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Issue No 673 Friday Feb 22 2008 varsity.co.uk

e Independent Cambridge Student Newspaper since 1947 ARU makes desperate attempt to improve poll performance

“dedicated to the NSS” located all fi nal year students to nobble” and Varsity News Reporter over the Cambridge and Chelms- NSS stickers on sandwiches sold in ford campuses so that they can the university cafeteria. Emails leaked to Varsity from sen- fi ll in “a good online response”. In a later email McHugh re- ior management at Anglia Ruskin He advocates that lecturers “keep quested that lecturers “do your University have revealed damn- pumping out the message” and bit by discussing the survey” with ing evidence of the University’s “get students to march off to a ter- fi nalists, who would be sent NSS encouragement of efforts by staff minal straight away” in addition to reminders, and informed staff that to hike ARU’s National Student informing them of other colleagues there would be survey-dedicated Survey results. who will be sent “out and about... computers in both AR campus- The NSS, which surveys over looking for fi nal year students to es’ libraries. In a memo to staff, 300,000 students annually on their nobble”. At no point in any of the McHugh suggests that “More en- university experience, has been emails is any reference made to thusiastic colleagues may decide seen by ARU senior management any attempts to improve the is- to allow a class to fi nish early and as a way of improving their uni- sues complained about by ARU that students are directed to near- versity’s public reputation in the students in the NSS. by computer terminals to complete wake of having fi nished bottom of Responding to suggestions that the survey!” the 2007 Sunday Times University the survey’s fi ndings might be Asked if this was an appropri- League table after students slated skewed by students’ self-interest, ate use of resources, Paul McHugh ARU on grounds of “teaching, or- McHugh said that he did “not ap- said that it was “a convenience ganisation and management”. prove of crude attempts to per- for our students” and added that An email sent in the wake of the suade students to give their Uni ARSU had also provided dedicat- publication of the Sunday Times ed terminals. As to whether fi nal- League Table from Vice Chancel- ists should be putting the survey lor Mike Thorne highlights aware- before their work, McHugh told ness that “everyone who reads the “it is important that Varsity that “students have been [Sunday Times League Table] was we do not attempt reluctant to complete the NSS deeply shocked to fi nd us bottom” online which means that they are and discusses the fact that “we to infl uence students often pestered by phone later”, need to respond to [this] pretty and argued that “this is more dis- smartly, both internally and exter- unduly” ruptive and disturbing” than the nally.” university’s promotion of the sur- This manifested itself several vey. Whiffen told Varsity: ‘It’s not months later, not in the form of ‘good marks’” but that he did “think aggressive marketing. You get so a drive to improve standards of it is worth explaining to students much stuff, like junkmail, sent to “teaching, organisation and man- how the survey is increasingly be- you all the time.’ agement” but in an missive advo- ing used outside the higher educa- CUSU, who staged a protest in cating a push to redress the damage tion sector.” which they burnt copies of the sur- done to ARU’s reputation through McHugh emphasised the role of vey and promotional material out- the NSS. A 31 January circular the NSS as a channel for feedback, side their old Trumpington Street from Dr Paul McHugh, Director of and was joined in his praise of ARU offi ces last year, remain highly Student Affairs, explained that al- tactics by Frankie Whiffen, Anglia critical of the survey and promotes though “it is important that we do Ruskin Student Union (ARSU) opting-out. CUSU is now the only not attempt to infl uence students President, who told Varsity: “a union in the country to do so after [responding to the NSS] unduly... lot of students are apathetic and Oxford and Warwick’s student un- I do think it’s reasonable to point won’t visit their student union, ions ended their opposition. out... that NSS results are increas- but this is an easy to access way Last year Cambridge was the ingly seen as a key component of to contact the university.... The only higher education institution MICHAEL DERRINGER a University’s external reputa- university is always trying to gain in the country not to reach the 50% tion and that reputation will be feedback. This is how it works at response rate required by the NSS Lighting up the lawn attached to the degree with which Anglia Ruskin.” He added: “we’re to publish its fi ndings. The then they leave us”. not set in our ways, we’re dynamic CUSU Education Offi cer, Jacob Over 200 students took part in “Orange Wednesday”, McHugh added that lecturers and changing.” an event organised by Cambridge University Amnesty should fi nish their lectures early The NSS push involved “col- International to call for the free trial or release of inmates and encourage students to head leagues out and about at Cam- CONTINUES ON PAGE TWO at Guantanamo Bay. down to the computer terminals bridge and Chelmsford looking for Fashion Face Off Interview Varsity Fashion Editors chronicle Robinson crusade: Churchill Mitchell and Webb on London Fashion Week ght them on the beaches That Mitchell and Webb Look » Pages 16-17 » Page 14 » Page 21 News Editors: Clementine Dowley, Richard Power Sayeed, and Isabel Shapiro Friday February 22 2008 2 NEWS [email protected] varsity.co.uk/news

CONTINUED FROM FRONT PAGE

In Brief Head, described the NSS as a waste of “precious resources” and Foie gras protestors its content as “over-simplistic to the point of meaninglessness”. He Access overhaul attack top restaurant was highly critical of the “aggres- Cambridge restaurant Midsummer sive marketing of the survey”, in » ‘Stalled’ recruitment initiative under review House was sprayed with graffi ti by which the NSS would telephone animal rights protesters opposed students up to eight times to encour- to it serving foie gras. Responsibil- age them to complete the survey. Michael Stothard dents from lower socio-economic state schools. As in Cambridge, ity for the attack, which took place Cambridge has so far re- backgrounds. This is compared to this figure is declining. on Saturday, was claimed by the fused to pass on students’ other Russell Group universities The recent move to abolish the Animal Liberation Front, who said phone numbers to the NSS. The University is to radically which accepted one in five stu- separate application form is hoped that the restaurant “made itself Last month Pete Coulthard, current overhaul its undergraduate re- dents from more disadvantaged to make the process of applying to a target by continuing to support CUSU Academic Affairs Offi cer, con- cruitment strategy in the recog- backgrounds. Cambridge easier and less daunt- and profi t from the horrifi c animal demned the University for “leaning nition that its initiative to become The revamped admissions poli- ing for state school pupils. abuse involved in the production of on the Heads of Houses (e.g. Masters) less elitist has “stalled”. cy will now put “significant” new The Chairman of the Sutton foie gras”. Protestors glued door to put pressure on JCR Presidents to Despite costly recent recruit- funds into recruiting pupils from Trust, Sir Peter Lampl, said that locks, damaged windows and spray- encourage students to participate”. ing attempts, the proportion of he was encouraged by the latest painted slogans such as “Stop Sell- Coulthard also criticised the format Cambridge students from state news: “Any moves by Cambridge ing Foie Gras” and “Ban Foie Gras” schools has actually declined over and other top-ranked universities on the Michelin-starred restaurant. the last few years. Two years ago Cambridge is to attract more non-privileged Police are currently investigating 58% of Cambridge students were planning to market students – and to break down the the criminal damage which took Cambridge supports from state schools compared to barriers which prevent them from place in the incident. But the attack the NSS and has put 56% last year. The figures for this itself as the cheap applying – are very welcome. was not the fi rst example of pro- year’s intake are expected to be There is a particular need to make test against the use of foie pressure on CUSU to even lower still. university sure that young people are fully gras: on Valentine’s Day, at “Progress has stalled. We’re aware of the bursaries and other a peaceful protest organised change its stance not happy with where we are so financial support on offer, as our by Animal Rights Cam- we are rolling up out sleeves and middle ranking state schools. most recent research showed that bridge, campaign- working even harder,” said Di- “We have put so much attention non-privileged students are often ers carried plac- of the survey, its over-simplicity and rector of Cambridge Admissions on the hardest-to-reach students ignorant of this.” ards saying: timing, which he claimed has dis- Geoff Parks. that we have overlooked those “Foie gras rupted fi nalists’ work in past years Cambridge is planning to mar- from reasonably successful main- = diseased liver” CUSU is lobbying the NSS to ket itself as the cheap univer- tained-sector schools,” Parks told and “Don’t buy into make a ‘bank’ of additional questions sity, with low rents, virtually no the Guardian newspaper. cruelty”. specifi c to collegiate universities transport costs and access to free This is a significant change of Clementine Dowley available in the survey. This year’s laptops. It will also stress that tact from a policy that had pre- » survey for Cambridge will contain graduates can expect a strong viously been focusing on “people one question on extra opportunities “premium” on future earnings. who might not even be think- 58% South eastern links afforded by a collegiate university. It hopes that this will tackle the ing about university at all,” said Proportion of Cambridge The University supports the NSS myth that Cambridge is more ex- Parks. students from state schools The University has formed a new and has put pressure on CUSU to pensive than other universities. Academics will also try and in 2006 partnership with a university in change its stance. It has argued From October, any student engage with state-school teach- the Former Yugoslav Republic that abstaining from the NSS might whose parents earn less than ers, in the light of Sutton Trust of Macedonia. In the fi rst deal adversely affect Cambridge’s repu- £25,000 per year will automati- research which found that half of its kind between Cambridge tation for student satisfaction and cally qualify for a full grant. would never or only rarely en- and an Eastern European state, could discourage state school ap- These initiative announce- courage their brightest pupils to staff from the Cambridge Insti- plications. In response, Coulthard ments follow mounting govern- apply to Cambridge or Oxford. » tute for Manufacturing, part of noted Cambridge’s high placing in ment pressure for top universi- Oxford is currently carrying 56% the University’s Department of the league tables for satisfaction, and ties to become more inclusive. out research to find out why its proportion of Cambridge Engineering, will found a post- described the “the deliberate inter- Last week the Higher Education attempts to widen participation students from state schools graduate course and an industrial twining” the issues of survey par- Minister, Bill Rammell, heavily to disadvantaged students are in 2007 support unit to assist the devel- ticipation and access as “unnecessary criticised Cambridge and Oxford also failing. It currently accepts opment of manufacturing compa- and unwelcome” and “misleading”. for admitting just one in ten stu- 53.7% of its student body from nies in the region. The agreement between Cambridge and St Cyril and Methodius University, which is based in the Macedonian capi- tal, Skopje, was made offi cial last week with a Memorandum of Un- derstanding, the signing of which Application process simplifi ed was welcomed by Macedonian Prime Minister Nikola Gruevski. Ricky Power Sayeed Olly West process in line with that of other plication system would become school teachers, after Sutton Trust universities, thus reducing per- less daunting. research shows that half of state- ceived elitism. It is hoped that this Discontinuing the CAF is the school teachers would “never Fee protest fl op The University’s application process more straightforward and stand- fi rst major step in the Univer- or very rarely” encourage their is to become simpler, following an an- ard process will further encourage sity’s campaign to “compete more students to apply to Oxbridge. Education Not For Sale staged nouncement that the separate Cam- applications from students from aggressively” for state students. Parks: “And naturally we hope a protest against top-up fees on bridge Application Form (CAF) is “non-traditional” backgrounds. This campaign also includes re- that, as a result, gifted students all Thursday at Anglia Ruskin Uni- being scrapped. The £10 application Parks said: “We have been look- newed plans to increase engage- over the country will feel encour- versity. However, the organiser fee will also be abolished. ing forward to the day when we ment between academics and state aged to apply to the University.” Richard Braude, a part-time mem- Previous candidates were asked could discontinue our separate ap- ber of the CUSU Exec, had failed to fi ll in the CAF in addition to plication form since the University to obtain a necessary permit from completing their UCAS applica- started work on the new internal The Director of Cambridge Council. Police arrived tion. The changes will take effect student-records system, CamSIS. Admissions is glad to shutdown the illegal event, only in October. We are delighted that this is now to see the back of to discover that so few people had Cambridge University’s Direc- becoming a reality. The change the Cambridge turned up that the crowd was not tor of Admissions, Geoff Parks, will benefi t everyone concerned: Application Form big enough to qualify as a protest. said: “We are pleased to be able applicants, their schools and col- Isabel Shapiro to make these changes now to leges, and our admissions tutors simplify the process of applying and offi cers.” to Cambridge and bring it in line The Cambridge Special Access with that of other universities.” Scheme (CSAS), for applicants The application process will re- whose schooling has been disrupt- main largely unchanged. Appli- ed or disadvantaged or whose fam- cants will still be able to choose ily and school have little history of their college through UCAS, or higher education, will continue. A submit an open application. The form, downloadable from the Un- 52 Trumpington Street Cambridge CB2 1RG earlier UCAS deadline of October dergraduate Admissions pages of 15 will remain in place for all those the University website, is still re- FREE CHELSEA BUN applying to Cambridge due to the quired for these applications. With every purchase over £2.00 in the shop organisational requirements of The CAF is over 50 years old, OR interviewing over 12,000 candi- and thinking in the state-sector FREE MORNING dates. A supplementary question- is that it only serves to extenuate naire, as used by many universi- the perception that Cambridge COFFEE/TEA ties, will replace the CAF and it is is not a “normal” university to (9am-12pm) With any cake or pastry in the restaurant hoped that this will be completed which all are welcome to apply. online. State schools and colleges wel- on presentation of this voucher However, the simplifi cation of comed the removal of both a real and proof of student status the process is seen as crucial in and perceived barrier to admis- bringing Cambridge’s application sions, and the news that the ap- Friday February 22 2008 Got a news story? varsity.co.uk/news 01223 337575 NEWS 3 Students don jumpsuits for Guantanamo protest Catherine Lough

Hundreds of Cambridge students and lecturers yesterday took part in Amnesty’s “Orange Wednesday” in order to register their anger at the continued detention of inmates at Guantanamo. The event, organised by Cam- bridge University Amnesty Interna- tional, involved over 200 participants from Downing, Caius, Trinity, King’s and Emma donning the infamous orange jumpsuits to protest against the human rights abuses taking place in the “War on Terror”. The demon- stration, which attracted widespread public attention as orange-clad stu- dents attended tutorials and punted down the Cam, culminated in volun- teers congregating on King’s Lawn in the shape of the Amnesty candle. The day was organised as part of Cambridge University Amnesty’s “Terrorism, Security and Human Rights” Campaign, which aims to highlight abuses of civil liberties in the “War on Terror”. Chair of Cam- bridge Amnesty International Mis- cha Foxell said, “Whilst most people Protestors make in Cambridge support an end to hu- Amnesty candle on man rights abuses in illegal deten- King’s lawn tion centres in principle, there’s also a lot of ignorance about the issues. Hopefully everyone who speaks to someone in a jumpsuit will go away knowing and caring more about the LOUGH CATHERINE horrifi c abuses we know are taking place in detention centres across the ment’s passivity - they have, in effect, niably grim. Under the jurisdiction of technique dating from the Spanish it extraordinary that the Unites world.” acquiesced in this outrageous crime a country founded by pilgrims fl eeing Inquisition, have attracted negative States, which prides itself on the val- Observer Annie Ring said, “It against human and civil rights. I just religious persecution, Muslim detain- public attention yet continue to be ues of democracy, human rights and was so inspiring to see all these like- hope the one-size jump suits will be ees are not allowed to wash before used. the rule of law, uses space in another minded people making a stand. But big enough to fi t me!” prayers, denying them the right to Only 10 detainees out of more than state – one it despises – to engage in haunting too, knowing what those Dr Beard’s department was the freedom of religion. Copies of the Ko- 500 have had the right to a trial, and human rights abuses which contra- suits signify: a space created to stand most active in the demonstration, ran are kicked or defaced and prison- such trials were of questionable integ- vene its laws. That Bush can defend outside of the law, a place where the but overall 11 lecturers from the ers are stripped naked before female rity given that they were conducted water-boarding and Guantanamo prisoners have no access to their Classics, Law, English, Geography, soldiers. There have been prolonged by the US Military itself. Dr Markus Bay, and still claim that the US oc- rights. Guantanamo Bay is an abomi- History and SPS faculties donned hunger strikes and over 350 acts of Gehring, a Fellow of Robinson Col- cupies the moral high ground, leaves nation and the shame of our era.” orange jumpsuits to participate in self-harm in 2003 alone. Of the 40 lege specialising in international law, me absolutely speechless.” The detention camp also drew the day. Dr Priya Gopal, lecturer at who have attempted suicide, three said, “I think the existence of a prison Guantanamo is rapidly losing the criticism from senior members of the the English faculty, said: “I think it’s were successful in 2006, whilst two camp as such is not against interna- US international face, drawing con- University. Dr Mary Beard, Classics really important that lecturers get detainees have died in mysterious tional law but I would argue that its demnation from various interna- editor of the Times Literary Sup- involved with student activism. Es- circumstances. Some are force-fed, a operation with elements of torture, tional leaders such as Angela Merkel, plement, said, “I’m participating to pecially as we are a humanities de- practice human rights lawyer Clive and failure to offer a fair trial to the as well as presidential contenders draw attention to the whole issue of partment, we do need to stand up for Stafford Smith described as “excru- internees, is.” Barack Obama and John McCain. illegal detention. And because I feel wider humane values.” ciatingly painful.” The use of “water- Dr Molly Warrington, of the De- Colin Powell has said if he could close embarrassed by the British govern- The situation of detainees is unde- boarding” and “strappado”, a torture partment of Geography, said, “I fi nd the base tomorrow, he would.

A is for Artwork, B is for Business, C is for Copy, D is Police intimidate Green Offi cer for Deadline, E is for Editor, F is for Firefox, G is for Gill Sans, H is for Helvetica, I is for Interview, J is for peaceful protests took place with- The “Climate Changes – What Sebastian Winter out confrontation. Despite the con- Next?” conference which followed Juggling, K is for Kerning, L is for Listings, M is for stabulary’s interference, the fl ash these events attracted more than A week of peaceful protests and mob converged in Market Square 100 students from around the UK, Microphone, N is for Newspaper, O is for Office, P is green achievements in Cambridge at 1pm, confusing onlookers by car- and featured speakers from senior for Panic (on a Thursday night), Q is for Quark has been marred by “intimidating” rying umbrellas whilst the sun was members of the University as well police interference. as from national organizations. It is Xpress, R is for Readthroughs, S is for Sport, T is for On Saturday, after the “Climate planned that a similar conference, Changes - What Next?” conference, organised by the Cambridge Cli- Time, U is for Untidy, V is for Varsity, W is for a fl ash mob convened in Market “It’s pretty mate Coalition, will take place next Website, X is for Xylophone, Y is for Yearbook, Z is Square and activists hung a banner year. from Great St Mary’s Church. intimidating when There was also success for CU- for Zapf Dingbats, A is for Arts, B is for Brilliant, C is However, earlier in the week, police just turn up SU’s Go Greener! Campaign this CUSU Ethical Affairs co-Chair week when Downing signed up to for Comment, D is for Didot, E is for Editor, F is for Dan Chandler was called upon by at your doorstep the Cambridge Climate Change Features, G is for Golf, H is for Hard core, I is for two police offi cers, one a Detective unannounced” Charter. The Charter, which calls for is for Business Manager. Inspector, demanding to know who Cambridge to lead global attempts to Intelligence, J Bis for Journalism, K is for Kayaking, L was responsible for the organisation tackle damage to the environment, is for Libel, M is for Madness, N is for Nice, O is for of the event. Chandler said that the is a broad public commitment de- Be it police were unsure what a fl ash mob shining. The various incidents of signed to address the environmental Orange, P is for Perfection, Q is for Quantum was. “They reeled off public order “creative outreach” organised by the impact of Cambridge-based organi- Interested applicants for the post of Business Manager of acts to me, and said that they had national Student Climate Project, zations and to promote awareness physics, R is for Reporter,Varsity Publications S Ltd is (2008-2009) for Stories, are invited T to is for 50 offi cers on standby just in case, also involved activists handing out contact the current Business manager, Michael Derringer, of green issues. Downing, which Technical, U is forfor Understanding,an application form and a jobV description. is for Varsity, which is pretty intimidating when free cakes to passers-by in central has also developed plans to reduce Email [email protected] or see our website they’ve just turn up unannounced in Cambridge, and draping a Student its greenhouse gas emissions, is the W is for Wild Wildwww.varsity.co.uk/jobs West, X is for Xcuses, Y is for your room”, he told Varsity. Climate Project banner across the fi rst college to sign the Charter after e Independent Cambridge Student Newspaper since 1947 Deadline for applications will be March 16th 2008. But in the event, Saturday’s tower of Great St Mary’s Church. the University did so last October. Yelling, Z is for Zany, A is for Aardvarks, B is for Negotiation Workshop: A Consulting Perspective

Date - Thursday 21st Feb 2008 Time - 6:30pm - 8:30pm Location - Mong Hall, Sidney Sussex College, Cambridge Friday February 22 2008 Got a news story? varsity.co.uk/news 01223 337575 NEWS 5

