Association of Family Therapists of Northern California Newsletter July 2007

ASSOCIATION OF FAMILY THERAPISTS OF NORTHERN CALIFORNIA NEWSLETTER JULY 2007

INSIDE THIS ISSUE: President’s Column

THE STATE OF OUR FIELD—THE FIELD OF OUR STATE • AFTNC Annual Conference Family Play Therapy Info & Interview with First, a salute to Michelle ance of our members, presenter Eliana Gill... p. 2 Mason for her excellent which keep AFTNC such a work on the newsletter and vital and welcoming place. • Announcements: ... p. 5 to Mary Cronin for keeping If you haven’t registered for -New Website it going for many years; to the Sonoma Conference yet -Ron Gokul Conference th th Scholarship Fund Polly Lytle and Sara Mizban on September 29 and 30 , -Mentor Program for their ongoing efforts now is the time (see infor- -Fall Student Event organizing the Fall Confer- mation in this issue and at ence (and to Polly for ar- AFTNC.com); you’ll be • Rodney J. Shapiro, PhD, ranging the ’08 speaker); to very glad you did. Legacy of the Founders of Jay Seiff-Haron, Ron Pilato, Family Therapy: A personal Now back to the conun- Perspective... p. 6 Cory Brown, and Shawn drum suggested by the title. Giammattei for their tire- • The state of our field is as Terry Patterson, What’s Happening Here? less efforts with our web Reflections on Family Ther- plastic as play dough, and AFTNC President site; to Lara Ezrin for coor- apy’s Oldest Community by the mental health field of dinating our superb mentor its most recent president, by our state (defined by the Bay Area has been the epi- program; and a warm wel- Roger Lake ... p. 7 numbers) is increasingly center for psychological, come to our new student identified with the MFT social, and political move- • What I Learned from co-rep, Christine Yang, and profession. Just as Califor- ments that have been repli- Scaredy Squirrel, Jay Seiff- our new program commit- nia has been a spawning cated elsewhere in whole or Haron; a review of good tee member, Keith Sutton. therapeutic children’s ground for new ideas, in part. AFTNC itself grew I am constantly amazed at books... p. 7 trends, and practices, the (Continued on page 8) the initiative and persever- • Marital Longevity: How I went to Sorrento and discov- AFTNC COUNSEL MEMBERS ered (once again) What Love Has to Do With It, Terry Patterson, President [email protected] 415-567-9203 Roger Lake ... p. 15 Shawn V. Giammattei, Treasurer [email protected] 415-722-7134 Mary Coombs, Video Librarian [email protected] 510-527-3778 • 2007 Conference Brochure Cory Brown, Membership Co-Chair [email protected] 510-653-8000 x4 and Registration Form ... Jay Seiff-Haron, Membership Co-Chair [email protected] 415-206-4913 Polly Lytle, Conference Committee Co-Chair [email protected] 707-746-8042 p. 19-21 Sara Mizban, Conference Committee Co-Chair [email protected] 310-413-2323 Description—19 Roger Lake, Program Committee [email protected] 415-567-7786 Keith Sutton, Program Committee [email protected] 415-686-9544 Schedule & Costs– 20 Lara Ezrin, Student Rep., Mentor Program [email protected] 415-377-5629 Christine Yang, Student Representative [email protected] 415-676-1515 Registration Form—21 Mary Cronin, Member-at-Large [email protected] 415-693-9495 Ron Pilato, Member-at-Large [email protected] 415-337-0805 Michelle E Mason, Newsletter Editor [email protected] 415-577-7699 JULY 2007 PAGE 2 AFTNC 2007 Conference EDITOR’S COLUMN Well, as you can tell, the changes continue with this edition. Family Play Therapy: Engaging families with AFTNC is growing and its development is being reflected by young children in creative and metaphporic therapeutic updates of not only this newsletter, but plans are moving play forward for the New AFTNC Website and upgraded DVD presenter Video Library (see p. 4). September is fast approaching, so Eliana Gil check out the 2007 Conference Brochure (pp 19-21) and Saturday & Sunday, Sept. 29th & 30th Ron Pilato’s interview of Eliana Gil (beginning this page). This conference is a valuable opportunity to get training in 44th Annual Conference Family Play Therapy in an intimate structure that allows at Westerbeke Ranch, Sonoma lively discussion and opportunities for deep inquiry not possible in other formats. If fi- nances are an issue, please note the Ram Gokul Memorial ANNUAL CONFERENCE Scholarship Fund (pp. 4 & 22) INTERVIEW OF is available to help support ELIANA GIL, PHD members committed to family therapy who otherwise would BY not be able to afford to attend. RON PILATO, PSYD In his article “The State of our Field—The Field of our State,” AFTNC’s President , RP: We are eagerly awaiting Terry Patterson, suggests a the AFTNC Annual Confer- three-tiered set of standards to ence September 29th and 30th, determine competence to 2007 at Westerbeke Ranch in practice couple or family ther- Sonoma where you will be apy. presenting a 2-day workshop Michelle E Mason Because this year has seen the entitled “Family Play Therapy: AFTNC Newsletter Editor passing of so many of the impor- Engaging Families with Young with Taiga Lore tant contributors to the field of Children in Creative and Family Therapy, AFTNC asked Rodney Shapiro, PhD, to Metaphoric Therapeutic Play”. reflect on the contributions they have made to the field. His So, let's assume for a moment article, “Legacy of the Founders of Family Therapy: a per- that nobody has read or heard Eliana Gil sonal perspective” (p. 3) is a wonderful distillation of the about you (hard to imagine, I conceptual developments in Family Therapy and an ac- know). But if that were the knowledgement of those who played key roles in guiding case, how would we answer their development. the following questions: a) Who is Eliana Gil? and b) Please feel free to contact me with any ideas or suggestions. What can clinicians, interns If you have reactions to articles you’ve read which you’d like and students expect to get our members to hear, please submit a Letter to the Editor from her workshop? via mail or email: [email protected]. Also, if you have an area of expertise or interest and would like to put in So, first, who is Eliana Gil? an article for submission, I would love to hear from you. EG: I am a very fortunate human being who has the pleasure of (Continued on page 3) Michelle E. Mason, PhD, is a Research Fellow at the Rockway Insti- tute for LGBT Research and Public Policy. Ron Pilato

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ANNUAL CONFERENCE INTERVIEW OF ELIANA GIL, PHD By Ron Pilato, PsyD (Continued from page 2) RP: What can clinicians, interns and logues that amplify the family’s own meta- students expect to take away from a 2- phors. In fact, introducing play therapy doing work I love and working with clients day workshop with you? What would into family sessions serves to decrease resis- who surprise and amaze me with their resil- you like them to take away from the tance, encourage active participation, and iency. I have two homes: my parents’ birth- workshop, the most important “take create movement in families that can pro- place, Guayaquil, Ecuador, and the home away” message? duce small or large changes in perceptions, in which I live in the USA. I lived on the feelings, or behaviors.

West Coast for almost 26 years; now I live

EG: My hope is that participants will have an op- RP: How might your model apply to portunity to experience the clinicians working in schools, agencies I LOVE BEING ABLE TO UTILIZE depth and scope of play as and/or HMOs that work primarily CLIENTS’ CREATIVE ENERGY TO a source of creativity and with empirically validated treatments? energy that can be used to

HELP THEM ADDRESS AND RE- both assess family dynamics SOLVE THEIR CONCERNS, and to advance therapy EG: Both art and play therapy have a body goals. of useful research that has demonstrated WORRIES, OR PROBLEMS. positive treatment outcomes. There are

many ongoing research projects that will RP: Much of your writ- augment the data that currently exist. Par- closer to my mother and siblings in the ing and workshops address how to ticipants will receive journal articles re- Washington, DC area. I have a little home integrate family therapy with play garding treatment outcome and will be on the beach in Punta Blanca, Ecuador, therapy. Many clinicians use play ther- exposed to some of the exciting research in and I travel there once a year. I love being apy with children only and have not the field of expressive therapies. brought that element into family ses- back home and disconnecting from the RP: Lots of your writings have ad- sions. How will you address the spe- stressors that are now part of my life. I have dressed the role of culture and tradi- had some wonderful family therapy teachers cifics and logistics of and mentors as well as great inspiration how to integrate play therapy into a from the play therapy field. Bridging the INTRODUCING PLAY THERAPY gap that so often exists between these family session? For uniquely creative fields has expanded my example, how INTO FAMILY SESSIONS SERVES TO would you work horizons. I love being able to utilize cli- DECREASE RESISTANCE ENCOUR- ents’ creative energy to help them address with a child’s Ki- , and resolve their concerns, worries, or prob- netic Family Draw- AGE ACTIVE PARTICIPATION, AND ing within the con- lems. I am in a satisfying, long-term rela- CREATE MOVEMENT IN FAMILIES tionship that has survived many bumps in text of a family ses- the road; I am the proud parent of two sion? THAT CAN PRODUCE SMALL OR adult children and two stepchildren; I am the grandparent of four-month old Chase LARGE CHANGES... Maxwell. I had two remarkable experiences EG: There are many ways to integrate play this year: Chase’s arrival and my daugh- tion on play. What is the role of cul- therapy into family sessions, and I will ter’s decision to become an Expressive Arts ture in your work? How do you ad- select some specific interventions that will Therapist. She moved home from Germany dress specific cultural mores and be immediately available for clinical use. and she now studies in Boston. norms in family play therapy? In addition, participants will learn to proc-

ess play interventions by engaging in dia- (Continued on page 4)

