Cheers! 2 News Doctors Suspended at St Mary's

BY JOE MCFADDEN Mr Abramovitch made the considering whether to sue the herself and that the complaint was initial diagnosis but the operation hospital. He said: "I am absolutely made by the patient's relatives. Two surgeons at St Mary's was handled by another surgeon. disgusted and I will make sure they "I have been a consultant 24 Hospital have been suspended after Later the tumour was found to be pay for how they have left me." years and am known for the accusations of the unnecessary benign and a formal apology was Mrs Mary Ghilchik, a preservation of the breast" said removal of a man's voice-box and given to Mr Oliver who is now consultant general surgeon at St Mrs Ghilchik. a women's breast. unable to speak properly. Mary's Hospital, was also An internal inquiry into Mrs Consultant Solomon Abramo- An inquiry is underway to suspended in March after a patient Ghilchik's conduct in the case has vitch was suspended in May after decide whether the voice-box was of hers had a mastectomy even been completed and an external Vincent Oliver, aged 68, had his removed unnecessarily and though no cancer was present. inquiry has begun. voice-box removed when cancer establish Mr Abramovitch's role in Mrs Ghilchik maintains that the was suspected. the matter. Mr Oliver is patient had requested the operation

Huddersfield University Heads Resign

BY MIKE INGRAM confidence motion was supported institution join the group of Labour MP Barry Sheerman. by 935 of the total of 954 Britain's newest universities. He The President of the university The Chancellor and Vice- university staff. was due to retire in 1996. council, Dr Peter Fielden, said: Chancellor of Huddersfield The Vice Chancellor, Professor The vote of no confidence "He has reached a point when it University are to resign. Kenneth Durrands (65), announced happened after a year of protests makes sense to step aside for a new The announcement earlier this his early retirement from the post from staff and students over losing Vice-Chancellor." week came after the staff of the after having built up the former their places on the university's The Chancellor of the university almost unanimously polytechnic from 2,200 students in governing council. After the vote, university, Mr Reg Cross (74) also passed a vote of no confidence in 1970 to a current total of 12,000 Professor Durrands was asked to announced his resignation, saying the Governing Body. The no students. He also saw the "consider his position" by the local he could not ignore the referendum.

Union Comings and Goings Fair Play?

BY JOE MCFADDEN Picton, in response to claims of Rag slogan. The slogan, 'Muff BY JOE MCFADDEN AND PATRICK WOOD widespread disapproval of Mr Dive 95', was chosen by Rag Wensley's handling of the members at an official meeting. The Imperial College Sports Centre The Annual General Meeting of constitution during the year. Mr The Rag Committee has already will be altering its prices on 1st Imperial College Union last Friday Thomas refused to allow the received a letter objecting to the January 1995. was attended by less than fifty motion to be discussed under Any slogan, which the sender felt was As yet, no details of the new people. This means that under one Other Business, suggesting that offensive. Any offense caused prices have been given, but some per cent of students at Imperial nothing constructive would come would, according to next year's students have predicted they will were present for the one time the from such a discussion. Rag Committee, be counter- continue to favour South Union Sabbaticals and other Union Mr Thomas added that if the productive to Rag's main purpose Kensington residents in setting Officers account for their meeting disagreed, it could no of raising money for charity. prices for all users of the Sports achievements during the year. confidence him as UGM Chair, It was pointed out from the Centre. On this occasion, however, which no one attempted. He also floor that, in the light of this year's Any comments about planned accountability seemed to be described this year's UGMs as "a slogan, 'Fungal Spore 94', to pass changes should be directed towards something of a taboo subject. An crock of shit". the motion would suggest that ICU the Sports Centre, or alternatively attempt to introduce a motion The AGM also ratified the finds oral sex more offensive than you could talk to one of next year's censuring ICU president Andy elections of David Goddard to the the abuse of hallucinogenic Sabbatical officers in the Union Wensley was rejected by UGM post of Transport Officer, and substances. Office. chair Paul Thomas (Felix 1003). Gareth Bellamy and Ed Cortis as The revised slogan for next year The motion had originally been Alternative Prospective Editors. will be chosen at another rag proposed by Royal College of A motion was then passed meeting. Science Union President Rhian allowing Rag to alter next year's Sprog Rose Atkins, the Felix typesetter, Book Fair Success gave birth to a healthy 71b 13 ounce baby girl last Wednesday. An Imperial College Union Book If successful, the Book Fair will President-elect Lucy Chothia Rose took maternity leave from Fair was held over two days in the be repeated on a larger scale next was involved in organising the her job at Easter and the Felix staff JCR this term. The fair allowed year. The possibility also exists Book Fair, after her election would like to offer our students to sell used text books, that the Union Bookstore may also promise of a second-hand congratulations on the happy event. which will be resold on a non- begin to sell second-hand text bookstore was found to be Sources have suggested she will profit basis at the start of next term. books next year. impractical this year. name the baby "Rotaprint". Don't Forget! Non-Smokers Die Every Day Spot the Spoof Story 3 Hot, Sticky Summer Ftang Ftang

BYE BYE "Well," he said, "It may that entropy is no longer breaking down. The The College yawned today as it universe may have reached the nadir became apparent that nothing at all of its cyclic contractions. Or it may was happening. Felix reporters indicate that everyone has buggered limping back to base seemed in off home for the summer." poor spirits. "It isn't like a war out But Dr Beardy-Glasses, a logician there," said one hack. in the mathematics department In an attempt to unravel the contested our findings: "No news is mystery we probed the sleeping good news. Therefore, there is news." Professor Whizbang, of the ghostlike Miss Lucy Choke-Her snarled: Physics department, for more details. "Sleeping? Who, me? Not me g'vner."

