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Women, Relationships & Jewish Texts WOMEN, RELATIONSHIPS sukkot& JEWISH TEXTS Rethinking Sukkot: Women, Relationships and Jewish Texts a project of jwi.org/clergy © Jewish Women International 2019 Shalom Colleagues and Friends, On behalf of the Clergy Task Force, we are delighted to offer this newly revised resource to enrich Sukkot celebra- tions. Rethinking Sukkot: Women, Relationships and Jewish Texts is designed to spark new conversations about iconic relationships by taking a fresh look at old texts. Using the text of Kohelet, which is read on the Shabbat that falls during Sukkot, as well as prayers, midrash, and modern commentary, the guide serves to foster conversations about relationships. It combines respectful readings with provocative and perceptive insights, questions and ideas that can help shape healthier relationships. We hope it will be warmly received and widely used throughout the Jewish community. We are grateful to our many organizational partners for their assistance and support in distributing this resource in preparation for the observance of Sukkot. We deeply appreciate the work of the entire Clergy Task Force and want to especially acknowledge Rabbi Donna Kirshbaum, co-editor of this guide, and each of the contributors for their thoughtful commentaries. Please visit jwi.org/clergy to learn more about the important work of the Task Force. We welcome your reactions to this resource, and hope you will use it in many settings. Wishing you a joyful Sukkot, Rabbi Leah Citrin Rabbi David Rosenberg Co-Chair, Clergy Task Force Co-Chair, Clergy Task Force Lori Weinstein Deborah Rosenbloom CEO, JWI Vice President of Programs & New Initiatives, JWI MEMBERS Rabbi Leah Citrin (co-chair) Rabbi Joshua Rabin Temple Beth Or, Raleigh, NC United Synagogue of Conservative Judaism, New York, NY Rabbi Sean Gorman Pride of Israel Synagogue, Toronto, ON Rabbi Nicole K. Roberts North Shore Temple Emanuel, Rabbi Susan Grossman Sydney, NSW, Australia Beth Shalom Congregation, Columbia, MD Rabbi David M. Rosenberg (co-chair) Rabbi Richard Hirsh Jewish Child and Family Services, Chicago, IL Wynnewood, PA Rabbi Jonathan Rudnick Rabbi Marla R. Hornsten Jewish Family Services, Overland Park, KS Temple Israel, West Bloomfield, MI Rabbi Susan Shankman Cantor Deborah Katchko-Gray Washington Hebrew Congregation, Potomac, MD Temple Shearith Israel, Ridgefield, CT Rabbi Andrea Steinberger Rabbi Donna Kirshbaum Hillel at the University of Wisconsin, Madison, WI Omer, Israel Rabbi Uri Topolofsky Rabbi Ari Lorge Beth Joshua Congregation, Aspen Hill, MD Central Synagogue, New York, NY Rabbi Ron Muroff Chisuk Emuna Congregation, Harrisburg, PA The Goal: Conversations about Relationships Whether you happen to be sitting in a sukkah just now or not, we’re glad you have this holiday guide in hand to help start important conversations. We know how hard it can be to set aside time for them in the sheer busyness of everyday life. We hope you’ll make Sukkot not only a time to celebrate and pass on cherished traditions but also to speak about health, peace, and safety in our homes and intimate relationships. One of the most familiar activities of the holiday is eating in a sukkah – an ideal setting for thought and conversa- tion. What you are now holding in your hands is a guide in the sense that it offers a way forward along a particular conversational path. Our commentators have chosen passages, many excerpted from the holiday’s central text, Kohelet [Ecclesiastes, said to be written by King Solomon] that call attention to three features along that path. We believe that calling attention to them in guided conversation can lead to more clarity about whether our intimate relationships are healthy ones, and lead to more deliberation if the time has come to imagine a different future for ourselves. • Balance. Are we and those we love able to face life’s losses, setbacks, and hardships, secure in the rhythms of life – in the knowledge that there is a “time to every purpose”? • Vulnerability. We think of our willingness to be emotionally exposed, to be open to wounding and healing, as signs of true intimacy. But what if our wounds are physical or carry with them economic, social, or emotional risks to ourselves and those we love? • Joy. Is it happiness? pleasure? something else? Can we make more of it? Can we pass it on? On behalf of my colleagues on JWI’s Clergy Task Force, I wish you a Sukkot that allows you time to reflect, and to begin harvesting your reflections, in ways that lead to more health, safety, and wellbeing for you and those you love. Hag Sukkot sameakh, Rabbi Donna Kirshbaum Omer, Israel FAQs and Facilitator Tips Q: What are some of the ways this guide can be used? A: We envision women, men, families, friends, study partners, and