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ANNUAL CONFERENCE INTERVIEW OF ELIANA GIL

(Continued from page 3) context that challenges you and/or the methodology? How have you worked RP: How do you assess when it is ap- with this issue? propriate or not to introduce play into EG: Over the years my interest in cultural family therapy? Do you sometimes sensitivity and cultural competence has “warm up” the idea with some clients evolved into a true and full awareness of EG: I think bringing play into family ther- who are especially resistant to the the phenomenological experience. When I apy is most challenging for those who view idea? think about working with the client’s cul- play as something limited. To be honest, I ture (and its interface with my own), I don’t think of my clinical ap- EG: I tell people from the outset proach as one in which I have to that I am a family play therapist “do something” (a specific interven- and that there will be times I will tion) as much as ensuring that I ask them to participate in some am open to interacting on a vari- family play activities. I explain ety of levels: our human experi- that play therapy is simply an- ence, our context, our relationship other way for the family to be to cultural structures, such as arti- together and express themselves to ficial class hierarchies, privilege, each other. I invite families to and gender. In particular, how play therapy in almost every case. those are shaped within diverse Some are more receptive and cultural backdrops. I am inter- engaged than others, and I try a ested, I am receptive, and I am few different interventions before conscious of these factors and how deciding a family is completely they affect the client’s perception unreceptive (that is, won’t gain of their problems and their possible any benefits from family play solutions. My culture work is a therapy). combination of constant intro- spection, interest and explora- ELIANA WITH HER MINI COOPER tion, collaborative attention, and RP: What do you think the bridge building. For example, recently, I’ve difference is between being “culturally added a new dimension to the play geno- don’t feel challenged because I’ve learned sensitive” and “cross-culturally compe- gram in which people pick miniatures that to trust the process through trial and error. tent” as a therapist? How do these con- show the cultural lessons passed on by spe- I’ve become as comfortable in this method- cepts relate to what you refer to as “… cific family members. Once this is com- ology as I am when I’m doing talk therapy. the universal phenomenon of chil- pleted and discussed, the client selects those The biggest challenge I faced was teasing dren's play”? I am sure that attendees aspects of their culture(s) that they embrace out the salient issues raised in metaphor will want to discuss and explore the and those that they distance from. I don’t and then trying to translate those into real- effects of culture and tradition on play limit my understanding of culture to eth- life goals to be incorporated into future within the context of different cul- nicity but rather to a more ample affilia- therapy sessions. I’ve come to the conclusion tures. How will you address this? tion with a context of import to identity that like anything else that feels new and formation. less comfortable, we have to stretch our tolerance for discomfort and push ahead. In EG: Play is a universal activity in a broad addition, we have to practice what we do as range of life circumstances. I will show a RP: What would you say is the most much as we can (even in non-clinical situa- Power Point presentation on cultural as- challenging aspect of bringing play into tions such as staff meetings, or with family (Continued on page 14) family therapy? Would you be willing members). to talk about a specific theme/issue or

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ANNOUNCEMENTS RAM GOKUL SCHOLARHSIP FUND AFTNC’S NEW WEBSITE By Sara Mizban A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS AFTNC has created a scholarship fund in honor of the By Jay Seiff-Haron late Ram Gokul to help support members committed to family therapy who otherwise would not be able to af- 2007 will see the creation of the AFTNC’s new website, ford to attend the conference. If you are interested in with new words, new pictures... and expanded function- applying for the scholarship fund, please contact Sara ality. Currently under construction by Zachary Berke, and shepherded by AFTNC Council members Terence Mizban at (510) 428-1913 or Patterson, Roger Lake, Ron Pilato, Shawn Giammattei [email protected] for more information. and myself, the AFTNC had several reasons to rebuild its website. For one thing, the AFTNC wanted to invest in making it easier for families in the Bay Area to find See Article page 21 AFTNC therapists who specialize in families and couples. Visitors to the new AFTNC site will be able to search for area family or couples therapists, based upon MENTOR PROGRAM information that AFTNC members will soon have the AFTNC Mentor Program matches practitioners in the field ability to enter for themselves. with family therapy students from graduate schools in the Bay

Area. A pot-luck dinner successfully launched the program in On the new website, the AFTNC roster will be available May 2006, which now includes 10 mentors and 30 mentees. to all members online. It will also become easier for the Opportunities to meet with be planned throughout the year. If AFTNC Council to publish information to members you are interested in becoming a mentor or mentee, contact about upcoming AFTNC events, conferences, video li- Lara Ezrin at (415) 377-5629 or [email protected]. brary and so forth. Discussions from the listserv will eventually be archived online. As an added benefit, we also hope to make the AFTNC’s membership database 2007 FALL STUDENT EVENT easier to administer. Currently, the membership database and listserv are administered separately. When they have Saturday, September 8th ,11am - 1pm been safely combined into one platform, we hope that AFTNC Membership Chair Extraordinaire Cory Brown Panel Discussion and Lunch will at last be headache-free after years of tireless, though Alliant International University-San Francisco Campus, not thankless, service. With the new platform that Zach One Beach Street, across from Pier 39 is building, members will be able to update their own member information, set their own preferences for shar- contact Lara Ezrin at (415) 377-5629 or [email protected] ing information over the AFTNC listserv, and renew their own memberships online. VIDEO LIBRARY UPGRADE

Planning the new site for some months, we’ve rediscov- Thanks to the technical expertise and hard work of Keith ered the truth of a quote from Rabindranath Tagore: “it is Sutton, the Video Library is being upgraded to DVD for- very simple to be happy, but it is very difficult to be sim- mat. Keith and Mary Coombs, our Video Librarian, are ple.” We hope that we’ll soon have a new website to working together to launch a new system which will allow share with you that will be simple to use: please stay members to check-out DVD’s through the mail sometime tuned for further news via the AFTNC listserv. after January 2008!

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LEGACY OF THE FOUNDERS OF FAMILY THERAPY: A PERSONAL PERSPECTIVE

BY RODNEY J SHAPIRO, PHD

Rodney J Shapiro, PhD., is a Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at the University of California School of Medicine in San Francisco. He is a founder and Director of Net- works Family Counseling Center, And he conducts a private practice in San Francisco and Marin. From 1984 to 1993 he was Director of the Family Therapy Clinic at Cali- fornia Pacific Medical Center in San Francisco. He was also a member of the core faculty, the executive committee in Psychiatry and he served as Chief Psychologist. From 1981 to 1989, Dr Shapiro was head of the Family Therapy Program at the Veterans Administration Medical Center in San Francisco. From 1970 to 1980, Dr Shapiro developed and directed the Family Therapy Program at the University of Rochester Medical School (Psychiatry Department). He is also a past President of the Association of Family Therapists of Northern California

