$ r

EXCLUSIVE EXPLAINED

Interview with Dearing and all All the best Mark Lard that Jazz music Hanging Garden

Part of the ornamental 'dental course' that decorates the top of the crumbling Garden Hall par- tially collapsed in late August. A piece of stucco fell from House nine, hitting the railing and shatter- ing into smaller pieces before land- ing on the pavement. It was about half a metre in length but fortu- nately did not hit anyone or do any serious damage. The Estates divi- sion of Imperial cleared the debris away and cordoned off the area, putting a "Beware Falling Masonry" sign up on a post. Scaffolding was erected quickly, after the local council was notified, to protect pedestrians and the children that attend the nursery below. It con- Garden Hall - 'not falling apart' Photo: Richard sists of "a full-height scaffold with an access level and netting. There causing the bond to deteriorate to acceptable, safe condition. is a fan running under the access the extent that it could no longer The rooms inside the Hall level, at the first floor level, to catch hold the plaster up against gravity. appear to be deteriorating rapidly any other falling debris." The pro- After inspection by a consultant according to several students who tective fan runs from house eight to engineer, the rest of the House 9 lived there during the summer. ten as the dental course on those plaster was removed and the face However, although paint is peeling houses could also collapse. of that part of the block is current- and cracks are growing on ceilings, it has been revealed that poor ly in the process of being repaired. the Estates Department are confi- workmanship, completed some A structural engineer completed a dent that the building is not 'falling time ago, on the balcony of house survey of the whole Garden house apart'. There are plans to develop nine led to damp setting into the block but found that the problem and refurbish the block, inside and surrounding stonework. The stucco was only in the local area of the out, but nothing is expected to was bonded to the building and the damaged plaster and pronounced happen for at least six months as moisture weakened the stonework, the rest of the block to be in an funds and permission are organ- ised, although a contact in the finance department told Felix that the maintenance fund currently has IC accommodation an unspent surplus of over £2million. Phyz at crisis point The W?MW3M%WM >::-::.:..,:,,.. Students' The record has been set straight dents had been forced to stay at Newspaper on a rumour circulating Imperial home. One student said that he College that concerns a signifi- would have to commute to at Imperial cant overcrowding problem in London every day from Worthing College Halls of Residence. Despite an on the South Coast until a room extra 200 places being made could be found for him in Halls. I available to most Universities, According to Sharine Brown, liBllllSlilliiSBlIBisl Imperial College admitted a fur- the Domestic Manager of Imperial ther 200 freshers over that limit College and one of the senior Issue this year, and many were not allo- members of staff dealing with the 1093 cated a place in Halls due to an housing problem, only 88 first year insufficient space. Speculation students still do not have a place 10 over those students' whereabouts in the South Kensington Halls. The included bed and breakfasts and guarantee in the Imperial College WSitliSifSuM$i§ October small hotels around the West Undergraduate Prospectus 1 997 London area, or that London stu- continues on page three £:/: ^: NEWS 10 October 1997 ICU Plans News in Brief.. take shape CLAYPONDS EQUIPMENT

The Union's desperate need for Felix, STOIC, IC Radio and the Print THEFTS RESTART increased space was addressed by Unit as well as new amenities the Eric Allsop on Tuesday in a presen- Union does not have at present The desktop part of a computer Although the Freshers' Ball was tation to the Union Executive such as a laundry room. and a hi-fi system were stolen enjoyed by many of those who Committee. The presentation, Substantial changes and reloca- from a student's room in attended the first big party of the created for the Beit Development tions within the present Union Clayponds on Sunday night. The year, it was marred by the theft of Committee, describes pressures on Building were also proposed, student's room was on the a tape deck and graphic equaliser existing facilities and possible solu- including a new lounge and can- ground floor and the victim had from one of the rooms being used tions.The greatest pressure points teen on the first floor and a mezza- only used a small domestic lock for dancing and music in the were highlighted and the President nine level in the gym to house the to fasten the window shut. Extra Union. The items belogned to the noted that "expansion of social and offices. The project aims to locks have been added to all the Dramatic Society and were worth recreational space within the col- improve the and rationalise the windows of Clayponds' ground an estimated £ 1,500. The thieves lege has not kept pace with stu- building for administration, clubs, floor rooms as the domestic lock removed numerous screws to dent numbers since 1960". Next meeting space and ents. Eric supplied with the windows are release the units from the racking year the opening of the BMS build- Allsop said that dBs was always not sufficient to prevent thieves and stole the equipment at ing and the resultant increase in the intended to extend into the space from gaining direct access to per- around 4am as the Ball was wind- student population of nearly 25% occupied by Felix and the Print Unit sonal possessions. It is believed ing down and the Union Staff will worsen these pressures. and this is a great necessity. When that the culprit comes from a were closing up. However, the The impending removal of the comparing it with similar student nearby council estate. equipment reappeared in an Biology department from Beit unions "dBs holds 250... the aver- This is the third incident to occur unmarked box at Beit Security Quad to the new Biomedical age size of a venue is over 850". in as many weeks involving some- Office at around 7.30pm the next Centre in 1998 will vacate much of It is unlikely that the College one with no affiliation with day. the space in the Beit building. Most will provide money for develop- Imperial College being able to get of this is due to be converted to ments in the current space and the in to Halls of Residence. This rais- new student rooms, but there are time to complete the renovations es the question of whether the NEW AGENTS some areas, particularly the base- was estimated at about 5 years. new dog patrols and increased ments, which are unsuitable for The expansion of dBs into the Felix security measures are having an The Imperial College Union accommodation. It was recom- and Print Unit is provisionally effect on criminal activity at all. Newsagents on the Sherfield mended by the Rector's Working planned for summer 1998. However, students are being Walkway has just received a Party on Social and Recreational The presentation will be given urged to be vigilant and lock win- complete overhaul. The small Space that the Union expand into again at the Union Council (the dows and doors securely when shop was poorly designed and this available area, a move which large student committee that gov- they leave their rooms. run-down, but the new layout College has all but guaranteed. erms the Union) on Tuesday 14 should allow for better circula- The suggestions made in the October at 6.00pm in the Union tion and improved stock dis- presentation for the use of the Dining Hall. Council is open to POLICE DIFFUSE plays. Although the newsagents basement include changing and everyone at Imperial College. is open, the work will not be shower facilities, storage facilities, Mahlina FAIR TROUBLE completed until next week.

The militant Islamic group, Hizb-ut-Tahrir visited Imperial BLOW FOR College Freshers' Fair once again this year, despite the ban. BELEAGUERED Setting up their stand just out- side the entrance to Beit Quad, BOOKSTORE three men from the radical group handed out booklets and News has just reached Felix that papers telling of the Koran and the college-run Southside Shop, "The Massacres of Algeria to located below the Southside hall Slaughter Islam as an Ideology of residence, has begun selling and a System". They appeared stationary products. This is in at the start of the Fair and were direct competion with the IC only told to leave by security at Union shop on the walkway, pre- around 5.00pm after a com- viously known as the Bookstore. plaint from the Biology depart- In a controversial move last year, ment. Two police constables college administration awarded were called in to give an extra the tender for the new bookshop emphasis and the group, made in the library to Waterstone's. It up of graduates from LSE, UCL then forced ICU to halt book sell- and Westminster Universities, ing, removing their stock by com- disappeared swiftly. pulsory purchase. The store had i Ents & catering been bringing in about £70,000 profit annually, all of which was Eric Allsop's proposal for the Union Building invested in the Union. 10 October 1997 NEWS Accommodation crush

from front page Montpelier being used again as a who are here feel they have been a full explanation of the Dearing states that '...As an undergraduate hall but it is not known how long it dealt an unkind hand as Clayponds Report and the Government's student, you are guaranteed will remain open. New bad spaces is mostly filled with postgraduates steps to abolish the maintenance accommodation in either an have also been created by promot- and not other first years. It is grant, see our feature on page 10 Imperial College or an Inter- ing single rooms to double and important that first years meet and of this issue. collegiate hall of residence for your double to triple in some halls. socialise with others of their age Plans are in place to expand first year of study...' Although sev- An official date has not been and year when they arrive at existing halls and build a new one, eral second and third year students given to move these freshers into University.' but it does not seem likely that the do have a place in halls, Ms Brown permanent surroundings, as rooms The reasons for this year's his accommodation problem will be has said 'All first year students have are being handed out as they intake is due mainly to the new solved for some years to come. For been given an Imperial College become free. Some people who fees prompted by the Dearing the present, the Student Accom- bed. Those who are not in the have been moved to remote halls Report, a study of the state of high- modation Office is still coping with South Kensington halls have given as a temporary measure now do er education commissioned by the the overcrowding, but it has the temporary places in Clayponds, not wish to move. It is more likely Government. The Labour Education potential worsen rapidly if the gov- Wilson House, Montpelier hall and that it is the hassle of packing and Secretary, David Blunkett, has said ernment's vision of 50,000 more student flats.' Montpelier Hall was moving that is deterring students that an annual tuition fee of £ 1,000 students in higher education is due to be closed and sold this year rather than the quality of the will be introduced and applies to all realised. as the building was in a sad state of accommodation. However, the those starting higher education in Phyz disrepair. The late refurbishment of warden of Clayponds has informed 1998, causing the rush of student Southwell Hall has led to us that '...the dozen or so freshers applying for admission in 1997. For

NEWS FEATURE 'Good times' here again Simon Wistow on viruses, exponential growth and other computer nasties

Welcome to Imperial, and welcome for many strate this by writing 'The Good Times' virus. systems can be geographically miles apart. of you, to free Internet connection. You can Computer viruses are spread when people The Good Times virus is not actually a virus. spend as much time online as you want, set transfer an infected file or disk from a 'diseased' No one knows it's exact origin but it is general- Netscape to check for email every 5 seconds machine to a clean one on some sort of portable ly agreed that it originated from someone at and send messages like "Coming to lunch?" to Swathmore University with an AOL account your friend sitting 2 computers down from you. sometime late in 1994. It is unclear as to

Finally, welcome to mass, spammed, humour. d whether it was a joke, an experiment or, as e d

As sure as Imperial has ugly buildings a you l some people claim the result of someone will get sent a 'humorous' email by either your w becoming pissed off with a chain email entitled Roun Tota peopl involve new friends or an old friend at a different Ne 'Good Times' that someone tried to stop by University. It will either be a joke, a list of spreading a rumour that it had a virus attached 1 5 5 Borgisms (Borgisms are Trekkie Jokes on the to it. The basic (there are many variations) email lines of "Yoda of Borg am I, assimilated you will 2 25 30 goes something like this; be"), a spoof Gloria Gaynor's "1 will Revise" "Beware, a new virus is being spread around the around exam time and an email snowball at 3 125 155 Internet contained within an email with the sub- Christmas. The problem is that it so easy to for- ject line 'Good Times'. Simply by reading this 4 625 780 ward them on to everyone in your address book email you will infect your machine". The subject and they will forward it on to their friends and so 5 3125 3905 is often 'Good Times'. on. Even assuming each person only has five The sudden growth spurt of the Internet and people in their address book, it spreads incread- 6 15625 19530 the guaranteed influx of University freshers ibly fast (see box). every year ensures that the 'virus' has spread Clearly very, very quickly an awful lot of peo- 7 78125 97655 and spread. This is an empassioned plea; if you ple become involved. This principal was recently ever get this email read it once out of curiosity 8 390625 488280 used by students who, on finding out that the then delete it or, if you can't bear to throw any- BBC sports personality of the year awards were 9 1953125 2441405 thing away, never, ever send it on (although accepting votes by email, organised a scam urg- even the American Government, NASA and sev- ing everyone to vote for the outsider Justin 10 9765625 12207030 eral well known Virus Detector manufacturers Fashanu (who the bookies were offering high were fooled). I'd ask you to send this article on odds on). Secure in the knowledge that the black, Table indicating the massive poten- to your friends but 1 can imagine it getting out of gay, brother of John Fashanu was in so many tial growth rate of internet viruses hand and my children starting college some time oppressed minority groups that no-one would in the future and phoning home to say "Daddy, dare dispute it. The plan would work. In fact it media. With the rapid growth of the Internet Daddy, I just got an email today with your name worked too well; the BBC only found out when viruses have been able to copy with out the on it". On second thoughts it might be my only their email server crashed because it couldn't need for disks, travelling when files are trans- stab at immortality and at least it would give cope with the sudden influx of messages. mitted from client to client extremely quickly some young hack an idea for an article. A while back someone decided to demon- and with the added bonus that the two different Agent of change.