Jon Jordan's Beard

BY THE SEASIDE campaign with his posters, which Dan, Lucy and a somewhat mysterious hand the 'goatee' claimed were blatantly Tintin, erstwhile Music Editor of misrepresentative. They featured Whispers have reached Felix that Care to comment, Dan? Lucy? Felix who also parades under the the brush slapped over Tintin's face President-elect Lucy Choccy- Eager for the salubrious details, we name 'J. Jordan', was found last with the caption "What difference?" Biscuit and Deputy President-elect tried to contact the alleged love night sobbing in a pool of tears. emboldened beneath. The poster 'Desperate' Dan Look are said to birds for their comments on the His grief was caused by the was withdrawn when a poll have been spending a lot of time in rumours we're so blatantly defeat of his appendage, a small revealed that 9/10 voters couldn't each others' company. propagating. Of course, they denied rust-coloured 'goatee' effect, in the see any likeness. The tenth, 'Mr J', Associates report long late-night everything...or at least they would elections for the Felix Mascot. The insisted there was "No similarity at phone calls between the pair and have if we 'd actually reached them. eventual winner was a bog brush all!" before punching me in the they have been spotted leaving each Isn't sabbatical co-operation reclining under the toilet. Mr Brush face. Miss Chicken Chow-Mein others' homes in the early hours. wonderful? caused controversy during the also declined to shave.

5 ACADEMY AWARD NOMINATIONS

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An open air performance of Hamlet in Regent's Park - see page 7 Feature 5 Dennis Saw talks about genetic engineering and its implications on our society. Will we ever be in a position to engineer the perfect human being? White Mice Can't Jump It's true. And neither can brown ones, nor So, why is the thought of genetically trial and error. I stress the latter. Remember that agouti ones. The fact of the matter is, the engineered organisms so abhorrent? We cull old maxim of learning from your mistakes? If common laboratory mouse, Mus musculus, has bulls to select ones that will result in bigger, we aren't brave enough to try, after calculating been so domesticated that, unlike its ancestors better cow udders. The Victorians have been the risks involved to our best ability, or its wild counterpart, it'll never make money responsible for altering the face of many a dog from Nike Air (TM) commercials. and petunia. Indeed, it was because of their The up side is, of course, that it's much predilection for little furry rodents that the The common laboratory easier to catch the Speedy Gonzales that can't modern lab mice can't do the steeple chase. Kanga out of your grasp each time you corner it Perhaps it is because genetic manipulators mouse, Mus musculus, (or approach it menacingly with a carving yield enormous power. So much power, in fact, knife). And all this happened before we'd even that they are akin to a child with the knowledge has now been so heard of genetic engineering. of fusion. He/She can create limitless energy for Unsuspectingly, we as human beings have the world but also limitless destruction. A domesticated that it'll been playing with modifying genes since that technological Sword of Damocles. But isn't that first homo sapien decided: 'Bugger it. I'm not a property of all new-born technology? never make money going to spend my time running after my meal. Genetic engineering has suffered more from I'll catch a few and have my curry tethered to the wild imaginings of science fiction authors from Nike Air TM that olive tree. Heck, and for nan, I'll grow that than, say, virtual reality (bar Ben Bova!). I new Emmer wheat hybrid that's been lying contend that poets, artists and authors are the commercials. around the front porch.' voices of our collective social conscience. If this is true then we are indeed worried that some MacDonalds would never have existed. superbug might be released into the biosphere Let's face it: we have been blessed with a If we aren't brave (or a super-rabbit into Australia); and we are tool that can do wonders; that has the potential worried that someone may one day try to to cure cancer, to relieve babies from the enough to try, after genetically engineer the perfect human being, devastation of Tay-Sach's disease. Whilst much like what Hitler attempted with his now working towards such goals, we will most calculating the risks outmoded technique of culling. Our social certainly generate information that could result conscience is shaped by our history and those in the genetic ostracism of sectors of society. As involved to our best who are ignorant of our sometimes painful past smokers have to pay the price of higher are condemned to repeat it. insurance premiums, will individuals ability, MacDonalds However, we are poised in a unique predisposed to heart disease (that we can detect situation. In the past, much of society was left in with a simple genetic test) have to contend with would never have the dark when technologists went about the same? Think of the problems we would fervently knitting their sweaters of Utopia, only generate if we discovered the nerd gene! existed. to discover much later that there are no holes for Saint Thomas Aquinas once quipped: 'We the head or arms but one for the belly-button. can will something only if we have already The result? Chihuahuas, race-horses (and the The technology of recombinant DNA is unique recognised it to be good.' [Actually in the silly names that accompany them, eg. Thrice because: modern context it should read as: 'We can will Lucky Rubber Duckie), bread wheat and mice a) it is freshly emergent and the public can be something only if we have already recognised it that can't jump. informed from the start; as giving us an advantage.'] I do not doubt that Biologists call something that stands the test b) we also wield the disseminatory power of gene therapy and the like will be a major feature of natural selection an 'Evolutionary Stable today's mass media; and of future medicine. We can see its advantages, Strategy' (ESS). If we were to take the strict c) the public is genuinely aware and concerned but we cannot ignore the more tricky definition of that term, then there are a number sociological effects in the short term and the of rather non-stable creatures that we have evolutionary effects in the long term. created. Would you ever ride off into yonder Humankind at large As a scientist, I am sometimes appalled at wild country with your trusty 12-bore shotgun, the likes of Jeremy Rifkin. However, his job is ever ready for the menace of a killer pack of cannot be ignorant of important not for repeatedly painting doomsday poodles? Bread wheat is an even stranger affair. scenarios and inciting wheelchaired Much like seedless grapes, they cannot the potential side- demonstrations, but in reminding us that the perpetuate without the help of man. Not only is new genetics cannot be performed in polished, the ear difficult to break up, if it does, the grains effects of such researchsteril e labs in ivory towers isolated from enjoy a brief second or two of flight, jettison the humankind at large. Similarly, humankind at chaff (much like jumbo jets jettisoning their and clinical trials large cannot be ignorant of the potential side- wings), describe a perfect parabolic arc and fall effects of such research and clinical trials. to the ground much like jumbo jets that have of the potential of new genetics. Perhaps one day we'll be able to put that jettisoned their wings would. In evolutionary If genetic engineers are those sweater-knitters, spring back into Mus musculus; but the terms, they are ESS's only if human beings are then the public is in a position to check that the questions of whether mice that can't jump are around. We have, either advertently or right holes are being woven in the right places. genetically diseased is one that has to be asked inadvertently (industrial melanism of moths But this will happen only if scientists keep the and answered by all of human- and rodent-kind. won't occur in a world populated with hari public informed of the state of play. Similarly, krishnas). become an inextricable part of the the public has to understand that much of Acknowledgements: I'd like to thank Dr Peter natural histories of many species of organisms. science is intelligent, informed and intuitive Little for inciting discussion and a riot of ideas. See page 9 for a review of Beverly Hills Cop 3 6 Reviews

