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Parenting a Child Who Has Been Sexually Abused: a Guide for Foster and Adoptive Parents

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Parenting a Child Who Has Been Sexually Abused: a Guide for Foster and Adoptive Parents FACTSHEET FOR FAMILIES April 2008 Parenting a Child Who Has Been Sexually Abused: A Guide for Foster and Adoptive Parents You may be a foster or adoptive parent of a child who was sexually abused before coming to your home. In some cases, you will not be certain What’s Inside: that abuse has occurred, but you may suspect it. • Educating yourself You may even be exploring becoming a foster or • Establishing family guidelines adoptive parent to a child in the foster care system; for safety and privacy many of these children have been abused or • Seeking help neglected—physically, emotionally, or sexually— before coming into care. Child Welfare Information Gateway Children’s Bureau/ACYF U.S. Department of Health and Human Services 1250 Maryland Avenue, SW Administration for Children and Families Eighth Floor Washington, DC 20024 Administration on Children, Youth and Families 703.385.7565 or 800.394.3366 Children’s Bureau Email: [email protected] www.childwelfare.gov Parenting a Child Who Has Been Sexually Abused: A Guide for Foster and Adoptive Parents www.childwelfare.gov You may feel confused, frightened, and “… the employment, use, persuasion, unsure of the impact the sexual abuse of a inducement, enticement, or coercion of child may have on your child and family. It any child to engage in, or assist any other is important for you to understand that the person to engage in, any sexually explicit term “sexual abuse” describes a wide range conduct or simulation of such conduct for of experiences. Many factors—including the the purpose of producing a visual depiction severity of abuse as well as others discussed of such conduct; or the rape, and in cases later in this factsheet—affect how children of caretaker or inter-familial relationships, react to sexual abuse and how they recover. statutory rape, molestation, prostitution, Most children who have been abused do or other form of sexual exploitation of not go on to abuse others, and many go on children, or incest with children.” to live happy, healthy, successful lives. As Within this Federal guideline, each State is parents, you will play an important role in responsible for establishing its own legal your child’s recovery from childhood abuse.1 defi nition of child sexual abuse. For more This factsheet discusses how you can help information, see the Child Sexual Abuse children in your care by educating yourself section of the Child Welfare Information about sexual abuse, establishing guidelines Gateway website: for safety and privacy in your family, and www.childwelfare.gov/can/types/sexualabuse understanding when and how to seek help For legal defi nitions in each State, see if you need it. Information Gateway’s Defi nitions of Child Abuse and Neglect: www.childwelfare.gov/systemwide/laws_ Educating Yourself policies/statutes/defi ne.cfm The fi rst step to helping a child who may Signs of Sexual Abuse have been a victim of sexual abuse is to If you are a foster or adoptive parent to understand more about how sexual abuse is a child from the foster care system, you defi ned, behaviors that may indicate abuse may not know whether he or she has been has occurred, how these behaviors may differ sexually abused. Child welfare agencies from typical sexual behaviors in children, usually share all known information about and how sexual abuse may affect children. your child’s history with you; however, many children do not disclose past abuse What is Child Sexual Abuse? until they feel safe. For this reason, foster or Child sexual abuse is defi ned in Federal adoptive parents are sometimes the fi rst to law by the Child Abuse Prevention and learn that sexual abuse has occurred. Even Treatment Act (42 U.S.C. sec. 5106g(4)) as: when there is no documentation of prior abuse, you may suspect abuse because of the child’s behavior. 1 Although the term “parents” is used throughout this factsheet, the information and strategies provided may be Determining whether a child has been equally helpful for kinship care providers, guardians, and abused requires a careful evaluation by a other caregivers. This material may be freely reproduced and distributed. However, when doing so, please credit Child Welfare 2 Information Gateway. Available online at www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/f_abused/index.cfm Parenting a Child Who Has Been Sexually Abused: A Guide for Foster and Adoptive Parents www.childwelfare.gov trained professional. While it is normal • An older child behaving like a much for all children to have and express sexual younger child: wetting the bed or sucking curiosity, children who have been sexually a thumb, for example abused may demonstrate behaviors that • Suddenly having money are outside of the range of what might be considered normal. (See table on the Again, these are only signs of a potential following page.) There is no one specifi c problem; they must be evaluated by a sign or behavior that can be considered professional along with