The Convention Ear 59 (Y)Ears of Telling It Like It Isn’t! Sunday, July 28, 2019 Volume LX, Issue III 25 Hour Coverage Bot-Written Farewell Speeches Announcements We forced a bot to listen to over 60 hours of NJCL farewell speeches and This map is the arrangement of states for then write a speech of its own. Here it is: the Roman procession line-up. Please remember your state color! The lawn of the A. Glenn Hill STEM Center Building Salvete omnes Y’all. Friends. I can’t believe this period of time for will be marked off in a grid matching the a week long is over. [starts crying in Latin] I could not have gotten colors on the map. Find your color-coded through this year without the Website Contest. Throughout my term as state sign when you arrive at the lawn. an officer, you all helped me feel special love. My life without you: it’s When all states have arrived, the proces- sion will begin with North Dakota lead- hard. [cries bigly] ing. From Ohio to my bees, my friends new and old, Alabama to the National Committee, you will never be able to play Certamen or Ludi. Procession Order | Lineup Color Always spirit cheers to remember above all things. North Dakota - Red Prometheus couldn’t have done this without you. I want to see where Virginia - Red Maryland - Red you go so fast. My friends here are just some photos that mean nothing. Massachusetts - Red Lastly, let’s go into middle school as competitors. As I leave conven- D.C. - Red tion, semper ubi [hugs podium cries lightly] sub ubi. Thank you NJCL North Carolina - Red people. Nevada - Red Illinois - Red Kentucky - Yellow Connecticut - Yellow Wisconsin - Yellow New York - Yellow New Hampshire - Yellow Alabama - Yellow Ohio - Yellow Louisiana - Yellow Minnesota - Yellow New Jersey - Yellow Missouri - Yellow Nebraska - Yellow Georgia - Blue South Carolina - Blue Oklahoma - Blue Indiana - Blue New Mexico - Blue Have you ever been Arizona - Blue NJCL Emotional State Tracker: Tennessee - Blue caught freaking Maine - Blue during a dance? DAY 5 Florida - Blue California - Green Call SCLawyers! We Texas - Green will ban all chap- See page 2 for the lineup map! erones from the dance!

1 Convention Madlibs Following theThat’s precedent Entertainment! set by dozens of years Recapof performances, That’s Entertainment! was a resounding success. Hosted by the adorable danc- Dear Mom and Dad, ing teddy bear SCLers Susie Szymanski (IN) and Drew Alvarez (LA), the show featured 13 acts of JCLers doing everything from spoken word po- My first day at convention has etry (performed by Nia Abdullah of NJ) to traditional Indian dance (Sm- been (verb conjugation). The ruthi Shashidhar of TX), as well as several improv sketches performed by NDSU campus has so many (type SCLers. of gladiator)! Our assemblies are held in a building called the FAR- Kelly Jeong (GA) took first place for her violin performance of Zigeuner- GODOME, but it’s really more of weisen (gesundheit). Second place went to Bill Wei (TX) for his bad to a (ancient Roman province). We the bone bagpipe ballad. Third place was Kathyn Powers (OK) for her had lunch in the dining hall. The rendition of “Blackbird” on the guitar. Other memorable acts included a food was seasoned really (prepo- Latin rendition of “Old Town Road” performed by Taylor Sellers-Varela sition). I ate a big ‘ole (noun case). (IL) and her hype-man reverse centaur, Charlie Mazzeo (IL) and Lena After curfew, I dreamed of the Cavicchia’s (DC) powerful piano punching performance. (adverb). I can’t wait to tell you about the rest of convention! After days many nights of development in the SCL think tank oth- erwise known as the Niskenanenanananananana dorm, the time-travel- Love, ing SCL went back in time to capture all the JCL Spirit Stones at TE, (Roman Emperor)! as well as make a last-minute, incredibly loud and glitter filled plea for newly-graduated high schoolers to #RushSCL. The silent reception to the fabled stage crew made their power of mind grow exponentially allowing them to do everything from their usual duties to winning Certamen. It seems the best way to give them strength was silence all along.