Aurian New Knight of the by Maggie Furey I don't read fantasy of the 'sword and sorcery' Szymphony type very often. That's the first thing. I usually get put off by the words 'Book One of...' on Symphony Orchestra is ravishing and the front covers. That's the second thing. I picked recording spectacular. No-one who has heard this book up and finished it (all 600-odd pages) what Rattle and his band can achieve live will in less than three days (less time that it'll take to doubt that the EMI engineers have been finish this review!). That's the third thing. anything less than totally faithful in their Not that this is a real heavyweight of a novel rendering of the orchestra's dynamic range, (despite its size!) - it treads the well-worn path from a wisp of pianissimo violins to tweeter- of 'quest for mystical artefact with which to jiggling climactic tuttis. fight the forces of evil'. The difference between The main competition comes from Antal this one and others is the very high quality of its Dorati's early digital version with the Detroit narrative - you have wonderfully developed Symphony Orchestra on mid-price Decca. characters, (mostly) good dialogue and a Dorati is grittier, with a more immediate lower beautifully atmospheric backdrop to a well-told register to his recording and a more involving (if oft-used) tale. What more could you ask for soloist. I found myself wondering momentarily from recreational reading? if Szymanowski ought to sound as French as The story follows the growth of Aurian, Rattle makes him. But the EMI performance is from impetuous Mage-child to mature young Even if Sir Simon Rattle (above) cracked open a in a different league in terms of tone quality and Mage-woman through love, anger, grief and whole case of Cordon Rouge a fortnight ago, he pacing. Dorati sounds rushed in the Scherzo; finally redemption. Although the book centres couldn't have hoped to enjoy a headier Rattle starts off slowly, but after an Ali shuffle on her, the story is told by many characters: celebration of his appearance on the birthday of an accelerando, he and his players float like butterflies. Forral, a swordsman and her Mortal lover; her honours list than this new EMI disc. devoted servant Anvar; Miathan the Arch-Mage The Polish composer Karol Szymanowski (I The other main item on the new disc is the (and arch-villain) to name but a few. think that's 'Shummernoffski', more or less) Stabat Mater. Szymanowski's setting of a Polish Maggie Furey examines all the characters in died in 1937, aged 55. His Third Symphony, version of the lament of Christ's mother at the great depth and as a result the plot becomes a 'The Song of the Night' for tenor, chorus and foot of the cross dates from 1926, ten years after composition of their lives and personalities orchestra, sets a Polish translation of a text by the Third Symphony. His style has become rather than just a sequence of events involving the 13th century Persian mystical poet Jalal ad- more austere, but the music is if anything even people with odd names. Din ar-Rumi. The music is like a blend of more beautiful - try track six. Rattle's first rate Rich and colourful, page-turningly good Scriabin and Debussy; ecstatic, swooning, trio of soloists steal the show; soprano Elzbieta writing - this is fantasy as it should be. (I might perfumed impressionism. Violin and horn Szmytka in particular is radiantly pure and even buy the sequels, when they appear.) melodies aspire giddily, while strands of lustful. [/ think you mean 'lustrous' - Ed.] Indeed I do, bless your cotton socks. Catfish counterpoint teeter along the brink of tonality. Published by: Legend The playing of the City of Birmingham Patrick Wood Price: £4.99