Varsityprofi le » Vicky Kleiner

choice of degree: she is in her second Hugo Gye year of reading History of Art. “My parents taught me to be a Vicky Kleiner likes old things. If good hostess” – a skill she has dem- » pressed, she will name “cucumber onstrated over and over again at 95 sandwiches and rose-patterned wall- Cambridge. Her interests include paper” as examples of the world she archery, real tennis and Jane Austen, Number of guests invited to tea feels is on the brink of disappearing. and after graduating she plans to do last sunday This is why she has thrown a tea an MPhil, before herself embarking party in her room in Trinity every on a career in art. Last term she Sunday afternoon since she arrived founded the Trinity Arts Society – at Cambridge in 2006. “Trinity Tarts” – and is also head of “I’m sad that ‘tea’ doesn’t really the college’s Music Society. » happen any more,” she said. “It’s But it is for her tea parties that Earl Grey a great way to bond: give people Vicky has earned her legendary Every time tea and cake and they’ll love you. status. They started small last year, Although that might not work in but have now grown into a Univer- Afghanistan.” sity institution. Vicky was brought up in London, “There’s something very spe- and went to Queen’s Gate, a small cial about the mid-afternoon; I just wanted to give everyone an after- noon away from the internet, Cin- » dies and writing essays”, she said. “it is for her tea To that end, Vicky goes to Fort- 40 Number of cakes purchased num & Mason every Friday after- each week parties that Vicky noon to ensure the best selection of has earned her cakes. There are now so many guests that she quickly runs out of cups legendary status every week, and it is not uncommon to see people sipping their tea from martini glasses. The atmosphere is generally well-behaved: when asked » private girls’ school in Kensington. whether there was ever rowdiness, She was an only child, except for Vicky replies, “The worst I’ve ever 1920s Favourite decade her dog Rupert. Her father works in seen is people slipping vodka into

the art world, which infl uenced her their tea, but I don’t really mind.” MICHAEL DERRINGER Future of Portuguese Mill Road Tesco secured for fi ve years gets the go-ahead fi rst major step in enhancing and ex- naturally I am delighted with this Olly West panding a subject which has twice in statement by the university authori- » Government watchdog backs big stores recent years been singled out for of- ties, it is worth bearing in mind that The future of Portuguese studies fi cial praise as one of the University’s what is now happening in support looks brighter after the University success stories. Portuguese language of Portuguese is no more than what Isabel Shapiro the impact of Tesco on small signed a long-term protocol agree- and culture studies have also been a well-managed institution should shops like we have on Mill Road. ment with the Instituto Camões of marked as a priority of the Cam- have done long before for a subject it News Editor Tesco could destroy the place as Portugal. bridge 800th Anniversary Fundrais- has repeatedly singled out for praise, we know and love it if it opens The move, which follows last year’s ing Campaign. whilst simultaneously allowing the The No Mill Road Tesco Cam- there. It already has more than student-led “Save Portuguese” cam- Dr Maria Manuel Lisboa, Reader in ongoing restriction of its growth by paign has been dealt a cruel blow 50 per cent of the grocery market paign, will provide for a Camões Lan- Portuguese at St. John’s College, was the ranks of departmental middle by a government watchdog. in Cambridge.” guage Teaching Offi cer for fi ve years pleased by the announcement but in- management. To paraphrase a well- To the dismay of protesters who Although protesters have been starting in October 2008. sisted that this was no more than the known nineteenth-century women’s have fought long and hard against left disheartened and upset by The new agreement is seen as the subject deserved. She said: “Whilst rights’ activist, ‘I ask no special fa- the proposal for a Tesco on Mill the government’s go-ahead, the vours for my subject, only that heavy Road, the Competition Commis- Commission have also proposed feet be taken off its neck.’” sion has approved the supermar- measures intended specifically to Although a spokesperson for the ket’s expansion plans. safeguard smaller shops. A new University stated that “the impor- A national inquiry was launched supermarket ombudsman will be tance of Portuguese is widely rec- following widespread concerns set up to guard against large cor- ognized at Cambridge”, it was only that supermarkets were threat- porations’ domination and manip- just over twelve months ago that the ening local shops, but the Com- ulation of the independent food subject made both local and national mission concluded that big stores market. headlines for all the wrong reasons. such as Tesco are necessary com- But the No Mill Road Tesco In January 2007 it was announced petition to maintain high levels of Campaign have no plans to back that Portuguese, the world’s fi fth service. most widely spoken language, was to “UK grocery retailers are in be removed as a “full” Tripos subject, general delivering a good deal for meaning that no student could study consumers” said a spokesperson “Tesco could destroy it as one of their two main languages. from the Commission, dashing the place as we Provision was to be reduced to the campaigners’ hopes for govern- already existing “Pg3” paper, open ment intervention to put a stop to know and love it” to all undergraduates as an option the Tesco Mill Road take-over. in Part Ib. The news was met with The street is loved by local res- widespread outrage and students led idents and students alike for its a campaign of petitions, protests and unique collection of independent down, in fact the campaign seems letter-writing which eventually saw food shops and restaurants. But stronger than ever. Over 4,000 the decision reversed. many fear that Mill Road will be people have signed their on-street It would have become impossible monopolized by the retail giant, petition and last week BBC Radio to acquire any more than a basic some even believe the road will 4’s ‘Today’ program featured the reading knowledge through study- become a “ghost town” once Tesco Cambridge campaign as its main ing Portuguese at Cambridge, and opens its doors. case study. Students campaigning would have had the added effect of Emma Lindsay founder of the Lindsay refuses to accept that outside the Senate denying students the chance to spend No Mill Road Tesco campaign has the Tesco proposal will become re- House to save their year abroad in Portugal, Brazil criticised the Competition Com- ality and counts on the continued Portuguese last year or Portuguese-speaking Africa. The mission for the way it has handled support of campaigners to fight MML Faculty has since announced the investigation, describing it as the battle to the end. “It is very that even Pg3 students will be able a “toothless watchdog.” disappointing but the fight will to spend their year abroad in Portu- “I think that the Commission go on. I don’t think the people of guese-speaking countries. should have taken into account Cambridge will give up lightly.” LIZZIE MITCHELL News Editors: Clementine Dowley, Richard Power Sayeed, and Isabel Shapiro Friday February 22 2008 6 NEWS [email protected] varsity.co.uk/news Top students choose Ivy Cambridge League over Oxbridge medics come Karolina Saar

An increasing number of British students holding offers from both out on top Cambridge or Oxford and leading American universities opt for the on relative performance.” latter. Robert Craig and Although the report took into ac- This year showed a 38% increase Lucas Fear-Segal count differences in entry standards, on fi gures from 2006 in the number as well as the consequent variation of British undergraduates starting Recent research undertaken by a of ability between UK medical stu- at Ivy League universities. team at University College London dents, researchers admitted that the The Dean of Admissions at the has shown huge variations in the variance between medical schools University of Pennsylvania, Eric J. performance of doctors from differ- could only partly be explained by Kaplan, confi rms this trend. “The ent medical schools. the quality of their intake. McManus University of Pennsylvania has in- A research team at University said, “You would expect Oxford and deed seen a rise in applicants from College reviewed the individual Cambridge graduates to perform the United Kingdom. In fact, since performances of graduate medical better, but there is a two-fold differ- 2005 alone, there has been a more students in the three-part MRCP ence between Liverpool and New- than 35% increase in the number of examination, the obligatory prereq- castle [which recorded a pass rate of applicants applying to Penn from uisite to specialist medical training 67%]. Most of this has to be because the UK, and in 2007 75% of these and eventual practice as a medical of the varying quality of graduates.” students accepted Penn’s offer of consultant. Analysis of the exami- The fi ndings have prompted calls admission”, he said. nation performance of 5, 827 stu- for the introduction of a new stand- At Cambridge 150 applicants dents from 19 UK medical schools ardized test to replace the MRCP. turn down their offers each year, between 2003 and 2005 found that McManus said, “Our study provides but the University does not whilst 83% of Oxbridge graduates a strong argument for introducing [a see this as a threat to British passed the test on their initial at- licensing exam], as we have shown academia. A spokesperson from tempt, only 32% from Liverpool and that graduates from different medi- the Cambridge Admissions Offi ce 38% from Dundee were successful. cal schools perform markedly differ- said, “This phenomenon is only Professor Chris McManus, who led ently in terms of their knowledge, the investigation, stated that the clinical and communication skills. Al- fi ndings categorically showed that though the MRCP is a widely regard- “not all medical schools are equal”. ed exam that is carefully designed to “We do not have the Cambridge medical graduates assess a wide range of knowledge ranked among the best qualifi ed for and skills required by a physician, it fi nancial resources specialist medical training in the is possible that some medical schools UK, with 76% of candidates pass- teach other important skills that this to compete with ing the MRCP examination on their examination does not assess.” leading American fi rst attempt. This was bettered A spokesperson from the Gen- only by their Oxonian counterparts, eral Medical Council said, “We universities” who chalked up a fi rst-time pass recognise the need to ensure that Pennsylvania State rate of 91%. medical education meets the needs University has seen Dr Ian Wilkinson, Senior Lec- of a changing society, and we are a 38% rise in UK turer in Medicine, said that the working with the government and of slight concern at the moment. applicants “more traditional” nature of Cam- key interest groups to confi rm that The numbers of students who bridge medical education prepares it continues to be provided in an ef- CHRIS KOLENO turn down Cambridge offers are students more effectively for the fective and relevant way.” still very small, and the number MRCP, because of its incorpora- However, tracking the changes who do so to take up places at US tion of a rigorously scientifi c pre- in average performance in the universities are an very small pro- clinical course. The report claimed MRCP since 1989, the report con- portion of these.” cases Ivy League institutions of- without regard to fi nancial need, that changes in teaching methods ceded that “for many schools there Analysts have stressed the high fer better bursary arrangement and offering bursaries covering in Glasgow, Liverpool and Man- has been little variation in per- level of fi nancial support as a fac- than their British counterparts. all costs of attendance. Academic chester, such as the adoption of a formance. The overwhelming im- tor that attracts British students In 2000 Yale introduced a policy criteria are now the only aspect student-orientated “problem based pression is one of constancy rather to study in the US, as in most admitting international students considered taken into account in approach”, “have had little impact than change.” the admission process. Harvard have recently introduced a similar policy. The Cambridge Admissions Offi ce admits that the fi nancial aspect can be seen as a potential cause of the increase. “We do not have the fi nancial resources to compete with leading American universities and for the foreseea- ble future our priority will remain providing fi nancial assistance to those who need it.” Money might not be the only reason for choosing to study in the US. The fl exibility of the ma- jor and minor system allows stu- dents more freedom in shaping their educations. Many students are strongly drawn by the focus on school spirit at American uni- versities and the prospect of ad- venture in another country. While aware of the competition from US universities, Cambridge maintains that the academic qual- ity of an undergraduate Oxbridge degree goes beyond what Ameri- can institutions can offer. “An undergraduate at Cambridge will receive far more teaching from world-leading academics than a counterpart at a US institution where large proportions of the teaching are done by teaching as- sistants, and the academics focus on research and teaching post- graduates.” Friday February 22 2008 Got a news story? varsity.co.uk/news 01223 337575 NEWS 7

Sordid myth of University Library tower has been dispelled

Christ’s MICHAEL DERRINGER Flash photography This week’s edition of Varsity’s es teemed rival publication con- Nothing racy in ‘tower of porn’ tained something of a swollen surprise. Many readers of the they have uncovered nothing more The Tower Project has discred- ‘Cupboard Love and Policemen’ and periodical that issues from our Eliza Apperly risqué than distinctly genteel guides ited the long established legends of ‘Rural Love Making’, its text in fact neighbours down the corridor at to the fi ner points of Victorian ro- scandal. Certain texts bear such in- adopts a strictly pragmatic tone. the Old Examination Halls were For decades it has been an object of mantic etiquette. teresting titles and chapter headings Proffering detailed courtship advice concerned that one of the Christ’s intrigue, speculation and myth mak- The Library tower has consist- as ‘A Young Girl’s Wooing’, ‘Sugges- to “sensible”, “impulsive” and “newly rugger boys featured in the back ing. However, a new cataloguing ently captivated the student imagi- tive Tones’ and ‘His Secret Out’, but married” young ladies, the guide page photo had suffered an injury enterprise has dispelled the myth nation ever since its construction in most of the books are romance nov- suggests such saucy fl irtation tech- to his hand, or perhaps his wrist. that the University Library tower 1934. Although countless curious els of the most eminently polite fl a- niques as “a gentle pause between Those looking more closely were houses a collection of pornographic observers have attempted to gain vour, in which superbly named char- questions” and far from titillating rewarded with a little – we stress texts. access to the 157-foot high chamber, acters such as Psyche Danvers and its readers through sexually explicit little – bit more than a wrist. Whilst established student hear- no student is believed to have suc- Lieutenant Jack Holdsworth trip content, rather cautions against “the Though the headline bestowed say has consistently nurtured visions cessfully uncovered its contents. to provincial France, face frightful world of deep, deep love and passion” a moral victory to Christ’s, such of an illicit pornographic repository, Over generations of aborted ex- emotional misunderstandings but as “rather too wild and weird”. sacrosanct college nomenclature as featured in Stephen Fry’s fi rst ploratory missions, the answer to eventually overcome Jack’s reti- So no pornography there. But appeared inappropriate in the novel The Liar, staff now busy clas- the tower’s enigma soon became cence and Psyche’s nervous “virgin might the remaining tower shelves face of the ungentleman’s, um, sifying its contents insist that the evident – the seventeen fl oors of imagination” to happy ever after still be hiding some as yet uncata- gentleman. tower contains “nothing racy”. secrecy could only contain an illicit with faithful butler Mr Moggs. logued erotica? “I very much doubt As part of a new cataloguing en- stash of scandalous pornographic In one episode of deep romantic it”, said Rosalind Esche from the terprise sponsored by the US-based literature. As a copyright library contemplation, Psyche is “aroused” Tower Project. Although there is St John’s Mellon Foundation, the Cambridge receiving copies of every published by Jack “pulling out his...wrist- some material the team “don’t yet University Library Tower Project text, what else could explain the oc- watch” to disrupt her reverie in light know about”, their fi ndings so far Ungentlemanly conduct currently has a team of seven dedi- cult of a tower described by Neville of a pressing lunch engagement. would suggest that the books in the cated experts meticulously sorting Chamberlain as that “magnifi cent Although the one shilling edition tower were banished to faraway After a particularly heavy night through the tower’s 200,000 texts. erection”? of Flirting Made Easy: A Guide fl oors simply because they were on the shandies, a young gentle- Focused upon literature produced for Girls (Illustrated) includes deemed as non-intellectual, “grey” man of St John’s arrived home between 1805-1905, most intriguingly named pas- or “ephemera” texts, not on account with his regular companion, only the cataloguers sages such as ‘The Seaside of any X-rated content. to find that she was in fact inca- maintain that and the Girls at it’, Up to the fourteenth fl oor of the pable of practising their habitual “restricted access” library tower late-night activities. Not one to courtesy of a “temperamental” lift, be put off, however, he struck up a the gloomy shelves certainly house somewhat alternative plan. Hav- some incongruous tomes, but noth- ing chivalrously concealed the ing to merit scandal. Academic they young lady under a blanket, he in- are not, but pornographic they cer- vited another gentleman to help tainly are not either. In fact, the most him soothe his throbbing concerns surprising titles to be spotted were with a strong brandy and a family those more reminiscent of the Puffi n sized pot of nutella. Alas! Just as Early Reader genre than anything they were beginning to mine the very sweetest depths of his choc- olate pot together, an unwelcome visitor arrived in the form of the “a magnifi cent ubiquitous best friend. erection of a tower” The Alps In the pasty tense resembling the lewd or obscene: Paul and Pam, The Teddy Bear’s Cruise Though belonging to ancient his- and This is How We Go to School. tory, a tale picked up this week No smutty titles, no obscene illus- by one of our presspack here at trations, and more childhood stories Spies Towers surely warrants than “adult literature”. The myth of publication: a damsel of great the Cambridge “porn library” re- gastronomic repute returned to mains, at least for the time being, her Alpine chalet with a gaggle just a myth. Perhaps by 2010 when of girlfriends when skiing this the Tower Project team conclude winter. A few hours of intense their mammoth task some saucy conversation on the subject of titles may be unearthed amid the the males (and several bottles of innumerable book stacks of that plonk) later, the gals retired for magnifi cent erection. But, for the the night. Awaking early morn- time being, the more erotica minded ing, somewhat worse-for-wear, students among us must not be dis- to the confusing sound of gentle heartened. As the Tower Project wails, one of the ladies was sur- team noted, thanks to its copyright prised to find a friend prostrate status the UL defi nitely does keep on the kitchen floor, legs akimbo, pornography. In fact, there’s “quite the freezer door open and a large- a bit of contemporary stuff which sized baked-good of the Cornish people can come and have a look at variety in a place it most definite-

ELIZA APPERLY - for research purposes.” ly should not have been. Something to say? Friday February 22 2008 8 EDITORIAL&LETTERS [email protected] varsity.co.uk/news

Le t t e r s [email protected]

Driving Mistakey with so little claim to expert knowledge would ever be so presumptuous as to give an Sir, opinion on something as specialist and con- textualised as Art without at least a working Issue 673, 22 February 2008 I was amused to see a somewhat Clouseau- knowledge of Poussin and the cultural logic like quality in your newspaper - both in your of the late capitalist museum. accuracy and in your detective work - when This looks to me like a pretty outdated Cambridge Spies reported my roadside she- viewpoint. Quite aside from the fact that nanigans (‘Copping a feel’, Issue 672). Fortu- Rose clearly misunderstood the original arti- Varsity Blues nately the real police were more assiduous in cle, whose explicit subject matter was *what their duties and, far from having time to flee, commercial art looks like to the layman*, we were interviewed by them at length as to he is propounding a viewpoint which would We are constantly being told that Cambridge sport is in terminal decline. Whilst our activities, which were indeed entirely mu- prevent anyone from ever talking about art, it is true that, with the exception of rowing, we are seeing fewer and fewer world tually agreeable. Less so was when we had to saying that they like something or dislike something, unless they have the backing class athletes of the calibre of Rob Andrew play in light blue, the question still re-enter the ball from which we had surrepti- tiously departed to the strains of “gone to of an art historical education behind them. has to be asked why it matters. With the rise of professionalism in rugby in ground” on the huntsman’s horn. This is profoundly worrying. Rose is trying particular, it is inevitable that fewer players are going to want to play for any to claim art as the preserve of the cultural Yours faithfully, elite, buttressing up the sense of awe and university over a professional club. However, does this really matter - surely we magesterium which prevents us ordinary come here to learn, not to fart around on a field? Could there be anything worse Aloysius Model-Gentlemen, folk from expressing opinions and trying to than the reintroduction of the hormonally imbalanced Blue swanning around Robinson College feel our way to an appreciation of pictures, museums, commercial galleries, and all the the college bar as if they owned the place, performing random acts of “banter” things labelled “art”. that even an eleven year old would find banal? EU must be joking Very few of us ever pick up a paintbrush Surely it is better for our most academic of universities to simply take the best or visit the Fitz at the weekend. For all that Sir, Rose recommends the hundreds of free gal- at thinking, rather than cave in to any old fool who seems to be vaguely good leries on offer, telling us aggressively that at exercise. Examine rowing, for example. Besides the fact that it is frankly Katy Lee concentrates on rebutting a minor “you clearly haven’t had a proper look around mystifying why so many care about such a heinously unwatchable sport, there objection to Tony Blair’s desire for the EU any of them” is in no way a helpful comment or one that will encourage people to go and are people who have genuinely given up the chance to be in the Olympics to Presidency, namely his vanity, and ignores much more significant ones (‘Emperor of the look at them. Telling us that commercial art race in the Boat Race. Why do they care so much? Indeed, why do the hordes EU’, Issue 672). collecting is relevant to students “as much as of gawping colonials who line the banks of the Thames every March care so A man who as Prime Minister showed they wish to engage with it” and then attack- ing in print one of the very few people (other much? Despite the fact that they may now get in on academic credentials, such contempt for the democratic process - culminating in the notorious Bill to Abolish than himself) who actually has attempted it is still mystifying why anyone would want to squander the benefits of a Parliament which our own David Howarth to engage with it is a pretty poor model for Cambridge education to bob up and down a river. Blue rowers may well MP only just managed to put a stop to - is encouraging involvement in the visual arts. This is about as extremist an article as I have attend lectures and do their work, but they certainly don’t even try to branch not a suitable person to lead the governmen- tal and administrative reform which the EU ever read in any newspaper. The Art Fascist out into the obscene amount of other opportunities offered at Cambridge, let is more-or-less universally agreed to need. is an unpleasant beast, but a salient example alone really get into their subjects. to the rest of us in how not to read, how not to think about “Art”, and how not to write. Does anybody connected to the University lose any prestige just because our sports teams aren’t churning out muscle-bound meatheads with 2.iis in Land Yours, Economy and Management Studies that devalue everyone else’s degrees? Indeed, if one looks at the pathetic grasping exhibited in many a Varsity programme Elizabeth Mitchell A man who gave away billions of pounds Jesus College (“Hugo is looking to pursue a career in Investment Banking after graduation”), of public money in risk-free privatisation as if being good at egg-chasing is a good indicator for potential to understand deals that let the companies get away with corporate finance, you can see that a future career in professional sport isn’t even providing as poor a service as they like (as Par for the main course even the National Audit Office admitted at the forefront of our sportsmen’s mind. What matters about amateur sport is in a report left unpublished but obtained Sir, not how high the standard is but how evenly matched the teams, and our goal by “Private Eye” under the Freedom of should be only to compete on an even footing with other, similar universities. Information Act) should not be put in charge I would like to congratulate Varsity for hav- of a large and complicated Europe-wide ing the courage to finally employ a restau- What is scandalous is the attitude shown by the Cambridge establishment. bureaucracy. rant reviewer who is worthy of the name. Besides the outrageously low amount of money given to the Blues teams - And a man who lied to his people and Unlike that facetious idiot Tom Evans, your under £100,000 in 2006 - the University is still one of the only institutions in the world to take Britain into a disastrous new correspondent, James Quaife, actually and madly ill-conceived war under false bothered to make some insightful comments the country without a sports centre. Despite firm plans having been in place pretences has no business being any kind of about food and did not feel the need to make since the late 1990s, and planning permission being granted yet again a few international leader. inappropriate and unamusing jokes. I look years ago, the University is yet to give a penny of the £20 million required Blair becoming the EU President would be forward to reading more from Mr Quaife in the biggest and most tasteless joke since Hen- the future and will certainly be having some for the first phase - not even bothering to include it as a specific option on ry Kissinger won the Nobel Prize for Peace. luncheon at Havanabana next time I am in the Octocentennial Appeal website despite it being part of the overall goal. Cambridge with my wife Linda and our kids. It is a frankly disgraceful state of affairs not that we don’t have as many top Yours faithfully, James Quaife, I salute you. sportsmen coming here, but that ordinary students are being deprived of Laurie Marks, Yours faithfully, facilities available even to most schoolboys. University Library Rodney Cassock, Varsity has been Cambridge’s independent student newspaper since 1947, and distributes 10,000 free copies to every Cam- Woking bridge college and to ARU each week. I Rose to Sam’s bait (Robinson Alum ‘87)

