Budget Settled in Secret?

THE TRUTH IS ALWAYS FAIR FREE DEC 10 - DEC 18 , 2015 VOL. 16, NO. 48 FREE

Budget settled in secret? What goes on? 2 NIAGARA FALLS REPORTER DEC 10 - DEC 18, 2015 Dyster’s Budget Passed With no Oversight by Council, Media, Public Mike Hudson Here’s some news. The Niagara Falls City Council ap - proved Mayor Paul Dyster’s proposed 2016 budget at a November 17 work session. The budget was passed without the benefit of public debate and the usual nu - merous public meetings. The work session at which the budget was passed was called to order at 4:05 p.m. and adjourned at 4:07 p.m. That’s right, the Council spent just two minutes passing the most important legislation it will be called upon to review all year. This year, there was a meeting on No - vember 2, at which Dyster presented his budget, one work session on November 9, Glenn Choolokian, usually a at which the Council introduced seven res - vocal advocate for cutting ex - olutions, and another eight days later at The 2015 budget was hotly debated by the council and the mayor. penses, was quite during the which the budget was passed. The minutes The 2016 budget passed with nary a word. From left to right Coun - 2016 budget process. for the November 9 meeting do not say cilmembers Kristen Grandinetti, Andrew Touma and Charles The proposed and adopted budgets are what the seven resolutions were. Walker. The Council put more time in at the at the top of the left hand column. We are left this week with several ques - November 9 meeting, exactly one minute widely seen as the spoiler in the general ready been passed. tions. more. The meeting was called to order at election with a write in candidacy that some The 278-page, $102.3 million spending How did the Council debate and dis - 4:03 p.m. and adjourned at 4:06. There say handed Dyster a victory over Republi - plan that the City Council spent five min - cuss Dyster’s proposed 2016 budget when were seven resolutions to pass, after all. can John Accardo - with Dyster winning utes publicly working on in their two meet - records exist only for five minutes at which Minutes for all three meetings note the with just 47 percent of the vote, went along ings won’t result in a tax increase and a quorum of Council members were pres - presence of city Corporation Council Tom with the majority. apparently makes no provision for the $7.4 ent? O’Donnell, however, a presence that lends In years past, Choolokian has been an million shortfall that will have to be made What were the seven amendment reso - a sense of legality to what might otherwise outspoken critic of every budget proposed up with revenue from the city’s local share lutions passed by the Council on November be construed as almost backroom budget by Dyster, offering a raft of amendments of slot machine revenue from the Seneca 9? passage. and working furiously to cut expenses. Niagara Casino. Why was the budget passed before the No members of the media were noted His silence concerning the budget of A citywide reassessment lawmakers city’s Financial Review Board released its’ in the minutes, nor were any members of 2016 and the circumstances surrounding its are pushing for next year may take up the recommendations? the public present. In past years, the budget passage has City Hall, has insiders com - slack and result in tax increases for Niagara If the Financial Review Board knew debate is front page news and various inter - menting on the strange turn of events. Falls home and business owners. the budget had already been passed, why est groups use the public meetings to lobby Also of interest is that the budget was Calls to Dyster and Choolokian were didn’t board Chairman Carmen Granto for their causes. quietly passed 13 days before the city’s Fi - not returned as of presstime. mention it in the several interviews he did This year, the vote was unanimous, 4- nancial Review Board issued its’ final re - As of now, the only place where one after issuing the report on November 30? 0, with the late councilman, Bob Anderson, port on November 30. It is unknown can discover that next year’s budget has al - not present for the meeting due to illness. whether the board members, who spent a ready been passed by the Council and Councilman Glenn Choolokian, who lost to year preparing the report that was to osten - adopted by the administration is the city’s Dyster by fewer than 70 votes in the Dem - sibly have guided the Council on the 2016 official website, http://www.niagarafall - ocratic mayoral primary, and had been budget, were even aware the budget had al - susa.org/.

NIAGARA FALLS REPORTER

“The Truth is Always Fair”

CHAIRMAN & EDITOR IN CHIEF Frank Parlato

Managing Editor Senior Editor Dr. Chitra Selvaraj Tony Farina

(716) 284-5595 PHONE: P.O. Box 3083, Niagara Falls, N.Y. 14304 E-mail: [email protected] Website: www.niagarafallsreporter.com

Crying Kids Wait FoPatrrick BNrowon, hu sSbanhd of oCityw Contr oSller anta Mike Hudson Maria Brown and an ardent Dyster sup - porter. When City Administrator Donna “At least this administration tried some - Owens took time from her schedule back in thing like the holly trolly (sic),” Brown lec - 2008 to come up with the idea for the Holly tured. “I don't recall prior administrations Trolley Christmas event, she said, “It’s a doing anything like this.” chance for the community to express their Besides that, he wrote, it was inappro - holiday cheer. There’s a lot to cheer about. priate to bring the issue up on Facebook at We’re so blessed.” all. And the Holly Trolley became a Christ - “I guess you should take it to next coun - mas tradition, as Owens and Mayor Paul cil meeting… (T)alking about it on Face - Dyster accompanied Santa Claus around book doesn't do much.” town in a rented bus, making scheduled Other commentators disagreed. stops and greeting eagerly waiting children. “I think the point is the city attempted Santa would ask the youngsters what Santa didn't make it to the City Market this year. to do something nice for the children for they wanted for Christmas, dispense candy Christmas and they couldn't even follow canes and pose for photos. through,” wrote Patricia Robinson. “Just an - “There were about 25 in the tent but it This year, Joanna Jo Romano called other disappointment.” was bitter cold and a lot of people were wait - City Hall to ask that the Trolley stop at City Romano followed up with another call ing in their cars to keep warm,” she said. Market. A city employee told her that the to City Hall and was told that a report of a “The parking lot was full.” stop could be added but, a few days later, suicidal man with a gun on 15th Street kept The appointed time came and went and when the Trolley schedule was published in Dyster, Owens and Santa away. Santa, Dyster and Owens were no shows. At the Niagara Gazette, the City Market stop “So there’s a dangerous situation hap - 6:30, Romano went looking for them, with - wasn’t listed. pening and they leave a bunch of children out success. By 7 o’clock, the crowd began Romano called City Hall again. there but are too afraid to show up them - to break up, and Romano posted on Face - “This time I asked to speak to Donna selves?” Romano asked. “We just wanted to book. Owens directly,” she said. “She said the stop give these kids a ray of hope in this city.” “This evening a group of families and could be added, so I went over to the Next year, she said, things will be dif - children gathered in the cold awaiting for Gazette. They published a notice about it the ferent. Santa to come on the Trolley at the City next day.” “We’re going to do our own and it will Market,” she posted. “We took no pleasure Two restaurants in the market, the be great,” Romano promised. “Miss Bev's in telling these children Santa couldn't make Maple and the 755 Lounge, co-sponsored and Diane's kids – the Boys and Girls Club it. Heart wrenching to watch these children the 6 o’clock event, springing for a tent and -- will rock it with dance and I'll get a choir cry. This was inexcusable and cruel. Shame refreshments. Romano promoted the visit to bring in the real celebration. Santa will be on this administration.” from Santa on Facebook, and the turnout there with toys for all the kids. We can do Romano was quickly set upon by was good. this without the Trolley and the City Hall employees.” Happy News: Niagara Falls is No. 1: Highest Taxed City in Highest Taxed State

This comparison was based on nine dif - ferent types of taxation: real estate taxes, state and local income taxes, vehicle prop - erty taxes, vehicle sales taxes, sales and use taxes, fuel taxes, alcohol taxes, food taxes, and telecom taxes. According to New York State’s Finan - cial Restructuring Board for Local Govern - ments, Niagara Falls is the highest taxed municipality in New York which, as men - According to WalletHub, New York tioned above, is the highest state in the US. ranks as the worst state in America for tax - Therefore, the City of Niagara Falls is payers. the highest taxed municipality in the highest The average burden for state and local taxed state. taxes is $9,718, which is 39% higher than the We’re #1. national average with average annual state Tell your neighbors. and local taxes at $9,718. 4 NIAGARA FALLS REPORTER DEC 10 - DEC 18, 2015 Santa's Holly Trolley Visit Goes From HoHoHo To NoNoNo For Hopeful Children Holly Trolley jaunt concludes the special Anna Howard people on board usually repair to city hall for a VIP reception. It was supposed to be a routine, cele - So, why no Santa this year? Well, this bratory, visit between hopeful children is where it gets a little sketchy. Apparently brimming with Holiday cheer and the jolly the Holly Trolly planners failed to plan for fat man in the red suit and white beard: Santa's visit: at the last moment no one Santa Claus. But it didn't go quite as could find a Santa suit or a would-be Santa planned and the children that were ready to wear the suit that couldn't be found. The to welcome Jolly Saint Nick were left out suit was used in the 2014 Holly Trolly in the cold. Yes, something funny hap - event, but suddenly no one could remem - pened on the way from the North Pole and ber where it was or who had seen it the annual Dyster Holly Trolly - sans Santa last...even though the event planners had - failed to deck the halls much to the cha - one year to schedule the suit's use. Yes, grin of broken hearted youngsters. you cannot make this nonsense up, it just The Donna Owens inspired Holly writes itself. Trolly has been a Dyster administration Should we be surprised that the mayor Christmas season staple since 2008. The - who's planning a 2016 city-wide re - trolley is actually a rented bus touring assessment to help close a $7.4 million around town and pulling curbside at a deficit he created - couldn't deliver a sim - handful of scheduled locations. On board ple Santa Comes to Town program for city the jolly holly trolley are the city adminis - kids? trator, mayor, select dignitaries and Santa. Caption Mayor Grinch? That's putting it Usually, Santa, but not this year. After the mildly.

