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VOLUME 11 NUMBER 1 FEBRUARY, 2000 THE WRIGHT STUFF

THE OFFICIAL NEWSLETTER OF THE U.S.S. KITTY HAWK NCC 1659 A VIEW FROM THE CATBIRD SEAT By J.R. Fisher

MOST IMPORTANT!! We additional person (max: 2) is an 24 is in High Point this weekend. agreed to do the PBS Telethon on the additional $10.00 per person. We There are cons in Durham, Saturday nights of February 19th need to know who is going, when, Raleigh, and Charlotte this year, at and March 18th, 6 p.m. until 11:30 and whom you will room with, or do least six and maybe more. We will p.m., both nights. We signed up 27 you need a room to yourself. Please give you more info as it becomes people for the February shift, but tell me at PBS Telethon and available. Of course, there are have already had four people cancel absolutely no later than the March always the long distance cons in out. If you did sign up, please be meeting. The agreed upon date is Atlanta and Baltimore that are sure and come and if you have not April 7, 8, and 9, 2000. frequented by our crew. Come to the signed up, please come anyway; call The next thing to bring to your meetings and pair up with those who me to let me know to expect you. If attention is a reminder about your will be going this year. Always more you are coming and have a friend or dues. Kitty Hawk dues for 2000 are fun when there are more people, family member you can bring who is $24.00 per family and are currently cheaper too. willing to help us, please let me due. Please pay these by the March At our January meeting, we know and get them on board. Every meeting. dues are traditionally announce our selection year we have a number of people who staggered according to the number of of the “crewperson of the year” cannot make it for various reasons persons in a family and have been award. This honor goes to the and we come up a few short. This extended according to the new member of the crew who best year we scheduled more people than membership/renewal sheet I received demonstrates, by deeds, the slots, but now we are already below last week. See me for detail or new philosophy of and the our quota; so suck it up and come out sheet. We are requiring that all U.S.S. Kitty Hawk. For her tireless and help! members of the Kitty Hawk be active efforts and contributions to Vulkon Now, we have a similar STARFLEET members as well. last January, this year’s “crewman of situation with helping at the N.C. At the holiday/anniversary the year” is Janet Williams. Her Food Bank. A good number of people party in December, we listed our certificate was awarded at the indicated that they would help this accomplishments over the last 10 January meeting and she was last Saturday morning but only two years, since our shuttle was promoted to Master Chief Petty of us showed up. Please be launched. Most outstanding among Officer; pending her completion of responsible! If you volunteer to do those deeds were the amount on O.T.S., she will be elevated to Lt.j.g. something and can’t, just call me or money we helped PBS and Duke Congratulations, Janet! the responsible person for the event raise by way of their respective On to the same old things. The and tell them you cannot be there. telethons and our own donations of Duke jar is still pretty light and June That way we don’t look foolish nor do money and time. These are ongoing will be here before you know it. We we worry that something has events that we hope we can help fuel have a good number of books that happened to you while trying to get by getting back to doing the have been donated by members to be to us. The work is not difficult, but Artsplosure events in the spring and sold/auctioned with the proceeds the building is neither heated nor air New Years. Please set aside some of going to the Duke jar. It is a win-win conditioned except by mother nature. your time to help us raise the funds deal. Come to the meetings and get This is our new community work we donate to charity. And don’t some new reading material and help project, please pitch in and help. forget to bring those crushed the Duke jar. The other really important aluminum cans to our meetings, as In October, we will celebrate thing that needs to be addressed we start on reskinning another 747. our tenth anniversary of our quickly is our pending trip to This year is going to be a busy commissioning. (Sounds like a good Washington, D.C. to visit the various one for conventions and conferences excuse for another dinner party to museums. I contacted the Quality in Raleigh. At the next meeting we me.) If we start now, we could put on Hotel at Courthouse Plaza in hope to have the head of Trinoc-Con, a real show for ourselves. Let me Arlington, VA., which is where we Rick McGee, come and speak to us hear your ideas, after all, you’ve got stayed last time, and got the rates: 2 about their event and see where we the Wright Stuff. Come, work hard, queen size beds with exterior hall, can fit into their scheme of things. have fun with friends. $109.95/night; 2 queen size beds with There are several other events which interior hall, 119.95/night. This is a we will probably be interested in double occupancy rate; each within the state. Note: StellarCon ESSE QUAM VIDERI THE WRIGHT STUFF