Monty Python's Flying Circus Monty Python's Flying Circus is unlikely to To the uninitiated, the show can seem like a four) certainly contains many recognised Python need any introduction to most readers. Almost televisual version of the freemasons. The classics, including 'Mouse Organ', 'Working everyone knows a Pythonite who will at every stream-of-conciousness flow of the sketches and Class Playwright', 'Nudge Nudge' and 'French opportunity launch into reciting entire scripts the furious surrealism of Terry Gilliam's Flying Sheep Lecture'. The best way to choose with vehemence worthy of a demonic posession. animation bemuse some people and induce which one to buy is to check the handy show Such is the totemic influence of the show on hysterical laughter in others. The Monty Python summaries on the back of the boxes. modern comedy. team's flippant contempt for any convention Even if you aren't a Python fan, buy these The good news is, on the show's 25th created a comedy show in contradiction of all videos now. Your sense of humour may never Anniversary, you can now get some peace. A others. As Michael Palin says: "There was forgive you if you don't. new collection of videos with every episode in really no reason why we did it, but of course, Pestilence chronological order has been released, almost as there was a reason why we did things for no Videos priced £12.99 each, available from all sure to silence a comedy anorak as nailing their reason at all." good retailers. lips to a wall. The first volume (series one, episodes one to

'O, nie spij, druhu, nocy tejF Reviews 7

1! Hamlet M The New Shakespeare Company presents three plays this summer: Hamlet, A Midsummer Night's Dream and The Card. These three plays are being shown at the Open Air Theatre in Regent's Park. If it is a beautiful day with a clear blue sky which leads to a summer night where the starry heavens are revealed, then I believe the night is well accompanied by a Shakespearean play. However, having an open theatre near a popular park is always dangerous, especially if the actors have to shout to be audible. But the company comes up with a neat trick by using the metal concave set to reflect What is wrong my friend? (Hamlet is played by Damian Lewis) their voices into the audience. And a very fitting set it is too, where the apparitions which Hamlet suddenness of all that has happened. From his so long as you just let the atmosphere soak in sees and the scenes where Hamlet is missing is ghost-father he learns that treachery is involved. and didn't concentrate too much, this well integrated with it. From this background the story is unfolded. production could be entertaining. I don't think The play is a shortened version; there is a This is definitely a play not to be missed. this play is for the Shakespearean play critics; it jump in the script where the confrontation of However, I believe this particular production wasn't too bad, but could have been a lot better. Ophelia and Hamlet is cut out for example, so couldn't carry a lot of the weight which the play Jack the play can be confusing in some parts. requires. Bright fading lights, beautiful intricate Open Air Theatre, Regent's Park. Tube: Baker For those not familiar with Shakespearean costumes and such a large set with loud sound Street. 071 486 2431/1933. Tickets: £7-£16.50. texts, the following is the outline of the plot! A effects give the grounding for my feeling that Season ends on 10th September. king dies and his queen marries his brother and the director placed more emphasis on modern in the meantime the son, Hamlet, is in the entertainment value than on the exploration of middle of this and cannot understand the the play. It seemed to run in such a manner that iili: The Egg Or The Scorpion Despite the small cast in this production, each role is essential and professionally portrayed. Initially, the play progresses slowly, but it picks up and becomes a rather emotional and intense experience. I felt that I gradually became as absorbed as the cast in many parts of the play. It is an effective play and has a modern theme. "How civilised are we after 2,000 years of civilisation?" - this is the question that we have to find an answer to during the play. The topic arises from conflicts caused by different ideas and reasoning between each character. A very successful woman, Joan (Anna Kirke), is on her way to a very important dinner at the peak of her career. She and her father, Peter (Bill Bingham), arc confronted suddenly by Julie and Ned (Justine Glenton and Michael Brophy) whose appeals and demands lay a path Joan (Anna Kirke) catches up with her past life when she meets Julie played by Justine Glenton to the past for Joan and her father to explain. The part Julie played by Justine Glenton is overall. However, the sound effects are a bit Etcetera Theatre Club, Camden High St. Tube: particularly convincing. The make-up and disappointing in parts. Camden Town. 071 482 4857. Tickets: £7.50 costumes are subtle and the play is excellent Tom (cones £5). Runs until 2nd June. Find out why White Mice Can't Jump on page 5 Reviews