With the advent of the 30th Anniver- acted negatively to his “coming out of dor Minuchin, Jay Haley, and Virginia sary of AFTA it seems fitting to reflect the closet.” Lucky for me it did not Satir. I had a strong psychoanalytic on the legacy of the founders of family require much skill to help the parents background but I saw no contradiction therapy, many of them departed from work through their feelings and be- in my passion for learning and practic- this world and sorely missed. It would come more accepting, which allowed ing family therapy. take a book to do justice to their pro- the son to better understand his par- In 1970, I developed a family therapy fessional lives and contributions so ents’ anxieties. After several sessions program at the University of Roches- please bear with me if I offer instead a his psychiatrist reported at morning ter. Lyman Wynne became Chairman necessarily brief distillation of some rounds that the patient was no longer of Psychiatry in 1974, and under his highly subjective personal reflections depressed, and even allowed that it leadership we developed what became on what was and what has become of might have had something to do with internationally known as the Family their legacy. the family therapy. I was elated! I was Studies and Treatment Program. The hooked! As a second generation family therapist decade of the 70s offered me rich op- I had the privilege of being there, start- I mention my introduction to family portunities to work closely with ing in the mid-60s when family therapy therapy because it captures what was Lyman and several of the first genera- came into its own. I well remember happening around the country as more tion luminaries who spent time in my first exposure to family therapy and more therapists discovered that Rochester. I also visited their programs during my internship on an adolescent family therapy made sense and fre- and met with them at conferences, inpatient unit whose forward thinking quently produced the kind of positive workshops, and professional meetings. administrator would admit cases only if tangible changes that seemed so elusive After my move to California in 1981, I the families agreed to participate in the in long term conventional therapy. joined the AFTNC, developed three treatment. With the new and highly training/treatment programs, and got As an intern and postdoctoral fellow I suspect use of direct observation su- to know and work with many family continued including family therapy in pervision, I saw my first family, the therapists in the Bay Area. my training, and became familiar with “identified patient” being a 19-year-old the names of the founders, particularly Family therapy came about as tradi- depressed male, hospitalized after a practitioners like Nathan Ackerman, tional therapists became frustrated suicide gesture when his parents re- Murray Bowen, Carl Whitaker, Salva- (Continued on page 9)

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WHAT’S HAPPENING HERE? WHAT I LEARNED FROM REFLECTIONS ON FAMILY THERAPY’S SCAREDY SQUIRREL OLDEST COMMUNITY BY ITS MOST By Jay Seiff-Haron RECENT PRESIDENT By Roger Lake At the UCSF Child Trauma Re- search Project at SFGH, I work as a family therapist with caregivers and This article pulls to- their traumatized children ages 0- gether a number of 6. When I was being trained in issues in AFTNC. It family therapy, we didn’t often began simply as a hear about the needs of very small commitment to re- children. While resilient and not Jay Seiff-Haron. port on last Febru- yet in grade school, these little boys Membership Co-Chair ary’s meeting, which and girls see everything that their older brothers and sisters see, in- featured Larry Diller, Roger Lake, Past President cluding a lot of domestic violence, but have many fewer MD, in a presenta- ways of coping. Parents can help their children with trauma, tion about the prob- but sometimes a child’s trauma symptoms are seen as misbe- lems associated with medicating children for the sake of havior, or the parents have themselves never received suffi- the parent’s self esteem. It has grown beyond that as I cient help for their own traumas and don’t know how to have transitioned out of my role as President into a new help their children to cope. There is empirical evidence that role as Past President. I’d like to share a set of reflec- early intervention with children translates into societal sav- tions from my experience in AFTNC. I intend to pro- ings of up to $17.07 for every dollar invested (Karoly, Kil- vide some vision of our future possibilities and the re- burn, & Cannon, 2005). With intervention, children can sources we might need to get there. grow up more stable, less disturbed, less disturbing to their own potentially stressed-out parents, and eventually better To get back to February’s presentation, Larry, a behav- prepared to be parents themselves. ioral pediatrician, whom I mistakenly introduced as a child psychiatrist, has many years of practice in the Bay Kids have probably always learned important lessons Area, and had written two recent Op-Eds in the San through myths, anecdotes and tales, whether religious, fa- Francisco Chronicle, describing his concerns, as a prac- milial or storied. For children experiencing hardship, even titioner, about how cultural views of children influ- in our more secular, rational and disillusioned age, the right story at the right time can still work wonders as an adjunct enced parental concern, particularly the use of psycho- to parenting, therapy or education. The following is a brief tropic medication in children. Larry has presented at synopsis of stories that I have found helpful. AFTNC before, and got great reviews. He had a new book out, and was interested in promoting it, so was For helping children deal with loss & death there’s willing to present to our group for no fee. He ad- Silverman’s (1999) Help Me Say Goodbye: Activities for Helping dressed a relatively small audience on a Sunday evening Kids Cope When a Special Person Dies, and Viorst and Blegvad’s (1971)The Tenth Good Thing About Barney, and Harris’ (2001) in February at USF. His presentation was engaging, Goodbye Mousie. Holmes and Pillo (2001) offer A Terrible drawn from extensive clinical experience, and raised Thing Happened to gently explain the somatic and behavioral really important questions for family and child thera- symptoms that Sherman Raccoon experiences after seeing an pists. In his presentation, he invited us, the family ther- unspecified “terrible thing.” After learning to get his feelings apy community, to think about what alternatives par- out by talking and drawing with Ms. Maple the bear thera- ents have to the use of medication pist, “Sherman feels much better now. He just wanted you to know” (p. 29). In Fox and Brown’s (1994) Tough Boris, a My takeaway of Larry’s cultural critique is this. The rugged pirate is strong enough to cry when his parrot dies.

(Continued on page 13) (Continued on page 18)

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THE STATE OF OUR FIELD—THE FIELD OF OUR STATE

(Continued from page 1) the issues of competence and the definition of our field as either a profession, out of this effervescent climate. Along technique, or area of specialization. AFTNC ‘s with pioneering growth, many aspects As concrete examples of how the dis- 2008 Conference of the mental health professions have crepancies between professions is det- remained unique in comparison to rimental, consider that due to recent other states. I have documented in presenter will be changes in the statutes, a psychologist previous columns that California has who is licensed for less than two years more MFTs than any other state, that Valerie Whiffen, PhD can not supervise an MFT, but may psychologists have a strong tendency supervise a psychologist for licensure to not affiliate with APA or AAMFT, Author of hours. Similarly, while the Board of there are few Board-certified Family “A Secret Sadness” Psychology recently eliminated the Psychologists, most psychologists now requirement to take a 4 hour ethics come from professional schools, and course each renewal cycle, the BBS relatively few APA-accredited schools continues to require a 6 hour course exist in California. Similarly, there are lieve it may not be as monumental a every two years for LCSWs and few AAMFT-accredited programs in task as the fall of communism or the MFTs, who can take all 36 CE hours California or AAMFT-approved super- prohibition of public smoking that has by electronic means, while psycholo- visors in the Bay Area. I have also occurred. gists can take only 27 hours by inde- noted the movement to establish a pendent study. So let me propose a model for defining professional counselor license (LPC), competence that could be adopted and as of this writing, the effort is pro- I have promoted the family field as without any adverse effects on any gressing and California remains the clearly a specialization to be added to individual profession, and see what only state without LPCs. core foundations, and psychology, you think. This three-tiered set of psychiatry, and professional counseling Some of this disparity can be attrib- standards for determining competence are generally in accord with this view, uted to inertia and momentum, and to practice couple or family therapy while the MFT profession asserts that some to the traditional internecine would be consistent with the general it is a profession in itself, with general rivalry that exists in the profession in standards of all the professional asso- therapy skills included. If we could general. But I believe that we as men- ciations: reach some agreement on this, we tal health professionals and the con- would have a head start in defining Level A: Practitioners who occasion- sumer public are at an increasing dis- competency. Second, suspending our ally see couples or families conjointly advantage because of these inconsis- squabbles with other professions for relatively common problems and tencies and rivalries. Questions such would allow us to acknowledge our short duration, and in addition to as: How do I know which profession- similarities and differences openly. some graduate level training in the als are truly qualified to practice cou- Having a “Kumbaya” experience to- field, obtain some continuing educa- ple or family therapy? Where do I ob- gether would enlighten us to the fact tion each licensure renewal period and tain good training in the field, gradu- that there is one general psychother- focused consultation as needed, . ate and postgraduate? Who is an ex- apy profession with core foundational perienced supervisor in the field? Are Level B: Clinicians who regularly see concepts and methods, and that we most MFTs, LCSWs, psychologists, couples or families conjointly, and in need advanced training to practice in psychiatrists, or potentially LPCs com- addition to graduate coursework in the commonly-acknowledged specialties. petent family therapists, or general field, obtain at least 12 hours of con- While this may be totally pie-in-the therapists? Are those trained in all tinuing education courses and obtain sky, or something to be accomplished theoretical orientations competent? after we solve global warming, I be- (Continued on page 9) These questions and others focus on

