Cruising 904.01 ACT3
cruising 904.01 ACT3 . cruising campaign the ins booklet final & outsof hooking up for men last call for edits / comments all edits of june 2 are in...
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june 3, 2005 There are many reasons why men meet other men: for friendship, introduction 1 for a sense of community, to find a boyfriend, to have sex. There 2 safe & guilt-free sex are many ways to meet men: the bar/nightclub/dance party 4 joining recreational or sports groups, getting involved with the bathhouse 6 religious, cultural or social bath hygiene 10 organizations or volunteering with the internet & phone lines 12 community groups. the sex party/orgy 15 If we’re looking to meet men for sex, there are also many options. table of contents the park 17 However, we might have many the public washroom 19 questions about these options.
public sex safety 20 What really happens in a bar or inviting guys home 21 bathhouse; the phone and internet chat lines; in parks or public washrooms? cruising 101 : some tips 22 How can I protect myself and others dealing with rejection/ when cruising in these places? How do I learning how to say no 26 let someone know I’m interested, or prejudice & discrimination 27 not? What if guys reject me? 30 HIV and casual sex This Handy Dandy How-To the ins & outs of cruising 39 Handbook will hopefully answer these and other questions. It was glossary of terms* 40 *blue-coloured words in this developed for those of us who are handy dandy booklet either new to cruising or curious about hooking up for sex in different places.
1 safe & guilt-free sex 3 is cruising cruise , the things we can do to , the things we can e’re not identifying places e’re not identifying earning about the culture of the the culture about earning L you where places a if you want to have important By experience. fun and healthy be you’ll what to expect, knowing the risk to reduce better prepared (the or passing on HIV of getting other causes AIDS) and virus that infections sexually transmitted or gonorrhea. (STIs) like syphilis nobody ever This is important: when told us what to expect cruising get the most of our to protect experience, or how to need We ourselves and others. we can. learn as much as W where men have sex with each other in order to classify them as risky places for HIV or other STIs. these places can be as Rather, safe as you make them. It doesn’t having sex with matter if you’re someone in a bathhouse, in a in park, in the back of your car, your bedroom, or in the elevator risky sex can of the CN Tower: happen anywhere. It’s up to you to reduce the risks. . This can or enjoy cruise public sex or
There’s no need to feel guilty or There’s no need ashamed if you casual sex be difficult as society still holds be difficult as society sex between negative views about have been raised in may guys. We cultures that hold negative views about sex, sexuality or sex might have between men. We unrealistic attitudes about what happens in certain places, or the kinds of men who use these sex is normal places. However, and healthy. safe & guilt-free sex guilt-free & safe 2 Not all of us look for sex when we If you’re looking for sex at bars, clubs or go out clubbing or partying, but if parties, here are some things to consider: you’re looking, it can be easy to find - whether in the washrooms, Always carry a to tell a friend in the middle of the dance floor or condom and lube before you leave, in a dark corner. We might also packet with you, and introduce the use the bar, club or party as a even if you don’t person you have place to meet partners to go plan to have sex just met to your home with. that night, or even if friend(s). you say you would Sex inside the bar or never fuck in a club. club is not legal and If you’re feeling it’s possible that the
depressed or angry, management or the bar/nightclub/dance party going out and security staff will ask looking for sex you to leave if might not be a great you’re caught. idea. You might be If you do drugs, more willing to do know how they the bar/nightclub/dance party something you affect you physically usually wouldn’t do. and mentally. If you choose to Check out leave the club with someone, it’s best www.torontovibe.com.