Joanna Jo RDomaono h asi thte r igYht idoea ua gorversnmeent plaifd- foCr Sahnta Crlauis. stmas Santa Neexrnmten t SYantae dida not rappear. anyway. “We’ll do it on our own!” Christmas is not dependent on govern - Sometimes it is through disappoint - After suffering a disappointment, she ment. ment that our best resolve comes. The na - came to realize that the people do not need But people have become so dependent tion needs a rebirth of freedom. And taxpayer–funded Holly Trolleys to deliver on government – sort of a perpetual beggar freedom has a responsibility too. It is a two-way street. We must reject the golden chains of charity of government because it is not charity given by the true givers. The givers are the taxpayers. Next year Santa – the symbol of giv - ing - will be bringing the gift of self-re - liance and do it yourself spunk. If you want it done, don’t look to the mayor the governor, the president. Be free. If there was a Santa Claus – would he look for government subsidies to make his toys at the North Pole? No, he’s a giver not a taker. Caption Do it yourself. Like Joanna Romano. mentality state that makes them slaves;’ And Santa himself. today they even expect the mayor to de - liver Santa Claus for their children. It’s time for the people themselves to HOUSE FOR SALE take care of their own Christmas, and New Year’s and most importantly Independence Day. 3 unit income property building Romano says next year they will get with 3 bedroom, living, dining the people together and provide for their and kitchen and 2 unit house own children with their own Santa and with 3 bedroom, living, dining much more. Hats off to Romano. She dried the and kitchen with balconies. tears of the children’s eyes when the gov - Call 7165791003. $50,000

“Such was the will of the Father that his Son, blessed and glorious, whom he gave to us, and who was born for us, should by his own blood, sacrifice, and oblation, offer himself on the altar of the cross, not for himself, by whom "all things were made," but for our sins, leaving us an example that we should follow his steps.” St Francis of Assisi 5 NIAGARA FALLS REPORTER DEC 10 - DEC 18, 2015 Reporter Unveils Controversial Plan to Subsidize Train Ridership And Boost Local Economy! Anna Howard Never let it be said that the Reporter doesn't care, isn't concerned, hasn't got a dog in the fight of making Niagara Falls a better, more successful, more dynamic place to live and do business. We're forever searching our collective soul as we seek to improve the city every day in all possible ways. Next year the $44 million train station will cut its ribbon and throw wide its doors to handfuls of riders that will be roaded by rail from dozens of miles away. The thought of a $44 million train facility going into business to service a relatively few passen - gers has more than a few people believing the train station is pure folly. This is where Why not pay people to take a train to Niagara Falls? Otherwise our the Reporter comes to the rescue, as it were. new over-sized train station will be entirely empty. Building on the back of the unbeliev - This happy train conductor we're anchoring the plan to a transportation nicipal rail escort" (MRE) and the price of may have no passengers if we able work the Dyster administration has element we've named, "Take Niagara Falls their ticket will be refunded in cash on the done in subsidizing everything from Third don't pay people to take trains For a Ride!" We're recommending the city spot. here. Hop aboard. Street economic development to college reach out to the dozens of potential travelers In addition we recommend the city loan payments to a pseudo building trades who wish to visit the city via railway by conduct "expanded-flow-through-visita - potential sales tax benefit for city and state education program run from a condemned compensating them for the price of their tion-opportunities" for these train riders by of $826,360 against a city payout of fire hall, we're offering a sure fire plan to train ticket into town. Yes, we want the city subsidizing their stays for a maximum of $10,329,000. jump start train ridership, boost tourism, to pay people to visit the city...by train. three days for three people. Consider: three For those who pooh pooh the plan as and generate tax receipts all in a novel fash - Prospective visitors will dial ahead to people, three hotel nights, meals, walking wasting nearly $10 million to produce a ion. a city hall number - 1-800-Get Lost - and around cash to spend at the Seneca Niagara city/state shared tax amount of $826,320 we We're excitedly calling our plan, "The inform the operator as to date of arrival by Casino and the Town of Niagara Fashion only have to point to the $50 million court - Economic Stimulation Visitation Initiative." rail. Upon touching down at the Dyster train Outlet Mall...at a subsidized total of $1,700. house, $14 million ice pavilion renovation, Because the train station opens next year station the visitor will be greeted by a "mu - That $1,700 is paid by the city to the visi - $44 million train station and $2.3 million in tor(s). The visitors plow the $1,700 back trash totes to illustrate how much better our into the local economy with a whopping ap - plan is than anything produced to date by proximate total tax benefit to city and state the mayor's economic development team. of $136 against the $1,700 expended! We encourage our readers to call the The Reporter conservatively estimates mayor's office - 286-4310 - and vigorously that the first year of the Economic Stimula - encourage Mayor Dyster to adopt "The tion Visitation Initiative could deliver 50 Economic Stimulation Visitation Initiative." train riders per day for a total of 18,250 Remember, economic development delayed yearly riders at a ballpark subsidization is a property tax increase guaranteed! payout per rider (train, meals etc.) of $566 for a total city payout of $10,329,500 and a 6 NIAGARA FALLS REPORTER DEC 10 - DEC 18, 2015 Financial Advisory Panel Misses the Mark; City Does Not Need Budget Director; We Need an Elected Controller of elected office and thereby make the con - Anna Howard troller a complimentary equivalent of the ex - ecutive (mayor) and legislative (council) Last week the city council's Financial branches. Election of the controller protects Advisory Panel issued their yearend report the position from negative political med - with one of their key recommendations call - dling, and, dare say, from political strong ing for the creation of a Budget Director po - arm tactics that are inevitable and unending sition. While we criticized the call for the in the present system. creation of yet another city hall job - we be - The movement of the controller to an lieve the finance panel nearly hit the mark elected position elevates the day to day man - with their recommendation. However, miss agement of the city's financial system to a by an inch, miss by a mile, and "miss" is in - place where the controller can hold their deed what the panel did. own, answer only to the voter, and speak The financial management rearrange - truth to power on those occasions when the ment shouldn't be made by creating a finance council or mayor recommend irresponsible department sub-layer of presumed finance spending or choose to go down a specious control with a Budget Director, but rather the fiscal road. rearrangement should be achieved by mov - As we wrote in last week's edition of the ing the city controller position from an ap - Reporter, the fiscal sins of the city with a pointed to an elected position. This move In Niagara Falls city controller mega windfall of casino cash, plus large bed would realize a more responsive, a more re - Maria Brown cannot be inde - tax and sales tax dollars from a robust sponsible, a more reliable financial control pendent since the mayor and tourism economy, are both willful and insti - system. Allow us to explain. council can fire her at any time. tutional. To address those sins the institution In the current fiscal management In Buffalo City Comptroller itself must be changed. The movement to - arrangement in city hall - a setup that has de - irresponsible spending, the council rubber Mark Schroeder doesn't have ward an elected city controller would be a livered out of control spending, a zeroed out stamps the spending, and the controller has to kowtow to the mayor of the key part of that positive movement. Whether casino revenue account, $63 million of debt, to sit with hands tied for fear of alienating council. He is elected. Only the the Financial Advisory Panel was unable to a current $7.6 million deficit, and an un - mayor and council. Adding insult to injury, people can fire him. Maybe Ni - see the need for, or were simply unwilling to funded $1 million water line project on 72nd the mayor and council then point an accusa - agara Falls needs a true inde - bite the bullet in recommending the move to - Street - the elected mayor, elected council, tory budget-breaking finger at each other - pendent fiscal watchdog. ward an elected controller, doesn't matter be - and appointed controller has resulted in an and the band plays on. cause we've made the recommendation here unresponsive, non-transparent, and dysfunc - Logic dictates that until meaningful management formula, that no good change and the ball has begun to roll toward the tional money management system. The sys - change is made to this disastrous money can possibly result from the setup. What to needed change. tem works like this: the mayor proposes do? Move the controller position to the level 7 NIAGARA FALLS REPORTER DEC 10 - DEC 18, 2015 Did Dyster Know of Highland Ave. Grant When He Bought Dalacu Land? Until last week, when Gov. Andrew Mike Hudson Cuomo announced a $375,000 Brownfield Opportunity Area (BOA) grant that specifi - Is it simple good luck? cally targets Highland Avenue and the In July, Niagara Falls Mayor Paul Dys - Dalacu property. The grant will be used to ter proposed buying an environmentally “finance planning activities,” according to challenged piece of land that was once a part the press release, which is another way of of the sprawling Union Carbide complex on saying hire consultants. Highland Avenue for twice its’ assessed “These designations are a vital step in value. transforming and revitalizing lands left to The 5.5-acre property, at 3625 Highland ruin in communities across the Empire Ave., was purchased for $165,000. Its’ value, State,” Cuomo said. “Despite being ignored according to the city Assessor’s office, is for years, these sites have tremendous poten - $72,200. There are three buildings on the tial for developing local economies, and this parcel, at least two of which will have to be new status gives these areas greater access torn down. to state resources needed to get projects un - Property owner Nick Dalacu bought the derway as soon as possible.” parcel for $40,000 in 2002. He had been try - Did Dyster know of the state grant prior ing to sell it on EBay for months but couldn’t to purchasing the Dalacu property? That find any takers. Still, City Planner Tom De - Science Museum aerial view would explain the lack of concern on his, Santis and Council Chairman Andrew DeSantis and Touma’s part when questioned Touma said the city needed to acquire the Dalacu parcel. “…. the timing is right to pur - DeSantis, the city’s acting director of about environmental concerns. And if he did property before it was snapped up by a pri - chase the property, you know, and get it planning and economic development, said know about the grant money, did he tell the vate developer. ready for development.” that the purpose of the deal was to save property owner that his largely worthless Touma, who marshalled a majority of Asked whether the administration or the Dalacu’s struggling science museum and parcel would soon be cleaned up at taxpayer the Council to vote in favor of the deal, was Council performed the normal due diligence provide a location for the “spinoff” he antic - expense and become a very valuable piece a little shaky of the details when interviewed customary when buying property that is ipates from the opening of a solar panel fac - of real estate? by the Niagara Falls Reporter in August. likely to have hazardous waste buried on it, tory in Buffalo. Dyster’s proposal for the property calls “Well, because it’s an opportunity and Touma said he didn’t know. “With SolarCity coming online shortly, for spending $160,000 this year for the pur - the city has the opportunity to purchase the “I wouldn’t think the city would put it - it will create a lot of demand for shovel- chase, $100,000 next year, $150,000 in 2017 property and then develop it,” Touma said self in a position to buy a property that has ready, industrial development sites,” he said. and $300,000 each in 2018 and 2019 on the when asked why they city was buying the contaminants,” Touma said. “The real purpose here is to convert, to re - project. What will the $845,000 above and generate those lands, those acres of former beyond the actual purchase price of the prop - industrial property into property that actually erty be used for? becomes performing,” DeSantis said. "Thank you Governor Cuomo and the There was absolutely no indication that New York State Department of State for the the Solar City project would have any spin - resources to complete the Highland Commu - off that would travel as far as Niagara Falls. nity BOA in Niagara Falls,” read Mayor In purchasing the Highland Avenue Dyster’s prepared statement. “This success - land, it looked as though Dyster was, in ful planning project has provided the City essence, buying a pig in a poke. Paying dou - with a blueprint for the successful redevel - ble the assessed value for a piece of property opment of key sites within the BOA, and an that might require millions of dollars’ worth official designation will help the city realize of environmental remediation just didn’t its goals." seem to make any sense.