Presentation. Tuesday 28 October, 1997 at our London Offices, 6pm. To attend this presentation you must sign up at the Careers Service. If you would like to schedule an interview for the next day, please bring along a full CV. ANDERSEN CONSULTING 10 October 1997 LETTERS

Interview with Bearing and art Ail ihe best Mark B. Laid Letters to Felix... Hanging Garden

Buckingham Palace? 1 don't sup- lution to bring them down by the RETURN FIRE pose, with comments like that, she 'use of armed forces' is plainly llRlll has ever been here herself. 1 don't stupid. m Dear Sir, suppose, however, that we would She rambles at great length With reference to your letter of particularly welcome her here. about freedom. A constitution last week, do you not think that it Nigel Russell guaranteeing your rights' is inter-

IC accommodation is a perculiarly American disease to Research Student esting. Would this be like the con- at crisis point assume everybody in the world Mech Eng stitution that segregated blacks in wishes to be like onself? Take, for the deep south until the late example, the ease with which your 1960s? Simply because we do not American reader to informed us all Dear Felix have a written constitution, which that, because our system of gov- As a contributor to this fine as the US has shown is open to ernment is not exactly the same as journal, it is indeed gratifying to much abuse, does not mean we hers, we were all mentally ill (two know that we have a global reader- have no rights, and further exem- subjects on which, 1 should add, ship (Felix 1092) Not only that, but plifies the breathtaking ignorance I X she appeared to display a ridicu- we have of this woman. The Freedom of lous and insulting lack of under- some older fans as well. Information Act is also intriguing. standing). Judging from the fact that her son Would this be like the one that kept Issue 1093 i would like to inform you found out that England has a King, files on John Lennon secret for 32 American reader that many people Kelly Green must be about 80 years years? Such laws would, of course, in this country are working very old (though if her son really is 18, prevent anti-democratic abuses of hard to stop it becoming at all like then she may simply be young and power by government officials. J hers - not least in the area of gun very, very stupid). This of course, Edgar Hoover? Oh dear. www .su.k.ac.uk/Fellx legislation, where the same free- explains the advance dementia she 'The citizens of Great Britain doms she seems to hold so dear appears to he suffering from. have potential.' Madam, we are allow one murder to happen every Rarely have I seen such a spectac- truly honoured. If it is your belief Road. London. SW7 2BB. eight seconds in Washington D.C, ularly arrogant incorrect, incoher- that you an example of what the Detroit and Chicago. That makes ent, jingoistic, nasty piece of British should aspire to be, then the External tel &. fax: 0171 594 8072. nearly 1 1,000 murders every day uncreative writing. Apart from 'mental illness' you attribute to us Urgent our-ot-hours internal: (the population of a small town), in that, though, it's dreadful. seems more applicable to explain 48086. external: 017! 594 8086. each of these cities alone. Perhaps Given that dissecting these dis- the case you have so spectacularly Email: fellx(3>ic.ac.uk the "right to bear arms" might have eased ramblings is as easy as failed to elucidate. '1 cannot under- been more carefully thought out if shooting fish in a barrel, it is diffi- stand how any sane rational person Felix is produced for and on behalf people had known that so many cult to know where to begin. As could make a case for the of Imperial College Union Americans would turn on their fel- many of you know, T am not exact- Monarchy.' It is a shame that, as Publication Board. low citizens in blood. ly a wishy-washy liberal, but Ms an American, you are deprived of 1 do not mean to insult your Green's views on the right to bear all sense of irony. If you're sane, Felix is a registered newspaper American reader personally - in arms, misquoting the Second may I continue to be a chicken. ISSN 1040 - 07 1! assuming that we all wish to be like Amendment, is terrifying.The idea Yours sincerely her, she is mearly saying what that liberty stems from the right Simon Baker Copyright © Felix 1997. Photo- comes naturally. I think instead and ability to blow people's brains Chem PG graphic copyrights remain with that her country's education is out is a curious one. If T lived in a probably to blame for the insuffer- country where I felt I needed an able arrogance of some of its citi- Ml6 to protect myself, I would be Some readers have expressed Printed at the Imperial College zens. on the first plane out. The monar- doubt as to the authenticity of Union Print Unit. Beit Quad. Yours faithfully, chy clearly gets this women dan- the 'Kelly Green' letter. This is a Prince Consort Road. London. Matthew Rollin, ICSM gerously excited. Her defamatory bona fide correspondence, and is SW7 2BB. Tel: 0171 594 8071. comments on the Queen are too available for inspection in the v,;i- X'. ;?yyy.:XX;y;k^,';' PS. If the Queen is decended from pathetic to deserve comment. To Felix office if you still don't God, and yet every king born was suggest that 'the whole country believe me. Anyone who missed the sun of a whore, then presum- must be filled with morons' is the letter can read it in full along ' ]!--cx'; i'-tX? beyond their borders; this is not Music Editors: the case- indeed one of my jason Ramanathan &. Alok Jha Dear Felix, American colleagues offered his Film Editor: Chris Hickey I have just read the letter from profound apologies for this /vf.: ^u^ivi'i't;<si-ir.j'. v.''>';..(:.: Kelly Green. Is she for real? What woman. The system of constitu- 5-i.;";^:. '?':.:>!.!* . an absolute load of garbage, or tional monarchy is, I believe, the Sports Editor: Simon Dunsby should 1 say "trash". I don't think 1 most prevalent form of govern- ^;!.''."'.i : b'.\v: would call her necessity to walk ment on the planet, so a UN reso- Layout and right-hand man: around with an armoury in her /vbh'X handbag, freedom. As for the rest of her com- Deadline for letters is 6pm Tuesday. Letters may be edited for VVisJS-if::., (J:;.; Itii.(), ;Oi"s 'i'j'oisi."'-. ments, she just seems to have a length, but will not be altered or corrected in any other way. grudge against the English for Letters may be signed or anonymous, but please show your swipe some reason. Why is it that card when submitting them. Americans flock to places like LETTERS AND NOTICES 10 October 1997

Imperial Fringe The Theatre Company

- Three workshops planned this term on voice & movement (20 October), character (17 November) and creativity (15 December)

- Alternative theatre productions incorporating innovative use of space, sound, movement ('In throught the Out Door' a trilogy of Satre, Pinter & Keefe: pro- posed for January, auditions 14 October, contact Caroline Baillie)

This year we welcome not ROM to other libraries, on which - Directing using psychological exploration of character only the students of the South the staff can advise. Kensington, St Mary's and Royal One of the strengths of the - Workshopping and producing the works of new playwrights Brompton campuses, but also Haldane Collection is the music those of the recently merged library. Performers will find a good - Theatre in education - recipient of Millenium Award to tour local schools medical schools to the Haldane selection of printed music, includ- with a new play about science Collection. ing chamber music parts. Listeners The Haldane Collection is the are well provided for by the classi- fun part of Central Library! It was cal CD and cassette collection, and To find out more, contact Caroline Bailie at [email protected] or tei 46804. originally set up by the Student the popular music recordings col- Imperial Fringe is an IC staff organisation. Union and is a recreational library lection, mostly rock CDs and cas- offering a wide range of settes, of which more below. Humanities and other extra-curric- The Union still has some input ular reading and listening matter to into the collection and your inter- all College members. Situated on action is welcome! Most of the fic- Union Council level I of Central Library, in an tion purchased is financed by the informal setting overlooking the Union and, when possible, select- All Welcome lawn, it is open to all holders of ed by a student buyer. The popular Imperial College and Science recordings are selected entirely by Come along and have your say about how your Museum Libraries readers tickets, a student buyer, and the strength Union is run. and most of the stock is for loan. of this collection really relies on If it had not occurred to you student input. Your suggestions 14 October, 6pm, Union Dining Hall (Beit Building) that Imperial would have such a can be made on the regular library library, you will be pleased to know recommendation form, and the that it is by far the most wide-rang- library staff will gladly forward ing of similar libraries provided in them to the student buyer. HAIR NEWS HAIR NEWS HAIR NEWS other specialised universities in the In case you were wondering UK, so you made the right choice! why "Haldane" Collection, the There is something for everyone library's honoree is R.B.Haldane among the Haldane's stock of over (Viscount Haldane of Cloan, 1856- HAIR CUT 40,000 items - books, periodicals 1928). Haldane played a large role and magazines, music scores, in the merger of Imperial's con- sound recordings, language cours- stituent colleges in 1907, but more es and maps. You can relax with important from the library view- £8.00 lain Banks or Jane Austen, learn point is the fact that he was a Finnish or improve your English, widely educated philsopher, edu- plan your trip to Ecuador, find a cationalist and statesman, who UNISEX UNISEX UNISEX UNISEX UNISEX recipe for beetroot puree, dig out exemplified the value of all-round INCLUDES: quotations to illustrate a speech, education. Another influence from CONSULTATION with stylist to discuss your style, try or read the latest of Lord Gnome's the past is H.G.Wells, a former stu- a new look and learn how to manage and control your hair. editorials. dent of the Royal College of Critical stimulation is of course Science, who is said in a later visit SHAMPOO followed by Herbal Conditioner and scalp also part of the Haldane's remit. to have prodded students into set- massage. Subjects in which it is particularly ting up the literary collection on strong are to a large extent those in which the Haldane is based to Jr> PRECISION HAIR CUT by fully qualified hair stylist, show that they were "not barbar- which Humanities Programme experienced in modern hairdressing. course material is provided - such ians". The library holds a collection as art, history, literature, music, of early editions of his works, some «V USE OF HAIRDRIER with complementary gel or philosophy and politics. of which are exhibited from time to mousse to finish your style. A good selection of periodicals time. and magazines are on offer, rang- Finally the Haldane is a centre OPEN 9-00AM - 6.00PM ing from Amateur Photographer to of live culture. Watch for Last Appointment for Hair Cut 6.00pm The New York Review of Books, announcements of future talks and Phone for information on other special otters, e.g. Perms. Highlights, Tints. some of them financed by the readings! In the meantime we look Union. Daily newspapers are held forward to seeing you and wel- for one week. Most of these are come your suggestions for addi- TREVOR ROY SALON 52 Kensington Church Street, W8 now accessible on the internet too, tion to the collection. and there is a variety of means of Janet Smith, Library TEL: 0171 937 6413 consulting back issues, from CD- 3 minutes from High St. Kensington & Notting Hill Gate 10 October 1997 NOTICES AND EDITORIAL

