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: i theCord 3 10 26 WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER i6, 1998 Volume 39 ©Issue 6 New computers for WLUSU

HARRIS BEN JAMES MUIR has up to date technology and most puters at a yearly cost of approximately this, the Union had identified their versation regarding the rashness of the include a 3.2 gigabyte hard drive, 266 $30,000. Previously, the Union was "needs" with respect to computers. board's decision. The board seems Over the summer the Wilfrid Laurier Pentium II processor, 32 megabytes locked into a five-year agreement at Dell was selected because they divided and many observers contend University Students' Union purchased RAM, a complement'of appropriate the end of which they did not own the offered the best solution to the Union's that the $73,000 price tag is exorbitant. 20 new computers and a seiver at a hardware and are year 2000 compliant. computers. "needs." In addition, their service and Some board members thought the cost of over $73,000 from Dell The decision to upgrade the Union's The contract was up and the Union warranty policies were attractive and purchase rash as the current lease Computers. computers was prompted by the disso- solicited 20 companies for their ser- the installation could be contracted out agreement will not terminate until The new computers will replace the lution of an older lease agreement vices. Five offers were tendered and at a cheaper rate. October. old computer system. The new system whereby the Union leased their corn- three were granted interviews. Prior to There has been considerable con- see computer p. 5 Sloppy Hawks give away opener

MIKE KOSTOFF run to put a quick six points up on the board. Unfortunately, the charitable nature of Laurier on The Battle of Waterloo, 1998 edition, was waged this day was not limited to off field activities as at University Stadium on Saturday. With nine of the Hawks gift wrapped the following three 24 starters new to the Laurier Golden Hawk foot- Waterloo touchdowns as turnovers gave the ball squad this season, it was tough to know what Warriors the ball deep in Laurier territory. to expect from the boys in purple and gold. "I don't think that there is a team in this Unfortunately, Laurier fans watched in horror league you can spot 21 points and get away with as the Hawks dug themselves a 21-0 hole eight it," commented Zmich, who said that avoiding minutes into the first quarter, which proved too turnovers was something he and his coaching much to overcome as they dropped their first staff preached against and focussed on in the game of the 1998 OUA Football season 33-14 to weeks leading up to this game. A Warrior field their cross-town rivals from the University of goal late in the second quarter sent Laurier to the Waterloo. dressing room down 32-0. "They didn't surprise us on either side of the The silver lining for the Hawks this day was a ball, we just didn't execute" commented Hawks much improved second half which saw them Head Coach Rick Zmich, who attributed the defeat outscore Waterloo 14-1. After faltering somewhat largely to two fumbles and a blocked punt that in the first half, starting quarterback Kevin Taylor directly led to 21 Warrior points. "Out of 133 left the game in favour of 2nd year quarterback plays, take away three and we win the football Adam Lane. Lane, who missed all of 1997 with a game" noted Zmich. torn bicep muscle, led the Laurier offence to 16 With many Laurier supporters still shining for first downs in 35 plays in the second half, com- charity in the city streets, Waterloo opened up the pleting 11 of 24 passes for 134 yards. The Hawks scoring at 2:43 of the first quarter when Doug could only manage one first down in 18 offensive Haidner of the Wam'ors exploded with a 38 yard plays in the first half. see hawks p. 22 ELGIE SCOTT Amazing Selection of mmgStf-MS SHOES 22 I Over 2,000 . MaBBMi Pairs of 0 1 «■■■■ Martens *£==. Simple Starting from $59.99 B Largest Selection in ONTARIO Q-tU.qa Athletic & Dress ■HUM 133 Weber St., N. Waterloo 51 9-746-4983

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www.pwcglobal.com r\ . . . -r- Grab your free CD at the @ Student Placement Centre on Campus. News RCMP inquiry delayed Best year ever for Shinerama A three-weeK postponement of the pub- into RCMP actions against pro- lic inquiry CHRIS PHILIPS that they received great support from spoke of the great support received from Laurier, SHINERAMA continues to be one during the Asia-Pacific economic tester those who donated. the community. Many businesses simply of the best events of Orientation Week. was granted on Monday. summit SHINERAMA took place Saturday "It's a great cause," said Carolyn wait to hear what day Laurier students Queen's managed to bring in Lawyers forthe protesters sought the '98 September 12 and was a great success Laporte of Green 1. "You're killing two will be coming by. Mangers often com- $32,000; Trent raised $10,000; Mt. Alison delay to give them time to prepare the with beautiful weather and over $60,000 birds with one stone by raising money ment on how great it is too see such a brought in $15,300; and as of press time and give protesters the chance to case raised for the Canadian Cystic Fibrosis and having fun". positive event be part of frosh week. it was still unknown how the University raise money for legal fees which could Foundation. Many participants commented on Started over 35 years ago at Wilfrid of Western Ontario fared. climb as high as $200,000. Protesters annual frosh event was big- the great support were denied federal funding for the hear- ger than ever with more than 1700 stu- from various orga- ing, while eight lawyers will be acting on dents registered for Orientation Week. nizations. Frat behalf of the federal police force. There were first year sites and four Houses, Out of the It is alteged that RCMP officers acted 64 student services sites located through- Blue, ambulances, on orders from the Prime Minister and out the area. and city and his office to prevent protesters from The Green team won SFIINERAMA school buses were embarrassing then-Indonesian president bringing in over $11,000. The team also all shined up to Suharto, whose human-rights record was won the whole week's events. raise money for being protested. Michelle Palozzi headed this year's the worthy cause. The hearing is to resume October 5. committee made up of Sharon Godkin, This year many Colleen Norman, and Regan Ruslim. commented on Working through the summer, Palozzi the human aspect Arctic Council said she was really proud of the support of the event. she received from the administration. "It's not just meeting She pointed out that some other about competing Northern Affairs Minister jane Stewart will schools are fighting against the adminis- with other schools. host the first ministerial meeting of the tration to keep the fundraising event Its about raising Arctic Council in Iqaluit on Thursday and alive. money for a worth Friday. Jacquie Mask of Red 1 said the event cause," Palozzi LI The council, made up of groups from "really brought people together." Kate said. Canada, Alaska, Greenland/Denmark, Geddie, also from Red 1, pointed out Palozzi also Iceland, Norway, Sweden, Finland, and GEOFFREY Russia, was formed to search for com- mon approaches to social, environmen- tal, healthcare, and cultural issues in the Arctic. Battling "the bulge": Sections added Address-less students letter delivered to accommodate first-year An envelope simply addressed "To Mr. KATHERINE HARDING the idea of students not getting into able, in 1992 first-year section sizes were "Clearly though, if we take more stu- Christopher Berry" was delivered from classes, empty classes from an adminis- on average 60.4 students, in 1996 that dents there is a probability that we have Blackpool, England to Kelowna, British This year the university is welcoming an trator's point of view is pretty disastrous. number jumped to 78.7. to add teaching resources." Columbia, and it was delivered in one unprecedented 1,996 first-year students At the end of the day I'd rather be facing Smith contends that while the "Our aim is with more students week. The envelope had no street to Laurier. The question is: What are we this problem than York's." increase in class sizes going through the address, city, province, or country on it. doing to fit them all? Laurier's first-year admissions is "cause for con- system we will A Canada Post official could not The already cramped residence sys- increased by 18 per cent this year while cern," in comparison the end of attempt to add the explain how the letter got to Berry, but tem has barely managed to accommo- York experienced an approximate 18 per to other universities "At classes needed to one theory says that since Berry's moth- date the dramatic increase and universi- cent decrease. Laurier is "still very provide adequate er writes three or four times a week and ty administrators are working hard to competitive." the day I'd choice to those always tapes the envelope shut distinc- ensure first-year students academic Adding sections "If we compare people," Smith tively, postal workers in England and needs are adequately met. The Acting Dean ofArts and Science, ourselves to our father be added. Canada must have recognized it and sent "Given the increase in numbers it Dr. Donald Baker, reports that approxi- neigbours, with who Baker says the it on its usual way. would be absolutely crazy to accept stu- mately 36 sections have been added to we mainly compete facing this Arts and Science

dents that we couldn't accommodate ... existing first-year courses to accommo- with, we come off faculty will begin from the time we knew we had an extra- date the increase. The Physics and very well in terms of addressing the Hunting age ordinary number of acceptances I Computing department will also receive class sizes," he said. problem than issue of the instructed deans across the board to $7,500 to inject into their first-year "Laurier has medium "bulge" for next 12 add sections as they are required and courses teaching assistant program. and small classes. Yolk's." years' course offer- dropped to then we'll talk about money later," said "For Laurier, the deregulation of fees We don't have the ing and budget Juvenile hunters as young as 12 will be has led to grid rooms have large Dr. Rowland Smith, considerations. able to start getting licenses by the end Vice President Academic Rowland Smith. scholarship competition. to how many You can't VP: Academic "A lot will depend of this week under the "Hunter "We have also added some limited-term We just weren't sure were classes. areas was come," on what happens Apprenticeship Safety Program." faculty in where there pres- going to said Baker. have a 500 student a Baker contends faculty class her because we don't have the to the first years next year but our plan- Under new regulations in the Game sure but not as result of this certain that their ning for next year will have to take into and Rsh Act, 12-year-olds will be allowed surge of students. We did that earlier on, have been successful in placating stu- rooms." analysis we enrollment explained that as this large account the bulge that we have to swal- to hunt with a gun provided they com- on a statistical on where had dents needs and confirmed Smith pressure any- that some people class travels through the academic sys- low for the next three or four years," plete the education requirements and are points on first-year philos- tem, academic requirements will be added Baker. under direct supervision of an adult with way." ophy course wait- addressed. Baker is also concerned about the a valid license, share a single firearm, and "We are trying to "ft would be may be "The bulge does carry, but it hasn't strain the increase in students could get written permission from a parent. see that there aren't ing lists in at a crisis point We cause campus support sen/ices. "We have a serious problem with giv- disasters and that accommodated carried yet. still have by winter a stu- "The spill-over effect these increased ing high-powered weapons to young- students are and absolutely the term. fewer number of total full-time in (the numbers could have on the library, food sters," said Rob Sinclair, the Queen's Park large getting the dents than we did have '91-92 class highest full-time student enrollment year and computing services among others representative for IFAW. He pointed to classes they want crazy to accept Small WLU)," will have to be addressed," said Baker. kids participating in junior hunting pro- and that we manage sizes? ever recorded at Smith said. grams in the US and then latter being the range of classes students that One of accused of killing classmates. we give," Smith Laurier's setling Student governor vacates position added. we couldn't points is the small Smith is confident class sizes. As the Laurier student Jason George has resigned his position on the Wilfrid Laurier Empties for the bright side of the current first-year University Board of Governors (BOG). George was elected one year ago to a two increase in first-year accommodate." class moves up year term. students is the uni- Dr. Rowland Smith, through the sys- It is unknown why George resigned as student governor. diabetes versity's financial situ- VP: Academic tem, the repercus- George proposed a summer employment recruiting group as an extension of All 428 Beer Stores in Ontario will be ation will remain sions of expanded Career Services that was included as an initiative in last year's Operating Budget. accepting donations ofempty beer cans healthy. enrollment will be Jeff Kroecker, Executive Assistant to WLU Students' Union President Gareth and bottles on Saturday September 26 "There are universities in the system compounded. If enrollment levels stay Cunningham, will assume George's position effective immediately. Kroecker was sec- to benefit diabetes Coin research. box that are down in students the exact per- the same, class sizes at all levels, not ond in the most recent BOG elections. donations will also be accepted on that centage we are up. They are not going just those in first year, will see dramatic He will join Burrows as the student representatives on the University's high- day for ' Jeff the Canadian Diabetes to make the revenue that they anticipat- increases. Association. est administrative body. ed," said Smith. "Although nobody likes While current statistics are not avail-

