y THIS BOOK IS FROM THE LIBRARY OF Rev. James Leach A BUDGET OF ANECDOTES — ' I love anecdotes.' Samuel Johnson. ' A story in which native humour reigns Is often useful, always entertains.' —William Cowper. Humour . that best birthright of a sensible man.' — R. L. Stevenson. 1 Why do not the gods give humour to more of us, and make a better world?'—J. A. Symonds. A BUDGET OF ANECDOTES CHIEFLY RELATING TO THE NINETEENTH CENTURY^ Collected and Arranged by GEORGE SETON, ADVOCATE M.A. OXON. THIRD EDITION GREATLY ALTERED AND ENLARGED \ LONDON CHAPMAN AND HALL, LTD. 1903 Alt rights reserved ' ' ! Stories ! God bless you ! I have more to tell, sir ^•"V:.- /^> RA *> TO THE VERY REV. S. REYNOLDS HOLE, DEAN OF ROCHESTER, AN OLD FRIEND AND A VETERAN STORY-TELLER, THIS LITTLE VOLUME IS VERY HEARTILY DEDICATED Digitized by the Internet Archive in 2011 with funding from University of Toronto http://www.archive.org/details/budgetofanecdoteOOseto PREFACE TO THE FIRST EDITION ' Another volume of Anecdotes ! When is this to ? ' end would be a perfectly reasonable exclamation ; and for a considerable time I have had misgivings as to the expediency of my present publication. Many judicious friends, however, have for several years urged me to print a selection from my reper- toire; and notwithstanding a waggish reminder by a member of my own family that the state of a raconteur has been pronounced to be ' anec-dotage,' I have been induced to comply with their solicita- tions. Happily, with a very few exceptions, my illustrations are really anecdotes in the literal sense of the term—something like ninety per cent, never having previously appeared in type. In some in- stances they have been derived from newspapers and other ephemeral publications, but very rarely from works of a permanent character. In the course of my life I have been privileged to come across a number of excellent story-tellers, among others, Dean Ramsay, Lord Neaves, the viii PREFACE TO THE FIRST EDITION Rev. Dr. Norman Macleod, Mr. Peter S. Fraser, Sir Daniel Macnee, Dr. John Brown, the Rev. Dr. Cook of Haddington, Lord Ardmillan, the Rev. David Waddell of Stow, Mr. William Grundy of Sudfield, Bury, the Rev. Dr. Hanna, the Rev. Dr. William Robertson of New Greyfriars, Sir Douglas Mac- lagan, Mr. William Scott, formerly of Paisley, and Canon Reynolds Hole, of whom all except the last three have been gathered to their fathers. During the past twenty years I have endeavoured to record those anecdotes that appeared to me to be worthy of preservation, more especially such as illustrated distinctive features, whether good or bad, in indi- vidual or national character ; and I trust that not a few of my examples ' may be of use,' to adopt the language of Melmoth, ' in respect to our own conduct.' I only regret that I did not begin sooner, as many interesting and amusing stories, which I heard in my younger days, have long since been forgotten. It is, however, very difficult to commit to paper the delicate flavour that pervades many of the best anecdotes, the due appreciation of which largely depends on the narrator's voice and manner. In- dulgent readers, therefore, must make allowance for this important consideration, and must do their utmost to supply those deficiencies which are more or less inseparable from the inflexibility of print. Nearly all Sir Daniel Macnee's stories were told a PREFACE TO THE FIRST EDITION ix with the genius of a master ; and as he seldom repeated the same story twice in the same words, I have not attempted to produce any of his amusing narrations. Most of them, moreover, could hardly be said to embrace what are called ' points,' being almost invariably very humorous descriptions of Scottish character. My notebook contains a good many anecdotes which do not appear in the following pages. Strong meats may be judiciously administered to 'clerkys and very gentylmen,' but cannot be safely partaken of by the large and 'unconnynge' majority of modern readers. Accordingly, in selecting my illustrations, I have endeavoured to introduce nothing that can be reasonably objected to. In its original sense, the word 'anecdote' signifies unpublished or secret history— facts not generally known. In common usage, however, an anecdote implies an incident of an interesting nature— single event of private life. According to some authorities, while a 'story' may be either true or ' fictitious, an anecdote ' is supposed to be always true. In these days, the two terms appear to be used indiscriminately, at least on this side of the Tweed in the of the ; while North England word 'tale' is almost invariably substituted. 