STREET SELF DEFENCE AWARENESS STREET SELF DEFENCE, AWARE- PROGRAMME NESS PROGRAMME CONSISTS OF: Editorial CLOSE QUARTER CONFRONTA- TION OF WING CHUN KUNG FU * Elite Special Street Fighting Techniques. office, in the north west corner of BY RENOWNED KUNG FU * Special Life Saving Techniques. FRESHERS, FAIR the Quad. We are open from 10am TEACHER S1FU ANDREW SOFOS * Circuit Training ( Incorporating 'till late every weekday, so come REflex, Co-ordination and stamina Thanks to everyone who showed and see us at any time. "The art of war is of vital impor- training). interest in Felix at Monday's tance to the state. It is a matter of * Personal Survival Mentality. Freshers' Fair, and signed up. We life and death, a road to safety or * Specialised Wing Chun have several hundred names so it HOUSING CRISIS fo ruin. Hence it is a subject of Techniques. might take us a while to contact enquiry which can on no account * Empty Hand Against Empty you all individually. Here is the My sympathy goes out to freshers be neglected." Rand. freshly timetabled Felix week; evey- unlucky enough to get duff digs this Sun Tzu 500 BC * Empty Hand Against Knife, one is welcome to come to any or term - those in Montpelier and Stick Weapons. all of the meetings they are Gardens Halls whose buildings are "Don't neglect this marvellous * Test And Certificate if interested in. crumbling around them, those opportunity for you to learn a Successful. Fridays sharing rooms meant for one and practical and highly treasured * Combat, Confidence, Offense, 12.30pm News meeting. For those that have to spent eight martial art. Surely your life is worth Defence. eveyone interested in writing news, hours and twenty pounds each more than £2.60 per lesson." * Martial Arts And The Law. taking news photographs, or with week travelling to and from the Sifu A. Sofos 1997 AD * Mental fk Physical Awareness. some choice morsels of news to Clayponds Village of the Dead. * Plus Much More. share with us. Imperial College's accommodation For further information come to All this for less than the price of a lpm Editorial Board. This is an has never really been top-notch, classes at the Union Gym: day travelcard, so stop travelling unoffical meeting for all subeditors but with the new halls planned for Wed 1.30 - 3.30pm needlessly and come to our and major contibuters to disgus Beit Quad, Linstead car park and Fri 5 - 7pm or call 0181 808 5332 lessons and train for the above ideas and set policy. Anyone is the sports centre roof still years benefits. welcome to watch and join in. away from completion, things are l.30pm Music Reviewers' going to get worse before they get meeting. For everyone interested in better. Sadly, those in private reviews of albums, singles, gigs and accommodation are likely get an ICU Elections interviews. even worse deal - a study just out positions up for election... Mondays shows that average London rents see noticeboard opposite ICU Office to sign up. l pm Arts meeting. For exhibi- have doubled in just eight years, tions and theatre. and even even expensive rotten Sabbatical Positions (1 Proposer &. 20 Seconders required) I pm Features meeting. If you basements in Kilburn are hard to President have an idea for a feature, or if come by. Deputy President (Clubs cv Societies) you've already got some material, this is the time to see us. Also an Officers (/ Proposer &. 10 Seconders required) ideal time for those interested in NATIONAL CURRY ACC Treasurer design and layout. SCAB Treasurer Tuesday DAY Publications Board Treasurer 12.30pm News meeting II. Publications Board Secretary I pm Sports meeting. Come It's true - 10 October has joined PG Group Chair and give us your fixtures and match the ranks of spurious festival days. Transport Officer reports. Sports writers and photog- The question is - can ICU curry bar Women's Officer raphers; this is your cue. cope? They sold 40kg of rice on Web Editor Monday, 55 on Tuesday, 60 on All these meetings are in the Felix Wednesday... Ordinary Members (1 Proposer &. W Seconders) Council - 8 members Finiance Committee - 2 members Executive Committee (Officers only) - 4 members Retail, Services &. Training Committees - 4 members each Small Adsl E&O

Rollerblades for sale. Bauer X90 I Free Tickets to TV Shows size 9, little used. £35. Come to Apologies for confusion, and par- the Felix office or call 58072. ticularly to Rob Clark, for errors are available from SUE appearing on page two of issue | (Student Union Entertainments) Newswriters needed for small 1092. The first part of the story I university newspaper. Must be erroneously claimed that ICU enthusiastic. Email [email protected] lacked a Deputy President for 5's Company and TFI Friday Finance and Services. In fact it has one - Rob Clark - but it lacks (you must go to both shows) a Deputy President for Clubs and Sma// ads are Free to students, Societies. others pay £1.50 per line. Max Call 0171 287 0045 four lines. Please submit ads by 6pm Tuesday for publication that and quote "Double Deal" Friday. M 8 COLUMNS 10 October 1997

C^y^ It's conference season Therefore such accusations must observe and record every utter- sonal insults are rare and the ,\SJL| again. Labour spent one not be taken lightly, janet ance of the Opposition's preserve of the school or office |(HL' week and plenty of money Anderson MP (a senior Labour Members. Tory MP Michael bully. The reaction to such com- patting itself on the back whip) revealed that complaints Fabricant had to "put up with ments (excepting those that are for its performance during the had been made against a number Tony Banks (the sports minister) particularly serious and damag- election, and the Conservatives of Tories (curiously enough, she blowing kisses to me across the ing) should not be to withdraw now have their turn, except theirs revealed this on the first day of chamber and Dennis Skinner and complain, but to bounce back will probably be a more despon- Conservative party conference). challenging me about my hair". A and hit them just as hard. All dent affair. However it seems we We are told in grave tones that Labour MP once said of Teresa ministers will have learnt this the are sadly not to get our full happy MPs have been "sniggering" and Gorman: "she's got more hor- hard way (look to Margaret blast of Conservative propaganda Thatcher for inspiration there). In as Labour are injecting stories fact there were complaints that 1 and events into the press before *" / Hamish Common Miss Betty Boothroyd (the and during the conference. First Speaker) was giving female MPs came Tony Blair's trip to Russia c Westminster an especially hard time. It (where he starred in a radio soap r r seemed she had little sympathy opera!). Next came Bill Gates' for those who chose to come into publicised jaunt to 10 Downing Eye this institution and "have it easi- Street where he will undoubtedly ;

in with the tomatoes which should be bubbling gently by now. Now repeat the process with the vegetables but don't overload the pan otherwise they'll boil instead of frying. The aim is to get everything nicely Right then, subjects, now that you've ever you've got: Carrots, courgettes, browned so you get loads of lovely "Starter V stuffed your tiny little cupboards with the peppers, beans etc. Go for lots of colour caramel and no soot. Do the same thing finest fruit, veg and meat London can and variety. Chop or slice. with the meat. provide it's time to get cuhin'. Some meat (optional) -beef / lamb / At some point, add the pepper and Our first culinary adventure is pork (minced or cut up braising stuff) or spices so they have a good fry as well. - v Splodge. This is my and many other stu- for those really low budgets a tin of tuna That way you get all the aromatics and dents' survival ration. It's easy to make, chunks in soya oil which make for some- volatile lovelies to come out and give m cheap and versatile and it's also healthy thing differently interesting. Cut up bits your food that scrummy taste we're all and balanced in a tasty sort of way. of bacon also work well. after. The ingredients are: Salt &. pepper &. spices. Once you've finished frying, pour a v I Tomatoes - either a tin of peeled That's it for the boring preparation stuff small glass of water into the pan and get ' 4 plum tomatoes from those places we (or "prep" in the arsy chef lingo) so now it to boil a bit before pouring it into the don't mention but have super and mar- straight into the fun bit. tomato and general stuff mixture. That ket in their names or about a pound of First, chuck the tomatoes in to a pan way you get all the good bits that have fresh tomatoes chopped into smallish and put on a low heat with a fairly large stuck onto the pan into your food and cubes (around lcm3) which are far tasti- pinch of salt (to taste as the saying you end up with a clean pan. Cunning, er and full of yummy vitamins. goes). Then heat up some oil (olive oil is eh? 1 onion (yellow or Spanish) - chop or the best and yes I know it's expensive Now the beauty of this sophisticated slice it according to personal preference. but frankly you don't use it up that dish is the if you use mixed herbs (ore- Personally I find chopped bits roughly quickly and it really is better) in a frying gan, basil, thyme etc) you get a basic 4mm x 4mm are tops. pan over a half maximum heat. You want bolognaise but if you use curry powder m Garlic - a matter of some controver- it to just start smoking before dumping you get a curry and if you use chillis you sy. I'd go for 2 cloves (NOT bulbs, con- the onion in. Give it a good stir every get a chilli con random stuff. Three fusion over this point might result in your now and then so it doesn't burn. When meals for the price of one. Finally, serve having no friends at all). Crush and the onion starts colouring (yellow to light with rice, pasta, spuds or whatever is roughly chop them. brown) add the garlic and carry on frying appropriate. ,'vv v Various veg - basically chuck in what- for a few more minutes. Put the mixture Antoine 10 October 1997 COLUMNS 9 ^

eports of my death have been greatly exaggerated. You (the denizens of the past has been to drink the exquisite beer in improvement', but the general feeling in R Sherfield) thought I'd gone. Fat chance. Southside Bar, avoiding Union bitter at all costs College already is that we now have a licence They still haven't found a decent columnist, (though not the Union per se, before some that is impractical, inadequate and so full of which means you're stuck with me. So, in the traps that even the best stewarding the world words of a famous philosopher, nice to see I/O has ever known will not prevent endless you, to see you nice. This promises to be a fair- breaches, with obvious consequences. ly eventful year, not just for the freshers, but O for all the inmates as our numbers become Z3 It has been suggested by the gaffer that I, swelled by our medical friends. May we live in 00 for the benefit of our freshers and middle man- interesting times. agers, explain the purpose of this column and 7s this college. My role is to keep you, informed At this time, it is traditional to offer the about the burning issues in IC and beyond. benefit of one's experience to the boys and Singing the praises of this august institution girls that have just joined the Imperial family. I and taking to task those who slip up. As you must be getting very, very old - most of this ID will see, the latter is not a terribly rare event. In On bunch look like they should be doing GCSEs. a nutshell, Imperial consists of academic rt departments, which, for the most part, per- The usual advice applies: always refer to gen- ZJ tlemen in red police cars as 'Sir', regardless of form world-class research. The Sherfield build- your political sympathies. Secondly, an impor- ing is the centre of administration that enables tant detail was omitted from this year's all the departments to function properly, Freshers' Handbook. Long ago, Imperial assisting in their day to day running. If you College managed to secure an opt-out from believe that, you'll believe anything. It is to the international treaty governing the provision hack gets out of his/her pram). Judging from administration what Benny Hill was to femi- of wild sexual abandon during freshers' weeks. the huge numbers in Southside and the ludi- nism. But for all that, we gentlemen of the The opt-out, unlike so many, has not been crously restrictive licence that the Union now Press love it. They make our job so easy. negotiated away, so it's Ovaltine and a good has, this may well be a case of preaching to the book, chaps. The final tip that I have offered in converted. Union staff may think this is a 'huge

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The News Team lifts the lid on the controversial Dearing Report on the future of Higher Education funding. The question is: can you afford not to read this?

