Women Humorous All Kiding Aside Bums--Evelyn Bums--Mary Bus Stop Coupla Chicks Courtship 'dentity crisis Diary Adam/Eve Diviners Fortinbras House of Blue Lv Greater Tuna Jakes Women-Ma Jakes Women-Ka Loss of Roses Killdeer Last of Lovers Luv Marriage Bet/boo Mary, Mary Miss Firecracker More fun Bowling Naomi Living Rm Missing Marisa One Sunday Play it again, Sam Primary English Sister Mary-Sis Slow Dance Anton in Show Stanton's Garage Starspangled Girl Sylvia Vanities Laundry & Bourbon #1 Nothing butNonsense #1 Nothing but Nonsense #2 Couple White Chicks Criminal Hearts #1 The Foreigner Learning to Drive Audition is Over Criminal Hearts #2 Triplet, the bride Jakes Women Nice People Dancing Good Final Dress Rehearsal Come Blow Your Horn Bedroom Farce Couple White Chicks 2 Country Music2 Cleopatra, on Suicide Laundry & Bourbon #2 Plaza Suite--Norma #1 Plaza Suite--Norma #2 Delicate Balance Schoolhouse Rock/Conspiracy Catholic Schoolgirls #2 Oh Dad, Poor Dad, Butterflies are Free Theory Dramatic Agnes of God All the way home Anne of 1000 day Bad Seed Brighton Beach Brdway Bound Cat on Tin Roof 1 Cat on Tin Roof 2 Catholic School Central Pk West Crimes the Hrt 1 Crimes the Hrt 2 Crucible Dark top Stairs Diary Anne Frank Father's Day Gamma Rays 1 I Never Sang Dad I ought to be in pic Lemon Sky I'm a Stranger Independence Invisible Friends Kennedy's Child Nice People Danc Lettice & Lovage Little Foxes Lost in Yonkers 'night mother Seascape Our Town Outrageous Picnic Out of Father's Roosters She Was Lost Sign in Sidney Sister Mary-Di Stage Door To Be Young Gifted Blk Streetcar #1 Streetcar #2 Summertree Taken in Marriag Two for Seesaw The Guest Teach Me How to Cry #1 Rashoman The Necklace She was Lost file:///C|/Documents%20and%20Settings/Administrator/Desktop/Womens%20Monologues.html (1 of 145) [8/8/2008 3:20:36 PM] Women A Tantalizing Teach Me How to Cry #2 Seascape Sharks &Dancers Dog Eat Dog Come Back Little Sheba Impromptu Don't Look Down Getting Out Voices--Kate Voices--Grace Chicago--Roxy Hart Dancing w/Devil--Young woman Laundry & Bourbon #3 Haiku--Nell Never Been Kissed- movie Lily Dale They Shoot Fat Women (TV) Sisterhood of Traveling Pants Quilters Annie Quilters 2 Quilters 3 Quilters 4 Nuts Oh Dad, Poor Dad Classic Monologues (pre 1904) CLICK HERE FOR THE COMPLETE WORKS OF WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE AYLI = As You Like It MOV = Merchant of Venice R & J = Romeo & Juliet MAAN = Much Ado About nothing MND = A Midsummer's Night Dream AYLI Ros 3-2 AYLI Ros 5-2 AYLI 5-4 Ros Ep AYLI Phebe 3-5 AYLI Phe #2 3-5 MOV Port 1-1 MOV Por 3-2 MOV Por 4-1 MND Fairy 2-1 MND Hel#1/1-1 MND Hel #2 2-2 MND Her #1 3-2 MNDHel #3 3-2 MAAN Bea 2-1 R& J Jul 2-2 White Devil Doll's House Ideal Husband Hamlet-Ophelia Psyche The Miser--Frosine Midsummer's White Liars The Seagull Monologues not from scripts--appropriate for theatre one Amanda Amy's View Annie Arcata Promise Barbara Betty Brianne Cindy Darlene Doll's Life Ellen Felicia Jill Kate Love is a Place Marcie Mary Rose Sharon Shirley Sophistry The Audition Unwedded Victoria Strange Snow Draw the Line Going to extremes Gossip It's not you Kill our love life Karen Look at Yourself Love Pill Magnetic Person Making Scenes Migraines Mr. Universe Good Behavior Meticulous Person Mother's Day Modern Day Manners One Moment Only Ketchup Sense of Humor Seductive Betrayal Outcast Delinquent Ashley Picture of Perfection Ditched Hello Rick Alexis Phone Crazy (comedy) Hallmark Holiday Confused Teen The Divorce Emily--drama Real (drama) Wrong and Ready (comedy) (humorous) Driver's License is The First Day Piece of Cake file:///C|/Documents%20and%20Settings/Administrator/Desktop/Womens%20Monologues.html (2 of 145) [8/8/2008 3:20:36 PM] Women AGNES OF GOD by John Pielmeier AGNES Where do babies come from? Well, I think they come from when an angel lights on their mother's chest and whispers into her ear. That makes good babies start to grow. Bad babies come when a fallen angels squeezes in down there. I don't know where good babies come out. (Silence) And you can't tell the difference except that bad babies cry a lot and make their fathers go away and their mothers get very ill and die sometimes. Mummy wasn't very happy