Sunny Day Real Estate Diary Yet another great band on Sub Pop, it makes you wonder where they keep finding them. While the majors release garbage like 4 Non Blondes and Stone Temple Pilots, Sub Pop release fine albums from Sunny Day Real Estate. Even though they have lost most of their roster within the last few years they are still the most consistent indie label - end of laudanum ed. SDRE themselves are emo-core. This stands for emotional hardcore which mixes heavy music with intense lyrics, in a way reminiscent of Fugazi and Arcwelder but also incorporating the Emma Anderson and Miki Berenyi and the wackiness of Pavement. (8) Mr. Happy Lush experience becomes an increasingly schizophrenic one. Split 'Light from a Dead Star', the opener, is a stand-out marvel. A glockenspiel clockwork Lush have their own sound which I bet brings crescendo that falls away from its choirboy peak sixteen year olds to tears: at least if I was as delicately as it arrived, it's a revelation. 'Kiss sixteen I'd want a piece of it. But the naked Chase' follows and sets the tone; sounds 8 Storey lightness. I duly realise, that's residing beneath gorgeous and bristles with punkish indignation, the welding sparks, acetelyne and melting metal but for a song about child abuse it smiles too could even be derived from a careless merrily away. 'Blackout' is a stormer and Window adolescent listening to Smashing Pumpkins. It's 'Hypocrite' spits where the others stammer. But the unbearable lightness of nothing being there. looking for a lyric, my mind is blank. (Except a 8 Storey Window It's a vacant lot. half forgotten Rose Chronicles refrain: "There's See. Lush are pop. They are Europop nothing there, there's nothing there...") This starts off with promise. 'I Will' is a fine spending its student loan down Kentish Town 'Invisible Man' is an exploration of S&M Nirvana/Pixies influenced song but good and even when they try to come over all Come that squelches with cheap musical thrills and the enough to be original. Unfortunately none of the in 'Desire Lines' it perks up into Sweet Sorrow. well named 'Undertow' disarms the appaling following eight tracks manage to recapture the 1 have never heard their 'Spooky' incarnation failure of 'Never-Never'. Things perk up with a intensity of that opening. The songs themselves but apparently it was very My Bloody Valentine Sunday's polka-dot trot called 'Lit Up', and after are alright but you can't help but wonder when and footwear fixated. Makes sense: but here 'Starlust' we can only point our fingers and the crunching sound of guitars is going to start. their overlayed guitars sail out through the shout exactly. Then it ends with 'When I Die', The album is produced by Levitation window after four bars, cut short, one following "a chewn!" exclaims a techno-friend who should frontman, Terry Bickers, which could be one of another. A long chain of false starts and stick to his Black Dog and drugs. Here in indie- the reasons for their lack of intensity, Levitation forgotten pedals sailing toward the four minute angst land we hanker for substance abuse and themselves have never been known for loud horizon. Which isn't to say the effect is 'Split' is pretty but pretty substanceless stuff. guitars. But 8 Storey Window are trying hard, unpleasant, just disconcerting. Put it together Lush - a good idea? Probably. But given their they're just missing that vital ingredient at the with the symbiotic harmonies and vocal solos of past, I have to say 'still' not yet. (6) Owain moment. (6) Mr. Happy

A curtain begins to fall, it's time to fiddle wish that I could write like..."Jon, you're a slag. dimensional macho grunge rock but this is the around in the bottom of my belly button and That wasn't my Beastie Boys review. I told you usual start-stop song fuelled by angry shouts." remove all that fluff which has accumulated. I was going to write it later and here it is." We'll end on a note worthy of all the music Sphinx coasts out to the end of term, as Sheryl Eeeerkk I've been rumbled, Sphinx continues page has tried to encourage this year with Fuzzy Crow is'Leaving Las Vegas'. "Just because properly: "How do you interpret the Beaslie and their single, 'Flashlight'. More Bostonians she's got a sexy voice and projects a rock-chick Boys when they rap so aggressively but the bursting out of the metalwork of a modern pop image doesn't make her public property. She's dialogue smacks of baby-faced naivety? I'd city. The guitars are crisp and the twin vocals seen it all before and is now just singing about rather slide down a razor blade into a vat of are interconnected like the synchromesh on a it. No doubt Sheryl Crow has at one time left lemon juice than listen to 'Get It Together' 1953 Buick. Of the three tracks available there's Las Vegas." Huh? that man is on the pulse, and again." Well I'm glad we sorted that out. even one called 'Thurher, which maybe after so he quickly pressures up to the Beastie Boys. Helmet remain a part of one dimensional the American writer and illustrator, and even if On 'Gel It Together' he is succinct to the point macho grunge rock machine on 'Biscuit For it isn't I remain impressed 'cos they fooled me. of, well I don't know. "The first one is complete Smut'. As Mr Happy quoths, "in the past, Defluffed and fancy free, 1 wipe away some crap. The second one is more like it." 1 only Helmet have been accused of being one saline solution from my eyes, au rcvoir. Tintin Cos I'm leaving Las Vegas today Reviews 9