Editors Tom Bird and George Grist [email protected] Associate Editors Joe Gosden and Ed Cumming associate@ Sir, varsity.co.uk News Editors Clementine Dowley, Richard Power Sayeed and Isabel Shapiro [email protected] Touché Comment Editor Asad Kiyani [email protected] Features Editors Tash Lennard and Josh Sutton features@ I am writing in what pretty much equates to varsity.co.uk Arts Editors Hugo Gye and Patrick Kingsley [email protected] Sport Editors Henry Stannard and abject horror at the vile opinions expressed Sir, Luke Thorne [email protected] in the article ‘Philistines!’ (Issue 672). Your Science Editor Kevin Koo [email protected] Fashion Editors Beatrice Perry and Olivia Sudjic fashion@varsity. writer makes the self-confirming assertion The Blues fencing team are most certainly not co.uk Visual Arts Editor Anna Trench [email protected] Theatre Editor Alex Reza [email protected] that “Quality control is assumed to be inher- out of BUSA competition this year (‘Mixed Literary Editor Ned Hercock [email protected] Film Editor Ravi Amaratunga [email protected] Music ent in the paper. It is not.”, then proceeds to fortunes in BUSA’, Issue 672). It was the & Listings Editors Daniel Cohen, Oli Robinson and Verity Simpson [email protected], [email protected] tear to shreds an article published the week seconds team who lost to Kings London last Classical Editor Toby Chadd [email protected] Food & Drink Editor Guy Stagg [email protected] Lifestyle before in TCS. I think your writer’s stance Wednesday in the BUSA Trophy. The Mens Editors John Lattimore and Luciana Bellini [email protected] justifies the similar dissection of his own Blues are gearing themselves up for their last Chief Subeditor Jane Hall [email protected] Chief Photo Editor Jason Taylor [email protected] article, and I am convinced that the letters 16 match in the BUSA Championship against Chief Photographers Dylan Spencer-Davidson and Lizzie Robinson [email protected] page is the appropriate place for such vitriol. Southampton (away) on Wednesday. This Business & Advertising Manager Michael Derringer [email protected] Company Secretary Patricia Dalby There are plenty of people out there who are year’s team have crushed Oxford, UCL, Bath [email protected] Board of Directors Dr Michael Franklin (Chair), Prof Peter Robinson, Tom Walters, Amy prepared to run down Varsity; don’t waste and Bristol, setting two records in the process. Goodwin (Varsoc President), Chris Wright, Michael Derringer, Joe Gosden, Natalie Woolman, Lizzie Mitchell, Elliot the other 31 pages of the paper doing it for We have utmost confidence in our ability to Ross, Tom Bird, George Grist them. win the Championship for a successive year. Having insulted pretty much every genre and columnist currently active within Var- Yours faithfully,

NEWSPAPERS Varsity Publications, Old Examination Hall, Free School Lane, Cambridge CB2 3RF. Tel 01223 sity, Sam Rose picks on one particular article SUPPORT 337575. Fax 01223 760949. Varsity is published by Varsity Publications Ltd. Varsity Publications written by one particular individual, and Anthony Crutchett RECYCLING also publishes BlueSci, The Cambridge Globalist and The Mays. ©2008 Varsity Publications Ltd. Recycled paper made starts to throw stones. The article in ques- Cambridge University Fencing Club up 80.6% of the raw All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system material for UK tion is about buying art in Cambridge, and newspapers in 2006 or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic, mechanical photocopying, recording or NEWSPAPERS SUPPORT otherwise without prior permission of the publisher. Printed at Mortons Print Ltd — Newspaper the writer of the original piece had disowned Write the letter of the week and win a bot- House,RECYCLING Morton Way, Horncastle, Lincolnshire LN9 6JR. Registered as a newspaper at the Post Office. all claims to expertise from the start. Rose’s tle from our friends at the Cambridge Wine response is to attack the idea that anyone Merchants Friday February 22 2008 Write for this section? varsity.co.uk/comment [email protected] ROSTRUM 9 Pak politics as usual? In spite of the rejection of General Musharaff’s rule in the recent elections, Pervaiz Nazir worries momentum will be lost. If the newly-elected politicians can’t do better than their past efforts, Pakistan will remain ripe for another era of authoritarian rule.

he general elections held in direct proportion to the options tion of six religious parties, won 45 ‘war against terror’, which is per- certain secular types of political dis- on 18th February were opened up for politicians to rein- seats in the 2002 general elections, ceived by many to be a war against courses and practices as acceptable perceived by the electorate state constitutional politics (how- mainly in the Afganistan-bordering Islam and Muslims; his military whilst delegitimising indigenous as a referendum on retired ever flawed these might be). If they North Western Frontier Province. action against fellow Pakistanis in discourses and practices, including TGeneral Musharraf’s eight year can mobilize a two-thirds majority This time round, the party won the tribal belt; the deterioration in Islamist ones which are unfairly rule. The answer was a resound- of the lower house, the National only three seats. This surely put law and order, price hikes, and harsh equated with extremism, significant ing ‘no’. Had the elections not Assembly, they might impeach at ease Western governments and treatment of opponents (particu- resentment has been created. been marred by rigging and other Musharraf or even hold a referen- some in Pakistan who saw the larly the judiciary), were especially The foreign occupation of Afghani- irregularities, the anti-Musharraf dum to determine his acceptability MMA’s success as a sign of the rise problematic. stan and attacks in the tribal areas vote would have been even greater. as a President of Pakistan. of Muslim militancy in Pakistan. Most Pakistanis despise Mushar- by US and US-supported Pakistani Voting may be a simple statistical The winners in this election have At the national level, no party has raf’s propagation of an ‘enlight- forces have added to the increased measure of preferences, but if it been the PPP and PML-N among an absolute majority. Therefore only ened moderation’. It is a shallow violence and polarisation in Pakistan. could measure the intensity of feel- the larger parties, and the Awami a coalition government is in the off- Westernising liberalism, which is There is nothing to suggest that ing, then the opposition to Mushar- National Party (ANP) among the ing, with several possible alliances, cancelled out by his authoritarian this policy will change. Even after raf would have been overwhelming. smaller parties. The independent including one between either of the practices. They equally detest his the elections, both the US and UK It is often said that ninety-nine candidates have also won a substan- major parties, or a major party and politics, which may be summed up have made statements supporting percent of Pakistani politicians give tial number of seats, far more than smaller parties and independents. as ‘servility abroad, arrogance at Musharraf’s continuity in office, the one percent a bad name. The they did in the 2002 general election. Similarly inconclusive elections home’. something that the Pakistani people army itself has contributed consid- In order to understand the cur- were held for the Provincial As- The 2008 elections will no doubt may not want. They have also urged erably to the bad image, often aided rent standing of the political parties semblies. A total of 577 seats to the bestow greater legitimacy on ‘moderate’ political parties (who de- and abetted by Western powers. it is important to understand the Provincial Assemblies of the Punjab, whichever party or coalition forms cides what or who is moderate?) to Post-election, the question is can structure of Pakistan’s electoral Baluchistan, NWFP, and Sindh were the next government, a dimen- join together and form government. this state of affairs change? system. The elected lower house, the contested. No political party, apart sion that has been lacking during In other words, Western powers The elections were held in an National Assembly has 342 seats, from the PPP in Sindh, has an abso- Musharraf’s rule. But the problems not only want to determine where extremely tense atmosphere, with of which 272 are elected and 70 are lute majority to form governments of Pakistan, a modernising postcolo- Pakistani politics and society ought several suicide bombings and kill- reserved for women and non-Muslim at the provincial level. nial state, are huge. to be heading, they also wish to ings before and during the elections. minorities. The number of reserved In addition to vote-rigging and Many of these problems are control its grammar and vocabu- They were originally scheduled for seats allocated to a party is directly other electoral irregularities, which indigenously created, and require lary of politics – but most of all mid- January but were postponed proportionate on the number of were actually much fewer than indigenous solutions. There must they want their interests to be after Benazir Bhutto was killed in a votes each party gets. anticipated, the elections have been be a redistribution of power. The served. And you don’t have to be rally in Rawalpindi. A notable fea- The unequal populations of the marred by violence. Almost 30 people relationship between the federal particularly democratic to do so. ture of the elections was her return four provinces are also crucial. have been killed and about 200 government and the provinces Has the Pakistani political class to Pakistan as Chairperson of the The Punjab accounts for roughly injured in violence that took place must be addressed, and greater learned from the bitter lessons of the Pakistan Peoples Party (PPP), and 55 percent of these seats, Sindh before, during and after the elections. national integration is needed. past? Will it rise above their faction- that of Nawaz Sharif, leader of the 25 percent, NWFP 15 percent and As a result, the voting turnout has Problems persist around citizen- alism and squabbles, and deal with Pakistan Muslim League (PML-N). Baluchistan 5 percent. The PPP, been low, at about 40 percent. Given ship rights, income distribution, issues related to postcoloniality, mo- Both former Prime Ministers had the most ‘national’ of the parties, the politically charged atmosphere in hygiene, and the enforcement of dernity and democracy? Will it tackle been out of the country during the has won 88 out of the 272 elected the country, this turnout is disap- basic rules and regulations. the ongoing problems of poverty, 2002 general elections, and pre- seats. The PML-N has 66, drawn pointing. Though part of the low Some of the more serious prob- hunger disease, and a deteriorating vented from returning to Pakistan. mainly from the Punjab, and the turnout might be explained by the lems have been created by Western law and order situation? If not, after Bhutto didn’t come back because PML-Q has 36 seats. Once the re- problem of security, it is only part of countries, particularly the United the euphoria of the election wears she would have faced charges served seats have been allocated, a more complex explanation. Apathy States. These include constant inter- off, Pakistani politics might well be relating to corruption, and Sharif about 20 seats each will be added as well as logistics contributed to one ference in Pakistani politics for their back to business as usual, making because of a supposed agreement to the PPP and PML-N. This will of the lowest voter turnouts in the own perceived security interests, itself vulnerable to another partially with Musharraf to stay out of the jointly give them over 272 seats, world: out of 161 countries, Pakistan with no regard for their negative self-inflicted dose of authoritarian country for about ten years. which is the number required to comes fourth from the bottom. impact on Pakistan. These also and undemocratic rule. After eight years of quasi-military elect a Prime Minister. The election was contested around include dictating the way Pakistani rule under Musharraf, their return Apart from the PML-Q, the Musharraf’s policies, which have politics ought to be headed, talking Dr Pervaiz Nazir is a lecturer in revitalized Pakistani politics. It other losers have been the reli- been seen to be against Pakistan’s democracy but supporting a military Development Studies at the Centre for is quite possible the elections will gious parties. The umbrella of the interests and far too pro-America. dictator, and legitimising secular International Studies, specialising in usher in a new style of governance. Muttahida Malis I Amal (MMA His uncritical support for the latter’s politics over politics informed by South Asian politics and globalisation. Musharaff, who came to power -United Action Forum), a coali- Muslim tradition. By rendering in a coup in 1999 when he ousted then-Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif, kept himself in power by manipulat- ing the Constitution and relying on support from the Pakistan Muslim League-Q (PML-Q). The options for Musharraf, who is still backed by the Unit- ed States and United King- dom, to keep himself in power have decreased Comment Editor: Asad Kiyani Friday February 22 2008 10 COMMENT [email protected] varsity.co.uk/comment

Kinley Salmon Power and collaboration Scandinavia shows politics doesn’t have to be partisan

he name of the game is An adversarial and power world has seen significant increases. implemented properly, as it is much I went to see the Vagina Monologues power, if you ain’t playing obsessed style of politics is of very Studies by the Ecologic Founda- easier to implement policy suc- on Saturday night and left it con- power, you in the wrong limited use in dealing with these tion have shown this is not due to a cessfully when the various political fused. The production and acting was place. problems. An interesting example higher set of environmental values parties and other bodies have all excellent. The play itself, however, TIf you listen to Primal Scream of the value of collaborative govern- than other countries but to more bought into the policy in the first left much to be desired. This is the you hear it, if you read Thomas ment is found not far off the shore effective systems of governance ca- place. sacred feminist play? I found myself Hobbes you see it, and if you ob- of northern Scotland, in Sweden, pable of actually achieving tangible Politics cannot be changed over- feeling a sudden sympathy for girls serve politics in most Anglo-Saxon Finland and Denmark. outcomes. night and the success with collabo- who refuse to describe themselves as countries you certainly notice it - In all cases in Sweden, and in There are numerous advantages rative governance that the Nordic feminists. politics is all about power. It often most cases in the other Nordic countries have had relies on a set “My Short Skirt” stands as a beau- seems power is all that politics is countries, legislation and major of institutions, norms and mores tiful statement against victim blam- about. Political parties ruthlessly policy initiatives are preceded by that have been built up over time. ing, and I continue to be haunted attack each other in the House of multi-stakeholder deliberations. However, the striking success they by the account of rape suffered by Commons, ex-MP’s compete to When politicians are involved all have had with a more collabora- women in Bosnia. Many of the other make the snidest comment about parties (currently seven) in the tive approach to politics on crucial monologues, however, were anything each other on Question Time, and Parliament are invited to send issues like climate change suggests but empowering and informative. the idea that various parties might representatives. These deliberation that the rest of the world has some- Take the “Angry Vagina”, which collaborate on policy is laughed out groups are well funded, can com- thing to learn. was angry about tampons, gynaecol- of town and widely derided in the mission independent research and Someone ultimately must still be ogy exams and douches. No one’s media. Just ask Ming Campbell crucially aim to achieve consensus. in power and compromise or con- forcing women to use tampons or and Gordon Brown. These groups are in a power- sensus cannot always be reached douches. The description of what There is no doubt politics needs ful position to affect policy but but the interaction between those gynaecology exams should be to set opposition to keep the government must maintain good relations with in power and those not in power women at their ease - “wear some honest and that at the end of the other participants in order to make to a more collaborative response. could change drastically in many friendly pink or blue gloves” - was a day the parties are competing for progress. The result is a set of Opposition politicians find them- countries. Even a small move away painful continuation of stereotypes office, but does politics have to be powerful incentives for the sensible selves playing a positive and often from starkly adversarial party poli- which most feminists have been try- just so starkly adversarial and char- integration of economic, social and important role, rather than simply tics would be of tremendous value ing to outgrow. acterized by such a bitter struggle environmental policy. criticising and cooling their heels as not only to improving the effec- Other monologues were harm- for power? Could the idea that poli- The effect is often very impres- they wait for a turn in government. tiveness of policy but also toward ful and poorly informed. In “The tics is about policy come to be seen sive, particularly on environmental This also means opposition parties improving the image of politics and Coochie Snorcher That Could”, a as equally as important as the idea issues. For example, Finland had are more selective about what they thus perhaps restoring the public sixteen year-old lesbian describes that politics is about power? carbon pricing from 1990 (some- choose to oppose. The best ideas interest in politics. her enjoyable experience of hav- Today’s world is characterized by thing Britain, Australia, U.S and from both sides can be taken on, It is often said that advocating ing sex with a twenty four year-old problems, including climate change, New Zealand still haven’t achieved) which helps to avoid policy lurches collaboration is ignoring the ‘hard woman. When the play was first terrorism and global poverty. and they have had great success in and achieve stable lasting policies realities’ of politics. It is claimed performed, the girl was thirteen. The Resolving issues like these we re- protecting biodiversity on private valued by all. This is especially that ‘it just doesn’t work that way’. age was raised and the line “If it was quires long-term policy initiatives, land. Perhaps most notably, all important for long-term issues like It may not work like that today in rape, it was good rape” removed, but a steady and sustained approach, three Nordic countries have man- retirement policy and the environ- the United Kingdom but in some the sentiment remains. The choice and action that is effective. They aged to reduce greenhouse gas ment. places it is working differently and to depict all lesbian relationships require genuinely collective action emissions since 1990, whereas just Collaborative governance also it is working well despite its differ- as positive while all heterosexual to deal with them effectively about every other country in the often means policies actually get ences. Still, it’s only Sweden, eh? relationships (barring one exception) are abusive is clear. That exception is pointed out with the line “This monologue is Zhiying from a woman who had an enjoy- able experience with a man”. Really, Tsjeng A total runway whitewash Eve? You interviewed 200 woman and you think it’s funny to imply that only one of them enjoyed sex with Fashion Week suggests there’s no new black - or any black at all a man? How insulting. That lonely monologue is “Because He Liked to Look at It”, in which the narrator de- scribes how she “wanted to throw up hat happened to all the ment, admitted that magazines and powered by its exclusivity – not eve- Some have said that the tendency and die” when pressured to undress black people on the designers were reluctant to hire rybody can look like a model and not towards white models is part of the by a man named Bob. The outcome runway?” asked model black models. White said, “We have everybody can afford the clothes. capricious nature of fashion, in the is positive for the woman, but it’s far Tyson Beckford at New had casting briefs which say ‘no Fashion has always eschewed real- same way that blunt-cut fringes from a textbook example of a loving WYork Fashion Week. “There are no ethnics’”. London, perhaps more ity in favour of the designer’s vision were in fashion last season, and it encounter. blacks on the cats.” While the ‘size than anywhere else in the world, – fashion is meant to be aspirational, is likely to fade out. But equating a In another monologue, the audi- zero’ debate has co-opted newspaper prides itself on being a multicultural not accessible. trend towards using all-European, ence can barely hold back their pity headlines as the controversy du jour city, with ethnic minorities com- Yet when fashion offers an all-white models with a certain when a woman defensively com- of the fashion industry, there is a prising over 29% of its population. aspirational world that is populated hairstyle is not only ridiculous, it’s ments she has done other things much more insiduous problem going It is laughably ridiculous when its by white, European identikit girls, downright dangerous. The issue of than sex with her life (“I like the unchecked. Let Vivienne Westwood, then something very disturbing race has political and social implica- dog shows”). What a terrible return grand dame of British fashion, put is happening to the idea of beauty tions far beyond that of a haircut. to early nineteenth century pity for it this way: the fashion industry is within the fashion industry. Even Nobody talks about how people with old maids. Women are so much more “racist”, pure and simple. “The issue of race more disturbing is the idea that fringes are marginalised in society than their genitalia! I should never Despite the president of the Coun- such standards of beauty are being just because their haircut is out of have to write this! The “Women = cil of Fashion Designers of America has political and exported all over the world, which style, but there is a very real danger vagina” equation becomes increas- (CFDA), Diane von Furstenberg, social implications is emphatically not predominantly that entire ethnicities are being ingly absurd as one woman claims issuing a memo to designers urging white or European. It makes no pushed aside in an industry that gets that when shaved she “couldn’t help them to create fashion shows that far beyond that of a financial sense for designers and to dictate our ideas of what consti- talking in a baby voice”. Bob tells are “truly multicultural”, it was es- magazines to alienate entire sectors tutes “beauty” and “style”. another she is “elegant and deep timated that a whopping 88% of the haircut. ” of their consumer base by exclu- Fashion is in danger of becoming and innocent and wild” based on her models used in New York Fashion sively using white models. dangerously out of touch with the vulva. The irony is painful. Week were white or European. A While you might think that this real world, where not everybody is When faced with the choice be- breakdown of individual catwalk premier fashion event gives the has always been the case, people in from Europe and not everybody is tween the complex truth or amusing shows themselves proves even more impression that London is a Nordic the industry point to the catwalks of blessed with a polysyllabic Russian the audience, Ensler too often chose appalling: the Donna Karen show wasteland of pale skin. the 70s and 80s where designers like name). But the answer isn’t a kind humour. After claiming the clitoris used 23 models, 22 of which were As with all controversial issues, Azzedine Alaia and Yves Saint Lau- of fashion affirmative action, where has twice as many nerve endings as white or European. The one model it quickly becomes a blame game. rent sent equal numbers of Asian, panicked politicians impose quotas the penis, she concludes gleefully: who was not of white ethnic origin Fashion magazines and designers black, Hispanic and white models on unwilling designers. The answer “Who needs a handgun when you was Chanel Iman, an established blame model agencies that don’t of- down the runway. The fashion indus- is for the entire industry – agents, have a semiautomatic?” Aside from black catwalk model. The Jill Stuart fer a diverse range of models. Agen- try, despite congratulating itself on agencies, designers and magazines the quite poor taste of her metaphor show was even worse; out of 20 mod- cies blame magazines and designers being the vanguard of modern style, – to take responsibility and make (see Bosnia monologue), does sexual els, not one was a woman of colour for not requesting them. Defiant de- appears to be regressing in terms a concerted effort towards ethnic pleasure have to be a competition? (meaning Asian, black or Hispanic). signers murmur how girls of colour of racial diversity. Even the unsaid inclusivity. If the industry wants to Who is empowered when we imply If New York Fashion Week set detract attention from the clothes assumption that models of ethnic get back in touch with what made that men who dislike pubic hair are the agenda, London went one step and how a blank (i.e. white) canvas minorities sell fewer magazine cov- it great – its willingness to adapt, paedophiles? Why treat women as if further – the only model of colour is preferable to allow the clothes to ers than white and European models its boldness in pushing forward the they are defined by their vagina - the to appear repeatedly on the major take centrestage. But if models are proves untrue; when Ethiopian boundaries of style and fashion – it very definition we’ve been strug- runways was British-born Jourdan meant to be people second, clothes model Liya Kebede appeared on the needs to start by being bolder about gling to escape? We can do so much Dunn. As the curtain fell on London hangers first, why should anybody cover of last year’s Harper’s Bazaar, its models. And that means that better than that. I hope next year Fashion Week, Carol White, co- care if they aren’t ethnically diverse? it was one of their best-selling is- white is emphatically not the new we will. founder of Premier Model Manage- After all, the fashion industry is sues. black. Friday February 22 2008 Write for this section: varsity.co.uk/comment [email protected] COMMENT 11