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LEGACY OF THE FOUNDERS OF FAMILY THERAPY: (The state of our field—the field A PERSONAL PERSPECTIVE BY RODNEY J SHAPIRO, PHD of our state. Continued from page 8) consultation specifically focused in this (Continued from page 6) the anthropologist Gregory Bateson in area each renewal period. the 1950s. His work provided the with low rates of successful treatment foundation for the growth of the Palo Level C: Specialists who identify as outcome. The true pioneer was Na- Alto research and clinical group, Couple and Family Therapists or Psy- than Ackerman, whose advocacy and which included Jay Haley, Don Jack- chologists with relevant graduate practice of family therapy gradually son, and Virginia Satir. training, and have a significant amount found a wide audience with the publi- of post-graduate training and super- Clinicians, theoreticians and research- cation in 1958 of “The Psychodynam- vised experience in the field that ers developed a conceptual model for ics of Family Life” and his classic would be equivalent to specialty desig- family therapy, largely based on sys- “Treating the Troubled Family” pub- nation either as an ABPP, AAMFT- tems theory, in viewing all human lished in 1966. His work resonated approved Supervisor, or certification behavior as recurring patterns of inter- with many clinicians who chafed at the as a family or couple therapist by cer- action. This was a direct challenge to constraints of the neutral passive tain state licensing boards. Continuing psychoanalysis which, being grounded therapist role and one-on-one therapy, education includes advanced training in the medical model of linear causal- all in the name of facilitating transfer- in the field. ity, emphasized a focus on the individ- ence and insight. More and more child ual and the importance of diagnostic A system such as this would allow the therapists, trained to believe in an codes to determine treatment. professions and the general public to intrapsychic model, began to shift to a identify the specific level at which a family dysfunction perspective and Rebelling against the prevailing model clinician practices couple or family included whole families in the evalua- of therapy was in part a reflection of therapy, and would make it clear tion and treatment processes. Thera- the culture of the 60s, which encour- which meet none of these criteria. pists who only worked with individual aged questioning of authority, freedom Most licensed clinicians could qualify adults were understandably more re- of expression, and license to experi- for Level A at a minimum, and licens- sistant, but this changed as couples ment. Lectures, audio-visual presenta- ing boards of professional associations therapy gained recognition as an effec- tions, and live demonstrations of fam- could specify reasonable equivalencies. tive modality in treating depression, ily therapy became very popular dur- Let me know what you think, and and family therapy proved successful ing the 60s and 70s, particularly when perhaps California can again lead the in preventing relapses in cases of ad- conducted by charismatic presenters way to the future, and back to sanity! diction, eating disorders, and other like Satir, Minuchin, Whitaker and Terry Patterson, EdD, ABPP, is a Board- severe conditions. Haley. More and more converts flocked to these events. These role Certified Family Psychologist, and Professor What now seems commonplace to us models who dared to be different in- at the University of San Francisco, and a was regarded in the 60’s as a bold de- spired us. We learned new formula- specialist in couples therapy in independent parture from traditional practice, and tions about schizophrenic family com- practice. most psychodynamic practitioners munication from the Palo Alto group repudiated it. But these early practitio- (double bind theory), Wynne ners were emboldened by achieving (communication and schizophrenia), demonstrable success in changing dys- and the elegant clarity of Minuchin’s functional behavior and symptomatol- structural model, Bowen’s multigen- ogy. More importantly, this work led erational model, and Boszormenyi- to a new conceptual understanding of Nagy’s family loyalty concepts. The psychological disturbance as interac- live demonstrations were particularly tional communication rather than pa- impactful. We were dazzled by thology. The main influence for this Minuchin’s family restructuring strate- new paradigm stemmed from the pio- gies– moving an identified patient out neering studies on communication by (Continued on page 10)

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LEGACY OF THE FOUNDERS OF FAMILY THERAPY

(Continued from page 9) It was the best of times and it was as “Strategic Family Therapy” during good. Very good. the 70s and 80s. of his power position between the But, as in all families, differences that Initially this approach was represented parents, joining with a weak father, were initially ignored became accentu- by the MRI group in Palo Alto, then silencing a controlling grandmother, ated and created tension within the by the work of Haley and Madanes, and so on. We shook our heads and ranks. Much of this stemmed from a and finally by Pallazzoli and her col- chuckled at Whitaker’s sometimes- controversy as to what extent family leagues. While there were distinct outrageous antics that he got away therapy was incompatible with psycho- differences between the three groups, with because of his avuncular de- dynamic theory and therapy. The ma- they all subscribed to the central tenet meanor, in challenging and unbalanc- jority of the first generation of family of strategic therapy, namely that the ing rigid family systems. We fought therapy founders had strong psycho- therapist’s primary task is to change back tears when Satir used her warmth analytic backgrounds that clearly influ- behavior. In most cases, the family’s and empathic understanding to unlock enced their work even if they did not presenting problem, always defined in expressions of pain and love and facili- acknowledge this. For example, behavioral terms, is chosen as the be- tate the healing of wounded relation- Minuchin’s structural model empha- havior that must be changed. The fam- ships. sized the need for a close parental alli- ily seeks help because all previous at- We felt excitement, kinship, and pride ance with clear boundaries between tempts by themselves or by other pro- in identifying as family therapists. Our parents and children, which are very fessionals have failed to solve their personal bonding was strengthened by much in accord with the concept of problem. The strategic therapist must rejecting the customary power hierar- healthy family functioning in psycho- come up with an entirely new inter- chy based on professional identity analytic terms (i.e., a family that is not vention. The guiding assumption in (some of the founders had minimal or misaligned because of unresolved strategic family therapy is that the fam- no clinical education). Oedipal issues). ily is stuck in recursive interactional loops that unwittingly maintain or We eschewed words like “patient,” Likewise, Bowen’s emphasis on gen- reinforce their problems. The thera- “sick,” “disease,” “illness,” “diagno- erational influence and personal indi- pist has to devise an entirely new in- sis,” and “prognosis.” We saw our role viduation bears the stamp of psycho- tervention that will block or alter the as engaging facilitators rather than analysis and object relations’ theory. family’s interactional patterns and what we viewed as the aloof authority Satir frequently focused on affect and result in a change in the presenting role of the traditional psychodynamic making overt the subjective past and problem. This approach is by defini- therapist. No more insistence on being present experience of each individual tion brief and extremely focused. addressed as Doctor or Mister. No family member. Wynne was also in- Evaluations are restricted to whatever more prohibitions on personal disclo- clusive in his respect for both psycho- can clarify the family problem. Ex- sure that could help us connect with analysis and family therapy. Only a ploring unconscious motivation or past clients. Benign attributions replaced few former psychoanalytic practitio- history is discouraged based upon the judgment-tinged diagnoses (e.g., “this ners, notably Selvini-Palazzoli and her rationale that insight does not lead to kid has conduct disorder” reframed as colleagues (the Milan Group), de- change (though change may lead to “Johnny’s acting out distracts the par- nounced psychoanalysis. insight). Transference and counter ents from their difficult marriage”). An extreme opposition to psycho- transference are likewise relegated to We became a movement, even before analysis came from family therapists the trashcan of useless psychoanalytic AFTA (the American Family Therapy who had some traditional training but fictions. Association) was born, fueled by our had never shown much interest in psy- Strategic therapies dominated the field rebellion against conventional therapy, choanalysis, and increasingly from of family therapy. Incompatible ap- and in sharing a passionate belief in the therapists who had little or no such proaches such as psychodynamic fam- power and value of family therapy. background. The rejection of psycho- ily therapy lost their luster, in part We became one big happy family! analysis accelerated with the astonishing growth of what came to be known (Continued on page 11)

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LEGACY OF THE FOUNDERS OF FAMILY THERAPY