Finally, after the astounding reception to the new fan-favorite Friendly SCL Automated Check-In Registration Robot (FSCLRR), the National Committee is pleased to announce that starting next year in Richmond, VA, the JCLers will also be replaced by automated robots. Due to the increased mental processing power of the robots, all testing will be re- placed by more ludi. Look forward to new events such as Ludi Bocce, Ludi Dodgeball, and Ludi Tic-Tac-Toe.

2 last day of personals

“Unlike the man who shared the same name, a man-sized To those of you who were at Constitutional Ammendments Caesar salad takes significantly more than 23 stabs to finish meeting, the MEJCL Parlimentarian accepts your praise for off.” (For more facts like this, follow our twitter @Obvi- moving to dispense of reading ammendment 4. ousSnapple) tineam virem amo! If you know you know - Anne Dear Jefferson Lind, will you accept a JCLad? Yours, 6747 4596 0286 Thank you JCLers for spreading JCLove forever and wher- ever you go. I ran for office this year and when writing this Ber Ber crossed the street to figure out what ‘busequa’ I don’t know who won. But whatever happens, I know that I means. No Cheating!!! only had the confidence to do it because of this community. Gratias vobis ago and I’ll see you all next year! Indiana Certamen, I’m so proud of you guys. You represent- ed Indiana well. You will be missed, Cy. -Ms. K Ruth O from WI: We have loved to get to know you! We will miss you in you in Richmond! To all of those who very kindly wished me well and gave -Susan & Dennis congratulations on the silver bowl, GDog gives his humble thanks. Ms Norton & Mr Beck- thank you for being such great state chairs! We love you! -LJCL Area Ddddd!!! Thanks for being the best area in the TSJCL! Danny Glacies, thanks for all your support. Te amo! -JL Parva et Situla, we miss you!!! Wish we could have made it up to Fargo this year. Have fun without us (if that’s even Shoutout to our fave Chaperone #maxima cum laude possible). Love, Kady, Walton and Yams DANNY_ICE

To: DLW Parva, Bucket, & discipuli carismi - Y’all are the best trav- From: SCDW eling and conventioning group, EVER! Gratias for always 18 and counting! making me feel like one of the cool Latin Kids! Parva, cer- Love you tamen is lucky to have your leadership! You rock and te amo! Love, Danny_ICE Glacies_baby! Indiana JCL Board- Great job this week. It’s going to be a great year! SCL- HaHaHa! Our evil plan is working! LA is taking over the SCL! -D&S Are you going to the locative party? I hear that’s where it’s at! LSCL- Thanks for all the HARD work you all do for LJCL & JCL! Keep coming back & recruiting new members! -D&S Marshall the Lobster what’s your #? G. Canis omnibus collegis Floridae gratias maximas pro Mei amiei ā NE! Thanks for the best 5 years of convention! multis annis amicitiae agit. Prudens vir erat qui ad terram I wouldn’t trade them for the world! optimam revenit.

Memes bring people together follow @njclmemes! Anthony, David, Evan, Jefferson, Kai, and Nicole: Y’all have been my students (in one way or another) since To Dennis and Susan, middle school. I can’t believe this is our last Nationals to- Thank you for the past and future years of friendship. Will gether. Y’all are amazing! miss seeing you at JCL. -Ms. Mathis Love, your Wisconsin friend Salvete Nevada and Arizona delegations! Thank you for an Yo, Joe Cicero, I want Nationals to be longer. What can awesome time and putting up with me randomly showing up you do about that? to fellowships! You will always be Nevona and eventually Arizada to me! - <3 your SCLer Liz

3 SMC - 16 more years. -BK Cy, Nermeen, and Daniel, You continue to make me proud all the way from Florida. shawn, maddie, martina, gero, emma, jamie, emmalee, grace, I’m so happy the events of the last year have not soured your kevin, and of course all the other terts: thanks for making love of Latin and passion for the JCL. I hope to see you here this convention one of the more memorable in recent memo- again next year! - SMC ry. here’s to many more! ~ paul d. My Florida teacher gang, You are amazing people. I love you dearly. See you at FFLA! JCL PC Overwatch players! Do you want a decent tank just - Anna in time for role queue? HMU! Maggie “Mae” Moore from Florida. (Usually in the Union with a Japanese cat hat) Kyle, Thanks for another Great Convention in the books! We’ve definitely come a long way from the chicken kiev Kristina and Emma, who Rocks the House? The Hoosiers shots and chubby bunny contests. You are doing an amazing Rock the House. Love you guys, ~Suze job and I cannot wait until next year! - Moon Secretary of Moon Agriculture Dear Chris, Thanks for all your help this week. I can’t ex- press how much you mean to me. Love, Personal Generator Sam, you’re awesome and I’m going to miss you next year. 3000. JK! Your sis Suze Please get onto your plane home. - Magistra Glenn (Anna)