September 16,1998 3 n Board Report New software and Cresswell resigns as money in the bank Turret manager JAMES MUIR Imaging Solutions has so far pro- KATHERINE HARDING Under Cresswell's leadership, the duced two programs for athletics and Turret thrived, realizing some of the high- Tuesday, September 15 occassioned the slight "communication problems will be After three years at the helm of the est profits the bar has ever recorded. first WLUSP board meeting of the acad- ironed out." The Keystone and the Turret, Rob Cresswell is throwing in the Dawson credits Cresswell's ability to emic year. Among the issues discussed WLUer are holding their own. bar towel. Tendering his resignation last build a cohesive staff, combined with his was the updating of the corporation's Mentioned in passing was the deci- Thursday, Cresswell said it was "time to creative talent for attracting promotions entire complement of software. sion to redefine the board members' g°- H to the bar for some of the Turret's suc- President Steve Metzger tabled the positions. The board will now resemble Cresswell has accepted a position in cess. issue of software updating. It seems that the Students' Union Board of Directors Toronto as a sales representative at Behr, "We were also able to compete with some of the corporation's software is after WLUSP has tentatively suspended a paint company which is a major sup- outside bars by catering to students' "sort of illegal" and can't, therefore, be the liaison duties ofthe board members. plier of Home Depot. His resignation is tastes through programming, our music updated. The liaison positions "will go on a hia- effective September 25. formats, and special events," said What Metzger proposed was a full tus until somebody finds a better use for Cresswell began managing the Turret Dawson. scale refurbishment to make the offices them," said Metzger. in August '95 and was recently moved to Subject to board approval, WLUSU legal. Unfortunately this will come at Metzger also mentioned the lack of an Assistant Bar Manager position for will begin looking for a replacement PHOTO quite a cost. The estimated cost is a computer for the Advertising Manager, both Wilfs and the Turret in August. immediately. FILE expected to be $10,000. a problem he wants rectified soon. After Wilfs Bar Manager Dave Playfeir "We are hoping to attract someone memories of the Turret go all the way This is because many copies of the Tabled during Metzger's president's resigned last May, the Students' Union back to the days when he worked there same program must be purchased to report was a strategic planning initiative. (WLUSU) decided to restructure the man- as a member of the bar staff. maintain legality. In addition to seven Director Michelle MacDonald suggested agement of the two facilities. Hob has "I've had so many memories there I copies of Quark Xpress, nine word pro- that standing committees be selected A Bar Operations Manager and two can't pencil it down to one, there have cessing programs, two photoshops, and first and that representatives from each Assistant Bar Manager positions were been just too many," he said. "I'm going a copy ofAdocbe Illustrator must also be committee be selected to make-up the created with the unanimous consent of accomplished to miss it." purchased. strategic planning team. WLUSU's full-time staff. "My management philosophy was Also discussed was the procurement Mike Blake, Vice-President: Rnance, "We are hoping that the new struc- a lot in a simple: If I was having fun then my staff of a seven gigabyte tape back-up for the reported that a computer crash over the ture will allow flexibility for management was having fun and, in turn, everyone WLUSP system following the crash of summer resulted in an unaccounted coverage and the opportunity for us to short period else was having a good time," Cresswell the finance department computer over $300 that he is sure will be recovered give our student managers more respon- said. "I attribute the Turrefs success to the summer. soon. Blake also updated the board on sibility," said WLUSU's Business of time..." energy, opportunity, excitement and a lot Metzger also updated the board on a short-term investment of $60,000 Operations Manager Dan Dawson. of hard work by the staff." the state of the corporation's depart- which pays 4.6% interest per annum In July, Mike Carroll was hired as the Cresswell informed Turret staff of his ments. The Cord is running smoothly leaving $14,000 in the WLUSP account. Bar Operations Manager and Cresswell Dan Dawson, resignation during employee training last after a discrepancy with printing that I quickly exited after President and Kathy Bieman were chosen to head WLUSU Business week. Tara Foote, a three-year Turret caused a day's delay in last week's Metzger tabled a motion to conduct the up the assistant positions. employee, was "shocked" to hear the newspaper. rest of the meeting in-camera. Dawson wasn't surprised by Operations Manager news. "When Rob announced he was leav- NOTE: The first meeting of the Students' Union Board will be held Thursday, Cresswell's sudden resignation. "Rob accomplished a lot in a like a Rob Cresswell who is young, ing we were all upset but we are happy September ly at pm. has 5:45 for him that he is starting a new career," short period of time ... we knew that this enthusiastic and who can be cross- mm position would not fulfill him for a long trained in both Wilfs and the Turret as said Foote. "He made the Turret what it period of time," Dawson said. "It is soon as possible," said Dawson. "We are is today."

unfortunate that we are losing him confident though that with the experi- "He made it fun for us ... ever/one because of his enthusiasm and integrity." ence of our student managers we will looked forward to going into work," said "We were hoping that Rob's talents able to get through the next couple of Foote. "He created a great team atmos- combined with Mike's and Kath/s would weeks." phere that we all enjoyed working in. We have resulted in the best management Saying good bye are all going to miss him a lot." team possible," said Dawson. A former Laurier student, Cresswell's

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4 September 16,1998 r n Computer purchase inspires debate

Continued from cover Union President Gareth Cunningham, "The Board appeared more interest- commented on the lack of a lucid board ed in making a quick decision instead of discussion. "I think the confusion was a a good one," said board member Kevin result of the BOD members not asking Nasir. their questions in a clear manner," said "The Board was not supplied with Cunningham. "There wasn't anything each departments' computing needs - that we weren't explaining in the pre- despite the feet that, one week prior to sentation to the Board." the meeting, the Board Chair had specif- "I think that they were well informed icaly requested of the President that this with respect to pricing and how the cost information be included in the report," was going to be covered," added Devin Nasir said. Grady, Vice-President: Rnance. Some directors were unsatisfied with Others connected with the purchase the hurried nature of the approval contend that it was an intelligent capital process. expense, saying that the previous lease "The issue should have been tabled agreement was more expensive in the beforehand so that more information long run and that buying top of the line could be provided because of the weight equipment is a sound investment. of the decision," said one director who "It's an investment that we're making wished to remain unnamed. "Also I for the long term, we're looking at a believe that some board members voted longer window of useage," said BOD on the motion without really under- member, Derek Simon. standing the issue." Responding to a question regarding "We should not have voted on the what students will think about the proposal without appropriate informa- $73,000 pricetag, Cunningham HARRIS tion to put it in context. We should have explained that the purchase goes BEN taken more time to consider such a sig- beyond the figure. "Ifs more complicat- being paid for over three years." by Students' Union employees and vol- "We'd like to set up some in the nificant expenditure," added Nasir. ed than the bulk figure. We'll own these The computers will be primarily used unteers, but other uses are planned. office's study carrels so that students can Responding to this issue, Students' computers after three years and ifs i pi n

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. j Wilfrid Laurier University: Attiwanderonk University? The following is a list of names 48. Malborough University furnished by the university's 49. Dag Hammarskjold University 25 years after the renaming change of name committee. 50. Fred Banting University 51. Grand Vfeilley University An auspicious anniversary is to be provincially-assisted status. The govern- succeding year, university administration 1. Centennial University (of Waterloo) 52. Six Nations University obseived this year. The name of this insti- ment responded by issuing five criteria by proposed a number of possible names 2. Churchill University, Waterloo 53. Southern Ontario University tution turned 25 years old. which the institution known as Waterloo (see column). After some time the uni- 3. Grand University of Waterloo 54. Upper Canada University In King's 1973, the institution known as Lutheran University could qualify for this versity published a shortlist of seven 4. Laurei University 55. University of Waterloo Waterloo Lutheran Conestogo University became financial assistance. names: Sir Wilfrid Laurier, Central Ontario, 5. Leif Erickson University of Waterloo 56. University Wilfrid Laurier University. The process was Common throughout the five criteria Southern Ontario, Willison and William 6. New University of Waterloo 57. (The) University of Westmount initiated approximately 27 years ago. was the abolishment of all religious con- Lyon Mackenzie King. 7. University of Ontario at Waterloo 58. The Iroquis University of Waterloo After some years of diplomatic com- notations associated with the school's The shortlist was not without its 8. University of Upper Canada 59. Huron-Erie University munication beginning in 1967, the uni- identity, this included its name. detractors. 9. Laurier University of Waterloo 60. Lord Kitchener University versity petitioned the government for Beginning in 1972 and ending the A group of students released a mem- 10. Dukes' University of Waterloo 6t Four Rivers University orandum stating their displeasure with all 11. Winston University 62. Great lakes University five selections. Willison was attacked 12. Westminster University 63. Simcoe-Brant University because of the preeminence of the name 13. Wolsey University 64. Central Ontario University already on the campus; Southern Ontario 14. Wendall University 65. Chaplain University was deemed too geographically general; 15. Winlaw University 66. Attiwanderonk University William Lyon Mackenzie King was cited as 16. Waverley University 67. Mansfield University too political and would set a dangerous 17. Waynefleet University 68. Mackenzie King University precedent; Central Ontario was felt to be 18. Wellmount University 69. Euler University an insult to Northern Ontarians whose 19. Wellwood University 70. Potter University geographical disposition would be 20. Wakefield University -jx. Adam Beck University ignored; finally, even Wilfrid Laurier was 21 Warford University 72. Haldemand University attacked for its inherent and aforemen- 22. Wollaton University 73. Joseph Brant University tioned political aspect and for the feet 23. Wavell University 74. Tecumseh University that the initials would be too easy or 24. Wadsworth University 75. Tyendenaga University "gimmicky." 25. Wagner University 76. Martin dale University Despite this report some months later 26. Winchester University 77. Luthervale University it was announced that the initials WLU 27. Westmount University 78. The University ofKitchener PHOTO would be retained as the new name was 28. Waterwell University 79. Algonquin University FILE announced: Wilfrid Laurier University. 29. Newhaven University 80. Sir Wilfrid Laurier University 30. Victor University 81. Grand \Mey University 31. Nelson University 82. University of Ontario 32. Gladstone University 83. Doon Valley University WLU day: Wilfarrives 33. Courtland University 84. Confederation University 34. Rockwood University 85. Grand University It a haul was long from the last issue water race (the ultimate winner almost Senator Gratton O'Leary laid down the 35. Superior University 86. Trillium University before Christmas of the Cord last year, drowned), pantyhose race, in itself worth word for all to hear. Herein lies a repro- 36. Union Gty University 87. Beaver University when the name Wilfrid Laurier originally the price of admission, and the inner duction for those who missed it the first 37. Twin City University 88. University ofCentral Ontario saw the light of day. A veritable orgy of tube race. Ah yes, and the squash finals; time. 38. Raleigh University 89. Wastena University Laurierism it was, complete with Laurier never seen the game played like that Sentimental, but in good taste. 39. Victory University 90. Gait University food the Laurier a Laurier at Dinner, and before, have you? Happy Laurier, to you, too. 40. Victoria University 91. Pauline johnson University Lecture afterwards. The events started The high rollers were invited to the 41. Newton University 92. Heidelberg University with the inevitable Convocation, then Laurier Dinner, which was mercilessly Printed in The Cord Weekly, 42. Washington University 93. W. Ross MacDonald University moved into the var- of . . . Athletic Complex for devoid longwindedness very Thursday, November 8, 1973 43. King University 94. Lord Durham University ious endeavours: watermelon the polo (last- pleasant, and good was good. The (page 6). 44. Windermere University ed as long as the watermelon), Laurier Lecture under- followed, in which 45. Sydenham University Printed in The Cord Weekly, 46. Bishop Baldwin University Thursday, September 28, 1972 47. Waterloo Winston University (page 8). Tired Of Busy Signals and Slowww Connections? No More World Wide Wait! o Gregg Internet With IGS ,if) Family NO SETUP FEES FOR WLU STUDENTS Chiropractic

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CHRYSLER*xxy CANADA t&Official Team Sponsor Opinion Killtoys for tots the"The tie that bindsCordsince 1926" s: wlusp J Twelve-year-olds with guns A Wilfrid Laurier University Student Publication University Avenue 75 West, In a surprise decision, the Ontario Ministry of Many 12-year-old children, who felt that the Beaming brightly, she holds up the bloodied Waterloo, Ontario, N2L 3C5 Natural Resources has announced that it previous age limit of was unnecessarily high, corpse of a kitten. "I bagged six more (519) 884-0710 ext. 3564 will 15 just Fax: (519) 883-0873 allow 12-year-olds to hunt with firearms, lowering today." Advertising: (519) 884-0710 ext. 3560 the legal hunting age from 15. Unlike little rifle-wielding Sally, not every 12- e-mail: [email protected] Critics of the government have responded year-old has access to a wooded area, but the www.wlusp.on.ca cynically, complaining that the action is simply a "1 want them Tories have taken this into account, expanding ploy to gain voter support during an election sanctioned hunting areas to urban centres. year. "It would be unfair if downtown kids missed While the Tories' action does reek of pander- armed wMi out on the fun, so hunting downtown is permit- There ain't nothin' better than a ing to the gun-toting, Bambi-killing Ontario ted," one backbencher commented. Cord bread party. Federation of Anglers and Hunters, it also has an lethal weapons Chuckling, he added, "And if one of them a couple Tim Durkin important, altruistic element. should 'accidentally" take down welfare Although many school boards are currently bums while they're shooting pigeons, well, kids close to resolving their disputes with teachers or and taking is kids, right?' have already done so, many students are still out It's comforting to know that while teachers Editorial Board of school with nothing to do. down wilfl greedily whine to keep their cushy jobs, some- Editor-in-Chief Mr. Pee Pee Pants •The Minister of Natural Resources, John 3>' one is caring about our kids. Opinion Editor R.W. Hickey Snobelen, is deeply attuned to the concerns of aninnais. So strap on your bulletproof jacket, grab your News Editor Patricia Lancia students, having formerly been the Minister of flak helmet, and enjoy the shots ringing out Associate News Editor James Muir Education and Training. across Ontario's streets: it's the sound of happy Entertainment Editor Durkin Tim "It just tore me up inside to think of all those have praised Snobelen's decision. children keeping busy the best they can. Assistant Entertainment Editor vacant pre-teens being traumatized by the selfish Sally Witherspoon, age 12, of Milton, Sports Editor vacant teachers," "Ever since strike, Asistant Sports Editor JeffSchouela actions of the Snobelen sobbed. explains. the teacher's my RW HICKEY Feature Editor vacant "With no school, those kids have nothing. I older sister jane's been out in the backyard OPINION EDITOR Student Life Editor Janette Roy want to help them out. I want to bring them joy. shooting at birds and worms and stuff. I had to International Editor Oliver want them armed with lethal weapons and tak- stay inside and watch her. But now got a Smith The opinions expressed in this editorial are those of the Martin I I author, and do not reflect those of The Cord Staff, the edito- Arts Page Editor Chadwick C Dietrich ing down wild animals." and Wesson all my own." rial hoard, or WLUSP. Production Manager Sarah Schiefer