If you do drugs and look for sex when going out to the clubs or big dance parties, recent local research suggests that you might be more likely to have unsafe sex if you consider sex to be an important part of the excitement of going out, if you use more than one drug, if you mix drugs and alcohol or if you use crystal meth (tina). 4 5 the bathhouse 7 ou enter Y an entrance lobby where you pay to get lobby where you entrance either rent a room/cubicle can in. You will have Some places or a locker. can You types of rooms. different for different usually rent rooms/lockers baths make you time periods. Most This you enter. sign a receipt before for formal identification signature isn’t to assist you purposes; it is merely you lose your key or and staff in case number. forget your room/locker charge you a one-Some places will fee. time membership the entrance paid, Once you’ve attendant will buzz you inside through He’ll hand you your a locked door. room/locker key that usually has an can elastic band attached to it so you arm keep your key around your wrist, or ankle. He will also hand you a clean a towel. Most venues will hand you free condom. Some places will have free condoms available - just ask a can’t staff person where they are if you Some baths will offer a free see any. security box for you to store your for valuables, like wallets or watches, safe keeping. entering the space entering eople who go to baths eople get HIV and STIs Both HIV-positive and Both HIV-positive P P : :
eople who go to baths That’s people where P Only HIV-positive guys Only HIV-positive HIV-negative men go to the baths. men HIV-negative HIV know their Guys who don’t status also go to the baths. FACT FACT FACT: all over the place, not just in the baths. do not necessarily have more casual sexual partners.
Bathhouses (baths) are used for are (baths) Bathhouses guys While most many reasons. go for sex, men also go there men relax, to meet other there to exercise, and to to socially, their aspects of explore various also many There are sexuality. the go to reasons guys don’t some of baths. Unfortunately, mispercep-these are based on fears: tions and unfounded Myth: get HIV or other STIs. Myth: are more “promiscuous”. Myth: go to the baths. the bathhouse the 6 the bathhouse 9 in the cruise in the same Once you’ve Once your found cruise open or semi-open doors. If you the experience the locker or room, relax for a while. relax or room, locker to undress expected you’re Although your waist, your towel around and wear guys Although many have to. you don’t shoes on or some keep walk barefoot, to always Make sure bring slippers. you as it has your have your key on on it. room/locker number is positioned inside The way someone the type of sex their room can suggest always but this isn’t they’re looking for, on his stomach might true. A guy lying wants to get fucked, be telling you he face up might be while a guy lying or to fuck. looking to get sucked you can If you rent a locker, hallways and public spaces. You can hallways and public spaces. You also look into rooms with open doors. knock on closed doors. Only Don’t cruise rent a room, you can of but you also have the option way, the staying in your room and leaving looking for door open to suggest you’re can sit or lie on your bed, or sex. You stand by the doorway. group or sex in front sound travels sound rooms, between the adding to sexualized but atmosphere you also giving Guys less privacy. use dark public rooms for sex of other people. These spaces can sometimes be very dark so be careful not to walk into a wall! Different baths create different atmospheres and sometimes attract specific types of guys. Explore the baths to find ones in which you are comfortable. Many have websites where you can view the premises before you actually go to them. t
the environmen the Baths are typically Baths a maze laid out as of corridors, rooms/cubicles, rooms, dark public shower and public and toilet areas. Many baths will also have wet and dry saunas, gym rooms, porn video rooms, whirlpools, other interesting sexual play spaces and non-sexual relaxation lounges. If it’s your first time at this bath, look for a map on the wall to locate your locker or room, or ask a staff person for help. It may take you a while to but orient yourself, this can be part of the fun. Room/cubicle walls reach usually don’t so the ceiling, the bathhouse the 8 the bathhouse 11 void body shaving void body void intimate eep your hands your eep K from your away ears, mouth, nose, and hair. eyes coughs Cover your and sneezes. A before having intimate physical/sexual contact with others. A physical/sexual con- tact with others if you have an open sore, infected cut, boil, cough or cold. Bathhouses are legal spaces since Every they’re licensed by the city. space within a bathhouse, except the space licensed for alcohol, is considered private space. ash hands void over-using void sharing void brushing or soles of your feet if feet your of soles walk choose to you barefoot. W with warm regularly soap. water and A hand alcohol-based as they sanitizers dry your skin, increasing risk for cracked skin. A towels. Make sure your towel is between yourself and the bench inside sauna/steam rooms. A flossing your teeth at least one hour before sex. Check yourself regularly for sores, rashes or pimples. Cover any sores or cuts, especially the ollow these F guidelines if you’re blow ).