9 NIAGARA FALLS REPORTER DEC 10 - DEC 18, 2015 Conservative Party's Holiday Breakfast Attracts Full House of her 5,097 votes on the Conservative line Tony Farina in a race where the party spent about $40,000 to help her rebound from a narrow The Erie County Conservative Party loss in the Democratic primary to Christina held its annual Holiday Breakfast Get To - Bove. gether last Saturday at Lucarelli’s Banquet Under Lorigo’s leadership, the Erie Center on Abbott Rd. in Lackawanna, draw - County Conservative Party has established ing a big crowd of political operatives, state itself as one of the strongest Conservative and local officeholders, and family and party organizations in the state and the friends from near and far. party’s support is much coveted by politi - The annual holiday breakfast is always cians who see the Conservative Party’s third a popular stop for political figures, much like line on the ballot as often spelling the differ - the Saturday morning breakfast meetings at ence between victory and defeat. Hence the nearby Daisies Café on South Park Ave. big turnout on Saturday at Lucarelli’s and the where current and future political hopefuls continuing popularity of the Saturday morn - swap tales and talk about the latest rumors ing breakfast sessions at Daisies where on the political scene. Ralph Lorigo can be found just about every As usual, Ralph Lorigo, Erie County’s week, come rain or come shine. longest serving party chairman (1994), is the Ralph Lorigo Frank Sedita headliner at the holiday breakfast as he is on Saturday mornings at Daisies and he seems tually make it to the bench. Party, especially in the case of Sheila Mee - to find time for everyone who shows up to In his remarks, Lorigo touted the suc - gan who was re-elected West Seneca town spend some time talking politics, visit with cesses in November of the Conservative supervisor on three minor lines, getting most old friends, drink coffee, and maybe seek an endorsement. The holiday breakfast is one of the Con - servative Party’s major fundraisers and it was a full house Saturday at Lucarelli’s and included political figures from both sides of the aisle like outgoing District Attorney Frank Sedita, a Democrat who has been elected to State Supreme Court, and County GOP Chairman Nick Langworthy. Expires: 12/30/15 Others in attendance included Mike Fla - herty, Sedita’s first assistant who will serve as interim DA after Sedita leaves in January and who is an announced candidate to suc - ceed him, and Republican State Assembly - man Ray Walter who ran for county executive in November, losing to incumbent Mark Poloncarz. There were many state lawmakers from both major parties in atten - dance as well as many county legislators and John DelMonte from Niagara Falls, a highly Expires: 12/30/15 regarded attorney and former State Supreme Court candidate who many think will even -

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Shmuel ShmueliW e Shavea leayrneds thi s wWeek theat H ogLan -ie Shmueli shouts out to us, “There are no Frank Parlato Willig was not entirely screwed. demands to pay legal bills from me or any As Shmueli said in a shout out to us, entity connected to me from Joe Zdarsky This week the extraordinary conman “All the funds that I was supposed to pay to and/or his firm.” Shmuel Shmueli contacted this publication ... Hoganwillig on behalf of myself and/or He did not mention the fact that he to inform us that we told “lies” about him IIL and/or Altissima were all paid in full.” stiffed Zdarsky initially out of almost and “distorted” and “manipulated facts in Cohen also wrote to us saying “I did $140,000. Or that Zdarsky won a retaining amazing ways”. look into it and verified that Lorenzo & lien against Shmueli for nearly $100,000. He was referring to our ongoing series Cohen and the successor law firm into which Or that Zdarsky sued Shmueli and on what has been his alleged serial stiffing, L&C merged, HoganWillig, PLLC, were Shmueli countersued. if not defrauding, of myself and a host of at - both paid for the services rendered to Joseph Zdarsky wrote to this publica - torneys in the WNY area. (Shmueli).” tion, “Please be advised that the case in New Shmueli claims he did not stiff every - What Shmueli neglected to mention, York Supreme Court, Erie County, captioned one. however, as did Cohen — and it is some - Zdarsky, Sawicki & Agostinelli LLP, Plain - He says he paid at least two law firms thing that Cohen is perhaps prohibited ethi - tiff vs. Shmuel Shmueli, Incredible Invest - out of the several dozen he employed. cally from saying because Shmueli is, after ments, Limited and Altissima Limited, Shmueli, readers may recall, is the man all, a former client — is that HoganWillig Defendants, Index Number 2010-00511, has had to work pretty hard to get “paid for the been resolved to the mutual satisfaction of Shmuel Shmueli services rendered to (Shmueli).” the plaintiff and all defendants.” They had to sue him. So there you have it. who formed a weekly Hebrew newspaper in They had to take a judgment against Let’s set the record straight. Brooklyn, and was successfully sued by his Shmueli for more than $112,000. They had While Shmueli stiffed dozens of competitors for plagiarizing their work. They to receive two bogus checks from Shmueli - lawyers, he did pay two of his lawyers. won a $24 million judgment against him, totaling $54,000 from overseas. Which After they sued him. which he discharged in bankruptcy. He never Shmueli stopped payment on. Next week, we will relate in gripping paid them a penny, and closed down his But yeah. As Shmueli said, they were detail how those suits came about and how paper. paid. these two law firms pinned the tail on the In doing so, he also stiffed three sets of Because HoganWillig pursued him. Shmueli. lawyers who defended him, his printer, his Chased him. Went after him. Along the way, for those interested in employees and dozens of others. That’s their line of work. They’re foreign affairs, we shall see how, while This is the same “Sam” Shmueli, who, lawyers. Shmueli, claiming to be the new leader of Is - as we reported, bought a home in Brooklyn Shmueli wants everyone to believe that rael, used the money he was supposed to pay and sold it to his wife, who sold it back to he paid HoganWillig voluntarily and in full. to his lawyers, to, instead, place full page ads him, who sold it back to his wife, who sold He said the same about the law firm in Israel Today, the Jerusalem Post and in the it to his daughter – each time raising mort - headed by another premier lawyer, Joseph Chabad media calling for war against Iran. gage money against the home, then had his Zdarsky, and his firm, Zdarsky Sawicki and No, you can’t make this stuff up. daughter sell the house to a unsuspecting, Agostinelli. pious Jewish couple who planned to live there.

“You don’t live here, shmucks.” After the sale, the Shmueli m.o. sprung up: he surprised the couple with a lease he said his daughter signed with him giving him possession of the house, in spite of the sale. The couple who had just bought the home couldn’t move in. But not all of Shmueli’s scams went to - tally unrectified. Our Shmueli was evicted when federal marshals removed him and his belongings, but only following an expensive federal lawsuit; this poor couple spent some $50,000 getting Shmueli out, winning a judgment. Of course, Shmueli never paid that either.