The Electric Cord Webmasters Florin Negoita Manufacture Paul Wellhauser Simplicity Cord Staff ANDREW WHITE money is an issue, I'll go for the most heavily that never existed before products were available Classified Coordinator Jordan Furness advertised brand. It may not always be a con- to fill them. All to often these products don't fill Production Assistants Allison Bone I got the message loud and clear when 1 walked scious decision. these niches completely enough, and we need Katherine Harding Tricia Granville into the school today. It was being yelled from "Manufacture need." Not just "buy more." new products, new versions, add-ons, Wendy Li Sarah Ridley the walls and had annoying videos and music The premise of these ads is that you can not sur- upgrades... vacant accompanying it in the Concourse. The message vive without these products. You just have to fig- Try this: the next time the Concourse is Copy Editors Danielle Fielder is "Manufacture Need." ure out why. crowded with booths pushing these wonder Krissy Smith Angela Peters Every surface of this institution seems to be Think about a How products on you, around, a Sarah Vernon Kristina Spence a cell phone for second. walk take look at papered with it. Nowhere is sacred. If I'm not many times has your cell phone been used for what they offer. being sold PCs when I'm waiting for coffee, I'm mission critical applications? Then think about Figure out what kind of a lifestyle you are , Student Publications Staff being sold cable when I'm "using the facilities." how many times your cell phone bill has shocked being offered here at this university. Then go Then there's the "Molson's" that precedes every you to death. The majority of cell phone owners and sit in Photo Manager Puke Martyn home, the middle of the most empty title. — — Systems Administrator Rob Borek event would probably much happier and richer room in your house. Turn off the tv, the music; Advertising Manager Angela Foster I used to think that I was immune to it. without them. just sit down. Breathe: focus on your breaths, Ad Sales Representatives vacant Complete hubris, as evidenced by the fact that I The question is: is it too much hyperbole to count them. No products involved, just you. Ad Production Manager Jen Roberts can barely edge sideways into my own room. I call this a war on simplicity? The point of all this Manufacture simplicity; it will add years to our Ad Production Assistants Jason Kipfer buy things, the same as everyone else. Unless marketing and advertising is to fill niche markets lives. Melissa Bien Public Relations Coordinator Xania Wong Administration President Steve Metzger

- VP: Rnance Michael Blake Letters to the Editor Board of Directors Holly Wagg All 1 can say is that it was better than last Sue Portelance Brian Carey Where, oh where year's opener, and it could have been better with The Trail About Michelle MacDonald John Damanis some motivation from the stands. Melissa Csikasz has all the Being a fan is about showing your support for The Tenor your team one hundred percent, regardless of The Cord will notprint anything that is racist, sexist, or homophobic in nature, as deemed by the staff as a voting body. The Cord will not print anything in violation of its Code of Laurier spirit whether they win or lose. Dear editor, Ethics, outlined in The Cord Constitution. Cord subscription rates are $20.00 per term for hope to see you all in the bleachers. addresses within Canada. The Cord is printed by CanWeb Printing. All commentary is I I was disturbed after reading the article written by strictly the opinion of the writer and does not necessarily reflect that of the Cord staff, the editorial board, or WW Student Publications. gone? Oliver Martin on "The New Terrorist Threat". Marianne Lee Continued on next page Contributors Dear editor, Sarah Parker, The Neufriend, Mme. Fazzouli, Cathy Tassone, Mike Kostoff, Wesley Horlings, Heather Strupat, On returning to my second year at good of WLU, Letters Policy: Nathon Flatton, Marsha King, Andrew White and his one of the things I was looking forward to was skinny brother Craig, Sonu Sikand, D.P. • Chris Phillips, the energetic, enthusiastic Laurier atmosphere. All letters must be signed and submitted with the author's name, student Reiter, A. Rimbaud, Piet Mondrian, Salome, Kevin "Kevin After attending Saturday's game, identification number, and telephone number. Ramzi Nasir" Ramzi Nasir, Toni Tsai, Randy Waechter, football I was very • All letters will printed with author's printed frosh pitas, a mid-production "triple S", the good good disappointed by the lethargic crowd, be the name. Letters can be people at Dell, Ibm and Rogers cable for buying colour which was almost totally devoid of spirit. So without the author's name with permission from for me to screw with, Can Web, Flamilton Web, and many deadbeat frosh, dons, even breakers! the Editor-in-Chief. Charlotte's Web. Trying to make some noise with a tiny spirit • The Cord comes out on Wednesdays. Letters must be received by Tuesday All the Cordies who stay up all night when they don't band wasn't easy, but the only help I got was at noon, on disk, or via e-mail at have to or get paid to - what a bunch of freak-assed from a handful of Hawksquadders [sic], a few [email protected]. geniuses. hardcore Laurier veterans, and three great alum- • Letters must be typed or easily legible, double spaced and can not exceed I hope your first week of screw-niversity was all that ni who brought their WLU letter signs. 300 words. you hoped fro.sh, because it can either get real good • Doubtless, there would have been more The Cord reserves the right to edit any letter. Spelling and grammar will from here on in, or real, real bad. noise had our mascot and cheerleaders not be corrected. You want to hear bad? say the magic words, shown themselves. • The Cord reserves the right to reject letter; that Is in "Sheepshank me Jesus!" and I'll tell you all about it. any In whole or in part, Yes, I was aware of the score. violation of existing Cord policies.

8 September 16,1998 r O Letters to the Editor Continued from previous page row (and ignorant) prospective [sic] on the politics For him to kill Soviets solicits no outrage from us; around and do the same to the Virtuous Americans? concerning the Middle East and America. because that is acceptable. Martin later states "When it comes to the Middle I found it to unfortunately reiterate the biased Martin writes in his article "Ironically, bin Laden It was alright for the Americans to provide him East, America has done much good". I am confused rehtoric [sic] in our media concerning the Middle was a U.S. ally in the 1980's supporting the battle with the technology that enabled him to wreck as to how he arrived at such a conclusion. East. The article implicitley [sic] presented a very nar- against Soviet troops in Afghanistan". Ironic indeed. destruction on the Soviets. But how dare he turn Martin later suggests "It drove Iraq out of occu- pied Kuwait, and it has tolied [sic] endlessly for peace between Arab states and Israel". Toiled endlessly? The United States has vetoed every United Nations resolution attempting to deal with the issue of Israel's occupation of Palestine and the Golden Heights. Cord Opinion Yes, the American's [sic] came to the aid of oil rich Kuwait. However, I must ask where is there assistance to the Kurds and the occupied people of Wanted: Articulate individual, not afraid Palestine. And what about the effects of the trade embar-' of commitment, whose outspokeness has go on the citizens of Iraq? I think that Oliver Martin should seriously reconsider his opinion on the often ended in tears and bloodshed. impact of the United States on the Middle East. In explaining the attitudes of the Arabs he offers, Ever wanted to subject masses of people to your well considered yet controversial and timely opinions on a weekly "they strongly believe that America has ruthlessly basis? If so, the Cord Opinion section has an ideal oportunity for you. pursued a personal vendetta against.Sadam Husein [sic]". Starting immediately, we're accepting applications for weekly columnists. Applications must include a one page letter I find it intresting [sic] to note that when he pre- his the there was no and three completed columns of approximately words. Previous Cord experience is not sented view on United States, about yourself 300-400 nec- caveat of "I believe", but rather a stated fact essary. Having a brain is. "America has done much good". When the opposing prespective [sic] is present- The Hiring Committee consists of The Cord's Opinion Page Editor and the Editor-in-Chief. All hiring decisions will be ed it is "they believe". The western perspective does final. not need to be defended because it obviously right whereas the Arabs only "think" they are right. Deadlines for columnist applications are September 23,1997 @ 4:30. Please leave in RW Hickey: Opinion Editor's I believe that terrorism is wrong. It should be abhorred. But when disscussing [sic] the issue there Mailbox are many contexts which need to be understood (located in The Cord Office, floor, Fred Nichols Campus Centre). and analyzed. If this is not done any commentary 3rd on the subject will be irresponsible.

Molin Subhani

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September 16,1998

9 International North Korea underestimated

OLIVER MARTIN sion, North Korea's administration has has been leading the nation since his Missile Message weapons buyers. Missile sales are the declared a week long celebration. As a father's death, using his authority as North's biggest source of foreign capital, On September 10, 1948, the Democratic highlight, military officials in the Stalinist commander in chief and head of the rul- The missile launch by the North was peaking in the 1980's at about $700 mil- People's Republic of Korea was pro- nation launched a two-stage medium ing Workers' Party. With the parliamen- as much a military message to the world lion a year. claimed in Pyongyang, after the parti- range missile. Called the Taepo Dong-i, tary changes, Jong 11 was reappointed as as a political one. Although the economy North Korea, has demonstrated tioning of the Korean Peninsula. Since this initial launch resulted in the first chairman of the Central Defense is in ruins and the country still lingers on resolve by standing up to what it its inception, North Korea has been a stage of the missile crashing off the Committee, the highest post in the coun- the brink of another famine, the last one believes is U.S. meddling into its political, social and economic outsider western coast of Japan, the remaining try. This position oversees all political, ending in late 1997 in which an affairs. Its economy might within the circle of global nations. Being stage speeding high over Japanese air- economic and military issues. For the estimated two million people be in ruins, but Kim a strongly communist nation, North space and then finally plummeting into ceremonial duties, representing the died, the North dramatically long II remains; Korea's leadership has established the the Pacific Ocean. nation at diplomatic functions, Kim Yong displayed to the world tha* supreme. belief within its citizens to be self suffi- This marked the first time that a Nam, the head of the presidium of the they are still a force. The Oliver needs cient and self reliant. This belief has rouge state had launched a multistage Supreme People's Assembly was named. impoverished North Korea international buried itself deep within the national missile. It also suggested that North In other important posts in North still has the ability to threat- writers! Call psyche. Up until the beginning of 1995, Korea is one step closer to the develop- Korea, such as the heads of the army, en its neighbours. him at 725-j when the great floods and famine hit, ment of an intercontinental ballistic mis- navy and air force, Mr. Kim has begun With the Americans 4281. North Korea had stood firm against what sile that could reach destinations on the surrounding himself with military hard- behind schedule on tht it believed to be Western intervention mainland U.S. As part of the missile liners. These moves have given South deployment of the nucleai into its sovereign affairs. When the launch, North Korean officials have Korean officials the impression that the reactors and late with the oil country came to the verge of a cata- claimed that they have launched a satel- North intends to run itself more as a mil- shipments, the North has strophic famine and economic collapse, lite into orbit, with the purpose of itary state, and one in a state of emer- begun to get frustrated with the leadership requested international "peacefully exploring space" and carry- gency. what it sees as foot dragging in assistance. ing radio frequency transmissions. In an attempt to improve the belea- Washington. The missile launch was An agreement was made with the However, listening stations in the area guered economy, while not contradicting a stem warning to the U.S. adminis- United States to provide relief assistance, have not been able to pick up any sig- the communist essence of the constitu- tration to come through with their two nuclear reactors that didn't produce nals. tion, small revisions were implemented. agreement, however, the result bomb fuel and 500,000 tons of heavy oil These changes included the introduction will probably be more delaying for conventional power plants. North Constitutional Changes of a primitive market economy, the abil- by a conservative Congress. Korea agreed to shut down its existing ity for farmers to sell their produce, pri- What ever the outcome, the nuclear facilities, including the nuclear During the middle of last week, North vate companies and co-operatives the missile launches undoubt- weapons program and engage in dia- Korea's parliament met for the first time capacity to own land, farm machinery, edly impressed poten- logue with the United States. This hard- since 1994, when the founder Kim II boats and production equipment but ti a I won agreement brought both the United Sung died. The parliament permanently not buildings and finally rights of inheri- States and North Korea back from the resetved the title of President for the tance were guaranteed. The overall pre- brink of war. "Great Leader." In subsequent motions dicted result was forecasted as a way of This week marks the 50th anniver- they granted extensive powers for Sung"s attracting foreign investment. sary of the regime. To mark the occa- son and successor, Kim Jong 11. Jong II HowBill Gates is ousting dictators

KEVIN RAMZI NASIR It began with Thailand's move to devalue its' Mohamad cannot hold out much longer, having slight drag on the U.S. economy, just in time to currency because of local pressures, and the domi- already sacrificed his deputy PM, Anwar Ibrahim. keep it from inflating too quickly. The heartland of A popular explanation of U.S. President Bill Clinton's noes began to fall. In hindsight, this was entirely Even healthy Australia has been politically affect- capitalism will continue to prosper from steady 1996 re-election win was "ifs the economy, stupid," predictable in our emerging world of highly interde- ed by the crisis, as Prime Minister John Howard growth, and will keep imposing a version of pure reminding us that when economies are healthy, pendent regional trade blocks. But the dominoes called an election for October third, hoping voters capitalism on developing countries, especially people are happy and tend to support the existing did not stop in the economic realm. will trust in his brand of strict economic manage- through the International Monetary Fund. In the political infrastructures. In Japan, Prime Minister Hashimoto acted as the ment. end, Asia needs to increase the ranks of its middle Unfortunately for the present political leaders of necessary fell guy, and resigned over the first reces- All of this is not a coincidence. Political turmoil class, put an end to old-style corruption, have Asia, the converse is also true. sion Japan has seen in recent memory. It resulted in and uprising to this extent over such a large region checks in place to allow for a softer landing next With Asia's economies in a tailspin, the elec- the bankruptcy of major Japanese financial institu- has a direct correlation to the sustained level of a time, and realize that developing countries are dif- torate is getting restless. Since the "Asian flu" began tions and a plummeting exchange rate with the U.S. reasonable standard of living for the masses. The ferent from developed ones. Malaysia's deputy Prime Minister has been fired, dollar. Business cycle, per- Japan's Prime Minister has stepped down, and In Cambodia, thousands of citizens marched petuated by entre- Indonesia's dictator Suharto, who could not be oust- through the capital of Phnom Penh demanding an preneurs like Bill ed for thirty years, was overthrown amid mass riot- end to Prime Minister Hun Sen's rule. The protesters Gates, caused this ing across the country. carried on despite a week-long crackdown by Asian recession that Asian nations have been continually told to police. has resulted in an open up their countries to Western-style capitalism Shortly after Suharto was overthrown in unprecedented level and they would reap the rewards. Unfortunately, Indonesia, rioting has again erupted in there. This of political turnover these "emerging markets" have grown so quickly time, it is located in the northern island of Sumatra, across the region. over the past two decades that they rarely stopped where separatist mobs looted the business districts, In a way, this cri- to add checks to their systems. They began to think targeting the ethnic Chinese minority. sis will only further that continued growth was inevitable. And then the Malaysia's political leaders, too, are on the hot- propagate the prob- financial crisis hit. seat. It appears as though Prime Minister Mahathir lem, as it has put a

use for land mines. The U.S., Russia, and China did not World Watch join.