Shower with soap between each sexual partner (this includes jobs
bath hygiene going to have sex in the baths. Many of going to have sex in the baths. Many these tips are good for other sex situations. Baths are mainly about sex. about mainly are Baths they’reHowever than that. more socialize, to relax, are places They in the sights. just take out, or work to avoid disappointment, One way if you and frustration depression take advantage find sex is to don’t other uses. of these of us feel Unfortunately some to certain pressured to conform to the baths sexual norms. Going sex mean you must have doesn’t as you can in with as many guys there’s one night, although wrong with absolutely nothing this if it’s be what you want. Just try to be someone Don’t yourself. not. you’re the bathhouse the 10 the internet & phone lines 13 cruising with Don’t assume the Don’t person you’re hooking up knows how to protect themself from HIV transmission. Sometimes of from the comfort your home might give you a false sense of safety. Just because you’re inviting people back to your place, or going over to other people’s homes, doesn’t at mean you’re lesser risk for HIV transmission. The internet and the phone lines can sometimes online or on the online or cruising void giving out eep a record of K where you are going when going over to someone’s place. A your phone number and address too freely to strangers. inviting If you’re someone home and you live in an apartment, meet them at the entrance lobby. This way you avoid giving out your entry code and apartment number. It’s also easier to turn someone down if they’re not already in your apartment. Here are some tips to keep in mind some tips to keep Here are when phone lines: ). If cruising in gay hook up party and play or
. You can . You century bathhouse and is century bathhouse
st nP (P&P The internet has been called the has been called The internet 21 changing the way many of us the way many of changing cruise ads on chat rooms, post or be part of - websites, watch - shows. On live personal webcam can listen to phone lines, you messages, and messages, leave men. talk live with other both the The anonymity of lines often internet and phone to more freely allows some of us explore our sexual fantasies. Sexual exploration is healthy; exploration sexual however, without proper knowledge can be example, some guys For risky. might advertise that they’re into P you’re exploring other types of you’re make sure you know sex play, getting yourself into what you’re and what potential risks there might be before you engage in these activities. the internet & phone lines phone & internet the 12 Most of us find out about sex the sex party/orgy parties or orgies by speaking to someone who has already been to one. You might be personally invited or added to an email list. Some online sex sites have de-humanize the It can be easy to sections devoted to helping cruising situation. isolate yourself from organize sex parties. Parties can Remember, you’re the real world when be located in someone’s house or interacting with you cruise online or apartment, hotel rooms or a another person. over the phone. bathhouse. Events that take place Don’t be rude. Be Look out for the in a private residence might aware of the following signs: you include dinner and conversation language you use aren’t going out as to start the evening. There might when responding. much, or no longer be introductions, ice breakers to hanging out with It’s easier for other get people comfortable, and a your usual friends. people to lie about discussion of ground rules. Make sure to keep themselves when Depending on the size of the your social you aren’t actually event, there might be multiple interactions with meeting them for rooms, each differently themed. others – be it the first time face- There may also be non-sexual friends, family or
the internet & phone lines to-face. You can’t areas if you want to take a break. co-workers. control this. Think in Some events are ‘safer sex only’ advance about what parties. Others may leave it up to you would do if you to decide. There are bareback someone you cruised is not what he made himself out to be.
14 15 parties where guys engage in the park unprotected fucking. Check in advance to know what type of Some of us cruise in certain parks party you’re going to. If you arrive with out-of-the-way areas that are at a bareback party but weren’t known as places where we can expecting it to be one, don’t feel find casual sex. These might be pressured to participate. If you’re wooded or sheltered areas, or going to a bareback party, check areas with nature trails and out www.actoronto.org/bareback bushes. Some parks are busier at for more information. night while others are more active Some of us like to have one-on-one sex, in the morning or afternoon. the sex party/orgy the sex some of us like group sex, and some of Some parks close at night, so if us like sex in front of other people. Sex you cruise there at night, park parties can be a lot of fun but can also security or police have the right to present particular risks. It can be ask you to leave. difficult to keep track of what is going on when there’s a group of guys, and Usually, park cruising areas are maybe girls, having sex around you. If separate from the areas where you’re a top, make sure to change the guys actually have sex. Cruising condom with each different person that areas could include the parking lot you fuck. If you’re the bottom, check to or nature trails. Sex areas are see that the other guy puts on a new usually in denser, bushier zones. condom before he fucks you to make Here are some tips if you cruise in sure he’s not wearing a condom that he the parks: used to fuck someone else. Periodically check, with your hand, to make sure that Avoid being Be aware of seen by those your surround- guys are using condoms, or that it who aren’t in ings - avoid hasn’t slipped off. the park for areas that are If you’re having oral sex (sucking sex. too isolated. cock) with a lot of guys, avoid deep throating as this increases your risk of getting certain STIs – 16 like gonorrhea and chlamydia. 17 Have an escape plan in case you encounter an aggressive or violent person.
