eat more

arry Prynn hauls up his got only 50 days fi shing last year, small oyster dredge, alone, catching about 50 oysters a day. He B but for the seagull hovering charges around £1.25 for the smallest above his little gaff -rigged to £3.50 for larger specimens, selling sailing boat, Dolly. He online, to local restaurants such as the backs the sail, and heaves to, drifting Greenbank and the likes of Mark Hix in slowly with the tide along the edge London. Cornwall’s geology gives the of a 25 metre-deep channel, hunting oysters a slightly coppery fl avour – for oysters where the bed leaps to they are being considered for protected two metres. designation of origin status . Built in 1912, Dolly is older than Native oysters were once abundant Prynn, though he is getting on too – he in Britain, but today you are more should have retired years ago, but he likely to come across hardier rock – or can’t bring himself to leave. Every Pacifi c – oysters, which have the winter, he’s out in the estuary between commercial advantage of being Truro and Falmouth in Cornwall, hand- available all year rather than just in the dredging the wild Fal oysters in this September to April native season. 500-hectare bed, a special area of Natives are in trouble in parts of the Oyster fi sherman creating economic demand is the best conservation in the Carrick Roads country – a combination of overfi shing, Barry Prynn on way to support fi shermen taking care waterway. It has existed for 500 years pollution and disease has contributed his boat Dolly of the remaining beds. Bernadette in the shallow channel where seawater to their decline (in a global assessment, Clarke, fi sheries offi cer at the Marine mixes with the fresh water running scientists estimated UK stocks had Conservation Society, says good down valleys from the River Fal’s dropped by between 90% and 99%). management can only help to conserve source at Bodmin Moor. There are periodic bans, such as that oyster beds, such as the wild fi shery at This is probably the last oyster fi shery agreed this summer between the Loch Ryan in Scotland, where fi shermen in the world using such traditional Blackwater Oystermen’s Association harvest just a small proportion of their methods – only vessels powered by sail and the Essex Wildlife Trust, after the oysters, allowing smaller ones to grow. or oar can operate, within restricted population there was found to be close But creating more demand may not hours – which makes for a sustainable to collapse. be easy. Although oysters were the operation. It is a public fi shery, open to Should we be eating natives at all? food of the poor in Victorian times, anyone with a licence, and several fam- Absolutely, say scientists, who gathered many British people are now wary of ilies have worked it for decades. But at a conference at St Catharine’s The Truro them. A glut of negative headlines – this could be the last generation of oys- College, Cambridge last month. high-profi le poisoning cases, and news termen here – numbers have dropped Dr Philine zu Ermgassen, researching oyster last year that 75% of British-grown to 10 boats with around 20 fi shermen oyster restoration with the Nature oysters contained “low levels of earning a living . At 37, Christopher Conservancy, points to the US where fishery is norovirus” –haven’t helped (even Ranger is the youngest owner/skipper; public funds are helping to relay oyster probably though it didn’t change government unusually, he has taken on an apprentice beds, and reaping the benefi ts that come advice on eating them ). and is teaching him the ropes. A lot of with the return of these important the last in That isn’t the only image problem the skill is in the sailing, he says. “You habitats . “The UK doesn’t have that the world for the oyster. Health concerns aside, want to catch more, and sail less, go same investment,” she says. “Fisher- they are regarded as expensive and across the seabed slowly.” men are the biggest champions of using such exclusive. There’s anxiety, too, about The short season and dwindling oyster restoration here, they hold traditional how to eat them, and how they will catches mean it is a far from lucrative natives close to their hearts.” taste – and feel. Do you chew? (Yes.) business – bad weather meant Ranger Ermgassen and others believe that methods Are they slimy? (No.) What do they

12 The Guardian 08.11.12 The n the pan is cover ed to speed up the process, which results in an almost perfectly cooked egg – a soft, but fi rm white, and a gorgeously runny yolk. Loiseau takes Point’s low-heat technique a step further, cooking his egg on a How to make the saucer set over a pan of simmering perfect water, then basting it with hot butter Fried eggs as before. It is even softer, but I begin to wonder if this is an entirely desirable Felicity Cloake quality – I’d quite like my egg white to have some bite. Step forward Rosen- The great French chef Fernand Point garten, who deep fries in olive oil, for is said to have judged a chef by the “the crispiest, most fl avourful fried way he fried eggs. So if you think you eggs of all ”. Although the yolk is already know how to do it, read on. perfectly cooked, the white is almost crunchy, and very greasy. Lastly, I try The fat the sous-vide technique from Dr Bacon fat is traditional , and advocated Nathan My hrvold’s Modernist Cuisine by Delia Smith, but though the fl avour at Home. I cook whole eggs in a 67C is good, it makes for a messy looking water bath for 40 minutes, separate the egg. She also suggests substituting yolks, then bake a mixture of whisked groundnut oil, which may be clean, but egg whites, double cream and salt in an is boring tastewise. More popular are 160C oven for 12 minutes. Once they’re olive oil, favoured by Jamie Oliver, set, the yolks are plopped on top, and Spanish chef José Andrés and American served, a mere one and a quarter hours food writer David Rosengarten , and after I started. The whites are tender butter, beloved of Point, his culinary and creamy, the yolks rich and sticky. disciple Bernard Loiseau, and Cooks Delicious – but not a fried egg. Illustrated. Both lend distinctive fl avours I’ll stick with this simple but eff ective to the egg, but the richness of butter is method – quick and easy enough to a better complement for the yolk. make the morning after the night before, and it hits the spot every time. The cooking Bring your eggs to room temperature Perfect fried eggs before cooking (very fresh eggs are best 1 fresh egg, at room temperature for frying, because the stronger proteins 1tbsp butter give a neater shape). Smith uses a high Salt and pepper heat for a “slightly crispy, frilly edge; the white will be set and the yolk soft Crack the egg on to a saucer to make it and runny”. After 30 seconds, she then easier to slide into the pan. Heat the taste like? (Wonderfully, of the sea, turns the heat down to medium for a butter in a heavy-based frying pan over with a surprising variety of subtle minute. The white is too tough, although a low heat, and fi nd a saucepan lid, fl avours, such as cucumber, cashew or THE DEBATE the yolk is satisfyingly runny. ideally slightly smaller than the pan , so pears, depending on where they grew.) Andrés goes for a medium-high heat you can wedge it over the cooking eggs. Richard Corrigan, the chef behind To share your and, like Smith, tilts the pan to baste Once the butter has melted, but not Bentley’s Oyster Bar in London, is a fan tips, read more of the egg throughout cooking. Using a begun to foam, swirl it around the pan of Loch Ryan’s oysters . I try these, plus Felicity’s techniques smaller, steep-sided saute pan and to coat, then slide in the egg. Cover Whitstable and Colchester oysters, with and join the more oil, however, means his egg sits in and leave for 3½ minutes, then check lemon and pepper. The diff erence in conversation, visit a pool of hot fat, almost as if it is being the white, lift out, season gently and guardian.co.uk/ fl avour is extraordinary – shamefully, shallow fried. Although the contrast of serve immediately. food given I’m Scottish, I prefer the sweet, texture between this outer shell and fi rm little molluscs from West Mersea, the soft, gooey yolk is interesting, it’s and the salty, grassier Whitstable not what I want on my breakfast plate. oysters over the loch’s more metallic- Oliver dismisses such “crispy, bubbly tasting creatures, but they’re all far eggs” in favour of cooking them gently superior to rock oysters . over a medium-low heat. They are “soft Back in Falmouth, I visit the town’s and silky” as promised, but the white annual oyster festival . The queue for takes ages to cook through. Point cooks the creperie is three times longer than his egg on a heat “so low that the white that for the oyster stand. “Most people barely turns creamy”, and fi nishes it who ‘don’t like them,’” says a woman with melted butter. This is a nice idea, behind the counter, “haven’t actually but leaves a lot of undercooked white. tried them.” I think of Ranger and his SUSAN SMILLIE AND FELICITY CLOAKE FOR THE GUARDIAN SUSAN SMILLIE AND FELICITY CLOAKE apprentice, heading out to return the Tricks of the trade cultch (oyster shells) to the beds they Cooks Illustrated stresses the egg should have been working to help the next be fried “over the lowest possible lot of spat attach, and I can only hope heat”, but, unlike Point, allows the

PHOTOGRAPHS PHOTOGRAPHS that changes. butter to foam rather than simply melt.