Mr Simon Wright, Education and Welfare The Dearing Report Officer from the University of Wales at Cardiff, entranced by discussion during a The National Committee of Inquiry of their education, only to have the ing less in terms of the loan repay- expressed doubts. "We have a big visit by delegates from the Dearing Commis- into Higher Education - the so- newly-installed Labour government ments than a student from low question whether today's propos- sion to Imperial College Union earlier this called 'Dearing Committee' - was come to a different decision on income family who will have a als will meet the funding gap that year. The Rector of Imperial College, Sir set up in May 1996 by the then matter on the eve of the report's somewhat larger loan." For its part the government itself acknowl- Ronald Oxburgh, also attended the meeting Conservative Government to publication last July. the NUS president, Douglas edges," said Diana Warwick, chief and was one of seven academics on the sev- examine ways in which the higher After behind-the-scenes dis- Trainer, said "We are very pleased executive of the CVCP. Baroness enteen member committee. Others involved education system could develop, cussions with the National Union of about the decision on means-test- Blackstone attempted to assure in the review included representatives from primarily over the following two Students, ministers attempted to ing fees but we believe the princi- universities that any extra money Glaxo Wellcome, Psion, Ulster Bank and the decades. The committee, chaired ease the potential unpopularity of ple of fees is wrong and we will raised would go to HE funding. Weir Group. by Sir Ron Dearing, consisted of all students paying £ 1000 per head campaign against this." Other proposals put forward by seventeen members including the by agreeing to a means-test. This Although Sir Ron Dearing him- the Dearing Committee covered Rector of Imperial College, Sir would results in the poorest stu- self played down the sidelining of matters ranging from the aims and Ronald Oxburgh. It also comprised dents paying nothing and the these proposals, some members of purposes of higher education, and of senior staff from Exeter, wealthier ones pay the full fee. his committee were said to be 'furi- use of information technology - the Strathclyde, Glamorgan and Open The Government announced its ous' over the government's public latter recommending that all Universities, and a student repre- intention to replace student grants airing of its own proposals before students have access to desktop The Latest sentative from the University of with loans, also contrary to the the report's publication. "It is a computers by the year 2001 and Wales in Cardiff as well as a range Dearing recommendations which matter of serious regret that the that students have their own lap- A full and frank discussion Gap year policy finally filled Mass Expansion - of 2.5% of industry moguls. tried not to deter poorer students government should come to a tops by the 2006. More than ninety recommen- from the higher education. The decision in private without first lis- The role and qualities of staff What was predicted as being the After weeks of deliberations, with Confusion broke out in the wake of dations were made by the commit- Minister for Higher Education, tening to the responses of the was also addressed. The commit- contentious issue of the Labour 'sources' suggesting that those contrasting statements from the tee, concerning a whole range of Baroness Blackstone, said the NUS committee's recommendations." tee remarked that there was con- Party Conference, held at the end carrying out charity work during Prime Minister and the Secretary of issues such as the setting up of "have publicly said... that they are Another said "The problem is that cern among academic staff that the of September in Brighton, turned their gap year could receive prefer- State for Education over the expan- Quality Agencies and the establish- unhappy with Dearing proposals to what the Government has come up esteem of their profession needed into a non-event as the party ential treatment, on 13th August sion in student numbers. Tony Blair ment of formal training courses for charge for tuition. We are trying to with is a half-way house, and not raising, and noted that staff in HE machine closed in on potential the Government agreed to exempt announced during the Labour Party lecturers. The biggest controversy mitigate Dearing's proposals by surprisingly, it is a mess. For the are paid much less than compara- rebels. A raft of pre-conference all students wishing to take a year Conference that his Government however appears to be the com- excluding low-income students." government not to allow time for a ble jobs in both the private and motions criticising the out from the new funding regime. would "lift the cap on student mittee's suggestions that students She did concede however that debate on our recommendations is public sectors. Government's plans to charge stu- Baroness Blackstone's statement numbers and set a target for an should contribute more to the cost richer students would "still be pay- deplorable." University heads also dents tuition fees and abandon the followed her condemnation a week extra 500,000 people into higher long cherished policy of free edu- earlier of press speculation, and further education by 2002." cation promised heated debate. describing it as "irresponsible This ambitious target seemed In the event only two delegates scaremongering". to be at odds with David Blunkett's The Bottom Line Current System ier income Middle Income Lower Income braved the wrath of their party These announcements came earlier suggestion that he would leader and spoke out against pro- too late for the estimated 1 7,000 seek places for an extra 40,000 or In the table opposite "Higher Maintenance Grant £0 £1080 £2160 posals and insisted that education students who panicked into aban- 50,000 students. This would repre- Income" families are regarded as should be "inclusive not exclusive". doning deferred entry in favour of sent an increase in the participa- those with income over £34,000 Maintenance Loan £2085 £2085 £2085 As a first year student at ensuring a less debt-laden educa- tion rate of 18-21 year olds from after deductions for such matters as Strathclyde University, Johanna tion. While the Committee of Vice- the current 32.5% to 35%. The con- pension contributions and mort- Parental contribution to maintenance £2160 £1080 £0 Baxter had less to lose than most. Chancellors and Principals insisted fusion exposed by these differing gage interest. The "Lower Income" The only other delegate unwilling that universities would be able to declaration is expected to be group refers to those households Tuition fees Paid by Local Education Authority to publicly toe the line was Maria "cope" and the Government cleared up by the publication of the with earnings of less than £16,450 Exali of the Communication announced that the increase was Government's detailed plans for per annum. Workers Union, who questioned "manageable". higher education - expected in Maintenance Grant is currently New System Higher Income Middle Income Lower Income how the Secretary of State for The extra students, which rep- November. paid by Local Education Auth- Education could "stand and claim resent 6% of the planned first year orities, means tested on the basis Maintenance Grant Abolished you want to create more equality population, could result in universi- of parental income. Maintenance of access and introduce a method ties being surcharged by the of funding that undermines that Loan currently comes from the Maintenance Loan £3085 £4165 £4245 Government. Imperial College's publicly owned Student Loans very principle?" 200 extra freshers could cost dear- Company, with plans to privatise Parental contribution to maintenance £1160 £80 £0 Facing certain defeat, after ly as each educational establish- this debt in development. Parental David Blunkett's rousing defence of ment is only allowed a 2% margin contribution is that which the Tuition fees £1000 £1000 £0 the government's proposals, dele- from its target intake. Government expects guardians to gates opposing the move withdrew give their student children. their motion. 12 FEATURE 10 October 1997 FEATURE 13

\\Je were all pissed as J just couldn't speak crickets by half ten but 'cos DAVID BOWIE had we still had nothing on been talking to me and jfm n interview with Debbie Harry. She the safe option with Kevin Rob I think that the comedy I just couldn't say Mark You know I liked that Big f ^ Mark &. Lard? Forget Greening, but, I can't say I honest- worked better with the pauses as Black Cloud and things, I liked a m ^f ^^^ they saidcam. Buet in with a pint pot ly blame them for that. Although it well. Did they complain about dead anything for about few things off the album... M Wk two hours of sound- of Gin and Tonic turned out there might have been air? half an hour Rob It seemed novel on Me And checking and a can- another agenda... M^Rk Mark Well, you know, they are My Baretta where she didn't use celled Live TV interview later, /on Lard Aye. frightened of it, and we had to put much vocally, but over the full Trout and Rob Timson were hav- be on one at the moment. He's Jon So what is the story about the music under it when we were talk- fucking hell, we went out for a album it seemed as if she was ing a chat and a bevvy with the doing all right. Difficult question. 1 Breakfast Show? ing which we never did at night. curry with him. I'm past all that actually limited. great radio gurus and Shire like what he does on the telly more Lard We're not doing it anymore. One criticism that we got was that now, but the first time we met Mark Well most people are; the JBlllil* 1111 " : V; sllllii Horses founders Mark Radcliffe than he ever did on the radio, but I Mark We are not leaving, we've our audience was selective; if you Bowie, me and him [Mark] were in thing is that one of the things that I and the Boy Lard. didn't hear that much of the radio, been forcibly ejected... The liked it, you really liked it, and we New York, it was like we were sit- really miss as well, and this doesn't so I'm not the best judge. Is that absolute truth of it all is that we were quite proud of that, but get ting in front of the headmaster a apply just to Angel Corpus Christi, Jon Trout Are yous nervous, lads? diplomatic enough? He's done the were going to do the afternoons; judged against that [The Evening bit; it was like he's arrived, but I the thing that 1 miss most of all Mark Radcliffe We weren't ner- deed, he's achieved what he want- we really enjoyed the nights, but Show] but it is finished and what- think that he was a bit star struck from the old show was getting vous before we started sound ed to achieve, lots of quids in the we were doing it for three and a ever happens we will never go back with us as well [laughter]. good records and not being able to checking, but we're absolutely bank, lots of birds, he's done well. half years, and it's long enough to and try to recreate it. Mark It was amazing, cos the play them; I mean the new Ween bricking it now. Jon I don't know if you heard the work nights, and it's long enough Jon All the time that you were on night before we did that in New album, there's some blinding stuff Jon The original artists of the bands Breakfast Show the week after to do the same show, and so we the radio, who was your favourite York 1 was sat in the studio working on that; and not being able to play that The Shirehorses cover; what Diana's death; Kevin Greening was were going to go onto the after- guest? out all the questions that I was it; and the fact that we can have do they reckon of it all? on and, well, we weren't fans of noons, and then Chris Evans left, Mark [long pause] Kylie Minogue! going to ask him, and I thought this Angel Corpus Christi discussion Mark Most of them have seen it as the way he did it. 1 was wondering and Mathew Bannister phoned and Lard We liked her... 'God I can't believe it, I'm going to is great, because if we hadn't broke a kind of tribute, and well inten- how you would have handled that? said 'will you do the Breakfast Mark No, our favourite guests were talk to David Bowie in this room'. them no-one would have heard of tioned and that. They have to see Mark Well, I didn't hear it, 1 never Show?' and we said 'No'. not big stars, but people we had a And we did the programme and it them and I love that; that we could them that way 'cos we wrote them listen to the radio when we're on Jon And then they offered you a big rapport with at night, and the was great, and we went through it play a record and maybe only a first. If they don't let us have it holiday, because a) It's a like a bus- sack of cash... names that spring to mind particu- all, and afterwards I phoned me hundred people would be interest- we'll tell the true story. We've had man's holiday b) just in case they Mark Yeah, to be absolutely hon- larly would be; Stuart Maconie, wife who was in England straight ed, but those hundred people a couple of people who've said 'On are better than us. But, you know, est, yeah, it was partially the fact Katie Puckrick, Will Self in the early after the interview and she asked would be interested. Yer Bike Lads', including Hanson... we were deemed sort of unsuitable that is was the biggest show in the days, and Simon Armitage. Those 'How did it go then?' and 1 just Rob They didn't sound like they do Jon There's a surprise... to broadcast to a nation in national country, and you think, you know, were probably my big favourites; couldn't speak 'cos all the nerves on the album. They sound an awful Mark Yeah, big surprise; well, if you mourning, but I genuinely think that well maybe we shouldn't turn it Mark Kermode, because we used to that I'd suppressed just flooded lot better live than they do on the can't say that someone is a preco- we would have been all right, you down, and it was also money, it TELL ALL have a laugh. We felt that the rap- out 'cos DAVID BOWIE had been album. And I would also like to cious little get without them getting know. We're not funny anyway, so was greed. It was pure greed on port that we shared with them was talking to me and I just couldn't say thank you for introducing me to uppity... when people say we could have our part. We had done it before, passed onto the listeners as well. anything for about half an hour. Man or Astroman. Mark 'Lard' Riley Well they're a cut out the jokes, it's easy. but we didn't want to do it. We kind of quite miss that in a way, Jon What were you doing when Lard Oh, great, yeah! [laughter] precocious little get. Lard There's none there to begin Lard And also, Mathew, who's more than anything else. It was just you were our age? Jon Rob and I were down at V97, Mark Enough said. I think that we with. always really been behind Mark, like seeing your mates really. Mark How old are yer? the two of us, and we were looking were a bit close to the bone there; Rob So you were told that you when he came back to us, he said Jon Who was the most pissed per- Jon Twenty at the T-shirt stand, and Kuia and also, the Chemical Toilet couldn't go on then? 'I would treat it as a real personal by Jon Trout and Rob Timson son who's ever been on the show? Rob Twenty-two Shaker had a Peela Tata one. Brothers wouldn't let us do it. Mark No, what we were told was favour if you would do this for me' Mark Now then, I would think that Mark Weil when I was twenty I was Mark Yeah, I know! Jon &. Rob Timson Really? that Kevin Greening had handled it and it was a bit hard to say no. Debbie Harry, she was hard work, at University in Manchester... Jon What do you think of that? Mark That.sujlrised me. That did all so ^sensitively and had led the Mark But then, we were aware that she was absolutely slaughtered. Jon ...doing? Rob Are you going to see them in surprise me. You know that blonde audience through it. they weren't that happy with it in Laid Steaming, weren't she... Mark English & American Studies... court?