other sitting around tables in beautifully decorated sukkahs, eating delicious food, and engaged in discussions based on the conversations starters in the guide. Q: Is this guide for women only? A: No, not at all. Men are often part of the equation of a healthy relationship, and we hope they’ll join the conver- sation! Q: What is the recommended amount of time for the program? A: Forty-five minutes to an hour will allow you to introduce the guide, read one text and commentary, and begin a conversation. An hour to 1 ½ hours would allow you to select readings from each of the three themes and have substantial conversations about each of them. If the group is really engaged, you can always plan to con- tinue the discussion at a later date. Q: What needs to be done before the discussion takes place? A: Simply assign one person the responsibility to read the entire guide and to select the texts and commentaries that will be used for discussion. Alternatively, a more informal, free-flowing discussion may be fitting depend- ing on the nature of the group. Either way, make sure each participant has a guide to follow. Q: What is the format for the program? A: Once everyone is seated, the ‘leader’ should explain the goals of the program, the themes that will be dis- cussed, and, briefly, some reasons for sharing this resource. Participants may be asked to say or think of the name of someone in whose honor or memory they want to devote this study. Ask for volunteers to read the text and the commentary out loud. Try to ensure that everyone who wants to read has an opportunity to do so. Use the accompanying prompts to begin the conversation and encourage everyone to participate. If a prompt doesn’t lead to a vibrant conversation, move on to the next. If there is additional material to cover when the allotted time is over, then make plans to get together again. Q: Are there guides like this one for other holidays? A: Yes, the “Rethinking” series also includes guides for Purim, Shavuot, Shabbat, and the Shamor L’Amour campaign. If you have any questions, or want to share feedback, please email Deborah Rosenbloom at [email protected]. We’d love to hear from you! Theme: Balance Are we and those we love able to face life’s losses, setbacks, and hardships, secure in the rhythms of life – in the knowledge that there is a “time to every purpose”? Text • Kohelet [Ecclesiastes], attributed to King Solomon • Chapter 3: 1 – 8 לכל זמן וﬠת לכל־חפץ תחת השמים: A season is set for everything, a time for every experience under heaven. A time for being born and a time for dying, A time for planting and a time for uprooting the planting; A time for slaying and a time for healing, A time for tearing down and a time for building up; A time for weeping and a time for laughing, A time for wailing and a time for dancing; A time for throwing stones and a time for gathering stones, A time for embracing and a time for shunning embraces; A time for seeking and a time for losing, A time for keeping and a time for discarding; A time for ripping and a time for sewing, A time for silence and a time for speaking; A time for loving and a time for hating; A time for war and a time for peace. [Tanakh: The Holy Scriptures. Jewish Publication Society (JPS) 1988] Suggestion: To help make the transition to a conversation about a “time for every purpose under heaven,” search on You- Tube for The Byrds’ or Pete Seeger’s rendition of “Turn, Turn, Turn.” Commentary by Rabbi Marla Hornsten This famous passage from Kohelet [Ecclesiastes] finds its way into many funeral services thanks to its ability to capture the whole of the life experience—times to embrace and laugh and dance and times to weep and lose and discard. It captures life’s imperfection and the need to create balance between the good and the bad, life’s trials and triumphs, pain and joy. As Kohelet reminds us, we may experience either pole of experience at any point in our lives. Perhaps the measure of a full life is appreciating each of these moments for what they are – a natural part of life well-lived. Rabbi Hornsten is a rabbi at Temple Israel in West Bloomfield, Michigan, where she has been since 2000. She is the co-chair of JWI’s Clergy Task Force and is also involved with domestic violence prevention work in her local community. BALANCE jwi.org • page 1 Conversations 1. What are the markers of a successful life? A life well lived? • Is it whether we have been able to create a network of people whom we can count on, and who can count on us, to be there in tough times, not to mention to celebrate with in good times? • Is it whether we have allowed ourselves to get out of our comfort zone - be vulnerable in relationships, challenged ourselves professionally, and committed ourselves to take new risks? 2.
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