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Roses: a Distinctive Little Anecdote Is a Work of Fiction. All Characters Appearing in This Work Are Fictitious

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Roses: a Distinctive Little Anecdote Is a Work of Fiction. All Characters Appearing in This Work Are Fictitious Roses: A Distinctive Little Anecdote is a work of fiction. All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. All brands, references to musical content, logos and products are trademarks or registered trademarks and copyright of their respective owners and companies. Copyright © 2009 by Naomi G James aka Namsta. All rights reserved. 1 Copyright © 2009 by Naomi G James aka Namsta. [email protected] Prologue. “Oh my days Jade, give it a rest will yah. No one’s gonna miss any AYIA NAPA HOLIDAY plane…Chillax.” COMMANDMENT #1: Sweeeeeet Mary and Joseph! The pain. The agony. In a rush to meet my Even if after an intense night of good ol’ skanking and friend’s callous demands, and judging by the murderous intensity wholesome bubbling, of my squeal, I obviously hadn’t clocked the large pile of rock rubble blatantly lying in front of me. Making the hobbled walk of Thou art so hungry that thou could devour one’s own fist... shame from the café back to the minibus, I tried my hardest to Thou shalt not eat moussaka from a restaurant where the flies and avoid Jade’s toxic glare. other forms of wildlife appear to be the main customers! “Oh come on man, this is like the fourth time we’ve stopped now. We’ve only got fifteen minutes left to check in you know,” she Saturday 19th July 2008. growled. Location: Some random roadside café, Ksilofagu, Cyprus. Stubbing her half-smoked cigarette out with the heel of her gold Time: 14:46. gladiator sandal, Jade huffed her way back into the minibus. “I swear down Marcia. I s-w-e-a-r down! You really need to get a “Ooooouch,” I yelped as my tortured guts lurched and squelched move on man. We ain’t got time to waste,” Jade bellowed. in tandem. Despite my woozy state of consciousness, I was pretty certain I just Shielding my eyes from the intense Cypriot sunlight, whilst saw the pupils of her angelic green eyes flicker a demonic shade of practicing a quick session of deep hee-hee-hooo styled breaths, red. I silently pleaded with my large intestine to give me a gawd “Alright, alright, I’m going as fast as I can…damn!” forsaken break. “Not quick enough. I swear if we miss this plane-” 2 Copyright © 2009 by Naomi G James aka Namsta. [email protected] “Awww you alright girly? This food poisoning’s really hit you “Remind us to be this sensitive to you next time you’re ill Jade,” hard. How’re you feeling now?” Johanna asked, patting my flaky Shauna said while twiddling with a few ends of her dreadlocks. shoulder. “Do get the hell over yourself Shauna, I ain’t being insensitive ok, “Ooops sorry! I forgot about the sunburn.” but we’re cutting it fine as it is. If this rust bucket doesn’t hurry up Unbelievable. Even here and now in this sweltering fly swatting and get us to the airport pronto, we’re gonna be up crap’s creek heat, my best friend still managed to sustain her fashionable feline without a paddle, you get me. If Johanna misses her flight to New swagger. Sporting a cream linen playsuit, a red fedora hat and a York she misses her interview slot with that urban author person. pair of oversized tortoise shell sunshades, Johanna exuded nothing Marcia could miss the train that’s supposed to take her to her work but high voltage glamour. conference thingy majig in Manchester on Monday; you’ve got “It’s cool Jo-Jo, only half of my big toenail’s missing, so it’s not all home tutoring appointments and I can’t miss Jerome’s birthday. bad ahy,” I grimaced. Simple!” Oh my days! The coils in this archaic car seat were practically “Aahhh now we’re getting to it. You miss Jerome. Full stop.” impaled into my backside. Shauna teased. “You a rea’dy?” Stavros, the remarkably hairy driver, impatiently “Of course I miss him, he’s my man duh,” Jade snapped whilst asked over his fuzzy shoulder. trying to wedge the sticky car window open with her empty B&H “I hope so.” box. “Yeah and we ain’t stopping this time,” Jade scowled, giving me a For the love of all things remotely sane, you’d have thought Jade swift side eye glance. had been away from Jerome for two decades and not two blinding Muttering something to himself in Greek, Stavros turned the key in weeks. the ignition, whilst the van’s elderly engine spluttered into life. 3 Copyright © 2009 by Naomi G James aka Namsta. [email protected] “That’s odd Jade, I