I went to a Careers Fair the other night. It was a singularly disap- pointing event. The “careers” element was in full swing, but the “fair” aspect left a lot to be desired. I was hoping that all the respective features of a travel- ling carnival would be in place – waltzers, candy-floss, gangs of men smoking Benson and Hedges by the propane canisters, packs of stray dogs that looked like they’d survived a hot wash cycle in an industrial washing machine, pregnant thirteen year-olds with hoop earrings drinking WKD blue on the edge of the dodgems, and at least one monopod gypsy with arresting facial tattoos, who just stands there, watching you, haunting your dreams for years to come. Needless to say, the Careers Fair did not live up to these im- pressive expectations. Instead of giddy children, the place was full of pale, nervous looking types, all desperately hoping that the eld- erly gentlemen with conspicuous sweat-patches over there would give them the £40,000+bonus job they dreamed of. Guess what? He didn’t. He just told you about “the importance of work experience” whilst copping a cheeky look down your top. These days, that’s the only bonus he gets. Lizzie It all leaves a rather nasty taste in the mouth. The very concept Mitchell Culture in classrooms of having a job is bad enough, but the thought that one should Giving children a dose of culture helps narrow social divisions expend time and effort having to search for one is anathema to the idle. Isn’t this why we invented nepotism, to avoid these unsightly scrums? (Having said that, search for “Max Gogarty” on the Grau- ast week, when the government an- posh and trash. There is a glass ceiling above prestigious things, into the mainstream educa- niad website to see what happens nounced a plan to give every child the those who don’t know their Raphael from their tion of every child is every bit as important as when nepotism goes wrong). right to “5 hours of culture a week” Rembrandt (and that’s more people than those teaching them the “Three Rs”. This is a phrase I don’t want to find a job. I (trips to galleries, theatre workshops, who do know their Raphael from their Rem- which makes it sound as though school is about don’t want to have a job even if Lmusic lessons) they were met with instant deri- brandt would imagine). teaching by rote with the eventual aim of one is found for me. The only job sion from many sides. Being “cultured” is not something which we learning to add up enough columns of figures to I want to consider having is one “We’ve turned our schools into jails”, said the judge on the same scale as we would success become A Useful Member of Society who won’t prefixed with a word that rhymes architect Will Alsop in the Guardian. “They are in a maths exam. It’s a marker of status. The scrounge off the taxpayer. But it is the very with “slow”, though I’m not sure proposing incursions into the time of precisely type of music you listen to is likely to be visibly pointlessness of “culture” which is its distinc- if that’s a legitimate career choice, those children who need education most”, said linked in with your socio-political background. tion. The idea that something has, on one level, or just a particularly enjoyable the novelist A.S. Byatt. And the photographer If you visit art galleries of any sort there will no value whatsoever beyond the performance hobby (and if I can’t make a living David Bailey, claiming that “I learned nothing be certain circles within which that fact will and enactment and listening and viewing, that from it, can I at least claim it on at school”, announced “I don’t like the idea of have a particular social cachet. And going to the its primary purpose is not to teach but to enter- expenses?) compulsory culture”. The Daily Mail, mean- opera, the theatre, the ballet, are so far out of tain, is what makes “culture” a tool for civiliza- This also leaves a nasty taste while, suggests that the money be used to tion, for raising aspirations and encouraging in the mouth (for some, at least). tackle failing standards in the Three Rs. freedom of thought. The problem with jobs of all sorts I will set aside for the moment the fact that Of course there is the potential for bad is that after Cambridge, I feel like the last time I heard the phrase “Three Rs” was “Being cultured is not teaching. But any subject can be badly taught, I’ve sweated my way through a when I was seven and used to play at Victorian and parents who take their sprogs round art professional life already, if only schools with my sister. something which we judge galleries have just as much potential to nurture by proxy. So many people take Why teach culture? What happens when you in their offspring a deep-seated hatred of art as their hobbies so seriously that institutionalize Art (capital A, awe and mag- on the same scale as we any teacher. Even if our motive is to preserve the next logical step after gradu- isterium and lyre-waving Muses)? Are you, as the magic of a painting or a play, and protect ation is surely a minor coronary, A.S. Byatt claimed, jeopardizing the teaching would success in a maths children from the grey shroud which a bad a cottage in Wiltshire, a Mondeo, of far more basic and crucial skills? And are exam. It’s a marker of teacher can throw over the most beautiful work and membership of the local golf you destroying the magic of solitary discovery of art, it is still dangerous and wrong to dis- club. JCRs, The Union, May Ball and individual appreciation by forcing “culture” status.” courage the normalization of “culture” within Committees – put an idiot in a suit down children’s throats, reducing it to a cur- mainsteam education. and give them an important/im- riculum subject and thereby somehow equating Give people a chance and an introduction to potent sounding title (Junior Vice Picasso with trigonometry? it and then let them find their own way through Treasurer Elect, perhaps) and Perhaps more to the point is what happens if the reach of the many people who can’t afford the labyrinth of culture. The idea that Art watch how concerned/constipated you don’t institutionalize culture. to pay thirty pounds a head for an evening’s (capital A again, awe and gold paint and choirs they look whenever they talk to How many gobbets of Virgil could you reel off entertainment (and don’t have the ADC just of caterwauling cherubim) can never be associ- you about it in conversation (and on demand? Have you ever spent an afternoon down the road) that it’s impossible to separate ated with so crass a concept as formal educa- trust me, that’s all they ever will ruminating on Poussin’s Seven Sacraments? the performances from their wealthy, expen- tion, that if Culture is meant for you then she’ll talk about). Is Satie on your iTunes? Did you even know sively-dressed audiences and the hallowed and reach out her hand and assert herself in your However, despite their abound- there’s a Modigliani in the Fitz? Do you have gilded boxes which house these spectacles. All life no matter how humble your status, is utter ing awfulness, we need these any idea of the Canon? Frankly, my dear, where these things are demonstrations of social worth. bunkum. people. The anonymous bureau- on earth was someone like you brought up? There is a symbolic value to the teaching of That eminent man of letters John Stuart Mill crats who populate committees Britain, like pretty much every other country culture as well as an intellectual value. talked about the “higher pleasures” of culture and frequent careers events are in the world, has a huge class gap. If we don’t If you leave it to children to discover art as what separates man from the beasts. Wheth- the worthless cogs who keep the teach “culture” (however strange and impre- and music and theatre by themselves, the ones er or not you think that listening to Shostako- machines of life running. That’s cise a term that may sound to us advanced who do come across these things will be those vich is what keeps you from descending into why they’re so greasy. Foucauldian theorists at Cambridge) in our from privileged backgrounds, whose parents bestial habits, by discouraging the teaching And if they get carried away schools, if we leave these subjects the preserve take them to the Tate at the weekends and of art, music and drama for the sake of read- with their own abundant self- of the elite and separate them from the formal send them to bassoon lessons on a Wednesday ing and riting and ’rithmetic we are promoting importance, so be it. The rest of us education that every child receives, we will evening. ideologies which ultimately encourage social will be on the ghost train, having never narrow the gap between rich and poor, Bringing these things, these expensive, division on a scale of man to ape. the time of our lives. Careers Service event

ice erv ers S Care Cam Connect 2008

A Careers Service Event for students keen to stay in the Cambridge area.

ECT NN M CO 008 CA 2 A range of local organisations are participating – offering technical and non technical opportunities to undergraduates 008 ary 2 ebru pm 27 F 6.00 postgraduates, MBAs and post docs. sday pm – ol edne 3.00 Scho W siness ad e Bu n Ro Judg ingto Details on www.careers.cam.ac.uk rump T ME GRAM PRO Wednesday 27 February, 15.00 to 18.00 Judge Business School, Trumpington Road, Cambridge Participating organisations include: AIRSOURCE, ALERTME.COM, ANALYSYS MASON GROUP, AUTONOMY SYSTEMS, AZURO (UK), CAMBRIDGE CONSULTANTS, CAMBRIDGE DESIGN PARTNERSHIP, DISPLAYLINK,IMS HEALTH, INNOVIA TECHNOLOGY, JAGEX, JDR UMBILICAL SYSTEMS, MARKS & CLERK, MAX FORDHAM, MEDIMMUNE, PA CONSULTING GROUP, RAMBOLL WHITBYBIRD, RICARDO UK, SENTEC, TAKEDA CAMBRIDGE, TRANSART EDUCATIONAL MARKETING, TTP GROUP. Entry is restricted to current University of Cambridge students (and recent alumni) – bring your University id card with you to this event A cumulative, depersonalised attendance level from different years and courses allows us to improve our events in the future. Personal data will not be passed to anyone outside the University. Friday February 22 2008 varsity.co.uk

“We inevitably feel more attached to That Mitchell and Webb Look. We feel more personal about it.”

MITCHELL AND WEBB PAGE 21

Nick Hytner Page 15

Fetish Fun Page 18

Martin Rowson Page 20 e Go! Team Page 22 VIEW Features Editors: Tash Lennard and Josh Sutton Friday February 22 2008 14 VIEWFeatures [email protected] varsity.co.uk/features

My Cambridge Alberto, Purveyor of fi ne wine at Cambridge Wine Merchants Cumming On The lesser known haunts and habits of well known Cambridge people Flattery

hey say that imitation is the sincerest form of fl attery. cursing like a sailor. If we are >> Alberto likes TActually they don’t. Someone feeling highbrow we might look jogging. Which whom I previously believed to to Iago in ‘Othello’, if not the has nothing to have been Oscar Wilde said it, Hollywood Actor Sylvester Stal- do with selling once, and he was presumably lone’s impression of a human us wine fairly confi dent that he was in the recent fi lm ‘Rambo’ is great and that loads of people wanted to be like him, so it wasn’t a problem that people had started to make off and desecrate his image. For the rest of us, drudging his aphorism from the pit of inanity, imitation is actually one of the more sincere forms of mockery. Sincere forms of fl attery are forms which involve other people telling you how JESUS GREEN: NOT TO BE CONFUSED great you are, in terms which WITH A WINE MERCHANTS articulate an aspect of yourself you already know, indisputably, to be great. For instance, to a woman with nice eyes: Mr T: not one to suffer fools lightly “You’ve got nice eyes” “Thanks.” another convincing example. >> If you demand She knows she has nice eyes, Insincere mockery, on the >>Having not spent some booze, this and walks around thinking it other hand, is very hard, as enough of his day around Italian expert is most of the time. But just in it requires the mocker to be alcohol, Alberto winds your man case she was worrying that she secretly jealous of that which down at La Raza no longer had nice eyes, this he attacks. For instance, in sincere form of fl attery is just the above example I mocked what she needed to pep her up. Sylvester Stallone for imper- An insincere form of fl attery sonating humans, whereas in would be going up to a woman reality I would give loads to be with horrible eyes and saying: like him, if just for a day. This “You’ve got nice eyes” is more on account of his close “Thanks.” working relationships with Mr. I agree that superfi cially the T. and Lando Calrissian than Face Off differences seem limited. But his ageing, KFC-esque mus- imagine the poor woman, walk- culature. Watching ‘Pride and ey’re fi t, you’re fi ckle. Who’s fi tter? ere’s the pickle ing around not knowing she has Prejudice’ the other day, I was nice eyes, being told that she moved to exclaim how much I Round 3: Robinson versus Churchill does, and wanting to believe it would like to hit Keira Knight- despite it not being true. Even- ley in the face with a brick, if tually, the aggregate of other only to wipe that quasi-moronic people’s opinions will out, and Bend It Like Beckham half- she will be forced to concede, as smirk off her mouth once and before, that she does not have for all. This, I concede in the nice eyes. Probably after this colder light of day, was probably she’ll begin eating curry, alone, only insincere mockery. I would in front of the hit TV serial willingly swap (pre-brick) faces ‘Skins’, weeping quietly into an with Knightley, if just for two empty carton of Pop-Tarts. This days, because it would offer must be worse than the fi rst an unrivalled opportunity to option. receive sincere fl attery (see But these are the sincere and above), thanks to the exhaus- insincere faces of fl attery. tive list of things Keira Knight- The faces of mockery are ley thinks are indisputably much harder to put one’s fi nger great about herself. on. Sincere mockery, as above, It is always better to be the is very easy to achieve through real deal, rather than the trib- imitation. All that is required ute act. Just ask ‘Noasis’, ‘Bad- is for the instigator to imper- ness’, ‘Bjorn Again’, ‘Kasabian’ sonate, crudely, the target or ‘The Bootleg Beatles’. They’ll of his offence with less wit tell you. But the won’t be fl at- and verve, more crude sexual tering or sincere. slang, and a great deal more

Chloe is a 1st year Vet and Guy Charlie is a 1st year Philosopher is a 2nd year NatSci and Laura is a 2nd year Historian

Kiera: not yet been hit in the face by a brick

LAST WEEK’S RESULT: To vote for Robinson, To vote for Text ‘Varsity Rob’ to Churchill, Text 60300. ‘Varsity Church’ to Queens’ 69% 60300.

Standard network charges apply. Pembroke 31% Friday February 22 2008 Write for this section: varsity.co.uk/features [email protected] VIEWFeatures 15 Nick knows Nick Hytner, the highly acclaimed Artistic Director of The National Theatre, tellsOrlando Reade what he thinks about the current state of British Theatre. s we are led into the laby- French Ambassador with his cul- off and learn how to do it is what partly owing to the success of for six months for a thousand rinth of offices which operate tural attachés, interested in the we say.” the Travelex £10 Season, which people. The senior generation of outA of the public eye above the success of the National Theatre We ask what his advice is to encouraged a less traditional playwrights write them because National Theatre, our guide tells as a contrast to the intellectu- aspiring actors and directors at demographic of theatre-goers. they used to write them forty us to wait outside. “He’ll be with ally elitist French theatre, overly Cambridge, his reply is sim- That’s saying nothing of his years ago. The younger genera- you in five minutes.” Immedi- dependent on government fund- ple – “they should be looking success on both stage and screen tion are very happy to write for ately, Nick Hytner bounces into ing and apparently unable to at the work of the most excited a hundred, two hundred people.” the room, full of energy despite achieve the commercial success French theatres, the most excit- That said, he is optimistic for having spent the entire day in of British theatre. He explains ing young companies, the most “What you the future of British theatre, rehearsal. It is six-thirty, dark it thus, “The French theatre has exciting young directors. They with the gusto of someone who now, and his office shimmers in always been cerebral… poetic… should write their own plays. shouldn’t be doing is hard-working and already the glittering lights of the West literary… About the interior If they’re going to be directors successful. End, the effect doubled by the world of its writers. I think ours they shouldn’t just be direct- in undergraduate “I’m quite optimistic about dark Thames. is much less so.” ing they should be acting and funding. It’s always going to be The forthcoming season at the Next season’s best-known play writing too, or getting experi- theatre is aping a struggle its never going to be National boasts an impressive being performed at the Na- ence in craft departments. as much as we like. The thing array of diverse and challeng- tional is Bernard Shaw’s Major What you shouldn’t be doing in the National. that really encourages me is I ing plays. I am told this is due Barbara, a decision encouraged undergraduate theatre is aping think that there is cross party to there being so many different partly by the success of last the National Theatre. In many In many ways consensus. I get no sense that year’s Saint Joan. The National ways it would be healthiest to a Conservative government Theatre’s brochure boasts that be despising us.” it would be would attack the arts in a way “It’s not our job “Shaw may be our most provoca- Hytner reflects on his own the last Conservative govern- tive contemporary playwright”. experiences as a young director: healthiest to be ment did - between 1979 to 97, to put young Interesting that they should “You’re going to spend the first in real terms, art subsidies were attribute this to a playwright ten, fifteen years of your career despising us” halved.” playwrights on who died almost sixty years ago. subtly negotiating the awkward I ask if this accounts for the Would such a claim suggest that passage between total ignorance with The History Boys. struggles of some of Hytner’s the stage simply they are struggling to find talent and a certain degree of experi- Half-politician, half-director, predecessors. in the next generation? “Not at ence and authority… It’s just he seems to be bearing the “Yes. One thing that must be because they’re all”, counters Hytner, “there is tough luck on the actors who responsibility for the future of said for the last ten years is that now so much energy in the ex- work with you first time round”. British theatre as well as just subsidy has doubled; thereby young... Fuck off ploration of what the theatre is, However, Hytner’s personal wanting to produce some enter- bringing us back up to where we which wouldn’t have happened success story suggests that his taining plays. were before ‘79. That seems to and learn how to fifty years ago, when everyone supposed ignorance was belied He expresses this conflict in me to be right. Encouragingly was confident they knew what by considerable natural talent. the desire to provide what “the the Tories seem to be extremely do it” the theatre was.” After leaving Cambridge he audiences enjoy the most... big reasonable and accept all the Why then, I wondered, is spent some time at the Man- new plays that engage large current arguments about the artists working in the UK at the National not giving more chester Exchange Theatre as an numbers of people in something level of funding.” the moment: “There’s an op- scheduling time to young writers Associate Director before moving that really appears to hold the We have run overtime, and portunity to have a much more notwithstanding the work it does onto musicals and operas. Aged mirror up to the nation”. A tall have to go. I stand up to shake heterogeneous repertoire than to encourage young talent at the only thirty, he won the Laurence order, one might think. hands. “Are you in theatre or the National Theatre may once National’s studio? “It’s not our Olivier Award for Opera with “I belly ache all the time journalism?” he asks. I mention have been expected to have.” job to put young playwrights and Handel’s Xerxes. In his four about the younger generation of that I’ve tried writing plays. He tells us of a visit he young talent on the stage simply years at the National Theatre writers who don’t want to write “Good” he replies, “send them to received recently from the new because they’re young… Fuck he has won the favour of critics, muscular plays that can play us when you get better.” n al T heatre of the Natio courtesy Fashion Editors: Olivia Sudjic & Beatrice Perry Friday February 22 2008 Friday February 22 2008 Write for this section: 16 VIEWFashion [email protected] varsity.co.uk/fashion varsity.co.uk/fashion [email protected] VIEWFashion 17 CATWALKING.COM

HOUSE OF HOLLAND

CHRISTOPHER KANE PAUL SMITH Agyness Deyn graced e collection revolved designer friend Henry around a smoky pale e, Holland’s rst solo accented with earthy hues collection. Holland marked and jewel tones. the occasion by designing his own family tartan.

CATWALKING.COM

AMANDA WAKELY our london fashion week Olivia Sudjic and Beatrice Perry’s down-low from the front row CATWALKING.COM

GARETH PUGH

CATWALKING.COM ASHLEY ISHAM

Ashley Isham was inspired by Veronica Lake and AMANDA WAKELY early ‘40s elegance, whilst Nicole Farhi described her

collection as “timeless, CATWALKING.COM re ned, charming.” Spo ed at LFW: jewelled and beaded tights; zips; “Yeti” jackets and knits; pe icoats; crochet; Icelandic pa erns; sequinned caps; bouclé, brocade, stretch tulle; extreme tailoring.

TODD LYNN CATWALKING.COM NICOLE FARHI Features Editors: Tash Lennard and Josh Sutton Friday February 22 2008 18 VIEWFeatures [email protected] varsity.co.uk/features The London Dungeons Tash Lennard spends an evening among the fun-seekers and fetishists at the most famous S&M club night in London

he room is small, dark and film. (Incidentally my idea of country, and has been organ- full military apparel. Naked out prior permission; Do not crowded. Every inch of the a good opening scene wouldn’t ising events for well over a breasts and buttocks were interrupt or walk through a Tbanquette that runs along the be like that all). What I am decade. Far from finding out a plenty. Worthy of particu- scene. With such restrictions edge of the wall, and of the about it from some discarded lar mention, perhaps, was a in place it is perhaps unsur- cushions strewn on the floor flyer outside Camden Town rather brave chap in nothing prising that I felt far safer in is crawling with bodies. It’s “Worthy of Tube Station, I had actu- but a leather waistcoat and this club dedicated to sexual a blur of skin and PVC, and ally heard of the club from cock-ring (an awkward one to exploration, wearing next to everywhere you turn there is particular a number of trusted, decid- bump into on the dance floor). nothing, than I do walking a couple or a group of people edly normal friends who were The crowd of 1,000 plus party- past Cindies fully dressed on a having sex with each other in mention, perhaps, themselves TG enthusiasts. goers was composed of lithe Saturday night. every which way imaginable. So with my features page in young things and white-haired The atmosphere is so condu- Outside the small room a was a rather brave mind, and a genuine curiosity septuagenarians alike. cive to openness that I found heavy-set, hirsute gentleman of my own, I booked tickets It is ostensibly a daunting myself easily making friends walks by. He wears a Little chap in nothing for the TG Valentine’s Ball thought: a three-floor club (after explaining excessively Bow Peep costume made of for myself and an art student filled with fetishists indulging politely that, No, I did not PVC, and is led around on but a leather friend of mine with a penchant in bondage, S&M and group want to have sex in the Cou- lead by a small woman in for the outrageous. sex all to the heavy beat of ples Room); I danced more underwear and a gimp mask. waistcoat and a We found outfits (fetish or industrial dance music. My wildly than I have in recent This room is larger and filled fantasy dress is required for evening at TG, however, was memory; and found myself with dancing PVC, leather and cock-ring” entry), and headed to Brixton nothing but lovely. The en- surprisingly un-phased by the scantily clad bodies. Amongst to indulge in a totally dif- vironment was friendly, the scenes of live sex and mild them are frames and tables actually describing is my ferent club experience from people extraordinarily polite S&M that I witnessed. One to which people are strapped, Saturday evening spent at one anything we’d done before. and easy to talk to, and even jarring thought did cross my whilst they are spanked or of London’s best-established The venue, a disused church, the whippings and spankings mind, however, when stand- lightly whipped. alternative club nights. was a veritable fantasia of we witnessed seemed to be per- ing in the room designated for In case you are Torture Garden is characters. Most women, and formed with the utmost care having sex in (the Couples’ wondering, I am perhaps the most a considerable number and, to an extent, gentleness. Room) – no one seemed to be not describing famous fetish of men, wore lingerie, It’s not difficult to see the my idea for the club in or PVC ensembles. appeal: fetish clubs provide opening scene the Men were on the the ultimate in escapism. “I felt safer in this of a porn whole don- Costumes are required, cam- ning leather eras are banned, and strict club dedicated to trousers and rules of conduct are in place, bare chests, or which mean that although sexual exploration, almost anything goes, safety, consent and communication wearing next to are paramount. Take for example, the nothing, than following rules printed on the I do walking back of a ticket: Do not touch passed Cindies any one with- fully dressed on a Saturday night”

using a condom. Irresponsible and stupid of the individuals involved, I thought, but hardly an indictment of the club as a whole. Fascinated by those indulg- ing in sexual activity, or ‘play’, I enquired as to what was the appeal of performing sexual acts in the relatively public arena of a club, as opposed to in the privacy of one’s own home. The answer from one couple was simple and to the point: “We like being watched, darling.” As we piled out onto the streets of Brixton at 6am (our fetish outfits hidden under layers of jumpers and coats), a small man lends me his light- Jane Hall er. “Can I kiss your shoes?” He