08.11.12 The Guardian 13 Tomorrow in fi lm and music: Food ☜ Jake Gyllenhaal speaks about his new fi lm End of Watch. Plus: Peter Bradshaw’s verdict on Argo and Alexis Petridis’s verdict on One Direction’s debut album

guardian.co.uk/filmandmusic Midweek supper Chestnut and gorgonzola risotto EXCLUSIVE PREVIEW SCREENINGS Angela Hartnett There is nothing more comforting than a big bowl of risotto – it’s a one-pot wonder that can be plonked on the table to feed a whole load of people. Chestnuts are in season now and work really well in this dish, and if you fancy, they go with wild mushrooms as well.

(Serves two) 2tbsp olive oil 50g butter, for cooking 1 small onion, fi nely chopped 225g risotto rice 200ml white wine 150g precooked chestnuts, crushed 1,200ml vegetable stock, heated through 1 tbsp parsley, chopped 150g butter, diced, to fi nish 150g gorgonzola, diced 100g parmesan, grated Heat the oil in a large pan on a medium heat with the butter. When the butter has melted, saute the onion for two minutes. Add the rice and toast for three minutes, stirring to allow the grains to open up. Pour in the wine, stirring while the liquid evaporates. SILVER LININGS PLAYBOOK CERT TBC Add the chestnuts to the rice, followed by the stock, a ladle at a You’ve never met anyone like PAT (Bradley Cooper – THE HANGOVER) – he’s lost everything; his house, his job, and his wife and now fi nds himself living back with his mother and father (Robert DeNiro – MEET THE PARENTS) after time, ensuring the liquid is absorbed a stint in a state institution... before adding more, stirring through PAT’s never met anyone like TIFFANY (Jennifer Lawrence – THE HUNGER GAMES) - a quirky, ballsy girl with quite a for 15 minutes. Check that the rice is few problems of her own... cooked to your liking, add the parsley In the feel-good romantic comedy SILVER LININGS PLAYBOOK, we meet both PAT and TIFFANY who embark on and remove from the heat. an unexpected friendship that gives us all hope that if you stay positive you might just have a shot at a silver lining! Add the butter and gorgonzola and serve immediately topped with In cinemas from 21st November grated parmesan . To download tickets simply go to www.showfi lmfi rst.com and enter code: 115491

Screenings take place on Sunday 18th November, a 10:30am for 11am start at the following cinemas:

● BURY ST EDMUNDS Abbeygate Picturehouse ● LONDON Greenwich Picturehouse ● LONDON Clapham Picturehouse ● STRATFORD-UPON-AVON Picturehouse ● LONDON The Gate, Notting Hill ● LONDON Hackney Picturehouse ● LONDON Stratford East Picturehouse ● LONDON The Ritzy, Brixton ● LONDON Lexi, Kensal Rise

The promotion is open to all UK residents, excluding households of employees of Guardian News and Media Limited, Entertainment Films and their agents or anyone professionally associated with this promotion. Tickets are subject to availability and will be allocated on a first come, first served basis via www.showfilmfirst.com. Each reader may claim up to two tickets. Readers who successfully book tickets must present this page with the ticket and have ID available if required. No photocopies of the page will be accepted. The tickets are not for resale. No cash alternative. No late admittance. The cinema reserves the right to refuse admission. In the event of a dispute, the cinema manager’s decision is final. For full terms and conditions visit: www.showfilmfirst.com SARAH LEE FOR THE GUARDIAN

Angela Hartnett is chef patron at Murano restaurant and consults at the Whitechapel Gallery and Dining Room, London. Twitter.com/angelahartnett PHOTOGRAPH PHOTOGRAPH

14 The Guardian 08.11.12 Notes & Queries

ANY ANSWERS?

incorporate Planck’s length as their Regarding the this scene, and the slap that Aragorn Is there a smallest absolute base unit, a sort of dpi (dots plight of polar is giving her, caused my very toes to per inch) of the universe. However, the bears with their crawl away with embarrassment. thing in the universe? ever-diminishing joker in the pack – extra dimensional Rachelthedigger food supply, has theoretical physics – allows for diff er- anyone thought English has not quite stopped ent values of those fundamental con- about relocating using thou/you. Many older stants, any value for Planck’s length, penguins from Cumbrians use “thou” in informal Is it true to say that progressively and therefore no practical limit to the south to north? It conversation . shrinking size is infi nite? For example, observable universe(s) . seems ecologically tawnyowl3 is a trillionth the size of the nucleus of James Zigrino, Edinburgh a sound move. My (Yorkshire) parents used to an atom actually possible? Dr Stuart Jones, assure me that in their school- Skegness, Lincs The signifi cance days it was insulting to use “thou” Mathematically, yes, although a Why do Italian to one who was not either a sexual non-infi nite universe may run of thee and thou national sports intimate or a much younger child. An out of space to write down all the zeros teams mostly wear appropriate fi ghting response, my after the decimal point. blue, rather than mother claimed, might be: “Doan’t Practically, no; there are physical one of the colours thee ‘thou’ me: thee ‘thou’ tha’sen, observational limits to the smallest represented on the an’ see how tha laikes it!” fl ag? distance we can measure, related to Most European languages diff erentiate Andrew Coulson, Musselburgh, E Lothian James Forrester, the wavelength of the radiation we between familiar thou/tu and formal Amstelveen, In my home city of Bristol, “thee” observe with, which is proportional to you/vous. When did English stop Netherlands is regularly used, often in the the limits of the amounts of energy we doing this and why? form of “dee”, so “are you going to have available to impart to particles. Send questions and …?” becomes “deest goin’ to …?” This There’s also Heisenberg’s uncertainty English has not wholly lost its answers to is best seen in the threat of a punch: principle in play , which means that familiar form: a couple of years [email protected] “diesel get a knuckle san’wich ...” the more precisely we know some- ago I worked with some contractors or online at Andy Bebington, Croydon, Surrey guardian.co.uk/ thing’s location, the less certainty we in Rochdale who all called each other theguardian/series/ have about its other properties – ie the “thee”. It was still common enough in notes-and-queries. smaller we get, the less we know what the early and mid-20th century for DH Please include name, The joy of a the thing we’re actually measuring is. Lawrence to expect his readership to address and phone But there is also an absolute physical understand the signifi cance of Walter number. half-empty glass limit (well beyond those observational Morel in Sons and Lovers addressing limits) called the Planck length , beyond the young, middle-class woman he is which it is widely regarded (because it about to start courting as “thee”, and is derived from three fundamental con- JRR Tolkien expected his to unpick What causes someone to possess stants of the universe, so we’re pretty the signifi cance of the a “glass half empty” (negative) sure about this one) that no measure- conversation between mentality, as opposed to a “glass ment or observation is possible. If you Eowyn and Aragorn , half full” (positive) attitude? can’t observe beyond that point, then as he takes his leave of to all practical purposes that is the her to lead his troop to Any negativist who cares if a smallest thing possible in the universe. Minas Tirith, in which glass is half empty or half full is a

SONS AND LOVERS ITV1 SONS AND LOVERS Does that mean even smaller, unob- she addresses him as rank amateur. We truly negative people servable things are theoretically pos- “thou” while he fi rmly know that it doesn’t matter, because sible? Almost all fundamental theories sticks to “you”. The someone is bound to knock it over and such as special relativity, string theory spectacle that Eowyn I like thee … Walter courts spill the lot shortly anyway.