Avoid carrying a lot If you hear Public washrooms can provide a the public washroom the park of money, or someone calling for quick and convenient opportunity credit/debit/bank help, try not to run for casual sex, but can also cards, but make away. Although you present greater risks for your sure you have at might want to avoid personal safety, considering least one piece of getting yourself they’re in busy public buildings ID with you. into an unpleasant with non-cruising men also using situation, there’s If you’re cruising at the space. Although some guys strength in night, it will be actually have sex in washrooms, numbers. It could more difficult to see others use washrooms to pick up be you in that your surroundings guys and have sex in more situation one day, or the people you private areas. and you’d meet. Bring a appreciate help pocket flashlight. Here are some tips if you cruise from others. in washrooms: If you’re cruising at Investigate the Those that allow night and you If possible, go cruising with washroom in advance notice of notice beer bottles a friend. advance to see if it someone walking or other non-sexual looks safe. in (like a long garbage on the entrance corridor Watch out for ground, be cautious or a noisy entrance security cameras as this might door) helps in inside or outside indicate that these avoiding being the entrance area. areas are used by literally caught with people not looking Washroom layout your pants down - for sex. is important. or worse!
18 19 Avoid engaging in stall, foot tapping, You might meet a guy (or guys) inviting guys home sex if people who gesturing or being at a bar, on the internet or phone are obviously not silent for a long line, or at a social event to bring looking for sex period of time. back to your place for sex. Just enter the space. remember you don’t really know These are silent this person. If you’re out with Wait for a sign that spaces, so talking friends, introduce him to them the other guy is also might scare men off. before you go. Don’t leave cruising - a smile, anything valuable – wallets, keys, crotch grabbing or money or jewellery – lying rubbing, or if he’s in around in your home. the next washroom Make sure you’re prepared for the public washroom Engaging in sexual activity in a public sex. If you want anal sex, make space is against the law. However sure condoms and lube are cruising and picking up guys in public is nearby. Remember, sex in your not. Kissing another guy in public own bed doesn’t eliminate the spaces is also not a crime. possibility of HIV transmission. You can be charged if you’re caught exposing yourself or having sex in a public space. If you’re exposing yourself or having sex in a toilet cubicle with the door closed, you shouldn’t be charged public sex safety public sex but this really depends on the police officer’s personal biases and values. However, you can be charged if your stall door is open. You might also be charged if you give an incorrect name or address, or if you refuse to give this information when asked. For more information about public sex, the law, and your rights, visit www.handydandy.ca and click on the "Cruising" brochure link. 20 21 cruising 101 : some tips
cruising 101 : some tips
You can tell a lot from Know what you want and know someone’s stare or eye gazing. your limits. Be clear in your Look for gentle body contact mind of what you do and don’t when you walk past someone. want. Don’t feel pressured to If you’re interested, look back do anything. You can stop sex after a couple of seconds. If he at any time if you’re not feeling looks back at you, he might be comfortable. interested too! Trust your instincts. If Don’t be overly aggressive. someone’s looking a little When someone tells you strange or out of place, it might they’re not interested, just let it be best to avoid them. go. Don’t be pushy. Spend some time relaxing, and Spend some time observing clear your mind. It’s important how others cruise in the space. to be in the right frame of mind This is the best way to learn. when cruising. If you’re feeling depressed or angry, it might not be a good idea to cruise – you may take risks you wouldn’t ordinarily take.