one in the,;. Chemical Toilet Rob Did rifishite... he ripped the piss terms of the audience, but the tim- Mark She'd had j;,a gig at the Jon Oh dear.... Mark Ah, yeah! Well, we wanted to Brothers. out of her so much when she was ing of it was-iia, surprise, I'll say Manchester Apollo. Can you think Mark [mock out rage] you what... put Ta la on our ililbum, and if Jon Yep. alive an ere. that... jg j£ j ore pissed [laughter]...:and 1 was doing what they'd have said nojjlswe'd have Mark Ugly bastard, him. isn [ In-1 in Lard Well, vo.i know. It was a diffi- Jon W .- ening than Debbie Harry? She didn't students . in a band said, 'well, fci enough then, we'll about ten years time you can see cb sort of thing TO go thio igh show do you think that you could make. . ; v.. :. ' ;k her from time to lime. When I A*as have the percentage Irum your his hair going at the side and he's not translate to the morning show two days to get there, [laughter] twenty two I was working at merchandising!' So that one nevei going to look like one of those bus Radio One dignity was right at the . ; "'.i;::c-'\/> Spectacularly pissed, weren't she"" Piccadiily Radio as a trainee pro- inspectors isn't he? Right obnox- forefront, and so if they did make a Mark All of 'em. Who was more pissed than that? ducer, doing an Indie show and Jon How much time do you think bollocks of it then everyone would Lard There was one night when giving the ciicket scores between gftffis Rob Any solicitors letters from it, and aspects of the old show was th.it you were really pissed... [laughrei | the re. interview? them . ...vay at you could come out of an obscure Mark I'd had a sherry bean and a ..." / Mark A lot longer than we spent the time and they tried to get in surf rock thing and go straight into preparing any of ours... I'd think

touch with us to see if we wanted -: s:sQ'-M'-: Lard 1 think that the most pissed at twenty two I was a pot collector that you were up to about ten oi <;n the radio, we had one from to come back in the thick of it. 'c.o\ Mark We did used to do poetry in night was the second birthda I'ace. rhem saying that we could, em... it was the funeral on the Saturday. the first half hour, but you probably party. We were all pissed as crick : Jon Not far otf. as long as the train ! Lard < didn't . ' ' : . ll: had pies iM to

Monday. But I like to think . " = . - ; nothing on Debbie Harry. She came tions . won' t we Mark ionic. Mark I know Heworth. p y it again you'll be in schruck wouldn't come in on the Monday com; rences, Welt were : had Jon Shithole isn't ii it was morni weil there we . one, the " ' ' ' '.< r; .. thi-m on live anil the singk: that Mark Aye. voice] 'very sad weekend...' |t ien mi sic. going onto the pl.iylist, one y Jon That's about it Cheers. Ion ' Evans which knew Lard Mark Me And My Baretta? Mark Yeah cheers lads. shot two? thajtj i as not when e- was Rob Yeah that's the one; that was a Lard Would you like anothi" '-.i ' Mark I'll hand 'his to Lardy-Boy. wouldn't have done that. b -ig able to chat at length with going (he first time. Second time fantast c record, but I didn't think Laiflil ; ems to Mark T< lit' fair to "cm. rhev : ok ourg / we was \\\ muckers and third time, m ^ MITCHELL MADISON GROUP

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MUSIC NEWS

re you a James Bond fanat- ic? Then you may be inter- STEREOLAB A ested in a record being released by the David Arnold Shepherd's Bush Empire Project called Shaken and Stirred. This features cover versions of e're late. This is not a brand new tracks in a row. trance quality that has us sailing up classic Bond theme tunes by the problem, as lateness has Nobody's dancing as the songs and down in appreciation. After a likes of The Propellerheads, Pulp, W always been endemic in merge together into a dreary ennui, time between ten minutes and Leftfield, Natacha Atlas and LTJ to the music industry, which is part with supposedly post-modern but eighty years, the guitars drag the Bukem. Released on 20th of its appeal but also the main rea- actually crap keyboard nagging at music into a climactic, decelerating October, this promises to sell very son that it is such a pain in the arse. the monotonic bass, the lyrics cacophony. But emerging from the well indeed considering the fact We've also missed the support incomprehensible even to my sea of noise is a new beat, a faster that there is a new Bond movie in band Sukia which, a friend at the French companion. A hairy knob in beat, that seems to fit in with dev- a few months. However, what bar told me, was no bad thing. front of me is preparing a steady astating accuracy, and the party Louis Armstrong would have I don't know what to expect stream of spliffs, using his girlfriend continues. One by one, the ele- thought of Iggy Pop covering his tonight. Will we be pogoing in one as a makeshift rolling mat. The fact ments of the music fall away to throaty number, We Have All The of those intense, crushed affairs that he was able to perform this leave only the mighty Wurlitzer, still Time In The World, I don't know. with short but energetic fourteen- dexterous operation in the middle pumping away. Only now it makes year old girls competing with slight- of the gig speaks for itself. sense, and the melody of the The Doors are making another ly strange, totally tuneless twenty- There's a lull in the music, and chords is obvious, explained by the comeback...sort of. Set to be the somethings wearing shirts but no the keyboard player starts pumping massive voice of the music. 'crowning jewel' of the Doors' deodorant to pledge their devotion out slow, ugly chords on a dismal When Stereolab finally decide back catalogue, the package will to their latest plastic Jesus? old Wurlitzer rattle-box. Fourths; to let us back onto the ground, I'm contain four CDs most of which Unlikely. I can imagine the dance the devil's chords. He's concen- unable to keep still, my muscles have been previously unreleased. floor spotted with moody techno- trating intently, focussing on the twitching to any kind of beat. I'm One of the tracks, Orange County heads dressed in alien ways per- appaling resonances. Laetitia starts ridiculously high and, once again, Suite, features Morrison on vocals forming their odd rites in studious to sing, the drums come in at see clearly the reasons why I make and piano with new music record- denial of the existence and absurdi- speed, and suddenly I begin to the unusual effort to travel and ed by the remaining Doors added ty of those around them. But there understand. The people are jump- wade through mud, vomit and to it. There is also a new video for doesn't seem to be the required ing now as the music climbs up and sweaty arseholes just to see half an Break On Through which uses critical mass of misanthropists with up, building into a throbbing hour of music. For all it's myriad excerpts from the band's last ever billiard-referees' gloves and blue soundscape that absorbs the evil faults, live music is the biggest, the performance on the Isle of Wight. painted inner tubes on their heads. chords greedily. It's fast enough for best and the most. Live music is It is released on 27th October. The set starts, and we shove to a good bounce, but you have to music. CI the front. The band immediately jump high. The music is raucous Jeremy The Shirehorses are to release commit the sin of playing several and untidy but has a mesmerising one of the worst albums ever...lit- erally! Their new album The Worst Album In The World...Ever features FANTAZLA COMPETITION ... all the classic recordings made by Radio 1 D) Mark Radcliffe, Lard Manchester G-Mex Fleetwood Mac and their group of 'musicians' including Baby Bloke {You're The 31st of October will see rev- The Chemical Lab: Experimental videos to be wonl Gormless), The Charley Twins ellers enjoying a night of music in sounds from Jon Carter, Cut La Roc (West Country Boy) and Dick Cave the G-Mex centre in Manchester. and Monkey Mafia. Fieebiiiood Mac and the Bad Cheese featuring Riley Not since Fantazia's sell-out event Minogue (Hapless Boy Lard). The at the Glasgow SECC in 1993 has The G-Mex will be decorated boys have bowed to public pres- an indoor event of this size been for the event with 1000 metres of sure and are to reform for a tour organised and this one will hope to fabric dressing along with a huge this Autumn, coinciding with the out-do that one in the very least. screen displaying surreal images. release of the album on 3rd According to the press release, November, d The show has recently toured there will also be '...oversized Europe, Australia and the United transvestites, bondaged dwarves And now, the marking scheme... States and now returns to the UK and costumed dancers emerging where the G-Mex will host 12,000 from giant scissorlifts.' Ahem. All reviews are given stars up to a people for 12 hours. The line-up maximum of five. The ratings are will be as follows: Tickets are available now from as follows: selected HMV stores and Tower Specially filmed over three The Main Arena: Carl Cox, Danny Records stores. They are also nights, The Dance was released Rampling, Jeremy Healy, Boy available from Ticketmaster on on September 1st this year to Holbein House George and Tall Paul. 0990 344 4444. celebrate the 20th anniversary of the band's 25 million selling Southside Hall Garage Nation: The London album Rumors. Two lucky people Dream Team, Jason Kaye, Mike can enjoy this video absolutely * * * Clayponds Village 'Ruff Cut' Lloyd and Lisa Unique. free if they can correctly answer the following question: ** Southwell / Fisher OsJ/iBffi^s (f is il« a (8 »S Which Fleetwood Mac song was * Garden Hall used by the BBC's old Formula I racing programmes? No Stars Montpelier Hall Answers in to Felix by 24/10/97. 16 MUSIC 10 October 1997