0 Beverly Hills Cop III Slurring: Eddie Murphy, Judge Reinhold, Hector Elizondo, Theresa Randle Director: John Landis

Where ' I' was an outright comedy and '2' was just a piece of good-looking rubbish, '3' is a true action-comedy, very typical of director John Landis whose credits include Into The Night and An American Werewolf In London. The opening car-chase is a good one, punctuated by some very funny moments and it's soon clear that Eddie Murphy is back on form after twaddle like Harlem Nights. The plot concerns a bunch of counterfeiters posing as a security firm for a Disneylandesque theme park in order to use the park as a base for their printing operations. When they kill a bunch of Detroit carjackcrs who've recovered a truck containing forged notes, the ensuing shootout takes the life of Axel Foley's boss. As a result, Foley traces the suitably camp (heh-heh-heh) bad guys back to Beverly Hills The return of Eddie Murphy as the cop with attitude where he follows them to do that whole vengeance thing. cameos abound from, among others, director happy. For all you Arnie fans out there, it's got The film suffers a little from some rather Barbet Schroeder, ye olde effects man Ray a reasonably high body count too. Definitely ropey special effects and a rather vacuous (why Harryhausen and George Lucas. Although some worth watching in a good mood, Saturday night am I not surprised?) love-interest, albeit one of the sets look a tad cheap and the script is kind of way. which leads to the best gag in the movie. On the distinctly lightweight, Cop 3 has enough action jk plus side there're a couple of quite big sequences and some rather odd humour while it Out today. MGM Fulham Road, £6 (£3.50 explosions and as you'd expect from Landis lasts to keep most popcorn-movie fans like me before 6pm).

tSSSKifSi

Starring: Robert Burke, Nancy Allen, Rip Torn Utopian super-metropolis. As our cyan cyborg Director: Fred Dekker observes the ruthless methods of this Japanese- RoboCop 3 headed construction company, he manages to If you didn't like the first RoboCop film then have his priorities reprogrammed and thereby don't even read the billboards for this one. Even joins the community's resistance movement. if you liked both of the first two, then read the Three robotic ninjas are the only billboards for this one and don't go any further. surmountable obstacles for our fashion- The RoboCop series is on the wrong end of a conscious friend but, with aid of a prototype jet- 1/x asymptote. pack (conveniently stumbled upon), Detroit and Let's play a game of word association. I'll all its happy families are saved. start: The series' makers also reveal that RoboCop S RoboCop 3 himself is DOS operated - we know from P Asinine special effects seeing 'command.com' on his function screen. S RoboCop 3 Maybe this is why he don't work so good. P Heinous acting RoboCop 3 is intended to tug at your heart S Um, RoboCop 3 strings and make you wonder about the p Hugely objectionable dialogue humanity of cyborgs. Purse strings, we think. S La la la RoboCop 3 You merely wonder what a cyborg with half a p Nicely chunky soundtrack face is doing wearing quite so much lip gloss. It This word game is getting boring, not unlike is actually a different guy under all that armour the RoboCop films themselves. So, let's have a plating but you can't tell because he wears the quick narration of the storyline. same shade of lipstick. With immunity from the police department, Why waste your time? an international corporate giant is tearing down Sphinx & Pestilence the not-so-affluent middle-class neighbourhoods Out today. Odeon Kensington, £6, £6.50 (£3.50 Return of the cyborg cop with altitude of Detroit with a view to creating Delta City, a before 6pm).

Monty Python's Flying Circus is out on video - see page 6 10 Opinion / Puzzle Page College Maintenance's Open Door Policy

Dear Bee, the sort of situation to come back to after a hard desk, bed and table, leaving me as a typical If there's one thing that you would assume day of work. junk-hoarding student to pack it all in to boxes, every student in hall is entitled to it's the The letter 1 received had promised that there making it even more convenient for any knowledge that for one year at least your room would be no inconvenience, which I had potential would-be thief to lay their greedy mitts is somehow yours. When you lock the door it stupidly assumed meant for me. Well as long as on. stays locked and you are safe in the knowledge the maintenance men were not too In times when we are actively encouraged to that no-one else can get their hands on your well inconvenienced then I guess it's alright. 'lock our rooms at all times' especially to collected stuff. If this was just an isolated incident then I discourage 'opportunist thieving', I do think The vital exception to this of course is may have found it in my heart to forgive such that the people in charge should keep a tighter maintenance staff who have the right to enter a gross negligence, but no! A few months ago I, reign over the one thing that is out of the student's room in hall to do the sort of fun along with others in hall, was promised a new students' control - namely maintenance work, exciting stuff that maintenance staff do: like carpet. Great, at last! (or so I thought). The after all it's their responsibility, not ours! giving you a new carpet or even a new bed (!). carpet itself was fitted fine, but as with this Yours from a locked room somewhere in However you would at least expect them not latest incident I was somewhat surprised to Southside, to leave your room open - that would be like return to my room one lunchtime to discover Miss J Decock & Co. fetching your jumper from a friend's car, only that not only was my door wide open and all of to leave it unlocked (the car, not the jumper) my furniture was out on the landing, but there when you return to the pub . was no-one about to be responsible for it. But at St Mary's Hospital LINKS Group As you can imagine, I was not impressed least I wasn't alone - the other three rooms on We are the student body of St John's when 1 returned to my room tonight (Tuesday) the landing were in a similar state. ambulance and provide first aid cover for to find it unlocked. I knew I was due to get a For both incidents I was promised that the West End theatres, London venues eg. new bed (I had been given a letter saying one work would be supervised at all times, and it Wimbledon and also public events. would be delivered the day before) and as it had probably was at the time, but that's really of We will be running a course, 'Communication arrived when I got back 1 can only assume that little help when either my furniture is left out With The Deaf And Blind' on the first three it must have been the trusty maintenance men for all to steal, or worse it's left in my room Tuesdays in October. Anyone interested in that had left my door unlocked. with the door unlocked for all to steal - it was a attending should contact us via the LINKS To add to my concern, they had left my room nightmare! For the carpet fitting I'd even been pigeonhole at St Mary's. in a tip (well even more of a tip than usual), not asked to clear all of my stuff off of the floor, CrOSSWOrd de Sphinx et Pestilence A light, delicate taster lovingly marinated in red wine and served on a bed of amusingly shaped but pitifully small Welsh parsnips.