PHOTOGRAPH PHOTOGRAPH and loop quantum gravity say not, and is making of herself in Gertrude in Sons and Lovers Michael Fisher, Queensland, Australia

08.11.12 The Guardian 15 Arts Easy riders Beckett’s estate insists All That Fall, his play about a woman going to meet her husband, be staged as a radio drama. So how are Michael Gambon and Eileen Atkins getting on? Stephen Moss fi nds out

ileen Atkins is trying to it,” she says. “The fi lm company was eat a fruit salad while saying, ‘You can be a day or two late, E explaining why women in can’t you?’ I said, ‘We’ve only got two the theatre fi nd it diffi cult and a half weeks’ rehearsal and I can’t to eat properly when they give up a day.’” are working. Michael Gambon is easier The play is a characteristically to please: a ham sandwich and a quick Beckettian mix of bawdiness, comedy fag will see him through. and tragedy. What begins as a comic ‘I don’t know my an impediment in the way of your The pair are rehearsing what must expedition turns into a whodunnit: as lines’ … Michael emotions. It does strange things, but be one of the swiftest transfers in a treat for her husband on his birthday, Gambon with you get used to it.” stage history. All That Fall, a radio play Mrs Rooney is meeting her husband Eileen Atkins on “ It’s stylised,” Atkins says, “and it’s by Samuel Beckett fi rst broadcast in after he has spent Saturday morning set; below, the interesting. You have to make it work 1957, and which had never before been at his offi ce. She encounters a variety pair in rehearsals for you.” staged in the UK, closed last Saturday at of local characters on the way, each As I watch the run-through, it’s the tiny, 70-seat Jermyn Street theatre travelling by increasingly sophisticated clear that, by now, the rest of the in central London; tonight, it reopens modes of transport – horse and cart, cast know their lines – but Nunn still for a three-week run in the West End . bicycle, then Mr Slocum’s “limousine”.imousine . wants themthem to behave exactly as they “It’s nice to give it a bit more life,” The production’s success is would forfor a radio recording , reading off says Atkins, who gives a bravura somewhat surprising – not leasteast sscripts.cripts. Th The only truly physical piece of performance as Maddy Rooney, an because of stringent rules theatre cocomesm when Mr Slocum, an old elderly Irish woman who turns a walk to imposed by the Beckett estate,te, admirer ooff Mrs Rooney, levers her into the station to meet her blind husband, which demand that it has to be hhisis car in a sequence fi lled with double Dan ( Gambon), into an impassioned staged as if it were a performancemance entendres entendre : “I’m coming, Mrs Rooney, examination of her life. Atkins turned for radio . The actors carry I’mI’m ccoming.om Give me time, I’m as down a fi lm role to appear in All That scripts; props and gestures stiffstiff as yourself.” Fall. “I’m feeling rather awful about are kept to a minimum; It’s undeniablyu funny, but the that,” she says, “ because I now know and there are microphones moodmood darkens when Mr Rooney’s the actress who got the part.” hanging from the ceiling to much-delayedmuch train eventually “Was it good money?” asks Gambon. simulate a 1950s studio. Nunnnn calls turnsturns up. A body was found on “More than we’re getting,” she says. it a “visualised radio play”, aandnd thethe line.li Was he responsible? And Atkins is 78, Gambon 72, and off the conceit is that the audiencence areare whatwhat does his great howl at the stage they have the same easy intimacy eavesdroppers at a studio recording.cording. endend ofo the play signify? Al though of the old couple they play . Atkins “Having to carry the scriptpt locks hishis howlh is undeniably visceral, does not for a moment think she made your acting down,” Gambonn admits. Gambon,Gam the great scene-stealer, the wrong choice: putting on this “You want to hug people andd do hashas hadh to rein himself in . “I feel rare piece, with a cast of nine under things with your arms, so thatat is a bit myselfmyse wanting to do more physi- director Trevor Nunn , was one of restricting. I don’t know my llines,ines, calcal actingacting the whole time,” he says. those once-in-a-lifetime opportunities. so I have to keep fl icking downwn at When hhe triumphed in Krapp’s Last “I wanted to do it the minute I read the script, which holds you up. It It’s’s TapeTape in 201020 in the West End, there

16 The Guardian 08.11.12 way through,” says Gambon. “But some don’t move at all.” “It’s agony when they don’t move,” says Atkins. “Like being in a church,” Gambon adds. Could he not galvanise them with a penis gag? “Oh, don’t tell him that,” says Atkins .

ll That Fall is a complex text, and has been read A in many ways. It was intensely personal to Beckett, who drew on his upbringing in Dublin for many of the characters, and compresses many of his great themes – death, sex, loss of faith. It has been endlessly rationalised, and its inner rhythms and structures mined, but Atkins feels it’s unwise for actors to overdo the analysis. “I have a massive feeling for Beckett and for this play,” she says. “If academics want to discuss it, that’s fi ne; but it’s not very productive for an actor. You just have to have a feel for the text, the words, the poetry.” To act the roles, do they feel they need to know all the answers to the riddle at the heart of the play? “ I think it’s for the audience to decide,” says Atkins. “People should go away into restaurants afterwards and discuss what it was about. I have a story in my head, and my story of telling this is as valid as anybody else’s. ” Will the play have a further were no such inhibitions. “I invented (Eh Joe, Endgame), says it doesn’t do to ‘People can incarnation after its short run here? a few bits . A banana falls on the stage. be too austere. “I heard of a professor “I’d like to go to New York with it for a Krapp bends over to pick it up, and from Oxford who was trying to get be a bit too couple of weeks,” says Atkins. on the way up it travelled past here” an interview with Beckett in Paris for reverential “It would go well in New York,” – he motions vaguely at his crotch three years, and fi nally Beckett agreed echoes Gambon. “A month on – “so I brought it in a bit and brought to meet him in some cafe. He said to with Broadway in a small theatre. It would the house down. The director said, the Oxford man, ‘What’s the new TR7 be fun.” But fi rst Atkins has to fi nish ‘Leave it in and see what happens.’” like?’ And the man said, ‘I don’t know, Beckett. her fruit salad, while Gambon has to The trustees from the Beckett estate, I haven’t read it yet.’ Beckett said, I want to put have another cigarette and then move who were present to make sure the ‘It’s a car, you fucking eejit.’” his car . Undemonstratively. master’s wishes were being adhered to, “People come a bit reverential,” says up a notice let it pass. Atkins. “I want to put a notice outside saying: You All That Fall is at the Arts theatre, London Gambon, who has done two other saying, ‘You can laugh.’” WC2, until 24 November. Details: 020-7836 Beckett plays in the past eight years “Some have been laughing all the can laugh’ 8463, artstheatrewestend.co.uk SARAH LEE AND TRISTRAM KENTON FOR THE GUARDIAN SARAH LEE AND TRISTRAM KENTON PHOTOGRAPHS PHOTOGRAPHS