Goma, Congo New York, USA President Laurent Kabila's self declared "Democratic The international treaty banning antipersonal land mines, Republic of Congo" is in the midst of a crisis, as Eastern which requires ratification in 40 countries before it is acti- rebels pursue their drive to replace the year-old govern- vated, is on the verge of coming into effect. Macedonia ment. Conflicting reports are coming out of the central was the 38th country to ratify the accord, and the United African nation as to which group has control over the Nations is waiting for the papers to come in from three major cities and areas, but what is clear is that fierce fight- more countries this week. Namibia, Spain, and Sao ing continues. South African President Nelson Mandela Tome and Principe have already passed the document had in'ed to begin peace talks between the two sides, through their legislatures and are expected to be the through the 14-nation South African Development 39th, 40th, and 41st countries to register. Unfortunately, Community, but Mr. Kabila refuses to meet with his oppo- PHOTO the treaty was mostly signed by countries that have little nents, and the civil war perpetuates itself. FILE

10 September 16,1998 r i L.

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September 16,1998 11 Student Life Summer's small joys

AMY NEUFELD seems almost too simple to say, "The pen at any camp. The difference was that their lives. We gave them a place where decided to take this job. It gave me an same things you would like to do." We Camp Massawippi did it with the most their existence was validated, and any example of the goodness which exists in Before this summer, I had very little made music videos, went for nature open and accepting atmosphere that I contribution they could make was wor- people. There was a support network experience in dealing with individuals among all the campers that was unlike with special needs. I went to a high- any I've seen. school that (unfortunately) was neither During one of my programs, Joey, a wheelchair accessible or equipped to nine-year-old boy with mild spina bifida accommodate the needs of deaf or blind who was quite able-bodied, encouraged students. Dylan, a camper with severe cerebral I found out about Camp Massawippi palsy, to knock a pail off his wheelchair from a good friend. This camp, in the tray (his contribution to our musical Eastern Townships of Quebec, is specifi- band). cally designed for people with special It was nearly impossible for me to needs. I was hired to work as a music get the younger campers to concentrate specialist. Being inexperienced, I thought and be patient for that long, but they I might be nervous or uncomfortable would willingly help each other. dealing with the different abilities and I observed a conversation between a needs of the campers. Looking back on blind camper and a deaf counsellor who my planning for the summer, I really were williing to make the effort to under- underestimated those needs. stand one another despite the difficulties The best part of the summer was involved. observing how the campers adapted to Despite all the negativity I hear on the situations they were in depending on the news, see on t.v., or observe in daily their abilities. I watched people without life, I now carry with me the knowledge the use of their arms or hands paint that truly good people do exist in the beautiful pictures, heard non-verbal peo- world. ple make wonderful music, and cheered I'm not expecting that by writing this on a boy with muscular dystrophy as he I'm going the change anyone's life, or played volleyball. Each camper did even their perspective. Working with everything with a love of life that I don't people in the special needs community even see in many of my friends. They is not something that can be experi- were so comfortable with themselves enced second hand. that they instantly made me feel the I wish that there could be some sort same. CONTRIBUTED of global sensitivity towards the people When I talked to people from home PHOTO that society labels as handicapped. So about my job, they often asked me: go out and volunteer if it sounds "What kinds of things do the campers walks, put on variety shows, went camp had ever been exposed to. These people thy of attention and praise. remotely interesting. It's cliche but it's like to do?" Although it is the truth, it ing; basically the same things that hap deal with being different every day of For many reasons I'm thankful that I true: You won't regret it. Horoscopes

BY MME. FAZZOULI Libra A taste of Aries England (Sept 23 to Oct 22) (March 21 toApril 19) Try not to invest too much emotion- Socializing is your top priority. You al energy into your love life this week- SARAH PARKER roof never ceases to amaze or disturb non-uppercrust form. Although all actors don't need to spend a lot of money to your friends need you more. It is not a audiences, particularly with the unde- are classically trained, the performance impress your friends. The evening hours good idea to put off important duties. Bring your own nature for us to mirror, pendable English weather and relatively reveals the true showmanship and (and, are filled with laughter don't worry, and a comfortable pair of shoes- these close distance to international airports. bawdy nature of teh poet. Actors are ifs not directed at you.) Scorpio are the two required essentials demand- But just as every Shakespeare pro- loose, yet lyrical, using pauses and ges- (Oct 23 to Nov. 21) ed of the audience at the new duction should be, it is the performance tures to speak to the audience in a lan- Taurus It's a fantastic time to go after what Shakespeare's Globe Theatre in London, that dazzles and attracts attention. And guage that proves to be essentially ver- to 20) (April 20 May you want. Look to the future. Think big England. As You Like It, a humourous tale filled nacular. You are having no trouble getting picture, and the small stuff will soon fall Now in its second season, the repli- with physical action, disguise and deceit, Of particular delight was the perfor- They your message across. heard you. into place. ca of Shakespeare's original ampitheatre delivers fast-paced punches of fists and mance of the fool, Touchstone, played your Now use heightened powers of plays host up to six plays this summer, wit in an interactive setting. by veteran actor, David Fielder. His per- communication impress to them. Sagittarius including two of the Bard's own, The Fused with interludes of live music, fectly timed comic relief and facial (Nov. 22 to Dec 21) Merchant of Venice and As You Like it. the performance transgresses the expressions never failed to invoke Gemini It's not the best time for you. It And it was by incredible luck that it was boundaries of audience and players as laughter, particularly when an offensive (May 21 to 20) June seems like everyone around you is feel- a hot sunny day in England when I went actors frequently join ground with the aircraft thundered overhead in time for a you Make sure choose wisely as con- ing hypercritical. Seek solace in your to the Globe recently to watch a matinee yardlings to incorporate crowd scenes well-punned line. flicting emotions might cloud your jugde- own good company. Now is not the time performance of the latter. and provoke audience participation. Indeed, the Globe delivers what Try not ment. to be a butthead with to get a life. Modest in appearance, the circular Shouts and jeers from eager spectators artistic director, Mark Rylance, discribes a or in friends lovers the evening. building stands unobtrusively amdist are more than encouraged, just as food venue to present plays in the old tradi- Capricorn modem structures south of the River and drink are welcome as part of the tion of oral story- telling where the Cancer (Dec 22 to Jan. 19) Thames in reciprocal view of St. Paul's atmosphere. Standing in the yard, as I mind's questions are inseparable from (June 21 to July 22) Don't get sidetracked. Stick to the Cathedral. With its white walls, wood did, one would almost expect orange their emotional context. Ifs your in week the sun, so cheer up important stuff right now and you will beams and thatched roof, the exterior wenches to appear and brawls to break The Globe, which is run by volun- (and wear shorts often). you're single, If accomplish much. If you're attached, reflects the English architecture still seen out, but the only rumbles seen today are teers, also offers guided tours, educa- use your energy new to woo a new lover. your relationship is likely to take a turn throughout the countryside today. But push and shove contests of who can get tional workshops, staged readings of Wear your on your heart shorts. for the better. the interior, constructed strictly from the best camera shot despite the no- Shakespeare's sources, and a walking unfinished oak, immediately humbles audio-equipment rule. historical tour of local sights. The theatre Leo Aquarius and informs spectators of the era to Set in its traditional period with time- is easily accessible by tube, bus and Quly to Aug. 22) 23 Oan. 20 to Feb. 18) which the theatre belongs: the early ly costumes, As You Like It stars train and tickets may be purchased from Your pride is vulnerable. Make sure Everyone around you seems to have seventeenth century. Anastasia Hille as Rosalind/Ganymede, overseas by phone. Like the Canadian you're being not overly defensive. A chat been struck with a serious case of melo- The stage protrudes to the centre of Paul Hiltion as Orlando, and is directed Stratford Festival, the season runs from a you with close friend will help to get to dramatics. Keep that smile on your face. the theatre and boasts two large pillars by Lucy Bailey. Hille, who gives an out- May to September but for anyone who's the root of your problem. Don't neglect your own needs. that uphold a painted ceiling of suns, standing performance as the female been to Stratford, Ontario, skip the sou- moons, and many animal figures. This is lead, reveals to audiences the "feminist" venir shop. Viigo Pisces the only decorative part of the Globe, as side of Shakespeare with her sharp- Flowever, for the full shakespeare (Aug. to Sept 22) 23 (Feb. 19 to March 20) even the stairs at the front of the stage, tongued dialogue and revealing insights effect, highly recommend yard stand- To revitalize your energy, surround I Even the shyest Piscean will be feel- which are a modem experiment in the into women's nature. ing. But with a running time of three yourself with stimulating pals. Be open ing social. Plan a big party in your own use of space, are mere planks of wood However, knowledge of hours, be sure to wear good shoes and and perceptive to that exotic stranger honour, and you'll be amazed at the slabbed unceremoniously together. Shakespeare's text is not necessarily to bring a chiropractor. Your back will you are going to meet this week. number of attendees. Despite its unpretentiousness, the open needed. This is Shakespeare in its raw, need it.

September 16,1998 12 sl Make a difference in a youngwoman's life and expanded to five schools in 1998, is HERE, Listen to Us!," teenage women You can show by example that there growing again and will run in ten schools Ever wonder often feel unappreciated, undervalued are various definitions of sucess, many this year. The goal is to reach as many and experience a loss of spirit and con- right choices and how to make them, female students as possible at this criti- tentment as they get older. Inequality and that everyone deserves respect, cal time in their lives. how that little between the genders also negatively love, freedom, and happiness. Teen Esteem is a community based influences how women feel about them- You will laugh (a lot!), you will cry, program that promotes positive self gilt in grade selves. you will make new friends, and you will esteem and identifies future career The program delivers the messages come away changed, inspired, and opportunities for young women in grade six made out? of value and respect for women, empow- happy knowing that your time and atten- 7.At a time when female adolescents are erment to choose varied careers, and tion has affected a young girl in such a experiencing many changes, Teen You know, the encouragement to be in control of their positive way. Esteem is a program that can make a dif- choices. Feedback from the students and Come and join a growing, positive, CATHY TASSONE ference in the lives and attitudes of our quiet one wilti volunteers has been extremely positive. exciting, program that appreciates you young women. The program links One student commented that it helped and your contribution whatever it may For the past two years in Waterloo women volunteers with adolescent the sad her to, "understand more about life and be. Interested women can become Region, 60 dedicated women have vol- females to establish connections and eyes. choices." involved by contacting Cathy Tassone at unteered to act as self-esteem group networks of support and to strengthen Teen Esteem is a flexible, volunteer the Waterloo Community Health leaders and role models for a program the self worth of the youth before they Was that lite program that gives women of all ages Department, (519) 621-6110 or known as Teen Esteem. The program begin questioning their abilities. and walks of life the opportunity to tcathy@region. watertoo.on.ca. Join Teen which began in three schools in 1997, According to a report entitiled "WE'RE gill you? directly affect the lives of young girts. Esteem, you'll be glad you did. Write for Life I ■mim r n~% i m t? t Godmother 9 1*- l m not only an 3/4 oz. vodka mmi'i ** *

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September 16,1998 13 Wanna be in an Ad Agency?

We're just that. Imaging Solutions is a fully functional advertising firm within Wilfrid Laurier University Student Publications. We work with real clients with real communications needs, and we do it with some of the brightest creative and business minds at Laurier.

We're currently on the prowl for more of those bright creative and business minds to handle an expanded client base and additional service offerings.

Join us and you'll learn real and transferrable industry skills...if you've considered a career in advertising, we're a great place to start. If you're motivated, team work oriented, and have strong time management skills, we'd like to chat with you. Prior experience is an asset for these positions, but certainly not a necessity. Ok, here's your big break...

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A customer service and/or sales background is a definite You'll gain a valuable understanding of the operation of a asset as well as a solid understanding of the basics of small creative firm, and an introduction to the advertising advertising and account service. The Account Executive industry as a whole. The Administrative Assistant is a will receive a performance-based honoraria. volunteer position.