VOLUME 11 CONTENTS NUMBER 1

A VIEW FROM THE CATBIRD SEAT...... 1

THERE’S IN THE COLLECTIVE ...... 3

THE FIRST OFFICER’S LOG ...... 4 WRIGHT STUFF SCIENCE REPORT...... 4 OPERATION’S REPORT ...... 4 VOLUME 11 NO. 1

is a publication of the U.S.S. Kitty MEDICAL REPORT ...... 4 Hawk, the Raleigh, N.C. chapter of STARFLEET, an international STAR TREK fan organization. SECURITY REPORT...... 5 This publication is provided free of charge, to all chapter members in good standing. Subscriptions for ENGINEERING REPORT...... 6 non-members are $12.00 per year (six issues). Please address all correspondence to CATBIRD Publications, 5017 Glen Forest Dr., COLLECTOR’S CORNER ...... 6 Raleigh, N.C. 27612. This publication is a non-profit and is not meant to NEW SERIES NEWS...... 7 infringe upon any copyright or trademark held by Paramount Pictures, Gulf & Western, or any CREDITS other holder of STAR TREK copyrights or trademarks. Unless PUBLISHER...... J.R. FISHER otherwise noted, ENTIRE CONTENTS ARE COPYRIGHT EDITOR ...... JANE FISHER 1999 CATBIRD Publications, THE ASSISTANTSANDCONTRIBUTORS SPRINGBROOKS WRIGHT STUFF. Nothing in JEFF COHN whole or in part may be used AMY DEJONGH without the written permission of J.R. FISHER the publisher. THE WRIGHT BRAD MCDONALD STUFF assumes all material CAREY MUSE submitted for publication is gratis. ELAINE PISCHKE The publisher and editors reserve LARRY PISCHKE the right to edit all submissions.

TOOL BOX: Trigem Pentium/75; Hewlett Packard Laserjet III; Microsoft Publisher; Logitech Scanman Plus; Word for Windows; Logitech Ansel Image Editing Software. THERE’S TRIBBLE IN THE COLLECTIVE By Jeff Cohn