08.11.12 The Guardian 17 Arts

t came as a shock to hear, over ‘The best after Duke’ …Evans with dinner with Gil Evans in 1978, Miles Davis; the pair recorded three I that in the preceding year he classic albums had made only one public appearance. A man who had the equal of his celebrated work in already done as much as just about the 1950s and 60s? The trumpeter anyone to shape the music of the 20th Henry Lowther – a lifelong admirer century had performed, unpaid, at who played in Evans’s bands during a benefi t for his children’s school in a couple of seasons at Ronnie Scott’s, New York. And that was it. and on a 1980s UK tour – thinks not. The great man’s rueful revelation “Gil was an absolutely lovely man,” came a day or two after his long-awaited says Lowther, who also played on London debut, in which he and his Evans’s soundtrack to Julien Temple’s 12-piece American band had been Absolute Beginners . “He was modest received with rapture by an audience Purple hazer and unassuming , but he was terribly keen to show its aff ection and reverence disorganised and a chaotic bandleader . for the man whose collaboration with It was notoriously diffi cult to get music Miles Davis on a trio of classic albums His cool, luminous sound redefi ned out of him. Sometimes, he’d turn up at – Miles Ahead, Porgy and Bess, and jazz. Then he threw it all in for Jimi the studio with a few scraps of paper, Sketches of Spain – had redefi ned the and sometimes he wouldn’t have art of jazz orchestration . Hendrix. Richard Williams on the anything at all. Had he received anything like the many lives of Gil Evans “Most of the pieces he gave us were appropriate material reward for his one-chord jams with no organisation. It eff ect on music , Evans would have was a bit of a free-for-all, and musicians been able to live like Elton John. tend to take advantage of that to release Instead, he spent his life – even his their egos and thrust themselves later years, when he was rather more forward. That was a bit disappointing, in demand for concert tours and fi lm although there’s no doubt in my mind scores – in perpetual economic crisis. that Gil was the most important writer Since he functioned primarily as a His version of Hendrix’s Little in jazz history after Duke Ellington.” re-arranger of other people’s composi- Wing gets another airing this Sunday As if to make up for the tions, he received little in the way of at the Queen Elizabeth Hall, London, disappointment, in recent years royalties from the recordings to which where the Trinity College of Music Big Lowther has performed in recitals he made such a profound contribution. Band, directed by saxophonist Mark of music from all three early, classic Although hundreds of thousands of Lockheart, celebrate th e centenary of Davis/Evans albums, taking the copies of Sketches of Spain might have Evans’s birth as part of the London jazz soloist’s role. Such shows are increas- been sold in the half-century since its festival . The fi rst half of the concert will ingly common and greatly enjoyed, appearance, Evans went home from be devoted to interpretations of the fi ve since the original creators performed the sessions with, at most, a couple of pieces on Out of the Cool, Evans’s great little of this cherished music live. thousand dollars in arranging fees. No 1960 studio album, with the second But the last years of a great life in wonder he followed Davis’s example featuring material from his later career. music were not just a matter of one- and, in the latter part of his life, Lockheart, who came to the chord free-for-alls. They contained courted a younger, bigger audience. ‘He was attention of the jazz world as a founder their share of immortal recordings By the time he arrived in London 34 a chaotic member of Loose Tubes in the 1980s, – Zee Zee from 1971, There Comes a years ago, his repertoire had moved on. heard Evans for the fi rst time at the age Time from 1974 , the 1978 Festival Hall Fans hoping for the coolly luminous bandleader of 14. “I was blown away,” he says, “and version of Variation on the Misery sounds unfurled on earlier albums he became a huge infl uence on me. One – often based on no more than a scrap were to be disappointed. Instead of – it was of the wonderful things about his music of material coaxed into shimmering, the delicate reimagining of pieces by notoriously is that it’s full of eccentric touches. It multifaceted life. Perhaps a little of Kurt Weill and Léo Delibes , we were never sounds like generic jazz. And that magic will return on Sunday. presented with bold, driving versions difficult to everything is very stripped-down: he of Jimi Hendrix songs , taken from teaches you not to overwrite.” Celebrating Gil Evans is at the Queen get music Elizabeth Hall, London SE1 (0844 847 Evans’s LP devoted to the guitarist’s Was the music Evans made in the 9910), on Sunday. The London jazz festival themes, recorded four years earlier. out of him’ fi nal years before his death, in 1988, (londonjazzfestival.org.uk) starts tomorrow. m

18 The Guardian 08.11.12 Battle of the titans Arts Do Henri Cartier- Bresson’s photographs hold their own against great colour shots? guardian.co.uk/art

My best shot Samuel Aranda ‘Fatima went looking for her son amid the violence in Yemen. This is the moment she found him alive’

The New York Times sent me to marched with them until snipers that protesters had been killed, she Yemen last year to photograph attacked us. We retreated to the square went straight to this mosque to see if protests against the regime of only to fi nd tanks fi ring artillery shells. Zayed was there. This is the moment President Ali Abdullah Saleh . No I ran into a nearby mosque that was THE CV she found her son alive. one was really covering the story being used as a makeshift hospital. Their pose and the way the light – most foreign correspondentsspondents anandd ThThatat was whenwhen I found Fatima holding Born: Barcelona, fell made it easy to see the shot. In photographers weree in Tunisia, hherer wounded soson,n Zayed . 1979. a matter of seconds, I’d taken fi ve Studied: Trained Egypt or Libya, reporting orting on thethe It was chaotic.c Everyone frames. I knew it was a strong image, at El País and revolutions there . was cryingcryin . But Fatima was El Periódico de but I was overwhelmed by the reaction This was taken onn mmyy completely complete calm as she Catalunya. it got. I didn’t know anything about second day, after hoursurs waitedwaited fforo a doctor to see her Infl uences: James them at all – none of these details of intensive shootingg 18-year-old18-yea boy. His leg was Nachtwey, Stanley – until much later, when the shot won and bombing. Twelveve woundedwound and I assumed Greene . this year’s World Press Photo award people were killed andnd 30 hehe hadhad been shot , but he’d High point: “In and I was able to go back to Yemen to 2004, my story about wounded that day . EEarlyarly in actuallyactually fallen, intoxicated by hear their story properly. Moroccan immigrants the morning, I went to wwhathat teartear ggas.a After the picture forced Spain to m Interview by Sarah Phillips. The World Press was dubbed Change Square, waswa taken, he spent change its policy.” Photo exhibition is at the Royal Festival Hall, where protesters wereere threet days in a coma. Top tip: “Open London SE1, tomorrow until 27 November. congregating, and When Fatima heard a bakery!” Details: worldpressphoto.org

08.11.12 The Guardian 19 Theatres London

Adelphi Theatre 0844 579 0094 CAMBRIDGE 08444124652 LYCEUM 0844 871 3000 PHOENIX THEATRE 08448717629 Savoy Theatre 0844 871 7687 NOW PREVIEWING Roald Dahl’s book online www.thelionking.co.uk BLOOD BROTHERS Will Young as Emcee THE BODYGUARD MATILDA THE MUSICAL Disney Presents Michelle Ryan as Sally Bowles Mon-Sat 7.30pm, Wed & Sat 3pm Tue7Wed-Sat7.30Wed&Sat2.30Sun3 THE LION KING FINAL WEEK-ENDS SAT CABARET www.thebodyguardmusical.com www.matildathemusical.com Tue-Sat 7.30, Wed, Sat & Sun 2.30 For Group/Education rates call 08448717644 / Disney 02078450949 Shaftesbury Theatre 0207 379 5399 Aldwych Theatre 0844 847 1712 Piccadilly Theatre 0844 871 3055 Criterion Theatre 0844 847 2483 VIVA FOREVER! ROCK OF AGES TOP HAT London’s Funniest Comedy LYRIC THEATRE 0844 412 4661 THE SMASH HIT MUSICAL "A musical like this comes around Based on the songs of the Spice Girls once in a lifetime." Sunday Tel The 39 Steps THRILLER – LIVE! Book by Jennifer Saunders Tue-Sat 7.30, Tue,Thu & Sat 2.30 Mon-Sat 8pm, Wed 3pm, Sat 4pm Tue-Fri7.30, Sat 4&8, Sun 3.30&7.30 From 27 November | £20-£67.50 www.tophatonstage.com www,thrillerlive.com www.VivaForeverTheMusical.com St James Theatre 0844 264 2140 DADDY LONG LEGS A new musical Ambassadors 08448 112 334 DOMINION 0844 847 1775 GIELGUD 0844 482 5130 New London Theatre Directed by John Caird STOMP WE WILL ROCK YOU 020 7452 3000 / 0844 412 4654 PINTER 0844 871 7622 www.stjamestheatre.co.uk Mon, Thu-Sat 8pm by QUEEN & BEN ELTON CHARIOTS OF FIRE ALAN AYCKBOURN’S Thu, Sat & Sun 3pm, Sun 6pm Mon-Sat 7.30, Mat Sat 2.30 ***** 'A magnificent triumph' WAR HORSE A CHORUS OF DISAPPROVAL Extra show last Wednesday Mail on Sunday Warhorseonstage.com achorusofdisapproval.com of every month at 2.30 Mon-Sat 19:45, Wed & Sat 15:00 www.wewillrockyou.co.uk chariotsoffireonstage.com St Martin's 08444 991515 APOLLO THEATRE 0844 412 4658 60th year of Agatha Christie's TWELFTH NIGHT NOVELLO 0844 482 5115 RICHARD III 'ABBA-Solutely Fabulous' D.Mail THE MOUSETRAP In repertoire Evenings 7.30 Mats. Tues 3 Sat 4 Tickets released every day DRURY LANE 0844 871 8810 MAMMA MIA! Prince Edward 0844 482 5152 www.the-mousetrap.co.uk Shakespearewestend.com HER MAJESTY'S 0844 412 2707 Mon-Sat 7.45, Thurs & Sat 3pm, SHREK THE MUSICAL THE BRILLIANT ORIGINAL www.Mamma-Mia.com JERSEY BOYS Winner Best Musical! Oliviers APOLLO VICTORIA 0844 847 1696 THE PHANTOM OF Tue-Sat 7.30,Tue&Sat 3pm, Sun 5pm THE OPERA Vaudeville Theatre 0844 412 4663 WICKED Duchess Theatre 0844 412 4659 OLD VIC 0844 871 7628 WickedTheMusical.co.uk Mon-Sat 7.30, Thu & Sat 2.30 SHERIDAN SMITH UNCLE VANYA Mon-Sat 7.30pm Wed & Sat 2.30pm OUR BOYS www.ThePhantomOfTheOpera.com HEDDA GABLER Mon - Sat 7.30, Thu & Sat 2.30 Mon-Sat 7.30pm, Wed & Sat 2.30pm Final week ARTS THEATRE 020 7836 8463 QUEEN'S 0844 482 5160 A Radio Play by Samuel Beckett Garrick 0844 412 4662 Wyndham’s Theatre 0844 4825120 Directed by Trevor Nunn book online loservillethemusical.com London Palladium 0844 412 4655 LES MISERABLES TOMMY STEELE in PALACE THEATRE 0844 412 4656 WINNER! 2012 Olivier DREAMBOATS ALL THAT FALL LOSERVILLE the Musical THE SPECTACULAR MUSICAL Audience Award & PETTICOATS Cast includes Eileen Aitkins Mon-Sat 7.30pm, Wed & Sat 3pm SINGIN' IN THE RAIN Eves 7.30, Mats Wed & Sat 2.30 And Michael Gambon Tickets from £10.00 - £49.50 SCROOGE singinintherain.co.uk www.LesMis.com Entertainment Television