didn’t see you mourning Jerome the first “What a dodgy end to a wicked holiday,” I reminisced. thirteen days of this holiday,” I said in a matter-of-fact fashion. “Tell me about it wow, I’m all danced out. It’s back to reality soon, “Well why would she? My girl was way too preoccupied raving back to East London. Yiasou Ayia Napa, we’ll miss you.” Johanna every second she got,” Shauna added. sighed. Preach Shauna, preach. “Whatever man! Don’t even act like you weren’t too,” Jade retorted before firmly placing her headphones over her ears. “I’m not denying it,” Shauna replied as Jade turned up the volume on her iPod. Judging by the extreme speed at which this ancient vehicle was flying through the traditional town of Ksilofagu, I could have sworn this Starvos geezer was a part time rally driver. The second- hand baseline of Gigg’s gritty ‘Talking the Hardest’ trickled out of Jade’s headphones and echoed around the sweat peppered minibus. To help cushion my tender body against the rollercoaster style driving, I tried moving my carcass of a leg into a slightly more comfortable position. Given the choice between gouging my eyes out and then shoving my head in a blender, over this runny belly and being accidently roasted to a fine crisp shizzle, there would have been no contest. 4 Copyright © 2009 by Naomi G James aka Namsta. [email protected] AYIA NAPA HOLIDAY Before Johanna even had the chance to show her gratitude to the COMMANDMENT #2: minibus driver, Stavros had dumped the entire luggage on the pavement and was already half way down the road. Thou shalt learn to expect the unexpected. “Hello. Hello. Errr what do yah think you’re doing bruv? Get the hell off my things man, I didn’t ask for your help!” Jade shrieked, Saturday 19th July 2008. Location: Outside Lanarca Airport, Cyprus. seizing her suitcase handle out of some eager little boy’s hand. Time: 14:53. Within a millisecond the poor sod had scuppered back into the busy crowd. “What the heck’s got into you Jade?” Shauna asked, picking up her Absorbing the final view of Cyprus’s rugged hills and crisp blue hand luggage. seas, the minibus abruptly pulled up outside the airport arrivals Wiping the sweat beads rapidly forming on my unkempt brow line, point. the temperature must have easily been nudging a simmering thirty “Phew,” I exhaled, realising the potential rumble in the jungle was eight degrees. just nothing but a false alarm. “Hmmm let me think Shauna, no let me think,” Jade sighed, Life as I knew it wouldn’t be worth living if I took another detour to pushing her khaki brown ‘Sox’ cap further down on to her the little girl’s room. Making a quick check of my dishevelled forehead. reflection in Johanna’s hand mirror, I wasn’t at my finest, especially “Oooh I know…Sorry I ain’t full of the joys of spring like, but just with my face looking like it had been doused in cooking oil but at in case it’s escaped your notice Shauna, we have seven, no-no six least I was heading home and not back to the beach. and half minutes left to check in!” “Thanks for the-” 5 Copyright © 2009 by Naomi G James aka Namsta. [email protected] Grabbing her suitcase handle, Jade marched towards the airport putting his hands on his hips as if he was trying to match Jade’s entrance. attitude. “Somebody’s tired,” Shauna mocked as she followed in hot pursuit of This was no time for playing silly buggers and certainly not with an irate Jade. Jade. I couldn’t help wondering if I had something on my face, as “Button it Shauna man, you’ve always got something to say innit. one of the other chocolate covered Adonises kept looking in my Excuse me, excuse me,” Jade clucked, trying to push her way direction. I quickly glimpsed over my shoulder to see if he was through the solid flow of oncoming human traffic. bogging at someone else but other than a mass of leather skinned Oh hello. Defying all laws of rational comprehension, I think I must grannies admiring each others orthopaedic footwear, there have temporarily died and had a brief acquaintance with heaven. wasn’t anyone behind me. Through no action of my own, my heart literally pounded into “Errrm excuse us, I don’t mean to be rude but we’ve really gotta get cardiac arrest, as the most delectable selection of young bufftastic to the check in before they close boarding,” Shauna shyly stated, men passed us. pointing at the desk. “Wow we see you ladies are in a rush jaheeeeze,” one of the guys “Oh my bad, sorry,” Mr Brave said, stepping to the side to let us from the group said, hastily backing up out of Jade’s way.
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