22 23 Have fun – sex shouldn’t be too If you’re cruising in a public place serious. For some guys, sex such as a park or washroom, becomes so important that it consider these additional tips: becomes almost a chore. It can Know your rights. also create stress if you feel you’ve got to have sex, or you Be discrete. You’re putting have to perform for your yourself at risk of getting partner. caught if you have sex in busy public venues. Don’t have unrealistic expectations. You might not Do your best to blend in to always find sex when you want avoid unwanted attention – that
cruising 101 : some tips it. It’s okay if you don’t have includes the way you dress sex when you cruise. If you get (sorry, no disco pants). frustrated and depressed about If you’re in a public space, have not finding sex, you might be an escape plan or route in cruising 101 : some tips more willing to do things you advance. Know your wouldn’t normally do. Similarly, surroundings well by checking don’t have unrealistic out in advance the area around expectations about meeting the location. new friends through casual sex since many guys are looking Don’t leave a mess; don’t leave for sex and nothing more. litter (condoms, used tissue) or cum shots on the wall/floor as Practice safer sex. Protect this will only generate yourself and others. Don’t let complaints. Complaints will the adrenaline rush make you generate police/security do something you wouldn’t presence, putting your personal normally do and then regret safety at greater risk. afterwards. Remember, police are obliged to react to complaints.
24 25 dealing with rejection / learning how to say no
Getting rejected sucks. Learning to deal with rejection is not an How do I deal with it? easy thing, especially when we’re in a Just move on. Don’t make a big deal of place where we feel that people are it. Realize that it happens to everyone, judging how sexy or attractive we are. and it will continue to happen. After all, It requires a lot of self-confidence. It would you accept advances from also helps to understand why we might absolutely anybody? Don’t see rejection be rejected by others. as an indicator of your own worthiness What are some reasons or physical attractiveness. You’re just I might be rejected? not his type. Everyone has different types. He might not He might be be looking for cruising How do I turn someone sex at the someone down politely? moment. else. Being rejected isn’t pleasant. Having to reject others can also be unpleasant. He might He might not However, it can sometimes become have just be physically easy to only see people as potential sex finished sex. or sexually objects when cruising. Cruising for attracted He might be anonymous casual sex doesn’t give you to you. too high or the right to treat someone badly. drunk to Although you might be looking for care- have sex. free sex, you’re still dealing with someone who has feelings. Keep this in mind when you’re about to reject someone’s sexual advances.
26 no to say / learning how dealing with rejection 27 Prejudice and discrimination exist prejudice & discrimination in our communities. We often see Here are some tips when rejecting it when it comes to sex and people: sexualized environments. We hear it when cruising. We see it in on- With a smile, If he touches line ads. just say you, move "Sorry, I’m his hand Avoid the following terms to prevent not away from putting others down: interested". you and "Are you clean or disease free?" shake your If the person head, but "Straight-acting only" is looking at with a smile. you, don’t "No GAMs, or not into Asians" look back at Don’t push "Whites only" him, or don’t or shove him "No fems" look back for away, or say too long. things like Using racial, ethnic or other "get away, stereotypes is demeaning and you’re unfair. Not all trans guys are gross". bottoms. Not all Black men are How do I deal with a hung. Not all Latino men are persistent/aggressive passionate stallions, and not all cruiser? Asian men are effeminate. We all Walk away. If he still follows you, tell have prejudices and stereotypes him in a respectful but assertive tone about those who are different that you’re not interested. Take it as a than ourselves. It’s up to each of compliment: you’re so hot you’re us to examine and challenge irresistible! If someone continues to ourselves and others. cruise you even after you’ve made it clear you’re not interested, inform the
dealing with rejection / learning how to say no to say / learning how dealing with rejection venue staff. If you’re out with friends, find them and stay near them for some time. 28 29 prejudice & discrimination 31 might make assumptions