“Sam” speaks! And insists he paid at - torneys in full. We told also how, Shmueli set out to ac - complish a hostile takeover of One Niagara, in Niagara Falls, after I developed the com - pany. He sued me 10 times in different ven - ues. And I won. Every time. So last week we wrote that Mr. Shmuel Shmueli AKA Sam Samuels was to stiff sev - eral dozen attorneys he retained to fight me in his attempts at a hostile takeover. We wrote that Lorenzo and Cohen, headed by that premier attorney, Steven Cohen, were among the first to be cheated. We wrote also that Cohen’s subsequent law firm, Hogan Willig, was screwed out of some $112,000 and that Shmueli hired four more law firms, Zdarsky, Sawicki and Agostinelli, Jaeckle Fleishmann and Mugal, Bloom and Shonn, and Anderson and Ander - son, and “pitt(ed) one against the other.” Now Shmueli demands clarification. And we are happy to oblige. 11 NIAGARA FALLS REPORTER DEC 10 - DEC 18, 2015 The Most Delicious Pizza in the World

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Ricky from Pizza Junction at The Nifty Fifty, Niagara Falls 12 NIAGARA FALLS REPORTER DEC 10 - DEC 18, 2015 Cult of NXIVM Series Part 4: Raniere’s Harem Frank Parlato Thanks to the recommendation of my friend, G. Steven Pigeon, and following an interview in Albany, I began work for the self-help group NXIVM (pronounced Nex - ium). NXIVM is a New York for-profit corpo - ration, headed by the self-proclaimed spiri - tually advanced genius and teacher Keith Raniere and his chief assistant, Nancy Salz - man, a nurse-hypnotist. When I arrived, I knew little of NXIVM other than Keith Raniere was reputed to have one of the highest IQ’s in the world - a 1988 test reportedly placed his IQ at between 188 and 194; that his organization was funded by two heirs of the Seagram’s liquor fortune, Keith Raniere Allison Mack Clare and Sara Bronfman, both in their early 30’s; and that the company was being widely problems in their past. and psychological levels, some were not so During the three months I worked labeled as a “cult” in the media. Maybe Raniere was a rare and special pleased and appeared eager to have a among them, most of the women seemed After striking up a convivial relation - being whose overflowing compassion made boyfriend or a husband. They wanted that content. Their relationship with Raniere was ship with several of Raniere’s top assistants, him attractive to intelligent and spiritually devotion born of monogamy and closeness a quiet, settled fact. and defining what would likely be a solid oriented women. that stimulates the highest tenderness be - The gregariousness of the women, their course of work, I relocated to Albany to Perhaps the negative press accusations tween a man and a woman – that transforma - warmth and friendliness – and their assis - work as a consultant. of his being a leader of a cult that brain - tive, idealizing power – of two people who tance in my work, which was to expand sig - It was September 2007. washed followers was nothing more than a are devoted only to each other; this was nificantly, led to a good deal of success. Raniere decided what work I should do, misunderstanding. My role here could be to something that Raniere, the guru, with his During an Albany Indian summer and and the work at first would consist mainly of explain to a jaded media that Raniere and his stable of female devotees, was unable to into the early winter snows of late 2007, I en - aiding NXIVM get out from the publicity followers only appeared zany, fanatical and offer. joyed Raniere and his followers’ company. mess it placed itself in. misled, but that Raniere’s life and teachings While I did not see him as a spiritually It was an organization populated, for the might actually be worthwhile. HAREM HELPERS divine being, he seemed to be a charming, most part, with vibrant, attractive, seemingly The proof was in the women in his or - humorous man, who, while hardly ever put - intelligent women - who were all infatuated ganization – intelligent, accomplished, at - Although Raniere kept his polygamy ting on a pair of shoes, and wearing tee shirts with Raniere, weeping with joy at his munif - tractive, admirable women. hidden from his rank and file students, he se - and sweat pants, was controlling a successful icence, or crying with guilt that they were cretly maintained sexual relationships with business and had a harem of beautiful not worthy of their revered teacher’s love. LEWD AWAKENING scores of women in varying degrees - from women. Some women were less emotional, ex - those with whom he had regular, sexual en - plaining intellectually why they chose to fol - I began working to counter a slew of counters - to sporadic – when he was in the HE SLEPT BY DAY low Raniere and, in some instances, forsake negative stories – starting with the New York mood – sex with a bevy, waiting in turn. their parents, their careers, their husbands Post, The Albany Times Union and The Vil - His inner circle embraced his polygamy, Raniere and I would talk regularly at and sometimes their children. lage Voice, but as the weeks passed I learned and worked to find new women for him. night and his friendliness made me feel that, As Jesus is quoted in Luke, “Whoever that Raniere was more than just a spiritual On one occasion, a female devotee as with everything human, there is a good of you does not forsake all that he has cannot teacher casting pearls of wisdom from lofty asked my opinion, about a pretty, buxom and bright side and another side, fraught with be My disciple.” heights. brunette. Did I think she would be helped out fear and error. These women admitted that Raniere was His teachings were not in the tradition in life if Raniere were to bed her? And I was attracted to the work of un - to them a new Christ or Buddha. of the Hindu swami or Buddhist or Francis - My answer was “no”, that she might doing what I believed were unfair allegations “He is like a pure mirror,” Salzman told can monk coming out to teach after a 20-year later regret what would be for her – as it that his business was actually a cult. me. “By looking at him, he reflects back who vow of silence in a monastery. would be to him - a casual encounter. We never spoke in the morning, as you are.” Raniere was having sex with his female This was typical behavior of his inner Raniere was unavailable until late afternoon. Raniere had almost exclusively chosen followers. circle - seeking new women for their leader; attractive, professional women to lead to a At its root, among the inner circle, the there was a marked absence of jealousy, sim - Some of his closest associates would “higher path”. A financial planner, a true believers, NXIVM was imbued, laden, ilar to the sisterhood of wives among the chuckle at the oft repeated claim that Raniere masseuse, bookkeepers, businesswomen, a over-spilling, with sex. harems of the east. slept only one or two hours a day. hair stylist, a physical therapist, a legal liai - Sex was part and parcel of whatever this Still, it was a well-guarded secret. The Having sex with so many women – son, writers, actresses, models, a female auto was, a cult, a self-help group, an extended majority of his followers knew nothing of his sometimes several at the same time – some - mechanic, a ballerina, saleswomen, and family, a religion. polygamy. They would have been shocked. times several, sequentially during the night heiresses, of course. I also observed that while Raniere - required him to sleep most of the day. One by one, they told how Raniere pleased some of the women on both physical A HAPPY SISTERHOOD As former girlfriend, Toni Natalie re - saved them. Many had deep

Mariana Fernandez Svetlana Kotlin Nicki Clyne Toni Natalie 13 NIAGARA FALLS REPORTER DEC 10 - DEC 18, 2015

Raniere sought to increase the harem

Analea De La Fuente Kim Woolhouse marked, “This is bullshit that Keith never were blamed when sleeps—Keith sleeps all day long. He sleeps In spinning these yarns to women whom all day long.” Barbara Jeske, Karen Unterreiner and Pam Cafritz I was increasingly seeing as gullible, Raniere would go to great lengths to fill them with HE SOUGHT TO INCREASE THE to allow people to see him, all he would have guilt. HAREM to do is make a phone call and 300 people RANIERE EXPLAINS SEX TO THE To discipline his harem, the women would come in less than an hour. INNER CIRCLE were blamed when Raniere was sick, or said Not all of the NXIVM women, of “Just to be able to see him,” Nancy he was sick, which happened often, it course, were being bedded by Raniere. His added, sitting on a plush couch in her living Once someone was allowed into his seemed. inner circle numbered around 12 at the time. room, a few feet above a basement safe that inner circle, however, Raniere was demand - When Bouchey, for instance, did not But Raniere was on the lookout to in - contained, I later was told, as much as $2 ing. He told his women that they must re - buy into his “spiritual” explanations, she was crease the inner circle - from his outer circle million in cash. main thin, requiring them to maintain a admonished by Raniere and his women, that – which consisted of about 80 - who were Raniere rarely made personal appear - vegetarian diet, as he did himself; and that she had had an adverse effect on his body. fulltime workers, many, apparently, paid off ances. fat disturbed his subtle energies. “If I took drugs or alcohol... he would the books. These lived in NXIVM housing His reason was that because he was so “Keith feels that his physical body is a feel that in his body antigenically,” she said. or in homes nearby and whose lives were de - spiritually advanced if he walked among the manifestation of universal cause and effect,” “If I ate meat or fish, that that would be like voted to NXIVM. lower level of humanity, his students, it one of his women said. poison in his body, and that if I had a nega - Most of these knew nothing of his sex would drain his energy. As Raniere explained “I’m unified” tive reaction to him or to others, that could practices. It was like touching the hem of the gar - which meant he was enlightened. And he also have a very negative effect on him..... I There was also a third circle of follow - ment of Christ; or how the disciples of the told his inner circle that before he was born was taking his life force... robbing him of ers, consisting of several hundred who had ailing Ramakrishna tried to keep the multi - he made a commitment to help them become years of his life because of my negative re - outside jobs, whose lives were not entirely tudes away so that the sins of the people enlightened in this lifetime and that each was actions,” she said Raniere told her. NXIVM based, but who regularly attended were not transferred to the holy man when chosen for a special role. I concluded that he was simply having classes for which they paid thousands per they touched his feet. “Because of that,” Barbara Bouchey, too much sex and was exhausted. year. Most of the students saw him only on one of his inner circle women, explained, “it As Raniere told me at our first meeting, rare occasions, unless of course he deter - was important that we worked together as a THE IDYLL ENDS at Nancy Salzman’s house, should he decide mined to bed them. group and we were representative or sym - bolic, of evolving people, and that should we There are some – including possibly evolve, that the archetype that we repre - Raniere himself – who think I am to blame sented would evolve with us.” for the revelation of Raniere’s harem to the They believed that Raniere knew, with public at large. every woman, what separated her from being Several months into my work with enlightened; he knew exactly what “layers of NXIVM, I was asked to help find funding confusions” kept her from becoming more for an ongoing Los Angeles real estate ven - evolved. ture that had been funded by the heiresses, He would help mentor without giving the answer directly, but only the clues – sometimes in the bedroom – where she would be more attentive - so that she might succeed herself. He told the women also that he had total recall of his previous lives; he knew before he was born that his mission was to help peo - ple become enlightened; and that he made commitments to meet certain people in this lifetime and be their spiritual teacher. I observed that, in the case of attractive, slender and rich women, he committed to bed them too.