think the prime minister is ‘Too honourable’ … abroad at the moment isn’t Gabriel Byrne in Secret State I he? In the Gulf, selling arms to countries with dodgy human- not for his performance (he doesn’t say rights records; not in America anything) but because he’s played by talking to a dodgy petrochemical Mullin, now retired from politics. company as the PM is in this political Mullin probably wouldn’t recog- conspiracy thriller, Secret State (Chan- nise it as having much to do with nel 4). Same idea, though – dubious big his book, or the fi rst TV adaptation, business ahead of domestic hardship. which more than nodded to rumours It’s diffi cult not to replace charac- of real-life murky attempts by the ters with their counterparts from the security services and other dark forces real world. Of course, no one would to undermine governmen ts. That was wish it on our PM, but if his plane Last night's TV the 1980s though, when there were were to come down in suspicious fewer distractions and people had circumstances (Boris, was that you, Secret State is just like more time to get involved in brood- with your big grouse-buster blunder- ing, intricate thrillers. This one may buss?) on the way back, there could be real British politics – but have just about credible characters, a similar scenario. The home secretary but otherwise the real world has been and the foreign secretary fi ght for abandoned. It’s been sexed-up and power. So that’s Felix Durrel (Rupert sexed up and Spookifi ed Spookifi ed for the attention-defi cit Graves) and Ros Yelland (Sylvestra Le 21st century, with big explosions and Touzel), respectively, in Secret State; downed planes, spy-cams pointing Theresa May and William Hague in every which way, and glamorous real life. Their genders are reversed young staff at GCHQ. Heaps of fun, but then, and you can’t see Hague going not a whole lot more. there again. Actually Yelland reminds It was a night of 80s remakes. Thirty me more of Louise Mensch, and posh years on from the fi rst Comic Strip boy Durrel – they call him Fauntleroy By Sam Wollaston Presents episode – the Famous Five – of George Osborne. Then there’s the parody in which Adrian Edmondson, main man, thoughtful deputy PM Tom side of the house they are on and it Dawn French, Jennifer Saunders, Peter Dawkins (Gabriel Byrne), who’s too doesn’t matter . I’m just assuming Richardson and Timmy the dog went dignifi ed, too likeble, to be Nick Clegg; they’re Tories because of how they are. mad in Dorset – here’s The Comic Strip more of a Ken Clarke. And scheming There are lots of good performances. Presents ... Five Go to Rehab (Gold). string-pulling chief whip John Hodder I don’t quite believe Byrne as a top Dick (Edmondson) is nostalgic for those (Charles Dance) is probably not the British politician taking on the nasty happy days cycling in the West country, type to abuse the cops at the gates of American company that blew a hole camping, lashings of you-know-which Downing Street; he’s craftier than that. in Teesside; he’s too thoughtful, too fi zzy drink etc, so he gets the old gang I’m not sure the coalition has one of honourable, too bullshit-free (there’s AND ANOTHER back together to pedal down memory them at the moment; he’s more of a something of Borgen about him, like THING lane. The others’ hearts aren’t really in Bernard Ingham. the time he abandons a prepared it though; they’ve moved on, they’re They may be caricatures, but speech and speaks from the heart). How will Nadine alcoholics, they’ve got other secrets, they’re just about credible. And they He’s certainly very watchable, though, Dorries square they don’t want to be there. should be; Chris Mullin, who wrote a proper screen presence. The others her Christian faith Which rather refl ects the whole A Very British Coup , on which this is – Graves and Le Touzel, Dance as the and pro-life views experience I’m afraid. Comedy has very loosely based, spent 23 years in pantomime-villain master-puppeteer, with the needless moved on; what was once anarchic slaughter – purely for LAURIE SPARHAM LAURIE the Commons. Gina McKee as the journalist – are also now isn’t. This kind of pastiche feels TV entertainment – Mullin is Labour, and so was his good. I was enjoying Tobias Menzies of innocent animals tired (was it ever that funny?), cer- fi ctional cabinet (as they were in the as the PM too, before his plane came in the jungle? After tainly laboured over an hour. Someone fi rst TV dramatisation of the novel, in down (Charles Flyte he’s called, ho ho). all, Jesus loves left the top off the ginger beer, for 30

PHOTOGRAPH PHOTOGRAPH the 80s). This time it’s not clear what And the vicar deserves a mention too – witchetty grubs too. years. No fi zz left; it’s warm and fl at.

08.11.12 The Guardian 21 Film of the day TV and radio The Inbetweeners Movie (9pm, Channel 4) The sixth-form gang from the TV sitcom head to Malia for a lads- abroad excursion. All sorts of crass and crude antics, but some sympathy too, for their hormonally-challenged predicament.