Part VII: , , wonderful pets. “Excuse me Sir, here exceptionally deep gravity well, and , Oh My! are more status reports requiring rivaling that of a small neutron star. your attention.” “Thank you The Transwarp fields generated by Captain's log Ensign.” Lawrence sighed. If the the Borg Cubes made took advantage 49245.10. The graviton wake Borg, the , or the tribbles of this; the fleet returned to emitted by the Triborg fleet has don’t get us, the paperwork will. Unimatrix 005 in half the time it remained steady, and after some would take without the added boost. initial… difficulty, crew and ship are ------{*}------Captured ship in tow, the fleet proceeding at optimal performance. approached the primary command At the current rate of speed, we are One of the peculiarities of Borg center. Powerful tractor beams one standard day from transwarp technology was that emanated from a node at the base of space. Unfortunately, we’ve lost linear distance did not always the structure. They grabbed the contact with the Class II probe left to directly correlate with the time tribble’s ship as it was released by follow the Borg. We have no way of needed to reach a destination. the Cubes, and brought it into a knowing whether the Borg will Federation utilized synchronous orbit. assimilate or destroy the ship they matter-antimatter reactions to create captured. It is likely, of course, to be a subspace “bubble”, thereby The Borg Queen smiled as she the former. producing a “shortcut” through observed the arrival. With a normal space through which thought, she ordered the infected “Communications with the could travel more or less vessel brought into a holding area tribbles remain intact Sir.” Ensign directly. Borg technology made use where specialist Drones could board Brett looked up from his panel and of subspace as did all spacefaring her and commence the assimilation continued his report. All sections cultures; however, it improved upon of the wayward ship and any report systems at nominal or better.” it by taking advantage of one of the remaining crew. While somewhat “Thank you Ensign.” Lawrence fundamental characteristics of the irritated at the failure to contain the looked up at the main screen. What universe. As any 23rd century second infection by capturing or destroying would happen when the vessels grader knows, space is curved. the entire fleet, she was confident reached their destination? After Stars, planets, and other that a means to prevent its spread watching the destruction meted out astronomical bodies lie at the bottom would be quickly determined and by both sides in the Borg/tribble of gravity wells bending space down implemented. fight, he wondered whether the with them, much like a ball bearing Cardassians, the Jem H’adar, or the does when placed on a thin sheet of Within Assembly Area 1009, shapeshifters themselves would be rubber. These laws had been known the tribble ship was held in place able to deal with what was coming. since Einstein, now dead for nearly with several powerful tractor beams. Satrel was working on a means of half a millennium. The Borg knew it Drones walked across the external putting the tribbles to “sleep” a la as well, of course, and took hull and analyzed the thousands of Captain Picard during the battle for advantage of a fact the 20th century projections, emerging like reeds from Earth several years ago following the genius could only hypothesize about; the vessel’s surface. Others entered disaster at Wolf 359. Satrel had the interactions between these the ship, some through the massive better succeed, or the Federation will gravity wells produce folds in space. opening through which it had earlier be in even bigger trouble than we are Wormholes such as the one near the ingested the asteroid and debris from now. The Commander knew that DS9 outpost are connections between the recent battle, still more by things were not going well for the folded space. Borg Transwarp cutting their way in through the Federation// engines produce localized gravity hull. Six of 12, part of the first group alliance. The crew was unaware of wells of great intensity, creating of Drones to enter the interior, just how thinly their forces were their own folded space though which stepped over a dead tribble. In a spread. He was under orders to a vessel can be pushed, much as a previous existence this had been Ah’r conceal this information in order to sewing needle might penetrate KeTat, an trader of notorious maintain morale. The tribbles will adjoining folds of cloth. This system repute, known for his quick temper be useful as de facto members of the produces “exhaust” in part consisting and fearless negotiating skills. The alliance, but we’d better have a of graviton waves, upon one of which Drone now negotiated a tangle of permanent means of controlling the Redoubtable currently rode. damaged conduits and passageways, them, otherwise we’ll end up in the Interactions with natural gravity periodically stepping over or through same mess ourselves. He suppressed wells caused by astronomical bodies casualties of the battle. With a shudder, thinking how amazed produce variations in the magnitude emotionless purpose, it undertook its Professor Fisher would be. The old of space “folded” by the Transwarp assignment; determine the status of Starfleet biologist raised tribbles on engines. The trinary system at the Earth; once neutered they made heart of Unimatrix 005 produced an (Continued on page 7)

THE WRIGHT STUFF PAGE 3 FEBRUARY, 2000 FIRST OFFICER’S LOG By Carey Muse

I hope that everyone got enough Hawk in 1999 and is very deserving We’ve got PBS telethon and we’re snow in January. or being named crewperson of the helping the Food Bank sort food. I would like to congratulate year. Thank you, Janet. Don’t forget the Duke jar. Janet Williams on her promotion and I’m very happy that we are back award. Janet did a lot for the Kitty on track with our volunteer efforts. SPRING IS COMING!!! SCIENCE REPORT By Elaine Pischke