Jane Hall asks politely. “Sure” I reply, “Why not?” He then kneels down and kisses each of my platforms gently. “What’s the appeal?” I ask (for perhaps the fiftieth time that night). “I just like to serve women” is his response. And on that touch- ing note, we left, returning somewhat reluctantly to the real world. There are, no doubt, fetish- ists who are far less savoury characters than the one’s I encountered. There are, no Friday February 22 2008 Write for this section: varsity.co.uk/features [email protected] VIEWFeatures 19

The London Dungeons Johnny & Luciana Tash Lennard spends an evening among the fun-seekers and fetishists at the most famous S&M club night in London In their search to find the golden mean between fashion extremes, Johnny and Luciana show an up- town girl how to dress down.

ortal enemies and polar Smythson filofax crammed with opposites, “The Sloane addresses, lunch dates and 21st MRanger” and “Little Miss Edge”, invites. Do you see a Jansport take to the fashion ring, for rucksack decorating her slender the first of a two-part makeo- frame? No, Longchump’s the ver special. This week, Johnny champ for Grant. and Luciana tackle contender Six hours later, when Zoe’s hair had been successfully de- ratted and the last vestiges of Before SW3 had been powerhosed off, she emerged from the decon- tamination tank looking a little timid. She was feeling somewhat light-headed but we assured her that her flowing locks would suit the new rock-chick image we were about to create for her. Her porcelain visage turned almost translucent when we showed her the leather bomber jacket (Oasis, £110) that we were about to shove her into. We went for a ballerina - cum - biker look with this grey, sparkly tutu-skirt (Topshop, £32) and this Broke- back-tastic plaid shirt (Topshop, £25). We reckon shirts on girls can look great, just pick an in- teresting one and keep that col-

number one, Zoe Grant. It’s time for this Sloaney Pony to receive her edge-ucation. Now, even Johnny and Luciana have a few guilty items lurking in the back of their wardrobes (John used to be worryingly fond of his red Jack Wills trackie-bs and Luciana still lives in skinny jeans), but Zoe could fill an

www.torturegarden.com entire closet with her guilty (or guiltless) purchases. Take, doubt, clubs far too hardcore or pain. They will know the hardly seem the marks of a for example, the most offen- to appeal to the likes of the ‘play’ is necessarily consen- psychological disorder. Indeed sive item of all - the Jack Wills trendy young Londoners who sual, unlike the case of paedo- it is only the sexual nature of gilet. Alone, or as seen here frequent TG. The existence philia, which is, by definition, sadomasochism that has led teamed with the whole host of a fetish club in the main- non-consensual (the object of the public to find it morally of KR staples, the item never stream of London nightlife desire is too young to consent). impermissible, whilst accept- fails to simultaneously amaze does illustrate, however, how They will know that most ing other instances of consen- and irritate. Amazingly, fans much the public’s attitude has people involved in S&M are sual violence, for example, in of the gilet often forget that changed towards sadomaso- above average in education boxing matches. Cambridge is cold and that chism and expressive sexual- (as notes Professor of psychol- It is refreshing, therefore, people have arms. Irritat- After ity in recent years. ogy R.F. Baumeister). They that the times they-are-a- ingly, they are very irritating. In the International Clas- will also note that sadomaso- changing, and open-mindedness Zoe is perhaps making up for lar down (take note, John). Legs sification of Diseases compiled chism involves a considerable is increasingly the order of the her cold arms with her toasty can get as cold as arms, girls, so by the World Health Organi- amount of organisation, ne- day. Torture Garden has an head. Is it a fur hat? Is it the why not go wild with a nice pair sation sadomasochism is still gotiation, awareness of social ever-growing fan base, and no- animal itself? No, no, it’s just of wooly leggings like these ones classified as a psychological laws, and an ability to follow tions of fetishism and S&M are her whopping great barnet. (H&M, £15). We finished off the disorder on the list, along strict guidelines delineated no longer as taboo as they were Johnny and Luciana can’t look with these slouchy boots side paedophilia. This will no before the commencement of ten years ago. I, for one, am a even begin to fathom how long (Office, sale, £25) and some dark doubt shock anyone with an ‘play’. What sadomasochists convert, not to S&M per se, but Zoe must spend in the morn- eye-makeup. Zoe steps straight awareness of what is entailed find appealing – ritualistic definitely to TG. I look forward ing making it look like she out of the window of Jack Wills in the practice of S&M. They practices, escapism, and the to donning my PVC and at- just got out of bed. and onto her (motor?)bike. will know, for example, thawt achievement of mutual ca- tending the next TG event, not As a natural scientist, Zoe Next week, Johnny and Lu- the aim of such activity is tharsis through the subver- under the auspices of journal- has a lot of books to carry ciana move to the other corner deriving mutual pleasure sion of social mores – will not ism, but as a fully-fledged around - we’re betting the and bring out the softer sides of through the exchange of power appeal to everyone, but they enthusiast. biggest of them all is her “Little Miss Edge”. Arts Editors: Hugo Gye and Patrick Kingsley Friday February 22 2008 20 VIEWArts [email protected] varsity.co.uk/arts

Section from The Wasteland Martin Rowson

COPYRIGHT MARTIN ROWSON ‘I spend every day drawing people I hate’

Anna Trench shares a pint with Guardian cartoonist Martin Rowson, the country’s most vicious satirist

s the cartoonist Martin fi gures drawn over lunch at the treated as though we’re not quite lefty with a Trotsky goatie), came But Varsity isn’t so fastidious. Rowson buys me a pint Gay Hussar. Charles Clarke was decent, because what we’re doing canvassing for CUSU at Row- Rowson’s appropriation of at the University Arms a “joy to draw…fatty big ears!” is visual bugging, being vicious son’s college, the boat club threw recognizable fi gures transcends IA admit that I’ve already been Alistair Campbell sat scowling and unpleasant and not quite the him in the pond, and Rowson the political world, into the liter- to the pub today, and I hope I cross-armed, before fi nally shout- sort of person you’d invite round proudly remembers out-singing ary. His graphic novel of Tristram don’t get pissed. He tells me ing across the restaurant “you for dinner because we’d probably the Rugby boys at the bar with Shandy was “a labour of love”, when he was an undergraduate just won’t be able to stop yourself throw up on your food.” revolutionary songs. and aimed to “take the piss out at Cambridge and just about making me look like a really bad It seems that for Rowson, what Maybe the reason Rowson’s of the academic response” to a to interview someone himself, person!” Rowson replied, “Alistair, he does with the subject is more Cambridge experience was so book rarely read but often called a mate left some weed in his I draw what I see.” But later he important than what he does bleak is because he drew for a classic. The purpose of Rowson’s pigeon hole, and obviously, as it admits he actually quite likes with the image. “I’m not particu- Varsity’s rival paper ‘Broadsheet’. take on The Wasteland, however, would have been impolite not to Campbell, perhaps because he larly interested in art,” he states He has since seen the error of his was to mock the poem itself. He try it, he smoked a bit before he once complimented him “you’re nonchalantly as I almost spit out ways, and this week has very gen- transformed it into an incompre- left, and inevitably couldn’t re- the only one of these c*nts who my Grolsch in shock. “Well,” he erously drawn the Varsity editori- hensible fi lm noir nightmare of member much of what followed. can actually draw me.” al cartoon. Flick to page 11 to see exciting, if exhausting, details. I felt trumped. This picture of politics is not his inspired take on Cambridge Eliot’s poem is apparently a “ter- Martin Rowson describes a pleasant one. It is bitchy and Alastair life. I ask him about his process. ribly turgid, bloody behemoth of himself as a visual journalist, cruel and the damage from the This one was drawn in pencil, Modernism… I can’t stand it.” I’m but he’s more; he’s a very vicious pen seems to be partly a stab in Campbell once gone over with Pelican Indian ink a little too scared to voice outright and visceral visual journalist. His the back. Although he reluctantly (the same as the Nazis used for opposition and only wonder why political cartoons can be scath- votes Labour, Rowson is adamant told him “you’re tattooing people in concentration he spent a year on something he ing, bloody, cruel and scatological the role of political cartoonists camps – slightly creepy), then all hates. “I spend every day drawing – and also very funny. He says is always to be oppositionist and the only one of painted over with a gouche mixed people I hate.” Fair enough. proudly that many found his take that it’s healthy for politicians to up wash of burnt umber and As our drinks become dregs I on Blair the most unpleasant, be depicted as the “liars, knaves these c*nts who Prussian blue before picking out ask him one last question, down- and he’s currently trying to do the and fools” they are. But does he details by highlighting. “Cartoons ing my glass to give me confi dence: same with Cameron by depicting ever feel some sort of moral obli- can actually are very complicated in how they would you say you’re quite angry? him as Little Lord Fauntleroy. gation? “The purpose of satire is work and what they do; it should “No, I’m just as pissed off as He contributes regularly to the to comfort the affl icted and affl ict draw me.” look like a fi ght between the everybody about most things. My Guardian, Time Out, the Scots- the comfortless. It is the job of the cartoonist and the paper.” Rowson current feeling about politics is man and the Mirror, as well as satirist to point out the idiocies, corrects himself, “not that inter- used to buy his nibs from the boredom. But then the one thing having published a number of absurdities, wickedness and im- ested in doing art.” He has no same man that Ralph Steadman which would be really bad for me books including a novel, a memoir morality of the people in charge… formal art training and, although bought his from. And this old man is if everything suddenly became and some graphic novels. “The allow the led to laugh at the lead- he knew since he was ten that thought it scandalous, the way wonderful. A world of universal point of political cartoons”, he ers, to think this man is an imbe- he wanted to be a cartoonist, he “Ralph uses the nibs like chisels”, happiness would be incredible dull tells me, sitting at a table over- cile or he’s just got a big nose.” His never thought an art school could but Rowson happens to think “it’s and I’d be out of a job.” As we leave looking Parker’s Piece, “is they’re cartoons are cruel and perceptive teach him how to be one. Instead incredibly sexy”. In terms of what he tells me about his new book, a kind of voodoo. The point is to visual rants which continue the he read English at Cambridge. It comes fi rst – text or image – it’s a out in October. It’s called Fuck: A do damage from a distance with a tradition of the eighteenth- was the late 70s: the “winter of marriage of the two. He listens to World Odyssey. There are 67 full sharp object – in this case a pencil century caricaturist Gillray, who discontent”. I probe him to reveal the radio all day, hoping at some colour pictures of life on Earth, or a pen”, and to illustrate this he set the template for what Rowson some Cantabridgian adventures. point to get a fl ash of inspiration. each containing the word “fuck”. whips out a pen and brandishes it and Steve Bell are doing now, “What japes I got up to?! Christ “The discipline of a deadline is His arms become animated as he menacingly. Sometimes politi- appropriating and transforming Almighty!” I sit forward on my great for concentrating the mind; grins “so you have the big bang – cians buy his drawings and hang recognizable fi gures. But he feels chair in anticipation, but what a strange kind of terror pumps ‘fuck!’, creatures crawling out of them in the loo, attempting to that cartoonists get a bad press. he tells me is actually quite sad. the adrenaline.” He’s lucky that the Earth going ‘fuuuuck!’ I think “diffuse the bad magic by fl ushing Cartoons are strange – they are He remembers it as “cold and he gets complete editorial free- it’s quite nice. It’ll be interesting it down with the shit.” His book “the mutant child of text and miserable and dirty; everything dom at the Guardian. The only to see if it gets stocked in W H Mugshots is a compilation of 60 image” – and cartoonists “should falling to pieces.” Once, when thing the editor Alan Rusbridger Smith’s. But the publishers are caricatures of leading political actually be somewhat excluded, Andrew Marr (then an intense doesn’t like is “shit…actual shit.” happy with it.” I bet they are. Friday February 22 2008 Write for this section: varsity.co.uk/arts [email protected] VIEWArts 21 That Mitchell and Webb Interview Thanks to Peep Show, David Mitchell and Rob Webb are the most recognisable double act since Fry and Laurie. But, as they tell Patrick Kingsley, there’s more to David and Rob than just Mark and Jeremy

ob Webb and David Mitchell ly-acronymed TMAWL? Mitchell rything being real. If a character or anything like that. We were after we left Cambridge. That was seem a bit bored of Peep again: “Content-wise, the new needs to go to the loo, he goes to doing it for what is quite a cool horrible. And we were both ush- Show. Of course, they’d be series contains a lot more stand- the loo. We’ve also got a sketch company. I think people assumed ers at the Lyric Hammersmith, Rtoo diplomatic to say so them- alone, one-off stuff. There aren’t about these heli-vets.” And what that because we were the stars of which has left me with a phobia of selves, but after an hour’s conver- many recurring characters and are these? “Just some very bad Peep Show, we had a duty to be middle-class theatre-goers.” David sation with them both, there is we’ve got rid of a lot of last year’s vets,” explains Rob. anti-capitalist.” elaborates on their travails: “We a lurking suspicion that they’re content like Big Talk and Ted Of course, TMAWL and Peep “And I’ve owned a Mac since were just putting on shows in the slightly tired of the offbeat Chan- and Peter, the snooker commen- Show aren’t their only notable 1998,” Webb interjects. “It was a London fringe. We were very low nel 4 sitcom that made them tators. We felt those ideas had projects. In 2000, they aired a natural choice.” on money and we had no idea how A-list comedians, paved the way run their course.” surprisingly unsuccessful sketch Indeed, the Nineties were to go about finding an agent.” for Magicians, their first feature Many ex-Footlighters are reluc- film, and led to their notorious ap- tant to lend their support to their pearances in those hilarious Mac “We’re very proud of Peep Show, but we simply have more comedic alma mater, but, to their adverts. great credit, Mitchell and Webb It’s easy to see why: they have emotional investment in That Mitchell and Webb Look” are quite possibly the most sup- no direct involvement in Peep portive alumni, regularly showing Show’s writing process. Sam Bain Hang on! Is Numberwang no show called Bruiser – surprising important years for the duo, and their faces at Footlights events and Jesse Armstrong are the more? And what of Barry Crisp? given their collaborators included not just for computing reasons: and often supplying Cambridge writers behind those perennial And that Chicken Salad chappie? Ricky Gervais, Martin Free- four years before becoming comics with positive quotes for no-hopers Mark Corrigan and “We’re keeping Sir Digby Chicken man, Matthew Holness and Alan acquainted with IBM’s greatest their Edinburgh posters. So what Jeremy Usbourne, and, perhaps Caesar and we’re doing a kind of Titchmarsh; from 2003 onwards, rival, Webb got to know Mitchell do they make of Mark Watson’s most tellingly, they, not Mitchell history of Numberwang in episode they broadcast That Mitchell and through Footlights. “I spotted suggestion in Varsity last month and Webb, are the show’s Execu- six, but apart from that, every- Webb Sound, the radio show that him at the end of 1994. I asked that ex-Footlighters are some- tive Producers. And, contrary to thing’s new. There’s one sketch laid the foundations for many of him if he wanted to do a two-man what stigmatised within the popular belief, it’s Sam and Jesse, about a robotic man who loses the sketches in the first series of show, and he couldn’t really refuse comedy industry? not Rob and David, who bear the his sense of smell to the extent TMAWL. And, Webb continues, because I was in the year above, Mitchell certainly agrees. most similarities to Peep Show’s that he can only smell petrol and “we’re planning a pilot sitcom on the Committee and kind of a “When I was in Footlights,” he antiheroes. cheese. And there’s another about of our own for the end of this big deal.” And, after their seminal says, “it was at its least fashion- “Mark and Jeremy are a little a film-maker who’s basically the year. It’ll inevitably be compared ADC run of Innocent Millions able. Rob and I had to pretend we like us, but they’ve got a lot more antithesis of unfavourably to Peep Show, but Dead or Dying: A Wry Look at hadn’t been in it. You’d often hear of Sam and Jesse in them,” Rob a dramatic we’re prepared for that, and we’re the Post-Apocalyptic Age, the pair people say, ‘Oh we’re not going to explains. “So we’re more detached director; he going to try and make sure it’s as decided to make it in comedy to- see that bunch of fucking toffs,’ about Peep Show. Jesse and Sam insists on different as possible. We’ll write it gether and Rob “hung around because they’d assume that it has talk to us at the beginning about eve- in a much more fruity way. It’ll be eating toast some sort of nepotistic link with the plot, but they still do about more like Father Ted.” until the comedy industry. But that’s 98% of the script.” Yet, slightly bizarrely, the David just not true. To be a comedi- Which is probably why Rob production that really shot them gradu- an, it helps to be bright and and David are so excited about into the national consciousness ated”. Cambridge simply has the second series of BBC2’s That was not a sitcom or a sketch-show Their lots of bright students. I Mitchell and Webb Look, which but an advert for Apple in career think the Footlights situ- started last night. Says Webb, “We which Webb played a Mac in com- ation has now reached inevitably feel more attached to computer and Mitchell a PC. edy was a happy equilibrium. That Mitchell and Webb Look. The pair attracted a great deal tough Agents and producers We feel more personal about. We of flak for their performances; to begin will still go see the show write three-quarters of it and so the Telegraph criticised them for with. “I but they won’t be biased tend to feel more rewarded when seeking “corporate ends”, the Brit- once had in their treatment of it. It’s it goes well, and more depressed ish Sitcom Guide accused them of to drive OK to be in Footlights again.” when it doesn’t.” Mitchell clari- “selling their souls” whilst Nathan a seven- Numberwang, evidently. fies: “We’re very proud of Peep Barley’s Charlie Brooker hated and-a-half That Mitchell and Webb Show, but we simply have more their “smug” tone. tonne truck Look in on Thursdays emotional investment in That “The almost vitriolic reaction to pay the at 9pm on BBC2 Mitchell and Webb Look.” genuinely surprised me,” de- bills and BBC HD. So what have we got to look clared a surprised David forward to in this Mitchell. “We weren’t latest edition of the advertising emotionally-in- McDonalds vested, awkward- or Exxon Arts Editors: Hugo Gye and Patrick Kingsley Friday February 22 2008 22 VIEWArts [email protected] varsity.co.uk/arts

Next Big Thing The Tings Tings

The Ting Tings asked me to bring three 7”s to our interview; I brought Petula Clark’s Downtown, Madon- na’s Crazy For You and Thin Lizzy’s Parisienne Walkways. “We’re going to turn them inside out and use them for our own release,” explains drummer Jules; “It was all an experiment. We thought it would be interesting to have a Ting Tings record on the outside and a Rolling Stones one on the inside.” This particular idiosyn- crasy is just one example of the band’s approach to making music. They see the process as highly organic, design their album artwork themselves, and even hand- make their own records. “Columbia kept pushing us to release Great DJ, and told us they were going to release as many as possible in order to make a hit out of it. But we said we didn’t want to do things like that, so we limited the number of records to two thousand, because that’s how many we could physi- cally make. I guess people are sceptical about our ap- proach.” At this point, singer Katie joins us, wearing super skin- ny black jeans and a hoodie Team pulled over a wide-brimmed hat, hair poker straight and blonde, and face made-up. Her immaculate appearance doesn’t seem to fit with her ballsy rock-chick credentials. The duo are tipped to be the sound of 2008: their debut album is complete Players and awaiting release. Katie begins to explain how the band’s name was decided upon. “I used to work with a Chinese girl called Ting Ting, The Go! Team sound like some cheerleaders having a sand-fight set to a soundtrack of and I just loved the sound of it. In Mandarin it means punk-cum-funk-cum-hip-hop. Andrew Spyrou spoke to their frontman Ian Parton ‘bandstand’.” “But it also means the sound of innova- amed after the quick- songs live on his own (having manages to retain the same ly creating an obvious overlap tion,” Jules pipes up, intel- response crews that are been offered wodges of cash by energy across all their EPs and between traditionally “White” lectually. sent out to car crashes Franz Ferdinand), Ian decided even right into their most recent and “Black” music, filling the Their MySpace page de- Nto pick up stray limbs off the to recruit a band in order to album Proof of Youth last year. I Grey area. However, on paper, fines their sound as ‘Melo- motorway so that they are not recreate his dense recordings would say, perhaps with a little this description given by Ian in dramatic Popular Song’, an run over before they can be sewn for a live audience. The band, disappointment, that the band’s no way distinguishes the band’s emerging new genre that back on, The Go! Team started who are “visually and musically sound has not progressed one music from the crowds of other begs for clarification. “I off in Brighton around the year very different” from each other semi-quaver since its outset, but groups who strive to transcend liked the ring of the words,” 2000 as a one man “band”. and are essentially a cobbling perhaps reasons behind retain- musical and cultural boundaries; Katie explains, mouthing the Originally treating music very together of musicians from ing this very lo-fi sound is Ian’s it is the bands explicit energy phrase to herself. “But we’re much as a hobby, Ian Parton quite dramatic ourselves, so around the globe, fulfilled Ian’s dislike for the way modern music which sets them apart from the I suppose it sums us up quite would come home from work dream of an anti-“indie-band”, is going, with him suggesting rest. well.” and record sounds that he liked with Ninja, a female rapper and that much of music is losing its Endeavouring to create the When I asked them to de- and layer them on his 4-track others with passions for noise inventiveness, with Rock churn- most “violent” sound possible, fine their sound themselves, recorder, creating busy sound- rock and electronica. These days ing out “Franz Ferdinand-de- a feeling which certainly comes they were evasive, claiming clips, but one day he decided to Ian says he doesn’t really see scendents” and Hip Hop moving across when seeing them live, they didn’t like the idea of pack everything up and go to himself as the leader of the band from the raw old school sound Ian, has now threatened to make compartmentalising them- Wales to record his first album. any more, but prefers to let the to today’s “buffed-up Hummer” an “even noisier” album, a feat selves. “It’s an easy way of After a month of messing around eccentric relationships between beats. which, on hearing some of their marketing bands, isn’t it,” Ju- with “shitty microphones” in his the members carry the music Apart from using hoards of songs, you may think impos- les contemplates, “If you say parent’s kitchen, and no doubt in whatever direction they take vintage samples clogging up sible. But, having experienced ‘they sound like the Cribs’ or growing a beard, out popped the it, be it taking after girl-gang their sound board to create the Mr Parton’s stubborn “stick-it- Craig David or someone. We Mercury Music Prize-nominated chants or air-raid sirens. party-vibe of the past, the band to-the-critic” (copyright Andrew don’t like being compared, album Thunder, Lightning, Citing influences anywhere also featured high-profile guests Spyrou) attitude, he no doubt but sometimes you’ve got to Strike, a title which very much from Bollywood soundtracks to on some recent tracks including will. Look out for a wall of sound accept that’s the only way of summed up its frantic sound. Underground Hip Hop, the Go! one of Ian’s biggest idols: Chuck- coming your way soon. reaching out to people.” After realising that he would Team sound is pretty diverse; D of Public Enemy. In so doing, The Go! Team play the Junction Amara Sophia Elahi never be able to perform his somehow, however, the band Ian fulfils one of his aims, name- on Monday 25th February Friday February 22 2008 Write for this section: varsity.co.uk/arts [email protected] VIEWArts 23 Phone Cape. Meet Cape. Talk. Oli Robinson has his Cape and eats it broke my glasses last week so at the Junction, Cambridge’s yond recognition, this refreshes I’m trying to find some new second largest venue. “I like the them. They sound at once fa- Iones. I have discovered, however, size of this place,” he says, “I miliar and excitingly unknown. that most shops sell frames that like being able to see the whole This is a rare experience. Often either cost silly money or that audience. Some bands write bands ruin tracks with wholly make you look like a paedophile. songs for stadiums, but that’s unsuitable live changes, but not Nothing else. So when I meet not what I’m about. I just want so with Get Cape. Sam Duckworth, the brains people who like music to like And the crowd seems to agree, behind Get Cape. Wear Cape. my music”. So what can we ex- as there is an overwhelming Fly, and he is sporting a rather pect from the new album? “Well, warmth towards the band. It is nice set of specs, I dive straight it’s more drum and bassy,” he a magnificent experience when in and ask where he got them. says; “I’m as proud of it as the the crowd sing along to the start “I dunno, some shop in South- last, if not actually a bit more.” of Once More With Feeling, but end” he says. “They’re made by So, a couple of hours later even more so when the crowd Hackett. I think they cost about I am on the other side of the join in with Find The Time. eighty five quid”. I moan that stage and watching the first Sam seems genuinely surprised this is rather a lot. “Yeah, but support, a band called the at the latter, given that it hasn’t it’s worth it for something you’re Xcerts. My friend Ian suggests been released yet, but such is going to wear every day.” He they sound a bit like Biffy the power of MySpace. probably has a point. Clyro. I agree. The second sup- In fact all of the new songs Anyway, I have a bit of soft port is a girl called Emmy the are hugely enjoyable. Often spot for the music of Get Cape. Great. I spend her entire set crowds bay for old tracks and I got into his first album just trying to decide if she is pretty then stand immoveable during as I was coming to the end of a or whether seeing a petite girl the new, but not tonight. Sam rather unpleasant break-up (ya- playing a guitar makes her had told me that he would fin- dah yadah self-indulgence ya- seem pretty. I think the answer ish the show with a new song dah) so I probably like it more is a bit of both. Then Get Cape. and so he does. And it is bril- than I should. But nevertheless, Wear Cape. Fly eventually come liant. It starts with a piano riff his brand of electro acoustic on. The last time I saw Sam that I’m sure has been lifted emo has undeniable appeal. I perform he had a trumpeter, from somewhere and builds to a saw him live for the first time laptop and drummer: now he massive high. at Soul Tree a year or so ago. has added a sax and guitarist to We leave the gig elated and “Yeah, I’ve played all over in the line up. with huge expectations for the Cambridge,” Sam says; “in fact The gig is a mix of old and new album. I can’t wait. I also I met my current manager at a new songs. Some of the new can’t wait to get some new gig in the Portland Arms.” ones have been re-worked with glasses. What do you reckon? His tours have seen him move the addition of new brass parts Should I get the ones from to bigger and bigger venues. and tweaked rhythms. Rather Hackett? Or would that be a We are now chatting backstage than simply changing them be- bit weird?

