LEARNING TO THRIVE IN A BINARY WORLD: UNDERSTANDING THE GENDERED EXPERIENCES OF NONBINARY INDIVIDUALS AND WAYS TO BOLSTER WELLBEING M. Killian Kinney Submitted to the faculty of the University Graduate School in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the degree Doctor of Philosophy in the School of Social Work, Indiana University August 2021 Accepted by the Graduate Faculty of Indiana University, in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the degree of Doctor of Philosophy. Doctoral Committee ______________________________________ Bryan G. Victor, Ph.D., MSW, Chair ______________________________________ J. Dennis Fortenberry, MD June 2, 2021 ______________________________________ Jeffry W. Thigpen, Ph.D., MSW ______________________________________ Elizabeth A. Wahler, Ph.D., MSW ii © 2021 M. Killian Kinney iii DEDICATION This dissertation is a love letter celebrating my community, specifically the individuals who shared their histories, their resilience, their love, and their hope. Those interested in this project gave what they could at the time, even if the best choice was to withdraw. I see you, I celebrate you, and I am honored to have curated your experiences in this dissertation. In my role, I have experienced a range of emotions, especially joy, gender affirmation, and love. Each of you has moved me. When I began this journey, I had no idea what special places you would occupy in my heart. You are all partners with me in this eminent achievement of my education and career. For this, no words can fully convey my appreciation for you. Thank you for your trust and vulnerability – they are invaluable and unforgettable. This dissertation is for anyone who is nonbinary, who is exploring their gender, or who loves someone who is nonbinary. I dedicate this dissertation to the seventeen remarkable participant researchers: Boots, Catkin, Cory, Dylan, E., Gabi, H.G., Jynx, Kai, Kristy, Nat, Noel, Rowan, Sky, Timothy, Tristan, and one who preferred to simply be referred to by a number (PR #1). I promise to continue working towards mutual liberation and wellbeing – through empowering nonbinary individuals, bringing greater awareness about our community, and enlisting others to help create meaningful change to reduce corrosive factors and increase promotive factors of our wellbeing. Love, Respect, & Solidarity, Killian iv ACKNOWLEDGMENT This has been a long journey with many travel companions and guides. I want to take a moment to challenge the misconception that collaboration or anything other than solo work lessens the individual efforts or rigor of the final product. All too often, we perpetuate this idea that is situated within unnecessary individualism and an unhelpful hierarchy of accomplishments. That being said, my support network has made the arduous process of earning a Ph.D. to be more manageable and enjoyable. Moreso, they have challenged me to be a better researcher, teacher, colleague, and overall person. I want to thank the primary contributors to my work, including my dissertation committee, mentors, colleagues, trans and nonbinary communities, and the Indianapolis community. Thank you, and I look forward to continuing to grow this culture of mentorship. Dissertation Committee Several folx merit individual mention, starting with my dissertation committee members, who have been a source of wisdom and support despite hectic points in their career, including acclimation to a new university, advancements to administration, large grant-funded projects, and plans for their legacy after a long and meaningfully career. All the while, they created time to support my work. Elizabeth A. Wahler. You provided a strong counterargument that strengthened the rationale and focus of my dissertation. Whether you had a hand in it or not, I genuinely appreciate each time I was assigned to teach two sections of a previously taught class. What might be seemingly small to others was a great gift that freed time for my dissertation that otherwise would be spent designing new prep and preparing two separate v lesson plans. It is also worth noting that you were an excellent director while I was in the master’s program and teaching during the doctoral program. Jeffry W. Thigpen. Over the years, you have been my Research I professor in the MSW program, my classmate in a grounded theory class, and my mentor. I have noted your kindness and thoughtfulness in each of these roles. It has been a pleasure to work with you, and I hope to continue collaborating in the future. J. Dennis Fortenberry. For always attentively listening and creating space for me at the table, thank you. I feel truly seen and valued by you – a meaningful gift, especially during a challenging time of personal and professional growth. I have the deepest respect for you as a person and your work to improve the lives of trans and nonbinary youth. I can say with confidence that at the end of my career, you will still stand out as one of my greatest mentors and collaborators. Bryan G. Victor. In full transparency, I become