'Anecdote' is not to be found in Shakespeare, but 'story' is of frequent occurrence. The classification which has been adopted does x PREFACE TO THE SECOND EDITION not pretend to be strictly correct, but it is believed that it will be found to be sufficiently accurate for the purpose of reference. St. Bennet's, Edinburgh, St Andrew's Day, 1 886. PREFACE TO THE SECOND EDITION Owing to its favourable reception by the press and the public, the first edition of the Budget has been all but exhausted in less than four months. A good many of the anecdotes which it embraced have been suppressed, for which others—distinguished by an asterisk—have been substituted ; while the contents of the Appendix are also entirely new. April 25, 1887. — PREFACE TO THE THIRD EDITION WITH the single exception of my friend Canon Hole—now Dean of Rochester—all the ' story- tellers ' mentioned in the Preface to the first edition of the Budget have passed away. But for a some- what tedious illness, I should before this have published the present edition, in consequence of the very favourable reception of the previous issues, which are now quite exhausted. The third edition contains upwards of three hundred new anecdotes indicated by an asterisk—while about forty of those embraced in the second edition have been omitted from its pages ; and I venture to believe that, as in the previous editions, there are not many 'chest- nuts.' Perhaps a few of my examples may be regarded as incidents rather than anecdotes, but I am disposed to think that even these are worthy of being recorded. In one or two instances I have revealed my identity, instead of masquerading as a vague Scotchman. With regard to some of the original anecdotes omitted in the second edition, I may mention that xii PREFACE TO THE THIRD EDITION three or four of these were objected to by two old and valued friends—the one a distinguished dignitary of the Church of Ireland, the other a shrewd Presby- terian lawyer—on the ground that they were slightly profane ; but I can honestly assert that my sole object in introducing them was to illustrate the very low state of religious sentiment in different ranks of society. In my first Preface I stated that I had 'endea- voured to introduce nothing that can be reasonably objected to'; and the same principle has been followed in the present issue. While I do not forget the well-known proverb, Quot homines tot sentential, I am one of those old-fashioned people who are disposed to think that the outspoken frankness of our grandfathers and grandmothers was much less objectionable than the 'innuendo' and ' ' double entendre of the present day ; and if a few of my examples should be considered as bordering on the ' broad ' or the ' indelicate,' I have merely to explain that they are intended to exhibit the char- acteristics of those countries to which they refer. I am old enough to remember the publication of The Family Shakespeare, by Thomas Bowdler, F.R.S., which in these later days seems to be entirely for- gotten. Mr. Bowdler acknowledges that the pages of the immortal bard exhibit comparatively few examples ofprofaneness, while he considers that they are seriously disfigured by numerous instances of ; PREFACE TO THE THIRD EDITION xiii indecency. Lowell, on the other hand, describes Shakespeare as ' the poet of man as God made him, dealing with great passions and innate motives'; and he therefore treats humanity, not in accordance ' with the views of goody-goody ' people, but as regarded by ordinary mortals. Among other friends to whom I am indebted for some of the best of the additional matter, I have pleasure in mentioning Sir Alexander Moncrieff of Culfargie ; Mr. James Gordon, formerly Sheriff at Banff; Dr. J. B. Carruthers of Edinburgh; Mr. W. L. Watson of Ayton ; Mr. John Tinline, New Zealand ; Canon Tetley of Bristol ; Mr. Robert S. Rait, Fellow of New College, Oxford ; my grandson Mr. R. W. Seton Watson ; Mrs. Huxtable of Truro Miss Macan and Miss Kelly, both hailing from the ' ' Emerald Isle ; the late Mr. Badenach Nicolson of Glenbervie ; the late Mr. Henry Webster, brother of the Lord Chief Justice of England; and the late Rev. Arthur Wilkins, Vicar of Cattistock, Dorsetshire. 21 st July 1902. — 9 CONTENTS PAGE I. DRINKING HABITS, I II. FUNERALS, IO III. BLACK AND BLUE BLOOD, 14 IV. SURNAMES, 1 V. MATTER-OF-FACT, 25 VI. CONFUSION OF TERMS, 31 VII. MATRIMONY, -39 VIII. HIGHLAND HUMOUR, 50 IX. IRISH WIT, 58 X. ENGLAND, SCOTLAND, AND IRELAND, ... 68 XI. AMERICAN AND CONTINENTAL INCIDENTS, . 71 XII. SCOTTISH AND ENGLISH LAWYERS, ... 96 XIII. THE CLERGY : 1. PRESBYTERIAN, j j8 2. EPISCOPALIAN, 14c — xvi CONTENTS PAGE XIV. MEDICAL PRACTITIONERS, 165 XV. MISCELLANEOUS : 1. SCOTTISH, 177 2. ENGLISH, 245 INDEX, .... 287 ! DRINKING HABITS In his Reminiscences of Scottish Life and Character, the lamented Dean Ramsay devotes an entire ' chapter to Scottish Conviviality ; and many of ' his illustrations must appear almost incredible to the rising generation.