Gero, I wish mom was here. :( Thanks for always making Edgewood JCL, me laugh and doing anything I say. I’ll never stop. Love, Kat I am so proud of you! Magistra Glenn Liz will return. And the Szymanski Triumvirate will rise again. Taylor, It has been wonderful bringing you to forum and observing Kristina, here’s to 10 more years! We’re almost there. Can’t your growth as a Latinist and person these last four years. wait to see the great things you do. Love, Kat Your drive and passion will carry you far in life. Best of luck as you head off to college (even though you won’t need it). Alexandra, you’ve done such a great job this week and Ave atque vale! you’ll be amazing next year. Finish strong and try to get Mr. G some sleep. You deserve it. Love, Kat Will - Congrats on making it through a successful though Don’t worry. Be happy! A μίσθιος will be attending next challenging. Best wishes for the future! - Collette year! Congratulations CAJCL Certamen teams, we’re so proud of To Esha Patel, Lindsey Jenkins, Annie Class, Brandon Mi- you! tra, Damian Hindley, and Charlotte Varnes, the FJCL Offi- cers. Thank you so much for all that you do. I appreciate Hey Kidlets! you and all of your hard work. You all have made my 3rd To everyone who competed in a creative arts category: I love nationals an amazing experience! And to Maya Harris, I’m you all, and if you want a sticker, find the person with pink very sorry that you didn’t get elected for national historian, hair and a unicorn horn. I just want you to remember that we all Love you! - Anony- Love, Thelo (Rhymes with Yellow) mous from florida Mara, Samir, and Weston, Magistri and Magistrae of Florida: Thanks for making my first NJCL convention with Florida Thank you for welcoming me into the Florida delegation so special. I look forward to many conventions in the future with open arms. I know I may confuse my pronouns with In- with even more delegates from Berkeley: get on it! diana sometimes (while continuing to cheer from them from -Dr. McDonnell across the aisle), but I swear I have come to terms with being a Floridian now (even if I didn’t always sit with you.) Boo: -Sarah from Berkeley Great job as Convention Advisor! With JCLove, To Dan Hunt, thanks for driving me to Duluth. President of your fan club - Ruth

4 To Big Jupiter: Bri! Road trip next year? Great job as secretary! I’ll miss 17! braiding your hair everyday. Love, your sister Suze Love, Yale Drew! We did it! I’m so happy to have you by my side, BFFs Follow @shoutin_4_schouten on insta! (and co-hosts) 4 life!

Vicki, Dawn & Sherwin - Kathryn, even though you had to return the cheerleader out- Thank you, thank you, thank you for all your hard work! We fit, I know you’ll always be my #1 fan. You help me so much wouldn’t do all this without y’all! just by being you. Love you so much. ~ Szymanski the Tall- Love LJCL est

Hay Louisiana, go Ram-Tiger-Bears! Thanks for being awe- To Szymanski the tallest, some. Thanks for being awesome. Keep up the Cajun pride. Thanks for another great convention. I can count on you for Mr. B. everything and you’ve helped me feel so at peace this year. You were a great host, but an even better sister. Fargo, Fargos, Fargoing, Fargone. Thanks for a great 2019 Love, Szymanski the younger convention! Dear Heather and Ann, Ben Johnson, Thanks for all your help with TE. I’m so grateful for you and We are now proud pin-wearing (as opposed to card-carrying) your friendship. members of the Latin Tutorial Fan Club. We kindly request LOVE, Susie that more merch be brought next year for purchase at agora. - Magistrae from Indiana and Florida Alex and Savannah, Thanks for being great suite mates. I’ve loved getting to To CL, AL, LM, JH, JS, BS, ED, AL, CL, and the GJCL, know you both better. Thank you for marking the last one truly the best one. Love, Kat All my JCLove, HM Kurt, I’m so happy for you and I can’t wait to see you at your Bagels? I Love Bagels happiest next year. Bagels are round Love you always, Kat the sun is round the sun is yellow Chris, bananas are yellow Thank you for 9 year of laughter and love. You deserve so bananas have spots much happiness and I can’t wait to see your dreams come spots lived a long live true. You’re more than a friend. You’re my brother and I life, thats my favorite cereal can’t imagine my life without you. I once paid ten dollars for it Love always, Kat. ten dollars! thats crazy Bri, I was crazy once, they Great job this week! You should be so proud of the hard work put me in a round you did. Every year I’m more thankful to be your friend. <3. room and fed me bagels Love, Kat Bagels? I love Bagels… - The Bagel Bros. No smiles allowed. - Ed.