In science news, the late July or early August. NASA earth and other readily available International Space Station is still says they are preparing our service materials. These structures could under construction. The Russians module just in case the Russians fail provide affordable housing on earth are due to launch a service module to deliver. as well as provide a model for this year. NASA says if the Russians In other news, a town in building on the Moon or Mars fail to deliver, we are prepared to California has given the green light someday. launch our own. The Russians say to construction of a Lunar Colony -– In closing, researchers at the their service module is ready but in the California desert. The Mayo Clinic have just published the launch has been delayed because of settlement will be a full scale model results of a study that indicates that two crashes of the Proton rocket, the of the type of city that might one day optimists live an average of 12 years launcher the Russians will use to put be built on the Moon. The plan is the longer than pessimists. So keep the module into orbit. They say they brain child of architect Nader dreaming, keep smiling, don’t sweat hope to launch the service module in Khalili, who is promoting building the small stuff, live long and prosper. safe, comfortable housing made of OPERATION’S REPORT MEDICAL REPORT By Larry Pischke By Amy DeJongh

In a perfect world, everyone would get all the nutrients needed from the fresh, Welcome everyone, to the first wholesome foods they eat. But who has time? And who can eat that much! issue of the Wright Stuff for the New Year. I hope that everyone made it With our crazy stressed-out lifestyles, few Americans even come close to the food safe and sound through the holidays. pyramid plan designed by the US Department of Agriculture. Even those who do And the snow. eat “right”, our lifestyles and environments may continue to rob their bodies of Oh, that glorious, essential nutrients. glorious snow. That is what winter Did you know … is all about. · Studies show that on any given day, more than half of the American Finally, a definite population goes without a single helping of fruits or vegetables. change of season. · Second-hand smoke can rob your body of beta-carotene. Now, if we could · One large burst of anger can use up lots of Vitamin C. make this a regular · More than 50% of women over 50 will be afflicted with osteoporosis occurrence…. because decreased estrogen causes bones to lose calcium and therefore There is actually someone is Ops density. who actually doing something! · Nutrient “robbers” come in many forms – low calorie diets, alcohol, Margaret is the ship’s liaison for the caffeine, excessive slat, anger, stress, travel, sun exposure, illness, and Food Bank. This is a good cause, and many more. we all should help out. I have just · heard about it, but then again, I can Who needs supplements? If you feel you need a vitamin supplement, check with rarely make meetings. What’s your your doctor. You can work together to determine what is best for you! excuse? Be safe, be happy, be healthy.