GUILT TRIPS

In spinning these yarns, to whom I was increasingly seeing as gullible (albeit con - senting adult) women, Raniere would go to Lauren Salzman great lengths to assuage their doubts and fill them with guilt. To discipline his harem, the women (Continued on page 14) 14

Staggering financial losses (Continued from page 13)

Gina Melita Gina Hutchinson Kristen Kreuk

Two Seagram’s liquor heiresses have NXIVM headquarters. needed to work (on) this, and if she were to blown nearly $100 million on an upstate Kotlin thought she was having a leave that she might kill him because he was group headed by a shady Svengali.... monogamous relationship with Raniere. now intimately connected with her.” Billionaire mogul Edgar Bronfman Sr. When she discovered she was one of many, Raniere “tried to make her jealous,” by is “considering legal action” to restrict the she was hurt and decided to break up with “start(ing) to do things with women in front trust funds of daughters Clare, 30, and Sara, him. of her,” Bouchey recalled. 33, after they lost $65 million in a commodi - Bouchey recalled how three inner circle It didn’t work. Svetlana chose to leave ties-trading scheme, according to one in - women: Nancy Salzman, her daughter, Lau - Raniere. Barbara Bouchey sider. ren Salzman, and Pam Cafritz, descended on The failed investment plan and the Svetlana and told her that the desire for INDUCTING MONOGAMOUS the Bronfman sisters, who were now very Bronfman sisters’ staggering financial loss monogamy was “an attachment, and she WOMEN INTO POLYGAMY much a part of Raniere’s inner circle. were revealed in court papers filed in Los I left Albany and went to Los Angeles. Angeles.... There, I discovered that the sisters, who The scheme was engineered by Keith had invested $26 million – at Raniere’s rec - Raniere, a Brooklyn-born smooth talker who ommendation – had been defrauded out of has been investigated for fraud in several about $10 million by an absconding partner states and is described in legal documents as and they stood to lose their entire investment a “compulsive gambler.” in the project. Raniere, 49, now heads a controversial Moving quickly, I recovered their as - Albany-based group, NXIVM... that con - sets, but in so doing I had to expose ducts “group awareness seminars.” Raniere’s spectacular blundering in recom - The Bronfman girls are among his most mending the Los Angeles real estate venture devoted acolytes.... to the Bronfmans, and to his inner circle, and Over the years, Clare and Sara have to Raniere. pumped millions into Raniere’s group, buy - The revelation came as a shock to the ing him more than a dozen upstate properties women, particularly Bouchey, who resigned and even letting him fly around in their pri - from the Executive Board of NXIVM. vate plane. It was only the tip of the iceberg. The Los Angeles lawsuit says that start - I probed deeper into the fraud and ing in 2006, the sisters pumped $65 million started a lawsuit for the Bronfmans in Los into the commodities scheme, which, along Angeles, winning an important injunction to with a $26 million real-estate deal, quickly gain control of their assets. Raniere, how - went south. ever, suddenly chose to cut off communica - Raniere — who was trading the com - tions and terminated our business modities using a mathematical plan he had relationship. concocted — blamed the financial losses on I was fired within days of recovering Edgar Bronfman. Raniere said there was a $26 million in stolen assets for the Bronf - “conspiracy” and the “market was rigged” mans. against him because the mogul didn’t want But the cat was out of the bag. his girls involved with NXIVM, court papers Soon after, Bouchey broke from allege. NXIVM, leading a group of nine NXIVM women who left with her and cratering the THE LID ALSO COMES OFF ON upper echelon of Raniere’s organization, per - HIS HAREM haps irrevocably. What also came out in the Los Angeles STAGGERING FINANCIAL lawsuit was not only how Raniere manipu - LOSSES lated the loss of the Bronfman fortune but how he manipulated the women he kept The Los Angeles lawsuit I started on be - around him. half of the Bronfmans – before I was fired Not only the gullible Bronfmans, but by Raniere - revealed the true extent of the other women. dwindling of the Bronfmans’ fortune and For example, Raniere misled several how Raniere had squandered (perhaps women into believing they were the only stolen) more than $100 million of the Bronf - woman in his life. mans’ money. There was the story of Svetlana Kotlin, As The New York Post reported on an attractive Russian, who owned and oper - March 26, 2010: ated a physical therapy business near 15 NIAGARA FALLS REPORTER DEC 10 - DEC 18, 2015 The list of women loved, hurt, swindled by Raniere