Volutator - Please don’t run us over! Olivia, Lily, Emily, Sarah, Abby, & Mike, You are all amazing! I’m so proud of your hard work and Magistri and Magistrae of Indiana: willingness to try new things. Enjoy your last day of con- Thanks for letting me tag along on your bus trip again this vention. year. I miss you more than you can know (in case the multi- -Yo Magistra, Ms. K ple trips back to visit didn’t make that obvious.) I hope that I will always be able to enjoy your Hoosier hospitality, and “It is July 30th, and the SAINTS were ROBBED.” know that you’re welcome in Florida anytime. Random SCLer -Obnoxious Chair (AKA Traitor)

5 OK. OK. What’s next? Beans, beans, beans, beans, beans - Drew A. Beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans, beans Beans, beans, beans, beans, beans Thanks everyone for a good convention, as it was great com- - D.W. ing back after two years to such good friends. - Kevin Demon Deacons was Wake Forest, Wake Forest was Demon Deacons, 2012, seven years ago, Winston-Salem, go Bears. “Where is the nearest pillow?” - Ann #RushSCL #SCL2019 #NationalSCL

To G.F., K.S., T.H.Ph.D., C.R., and G.M.: vos amo. You Dear convention: is that a JoJo’s reference? make the 10,000 miles so worth it. To C.J., T.T., and E.S.: vos -Definitely not weeby bois amo, and we missed you this year. To E.P.: te amo et sember amabo; maybe one day you’ll make it to one of these. -K.R. Ann, go to bed.

To Mr. Brownell of MA, Dearest Neha, thank you for saving me and the rest of Team Since this is my last convention as a JCLer, I’d like to thank Editor the other night. -Ian you for being such a wonderful Latin teacher, certamen coach, and now, Greek teacher. Thank you for letting me Dear Anika: I am incredibly proud of you. You’ve done such take a second year of Greek, even though it wasn’t in the great in office all year, and the Torch: U.S. redesign shows books, and for keeping up with my (sometimes) over-ambi- your incredible talent for visual design. Thank you for being tious goals. There’s so much more I’d like to say that prob- such a wonderful officer and friend. ably won’t fit in this personal, but thank you so much again - K.R. for everything! -You know who I am :) Man, I could really use a Personal Generator 3000 about right now. Can’t believe we did it, Susie! Love you! Mike, Fran, Dustin, Beth, and the rest of the MassJCL Cer- tamen family: GO GO TEAM EDITOR. Thank you so much for welcoming me, Sarah, and my stu- dents so warmly over the past two years. Looking forward to Jacob: you run the Ear office like you’ve been doing it for many more years competing against + with you! years. You are funny and efficient. It’s been a pleasure work- -Cowett ing with you this week and this year. - K.R. Tithona: I couldn’t possibly be prouder of everything you’ve accom- To the 2018-2019 NSCL Board, plished in JCL and beyond, and I love seeing how happy Thank you for a great year! Convention makes you. Rē verā credo te sororem mihi esse. - Me -The Cat Latinist Love you, MassJCL. Anna, Ella, Joe, Mills - thank you all for being the first four - Me Duxbury delegates (ever?) to come to NJCL. I’m so glad I’ve gotten to spend this week with you and I can’t wait to see how our group grows next year and beyond! - Mr. Cowett

My dear New England delegates, I want to thank you for making this one of the best conven- tions I’ve been on. The memories gained and time spent with y’all are more priceless than anything money can buy. Thanks again for such an un-BEE-lievably good time! -???