_ . . Copywriter Graphic Designer You're already a competent writer, and you're capable of . ~ As , , a creative and knowledgeable designer you're already , , , ° 7 applying your artform to the world of112 advertising and

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JANETTE ROY from using food as your sole energy •Always leave the skin on your fruit. •Eat salmon every Wednesday. Actually a time if it is accompanied by a bit offet. booster. Most people don't peel it off anyways, the day doesn't matter; the important I want to talk to you about optimum •Take your vitamins every morning. too much hassle. The skin is loaded with thing is to have it every week. Ifs full of •Eat seconds of those vegetables, espe- health. Now, I'm not claiming to be an Although you can't substitute good food those yummy flavonoids. life saving goodies. cially parsnip- yum! expert or anything but I've read a few for some good vitamins, you can fill the things lately that I wanted to share with gaps in your diet. This not only helps •Put a bottle of water in the freezer •Always wash your meat. Pretty self •(This one is my personal favorite) you which radically changed my way of you maintain your health but, in the every night before you go to bed. Ice- explanatory. Always eat a little of dessert. Here's why: thinking about food and metabolism. future, could protect you against serious cold water is better than room tempera- Sweets such as cookies and low-fat ice- Everywhere you hear about reducing fat disease. ture water because your body bums a •Whenever you have salad, keep the cream bars signal your brain that the and watching calories but really all you few more calories heating up the water dressing on the side. The best habit meal is over. Without them, you might need to do to sidetrack counting calories •Drink two glasses of water before ever/ before it enters your system. you'll ever have is to dip your fork in not feel satiated- which might lead to a is to keep in mind your sugar levels meal. Maybe not right before you eat or your dressing first then spear your let- late night sugar attack. which in turn control your metabolism. you'll probably be running to the bath- •If you ever buy grapefruit, go for red tuce. Huge fat saver. Metabolism is defined as the totality room sometime during your dinner but instead of white. Red vegetables are of an organisms chemical processes. It is within the hour is fine. This does two higher in lycopene which fights cancer. •Whenever you eat broccoli, put a wee •Eat a bowl of that all-bran cereal before concerned with managing the material things: keeps you hydrated and fills you Watermelon, guava, and tomatos also bit of cheese sauce on top. The best you go to bed. A low-fat, low-calorie car- and energy resources of the cell. In order up a bit aiding weight loss. have the same disease fighting stuff. thing in broccoli is the beta-carotene but bohydrate snack eaten 30 minutes to live a healthy life, you don't even have your body will absorb much more of it at before bed will make you sleepy to understand the chemical reactions or •Change, create, be curious. Curiousity complex molecules. What you so have increases our mental activity. We are to know about is glucose. stimulus hungry beings, and denying our Have you ever had those days when nature can lead to inertia and listless- «»

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IBM and Solutions for a small planet are registered trade-marks of International Business Machines Corporation and are used under licence by IBM Canada Ltd. 1998 IBM Corp. All rights reserved. Solutions for a small planet® Feature Procrastinate, or do it later

TONY TSAI and seem to be successful in their create what is already a 25% premium. don't have to work, I don't want to work. Sentences that sound like they have endeavors. I hope all their hair fells out Yet the following week you're back at it After all, there are just so many hours been written by a random word genera- I hate writing articles. Scratch that, I hate by the time they're thirty. again, staying up at all hours of the night in a day, precious hours devoted to tor. Today good news is striving to work work, period. For me, regardless of the Yet why do we procrastinate? We trying to finish that essay you never got sleeping, watching television, or trying to at best to become a tree. task there is always something else bet- know that if we just put in the extra bit around to doing because you were busy make out dirty images in my stucco ceil- Procrastination is an artform. Those ter to do. who are really good at it know Be it drinking, socializing, or how to effectively waste time just reorganizing my underwear with the most mundane and triv- drawer so that all the socks are ial tasks as opposed to getting now rolled into neat little balls down to work. (See Confessions and color coordinated. There is of a Procrastinator - this edition.) always an excuse to procrastinate, Procrastination is also an you know it, I know it, we all important tool to effect social know it. change in today's information People generally fall under age society. three categories; those who pro- By procrastinating, we are crastinate but despise themselves holding back the rapid transfer for it, those who love to procrasti- of knowledge and information nate and make it into an artform, by just not giving a damn. It's and those who for some reason our way of saying, "whoa there, or another, chose not to procrasti- slow down everyone. Let's just nate. all sit back and start twirling the For most of us, procrastination lint out of our bellybuttons." is a dirty little secret that we can't After all, why should we man- let out, sort of like bulimia. It's age our time wisely, work hard, because we have been ingrained and accomplish meaningful with this disturbing sense of work things? We are just setting unre- ethic that forbids us from showing alistic standards for others to any sign of laziness and incompe- live up to. The only reason why tence. we have to work so hard today For others, procrastination is a is because some bastard in the badge of honor. Flow many peo- 18001s decided that he should ple do you know who like to work hard in order to get ahead, boast about how they studied the damn the industrial revolution. night before the exam and still got From there, it was all down hill an A in the course? as others followed in his foot- In which case, one can only steps and set even more unreal- suspect that these people are istic standards till we have either extremely intelligent, or today's über-pullmarketing-con- have been involved in a little Bill sumer driven lifestyle. and Monica action in the T.A's So the next time a major office before the exam. essay is due, or an exam is just Of course, there are always those of effort, we would save ourselves a lot saving the universe on your Playstation. ing. hours away, just say "No". Why bother people out there that are genuinely hard of stress and hardships. How many For me, procrastination is an addic- You know what happens when you even working or trying to get ahead workers who manage their time well. times have you been up at 4:00 in the tion. Due to years of putting things off to procrastinate? You end up with work when somewhere in secret government These are those sick freaks that actu- morning, cramming for that oh so impor- the last minute I have been unable to which is at best half-assed. Essays which lab, they are building a race of super ally plan their days so that they can set tant exam thafs just 5 hours away, while work or function without the manic ramble on and on with really, really large robots to take over all our jobs? Beware several hours of studying done and keep swearing on all thafs good and holy that stress of having the deadline just hours, print and lots and lots of repetition. the super robots. up with their readings. They also tend to you will never do this again? sometimes even minutes, away. Without Paragraphs that make no sense and do have well adjusted lives, are motivated, It's the goal of the elements in it, to that stress, I see no reason to work, I not flow with the rest of the essay. Ben Harris' verypersonal tale ofwoe

BEN HARRIS Second year was the year that Star Trek: The wasn't enrolled in enough credits to claim OSAP, so important folks don't really know the whole story Next Generation was on four times an evening, and I picked up a half credit that I had not even a small yet, but I'm glad I had the chance to do something Okay, dig this. I am currently not a student. My ID The Simpsons, a meager three showings a day. intention of going to. It was History of Sea Power, truly crazy while I was young. number on my Laurier ID card reads "94"50 on and It was also the time of fast-food employment, at 8:30 AM, three days a week. See, me and school, we've always had a queer so on. After my stint as Editor-in-Chief is finished, I my weekly Radio Laurier show, and intense, No disrespect intended (I'm sure some people relationship, I go to it and it never really meets me will have to take some courses in order to gradu- destructive lying. find Sea Warfare charming), but I couldn't have half way. All throughout my formative years, I would ate. The trouble is that I don't really know how have bouts of pure genius followed by months of many classes, or what in fact these classes may be laziness and loafery. about or if they are even offered, or will be offered I don't like to brag, (and by that I mean, I love ever again. bragging) but I was designated to be the most gift- You see, gentle reader, The Editor-in-Chief that ed student in the entire fifth grade, in my entire greets you so fondly in the Concourse is not the county when I was young. same person that snarled past the Second Cup This area spans all of Orangeville, Shelbume, once every two months in first year. Dundalk, Mount Forest, West Hickton, Dopeville, The lonely boy who cowered in the comer of the Lower Inbredburg, and East Garafraxa. classroom during lecture, never raised his hand to Being labeled gifted is for some, a license to speak, or asked any questions at all. He has long slack. For me, I took long drives to Slackburg every since been replaced with the sweet, gentle charac- single day. ter of a long-known uncle. A steady diet of deductive reasoning puzzles I am straying, I fear, too far from my topic, which and word games during public school set me up for is of course, my intensely personal saga of self-dep- High School where I hung around and drank mick- recation, turmoil and deceit. eys during last period. First year for me was neutral. My marks were II leapt into university not so much a wide eyed slightly average, below but I didn't care that much, I frequently would say to loved ones, "Gee that picked a worse class on purpose. The feet that I frosh keener, but a highly sharpened cynical ass- myself I contented by watching a tot of television, essay was a toughy, I hope old professor, uh, chose it at random, from a huge list of available hole, having(before my nineteenth birthday) burned and eating jello almost exclusively. Watson isn't -- as hard as that on the final." courses made it worse, "Uh, yeah, I'll have H myself out from the drink to even want to hang Second year however, was quite a different mat- I played the part of the student quite well, whatever I said. around any "party animals." "F" on your transcript doesn't ter. Eight realty get except for the actual school work. I'm not proud, and I'm not bragging, sitting Aw I've said too much, all my precious secrets, with you in good too many grad schools, you see. Second term was especially interesting in that I through convocation was sort of hard, and some scattered to the four winds!

| September 16,1998

18 112

...Follow along with us as we examine a day in the life of Procrastinating Pete, who carefully entered all of his VOCALprocrastinate? What CORD:youto do daily activities for our amusement.

(We apologize for the date, we know this all occurred last school year, but it took this long for Procrastination Pete to give us his schedule)

Thursday, April 2,1998 7:00 P.M 7:00 AM ..More Simpsons! ('Ya used me Skinner, there is no Get up early and study for Bus. 383 (finance). Going Scotchtoberfest! Ya used me!!..) into final with 22%, must pass course. (Second year 7:30 P.M of probation, mom will kill me.) Exam is at 9:00 Back to the books! I love finance! I love finance.. A.M tomorrow 7:35 P.M 7:00 A.M I hate finance!.! hate finance! (revised) 7:36 P.M sleep instead. Up late watching reruns of Facts of I haven't wallpapered in years!!!.. Life (Ohh Tootie, will you ever win? Is Blair getting 7:50 P.M fatter or is it just me?) Walking through the decorating store, when this 8:00 A.M pink and orange floral pattern catches my eye- sleeping ..dreaming of Tootie. 8:30 P.M 9:00 AM Dave comes home from the library and blows a sleeping ..dreaming of Betty Rubble. gasket because the living room furniture is stacked 10:00AM in his bedroom. Than he has the balls to tell me he sleeping ..dreaming of Ben Harris. doesn't like the floral pattern. Time to piss in his 11:00 AM apple juice. Alarm goes off, time to study. io:oo P.M 11:09 AM Finish wallpapering and put all the living room fumi- Alarm goes off again, (damn snooze function! They ture back. Bite my lip as Dave drinks a glass of should give you longer snooze times.) apple juice. 11:18 A.M. 10:01 P.M Alarm goes off again. Back to studying finance!! 11:27 AM 10:02 P.M Alarm again What in the hell was I thinking? Jerry is on.... 12:00AM 11:00 P.M My Roommate Dave comes in and turns off alarm. Dave becomes violently ill, he must have caught a Bitches me out for not shutting off alarm. (I hate bug? him! Time to piss in his mayonnaise) 11:05 P.M 12:10 P.M Call 911. Apparently Dave is diabetic. Get up, shit, shower and shave. 11:30 P.M Sailor Moon on, missed ten minutes already, must Dump the rest of Dave's apple juice, as I bite my lip watch. I think this time she'll use her Tiara to finally once again. Back to studying beat that pesky Negaverse (Hopefully I'll get to see 11:35 up Sailor Mars' skirt too!) 49 Problems to go. No problem! 12:30 P.M 12:35 A.M Shit, shower, and shave. Forgot to buy soap. Used 48 problems to go.these are tougher than 1 Dave's instead. Made sure to lather genitals. thought. 1:00 P.M 12:45 A-M

Eat breakfast, watch Mexican Wrestling - Amigos! Find insulin needle while rooting through Dave's Amigos! Amigos! personal belongings.. 2:00 P.M 12:50 AM Get down to work. Get to desk and open books for Mental Note: Insulin and Coffee don't mix well, finance. Remember to study derivatives. Only 50 1:00 A.M practice questions to finish, NO PROBLEM. Have this sudden uige to run around the house 2:00 P.M naked.. (Revised) 1:15 AM All that lathering is making me feel funny in private The doorbell rings. Its the cops, apparently I forgot

places. Must touch .... to close the blinds.. 2:01 P.M 1:20 AM Toss soiled Kleenex in toilet, wipe sticky hands on Mental Note: Cops don't like it when you resist Dave's freshly washed towel. Time to get down to arrest. work at last. Derivatives, derivatives, and more 1:30 A.M derivatives. IVe never seen the inside of a jail cell before.. 2:15 P.M 2:00 A.M Pick lint out of bellybutton. Stay up all night playing 'Strip Poker" with some 3:15 PM guy named Bubbles..he insists on calling me Susan, Bellybutton cleaned, back to work. I am unsure why? 3:25 P.M 4:00 AM Study break- Play Super Mario world on Dave's Mental Note: I suck at strip poker. Nintendo 64. Must get the special star to save 4:05 AM Princess Toadstool Search desperately for Preparation-H 4:25 P.M 5:00 A.M Star proves to be elusive. Damn you Bowser, Damn Relief at last. you! 5:i 5 a.M 4: 45 P.M Piss in Bubbles' apple juice. Star is finally mine. Take that Bowser. Back to work 5:30 A.M once again. Called the hospital for Dave to bail me out. 5:oo P.M 6:30 A.M Simpsons Reruns C'l bent my wookie." Oh Ralph The ungrateful bastard finally shows up..good thing will you ever win?). too..I was just about to be traded for a pack of 5:30 PM menthols. Dinner time. Decide to make Pasta from scratch. 6:45 A.M 6:00 P.M Back to the books. Watch Simpsons and eat dinner. ('More testicles 7:00 AM mean more ironT - Lunch Lady Doris, I love youOO) Grab a quick shower..for some reason I feel so dirty. 6:30 P.M 7:05 AM Name, number, and label all the eggs in the fridge. Drop soap in the shower. Decide to leave it in the