Across 1. Fool in escape from intelligence (8) 5. Been stiffed? (4,2) 9. Enough trouble in the Royal Society makes things stormy (8) 10. South Africa left with 30 fish (6) 12. Least favoured are the United Nations and the German hounds (9) 13. Give thanks to the sailor for the Mongol (5) 14. Prospects for gold and breaks back (4) 16. A form of support for Munster in trouble (7) 19. Show a preference for Lima revolution - it's for the best (7) 21. Short-lived fashioned of the East will pale into non-existence (4) 24. Not even liar is rude to a landowner (5) 25. Confront with the best make-up (4,5) 27. They are for watching students (6) 28. At House No. 50, ULU makes capital (8) 29&30. An Apology for saying "Merde"? (6,2,6)

Down 1. A green issue about the King (6) 2. Beats with old weights (6) 3. Alien and woman put together an organic compound (5) 4. Mod cons used to offer some protection (7) 6. Political system Edith sorts out after a division (9) 7. Relegating display for the first time before a gin cocktail (8) 8. View gold in South American country (8) 11. Employs the first undergraduates satisfying every specification (4) 15. I roll a concoction round mad animal (9) 21. Plant in artifact or yellow pot (7) 17. Contraceptive brought up through a coil - how sweet (8) 22. About to go, then come back (6) 18. Flashy performer! (8) 23. Take by surprise with a brief "Morning, Mr President" (6) 20. It's not right to be abandoned (4) 26. Love rich organisation of singers (5) Answers to this crossword are on the next page (no peeking!) Opinion 11 Editorial Too Mild? Dear Beccy, Those of you fortunate enough to get hold of he needed to settle in and find his feet. I also Yet again you have been too restrained in this issue of Felix will notice that it is not in felt that slagging the Union off from the start your editorial comment. quite the normal form. This is because, for the would give a bad impression to first years, Simon Baker is an immature prat and he has third time in almost as many weeks the litho has putting them off getting involved in anything to almost no understanding of his chosen subjects. broken down, making it impossible to produce do with the Union. But it doesn't seem to have What's more he completely ignores or fails to Felix in the normal way. Instead, we have spent made any difference. Look at the attendance at understand the response which he aims to the whole of today photocopying as many the UGMs, or at how difficult it has been to fill generate from his letters. His incessant rambling copies as possible. At a rough estimate, only all the Officer posts these past months. and insatiable whining go to show just how about 400 will make it into the departments. Also, the Felix news team unfortunately grossly ignorant he is. What's more they make Anyway, onto other things. Like the attempt consisted of people with no previous experience terribly boring reading. at a no confidence motion at last week's AGM. in the Union and Union politics, people who With reference to my crossword competition Why was it left so late? But then it wouldn't had no real desire to show up all the errors and feature which he keeps bringing up, like most of have achieved much would it?. Andy Wensley no knowledge of how it should be done. I am my exploits, it was conducted tongue-in-cheek. would have been supervised during the not a news reporter and so I lacked the ability to Not for the first time I'm sure, the joke is on him. handover period and that would have been show them what to do. Doo-ee, about it. If Lucy has any sense she won't trust But, as time went on, things got worse. Andy Simon Shaw anything he tells her in the next month and will made more and more mistakes and all people Sphinx (1992-94) find everything out from people who know what did about it was sit around and moan amongst they're talking about. themselves. The people who proposed and Sadly, Felix this year has let Mr Wensley supported the no confidence motion had been have a very easy time of it. We should have talking about it for months. Why oh why didn't TWF Thanks reported on his mistakes much earlier than we they do something about it earlier. Then maybe did. I started the year letting his first few the Union could have been something worth Dear Beccy, mistakes pass unnoticed, thinking foolishly that bothering with. Just a quick note to thank all the people who were involved in the highly