Brookfield Academy students, you are amazing. Ab imo pectore, Mrs. O

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ACROSS 33. Like 25 across, but south campus DOWN 30. 12:0 PM 1. #TagYourself 35. Aleah Malik can’t fly 1. #PlatonicIdeal 32. Canada without a passport 6. Literally corn 38. JCLegal trouble? 2. Cali of Europa 34. Motto middle 7. The 67th NJCL convention will be 39. L10 I5 F9 at NDSU 3. Talk Gamer to me 36. The fastest way to Sherwin Little in ____. 40. Best Dakota 4. Where Romans get their Kicks 37. 56 Down, but liquid 10. Est in villa. 43. (JCL == Awesome) ^ 3 5. This convention was in ______. 40. Spectre, Apparition, or Poltergeist 12. Sounds like a pile of money 46. 1/2 of an awkward conversation 6. No really, it’s just corn 41. 2017 Disney animated classic 13. sky, navy, and light with your parents 8. They run in dress shoes 42. Chant of the tree marmotte 14. This convention is ____. 50. ‘What’s that?’ answer. 9. 23 Across for NJCL 44. Some of these bad boys are still 16. Achievement unlocked, single 51. Someone refusing to get with the 11. Est omnia ____mihi! used today! handedly times, w/o ted 13. Not a Buffalo 45. First it lifts you up, then it lets you

18. RDC’s crack 52. E WVA 15. You’re never fully dressed without down 23. ______? I barely know her! 53. Site of the September 20 massacre a _____. 47. WhileLCJ you were sleeping 24. Publications chair, open wide. 54. In the hands of Fate 17. Ecce! 48. males! (sp) 55. New Jersey Coast Line 19. The usual way to play with small 49. The one with no spirit 25. The sound of that North Dakota 59. Kalow cweeyuh horses at JCL convention 51. Understands V E.1 of the Bylaws smell 60. They think they’re clever 20. The Via Appia 56. Silence 26. North Texkentuckiania 61. Hand 21. When your mind is racing 57. 420nm + 650nm 27. SCL horror flick 62. The most/least informative ap- 22. Belongs in a museum 58. Matra 30. Leader, of Maryland pendage 25. Midwestern vampires 31. Where you find yourself if you 63. Rheum rhabarbarum 28. The key to the memes Stay Near 64. They’re fan-fan-fantastic 29. Fist

7 2019 WSOC Schedule Personals (cont.) Rounds begin PROMPTLY on Friday at 7:30 PM in Minard Hall; this is just after the final General Assembly and overlaps with the end of the banquet. The finals will be played in Minard 116. JCLers who have certamen experience and are interested in helping staff the rooms should report to Minard 118 by 7:15 PM.

Round 1 Caleigh:

Room Teams We’re so glad you came back after a challenging year. 112 A - The Brian “Blaze” Compton Unicorns B - Oth...Electr...Vices Best wishes for a great senior year and we’re already C - Kazu, Kazus, Neuter 116 J - Calceolarii Caligulae looking forward to having you come back to states + Vir- K - (The Mueller Report) Does Not Exculpate Ken Andino L - WILD CARD PLEASE GOD SAVE ME AND COME PLAY ginia next year! 210 G - Ken Andino’s 4 Best Students H - So Many Free Agents I - Merlin’s Beard -The Cowetts 212 D - No-Men TBD E - Quicken Sloans F - WILD CARD WE REALLY NEED ANOTHER TEAM 214 M - PMAQ Salve, amicī! (Note: The bad grammar is the submitter’s N - Sorry, Bad Pen after Bad Pen O - Vote of No Confidence fault. Blame this JCLer, not me!) 230 S - Noli Ambulare in Herba T - Jimmie Revard and the FL Playboys U - Did I St-St-St-Stutter? If your path home takes you through Minnesota, consider 302 P - Crosstown Chitown Q - Sub-Par(liamentarians) stopping at Minnesota’s argest candy store in Jordan! In R - Insufficiently Creative 306 V - Moar Free Agents addition to a crazy variety of candy, this place also sells W - Diverse College Brochure X - The Frogs fresh baked goods, preserves, novelty sodas, puzzles, and