(Continued from page 10) gic methods more frequently, they studies, there was no way to measure began to realize that this approach did the longevity of improvement, and because they did not offer anything not work for everyone. Many clients even if one or two particular changes new, but mainly because the creative- presented with difficulties that could did continue, they may not have been ness and effectiveness of strategic ther- not be defined in clear-cut behavioral enough to ensure healthier family apy found broad appeal. Minuchin’s terms. It also became obvious that the functioning. Most important, behav- structural family therapy lost some “presenting problem” was usually not ioral changes do not necessarily repre- popularity but survived because it had the “real problem” – something long sent deeper shifts in attitudes. Thus, a some similarities to strategic therapy. recognized by psychodynamic thera- husband may learn to pay more atten- The most profound and lasting effect pists. But because strategic therapists tion to his wife but not disclose his of strategic therapy was its implicit mightily resisted such concepts as re- negative feelings about her. A mother permission for therapists to “think sistance, unconscious motivation, in- may stop criticizing her daughter but outside the box.” Traditional psycho- sight, and uncovering therapy, they still not love her. dynamic modes of therapy had become boxed themselves into a narrow treat- Since strategic therapy by definition too regimented. Adherence to tradi- ment formula that could best help only does little subjective exploration, it is tional theory became the custom and those clients who were able to present easy to mistake superficial change for strong admonitions and rules con- their problem as a specific clearly de- real change. The therapist chalks up stricted the therapist client relation- fined behavior, and even in those another “success” and the client feels ship. Although I continued to value my cases, success could only be claimed if relieved by not being found out. Diffi- psychoanalytic understanding in my the client seemed satisfied with that culty in quantifying change points to a family work, I identified strongly with one problem resolution. Many strate- more fundamental phenomenon, the practice of strategic therapy. I fre- gic therapists were in fact selecting namely that changing a human being is quently observed the “Masters” at only those cases that fit their model very difficult. There is no magic bul- work, and some of the astonishing (the MRI group was very forthright let. Some modalities work for some breakthroughs they managed with im- about this), and it was not uncommon problems some of the time. Some con- possible cases greatly inspired and in- to refuse to work with subsequent ditions such as chronic mood disorders fluenced me. problems when clients called upon require several complementary meth- them. Claims of extraordinary success The richness and diversity of strategic ods of treatment, such as pharmacol- with strategic therapy were frequently therapy throughout the 70s and 80s ogy, individual cognitive behavioral proclaimed from the podium or pub- marked the high point in the history of therapy, and family therapy. lished as clinical case studies or re- family therapy. We made inroads into search, but these were met with in- The Milan group did in fact recognize more and more clinical training pro- creasing skepticism by the rank and how difficult it could be to effect grams, mental health centers, and uni- file therapists who found out through change in a family system. They were versities, both here and abroad. As their own efforts that strategic therapy more willing than their predecessors family therapists we were in demand was no panacea. Why then was there to take on difficult cases and their de- and highly regarded by colleagues such a discrepancy between the magi- termination to help such families in- from related disciplines such as pediat- cal interventions we saw on stage and spired the creation of their remarkable rics, child psychiatry, psychology, and video, or read about, and the more strategies, such as strict neutrality, social work. The Golden Age of Fam- prosaic reality that most of us practi- circular questioning, the use of co- ily Therapy spanned the 70s and 80s. tioners discovered – namely, that therapists and a team, positive conno- The Gods of therapy looked upon our sometimes it was very effective, some- tations to reframe disturbing behavior, works and saw that they were very times partially effective, and some- prescriptions, and the revolutionary good. times ineffective or even harmful? use of paradox to unbalance stuck systems. But over time Palazzoli shifted But, starting in the 1990s, some of the One simple answer is that the various her approach dramatically to one of limitations of strategic therapy began models of strategic therapy were brief (Continued on page 12) to surface. As therapists utilized strate- so that, without rigorous follow-up

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LEGACY OF THE FOUNDERS OF FAMILY THERAPY

(Continued from page 11) (the family), performing rather than tim). What these critics helped us rec- listening, dazzling and outwitting, all ognize is that the individual is both a viewing the family as a “political’ sys- subjectively rationalized by the thera- subject and an object. The trend to- tem characterized by recurrent pist as necessary to “help” the family. wards integrating the individual and “games” as family members vied for Quite a few of these therapists were in the system accelerated through the 90s power over each other. This point of fact gifted and charismatic so they eas- and is currently the dominant model view expanded into regarding the ily fooled colleagues as well as clients. of family therapy. Object relations therapist – family relationship as a family therapy, integrative therapy, So, what then is the final word on stra- struggle for victory or defeat. Most narrative therapy, and the postmodern tegic therapy? Was it good or bad? I strategic therapists readily adopted this conceptualizations of the self are dif- believe the answer is that strategic paradigm. ferent manifestations of reconciling therapy was a very positive develop- the individual with the system. I personally experienced the power of ment in the history of family therapy. this model by participating in a group Despite some of the limitations in con- The effect of these developments has in Palo Alto where we offered to con- ceptualization and practice that we been to weaken systemic family ther- sult with families referred to us as have considered, the founders of stra- apy, Other factors such as managed “impossible to work with.” I can tegic therapy taught us that psycho- care, the effectiveness of other modali- vouch for the adrenaline rush one ex- therapy should be a creative process. ties, and increased client preference periences in collaborating with a team No matter what brand of therapy we for individual therapies, have also con- and coming up with some “brilliant” practice, our clients come to us be- tributed to the demotion of family intervention that can “defeat’ the in- cause they are stuck in their suffering. therapy. Family therapy training is no transigent family, and how euphoric Our job is to help them. We have to longer a top priority for interns, and we felt when it seemed to bring about understand the complexity of factors most of the agencies that specialized in a desired change. I share this personal that led to and keeps them stuck and, family therapy have faded away or experience, because it captures the guided by empathic understanding, adapted by offering generic treatment. allure that this approach had for so collaborate with them in creating solu- Our glory days are gone and many of many therapists. But, even as we con- tions for change. Many of the tech- us veterans feel the sadness. But is the gratulated ourselves on defeating the niques and strategies of strategic ther- current state of affairs that bad? I don’t family, I became aware of a growing apy will continue to be used appropri- think so. Family therapy, though hum- sense of unease. It was only after our ately as needed and to good effect. bled, is still very important. Systems group ended that I recognized the As strategic therapy lost some of its theory has greatly increased our un- meaning of my unease. For the first cachet, family therapy as a whole derstanding of many social organiza- time in my work I saw clients as ad- waned in popularity. Much of this tions that impact our lives. Family versaries instead of suffering beings. change had to do with an increasing therapists are playing a major role in The thrill of winning had replaced dissatisfaction with the exclusion of shaping health care systems in this empathic understanding and accep- the individual in family therapy. Dur- country. Research on family function- tance. I am sure that Palazzoli and her ing the 90s, the cybernetic view of the ing is increasingly sophisticated and colleagues were aware of the risks of individual as an ”object “ came under yielding useful clinical information. losing empathy for clients, but one attack. A growing awareness of the Family therapy has become integral to unintended consequence of populariz- pervasiveness of family violence, sex- child, adolescent, and couples therapy. ing this approach is that it particularly ual molestation, and other traumas, It has also been shown to improve appealed to therapists who did more led many therapists, particularly femi- prognosis when included in the treat- harm than good. These included the nists, to reject the interactional model ment of most disorders. Information impatient, the impulsive, and the nar- of family therapy. They highlighted the about family of origin is now included cissistic. The Milan game model was absurdity of viewing the perpetrator of in virtually all psychological evalua- easily transformed into a theatrical heinous acts as an object responding to tions. It looks like we are here to stay. experience, with the director the actions of another object (the vic- (Continued on page 18) (therapist) impressing the audience

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WHAT’S HAPPENING HERE?

(Continued from page 7) by bringing interesting outside pre- While it is our task to promote senters to our annual conferences family therapy, AFTNC is, and will cultural context of managed care to invite new perspectives. Beyond continue to be multi-disciplinary invited a shift in clinical work to- and through these events, the most and inclusive. We represent differ- ward symptom reduction, increas- basic function of the Association is ent professions, and seek to en- ing the use of pharmacological so- networking informally amongst hance them all as we work to de- lutions with regard to family be- ourselves to create the deep-er velop and implement integrative havioral issues that had been the structures of community that un- and creative practices. domain of family therapy practitio- derlay informed and ethical prac- During my time on the council, we ners. In his more than quarter cen- tice. have chosen to work on some of tury of practice, Larry also notices The February meeting exemplifies our infrastructure. Jay Seiff-Haron something of a shift in the parents’ the first of these promotional prac- has a brief report in this newsletter views of their kids’ problems and tices. Those of us who attended on the changes we are making to raises the issue of how pharmacol- Larry Diller’s talk got a richer per- our web site. Our hope is to pro- ogy’s industry practices might be spective on family practice and how vide very practical benefits to our impacting this shift in attitudes. In we might locate ourselves in the membership. One important bene- essence, he thinks that physicians contemporary community of prac- fit is practice promotion. If you’re are too often medicating parental titioners. I particularly liked that a good couple, family, or child anxieties, rather than developing there were a number of students in therapist, with a particular skill set collaborative strategies in cases the room who will need to think (like “works in school settings”), where ecological interventions about the scope of this work and we’d like the community to be able seem promising. So where are the the kinds of training situations for to locate you so that you can build family therapy resources? Larry which they should look. I also like your practice and sustain your noted that he once had a list of that we were able to conveniently agency or yourself. In an article child and family therapists whom network beyond the actual atten- titled, “Whatever Happened to he trusted to do the difficult but dees at the event by simply sending Family Therapy,” published in the necessary work of systems inter- an email to our LISTSERV. The May/June 2005 issue of the Psycho- ventions (e.g., work directly with September conference with Eliana therapy Networker, Peter Fraenkel the family/school/physician inter- Gil, the other promotional practice noted that “family therapy” had section by actually attending and of AFTNC, will be a more engaged become mainstreamed in many organizing meetings.) He wanted opportunity for locating oneself in practice settings where it might be to know if we could generate an- the world of family practice. We prescribed, but that it had proved other such list for him. We turned will have two days and the oppor- difficult to sustain in many practice to our LISTSERV and quickly gen- tunity to mull things over in infor- settings, so it sort of didn’t seem so erated such a list. mal conversations that can include present. We hope that new tools To my mind, this is a good exam- Eliana. What I most like about the will help our members interact ple of our Association’s efforts to Fall Conference is the real time more successfully with potential promote family therapy practice in contact with the community, the clients, but more importantly with our local communities. We have place where the deeper stuff goes each other. The possibilities for traditionally done this by inviting on, where career enhancing rela- dialogue and interaction should be local practitioners to present their tionships are founded and nur- enhanced considerably beyond work in theory, research, and prac- tured. tice occurring in and among us and (Continued on page 14)