Kristin Snyder Nancy Salzman

Some chose to stay. Pam Cafritz , daughter of wealthy DC Both Bouchey, a successful financial socialites, who assiduously recruited women planner, and Toni Natalie, who partnered in and girls as sexual objects for Raniere. a business with Raniere, claim that at first Kristin Keeffe , who fled from Raniere they thought they had a monogamous rela - after having spent decades with him. She tionship with Raniere. wrote, “All the worst things you know about That he had women employees and stu - NXIVM are true but there is so much more dents, who were, in many cases, their warm Sara Bronfman, Pam Cafritz and Clare Bronfman horrendous things going on ... including ... and close personal friends, made for a com - psychological and sexual abuse and impris - fortable secure relationship. Raniere was flirting and making intimate Kristin Snyder , a young professional, onment of multiple illegal aliens.” When they discovered Raniere gestures towards her. Peter and his daughter who paid $16,000 for NXIVM classes, with Toni Natalie : After being raped by “cheated” – was constantly “cheating”, their left the organization. the result that she tried to dispense with Raniere, with her child just steps away in an - worlds fell apart. sleep. other room, she says, when she tried to leave, Raniere’s inner circle, however, led by OTHERS LEAVE TOO “(Raniere) doesn’t sleep, so I don’t need Raniere sent her threatening letters, hired Salzman, Cafritz and others, closed in. to sleep,” she said. During training, she private investigator Juval Aviv to investigate Raniere instructed his inner circle that Former NXIVM coaches, Susan Dones came to believe she had been sexually her; the FBI showed up at her door, Raniere to be “evolved” or “empowered” they must and Kim Woolhouse, quit after they found abused as a child and was responsible for the sued her and his inner circle descended on let go of attachments. Sex is no different out Raniere was sleeping with most of the explosion of the space shuttle Columbia. She her. than playing tennis. members of the NXIVM executive board. committed suicide leaving a note saying that They reportedly broke into her house to His inner circle would ask the reluctant Dones alleged that students are “prey” NXIVM “brainwashed” her. recover letters Raniere had written to Natalie polygamist, “Do you own Keith’s penis?” or for Raniere and training sessions are “used Gina Melita , who claims she was 15 about his visions for her bearing his child, “What’s the difference between Keith sleep - as a venue to stalk their students ... who when Raniere took her virginity. plus tapes, documents, records, and photo - ing with somebody versus playing the vio - might fit into Raniere’s profile of sexual con - Gina Hutchinson , whose sister Heidi graphs, including one of Raniere, allegedly lin?” quest.” claims Raniere raped her when she was 15. with a bow tied around his erect penis. In the case of Bouchey, and Natalie, it Gina cannot be interviewed. She committed Natalie called Raniere “a sex addict worked. Both women welcomed their sisters THE PUNISHER suicide. with bizarre desires and needs.” and abided polygamy – for a time. Rhiannon Rogers ; Raniere offered to Kristen Kreuk, Allison Mack, Nicki However, this polyamory with Raniere Raniere, who loves to punish as much tutor her with her mother’s consent. Raniere Clyne; TV actresses who gave up their ca - was strictly a one way street: Raniere was as he loves to have sex, soon came to hate had sex with the 12-year-old approximately reers to follow Raniere. free to have sexual relationships with any me. Perhaps blame for his problems. 60 times before she ran away. Mariana Fernandez , reportedly lives number of women, but he demanded that his Ironic. I had come to help with Cecilia Stieglitz , who had a mental with Raniere and Cafritz. women have sex only with him. NXIVM’s publicity problems and in the end breakdown after taking classes. “I felt that I Adrianna Fernandez, Marianna’s sis - He could become jealous, too. One – after I was fired - I inadvertently exponen - had to decide between my boyfriend and my ter, reportedly imprisoned by Raniere in a NXIVM member told me that when Raniere tially caused their media exposure. life, and Keith,” she said after spending two house NXIVM owns. found out she had slept with another man, he Still, Raniere cannot be dismissed years in treatment, taking antipsychotic and Analea De La Fuente Holland , report - became enraged and raped her on the spot. lightly. antidepressant medications. “that’s when I edly, in the service of Raniere, put her hus - With Bronfman money, he was able to broke...... he [Raniere] wants to have the band’s fortune (and more) at Raniere’s PARTY FAVOR persuade the Bronfmans, who really ought to control of your life.” disposal. have been grateful for what I did for them, Barbara Bouchey was told she must Plus: Karen Unterreiner, Dawn Morri - But other men were rarely a problem. to sue me. have a sexual relationship with Raniere be - son, Siobahn Hotaling, Loretta Garza, Few men were allowed entry into the Then he converted that civil dispute into cause she was “chosen” to bear his child. He Melissa Rodriguez, Melanie Button, Karen group. a criminal complaint against me. also told Bouchey that in a previous life she Abney, Kim Woolhouse, Ester Chiapone, One of them, Peter, a successfully busi - And the battle is on. was the Nazi Reinhard Heydrich, one of the Kathy Russell, Mary O’Donnell, Carole nessman, attended a Halloween party at architects of the Holocaust. Bergeron, Christy Lahousen, Kim Connelly, Salzman’s house, with mostly inner circle *** Susan Dones says Raniere was having and the late Barbara Jeske. women. In our Cult of NXIVM series, as we sexual relationships with multiple women, Stay tuned. When he saw Keith dressed with a probe how Raniere stripped the Bronfmans sometimes with more than one of them at the bathrobe and a large, artificial penis sticking of more than $100 million, and how the sis - same time but who had to keep their relation - out, he realized that, “oh, my God, he’s hav - ters tried to hide it, possibly illegally to ship a secret because it was feared that many ing sex probably with most of the women in evade taxes, we will look at the individual members were not “evolved enough”. this room.” roles of many of the women Raniere influ - Nancy and Lauren Salzman , mother That was not all that troubled him. Peter enced. and daughter, both slavishly devoted to had a daughter in her late teens with whom Among the women: Raniere. 16 NIAGARA FALLS REPORTER DEC 10 - DEC 18, 2015 Local Artist to Be Featured in Major Independent Christmas Album Tony Farina Christina Custode of Niagara Falls, a Governor Announces Brownfield four-time Artvoice Vocalist of the Year, is being included in a special Christmas edition Grants in Niagara Falls and Lockport compilation by Independent No. 1, India’s Governor Andrew Cuomo announced goals." largest independent label well known for in - the designation of 11 new Brownfield Op - Lockport BOA, City of Lockport, Niag - troducing independent artists and groups to portunity Areas in New York State by the ara County – This consists of a 490-acre area fans and media across the Middle East. Secretary of State, including one in the City in the heart of the City of Lockport that is Custode’s “The Mistletoe Song,” writ - of Niagara and one in the City of Lockport. characterized by 52 potential brownfield ten and produced by Lew Custode and They are: sites located along the Erie Canal and sur - Stephen Parisi, will be included in WOA Highland Community BOA, City of Ni - rounding neighborhoods, including the Records Special Edition Christmas Compi - agara Falls, Niagara County – This consists downtown central business district. The pri - lation, according to a news release from Cus - of a 560-acre area characterized by at least mary community revitalization objectives in - tode Music that states the song “captures 15 potential brownfield sites concentrated in clude: eliminating environmental the Highland community, an area with a mix contamination and blight associated with Custode’s beautiful tone quality and sensi - Christina Custode tive phrasing,” and is especially geared to the of residential and historically industrial land these brownfield sites; fostering economic uses. The primary community revitalization growth in terms of new business, jobs, and emotion of the Christmas season. around the world with an exclusive price objectives include redevelopment in a man - an expanded tax base; and, enhancing According to Custode Music, the spe - only offered on CDBaby. Streaming serv - ner that takes advantage of the proximity to tourism opportunities associated with the cial compilation has strong media backing ices are available including Spotify, Apple major roadways, railroads, and a nearby air - Erie Canal. A $370,800 BOA Program grant with guaranteed airplay on various radio sta - Music and iHeartradio at Independent No. port; and enhancement of the area for resi - financed planning activities. tions, venues, malls and restaurants all part - 1’s Christmas Special Deluxe Edition dents and businesses. A $375,000 BOA City of Lockport Mayor Anne E. Mc - nered with WOA International. It is intended (http//www.cdbaby.com/cd/independentno1s Program grant financed planning activities. Caffrey said, "I would like to thank Governor to support independent musicians via the christmas2). City of Niagara Falls Mayor Paul Dyster Cuomo and Secretary Perales for the desig - various WOA International platforms avail - Custode is a classically trained pianist, said, "Thank you Governor Cuomo and the nation of our BOA. We are very happy to able to Indie acts. The special holiday com - vocalist, composer/arranger and graduate of New York State Department of State for the have worked with the New York Department pilation is scheduled for one month of the prestigious Eastman School of Music. resources to complete the Highland Commu - of State on this project, and we look forward exclusive radio programming on the nation - She is up for nomination in five categories nity BOA in Niagara Falls, This successful to continuing our relationship as the City im - ally syndicated and globally licensed radio for a Grammy Award for her song “Fire” that planning project has provided the City with plements the BOA and continues the suc - show, WOAFM99 Radio, all through this she says was born in the spirit of determina - a blueprint for the successful redevelopment cessful redevelopment of key sites in the city month. tion during a particularly difficult period in of key sites within the BOA, and an official of Lockport." The album includes 22 holiday songs by her life. Indie artists and is available at major stores designation will help the city realize its 17 NIAGARA FALLS REPORTER DEC 10 - DEC 18, 2015 Bills Have No Margin for Error And how about LeSean McCoy’s 112 anywhere without a leader behind center years, they still have a lot to do to end the Tony Farina rushing yards, certainly a huge factor in who could make the plays that spell the dif - losing curse and make the playoffs. Maybe helping the passing game with his speed and ference between winning and losing. Taylor it will be this year, maybe not, but at least The up and down Buffalo Bills are up cutback ability that keeps defenders off bal - has slowly made me a believer that he has there is hope that if Taylor continues to make again, at least until Sunday when they have ance and buys time on passing plays for Tay - the talent and the grit to be that leader and strides, the Bills can get there soon. another “must win” game against the Eagles lor. Now McCoy doesn’t always produce, help this team become competitive. if they want to keep their playoff hopes alive but when he does, Buffalo’s chances im - Given Buffalo’s losing history, it is very in a game rated as a tossup by the oddsmak - prove dramatically. hard to invest a lot of hope in their ability to ers. Sammy Watkins hauled in three passes win the big games and while this is a differ - What a roller coaster ride this season for 109 yards against the Texans, showing ent team from all the losers of the last 15 has been for the Bills, giving and taking again that when healthy the speedy wide re - away hope to end the 15-year playoff ceiver is a huge difference maker for this drought and standing at 6 and 6 as the final team. And McCoy, an up and downer like push begins to try and live up to the presea - the team he plays for, should have plenty of son hype. Right now, Buffalo is one game extra motivation when he returns to Philadel - behind a playoff record. phia to face his former team in a very big The good news for diehard fans is that game for both the Eagles (5 – 7 and still alive last week’s 30 -23 win over the surging Tex - for a playoff spot) and the Bills. The Eagles ans was enough to keep Buffalo’s faint play - pulled a shocker last week in upsetting the off hopes still flickering although Rex injury-riddled Patriots and will be sky high Ryan’s crew will pretty much have to win for the Bills and McCoy, especially in front out to realistically have a chance to reach the of those wild Philly fans. postseason with three teams very much in In my view, the Bills will need to win their way, including the 7 and 5 New York out, starting Sunday, to have any chance to Jets. On paper, one would expect the Buf - end the playoff drought and given their his - falo offense, which ranks 10th in scoring of - tory of up and down performances it is hard fense, to be able to take to the Eagles, a team to believe they can do it. But they have that ranks 25th in scoring defense. shown from time to time that they can play Tyrod Taylor continues to mostly im - winning football in this roller coaster season, press in his first season as a starter at quar - and perhaps Taylor has become the leader to terback, both with his arm and his legs, give them a chance, if not this year, then passing for 211 yards and three touchdowns maybe next year. against the tough Texans’ defense and adding The Bills entered the season with no 28 yards in seven carries on the ground, once proven quarterback and writers, including again proving an elusive target for even this one, didn’t really think they could go Houston’s strong pass rush. 18 NIAGARA FALLS REPORTER DEC 10 - DEC 18, 2015 Officers- Arm Yourself; Congress-Declare War On ISLAM!