THE WRIGHT STUFF PAGE 4 FEBRUARY, 2000 Petition to Save PBS / NPR / NEA [Junk] "The Case of the SECURITY REPORT Pointless Petition". I must admit to circulating this one. Racist rumors: Racial Indicators in Social Security By Spring Brooks Numbers. Did the government secretly "color-code" your SSN? Plus, alleged racism in Microsoft software. NUD - 'No Urban Dictate'. Do some corporations apply racist Urban Legends on the Net criteria when deciding where to advertise? Tommy Hilfiger Made Racist Statements on Oprah. That's what the email What exploited and spammed the internet even rumor claims, at any rate. This outright lie dates back before Porn Sites, Urban Legends! several years. Black Voting Rights to Expire in 2007. This email alert, bouncing around the Internet since January, Free Stuff: Bill Gates is not the AntiChrist, unless 1997. Eddie Murphy/Michael Jordan Mistaken for every CEO is, nor is he going to give you $1,000 for testing Muggers: New email versions of this old urban legend have email tracking application by forwarding a chain letter. Nor Eddie Murphy and Michael Jordan scaring the heck out of will AOL, Intel, Honda, Old Navy, Abercrombie & Fitch, white people on elevators. MMs, The Gap, IBM, Body and Bath Works, J.Crew, Miller Its a Scary World: ATM Envelopes are poisoned, Brewing Company, Gerger and Disney World. These same hypodermic needles are in Pay Phone Coin Slots and LSD & people think they win the Publisher's Clearing House Strychnine on Pay Phone Buttons, people are being injected Sweepstakes....every year. with the AIDS virus in crowded theaters and night clubs Nothing really goes together like chain e-letters and around the world (for people not responsible for their own children: Missing: Some of these alerts were true but only behavior), deadly Rat Urine on Soda Pop Cans, The 'Blue briefly. Andrew Russell Steinmetz, Andrew Steinmetzd, Star' LSD Tattoo, Cockroach Egg Tacos at Taco Bell, 'Toilet Krystava Patients Schmidt. Dying: Curt Beerman , Slow Spiders' Kill 5 in Chicago Airport, Kidney Thieves is the Dance Chain Letter, Craig Shergold, Jessica Mydek, David venerable organ snatching legend erupts in Austin, Texas. Lawitts, Tamara Martin, Rick Connor, and Timothy Flyte, Snakes in Burger King's Ball Pit! Email version of an old and the David 'Darren' Bucklew". amusement park legend, in the form of a warning to Other children e-mails: New 'Class Project' Chain parents. My own sister told me this last year. And even Letters. Don't bother responding to Mr. Blevins' 5th grade pointed out the Burger King to me. 'Inside Edition' Mall class. Their email address has been canceled as have every Abduction Scams warns women that elaborate scams are other school chain letter. And the 'Need some extra $$$ for being used by abductors to lure female shoppers out of malls the summer?' Make millions just by forwarding this chain and into waiting vans. letter! Funded by "National Banks everywhere!!" Gangs: Backseat Killers & Ankle-Slashing Gangs are Attempted Child Abduction at Sam's Club - false. two more well-known urban legends show up as an email Y2K is a Double Leap Year - No. Corpses of Children warning. Headlight Flashing 'Gang Initiation Rite' is an Used to Traffic Drugs is an old urban legend (c. 1973) Urban legend from the early '90s re-emerges as a dressed up in new clothes for the Internet. Procter & frightening email alert. Gamble is Run by Satanists! An oldie hits the charts again Neiman Marcus (Mrs. Fields) Cookie Recipe. Posh due to P&G's recent lawsuits against Amway for allegedly department store charges $250 for a cookie recipe; victim spreading false rumors. gets even by sharing it with the world. All the ingredients Cell Phones Cause Gas Station Explosions. According of a legend! I helped this one along but thought it was a to available information, the dangers described in this email joke. rumor are more theoretical than real. Cool! 809 Area Code Phone Scam is actually True. Phone U.S. Postal Service Plans 5-Cent Tax on Email and scams come mostly from Canada but more and more from Long Distance Rates for Internet Access. They're at it other countries. again! Why not, the phone companies, cable companies, Virus: There are more of these then urban myths. State of NC, Canada and the USA governments want too! Unfortunately, there are such things as computer virus. Waterproof Sunscreen Causes Blindness in Children is For help on the mythical http://www.kumite.com/myths. a recycled 1998 warning alleges that children have gone Some are the recent False viruses - A.I.D.S. Virus Warning, blind due to exposure to waterproof sunscreens. The Bud Frogs Screen Saver Warning, Elf Bowling, Frog shampoo Cancer Warning falsely claims that sodium Blender, Join the Crew, Penpal Greetings, Undeliverable laureth sulfate, an ingredient found in some brand-name Mail. shampoos, is carcinogenic. Anti-Perspirants do not cause Breast Cancer. Neither do tampons. Aspartame Warning is Go to: an overblown email flyer dating from 1995, alleging that NutraSweet causes just about every malady known to http://urbanlegends.about.com/culture/urbanlegends/ humankind. Procter & Gamble's Killer Sponges claims that library/blhoax.htm "pot scrubbers" from P&G contain a toxic chemical. Febreze Warning is an email warning in circulation since for more on Urban Legends on the Internet. January warns that the fabric deodorizer Febreze is toxic to pets. And the really funny KFC Sells 'Genetically Manipulated Organisms'. Madalyn Murray O'Hair Petition alleging that the FCC has been asked to ban religious broadcasting, is just as false now as it was when it first appeared 25 years ago.