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WHAT’S HAPPENING HERE? ANNUAL CONFERENCE INTERVIEW WITH (Continued from page 13) AFTNC, invited me to think about ELIANA GIL AFTNC as the locus for family what our LISTSERV has been able therapy research and practice, by to provide. I look forward to ex- coordinating the training and prac- (Continued from page 4) ploring those potentials. tice communities through participation in research programs at- pects of play that shows play as a way for A significant concern I have for tempting to develop research based parents to bond with children, as a way AFTNC is our governance practice. best practices in the diverse com- that parents value and teach their children, We have lots of members (even munities of our region. I see this as as a way that children build relationships after raising dues last year) but few with the earth, as a way of building social involved in the running of the As- a potentially rich networking possibility, and would like to suggest relationships, as a way to rehearse, try to sociation. We don’t hold elections, solve problems, and express themselves. that we take some opportunity to and I think that’s a problem. I’m pursue this potential. I don’t quite hoping that the new web site may help us to change that by facilitating know how to do that, but I’ll start RP: What is in the future for you and a better and more democratic set of by inviting those who’ve actually the model? struggled through this whole article practices for participating in gov- to think about how you might be ernance. part of that process. If you run an EG: This model is full of potential and The greatest concern I have for the agency, could you use some grant serves to energize the therapy relationship ongoing being of this increasingly money coming from research to with doses of laughter, fun, physical activ- ancient order is our apparent diffi- expand your services? If you teach, ity, as well as bridging left and right hemi- culty in holding disparate commu- spheres of the brain. Participants report could your graduate students find feelings of well being and renewed positive nities together in creative conversa- practice placements and disserta- contact with each other. In my future, I tions about practice in diverse com- tion projects in a large effort coor- hope to continue to speak to both play munities. That seems to be the cur- dinated in part through AFTNC? If therapists and family therapists encourag- rent edge of family therapy. We you have a theoretical perspective ing them to integrate what’s missing in each have moved correctly in the direc- that you’d like to look at empiri- of their approaches. Just as some family tion of extending our membership cally, could you use some help in therapists resist play with families, some to students, as they very much rep- translating your vision into a pro- play therapists also resist the idea of bring- resent the diversity we seek to inte- posal that could be funded? See ing adults into the child’s work. In either grate. We have invited excellent what I mean? Let’s all start thinking case, play might serve as a connector that conference speakers to help us about that, and then have some sort may feel less threatening than purely verbal think about these issues. But I don’t therapy. In my experience, people are some- of gathering about it. times hesitant but when they overcome those think we’re doing enough. I think Finally, I’d like to note that it’s hesitancies, they find family play therapy we need to see ourselves as the quite rewarding. kind of institution that plays an im- been a pleasure working with my portant role in all aspects of theory, colleagues on the council, all of whom deserve appreciation for research and practice in our local Ron Pilato, Psy.D, is a staff psycholo- what they do. communities. At the recent Ameri- gist at UCSF and is in private practice can Family Therapy Academy Roger Lake, MFT, is in private practice in in San Francisco. (AFTA) meeting in Vancouver, a San Francisco. Bay Area colleague who is not in

ASSOCIATION OF FAMILY THERAPISTS OF NORTHERN CALFIRONIA JULY 2007 PAGE 15 MARITAL LONGEVITY: HOW I WENT TO SORRENTO AND DISCOVERED (ONCE AGAIN) WHAT LOVE HAS TO DO WITH IT By Roger Lake

Please read this as a share. This is a reflection on my life and I hope that it provides context to larger conversations in marriage and family therapy. In particular, it’s about love and happiness. You should only bother with it if you are interested in the question (which I think of as Tina Turner’s), “What’s Love got to do with it?” It will come as no surprise to the readers of this Newsletter that I am a licensed Marriage and Family Thera- pist, and I practice in San Francisco. In case you are new to AFTNC, I am the immediate Past President and have twice been Newsletter Editor. I regard the readers of this Newsletter as colleagues, personal friends, and fellow travelers. You are my people, and it means something to me to reveal myself in this way. Roger & Susana on the Amalfi Coast Some years ago, probably about 1990, Are these people really hot? Do their children think so? AFTNC was interested in having Judy Wallerstein present her recently com- pleted work on what is colloquially of the couple needed to independently terviewed as part of the story, and described as “the Marin Divorce describe their marriage as “good.” I elements of our personal narrative, Study.” In a collaborative spirit, the put this out to our membership, and, suitably disguised, are clearly present AFTNC council agreed to help her ultimately, a sample was recruited in the final text. When the recruiting recruit participants in a proposed meeting those criteria. The study pro- task originally came up, I said to Su- study of marriage in return for her ceeded, resulting eventually in the sana that I didn’t know any couples presenting her divorce findings at one book, The Good Marriage: How and from my practice that fit the studies’ of our meetings. It fell to me to help Why Love Lasts by Judith Waller- requirements, but I realized that we fit Judy recruit her sample by disseminat- stein, Ph.D., and Sandra Blakeslee. them. So, we became participants. ing a call to AFTNC members. Judy Although this book has an interesting This share is about my marriage, and was interested in recruiting partici- place in the contemporary conversa- so was the set of interviews we gave as pants for an interview-based study of tion about marriage and public policy part of Judy’s study. While I disagree “good marriage.” She wanted married and has often been used to bolster the with much of Judy’s work, I do agree (consequently heterosexual) couples kind of faith based family policy with that Susana and I are obviously mem- that had been married for more than which I have HUGE problems, I bring bers of one of her core typological six years and had children from the it up because I’m in it. First disclo- (Continued on page 16) marriage. In addition, both members sure: my wife, Susana, and I were in-

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MARITAL LONGEVITY: ...WHAT LOVE HAS TO DO WITH IT

(Continued from page 15) demand a great deal of her time and attention. Our family responsibilities When I first heard Ron talk about his containers for marital partners: the and social calendars have continued to idea for producing seminars in authen- Romantic couple. When we met in grow, and we all too often fall asleep tic Italian settings, I realized he must 1977 (I was 31, and she was 25), we on the couch, exhausted at the end of meet Susana, and put her on his advi- were totally hot for each other, and I another very long day. We’re older... sory board as well. I hoped that this think that our narratives about that and despite the kind comments of our would be a great opportunity for Su- helped Judy’s framing of the strengths family and friends, we have changed, sana and I to work together at some- and challenges of such a marriage. One physically. It’s not like we just can’t thing that drew from each of our pro- of those challenges has to do with sex- keep our hands off each other any fessional lives (she is an event planner ual desire and is the subject of such more. and consultant.) Ron was very happy contemporary views as Esther Perel’s I suspect some of you in the crowd are with that, so we proceeded to become Mating in Captivity: Reconciling starting to signify at this point. I can part of the management team for the the Erotic and the Domestic. Thirty hear a “Yeah, brother,” from some of inaugural seminar, with me participat- years have passed since we met, and you. “What about the bliss? Where’s ing in the workshop, and Susana help- like many of our generation, we find the happiness? What’s Love got to do ing to organize the extra-curricular ourselves finally at “…will you still with it?” activities for participants, particularly need me, will you still feed me?” with organizing the partners/spouses of the some possibility of reflecting on the Well, check this out. I’ve just come mostly female clinicians, to participate journey that continues in front of us, back from a professional event that, in cooking classes while the workshop especially now that the kids are gone. not so ironically, was entitled “Love was in progress. This turned out to be Sex and Intimacy”, and was produced Remember, this is a share, not an arti- a big boost in developing the cohesive- by Pronto Professional Seminars cle on marriage. For those who don’t ness of the group, and set the tone for (http://www.italyseminars.com/). know, there exists an apparently limit- fun, play, and adventure. The partici- Disclosure #2: AFTNC member, Ron less supply of articles on marriage a Pilato, my friend and col- mere Google search away. What I can league, runs Pronto, and I’m tell you is that I have a good marriage, on his professional advisory and I need it to stay that way. Susana board. The seminar was held and I have worked with due diligence in a rustic and entirely charm- on our family process and ourselves. ing setting in Sorrento, Italy. We communicate like experts (which The seminar plan was for 20 we are), share important family and contact hours over 5 days, spiritual values, including fidelity and meaning we met from 9 AM trust, earn approximately equal to 1 PM, and the rest of the amounts by doing work that is fulfill- time was about being on the ing, and neither of us brought much Amalfi Coast in May. money or property into the marriage. We have co-parented the child of my It was a residential workshop, first marriage and our own daughter. and it made particular space Susana with cooking class: Chef Biagio is behind her It has not always been easy, but as an for partners. The venue, emotional system, my marriage is solid Mami Camilla, a delightful bed and pants were an international group of like a rock. breakfast facility, houses a professional mostly boomer clinicians who were cooking school, which produces re- But…we’re older, and nothing much taking the risk of combining a vacation markable local Italian cuisine for has slowed down yet. We are too busy and a workshop. This doesn’t always guests, the majority of whom were to play in ways that we used to, par- work so well and is particularly a seminar participants. ticularly as Susana’s career has come to (Continued on page 17)