Great Works of Art in Cambridge #6: The Light of the World John Piper and Patrick Reyntiens Robinson College Chapel

ambridge is filled with stained (cartoons) in watercolours, inks, collage glass. From the glass sculptures in and pencil, which Reyntiens would then CNewnham to the Pugin lancets in Jesus, transform into the windows. For Rob- from the medieval panes of the Round inson this required huge quantities of Church to the nineteenth-century Ger- flashed glass from Germany. Reyntiens man windows in Peterhouse, we live and went himself, taking with him strips work in a glass museum. King’s College from Piper’s original cartoon. Then Chapel alone is a gift for glass-lovers; there was the leading, the thick black aside from the mammoth Renaissance lines between the panes, which entirely windows, new roundels and shards are transforms the aesthetic. After collabo- always being bought and placed into the rating for thirty years on glass (with side-chapel windows. Piper having received all the credit), the The earliest mention of Robinson Robinson commission proved to be the College’s addition to this corpus was last Piper-Reyntiens grand projet. in 1977. The context was complicated; Staring up at the glass from the floor there was much debate as to whether of Isi Metzstein’s awkwardly shaped the college should even have a chapel. Chapel, you can just about glimpse the John Piper had gained accolades as an cracked yellow light of God, surrounded official war artist; after the war he be- by the blue of the sky. At eye level, came well known for his stained glass, twisting green leaves and small, bright most notably at Coventry Cathedral, orange roundels intermingle, while the which work alone is said to have in- deep green at the centre washes over spired Robinson to hire him. Piper was the red chapel bricks. Based on William introduced to the glass-maker Patrick Holman Hunt’s painting of the same Reyntiens in the 50s by John Betjeman, name (a glass version of which can be a life-long friend (the poem Myfanwy seen in the Round Church), the Rob- is about Piper’s wife). Reyntians was inson window shows Piper exploring an expert and an experimentalist, and his faith and fascination with ‘pleasing one of his extraordinary, self-designed decay’. But contrasted with this are the panels is on show at the Stained Glass dramatic, traumatic lines of Reyntiens’ Museum in Ely Cathedral. metal, glaring through the glass darkly. Piper would make large designs Richard Braude Arts Editors: Hugo Gye and Patrick Kingsley Friday February 22 2008 24 REVIEW [email protected] varsity.co.uk/arts

Entertaining Mr Sloane puts The actors are successful in father. The end result is such a the ‘Amateur Dramatic’ into knowing their lines and not caricatured cast of characters view from the Entertaining the ADC. It’s the sort of pro- bumping into the furniture. as to be almost patronising in duction that would have bored Beyond that, Lucy Marks as its attitude towards the lower groundlings Mr Sloane you at school. the frustrated Kath is from the classes. Cambridge actors are an Joe Orton’s script is a fan- eyebrow-contortioning, gesticu- over-worked group, but surely a ADC tastic piece of black humour latory school of acting. As for cast of four could have produced and biting social critique. ‘Mr Adam Drew, the eponymous and a stronger showing than this. Sloane’ comes to lodge with a supposedly Mr Ripley-esque Perhaps it seems unfair to working-class family, the two figure, he doesn’t personify sex deliver such a damning report grown-up children fall in love appeal so much as repeated on a show within student drama: with him and the result is a pelvis thrusting. Ade O’Brien, as bearing in mind how much work weird parental/sexual ménage the brother, deserves credit for goes into the central ADC shows, Dir: James Lewis a trois. Director James Lewis trying to salvage the production this is disappointing. To give the Theatre should be praised for his selec- but there’s little he can do in the play credit, it does use the Velvet tion. Sadly, the production fails face of amateurish sound cues Underground as a soundtrack. ★★★★★ to deliver any of the script’s and a powder-haired parody of Otherwise, not entertaining. Oscar Wilde famously said “We promise. the supposedly sympathetic old Imogen Walford are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars”, an observation which can be extended to the glamorous world of theatre reviewing. Each The Complete Works of William production reviewed in these hallowed pages gets awarded a Shakespeare (abridged) number of stars, but how useful or effective can such an ambigu- ADC ous grading system be? Stars are emotive symbols Dir: Peter Johnson in theatre, tapping into vague dreams of fame and Hollywood Theatre Boulevard; however, the use of ★★★★★ this particular symbol in grading each production tells you nothing more than whether a particular The Complete Works of Wil- and amused as they rol- person liked or disliked a par- liam Shakespeare (abridged) licked through Shakespeare’s ticular production or play. It is hits this week’s ADC late slot 38 plays and 154 sonnets. a subjective judgement, but this at hysterical speed, sometimes If anything, it was the fear is not why I object to the tradi- running too fast to do either that we might not follow too tion, for reviewing itself is highly itself or its inspiration justice. outrageous or prolonged an subjective; the problem is that the Yet as one performer admits improvisation that led more star grade implies an objective so candidly “We don’t have to obscure attempts to fall flat. judgement, based on unspecified do it justice; we just have to Rather than trusting in their universal criteria. Furthermore, do it”, a statement which may capacity to excite the audience there is no nuance in the star sys- seem shockingly blasé out and create comedy through tem: no distinction can be made of context but liberates The collaboration, the cast’s desire between play and production. In Complete Works from a poten- to please was excessive. This no other context would anyone tially stifling shadow. seems wholly unnecessary for dream of comparing Les Liaisons At points literally playing a cast with a striking poten- Dangereuses with The Complete with themselves and each tial to please on their own Works of William Shakespeare other, this all-female cast terms. Hopefully this will (Abridged), or, as will happen next comes into its own when the be realised over the run if week, Hedda Gabler with Sweet girls get comfortable and their audiences increase and Charity; and yet this is what the exploit Shakespeare’s cheeky remain open to playing along star grading system forces both side. This play is one in which with Shakespeare in a way the readers and reviewers to do. audience involvement is that would not be condoned in Not only does it necessitate gross essential and, for the most a supervision room. Helen Duff generalisation with regard to a vin shen ban part, the cast kept us engaged single play but it forces a com- parison between plays or shows which should remain incompa- The title role of Don Giovanni anti-climax, as indeed was the ing portrait of Donna Elvira, rable: the star system implies a is notoriously difficult to relatively diminutive voice whilst at the other end of the Don Giovanni universal standard where no such get just right. The beauty of of George Dye as Il Com- spectrum Edward de Minck- thing exists. Ashley Riches’ performance witz’s subversive wit played West Road I understand why we use it: was that it combined Mozart’s off marvellously against the in our daily attempt to prevent music effortlessly with the “The orchestra Don, his master. The orches- Concert Hall the numerous plates we’re spin- modern production, provid- tra provided some imagina- ning clattering to the floor, we ing a seamless juxtaposition provides tive and sensitively wrought do not have time to read a full between the two. His broad accompaniment, albeit spoilt review, so the star system is the and mature voice combined sensitively wrought by occasional blemishes. The accepted solution. But though I with some magisterial act- cast, on the other hand, was can comprehend this reasoning, ing to produce an effect accompaniment” vocally superb throughout, I believe it to be flawed: in this which dominated the minds combining with a well-judged Dir: James Hurley rag (and indeed, in the other of the audience as much as mendatore, although both, it interpretation to produce one) plays are rarely rated below it dominated the lives of the must be remembered, lie in an immediate and moving Opera two or above four stars, further other characters on stage. The comparison with the highest renovation of what is often a restricting an already ineffectual exit of the Don was there- standards achieved elsewhere. deeply stereotyped piece. ★★★★★ system. How many stars a play fore perhaps a disappointing Katy Watson provided a mov- Toby Chadd gets tells you nothing: by far the hardest part of being a reviewer is squeezing what you’ve ex- Happily Ever After is up against highlight) and Prince Charming as if the audience agreed with pressed in four hundred carefully it. Not only is it a new piece of (Axel Rendahl) honeymooning in one character who called the play chosen words into a mute grade Happily Ever student writing being performed the Bahamas. We find the real ‘a second-rate farce by a second- and knowing that this is all in the notoriously quirky Corpus Cinderella is a rude chav rapidly rate author’. many of your readers will look at. After Playroom, it comes from a genre grown fat on fast food now that This ‘light piece of theatre’ This is a topic which needs to already suffering from a glut in her stepsisters no longer feed hass a moral: even though life is be considered and debated – the Corpus Christi Cambridge: the fairy tale farce. her only celery; the real Prince, a no fairy tale, we need not take star grade is so well established With the ADC panto and The staid man interested in growing ourselves too seriously. The notes in reviewing culture that it is Playroom Grimm Tales in the community’s leeks. also explain that the play is sol- rarely questioned, though I’m recent memory, and Into the Instances of meta-commentary idly a farce through and through, sure many acknowledge its Woods looming on the horizon, occur several times throughout although it often can’t quite find fallacy. Perhaps an alternative, Dir: Jamie arriving a year earlier or later the play, each to the show’s detri- its footing – does it want to be more flexible system is available would give it a warmer reception. ment, except once. Chaos erupts meta-theatre? Outrageously but until we find one, my opinion Pleydell-Bouverie Jamie Pleydell-Bouverie’s at the end as all the characters, campy like a pantomime? Subtle chimes in with Auden’s: “the Theatre production focuses on Cinderella, fed up with being killed off and and satirical? A mess, despite the stars are not wanted now: put instead of tackling the whole manipulated, take turns voicing talent and enthusiasm of a prom- out every one.” ★★★★★ canon. The play opens on Cin- their grievances to the ‘director’; ising cast and crew. Lizzie Davis derella (Patricia Burns, a major this passage got the most laughs, Cathy Bueker Friday February 22 2008 Write for this section: varsity.co.uk/arts [email protected] REVIEW 25

They appear out of the blood-red then?” Ah. “No, it’s all fine man. Glasvegas stage smoke, pallid Glaswegian I mean, I feel like I’ve already films complexions ghost-like in the experienced myself man. Five every right-minded person mystic aura. There is an air records or a million. It dinnae should own The Graduate of the psychedelic about the matter to me, man. I’ve already whole setup. And then a wall won.” This ‘winner’ is a blend of of sound hits me. I watch arms 60s doo-wop with the harshness pump away at low-slung guitars, of heavy punk. Allan is certainly thrashing out meaty chords. keen to express his deep regard I can’t even see the drummer, of Elvis, as is his cousin, Rab Caroline McKay, whom critics Allan, who plays rhythm gui- have called “that cool girl who tar. They both have something stands at bashes at the back”. masquerading as quiffs, and a The ear-bursting noise continues. permanent pout. I wait, and wait some more, for a At least Glasvegas have a tune to come through. distinctive sound, even if they The key to pop music is a are not technically proficient; catchy riff or memorable lyrics: I noticed the drummer strug- Casablanca something that fans can sing gling once or twice to maintain a along too and think “Fuck yeah!” steady pulse. Perhaps the most Dir: Michael Curtiz Glasvegas seem to take the no- refreshing thing about the band tion of ‘artistic license’ a little far, is their attitude to music. Allan “We’re not trying to tell any- “Of all the gin joints in all the because none of what I heard has considers that his songs embody thing new,” Allan confirms. So if towns in all the world, she walks stuck in my head, niggling me as the Glaswegian spirit, which he there is no particular message, into mine.” So says Rick Blaine, I write this piece. describes as “cool and exotic”. no catchy riff, no transcendental played with alcoholic cynicism But then maybe James Allan, He goes on to say that “people middle eight and no technical by Humphrey Bogart. The gin lead singer and songwriter for want to hide their natural spirit. prowess, where might they find joint is Rick’s Café Americain, the band, feels no need to sub- There is the East-West divide in success? Allan and the band the town is Casablanca, the scribe to this generally accepted Glasgow, with some kids think- should read the paper more, world is a war-torn 1942, and model for successful music. I ask ing that Snoop Dogg is cool, and maybe find out when they have she is Ilsa Lund (Ingrid Berg- him about the recent BBC Sound others on Amélie. I think we’re won things. Otherwise, the Job man), wife of the Resistance of 2008 Poll, in which 150 jour- searching other people’s worlds Centre, which Allan calls “not leader, Victor Laszlo (Paul nalists and music writers made too much. I wanna search my own my best friend”, but which has Henreid). Casablanca is a film Gig their choices for the most promis- world.” But is philosophy enough supported his earning capacity one loves, rather than a ‘great’ ing talent of the year: Glasvegas to ensure hit success? Surely not. hitherto, might have to become a film. It can be spectacularly ★★★★★ came fourth in the top ten. All I Wherever, then, do the critics get better companion. sentimental: Ilsa whispering, get in response is “What’s thaaat such a rosy image from? Guy Kiddey eyes dewy and lips trembling, “Is that cannon fire? Or is that my heart pounding?” Essentially the film is a love triangle; but it is also comedy, a thriller, and one Dangerous Liaisons Low Level Panic of the best black-and-white films ever made. Robinson College Auditorium Corpus Christi Playroom At its heart, Casablanca is about sacrifice. The plot Dir: John Mifsud Dir: Robyn Hazel Hoedemaker hinges on two letters of transit Theatre Theatre that ensure safe exit from the ★★★★★ ★★★★★ Vichy-controlled no man’s land of Casablanca to freedom in America. Rick is forced to “do Productions of Dangerous Stefan Haselwimmer glitters Set in a bathroom, the Corpus another monologue about weight the thinking for both of us, for Liaisons often strive in vain as the Vicomte, delivering his Playroom is particularly aromatic loss or reprehensible males. all of us”, and his noble conclu- for originality, but this version lines with panache, and imbuing for this production of Clare McIn- However, whilst the script sion is that the fight against the successfully brings its own flair the character with just the right tyre’s drama, featuring three starts to drag, and though too Nazis takes precedence over to Laclos’ enthralling plot and mix of nonchalance and subtlety. attractive 20-somethings baring much of the script is delivered in love. More importantly, though, Christopher Hampton’s bril- Nicola Marsh is good in her role all about their female angst. high-register exasperation, the this was what viewers needed: a liantly pithy dialogue. The play as the contained and controlling For most young men, finding a performances keep you hooked. film which mocked and defeated can be interpreted in several Marquise de Merteuil, managing porn mag in your bin would be for Amelia Viney shines as Jo, the Nazis, with some Parisian ways: eternal battle of the sexes; to suggest enough brittleness and highlight of the week. However, while Brooke McGowan takes champagne kisses thrown in. stark political statement on its vulnerability to engage our sym- for Jo and Mary this rag sparks a on traumatised Mary well, and There are a host of brilliant aristocratic protagonists, whose pathy. At times the play’s tangled session of extreme naval-gazing. Emily-Jane Swanson’s neurotic caricatures in supporting roles, personal playground is soon to be web becomes incestuous, and the When it was first performed in performance as Celia is unnerv- from the fat Moroccan owner of shattered by the French Revolu- excellent set, adds to the produc- 1988, Low Level Panic may have ingly natural. If you can handle the rival nightclub who spends tion; or charting the emotional tion’s sense of claustrophobia, seemed brave to cover masturba- a seventy-minute bludgeoning his time chuckling dirtily and development of Valmont, who explaining why the characters tion, pornography and sexual of this simple message, then it’s swatting flies, to Captain Louis begins as a lothario and ends try to escape the confines of their assault so frankly. However, by hard to imagine anyone doing it Renault, the camp, corrupt of- seemingly redeemed by his expe- salon society. Well worth the trek the end of the play, one is quietly better than this dynamic three- ficial. One of the things which rience of true love. to Robinson. Rebecca Wall hoping not to be subjected to yet some. Robert Peal makes this film so powerful is the casting: refugees were used as extras, German actors played Warp Records have been busy All that is left is for these the Nazis they’d fled; only three Clark recently. After a while without tracks to be projected through cast members were American. releasing anything notable, two our eardrums on a scale un- The scene in which the Nazis Turning Dragon monsters are unleashed on the precedented by years worth of begin a rowdy recital of their same day: Autechre’s rather IDM composers. Class-mates national anthem, only to have stubborn Quaristice and this with bassmaster Steve ‘Mi- Laszlo march up to the orches- other, more elegant, beast. lanese’ Milanese, Chris must tra and demand “Play La Mar- Chris Clark’s music is In- have always had someone to seillaise!” is spine tingling, and dustry. His sounds could have talk to about his love for musi- the tears in the eyes of the ac- only been manufactured at cal mentalisations. One won- tors are genuine. Music plays a the aforedescribed secret plant ders however what those two crucial part: the score was based developed by the collaboration of talked about over their grass- on La Marseillaise, interspersed plastic-uniform-clad Russian and hopper sandwiches and crisps, with Jazz Age songs, while the German physicists experiment- let alone what their conversa- classic As Time Goes By serves ing with the mixture of Uranium tions actually sounded like. as a symbol of Rick and Ilsa’s Now. Eastern European Motor- Tetrafluoride and various heavy Clark has come a long way lost romance. way. Grey sky. Large truck. Pas- metals, all under the supervision from his experimental 2001 The blurring and glittering senger seat. Head glued right; of a Berlin-residing, Bristolian album Clarence Park, made at a of faces (particularly Berg- eyes whirr. Passing factories. headcase. Each Soundblock creat- time at which he was still using man’s), shadows and smoke, and Power stations. Reactors. Cool- ed there is transported to a modi- his forename. Beats replace any recurring sight of planes roar- ing towers. Smoke rises. Sharp fied distillery deep in the Urals, decibel lapse to create this lay- ing away to Lisbon are iconic right turn. Eyes forward. Des- where they are randomly sorted ered triumph. Never unpleasant, images. But the best frame is tination looms ahead. Looms. into manageable groups. Each but often difficult to delve into, surely the last, as Rick and Security gate. Pumping pistons, group is then shut into a holding Turning Dragon, as the title sug- Louis stroll into the fog: “Louis, Album pistons pump. Circular motion. cell along with an electroplated gests, represents Chris’s love for I think this is the beginning of a Vertical movement. Space Shut- slab of black lacquer. Three days brutal dance music, and never beautiful friendship.” The viewer ★★★★★ tle. Tank tracks. Volcano spill- later all that remains in each cell lets this fade. must surely feel the same. age; Molten lead. Cast iron. is a vinyl disc. Groove and all. Andrew Spyrou Anna Trench bar room bar Jesus College Cambridge Corn Exchange Street, Cambridge CB2 3QF SCIENCE & HUMAN DIMENSION PROJECT