Round 2 much more! I’m not getting paid to say this, it’s just a

Room Teams really cool place. 112 A - The Brian “Blaze” Compton Unicorns W - Diverse College Brochure U - Did I St-St-St-Stutter? -MN. Delegate 116 M - PMAQ K - (The Mueller Report) Does Not Exculpate Ken Andino I - Merlin’s Beard 210 J - Calceolarii Caligulae Susan, we made it. You now have 18 conventions and I H - So Many Free Agents F - WILD CARD WE REALLY NEED ANOTHER TEAM have 24. I can’t wait to see you get your silver bowl at 212 G - Ken Andino’s 4 Best Students E - Quicken Sloans C - Kazu, Kazus, Neuter San Diego St. I could never have done it without your 214 P - Crosstown Chitown N - Sorry, Bad Pen after Bad Pen love and suppory. As we move to a new stage in our lives L - WILD CARD PLEASE GOD SAVE ME AND COME PLAY 230 S - Noli Ambulare in Herba we will merge LA JCL with TN JCL: what could be better Q - Sub-Par(liamentarians) O - Vote of No Confidence than LATN JCL? Love, Dennis 302 V - Moar Free Agents T - Jimmie Revard and the FL Playboys R - Insufficiently Creative 306 D - No-Men TBD B - Oth...Electr...Vices Oklahoma, X - The Frogs Thanks for the help and the laughs! Can’t wait for Spring Break 2020! 2019 WORLD SERIES OF CERTAMEN TEAMS Harried Hoosier A - THE BRIAN “BLAZE” J - CALCEOLARII CALIGULAE R - INSUFFICIENTLY CREATIVE COMPTON UNICORNS Lisa Masoni (CA) Lindsay Pappas (IN) Brian Compton (OH) Brian Briggs (CA) Christine Hahn (OH) Margaret Kammerer (OH) Matt Davis (CA) Christy Dening (OH) Thanks for not “slinching” me in my sleep @ Raymond Julia Cardinal (OH) Max Payne (CA) Maddie Briner (OH) Abbey Witzgall (OH) K - (THE MUELLER REPORT) S - NŌLĪ AMBULĀRE IN HERBĀ “Latom” Congo B - OTH…ELECTR…VICES DOES NOT EXCULPATE KEN Zachary Mair (FL) Ryan Vinson (TN) ANDINO Michael Howard (MA) -Alex Emily Caldarelli (TN) Lauren “The Thrill” Dill (TX) Sidhi Gosain (WI…CA…) Alexander Kee (TN) Andrew “Big Jupiter” Rist (TX) Kevin Cox (FL) Mary Helene Beinemann (TX) Alex “the Switch” Soto (TX) “Ready for Primetime”-Ish Abuabara T - JIMMIE REVARD & THE FL C - KAZŪ, KAZŪS, NEUTER (TX) PLAYBOYS Congo, Nate Kolpin (WI) Geoff “Jimmie” Revard (FL) Ron Roessler (WI) L - WILD CARD PLEASE GOD Matthew Thomas (FL) Thanks for being a living meme. Allan Lubben (WI) SAVE ME AND COME PLAY Ben Ream (FL) ??? (??) Tony Haakman (FL) D - NO-MEN TBD ??? (??) -Shandi Patty Lister (VA) ??? (??) U - DID I ST-ST-ST-STUTTER? Lexa Hummel (VA) ??? (??) William Lee (TX) Tashi Treadway (VA) Domenic Ferreris (TX) Karuna Sinha (VA) M - PMAQ Tim Reynolds (TX) Michael Cowett (MA) Jared Lange (TX) Indiana, E - QUICKEN SLOANS Naeva Lemme (MA) Josh Pincus (FL) Clair Fu (MA) V - MOAR FREE AGENTS We’re so proud of you all this week! We want to thank Henry “Hank” Schott (FL) Sarah Cowett (MA) Anna Karpowicz (MD) Aspen Bombardo (FL) Chris Marchetti (PA) Noah McThenia (FL) N - SORRY, BAD PEN AFTER BAD Travis King (NC) you for being on time or even early for our meetups for PEN Kyle Drugan (TX) F - WILD CARD WE REALLY Chandler McArthur (LA) the bus trip and for being a great team. Thanks also to all NEED ANOTHER TEAM Kris Plunkett (LA) W - DIVERSE COLLEGE ??? (??) Clare Plunkett (LA) BROCHURE ??? (??) Drew Alvarez (LA) Francesca Fontin (MA) of the adults for pitching in and helping everything to go ??? (??) Dustin Brownell (MA) ??? (??) O - VOTE OF NO CONFIDENCE Woojin Kim (VA/MD/TX/MA/VA) so smoothly! Annelise Mellender (NE) Ashley Chou (MA) G - KEN ANDINO’S 4 BEST Sam Mellender (NE) STUDENTS Luke Mellender (NE) X - THE FROGS Gratias! Balin Armstrong (VA) Sarah Anderson Mellender (NE) Wyatt “Reeeeeee” Joyner (VA) Mardy Kramer (VA) Andrew “Brekekek” Orvedahl (VA) Magistra Pierson + Ambulator Sebastian Xavier St. Mary Van Der P - CROSSTOWN CHITOWN James “Koax” Wilusz (VA) Weide (VA) Will Nifong (IL) Nelson (MAL) Nix Kramer (VA) Nava Cohen (IL) Eli Clendenning (IL) H - SO MANY FREE AGENTS!! Vasim Patel (IL) Watch out, Gero. Tom Garvey (NV) Elizabeth Noone (NV) Q - SUB-PAR(LIAMENTARIANS) - Jacob Brian Serwicki (NY) “Parliamentary Gary” Baker (WI/FL) Catherine Nicastro (NY) “Parliamen”Tyler Heist (WI) Robert “Rules of Order” McDonald I - MERLIN’S BEARD (DC) Jack McEver (VA) Savannah “No Funny Pun” France (FL) Gwendolyn Jacobson (VA) Jon Gumz (CA) Julia Billera (VA) Emily Lewis (VA)