successful Latin SMALL ADS Night last friday. The evening succeeded in The Truth...? raising a sizeable sum of money for the Art classes over the summer. Leave a message Westnell Nursery Peru. Special thanks to: for LeoSoc in Union pigeonholes or mail Dear Beccy, All the Union staff. hji@doc. I am somewhat reticent to finally admit it, Mick, the bar manager for the streamers. but Felix has fallen victim to an hilarious ruse. The staff at Da Vinci's. Membership cards. If your club or society As my good friend Simon Baker (a pseudonym: The ents people. needs membership cards printed for the next his real name is Sheldon) mentioned in his saga Sophia for the great disco. academic year, please contact the Print Unit as of spoof letters, the puny reporting of the The security and stewards. soon as possible. procedural ranglings (sickening) over the All from Third World First who helped out. constitution completely failed to get to the Yours sincerely, Wanted: Simon Baker. OK, I lied. bottom of the story. The bottom itself was of ICU Third World First course Mr Baker, and he continued to produce what bottoms do for far too long. I am sorry. Answers to last week's Had I known he was such an absurd gasbag I Credits would never have involved him in my master plan. And I thought it was so clever. Printer: Jules Decock (Editor) Elimination Yours sincerely, Andy Thompson Feature: a Take Stock 36, 70 ho Rock Bottom 33,74 Mike Ingram. b Breast Stroke 75,90 aa Drop Goal 14, 19 Business Managers: Dennis Saw, Jr c Human Race 57, 30 ab Hands Down 55, 13 Steven Newhouse d First Lady 52, 24 ac Dow Jones 1,58 Answers to this week's Simon Govier Spot The Spoof Story: e Madam Speaker 61, 104 ad Service, Admirer 103,93 Owain Bennallack f 109,31 Mother Tongue 85,91 Interest Rate ae Tim St Clair g Church Mouse 77,62 af Duty Free 15, 18 News: 73,50 Crossword h Left Wing 25,40 ag White Dwarf Mike Ingram i River, Balance 67,94 ah Stocking Filler 112,81 Joe McFadden Cover Design: Cross Country 47,97 J Born Liar 10,26 ai a i A 4 Patrick Wood Tim St Clair 107,114 aaaa k Straight Away 113,6 aj District. Victoria i ^_ 0 1 Reflex Angle 86, 41 ak Skeleton Key 111,2 s pi a p TWT m Part Company 29, 96 al Bear Witness 9,106 n p In i 0 N 0 HMS II I I Id n la Opera: Collators: n Vacuum Cieaner 92, 95 am Needs, Memory 64,84 EI m CI a ana a Patrick Wood (Editor) Penguin 0 High Time 22,37 an Sheet Music 68,63 3 0 V Mike Ingram Half Mast 21,27 ana i P Pot. Smack 4, 69 ao Theatre: Tim St Clair q Good Grief 20, 54 ap National Front 110, 53 El H a a a a Fai Fung (Editor) Patrick Wood r Diamond Ring 99,32 aq Black Market 42,82 QOCIEl nacinnaEi s 65,7 Detains, Instead 98, 102 Steven Newhouse Piggy Bank ar a El t Well Done 39, 12 as Spirit Level 88,60 EI D Cinema: Joe McFadden u Vicious Circle 105, 78 al Bare Facts 8,51 Wei Lee (Editor) Juliette Decock V Fountain Pen 108,3 Happy Medium 56, 83 au a a a aura a Sphinx & Pestilence w Political Career 116,76 av Civil Rights 45,87 U s a N X 23,80 91 o | q | a a o JK Addition to last Double Dutch 79,49 aw King Edward aana 1 1 y Brain Wave 43, 38 ax Devil, Herring 48, 100 week's 'Those who N n $ N l 3 a|H |9 |D o z Urn. Earn 5, 16 ay Spot Check 35,44 a 0 aW 1 a a a Music: were part of the Felix L1I11 Least Squ;tre 59, 89 az Radar, Malayalam 66, 115 team 1993/94': 17,71 a a Jon Jordan (Editor) er Navy. Whale 28, 72 oh Face Value a 3 a H = ENMMI D ' a hi Roll Call 34, 11 my Grandfather Clock 117,46 *8 Books: Andrew Tseng. Thank you to everyone who has helped get this issue out icu ents presents END OF TERM PARTY FRI 24TH JUNE Union Building

featuring... Blessed Ethel + support Disco after until 3am Bar until 2am

Tickets available priced £2 from Imperial College Union Office. Doors Open 8pm, First band on stage 9.30pm (approx.) Location: Imperial College Union, Beit Quad, Prince Consort Rd. Nearest Tube: South Kensington. Details: Call 071-594 8060 Right of Admission Reserved. Details Subject to Change Without Notification.

Judy Garland won't be appearing (obviously! but we thought she'd add a bit of class to this poster.

Felix is produced for and on behalf of Imperial College Union Publications Board and is printed by the Imperial College Union Print Unit, Prince Consort Road, London SW7 2BB (Tel: 071 225 8672). FELiX Editor: Rebecca Land. Business Managers: Simon Govier, Steven Newhouse The Student Newspaper of Imperial Colleoe Copyright Felix 1994. ISSN 1040-071 1