STRANGELOVE 30 AMP FUSE Strangelove * Saturday Night At The Atomic Speedway *

trangelove's eponymously unk-pop is a curiously crammed into forty minutes, titled album, has arrived at diverse genre. It has pro- someone forgot to tell them that S an apt time, with the whole P duced some of the most even a two minute song needs "new grave" scene flourishing with inspiring, energising songs of the ideas. That's the whole point of the likes of Radiohead, Mansun last two decades, and seems to this music, to make a smash and and Placebo leading the pack. cover everything from Teenage grab raid on the listeners heart and Superstar introduces the Kicks to Girl from Mars. I would then get the fuck outta Dodge. On record, an attempted anthemic even argue for Jane Weidlin's Rush / Fall Down they're almost there, effort that never reaches the Hour or Echo Beach by Martha and but end up heights it is trying so hard to the Muffins. The two bands every- Seeming more peeved than achieve, a trend throughout the one agrees on are The Buzzcocks furious. And Stereogram, with it's whole album. Yes, it is dramatic, and Husker Du, both bouncy Ash-a-like chorus, would yes it is emotional, but it lacks any Filled with a burning anger that certainly be great live but sounds sort of dynamism, and fails to cap- could only be expressed through so thin and weedy here that it ture the listener's attention. They chainsaw guitars and close harmo- blows away before you're really may have pretentious of becoming ny screaming. Sadly, these two hooked. Many of the lyrical themes a stadium rock band playing groups are responsible for a legion are equally tepid, from the mun- majestic and awesome anthems, of trailer-trash bands recycling the danity of Smallville (look, we know but even praise from Ed O'Brien of same old formula to produce an it's boring working in a gas station) Radiohead cannot change the fact insipid, washed-out facsimile of to the unrequited love of someone that the quality of this album is akin the passion which drove them to who clearly deserves nothing less Patrick Duff, to a hopelessly cheap imitation of pick up their guitars in the first than rejection {For You). Even their obviously not too Suede's mic-slapping energy mixed place. To piss on the graves of your rehearsal space gets it's own spe- pleased with his with an attempt at Smiths-like musical heroes seems like a poor cial ode on Blastin' Room, while Felix review depressing prose. If you were way to pay them tribute. To recent single Punk Virtuoso is no thinking of getting this album on exhume their corpses and parade more than adequate. So sod this, the merits of its singles, don't, just them like trophies is downright go and buy Husker Du's Flip Your take a listen to anything from the rude. Wig instead. H Smiths back catalogue instead. Q And so to 30 Amp Fuse. Norm Jason Despite having fifteen songs

SLEEPER EAT STATIC

Pleased To Meet You * * v2 Science of the Gods

leeper has its own distinctive sound: quirky s ' >-y lyrics; which almost seem like random words S taken from the backs of cereal boxes and For me, Eat Static will forever 20th century prose; and Louise Wener's incredibly provoke memories of a dark, sexy coarse voice. Their first two albums Smart and smoky room, filled with drapes, The It Girl followed this trait, and with their success of dead cheese plants and festering these two albums Pleased to Meet You seems like an cups of tea. An appaling copy of experiment into different styles, pushing and empha- the Abduction album on the half- sising the melody but in no way have they sold out and buried, ramshackle old stereo with gone pop. five and a half speakers at random The track Miss You has a worryingly almost coun- places in the room, but the beats try and western feel to it, while the following You Got cutting through despite. All the Me has a solid indie sound, strong electric guitar and better because we were, well, drums. The beginning and end tracks on the compact fucked. disc have that familiar Sleeper sound, (with Wener And all this is, in a way, critical shouting the words out with full gusto) so at least it acclaim for the new album Science starts well and finishes as it started. of the Gods. More of the same, To deny this slightly different sound is to deny a then? 1 suppose so, but that isn't band the chance to evolve though I am glad evolution really fair. Eat Static are one of is a slow process. To review an album is to compare it those bands who's releases form a to a band's previous work and, admittedly it is differ- continuing whole rather than indi- ent. The only reason to buy Pleased to Meet You and vidual project - only each release justify parting with a precious fifteen pounds is to have just keeps getting better and bet- enjoyed Sleeper's previous albums and to hear ter. Highly recommended for Louise looking Louise's familiar voice. So in the end Pleased To Meet those distended late nights when very "pleased to You is nothing amazing, not enough to become a must you don't want to think, you just meet you" buy but it will please all Sleeper fans. H want to wallow around in puddles Magpie of bass and BE. CI Jeremy 10 October 1997 MUSIC 17

ALBUMS

THE SPACEMONKEYS The Daddy Of Them All

This is an album that So what about the music? Well, where is a good example. contans a lot of differ- they sound Mancunian. However Things look better towards the ences. From the first much they want to tell people that end of the album when Sweetest track, Acid House Killed they don't want to start another Dream rears its head. This is short, Rock And Roll, to the last, March Northern uprising or anything, they sweet and brilliant. It's that simple. OF The Scarecrows, there is a grad- will probably sound like they do. Marc Of The Supercool brings ual change in style and approach. The album is a result of the late- things to a fine ending which brings This is nothing to do with any split eighties acid house culture app- together everything that was good personality that songwriter Richard plied in the late nineties. Big guitar about the whole acid-house era McNevin-Duff might have but loops and chemicals-esque sam- and encapsulates it into a seven- something to with the fact that the ples drive through tracks like minute outro to the album. Wah- band sees themselves as the next Blowing Down The Stylus whilst still wah guitar, repetitive lyrics and bril- big 'Madchester' thing. remaining organic at all times. liant sampling make this the best A bit of history first, though. McNevin-Duff's vocals are an track on the album. They formed in 1994 and played integral part of the differences in This may be the first time their first gig at the Hacienda in the songs. On Sugar Cane, he you've ever heard of the Manchester in 1995. A week after sounds like he's doing an impres- Spacemonkeys, but make sure you that, Tony Wilson approached sion of Arrested Development's keep and ear out for them in the The them and asked them to sign on Speech crossed with the singer of near future - something tells me Spacemonkeys the dotted line for a six-album deal E.M.F. (can't remember his name, that they are going to go places. H coming to a with his label, Factory Records, sorry). In a marked contrast, Inside planet near whom you might have heard of as My Soul sounds like something of Alok you soon. the label that launched Joy Division the last Primal Scream album. A and Happy Mondays amongst oth- great melody coupled with strings ers. They give out an attitude of and staccato guitar add up to a nonchalance towards the music nice little up-tempo ballad. press whom they say has com- Some of the songs are not pletely ignored them so far and entirely inspired, though. Dear look to the public to recognise their Dhina, a melancholic number, talent. which sounds like any band, any-

SINGLES

Kylie Minogue - Some Kind of Bliss Bedlam A Go-Go - Flat 29 The Wiidhearts - Urge Another re-invention, another rock dollar Hey, It may be "...an arty farty disco party, rich kids Breathless panting. Echoing vocals from the bot- great horn section. Hey, great strings. Hey, slick on smarties...", but fundamentally Bedlam A Go- tom of a very dark, very scary well. Droning, dis- production. Hey, choke on your own vomit. Go are not going to be the 'next big thing1, as the torted guitars threatening to overwhelm every- word on the street would have us believe. Man. thing else. An MBV melody curling round the The Hybrids - Stranded They are in fact Jesus Jones with a few ripped- base of your spine. An explosion in a rather Norman Stanley Hybrid, I sentence you to five off Chemical beats thrown in, and I freely give large, noisy factory. ROCK! ROCK!! ROCK!!! years for the theft of Neil Young's Down by the up ail my 'cred' forthwith. Hmmm, that covers the first seventy seconds. River, two years for the misappropriation of Repeat for an awesome five minutes of music Noel Gallagher's voice, and 6 months for joyrid- THE ESSENTIAL CHOON heavier than Gods' balls and more fucked-up ing a second-hand chorus 'owned' by Paul than Keith Richard's kidneys. Weller. This is larceny on a grand scale, and Strangelove - Freak must be punished. Finally, the Strangelove kids get some balls to The Gania Kru - Gone are the Days play with. I'd always found their sound too Skip the soul-vocal radio mix and explore the Cable - Cod Give me Gravity weak, too whining, and sticky with self-pity. But seriously good drum and bass remixes courtesy Rather than genuinely unusual, Cable sound like now all that's been traded in for Jon Spencer of DJ Hype. Roll a fat one, open your shirt to the Stereophonies after a 'weirdness assertion1 attitude and a good dollop of self-hatred, deliv- waist and shuffle round your flat with your arse weekend, a little too forced. However, the title ering a single that pouts like jagger and slaps it's going nineteen to the dozen. Oooh, go on. track eventually beefs up the guitar sound suffi- arse like Brett Anderson. ciently to sweep to a roaring conclusion just Dubstar - Cathedral Park behind AC Acoustics. So, the Damoclean vat of Stellar vocals and guitar, as always, but the exu- vitriol remains untipped - at least until next Libido - Supersonic Daydream berant horn section seems to take the edge off time hurgh, hurgh, hurgh. Kinda retro, without being a blatant grave- the miserabilism that Sarah's flat Northern vow- robber. Kinda T-Rex, but with the catchiest bit all els always promise. Still fantastic sparkly pop of The Kings of Infinite Space - Speedboarder used up in the first thirty seconds. Fits snugly course, just a bit too cheerful. Rock and roll the way mom used to make it. between Suede and Subcircus. Thought they Speedboarder (sung in an incongruous East-End were going to be one of my 'kinda1 bands that Groop Dogdrill - Lovely Skin (Mantra) accent) is The Ramones covering Ministry's never really cut it, until I listened to Inner Beauty The start is promising, a cool sample followed Stigmata, while Little Deuce Coupe is exhumed is a Lame Comfort when you're Fuck Bored, anbdy an intro in the style of the Dead Kennedys, on Little Black Flower. Can I recommend a slightha d the skin flayed from my bones by their Jesus then it all goes down hill. This song deserves a change in direction? Like, away from my stereo? Lizard-style assault. Note: this is a good thing. manic, deranged psychotic singer, not your Dad doing an impression of Rik from Shed 7.LT1 Norm 18 MUSIC & FILM 10 October 1997

SUMMER ROUND-UP (PART 2) Summertime, and the living stays easy...

In part 2 of the summer albums round-up, we will be introducing The Beta Band Primal Scream Travis you to even more essential selec- tions of the summer's music. Champion Versions Vanishing Point Good Feeling Main thanks is due to your favourite reviewer and mine, Norm, Headed by the magnificent "Dry A collection of brilliant tracks from Some are hailing these young lads who provided most of this week's the Rain", this stands alongside Bobby Gillespe. A fine return to the new Oasis. It would be a esosteric cuts. So, here we go "Loaded" and "Lazarus" as a clas- form after the dissapointing Give shame if they were forced into a again... sic slow-bum epic. Out But Don't Give Up and with specific style right now and not new recruit Mani providing a cool, allowed to develop on their own thundering bass. The singing may way. Happy, uncomplicated and Yo La Tengo Mogwal be a bit dodgy but it still impresses. sheer unadulterated fun. I Can Hear the Heart 4 Satin EP

Beating as One Scottish gods of noise worship at Paul Weller the church of feedback. With top A sublime combination of Sonic tunes. Heavy Soul Youth distortion and folky melodies, ranging from three Some people really slated this minute pop classics (Sugarcube) to Sasha & John album. Make up your own mind. eleven minute wig-outs (Spec Bebop). The unsung saviours of Dlgweed American rock. Northern Exposure 2 Guided bv

The first one of these was absolute- Voices Mu-Zlq ly mind-numbingly brilliant so this The 'Scream one, by default, will be good. look ready to Mag Earwhig LP Lunatic Harness There seems to be a penchant for rumble od German Techno here and this Should have been the summer Drum and bass, techno, ambient helps to make this one of the best album, in the same way Slanted wibbling and big tunes from Mike trance moments this year. and Enchanted wasn't either. Paradinas. m

FILM REVIEW Little House on the Welsh Prairie

HOUSE OF when he fled to America and so Sid and Gwenny dream of earning the AMERICA money to join him. The impossibili- ty of this is masked by inventive Starring: Steven Mackintosh, Sian fantasies in which they imagine Phillips, Lisa Palfrey, Matthew Rhys themselves on the American fron- Director: Marc Evans tier with the aid of drink and drugs. Boyo is more realistic, however, Debut independent films and sees his family self-destruct usually seem to be high on style around him while he learns more and low on content. House of about the truth behind his father's America manages to avoid these departure. traps and successfully reflects the Depressing stuff indeed. But harsh reality of being born into a this version of Edward Thomas' town with no prospects and no way play focuses on the imagination of out. the children rather than the hope- It's based around the Lewis lessness of their lives and is more family - Sid, Boyo and Gwenny and upbeat than you'd expect. At times their eccentric mother, Mam. They I found myself looking at my watch live in a small wooden house in a due to the slow plot development. part of South Wales that bears an However, the aspirations of the The dysfunctional Lewis family uncanny resemblance to the main characters are contagious and from House of America sweeping plains of North America. overall this is a likeable film and an The father left them years earlier impressive debut by the director. CI 10 October 1997 FILM 19