when she died and I think she went to hell because every time I see her she looks like she just stepped out of a hot shower. And I'm never sure if it's her or the Lady who tells me things. They fight over me all the time. The Lady I saw when I was ten. I was lying on the grass looking at the sun and the sun became a cloud and the cloud became the Lady, and she told me she would talk to me and then her feet began to bleed and I saw there were holes in her hands and in her side and I tried to catch the blood as it fell from the sky but I couldn't see any more because my eyes hurt because there were big black spots in from of them. And she tells me things like--right now she's crying, "Marie, Marie!" but I don't know what she means. And she uses me to sing. It's as if she's throwing a big hook under my ribs and tries to pull me up but I can't move because Mummy is holding my feet and all I can do is sing in her voice, it's the Lady's voice, God loves you! (silence) God loves you. (silence) I don't eat because I have been commanded by God. I'm getting fat, there's too much flesh on me. I have to be attractive to God. He hates fat people. It's a sin to be fat. Look at all the statues. They're thin. That's because they're suffering. Suffering is beautiful. I want to be beautiful. Christ said it in the Bible. He said, "Suffer the little children, for of such is the Kingdom of Heaven." I want to suffer like a little child. I am a little child, but my body keeps getting bigger. I don't want it to get bigger because then I won't be able to fit in. I won't be able to squeeze into Heaven. I'm too fat! Look at this--I'm a blimp! God blew up the Hindendburg. He'll blow up me. That's what Mummy said. But if I stay little, it won't happen. She says God presents us to our mothers in bundles of eight pounds six ounces. I have to be eight pounds again. I'm being punished. I don't know why. (she holds out her hand, bleeding) It started this morning, and I can't get it to stop. Why me? Why me? ALL KIDDING ASIDE by Charles Johnson Scotty Welcome to the show. My name is Scotty Devlin. I know what you’re all thinking… How come she has a boy’s name? Actually my real name is Heidi. But I had to change it when I lost my virginity. Everyone named Heidi must change their name when they lose their virginity. That’s the rule. Look at these girls over here all rustling through their programs. You’re all Heidis, right? Sorry. Am I embarrassed or what? Actually, I lied to you. Scotty is my real name. You see, when I was born the doctor was either far-sighted or a prankster, because as I popped out, I remember it vividly, he declared "it’s a boy." In fact, I was a boy until my mother changed my diapers for the first time. Can you imagine their surprise. My mother fainted. My father just stared, "he can’t be my boy." I was in stitches.They tried calling me Judy for a while but I just wouldn’t respond. Would you have? There’s a Heidi nodding her head. Oh, by the way, the part about all Heidis having to change their names when they lose their virginity, I didn’t lie about hat. That is a known fact. Yes, it’s true. Think about it. How many grown women do you know named Heidi? All the Heidis I know are about 8 years old with long blond braids down their backs. They all wear pink dirndls with little white aprons. And are surrounded by goats. They skip their way into high school, getting A’s in Home Ec. Then one day, probably on their 21st birthday- wham- Veronica, Yvonne, Desiree. This is absolutely true, I promise you. You’ve never heard of a child being called Yvonne, have you? If I had been called Judy, I’d have to change my name when I Women stopped wearing bangs. Have you ever met a seventy year old woman named Judy? It sounds like she should be chewing gum and skipping rope.I’m not making this up. Right before middle age sets in, Cindys become Harriet, or Beatrice, they have that option. All Wendy’s die at puberty. Regrettable, but necessary. I sort of like being called Scotty, besides it’s better than my middle name- Doug. Look, I gotta run. But before I go, I just want to say that I hope all the guys who are sitting here tonight with a girl named Heidi, wake up tomorrow morning with a Desiree.