September 16,1998 19 r 112 Procrastinator's Creed Put this off TONY TSAI AND RANDY WAECHTER fight against eating disorders. 1.1 believe that if anything is worth doing, it would have So here we are, finally getting around been done already. We feel that we owe you, the reader, an to completing our Features assignment 2.1 never move quickly, except to avoid more work or explanation. which just happened to be due six shall First of all, how many of you were months ago. find excuses. reading this section of the Cord and Unfortunately, even though we knew I will never rush into a job without a lifetime of consideration. thought to yourself: "Wow, do these arti- that these articles were due for this issue 3. cles really suck'? of the Cord, we still left all the work until 4. I shall meet all of my deadlines directly in proportion to the There is a perfectly reasonable expla- the night before, and some would say amount of bodily injury I could expect to receive from missing them. nation for this. Well, maybe not. We were that this is blatantly obvious upon exam- just too lazy (and too busy doing other ination of the caliber of our work but 5. I firmly believe that tomorrow holds the possibility for new things) to produce any well-investigated, we digress. technologies, astounding discoveries, and a reprieve from coherent articles. So if anything comes out of these my obligations. For instance, we had to go to the gym half-assed articles, we sincerely hope that 6. I truly believe that all deadlines are unreasonable regardless of the amount of time given. 7. I shall never forget that the probability of a miracle, though infinitely small, is not exactly zero. 8. If at first I don't succeed, there is always next year. 9. I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change my mind. 10.1 shall always begin, start, initiate, take the first step, and/or write the first word, when I get around to it. 11.1 obey the law of inverse excuses which demands that the greater the task to be done, the more insignificant the work that must be done prior to beginning the greater task. cycle not plan/start/finish, and see what types of sweat patterns we we have educated at least one person 12.1 know that the work is could make with our behinds on the nice, about the dangers of procrastination. but is wait/plan/plan. clean, new equipment. Remember, procrastination hurts us will never put off until tomorrow, what I can forget about Secondly, you may be asking your- all, and affects 3 out of 7 and 1/8 13.1 self: "Why would these clowns write Canadians. Somewhere in Canada, some- forever. about procrastination so early in the one procrastinates every 12 seconds. I will become a member of the ancient Order ofTwo-Headed term, when there is tonnes of time left It could very well be someone you 14. before any assignments or exams are know. They are your friends, neighbours, Turtles (the Procrastinator's Society) if they ever get it organized. due?" doctors, and family.....procrastination can Well, the reason is (and you probably infect anyone. already guessed it), this feature was slat- Lastly, we would like to congratulate Please come and apply to be our ed for March of last year, but it was put the Golden Hawks for passing their third Feature editor... we cry long and off because we had to chair a world con- consecutive drug test. hard every night because you ferece in France concerning the plight of HAS YOUR haven't come yet. the pygmies of the Serrengetti and their Go Hawks! Keep Laurier drug free.

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20 ('

So did you leam anything in your first day of university? No, I hated it and it was dumb. Why? did you go to yourdasses? Yeah, but they only lasted ten minutes each, which I thought was sweet until I real- ized that each class costs me nine bucks. Ha Ha, you think you got shafted there? Wait till dasses start getting cancelled and you get no refund, then you'll laugh so hard you chunder. Wow, that sounds crap, is there anything I can do? You first years are allthe same, super-cute and doe-eyed, but thickas posts. Hey, be nice, what do you expect. Remember, you were frosh once too. yeah but,you know, drugs.

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September 16,1998 21 Sports Hawks pull their socks up too late

continued from cover Laurier will attempt to carry the the ground. momentum from the strong second half Zmich describes the question of who as still "In fairness to Kevin, this was his against Waterloo into London this week- will start at quarterback "up in the first live action game since his injur/ at end. They travel to J. W. Little Stadium to air." Laurier has not beaten Western the end of last season against Waterloo" take on the Western Mustangs in anoth- since September of 1995, when they said Zmich, who praised Taylor for his er great rivalry not to be missed. upset Western in London en route to an hard work and dedication throughout Zmich and the rest of the Laurier undefeated regular season campaign. training camp, and expressed confi- coaching staff will be spending this However, Coach Zmich remains con- dence in his ability to bounce back after fident that the teams tremendous atti- this disappointing showing. tude and deep talent pool will allow The Hawks finally got on the score- them to return to the post season play of this board at 1:39 of the third quarter when This Battle year. Hawk newcomer Justin Dillon, who "There is quite a bit of parity in the played last season at Slippery Rock, Pa., Wafcetioo was league this year," commented Zmich, made his presence felt, running the ball who predicted a tough fight for the in from six yards out for the major. Dillon waged in OUA's four playoff positions. With Laurier had a total of eight rushes for 59 yards opening up the season against three of on the day for the Hawks. memory of last years four playoff teams (Waterloo, At 8:27 of the fourth quarter, Lane Western and Guelph), they will be look- nailed fourth year veteran wide receiver Ray Owens, ing to seive early notice to the rest of Corey Grant (seven receptions for 84 the league that the Hawks are back and yards on the day) with a 14yard pass for former hungry. the TD to close out the scoring for the Laurier Football Season Hawks. 1998 at This Battle of Waterloo was waged in Golden Hawk Sept. 12 2:00 p.m. Waterloo Laurier Sept 2:00 p.m. Laurier at Western Ray a former 19 memory of Owens, Sept 26 2:00 p.m. Guelph at Laurier at University of Ombudsman the assistant head Oct. 3 2:00 p.m. Windsor at Laurier Waterloo, a former member of the (Homecoming Weekend) p.m. Laurier at Toronto Graduate Student Association Board of Oct 8 7:00 coach. Oct. 17 2:00 p.m. Laurier at Guelph Directors at WLU and former Golden Oct. 24 2:00 p.m. McMaster at Laurier Hawk assistant coach. Oct 31 2:00 p.m. Laurier at York the Laurier wide receiver Corey Grant week working on eliminating costly Playoffs and defensive back Aaron Hardy errors that plagued them against received the offence and defence player Waterloo. Nov. 7 1:00 p.m. OUASemi-Finals OUA Final (Yates Cup) of the game awards respectively, given In addition, the Hawks' defence wilt Nov. 14 Nov. 21 CIAU Semi-Final Bowls have adjust to shut down Western's in memory of Ray Owens. to OUA at CWUAA A strong performance from Laurier potent aerial attack, a much different Nov. 28 VANIER CUP safety Alan Ruby netted him special offence then they faced against the at Skydome, Toronto teams player of the game honours. Warriors who favour grinding it out on WLU lacrosse New look rugby WESLEY HORLINGS the Ontario University Reld Lacrosse Association. The season begins this weekend with a pair of The Laurier Golden Hawks Lacrosse Club is gearing games, one on the road and one at home. The up for the 1998 season. team travels to Brock to play the eighth ranked Things are looking promising for this year's Badgers, Brock's "B" level squad. The Hawks then Hawk squad. The return of most of the veterans return to the friendly confines of University Stadium mixed with a good crowd of first year players make on Sunday to host the fourth ranked team from it a safe bet that they will be improving on their Western. Game time is at 8 p.m., so come on out ninth place finish last year. After a disappointing and cheer your Lacrosse Hawks to victory. Also, if season last year, where the squad was scrambling you are interested in joining the team, no experi- to replace sixteen players, this season they are con- ence is necessary. Head to Campus Clubs and leave fident that they will be able to climb the ranks of a note in their mailbox.

All of Laurier is looking for big things fron the rugby Head Coaches Derek Humphreys, Nigel Price and team this year. Trent Karges all have High hopes form the upcom- After a disappointing last place finish in the ing season. Humphreys and Price come to Laurier 1997-1998 season, Laurier returns to B Division from the University Of Waterloo, where they have rugby this season. lead a successful program for many years. Karges With a new coaching staff, new equipment, and has guided a local high school rugby powerhouse games being played at their new home on Willison to two county championships in five years. field, the team is primed to succeed in the B divi- This new combination of coaching talent will sion and return to A Division rugby. guide the hawks in their quest to get back the The team will be helped by the strong play of respect they deserve. returning veteran forwards Matt Walton and Andy The team's goals for the upcoming season are to Mina. Along with the squads returning veterans, a develop a strong rugby program so that they can new crop of first year talent will help to develop a move back to A division next year. The Hawks get Hawks Lacrosse*! strong base that the Hawks can build from. their next test against the U of T October 3 at 3:00.

| September 16,1998

22 r s

OUA standings

Football Results for Saturday, September 12 Guelph 10 Toronto 9 Men's Soccer Results Men's Soccer (EAST) - Standings Men's Soccer (WEST) - Standings Waterloo 33 Laurier 14 Saturday, September 12 Sunday, September n Team GP W L T F A TP Team GP W L T F A TP Western 37 McMaster 29 Laurentian Trent 0 Laurentian 5 Ryerson 2 Laurentian 2 2 o o 14 2 6 Windsor 2101324 York 27 Windsor 12 9 o 0 1 o Toronto Laurier 2101104 Standings Laurier Waterloo Laurier McMaster 2101314 Nipissing 2 Ryerson 1 Nipissing 1 Trent 1 Nipissing 2101324 Western 1100303 Toronto 2 Carteton o Toronto 1 1 York Brock 2 0 0 2 2 2 2 Team GP W L T F A TP Queen's 2110653 Western McMaster 0 Waterloo 1 Brock 1 Carieton 2110333 Waterloo 200221 2 Waterloo 1 1 o o 33 14 2 3 York Queen's 2 Windsor 2 Guelph 1 Queerfs 201 l 361 Guetph 1010120 York 1 1 o o 27 12 2 5 York 1 Carieton 0 Trent 2021 1 10 1 McMaster 2020040 Western 1 1 o o 37 29 2 Ryerson 2020370 Guelph 1 1 0 0 10 9 2 Toronto 1 o 1 o 9 10 0 McMaster 1 o 1 o 29 37 o Windsor 1 0 1 0 12 0 27 sports is cool, cool, cool. Laurier 1 o 1 o 14 33 0 Women's Soccer Results Saturday, September 12 Sunday. September n Brock 2 Windsor 0 Guelph 6 Windsor 1 Laurier 2 Waterloo o McMaster 2 Laurier 1 McMaster 4 Western 3 Ottawa 5 Ryerson 0 Ottawa 1 Trent o Queen's 3 Toronto 1

Toronto 0 Carleton o Waterloo 1 Brock 1 ...... Queen's 4 York 0 York 5 Carleton 2 Budweiser Player of the Game Women's Soccer (EAST) - Standings

' Team GP W L T F A TP - Ottawa 2200606 JMfcjf COREY GRANT Queen's 2200726 #77 York 2110663 Grant led the Hawks Toronto 2011131 Carteton 2011251 / Trent 2010010 on Saturday with 90 yards Ryerson 2010050 I receiving and one touchdown

Women's Soccer (WEST) - Standings

Team 6P W L T F A TP McMaster 2200646 Brock 2101314 Guelph 1100613 Laurier 2110323 Waterloo 2011131 Western 1010340 icon Windsor 2020180

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September 16,1998

23 s 1 J Health and Fitness 101

HEATHER STRUPAT Pick up a copy of the Laurier Golden questions for us, drop us a note. Hawk Campus Recreation Program in the The Health and Fitness Awareness Brought to you by the Health & Fitness Athletic Complex. Sign ups begin Committee has a box in the Students' Awareness Committee Thursday, September 17 and continue on Union, located on the third floor of the Friday, September 18, in the Hall of Fame Nichols Campus Centre.