INTERVIEW AND VIDEO STUDIO NEWS

Released today, House of whose view is of endless highways RED SHOE DIARIES: Columbia must be IV^ti America is an endearing low- with the car stereo blaring we went regretting signing up Alicia ' budget film which tells the tale of for the corresponding type of AUTO EROTICA Silverstone to produce and star in a family trapped without a future music, like the Prodigy. If the music two new films. The first, Excess in a bleak Welsh village. It we could afford on our 1.3 million Video Retail. £12.99 Baggage, was released last month movingly portrays the despair felt budget happened to be popular and flopped badly, leading to sug- by the impoverished young in stuff all the better. It's not often you gestions that the studio should cut small towns everywhere, and see erotica for their losses and drop the young shows how this can lead to a woman in the video star. They're keeping faith with downward spiral which ruins Felix: How common do you section of HMV. But her, however, believing that they lives. The film, reviewed on this think is the kind of dreaming we the Red Shoe Diaries have to be seen as "talent friendly" page, marks the debut of Welsh see from the kids in the film? is exactly that - a if they're to attract the top stars to director Marc Evans and Felix Marc: Hard to say. Everyone mainstream series similar deals. caught up with him for a cup of imagines they're in their own film shown in America tea and a chat... sometimes. When a bloke is in his which is aimed solely New studio DreamWorks is Robin Reliant speeding through a at women instead of old men in also sulking after its first film, The Welsh valley he starts to think he's dirty macs. And best of all, it stars Peacemaker, performed far worse Felix: Are you worried that the starring in his own film, on a Harley that famous Seeker of The Truth, than expected in its initial two public has had enough of Wales going across America. Alternatively David Duchovny. weeks. After grossing a disappoint- after Twin Town? he just pops his pills, gets pissed The series, released over here ing $ 12.3m in its first weekend it Marc: Not at all. Making a film and escapes from the monotony last week, consists of stories linked dropped to just $8.3m last week, about Wales is like making a film that way. only by Duchovny as Jake. In Auto leaving it third in the box office about being thin - so what? Erotica, Jake has put an advert in charts. This coincides with critics Besides, the feeling of not being the lonely hearts column of his beginning to turn against the film's able to escape from a hopeless life Felix: What's the reaction been paper and receives replies from a star, George Clooney, as they sug- is felt everywhere; in the Welsh val- like so far? variety of women who describe gest his cardboard acting is leys, in England, all over the world. Marc: Very good. It's been their love lives in explicit detail. restricted to shy sideways glances. shown at several festivals including This may sound like the usual late- Things are not looking good for the Edinburgh and it's gone down well. night dodgy stuff but it's very dif- ER man after successive flops with Felix: Are you worried that it We're taking it over to Hamburg ferent. If anything the scenes are Batman & Robin and One Fine Day. will be seen as just another Britpop next month and are hoping to get built up too slowly, with too much film full of music by the likes of spotted by a big US distributor flashy camera work and dialogue. Last weekend's American Top Blur? some time. 1 reckon there's a good Still, it's probably the right sort of Ten looked like this: Marc: As for the music, it was market over there for real indepen- thing for a Girls' Night In. |J just a case of what seamlessly fits dent films like House of America, Thanks to the generous 1. Kiss The Girls $ 13.4m into the film whilst reflecting the especially as they have a similar sit- people at Vision Replay Ltd we 2. Soul Food $8.4m characters' view of America. For uation to the town in the film in have two copies of Auto Erotica 3. The Peacemaker $8.3m Mam, for example, an old women many of their areas. Whatever hap- to give away. The first two 4. In and Out $8.1m whose view of America is dominat- pens, I'm proud of my film and any females in the Felix Office on 5. The Edge $5.2m ed by Las Vegas and glitter, we had success is a bonus, Q Friday will win one and don't 6. LA Confidential $4.5m music by Tom Jones. For the kids worry, we'll deliver the prizes in 7. The Game $3.1m plain brown envelopes. 8. U-Turn $2.6m 9. The Full Monty $2.3m 10. Wishmaster $1.5m

Disney and Fox are preparing Fit m MP1T1TION for a showdown over the latter's new animated film, Anastasia. Disney is determined to remain the number one cartoon studio and so is pre-empting Fox's film by ODEON re-releasing The Little Mermaid two weeks earlier. Fox chairman KENSINGTON Peter Chernin is not happy, com- plaining that "Disney is determined This week the Odeon is offering five pairs of tickets To win one of the five pairs of tickets drop your to do anything they can to stop the to see Nil By Mouth, the directorial debut of Gary name and the answer to the following question into success of Anastasia." It's not the Oldman. Produced by Luc Besson, this semi-autobio- the Felix Office by midday on Tuesday: only thing Chernin has to worry graphical account of a family growing up in a rough about. Titanic, the most expensive South London council block certainly pulls no punch- One of the producers of Nil By Mouth directed film ever made, is set for a world- es. The bleak reality of lives ruined by every kind of Gary Oldman in two recent films. Name the wide release in December, mean- addiction is shoved in the viewer's face at every director and the films. ing it will be an anxious Christmas opportunity, as is the domestic violence suffered by for Fox's executives. O the main character's wife. The film is based on Oldman's experiences of The winners of last week's competition who knew) living with an alcoholic father, something that led to that Sigourney Weaver is starring in next month's him being an alcoholic himself for twenty years. Nil by Alien 4 are: Mouth will definitely affect you one way or another, be Ben White it making you walk out half way through or wanting to Reuben Connolly change the world when it's finished. It's a rare film that Stephen Tarlton is brave enough to discomfort the viewer this much. Marie-Eve Bizien 20 ARTS 10 October 1997

EXHIBITION

COLOURS OF THE INDUS V&A

Colours of the Indus Colours of the Indus charts the his- vibrant reds, luxurious embroidery Frontier. tory of Pakistan through the textiles and costly materials. What is par- A selection of accessories are and clothes traditionally worn in ticularly astonishing is that these also on display: bags, hats, shoes Exhibition Road, SW7 this region. Although Pakistan only clothes were and to some extent and animal adornments. A pair of Tube: South Kensington. became a country in the modern still are worn as people go about carved wooden platform shoes sense fifty years ago, its culture can their normal business. from the beginning of this century Opens 10am to 5.30pm Tues- be traced back to 5000BC and The Punjab is the most prosper- predates high fashion from the Sun and 12am to 5.30pm beyond. The earliest textile nineties by eighty years. Mon. sample was found in the val- These shoes served a more Until 29 March ley of the Indus, evidence practical purpose though. £5/free to students that the craftsmen mastered They were designed to dyeing and weaving tech- keep the wearer clear of niques long before other the dirt and not to fall off civilisations in South Asia. like Baby Spice! The exhibition covers the The overall impression 1 four regions of modern left with was that of a Pakistan: Sindh, Baluchistan, nation that enjoyed vibrant Punjab and North West colours and rich sensuous Frontier. materials, not just for cere- As the crossroads at the heart ous province as is evident in the monious occasions, but also in of Asia, this region has had an garish colours and expensive mate- day-to-day life. In fact the opposite unusually large number of outside rials such as silk, satin, gold- and to our own minimalist, strictly utili- influences which is reflected in the silver-wrapped thread. To this day tarian habits. It is sad that this her- variety of its textiles. Seasonal Lahore is at the heart of Pakistan's itage is increasingly threatened by a nomadism as well as more perma- culture. This is in contrast to the mass-produced, mass-marketed nent migrations from Iran, woolen clothes, black or dark indi- style coming from the West. 13 Afghanistan and Central Asia have go, decorated with coloured Emma resulted in a distinctive style rich in embroidery of the North West

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BUBBLE CUM

SOUL BLADE WIPEOUT

, Namco /2 Psygnosis mm

oul Blade is quite simply the any of you out there may dance music and adrenaline induc- best combat game for the have just bought a Sony ing gameplay. Orbital and Chemical S Playstation, with the tiresome M Playstation, and Sony's Brothers have contributed to hand-to-hand combat being re- price reduction earlier this year Wipeout, while it's main sound- placed with swords, axes and dag- could have been the main reason. track was written and produced by gers. From the beginning this game When the Playstation first came Cold Storage. Sony even deemed a oozes quality, and as the jaw-drop- out the only game to own was Wipeout music compilation CD a ping intra roles well past 2 minutes Wipeout - probably most success- worthwhile release. you realise that this game is special. ful launch game ever. Wipeout is a The game is challenging, how- Soul Blade is a perfect arcade racing game with a difference: anti ever - the six tracks need a lot of conversion, made possible since grav vehicles and weapon pick-ups practice in order to reach high in Soul Blade uses Namco's System adds a new dimension. There are the rankings, and a further six 11 specifications which are fully there is a practice mode which two reasons to buy Wipeout: firstly tracks await experienced players. If compatible with the PlayStation's allows you to configure your oppo- it's re-release has brought the cost you enjoy racing games an ana- hardware. The outcome is an nent to do certain moves. down to £20 (quite frankly that's a logue Negcon joystick will bring on incredibly responsive game, the There are six different game bargain for any console game) and a whole new experience. H characters move like lightning and modes to keep you interested but secondly it's damn cool. Magpie respond to your every whim! The the most notable is Soul Blade's Wipeout is the definitive mix of speed is even more suprising when story book mode. You take control each character in each combat of a character and travel around scene can take up almost half the the globe on an adventure, in order screen. Taking into account the 3D to find this special sword that has environment it becomes even some importance with each char- more mind boggling. acter. This part of the game allows After playing Soul Blade, new weapons to be collected Namco's Tekken series seems slow which can then be used in the nor- and sluggish, much like your first mal arcade and battle modes. boring lecture. Despite the limited Fast, flashy and enjoyable number of characters in Soul Blade sword combat at its best. H learning those important moves Magpie and combinations takes time, but Main Dining Hall Sherfield Building Ground Floor 12 - 2PM, MONDAY - FRIDAY

BURGERS, PIZZA, FRIED CHICKEN STIR FRYS JUMBO SAUSAGE, CRISPY FRIED FISH PASTA DISHES BARBECUE PORK RIBS VEGETARIAN RECIPES VEGEBURGERS, SALADS, SPRING ROLLS CASSEROLES HOT FILLED BAGUETTES, SAVOURY PIES HOT TRADITIONAL PUDDINGS BEN & JERRYS ICE CREAM COLD DESSERTS CHILLED DRINKS

Student Prices and Fast Friendly Service Main DininEat in or Take Away g Hall 22 CAPITAL 10 October 1997