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MARITAL LONGEVITY: ...WHAT LOVE HAS TO DO WITH IT

(Continued from page 16) nant in our marriage that we really (and darker) partner holds that in haven’t been able to stop talking about place for me. I reflect on Italian cul- problem when the workshop is given it in the month since we returned ture, and the contradictions of sensual- too much priority and spouses are left from Italy. This is the really amazing ity and fidelity in the context of Ca- to their own devices. Why would any- part. I see Susana now for whom she tholicism’s history of patriarchal op- body want to go that far, at that ex- has always been. I see her as my Lover pression, leading to “Divorce, Italian pense, to hear their partner complain and as my wife. She is reaffirmed as Style.” At a professional level, I have about not having any fun and not my soul’s mate in precisely that way. to think in a new way about how to knowing anybody after a long day She leads me into the enduring bliss of help couples hold that erotic thread in stuck in a professional seminar? Fortu- the one who knows and is my deepest my work with them. nately the model Ron is designing aims desire. But the real share is about what a to integrate participants, partners and That’s a lot to get out of a five-day happy guy I am, and how amazing it is spouses into the local culture as much workshop on love, sex and intimacy to have such love in my life. as possible, so there are lots of oppor- for a guy in his early 60’s. If you’re tunities for optional excursions and So… I’m definitely going again next still with me, you’ve got to know that other activities with fellow travelers. year. Since many of you are my fellow I think you would be wise to save up travelers, I invite you to give it some So, what I really want to share is just your pennies to go to Italy for some thought. how sexy that turned out to be. For fun. There are several more work- me, part of it was the content of the shops scheduled on a variety of clinical Roger Lake, MFT, is in private practice in workshop. We were talking about sex, topics, but, for me, it’s mostly about San Francisco. love and intimacy in couples therapy. Italian culture, which is (in my opin- It is an intimate domain for conversa- ion) way sexier, sensuous and deliciosa tion. The physical location at Mami than the way I was raised. Camilla did create a truly Italian con- So, my reflection, my share, is an text for the meeting, and there was a invitation to see long-term marriage as high degree of interaction at the group holding this potential for at least some level as we all ate and played together. of us. It’s about a partnership that par- The intimacy of the group emboldened ticipates in this kind of erotic love and us all, and I know it excited me as a renewal. From that perspective, I’m member of an acknowledged 2007 FALL convinced that family clinicians need “romantic couple.” Others easily dis- to see the larger conversation about STUDENT EVENT cerned our longstanding identity in marriage, particularly about who is that context, and one of the younger NOT entitled to marry, as just another participants, a sex therapist from the privileged way of stomping on pleas- Saturday, September 8th West Coast, remarked that we are, ure or denying the depth of our hu- “the hottest couple.” 11am - 1pm manity. Many oppressors in this life I’ve got to tell you. We lived up to make us passionless, but among the Panel Discussion and Lunch our billing. It was like the old days. worst is the failure of others to see the We were never inappropriate excitement of our erotic selves, or to Alliant International University (something of a change from the old condemn those selves for being differ- San Francisco Campus, One Beach St, days), but we had the same giddy ex- ent. I am invited to reflect on the across from Pier 39 citement for each other that I know meaning of being a gay or lesbian cou- contact Lara Ezrin at (415) 377-5629 from long ago. It added astonishingly ple in a predominantly straight world. or [email protected] to the quality of our everyday experi- As a white man, I think about what it ence and reminded us of a capacity for took for me to claim an erotic mascu- erotic joy that is just so deeply reso- linity, and how much my vivacious

ASSOCIATION OF FAMILY THERAPISTS OF NORTHERN CALFIRONIA JULY 2007 PAGE 18

WHAT I LEARNED FROM SCAREDY SQUIRREL

(Continued from page 7) to his baby brother. Mother reassures case management. On the other hand, him that there’s plenty for everyone, kids do make use of what they see and D'Allance’s (2004) What A Tantrum/ but that as big brother he can have a hear. The right story at the right time Vaya rabieta! is a wonderful narrative spare in his pocket. can help them to normalize experi- tale, in which a child tells the tantrum ences, name feelings, put words to My most recent finds are Watt’s monster to go away after it breaks his experiences and suggest adaptive cop- (2006) Scaredy Squirrel and (2007) favorite toy. He accomplishes this by ing strategies. Scaredy Squirrel Makes a Friend. Scaredy shrinking the monster down and lock- is anxious about leaving his tree. He Source: ing it away in a box. Watt’s (2003) makes lists of the things that scare Karoly, L. A., Kilburn. M. R., Cannon, J. Leon the Chameleon feels self-conscious him, things to do in his tree by him- S. (2005). Early childhood interventions: because he always turns the wrong self, the pro’s and con’s of staying in Proven results, future promise. Retrieved July color... until the kids get lost in the 28, 2007, from http://www.rand.org/ the tree, the characteristics of the per- desert, and the search party can only pubs/monographs/MG341/ fect friend (germ-free, no scary see Leon in his desert purple. At Al- teeth...), and so on. Despite his elabo- liant International University’s San rate escape plan, one day he falls out Francisco Campus library, I recently Jay Seiff-Haron, MA, is completing a of the tree... and discovers that he is a found a book called When a Parent Goes Psy.D. at CSPP. He sees families in San flying squirrel. He promptly adds a to Prison, written by recent graduate Francisco and the UCSF Child Trauma daily leap into the unknown to his Dr. De in 2005. Many of you may Research Project, process groups at Stan- carefully scheduled routine. In the fondly remember Piper, Hauman, and ford, and is on the Board of Cross-Cultural sequel, he tries to make the perfect Hauman’s (1990; 1961)The Little En- Communications, Inc. first impression on the 100% perfect gine That Could; Masurel and Denton’s friend, a very clean, toothless and (2001) Two Homes; Viorst and Cruz’s obligingly quiet goldfish, when a (1972) Alexander and the Terrible, Horri- muddy, slobbery dog with teeth ap- ble, No Good, Very Bad Day, and Bang’s pears and chases him. Scaredy shouts, (1999)When Sophie Gets Angry--Really, “THIS WAS NOT IN THE LEGACY OF THE Really Angry. PLAAAAAAANNNNN!!!!!” FOUNDERS OF FAMILY On the lighter side, Andreae and Cab- I often echo Scaredy whenever I read ban (2002) explain what it means THERAPY the news from Washington. While when Mommy’s pregnancy starts to you may want to join me in worrying show in There’s a House Inside My (Continued from page 12) about the Constitution, don’t worry Mummy. Freymann & Elffers’ (2004) about Scaredy. After playing dead for a How Are You Peeling? helps kids learn to The legacy of the founders is in good while, he eventually realizes that he recognize facial expressions with fruits hands. hasn’t been eaten and declares the dog and vegetables. Ross’ (1986) picky to be an 83% perfect friend, mud, Rodney J Shapiro, PhD., is a Clinical Profes- princess in I Want My Potty, and slobber and all. sor of Psychiatry at the University of Califor- Frankel’s (1979) Once Upon A Potty, are nia School of Medicine, and a co-founder of always good for laughs. In Penn’s I hope that this brief list of books will Networks Family Counseling Center, in San (1993) The Kissing Hand, Chester Rac- help caregivers and clinicians to more Francisco, and maintains a private practice in coon (no relation to Sherman) is easily find their way to just a few of San Francisco and Marin. He is a member scared to go to school until his the good therapeutic stories that have and past President of the Association of Fam- Mommy gives him a spare kiss that he been published. Of course there are ily Therapists of Northern California, and a can keep until he needs it. In the 2004 many more, and even the best book in member of the American Family Therapy Acad- emy. sequel, Pocket Full of Kisses, Chester the world is not a substitute for atten- protests, “That was my kissing hand,” tive caregiving, an empathetic psycho- when his mother gives a kissing hand therapist who understands, or needed

ASSOCIATION OF FAMILY THERAPISTS OF NORTHERN CALFIRONIA JULY 2007 PAGE 19 Association of Family Therapists of Northern California 44th Annual Conference th th Saturday, September 29 & Sunday, September 30 , 2007 at Westerbeke Ranch Conference Center in Sonoma, CA

FAMILY PLAY THERAPY Engaging families with young children in creative and metaphoric therapeutic play with

Eliana Gil, Ph.D.