It's only the first week of school and (outside Wilf's) from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m.. Until next time -- Stay fit and have you are probably more concerned with Students can also sign up anytime fun Laurier! And don't forget the dead- getting to your classes and line-ups in between 9 a.m. and 4 p.m. in the Athletic line for intramural entries is Tuesday, the bookstore than thinking about your Complex. September 22. fitness options here at WLU. If your sport isn't there, don't worry, WLU ATHLETIC COMPLEX HOURS If you don't act fast though, you'll just talk to Don Smith, the Manager of miss the chance to get involved in all of Intramural Athletics and Facilities, BEGINNING SEPTEMBER 8. iqq8 the great intramural sports Laurier has to because he is always looking to start up new leagues. Buildihg Hours Don is one see you also the to if Mon. -Wed. want to be a convenor of a league or a Thins.&Fii The has a referee. Check the bulletin board in the fsW/MUa&wlM A/C AC for postings. Saturday fs®®M8=($sax8#ffitS There are many other ways to stay fit Sunday fmm Utaro =m MMlcsfelafi new look, and and have fun on campus. Instructional classes are available in a wide variety of Poot areas, such as dance, martial arts and thousands of = ® Mon-Frl iis siIFMlo sport skills. Also new this year, you can now Saturday dollars worth attend as manyAquafit orAerobics class- Sunday es as you want for only $40 a term. No of new more signing up for a particular time Tenuis slot. Classes are co-ed so guys, grab Sun.-Sat f)s®©Ma=s»®®IM! equipment*. your workout gear and join the fun. Just think of the guy/girl ratio! Look no further than our WLU Note: offer. Don't worry - the dates have been Athletic Complex for all your fitness All areas are subject extended a week. The entry deadline is needs. It has as new look and thou- to special bookings. now September 22 and the sands of dollars worth of new Captains equip- Faculty & staff purchase meetings will be held on the 23rd or ment. It also has new extended hours so their athletic membership 24th (depending on your sport). you can work out, shoot around or play So grab your friends, floor, faculty or pick up before class or late into the at the Business Office club and sign up for some competitive evening (unless otherwise booked). (202 Reglna Street). yet friendly games. You can also sign up If you are interested in health & fit- individually and you will be put on a ness issues and would like to volunteer, team. or if you have some suggestions or

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| September 16,1998

24 's5

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September 16,1998 25 Entertainment Oh God, You Devil

NATHON HATTON office. G Your comedy seems to centre around trashing Continuing their tradition of laughter, mocking and people you don't wilfs brings you their first comedy night like. Is this assessment correct? of the new school year. Returning for DA: Yeah. Well no actually. We don't their second engagement are the Devil's trash people, we trash things. We find a Advocates. Cord reporter Nathon Hatton flaw in something and work on it. We talked to them about their upcoming trash ideas. It's not about trashing either. gig- things we dislike We trash any- things we CTell me a bit about how you both got thing, even like and respect. started? "Suspect Everything" is our motto. Andrew: I got my start with Second City Don't take anything at face value in California. I'm originally from Toronto, because so many people today are just trying get your approval. but my mom's an American, so I have out there to dual citizenship. I was in California for G Is there anything you would consider two years, training with the Second City to be off limits? For instance, would you troop there. do a skit about something as sensitive Albert: I got my start in Calgaty. I trained as the recent Swiss Air crash off the coast at the Loose Moose Theatre. of Nova Scotia. G When and where did you meet? DA: Well, we wouldn't poke fun at any of DA: We met as part of a Second City the passengers. We'd draw the line at touring companywhile we were traveling innocent victims, but we might make a about Swiss Air or around Ontario in 1993. We were joke something. together in Second City for four years. However, there's an old rule in com- C At this time were you doing the Devil's edy Tragedy + Three Days Comedy. Advocates act? What we do is a satirisation of incidents DA: No. That started after we had quit and situations. Second City. We really didn't have much PHOTO G How do comics such as yourselves to show for our time spent there and FILE draw the line between what is satire and what is were basically sitting around watching Harry Brown. When we began touring, DA: Yeah. We've individually done com- DA: [I get yelled at.] Jeez! Isn't the TV. slander. When we satirize something, it T.V. and making fun of the drunken we thought about taking him to our first mercials for Dempster's Bread and The show enough? We'll be Mike Bullard DA: tends We sound like we're in partiers on Speaker's Comer. show, but we couldn't stand the ride Metro Toronto Zoo. Show October 16. to be hidden. favor of something, later you realize We were making each other laugh, down with him. If anyone wants his C Besides this, what else do you guys Albert: Mike Bullard has a thing for but trashing it. which is pretty hard to do, so we figured phone number, we can give you the have on the go? Andrew. we're If you've guys dressed up as if we could do that, we could definitely number of his nursing home. DA: We'll be on the Comedy Network Andrew: Yeah. He kept grabbing me. got two Satan's advocating something, make others laugh. It was Halloween, so C- How long did it take until you became with our own TV. show starting October C OK, changing directions a bit, what's minions you figure out what that's where the whole devil motif came an actual touring act? 10 at 10:00 pm. It'll be like a Canadian your take on the Kenneth Star indict- should be able to from. DA: After a couple of months we were version of the improv show "Whose Line ment thing? we really think about it. Satire presents We did it once and became the win- asked to do something by a local come- is it Anyway," with a gothic setting. DA: I think he's jealous because he never things as opinions, not as facts. That's ners for that week. Much Music gave us dy club, but it wasn't until a year later, Colin Macherie from the Drew Carry go blown by an intern. He looks like the how you can get away with it. all these t-shirts and stuff. When laundry after we got our manager Loren, that we Show, who is actually the first improvi- kind of guy who never got a date in high G OK guys, see you at Wilfs on Friday. day came again, we needed more started doing college gigs. sational comic talent with international school. Kenneth Star... actually sounds DA: Yes. We're looking forward to hav- clothes so we decided to do it again. After all of the comics had done their star status, will be a regular on the show. like a good name for a pom star. The ing our complimentary meal. G It took off pretty quickly from there, spots we would go up and start bashing I don't know how much "Whose Line is "Kenneth Star Interactive Indictment didn't it? them... but we've grown since then. it Anyway" paid him, but we had to pay CD." DA: Yeah. We became regulars, and We've matured since those many years soooo much to get him.... but he's C How about Mike Hams and Ralph Andrew can be reached on the internet soon people began to comment about ago. worth every penny. Nice guy too. He Klein? at www.netcom.ca/~acurrie us on Speaker's Comer. The first guy to C Can you tell me a bit about your tele- makes us cookies every day. DA: Two fat drunks. Ralph Bennmeurgi Albert can be reached on the internet at complain about us was this old man, vision appearances. G Any other plugs? would be a better politician. Put him in www.netcom.ca/~alhowell Music to help you withyour living

MARSHA KING ing in those who are dying. about his work. more to this man than meets the eye. Some of Lee's most hailed work is with those When asked about why he enjoys working in With a degree in piano studies at the Dr. Colin Lee, a world renowned music therapist, is who are dying of AIDS and Cancer. In his most the music therapy field, Lee didn't hesitate to Nordwestdeutsche Musickakademie in Germany one of the new Faculty of Music members who recent book, Music at the Edge, Lee takes the read- answer. "I love to share music in a situation that is and a strong compositional background from the recently signed on to spend a few years at Laurier. NordofT-Robbins Music Therapy Center in London The thirteen year veteran of the Music Therapy field England, Dr. Lee has managed to develop a high moved to Canada after starting a Music Therapy calibre of playing which is used in music therapy Program at the Berkeley College of Music in Boston. around the world, including various benefit concerts "I hope to develop a Masters program in Music which he has performed in. Therapy at Laurier" said Lee, whose career has The Laurier student body had the wonderful taken him to such places as Korea, Philadelphia, opportunity to witness the expertise of Colin in a Nashville, London, New York and Los Angeles. performance given by the Faculty of Music last But Lee's goals go beyond just developing a Sunday, August the 13th. Lee who played with program for Laurier, he intends to teach students to Carolyn Amason enjoyed an encore applause from do more than "just play music to people." the audience after performing the Waltzes by Lee hopes that he will inspire students to "musi- Johannes Brahms. cally improvise when attempting to meet the needs When Colin performs, it's easy to see how he of that client at that instance." And with a list of firm reaches to obtain his goal of teaching full time in supporters of Lee's work, it appears that he has America—it's by his philosophy. "Active music—you touched the musical world, from the late Princess of share with them (people) how they are feeling at Whales, to the clients he works with on a daily that moment." basis. Whether in the classroom, the clinic or on stage When asked about the definition of music ther- Lee accepts his position with a grace, poise and apy, Lee found it difficult to articulate the true mean- PHOTO humility not often seen in people of his stature. ing. "Music Therapy is the use of music to help peo- FILE Ifyou ever stop by his office on the second floor ple with their living," Lee said, "Music Therapists of the John Aird Centre, you will see that there is work with people from all different areas of the car- er on a journey with one of his AIDS patients who real and makes a clear difference with a person." He much more to this man then meets the eye. ing professions." was unable to come to terms with his own death. also stated that the "dynamics of using music with If you pause for a while and look in his office, Lee's definition of music therapy outlines the Through the use of music therapy, this client is able a person who's dying and how it highlights the real you will notice his work in the feces of the various broad scope of work that he has completed both at to use improvisation (playing unwritten music) to impact of using music as communication" gave him pictures that hang there—pictures of his clients, his home in England and here in North America. cope with his own inner turmoil. It is through the a real sense of personal satisfaction. patients, his colleagues, students and friends. Lee has worked with clients who struggle with client's process of coming to terms with death that But for all of the music therapy techniques that Laurier students should feel proud to have such an mental and physical disabilities as well as specializ- Lee also shares some of his own personal feelings Dr. Lee has mastered it is clear to see that there is excellent person on our faculty.

26 September 16,1998 r e

Quiz! Last week we reviewed Jeanette Liu's book is no accident Winterons' latest work, Gut Symetries. What is G.U.T. an TIM DURKIN There in his hands was the mea- "When we talk about race in who is not always sure what to do sure of his inheritance. Liu, mean- this country, and we think and with it. acronym for? What is race for? while, has watched with both conceive of race, and we draw Weaving narrative and analy- If that's too tough, just come up and That bracing question ani- wonder and concern as a pan-eth- lines between races, and invent sis into a series of elegant essays, tell us what her first novel was. mates every page of The nic Asian American identity has categories for race, we too easily Liu addresses a broad range of Accidental Asian, a powerful work taken shape. forget how arbitrary these lines questions: Is whiteness America's No prizes will be awarded but, you from one America's leading young and categories are, how arbitrary fundamental race problem? Are will win our admiration; Asian Americans really voices. we In these personal and the New Jews?; Should prize enough think. poignant reflections on assimi- we fear the rising might lation, written in the tradition of of China?; What might Henry Louis Gates, Jr., Eric Liu intermarriage mean for articulates a vision of American Asian Americans—and identity that will provoke and for the future of race inspire. itself? Whether he's recalling his "I certainly believe that adolescent frustration with what ought to be is a

"Chinese hair" that just would- world where ... not nec- n't permit itself to be styled, essarily a world where examining the history of we're all blind to color, Chinatown, or pondering the but a world where color mixture of fear and fascination no longer carries stigma. with which China is viewed by But I think one makes a Americans, Liu writes with per- mistake if one believes sonal intensity. that merely by wishing The reflections on his father for that kind of society, we make it so. BEERSHOW_ examine how much he (the father) separated over time Eric Liu, twenty-nine, from China to concentrate on has been a speech writer The Premier Gathering of Brewers & Beers family photographs and favorite for President Bill Clinton American idioms, such as "I and a commentator for mean business!" MSNBC. •Up to 200 Types of Beer Offered These writings about his A regular contributor to • • • father partake of the wistfulness Slate, he has also written Live Entertainment Great Food Cooking common in many immigrant for The Washington Post • • experiences: pride at having Magazine and USA Demos Beer Judging Tons of Giveaways succeeded, modified by regret Weekend. After founding at the severance with customs The Next Progressive, an and m0re..... and contacts in the home coun- acclaimed journal of ts- opinion, he edited the Like so many in the second anthology Next: Young generation, Liu doesn't know American Writers on the whether to embrace, resist, or New Generation. He is a redefine assimilation— and graduate of Yale College OPEN TO THE PUBLIC ends up doing all three at once. and is now enrolled at $10 Admission He speaks candidly about his Hatvard Law School. (must be 19 years of age or older) journey from a fierce pursuit of As the American-born racelessness to a slow rap- son of Chinese immi- prochement with race. He is not grants, Eric Liu has been ■fflHMWfflllliM afraid to reveal his ambivalence. dealing with race, nation, For Liu, the price of assimi- and culture all his life. lation became clear when he tried "For so long, I'd imagined our whole notion of race is, and The Accidental Asian is a con- Thursday, Sept. 24, 7 pm - midnight to read a memorial book about myself apart from race, or beyond how accidental these circum- templative book in which Liu Friday, Sept. 25, 4pm -11 pm his fathers life, composed in race, and have only relatively stances are that shape identity." addresses both the personal and Chinese, and found himself staring recently stumbled upon racial At bottom, Liu is an "acciden- social issues involved in "Asian Saturday, Sept. 26, 2pm -11 pm at a blur of indecipherable charac- identity well, stumbled upon the tal Asian"—someone who has American" identity with equal & ters. necessity of racial identity." stumbled upon a sense of race, poise and probity. PLEASE DON'T DRINK DRIVE 519-824-4120 Ext. 2219 email: [email protected] http://www.hospitality. uoguelph.ca H Come Review Books For Us

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September 16,1998 27 e Sharp Blade Freak Show