the job! A LgooEd cThoi ceG is tOhe nDewer cSomOpactRT THEM OUT 8-10 shot 9mm autos. Many are available like Glock, Sig… S&W has the M&P 8 shot, about $400. According to relatively new ATF rul - ings, even if you have an HR218 Federal Certification you must comply with NY State capacity laws but not bullet types, the way I read the law. Read it yourself. The original Federal law does not limit the num - ber of rounds but New York State law does and good old ATF is under Obama's thumb and issued a position on capacity to conform to State law?! If you have to engage a Mus - lim trying to kill you and others at a show I don’t think you’ll have a problem. But if you are in New York State where the governor J. Gary .The Right only worries about himself and doesn’t care about you and me, as long as HIS security DiLaura Side detail carries 30 round MP5 full autos ...if you carry more than NY law allows you may If you are a retired run into a conflict so carry an extra maga - lawman, you probably did as I did and zine?! Get 9mm and not 40cal. There are stopped carrying when you retired. Many of good reasons why but there’s not enough the guys I know and shoot with also stopped room to explain however suffice it to say that carrying but started again a few years ago; a the Navy Seals have gone BACK to 9mm! little after Obama was elected and demon - Our Country is at war with Islam right bie?! strated that his interests didn’t include pro - If you didn’t get your HR218 Certifica - now! They are attacking Christians and other Folks, just look at this list put together tecting us! tion, call your old Department and ask them infidels all over the world and here in the by “askdrbrown.com”, and realize there are If you are a retired lawman, as much as where you can get it! US. About 63% of the Country realizes it, many, many more; you hate to do it, start carrying again and If you are a law abiding citizen, have which is mostly Republicans some Liberals Add to that the San Bernardino, Califor - carry “heavy” as well! Don’t just carry a 5- training and a conceal carry permit, then and Muslims. I 'm not saying that most Mus - nia massacre on November 2, 2015! And the shot like we USED to do off duty, carry as if carry. Don't carry a 22 cal or 25 cal or some lims are at war with us but “most” do recog - next one… coming to a neighborhood near you are working because you may well find dumb derringer... nothing smaller than 38/9 nize that an extremely large faction of their you?! yourself in a situation that you never saw on mm!. Either go big or leave it home! ideology wants to kill us and THEM as they If you don’t see a relationship then you too are Infidels but they, themselves, are too may as well keep your head in the dark place afraid to speak out! It is that bad and to date, you have it stuck as there are no facts that neither the President nor Congress is making you will believe until you feel how hot a bul - the moves they need to take to “Preserve, let is when it pierces your back or watch life Protect, and Defend” the Constitution and drift out of a loved one’s eyes as she dies in us! your arms just as those poor souls just did in Congress MUST declare war on some California! form of Islam and do it NOW. Call it Radical If you think I am trying to scare you, Islam, Traditional Islam, ISIS, or just the you’re damn right! Wake up!!! truth…ISLAM but for Christ’s sake do it and do it NOW! Our Muslim President will re - fuse to enforce the Act Of War and an Im - peachment will be easy! Joe Biden may not be the sharpest knife in the drawer but he IS a Patriot and WILL enforce a Congressional Declaration of War, Article 1 Section 8! Since there is no way on Earth to tell which Muslims are trying to kill us, we’ll have to let the Military and their intelligence base figure it out as they did in WW2, Korea and Nam. They can and will do it, just let them do their jobs and PROTECT US and let God sort out our mistakes! If Congress does - n’t act our Country will be overrun with Muslims who want to kill you, your children, your grandchildren and nothing matters to them, EXCEPT Allah. Call your Congress - man and Senator now! Higgins, Schumer… are you awake? you listening? Those Infidels that are on YouTube being pushed into trenches, shot and beheaded, were Infidels, just like you are! Those videos were REAL, not photo shopped. Anyone who tells you they’re fake is a moron who believes chick - ens have lips! Without a doubt a number of left wing, red, commie, pinko, “Debbie Wassermann Schultz”, psycho types will say “Oh not true, these are all workplace violence and all we need to do is make AK47 full autos and IEDs illegal”… and chickens have lips, right Deb - 19 NIAGARA FALLS REPORTER DEC 10 - DEC 18, 2015 Only in NT - Column is one year old! Thank you, Reporter! ney turned executive assistant to Mayor council and there was a failure or neglect to Lawrence Soos, appointed City Court Judge cause such snow or ice to be removed, or the by Mayor Soos at the end of his term in place otherwise made reasonably safe or re - 2009, Jeffrey Mis. paired within a reasonable time after the re - No surprise that Nickerson is recom - ceipt of such notice." mending Katherine Alexander, who gradu - Especially occupants of properties in the ated from law school and was named downtown area should pay attention to this assistant City Attorney primarily because she clause and notify the Common Council as had served an internship with Senator soon as safety hazards arise this winter from Maziarz. You’d need to be blind, deaf and snow and ice not removed promptly by NT. just plain stupid to not realize Maziarz and All residents should immediately report pot - Sweeney Payne Wojtaszek still hold those puppet strings in holes and worsening of streets, including the Here we go again! Art Pappas is still NT! ones they "repaired" this year. serving the remainder of his appointed term, It’s time for NT residents to mobilize which made him the incumbent for the elec - voters for future elections! The dirty tricks tion where he finally was elected Mayor be - and machinations those currently in office ginning January 1. At the December 1 participated in during the 2015 campaign pe - Common Council workshop Pappas submit - riod should be reason enough for a third ted a letter appointing Shawn Nickerson to a party to be established and developed before the next election! six-year term as North Tonawanda City Shawn Nickerson Court Judge, starting December 30, 2015 The Democratic party could resurrect it - self, but it didn’t do a good job in 2015. If it and ending December 30, 2021. dents back the Niagara River waterfront. cannot recreate itself as a viable party effec - Nickerson, who graduated from law Stop focusing on bringing in outsiders to use tively representing residents, the only other school in 1991, began his political career by and damage our Gratwick-Riverside Park choice is for a new party. being named assistant city attorney in 2000. and work on giving us back the entire water - We are celebrating our first anniversary He was handpicked by that not-so-grand old front from the Town of Wheatfield border to of the “Only in NT” column. The Niagara party to move up to City Attorney in 2005. Wheatfield Street! Falls Reporter printed our first column in the Our “august body,” the Common Coun - Include Tonawanda Island as waterfront December 16-23, 2014 edition. We have cil now has to appoint an acting City Attor - usage for residents. Put industry in other been proud to give voice to the countless res - ney to complete the term voters elected areas of NT away from the waterfront, espe - idents whose voices have been stifled over Nickerson to, in order to make the appointee cially parts already polluted by former indus - the last decade. Are great things ever done an incumbent at election time. trial occupants. We are doing in this column what many smoothly? Time, patience, Are you seeing the pattern here? Article VI, Sec. 6.001 (d) of the City of you have tried unsuccessfully to do in re - and indomitable will must Something in City Hall smells rotten Charter reads, "No action shall be main - cent years—asking for explanations of with all the early retirements from elected of - tained for damages or injuries to the person show... things our elected representatives don’t com - fice in the last dozen years leading to politi - sustained in consequence of the existence of pletely explain to us—if they bother to tell cal appointees becoming incumbents when snow or ice upon any sidewalk, crosswalk, us anything at all. They aren’t answering us Brave, bold people, these they faced the voters for the first time. or street, nor for damages or injury to person directly, either, but we have observed some are what we want. What we Where is that Attorney General or Common or property alleged to have been caused or minor changes based on points we have want is vigor in the blood, Cause-New York on all of this political fun- sustained by reason of any defects in, want made. Political appointees do comment di - and-games in NT? of repair of, or obstruction of any of the strength in the nerves, iron rectly at times, but we didn’t elect members Pappas claimed “several others” ex - highways, streets, alleys, sidewalks, cross - muscles and nerves of steel. of City boards or LCDC to represent us. pressed an interest in the city Court Judge walks or public places of the city unless writ - A first priority for our “new” eight peo - position. Who? ten notice thereof relating to the particular ple in a room in 2016, which will no doubt Swami Vivekananda Nickerson replaces former City Attor - place, was actually given to the common include Alexander, should be giving resi -

We Disagree: New York Times Got It Wrong on Gun Control On December 5 the New York Times didacy of Warren Harding supposedly pre - with guns will go away." It won't work. Be - published a front page editorial calling for sented for the nation. Harding was elected cause even if the guns go away the criminal, broad and immediate nation-wide gun con - president, anyway. the terrorist, the mentally ill, and the socio - trol. Not since 1920 had the Times published Last week's editorial was prompted by pathic gang member remains in place. a front page editorial. In 1920 they railed the horrific one-two punch of the recent mur - Because there are evil, troubled, and so - against the dangers that the presidential can - ders at a Colorado Planned Parenthood facil - ciopathic individuals walking among us the ity and at a San Bernardino, California office New York Times school of gun control complex. The problem with the Times edi - would choose to stop law abiding Americans torial is that it casts a clumsy verbal net over who own guns (for hunting, target shooting, the Second Amendment in its call for gun protection, collecting) from accessing their control. And it does so by assuming a fixable Second Amendment rights. The Times argu - linkage exists between incidents as wide ment doesn't hold water and its dramatic ranging as terrorism, street crime, and men - presentation on the newspaper's front page tal illness. The presumed linkage: guns. The fails to increase its credibility. Times' solution: gun control. Not everyone obeys the law and not The New York Times - and their ilk - everyone respects the rights of others to live would have us believe that "guns caused peaceably. This is the sad truth of mankind these deaths so if we get rid of guns the risk throughout the ages and it's more true today of similar future deaths will disappear." And than ever before: The world is a very dan - they want to edit, rewrite, or eviscerate the gerous place. And it isn't made safer by dis - Second Amendment to achieve their goal of Caption arming the law abiding and making them a gun control. better target for those who - for whatever The Colorado shooting, the San rooted in strikingly different circumstances. sickening reason - choose to commit murder Bernadino shooting, the shootings on college Mental illness, Islamic terrorism, and raging and mayhem. campuses, the shocking daily murders in inner city gang warfare cannot be addressed, Chicago street gang warfare are mirrored much less solved, with a one size fits all so - through gunfire, but each is elementally lution of "ban guns and crimes committed 20 NIAGARA FALLS REPORTER SEP 29 - OCT 07, 2015

State Expected to Release ECC Audit Soon We have reported in several stories that Quinn is not held in high regard by many at the college and is seen as having more inter - est in his outside gigs than delivering the full-time leadership that he is being paid for at the rate of $192,500 a year. Many say he has pretty much full control of the board of directors and is rarely challenged on his de - cisions in a job he tried to leave in 2013 in a silent bid to head the Buffalo Niagara Part - nership. He dropped out of contention when it was clear Dottie Gallagher Cohen was the Partnership’s first choice, and the former congressman from Hamburg signed a new two-year deal to stay at the ECC in the high - est-paying public job in the area. In fairness, ECC has suffered declining Tony Farina enrollment and a county subsidy that is well If the exit conference last week between below what it should be, as is the state’s con - state auditors and the administration of Erie tribution. County lawmakers have talked Community College (ECC) is any indication, about doing something about the subsidy, but the college is not too happy with the findings so far, not much has been done. in the state comptroller’s audit report that All parties may well be waiting for the could be released soon, the first audit of the results of Comptroller Tom DiNapoli’s audit financially troubled public institution in 20 to decide the next course of action for ECC, years. and we’ll report fully on those findings as We have learned that the final exit con - soon as they are made public. ference was lengthy and at times quite con - tentious, and it came following perhaps the longest running “standard audit” ever by the state, one that began early last year and was originally expected to be released last spring. But now the nearly year-long review is com - ing to an end and ECC has until Dec. 23 to give its formal response to the audit, mean - ing the findings could finally be released by early next month. When I first talked to the state comptrol - ler’s office last March, a spokesman called it a “standard audit,” and would not confirm it was launched in response to allegations of fi - nancial mismanagement at the college pre - sented by informed public watchdogs. But in the same conversation, the state official predicted the audit would be done by spring, and of course that target was not met. As we reported during the course of the audit over the last several months, ECC’s vice president for legal affairs, Kristin Klein Wheaton, the top assistant to President Jack Quinn, attempted to control all interaction between the college staff and the state audi - tors, and asked for constant updates from staff on all contacts with the state auditors. The college has serious financial chal - lenges under Quinn’s leadership and has been forced hike tuition, spend down re - serves, and enact emergency measures to deal with the growing crisis. 21 NIAGARA FALLS REPORTER DEC 10 - DEC 18, 2015 News of the Weird