The purpose of this two-day workshop is to teach participants how to begin to “think play” in a systemic fashion. Connecting with children involves a shift in perspective, one where the adult values and enters the child's world rather than expecting or demanding that the child enters the adult’s world of verbal communication and direct questioning. Through integrating lecture, clinical examples and experiential activities such as play genograms, conflict circles, and arts and crafts projects that highlight family dynamics, workshop participants will get first-hand knowl- edge of how play can be used for assessment and treatment of families with young children.

ABOUT THE PRESENTER Dr. Eliana Gil is Director of the Starbright Training Institute for Child and Family Play Therapy. The Institute provides comprehensive clinical training in the treatment of child abuse and neglect, as well as, play therapy with children and families. Additionally, she is the director of two programs for abused children: Childhelp Children’s Ser- vices in Fairfax, Virginia, and the Multicultural Clinical Center (MCC) in Springfield, Virginia. The MCC is also the site of her therapy practice. She is a well-known lecturer, author, and clinician and has been a frequent guest on local and national TV and radio shows. Dr. Gil is a registered Play Therapy Supervisor, registered Art Therapist, and a licensed Marriage, Family, Child Counselor. She has served on the Board of Directors of the American Professional Society on the Abuse of Children and the National Resource Center on Child Sexual Abuse, and is a former Presi- dent of the Association for Play Therapy. Dr. Gil is an adjunct faculty member of Virginia Tech University where she teaches courses on family therapy, family play therapy, play therapy, and child maltreatment. She has written numerous materials on child abuse and related topics and has a number of educational videotapes that feature her work. Her most recent book for a professional audience is Helping Abused and Traumatized Children: Integrating directive and nondirective approaches. Other books include Cultural Issues in Play Therapy with Dr. Athena Drewes, Treating Abused Adolescents, Systemic Treatment of Families who Abuse, The Healing Power of Play, Play in Family Therapy, and Sexualized Children: Assessment and treatment of sexualized children and children who molest with Dr. Toni Cavanagh Johnson. She has also written several popular books for lay audiences including Out- growing the Pain and Outgrowing the Pain Together. Several of her books have been published in Span- ish and other languages. She is bilingual and bicultural: originally from Guayaquil, Ecuador. This year marks her thirty-fourth year working in child abuse prevention and treatment.

ASSOCIATION OF FAMILY THERAPISTS OF NORTHERN CALFIRONIA Association of Family Therapists of Northern California 44th Annual Conference Registration Form

Program: Saturday & Sunday, September 29th and 30th

Saturday, September 29, 2007 Sunday, September 30, 2007 8:30 am - 9:00 am Registration 9:00 AM - 12:00 pm Session C 9:00 AM - 12:00 pm Session A 12:00 pm - 1:30 pm Lunch* 12:30 PM - 2:30 pm Lunch* 1:30 pm - 3:30 pm Session D 2:30 pm - 4:30 pm Session B 6:00 pm Dinner* 3:30 pm Adjourn

Note: On Saturday, the presenter will spend lunchtime with student participants. Buffet Style Meals (Sat. Lunch, Dinner; Sun. Breakfast, Lunch are included in fees if you’re lodging at Westerbeke Ranch). Lunch is included in your fees if you are NOT lodging at Westerbeke Ranch; Dinner and Breakfast are extra.

WE HAVE A LIMITED NUMBER OF SHARED CABIN ROOMS AT WESTERBEKE RANCH available for AFTNC Conference Participants on a First Come-First Served basis!

Sign me up for Conference & Lodging @ Westerbeke Ranch! Sign me up for Conference ONLY! I’ll find my own lodging

Received by 9/15/07 Received by 9/15/07 AFTNC Members: $350 ______AFTNC Members: $271 ______Student Members: $297 ______Student Members: $210 ______Non-Members: $447 ______Non-Members: $346 ______*CEU’s: $ 10 ______*CEU’s: $ 10 ______***Ram Gokul ***Ram Gokul Scholarship Fund $ ______Scholarship Fund $ ______

Meals: Sat. & Sun. Lunch is included in above costs. If you’d like to join us for Sat. Dinner and Sun. Breakfast, Received after 9/15/07 Add $ 39 ______Add $35 ______

Received after 9/15/07 TOTAL: $ ______Add $35 ______

**Above costs include: Shared Cabins with Baths (some shared cabins can include up to 5 people); Pool & Hot Tub Use; Sat. Lunch & Dinner and Sun, Breakfast & Lunch TOTAL: $ ______

***Ram Gokul Scholarship Fund ~ AFTNC has created a scholarship fund in honor of the late Ram Gokul to help support members committed to family therapy who otherwise would not be able to afford to attend the conference. If you are interested in applying for the scholarship fund, please contact Sara Mizban at (510) 428-1913 or saramiz- JULY 2007 PAGE 21

Association of Family Therapists of Northern California 44th Annual Conference

REGISTRATION

To avoid a late charge, registration is due by 9/15/07. Fill out and mail this form with your check made payable to AFTNC: Mail to: Sara Mizban Questions??? Call Sara (510) 428-1913 309 63rd Street Apt. C or Oakland, CA 94618 email: [email protected]

Name:______License#/Type ______Email:______Adress:______AFTNC Member? Yes__No______Telephone: Home______Work ______Roommate preference: ______Meal Choice (circle one): Vegan/Vegetarian/Regular

*AFTNC is an approved MCEP provider, #ASN004. We are currently awaiting course approval to offer 10 CEU’s to Ph.D.’s and Psy.D.’s. This course meets the qualifications for 10 hours of continuing education credit for MFTs and/or LCSWs as required by the California Board of Behavioral Sciences. **If you would like to become a member of AFTNC go the AFTNC website at www.aftnc.com/membership.htm

AUXILIARY REQUESTS

Please call Sara at (510) 428-1913 if you need auxiliary aids or services to assist you during the conference. We will make every effort to accommodate your requests.

CANCELLATION POLICY

Please contact Sara before September 15, 2007, to receive your refund less $35.00 administration fee if you cannot attend the conference. Be advised that cancellation of your accommodations at Westerbeke Ranch after September 15, 2007, will result in a payment penalty of one night’s room rate.

ASSOCIATION OF FAMILY THERAPISTS OF NORTHERN CALFIRONIA

WHO WE ARE Founded in the early 1960's, AFTNC is the nation's oldest professional association devoted to promoting family therapy. Our goal is to advance the theory and practice of family therapy while fostering collegial relationships among family therapists. AFTNC is a group of experienced mental health ASSOCIATION OF FAMILY THERAPISTS OF NORTHERN CALFIRONIA and social service professionals committed to providing quality servies to families, couples, and individuals in pri- 1721 Scott Street #C San Francisco, CA 94115 vate and public settings. Our multi-disciplinary, multicultural membership includes MFTs, PhDs, PsyDs, MDs, Phone: 415-567-9203 Email: [email protected] LCSWs and advanced graduate students.

W E’ RE ON THE WEB! WWW. AFTNC. COM

RAM GOKUL MEMORIAL SCHOLARSHIP FUND

PROVIDING SCHOLARSHIPS FOR AFTNC’S ANNUAL CONFERENCE The Ram Gokul me- choosing presenters diversity. When he more respectful com- morial scholarship for the Fall Confer- passed away last sum- munity of understand- fund was established ence. Ram, our friend mer, we were all ing and justice. by the AFTNC council and colleague, was an caught by surprise, and in 2006. For the past inspiration to many of sought to memorialize several years, the us in that regard. Hav- his life and promote council has worked to ing come to the United our interest in cultur- AFTNC ‘s incorporate cultural States from Guyana as ally sensitive mental perspectives into the a young man, he health services by es- 2008 Conference training and practice of trained in the Bay Area tablishing a scholarship family therapy in our at a time when few in his name to support presenter will be region. We have at- men of color were en- the goal of broadening Valerie Whiffen, PhD tempted to put these tering our field. His participation in our issues at the top of our life and work embod- Fall Conference, Author of agenda, particularly in ied respect for cultural thereby creating a “A Secret Sadness”