THE WRIGHT STUFF PAGE 5 FEBRUARY, 2000 ENGINEERING REPORT By Brad McDonald

Hello to those of you who honor outside producer to spark the film aircraft accidents of types, large and me by reading my section of this series and perhaps the television small craft. While the large jet newsletter. Although I have been department as well. I’ll admit, this accidents brings the events to a preoccupied with a number of issues is not very likely, but it could be a focus, where is the concern for the for the past year or so, it’s time to turning point for the entire 45,000+ who die each year on the break out the tools and begin work franchise. Either that, or Trek may road? Over half of these could be on the fleet. I have recently acquired just fade out on a whimper. Now prevented. Drunk drivers, and not a new tool for my home workshop, a that would be a shame, especially unsafe cars, are the cause. The wood lathe, which allows me to considering all of the possibilities left current evaluation of the crash construct a number of ship parts that to our imaginations at the conclusion points to a defective part in the would otherwise, be very difficult to of the DS9 series. stabilizer. If this is the case, the build. Also, my production assistant, Technology failed us recently. part will be replaced on all similar John Lambeth, will be using his new For some reason, the Mars mission aircraft and future designs will focus home studio to process pictures of did not go as planned. NASA has on creating a better system, a giant the existing ships and put them in been taking a lot of heat for this, but step forward from an unfortunate book form. This is something I’ve I’ve always been surprised there step backward. History is full of been working towards for a number hasn’t been more failures. such mistakes and subsequent of years, at last, it may actually Considering all the factors involved, corrections. The best example of this happen. By the way, this month’s a totally hostile environment in is the Titanic. (Yep, one of my issue of Fine Scale Modeling (March space and on Mars, the great favorite topics again.) Briefly, 2000), has a model done by John in distances, the multiple computer passenger safety was improved the Photo Gallery section. It’s the systems and so on, a failure now and considerably. More life boats, an Enterprise (TOS) in orbit around an then should be considered the norm international ice patrol, 24 hour unnamed planet. It looks real good rather than the exception. If we radio monitoring, the establishment and is the effect we’re trying to learn from the failures, then the cost of the U.S. Coast Guard, and so on. achieve for my ships. John used the is worth it. This is particularly true Most of these things we take for cut away, large scale Enterprise for when human life is not involved. If granted today, but the were unheard the shot, the same one we had on these were manned missions, then it of in 1912. It’s the circle of display for our recruiting table for would be a bit harder to take. When technology, to paraphrase the Lion the ‘Insurrection’ film. the Apollo moon missions were King song. We must accept failure On other fronts, the recent successful, no one was more as part of progress, at least to a news from Jimmy Doohan, he will be surprised than VonBraun, the certain degree. I would not advocate a daddy again at the age of 80, was inventor of the system. He another Hindenburg disaster, the passed to me by about a dozen commented that any one of a single use of hydrogen gas was proved people. Since most of my friends items out a million in Apollo mission, unsafe and won’t be repeated. As know of my fondness for the engineer would be enough to cause a failure. long as we don’t repeat mistakes, and Star Trek in general, they all While Apollo I was a disaster, it we’ll do just fine. Just remember, a took a delight in passing on the never actually launched, and Apollo certain amount of failure is to be information. Hope all goes well with 13, although not a total success, was expected. Jimmy and his wife, Wendy. Good still considered a triumph of sorts, luck! Word around Paramount is because against all odds, we were that the rumored new series may be able to recover the crew. There is an put on a hold along with the next old proverb or such that states, “For COLLECTOR’S feature film and the long awaited every step forward, you must take IMAX project. It could be that one step back”. This is particularly CORNER everyone is just burned out. It didn’t true of new technologies. It’s a By Carey Muse help much that the last film was a wonder that more disasters don’t disappointment to the studio heads. occur on a regular basis. I believe I have suggested this once The current topic of discussion before, but it’s time to replace centers around the airplane crash in DS9 season 3 Videos are available Berman. He has done a remarkable California. A news reporter was now. 4 episodes a month. Classic Trek job, to be sure, but they need new commenting on the tragedy of those episodes are on DVD now. 2 episodes per blood. Even had who died and wondered what could disc. to have help. After the near fiasco of be done to prevent such a thing from Episode I will be out in The Motion Picture, Harve Bennett happening again. The NTSB is April. The video will be in pan and scan was brought in to keep the film already working on this and the format, however, there is also a limited series going. Perhaps a similar reporter should remember that an edition package that will feature the arrangement could be made now. An average of 85 people die a year in video in letterbox format and has lots of goodies included.