BBC1 BBC2 ITV1 Channel 4

6.0pm BBC News (S) 6.0pm Eggheads (R) 6.0pm Local News (S) 6.0pm The Simpsons (Followed by Weather.) (S) Quiz, hosted by (Followed by Weather.) (R) (S) (AD) Homer’s 6.30 Regional News Dermot Murnaghan. 6.30 ITV News And mother dies. With the Programmes (S) 6.30 Strictly Come Weather (S) voice of Glenn Close. (Followed by Weather.) Dancing — It Takes 6.30 Hollyoaks (S) Two (S) (AD)

7.0 The One Show (S) 7.0 The Dark: 7.0 Emmerdale (S) 7.0 Channel 4 News Matt Baker and Alex Nature’s Nighttime (AD) (S) (Including sport Jones present the live World (R) (S) (AD) 7.30 The Best Start and weather.) magazine format. Observing nocturnal In Life?: Tonight 7.55 4thought.tv (S) Hebburn, BBC2 7.30 EastEnders (S) creatures in a fl ooded (S) Fiona Foster War veteran John Ley, (AD) Kat receives Amazon forest, investigates parents’ 92, argues that there is another text from her including a curious expectations on their no glory in the killing Watch this lover. (Followed by sloth, giant anteaters, children to excel and dying he has BBC News; Regional vampire bats and a academically. witnessed. News.) species new to science. Great Continental National party, which had 8.0 Young Apprentice 8.0 MasterChef: The 8.0 Emmerdale (S) 8.0 Kirstie’s Vintage Railway Journeys previously made inroads (S) The hopefuls Professionals (S) (AD) Declan is puzzled Home (S) New series. 9pm, BBC2 in the area. Contrasting attempt to publish Six chefs battle it out as Megan asks Katie Kirstie Allsopp helps Michael Portillo retraces with the idiocy of far-right cookbooks, but an in the quarter-fi nal, about setting Robbie families transform inability to spell proves demonstrating a dish up with the CCTV. their cluttered journeys featured in George politics, cameras also follow a major drawback for of their own invention. 8.30 Emmerdale At homes, attempting Bradshaw’s Continental something important: the some of them. 40 (S) Featuring cast to introduce them to Railway Guide from 1913. closure of an old people’s members past and new crafts, skills and present. techniques for interior The choice of year is, of home. Staff worry that decoration. course, not accidental, moving elderly residents as the politician-turned- will lead to premature 9.0 Hunted (S) (AD) 9.0 Great Continental 9.0 DCI Banks (S) (AD) 9.0 The Inbetweeners journo hunts for evidence deaths but can’t do much Sam suspects that Railway Journeys Part two of two. Banks Movie (Ben Palmer, of a world about to be except off er care and com- Turner intends to (S) (AD) New series. remains focused on 2011) (S) (AD) assassinate a Pakistani Michael Portillo Owen, while Morton Awkward teenagers swept away by the fi rst passion: “It’s lovely where presidential candidate. retraces journeys uncovers new leads holiday in Greece. world war. Portillo begins you’re going … D’ya need from Bradshaw’s pointing to Ellie’s ex, Entertaining feature- with a journey through a cuddle?” JW Continental Railway Tyler. Last in series. length spin-off from Guide of 1913. Here, the British TV comedy. France in search of La Belle he travels from London With Joe Thomas Époque, a trip that takes Hebburn to Monte Carlo. and Simon Bird. in Montmartre, absinthe, 10pm, BBC2 and the Monte Carlo casino. Jack’s off for an interview 10.0 BBC News (S) 10.0 Hebburn (S) 10.0 ITV News At Ten Jonathan Wright at the Barnsley Gazette and 10.25 Regional News (AD) Sarah attempts to And Weather (S) And Weather (S) give Jack advice on his 10.30 Local News/ his sister Vicki, who gets all 10.35 Question Time interview technique. Weather (S) Hatfi elds & McCoys the best lines, has a new car (S) Bexhill-on-Sea is 10.30 Newsnight (S) 10.35 Corfu: A Tale 9pm, Channel 5 so she can give him a lift. “I the setting. Guests Analysis of the day’s Of Two Islands (S) A include Labour MP events, presented by hotel manager feels The fi ghtin’ and a-feudin’ feel like when Cheryl drove Chuka Umunna and Kirsty Wark. (Followed the impact of the moves up a notch or two that tank in Afghanistan,” Liberal Democrat peer by Weather.) economic downturn. as the town is visited by she muses. Her enthusiasm Shirley Williams. bounty hunters looking to soon subsides when she spill Hatfi eld blood. But and Granny Dot get lost and 11.35 This Week (S) 11.20 Dara O Briain’s 11.05 The Jonathan 11.05 The Andrew Neil, Michael Science Club (R) (S) Ross Show (R) (S) Inbetweeners Top strangers are no match for risk missing their appoint- Portillo and guests (AD) The comedian With Olly Murs and 10 Moments (R) (S) the local family who know ment at the Wax Hatch. discuss political is joined by a team of Melissa George. Music A countdown of the the region too well, so the Back at home, Joe (with and parliamentary experts to investigate from Tinie Tempah and comedy’s greatest developments from a subject each week. Calvin Harris. moments, featuring only blood these gunmen Vic Reeves in his surpris- the past seven days. interviews with actors end up spilling is their own. ingly normal dad role) lends Joe Thomas, Simon It becomes clear to the Sarah his special fork to Bird, James Buckley and Blake Harrison.. McCoys that they’re going clean the hairs out of the to have to fi nd help closer plughole. Later, Jack and to home in the shape of Sarah break some big news. down a trip to New York, From City Halls, Glasgow, Lucumi Choir. Radio where he had been invited to Donald Runnicles and the 12.30 Through The the well-named Bad Frank . Hannah Verdier conduct a musical festival. BBC Scottish Symphony Night. Including music 1.0 Radio 3 Lunchtime Orchestra perform excerpts by Beethoven, Janacek, There’s also a Hatfi eld/Mc- Concert. The third of this from Berlioz’s Romeo et Strauss, Khachaturian, Coy wedding that fails to week’s concerts given by Juliette and Wagner’s Tchaikovsky, Brahms, Radio 3 the Nash Ensemble at LSO Tristan und Isolde Act 2. Enescu, Mendelssohn, bring the families closer. 90.2-92.4 MHz St Luke’s features Mozart’s 10.0 Free Thinking. An Telemann, Mozart, Maldere, Phelim O’Neill Piano Trio in G and Brahms’ audience with Lee Hall, Stenhammar, Donizetti, 6.30 Breakfast. Sara Piano Quintet in F minor. (R) writer of Billy Elliot and The Quantz, Lully and Dowland. Mohr-Pietsch introduces 2.0 Afternoon On 3. Pitmen Painters, recorded at The Year the Town Hall favourite pieces, notable Bizet’s The Pearl Fishers, the Sage Gateshead as part Radio 4 performances and a few with Charles Castronovo, of the Radio 3 Free Thinking 92.4-94.6 MHz; 198kHz Shrank surprises. 9.0 Essential Jean-Francois Lapointe Festival. Chaired by Philip Classics. With Sarah Walker. and Annick Massis. Michel Dodd. 6.0 Today. News headlines 9pm, BBC4 Including the Essential CD Plasson conducts the 10.45 The Free Thinking and sport with John The series focused on of the Week: Virtuoso and Netherlands Radio Chorus Essay: New Generation Humphrys. 8.31 (LW) Romantic Encores for Violin, and Philharmonic Orchestra. Thinkers. Historian Emma Yesterday In Parliament. spending cuts in Stoke-on- performances by Frans 4.30 In Tune. Sean Raff erty Griffi n, one of Radio 3’s New Political proceedings, with Bruggen and this week’s presents live music by the Generation Thinkers, gives Trent continues with the Sean Curran. 8.58 (LW) guest, physicist Athene Apollo Saxophone Quartet a talk on what makes a good Weather 9.0 In Our Time. run-up to the May 2011 local Donald. and harpsichordist Kah- mother today, recorded at The story of the Upanishads, 12.0 Composer Of The Ming Ng. Plus guests from the Free Thinking Festival. the ancient sacred texts elections. It’s a campaign we Week: Mendelssohn. Puppetry in Opera. 11.0 Late Junction. Max of Hinduism. 9.45 (LW) see, in great part, from the Donald Macleod follows 6.30 Composer Of The Week: Reinhardt’s selection Daily Service. Led by the Mendelssohn as he bids Mendelssohn. (R) includes Rhodri Davies, Rev Dr Mark Wakelin. 9.45 perspective of the British Great Continental Railway Journeys, BBC2 farewell to Berlin and turns 7.30 Radio 3 Live In Concert. Kid Koala and the London