emotional thinking about what it has meant to me to journey this adventure with you. You naturally stepped into a mentor role immediately, and I felt the respect and visibility of kindred spirits with you. Thank you for grounding, affirming, and advocating, each as needed. In short, I could not have imagined a more caring and candid dissertation chair. I am thrilled to continue to work with you at Wayne State. Additional Mentors Mentorship and collaboration are at the heart of my work. I feel incredibly fortunate to have a strong network of mentors. Richard Brandon-Friedman. You are a dear friend and life-long colleague with whom I have spent countless hours brainstorming research and practice ideas. During the final vi stages of the qualifying exam and dissertation, you were an indispensable sounding board and source of encouragement. Heather Walter-McCabe. Your friendship has been essential for my mental health and wellbeing. You have been the most fabulous queer cheerleader. Your pep talks and processing discussions were primary reasons I could disrupt and prevent internalizing the transphobia I have encountered. N. Eugene Walls. Thank you for taking me under your wing and creating opportunities for me to collaborate with your curated team of LGBTQ mentees and colleagues. Shanna K. Kattari. I appreciate your consultation in PhotoVoice for this dissertation. Over the years, you have been instrumental in achieving my goals during the doctoral .(thank you in Yiddish) אדאנק ,program. For all the things Colleagues I am gifted with a fantastic community of collaborators who mutually push each other and broaden our understanding. You all inspire me, and I will never run out of ideas. So much so, I have to accept that we cannot conduct all the outstanding studies and write all the meaningful manuscripts that we have conceived. Keith Miller. Thank you for assisting me in completing the initial codebook for this study. I find great joy in our discussions that beautifully blend theory, research, policy, community organizing (social work practice), personal wellbeing, and systemic change for a more progressive world. Finneran K. Muzzey. For the endless inspiration and brainstorming. Specific to the dissertation, thank you for mocking up a photo-elicitation video to prepare participant researchers for their interviews. vii Darren Cosgrove. I appreciate how our work parallels each other. Your dissertation was a wonderful contribution and has appeared at several points in this dissertation. Collaborating on our current research projects is the fruition of an intention set when I first observed you and admired your work at APM years ago. Riley Adolescent Gender Health Clinic. At the foundation of my experience working with trans and nonbinary individuals has been the Riley Adolescent Gender Health Clinic. In particular, I appreciate the professionals I worked alongside: Dennis Fortenberry, Eric Meininger, Rachel Katzenellenbogen, Rachel Schnedecor, Maayan Leroy-Melamed, Katherine MacDonald, Richard Brandon-Friedman, and Meli Barber. Additional colleagues I want to recognize for their support and comradarie are: Antonia Alvarez, Eprise Armstrong Richardson, Brittanie Atteberry-Ash, John Cocco, Vern Harner, Leonardo Kattari, Henry Kronner, Lindsay Littrell, Susana Mariscal, and Allen Ratliff. Family, Both Chosen and of Origin As we have found in this study, a family of origin can also be part of the chosen family if they choose to align themselves with their trans or nonbinary family member. I want to acknowledge my loved ones for respectfully understanding my absence for the greater part of a decade while in graduate school (especially when I decided to start a doctoral program immediately after earning my master’s degree). Debbie Nieport (Mom). While our foci differ, our determination and perseverance for what we believe are paralleled. Thank you for instilling this passion and drive in me. viii Bill Kinney (sibling). You have always been a passive supporter of me, playfully joking but never judging. I am proud to have you as my brother, a warm-hearted and compassionate sibling. My chosen family. I have the fantastic problem of having too many people to list. Some of you are already listed in other sections (you know who you are), but several more to highlight are: Rae Andresen; Jonathon Baker; David and Edwin Brandon-Freidman; Alan Dumond; Sara and Ashlin Kinne; Maggie and Rory McMann; Jeff Nelson; Lily Echo Niehaus; Steve, Christie, and Holden Nieport; Jes, Megan, Devin, and Colin Walter- McCabe; and my Voltron street medic teammates - Cassidy Cohenour Overpeck, Jude Brown, Lindsay Land, and Veronica (Ronnie) Fazio. My Indianapolis Communities As I reflect on my wellbeing as a fully-present nonbinary person, the local mutual aid and LGBTQ groups have played a central part in being grounded and connected to change. The Indianapolis mutual aid/harm reduction and queer groups I want to acknowledge and thank include: Indy10, Indy Street Medics, The Never Alone Project (Jes and Josh Cochran), and Queering Indy.