ocal research with guys has Each one of us has the responsibility to Each one of us has the responsibility protect ourselves and the other person from HIV transmission. Some of us who are HIV-negative are of us who Some with guys have sex to are afraid However, HIV-positive. who are it’s sex we’ve already had likely who are HIV-positive with guys HIV it: maybe without knowing or the discussed, status wasn’t had HIV. know he other guy didn’t We about the HIV status of our casual about the HIV status we guess partners. Sometimes we guess right, other times someone Just because wrong. ask for a condom, doesn’t didn’t mean he’s also HIV-negative. guys assume Some HIV-positive a ask to use that if you don’t also have HIV. condom, you must L shown there are many reasons why we may not ask to use a condom, including shyness, unassertiveness and depression. HIV status . You can avoid passing can . You
HIV and casual sex and casual HIV will likely not be discussed during not be discussed will likely casual sex or someone else, on HIV to by using with HIV, getting infected lube and water-based condoms when you fuck. are HIV-positive Some of us who sex with choose to only have guys to avoid other HIV-positive and potential rejection we discrimination. However, about might make assumptions our casual the HIV status of we guess partners. Sometimes we guess right, other times Just because someone wrong. ask for a condom, doesn’t didn’t Local mean he’s also HIV-positive. research with guys has shown there are many reasons why we may not ask to use a condom, including shyness, unassertive- ness and depression. prejudice & discrimination & prejudice 30 If you’re HIV-positive, it’s What about other situations? important to be aware of your What about if you use a condom potential legal responsibility when to fuck a guy? Carefully using a having sex, whether or not you condom may lower the risk of HIV believe HIV prevention should be transmission enough that you solely upon your shoulders. In would have no legal duty to tell Canada, some people with HIV the other guy about your HIV. have been convicted on criminal However, the law is not yet clear charges for fucking someone on whether disclosing your HIV without a condom and not telling status is required even when them about their HIV-positive using a condom. status. What if you’re HIV-positive and get fucked by a guy who doesn’t prejudice & discrimination use a condom? The risk to your partner is lower than if you fucked
prejudice & discrimination prejudice him, but in theory, criminal charges could still be laid if you didn’t tell him your status. The law isn’t clear on this point either.
Using a condom for fucking will lessen the risk of you passing on HIV to someone else. Legally, it will protect you more than if you don’t use a condom.
32 33 It’s probably it’s important to Are you a trans guy? Are you a man of colour? not easy think about how cruising for sex as a trans guy. Some of Although ethno- our experiences us experience discrimination. Since cultural/ethno-racial of exclusion or most people’s perception of gender background doesn’t rejection might lead to follows physical appearance, make up our complete situations where we transgenderism and even identity, skin colour place ourselves, or transsexualism might be difficult to can affect our cruising others, at risk. We understand by those who are not trans experience in a society might feel obliged to themselves. that places particular have certain types of emphasis on sex we wouldn’t The bathhouses are not always the most normally engage in, or welcoming places. We might find it hard whiteness. We may have satisfying cruising to take sexual risks we to get in if we appear more feminine. might regret later on. You might want to bring dental dams or experiences, or we
other latex barriers to bathhouses as may occasionally feel Challenge other people prejudice & discrimination
prejudice & discrimination prejudice they typically only have "male" condoms somewhat rejected or about their inaccurate available. You could split a male excluded based on our attitudes or condom length-ways, but this might be skin colour. We may be inappropriate impractical without scissors or a knife. confronted with behaviours towards "Female" condoms and dental dams are inaccurate sexual you. If you’re in a available at sex stores. Check local stereotypes, comments bathhouse or bar, don’t HIV/AIDS organizations as they might or attitudes from other ever be afraid to ask have some for free. Visit ACT; we have men. We may also staff and management "female" condoms available upon hold these beliefs for assistance if you request. ourselves. face prejudice and These situations are discrimination of any Many people have other misconceptions type. Don’t ever allow about trans people. A lot of guys sometimes quite obvious, but they can anyone to put you assume we only engage in certain down because of your sexual acts, that we should be sexually sometimes be so subtle we might not skin colour or ethnic submissive or that we only bottom. background. Don’t feel pressured to perform sex that even be aware they’re you don’t really want. happening. However, 34 35 and your Cruising Are you new to Canada? Are you older / younger? cultural or can be Coming from a religious heritage. just as rewarding for