THE WRIGHT STUFF PAGE 6 FEBRUARY, 2000 NEW SERIES NEWS By Jeff Cohn

Questions abound regarding the proposed new series. However, a contact deep within Paramount has provided me with some... actual Star Trek series pitches.

Star Trek: EMH-ER A medical drama in which a Federation hospital emergency room is staffed by 12 identical Emergency Medical Holograms who have to balance their personal lives with the needs of their patients. Star Trek: Galactica A rag-tag fugitive fleet flees from the Delta quadrant's tyranny in a desperate quest to find the lost thirteenth colony, a shining planet known only as... Earth." Oh wait, that's been done. Star Trek: Y20K On Stardate 20000.00, Federation technology collapsed. Follow a rag-tag group of Starfleet cadets on their 7-year mission as they search across the galaxy for the mystical Technobabbletron, an ancient computer of great wisdom which will solve all their problems in the final two minutes. Star Trek: Three's Company Drummed out of Starfleet for gross violations of Federation regulations, an impoverished Katherine Janeway is forced to live with William T. Riker and a cloned James T. Kirk. Wackiness is sure to result as, each week, she is forced to ward of their romantic overtures. Star Trek: Warrior Princess Xena assumes command of the Enterprise for a no-nonsense butt-kicking ride through the galaxy. Star Trek: Marina Sirtis reprises her role as Counselor Troi. In the premier episode, she tries to help a little boy who sees bad Star Trek series that no one else does. In an unexpected plot twist, Deanna realizes that... she's in a bad Star Trek series!!!!!! Star Trek: Tonite! Finally retired from Starfleet, Capt. Jean-Luc Picard hosts his own talk show. Tonight's topics include "I sent my unruly half- teen to Romulan Boot Camp!" and "Hey Commander! I have a sexy secret!" Star Trek: Kirk, Spock and the gang are recruited by fans desperate to save their convention from the ruthless organizer who threatens to ruin it. The crew reluctantly takes on the role of TV actors, and Kirk finally learns humility.

(Continued from page 3) overpowered a human; the bioenergy ------{*}------any remaining biologically-active readings originated from bacteria, units and assimilate them if possible. hard at work on the dead. They lay “Sir, the graviton wake is A thin beam of phased energy, covered in a huge pile of moldering dissipating and we’re coming out of originating from the sensor mounted grain, which continued to drop from Transwarp.” The helmsman’s in its left eye socket, scanned for replicators mounted along the antennae twitched in what threshold levels of bioenergy. It bulkheads. Cybernetic implants Commander Lawrence assumed was passed members of a second team of protruded from many of the dead anticipation. He hadn’t yet Drones who were disassembling a tribbles; their interlink nodes were deciphered all the nuances of weapons targeting system designed emitting signals consistent with body language. “Thank to be operated by tribbles not more those notifying the Collective of you Ensign M’lath. Satrel, what is than one meter tall. Descending deactivation. Had 6 of 12 been our position?” “We are within .05 several levels, 6 of 12 detected an capable of independent thought, it light years of the coordinates sent to increased level of bioenergy might have contemplated the the Triborg vessels, Tau Violante; a emanating from an enclosed area peculiarity of such a signal small system 2.5 parsecs from several dozen meters ahead. emanating from creatures that were Cardassia prime. Travel time at Instantly communicating this deemed dangerous to the Collective. current velocity is approximately information to the Collective, the Instead programming, instinct, or 3.45 hours.” “Ensign Nephila, Drone continued. The energy levels the combined will of the hive mind anything on long range sensors?” rose, however the readings were (whatever one might want to call it) “No, Sir, just us and the tribbles. uncharacteristic of species 52339. As determined its next action. Six of 12, Three flashes of light suddenly the Drone was capable of neither receiving the deactivation signals, appeared on the main viewer and the puzzlement nor concern, it reached down and removed several Redoubtable was suddenly alone. proceeded, processing the data as it interlink nodes from the dead “Sir, They’re underway again and continued. creatures, as was standard procedure moving towards the Tau Violante upon encountering dead Drones. It system at warp… 7.2.” “Very well. Once 6 of 12 reached the stored them for re-use later as new Ensign M’Lath, match their course chamber, the reason for the large additions to the Collective became and speed. Nephila, pay close amount of bioenergy became clear. A available. It then returned to its attention to the long range sensors. huge pile of tribbles lay dead, killed primary function and moved on, I want to know the second we detect by the Borg weapon transmitted by scanning the remains of the ship for any other vessels.” The ensigns the spherical ship during the battle. other signs of biological activity. responded with a simultaneous “Aye The stench of decay would have (Continued on page 8)