other information. proof that sexual abuse has occurred. The following organizations contributed to However, many professionals and the above list and offer more information organizations agree that you might consider about behavioral signs of sexual abuse on the possibility of sexual abuse when one or their websites: several of the following signs or behaviors • Stop It Now! are present: www.stopitnow.com/warnings. • Sexual knowledge, interest, or language html#behavioral that is unusual for the child’s age • Childhelp® • Sexual activities with toys or other www.childhelp.org children that seem unusual, aggressive, or • National Center for Missing & Exploited unresponsive to limits or redirection Children • Excessive masturbation, sometimes in www.missingkids.com public, not responsive to redirection or limits Healthy Sexual Development in • Pain, itching, redness, or bleeding in the Children genital areas Children’s sexual interest, curiosity, and • Nightmares, trouble sleeping, or fear of behaviors develop gradually over time and may be infl uenced by many factors, the dark including what children see and experience. • Sudden or extreme mood swings: Sexual behavior is not in and of itself a sign rage, fear, anger, excessive crying, or that abuse has occurred. The table on the withdrawal next page lists some of the sexual behaviors common among children of different age • “Spacing out” at odd times groups, as well as some behaviors that might • Loss of appetite, or diffi culty eating be considered less common or unhealthy.2 or swallowing • Cutting, burning, or other self-mutilating behaviors as an adolescent 2 The list is adapted from the Stop It Now! publication, Prevent • Talking about a new, older friend Child Sexual Abuse: Facts About Those Who Might Commit It (2005). Additional information was provided by Eliana Gil, • Unexplained avoidance of certain people, Ph.D., RPT-S, ATR, specialist, trainer, and consultant in working with children who have been abused and their families. See the places, or activities website: www.elianagil.com This material may be freely reproduced and distributed. However, when doing so, please credit Child Welfare 3 Information Gateway. Available online at www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/f_abused/index.cfm Parenting a Child Who Has Been Sexually Abused: A Guide for Foster and Adoptive Parents www.childwelfare.gov Sexual Behaviors in Children Preschool (0 to 5 years) Common: Uncommon: • Sexual language relating to differences in body • Discussion of sexual acts parts, bathroom talk, pregnancy, and birth • Sexual contact experiences with other • Self-fondling at home and in public children • Showing and looking at private body parts • Masturbation unresponsive to redirection or limits • Inserting objects in genital openings School Age (6 to 12 years) Common: Uncommon: • Questions about menstruation, pregnancy, • Discussion of explicit sexual acts sexual behavior • Asking adults or peers to participate in explicit • “Experimenting” with same-age children, sexual acts including kissing, fondling, exhibitionism, and role-playing • Masturbation at home or other private places Adolescence (13 to 16 years) Common: Uncommon: • Questions about decision-making, social • Sexual interest in much younger children relationships, and sexual customs • Aggression in touching others’ genitals • Masturbation in private • Asking adults to participate in explicit • Experimenting between adolescents of the sexual acts same age, including open-mouth kissing, fondling, and body rubbing • Voyeuristic behaviors • Sexual intercourse occurs in approximately one-third of this age group • Oral sex has been found to occur in 50 percent of teens ages 15 and older. For a more complete list, or if you have any questions or concerns about your child’s sexual behaviors, call the Stop It Now! toll-free helpline at 1.888.PREVENT (1.888.773.8368). This material may be freely reproduced and distributed. However, when doing so, please credit Child Welfare 4 Information Gateway. Available online at www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/f_abused/index.cfm Parenting a Child Who Has Been Sexually Abused: A Guide for Foster and Adoptive Parents www.childwelfare.gov Factors Affecting the Impact of • The age (developmental level) of the Sexual Abuse child at the time of the abuse (younger children are more vulnerable) If you suspect, or a professional has deter- mined, that a child in your care has been • The child’s emotional development at the a victim of sexual abuse, it is important to time of the abuse understand how children may be affected. • The child’s ability to cope with his or her All children who have been sexually abused emotional and physical responses to the have had their physical and emotional abuse (for example, fear and arousal) boundaries violated and crossed. With • How much responsibility the child feels this violation often comes a breach of the for the abuse child’s sense of security and trust. Abused children may come to believe that the world It is very important for children to under- is not a safe place and that adults are not stand that they are not to blame for the trustworthy.
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