older guys as for society where younger guys. However, there are sexuality and sex - Make sure you know particular things you should be aware especially gay sex - how to protect of when you’re older. If your ability to is not as openly yourself from HIV defend yourself from physical violence discussed as in transmission and is lessened, whether due to age or Canada can be a big from other STIs. health, you might want to be more challenge. Finding Reading this Handy cautious when cruising or inviting yourself in a new Dandy Handbook is a strangers home. Consider taking self- society in which sex good start. Learn as defence courses. between men is much as you can It isn’t always easy to feel valued as an more acceptable, about safer sex. Visit prejudice & discrimination older man, particularly in a community and where sex is www.handydandy.ca for a list of that often seems focused on
prejudice & discrimination prejudice more easily youthfulness. Some of us may feel available, might community groups more isolated or less accepted because make you feel like and organizations of our older age. This can have you want to explore that serve different negative effects on our self-esteem. It every part of your communities of men. can also lead some of us to drop new-found sexual Many of these condom use when we meet a sexy freedom. At the groups provide younger guy who doesn’t really want to same time, you may opportunities to use a condom. be experiencing meet other guys with similar experiences. conflict between Accepting the aging process means your sexual desires accepting the human change process. It means accepting you’re still physically and sexually desirable to others. It means realizing you’re not alone. It means having the capacity to be a fulfilled sexual being, if that is what you 36 truly want for yourself. 37 the ins & outs of cruising
If you’re a younger guy, you might find We hope this Handy Dandy How- that a lot of men are attracted to you. To Handbook answers some of While this can be flattering, it might your questions about cruising. By sometimes make you feel you’re always learning as much as you can being hit on. As a younger person, you about the venues where we meet have the right to say no to unwanted men for sex, you can make an sexual advances. At the same time, it’s informed decision about whether important to realize that not all older or not to visit them. Regardless of guys are trying to take advantage of where – or how – you meet others you. Younger men have much to learn for sex, take the steps to protect from men who have been around for a your health and the health of while. Make the effort to get to know others. older guys, even if you’re not sexually attracted to them. For more information about condom use, You might assume because you’re pick up the Handy-
prejudice & discrimination prejudice having sex with other younger guys, Dandy How-To you don’t need to be concerned about Handbook called HIV or other STIs. This isn’t the case. "Condoms. Protect yourself and others. Unwrapped". For more information about dating and relationships, pick up the Handy-Dandy How-To Handbook "Getting Together".
Visit www.handydandy.ca. 38 39 Bareback/barebacking: Fucking Hooking up/ hook up: Meeting (having anal sex) without a someone for casual sex. condom. PnP / Party and Play/ P&P: Using Blow job: Sucking someone’s drugs while having sex. Typical dick/cock, or having your dick drugs include cocaine, crystal sucked (having oral sex). meth, marijuana, GHB, ketamine, poppers, ecstasy, Viagra. Bottom: The receptive partner during fucking (anal sex). The Public sex: Having sex in a public bottom is the person whose ass space (park, washroom or other (anus) is penetrated by the location). glossary of terms partner. Top: The insertive partner during
glossary of terms glossary Casual sex: Typically, having sex fucking (anal sex). The top is the without any ongoing person who puts his dick/cock commitments or obligations to into the ass (anus) of his partner. see the person again. Trans: Generally refers to Cruising: Actively seeking casual someone who’s gender (internal sex partners. identity) does not match what society expects of their sex Deep throating: Taking someone’s (physical body). dick/cock (during oral sex) deep to the back of your throat. Group sex: Having sex with two or more people at the same time. 40 41 For more information about HIV/AIDS and safer sex, contact your local AIDS organization.
Visit: handydandy.ca ublished June 2005 P
399 church street, 4th floor toronto, ontario M5B 2J6 tel 416-340-2437
fax 416-340-8224 AODgroup.ca Special thanks to the volunteer models. www.actoronto.org | [email protected]
AIDS & Sexual Health Infoline unded by the Ontario HIV Treatment Network. unded by the Ontario HIV Treatment F Design: art of design 1-800-668-2437 or 416-392-2437 & Gilberto Prioste Select Photographs by Wolfgang
Special thanks for invaluable input from the Canadian HIV/AIDS Legal Network and Peter Bochove.