THE WRIGHT STUFF PAGE 7 FEBRUARY, 2000 PBS TELETHON - 2/19/00 AND 3/18/00

(Continued from page 7) fully repaired and had “birthed” the action. He also knew it would be a next generation of offspring. The matter of time (a brief time) before Sir.” bridge crew monitored their panels the Cardassians did so. Right on closely. At Ensign Brett’s cue, Ensign Nephila announced, Precisely 2.17 hours later, the suggestion, the Redoubtable had just “They’re powering up weapons flotilla of vessels re-entered normal emitted a Cardassian distress signal batteries. They’re firing!” “On space 350,000 kilometers from Tau towards the homeworld. It didn’t screen, Ensign.” On the main Violante III, a lifeless gas giant take long for two cruisers to enter viewer, it was a replay of the battle notable only for a complex ring sensor range, on a direct course for with the Borg, only this time the system and several dozen small Tau Violante III. Lawrence ordered tribbles had the upper hand, err moons of various size and mass. As to maximum, and then had body. Once more the thousands of expected, a large number of the the Redoubtable enter the upper processes emanating from the hull of moons were unusually high in metal layers of the planets atmosphere, one of the Triborg ships glowed. content, similar in composition to the where they could continue to monitor Once more the power discharge arced asteroid consumed earlier by the data from the relay probe, while across space to envelope and tribbles. As expected, the Triborg remaining somewhat obscured from instantly destroy the nearest vessels were soon hard at work, the sensors of the approaching Cardassian vessel. The other ship cutting up chunks of material and Cardassians. reversed course and exited the “ingesting” it. “Ensign, drop a relay system as rapidly as it came. probe and lets get behind the planet. ------{*}------We’ll monitor the situation from “And so it begins” thought there and attempt to contact It wasn’t long before the probe Commander Lawrence. “Ensign Starfleet.” “Aye Commander, relay was relaying images of the two Galor Brett, monitor all Cardassian probe has been launched.” Safely Class cruisers heading into the communications. Let’s see what behind the gas giant, the system at maximum warp. As they we’ve stirred up. Continue to try to Redoubtable scanned for other closed on the fleet of tribble ships reach Starfleet as well. Let me know vessels while keeping a close eye on (now numbering over thirty!) the when we’re in contact. Ensign the remaining tribble vessels. vessels decelerated sharply. Nephila, everyone, make sure we’re Lawrence imagined the Cardassian battened down tight. Things are As predicted, the Triborg ships helmsman “slamming on the brakes”, going to get exciting around here.” ate like fiends and began the to use an old colloquialism, and The crew hustled to comply. Things reproductive cycle. Within two suppressed a chuckle. He knew the were going to start happening. And standard days all the ships had been tribbles would take no offensive soon.

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