CRAIG WHITE man, (Blade's only family), is killed by For those of you that actually ROBERT HICKEY are composed almost exclusively of single is the evil Stephen Dorff and his fellow know the comic you will find this A psychopath in drag; a murderous takes, with the camera capturing every get If you thought that it wasn't possible walking dead. probably as dose as a movie can Japanese couple on the run from the law; awkward silence. to make yet another movie about Blade does have a soap opera to reproducing it a Danish family torn apart by revelations of Sunday Drive's bare bones approach to vampires and the living undead, you type subplot but it doesn't amount to Blade has a smoother transition to incest: all are items ripe for the front page cinema is taken to even greater extremes haven't seen Blade. much, as saving the undead leaves the movies than The Mask or The of the World Weekly News, but they're in Thomas Vinterburg's serio-comic movie, In this veision of the undead try- him with little time to get involved Shadow but it stilt can't compare to actually some of the highlights of this Celebration. ing to conquer the world, Wesley romantically. the classics; Batman and Superman. year's Toronto International Rim Festival. The film, about a son who marks his Snipes stars as a day-walking vampire Dorffs character is a human turned For the film students out there, the The psychopath in drag, father's birthday by con- who is a little upset at the death of his Nfompire, and is evil to the core. He, cinematography is actually half good. played by Titanic's Billy Zane, is fronting him with accusa- mother. however, has the power to foil the The story would be nothing without the protagonist of Arlis tions of incest, was shot the special effects and camera angles lliopulos' outlandish film, I according to Danish director to actually make the scenes seem Woke Up Early The Day I Died. Lars von Trier cinematic somewhat scary. Notorious B-movie maker manifesto, "Dogma 95". As for story though, the whole Ed Wood penned the screen- A response to the movie is lacking a little. The plot line play decades ago, but was opulence of contemporary goes along the lines of revenge and a unable to find funding for his cinema, the manifesto urges lot of gore and bodies disintegrating strange project. a return to "naked cinema," everywhere. Completely without dia- advocating the use of hand- If you're looking for a good movie logue, the film is a mad romp held camera, no post-pro- to just sit and watch without having to through Ed Wood's obses- duction sound, and a gen- think, this is your best bet sions, filtered through a very eral rejection of "movie- Seriously though, if you're in the (post) modem cinematic making trickery". mood for a good male bonding movie approach. Although the movie occasional- Celebration is a great film, daring to go see it but don't take a girl. Girls will ly seems like little more than the world's make its audience laugh while adequately not like this movie. coolest rock video, it is never less than communicating the horrors of its admit- If you don't believe me go ahead completely fun. tedly unpleasant subject. and see it, but don't yell at me after- Sunday Drive, by Japanese filmmaker Still, not every film at the festival was you wards for saying "I told so". Hisashi Saito, tells the story of a couple on a masterpiece. Two notable and noble fail- Wesley Snipes will make you the lam after apparently murdering some- ures were Jeanne et le Garcon Formidable, laugh at points and all the death will one, but its tone is far more sedate and a French musical about a promiscuous keep you interested. somber than the premise would have you young woman and her love affair with an Snipes' character, spawned from a Vampire Mafia and get some women If you frequent the comic character believe. HIV positive man, and Caresses, a film Mask vampire-bitten human, has decided at the same time. What is stopping movies, Blade is better than The oSaito leaves out the sensational bits, from Spain whose eleven interconnected that he, along with an old man (who Dorff from getting everything he but not as good as The Shadow. For a leaving the audience with the banalities stories were just plain depressing and has the MacGyver touch of making wants? Wesley Snipes of course. really good superhero movie though, I and banter of a couple uncomfortable with tedious. something out of nothing) are going The two seem to be constantly at would suggest SuperGiri. their exceptional circumstances. That's the way the Festival is, though; to rid the world of the undead. odds with each other and it can only Craig dresses like Supergiri. He's a Unlike the rapid fire, ribald approach of you take the good with the interminable The plot thickens when the old end in a huge battle to the death. pretty Supergiri. Thanks Craig. 1 Woke Up Early... Sunday Drive's scenes and turgid.

then how do scream kid Dad jgM. Well, daughter-of- But, Capitalist fact liars, whv don't more you'll learn as Sm&M you explain the fat cats are short sighted 'JET'Ns that eo ~ clothes people believe BSlr *J|Eyou 9 et olderthat MS? so many P Everyone should wear ° pie chose to volun- they look and in social- mt / people will n|y • teer their time? feel good in.Don't ism-? It ■ J? work for the Why would they do be timid about sell seems to A Wl almighty dollar. 1 iHhey were be a lot and plain, ex P ression -

■ ■ -Ii y J—"F y ~i Be Assodate Entertainment Editor. Duties indude, ! -&> a glowing complexion and lore's a (SA aD J subservience, niceness, ** ,?r _ Cord and get o«-n T !K& good teeth. Come up to the Offices ZX>ose | f \ \ - //J Jjf "L. cVc/ SI g—PSsFanx an application. we'll try to be nice to you but, y—Zf. there are no guarantees. | Iffl rr'^l|| BINGO (£) T HKI BINGO @

«' ; jL# ; " ■RfRWfnTHRfiViIEPnnRfPHH I these Be I liSTCXISCS n I I mMWrnXWHEmKImmJIi Mandalory Presi&?^ IStwiUfJ I iA\. Thursday, September 17 at s:3opm 1 Room IEI ffifffflffffimrW 1 I questions? call ext 3553. Thank You. Over and out.

28 | September 16,1998 e Ear Candy Hooray! Ho! Hay! Ho!

a parent calls a child stupid, the child will Shadow and James Lavalle of Mo' Wax formers. "When Ashcroft recorded his rhymes are bunk the production here is believe they are stupid. The parents of records spans eight years, three conti- vocals two years go, it was obviously so Moonfly told their children they were the nents, an aborted Fleetwood Mac cover special. Ever/thing after that had to Petshop Boys, and thus we have the CD and features Richard Ashcroft (vocalist attain that level. That was the moment Title. for The Verve), Thorn Yorke (vocalist for that made us think this could actually Cascades of analog synthesizers and Radiohead), and Mike D, (one third of work." old-school drum machines form a the Beastie Boys). You might think that Overall the album is tight. Some trancey backdrop for the most relent- a whack line up like that could never cut might complain about Shadows' scratch- lessly happy, perky, upbeat songs you've the mustard but they do surprisingly ing as weak but it fits the songs perfect- heard this side of Christian pop. well. ly. Say one reporter, "Psyence Fiction is In feet, fens of Joy Electric will find the Thorn Yorkes' song sounds frighten- the whole of the nineties stuck together. whole thing eerily familiar. For that mat- ingly like a mixture of Karma Police and They should put it in the Millennium ter, so will fens of Depeche Mode, that one with the robot singing. The Dome." The album has everything: block Erasure, maybe Kraftwerk Mike D rhymes are just dumb, (as is my rocking rap, thundering drum breaks, Life in 1472 For all that, I defy anyone to hate this opinion of the Beastie Boys entire latest heavy metal hip hop, spot on samples Jermaine Dupri album. I tried, Lord, how I tried, but it effort). Richard Ashcroft recorded his and design touches to please the most So So Def Recordings vocals while The Verve were broken unenthused. Some believe in making solid with scratching solid enough to Following on the heels of the recent suc- apart. Fortunately he was set on making "good music" without boundaries but carry the song. cess of Puff Daddy, Jermaine Dupri has records, "that are classic, that stand the few accomplish it. UNKLE has. A sweet addition to the disc is Mike come out with his debut album. JD has test of time, like Curtis Hayfield's or Very similarly to Radioheads' latest Tyson on "Second Round KO." He does- been considered for years to be one of Marvin Gayes'." I think he accomplished Psyence fiction is constructed as a total n't rhyme but fills up the first minute with the premier producers of R&B and Hip- that with Urban Hymns but it started listening experience. There is no stand tips on how to "eat mc's for dinner." Hop talent. Now he has emerged from here. out single for the radios or clubs. Canibus throws some wicked battle the production studio and has stepped This grand work did not come from Although disappointingly short at only rhymes but resorts to shit, like "you're up to the mic. He has brought with him a regimented work ethic by any means, 58 minutes, Psyence Fiction brings the crew is full of homos." some of the biggest names in urban as one might expect. Rather the people goods on all levels. On positive tip, on "What's Going music today such as, Jay-Z, Lil' Kim, at Mo' Wax took a laissez Faire approach Tim Durkin On," a modem Man/in Gaye epic, Mariah Carey, Nas, Snoop Dogg, DMX, to it's production. "Whether or not one Canibus does check the violence that is Usher, Mase, Da Brat, among others. finishes the record here is not the point Canibus rampant in hip hop shows. JD's message is simple; he wants to to me," says James Lavalle. "The point is S/T Channel Zero is, in my opinion, a per- make you dance, whether it is his catchy whether you can connect with the peo- Universal fect example of where Canibus could hooks or his booming bass lines. The just couldn't be done. This CD will hide ple that you're around." Canibus' self titled disc is a mish mash of take his game. Dropping intelligent real fourteen tracks provide a solid mix of in the depths of my collection, not for The co-producers certainly struck a good and bad that unfortunately ends knowledge about history. Easily his both Hip-Hop and R&B music. general consumption, but for those grey bond with many of the featured per- up leaning more in the direction of the strongest song, lyrically speaking, Numerous cutz will be destined for days when I really need a pick-me-up. I bad. although it may get lost in the pop- the dance floor including, "The Party wouldn't advise you to rush out and buy Track four is "Get Retarded." an music shuffle. Continues," "Money Ain't A Thing," this, but once you give it a listen, you anthem for true hip hop, reminiscent of If you're disappointed with where "Sweetheart," "Fresh," "Turn It Out" and will probably be hooked. Talib Kweli's "Manifesto," of the Lyricist this album, and albums like it, are head- "Going Home With Me." Andrew White Lounge compilation. Doubtless "Get ed flip to track 10 and get a breath of Life in 1472 delivers on what it was Retarded" will make a big splash fresh air. Hopeful Canibus makes intended to do. It provides the listener UNKLE because people are wilting to overlook Channel Zero the future. with all the elements of a solid party Psyence Fiction the politically correct indiscrepancy Tim Durkin album. JD's production is tight and his Mo' Wax "Niggonometry," is a total rip off lyrical ability has definitely improved Francis Ford Coppala said of Apocalypse from an old Different Strokes episode. CD reviews can be done by anyone.

;! over the years. Unlike Puff Daddy, JD Now, "We've just made the biggest, most Canibus' version is more vivid by com- Come up to the cord offices and tc < the sticks to what he knows best and he expensive, action, sex entertainment shit parison but ifs still weak. Although the the Entertainment Editor about it. does not try to be a hardcore rapper or in the whole world." Psyence Fiction a rock star. does him one better. If you are looking for an album that The UNKLE project, starring DJ can be played from the beginning to the ATTENTION end, Life in 1472 is definitely worth a lis- ten. It will not only surprise you but it will Magic™ definitely make you dance! Herbal ALL GRADUATE Working on a better body Vi i . Sonu Sikand L-Glutabolic™ Forte and Creatabolic™ *Muscle Definition and Mass AND •Improve Recovery Delays Moonfiy *Muscle Torque + Power UNDERGRADUATE Title •Reduce Fatigue Available ONLY at Herbal Magic IM fllV^ Boomtang f ' Records Waterloo Kitchener ' \ STUDENTS If a parent tells a child they are loved, the Glenridge Plaza (Lincoln@ University) Highland Center (beside the Keg) 888-9963 child develops positive 579-7555 STUDENT SPACES ARE a sense of self. If 20% 1998) offproducts with this coupon (Expiry: October 31, AVAILABLE ON A VARIETY OF SENATE STANDING COMMITTEES, SIGMA CHI FRATERNITY PLEASE GET INVOLVED CELEBRATING OUR 10TH YEAR AT LAURIER

BBQ and information night - Tuesday, Sept. 22, s:3opm 195 Albert St., (Across from the Library) "Close associations might be lost, but the friendships found here last." John "Duke" Wayne, Sigma Chi, USC, 1929

September 16,1998 29 Arts

the Grafenberg Spot

Good Morning, Bangkok The Tease Above, he faces the sun, opens his pores In the dark brown diningroom, whdse heavy air §g to morning like leaves shedding a night Had a comfortable smell of fruit and varnish,

I pot a plate full of some local Belgfahdl|§Hjj|g|. „ | | of snails.} Stretches so hard from toes ■ ) Or stretched out long in my lazy chain |

to fingeirjtips even his bones seem elastic.;: . Content and still, I ate and listened to the clock. | He does not watch the city beloWIBIlKltp just then the kitchen door flew open wide I as it rubs the grit of fitful sleep from its eyes And the servant-girl came in, I don't know why -- The top of her dress undone, her hair pulled back. he has escaped the broom he once took to the wet garbage of lesser lives. From here And while she put a finger to her cheek, Ell rosy-white and velvet, like a peach, sewers can silently swallow fish bones And made a face just like a five-year-old, washing them down with dark suds. To make things easier she shifted the dishes; From here the alleys can glisten with dew And then she said -- and I knew she wanted kisses! not urine, and no women have to wake Real low: 'Feel that: my cheek has got so cold .. with semen crystallizing their pubic hairs. sun of J Still, the demands its tithe devotions ' 3... —A. Rimbaud J from those who squat and bend on rooftops, eyes closed, as if they are the high priests |ji

of tin and brick. Bare-chested, he is thin enough to sweat if tied to the splinters

of sacrifice but not for the saffron robes and brass bowls of Buddhas scuffing sandals

along the damp kerbs, weighted down by so many spoonfuls of rice. No centuries THE JOSEPH SOfffNEIDER HOUSE: touch him now when he touches his toes: 406 R & KiMrnrr he muscles his life. j tunes his for next «;5 lie Schneiders wiH teMying a HONEY BEE 19 and $0 September 1998. 1097 Folk AiiM-iii-Eesideiice Baxtiel Kramer returns to demon-

i —0. P..+y>:y^Renter strate how to make a rye coil bee skep both. Saturday and today. •?

• fmmmmmmm mmmmm mii m,» 111 n n mi. ROBERT LAN GEN ! kTT£*T\0*, WW. W*\T%%%, ?0£T%, ! GAUUSRY: I |AWivr%, s-r a %r% j

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30 | September 16,1998 u If I g\ mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmsm

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September 16,1998 31 The Madness Continues... I■ .

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| 10 THE LYRIC