New World Order: “Crowdsourcing” guilty in Scotland’s Glasgow Sheriff Court Chuck Shephard start-ups (such as GoFundMe and Kick - in November for his 2014 response to an un - starter) raise money online for projects such favorable literary review by an 18-year-old Wait, What? as underappreciated entrepreneurial ventures supermarket worker posting on an Internet After certain takeoffs and landings were or families needing help with medical ex - site. Brittain had acknowledged some criti - delayed on Nov. 7 at Paris’ Orly airport (sev - penses. Day-trading dabbler Joe Campbell cisms of his book The World Rose in a blog, eral days before the terrorist attacks), a back went online in November to beg for assis - but said other critics had compared him to trace on the problem forced the airport to dis - tance after being crushed by a bet of the type Dickens, Shakespeare and Rowling. How - close that its crucial “DECOR” computer that many say wrecked the U.S. economy in ever, he confessed, when he read the clerk’s system still runs on Windows 3.1 software If the whole world stands 2007-08. He held a pessimistic “short” posi - review, he searched for her online, found (introduced in 1992). DECOR’s function is against you sword in hand, tion in his account on KaloBios Pharmaceu - where she worked, traveled 500 miles to the to estimate the spacing between aircraft on would you still dare to do ticals (KBIO)—hoping to exploit traders store and knocked her out with a wine bottle fog-bound, visually impossible runways, and what you think is right? overly optimistic about the company. How - to the back of the head. (She was treated and apparently it must shut down whenever the ever, overnight NASDAQ trading awakened released at a hospital.) airport scrambles to find an available 3.1- him with news that KBIO’s price had sky - qualified technician. rocketed in frenzied trading and that Camp - Cultural Diversity bell now owed his broker $131,000—and Weird Japan (continued): Sony manu - Campbell’s new GoFundMe post stoically factured a robot dog (“Aibo”) from 1996 to asks strangers to please help him pay that off. 2006 for a legion of pet-fanciers, but now that supplies of spare parts and specialized Government in Action Charles Smith, 62, is set to drive mu - repairers are dwindling, many of the beloved nicipal buses for Broward County, Florida, family “canines” are “dying” off. Not to until he retires in 2020, even though his worry, though, for many “surviving” owners record includes 14 accidents in a recent five- are conducting elaborate, expensive—and year period (not enough for discipline, in even religious—burials with widely attended that, according to contract rules, not more funerals for their Aibos. (A March 2015 than four were labeled “preventable” in any Newsweek report offered a dazzling photo - two consecutive years). The bus drivers’ graphic array of Aibo funerals.) Aibo support union president told the South Florida Sun- groups proliferate online because, said one Sentinel that he “can’t figure out why” some repair service director, “(W)e think that drivers just get into more accidents than oth - somehow, (Aibos) really have souls.” ers. Elsewhere in transit news, notorious se - Leading Economic Indicators rial New York “joydriver” Darius Art Basel, the annual weeklong festival McCollum, 50, commandeered yet another for “One-Percenters” in Miami Beach, is bus and was arrested on Nov. 11. He faces scheduled for Dec. 1 to Dec. 6, and among jail time, just as he has already served for the many excesses is the sale of on-demand more than two dozen bus- and train-”bor - caviar, available by text message, to be de - rowing” incidents. (Based on news reports livered in person within the hour, at $275 for of McCollum over the years, he nonetheless a 125-gram tin. Miami New Times calls Art might be a better bus driver than Charles Basel “ComicCon for the world’s moneyed Smith.) elite,” and among the extravaganzas is an The federal government confiscated “exotic dance club sheltered inside a green - more property from citizens (through “civil house.” Four thousand artists, from 32 coun - asset forfeiture”) in 2014 than burglars did, tries, are participating. according to FBI figures publicized by the independent Institute for Justice (and that did not count state and local government seizures, which are not uniformly reported). None of the governments is bound by law to await convictions before exercising seizure rights. (Some of the seized assets must even - tually be returned to private-party victims, but news reports abound of suddenly en - riched police departments and other agencies being “gifted” with brand-new cars and other assets acquired from suspects never con - victed of crimes.) More Things to Worry About (1) Carrie Pernula, 38, was arrested in Champlin, Minnesota, in October after a per - haps too-aggressive strategy for quieting rau - cous neighbor kids. According to the police report, Pernula, at wit’s end, apparently, wrote the kids’ parents by mail: “(Your) chil - dren look delicious. May I have a taste?” (2) Robinson Pinilla-Bolivar, 24, was arrested in Midland, Texas, in November, accused of threatening a woman at knifepoint because (according to the police report) she would not “smell his arm pit.” People With Issues Author Richard Brittain, 28 (and a for - mer champion at the popular British Scrab - ble-like Countdown TV show), pleaded 22 NIAGARA FALLS REPORTER DEC 10 - DEC 18, 2015

City hall dictionary: Tired of being criticized for paying his fa - Mayor Dyster didn't kill a deer two One wonders how Mayor Dyster was 72nd Street water line remediation - a vorite employees high salaries, inexplicable weeks ago when he left town to go hunting, unable to make Santa Claus appear a single stipends and needless overtime, Mayor Dyster $1,000,000 project to fix a frozen water line but he did manage to conveniently "miss" a time for the Holly Trolly yet he was able to announced his new "reimbursement justification city hall finance meeting that went off with that all the political hot air in city hall has equation." His Honor said he's going to begin make $90 million casino revenue dollars dis - a bang as those in attendance shot it out big been unable to thaw for the past two. paying his top administrators "by the pound." appear one dollar at a time with no difficulty This will give new meaning to the term, "city hall time. at all. fat cats."

This isn't funny. The 2016 "adopted Paul Dyster's favorite song, "The man Complete this sentence: city budget" popped up on the city website in the mirror" by Michael Jackson The mayor will break ground on the some days ago. While no one recalls the City Council's favorite song, "Dancing Hamister project when ______. budget being passed it appears to have been in the dark" by Bruce Springsteen a) pigs fly passed. And this in spite of the fact that the The Finance Advisory Panel's favorite b) hell freezes over passage occurred before the finance panel song, "What's going on?" by Marvin Gaye c) the city budget is balanced weighed in with their recommendations for d) all of the above the 2016 spending plan. 23 NIAGARA FALLS REPORTER DEC 10 - DEC 18, 2015

Aries: (March 21 - cans because they say, thinking. You’re so ugly, you scared the crap Pisces: (February April 19): "concentrate". You are out of the toilet. Some day you will find 19 - March 20): You didn't like your proof that evolution CAN yourself - and wish you hadn't. .People don't know beard at first. Then it grew go in reverse. There is no what makes you so stu - on you. If bullshit could vaccine against stupidity. Capricorn: (Decem - pid, but they know it re - float...you'd be the Admi - You are nobody's fool, but ber 22 - January 19): ally works. ral of the fleet! There's one thing good about maybe someone will adopt you one day. Laughter is the best You send photograph your body. It isn't as ugly as your face. Weds. medicine, your face could to the Lonely Hearts Club. They sent it back Pm: You stick your head out of the car win - Scorpio: (October cure the world. You're saying they weren't that lonely. Your parents dow and get arrested for mooning. 23 - November 21): like a candy bar: half take you to a dog show and you win. This is There's only one sweet and half nuts. Mir - an excellent time for you to become a miss - Taurus: (April 20 - problem with your face, rors don’t talk but lucky for you they don’t ing person. May 20): people can see it. You laugh. You are not as bad as people say, you When you get blad - have the right to remain are much, much worse. der infection, urine trou - silent because whatever ble. People will you say will probably be stupid anyway. Aquarius: (January constantly ask you How Learn from your parents’ mistakes – use 20 - February 18) : many times do I have to birth control! Anyone who told you to be You are living proof flush before you go away? Don't turn the yourself couldn't have given you any worse that manure can sprout other cheek; it's just as ugly. They call you advice. legs and walk. Aging “Taco Bell” - when people see you they run gracefully is like the nice for the border. Sagittarius: (No - way of saying you're slowly looking worse. vember 22 - December You fear success, but really have nothing to Is government Gemini: (May 21 - 21): worry about. Talk is cheap, but that's ok, so supposed to entertain the June 20): You can lose ten are you. governed? Remember: Every pounds of ugly fat. Cut off calendar's days are num - your head. You aren’t re - bered. No amount of ally stupid. You just have a bad luck when makeup will fix your stu - pidity. You're not as stupid as you look. No - body could be! Arrogance is a virtue. Farmers use your picture as a scarecrow. If you were twice as smart as you are now, you'd be absolutely stupid.

Cancer: (June 21 - July 22): Don’t take job offer at H&R Block, it will be too taxing. You look like a before picture. What are you going to do for a face when the baboon wants his ass back?! One more wrinkle and you’d pass for a prune. Do not go to the zoo they may refuse to let you out.

Leo: (July 23 - Au - gust 22): Don’t take job as a baker, you make enough dough. No, those pants don't make you look fatter. I mean, how could they? You grow on people, like a wart! People put your picture in their car window as an anti- theft device.

Virgo: (August 23 - September 22): People say you are a gossip but you say you have a great sense of rumor. People can always tell when you are lying. Your lips move. Earth is full. Go home. NASA plans to use you to shore up the hole in the Ozone layer.

Libra: (September 23 - October 22): What language are you speaking? Cause it sounds like bullshit. Stare at frozen juice