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Tune in to CUR1350 for up to the minute radio coverage of the CUSU elections, featuring all of the latest news and mp3 downloads from the website - www.cur1350.co.uk and 1350AM www.cusu.cam.ac.uk/union/elections W h a t d o y o u s t a n d f o r ? Friday February 22 2008 Write for this section: varsity.co.uk/listings [email protected] VIEWListings 27 fi l m theatre music other going out My Blueberry Romeo and Juliet Metronomy Momentary Soundclash: Jehst Nights Tues 26th - Sat 1st Mar, Sat 16th, The Graduate, 19.30, £8 Momentum: Thurs 28th, Fez, 22.00-03.00, Friday 22nd Feb onwards, ADC Theatre, 19.45 (Sat 1st animated drawings £7/£5 Arts Picturehouse, various Mar, matinee, 14.30) Metronomy is the nom de times. plume of Joseph Mount. He (Part 2) Rich with the fi nest of has remixed loads of tracks Wed 27th Feb - Sun 30th pick Cambridge’s acting talent, from artists as diverse as March, Kettle’s Yard, free Romeo and Juliet will be Kate Nash, DNTEL and After the rapturously one of this term’s must-see Roots Manuva. Someone on plays. With the tag-line “two received fi rst round, this the Varsity team says she exhibition returns with a of young people fall in love. had ‘a thing’ with his younger new set of animations. It’s Accidents will happen,” we brother. Apparently she used should already expect more an international survey, Jehst is a British rapper this phrase to mean that he is the The title might sound as than a mere re-hashing of including work from Takashi renowned for the quality of a plot-line familiarised by her friend. I fi nd this a little Ishida, and French collective his lyrics. I was once told by a saccharine as the eponymous odd - surely ‘a thing’ implies blueberry (Michael says Baz Luhrmann. Indeed, Qubo Gas, who have used dubious source that he studied we’ve been promised “an some form of romantic liaison? meterological data to create a English at Cambridge, so week they’re tangy, Tom doesn’t Anyway, hopefully this gig will agree), yet Wong Kar -Wei’s energetic, hot-blooded digital drawing that is updated this might be a coming-home English language debut production which will strip be banging. according to the weather. party. He’s appearing as part promises to be intriguing. down the play in order to re- of a Soundclash night, which Starring Jude Law, Rachel examine it afresh.” Should be also features the wonderfully Weisz andNorah Jones. marvellous. named Micall Parknsun. friday Be Kind Rewind Entertaining Mr Sloane Metronomy Richard Friend: ‘Serendipity Equalizers Vue, 13.20, 15.50, 18.20, 20.40, ADC Theatre, 19.45 The Graduate, 19.30, £6.50 in Physics’ Clare Cellars, 21.00, £4 23.00 Low Level Panic Lady Mitchell Hall, 17.30-18.30 My Blueberry Nights Corpus Playroom, 21.00 See pick of the week. CUTAZZ Equalizers are a young break- Arts Picturehouse, 12.30, Don Giovanni Mumford Theatre, ARU, 19.30 beat duo from London 14.40, 19.10, 21.15 West Road Concert Hall, 19.45 known for their energetic DJ sets.

saturday There Will Be Blood Dangerous Liaisons Snowboy and the latin section Cambridge Brass Band King’s Bassics 22 Arts Picturehouse, 14.15, Robinson College Auditorium, The Junction, 19.00, £15 Annual Charity Concert King’s Cellar, 22.00-01.00, free 17.30, 20.45 19.30 Wesley Methodist Church, Viva Latina Ma Vie En Rose The Complete Works of Wil- Snowboy make latin funk music. 19.30, £6/£4 Trinity Hall, 21.00-01.00, £4. Old Labs, Newnham, 20.00, liam Shakespeare (abridged) Apparently someone on the CUTAZZ Expect spicy fun free. ADC Theatre, 14.30, 23.00 Varsity team has a child with Mumford Theatre, ARU, 19.30 Gold someone in the horn section. Queens’ Fitz, 21.00-00.45, £5 sunday23 Lady Chatterley Try 4 On Demand. The new Cam Sight Songs in the Dark The Sunday Service Arts Picturehouse, 11.00 series of Skins is out; you Wesr Road Concert Hall, 19:30, Clowns, 20.00, free Twenty Two, 22.00-03.00 Rambo could watch it and think £20 Vue, 10.00, 12.10, 14.20, ‘that’s defi nitely not what I Acoustic music night featuring 16.40, 18.50, 21.10 was doing when I was 17.’ Dvorak and Brahms. Cambridge students.

monday Belleville Rendez-Vous Today, why not have a look at The Go! Team Charity Fashion Spectacular Fat Poppadaddys 24 Arts Picturehouse, 16.30 BBC iPlayer? The Junction, 19:00, £14 Chamber, dining room, bar, Fez, 22.00-03.30, £3 before 11, Be Kind Rewind Cambridge Union, 17.00-23.00 £4 after Arts Picturehouse, 12.15, They have an exclamation mark Wolfson Howler 14.30, 18.45, 21.00 in their name. I have been lead Wolfson College Bar, 20.00. to believe that this is treacher- See www.myspace.com/ ous in Varsity circles. wolfsonhowler. tuesday25 An Angel At My Table Romeo and Juliet Tina Dico Jazz Piano: A History (Hines Ebonics Arts Picturehouse, 13.30 ADC Theatre, 19.45 The Junction, 19.00, £10 to Taylor) Fez, 22.00-03.00, £2 before 11, Russian Ark Hedda Gabler Lecture Room 1, Concert Hall, £4 after Arts Picturehouse, 17.00 Corpus Playroom, 19.00 One of those acoustic style 11 West Road, 19.30-21.30, Be Kind Rewind 10 Minute Festival female singers who make music £6/£4 Vue, 13.20, 15.50, 18.20, 20.40 Friends of Peterhouse Theatre, to make girls cry about their 20.00 dickhead boyfriends.

wednesday There Will Be Blood Murder in the Cathedral The Delays Richard Dearlove Cindies 26 Arts Picturehouse, 14.15, Jesus College Chapel, 19.30 The Graduate, 19.30, £10 Chamber, Cambridge Union, 17.30, 20.45 Alice: A Fresher’s Tale 19.00-21.00, members I’ll spare you the details. Be Kind Rewind Selwyn College, 19.30 Apparently someone in the CU Wine Soc presents Vue, 13.20, 15.50, 18.20, 20.40 Conviction Varsity offi ces knows someone Chateau Branaire-Ducru of Sweeney Todd Corpus Playroom, 21.30 who once fi tted a kichen for one Bordeaux Vue, 19.00, 21.40 of the Delays. See www.cuws.co.uk thursday Rock, Paper, Scissors: The Romeo and Juliet I was a Cub Scout French Tapestry and Jehst 27 Way of the Tosser ADC Theatre, 19.45 The Graduate, 19.30, £7 Illustration Fez, 22.00-03.00, £5/£7 Arts Picturehouse, 17.00, Hedda Gabler Fitzwilliam Museum, 10.00- 23.10 Corpus Playroom, 19.00 I was a Cub Scout make elec- 17.00, free See pick of the week. Russian Ark Sweet Charity tronicy emo. Apparently they Cambridge University Ballet Arts Picturehouse, 17.00 Fitzwilliam Auditorium, 20.00 used to be cub scouts. Someone Society: The Planets The Bank Job in the Varsity offi ce was once a Mumford Theatre, ARU, 28 Vue, 19.00 cub scout. 19.30, £4.50 More... Music Theatre Going Out Free Stuff Cambridge Happily Ever Retro Gaming All University Brass After Stars Ma Vie En Rose Band’s annual Wed 27th Feb Free Film, Sat 23rd, concert 22nd and 23rd Feb Newnham Old Labs Corpus Playroom, The Graduate, 8pm 23rd Feb, Wesley 19:00 19:30 Underground Methodist Church. Free Film, Sun 24th, The publicity says that this You pay a pound and then Queens Fitzpat 8pm 19:30 is a ‘second rate play... a get to play SNES and second rate author’. Quite Megadrive games in a tour- Songs in the Dark A load of wind and metal in how this is supposed to nament. The winner takes Free Music, Sun aid of Cambridge RAG. I encourage you to attend it all. Like what you used to 24th, Clowns, 8pm like brass bands. is beyond me. Perhaps go do when you were 8 but with along and find out. hard cash and beer. Sport editor: Henry Stannard and Luke Thorne Friday February 22 2008 28 SPORT [email protected] varsity.co.uk/sport

Continued from back page Luckily for Cambridge Mackay’s ough as it might have been. Nev- superiority reasserted itself just ertheless, Sutcliffe’s superior class Sports Round-up in time, and he was able to pull out proved enough to get the job done a fi fth-game 3-2 victory, an effort in 3 games in reasonable comfort; that later earned him the man-of- a close second game was followed by a very straightforward third, Honours shared at inaugural Indoor Varsity Athletics 2nds Varsity Netball putting Cambridge 4-0 up and en- suring that Sutcliffe’s fl owing locks The fi rst Indoor Varsity Athletics within striking distance for John Cook The seconds got off to a slow start, did not become unduly sweaty. competition at Pickett’s Lock saw (Jesus) who was able to ease past allowing the Oxford Roos to capital- So only the fi rst string match re- mixed results for CUAC. As a re- the Dark Blues in the fi nal stages. ise, their goal shooter demonstrating mained to be played. A mild-man- lay competition, the meet requires Elsewhere, the Cambridge women some impressive accuracy so that nered and very friendly chap off strength in depth, with each event set a new match record in the Pole at quarter time Cambridge were court, Harry Leitch was described decided by the total combination of in- Vault, with Sarah Williams (Kings) down. The second half saw Cam- by one spectator as “a raging bull” dividual efforts. The men dominated breaking the individual record. In bridge grow in confi dence across the on it. His machine-like fi tness, and in both the track and the fi eld, beat- the men’s Triple Jump, Humphrey court, with some key interceptions The victorious ability to hit the ball harder than ing Oxford 4-2 and 7-1 respectively. Waddington (St. Catharine’s) leapt at the defensive end, particularly Squash Blues most men could with a battleship In turn, Oxford’s particularly strong over 14m for the fi rst time, comfort- from player of the match, Dean. The mean that the Scotland interna- group of female middle-distance run- ably over the Blues distance. Indeed, attack, too, began to penetrate the tional will always be a handful for ners meant that the Dark Blues were out of the fi eld events it was only the Oxford defence, with precise feeds any opponent. This year’s Oxford successful on the track, and with the High Jump that prevented the Cam- up to the shooters, Williams and number 1 was an unknown quantity, Cambridge women bridge men from Womersley, who really found form. a slight man from Hong Kong who not quite matching clean sweep- Although Cambridge went into half the-match award. 2-0 Cambridge. turned out to be rather quick and them in the fi eld, ing Oxford. time behind, the force was most defi - With the fi fth seeds’ match still to have some exceptional racquet the overall results In the penul- nitely with them and taking the lead ongoing, captain Douglas took to skills. The match at times resembled of the meet added timate event was certainly within their grasp. the court knowing that if he could nothing so much as a pantomime, up to a tantalis- of the day, the Fresh legs in the form of Wilson to win quickly at number 2 he could be with an angry Leitch the villain be- ing draw: 14-14. C a m b r i d g e defence and Brenner and Keppe into the one to seal a Cambridge victory ing booed by the Oxford supporters The tighter and women ran an the attacking centre court allowed by giving the team an unassailable in the crowd. It was all great enter- shorter dimen- exhilarating Cambridge to pick up where they left 3-0 lead. Douglas it seemed was tainment though, and the squash sions of the Indoor 4x400m re- off, leaving Oxford startled and strug- competing with Russell to see who was of extremely high quality. After track intensifi ed lay. With both gling. Within minutes they levelled could lose fewest points, and a one- taking game 1, a slight wobble from the occasion. On sides fi elding and immediately followed up with a sided match ended not long after Leitch in game 2 meant his oppo- the 60m straightaway, Ben Rich- strong teams, Lucy Spray (Newn- goal from Womersley to take the lead it began with Douglas a very com- nent was able to take the game, and ardson (Churchill) got the start he ham) and the fi nal Oxford runner for the fi rst time in the match. At this fortable 3-0 victor, having engaged for a while it looked as though the needed and fi nished strongly in a were practically tied together on the point Cambridge looked unstoppable, at times in what seemed like on- match could go all the way to the personal best of 7.07, over two-tenths fi nal leg and through the fi nishing however, an injury to the Oxford Goal court mockery of his opponent. So wire. But Leitch turned things up of a second ahead of the Oxford run- line. Almost too close to call visually, Attack allowed a time out for them to the match belonged to Cambridge; a notch in games 3 and 4, and ended ners. In the men’s 4x800m Oxford the automatic clocking showed that recuperate. Their useful substitute, the only question that remained up a 3-1 winner in relative comfort. chose to put their best runners on the she had held off the Oxford runner keen to prove her worth, led the Dark was whether it would be the white- So Cambridge had their white- opening legs, and Cambridge were by one hundredth of a second, the Blue attack, which the Cambridge wash that the light Blues desired. wash. Any victory over Oxford left to chase them home. Andy Owen time only just off the match record. defence, Bill and Wilson struggled to On Court 1, immediately after is always sweet, but a 5-0 one is (Selwyn), who had been out since With the overall result exactly adapt to. Going into the fi nal quarter the Mackay marathon, was number especially so. No doubt the other November with a knee injury, ran a equal across the women and the the game was open for either team, but 3, Nick Sutcliffe. His squash-play- place will be gunning for revenge remarkable leg to keep Cambridge in men, the summer’s Varsity Match some fi ne interceptions from defence ing ability cannot be questioned, next year, but at least until then contention. Sam Dobin (Trinity), the this year looks like it will be an ex- notwithstanding the Oxford come- but theatrical commitments and the Men’s Varsity squash trophy is Great Court run expert, intelligently tremely close and tense affair – ex- back was completed with a …. win, ongoing injury had meant that his safely back with its rightful owners. measured his run to haul Oxford back actly how a Varsity Match should be. despite Cambridge’s valiant efforts. preparation had not been as thor- Games & puzzles Varsity crossword no. 482 Kakuro 23 Artist almost has instrument to Fill the grid so that each run of squares adds up to the total in 1 2 34455667788 the box above or to the left. Use only numbers 1-9, and never make pasta. (7) use a number more than once per run (a number may reoccur 25 Pasta disrupts anal gas. (7) in the same row in a separate run). 9 27 ‘Thus towards southern summit’ © www.puzzlemix.com / Gareth Moore in a manner of speaking. (2,2,5) COMPETITION 10 Win a bottle of wine from our friends at Cambridge Wine 13 16 28 Odd geezers see they are the Merchants. 16 property of the Queen. (5) Re-arrange the letters by rotating the discs to create six 10 11 separate six-letter words leading in to the centre. Email your 30 11 19 answer to [email protected] Down 22 12 13 1 Owner of ship’s toilet is a top Nuts 3 teacher. (10) 24 12 13 14 15 2 Bachelor I apparently owe an apartment. (6) A B 14 A 15 14 16 17 3 Bear and I go back after the end R 17 9 of the day. (4) A S 26 Z 16 17 18 19 4 We hear it’s because of a number. O (4) ? N 16 ?

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27 (10) 17 During November headless Sudoku 5 6 5 3 5 1 5 28 pirate becomes pioneer. (8) The object is to insert the numbers in the boxes to satisfy only one condition: each row, column and 3x3 box must contain the 1 5 5 6 4 6 3 18 Sleep at the bottom of a skip. (3) digits 1 through 9 exactly once. 22 Empty head takes premier nar- © www.puzzlemix.com / Gareth Moore cotics, British booze and ecstasy. 6 1 4 4 2 7 5 Across roundings. (9) Powerhouse! (6) 1 2 6 3 1 Gravelly Dog? (5) 14 International Baccalaureate ban 23 Acts too quickly and volatile 6 7 9 7 4 1 2 1 5 4 9 Lie in unorthodox lover’s pee. (9) is lifted by religious leader. (5) share drops a point. (4) 10 There’s nothing in a large bra 16 Fool the French, run slowly. (7) 24 Throw out, almost out on the 8 7 6 1 6 7 7 4 3 7 2 size until American soldier meets 19 Buffalo sperm is messy. (7) street. (4) her majesty and becomes a bit 20 Sprint north for countdown. 25 The French kept bottomless 9 3 5

3 5 6 5 1 4 7 / MADE BY GARETH MOORE www.puzzlemix.com stranger. (6) (3-2) pool. (4) 11 Switches teams and stays. (7) 21 Injured in leg: man is indiffer- 26 Shoots-up to be comfortable. (4) 7 9 2 Last issue’s solutions 12 Formless pub in erotic sur- ent. (9) © www.puzzlemix.com / Gareth Moore © www.puzzlemix.com / Gareth Moore Set by Ed and Rich Thornton © www.puzzlemix.com / Gareth Moore 5 6 1 4 2 3 9 7 8 13 18 3 5 1 6 1 6 4 8 3 8 2 9 6 7 5 1 4 6 5 1 7 7 1 5 28 4 7 7 3 2 5 6 4 4 9 4 7 1 5 8 3 6 2 1 3 3 1 11 1 6 4 5 4 2 3 1 9 6 8 7 2 4 5 3 Answers to last week’s crossword (no. 480) 6 6 2 4 6 2 3 1 2 1 2 3 7 6 2 8 3 5 6 4 1 2 9 7 Across: (1) vulnerabilities, (9) cannibal, (10) biters, (11) meal, (12) coordinate, (14) snip, (16) aggressive, (20) reassessed, (24) tuna, (25) truckloads, (28) mind, (30) minute, 4 6 2 6 14 2 7 4 3 9 5 1 8 6 3 2 1 8 8 6 7 4 1 4 4 3 5 (31) lookouts, (32) double standards. 23 4 1 9 7 3 6 8 2 5 8 3 1 7 4 2 3 2 1 5 4 7 6 5 8 2 1 4 7 3 9 18

Down: (2) usage, (3) nonslip, (4) Rebecca, (5) biltong, (6) lobed, (7) tetanus, (8) egret, (11) muskrat, (13) emerald, (15) IRA, (17) gas, (18) rye, (19) IOU, (21) succumb, (22) 2 7 4 8 / MADE BY GARETH MOORE www.puzzlemix.com 2 7 9 5 7 3 7 4 6 1 7 2 3 5 8 9 6 4 1 scarlet, (23) disjoin, (24) tombola, (26) rhino, (27) liege, (29) noted. Friday February 22 2008 Write for this section: varsity.co.uk/sport [email protected] SPORT 29 Catz buoyed by Blues’ presence » ‘Battling’ Magdalene fail to deal with extra attacking options Catz put forward ST CATHER- attempts came through the surging runs of their number eight, Dan Grab- INE’S 20 iner, who broke through the Cat’s line on several occasions. Despite MAGDALENE this strong period for Magdalene, it 0 was Catz who scored next, through a Lewis penalty. Rees then caused con- Andy Ryan fusion in the Magdalene defence with a high kick. Moments later, he nearly Sports Reporter rounded the move off himself but St Catherine’s secured their place in was pushed into touch by a desper- the third round of Cuppers after wear- ate tackle from Kwaminah Korsah. ing down a battling Magdalene side. The end of the fi rst half saw a con- Despite being a division below stant assault by the home team, but Magdalene, Catz were strengthened Magdalene made their tackles and by the presence of two Blues, Chris managed to hold out until half-time. Lewis and Andrew Stevenson, as For all their pressure, Catz had well as Charlie Rees, an under-21 only created a ten point lead and player. Magdalene were looking to Magdalene knew that an early score could put them back in the contest. The second half, however, started much as the fi rst had ended, with Catz Catz were making fi rmly in control. Magdalene contin- better use of their ued to defend with organization and ferocity, defying attack after attack. share of the ball and Catz kept pounding away and were looked more likely to eventually rewarded with Rees pil- ing over from close range. Lewis score failed to complete the conversion. The game now became something of a stalemate. The second Catz try build on their success in holding onto seemed to have ended Magdalene’s fi rst division status, while Catz saw a belief that they could still win and all chance to make up for the disappoint- attacking ambition went out of their ment of missing out on promotion. game. With the lead extended, Catz Chris Lewis - a one The game’s beginning was cagey, attacks lost some of their previous man wrecking ball with neither side able to make an early urgency. Perhaps more than any- of a player impact. Catz were making better use thing, the brutality of the game had of their share of the ball and looked left both teams exhausted and happy SOPHIE PICKFORD more likely to score. The break- to let the pace of the game slide. through came through Lewis. He re- The win was eventually sealed ceived the ball just inside Magdalene’s with a clever but simple move. Cat’z over for his second of the afternoon. Catz controlling possession and likely to be serious contenders for the half and a series of missed tackles al- chose to take the aerial route rather The large contingent of Catz fans Magdalene defending desperately. shield. Catz can be pleased with a pro- lowed him to score in the corner. He than attempt yet another charge at greeted the score with loud approval, Magdalene can take heart from fessional display in which they rarely then managed to complete the con- the wall of purple shirts and a well- knowing the game was safe. Lewis their impressive defensive efforts, looked troubled. Aside from the big version from the tightest of angles. placed kick found Rees poised just then sliced the kick wide. The fi nal which for long periods of the game performances from their key men, the Magdalene responded well, launch- outside the Magdalene line. He non- phase of the game followed the pat- kept the Cat’s backs quiet. If they can side look strong in all areas and can go ing their fi rst real attacks. Their best chalantly held the catch and went tern of what had come before, with offer more in attack, then they are into the next round with confi dence. Hungry Oxford munch hockey girls CAMBRIDGE silky stick work from defender Sa- stronger side, only mass defend- conceded a short corner. A woe- and a period of prolonged pressure rah Baggs, determined running by ing from Cambridge kept the dark fully mis-hit strike at the stop on the Oxford goal followed. De- 1 Anna Stanley and the familiar te- blues at bay. Flick Hughes’s de- sent a way-ward ball bouncing to- nied by the post, Jenny Hall was nacity of midfi elder Alex Workman, termined tackles on the wing and wards the goal and Oxford took a unlucky, and the opposition, aware OXFORD the home team were able to begin striker Emma Goater’s defensive lucky lead just two minutes from of the danger the young striker 4 to readjust the balance. posed seemed keen Great distribution around to remove her from Becca Langton the backline proved that the game - physically possessive simple play Sports Reporter if necessary. Hard was more important than working Lisa Noble Having solidly beaten Exeter the individual skills and gave Cambridge a University in the fi rst round of the tactics of aimless legwork number of opportuni- BUSA play-offs the Cambridge that Oxford was employ- ties and Anna Stanley Ladies Blues drew Oxford Univer- ing. Tash Close, unerring was unlucky to miss sity at home, an unwelcome result as usual, sent the oppo- the far post by a mat- so close to Varsity. Cambridge sition chasing after me- ter of inches. Against entered the game as the under- ticulously placed passes the run of play a con- dogs, having not won at Varsity to the forwards, and fused umpire gave the in the last fi ve years. However, although unable to con- Oxford team a penalty fi elding the strongest Light Blue vert, Cambridge looked stroke, converted to team that there has been for sev- menacing on the attack. make the score line 3-1. eral years there was everything Oxford, however, surging The opposition keep- to play for. With the Wilberforce forward through the mid- er was given no rest Road pitch crowded with specta- fi eld won a series of short in the game, however, tors keen to cheer on the Light corners ten minutes into as Cambridge surged Blues to victory, pressure was the fi rst half, and with a forward determined mounting on the Cambridge team precision strike placed to make their mark and nerves were undisguised. The solidly into the bottom on an otherwise unin- game opened with Oxford mak- left hand corner, the dark spiring game. How- ing a confi dent start, threading blues took the lead in a Oxford stretched ever, with confi dence strong passes through the Cam- game which had looked ahead in the high, Oxford were bridge midfi eld and pressing the liked Cambridge’s to take. second half able to continually SOPHIE PICKFORD home team into their own circle. Tash Fowlie’s resilient turn the ball over and Quick and precise passing from side responded excellent- with a third goal from the Oxford attack left Cambridge ly to the Oxford goal however and work in her own circle interrupted half time pushing the score to 2-1. a short corner secured their win on the back foot and it was only after a prolonged period of pres- Oxford possession. With the in- The second half began with the with four goals to the light blues’ with an athletic save from keeper sure sent an exact replica of the tensity of the game taking its toll, arrivalof striker Jenny Hall, the single effort. The score line was no Lucy Stapleton that the Dark conceded goal into the back of the the Light Blues seemed fl ustered fi rst year injecting some much refl ection of the game however, and Blues were prevented from taking opposition’s net, captain Fowlie on the pass; Oxford pressured the needed calm into a frenetic Cam- although Oxford were undoubt- the lead in the fi rst fi ve minutes. showing off her notorious fi rst players like bees, and Cambridge bridge game. Unable to save the edly sharper on the fi nish, Cam- Pressed into their own half it strike from the top of the circle. seemed unable to extricate them- game resting on her own ability bridge are in no doubt that come was vital that Cambridge fought With the game once again even selves from the dark blue press. however, the home team was forced Varsity nothing will be certain. their way into the game, and with and Oxford marginally looking the As pressure mounted Cambridge to step up the quality of the play Sport editor: Henry Stannard and Luke Thorne Friday February 22 2008 30 SPORT [email protected] varsity.co.uk/sport