DIVERSIONS FOR THE NEXT SEVEN DAYS

FTIUfT

clubs radi socI Freshers' Carnival Felix Bruce's Price is Right House Of America Spiritualised is News meeting - for all 7pm, ITV. ABC Piccadilly Think You Can Do + Spring Heel Jack SOLD OUT interested in news writing Red Dwarf (£6, Tue-Sun £3.80 cone) Better? Royal Albert Hall. £13.50. or photography i 2.30pm. 9pm, BBC2 Ongnial 1.40, 3.50, 6.10 8.45 General Meeting - All series. ABC Shaftesbury Ave Keen person needed to Teenage Fanclub welcome - I pm On Death Row (£4 students) edit this guide eveiy + Cornershop + Gorky's Music and Film reviews 10.30pm ITV. 1.25. 3A5. 6.10. 8.30 week Zygotic Mynci + Warm meeting 1.30pm ABC Tottenham Court Rd jets All in the Felix office, NW |£4 Students) Call in to the Felix Office Brixton Academy. £9. corner of Beit Quad I AO, 4.10, 6.50, 9.25 or call us on 58072, email [email protected]

Singsoc Soccer at 10am, Standing Room Only Blind Date Temptress Moon Front 242 Big screen soccer - Hyde park, picnic after. 7,15, ITV, Da da, Da da. Chelsea Cinema + Cubanate + Empirion England v Italy. Da IC Rugby Team Da da da da da Daaaa. (£6. first perf £2.50 cone) Shepherds Bush Empire. Vinci's. 7.30pm. Vital training for all today. Bright Hair 1.30. 3.55. 6 20. 8A5 £11. Live Oasis Tribute Meet Beit Quad 12.30. 9pm BBC I. First part of Curzon West End dBs. free. Felix decent looking drama My Life Stoty (£6) Meetings for features and with murder in it. 3AO. 6 05. 8.35 HG Wells Suite Woking. arts - I pm Felix office Japanese Grand Prix Renoir £7.50. Karate-do-Shotokai 4.30am ITV. Can Micheal (£6, first perf £2.50 cone) Intro course. Southside Schumaker overcome a 4.00. 6.25, 8.50 gym 2--4pm NOT 4 6pm nine-point deficit?

Chess Club Full Circle Hercules David Bate Smog One day tournament, 8pm BBC 1, Micheal Odeon Kensington Accident + Medieval Baebes 1 lam. Senior Common Palin's latest jaunt. (£6.30, £5 before 5pm) 40 Underwood St, Nl The Garage N5. £6. Room, £5/members free. Bright Hair 12.15, 2.35. 4.55, 7.15. Landscape pictures Karate-do-Shotokai 9pm BBCI. Concluding 9.35 describing the way Power junkies Training in the Southside part. Odeon Leicester Square humans spoil the environ- Rock Garden, £3, gym, 6-8pm Roots of Evil. (£7,50 - £9) ment 9pm C4. How to become 1.30, 4.00. 6.30. 8.50 Tony MacAlpine a dictator Odeon Marble Arch + Re-Genesis (£6.50, £4 before 3) Sheperds Bush Empire 2.15, 4.45, 7.15, 9A5 £8.

Wargames The Simpsons Nil By Mouth Don Brown Sugar ray 1 pm onwards, Brown 6pm BBC2. Wo-hool Odeon Kensington Sadie Coles LA2 £7. Committee Room, Union Decisive weapons 12.35, 3.30 6.25, 9.20 35 Heddon St, Wl IC Rugby Club 8pm BBC2. How to fly an Virgin Fulham Road Anonymous self portraits Rickie Lee Jones Training for all - meet invisible plane. (£6.20, Mon-Thu £4conc) Sheperds Bush Empire 6pm Beit Arch Nash Bridges 6.00, 8.50 £15, Dramsoc 11.40pm ITV Presents "One for the Unfortunately Don Jaguar Road" by Willie Rushton, Jonson is still alive + Magic House + Union Concert Hall, Oblivious 7,15pm, free. Water Rats. £5.

STA Bar Trivia Exploration Society Prisoner Cell Block H Prince Charles Sophie Calle Chumbawumba Win £50 or a crate of Introductory talk with 11,35pm C5 Cinema White Cube + Zion Train + Gunshot lager. Da Vinci's, 8pm. guest speakers, 12.30pm Incense for the Damned Admission £2.25 unless 44 Duke St, St James' The Forum. £ 10. free. at Beit Arch. 1, 15am BBCI. Paganism, stated: SWI Fellwanderers black magic and hippies. Friday A series of black and white Mansun Freshers' slide show. War of the Worlds One Fine Day (£1.75) snapshots describing an en- + Cecil + Gluebound 7pm. room G02 Mines. 1,40am ITV. Not the film, 4.00 counter with Henri B Astoria. £9. to crap series. Photographing Fairies (£1.75) 1.30 Melk Rocky Horror Picture + Ronnie And Clyde Show (£3) 11:30 Upstairs at Garage £4 Saturday XS Wargames The Nazis; a warning Reinhard Mucha The Wildhearts The Fifth Element 1.30 A new event, with mas- I pm onwards. Brown from History Anthony d'Offay Brixton academy. £10. One Fine Day 4.15 sive party tunes in the Committee Room, Union 9pm, BBC2. Dering St, Wl .g-g-v; The Shining 11.30 main room and an eclec- Chess Club Moving Target Metaphorical interpreta- Sunday Flaming Stars tic selection of aural Open evening 7pm, All 12.15am BBCI tion of railways and + Bangtwister Donnie Brasco 1.30 delights in the UDH. Free welcome. The management of memory with identity Microcosmos 4 15 100 Club £5 before 11 pm, 50p after. ICU Cinema Nuclear Waste UPostino 6 30 Bar 'til midnight The English Patient, 5pm 1,35am BBC2 Monday Bambino Con Air, 8.30pm. Both The Borderline, £5 Seven (£1.75) 1.30 £2, Union Concert Hall. The Fifth Element 9 00 Tuesday Rumble in the Jungle Cocktail Night ICU Cinema Eastenders Sensation Morcheeba (£1.75) 1.30 Cheap cocktails, Da The Fifth Element 6pm 7.30pm BBCI Royal Academy Sheperds Bush Empire Jerry Maguire (£1.75) 4.00 Vincis. 5-11 pm, free. The English Patient 8.30pm Animal Hospital Piccadilly, Wl £10. Con Air 9.00 Fellwanderers 8pm BBC I. Can ye till if You must have heard of Wednesday Meeting, I pm, Southside it's dead yit? this show! Well worth a Prolapse Hamlet 7.00 lounge. The Bill visit. £7/£4.70. The Garage, £6. 8pm ITV One Fine Day (£1.75) 430 Robbie Williams Thursday Chosen this week by + The Supernaturals Seven (£1.75) 1.30 Andy Hudson Hammersmith palais. £12. Nth . m ENGLAND v ITALY 1 DaVinci's f=i-c P The biggest games on the screen Tuss 14th STil BUR TRIVIA DaVinci's from 8.00 U Win £50 or a crate of lager Weds 15th

A new midweek experience in two rooms Room one - party tunes for a mad for it crowd Room two - a mixed bag of eclectic dance tunes 9-1. Midnight Bar. FREE B4 ll/50p after. Thurs16th Coclkilaiill Nlgiint inci's -f Fri 17th comedy club With LEE MACK & JACK RUSSELL Doors 8pm. £2.50/ £2 with entscard

chill out room & cocktail bar 9-2. lam Bar. £11/F iCU Another service from your students' union

IMI'i KIM (HI.1.1 (i: SPORT 10 October 1997 World Championships a breeze for sailors Chris Balding (Physics III) and Ross Killian and crew Darren News Andy Smith (Materials III) returned McCann (IRL) and Dave Gebahard from Canada this summer with crewed by his son Joshua (GBR) There really weren't many actual plenty of trophies and memories to needed to win with Balding outside matches going on, but there shout about. Both of them were the top eight. At one stage this were many, many team-trials. competing in the British team in looked possible with Killian in sec- One club whose trial was a the "Mirror Dinghy" World ond and Balding in ninth but the superb spectacle was IC AFC Championships on Lake Ontario at race ended with Killian in second, where many potential stars the Portsmouth Olympic Harbour, Balding in sixth and Gebhard in showed their stuff to the Kingston. Against tough competi- seventh. enthralled onlookers. It's not too tion from eight different nations The British also narrowly beat late to try out for the biggest and including Australia, South Africa, the Irish to the team prize of the best football club at IC as there is USA, Ireland, Sweden, Canada and highest place top three boats with another trial this Saturday. If you japan counting a total of 100 1st (Balding), 3rd (Gebhard) and are interested in playing, at any boats, Chris and crew Nikki Harper 6th (Ian Capener crewed by daugh- standard, then come to Beit walked away with the title with ter Fay). Quad at 12:30 with boots and Andy and crew Robyn Still in a Sailing club commodore, the shin pads (and shorts, socks and credible 28th. dynamic Simon Keen, was quoted a T-shirt if you can manage it). The winning pair sailed a con- as saying, "This was a superb result Team captains - get any sistent ten race series never finish- and hopefully the publicity will interested team members to the ing outside the top ten, winning attract more aspiring sailors to our Nikki and Chris in jubilant mood Felix office on Tuesdays at 1 pm two races and two "day series". (cabin) door." for the sports meeting. Also, However the result was not decid- [Hearty congratulations from all please bring any results into the ed until the last race when rivals at the Felix office - Si] office. Cheers, SI. Golly gosh, ski show freebies BcxiUi ttlail The 1997 Daily Mail Ski and opportunity to ski and receive If you haven't found the office yet, Snowboard Show with Mitsubishi expert tuition. The Quarter Pipe will it's hidden in a corner of Beit Quad Showgun is going to be bigger and host regular snowboarding displays - just follow the signs. better than ever before. The exhibi- by top professionals and feature If you're not one of the lucky AND SNOWBOARD (f> tion takes place at Olympia from the latest in ski and snowboard winners, then call the ticket hotline SHOW A 31 October to 9 November and fashions. on 0121 767 4433, quoting ref gives you the opportunity to visit We have 15 paris of tickets FEL, for a special discount of £2 off spectacular attractions, such as the (worth £9 each) to give away. Just tickets (75p booking fee per order) full size artificial ski slope, which come into the office, say "make for both London and Birmingham not only hosts amazing live demon- mine a Daily Mail Ski Double shows. strations, but gives visitors the please!" and we'll hand them over. Bishop takes Queen shock

Last week the chess club's 1st team, opponent lost his queen and ran out of time Middlesex League Champions for 1995/96 on the same move. Nick Moloney played and 1996/97, started the new season with a against the incredibly ugly and hairy comfortable win at home against International "Kobollocks" who won a pawn but failed to Students House. Such was our superiority that press home his advantage. Nick pushed his a walkover was likely, but careless play left the own isolated pawn on to promotion and scoreline at 6-2. "Kobollocks" resigned. Chris Greenshields Jon Hastings was unable to make any impres- swiftly obtained a crushing position and easi- sion against a tired opponent who could hard- ly defeated his clueless opponent. ly keep his eyes open and looking at the board, Gavin Knott got into a very dire position so a quick draw was agreed on board 1. indeed, but somehow survived and the game Natasha Regan won with an overwhelming fizzled out to a draw. Easily bored, Dave Tang attack on the king's side. Rob Lothian spent only 30 minutes at the board during the manoeuvred his pieces badly and allowed his 3-hour session. Which is probably why his opponent to get a very troublesome extra offended opponent refused to resign and pawn, which proved to be his downfall. instead forced a pointless continuation. On board 4 captain Dom Goodwin spent a Chess problem: White to move - how can lot of time thinking only to reach a dull mid- he take advantage of Black's awkward posi- b C dlegame. To liven things up he tried a compli- tion? cated tactic which led to a tricky ending. His Barry Cale