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6.0pm Home And 6.20pm Come Dine 6.0pm House (R) E4 continues. 10.0 Celebrity Away (R) (S) (AD) Sid, With Me (R) (S) Four The team attempts to 6.0pm The Big Bang Theory. Juice. With guests Dougie Raj faces being sent back Poynter, Tom Fletcher, Indi and Sasha prepare contestants compete diagnose and treat an to India. 6.30 The Big Bang Mel C and Ashley Banjo. for Dex’s return home. to win £1,000 cash. ailing mobster in time Theory. Sheldon faces his 10.50 Totally Bonkers 6.30 5 News At 6.30 for his testimony in a arch-enemy — actor Wil Guinness World Records. (S) court case. Wheaton. 7.0 Hollyoaks. Incredible and peculiar A rift develops between record-breaking attempts. Tony and Cindy. 7.30 How 11.20 Nutty Professor II: I Met Your Mother. Ted The Klumps. Comedy sequel, 7.0 Rolf’s Animal 7.0pm Top Gear (R) 7.0pm World News 7.30 Hugh’s 3 7.0 House (R) meets a former girlfriend. starring Eddie Murphy. Clinic (R) (S) Neil (S) The hosts are each Today (S) (Followed Good Things (S) A The team tries to 8.0 How I Met Your Mother. Townsend operates given a budget of by Weather.) selection of recipes determine why an Marshall worries about his Sky1 on a horse that has £5,000 to fi nd a car 7.30 The Sky At Night with mushrooms as obese 10-year-old girl past indiscretions. 8.30 6.0pm Raising Hope. infected sinuses. that can hold its own (R) (S) Patrick Moore the main ingredient, had a heart attack. The Big Bang Theory. The Jimmy’s parents suggest friends fi ght over a ring he discipline his daughter. (Followed by 5 News on a racetrack and and Chris Lintott including ideas for they believe was used in 6.30 The Simpsons. Lisa Update.) handle everyday tasks. reveal the composition salads, pastries and The Lord of the Rings. 9.0 discovers her mother was Alastair Campbell tries of the universe. jacket potato fi llings. 2 Broke Girls. Caroline an A-grade student. 7.0 out the Reasonably struggles to assemble a The Simpsons. Bart and folding bed. 9.30 New Girl. Lisa have families of their Priced Car. The fl atmates celebrate own. 7.30 The Simpsons. Thanksgiving. 10.0 Big Fat Homer takes part in an FBI Quiz Of The 00s. Jimmy Carr operation against Fat Tony. 8.0 WW1’s Tunnels 8.0 Don’t Tell The 8.0 Shock And 8.0 Grand Designs 8.0 Urban Secrets tests six celebrities on their 8.0 The Middle. Brooke Of Death: The Big Dig Bride Goes Global Awe: The Story (R) (S) (AD) Kevin (R) (S) Alan Cumming knowledge of the 2000s. Shields guest stars. 8.30 (S) Part one of two. An (R) (S) Highlights Of Electricity (R) McCloud meets a tours the less- Last in the series. 11.40 The Modern Family. Claire plans archaeological team from other countries’ (S) Jim Al-Khalili dairy farming couple, celebrated sights of Big Bang Theory. Raj faces a bit of Halloween mischief. being sent back to India. 9.0 Spy. Tim is forced to explores First World versions of the show. explores mankind’s who want to build Brighton, including take Marcus to work with War battlefi elds near attempts to harness a modern house in a toy museum and a Film4 him. 9.30 Trollied. The staff the village of Messines electrical forces, and Wiltshire, constructed boutique specialising 6.35pm Beaches. Drama, accidentally discover one in Belgium. (Followed examines the work and from engineered in unusual headgear. starring Bette Midler and another’s pay rates. 10.0 Barbara Hershey. 9.0 The A League Of Their Own. by 5 News At 9.) theories of scientifi c timber, with a barrel- Twilight Saga: New Moon. Sport-based comedy quiz innovators. shaped roof. Romantic fantasy, starring show, hosted by James Kristen Stewart and Robert Corden. 11.0 Road Wars. Pattinson. 11.35 Another 48 Police offi cers combat 9.0 Hatfi elds & 9.0 Russell Howard’s 9.0 The Year The 9.0 Scandal (S) (AD) 9.0 Richard E Grant’s Hrs. Comedy thriller sequel, vehicle crime. 12.0 Road McCoys (S) Three Good News (S) The Town Hall Shrank (S) Olivia takes on the Hotel Secrets (S) The starring Eddie Murphy and Wars. Police offi cers combat bounty hunters are comedian off ers his The city’s residents case of the son of a actor uncovers the Nick Nolte. vehicle crime. lured to the area when perspective on stories begin to feel the true businesswoman gossip and intrigue FX Sky Arts 1 rewards are put on dominating the media. extent of the cuts, and who has been accused behind the closed 6.0pm Leverage. Ford’s team 6.0pm All You Need Is Love. the heads of Anse 9.30 Some Girls (R) with the local elections of rape. doors of some of the investigates the wounding of The origins of American and his sons. (S) Comedy following looming, politicians world’s most famous a soldier. 7.0 NCIS. The team popular music. 7.0 Big makes a surprising discovery. Ideas For A Small Planet. 16-year-old Viva as have to face up to the rooms and suites. 8.0 NCIS. A Navy diver Two diff ering visions of the she grows up on a consequences of their hunting for sunken treasure future of electric cars. 7.30 south London estate. decisions. is apparently murdered. 9.0 Dead Art. Dee Snider visits Family Guy. Brian becomes Pere Lachaise cemetery a best-selling writer. 9.30 on the outskirts of Paris. 10.0 The Contractor 10.0 Wilfred (S) 10.0 The Nazis: 10.0 My Social 10.0 Don’t Sit In The American Dad! Stan fakes 8.0 Mariella’s Book Show. (Josef Rusnak, 2007) (AD) The duo face A Warning From Network Stalker: Front Row (R) (S) his family’s deaths to avoid New series. With Anthony embarrassment. 10.0 The Horowitz, Alexander McCall (S) A former assassin existential questions. History (R) (S) True Stories (R) 10.30 Game Change Cleveland Show. Pilot episode Smith and Frances Osborne. is coaxed back into Comedy, starring Elijah 10.50 Food In (S) Documentary (Jay Roach, 2012) of the Family Guy spin-off , 9.0 Playhouse Presents: service for one last Wood and Jason Gann. England: The Lost following the story of (S) Compelling drama with the voice of Mike Henry. Walking The Dogs. Comedy mission, but ends up Last in the series. World Of Dorothy Ruth Jeff ery, who was examining the impact 10.30 Family Guy. Peter and drama, starring Emma Lois visit a psychic. 11.0 Thompson. 9.30 Onion framed for murder. 10.20 Great Movie Hartley (R) (S) subjected to more than of Sarah Palin on John Family Guy. Meg receives a News Network. The studio So-so action thriller, Mistakes (R) (S) Historian Lucy Worsley three years of online McCain’s unsuccessful makeover. 11.30 Family Guy. becomes sentient. 10.0 starring Wesley Snipes 10.30 EastEnders (R) charts the story of abuse by her boyfriend presidential campaign. Peter learns Loretta is having Cream Live At The Royal and Charles Dance. (S) (AD) the writer. Shane Webber. With Julianne Moore. an aff air. 12.0 American Dad! Albert Hall. The reunited Stan becomes obsessed with band’s week of concerts a band. in 2005. 12.0 Mariella’s 11.0 Family Guy (R) 11.50 Tales From 11.10 Embarrassing Book Show. With Anthony ITV2 Horowitz, Alexander McCall (S) Stewie persuades The Wild Wood (R) Bodies (R) (S) Dr 6.0pm The Jeremy Kyle Smith and Frances Osborne. Brian to take it slow (S) Spring arrives in Christian Jessen off ers Show USA. The host takes with his new girlfriend. Strawberry Cottage on-the-spot STI checks his successful talk-show TCM 11.25 Family Guy (R) Wood, and new life for holiday-makers stateside. 7.0 You’ve Been 7.05pm Eight Legged Framed! Harry Hill narrates Freaks. Comedy horror, (S) Peter becomes so emerges within the on one of the island’s camcorder calamities. 7.30 starring David Arquette. 9.0 obsessed with 1963 hit forest, as squirrels are beaches. You’ve Been Framed! Harry Police Academy. Comedy, single Surfi n’ Bird. drawn to Rob Penn’s Hill narrates camcorder starring Steve Guttenberg. 11.45 American Dad! newly-planted trees. calamities. 8.0 The X 10.50 The Lost Boys. (R) (S) Factor USA. The build-up Comedy horror, starring to tomorrow’s live shows Kiefer Sutherland.