Gamblers Unanimous “Exactly how we want England to play”

Ed Peace & Niall Rafferty » England director of Rugby and ex-Cambridge triple Blue Rob Andrew talks to Henry Stannard and Luke Thorne about the

Anyone in the Market Square current state of English rugby and his plans for the game on Monday night may have

noticed two inebriated males chanting ‘you’re not singing After winning the World Cup Andy Robinson yielded a mere anymore’ at a bookmaker’s shop in 2003, the English rugby team 9 wins in 22 before he resigned window. This was us in the clos- went into a downward spiral of as the suits were waiting for the

ing stages of a night that, up the sort not seen since the last ink to dry on his P45. Amidst until about 9.45pm, was looking days of Atlantis. Within the space the turmoil in August of 2006 pretty uneventful. Then Bristol of a year they lost their five-year Rob Andrew, the star fly-half of City squeaked a late equaliser unbeaten home record, the Six the England’s last amateur gen- against Palace and gave us our Nations, three” excruciatingly em- eration and Director of Rugby at third winning bet of the week. barrassing tests in the Southern Newcastle Falcons, the world’s How quickly the mood changed… Hemisphere and their mercurial first ever fully professional rugby This week our banker travels coach, Clive Woodward. It then club, became the RFU’s first Di- to Ewood Park, where Black- got worse. The tenure of the will- rector of Elite Rugby. burn play host to Bolton Wan- ing but obstinately meat-headed It was not a completely unchal- derers. While Rovers’ recent lenged appointment. Throughout loss at the Emirates made it four his career Andrew had been criti- games without a win for Mark cised not only for his defensive Hughes’ men, there were enough playing style (after his interna- signs to suggest Blackburn can The Varsity tional debut former captain John now go on a decent to re-ignite Scott labelled him “the worst their push for a Uefa Cup place. match was player to ever represent Eng- Meanwhile, Bolton are in real land”), but also for his activities danger now that Nicholas Anel- a good game off the pitch. When he was signed ka has departed, scoring in just up as Director of Rugby at New- three of their seven matches this year – much castle, he lured many of his ama- since he left. They also arrive teur Wasps colleagues up North here on the back of a poten- better than last with professional contracts de- tially gruelling encounter with spite still being a member of the Atletico Madrid, so we’re back- year. There will London Clubs playing staff, and ing Blackburn to bag the points. became an outspoken critic of the The League Cup Final on always be room Woodward regime in the years be- Sunday afternoon promises fore the 2003 World Cup. It was to be an enthralling affair. for university no huge surprise, however, that Given Tottenham’s dramatic the RFU did end up overlooking turnaround under Juande Ra- the potentially divisive and spot- mos, it was strange to witness rugby. I think the light-hungry Woodward, who the such a limp performance from game seems to have overtaken Spurs when they went to Stam- Varsity match has judging by the humiliation that ford Bridge last month. Howev- was the 2005 Lions Tour. er, readers shouldn’t be too quick got to find a new The position he holds within the to back Chelsea. Jermaine Jenas, game now reflects his strengths. one of the most improved players home for where As a former club director himself, under the lean and mean Ramos and with a business background regime, was absent then, and it sits. Players managing commercial real estate, although hard to believe, he has he has capably handled the rene- become the driving force of Spurs have to decide gotiation of the contracts releas- midfield this season. Meanwhile, ing elite players from clubs for in- Avram Grant has a tricky defen- whether they go ternational duty. “It’s a very good sive decision to make: whether to agreement for the professional rush a semi-fit John Terry back to university first game in England,” he agrees. “In into the side, or risk facing a red- my opinion it benefits not only the hot strike-force without his cap- and then have a union and the clubs, but also the tain. Ramos and Grant will both players themselves.” He realises, be desperate to get their hands career, or maybe however, that after three years on their first piece of silverware, of internecine bickering between but maybe in four years time we the release agreements, but also but in a game that could be de- the various parties, the future of need to think again - the game the recruitment and retention of cided by a moment of individual have a career and the agreement is not guaranteed. may have changed again.” coaches for every single team. It brilliance, chase the longer odds “In 2001 there was an agreement His function within the RFU, is only by investing this kind of and back Spurs to lift the Cup. then go to that everybody thought was sat- although he grates that “the me- power in one position that any Our racing selections have en- isfactory that was supposed to dia still don’t seem to understand kind of continuity can be reached joyed an upturn in form in recent university last for eight years, but half way it”, is not only administrative, throughout all levels of the game. weeks. With successive winners through it became obvious that it however. It is his job to over- In addition to the powers placed at 9-4 and 7-1, the pressure’s on later wasn’t good for anybody. We’re see the long term development at his feet, however, Rob Andrew to make it three in a row. Unga- sitting here now thinking that of English representative rugby, has been incredibly lucky with ro looks to have it what it takes this new agreement is the answer, which entails not only negotiating the quality and number of excep- to land the Racing Post Chase at Kempton on Saturday. This everyone else and prevent their all season, and also in our senior March, at Iffley Road, Oxford. course was the scene of his big- team-mates getting isolated. league, where our development For further information visit the gest win in 2006 and, with condi- Captain’s side has played a few games as website: www.srcf.ucam.org/cu- tions predicted to suit, there’s no ” Where do you play? well. It’s a really good set up as wrfc/ reason why he shouldn’t notch Corner I was a centre throughout last we get to play against young and up his first win of this campaign season, but have moved to fly physically demanding teams in on Saturday. PaddyPower must Women’s Rugby half this year. I really love the the one league, and wily experi- have heard us coming, as they’ve freedom of running with the ball, enced sides in the other. already trimmed his odds from Laura Britton and also enjoy the contact. I’ve 7-1 to 6-1. It’s worth snapping up had to really work on my kicking What’re your prospects for Varsity? what’s left of this while it lasts. So how did you get into rugby? this year, as I’d never had really We haven’t won since 2003 and I came here as a county-level to kick anything before playing last year lost 37-7. However, 4-5 The Banker netball and tennis player, but rugby and it is now central to our despite being in the league above Blackburn to beat bolton £4 wanted to take the opportunity game plan. On a personal level, us in BUSA, Oxford haven’t been to do something completely dif- the necessity to always be com- having a brilliant season so far Prediction 12-5 ferent. I turned up to one of the municating has really helped my and we will definitely give them Tottenham to win the development days and really confidence as well. a game. The Lehman Brothers, carling Cup £3 enjoyed myself and so continued our sponsors, have given us a lot playing. What I love about rugby How’s the season been going? of money and we’ve been able to 6-1 The Long shot is the depth of the camaraderie We’ve had a really excellent sea- train really well. It being a one Unaguro to win the that is not found in any sport. I son so far. We had a lot of new off, it all depends on whether we Racing Post Chase £1.5 e/w think a lot of it comes from the players at the start of the year step up. nature of the game, since on the and have gone on a very good Running Total: £52.44 field everybody has to look out for run in BUSA, only losing once Women’s Rugby Varsity is on 1st Friday February 22 2008 Write for this section: varsity.co.uk/sport [email protected] SPORT 31

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“Exactly how we want England to play” River » England director of Rugby and ex-Cambridge triple Blue Rob Andrew talks to Henry Stannard and Luke Thorne ” about the current state of English rugby and his plans for the game Last weekend we traveled to Not- tional young English players just ing moments by slotting winning formances have been particularly tingham to hide out in Sherwood now poking their heads out in the drop goals against Australia in inspiring in the first two rounds Forest, stealing from the rich in international arena for the first injury time at World Cups. of this year’s Six Nations. Al- order to give to the poor. Actually time. Mantra-like, he ran through Andrew is still unequivocal in though he may put the surrender On that’s not the reason at all, but my his favourites three times during his praise for his protégé’s career, to Wales and near-catastrophe in previous knowledge of the city was the interview – “Strettle, Flood, but will not get drawn into mat- Rome down mainly to “individual Argentina: limited to the Robin Hood tales, so Tait, Cipriani, Haskell, Geraghty, ters of team selection. In fact errors” caused by the inexperi- I imagined something much more Borthwick, Stevens” – names al- he seems to disdain the much- ence of players being brought “They have to help interesting than the bleak sur- ready well known to most rugby publicised debate over whether into the side, both commentators roundings I encountered. Please fans, although they should come Wilkinson or Cipriani should get and fans are bewailing the utter themselves in all don’t get angry if you’re actually with the caveat that three of the starting berth. fecklessness that seems to be so from Nottingham. Your home does them play most of their club rug- “Although the media coverage in ingrained in English attacking of this... Maybe feature the only Hooters in Eng- by at fly-half, a position currently the last few years has been fan- play. Nevertheless he betrayed land, and a rowing venue that was

held by the oft-criticized Jonny tastic, especially in the last two no signs of wavering over wheth- it’s time for them wisely turned into a lake after be- Wilkinson. World Cups, I just think that er the current set-up is right for ing deemed too windy to support Indeed there is a certain sym- what we have to understand is England, stating in no uncertain to go professional an airport. metry to the two men’s careers, that there is far more coverage terms that “Ashton’s vision for Anyway. The real reason we

with Andrew having acted as the of the game than there ever has the game is exactly how we want there as well so traveled north was to contest the young Wilkinson’s mentor and been. There are pressures within England to play.” Trent Head, a 6km race against an protector at Newcastle. Both the media to deliver more cover- Despite all this, Andrew main- some of their array of university and club crews achieved the accolade of becom- age, more stories, more angles on tains that “a country the size of from throughout England. Al- ing England’s” highest interna- things. That means that there England should be looking to be though I can only speak for one of tional points scorer despite be- are pressures maybe to try and competitive at every World Cup, international the boats, I believe the entire team ing maligned in some quarters create stories that aren’t there.” which means that you have to had a strong showing, with the Blue for playing too negative a game It is definitely true of his reign look at a four year cycle,” hint- players can go Boat and Goldie placing first and by neglecting to use the other so far that some storylines seem ing as much as he ever will that, second, respectively, in the overall backs. More memorably, both to have had a life of their own. although this year’s Six Nations back there and standings. Situated behind them also achieved their career-defin- When Brian Ashton guided his is by no means meaningless, now were crews from Oxford Brookes unfancied team to the World Cup is the right time to start creating their international University – arguably the best stu- final in what was, to Andrew’s a new team. France, who Eng- dent crew aside from those fielded On the new mind, “in many ways, a bigger land face tomorrow, are doing the team stops being a by Oxbridge – and a Leander Club achievement” than 2003, chapters same thing with their own gold- boat composed of British Olympic rules: “It from players autobiographies en generation of U21 World Cup roaming group of hopefuls. criticizing the him for what Mike winners, yet with more initial The past few days have seen the looks like Catt infamously called the “pub success. They played with typi- players. Argentina two boats diverge in training plans team” approach of Brian Ashton cal élan in victories over drudg- for the first time this year. Moving they want the ball caused an unprecedented furore. ing Scotland and Ireland sides belong in on from the success of the Trent Andrew, however, dismisses the despite seemingly substituting Head, the Blue Boat must prepare in play more and reports from training for what almost all their key players mid- the southern for a fixture against the Canadian they were– “words written at way through both games. If there Olympic squad – featuring 2006 a quicker game... a time early in the tournament was ever a time for Andrews’ hemisphere.” and 2007 Blue Kip McDaniel – on went those guys were not in the young charges to show their un- Friday. Goldie, meanwhile, will What we have to team and not playing very well.” questionable potential, it is now. remain in Cambridge, logging as However that generation of play- many miles as possible in what will do with England ers is now well and truly out the be one of its last heavy weeks of door. Andrew admits that whilst training this year. is to look at what the remnants of the 2003 side may The previous paragraph should have “really dug us out of a hole ” beg the question of what a fixture this time round”, there really actually is. At two-week intervals type of player we will be no way of bringing Italian leading up to the Boat Race, each cry-baby Laurence Dallaglio and crew will race an invited boat, usu- want to be able to chums to the jamboree in four ally composed of foreign interna- years time. The immediate plan tionals or British team triallists. play the rugby that is to “look over during the next 18 Last year, the Blue Boat raced the months the guys who will really German national team and a Brit- we want England stand up in the next four years.” ish contingent training for that That said, he baulks at the idea summer’s world championships. to play, but also of the next year and a half be- This year the German’s have been ing a long development phase replaced by the Canadians but the how the laws are where results don’t matter stat- second fixture featuring the British ing forcefully that “there’s not an Eight – a traditional final opponent going to England team that’s ever gone – has been retained. onto the field and decided ‘we’ll The fixture itself will consist of effect it” try and lose this one – it’s all part two separate race pieces, which of development.’” Despite that, added together would comprise however, neither results nor per- the full Boat Race course. The two boats will line up at the start under Putney Bridge and race to Ham- Profile mersmith where the race concludes. Times are taken, results recorded, Rob Andrew and the two crews are started even- ” ly again for the final piece. This format is beneficial in that • St John’s College finalist (1991) it allows for international crews unaccustomed to the Boat Race 1981-1985 – 3 Rugby • Newcastle 1995-2006 distance to be competitive over a Blues, 2 Cricket – 1 National Cham- shorter course, one more akin to the 2000 meter pieces that charac- Blues pionship (1998), 2 terize international competition. • Wasps 1985-1995 1 National Cups (2001 Additionally, it provides immediate feedback, as changes to rhythm and National Champion- and 2004) race plans can be made during the ship • Director of Rugby: rest interval. All the training and preparation (1990) England 2006 – won in the world means nothing with- • England 1985-1995 – 11, lost 12 – World out the hard-earned ability to win on the day. Friday will be the first 71 Appearances, 396 Cup finalists opportunity to do just this. points, World Cup Spencer Griffin Hunsberger Friday February 22 2008 varsity.co.uk/sport

Interview p 31-32 Blues legend SPORT Rob Andrew Oxford comprehensively Netball Blues fall short Squash-ed Varsity Sports Reporter » Blues fail to catch up after surrendering early advantage After months of training, and two extremely close-fought sets of play- CAMBRIDGE more and more, particularly as they off matches to determine the team, began to miss the few chances that Blues Captain Sarah last Saturday saw the latest instal- 25 came their way. Oxford’s ascendan- Warren leaps to ment of Varsity squash. The fi rst was cy soon began to show on the score- thwart an Oxford shot played over 80 years ago, and, as is OXFORD board, as the best efforts of the de- traditional, the event was held at the 30 fence, who did well to keep Oxford’s RAC Club in Pall Mall. Having won superior possession down to six goals 9 years in a row, Cambridge were Luke Thorne could not keep up with the squan- unfortunate to lose out 3-2 last time Sports Editor dering of chances by the Cambridge around, and skipper Jamie Douglas shooters, and Cambridge were left and his team were determined to A strong fi nish by the Cambridge trailing 17-8 at the halfway point. restore the natural order of things. Blues saw them fall fi ve points short Cambridge really needed to up Pre-match confi dence was high, as despite dominating the closing ex- their game and confi dence, which reports fi ltered through that Oxford changes, netting the last three, and seemed to be wilting in the face might not be as strong as in previ- in fact winning the second half of of Oxford supremacy. To this end ous years, but Cambridge were tak- the match. Unfortunately, the Dark Bloxham, Darke and Crawshaw, re- ing nothing for granted, with tough Blues swarmed over what was a ten- cently returned from injury, subbed fi xtures against Nottingham and the tative start from Cambridge, leaving on, with Nicholson moving out to Army in the week preceding Varsity them with a cushion that eventually Goal Attack. Two goals in the open- completing meticulous preparations. proved too substantial, and Oxford ing minute from shooter Crawshaw First on court on the day itself with a double Varsity victory for 2008. seemed to have the desired effect were Renwick Russell and Mike Despite energetic and clearly well- and Cambridge were suddenly Mackay. The Oxford and Cambridge rehearsed warm-ups, both sides ap- much more competitive in mid- reserves play each other on the day, peared nervous to start with; Oxford fi eld. The Cambridge support even but the match doesn’t count towards missed their fi rst three shots, whilst seemed to notice the difference, the fi nal team score. One would never Cambridge appeared slightly off the their cheering drowning out any have known this though from the pace, particularly in the middle of the Oxford retaliation. Oxford seemed quality of ‘Flair’ Russell’s display; court, their slow movement allowing to become more sloppy, often giving his poor opponent was unable to get Oxford interceptions and prevent- away the ball easily in the last third, the slightest semblance of a foot- ing them from getting shots on goal. although considerable credit again hold in the game as Russell piled on Cambridge’s fi rst goal eventually has to go to the Cambridge defence, the pressure from the fi rst. Suffi ce came after Oxford domination had Rowley in particular throwing her- to say the game didn’t last long, as already put them two ahead. The pat- self about with little regard for life Russell’s all round dominance gave tern continued for the rest of the fi rst or limb. The momentum was now Cambridge the perfect start and a quarter. Oxford’s ability to pressurise with Cambridge, and they took psychological boost with a 3-0 victory. the quarter 10-7, largely thanks to Continuing on Court 2, Cambridge Crawshaw’s shooting, but also a step number 4 Chris Lion was making his up in the team’s energy generally. Blues Varsity debut, against an oppo- Oxford’s ability to All lay on the potentially tight nent of undoubted shot-making abil- pressurise Cambridge last quarter, with Cambridge still ity but whose movement and fi tness six points behind, but beginning to were not perhaps as sharp as they gave them the wealth look the stronger team. Much de- might have been. There was nothing of possession pended on their ability to keep the wrong with Lion’s fi tness however – momentum they had developed in one member of the crowd was moved the face of certain Oxford defi ance. to volunteer that Lion was “the fi ttest Cambridge on the ball gave them A great interception from McGrath player they’d ever seen on a squash the wealth of possession, and conse- from the restart, leaping high and to court”. The Oxford man fought val- quently more chances for their shoot- her left, which led to Crawshaw slot- iantly, but ultimately Lion’s superior ers to put away, despite the efforts of ting home from right at the top of accuracy and fi tness meant that a Warren and Rowley in defence. The the D seemed to promise this. Both further Cambridge victory came 9-5, Blues trailed by fi ve at the fi rst break. crowds sensed the tension, sending 9-5, 9-5 putting Cambridge 1-0 up. The second quarter continued to noise resonating around the hall as Meanwhile Mackay, also gaining see Oxford control the midfi eld, the Oxford clawed one back. The Ox- his fi rst Blue, at number 5, raced out Wing Attack particularly proving as ford midfi eld, so superior until the to a 2-0 lead with some fi ne play, but much a menace as Japanese tourists third quarter, upped its game again, SOPHIE PICKFORD then seemed to forget that squash are for cyclists on Trinity Street. But and possession interchanged franti- fi nal surge, which nonetheless did set the tempo of the early part of the matches are played over fi ve games. Rowley and Warren were now really cally, with interceptions and dropped see them win the fi nal quarter 7-6. match so easily, notwithstanding the His opponent’s play improved as coming to the fore, a good intercep- balls from both teams as they tired. The second half demonstrated just committed performances from cap- Mackay began to feel the pres- tion by Warren leading to a goal for However, three Oxford goals on how closely matched the two teams tain Warren and Cambridge’s player sure, and suddenly the match was Nicholson. But Cambridge’s inability the trot effectively put the match were, and Cambridge may be disap- of the match, Rowley, in defence. tightly poised at 2 games apiece. to keep possession was hurting them beyond the range of Cambridge’s pointed that they allowed Oxford to Seconds report page 28 Continued on page 28