8 Top Ten Omission Dear A-Bee Advice Column Dear JCL, Dear A-bee: Last night at That’s Entertainment! we presented to you the Top Ten Bee Movies of all time. We would like to apologize for an obvious omission We met 22 years ago, but I was only in that we can’t believe we forgot. I mean… Bee is right there in the name their town for a week, so our time to- gether was short and bittersweet. My of it. A definite top ten bee movie we left out: Bee-nado. You’ve heard of travels brought me back in town 9 years Sharknado of course, well imagine Sharknado, but… with bees. Set in ago, and, on my first night there, we Fargo, the sight of many twisters as well as many bees, Bee-nado starts happened to run into each other again, when a funnel cloud formed right over one of North Dakota’s many hon- but they had to leave that morning. I find ey farms before touching down and reeking havoc on the 2010 NJCL myself back in town again, but they’re nowhere to be found. What should I do? Convention. The mix of tornado and apian genetics are thought to be what has formed the Mutant Fargo Mosquitos. We apologize again for Sincerely, Three cans of hairspray and this grave error. nowhere to use it

Your T.E. Hosts, Dear Hairspray: Drew and Susie It’s time to move on. It was brief and intense, like a supercell with a rotating cloud wall, or… a tornado. But these things don’t last. Maybe something more placid—think a small lake—is more your style now. But, don’t let the lake fester and turn fetid! Green’s not a good color.

Thank You to our wonderful ear staff! without you all this ear would not be possible. Kurt Ristroph Ann Nguyen Ian Anderson Gero Fonzie Liz Noone Andrew Machkasov Laci Lisenby Christopher Rourke Kevin Rutherford Drew Alvarez Hilary Cheney 2018-2019 NJCL Officers Maddie Briner Sofia Albofathi 2018-2019 NSCL Officers Steven Gentle Hugo Budd Otis Repair Guy, MVP The Niskanaen Elevator Jade Woods Mr. Police Man Carley Cox Abagayle Witzgall Grace Bailey Jerry *Members of team Edivator Christopher Warrington Carina Layfield Heather Quinn Paul De Apologies if I missed your Megan Silver Amanda Datesman name! I appreciate everyone Kristina Plunkett Bob MacDonald who helped very, very much.

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