(FM) Book Of The Week: On 2.15 Afternoon Drama: of People, Alan Bennett’s Sean Curran presents. The Life Of Kenneth Williams Weird Tales 1.0 Orphans In World Briefi ng 3.30 Outlook Wheels. By Michael Holroyd. The Other Simenon. The new play. 12.0 News And Weather 2.45 A Kestrel For A Knave Waiting 1.30 Paperwork 2.0 4.0 News 4.06 Assignment 10.0 Woman’s Hour. Lively Neighbours, by Georges 7.45 The Righteous Sisters. 12.30 Book Of The Week: On 3.0 My Family And Other 1834 2.30 Just A Minute 4.30 Sport Today 5.0 World discussion with Jenni Simenon. By Jane Purcell. Wheels. By Michael Holroyd. Animals 4.0 The 4 O’Clock 3.0 My Family And Other Briefi ng 5.30 World Business Murray. 3.0 Open Country. Helen 8.0 Law In Action. Tensions (R) 12.48 Shipping Forecast Show 5.0 Mind Your Own Animals 4.0 Married Love Report 6.0 World Have Your 11.0 From Our Own Mark visits the Lake District. over the issues of extradition Business 5.30 Chambers 4.15 The Unhearable 5.0 Say 7.0 World Briefi ng 7.30 Correspondent. Presented 3.27 Radio 4 Appeal. On and votes for prisoners. Last Radio 4 Extra 6.0 A Collection Of Bones Mind Your Own Business Science In Action 7.50 From by Kate Adie. Last in the behalf of the charity Circles. in the series. Digital only 6.15 The Matrix 5.30 Chambers Our Own Correspondent 8.0 series. (R) 8.30 The Bottom Line. 6.30 Weird Tales News 8.06 Assignment 8.30 11.30 What’s So Great 3.30 Bookclub. David Business issues that matter. 7.0 Parsley Sidings The Strand 8.50 Witness 6.0 Orphans In Waiting 6.30 World Service About — Beckett? Lenny Almond’s Skellig. (R) 9.0 Saving Species. The 7.30 Take It From Here 9.0 Newshour 10.0 News Paperwork 7.0 Chambers Digital and 198 kHz Henry gets to grips with 4.0 The Film Programme. Scottish wildcat and the 8.0 Orphans In Waiting 10.06 Outlook 10.30 World 7.30 Andrew Lawrence: How after R4 Samuel Beckett. Last in the With Francine Stock. bearded tooth fungus. (R) 8.30 Paperwork Business Report 11.0 World Did We End Up Like This? series. (R) 4.30 Material World. With 9.30 In Our Time. The 9.0 Married Love Briefi ng 11.30 Business 8.0 Parsley Sidings 8.30 12.0 News Quentin Cooper. story of the Upanishads, 9.15 The Unhearable 8.30 Business Daily 8.50 Daily 11.50 Witness 12.0 Take It From Here 9.0 1834 12.04 You And Yours. 5.0 PM. With Eddie Mair. the ancient sacred texts of 10.0 Comedy Club: Andrew Sports News 9.0 News World Briefi ng 12.30 9.30 Just A Minute 10.0 My Consumer aff airs. 5.57 Weather Hinduism. Lawrence: How Did We End 9.06 Assignment 9.30 The Science In Action 12.50 Family And Other Animals 12.57 Weather 6.0 Six O’Clock News 9.59 Weather Up Like This? Strand 9.50 Witness 10.0 Sports News 1.0 World 11.0 Married Love 1.0 The World At One. 6.30 Andrew Lawrence: 10.0 The World Tonight. 10.30 ElvenQuest World Update 11.0 World, Briefi ng 1.30 World Business 11.15 The Unhearable Presented by Edward How Did We End Up Like With Robin Lustig. 11.0 The Million Pound Have Your Say 11.30 Health Report 1.50 From Our Own 12.0 Parsley Sidings Stourton. This? A comic take on human 10.45 Book At Bedtime: Radio Show Check 11.50 From Our Own Correspondent 2.0 News 12.30 Take It From Here 1.45 Foreign Bodies. Mark evolution. The Cleaner Of Chartres. By 11.30 Sounding Off With Correspondent 12.0 News 2.06 Assignment 2.30 1.0 Orphans In Waiting Lawson discusses the world 7.0 The Archers. Rhys Salley Vickers. McGough 12.06 Outlook 12.30 The Outlook 3.0 Newsday 3.30 1.30 Paperwork 2.0 South of detective Harry Hole with receives an off er out of 11.0 The Headset Set. 11.45 The Tape Recorded Strand 12.50 Witness 1.0 The Strand 3.50 Witness 4.0 Riding 2.15 Laurence author Jo Nesbo. the blue. Sketch show set in a call Highlights Of A Humble Bee News 1.06 Assignment 1.30 Newsday 4.30 Science In Llewelyn-Bowen’s Men Of 2.0 The Archers. Lilian takes 7.15 Front Row. A report centre. 12.0 A Collection Of Bones Business Daily 1.50 Sports Action 4.50 From Our Own Fashion 2.30 Born Brilliant: on a new role. (R) from the opening night 11.30 Today In Parliament. 12.15 The Matrix 12.30 News 2.0 Newshour 3.0 Correspondent 5.0 Newsday

08.11.12 The Guardian 23 On the web Puzzles For tips and all manner of crossword debates go to guardian.co.uk/crosswords

Quick crossword no 13,261 Sudoku no 2,339

Across 12345 1 Sign of rejection (6,4) 6 7 Minnow (7) 78 2 8 Poisonous (5) 789 10 Harpo or Karl? (4) 39 11 Semi-visible natural satellite (4-4) 13 Diamond-shaped 10 11 465 pattern for woollens (6) 15 Cup with a wide mouth 12 (6) 542 17 Really work extra hard 13 14 15 (4,1,3) 18 Strength — grievance (4) 16 2178 21 Medium used to achieve a result (5) 17 18 19 22 Aromatic root with 42 3 20 medicinal powers (7) . 23 Disparagement of 21 22 19 7 something one wants but cannot attain (4,6) 68 Down 23 0330 333 6846 1 Elizabeth I, perhaps (5) 2 Hideous (4) 359 or call 3 Drinks server (6) 19 Vessels with handle and Solution no 13,260 4 With exemption from spout (5) SHANTYTOWN Hard. Fill the grid so that each row, column and Solution to no 2,338 TNWHEH 3x3 box contains the numbers 1-9. Printable customs tax (4-4) 20 Break — card game (4) 216985437 5 Figure made from GANGRENE LEES version at guardian.co.uk/sudoku FEELSR 453761298 candle material (7) Stuck? For help call 0906 751 0039 or text FILO FASHION 897342561 6 Philatelist’s book (5,5) GUARDIANQ followed by a space, the day and IBK I guardianbooks.co.uk date the crossword appeared another space and 368154972 9 Rotating machine that MICRONESIAN Stuck? For help call 0906 751 0036. Calls cost 77p a the CLUE reference to 85010 (e.g GUARDIANQ ETSN 921873654 separates particles (10) Wednesday24 Down20). Calls cost 77p a minute minute from a BT Landline. Calls from other networks from a BT Landline. Calls from other networks HASH I SH EV I L may vary and mobiles will be considerably higher. 745629813 12 Detergent (8) may vary and mobiles will be considerably higher. NAWSAA Service supplied by ATS. Call 0844 836 9769 for 172496385 KIWI ALKALINE 14 Nazi secret police (7) Texts cost 50p a clue plus standard network customer service (charged at local rate, 2p a min from 539218746 charges. Service supplied by ATS. Call 0844 836 EKNI IK a BT landline). Free tough puzzles at www.puzzler. 16 Oval-ball game, 9769 for customer service (charged at local rate, SUGARDADDY 684537129 colloquially (6) 2p a min from a BT landline). com/guardian

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